As I looked out the window I could tell my older brother was trying to tell me something. As I got older I mastered the task of selective hearing. I hardly ever heard him anymore and it made these stupid family trips that much more bearable. Sweat was beading on my fore-head as I watched the green growth pass by out my window. My mother and father were up front arguing about which way to go.
All of a sudden Brady, my older brother, kicked me. I shot a look at him and whispered, just loud enough so he could hear me but not to disturb my parents, “If you kick me again I’ll tell dad everything. Don’t push me.” And then I glanced back at our parents who were still immersed in the road map.
Brady grumbled under his breath at me and looked out his window.
Jerk, I thought.
It’s the annual family road trip. We leave for an entire month and rent a cabin on the edge of Lake Superior. Where the days were hot and the night sky starry. I hated this month. It seemed like every time we went all we ever did was cook out and swim. This is my parents idea of family time even though it’s often my father standing at the grill with my older brother and my mother, and me walking alone on the beach to pass the time by.
We were getting close, even more imminent by the large over growth surrounding both sides of the road. I looked over at my brother who was still sulking about what I had said earlier, keeping his eyes glued to the scenery outside of his window. I leaned my head against the door and tried with all of my will power to fall asleep. We still had a half an hour left and I wasn’t just going to waste it.

***

Brady and I used to be really close. We live in a small town and we shared a lot of the same friends. Where ever I or Brady went the other tagged along. But lately things have changed by my new found attitude and the friends to go with it.
I used to be a cheerleader and on the girls softball team. With all the medals I won from various things my mother found it very easy to brag about me. Brady didn’t mind because he won just as many medals and letters for his varsity jacket. Most people would think we were the perfect little family. We both got good grades. My mother was an active volunteer for the Community Center and my father had a good job working for a paper company. But as most people tell you, you should never judge a book by its cover.
My father got promoted and we moved to a slightly bigger town and by then I was itching for a chance to become someone I wasn’t. To have a make-over. The only thing is, it was a lot harder to make friends and start over then I thought. So, the people that did talk to me were the burn-outs. You know that group that skips lunch and you can always see them by their cars smoking cigarettes and other things not worth mentioning? Yea, that’s where I ended up.
People naturally like to gossip. It’s in their genes. So people talked. I’ve heard some of the rumors but the latest one is that I undergo kidney transplant and am wasting my newly saved life. No, I did not undergo surgery of any kind. What if you were so sick of being that perfect little family? Everyone has secrets.
My mother seems to think that there is something wrong with me. Truth is, I’m depressed. I feel nothing when my “friends” talk to me in school. If you can even call them that. They don’t call. They don’t text. They don’t even Facebook me. I’m just another person to take up space in their minds.
I picked up smoking when my closest friend got me hooked onto it. She told me that it calms her nerves. If it would help the anxiety and depression I had I’d try it. And I did. I’ve gotten myself addicted.
This trip was going to be the worst part of my summer. Not only am I forced to be stuck with ‘the perfect little family’ but I didn’t even fit in with them anymore.
We finally pulled up to the cabin. It was the size of any normal house with paint chipped siding. The whole place looked abandoned but well-kept at the same time. The waves beyond the house about 50 yards were just loud enough to hear in the drive way. The sky was a light blue with only a few clouds dotting here and there. The wind was blowing softly, but at the same time enough to cool us down.
I walked over to my bags in the back of the extended cab truck and followed my mother inside. I walked up to the room I’ve had since I was 8 and just like always everything still looked the same. The same fake wood on the walls and the smell of stale air and dust. I opened my window up wide and the breeze was perfect coming straight in, like it was holding its breath for so long and is finally letting it out. I stood at the window and looked out at everything that I secretly missed.
I heard my mother walk in and she sighed. “It still looks the same. Brings back so many memories of when you were a little girl, Myra.” I turned around and looked at her. She had her hand up to her chest like she was trying to remember exactly how it used to be.
“I’m going to go for a walk mom. I’ll be back in like a half hour.” I said as I walked past her as she was still dazed looking into the room.
I walked along the beach for a little more than an hour. When I finally got back to the cabin my father was already settled in at the grill with my mother lying down on the deck with a book in her lap. The latest love story.
“Where’s Brady?” I asked. My mother looked up at me while shielding her eyes. She finally said “I’m not sure. I think he went into town to get things for smore’s tonight.” She looked back out to the water.
I walked up to my room and unpacked my things. There were only a couple suitcases of things that I brought. My laptop and a few books being among them. My mother told me to keep all electronics at home but I knew Brady and my father had both brought their cell phones and laptops. I opened my laptop and pulled up Facebook. Thank god our neighbors still had Wi-Fi. I logged in and of course no new notifications. I still had all of my old friends from my other home added as my friends. But none of my friends from my new school. All of my other friends from my other school seemed to be starting out their summers great. Updating their status’s to things that said “Pool party last night was gr8! Can’t wait until Kelly has another one <3” and “Going to Dayton’s bonfire tonight. See everyone out there.”
I missed being able to go to Kelly’s pool parties, and spending most of my summer doing nothing with people who cherished my company. It seems like everyone has taken me for granted lately.
I hurriedly shut my laptop and shoved it under my bed when I heard steps coming up the stairs. My brother entered my room as I let out an exasperated sigh. “What do you want?” I said looking at him. Brady didn’t seem like himself. He was nervously looking down at his hands and biting the corner of his lip. When he finally said “Hey.”
I replied back with “It seemed like it took a lot to work up to that one word. Think you may have something else to say?” as I showed a sly grin.
“You know what? Just forget it Myra. I thought for once you would stop acting like a bitch and help me out.” He said as he started turning away. Now I felt bad. I didn’t want to alienate the one person who I’m going to be hanging out with for the rest of the summer.
“No, wait.” I said looking down at my hands. “I’m sorry.” I looked back up to him as he stood half way in the door way and half way out like just at any second he was going to bolt. “What’s up? What do you need?” I finished.
“Are you sure? Because I can just leave and come back another time if that’s what you want.” He said smirking.
“No, it’s fine.” I said as the feeling came back to my stomach. It felt like someone just punched me in the gut.
“Well, alright.” He came in and closed the door. “I need a favor, and I’ll pay you 30 bucks if you can pull it off. Mom won’t believe me that I want to go for a walk on the beach tonight alone because that’s your thing, so I was thinking that you could say you’re coming with me.” He stopped and waited for a response. I just looked at him waiting for him to get to the point. “Well, when I went uptown today I met this girl and she invited me to a bonfire. It’s only like a half mile down the beach from us it turns out.” He started fidgeting again waiting for a response.
“So, you want me to lie to mom so you can go to a bonfire?” I asked.
“Well, that’s the thing. You can come too and I know if I ask she will say no.” He finally went still.
If I do this then he owes me I thought. Finally I said “Yea, I’ll do it.”
Brady looked at me as If I just granted him a wish. “Thanks My.” He said.
I cringed when he called me that. The last time he or anyone for that matter called me ‘My’ was my birthday. Last year.
I thought about going to the bonfire and making friends. I played with the idea and figured it was probably best if I don’t get my hopes up.
Ten O’clock rolled around and Brady started getting amped up. He was high fiving our father while watching him cook and being extremely nice to our mother. I finally told my mom I was going for a walk on the beach and Brady jumped in and said that he would go with me. I looked at mom and she gave me the approving nod.
Brady and I set out for out walk down the beach at some local’s house. The sun was just fully setting into the sky when I finally saw on the horizon a light glow. As we came closer the glow turned into being a pretty big fire with tons of people all around it. Some were crowding around a radio dancing and shaking their bodies. Others were surrounding a keg filling up plastic cups.
Brady and I just sat around the edge of the party watching when some girl with blonde curls and wearing a bright green sundress came out of nowhere and immediately started chatting with Brady. I wasn’t really paying much attention to them except when I caught bits and pieces of their conversation like “I’m glad I came.” And “My friends are super excited to meet you.” I finally looked over at Brady who then pointed to me and said “This is my sister, Myra.” The girl looked me up and down and then smirked at me. “My name is Sandy.” She said as she stuck her hand out to me. I just looked at it like she was insulting me when I saw Brady behind her giving me a death stare. I lifted my hand and met hers as she shook it quick and light. Just like a snob I thought.
Brady and Sandy walked away as I just stood there when this girl with bright red lipstick and a braid hanging down the left side of her face, walked over to me. She handed me a cup of warm keg beer and said “I see you met Sandy.” I looked at her more closely and noticed she had a small mole right above her lip and her jeans are naturally ripped unlike the expensive kind that already comes like it. I took a sip of the beer and it reminded me of my freshman year back before we moved.
I replied “Yea, she’s great isn’t she.” The girl then looked at me and nodded her head sarcastically.
“I’m Myra” I said looking at her. “Star.” I just looked at her and tilted my head. “Don’t bother asking about it. I’ll just tell you. My mom was a big hippy when she had me. She decided to name me after something that will always keep shining whether we can see it or not. Way lame, I know. You don’t have to tell me.” She looked back at the party after finishing. “I like the name Star. It’s pretty.” I said. “Really? You don’t think that it’s a stupid name?” She turned and looked at me. “No, it’s really pretty. I wish I had a cool meaning behind my name except for my mother likes it.” I said to her. We both looked back at the party when finally she said. “Thanks.”
Star and I sat on the outskirts of the party, only moving when one of us needed another beer. Finally I looked at my cell phone and saw that the little white numbers read 2:32am. My head shot up and I instantly started looking around for Brady. I finally found him five minutes later in the back of someone’s pickup with his shirt off, passed out next to Sandy who was completely naked. I hurried up and covered Sandy up and started to wake Brady. I finally shoved him hard enough to where he woke up looking around confused. “Brady! Wake up; we have to go.” He, without his shirt, started looking around frantically for his favorite t. He finally got dressed after some help from me.
