Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

"Baby wait! Just listen to me! Pleaseeeeee!" Her sweet soft angelic voice was anything but sweet as her desperate cries echoed through the silence of the night. It was 3 in the morning. At least that’s what it felt like. Probably was later than that. But she didn’t care about the time, or the noise she was making. Considering her neighborhood was a white minority, the cops would probably be called if she didn’t settle down soon. But she didn't care. "Will you stoppppppp?" Her eyes blurry from her tears and runny mascara, she tugged at his arms as he threw suitcases into the back of his red expedition, not even turning around to acknowledge her. It’s almost as if she weren’t even there.

"Rodney, I love you baby. Please don't go. Don’t leave me like this." She cried, tears streaming down the side of her cheeks as she yanked at the suitcase he was throwing into the backseat trying to pry the handle out of his hands. He turned around, shooting hear a bone chilling glare. She gave up, letting go of her grip, her shoulders dropping in defeat.

She glanced down at her finger. Shit. She had broken a nail. Her shoulders bounced up and down as she cried hysterically. She felt weak. Like a damn fool. Unknowingly, she went into a daze, wondering how did she let this get this far? Before this night, Makayla had never been the monogamous relationship type. Her mother had always told her never cry or chase after a man who doesn’t want to be chased. God rest her soul but at this moment, all that mattered to Makayla Simms was her man. And there was no way she was letting him leave this easy, not without a fight.

It had been 6 hours since she received that text message from Rodney. It had been a good day so far. She had closed on this really big loan that she had been working on for months at work. She felt accomplished. Makayla was on her way home cruising in her new sports Audi, blasting her Michael Jackson with the windows down and the summer wind blowing through her 20 inch Peruvian hair. She didn’t have a worry in the world. That was until she received that text message. That heart defying blow. I know everything. I saw everything. You left your email up on the home computer. I knew you were a no good bitch! Her entire world stopped at that moment, music spilling out of the speakers but no sound coming to her ear. She stared at the text message for a good minute, horns honking behind her signaling the light turning green. Frantically, she dialed his number hoping to conduct some damage control. No answer. Showing up to his job. He left for the day. Going home to talk to him. His bags were packed waiting at the door but no sign of him. No surprise at all he went M.I.A and didn’t show up until 3 o’clock in the morning to retrieve the rest of his belongings. Now here she was, standing outside his truck watching him as he threw his bags in the backseat as if walking away were easy.

"Baby, will you please hear me out??? Please just hear my side of the story."

He turned around, his first time looking into her eyes since he arrived at the house. "What’s your side of the story Makayla? What could you possibly say right now to defend yourself? I read every single email between you and jchat96. And malefantasy21. Oh yeah and let’s not forget about MrDickGood" He shook his head. "Go ahead, explain." He crossed his arms across his chest, waiting to hear what kind of story she was going to come up with

"Rodney ... I ---" She tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth.

Holding his hand up, he shushed her while shaking his head. "Just stop while you’re ahead of yourself Makayla. Everything was in black and white. I knew you we're spending way too much time on that computer. But I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I trusted you!"

Makayla’s head dropped as she became at a loss for words. He was right. Everything he seen inside her email was true. There was no denying or explaining her actions, but that wasn't going to stop her from trying. "I was not with malefantasy or mrdickgood sexually. It was just an internet thing, i swear."

He laughed, crossing his arms over his chest as he eyed her up and down. "And what about jchat? You were sexually involved with him right?" He stared at her, waiting for an answer that he already knew. Her head dropped even lower, her existence shrinking even smaller. Apart of her just wished she could disappear right now and hide from her embarrassment. "I already know Makayla. I know about the Comfort Inn. I even pulled up your bank statements to see how many times you rented a room there. I counted at least 8 within the last 2 months." Tears ran down her cheeks as reality hit her. He really did know everything and now there was no turning back. "Clearly, I'm moving out." He interrupted her thoughts, hitting her with what she knew was coming next. "I hope you can afford this $1200 rent because I am definitely not giving you my half anymore. I already talked to the landlord and he agreed to remove my name off the lease." She continued to cry, shell shocked. She didn’t know what to say. She begged for him to talk to her and now that they were exchanging words, all her sentences were clogged up inside her throat. "What hurts the most is not that you lied to me, but that you cheated with some random guy that you met on the internet. Was he pimping you out or something? I saw that he sent you money a few times. We're you selling your body to him?

"No" she shook her head. "In all honesty, he knew we we're having problems paying bills so he sent me a few dollars to help out around the house."

"Oh WEEEE were having problem paying bills?" He glared at her, his dark skinned complexion becoming flush red. "So not only was he fucking my bitch, he was help paying my bills too huh?"

Makayla’s face dropped into her hands. Seeing the hurt and anger on Rodney’s face pained her so deep inside her heart. She had a problem. A problem that went deeper than he ever would have known. But she never meant for it to come out like this. She never meant to hurt him.

"So this is it Rod? There’s nothing I can do?" She began to plead, hoping somewhere inside his heart that was still hope. Maybe he still loved her.

"Yes this is it Makayla." He closed the door to his truck, fishing his keys out of his back pocket. "Oh yeah and just so you should know, I was so upset to find out about you and this jchat guy, I went to my baby mothers house and I fucked the shit out of her. And she’s going to let me stay there for a few days until my new place is ready."

She looked up, her vision suddenly turning red her."You did what?" She asked, checking to see if she heard him correctly. "You fucked Carol??!!" she shouted, her blood boiling in her veins. He gave her a blank stare, obviously finding some joy out of hitting her with that low blow. The thing that she was most afraid of was right here before her eyes. His baby mother Carol had been trying to get him back for years. She was so desperate for Rodneys attention, she would do practically anything to get him to notice her. Makayla always felt like he placed he chose her over his babymama, and that’s why she loved him. But now, all of that was ruined. He gave that desperate bitch exactly what she had been begging for. "Why Rodney?" She began to cry even harder, but his expression didn’t change. It was true. He really didn’t care anymore. It was really over. "You know Carol doesn’t give a shit about you. She’s just using you. She sees that you’re happy now and she wants to ruin that for you. Can’t you see that???"

"Happy?" He looked around him as if he we're searching for happiness. "What the hell round here makes you think that I’m happy? Makayla we haven’t been on the same page for months. I haven’t slept with you in weeks. I don’t touch you at all. When I come home from work, I shower, watch football then I fall asleep on the couch EVERY NIGHT. Does that sound happy to you??"

Makayla began to feel her body shake in anger. There was no way he was going to make this all her fault. He definitely played his part in this too. "Rodney, I may not be perfect, but I’m not the only one to blame for all this. You have been very distant these last couple of months and you were beginning to make me feel very unwanted. Maybe thats why I seeked for attention on the internet. Because I was not getting it at home."

He threw his head back and laughed, ridiculing her as if she were a joke. "So its my fault that you screwed some guy you dont even know? Its my fault that you gave up your body for a few dollars and some new weave?" Turning his back, he walked towards the drivers seat, swinging open the door while climbing in. "Truth of the matter is Makayla," He stared her deep in her eyes, "I feel sorry for you. You have a problem. And you will never be happy if you dont fix those demons inside of you." With that being said, Rodney slammed the door shut in her face, leaving her standing there bewildered, confused and in a daze. There was nothing she could do. He was leaving and she couldnt stop him. She watched in silence as he crunk the engine up, the red expedition purring in the silence of the night. I love you. She mouthed to him through the window, hoping he would acknowledge her pain. But no response. Smoothly. he put the truck in reverse, backing out of the driveway and speeding down the street. Witch mascara and foundation running down her damp cheeks, she watched as he dissappeared down the street, around the corner, and into the dead of the night....

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2.

"You wont believe who I saw in the mall Makayla! It was Rodney and Carol, and they we're shopping with their 3 little boys. Did you know anything about this?"

Makayla dropped her head as she walked past her friend Nya's cublice, trying to hide her face so no one could see her eyes we're swollen red from crying. It had been a week since Rodney left and this was her first time showing her face at work. The baseball cap she wore sat crooked on the top of her matted weave which was pulled back in a ponytail. She looked just how she felt. Miserable. Brushing past a concerned Nya, she walked towards her desk, plopping down and opening her laptop. Her desk looked a mess. A week off of work meant two weeks of catching up on everything she missed. She was going to have to work her ass off if she wanted to get back on track.

"Kayla..." Nya approached from behind, peeking her head over the cubicle. "Look, you know im your girl." Nya looked down at her with concern spreading in her eyes. "I've called your house. I left you messages. I cant believe you been going through it like this and you havent told me anything."

Makyala sighed. Deep down she didnt want to have this conversation at all and definitely not at work, but Nya was like the sister she never had and she knew keeping her out of the loop wasnt going to last long. "I fucked up Nya." She sighed, turning her back to her so Nya wouldn't see her guilt. "Randall got into my email the other night and he saw everything."

"Whattt?" Nyas mouth dropped open in shock. She leaned forward bringing her voice down to a whisper. "Makayla are you serious? How much of your emails did he read?"

"Hundreds. All the way back to a couple months ago. He saw emails, chat messages, bank statements. Literally everything." Makayla fidgeted with her broken nail trying to avoid eye contact. Nya shook her head while clicking her tounge. She looked surprised by what Makayla told her almost as if she didnt already predict this was going to happen. Nya was one of the only ones who knew all about her secret lifestyle. Although Nya didnt support it, there was nothing she could do. Makayla was a grown woman and had to make her own decisions in life. "He left me in the middle of the night." Makayla said feeling tears brimming in the corner of her eyes once again. "Packed his bags and drove off right in front of my face. And told me to my face he fucked his baby mother. I know he's doing it just to get back at me. "

Nya shook her head. "Girl you should have seen them in the mall yesterday. Faking like they a happy family and shit like they never skipped a beat. I almost wanted to put them two bitches on blast right there in the middle of the mall. They lucky they had their kids with them".

Pain flushed through Makaylas heart as she listened. Dammit she had just stopped crying a few hours ago, and listening to the thought of Rodney actually moving on made her sick to her stomach. "What do I do?" She pleaded Nya for help. "Im lost. I love Rodney so much girl. I dont know what im going to do without him."

"Well can I ask you a question from friend to friend?" Nya leaned in, "Dont get mad, but im just curious... If you love Rodney, girl why we're you cheating on him so much? Was it just for the thrill or what?"

"You dont get it Nya." Makayla closed her eyes trying to shut her out.

"No Makayla, I very much get it. Like I said, I'm your girl and I would never judge you. But i definitely did not understand why you liked that Johnny guy so much. You meet him in a chat room and you act like your ready to ride to the moon and back with this man. Think of all that money you we're spending on them hotels when you could have been laying up at home for free?"

Makayla leaned back in her chair while swallowing the large lump in her throat. She closed her eyes trying to hold back tears. For years Makayla had been decieving everyone around her. Her family. Her friends. Rodney. She put on this huge front like she was so uppity and perfect. In everyones eyes, Makayla could do no wrong. But that was far from the truth. And deep down inside, Makayla was tired of holding it all in. "Nya I never told you this but there is something I think you should know..." She opened her eyes, staring at her deep into her eyes. She was ready to come clean. If she didnt tell someone now, she thought she might explode. "Im a sex addict Nya."

Nya raised her eyebrow in confusion obviously taken aback by her confession. "Aren't we all?", she asked unmoved as if it we're a joke.

"No Nya" Makayla snapped, her tone becoming more firm. "Im serious. Im a sex addict. A nymphomaniac. I was officially diagnosed by a doctor when I was 19. I've been suffering in silence for 12 years and I havent told a soul." She leaned forward, pressing her face into the palm of her hands. "I take medication to control my hormones. When I dont have my pills, my body shakes for sex. I've been to sex rehab. I even used to go to support group classes but I stopped going last year. It had gotten to a point where Rodney acted like he was disgusted to even look at me yet alone touch me. I needed it."

Nya stared at her as she confessed, her mouth wide open. She didnt see that one coming and from the expression on her face it came as a huge blow. "Are you serious???" She asked while stammering. Makayla nodded her head in shame, wishing she could go hide under a rock and never be heard from again. "Its true Nya. I never told you because I was too embarressed. Even till this day, Rodney doesnt know a thing about my past. Other than what hes read in my email, he just thinks im a whore. He doesnt know the real truth behind whats going on inside my head."

"Why dont you just tell him Makayla?!" She asked in fustration.

"Because!" She snapped, looking around making sure no one was eavesdropping. "He wont understand. I gave him so much shit these past 2 years about Carol. Now look at what I've done, I piushed my man right into her arms."

"You damn right you did! And I warned you Kayla. i warned you but you just wouldnt listen." Nya sounded more angry than she was supposed to, but she hated to see how her best friend threw away potientially the best thing that ever happened to him.

Makayla snapped her head towards her, feeling as if she we're defending herself more than confiding into a friend. "Look Nya just let it go. I dont want to talk about this right now. I have to get to work. Im so far behind I have no idea how long it going to take me to catch up."

Nya smacked her lips, shaking her head at her bestfriend of 5 years. No matter how untouchable Makayla tried to make herself seem, Nya saw right through that gaurd she tried to put up and right now Makayla was as weak as she had ever been. "I took care of the Johnson Hospital files you left on your desk and I also closed out your loan processing. I thought I would help make it a little easier on you when you finally decided to show up to work." With that said, Nya turned and walked away without looking back.

 

Chapter 3

 

CHAPTER 3.

"Who is itttttt?" A loud knock peirced through the house as Makayla ran down the steps, tying her robe around her waist. It was 10:00 at night. She was up reading a health magazine eating carrots watching Fried Green Tomatoes and definitly was not expecting any company. "Who is itttt?" She shouted again. No answer. She approached the door slowly, hoping she wasnt going to have to go get her nine. Times like this she hated that she didnt have that peephole installed when she moved in. Swinging open the door, her heart dropped into her stomach in shock almost as if she were seeing a ghost.. There stood Rodney, the smell of his cologne hitting her in the face as soon as she opened the door. She couldn't believe what she we're seeing. They stared at each other for about 10 seconds without saying a word. His breathing was heavy. He looked good. He wore a black tshirt with worn jeans and timberland boots. His hair was neatly trimmed and the cross necklace she brought him for his birthday hung down his neck. She began to feel naked as he continued to stare at her without speaking. Before she could open her mouth to speak, he lunged forward grabbing her by her jaw and forcefully pressing her against the wall using his foot to push the door shut. Her eyes widened in shock. "Rodneyyy" She cried out. In response, he pushed her hair to the side and began to bite and suck on her neck, sucking hard almost as if he we're sucking meat off a chicken bone. "Rodneyyyy" She cried out again, her body becoming weak. She reached up for his face, trying to pull him in and kiss him. He grabbed her by the jaw again, moving her face away and nudging her towards the kitchen table. Using his hands he ripped open her bathrobe. She wore nothing but panties and a bra underneath. Mix match but right now that definitely didnt matter. He proceeded to rip off her bra and then rip off her panties with so much force still not saying a word. He stretched her legs open wide then stood up, unbuckling his pants and pulling down his boxers pulling out his long shiny dick that glistened from moist sweat. Rodney definitelty had the longest dick she ever had, so firm and very well hung. It had been 1 month and 13 days since he made love to her. He held out for so long and here was her moment. She was ready to take it however he wanted to give it to her. Reaching in his back pocket, he did something that he never done in their relationship. He pulled out a condom. A gold pack magnum. Ripping it open with his teeth, he took the condom and slid it right on like it was easy. Swiftly before he could even position himself inbetween her legs, he dipped himself inside of her. "ohhhhhhhhhh" she moaned out in unexpected pleasure. He usually took his time sliding in considering his size, but not this time, he gave it to her raw. She felt him inside of her, hitting her body hard she almost wanted to cum after 10 seconds. Her body began shaking again as she gripped his back pulling him deeper inside of her, her nails gripping his skin as he plunged into her harder. "AHHHHH" she cried out after each thrusts. When they made love, Rodney always took his time, made love to her soft and slow with sweet kisses. But not tonight. She looked up at him as he pounded away, an aggravted expression on his face, almost as if he was mad that he couldnt finish quick enough. After 5 more minutes, he pulled out, stepping back. She tried to move her legs which were cramped from all the pressure he was applying. He quickly pulled his pants up, leaving her laying on the table exposed still wanting more. "Rodneyyyy..." She managed to spit out. "Whattt... what was that???''

He wiped the sweat from his forehead, looking at her lying on the table. "You we'rent gonna get the last fuck. I refuse." Turning his back, he walked back towards the door casually. She sat up, covering herself with her bathrobe. "What the fuck does that mean Rodney???" She shouted after him, her legs too weak to stand. He looked back at her. "That means its OVER. But I couldn't leave without fucking you one last time so you can think everyday what you gonna be missing." He opened the door and slammed it shut, the picture on the wall crashing to the floor from the vibration. Makayla layed in the same spot in shock. He fucked her and left her.

Chapter 4

 

CHAPTER 4

Makayla knocked on apartment 246, waiting patiently for someone to come to the door as she tapped her foot. She heard comotion coming from the side window so she knew someone was home. Makayla had no idea why she made this 30 minute drive across town to come here, but she just had to. She couldn't fight the urge anymore. Seconds later, the door swung open. She was met by a dark skinned petite female standing there looking flustered. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun with large diamond hoops hanging from her ears. She wore a two piece pajama set with matching fuzzy slippers. Makayla looked her up and down in disgust. No matter how much she hated this woman, she was beautiful.

"What do you want??" The woman shot with attitude.

Makayla sucked her teeth, leaning against the doorway hoping this wouldnt turn confrontational. She honestly didnt come here for all that. "Carol, you know why I'm here. Where is Rodney? Tell him to come outside, we need to talk."

In response, she buffed her chest up. "You know you got some nerve." Carol pushed open the screen door, stepping out and slamming it shut behind her. "You gone come to my fucking house looking for Rodney? I don't recall ever coming to your shit now have I?