Me and Brady hurried and ran back to the house. We got to the front porch when I decided I needed a cigarette. I stopped at the chair on the porch and sat down. Brady sat down next to me looking at the sky. I pulled out my pack of smokes and noted that I only had two left. I pulled one out and lit it. I looked over at Brady who looked back at me. “Please don’t say it.” He said. I looked at my lit cigarette and replied back “What? That I saved you once again?” He looked down at the floor and said “I told you not to say it.” I looked back at him with his head slouched.
“Brady. I’m sorry.” I paused for a second listening to the waves come in and out softly. “I didn’t mean it like that.” I looked back at Brady who looked at me “It’s alright. I know you didn’t. But, thank you Myra. For saving my ass once again.” I looked at him and then stubbed out my cigarette and put the last half of it back in the pack. I stood up and said “I’m going to go to bed. You should come to bed too. It’s late and dad will probably get us both up early and yell at us.” He stood up and walked in the door first. We both started climbing the stairs when a light flicked on downstairs. We both looked at each other, and slowly started descending the stairs. When I reached the kitchen where the light was on I saw my mother sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a book. She looked up at us startled.
“What are you two doing? Did you just get in?” She asked still sitting down. I looked at Brady and then said “Me and Brady got back at like 11 30 but I woke him up like a half hour ago because I heard something banging around outside.” I heard Brady finally exhale. “Oh, well, Go back to bed we have an early morning.” Mother said looking back at her book and taking a sip of her coffee.
I got to my room and pulled my laptop out. Facebook was my homepage and I was already logged in from earlier. I clicked on the status box and wrote ‘First night at the cabin. It's going pretty well.’ And then pressed enter. It popped up on my screen just below it. I closed my laptop and put it back under my bed.
Almost immediately as I put my head onto the pillow my eyes closed and I drifted into a deep sleep.
The Next morning, like promised, my mother woke me and Brady up at 10. We both slugged our way into the kitchen to get some breakfast. We sat down and started eating. I consumed my entire plate of Sausage and Pancakes almost as soon as it was put in front of me. Brady with the same idea consumed his a couple seconds before me. I got up and stuck my plate in the sink and started walking back upstairs. A nice shower will be the perfect thing to wake me up. I walked past Brady’s room where he was back on his bed going back to sleep. Wow I thought. I took my basket of all my hygiene products into the bathroom. I turned on the hot water and let it steam up the entire bathroom. After it was steamy enough I turned the water to warm and stepped in. It was so soothing and relaxing. I sat in there for about 20 minutes just loosening my muscles.
After I got dressed and ready for the day I closed my bedroom door and pulled out my laptop. I already had 5 new notifications. I rarely ever had one. I opened up the tab and saw that I had 4 people like my status and 1 more commented it saying ‘I wish I could go to a cabin for the summer. That would be so much better than sitting around here and doing nothing.’ It was from one of my friends back home, Tina. She was super petite but a complete bitch to people for no reason. She’s always known for the money her parents have and the concerts she’s been too. I wonder why she isn’t having a good summer. I thought about it then decided to look for Star. I don’t know her last name so it was really hard. I gave up on that and shut my laptop again and put it back under the bed.
I got up and walked over to my vanity and sat in front of the mirror. I put a little eye liner and mascara on and walked downstairs. My mother and father were both sitting on the front deck reading. The sun was almost directly overhead. I looked back at my parents when I asked “Hey mom, can I get the keys and take a drive with Brady?” she looked up from her paperback book and thought for a second. Finally she replied “I really need you to pick some things up from the grocery store for me, alright?” I nodded and she walked inside.
I went upstairs and woke Brady up. “Brady, Get the fuck up and come into town with me.” He opened one eye and looked at me. Next thing I knew both eyes were open and he was sitting up rubbing his face. “Alright, but get out so I can change.” He said.
Finally came downstairs and looked like he was the most well rested person out there. That’s how Brady and I differ. He can wake up and change a few things and it’s as if he spent hours getting ready. I wake up and spend hours getting ready when it only looked like I spent a few minutes.
We got uptown and I pulled up to a liquor store and gave Brady a ten. He looked down at the money like I was crazy and I told him “Marlboro Red 100’s”. He grabbed the money out of my hands and walked inside. He came out a couple minutes later with my pack of cigarettes in his hands.
We stopped at the grocery store and got the things that my mother told me to. Which consisted of Hershey bars for smore's and buns for hamburgers tonight. I decided that I wanted to hang around town for a bit first. I drove over by the pier. I parked and we both got out. “Where are we going?” Brady asked out of curiosity. “I just want to walk to the pier. It’s so beautiful out.” Brady and I walked over to the pier I just looked out. I saw a couple boys play catch on the beach. I loved softball. When my dad used to take me out to park and play catch. It was probably one of the only times he took time out of his schedule to spend time with me.
Brady looked at me and asked “So, why did you change?” I looked at him confused as the sun was high up in the sky beating down on my pale skin. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said as I looked back out at the boys playing catch. “Yes, you do Myra. It’s ever since the last time dad got transferred you’ve become this person who doesn’t talk, who sleeps all the time, and just reads.” He looked down below at the water and continued, “I just want to know, what happened.” I looked at him and then dug into my pocket and got a cigarette out of the pack and lit it. I puffed on it and he said “I’m being serious. When did you start smoking? What made you want to?” I took another drag. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. Maybe later.” I gave him a little half smile and the started walking back up to the car with my cigarette dangling between my fingers.
I stomped it out and got back behind the wheel. I sat there and waited for Brady to climb in next to me. I sat there staring out the window as he was putting his seat belt on. I turned on the car and started to drive back to the house.
I pulled up and got out and handed my mother the things I picked up for her. Today was stressful and the day was still in full bloom.
I went upstairs to my bedroom and pulled out my laptop. I noticed I had a friend request. I looked at the picture and instantly recognized the bright red lipstick lips and the name ‘Star Jacobs’ below the picture. I accepted her immediately. In her profile picture she was wearing a pair of cut of shorts with a halter top that had floral print all over it. The whole shirt had a vintage look. I loved it. Almost as soon as I accepted her I got an Instant Message from her.
‘Star Jacobs’ Hey, What’s up?
‘Myra Anderson’ Hey, not much. You?
‘Star Jacobs’ There is a party tonight I thought that maybe you would want to come and join me again? If you want.
‘Myra Anderson’ Actually, that sounds fun.
‘Star Jacobs’ Great. Where do you live?
‘Star Jacobs’ That way you won’t have to walk. I can just swing by and get you.
After giving her the address and a few questions later, I finally shut my laptop full of hope. Maybe this summer won’t be so bad. I’ve already made a friend.
I walked downstairs thinking about what tonight might bring me when I ran, face first into Brady. Looking up at him, holding my head where it connected with his shoulder, I realized how much taller than me he is.
“Geez Myra. Why not look where you’re going next time?” he said half chuckling. I looked at him and then around to see if my parents were anywhere in sight. “Hey, do you want to go to a party tonight?” he looked at me then glanced around and replied “Yea, is it at the same place tonight?”
“I honestly don’t know. Star is coming to pick me up.” He scrunched up his nose at the name. “Is that the girl with the bright red lipstick?” he asked. “Yea, so what?” I replied. “I heard she was a dike.” He forced that last word out like he calling me a bitch. Brady is never one to swear that much. “Your point is what exactly?” I asked confused. I then said “What? You’re a homophobic now or what?” He shrugged it off and then said “What time is she going to be here?” “She said she was going to come and pick me up around 9. I’ll just tell mom that we are going to a bon fire at her parents’ house or something. That will buy us until about midnight.” Now, the only thing I have to do is try and find a cute outfit to wear. But first I needed a cigarette.
I started walking down the beach with my pack of cigarettes in my pocket and my iPod on full blast.
My parents didn’t know I smoked. They might have an idea, with me going for random walks all the time and smelling like smoke every day. No matter how bad I come home smelling like an ashtray they just ignore it. I think maybe they’re scared to admit that their little girl, who used to be so smart, took up the habit. I try to quit, but when they’re being difficult it’s the only thing that keeps me sane.
After I got far enough away I pulled out my pack and lit one up. I savored the way it felt going into my lungs as my heart beating started getting slower. I finally felt at ease. I sat there and smoked my cigarette down to the butt and stubbed it out. I sat on the beach for a couple more minutes before standing up and brushing off my bottom. The rocks made little indents in my hand.
I walked back up to the house and then saw my mom and rehearsed in my head what I was going to ask her. “Hey mom.” I said nervously. She looked up from the book she had on her lap. It was like she never moved since this morning after breakfast. “Hey Myra, How’s it going?” she said as she smiled up at me. “I met this girl in town, named Star, and she wanted to know…” “Her name is Star?” my mother asked half giggling. “Well, yea, anyways, she asked me if Brady and I wanted to come over tonight for like a little movie night she has at her house every other weekend and I kind of already told her we would go.” My mother stared out into the sky as she thought about what I was saying. I can just see her processing it in her thoughts. My mother had a weird way of thinking about things. She often looked out into space and you lost her. One thing I’ve learned is that if she starts daydreaming for more than a minute then you lost her in her train of thoughts. “Yea, its fine” she finally said.
I went and found Brady, who was sitting on the beach, and told him the good news. “I wonder if Sandy is going to be there. I really don’t want to face her.” He laughed. “Why? I thought you were excited about seeing her? You guys had ‘so much fun’, remember?” I chuckled. He looked up at me and finished “I kind of left her in the back of a pick-up naked.” I laughed as I thought about it.
Brady and I walked back up to the house and both went to get ready. Brady finished getting ready in like 5 minutes whereas it took me about 20. I changed into a pair of ripped up jeans and a Banter Freight t-shirt, my favorite band. I decided I was going to go dark in my make-up and did my eye shadow accordingly. By the time I was ready I looked at the clock on my bed side table and realized that it was close to 8 o’clock.
I went downstairs and my dad, Robin, was already at the grill making some hamburgers. I sat down at the picnic table in the yard next to the fire pit which was going full force while Brady was roasting some marshmallows. My dad came to the table and laid down a plate of burgers with my mother, carol, following close behind with all the trimmings for a great cookout night. I loaded up my burger and went to sink down into it when someone pulled up in the drive way. I looked over and my heart started skipping beats when I realized that Star was early. Way early. I stood up and walked over to her car which was the first time I laid eyes on the pink Volkswagen beetle. I walked over to the window and she said “Hey, are you guys ready?” I looked at her and looked back at my burger and family sitting down on the table and felt a low grumbling in my stomach. ‘I am so hungry’ I thought. Obviously hearing my stomach she added “Go ahead and finish dinner. I will just wait for you to finish eating.” I asked “are you going to come and join us? You should if you want.” She smiled and I realized that she was so pretty. One of the most attractive girls I have ever met. “Sure.” She turned her car off and walked up to the table with me. “Mom, this is Star. She’s the friend I met uptown today.” My mother looked at her.
“Hi, my name is Carol, this is my husband Robin.” She got up and shook her hand. My mother was so old fashioned. She always keeps to her southern values. “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you.” Star said smiling as my mom handed her a plate and she started helping herself. “So, Star,” My mother said as she looked up from her plate, “How long have you lived here in Breighton?” Star looked up from her plate and replied “Well, my mother grew up in this town and after thinking that she only wanted out; she saw it fitting for me to grow up here as well.” Stars fingers under the table brushed on mine and I felt my face blush. ‘What is wrong with me’ I thought. She’s a girl. I shook it off and finally we were all done eating.
Brady and I piled up in Star’s beetle as she started it up. We pulled out of the drive-way and down a few winding roads. We finally came up to a little cabin back in the woods with a few people already parked and standing around a little fire roasting some hot dogs. We all got out and Star said “This is my friend Nolan’s house. His parents own like three properties all over Breighton, and the one that they aren’t using Nolan holds parties or bonfires at.”
All three of us walked over to a boy who was setting up a table with a pyramid of cups on either side of the table. The table was right on a deck underneath a string of lights. The sun was shining across the yard. “What is this?” Brady asked pointing to the table with the cups. The boy was wearing a shirt with a robot on it and had hair that was straightened. He looked at Brady like he had two heads. Nolan looked down at the ground and then shook his head. “Have you never heard of Beer Pong?” Nolan asked. Brady replied “I saw it on TV once but never actually played it.” Nolan’s eyes went wide. “Do you drink often at parties?” Nolan asked. Brady replied “All the time. Nobody’s actually played it though.”
I looked at Brady and I shrugged at him. I piped up “I’ve never played it either.” Nolan then yelled over at the bonfire for a couple people to come over and play some pong. They walked over and grabbed a couple ping pong balls out of a cup off to the side. I walked up and looked into the cups. Each one was filled up about half way full of beer. Star came and joined me next to the table as they started shooting to see which team went first. Nolan made the first cup and got the balls. He handed one to the guy next to him and they tossed the balls up in the air aiming for the cups. Nolan made it but his team members’ ball went way over. One of the guy’s on the opposite teams took the ball out and chugged the beer in the cup that Nolan made. Then the opposite team missed both balls. I watched Brady as he intently watched the game.
After about 15 minutes of watching the game Nolan’s team finally made all cups and won the game. Brady looked at Nolan and then said “Hey, my names Brady and this is my sister Myra.” Nolan looked at me and smiled and then stuck out his hand for Brady take and then took mine and kissed the top of it lightly. Star giggled next to me as I pulled my Hand back and wiped it off on the back of my pants. Nolan then showed us to a line of about 4 30 gallon coolers filled to the brim with ice and beer bottles. He handed Star and Brady a beer then said to me “Hey, do you want to come inside to the kitchen with me?” I looked at Brady and Star who, by the looks on their faces, were entertained by this. They both were smirking and trying to hold back laughter.
I followed Nolan into the house and we came into a kitchen that was mostly stainless steel appliances. He walked over to the freezer and opened it up to reveal a couple different half gallons of Liquor. He pulled one out that had Captain Morgan across the side. He looked at me then said “You look like a liquor girl to me. Am I wrong?” I then replied “Actually, I am.” “Great.” He said as he went over to this cabinet that had a couple glass cups in it. He pulled out two foam cups from the back and tops with straws to add to them. He poured and then added coke and mixed our drinks up and handed me mine. “You guys are seasonal, aren’t you?” He started swigging his drink down. “Yea, were here until the beginning of August.” I took a drink and it went down with ease. I barely tasted any alcohol. “Cool, you should come over with Star more often. My parents own this house right off the edge of the lake and we have a couple jet skis and a speed boat with tubes. Maybe we can make a date of it.” He smiled. “Yea, maybe.” I said thinking about spending a day on the lake with him. It can’t be that bad.
Nolan and I talked for about a half hour more. We both finished our drinks and were on round two. I started feeling lighter and when I talked to him I felt at ease. He was funny and, my gosh, oh so cute. His eyes were really blue and he had such a white smile. I could tell under his shirt he wasn’t that built but I didn’t really like guys who were.
We walked outside just as the sun started retreating below the trees. The night air started cooling off as the mosquitos started coming out in full force. Nolan sprayed me down with an insect repellent. I saw Star sitting next to the bon fire in a conversation with some guy.
When Star, Brady, and I pulled up over and hour ago there was only about 5 cars parked. Now there was well over 30. People were everywhere outside. I walked around the back and saw that there was a pool with about 15 people in it splashing around. I walked around the yard and finally found Brady up on the deck playing beer pong. I walked over to him just as he made a cup and starting high fiving his partner. “Hey,” he said smiling looking red faced. “Star was looking for you like ten minutes ago. She said if I found you to tell you she’s by the fire.” He finished then turned back to his game when someone made the cup in front of him. I sucked down the last of my cup and walked over to the coolers and helped myself to a couple beers.
Star was sitting with her legs out stretched in front of her sitting on a tree trunk about 2 feet wide. She was sipping on her beer and looking at the empty bottles sitting next to her I guessed she was feeling it too. I looked at her as the light of the fire flickered against her skin. She finally looked over at me and I walked over and sat next to her. “Hey, I brought you another beer.” I handed her one of the beers I got from the cooler. She took it and sat it next to her as she took another swig from her beer. I opened my other beer up and feeling slightly unsettled I tipped it back and didn’t stop drinking until it was gone. I threw the bottle in the fire and saw out of the corner of my eye Star watching me. “You want to go swimming?” She asked me smiling. I looked at her and thought about it. “I don’t have a bathing suit.” I said. “I have an extra one in the back seat of my beetle. Come on.” She said as she got up and held out her hand to help me up. I took it and stood easily as she pulled me up and walked over to her car.
Star shuffled around in her back seat. I saw clothes everywhere. I wonder how Brady ever fit back there. On the floor were about 4 pairs of shoes, all ranging from wedges to flip flops. She finally came up moments later holding two bikini bathing suits in her hand. She handed one to me and then went behind her car and started stripping her clothes off. She was turned away from me but the skin on her back looked so smooth. She turned around as she got the top of her bathing suit tied, still wearing her jeans. I walked behind the car where she was and started taking off my top and bra. My heart beat a little faster as I pulled the bathing suit top over me and she came up behind me and tied the back for me. Her hand lingered by my back. I pulled my jeans off facing away from her. I could feel her watching me as I pulled the bottoms up. I looked back at her as she was smiling a bit with her bottoms on already.
She took my hand and guided me through the yard over by the pool. I could hear audible whispers as we passed by a group of girls, I was almost positive Sandy was with them. We climbed up the ladder and eased our way in. The water was warmer than the air around us, and had steam coming up from it. Star went under and came back up by the edge of the pool and I waded over to her. She splashed me and I let a little scream out as she laughed. I splashed Star and she complained. “You’re going to smear my lipstick.” She said as she smiled wide. She came up next to me and then replied “you’re not going to get away with it that easily.’ She laughed. I said “Oh, like you didn’t just now?” We both started laughing and continued splashing each other.
After a while we just sat there both of our backs against the pool and our legs kicking slowly in front of us talking.
“So, what’s your home town like?” Star asked.
“It’s not really anything. It’s probably a little bit smaller than here.” I looked at her as she waited for me to elaborate. “It’s just a town Star. I’m not going to be there much longer anyways.”
“Why aren’t you going to be there much longer?” Star asked.
“As soon as I graduate I want to go to college in New York City. Maybe be an art major.” I looked at her as she thought about it.
“I want to major in English. I’ve always loved to write and maybe one day I can get published writing children books.” She looked at me smiling.
“That’s really cool, Star.” I smiled back at her.
“Yea, my mom thinks writing is useless and won’t get me a good job. But if I marry a rich, successful, extremely hot, woman than she can take care of me.” She laughed at the last part.
It was the first time I heard her talk about her sexuality. Even though, it was only our second day hanging out, it still sounded weird. I’ve never had a lesbian friend.
“It could be worse.” I added.
“Yea? And how’s that?”
“Your parents could just ignore you all the time and not care what you did.” I looked at her.
“Honestly, I would rather that sometimes.” She looked at her hand under the water.
I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking. What made her turn her eyes away from me? I tried to picture a scenario where I would rather be ignored but I couldn’t find one. Maybe it was because of her sexuality. Did her parents know?