"No you havent." She held up her hands in defense. "Look I didn't come here trying to start no problems alright? Rodney said he was staying here for a few days and I had to drop some things off to him."

A smile spread across her face as she crossed her arms across her chest. "Well Rodney isn't here sweetheart."

"Okay fine." Makayla turned and began to walk away.

"Hey!" Carol called out after her. "Why did you come here for real? You trying to be messy right? What other reason would you come to your ex mans baby mothers home?"

Makayla turned back towards her. "No I'm not trying to be messy. But Rodney came to my house and did a hit and run last night, and I had to find out where he is so I could express to him how much I didn't appreciate it."

Carol laughed again, obviously finding humor from this situation. "Trouble in paradise huh?" She held her hand up "Dont bother, Rodney told me all about it. I know about your infedelity. And to think he left his family to be with you."

"He didn't leave his family Carol." Makayla sighed, tired of hearing this over and over again. "Besides, lets not forget the fact that he didnt get a DNA test on all three of your boys until 6 months after he met me."

"So what bitch?" She stepped forward, prepared to get in her face. "The boys are his aint they? He took care of them for 8 years, didn't start asking for no damn DNA until you came along."

"Whatever, I dont have time for this." She began to walk away again.

"No you wait a second." Carol called out to her. "You gone listen to what I have to say. Rodney may not be perfect but he didnt deserve that shit you did to him. Do you know how bad it hurt me when he came here crying to me. Do you know how hard it is to explain to an 8, 6, and 3 year old that daddys cry too? Thats fucked up."

Makayla shook her head because Carol was the last person she needed to hear a lecture from. "Okay Carol, I fucked up. But why you acting like you care? You tried to ruin our relationship from the start. And as soon as he came back available, you hoped right back on the dick."

"Sureeeeee did!" She rolled her neck in her face, mocking her. "Thats my childrens father. Im going to always have love for him. You had no right to fuck him over like that, and I wasn't pregnant, I would kick your ass myself."

Her heart stopped as she stared at Carol. "Pregnant?" She asked slowly, hoping she didnt hear her correctly. That couldnt be. Not that soon. Carol grinned, propping her hands up on her waist. "Yes, I am pregnant with my 4th child." She walked back towards the screen door, strutting her stuff as if she had killed her with words. She smiled and shouted over her shoulder. "Calm your soul, its not Rodneys baby." Carol walked inside the screen, slamming her door shut behind her. Makayla placed her hand over her chest and breathed a sigh of relief. Good God, if Rodney had knocked that thing up again, there was no telling what she might would have done."

Chapter 5

 

CHAPTER 5.

"Alright everyone, I want to thank you all so much for coming. That about wraps up our meeting for today. We will meet same time next week alright. And remember, knowledge is power and power is key." The 72 year old instructor smiled as everyone gathered their things, preparing to leave. Makayla quickly stood up, ready to shuffle towards the door before the exit got crowed. About 34 people showed up today. That was way more than the last time she came. It had been awhile since she came to a meeting, but in the midst of everything that was going on between her and Rodney, she felt like she was entitled to. She looked down at the pamplet she was holding in her hand that read Understanding Your Body. Every week they gave out a different cheesy bookl that they wanted everyone to read and discuss before their next meeting. She never read them. Balling the pamplet up, she threw it in the trash can by the door before walking out.

Stepping outside, the warm sun felt good hitting her face. It was probably 98 degrees in the Jacksonville beach area, but she loved the weather. She could never get enough of the sun. She began trotting across the parking lot towards her Silver Audi when she heard someone calling her name from behind her. She turned around, surprised to see an attractive young man running towards her waving his hand to get her attention. She examined him as he lightly jogged across the parking lot. She had never seen him before. He was red skinned with full pink lips and a small fro that was neatly trimmed. He looked clean in his white t-shirt and white nikes. As he walked up on her, she noticed his teeth we're pearly white and his skin was flawless. She didnt mean to admire him as long as he did, but he was fine. She had never seen a brother like him in one of those meetings before.

"Hey I was hoping I would catch you before you got away."

She looked him up and down, trying to hide her interest. "And you are?"

He chuckled. "I'm sorry, my name is Nathan. I just started coming to these meetings last month. I havent seen you around here before. You new to the group?"

She shook her head. "I haven't been here in awhile. Im Makayla." She offered him her hand, shaking it firmly and tight.

"Nice to meet you Makayla." He also eyed her up and down, examining her toes longer than she felt comfortable with. But she didnt fidget. She had just got a pedicure last week. His eyes trailed up to her khaki slacks then to her black collared shirt which was buttoned down a few to reveal her cleavage. She had the energy to curl her hair and do her makeup, so she looked like her normal self. "I'm a man of my word and I told myself the moment that I layed eyes on you that I had to tell you how beautiful you are."

She blushed, looking away trying to avoid eye contact. "Thanks." She said calmly.

"If you dont mind me asking, whats a pretty lady like yourself doing in a place like this?"

She looked back at the building, the sign reading Atlantic Associates For Therapy. She sighed, looking back at him. "Same reason as you. I'm no different from anybody else in there."

"Wow." He look shocked. "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not being rude. But I have never seen a woman like you in a meeting like that. You look so put together. Most of them in there are prostitutes or old women in their 50's."

She offered a weak smile. "Im flattered." She walked around him heading towards her car door. "Now if you don't mind, I have to be going now. It was nice meeting you Nathan."

He turned and followed in step behind her. "Hey, actually I was wondering.... If you dont have no man or anything, maybe you would like to go grab dinner with me someday."

She smiled, honestly flattered by his offer but she wasn't buying it. "I dont know you. Why would I go to dinner with you?"

"Thats the point. You should go to dinner with me so you can get to know me." He smiled a very womanizing smile. Deep down, Makayla secretly wanted to know his lifestory. Like why was he attending sex counseling. He was also a very well put together guy and she didn't see guys like him in those meetings very often. But that was a sensitive subject that she dared not to touch. "I have to go, excuse me." She clicked the lock on her car unlocking the driver seat door.

"Oh come on Ms. Makayla. Don't leave me hanging like that baby doll."

"Look." She threw her purse into the passenger seat then turned back around to face him. "I already know how the game goes okay. You see I'm in a sex counseling class, you automatically assume im going to give it up right. We have a common problem that we are here trying to fix, but you still think in your head im going to let you feed me then fuck me. Am I right?"

He laughed, obviously not intimidated by her interrogation. "Who said I was trying to fuck you?" He clenched his jaw. "I've been in sex rehab 3 times. I could have fucked all the patients there if I wanted to. But I was there to get better. And I am here also, to get better." He eyed her. "I feel like you could be the woman to help me do that."

She smiled, secretly wanting to give in. He was so cute it almost made her panties wet in this 98 degree weather. But then Rodneys face flashed into her mind. She turned away. "Will you be here next week Nathan?" She asked with her back turned.

"If you will be, then im here."

She grinned, sliding inside her car door, putting her key in the ignition and cranking her car up. "Same time next week then." She closed the door, backing out of the parking space and speeding out the parking lot, leaving a fine ass Nathan standing there watching her drive away. Out of eyesight from the therapy center, she quickly pulled out her cellphone dialing her bestfriends number. It rung twice before she picked up, alot of chitter chatter going on in the background. "Hello?"

"Hey Nya, you at the bar right now?"

"You know im here. From 5 to close."

"Okay, I'm right around the corner. I will be there in a few. We need to talk."

"Alright well make it quick Makayla, we real busy tonight." Makayla hung up the phone, riding in silence the few blocks to the bar where Nya worked part time. She had to give it to her. That girl straight hustled. Had two jobs and going to school. Her hat went off to her, because Makayla couldnt do it all at once.

Pulling in to the bar parking lot, she hopped out of the car clicking the lock behind her, walking up to the door and passing security. Immediatly upon walking in, all eyes landed on her as she strutted across the room over to the bar. They stared at her in awe as she took a seat in front of Nya, who stood behind the bar drying a glass with a towel that hung from her waist belt. "Whats up?" She asked while taking the towel and wiping up a spill from the counter.

"Well first thing comes first, let me get a dirty martini no olive. Please."

Nya turned and caught the other bartenders attention, telling her to fix Makaylas drink while they talked. Casually she walked around the bar and sat down beside Makayla. "Whats on your mind?"

Makayla sighed. "First off, i want to aplogize how I acted at work yesterday. I had alot going on my mind and it was all boiling up you know?"

"Dont worry about that" Nya waved her hand in dismissal. "Now what did you really come here to talk about? Because you got something on your mind."

"I do." Makayla bit her lip, "So much has happened since yesterday, I dont know where to start." Makayla began running her mouth, giving her the run down on going to Carols house, Rodney coming by and having sex with her then leaving her, the sex therapy classes, Nathan. By the time she was done blabbing, she was already on her 3rd martini.

"Okay so let me ask you a question. The sex therapy class? How did it go? What did that do for you?"

"Not a damn thing!" she snapped as she took another swig of her drink. "Nothing but an old ass woman running her mouth about how sex is good for the body, it should be used as a weapon and not a toy. What the hell does that bitch now about sex? She damn near 80."

"You see that might be your problem Makayla. Your not trying to really open up and listen to what she has to say. That lady might could really help you if you let her." She leaned forward. "And this Nathan guy... I can tell you already hes nothing but trouble."

Makayla shot her a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"You sat here and talked to me for ten minutes straight about how fine he is. I know you Makayla and when you're attracted to someone, its not good. You just got out of a relationship with Rodney, all i'm saying is dont move too fast."

Makayla shook her head, becoming fustrated. "Nya do you not remember what I told you yesterday? My mind has no control over who I do or do not what. My body does whatever the hell it wants to do."

"So your going to sleep with him?" She asked.

"No dammit. You think just because I'm a sex addict I will sleep with anyone? I got my pills okay? I take my medicine everyday, im going to be alright. Just watch."

A look of worry spread across Nya's face. "I sure do hope so."

Makayla downed back the rest of her drink, fishing in her purse for a few dollars so she could pay her tab. "Dammit," she rummaged through her purse. "I forgot my wallet at home."

Nya waved her off "Dont worry bout it."

Makayla smiled, reaching over grabbing her friends hand. "I don't know what i would do without you Nya. Your the best friend I ever had."

Nya barely smiled as she watched Makayla pick up her purse, peck her on the cheek and head for the door. She shook her head as she watched her dissappear around the corner. Please Lord, she thought inside of her head. Help my friend

Chapter 6

 

CHAPTER 6

"You like that daddy? That feels good?" Carol moved her hips in a circular motion as she rode on top of Rodney, holding his waist as she balanced herself, pushing her weight down on him even harder. "Rodney do you like that? Is it good baby?" She kept asking.

"Yeah." He said with very poor enthusiam. It was dark. He insisted she turned all the lights out so he wouldn't have to face her.

"Oh im bout to comeeeeeee" She screamed to the top of her lungs.

"Be quiet before you wake the boys." He sushed her. Her body began to shake as she trembled from passion. He felt her knees lock and her body jerked. She collapsed beside him as he layed there like a limp noodle, glad it was over. He stared up at the ceiling fan which made a clicking noise as it spun in full speed. His back was cramping from this hard ass matress he was sleeping on. The A/C barely worked so the only air he could get was from the ceiling fan. He missed his own bed. He missed being in his home. But he shook that thought from his head. That wasn't his home anymore. Carol reached over, grabbing his dick hoping she could jack him off and finish the job that she couldnt do herself, but to no surprise, his erection had already gone. She moved her hand away, sitting up staring at him as he continued looking at the ceiling fan.
"Whats wrong Rodney? Talk to me?" She leaned over, clicking on the lamp beside the bed. He didn't feel like talking. He was angry. Angry he was even in this situation. Here with his baby mother was the last place he wanted to be, but he had nowhere else to go. "Look, i know things aren't picture perfect between us. But you dont have to treat me like you hate me."

"I dont hate you." He said silently, not looking her way.

"Well thats how you make me feel." She said, her voice shaking. "I'm doing everything I can to make you feel at home. I cook for you, I'm cleaning for you. I'm ironing your clothes and fixing you lunch for work. When you left me Rodney, I wasn't able to do those things."

"So what are you trying to say Carol?" He sat up, the covers falling into his lap.
She took a deep breath. "I'm saying, dont you ever think about us? About what we could have been before Makayla came along? Just me, you, and the boys."

He shrugged his shoulders, looking away. "Yeah, i think about it sometimes."

"Well you don't think about it like I do Rodney. I never stopped loving you, you know? I love you so much that it hurts. Rodney Jr, Raymond, and Randall are more than your sons, they are your twins. They look just like you. Do you know how hard it is to look at them everyday just to be reminded of you?"

Rodney sighed, shaking his head. He hated to be forced to have this conversation right now. He had so much on his mind about Makayla fucking another man, the last thing he was trying to worry about was his past relationship with Carol.

"Why cant you just tell me how you feel?" She pleaded almost as if she were on the brink of tears. "I'm tired of not knowing. Just tell me! I can take it!"

He looked at her, almost feeling sorry for her. But he knew she deserved the truth. "You sure you can take it?" He asked. She nodded her head, drawing her knees to her chest almost as if she were getting ready to recieve the worse news of her life. "Look Carol, you a great mother. You put my kids first in your life and I admire you for that. And I would never say I regret the boys, but my biggest regret is not getting married before I had children."

"I see," She nodded her head. "But you didn't want to marry me?"

"Carol, you and I both know when we first met there was no love connection. You we're like my best friend, my partner in crime, but then you got pregnant and it just changed everything. It fucked up our friendship."

She caught a tear that slid down her cheek. "I always loved you. More than you loved me. Its been 10 years and your feelings still aren't the same and I dont understand why."

He grabbed her hand. He hated to see the mother of his children so upset, but she had to know how he was really feeling and he was tired of holding it in. "Look Carol, I dont think you and I should be having sex anymore. I feel like its only going to complicate things."

She snatched her hand away in anger. "Last time I checked, I was NOT the one who initiated this whole sex thing in the first place. You the one who showed up here out of nowhere 1 oclock in the morning jumping on me like a dog in heat. Did you not think about how that was going to make me feel?"

"No I didn't think about it." He confessed. "I was hurt. I was upset over what Makayla did to me."

"Fuck MAKAYLA!" She pointed a finger at him. "Your little bitch came by here earlier today looking for you?"

His eyes widened in shock. "What??? When did she do that?" He asked anxiously.

"Earlier today." She shook her head. "And see how concerned you look right now. Why you care so much if she came by. The bitch cheated on you. You said you we're done with her.'

He threw his hands up in the air in fustration. "Dammit, she was the love of my life Carol, that doesn't go away over night."

She looked hurt as she wiped tears that had crept to the edge of her nose. "So there's no chance for me and you right? You basically been here every night for the past week for no reason."

"I'm here for you, and I'm here for the boys. If you wan't me to leave, I will."

"And what about when we we're in the mall. We we're all dressed alike, you had me thinking you really wanted to work on us."

He shook his head, knowing he was wrong for decieving Carol the way he had. She was nothing but a game piece inside his master plan and he knew deep down inside he was dead wrong for using her. "I only did that because I know her best friend Nya goes to school inside that mall. I knew she would see us."

In shock, Carol lifted her hand smacking him across the face, the smack thundering throughout the room. "FUCK YOU!" She spat at him.

He held his face, unmoved because the blow didnt hurt at all, but he knew he deserved it. "I'm sorry Carol. I just want to be honest with you."

She continued to cry, not caring how weak she was making herself look. "I wanted to be with you Rodney. I wanted to be a family."

"A family?" He repeated. "How we going to be a family Carol? You're pregnant!"

"What does that mean?" She put a protective arm around her belly. "I'm going to love my child as should you."

"What about the father? Where he at?"

She bit her lip, looking away. "I sent him on his way. When you told me you were coming back to me, I told him to pack his things and move out. I gave him up for you."

Rodney shook his head, standing to his feet looking for his tshirt. "You shouldn't have done that." He grabbed the shirt off the bed rest, whipping it over his head.

"Where you going?" She asked.

"I just need some time to myself. Dont wait up for me alright?" Grabbing his shoes, Rodney headed out of the bedroom, grabbed his keys off the kitchen table and stormed out the door. He knew leaving like this in the middle of the night was wrong, but he couldnt stay there any longer. He walked down the steps, thought about jumping in his car and going for a ride, then decided to just take a stroll through the neighborhood and enjoy the peace and quiet. It was late. No one was outside so he didn't have to worry about anyone bothering him. He looked around. It was a rough neighborhood. Just a block away from the projects. He hated that his children had to grow up in the ghetto. He wanted better for them. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking as if he we're taking a scroll down the beach with the sand running inbetween his toes. Immediatly, Makaylas face flashed inside his mind. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since that night he left her. That night he packed his bags and drove away from the only woman he ever loved. As she cried and begged for him to stay, he wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her, but his father didn't raise no weak man, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. His mind went back to those emails he read. The way jchat96 described to his woman what he was going to do to her when he saw her. The way she happily agreed to meet with him. His anger began to boil back up inside of him. Rodney was 36 years old, and never had he ever went out on a limb for any woman like he did for Makayla, and she betrayed him. He thought about that night that he drove in fury back to her house, popping up unannounced that night. He pounced on her. Didn't give her the benefit of the doubt to even speak. Truth of the matter is, he tried having sex with Carol that same night and it just wasnt happening. His dick wouldn't get hard. He lied and told her its because he was tired from working out, but truth of the matter was, he didn't want her. As bad as his heart was hurting, that didn't stop him from still wanting Makayla as badly as he did. Running off adrenaline, he made that 30 minute trip to her house in Mandarin, and he angrily fucked her. Let out all of his aggression on her poor body, refusing to let her kiss him no matter how bad he wanted to. He shook his head, quickening his pace into a jog feeling like he needed to go for a run to clear his mind. If he didn't get over Makayla soon, he didn't know what he was going to do.