Star stood up and started wading through the water over past a couple kissing up to the ladder. She got up and walked out of the pool and around the house. I sat there for a couple moments dazed and decided to go and look for her. I walked past a group of indie guys all wearing knitted beanies and sleeveless shirts. One of them called my name and as I looked back. They held up what looked like a cigarette. So, I walked back and standing next to the guy was Star.
“Hey Star. I was wondering where you went“. The guy looked back and forth between Star and I and then suddenly said “So, are you going to take a hit of the joint or what?”
I looked down at it and suddenly I was brought back to mason’s room.
“Just try it.” He pushed for about the seventh time now.
“No, I’m okay.” I tried to hold my ground, but I couldn’t. What’s so bad about it anyway I thought.
“Myra.” Star was saying. “Are you going to hit it or not?”
I looked up at her crystal clear eyes and replied “No thanks, I don’t smoke weed.” I turned around and walked away. While stumbling over to Star’s car to change I knocked hard into Nolan. He looked down at me and laughed “Whoa girl. Slow up a bit?” he said.
“I’m sorry” I laughed and then added “I’m starting to feel those drinks you made me now.”
“Why don’t we go and get another one?” He smiled this big giant perfect smile and I nodded.
We walked into the house and walked over to the kitchen. I watched him mix me another drink when he handed it to me. “So,” he said “Where did you go earlier? You disappeared.” I took a giant drink and it was a bit stronger than the last one and burned going down. “Yea, Star took me swimming.” I said looking down obviously to my bathing suit top and shorts. “Ah, that would make sense.” He laughed.
“Well, thank you for the drink.” I said smiling as genuinely as I could and went to turn around. Nolan grabbed my hand and asked “Are you a lesbian?” I looked confused and then started laughing. My laugh grew into hysteria and he joined in. Finally I was able to get a grip and started inhaling as much air as possible. I really need to stop smoking I thought. I finally replied “No, I’m not.” He looked at me then said “Well, I was just wondering because people were talking earlier and I really like you.” I felt my face grow red. “Well, I think you’re okay because I’m not.” He smiled another breath taking smile.
“Hey, do you want to go upstairs and talk some more?” He continued to smile.
“Sure.” I said still a little bit out of breath.
He turned around and we walked down a long hallway that led to a set of stairs. I followed him up them when we finally came to an open door. I looked down at my drink and realized that I’m almost due for another fill up. The room was a plain room with a bed and a dresser along the back side of the wall. It had another door off the side of the room that went to this beautiful balcony. Nolan and I stepped out. The breeze was slow and steady.
Below, people were dancing, swimming, playing beer pong, and sitting around the fire. I saw Star sitting around the fire laughing at something, still hanging out with the boys.
I felt out of place here. I knew only a few people and Star was off in her own little world with people she knew all her lives.
Nolan came up behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. He leaned in and kissed my neck. Its suddenness made me shudder. I slowly turned around looked up into Nolan’s eyes. His smile was charming and sweet.
I leaned up and kissed his lips which were soft and tasted slightly of rum.
I followed him back into the room and onto the bed. He stood in front of me as I was sitting down and leaned down and kissed me some more. Each time a little bit quicker, until I was lying down and he was hovering over me.

I woke up the next morning in my bed. I had no recollection of how I got here. I looked around and realized that all of my clothes seemed to be in tact with the exception of my shoes.
My head hurt and my mouth was dry. I picked up a glass of water next to my night stand and chugged it.
Whoever got me to my bed obviously knew that I was going to need water when I woke up.
As I tried to remember what happened last night, someone knocked on my door. I jumped up and looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like a wreck, with my eyeliner and mascara smudged. I hurried up and fixed it as best I could.
“Come in.” I said.
The door creaked open and in came Brady.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m as good as I could be.” I laughed and then asked “How did I get home last night?”
Brady must have found this amusing with his shit-eating grin. I could tell he was trying to hold back laughter.
“You don’t remember?” he prodded.
“While you might find this funny, I don’t.” I said glaring at him. Man, he was so fucking annoying.
“I’m sorry.” He said still smiling. “This is just…weird for me. I’m too used to it being the other way around.”
“Don’t get used to it.” I said still irritated. “Seriously, I don’t remember how I got here. Help me out or get out.”
He looked away from me. Something must have been bad seems how he won’t make eye contact with me.
“I guess you were upstairs in the house with Nolan right?” I nodded “Well, Star went to find you and she saw you were passed out on the bed and Nolan was trying to do stuff with you. I don’t know. So, Star came and got me and I kind beat the shit out of him last night.” He looked up at me and smiled. “Then Star and I got you out to her car and we got you upstairs to your room.”
My stomach plummeted. So, this is how it felt to be the one on the other side of the fence.
“Where’s Star at?” I asked him.
“She fell asleep downstairs on the couch, but when I got up this morning she was gone.” He said looking at me.
“Damn.” I said looking down at my hands. “I really need a cigarette.” I laughed
“I’ll come with you.” He said.
Brady and I walked down the stairs that led to the beach. We walked in silent until I felt we were far enough away and sat down in the sand watching the waves roll in and out.
I pulled my pack of smokes out of my pocket and then lit one.
My stomach still felt upset as I pulled the first hit deep into my lungs.
“So, how was Sandy?” I asked looking at him.
“I wouldn’t know.” He said looking off into the distance somewhere.
“What do you mean?” I looked up at him as I took another hit,
“I saw her last night but she ignored me. It looks like she has a new guy under her arm.” He laughed.
“Well, I guess last night went pretty well.” I smiled.
“Yea, I guess.” We both laughed. “We should go uptown and stop by that good place with the chili fries. I could use some greasy food.”
I looked at him and realized how much we are alike. Brady is only a little over a year older than I am but we still understood each other. People often thought we were twins because when Brady was in the 2nd grade he got held back so growing up we were always in the same classes.
It was easy going through school together. We played after school sports. We both were tutored together. We also hung out on the weekends together.
Over the past year though, things change.
“Yea, that sounds great.” I smiled.

***

“Can I get 2 orders of Chili cheese fries and 2 Coney dogs?” Brady looked at me and then asked “What do you want to drink?”
I thought about it then said “Pepsi.”
“Then can I have a large Pepsi and medium lemonade.”
The guy behind the screen was busy writing down our order while also single handedly pouring our drinks. The line behind us slowly packed up. Brady paid the guy and we walked down to the beach and sat there with our greasy chili fries and Coney dogs.
We sat there eating while moms were holding onto their children with disinterested teens lagging behind. A couple of small boys were building a sand castle near the water. Some girls that looked like they were in there beginning years of high school were lying on some towels reading magazines and wearing oversized sunglasses.
I would’ve enjoyed this day so much better if I hadn’t still been hung-over. I ate half of my chili fries and my stomach started to get upset. I wish I hadn’t got drunk last night I thought.
“I really want to go swimming. I haven’t been yet.” I said looking at Brady.
“I want to go too. I just think it would be more fun if we had more people.” He sighed. “That’s the one reason this sucks. We can’t bring friends on this trip.”
I looked at him somberly “I don’t have any real friends.”
Brady chuckled. “Yea, right Myra. Who are those kids you hung around outside in the school parking lot all the time then?”
I got instantly irritated. The one time I actually start to open up to Brady he shuts me down.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” I shook a cigarette out of my pack and lit it. “Do you see me texting anyone? Did you hear me calling anyone since school got out?” I took a deep drag of my smoke. “Do you see me making plans to hang out with anyone?” I exhaled the smoke.
Brady huffed and looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”
I looked at him. “Realize what Brady? That my life sucks? I don’t want your pity.”
He suddenly became extremely involved in the sand and running his fingers through it. “That’s not what I meant.” He said looking at me.
“Let’s just drop it.” I said taking another hit of the smoke and trying to calm myself down from the outburst. “But we should go swimming. I can invite Star over or something.”
Brady smiled at the thought. “Yea, that sounds fun.”
I finished my smoke and flicked it onto the concrete parking lot behind us, got up and wiped off the bottom of my pants. I walked over to a trash can to throw away what was left of my chili fries and Coney dog.
As I was walking back I dropped my pack of smokes on the ground –Just my luck the pack was wide open-and they went rolling everywhere. Seriously? I thought. I bent down and started picking some of them up and a hand came out of nowhere and handed me a couple that rolled a little farther than the rest.
“I’d say that smoking is bad, but I don’t exactly have any room to talk.” Someone said from above me.
I followed the hand up to a guy with dark, almost black, curls springing about every way. He smiled and it instantly made my heart race. I smiled shyly back as I took my smokes from his hand.
He was wearing a white t-shirt with a pair of ripped up jeans and a pair of converse shoes.
He gave me his hand as I took it he helped me up. It was rough but also soft.
“Thanks.” I said.
“No problem.” He chuckled. “Hey you wouldn’t mind if I got one of those from you would you?”
“Get what?” I said staring at his dimples in his cheeks.
“A smoke.” He said smiling some more.
“Oh right.” I handed him one of them and then he took a red zippo out of his pocket and lit it up.
He took a drag of the smoke and then said “You look kind of familiar. I know you don’t stay here though, because it’s a small town. I would know if I seen you at school.”
“Yea, my family stays up at one of the cabins on the lake.” I said looking over at Brady who was still sitting on the beach eating looking over at me smiling.
“That still doesn’t say how I know you.” He said straight forward.
“Well, I mean, I come to town a lot, and I’ve been to a few parties.”
“Wait a second. Don’t tell me you’re the girl at Nolan’s party last night wasted getting carried out by Star and some guy.” He said making the connection.
His charm left him as I suddenly got annoyed. “That random guy being my brother.” I said matter-of-fact.
“Well, I’m Ramon.” He said sticking out his hand.
“Myra.” I took his hand and shook it.