Chapter 7

 

CHAPTER 7.

I think im going to fuck him. Makayla secretly watched Nathan from across the room as he listened to the instructor, fully attentive. He sat forward, his chin propped up on his fist. He was so into what the lady was saying, he paid no attention to the fact that she was staring him down. Almost like a lioness watch her prey. That would be a good way to get your mind off of Rodney. You havent seen Johnny in weeks. You havent had sex since Rodney used you. So why not what do you have to lose? "What about you Makayla?"

She snapped back to reality after hearing her name. "Huh?" She stammered, embaressed as all the attention in the room reverted to her.

"I said you have been with us for a while now. Would you like to share with our newcomers your story?"

Makayla looked around, a pair of 35 eyes on her. She hated being put on the spot this way, and the instructor Mrs. Kathy knew that very well. "Well, um...." She stuttered. "There's not much to tell. My name is Makayla and I'm a recovering sex addict. Have been for 12 years." She pressed her lips together to signal that she had nothing else to say. Nodding her head, Mrs. Kathy turned her attention to a young white woman in the back of the class. She dipped further in her seat, noticing that Nathan was now staring right her. He looked at her so seductively, but ofcourse she was just imagining it as usual. Anytime she made eye contact with a good looking man, the first thing she thought about was what it would be like to be in bed with him. And she knew that was what her problem was. Thats why she was here. You have a problem. And you will never be happy if you dont fix those demons inside of you.Her mind flashed back to those last words Rodney spoke to her that night. She shivered, remembering that cold look plastered on his face. She had never seen him so upset. So hurt. And she did that to him. Makayla sat through the rest of the class silent, jotting down notes but not really comprehending what she was writing. She was in a daze. Couldn't believe after 2 years of being clean, no sex with any other man besides her man, and now here she was again. Back in these stupid therapy classes that she honestly believe did nothing for her. In fustration, she quickly stood from her seat before thinking, snatching up her purse. "Excuse me." she squirmed past the older mexican lady she was sitting next to, hurrying towards the door before anyone tried to stop her. This was pointless. She was tired of waisting her time here. Makayla knew she had a sex addiction, and she didn't need some woman reminding her that every week. This was a problem she knew she was going to have to fix on her own.

Pushing the door open, Makayla hurried towards her car, hoping the instructor didn't see her leave and wasn't coming out to stop her.
"Makayla wait!"

She already knew who that voice belonged to. Turning around, she was greeted by Nathan walking up to her calmly, his hands folded behind his back. "Where ya going?" He asked casually.

"I'm going home."

"Are you coming back?" He asked anxiously.

She shook her head. "No I dont think so. This might be my last meeting."

"But why?" He pleaded almost as if he were dissappointed.

She shrugged her shoulders. "This isn't the place for me. It never was. I just came hoping deep down inside I would see some progress. But nothing has changed. Im still a sex addict!"

"Makayla." He pronounced her name so calmly, "Don't leave till you really give it a chance. You have to open up."

She smacked her lips in fustration. "I been coming to these meetings since i was 18 years old, and so far, they have done nothing."

"Thats because you wont open up!" He persisted. "You sit in this class every week and you don't say a word. You listen to everyone else's story but you wont dare share your own.

She dropped her head in guilt, knowing what he was saying was true. She tried opening up on numerous occasions, but she felt like her buisness was her buisness. She didn't feel entitled to share her struggles with a room full of strangers.

"Look Makayla, I know you don't know me, but i think you should know that I'm studying to be a counseler."

She looked him up and down, surprised. "A counseler??" She pronounced it slowly to make sure she heard him correct.
"Yes." He nodded his head. "I was aiming for drug counseling, but its really wherever the world takes me. I sit in many therapy classes going on around the city and I just listen. I comprehend and I take notes. I want to help people Makayla, and if you believe you need extra guidance, I think I can help you."
She crossed her arms across her chest. "So that whole thing about you being a sex addict? That was a lie?"

He shook his head. "No it wasn't a lie, I struggled with a sex addiction for 10 years. Then I met my counseler Judy. That lady helped me so much. She pulled me out of a deep dark hole. Im so thankful that I met her and I want to inspire people the same way she inspired me."

Makayla turned her back, trotting towards her car. "Your no different from the rest of them Nathan. You just have a better body build and a cuter face." She clicked the lock to her car, sliding in to the drivers seat and slamming the door. She was hoping he would go away, but he didn't. Nathan walked up to her side, gently tapping on the window. In resistance, she sighed while rolling her window down. "What?" She asked, looking straight ahead.

"Whats got you all worked up huh?" He eyed her, looking as if he were searching for answers. "You seem so tense, and I just want to know why."

She cut her eyes at him, wondering what the hell this young boy was doing prying into her buisness. "How old are you anyway?" She asked, "You look young."

He smiled. "I'm 27."

She chuckled, grabbing her seat belt sliding it on. "I knew it. Your a child."

He laughed. "And how old are you miss?"
"Im 32. Too old to be running round here with some young boy."

He laughed harder, throwing his head back. "Im sorry Makayla, but if i done my math correctly, you are only 5 years older than me. Thats not as big of a difference as you think."

"Right." She cut him off by cranking her car.

"What you got against my age? That has nothing to do with what we're talking about right here."

"What are we talking about?" she asked, challenging him.

"I wan't to know your story. What got you so on edge the way you are. I can see that there is more to you than what you try to put off."

She shrugged her shoulders, gripping her steering wheel. To be honest, no one cared enough to ask her about her past, thats why she kept it all inside. Suffering in silence. She looked at him, looking him deep into his eyes as he stared back without breaking eye contact. He didn't seem like a bad guy. Seemed like he truly wanted to get to know her. Or maybe that was all a front and he just wanted to have sex just like all these other men out here. She bit her bottom lip, knowing judging a book by its cover was not the smartest route to go. She studied him, almost thinking about spilling her guts and telling him everything over dinner. He smiled at her, knowing she was about to give in. Then Rodneys face flashed into her mind. First he was smiling. Then he was frowning. The same way he had when he left her. Snapping back to reality, she slammed her care in reverse. "I have to go."

"Wait." he reached out to her, shocked by her sudden dismissal. "Did i say something wrong?"
She didn't answer. Makayla rolled her window up, backed out of the parking lot and sped away

 

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

"Do you want me to make love to you Makayla?"

She closed her eyes, letting his smooth deep voice carry her away into another world. "Yes," she said below a whisper.

"Say it Makayla." He responded, "Say you want me to make love to you. I want to hear you say it."

"I wan't you to make love to me baby." Her hands began to tremble as she started unbuttoning her blouse.

"No" he reached for her hand, stopping her. He reached down, brought his lips to hers and kissed her, swirling his tounge in her mouth matching her rhytm with his. Her body became weak a she wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling as if she never been kissed before. He gently laid her on her back, her hair spilling all over his red satin sheets. "Dont undress yourself Makayla, I want to do it for you."

One by one, he removed each shoe off of her feet, slipped her stockings down past her knees and onto the floor. He reached up, unbuttoning her blouse, licking his lips as her breasts popped out of her shirt. "Your so beautiful." He leaned foward, wrapping her up in arms, the smell of polo cologne hitting her nose. "I love you Makayla."

She moaned, twirling her hips around his waist while holding him tight. "I--- I love you too Nathan."

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEP!

Her alarm clock going off brought her to an upright position, her hair a mess sitting on top of her head. It was 6:45 a.m. Timed to get dressed for work. She leaned over, slapping the snooze button in fustration, wanting to throw that damn alarm clock at the wall. Sh e ran her hands through her hair while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. This was her 3rd night in a row she had a dream about Nathan. The third night in a row she woke up before they actually made love. She threw the covers off of her, realizing she had sweat pouring down her back. Her body was shaking. Makayla pranced up, hurried into the bathroom and went straight for the medicine cabinet. Snatching it open, she grabbed the bottle she knew to well, popped it open and downed two pills, filling her hand up with faucet water from the sink and swallowing it. In relief, Makayla plopped down on the toilet, putting her head in her hands. She was getting so sick of living like this. Sick of the desires. Sick of the pills.

She wanted to cry, but what would that solve? Not a damn thing. She got up, heading towards her closet, looking through her clothes for something to wear to work. Her mind kept wandering back to that dream. Ever since she left Nathan that day in the parking lot, she couldn't stop thinking about him. Set aside the times she wasn't thinking about Rodney. Her mind was so confused, she didn't know where the hell a safe zone was. Snatching a simple black blouse and a pair of jeans, she headed back to her bedroom, plopping down on her queen sized mattress. Everything she was feeling for Nathan was sexual. Everything she was feeling for Rodney was pain. And everyone in there right mind knows love, sex, and pain doesn't mix.

 

Chapter 9

 

CHAPTER 9.

"What the fuck is going on?" Rodney pushed open the door to Carols apartment, only to be greeted by his suitcases sitting by the door. "Carol!" He called out to her, kicking the bags inside making his way to the living room.

She appeared from around the corner, apparently dressed up. She wore a slim fitting red dress with a slit up the thigh, her breasts sitting upright with a diamond heart necklace hanging around her neck. Her curls bounced down her shoulders and her lips were nice and plum from the red lipstick she was wearing. If she weren't his babymama, Rodney would have been in awe. She was beautiful. Like a runway supermodel. She didnt look like that when he first met her. Back when she was in her 20's Carol was a regular plain jane. But there has been alot of speculation going around about her changing appearance trying to win him back over the years. Indeed she was gorgeous. But he saw right through her makeup and fancy clothes, and all he wanted was answers as to why all his shit was sitting at the front door.

"What's this?" He asked, pointing at his belongings on the ground.

"What does it look like Rodney?" She cocked her head to the side. "I think after that little conversation we had the other day, it might be best that you just leave."

He glared, clenching his fists by his side. "You want me to leave, fuck it thats fine. But you didn't have to pack my shit without telling me. You supposed to atleast give somebody 3 days notice."

She laughed, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger like a school girl. "I don't owe you shit. I have done everything in my power to help you, and all you did was throw it right back in my face."

Rodney took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "Carol, I didn't tell you anything the other night that you didn't ask to hear."

"That's fine." She shrugged her shoulders. "But last time I checked Rodney Atkins, I am 33 years old and I'm not trying to play house no fucking more. I told you I want a family."

"Fine!" He threw his hands up in the air, grabbing his suitcase off the floor.

"No!" She reached forward, knocking the suitcase out of his hand. "You are NOT leaving until you hear what I have to say. I put up with your shit for 10 years, and I want you to know I'm done being your doormat."

"Thats fine." He said, calming his nerves. He refused to allow this woman to get him worked up.

"I called my man and I told him to come home. Come home to his family."
Rodney shook his head, "Thats what you want to do, then thats cool, but lets not forget," He held his hand out pointing towards her stomach. "You and that baby in there is the only family around here that he got. But as far as my boys, they already got a father. Don't let me find out this nigga up in this house trying to play daddy."

"And why not Rodney?" She leaned forward, getting into his face. "Dont they deserve a family unit at home too? Or are they supposed to watch me be a single mother for the rest of their life?" She challenged him

Rodney sighed, looking away not trying to make eye contact. No matter how angry she made him, he still had a soft spot for her and she knew she was right. His inability to commit to her did not mean she didn't deserve someone who was going to treat her like a queen. "Okay Carol," he spoke in a very calm voice. "I understand. You're right. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. If you want a family, I want you to work on that family with this new man in your life. As long as he doesn't hurt you or my kids, I support you 100 percent."

Tears began to brim in the corner of her eyes. She looked beautiful, but also hurt. "So is it that easy to just give me away to another man?" She asked, secretly hoping he would fight for her.

"It's not like that Carol. Its---"

"Makayla!" She cut him off. "No matter how hard I tried, you never loved me the way you loved her. Even when your not with her anymore, you still choose her over me."

"This isnt about Makayla." He insisted.

"The hell it isn't! I know you still love her. That's why when were having sex, I feel so far away from you. She told me all about you going to her house the other night and laying up with her."

He shook his head, upset Makayla even told her that. "I didn't lay up with her."
She gave him that look as if she didnt believe him. "Don't lie to me Rod. I remember that night. You wouldn't have sex with me for whatever reason, but you drove your ass all the way over there to the boondocks so you can fuck that boogy ass bitch right?"

He dropped his head in hands, knowing there was no end to this battle. As long as his feelings existed for Makayla, Carol was going to give him pure hell. Out of all the women he has ever dated in the past 10 years, Makayla was the only one she never liked. "What is it about Makayla that got you all worked up like that? What has she done to you? You didn't like her from the moment you met her."

"Hmmm. let me think." She nochalantly placed a finger to her chin as if she were in deep thought. "Maybe because she walked her pretty ass up in here and stole EVERYTHING from me. She brought things out of you that I never could. That hurts like hell Rodney. You won't understand until you watch her fall in love with someone else."

Rodney clenched his jaw, feeling like his hands were tied behind his back. He was done with Makayla. She cheated on him. Lied to him. So why was the thought of her moving on making him upset? He reached, picking up his bags. "I'm going to go now Carol."

She stepped aside, allowing him to pick up the rest of his things. "Maybe you should do that."

 

Chapter 10

 

CHAPTER 10.

BEEEEEEEEEP.

Makayla laid on her horn, trying to get his attention as he shuffled out of the building amongst the crowd. Rolling her window down she stuck her hand out, waving for him to come over. He looked shocked as he jotted across the parking lot towards the drivers seat window.

"Hey." Nathan stuck his head in the car, the cool AC hitting his face relieving him from the scorching sun. "You were honking at me?" He asked.

"Ofcourse I was honking at you." Makayla smiled. "Step aside, let me pull over."

He pushed back off the car as she backed up towards a parking space in the corner. She backed in, shut off the car and swung the door open, stepping out. Her white sundress fell to her ankles as she got out, walking towards him. He stared at her, looking her up and down as she approached him. She had never shown up to the therapy center dressed this way. Her sundress clung tight to her well shaped body, her black hair long and wavy hanging down her shoulders. She smiled, waving at him. "Hi Nathan."

"Hey Makayla." He stopped in front of her, staring at her and smiling for a second without speaking. "You missed class today."

"I didn't come here for the class, I came here for you."

He looked shocked. "For me?" He looked around almost as if she were talking to somebody behind him.

"Yes you.'' She smiled, showing off her pefect pearly white teeth that she had just gotten whitened yesterday. "You know, I been thinking alot about what you said these past couple of days."

"Oh really?" He raised an eyebrow. "Enlighten me."

"Well you asked me about my life story, and I was curious, do you want to know because you want to counsel me, or do you have other reasons?"

He smiled, toying with the mustache on his chin. "A little bit of both Makayla. I want to get to know you. I want to get to know your past, your present and your future."

She smiled, nodding her head. Not the exact answer she was hoping for, but it would do.

"So what do you say that we do dinner? And since I turned you down so many times, it can be my treat?" She smiled, showing off the deep dimple in her right cheek.

He look surprised, almost as if he didn't know what to say. "Wow Makayla, Im speechless. You diss me two days straight, now you want to go out to dinner. What is it that changed your mind if you don't mind me asking."

Makayla bit her lip, secretly wanting to tell him all about the dreams she had been having. But she kept her mouth sealed. "I don't know, I guess I never gave you a fair shot."

He smiled, nodding his head. "Thats what I been meaning to tell you." He leaned forward. "You know you never told me wether or not you had a man."

Makayla sighed, hoping this question wasn't going to come up again. As long as he wasn't asking, she hadn't planned on telling. But she had no other choice now. "The truth?" She asked, hoping he was ready. He crossed his arms across his chest, prepared to listen. "Okay well," she hesistated "I had a man, up until 2 weeks ago. We broke up. But we're getting back together soon."

"I see." He nodded his head obviously looking disappointed. "You guys on a break or something?"

"Something like that." She responded quickly. "I love my man and I just want you to know that."

He smiled, easing the tension a little. "If you love your man so much, why are you here dressed like that with your makeup done and your hair curled asking me to go to dinner? Whats up with that?"

She cocked her head to the side, surprised he was questioning her like this. "Well, ` you dont have to go if you dont want to."

"I didnt say i didnt want to. I just dont want to go if your not going for the right reasons."

"Whats the right reasons?" She asked out of curiosity.

"Because you want to enjoy yourself with me and have an intellectual conversation with me. I'm not trying to be no rebound."

She laughed, playfully slapping him in the shoulder. "Stop playing."

He laughed with her, but maintaining his composure. "Im not playing. So whats the deal? You cheated on him or something?"

Slowly, her smile disappeared as her mind began to wander in a matter of seconds. Her relationship was definitely a sensitive subject right now and it hurt her heart to think that Rodney was gone and possibly not coming back. "Yes I have had fidelty issues. But we're going to work on it. I agreed to come to these classes so I can get better."

"I see." He repeated again, nodding his head. "Well sucks that you got a man."

"That dont matter." She stepped forward, inching towards him a little closer. "Lets say we skip the dinner and go back to my place."

He looked shocked, taken aback by her sudden advances. "What? Whats at your place.?"

She tilted her head to the side, really not wanting to play these games. "Come on, don't act like you do already know what the deal is. I want to take you back to my place so we can have sex?"

"Huh?" he asked in a bewildered tone, looking around to check and see nobody heard her. "Your out of your mind. You been drinking or something Makayla? Why are you saying this?"

Makayla was surprised at his reaction, that definitely was not what she was expecting. Her cheeks began to turn flush red, as she was becoming embarressed. "What do you mean? You said you wanted to get to know me. I'm trying to give you a chance to do that."

"No Makayla." He shook his head. "I was trying to get to know you up here." He pointed toward his brain. "I could care less whats in between your legs."

"Really?" She propped her hand up on her hip. "So what are you really? Because theres no way you really have a sex addiction if your turning me down. Is this all a front?"

"Makayla, I told you I'm not like that no more. That part of my life is over."

In shame, Makayla turned away walking back towards her car. "Where you going?" He called after her.

"Home I guess." She said calmly, clicking the lock to her car. Secretly, she was let down because she would not be able to fulfill her fantasies that she had been having Nathan, but also relieved that she could put that part of temptation behind her.

"I still want to take you up on that dinner if you don't mind."

She smiled a non interested smile, "Thanks, but I'm going to pass."

He frowned "Why? You were just all for it a secong ago."

"Well my appetite changed. I wanted you for dinner, but i see now thats not going to happen."

She swung her car door open, sliding in the drivers seat. Leaning over, she attempted to close the door, which he leaned forward and caught with his hand. "Look, I dont want to make you upset okay? But i told you the other day that I was trying to help you. I wouldnt be a man of my word if I gave you exactly what is secretly attacking you."

She glared at him, becoming fustrated. "Stop talking to me like im a child. Like your better than me or something. I told you I dont need no damn therapy. Not from you. Not from anybody." She reached forward trying to shut her door closed again, but he continued to hold on tightening his grip. "Okay Makayla, but dont be upset with me. Its not you I promise. I'm just working on being a better man. Because the old me would of tore your ass up already."

She rolled her eyes, completely done with the conversation. "Please let go of my door Nathan."

With defeat in his eyes, he let go of his grip, allowing her to shut the door in his face. Makayla quickly crunk the car up, backed out of the parking space and hurried out of the parking lot, leaving Nathan standing there watching her drive away for what felt like the millionth time.

 

Chapter 11

 

CHAPTER 11

"Well hellooooo Ms. Makayla Simms."

Her heart dropped into her chest. She knew that voice all to well. She didn't have to turn around to know who was standing behind her in line at the Starbucks Coffee Shop. Throwing on a nervous smile not ackonwledging the person behind her calling her name, she handed over her $1.65 for her small coffee, stalling as she waited for her reciept.

"Thankyou." The cashier smiled handing over her change. "Have a good day mam."
"You too." She dropped her head and began to busy herself grabbing creams and sugar off the counter, taking her time hoping he would take the hint and go away.

"So you acting funny now Makayla?" He repeated her name again. He was like a mosquito in her ear that wouldn't go away. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and meditated for 5 seconds. Just get this over with Makayla, she chanted inside her head before turning around. Slowly, she swung her body over to face him, afraid of what this outcome may be. There standing at 6'2 with long blonde wavy hair that was tucked behind his ear, bright blue eyes and juicy lips, was the man that she was so head over heels for once upon a time. Looking him up and down he hadn't changed a bit. He looked like Brad Pitt, and was probably still sneaky as ever.

"Johnny." She prounced his name slowly. Jchat96. He smiled at her. That wide bright smile with dimples in both cheeks. She shivered. Any other girl would be hypnotized by now with that smile. But it only made her want to crawl under a rock.

"Hello Kay Kay. You haven't been returning my calls."

She rolled her eyes. Always hated when he called her Kay Kay. "I been busy at work." She lied.

"Oh really?" He chuckled, knowing she had been avoiding him. "I came to your office a couple of times. Ofcourse you would tell the receptionist not to accept any of my visits."

She crossed her arms across her chest wondering where he was going with this. He had no right to ask her any questions considering her where abouts, but she wasn't going to make a scene. She didnt have the time nor the energy. He leaned forward. "You know if you wanted to stop seeing me, all you had to do was say so. You didn't have to go cold turkey on me." He continued, "You just walked out of my life. Cut me deep girl." He placed a dramatic hand over his heart while smiling at her.

She smacked her lips, walking around him heading towards the door. "You know what it was. I was in a relationship."

Quickly he followed in step behind her. "Yes I know that." He walked so closely to her backside she could almost feel him breathing on her neck. Leaning forward, he held the door open for her as she walked out. Tooting her nose up refusing to say thankyou, she brushed past him. He still hadn't taken the hint. She didn't care to be bothered with him at all. As far as she known he was the reason her relationship had fallen apart. "You must admitt Makayla." He cut in front of her path blocking her walk way. "We had something special. And I have really missed you."

She shot him a bewildered glance, shocked that this man actually thought the next time he bumped into her it was going to be all peaches and cream. The last time she had spoken to Johnny she cursed at him for ruining her relationship and threatened to call the police if he ever called her or showed up at her house again. She propped her hands up on her waist. "You know, its because of you and that british accent and those baby blue eyes that I lost my man. I was blinded by you! Now my man fucking hates me! I lost the best thing that ever happened to me because of you. Im lonely, im hurt, I cant even afford my fucking house anymore! You ruined my life!"

He crossed his arms across his chest looking concerned. "I'm sorry to hear that." He began to dig in his pockets, then retrieved a wad of twenty dollar bills. Licking his fingers, he counted out 10 bills and handed them over to her. "I have to make a few buisness errands so I dont have much on me right now. But for the mean time, will this make you feel better?"

She shook her head, pushing his hand away. "I don't want your money." She said firmly, even though she secretly wanted to snatch the money out of his hands and run. She knew Jchat96 all too well. He had so much money to blow, and thats exactly what pulled her in in the first place. That and his dangerously attractive good looks. He shook his head, obviously taken aback by her refusal. "Look Makayla, i'm not trying to have sex with you or anything. I just hate to see you doing bad and I want to help. Your a good person."

She shook her head, backing away suddenly feeling as if she were too close. "I can't do that Johnny. You and your money is what got me into the predicament in the first place. I let you control me with it."

Johnny raised an eyebrow, stepping forward challenging her as she backed away. "Okay well be honest Makayla, was it really all about the money? Because I don't think it was."

Her heart weakened in defeat as her mind began to wander. Johnny was right. It wasn't all about the money. Truth be told, he brought her out of a deep dark hole at one point in her life. When she was having her issues with Rodney, he was always there to comfort her. He kept her sane. They had met in a POF chat room last winter. He was not the only guy she engaged in cyber sex with, but he was the first she actually met in person. The first she ever let her gaurd down with. The first she ever slept with since she swore under oath she would never step out on her significant other again. She had cheated so many times in her past relationship. She didnt want that with Rodney. But Jchat96 did exactly what she was afraid of. He was the first to bring all of her demons back into her life. She sighed. Indeed he was good looking and rich, but there was so much more to him. He understood all about her struggles with her sexual desires. He didnt treat her like an addict. He treated her like a lover. He was so romantic. She began to reminisct about the late night walks on the Fernadina Beach, the surprise kay jewlrey bracelets in her cereal box, the boquet of flowers sent to her office every tuesday, which she lied about telling her coworkers they were from Rodney, the warm bubble baths where they would soak in the warm water with the rose pedals dancing around in the suds as they talked about their long days at work. He was so comforting. He gave her all the love and attention she yearned for at home. But deep down inside, she never allowed herself to get too close to Johnny because she knew what the deal really was. He was nothing more than an itch she had to scratch, and what she felt for him could never compare to what she felt for Rodney.

"No matter how much fun we may or may not have had," She looked away avoiding eye contact, "What we were doing was wrong. I had a man at home and I lied to him. I hurt him really bad and I hate myself for it."

He nodded his head in acceptance. "I understand that. And I hate that I even took part in this. But I couldn't help it Makayla. I didn't mean to get too close to you, but you and I... we have so much in common. Were co9nnected."

She crossed her arms across her chest. She had never heard him speak like this. "What's gotten into you Johnny? What happened to the smooth talking rich guy who showed no feelings?"

He laughed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "You see, I been going through alot of changes these past couple of weeks. And not only that I got a new woman in my life whose helping me open my eyes to alot of things. I think i might try that whole faithful thing this time around."

She chuckled, knowing fidelity was not as easy as it sounds. "Well im happy for you Johnny."

"Thankyou." He smiled, looking as if this new woman in his life brought light to eyes. "Now all I want is to make things right with you."

She waved her hand in dismissal. "You dont have to worry about me Johnny. I will be just fine."

"I know you will. I just want you to forgive me for all the pain that i have caused in your life. I never meant to ruin what you had with your guy."

"Oh really," she laughed out loud while throwing her head back. "I sure cant tell when you were fucking my brains out. You sure didnt care about my man then."

He shook his head, grinning at her. "We did have some crazy times." He looked her up and down, playfuly licking his lips.

Makayla sighed, shaking her head, surprised at how much she has grown since the day Rodney left. The old her would have smacked Johnny upside the head and bust out his back car window for ruining her life. But now, all she could do was look at this man calmly and realize how much of a lesson learned he truly was. "I have to go Johnny." She lightly patted his shoulder then walked away, "God bless." she trotted towards her car, happy to finally have some type of closure in her life.

Chapter 12

 

CHAPTER 12

What am i doing? What am i doing? She chanted to herself inside her head as she whipped her car into the parking lot, finding an empty space in front of the building. Backing in smoothly, a bead of sweat began to force its way down her nose as she began to realize what she was really about to do. Everything she had been afraid of was now suddenly coming to light. She needed to start taking some kind of control in her life and right now is where she was going to start.

Whipping open her car door, she stepped out, her hair seductively blowing in the wind as she got out. It was mid september. Starting to get a little chilly out. She was dressed in a light brown leather jacket with khaki poleyestor tights and matching boots, her hair falling over her shoulders in deep waves. Taking a deep breath, she clicked the lock to her car and slowly began to walk to the metal double doors. With each stair step she took, her heart began to beat even quicker. Everything she was once afraid of was everything she knew that was holding her back. Lets just get this over with.

Pulling open the doors, she made a very noisy entrance from the creek of the door. A room full of eyes reverted there attention to her. Slipping into this room without going noticed is damn near impossible.

"Makayla." A shocked Mrs. Kathy sat in her usual spot in front of the classroom. "Where have you been child, we havent heard from you in weeks."

In silence, Makayla trotted to the front of the classroom not saying a word. Swiftly, she met eye contact with Nathan as she passed, her heart dropping into her chest. She knew he was going to be here. She hoped that he would. Seeing him now almost made her have a heart attack. She didnt know where this was coming from, but she had to dig into it a little deeper so she could figure out exactly what it was.

Stepping into the front of the class standing in front of Kathy, she faced everyone in the room looking them eye to eye. "Hello everyone. Im Makayla." She smiled lightly, waving at everyone. "Some of you may know me, some of you may not. Ive been a member at this therapy center on and off for 14 years." She made eye contact with Nathan again, he stared at her so intense to the point her body almost froze. Almost like no one was in the room but the two of them. "To be honest with you guys, I have been a very very closed shell all my life. I keep alot of things inside and i find it very hard to open up to people. And not just any people in general, im like this with everyone. Even my family members." She sighed, looking down at her feet. "Sad to say my mother died and she never knew the real me." Makayla looked back up. She had everyone in the rooms attention. "But something...or should i say someone... made me want to open up. You know, share my story and all." She looked at Kathy "Do you mind or am i interrupting."

"You go right ahead honey." Mrs. Kathy waved her hand in approval.

"Okay well, my story goes back all the way back when i was a child." Her heart began to beat again, she became nervous. "I have been curious about sex all my life. Hell, ever since i could talk. I was 12 years old the first time I had sex. He was 17." She bit her lip, astonished that she had actually came up in here running off of adrenaline and was actually sharing her deepest darkest secrets people with a room full of people who didnt even know her name up until 5 minutes ago. But she had gone too far to turn back now. "My mom found out I lost my virginity when she took me to the doctor after i started my period. My mom cried for days and days nonstop when she found out. She kept me locked away. Only let me go to school, gymnastics and my family members houses. I love her and I know she was only trying to protect me, but God knows locking me away like that only made it worse. She kept me on a really tight leash up until i got to highschool. But by the time I was 15, there was no control over what I was doing. I was skipping school, smoking and drinking weed, having sex with boys. Multiple boys." Tears began to force their way to the corner of her eye, but she refused to let any emotion show, so she sucked it up. "As the years went on, i figured it was just a phase. But it never went away. As i got older, it got stronger and stronger. All the way to the point my body would shake. My bones would literally quiver. There had literally been not one night of sleep where I hadnt woken up in a puddle of sweat. I couldnt figure out what it was. What was it that gave me a rush of sensation from something so simple as frying bacon in the morning? I went to the doctor when I was 19 and he confirmed everything I had already knew. I was a sex addict. I was physically and mentally addicted to sex." She shook her head. "From then, I just went with it. I would get in these relationships and cheat like crazy blaming everything on my addiction. I was living real reckless and I didnt have any control over my life. But something inside of me changed.... when I met this guy name Rodney," She bit her lip again, trying to not make eye contact with Nathan. "We met 2 years ago at a Job fair our companys were mutually hosting together. From day one, I dont know what it was about that man, but he made me want to change my life so bad. I wanted to be perfect just like him. He inspired me to want something better." Her mind began to wander as she described the love of her life, realizing how much she really did miss that man. "He was my everything. I did a complete 360 with my life for him. He did so much to put me first, and I admirred that about him. He went out of his way to make me feel like I was his queen....Then I fucked it up, excuse my language. It all started with facebook, and then with this mobile app called Plenty Of Fish, and then there was Jchat96...." She paused. "Just to make a long story short, I went back on everything I had worked so hard for and I went right back to my hoeishly addictive ways. Starting a relationship with a man only to cheat on him in the end. The only difference this time was the fact that losing Rodney killed me inside." She clutched her hand to her chest. "When he was gone, i felt something I had never felt before. This wasnt my first time getting dumped because of my infidelity issue, but this was the first time it ever broke my heart. Back in the days, I wouldnt have given a damn. Probably would have sipped on a glass of wine while I watched them leave. But with Rodney it was a totally different story. With him I was damn near on my hands and knees begging him not to go. Im literally tustling with this man for his suitcases trying to get them out his hand." She shook her head. "When i lost him, it really taught me alot in life. I can see more clearly now. At the beginning, I didnt care about the outcome of my actions, but now i do see that there are consequences for everything that you do wrong." She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess you can say, a friend of mine brought it to my attention the other day that I have not opened up to you guys and I basically just sit up here being nosey as hell listening to you all pour your hearts out while I just sick back and dont say a thing. But to be honest, I've listened to yall. And I hear you all as well. I know some of you have been beaten, raped, molested as kids, forced into prostitution, and I know my story may not be as difficult as yours was, but I want you to know we all share the same struggles.... And I have been listening."

Nodding her off, so happy she got that off her chest, she began to trot back towards the door. "Alright I think i have served my purpose here." She waved goodbye to a stunned crowd, some looking surprised, others looking moved by her story. Brushing past Nathan, she was in shock as he stood up, blantly falling in step behind her as she walked towards the door. Her heart began to beat even faster once again. Looking over her shoulder, she examined his facial expression, which was hard to read. Was he going to be upset about her confessional? Or disgusted? There was really no telling, Pushing open the door, she walked outside, trotting down the steps as he followed behind her.

"Honestly I have to say Makayla." He broke the ice. "I must say im surprised."

"Is that all??" She asked, searching for a deeper answer as she walked towards her car.

"Im impressed. I knew you had it in you, im just confused on what made it come out."

She stopped in her tracks, facing him. She looked deep into his eyes, her body shaking once again as she stared at him for a few seconds without saying anything. She felt something. She didnt know what it was. She knew she felt desire for him, there was no denying that. But deep down inside, she felt something else. Something more. "Come take a ride with me." She spoke boldly.

He look confused as he looked her deep into her eyes. "Where are we going?"

"I dont know." She shrugged her shoulders. "The beach. The movies. My place. Hell, anywhere but here. Everytime I see your face, we're here at this center and I want to see you beyond these walls. In a different light."

"Makayla." He sighed, looking torn as if he didnt know what to do, "I heard your speech in there. Clearly your in love. What are you doing?"

She shook her head, knowing he was going to take it there. "You dont get it. For the first time in a while, I can honestly say this isnt about him. Its 110% about you right now." She stepped closer to him, invading his space. "The last time I seen you, I wanted you so bad. I know I came on strong, but I couldnt control what i was feeling. You turned me down and I took it like a real sour ass bitch. I caught a straight attitude and i left you standing here by yourself looking sexy as ever. After that day, I thought I would forget about you and write you off, but I couldnt. For some reason i couldnt stop thinking about you. Couldnt stop dreaming about you."

He looked at her so seductively, almost making her wanting to melt into a puddle right where she was standing. "You had dreams about me?"

In guilt, she nodded her head. He sighed, shaking his head obviously surprised "Makayla, I had no idea..."

"I know." She cut him off. "Little do you know, I wanted to get close to you. Mentally and im not going to lie physically too. If opening up was the first way to get next to you, I figured here would be a good place to start."

He crossed his arms over his chest, examining her. "To be honest with you Makayla, I like you. I think your a beautiful women. But ive seen this all before, and I feel deep down inside the only thing you want from me is to sleep with me."

She smacked her lips, feeling offended. Makayla couldnt lie, in the beginning thats all that it really was. But for these past few weeks, Nathan had some type of spell on her. She couldnt get this kid off her mind no matter how hard she tried. Nya warned her that he was nothing but trouble. She should have followed the signs when they were right there in front of her face. "Look Nathan, you brought something out of me today and you didnt even know it. If it was just about the sex, i would have written you off the moment you rejected me. But something about you keeps me wondering. Makes me want to find out more"

He looked her up and down, staring at her almost as if he were searching deep down inside her soul. "Let me ask you a question....would you consider me a hypocrite if i said I was attracted to you Makayla?"

She tilted her head to the side. "Nathan why would I think your a hypocrite?"

"Because." He sighed "I told you about how I have overcome my addiction. I've had my share of cheating the system, but this time I want to do things the right way. But when it comes to you, you make me want to cross that line sometimes. And that makes me feel like a hypocrite."

She shook her head, stepping even closer to him. "Your not a hypocrite Nathan. I understand you want to change peoples lives, but you cant do that all the time at the risk of your own happiness."