“Myra.” He repeated trying it out for the first time. “Well, it was nice to meet you Myra. Thanks for the smoke.” He said as he started to walk away.
Brady came up and stood next to me and then said “What, no number?” I socked him in the arm.
“Jeez, it was a joke.” He said laughing rubbing where I hit him at on his arm.
“Whatever, let’s go.”
Me and Brady got back to the cabin and went over to the picnic table by the fire-pit and sat across from our mother and father.
My mother looked up from another book and said “So, how was that place you guys went to? Your dad and I wanted to try it.”
Brady answered saying “Yea, it was really good, kind of greasy. I’ll be paying for that later.” He laughed as my father joined in laughing.
I looked at him and then said “That’s repulsive. Seriously, you’re in company with women here.”
My mother agreed and shook her head up and down.
“Actually, I only see one women and a girl who wants to be.” Brady said smirking.
“Shut-up Brady. God, you’ll never grow up will you?” I said looking at him with annoyance.
“Whatever.” He said turning to my father chatting with him about cars.
I got up from the table and went upstairs in the house to my room. I shut and locked my door and walked over to my bed and pulled out my laptop from under my bed.
I logged onto Facebook and had no new notifications or anything like that. I quickly slammed it shut out of irritation. I lie down on the bed and slowly fell asleep.
“Myra.” I felt someone shake me. “Myra.” The voice said again. I rolled over getting extremely irritated. “Myra, wake up.”
“Stop. Seriously, it’s not cool.” I rolled over and slowly opened my eyes to see Star standing over me.
“Oh, and what is cool anymore?” She said looking down at me.
“I’m sorry. I thought you were Brady.” I said embarrassed.
“Clearly.” She said sitting down next to me on the bed.
I looked over at my door which was open widely. Hadn’t I locked it? I was pretty sure I did I thought.
“How did you get in here?” I said looking at her as she was on my Facebook writing something in my status box. “And what are you typing?”
“Nothing you need to worry about. Trust me.” She said looking at me sweetly. I felt my stomach flutter a little bit. I leaned over her shoulder as she pressed share.
I saw it pop up underneath a second later. It said ‘Star just woke my ass up and now were going swimming and riding jet skis.’ I looked at Star and asked “Are we seriously?” I said grinning.
“Fuck yes, get your swim suit. Stop looking like a kid in a candy store too. It looks like I just gave you the Holy Grail.” She laughed looking back at the computer as I pulled open my top drawer pulling out my orange bikini.
“Where are we going to ride at?” I said remembering Nolan’s offer from the night before.
“Over at my house. We live like 3 miles up the shore from you.” I heard myself exhale loudly. “Where did you think we were going? Nolan’s house?”
My throat tightened up suddenly. “No.” I managed to say.
Your face is getting bright red.” She laughed pointing at me.
“Stop it please.” I said looking at her seriously.
“Too soon to joke about it?” I nodded. “Alright, well get ready and let’s go.”
I ran to the bathroom to change into my bathing suit, a pair of jean shorts, and a tank top. I walked back out to Star and she looked up from the computer and just stared. “What?” I finally said after a second.
“Nothing. Someone’s looking damn good that’s for sure.” She laughed closing my laptop.
“Thanks” I said chuckling.
“Let’s do the damn thing.” She got up and walked over to me. We walked downstairs and I walked over to my mom.
“Hey mom.” She was sitting at the picnic table playing checkers with my father.
She looked up from her game at me then said “What are you girls doing?”
“Star wants to take me Jet skiing at her house. Were just going to be like 3 miles up the shore.”
“Well, Alright but tomorrow it’s just going to be a family day so don’t make any plans.” She smiled up at us while we turned and walked over to Star’s car.
“Your mom is so nice.” She said to me.
I realized that she is really friendly. She’s always been there when I needed her. I wondered what Star’s parents were like. Instead of asking I said “Yea, she is.”
On the way over Star told me to smoke before we got there because I wasn’t going to be able to smoke in front of her parents especially since she already told them I was only 17.
I lit up the smoke and power hit it as much as possible before we got there. Star drove really slow to let me finish it up. Some guy behind us started honking in an effort to make us go faster instead Star was at an almost complete stop. The guy in a ford truck started to pull around us but not before he slowed down with us and I realized Ramon was behind the wheel.
“Star, if you don’t know how to drive then you need to get off the road.” He started laughing.
“Ramon, you need to shut the hell up.” She said picking up some trash off her seat next to me (which there was a lot) and chucked it at him making it right inside his cab.
“Hey are you guys going out on the lake today?” He said smiling over at us.
“Yea, you want to come out with us?” Star looked over at me and then whispered “Do you care if he comes?”
“No.” I said chuckling.
Ramon yelled from his truck “Alright, I’ll be over there in about 20. I got to go home and change.”
“Hurry your ass up. We’re not waiting all day.” She yelled back.
Ramon punched the gas and started speeding away from us down the road.
“You like Ramon don’t you?” She asked giggling as we watched him turn a corner and disappear.
“No. I don’t.” I said which the truth wasn’t at all. There was something about him that was mysterious and oh so attractive.
“Oh whatever.” She laughed and picked up speed.
We pulled into her driveway which was a little winding road. We finally made it to her house which was beautiful with huge windows all over it.
She pulled in and parked next to a brand new Chevy Silverado. As we got out I almost tripped over a chicken.
“Holy shit. You guys have farm animals?” I asked watching the chicken trot away from us.
“My mom thinks chickens aren’t technically farm animals. I keep telling her she’s wrong but she won’t give up. She doesn’t like to be told she’s wrong.” She said as we walked around her house to the shore.
There was a long deck off the lake with a speed boat next to it and on the other side two jet skis.
Star and I walked over on the deck. She began taking off her clothes and tossing them on the dock and walked into a little shack right off to the side. She came out with 3 life jackets and tossed them aside. She went back into the shed and came out with a gasoline can.
She began filling up the Jet Ski’s while I took off my shorts and top. I pulled a jacket up and started buckling it. I felt bulky and fat. I tried to pull my hair up but my arms wouldn’t reach it with how bulky the life jacket was.
Star came up behind me and grabbed the hair tie out of my hand and pulled my hair into a bun and then came around front of me and tightened the life jacket so it didn’t feel so bulky.
Just as she was getting done checking the Jet Ski’s Ramon walked around the house.
“Hey, you guys weren’t planning on leaving without me were you?” he laughed. He didn’t have a shirt on and his stomach was completely flat with a 6 pack showing slightly. He had a happy trail from his belly button all the way to the edge of his shorts which were worn low. I couldn’t stop myself from letting my eyes traveling down as he turned around. He has a very nice ass I noted.
“Are we ready to do this?” Star said as she saw me staring breaking my concentration.
“Yep.” I said a little too high.
“Alright. Myra is going to ride on the back of yours Ramon, alright?” She said. Ramon looked at me and smiled.
I looked at Star and my eyes went wide and I started to shake my head when I saw Ramon looking.
Star jumped on the back of her Jet Ski, started it, and took off. Ramon and I watched her go.
Ramon lowered himself down on it then stuck out his hand to help me down. I took it and almost slipped when setting my foot down. Ramon grabbed hold of my waist and helped me down.
“Alright, you have to hold on pretty tight. Do you want me to go fast?” he looked at me and I saw his dimples again. My stomach fluttered at the thought of touching them with my fingertips.
I slowly shook my head up and down and wrapped my arms around him.
Next thing I know Ramon started it and took off like a rocket. The shore was getting further and further away.
It was slightly windy out so the waves were knocking us around. Ramon seemed at home. We finally see Star off in the distance just sitting on her Jet Ski.
We pulled up alongside of her and Star said “Seriously? It took you guys forever to get out here. What were you both doing up there?”
My face instantly turned red. I can’t believe she just said that in front of him like that.
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.” Ramon shot back at her laughing. He had this deep body-shaking laugh that made me like him even more.
“Whatever. Hey Myra, you want to ride on the back of mine for a bit?” Star said as Ramon and her stared at me.
What do I say? I want to ride on the back of Ramon’s but I don’t want to be rude to Star. I thought. And besides What if Ramon doesn’t even like me?
“Yea, I don’t care.” I said.
Ramon stood up and held my hand as I hoisted myself over on the back of Star’s Jet Ski. I finally sat down and wrapped my arms around Star holding on tight, not knowing what she had in store for me.
This is how our friendship has been since I’ve met her. It’s always me holding on never knowing what’s coming up next. She’s sporadic and always has something to say. Since I’ve known her she’s had more than her share of things to say or do. She obviously doesn’t care what other people think of her.
Star bolted across the water jumping waves. The water was cold as it sprayed me. I dug my head into Star’s back so I wouldn’t get water on my face. We were going really fast as she started doing donuts on the water.
Her laugh broke up the sound of the Jet Ski’s engine and the waves all around us. I looked up and saw that we were coming up to Ramon’s Jet Ski. He was nowhere to be found. Then we went around the other side and he was swimming in the water going back to his Jet Ski.
“Did you get chucked?” Star smiled as he was hoisting himself back up.
“I guess I won’t try that again.” He laughed shaking water out of his hair.
Star and Ramon chatted for a few minutes when Ramon suddenly asked me if I wanted to ride with him.
My heart jumped as I thought about holding on to him once again. Star looked at me as if she could feel it.
“I don’t know. Are you going to tip me over?” I said and Star laughed at this.
“I promise I’ll be careful.” Ramon smiled over at me.
“Oh, look. He promises.” Star mocked him and we both laughed.
“Hey, I promise. My promises are actually good for something.” He said as he held out his hand waiting for my answer.
“Well, if you promise.” I said.
Star helped me over to his and he held my hand steadying me so I don’t fall. It was so warm and I didn’t ever want to let go but as soon as I sat down he took it back.
“Meet back to the house in 20?” Star said looking at Ramon. “And be careful.”
Star sped away and Ramon said as if she could hear “I’m always careful.”
Ramon took me around being careful as he promised. We sped around; I never felt something so exhilarating. The Shore was so far away and it didn’t look like Ramon ever wanted to go back.
Ramon took me around the lake a couple more times when we finally started going up to the house.
Star wasn’t there yet as Ramon helped me up on the dock and pulled the Jet Ski up on the Sandy beach. We both walked over to a little bench and sat there in silence for a few minutes.
Ramon suddenly broke the silence “Do you want to go over there in the woods and share a smoke? Her mom goes crazy when people smoke so we always have to hide it from her.” He said looking out at the lake.
“Sure.” Ramon stood up with me doing the same. We walked over to a line of Pine trees when in the middle of two there was a break which showed a small narrow trail. We walked in about 20 feet when Ramon pulled a pack of smokes out of a Ziploc bag that he had in his pocket. He grabbed his lighter and lit it. Ramon took a couple hits then handed it to me. I took it between my fingers and took a drag. I took a couple more hits and passed it back.
“So, when do you graduate?” Ramon asked taking a hit of the smoke.
“I graduate next year.” I said as he handed it back to me.
“Yea, me too.” He said looking at me.
Ramon didn’t look like any of the guys in my grade. He looked more mature like he’s been through more. I guess I really didn’t know, so I can’t really tell.
“So, how did you and Star meet?” I asked taking another hit.
Ramon all of a sudden looked uncomfortable as he wouldn’t look at me and refused the smoke when I tried to hand it back to him.
He can try all he wants but he is not avoiding this question.
“So?” I said looking at him and he kicked a pinecone on the ground around.
“It’s kind of a funny story. We dated freshman year. After we broke up Star started dating girls.” He said looking up meeting my eyes.
My eyebrows rose up as I finished off the smoke and stomped it out.
Ramon bent down and picked up the butt and flicked it deep in the woods.
I looked at Ramon as we started walking out of the little trail.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He said looking back at me as we finally made it back to the dock.
“Yea? And what’s that exactly?” I said not sure of where I was going with this.
“That I turned Star gay. It’s okay to make a joke. I’m pretty sure I heard it before anyways.” He said running his hands through his hair.
“I wasn’t thinking that. Although, since you said something…” I said laughing and nudged him with my shoulder.
Ramon’s eyes met mine, and I suddenly felt my face flush. Just then, Star came roaring up to the dock with her Jet Ski. I looked over at her as she turned it off and shook out her hair, which was dripping with water,
Star looked at Ramon pissed and then said “Thanks for looking for me.” And then shook out her hair, spraying us with lake water. She looked over at me and then stomped away. After I wiped my face from the water I looked over at Ramon who had his hands shoved in his pocket.
“Does she always act like that?” I said irritated.
“Not really. Something must really be bothering her.” Ramon started walking around the side of the house
I followed close behind him when we heard yelling coming from inside of the house. The yells slowly turned into screaming as Ramon looked at me pained. He took out his phone and texted something to someone and then walked back by the beach where the noises were mostly muffled by the sound of waves. I walked up slowly and sat down in the grass next to him and then he got up and brushed his bottom off and said “Are you ready to go?” I looked at him surprised and asked “What about Star?”
Ramon chuckled a little bit before saying “She’s going to meet us over at my house.” That must have been who he was texting.
Ramon leaned down and took my hand into his and my stomach started to jump a little. He pulled me onto my feet and without letting my hand go led me over to the side of his pickup truck. My face flushed when I looked down at our hands still holding. Ramon looked down at it too noticing when he quickly let go and went around to the other side of the truck and hopped in. I jumped up into it and buckled my seat belt. I slid as far away from Ramon as possible nervously not knowing what was going on.
I daydreamed the entire way to Ramon’s about what Star was doing at this moment when he looked over at me breaking me from my concentration. I realized the truck was already shut off which startled me. How long have we been sitting there quietly with him watching me.
I hopped out of the truck and waited for Ramon to lead me to where we were going. He took me in the front door and we walked down into the basement which was remodeled to look like a home theatre. Big plushy chairs invited me in as I walked over to one and sat down fidgeting with my fingers. Ramon sat down next to me which made my heart race a little bit more with each move he made.
“So, what do you want to do?” he looked at me waiting for a response.
I shrugged my shoulders unable to talk from being so nervous. Here we were in a dark room with him right next to me asking me what I wanted to do.
“We can watch a movie?” he looked over at me and smiled “Or we can talk, or if you want we can go for a walk.”
The heat outside was at its height and I felt like if I went out there I would sweat and make myself look like a fool. So, instead of talking because I was incapable of making any noises with my mouth at that point I pointed to the screen that was covering the entire wall.
“Movie it is then.” He said as he got up and popped something into a DVD player off to the side.
Ramon put on some comedy about a couple who were working on their marriage. I didn’t pay much attention to it being so occupied with Ramon sitting so close.
Ramon turned to me and asked “So, what do you do for fun?”
I looked at him closer and noticed he had a scar that trailed from the edge of his lip under his chin. What made a scar like that? I wondered.
Ramon nudged me as I said “Softball.”
He smiled at me as he turned back to the movie. “I love softball,” he said.
I was still staring at the scar when I suddenly had to use the restroom.
“Where’s the bathroom?” I said shyly still looking at the scar.
“Up the stairs go through the kitchen and there’s a hallway. All the way at the end of the hallways is the restroom.” He smiled as I got up and walked upstairs.
Once I got into the kitchen there were pictures everywhere on the fridge. Some of the pictures were of Ramon when he was younger, with a bunch of older boys standing around wearing baseball caps and team shirts. There was a picture of Star and Ramon that looked like it was taken a couple years ago. It seemed like the entire Fridge was covered in memories. There were pictures of older people and some that looked like his parents. I stared at the pictures for what seemed like only moments when someone came up behind me and whispered in my ear “Miss me?” I turned around to see Star smiling like nothing happened.
“Are you alright?” I asked concerned.
She stared back confused “I’m fine.” She smiled again.
“Well, what do you want to do?” I asked her.
Star walked over to a cabinet above the stove and shuffled through some liquor bottles plucking flavored vodka from the back. She walked over to another cabinet grabbing a cup and pouring herself a shot and chugging it down. She did that 3 times.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” I looked at her concerned.
“Myra, I’m fine. Give it a rest.” She looked back to her empty cup and refilled it.
I walked back through the halls where Ramon said the bathroom was at and used it. When I came back out Ramon was standing next to Star whispering something into her ear as she sipped at another yet another cup of straight vodka.
My stomach turned thinking about drinking again. I was still suffering a small amount due to my hang over.
Star looked up at me and Ramon quickly turned to see who was behind him. He saw me standing there, and then cleared his throat.
“I’ll meet you downstairs Star.” He said looking down at his feet as he walked back down to the basement.
I walked over to Star while she chugged the last of her cup and looked up at me dizzyingly.
“What was that about?” I felt my heart flutter at the thought that maybe Star told him I liked him.
“It was nothing,” She said while twirling her finger around the brim of her glass looking teary eyed.
I came up behind her and put my arm around her, the feeling of comforting her felt natural. She leaned her head onto my shoulder as I brushed the sticky hair out of her face. Her breath stunk of alcohol but at the same time it smelled sweet, like strawberries, drawing me in.
After a while Star got up and put her cup in the sink and put away the flavored vodka. I followed her back downstairs where Ramon was asleep on one of the chairs. Star walked over to him and woke him up. Ramon sat up rubbing his face as Star and I walked over to the chairs and sat down next to him.
“So, how are you feeling?” Ramon said looking over at Star.
“Drunk.” She said laying her head on one of the arms on the chair.
Ramon smirked at this and patted her leg. He looked at the clock on the wall that read 9:22 pm and jumped up.
“My parents are going to be home. Where are your keys at Star, so I can take you guys home?”
Star dug in her pocket, pulled out a ring of keys and handed it to Ramon still teary eyed.

**

I walked into the cabin to see my family sitting at the dining room table playing scrabble. It was a beautiful night; Stars high up in the sky. I was surprised to see them gathered together fitting the perfect little family standards.
“Hey honey, why don’t you come and pull up a chair?” Her mother called after her. All I wanted to do was lie down and get some rest. I have enough things to think about then adding to scrabble. I turned and looked at her as she patted Brady’s back when he laid down a word that over lapped a triple word score.
“No thanks mom. I’m pretty tired. I think I’m just going to call it a night.” I smiled a reassuring smile.
“Alright, well tomorrow we have plans to go to Rogersville to walk around and spend some time together.” She said turning back to her game.
Sometimes I felt like a small blemish in their eyes. Like, out of all the personalities that I could have developed mine was just a bit more drastic. They wish I were different. Normal, even. As if anyone knew what normal really meant.
Brady was the only one that ever understood. And sometimes, I couldn’t even count on him to help me.
I couldn’t believe what happened tonight. Star seemed so sad but I had no idea how to make her feel better. I didn’t even know the details on what happened.
I leaned out my window and pulled a cigarette out. I listened carefully downstairs to make sure I wasn’t going to get caught and heard an eruption of laughter. They won’t come up here for at least an hour. I lit the smoke up and let it fill my lungs slowly calming me down. Just then I felt a drop of water on my arm. I stared at it in disbelief and looked up into the sky. Sure enough, a thick gray cloud was moving over head. I hurriedly finished my cigarette and flicked it outside just as a steady down pour started. I shut the window and walked over to my bed tired and exhausted from lack of sleep I got the night before and today’s activities.