He stepped back, obviously building this wall inbetween them. "Makayla, its more than that. Im ready for you, but the cold hard truth is your not ready for me. Your still addicted to sex, your hung up over your ex, thats just a reciepe for disaster. Im past that stage in my life. But your not, your still wrapped up in that lifestyle."

Her shoulders dropped, she felt defeated. He was right. She still struggled from her desires, took 2 pills a day to control her anxieties, and she still loved Rodney. No matter how hard she tried, her heart would not let him go. But no matter how deep and madly in love she was with him, for some strange reason it wasnt stopping her from wanting to pursue Nathan. She knew whatever this feeling she felt about him was stronger than just sex. She wanted to explore him in any and every way possible. "Just take a ride with me." She suggested again, "We can talk about whatever you want. No limits."

He took a deep breath, running his fingers through his neatly trimmed mustache. "And if we go to your place? You swear its just to talk?"

She chuckled, her mind flashing back to those dreams where she would straddle him on top of her silk sheets. "I wont come on to you. I just want to be next to you." She looked him deep into his eyes, letting him know she was serious.

He licked his lips, causing her body to flush with heat. Every movement this man made turned her on, but she knew she had to control her hormones. And for him, she felt it might be worth it.

　

Chapter 13

 

CHAPTER 13

Rodney nervously cracked his knuckles as he sat on the front steps, his right leg bouncing in anxiety. He couldnt believe he was here right now. He swore he was never coming back. But now he was desperate. Carol had put him out. Kicked him to the curb without even giving him a chance to kiss the boys goodbye. He knew it was coming, so he wasnt surprised. For the past couple of nights, he stayed at a few hotels and a couple of his boys cribs. But truth be told, he was tired of bouncing from house to house. He wanted to be home. Even if it were for just a few weeks until he got on his feet, so be it.

Maybe she will let me stay for a little while until i get my own place? He thought Ofcourse she will, I know she wont turn me away. He took a deep breath, kind of nervous to find out what was going to happen when he finally seen her. The last time he came to the house, he slept with her and gave her the complete cold shoulder before storming out. At times he regretted treating her that way, then again he remember how she cheated on him then felt she deserved it.

As if right on time, he spotted her silver audi gliding down the street. He had parked his truck around the block. He didnt want to make it seem obvious when she pulled up. Rodney watched as the car crept down the street and approached the driveway. His heart began to beat fast. To make things clear, he was not here to get back together and he was not going to give her that impression, he just needed somewhere to lay his head until he gathered all his thoughts together. His heart began to race as his eyes focused on the figure sitting in the passenger seat. Makayla didnt have too many friends, and it wasnt Nya. He leaned in closer hoping he was seeing things. But he wasnt. Someone sat in the passenger seat beside Makayla. A light skinned fellow. His eyes reverted over to Makayla, whose eyes was dead lock set on him almost as if she were seeing a ghost. Like she was caught in the act. She pulled up the driveway, placing her car in park. Rodney stood to his feet, at a loss for words. He had been gone for almost 2 months, and this is what this bitch was doing. He clenched his jaw, trying to defuse himself from getting angry. The two got out of the car. Makayla looked nervous and shocked as hell as she stepped out, closing the door and walking over the yard to him. "Roo --- Rodney" She stuttered.

He looked her up and down and shook his head in disgust. "I see what you have been up to."

"Rodney I swear." She stepped forward, attempting to reach out to him but he stepped back. "Its not what it looks like. Were not sleeping together."

"And im supposed to believe that?" He looked over her shoulder at the guy she pulled up with, who was leaned across the hood of the car with his arms crossed over his chest shaking his head.

"Rodney what are you doing here???" She questioned him. "I thought we were done. Why you popping up on me like this?"

He looked taken aback, "Oh what am i doing here?? Coming from the woman who begged me not to leave and chased me all around town? Now you wanna ask what im doing here?"

"Rodney" She looked almost as if she were pleading. "Please, i've been really wanting to talk to you. Just not right now. Now isnt a good time." She looked over her shoulder at Nathan, who returned her glance . They stared at each other for a couple seconds before she turned back around.

He looked shocked. Couldnt believe what he was seeing. "Oh its like that?" He asked, more intimidated than he wanted to admitt to himself. He always felt like he had the upper hand in the situation, but right now he was at a loss for words.

"Hey yall dont worry bout me." Nathan chimmed in, stepping forward waving his hands "This dont got nothing to do with me. I'm going to let yall talk."

"Nathan," She turned around facing him. "Nathan please... I need you to understand."

"I know what it is Makayla. This that guy you were telling everybody you were in love with. I think the two of yall need to talk and I need to just go. I'm not trying to start not confusion." He backed away, heading towards the sidewalk.

"Nathan wait!" She ran forward, darting after him. "I had no idea he was going to be here. But I still meant what i said. About Rodney. And about you too. "

"Look," He spoke over his shoulder as he began to walk down the driveway toward the street. "Take care of your buisness Makayla. We will talk some other time. But clearly now is not the place."

"Okay. We will talk another time." She continued to chase behind him. "Just please say you understand, please."

Rodney stepped forward, feeling invisible and bewildered by what he was witnessing. Not only was there another man in his driveway pulling up to his home with his woman, here she was chasing after him like a puppy right in front of his face. "Makayla." He shouted her voice across the yard, becoming angry. "What the hell are you doing?"

She stopped in her tracks, turning back around to face him. "Rodney, I just need a few minutes to handle this."

"No fuck that." He walked down the steps, "You keep chasing after him like that if you want to, you will never hear from me ever again. I swear to God Makayla i will forget you ever fucking existed."

She stopped, her chest weaving up and down as she cried to catch her breath. She watched as Nathan walked away, down the sidewalk towards the way they came. She stared at him, feeling so torn as she watched him walk away. She could stay put and watch him possibly walk out of her life and never speak to her again, or chase after him and lose Rodney forever. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she continued to watch him walk away as he strutted down the sidewalk without looking back. What the fuck are you doing? She pulled herself together. Turning around, she faced Rodney, reality hitting her as she witnessed the pained look on his face. He stood there still, his lips pressed together as if he were holding something back. All of her emotions hit her at once. The tears came rolling down on her cheeks. "Dammit Rodney. I just cant do anything right." She covered her face in her hands, sobbing as she realized just how much of a fuck up she truly was. No matter how hard she tried to suceed, she always failed.

"Damn Makayla. I cant believe you moved on already."

She picked her head up, tears staining her cheeks. "I havent moved on Rodney, I still love you."

He shook his head, clearly not believing her. "I cant tell Makayla. After everything you have put me through, you just not gone stop twisting that knife in my back even deeper is you?"

She threw her hands up in defense. "Rodney, I swear its not what it looks like. I havent slept with anybody since you left me. Since that night you came over. Nathan is someone i met through..... um a mutual friend." She cleaned it up. "Hes a cool guy, I like him, but we have never been involved. Hes never even been inside the house. This was his first time coming over."

Rodney took a deep breath. He didnt look angry anymore. He looked hurt. And it killed her inside to know that once again, she caused him all this pain. "Rodney I'm so sorry. I thought you were done with me. If i knew there was still some sort of chance, I would have never..."

"But you did." He gazed at her with a blank stare, no longer showing his emotion. "You got feelings for him?"

"No" she lied.

He raised an eyebrow, challenging her. "I'm a man Makayla, i see all the signs. "

"I don’t know what you think you seen but its nothing." She lied again.

"Makayla just stop!" He shouted louder than he meant to. "I’m sick of this shit. I just needed a place to stay for a few days but I see I came to the wrong place for that."

She crossed her arms across her chest, blinded by the moistness from her tears. "And what about your babymamaaaaa? What happened to you staying with her?"

He shook his head. "Look, it didn’t work out okay?"

"Well maybe that’s your karma!" she pointed her finger at him, "You blame everything on me, but lets not forget the shitty things you have done to get back at me. Two wrongs don’t make a right Rodney."

He shot her a bewildered look. "I know your not trying to flip the script Makayla Simms. You can dish it out but you cant take it?"

She wiped the tears from out the corner of her eyes, feeling weak to her knees. "Rodney, you don’t understand how bad it hurt me when you left. And what hurt even worse is how you treated me after you were gone. And the way you came here that night and took advantage of me… my body…. That was cold.

Rodney shook his head, knowing he was wrong. But he couldnt admitt it. Now was not the time for that. "Makayla, im sick of you betraying me like this. You trying to push me out of your life for good?"

"Noooo.." she shook her head, wiping her tears off on the sleeve of her shirt. "You dont understand Rodney. Im confused. I dont know what to feel."

"What you confused about?" He stepped closer to her. "Is it that dude? Is he the reason why your confused."

She looked away, knowing her hesitation was a bad idea. But she couldnt help it. Something about Nathan had her stuck like chuck. She only knew the kid for a few weeks and she had already gone mad over him. He did things to her that no one had ever done before, and he did it without having to have sex with her. Her body began to shake as her mind began to wander. What was she really doing?

"Oh i see how it is now." Rodney shook his head, brushing past her walking down the driveway. "You got it Makayla. You wont ever hear from me again."

Silent tears began to roll down her cheeks as she began to watch him walk away, her heart feeling as if it were dropping into her chest. "I love you Rodney." She spoke loud enough so he could hear as she continued to sob. He looked over his shoulder, looking as if tears were brimming in his eyes. He covered it up well. He smirked at her one last time. "Oh so what you not gone chase me like you did the last time? Like you just did old boy?"

Makayla silently dropped her head, not knowing what to say. She loved Rodney. With everything inside of her. No matter how much passion she had developed for this other man, her feelings for him were still as strong as ever. It killed her so deep inside to hurt him. Her tears were for Rodney. She promised herself she would never do this to him. And she did it.
"I love you. I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me."

Rodney took one last glance at her, paused, then continued to walk away.

 

Chapter 14

 

CHAPTER 14

"Makayla, you have a visitor downstairs."

The speaker phone echoed on her desk as Makayla sat zoned into her computer, typing away like a mad woman as if she had an obsession for computer screens and keypads. "Makaylaaa." The phone buzzed in her ear again. She waved her hand at it as if she were shooing away a fly. Reaching over she clicked Line 1. "Lauren, you know im leaving for lunch in 10 right?"

"Yes." she answered quickly. That young white girl acts like she dont remember nothing. Makayla had to remind her everyday that she does not accept visits around a certain time. "This young lady said she wont take up too much of your time she only needs 2 minutes."

Her eyebrows raised. Young lady? Her mind immediatly reverted to Carol, hoping and praying this crazy nut wasnt showing up to her job cutting a fool again. "Who is it?" she asked more aggresively then she intended to. "Bailey" she answered.

Bailey???? She cocked her head to the side beginning to wonder where and when did she meet a Bailey. Without responding, Makayla pushed her chair back, getting up from her desk and trotting down the isle towards the lobby. Nya peeked her head up over her desk. "You okay???" She asked.

Makayla put her hand up assuring her that she had this. "I'll be back."

After walking that long stretch across the floor, Makayla pushed open the doors to the lobby. She was greeted by Lauren sitting behind her desk, smiling as if she knew she had forgot about the reminders afraid Makayla was going to chew her head off. In front of her stood a young woman. Her perfume floated everywhere inside the lobby, it damn near suffocated her nostrils as soon as she walked in. The woman stood there with her fighted white skirt, beige loose fitting crop top and gold sandals, her hair flowing in bouncy curls down her shoulders. Her hair appeared to be real. She looked puerto rican or spanish or something. Makayla stepped forward after examing her. She didnt recgonzie this lady one bit, and what was she doing showing up in her office like she was trying to find a man or something.

"Can i help you?" Makayla asked in a straight forward tone.

The woman smiled a light smile, reaching her hand out. "I'm Bailey."

Makayla cocked her head to the side and smiled. "Not trying to be rude, but i dont shake hands with people i just met. sanitary issue. How can i help you Bailey?"

She smiled even wider, obviously amused by the dig. "Its okay." She drew her hand back, "I hope its not weird that I came to your job. I had no other way to get in contact with you and I dont have your number."

Makayla raised an eyebrow, getting more annoyed by this girls unexpected drop in by the minute. "Whats going on? Who are you?"

The girl took a deep breath. "I'm Rodneys ex."

Makaylas heart stopped in her chest. Ex??? What ex?? She only knew about one and that was Carol. "Excuse me?"

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and nodded her head. "I see he hasnt told you about me."

Makayla crossed her arms across her chest, feeling as if she were about to become defensive. "Im afraid not honey. So what gives? Why are you here?"

"Well, your dude came to my house last night. He tells me you kicked him out and he had nowhere to go."

Makayla looked at this girl like she was crazy. She couldnt believe she was up in here telling her personal business like that. "Do you want to take this outside?" Makayla stepped forward, refusing to act a fool inside her place of business. But this bitch could defenitely have it outside in the parking lot.

"We can do that, but im not here to fight with you. I would never bring no drama to a womans work place." Bailey stretched her hand out, allowing Makayla to walk in front of her outside the doors. She brushed past her, pushing open the door feeling her rage starting to burn. Rodney never told her about any other girlfriends. Always said she was the only one he ever given that title to. Carol didnt even carry that title, she was just the baby mother. She began to feel disgusted as she could feel Bailey calmly walking outside behind her.

She stopped in her tracks, whipping her body around to face her. "Okay so whats up? Hes living with you now?"

She nodded her head. "Yes." Makaylas heart weakened again. Everything she had feared was happening right before her eyes.

"So what are you doing her?" Makayla spoke trying to disguse the lump that was forming in her throat.

"Quite frankly Makayla, I didnt know about you and you clearly didnt know about me. But in order for me to start things over with Rodney, I guess I need to speak with you and know the truth."

Makaylas breathing pace began to quicken as her body filled with rage. Start things over?? Who is this bitch?? Everything was hitting her too quickly, she needed to take a deep breath before she had a panic attack. "Hold up, hold up, wait a minute." Makayla put her hand up. "What do you mean start things over with Rodney?"

Bailey sighed, looking away. "Quite frankly, Rodney was the love of my life. Still is. I wasnt ready for him when we were together, and I regretted the very day that I packed my bags and left him. But he showed back up in my life and I feel like I need to make things right." She paused. "But theres this big question mark hanging over my head and thats you... Ive communicated with Rodney so many times these last few years and he never told me he had a girlfriend, he always told me he wasnt seeing anyone and he was waiting for me."

This girls words were hitting her deep. She refused to let it show, hiding it behind the blank expression on her face, but Makayla felt like a dagger was in her back poking out through her chest. "Rodney and I have been together for two years. We lived together. From what he tells me im his first girlfriend and I'm his first love. Ive never heard anything about you. Hes never even mentioned your name."

 Bailey smirked, sending chills through Makaylas body because she couldn't figure out what could possibly be funny.

"Oh he's mentioned me before, i'm sure." Bailey spoke in a confident tone as if she had the upper hand.

"So your calling me a liar?" Makayla challenged her while stepping forward. There was no way she was going to let this woman make her step out of character in front of her work place, but she sure wasn't going to let this chick intimidate her either.

"Look, it's no big deal." Bailey threw her hands up as if she were surrendering. "Like i said , i'm not here to cause no drama. I just needed answers. I think I got them already. Based upon how defensive you are, that goes to show that you still have feelings for Rodney."

"Ofcourse i still have feelings for him! And im blown by the fact that you come here to my job questioning me about my man, but you claim you dont want no trouble. Honey, your asking for it!"

She shook her head. "No, im not like that. I love Rodney, I would never cause problems just for the hell of it. I just needed to know where he and I stand, and I needed to know where he stands with you as well..." Bailey side eyed her, almost as if she were digging for answers.

"You wanna know where he and I stand huh?" Makayla mocked her while trying to keep her temper at a low. "Well how about these apples Miss Pretty? If you were really his girlfriend and if you were really someone that he cared for, why has he not mentioned you? Not once?"

Bailey crossed her arms across her shoulders, her demeanor now becoming offensive as well. "Probably the same reason why he hasn't mentioned you."

Gritting her teeth, Makayla sized her up and down. If only looks could kill, this chick would be dead. "Look, I dont have time for this." Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Makayla began to turn around to walk back to the building. To her suprise, Bailey reached forward, grabbing her by the wrist, pulling her back. "No, dont leave"

Makayla whipped her head back around, this womans touch intensifying her anger even more. "Dont you touch me! Are you crazy???!" She snatched her arm back, shooting Bailey a disgusted look warning her that if she ever touched her again, she would stomp her face in the concrete.

"Look, i'm not trying to be your best friend okay?? Obviously, I'm back in Rodneys life now and i highly doubt that I will be going anywhere anytime soon. I need you to accept that. All i want is for me and you to get along. Atleast for the sake of the kids. I refuse to be the one to come in between your family."
 "My family?" Makayla shot her a confused look. "What are you talking about lady???"

"I'm talking about the kids. I know Rodney loves his boys and I would never want to mess that up."

Makayla shook her head, becoming more and more confused by the minute. "Hold up girl, you got your facts all wrong. Rodney and I dont have any kids. He has 3 boys with a woman named Carol way before he met me."

"Huh??" Bailey looked confused as well. "So you are NOT his baby mother??? Your just an ex??

Makayla propped her hands up on her waist. "You come all the way here and you dont even have all of your facts lined up correctly. No, he and I have not had any children YET. I'm his woman and i will NEVER be an ex. Theres no need for you to talk to Carol because shes NOT going to like you. Shes still in love with him just like I am. Rodney and I had a really bad fight the other day, and thats the only reason why he came crawling to you. Hes hurt."

Bailey shook her head, begging to differ. "Cant say I agree with you Makayla. I was 18 years old when I left Rodney. I may have been young, but I know what real love is. Because i havent had it since then. To be honest, i'm so glad you messed up. Because now i got my second chance. I get to make things right. And i promise i'm not going to let him get away again."

"Whatever." Makayla threw her hands up in the girls face, letting her know she was fustrated and done with this conversation all together. "Do what you want to do. We will see whose going to be the last one standing."

Turning away, Makayla trotted back towards her job trying her hardest not to turn back around or allow this situation to turn confrontational. Silently, she applauded herself for not smacking this girl upside the head for coming to her job. But this surely wasnt over. As she approached the lobby doors, her blood was still boiling so she took a deep  breath in through her nose and out of her mouth before walking back inside. She had to regain her composure because she didnt have time for Nya to be questioning her about what happened. Without a doubt, she was going to deal with Rodney as soon as possible.  He has alot of explaining to do.

 

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 5 oclock couldnt get there fast enough. Makayla rushed out the building, her bag clutched tightly by her side as she rushed out of the building racing towards her Audi which was illegally parked in a handicap spot in the front of the parking lot. "Makayla!" She heard Nya shouting her name from behind. They usually walked together to their cars, but Makayla didnt have time to wait. She had to get in this car so she can get Rodney on this phone. She waived over her shoulder. "Have a good weekend Nya! I will see you Monday. I have to be somewhere!". Clicking the lock, she approached the drivers door, hopped in, cranked up the car and pulled out the parking spot swiftly while racing out of the parking lot. All she could see was red. After Bailey showed up to her place of business, she could barely focus on her work for the entire 3 hours she had remaining of her shift. Pulling out her cellphone, she dialed the number she knew all to well. This bastard. I know he knows. He probably did this intentionally. I cant believe this! The phone rang in her ear several times. She refused to cry. She wast tired of crying over him.

"Hello?" He answered the phone calmly as if he didn't know what was coming next.

"Really Rodney???" She responded, trying to keep her cool and snap. "Bailey??? Whose Bailey??"

"Bailey??" He questioned her, smacking his lips. "Makayla, I dont know what's going on but I didn't have anything to do with that. I swear. I didnt coax her or ask her to do anything."

"So how she know where I work Rodney??? She knew exactly where to find me. And who is she???? Where does she come from???"

The line went silent as he became hesistant to answer.

"Um hellooooo?" She shouted into the phone, becoming angry and flustered all at once. Using one hand, she whipped off her sweater becoming overwhelmed by the heat flash.

"Look Makayla, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out this way. Maybe we can talk about it the next time I see you. But i really dont want to talk about this over the phone."

"Well im coming to your job Rodney, I'm about to pass it right now."

"No." He interecepted quickly, "I'm not there, i left the office for the day."

"We will see about that." Makayla sped up, doing 50 mph as she whipped her car around the corner making the 30 second drive to his job which was right down the street from hers. In seconds, she was pulling up next to his building. Not to her surprise, the first thing she seen was his red explorer parked in his usual spot backed in the parking space facing the building. Liar. She knew he didnt leave. She couldnt figure out why he would tell that lie like she wasnt the type to pop up and check for herself.

"I'm downstairs Rodney. You need to come down now or i'm coming up."

"Makayla, please." He pleaded to her. "Please dont come up here and make a scene. Don't do this at my job. I wouldnt do that to you."

She took a deep breath, knowing she was angry and didnt want to make a scene either. But if he came down here and said something she didnt like, there was no telling what she might do. "Are you going to come down or what? do you want me to come inside? Let me know."

"I'm coming down Makayla. Just dont flip out on me. You know security at my job real tight. They will put you in jail."

In rage, Makayla hung up the phone in his face. She swung the door open, stepped out and walked around her car, sitting on the hood. She folder her arms across her chest and took a deep breath tyring to calm herself before he came down. Never in her life had she been so angry. So hurt. All these years, Rodney made her feel like she was the only one he ever loved. For years, she believed that. And now, here comes this woman threatening everything she built. And she wasnt having it. Not without a fight.
 He came outside 2 minutes later. It was windy out. She folded her arms across her chest, getting the chills as she watched him walk towards her in his navy blue dress paints, buttoned down baby blue dress shirt and his dark blue tie. He looked handsome. She hated him for looking so attractive when she was so angry. She balled up her fist by her side, trying to calm herself down before he approached her. She didnt want to start the conversation out wrong and she wanted him to hear everything she had to say.  He walked up to her, obviously nervous and hesitant to come too close. He stopped about 5 feet away from her. "Whats up Makayla?"
She shook her head, wanting to cry again but she didnt want to let him see her at her worst. She had been cheated on and lied to before. Plenty of times. But it never phased her. Not like this.
"Just tell me one thing Rodney." She looked at the ground, not even wanting to make eye contact. "Is it true?"
   He was still quiet, shuffling his weight from one leg to another almost as if he were nervous. He didnt answer right away, but eventually he spoke. "Yeah its true Makayla. I dated Bailey like 15 years ago. Whats the deal?"
 "Whats the deal???" She repeated the question. "The deal is, you told me you never had a girlfriend other than me. So that was a lie???"
He shook his head. "Nope, it wasnt a lie. Bailey and I we're very young when we dated. We didnt even call each other boyfriend girlfriend."
   She smacked her lips, feeling as if she we're being played. "Well, your girl seems to think differently became she came to my job today convinced you and her are getting back together." She glared at him, attempting to read his expression which felt impossible. "So whats really the deal Rodney??? Spit it out and tell me!" She shouted at him.
  He shook his head, still looking at the ground. Shrugging his shoulders, he loosened the tie around his neck. "Makayla, I don't get you at all. Why are you upset? You and I are not together. And clearly you're already moving on with someone else. So why does Bailey even matter to you?"
 She snapped. "What the hell do you mean why does she matter???!! She matters because you lied! You said you never cared for anyone else but me but from what i'm being told by this other woman, that it not true!"
He stepped forward, the smell of his cologne hitting her nose. She so badly wanted to bury her face in his chest and cry her eyes out. There was nothing she wanted more than the love of her life holding her in his arms. "Makayla, you need to calm down alright? I may not have been honest with you about my past but you havent been so honest about yours either now have you?"
Her bottom lip quivered as she continued to fight the urge to cry. "So what exactly are you saying? I'm not the first woman you ever fell for am I?"
 He sighed, taking a deep breath. "I dont fight fire with fire Makayla. I would never try to hurt you just because you hurt me."
She closed her eyes, feeling numb. "Just answer the question Rodney."
 Makayla took a deep breath as she waited for him to answer. His head dropped and again he looked away avoiding eye contact as if he were guily. "No Makayla. You were not the first women I fell for."
For a moment, she stared at him. It felt like her entire world stopped spinning at that very moment. Makayla couldnt hold it in anymore. His confirmation that Baileys accusation were true immediatly caused her to burst in tears.  She didn't care about being strong anymore. Her heart was broken into pieces and the only person she could blame was herself. She messed it up and now theres no turning back. "So you dont love me no morE?" She cried feeling pathetic. "is she taking your love away from me?" Her shoulders bobbed up and down as she cried hysterically, not caring if anyone seen or heard her.
Surprisingly he stepped forward and wrapped her up in his arms, pulling her close in pressing her body to his chest. She continued to cry as she buried her face in his chest, losing herself in his embrace as she realized they hadn't been this close in so long. She never wanted to let go.
"I never meant to upset you this way Makayla. You were my first serious relationship. That will never change."
she lifted her face up, her cheeks stained from her tears. "But I wasnt the first woman you loved?"
  She began to feel as if he were embracing her out of pity. Pushing back, she turned the opposite way knowing that things would never be the same. "You shouldnt have lied to me Rodney. You could have been honest."
 He crossed his arms across his chest, eyeing her. "Doesnt feel too good to be lied to now does it?"
She wiped the tears from her face, her head screaming from a headadche. He was right. This was karma. After everything she had done to all the men in her past, this was nothing but a taste of her own medicine coming back to bite her in the ass. "Look Makayla, I love you. Always have, always will. But you have to understand, the other day really opened my eyes that maybe this is who you really are. Your not going to change. And to be honest, I could never marry you Makayla. Your not faithful. I cant see anything long term with you."
Makayla was in shock. She stood there staring at him, not knowing how to respond or what to say. She loved him. She messed up bad, and there was nothing she could do to fix her wrong doings. She couldnt make this right no matter how bad she wanted to. She messed up. And falling for Nathan only dug herself inside this hole even deeper. "I love you Rodney," she mouthed the words slowly. Thats all she felt she could say.
"I love you too Makayla." He took a deep breath then looked her deep into her eyes. "I love you enough to let you go." He reached forward and grabbed her hand, holding it tight inside his before letting it go. "Makayla, i need you to respect me and not show up to my job anymore. We both gotta move on, and we cant do that if we are still seeing each other like this."
Silent tears ran down her cheeks. She couldnt believe what she was hearing. It was over. He was breaking up with her. OFFICIALLY. He continued to stare at her, taking note that she was no longer responding. Makayla was at a loss for words. She may have lost him forever.
 "I have to go Makayla." He stared at her deeply one last time, almost as if he were contemplating walking away. "You take care of yourself."
Makayla wanted to speak, say something to make him stay. But she felt paralyzed. In shock, she watched as he glanced at her one final time, then turned and headed back towards the building. She continued to cry silenty, as she watched the love of her life walk away.

Chapter 16

Chapter 16.
"I'm sorry Kathy. I tried." Makayla extended her arms, handing over a stack of pamplets that she had collected over the years.. Makayla was surprised by how many booklets she kept considering she threw most of them away. "This isn't 12 years worth but this is all i could find."
 Kathy was hesitant as she collected the pamplets out of Makaylas hand, tipping her glasses on the edge of her nose so she could scan her up and down. "So is this really it Makayla? You have quit the group so many times, how do I know you are for sure this time?"
 Makayla took a deep  breath. "I'm sure Kathy. And its nothing you have done. You've been great. I just think its time I move on."
"Move on from what? The skeletons in your closet?" Kathy interoggated her. "Your not fixing your issues, your hiding them. That wont make them go away."
Makayla smirked, knowing that Kathy wasn't going to let her leave that easy. Even though Makayla was distant when she was apart of the group sessions, deep down inside, she felt some sort of emotional connection to Kathy. Kathy was the only employee at the therapy center that was there from the beginning 12 years ago. She was committed to her job and helping others and Makayla admired that about her.
 "Kathy, I really did my best. I promise. I been coming here for over a decade, and I've been afraid to let go and start doing things on my own. I think im ready now. I'm ready for you to release me."
   Kathy shook her head, obviously not agreeing, but she knew Makayla was stubborn and once she made up her mind she wasnt going to change it. "Okay child. I'm not going to say goodbye because I know i'm going to see you again." Kathy stretched her arms, reaching up and pulling Makayla in giving her a big warm hug. One of those hugs that you get from your grandmother. Her embrace felt warm and comforting. Makayla hugged her back, knowing secretly she was going to miss Kathy. She had been around this woman all these years and she barely ever opened up or spoke about her personal life to her. At times, Makayla wished she had opened up sooner. Maybe then she wouldn't feel as if there was so much time wasted. Maybe then, she would have actually learned something and made a turn around in her life before it headed down self destruction blvd.
 After saying her goodbyes, Makayla took one last look at the therapy center. She couldnt believe that she was really walking away. After all these years, she clung to the therapy center believing this place was the only thing that gave her addiction some type of validation. But now, she knew that letting go was her best option right now.
"One more thing before i go." Makayla looked to Kathy, afraid to ask the question in fear that she would be judged. "Have you heard from.. from..." She stammered over her words. "Have you heard from Nathan lately?"
Kathy raised an eyebrow, obviously not aware that there had been ongoing conversation between her and Nathan. "He's a good boy Makayla. Dont you get him in no trouble now." Kathy spoke in a firm voice. Makayla shook her head, feeling bad that every man she came across had to be protected from her as if she were contagious. But she knew it came with the territory. "I know Kathy. I'm not going to cross that line. He's just been a really good friend to me and I need to let him know that."
Kathy sighed, shaking her head. "I shouldnt be telling you this."
Makayla inched foward, itching to know any type of information she could get on him. She hadn't seen Nathan since the fiasco happened at the house, and she really wanted to explain her side of the story.
"Nathan wont be coming to this therapy center anymore. He got the job counseling a small group of mentally abused teenagers. He was very excited about getting that job." Makaylas heart weakened. She knew that was everything  Nathan had been wanting and she was happy for him, but like an idiot she never got his number. His address. His facebook account. She had absolutely nothing on him besides this therapy center.
 " Where will he be counseling?" Makayla progued, digging a little deeper.
Kathy shook her head again, obviously hesitant to give her any information. "I can't tell you that. I have to respect my colleague and also his work space."
  Makayla wanted to beg, but she didnt want to look desperate even though she was. This couldnt be the end. She had to see Nathan one last time so he could understand her. "Please Kathy. Nathan has been a big help, and I cant let him go without saying goodbye. Just give me a phone number, Kathy."
  "I dont have his number darling." Kathy placed her hand on Makaylas shoulder wishing she could help. "I'm sorry honey."
Makaylas shoulders dropped in defeat, realizing that he may  really be gone forever and she will never get a chance to explain her side of the story and tell him how she really feels. "Okay." Makayla took a deep breath, wanting to kick herself for letting him walk away the last time she seen him. Now she would never get to make things right.
Kathy was taken aback by Makayla's sudden saddness. Makyala tried her best to hide it, but never seeing him again was depressing. Nathan  came in her life so sudden and now he was gone. kathy took a deep breath, preparing to give in. She didnt trust Makayla around Nathan, but who was she to stand in the way. It wasnt her business or her place. "Wait right here child." Kathy patted Makayla on the shoulder. "I think i might have his home address. Wait right here."...

Chapter 17

Chapter 17.

Makayla pulled up in front of the apartment building, whipping her audi into an open parking space in the front of the complex. She placed her car into park while looking around. It was a nice neighborhood. Clean and well kept. The grass was neatly cut, the ivy green apartment buildings stood 3 stories high making Makayla feel like she was two feet small. She couldnt believe that she was here right now. As soon as she got the address from Kathy, she hopped right into her car and made the 20 minute drive across town to his apartment. She was impressed how he was living. The apartments couldnt have been any cheaper than $900 a month. She wasnt expecting anything this nice and she began wondering whaat he does for a living to affford this.

She took a deep breath, knowing that this was her moment to make it or break it. She had messed up so many times in the past, she was determined to get it right this time. Makayla knew showing up here unannounced was all off a strength of faith. Theres no telling how he may react to seeing her. The last time she laid eyes on Nathan, she watched him walk away and didnt chase after him the way she wanted to. That was a mistake. But she was torn and she still is to this day.

Slightly becoming flustered, she hopped out of the car while pulling her black fitted dress down below her knees. She wore her fall denim jacket and black ankle boots with her hair pinned half up in a ponytail and half down falling in curls over her shoulders. Makayla hoped she looked good. She wanted to look good for him despite everything that happened. Shutting the car door, she took a deep breath, realizing this was reality and she was not dreaming anymore. So many nights she wondered where he lived, what he does for a living and what hes really like in his personal life. She was so busy trying to keep her own life a secret she didnt dare ask Nathan anything about his.

Walking up the steps, she took a deep breath as she approached the downstairs apartment #51. What if this isnt really his address? What if he turns her away? What if he has a woman here? She couldnt take the anxiety anymore. Stepping forward, she knocked while unknowingly holding her breath as she waited for someone to come to the door. 30 seconds passed. There was no answer, which caused her heart to race and make her immediatly regret her decision to make this trip across town. Makayla began to nervously tap her foot, then decided to knock one more time and if he didnt answer on this go round, then she was leaving. She tried and thats all that she could do. Raising her hand, she began to knock again. As if right on que, the door swung open, her balled up fist preparing to knock still raised in mid air. Her eyes widened in shock as she met eyes with Nathan. He stood at the door, wearing sweat jogging pants and a wife beater. His skin was moist and damp. Immediatly the smell of Irish Soap hit her nostrils. For a second she stared at him, at a loss for words.

"Makayla?? My bad i was in the shower." He broke the silence. "I had to hop out and throw some clothes on. What are you doing here?? How do you know where i live??"

"Uhhh..." She stammered, not knowing what to say. Makayla felt like a deer in headlights, she had no idea how she was going to play this off. "I'm sorry to pop up on you like this." That was the first thing she could think of to say as she regained her composure.

He crossed his arms across his chest and leaned his shoulder on the door frame. "Whats going on??" He asked while examining her.

She licked her lips as she looked him up and down admiring him, trying to contain herself as she felt a familiar rush of sensation shoot through her body. She knew this feeling all too well and there was no saving her at this moment. She already took her medication for the day, and more than one dose was strongly discouraged by her doctors due to the miligrams.

"I wanna apologize." Makayla spit it out, knowing her best bet would be getting straight to the point before she got too side tracked. "I messed up bad the last time I seen you. I just want you to know that was never intentional. I wouldnt put you in a situation like that on purpose."

He nodded his head. "I know that. I never thought anything you did was intentional."

She sighed a breath of relief, feeling better knowing that he wasnt taking things personal. "Congratulations on your new job Nathan. I'm proud of you, you really deserve it."

He smirked, nodding his head as if he were excited. "Thank you. This is a great oppurtunity for me. And i have Kathy to thank."

Makayla bit her lip while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I have Kathy to thank to.o"

He laughed, obviously catching on to her subliminal messages. "I knew Kathy would give you something on me. Shes too nice." He laughed again, his deamnor so calm. Makayla shook her head, feeling like a true fuck up. She couldnt get things right even when she tried so hard to do so. It was discouraging and she didnt know what to do.

"I hope you know that I havent stopped thinking about you since the day you left Nathan." She stepped forward, suddenly feeling like she wanted to be close to him but she didnt want to invade his space. He look so good in his natural habitat and he smelled so clean. Never had she gotten the chance to physically embace him the way she wanted to. With all of these feelings and mixed up emotions she has been experiencing, that was only making her urge grow even stronger. "I wanted to chase after you so bad. But the situation, it was bigger than me. I hope you understand that."