The next few days went by slowly as the rain didn’t let up. I sat in my room most of the evenings on my computer or reading a book. We never did go to Rogersville or anywhere for that matter except my mother when we were running low on resources. With each passing day I couldn’t help but over analyze everything that’s happened since my arrival. First Star, and then Ramon. I’ve never been with a girl but Star had something interesting about her and you couldn’t deny the electricity in the air when we were together.
Then there’s Ramon. He’s sweet and full or promises of a new fling. The only problem, they’re best friends. How can someone choose between the two? Someone who you feel ecstatic every time you’re around her or a guy who comforts you.
I feel like the summer just started, and it’s full of possibilities. Maybe just once I will enjoy a summer I’ll never forget, or better yet, not remember.
As the rain dragged on and the clouds stayed gloomy I decided to invite Star over for a girl’s movie night. She probably can’t stand staying at home and this way I’ll be able to spend a little time with someone who doesn’t just play scrabble or cook all day long.
“Hey, I am so glad you called.” Star said as she stepped into my room lowering herself down onto my bed.
“I figured you must be as bored as I was. Plus, I brought up my favorite movies with me. We have ‘Dazed and Confused’ or ‘Pretty in Pink.’” I said handing her the movies. She took them into her hand and shuffled them back and forth trying to decide on one when she asked “If you don’t smoke pot then why do you watch stoner movies?” she asked as she handed me Dazed and Confused to put in.
“Dazed and Confused is a classic. They’re not just smoking weed they’re experiencing livelihood and the stuff that ultimately comes with being a teenager. Of course kids are going to ask me to hit a joint, I just say no. Were all allowed to have different personalities if we want.” I said pushing my hair behind my ear.
“I like that.” Was all she said as she leaned back on my bed next to me to watch the beginning credits of one of my favorite movies.
Ten minutes into the movie as we both lie there I couldn’t help but be distracted by how close she was to me. I looked at her through my peripheral vision and saw the outline of her smile. Her lips looked so soft that I wanted nothing more than to bring my own toward her. My heart beat faster as I fantasized about leaning into her and smelling her breath that I was certain tasted sweet. What’s wrong with you I thought She’s a girl! You’re supposed to like guys. But no matter how much my conscience was trying to take over, my heart couldn’t stop wanting her.
As I quietly battled with myself about these mixed feelings I got from Star, thunder struck overhead and made me jump up. Just then all the lights went out including the television.
“Whoa, how close do you think that was?” Star said sitting up in the complete darkness.
“I don’t know, but that can’t be good.” I said jumping up when I found myself stumbling over to the door in the dark. I twisted the knob slowly and peered my head out around the corner. I heard my father and mother downstairs talking loudly about where the emergency safety kit was located. I eased my door shut again and carefully made my way back to my bed. I sat down when I felt Star grab my hand.
“The dark always freaks me out.” She admitted and she squeezed a little. It shot a spark through my body that was hard to control. I looked over at her, thinking maybe she felt something when I saw her leaning towards me finding my lips with her own. Seconds went by, then minutes. Her lips curved on mine and her hand found its way to the nape of my neck. I shivered when her fingers trailed my jaw bone. Euphoria emersed me as I lowered her onto the bed. Stars hands made their way down my sides finding my pants. Her hands were on the buttons when a sense of reality washed over me. I jumped up looking at the door which was still shut. My heart started racing when Star walked over to me a as I put my hands over my face. What am I doing? This isn’t me. This isn’t right. I contemplated in my head. My eyes were wide as I tried to focus on Star standing next to me rubbing my back.
“I’m not sorry.” She whispered as she then added “I know you felt it. There is something going on between us that you can’t deny.” Her breath was labored as I could make out her outline in the dark. So many thoughts and mixed emotions were rushing throughout me. “I know you felt it.” She said as she pulled me into a hug.
I leaned away and walked over to the closet searching through the top shelf where I was sure I kept a candle. As soon as my hands found the familiar waxy cylinder I brought it down and lit it. Almost instantly the room was flooded with a warm glow as thunder and lightning erupted the room with light and sound. I sat down on my bed trying to recollect my thoughts remembering the feeling of her lips touching mine. I haven’t felt like this with another person since my eighth grade boyfriend that I dated for three months. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. It was all so new to me, yet I craved it more than anything.
Star leaned into me and kissed my lips slowly this time. I felt the rush of excitement all over again. I leaned into her chest as we lay in the golden colored light waiting for the storm to let up.
A few hours later the lights and all the power came rushing back on. I woke up to find star underneath me as I propped myself up. I looked over at the bedside clock remembering the power turned off as I dug into my pocket for my phone. I opened it up as it read that the time was two fifteen in the morning. Star stretched and blinked open her eyes looking around when she saw me sitting up.
My eyes were heavy and all I wanted was to sleep as I got up and turned off the DVD player, and the light making my way back into bed. I curled under the covers as Star moved in closer next to me. Within a few minutes I was sleeping.
The sun pounded into the window waking me up. The heat made my arms sweat as I remembered the night before. I rolled over to find Star still curled up in a ball fast asleep.
I got up as my legs stuck together from the heat as I opened the window up. Fresh air came rushing through the room jostling Star. Her eyes slowly started blinking open as she did last night.
“Morning.” I said smiling at her feeling like a whole new person.
“Hey.” She said stretching her arms. “How’d you sleep?” She asked still looking beautiful as if she’s been up for hours.
“It was nice.” I said smiling back at her.
“Good,” she said getting up to cross the room. She came right up to me and held my hand. Her fingers traced their way up to my neck sending a shiver down my spine. It felt nice to be wanted.
She stared into my eyes for a few moments before leaning in and kissing my lips. They were soft and light but still felt like the first time.
“I’ve got to go. Ill shoot you a text later.” She winked at me and walked out of my room and down the stairs.
My heart fluttered as I lay back down on my bed. Everything was complicated yet I didn’t seem to care. She made me feel like no other person has ever been able to do.
I kept replaying every little detail that happened over the course of a couple days. My mind was on over drive just as Brady walked into my room.
“Mom wants us to get ready to go out today.” He said as he came in and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Okay.” I said not really listening to what he was saying. I just couldn’t help but think about Star’s smile and the way she looked in the sunlight. Her face was everywhere I looked.
“Hello, earth to Myra.” Brady laughed waving his hand in front of my face.
“Huh?” I said looking at him confused.
“I asked you if you and Star had fun last night with the power out and everything.”
My face turned instantly red. Did he see us last night? I thought as my heart started fluttering.
“What’s wrong?” he said looking at me concerned.
I decided he didn’t see us by the concerned look on his face.
“I don’t feel that well.” I said looking down at my feet.
“Oh, well we’re going to Rogersville today.” He said turning around and making his way down the stairs.
My breathing slowed as I stuck my pack of smokes in my pocket. I needed to go for a walk as I walked down the stairs down out to the beach.
I lit the smoke and enjoyed a moment of quiet for the time being. I kept replaying the kiss in my head over and over again. The moment was permanently seared into my brain. I sat there for some time now when I got up and decided to go for a walk on the beach. With my head going crazy like it was I needed some fresh air. The waves rolled in and out calmly.
I wondered what Brady would think of me if he knew about me and Star. Would he act weird around me? What about my parents? I couldn’t think of them being anything but supportive. No matter what gender I’m attracted to.
The rest of the day was filled with window shopping and dinner at a sushi place. As we were sitting there waiting for the waitress to bring us the check my mother leaned over towards me and asked “Are you alright Myra? You barely even ate anything.”
My father and Brady both turned their attention towards me as my mother waited for a response.
“I’m fine. I just don’t feel that well.” I admitted, which was the truth. I hadn’t felt good all day, with my stomach churning in my throat.
“Are you doing drugs?” my mother asked point blank. I just stared at her in confusion when she added, “I was only wondering. I read in one of my books that Teens tend to pull away from their family when they start getting into drugs.”
“Mom, please stop, alright? I am not doing drugs. I’m way too smart for that.” I looked at her hurt as her and my father looked at me concerned. “I thought you would know that, but I guess not.” I said as I got up and walked out of the doors of the front of the restaurant.
How could she even think something like that? I hadn’t done anything wrong except drink and that’s honestly not even that big of a deal. Plus, I haven’t drunk anything in a few days. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit one up. I don’t even care anymore. I try and make them happy and they think I’m doing drugs. This is a prime example of why I don’t fit in with them. I actually show people my emotions and they’re all fake happy all the time.
I stubbed out the cigarette as I waited for them to come outside and join me so we could leave.
Brady came out and stood next to me with his hands in his pocket.
“Are you seriously alright? I know you don’t do drugs so you don’t have to be on the defense about it. Really though, what’s going on?” He said staring out toward the street as cars went by and tourists stopped to take pictures of the old buildings.
“No. I’m not.” I said as all the confusion built up inside of me and anxiety forced tears to escape through my eyelashes. Brady came over and let me sob in his arms as he patted my back like I remember him doing so many times before.
My parents finally came out of the restaurant and ushered us to the car. I sat in the back seat next to Brady as tears streamed down my flushed cheeks and my father drove us back to the cabin.
As soon as we pulled up to familiar old white cabin I stepped out of the car and walked down to the beach with Brady close at my heels. I finally got far enough away when I collapsed in the sand pulling out yet another cigarette.
Brady sat down next me as I puffed down the smoke in quick breaths.
“What’s going on?” Brady said as he watched me cautiously waiting for a reply.
I sat there for a moment feeling overwhelmed. How could I tell him that I’m in love with a girl? I asked myself. My stomach churned again as I got scared of what Brady’s reaction would be. Should I even tell him? I might as well tell him just in case were at another party and he sees Star and I together. He might already suspect something. But what If he can’t handle it? What if he tells our parents and they send me away to some camp, like I seen once in a movie? Or what if he’s totally freaked out and never talks to me again? Thoughts kept twirling through my head as I puffed down my smoke until there was nothing left except the orange-red filter.