"No i get it." He shrugged his shoulders. "I mean its cool Makayla. I already knew what came with you when i met you. I couldnt help that I was still interested. But like i said, I'm not trying to bring you down or contribute. So i dont mind falling back."

"But i dont want you to fall back." She spoke in a serious tone so he could know she was not joking about this.

"So what do you want then?" He progued for answers, obviously not buying it. "You want me?? Or you want your ex?? For real Makayla because i dont get it."

She became nervous. That was a question she had been avoiding. "Why do I got to want something? Why cant I just be a woman whose not perfect thats trying to figure her life out right now??"

He frowned, obviously not satisfied with her answer. "See thats your problem, you dont even know what you want Makayla. You just wanna throw all types of people in the mix and confuse everybody. Thats not my life no more."

She was taken aback, not knowing what to say or how to defend herself. It was all true. She was one confused pup and she had no idea how long it was going to take to get her life togtether. Makayla was 32 years old still struggling with the same issues she had as a teenager and now that reality was hitting her, she couldnt help but feel so small in a big girl world.

"I dont want to confuse you Nathan. I want you to help me figure things out."

He shook his head. "Look Makayla, I cant help you if your not trying to help yourself. If you really are concerned about me the way you make it seem, then you would back off and not involve me in all that drama. I really like you and I dont think your a bad person, but I dont need any negativity around me right now."
 Makayla shook her head. She didnt mean to be selfish. she kbew that walking out of his life saving him the dispare would be the right thing to do, but Makayla couldnt help the way she was feeling. The urge had become toO strong to fight, and she was tired of resisting.
 "Look Nathan," she stepped even closer, invading his space. His body stiffened and his breathing quickened as she inched even closer. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you I have it all figured out. Because I dont. For years, I been looking and searching for a good man to come into my life. And now I got more than just one, I got 2. I just wish you understood how difficult this has been for me. But no matter how hard I try Nathan, I cant stop thinking about you. I cant stop dreaming about you. I can taste your lips in my sleep and we've never kissed. These feelings are real and to be honest, I dont want them to go away." She stood 2 inches away from him, their chests lightly brushing against each other. He looked intimidated, which is something he never displayed before. Makayla knew she was coming on a little strong, but she had to let him know that she was serious and that she didnt intend on giving up without a fight.
 "So I still dont get it." He looked her deep in the eyes, searching for some type of deception still not giving in to her story, "I dont get what you want from me Makayla. I told you I like you, but im not interested in getting played by no woman whose dealing with another man."
 "But i'm not dealing with him!" She defended herself. "I'm just confused. And hes dating an old girlfriend now, so he and I are over!" She shouted more aggressively then she intended. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself before speaking again. "Just give me a chance to show you."
He stared at her, not saying anything as he licked his lips while shaking his head. She stopped speaking, staring at his lips in a deep trance that she couldnt knock herself out of. Makayla had never been so curious about someone in her life and she didnt come all this way to fail. "Nathan," she mouthed his name slowly. "Can I kiss you?". He looked surprised as the words unknowningly slipped from her mouth. "Uhh.." He began to stammer, not knowing what to say next. His timidness turned her on even more, she couldnt fight it a second longer. Without waiting for a response, she reached forward grabbing him by the back of his neck and pulling his face down to hers. He did not resist. Swiftly, she pressed her lips firmly to his, pushing her body against his pressing him up against the door frame. She explored his lips with hers, his kiss sweet and passionate just how she dreamed it would be. She kissed him longer, the back of her mind telling her to stop. But she couldnt. She was inticed. Never had Makayla felt this way before, not even with Rodney.
   Interrupting her, he lightly placed his hands around her waist being careful while pushing her away, "Okay Makayla," He took a deep breath, taken aback the same way she was. "Wow." He smirked. "If i didn't believe you before, that kiss definetly almost just got me."
She continued to stare at him, her breath immediatly taken away the moment their lips met. This was the moment she had been waiting for, and it was everything that she hoped it would be. "Nathan, can I come inside, please?" She crossed her legs, in fear that temptation was about to take over. The urge was becoming too strong to deny. She didnt care about anything He shook his head, knowing what was coming next. "I cant Makayla. As tempted as I am, I cant do it."
  She bit her lip, suddenly becoming desperate. She wanted him, needed him, and the playing hard to get was driving her insance. "So when?" She asked,  in need of a final answer "What do I need to do to you to prove that im serious? Will i ever have you Nathan?"
He sighed, dropping his head while shaking his head secretly wanting to give in. He stepped forward and placed both hands on her shoulders while looking at her deep in her eyes. "Do me a favor." Makayla stared back at him, hoping he seen the same thing in her that she sees in him. "Whenever you have officially let go of your past, come find me. Until then Makayla, I just cant. I need you to understand."
With that being said, he lightly placed a kiss on her forehead, which pretty much sealt the deal. Until she fully let go of her feelings with Rodney, she would never have Nathan the way she wanted him. Her shoulders dropped, suddenly feeling like this was the toughest ultimatum she had ever experienced in her life. But she knew it was the right thing to do. As bad as she wanted Nathan, she didnt want to drag him down either. "Akright." She nodded her head in acceptance. "When i come to you and tell you im ready, that means i'm READY." She gave him a stern look, letting him know she intended on dealing with this situation sooner than later.
He nodded his head. "I will be too."....
Makayla took a deep breath, knowing she had to figure out what the hell she was going to do with her life or risk losing either Rodney or Nathan forever. She got herself into this situation, so it was up to her and only her to get out of it. "Consider it done." She stated while staring him up and down one last time. He look so good she didnt want to leave. Ever. Makayla knew in order to get herself right, she had her own demons she had to deal with. Taking one last glance, she turned her back heading in the direction that she came.  This isnt over. I will be back. For sure...

Chapter 18

Chapter 18.
"She shouldnt trip. Just stay in the car and dont get out."
Rodney reached into the glove compartment and fished out a breathmint, popping it in his mouth to mask the smell of alcohol on his breath. It was 4:30 in the afternoon, he had been out day drinking and hopping from bar to bar with Bailey since 10 oclock that morning. Today was his first time in St Augustine and his first time taking a road trip with Bailey. That girl had alot of spunk and pep in her step, she defenitely kept him on his feet all day. Even though her city was only 45 minutes from where he lived, after all these years Rodney never thought to visit. They had only been back in Jacksonville less than 20 minutes and he already wanted to get away all over again. Being with Bailey reminded him so much about his life when he was younger, and he couldnt help but feel a relief escaping reality with her even if it was just for one day.
"I wont get out. " She placed her hand on her steering wheel, slipping on her sunglasses as if they were a disguise.
He smiled at her, admiring how good she looked in her Michael Kors Sunglasses. He knew bringing her to Carols house wasnt that great of an idea considering his baby mother had a track record of acting up on a few of his lady friends. But Bailey was different. He figured as long as she wasnt Makayla, Carol shouldnt have too much of an issue. They had both decided on this weekend for him to take the boys for a few nights. Ever since he moved out, he and Catol had actually been on good terms lately and he didnt want to mess that up. He reached over, stroking Baileys thigh as he told her he would be right back. She smiled at him, clicking the lock button on her 2011 Mercedes Eclass so he could get out.
Opening the door, Rodney slid out of the passenger seat shutting the door behind him. He took a deep breath, hoping Carol wouldnt be able to notice that he had been drinking. Alcohol wasnt much of his thing, but he didnt want Bailey to think he couldnt hang anymore.

 

He walked up the stairs to her apartment, opening the screen door so he could knock. It had been a while since he got to take the boys for a weekend. In between his living situation and relationship issues, he regretted not having the space to spend time with his kids, but he was determined to get things back to how they used to be. For the last couple of nights, he had been staying with Bailey at her parents vacation house in Fernadina Beach. Bailey lived in St Augustine permanently and only came to Jacksonville to stay ocassionally for work related reasons. She was generous enough to open up her doors and allow him to sleep in the guest bedroom for the past 3 nights. He had nowhere to go. Deep down inside, being in the beach house with Bailey felt like a vacation everyday. The feeling was so refreshing, he couldnt explain it.

Raising his fist, Rodney firmly knocked on the door while looking over his shoulder. Bailey had her Mercedes parked in the middle of the driveway in plain eye sight. He wished he would have told her to pull around the corner and park somewhere so Carol wouldnt trip out if she seen her, but the other side of him said nothing in fear of offending her. He didnt want Bailey to think he was hiding her which was defenitely not the case.

10 seconds later the door swung open. Carol stood at the door, her hair pinned up in a messy bun with a pink robe tied securely around her waist. Her stomach was visually getting bigger and the baby weight was starting to show in her face. Immediatly upon greeting, she didnt look very happy or excited to see him. She sucked her teeth, jumping right into it without hesitating. "Whose the broad?" She asked while folding her arms across her chest glaring.

He dropped his head, hesitating before answering. He was hoping Carol would be unbothered by Bailey but unfortunately he was wrong. Rodney sighed. "Thats a very good friend of mines. Her name is Bailey."

She huffed, obvioulsy not amused by far. "And you thought it was approriate to bring Baileyyyyyy to my house?" She dramatically dragged her name, her eyes cutting him with anger. He immediatly began to regret his decision to pick the kids up in Baileys car. He knew his baby mother all too well and he was crazy to think she wasnt going to flip out.

Carol leaned forward, taking a long sniff. She drew back while pinching her nose. "Have you been drinking Rodney?"

He shook his head, his cover blown. Rodney knew if he smelled like alcohol, it wasnt as strong as Carol made it seem. Obviously she was pregnant and had the sense of a K9. He threw his hands up in surrender attempting to take control of the situation. "Look Carol, you know its not like that with me. I just want to the boys off your hands for a little while. I'll bring them back with new clothes and money. Please just let me get them." He started to plead with her because he knew the chances of her letting him take the kids were starting to decrease by the minute.

She shot him a bewildered look. Stepping forward she pointed a finger at him. "You think I dont know you Rodney?" She poked him in his chest, causing him to step back. "You show up here drunk with some random chick named Baileyyyyyyy and you think you're going to just take my kids for the weekend and be okay with it?? What's wrong with you?? Your story is getting sadder by the minute!"

He was shocked. He really wasnt expecting her to react like this. "My story is getting sadder by the minute???" He repeated her. Completley confused by what that meant.

"You heard me!" She got a little louder. "You break up with this trick Makayla and you act like the world is over. Now you back to your usual self, jumping from woman to woman just to keep yourself busy. You aint even make it 3 years with that heiffer now its some chick named Bailey. You bring these bitches in and out of my kids life and im fucking sick of it! So you listen to me and you listen to me clear, before you bring some BITCH to my house, you WILL respect my house and you WILL discuss with me who you are bringing around my children WELL before it happens! And another thing, you need to get yourself together. You show yourself to be a very insecure man who has to be up under a woman to feel good about himself. I always hated you for that. I hope my boys grow up to be men and love their women. Stick with their childrens mother through thick and thin and have a real family when they grow up. I pray they are nothing like you."

She stared him deep in his soul. Rodney was shocked. His mouth hung open as he tried to find something to say. Before he could find the words, the door slammed swiftly directly into his face inched away from his nose. He stood there staring at the door for a second, confused on how to react to everything Carol just said. He felt like an idiot for not saying anything back. Slowly he began to back away still staring at the door as if she was going to reopen it and shout at him again. He couldnt believe it. He may have messed up with her and he had no idea how he was going to fix it.

 

Chapter 19

chapter 19
"So what are you going to do? Time is cracking down, you need to make up your mind girl." Nya tested her while staring Makayla examining her facial expression as if she were some kind of therapist. Makayla pressed her chest up against the bar while wrapping her lips around the straw sticking out of her martini glass. She was on drink number 4 and had no intentions on slowing down any time soon. When she got the invite from Nya to come sit at the bar and keep her company, Makayla rushed right over because she knew that keeping Nya company at work typically came with free drinks all night. She sighed, taking a deep breath while she swallowed the last swig of her drink. It had been almost 2 weeeks since the last time she seen Nathan. 2 weeks and 5 days since she seen Rodney. Makaykla promised the next time she crossed paths with either one of them she would have everything together, but she didnt. Makayla ran her hands through her hair which spilled over her back. Stress was creating a very huge impact on her life and she felt deep down inside that she was breaking. Emotionally and sexually, she was fustrated. "I dont know what to do Nya." Makayla tipped her head, the room lightly spinning. She was starting to feel her drink and the alcohol was defenitely starting to take affect. "I'm not happy. I want what i want and I want it easy. I never had to work for something so hard on my life." Makaylas shoulders slouched across the bar as she ran her fingertip around the edge of her glass.Nya leaned against the counter, crossing her hands across her chest while shaking her head. "Things that you really want in life are not always going to come easy you know that." Nya eyed her a second time. "I just dont want you stringing nobody along. Neither one of them deserves that."
Makaylas head dropped, knowing what Nya was saying was true. In the past, Makayla did not know how to emotionally connect herself to a man, she could only do so physically. Due to her commitment issUes, break ups never affected her very much and hook ups were never difficult to book. Now here she was. Torn in between two men. She didnt know what to want. What to feel.
"I want to move on with Nathan so bad. Hes such a good guy and I feel like hes going to be a good fit for me. But i dont want to do him the same way I did Rodney. I wanna be completley healed before i start something with Nathan. And i know im not there yet. But the selfish side of me knows im falling apart and the other side doesnt care and wants to take him down with me." She was embarressed, ashamed that every relationship she ended up in always turned out to be a sob story. Makayla was sick and tired of getting everything wrong.
Nya shook her head, not knowing what to say to her bestfriend. Makayla always put herself in these sticky situations and she always found herself in the middle trying to help her come up with a plan. "So whats up with Nathan? Have you guys been talking?"
Makayla shook her head. "No. Im too afraid to come to him again if im not fully prepared."
"Hmph." Nya looked away as if she were thinking. "And Rodney? What about him?"
Makayla rolled her eyes, becoming overwhelmed and fustrated by hearing his name. Lately, Rodney had turned her into a real cyber stalker. She was able to find Baileys facebook account 2 days ago and she was completley heart broken and devasted by what she seen. Everything that girl claimed was true. Rodney indeed was living with her and had been staying there for a while now. She sucked her teeth as she began to think about the pictures . One was of a candelit dinner with two steak entrees and wine glasses sitting at the table. Makayla knew it was Rodney in the picture because of the rolex that he wore. She picked out that Rolex. Makayla slouched even further as she thought about the second picture Bailey posted of her feet kicked up on a bench over looking the beach with a man sitting beside her, his Timbaland boots sticking out the edge of the picture. She knew those boots all too well. They were custom made so they were hard to miss. Makayla waived her hand to the bartender signaling she needed another drink. She decided against telling Nya about Bailey or about the facebook pictures. Secretly, she was embaressed that this woman came into her life so sudden and took Rodney away from her like it was easy. She gritted her teeth, wondering if the love he claimed he had for her was ever real since he lied about everything else.

"I dont care what he does anymore." Makayla lied while turning her head, attempting to mask her guilt. Nya smacked her lips, not buying her story for one second. "Now we all know thats not true Makayla. You still love him."
Makayla rolled her eyes while reaching for the drink that the bartender placed in front of her. Immediatly, she placed the rims to her lip without using a straw the way she usually does. Yes, she was still in love with Rodney, but he was moving on and there was nothing she could do about it. Her insides boiled because she felt deep down inside, he was moving on way too fast. It had only been a few weeks and he was already in a new relationship while she was here struggling to move on and forget this whole ordeal ever happened. She despised him for making things difficult for her and she was angry Nathan came into her life so sudden causing all of this confusion. Sometimes she just wanted to pack her bags and run away from all of her problems. But Makayla knew running away was not the answer. She was going to deal with this situation head on.
Makayla continued to sip her drink slowly, enjoying the smooth taste as the liquid slid down her throat. Tequila tasted so grand whenever she was stressed out. "I dont know." She shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes I just want to forget all about Rodney. Im getting to the point now where i feel like hes holding me back."
Nya titled her head to the side, "We all know you will never forget Rodney. But that doesnt mean you cant move on with your life."
Makayla nodded, knowing she was making excuses for herself. She was only stuck on Rodney because she wasnt allowing herself to let go. Here she had the perfect oppurtunity to build something real with a good man, and again she was pushing him away because she was still holding on to her past. "You might be right bestfriend." Makayla continued to sip her drink, suddenly feeling like she was starting to make sense with her life.
"Okay, so if im right, I want you to go home, delete Rodneys number and remove all contact with him from your life. Hes already moved out. Hes gotten all of this things out of the house. You have no reason to keep contact with him."
Makaylas heart beat quickened as she began to think about what life would be like not having any contact with Rodney at all. He played such a huge part in her life, she didnt know if she was ready or able to cut him out of her life for good. "I dont know." Makayla shrugged her shoulders again.
Nya rolled her eyes, knowing that Makayla was holding herself back, "See, look at yourself. Your holding on." Nye reached forward, grabbing the drink out of Makaylas hands right when she was preparing to swallow the last drop. "Heyyyyyyyy." Makayla defensively reached for her drink, feeling as if she hadnt had enough,
"Nope." Nya took the glass, placing it in the sink so it could be washed, "You got to drive home."
Makayla sighed, collecting her belongings knowing Nya was right. She had been here long enough. It was time to go home and get ready for work tomorrow. Makayla knew if she didnt start heading home now, she wasnt going to have the strength to get out of the bed in the morning. "Okay." Makayla grabbed her purse swinging it over her arm. "Thanks for listening to me blabber all night."
"Ofcourse." Nya grabbed her arm. "Your my bestfriend. You know im going to always have your back.
Makayla smiled, thankful she had a friend like Nya in her life. Even though they were complete opposites, that girl helped her keep her head on straight. She was a very well put together woman. Nya never seemed to have any issues or problems in her life. Her hair was always done, her bills were always paid and she never have any men problems the way Makayla always seemed to have. But Makayla was thankful that she had someone like Nya in her life, and little did she know, she looked up to her. "I will see you at work." She hugged her bestfriend goodbye then began to trot across the bar, knowing all eyes were on her as she reached the exit. One thing she hated about the men here, they always stared at you. Look you up and down like your a piece of raw meat. Never had she seen one man in that bar that she would be interested.