I took a deep breath and started from the beginning.
An hour later after I finished filling Brady in we sat on the beach watching the sun sink down through the sky,
“So are you sure this is who you are? I don’t mean it like that either, I mean,” he paused. “Are you sure you’re into girls?” Brady choked the last word out like it was acid in his throat. I guess the idea of it freaked him out a bit.
Brady was so content on listening the whole time as I explained everything, from how I thought I felt about Ramon to the feelings I can’t explain about Star. He never once said anything judgmental. He understood that I needed someone to talk to, lean into, and I was greatly appreciative for it. He offered in his advice when he thought it would help. He also sat out there with me as the sun was no longer in the sky.
“Yea, I think so.” I answered his question not fully knowing for myself. How could I? This was new territory for me, and I was experiencing things I never thought I would about myself and emotions.
“Well, you’re still Myra to me.” He said smiling at me.
“Thanks Brady. It means a lot to me.” I said grabbing his hand, pulling him to his feet.
We both walked back to the cabin up the stairs. To my surprise Brady didn’t immediately enter his room and lock the door, instead following me into my room.
“You know, I kind of knew something was up this morning.” He said laughing a little.
“How?” I said skeptical.
“When I asked you how last night was, your face turned bright red. Although, I thought you were doing drugs too. Until mom asked and you freaked out.”
I looked at his smile warming me up. I am so lucky to have a brother like this. He’s someone I can rely on when the rest of the world disappears.
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t have to hold it anymore. I thought I was going to burst.” I laughed.
Just then something smacked my window hard. I saw the window pane shake wildly as something else hit it, hard.
Brady stood up and opened the window, only to see Star standing in the yard with a hand full of rocks.
“Hey, what are you doing?” He whispered loudly down to her.
“Where’s Myra?” She asked.
I got up and walked over to the window leaning my head out.
“Hey.” I whispered, smiling down to her.
Star brushed some hair out of her face before whispering back, “Come down here” followed by a giggle.
My heart started racing as I pulled on a pair of my shoes. Before I walked out of my room Brady stopped me. “I’ll cover for you until 12. After that, you’re on your own.” He said warning me. I glanced at my cell phone, thanking god I remembered charging it this morning, reading 9:56 pm off the screen.
“Thanks Brady.” I said as I stood on my tip-toes to give him a hug.
I crept down the stairs, past my parents’ bedroom, and out the front door. I flinched as the screen door squeaked shut. I finally made it out to where Star was standing.
I followed her out to the beach. The moon illuminating the night with silver light. We walked for a while before she finally sat down. I sat down no more than two inches away from her. She grabbed my hand as my heart fluttered. I laid back in the sand as she did the same and our heads were right next to each other.
“This is so weird for me.” I said as I looked into her eyes.
“Let the moment take you away.” She laughed as we stared into each other’s eyes listening to the each of our breaths broke up the sound of the air rushing over us.
“Here” She handed me a silver bracelet with a purple gem hanging off the end. It was so simple and beautiful. I’ve never owned anything more precious.
Star had a way with making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Her eyes, a deep sparkling green that made me feel as If I were staring into something deeper.
I slid back into my room as the morning sun was threatening to give away my position. As I got under my covers I remembered that I was still wearing the bracelet. As I lay their waiting for sleep to over come I ran my fingers down until I was holding the tiny diamond between my fingers. A few minutes later I drifted off to sleep.
“Wake up.” Something smacked me in the back of the leg as I dreamed about Star.
“Stop.” I said as I rolled over keeping my eyes shut.
“No. Wake up. For Ramon?” I jumped at the name and sat up.
Brady was hovering over my bed as I sat up.
“Where’s Ramon?” I asked rubbing my eyes trying to focus on him.
“He’s been sitting in the driveway for like 20 minutes.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?!” I sat standing up and rummaging around for a pair of shorts. The girl in the mirror looking back at me had frazzled hair, make-up smudged across her cheek, and missing an ear ring. I ran around trying to brush my hair while single handedly pulling my shorts on. As I looked out the window I noticed Brady already made his way down through the house out to where Ramon was parked. I took a step back to look at myself and thought I looked half way decent to talk to someone. But why Ramon? Why was he here in the first place?
I walked out the doors and up to Ramon who was looking out his windshield.
“Hey what’s up Ramon?” I said looking at him confused.
He looked at me and replied “Do you want to take a drive with me?” My heart fluttered at the thought when Star’s face appeared in my mind. What can it hurt, I thought, and jumped in.
Ramon took me through a few winding roads. At the moment that I decided we were lost, we pulled into a smaller parking lot that was surrounded on 3 sides by trees and thick brush. He pulled in and parked, turning the engine off, and submerging us into complete silence.
“I don’t understand.” He said looking down at his hands.
“What do you mean?” I asked trying to look at his face.
“You.” He said looking up at me.
“Wait, I don’t get it. What did I do?” I said meeting his eyes.
“What didn’t you do?” Ramon opened his truck door and stepped down letting the door fall shut. Confused, I did the same.
“You’re not making any sense.” I said waiting for Ramon to explain what was going on.
“I thought you liked guys. You know, I really liked you. What about you and Star? When she called me this morning telling me everything, It hurt. I thought we had an understanding. I was supposed to get the first kiss.” He said kicking the dirt.
“First Kiss? You need to tell me what’s going on.” I said looking at him. I didn’t understand what was going on and I was more confused now more than ever. Scenarios ran through my head, but none that got me closer to where I was at finding out.
Ramon ran his hands through his hair then pulled out his pack of smokes. He took one out and lit it, while I stood there waiting for Ramon. He handed the smoke to me and I took a couple hits from it.
“What I mean to say is…” His eyes looked everywhere but mine. He desperately darted his vision so it wouldn’t cross with mine. “I like you, a lot.” He confessed.
“But what do you mean first kiss?” I said handing the cigarette back to Ramon.
“It’s nothing, just forget it. Didn’t you hear me? I like you. This is the part where you tell me how you feel about me.” He said without looking away.
“Ramon, I like you a lot, but I think I’m in love with Star.” I said remembering all the times we shared this summer.
“That’s bullshit. She doesn’t love you back!” He exclaimed.
“What do you mean she doesn’t love me back?” I said as my ears turned bright red.
“It was a bet Myra. Star bet me that she could…” he trailed off not bothering to finish his sentence.
All of my deepest fears started resurfacing as I processed what Ramon said. Confusion, hurt, denial, all ran through me at lightning speed. So, this whole thing with Star was a joke? How could she possibly do something so mean to another person. It can’t be true. Star wouldn’t play a trick on me so low.
“So, the whole thing is just a game? You went along with it the entire time.” I said raising my voice. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I fought back tears that were threatening to escape.
“No, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. It wasn’t just a game for us. We both fell for the same girl Myra.” He said taking my face into his hands.
A single tear rolled down my cheek, breaking the barrier. Ramon looked into my eyes and wiped it away softly.
A swift movement and he was pressing his lips against mine. They were soft, cushioning, against my lips. I melted into his arms as he grabbed me and pulled me closer. My world started spinning as I slowly started floating. He held me there as he started running his hands through my hair, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
I gasped for air as he pulled away showing a smile that I’ve never seen before. It sent shivers through out my body as I looked at his perfectly shaped lips. His eyes revealed an emotion that I couldn’t read. One thing was sure, he looked happy.
As I processed all these new thoughts, I remembered why we were there. I stumbled backwards catching the truck before my legs gave out. Ramon steadied me and kept his hands at my mid-section.
“So, what do I do now?” I said my voice faltering.
“You have to choose.” He said point blank.
I didn’t want to choose and I certainly didn’t want to be the reason for someone’s hurt. My mind went over everything that’s happened in the past weeks.

Star parked and walked over to where I was standing next to Ramon, in the small dirt parking lot. She looked back from me to Ramon with a suspicious expression across her face. She had no clue what was going on and only rushed over when I said it was an emergency. Of course she knew the spot enough to know where it was. Apparently, it was like some sort of weird middle school hang-out.
She stopped in front of me while Ramon stood a few feet away. She stood there for a few seconds, before she pulled my hand into hers. I felt so comforted, like with her hand holding me down to the ground, I could practically do anything.
With a straight as arrow back, before I even knew what was happening, I swiped a clean smooth, yet painful slap to Star’s face.
She looked at me aghast before screeching out “What the fuck was that for?”.
“You lied.” I stared at her calmly. “About everything. What wasn’t a lie in our relationship?”
“What did you tell her?” Star turned her glare to Ramon, who started shrinking back towards his truck. When she let go of my hand I felt as if a life-line was missing. All that confidence in what to say, gone.
“I didn’t tell her anything that she didn’t deserve to know.” Ramon said as he cowered lower.
Star looked at me in disgust and then turned on her heel while saying over her shoulder “I don’t fucking need this.”
I ran up to her and pulled her arm around to face me. She just stared at me emotionless trying to dart her vision away from mine. When I finally got close enough to her face I put my hand on her cheek. She just stared at me. The most blank expression on her face.
“Please let go of me.” She said as she piled into her car losing a few pieces of her trash as she shut the door behind her.
I watched Star pull out that drive and I didn’t go running after her. How could I? She couldn’t even tell me the truth about what happened.
I knew one thing very clear though. Star was who I chose. She was always the one. From that very first night at the bon fire, I knew their was more to her than what people said of her. She was the most amazing person in my eyes and I let her drive away.
I turned back to Ramon who was standing there with his hands in his pockets staring at the ground.
I hopped back into the cab of his truck and waited for him to shuffle in next to me.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.01.2011

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Widmung:
This book is dedicated to My sisters, Emily, Angel, and Amanda. For always telliing me that I could be whoever I wanted and who believed in me the entire time.