 Swinging open the door, Makayla stepped outside. The light breeze hit her in the face immediatly placing her in a peaceful state of mind. She was in love with this fall weather. It wasnt hot, wasnt cold and the light chill felt amazing each time she stepped outside. She took in a deep breath, feeling as if she wanted to go home to someone there waiting for her. Someone she cared about. She was tired of being alone and tired of being confused about what she wanted in life. Makayla stepped off the curb, walking across the street towards her car. She didnt mean to leave out this late. She sat here at this bar for almost 3 hours spilling her guts to Nya as if she were her personal diary. Makayla had no other friends or family to go to, and she really needed someone to just listen to her.

Approaching her car, she fished inside of her purse to retrieve her cellphone so she could check the time. Pulling out her iphone, she swiped the unlock screen and was immediatly greeted by an unread text message from an unknown number. Curiously, she slowed her pace while tapping her finger on the screen to read the text. The message read: HI MAKAYLA. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I BEEN THINKING OF YOU. I HOPE YOU DONT MAKE ME WAIT A LONG TIME FOR YOU. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. THIS IS NATHAN SAVE MY NUMBER.

Her heart stopped and her eyes widened as she immediatly read the text message a second time. She couldnt believe it. How did he get her number? Her heart began to race as she began to think of what to text back. Nervously biting her lip, Makayla swiped her fingers across the keyboard: WOW IM SO SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM YOU. HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER.

Her anxiety caused her to immediatly shut the screen off as soon as she sent the text. Quickening her pace, she walked to her audi, clicking the lock and sliding in the drivers seat. Closing the door shut, she took a deep breath as she felt the phone vibrate again. It didnt take him very long to respond: LETS JUST SAY WE BOTH HAVE KATHY TO THANK.

Makayla couldnt help but smile, feeling some sort of relief that the man she had been desiring was also showing affection for her in return. There was no denying the feelings were mutual now. Her grin spread ear to ear as she responded: YOU ALWAYS POP UP AT THE RIGHT TIMES. I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU NATHAN. AND IT WONT BE LONG. I PROMISE.......

 

Chapter 20

Chapter 20.
  "How do you think this looks on me?'' Makayla turned to the side, examining herself from head to toe in the full length mirror. She wore a Karen Kane black lace dress with spaghetti straps laced across the shoulders and down the back.  Again, she checked the price tag for the 50th time. $272.00. It was a new release and probably would be alot cheaper around Christmas time. Makayla began to contemplate wether or not she really wanted to spend almost $300 dollars on a black dress. She looked at the sales woman who stood outside the dressing room, tilting her glasses on the edge of her nose to get a better look. The woman tied her bright blonde hair in a ponytail while propping her hands  up on her hips, preparing to give her opinion. Ofcourse she was going to try to sell the dress. That was her job. And ofcourse the girl would suggest every single expensive dress in the store. Makayla shrugged it off, knowing that the time was near and soon she would be coming face to face with Nathan. She wanted to take his breath away the next time she seen him. "I think the dress looks beautiful on you. You have the figure. Go ahead and treat yourself girl!" The woman cheered her on in her country accent.
 Makayla turned around and did another 360.  Back in the days, she would have purchased the dress without thinking twice about it. But now she was in the process of getting her life together, and paying close attention to her spending habits was something she was determined to stay on top of. Making the right decision, she decided against buying the dress and decided she could defenitely find something suitable and sexy to wear in her own closet. She had plenty of designer clothes that she hadnt even worn yet, the last thing she needed was another garmet to keep in the plastic for 6 months. Thanking the sales woman, Makayla scurried  back into the dressing room, being careful removing the dress so she didnt get any deoderant stains on the side. This department store was very picky and would defenitely make you pay for merchandise that was not returned back on the rack the way it was found. Slipping the dress back on the hanger, Makayla exited the dressing room, feeling a sigh of relief that she no longer fell into temptation as much as she used to. Once upon a time, Makayla felt as if she did not know how to tell herself no, and the feeling of self control was a good one. One that she hadnt experienced in a long time, and something as simple as saying no to the dress made her feel like she was taking a step in the right direction in life.
Walking into the main area of the store, she trotted across the room back to the rack where she first picked up the dress. Taking one last look, she admired the texture and decided she would defenitely return as soon as it went on sale. Placing the dress back on the rack, she turneed on her heels preparing to exit the store. Waving goodbye to the store attendants, she approached the exit feeling as if today was going to be a good day. She had been anxious and couldnt wait to see Nathan. They had been texting on and off for about two days now, and she made it up her mind that she was fully prepared to give her all to him. Makayla had been holding back way too long in fear of getting hurt or even worse hurting him, but she was ready to take that chance with him. Stepping out the store into the busy area of the shopping mall, she walked down the isle heading towards the exit for her car. The mall was crowded and full of people, but she still felt as if she were floating on cloud 9 as she floated towards the exit. Nathan was the one doing this to her. He felt like a breath of fresh air, and every second she spent talking to him, the more and more attatched she had became. Makayla had her mind made up. She was ready to let go and move forward with her life. She felt Nathan was the perfect man to start over with.
   Approaching the exit, Makayla was preparing herself to push open the door. As if right on que, she turned her head to the left to make sure she wasnt missing out on any good sales at the fragrance booth which was near the door. Her eyes widened and her heart stopped as her focus immediatly fell upon two figures standing in the middle of the mall near the jewlrey booth next to the fragrances. The man had his hand lightly placed on the center of her back as the woman leaned over the glass case, examining the jewlrey that was displayed behind the counter. Makayla was stuck in time. She felt as if she couldnt move or pick up her feet to walk.
  "Excuse me." A young woman snapped her out of her trance as she walked around Makayla who was blocking the exit.
  "Oh im sorry." Makayla came back to reality while stepping out of the way allowing the young woman to exit. Her eyes were still glued on the couple. Even from a distant, she knew it was Rodney. And from the looks of it, he was with Bailey. Makaylas heart was beating out of her chest. She had only seen the two together on social media, this was her first time seeing them together in person. Her knees weakend as she suddenly began to feel as if she were being tested. Just a few moments ago, Makayla felt she had everything figured out. She couldnt get Nathan off her mind and gradually she was beginning to think about Rodney less and less. His decision to move on left her with no other choice and also forced her to move on with her life as well, but now her fist were clenched tightly by her side as she came to the realization that this was reality and the man she loved had really mocved on. She continued to stare at them, Rodney obviously unaware that she was right across the room watching them. A sense of anger rose inside her body as she began to tap her foot in anxiety. She was all for moving on with a life, but this constant remindee that he already was seeing another woman was too much for her to bare.
  Stomping across the mall, she headed straight towards their direction. Makayla knew deep down inside, confronting them both was a horrible idea, but she couldnt walk away without seeing these two face to face.  She walked right behind them as they continued to talk the salesman, unaware that she was standing directly behind them.
   "I love this one babe," Bailey spoke in a chipper voice as she slipped on a white gold bracelet, extending her arm in front of her so she could get a better view.
  "Well if you like it, its yours." Rodney continued to rub his hand on the nape of her back, watching Bailey like a hulk completley oblivious to his ex girlfiend standing behind him.

Makayla cleared her throat loudly, ready to let her presence be known. She tried not to glare or seem spiteful, but she was highly irate right now and tried her best not to let it show. Rodney turned around first, his eyes widening in shock as soon as he laid eyes on her. He looked like a deer caught in headlights as he realized what was going on. Shortly after, Bailey turned around as well. Her eyes immediatly fell upon the glare of Makaylas gaze, her smile quickly turning into a deep frown. Bailey didnt look very happy to see her and Makayla was not too excited about seeing her either. They all stared at each other for a few moments without saying anything. Makayla decided to break the silence, "Well hello Rodney, Its nice to see you." She spoke in a very sarcastic, cold tone as she stared him up and down becoming disgusted. She felt so much rage towards him. He was moving on as if he were never in love with her at one point and she felt deep in her heart he was doing it for all the wrong reasons. He looked surprised by her sudden interruption. "What you guys shopping for??" Makayla leaned over, peeking over his shoulder. "That's a beautiful bracelet Rodney. But you can do better. The white gold bracelet you bought me for my birthday last year was way bigger. Dont chump change her."
Bailey sighed, obviously uncomfortable by Makaylas presence. "This doesnt have anything to do with me." Bailey attempted to walk away, but Rodney quickly grabbed her by the wrist keeping her in place, which angered Makayla even more.
"Whats up Makayla?" Rodney questioned her, "I know you didnt come over here to start no trouble because you're not that type of person. I know you"
She glared, trying to keep her distance because he didnt know her as well as he thought he did. "Rodney please, stop talking to me like im some type of mad woman. I just had to come over here and see for myself if this little fake relationship you have been carrying on is real or not. If you ask me, you look like your trying to be happy. Doesnt look very natural at all."
Bailey stepped forward as if she were coming to his defense but in reality she seemed to be very intimidated . "And what exactly makes you think this is not real???" Bailey questioned her, while cluthing her bag to her chest. Makayla cut her eyes at Bailey, trying to keep her cool. Taking a deep breath, she held it in through her nose and let it out throught her chest, She promised herself she was not going to let this situation turn physical or allow Bailey to get the best of her. She had never faught a women over a man and today was not going to be the day to start. But for some reason, Makayla wanted nothing more then to reach and snatch this bitch out of her draws for coming along and taking Rodneys love away. She had never felt so much anger and hate towards a woman in her life. "Listen, im not speaking to you. I am speaking with Rodney. You only need to speak when spoken to. Do you understand that???" Makayla challenged her while stepping forward. They were not in front of her job any more and she no longer protrayed the lady like demeanor that she once had carried before,

 Rodney shot her a bewildered look as if he didnt know this moment was going to happen sooner or later. He inched forward. "You really dont have to be so aggressive Makayla Theres no need for all that."

Her heart weakened as she stopped before responding. It hurt bad to see the man that she loved standing here in front of her with another woman. She was trying so hard to pick up the peices of her life and move on but she couldnt get away from her past no matter how hard she tried. "Do you really not care about my feelings Rodney?" She asked, trying not to sound weak but she was desperate for answers. "Less than a month your living with this woman! You know how much ive suffered because of what I did to you. But have you ever stopped to think about how I feel about all the shit that you've done to me in return???" She pointed her finger in his direction. Makayla attempted to keep her voice at a normal tone. It was not working well because on lookers stared at them sensing the tension as they walked past. "I was never perfect but fuck that I was damn good to you! Then you go get some wanna be Jennifer Lopez, you think you upgrading now???" Makayla waved her hand dramatically towards Baileys way inches away from her face. She refused to touch her but that didnt mean she wouldnt throw jabs or get close.

Rodney intervened by stepping forward, creating a space between the two women. "Makayla, you love playing the victim. You a real con artist for real and it takes someone who really knows you to call you out on your shit!"

"Oh really??" She stepped even closer refusing to back down. "You cant call me out on shit! I own up to everything i do!"

"Lies all lies." He shook his head while backing away not wanting to get too close. "You so worried about me and my relationship, what about yours huh?? What was his name again? Nathan??"

Makayla glared, becoming upset that he would even bring up his name. Rodney knew nothing about Nathan. Nothing like what she knew about him and Bailey. And she wasnt in a relationship with Nathan either. She was taking her time and expected for her ex to do so as well but she was wrong.

　"You dont know shit Rodney. I've been waiting on you all this time!" She shouted at him, knowing she was only telling half the truth

Rodney shook his head, obviously not believing her. "So your going to sit here and tell me with a straight face that you dont have feelings for that kid?" Rodney shouted at her while stepping forward glaring at her. As he stepped up, she stepped back. "You met him days after i left you. And lately you been real confused! Dont know if you want to love me or give him a chance. That sounds about right dont it? Arent you caught up in a love triangle Makayla?" He interrogated her while stepping to her even closer causing her to back away even further. Her mouth hung open as she began to question in her head how could he possibly know that? How did Rodney know about her feelings she had for Nathan? She stammered, shocked and caught off gaurd. "What are you talking about Rodney?' She acted as if she didnt know, but she knew exactly what he was talking about,
"Oh now you dont know?" He questioned her. "How convenient! You always want to play the victim! You try to make me out to be the bad guy! But atleast I moved on the right way! I know all about your little boyfriend that you been keeping a secret this entire time. I talked to your bestfriend. A few times actually. She told me everything."
Her jaw dropped even lower as she found herself at a loss for words, out of breath and shocked at the same time. "What?" She stammered, almost losing her balance completley thrown off. "What did you just say?"
He crossed his arms across his chest, satisfied that he finally knocked her off her high horse. "I said i've been talking to Nya. She told me all about your little boyfriend. And about your so called therapist! I dont know why the hell you think you need a therapist Makayla but its going to take a hell of alot more than mental help to get rid of them skeletons you got."
Makayla held her breath, completley taken aback by the fact that Nya had really been talking to Rodney all this time behind her back. The person that she trusted more than anybody sold her out. In all honesty, Makayla wanted nothing more than to break down crying right now. She did her best to hold it all in and pretend she wasnt having a nervous breakdown. She lifted her head, staring off in space for a second attempting to recollect herself. She felt as if this were a dream. An out of body experience. There was no way her karma could be this bad.
"Why would you talk to Nya of all people when you could have talked to me?!" she spat at him, upset and offended because she wanted him to hear everything from her and not from word of mouth.
He shrugged his shoulders while looking away. "You wouldnt have told me the truth. You never would have told me. I probably would have never found out if Nya hadnt reached out to me."
Her bottom lip quivered as she realized that she really didnt have anyone in her life that genuienly had her back. Makayla always counted on Nya and loved her like the sister she never had. But now, she felt so deeply betrayed and confused on what she should do next.
"So like I was saying Makayla," Rodney continued, "You got yourself involved with another man before you could fully let go of what you and I had together. And now you all in your feelings about me moving on, but I had to! You left me with no choice."
Makayla didnt know what to say or how to respond. Suddenly it began to feel as if her lips were stuck together and her heels were glued to the floor. Makayla stared deep into Rodneys eyes without saying anything for a moment. He stared back ar her in silence as well, not breaking contact. Abruptly, a silent Bailey stepped forward interrupting their staring competition, a deep display of aggravation across her face. She didnt say much the entire time, Makayla almost forgot she was standing there. "Really Rodney??" Bailey directly addressed him without even looking Makaylas way or paying her any attention. Rodney snapped out of his trance almost as if he forgot his new girlfriend was standing there as well. "What??" He asked, confused.
"See, this is exactly why I said I was afraid to do this with you!" She pointed her finger towards Makayla. "Your clearly still hung up on your ex. Dont call me when your over her, i dont have time to wait for you again!" Swiftly, Bailey slipped off the white gold bracelet she was still wearing, dropping it into the palm of his hand before turning on her heel and walking away. In an instant, Rodney reverted all his attention back to Bailey, darting after her as soon as she walked away. "But Bailey wait! I am over her I swear!"
Makaylas hands dropped to her side and her heart stopped as she watched Rodney trail behind Bailey. She headed towards the door quickly, snatching her arm away each time he reached for her begging her to stop and talk to him. Did she really hear what she thought she just heard? Makayla kept replaying him saying he was over her in her head over and over again. She felt numb.Thinking it was alot different than hearing him say it out loud. She had lost him for good, and it was all her fault. Her wrong doings could never be undone, and she knew no matter how bad it hurt, Rodney deserved someone better than her. But she didnt understand why did it hurt so bad to see that he was actually getting that. A silent tear ran down her cheek which she caught with her index finger. On a daily basis, Makayla convinced herself that she really was not that bad of a person and that she doesnt deserve all the problems she goes through in life, but suddenly Makayla began to feel that she did deserve it. And she didnt deserve Rodney. Not now, not ever...

 

 

 

 

Chapter 21

 Chapter 21.
Makayla sat straight up in her canopy bed, the covers sitting in her lap as her television ran in the background which had been running all night. It was 4:45 a.m. She couldnt sleep. After crying for 4 hours, Makayla managed to doze off until 12 a.m. Since then, she hadnt been able to go back to sleep or do much of anything at all. She gripped her cellphone in the palm of her hand, running her fingers across the screen contemplating wether or not she should make that phone call now or later. She intended to call earlier, but her body ached and her throat itched , she put it off to the side and decided she would deal with it another day. But now that she was awake and fully attentive, she was ready to make that call and did not want to wait until the next day. 

She knew it was late. No one but early birds and morning shift workers were up at this time of night. It didnt matter. Quickly, she swiped her finger to unlock her phone and went to the recent contacts where she kept her most frequently dialed numbers. She called the number she knew all too well, bouncing her foot under the covers as her anxiety began to kick in while the phone rang. The line picked up after 3 rings.

"Helloooo?" Answered a half awake, half asleep groggy voice

"Nya are you asleep? I know you got to get up for work soon." she asked, her heart racing as soon as she answered the phone

"Not for another hour Makayla. Whats up? Are you okay?" Nya questioned her as if she were concered.

"Yeah I'm okay. I just really, really need to talk to you just for a few minutes."

Makayla heard shuffling in the background as if Nya was sitting up in bed. ''Okay, whats up? And it better be important you waking me up this early" She spoke in a grumpy but playful tone. Makayla decided might as well jump right into it.

"Well I just wanted to call you and tell you myself that your a real backstabbing bitch for spilling all my buisness to Rodney behind my back. You sat in my face all these years. You pretended to be my best friend all this time, faking it like you got all your shit together and you oh so holu. You one fake ass broad." Makayla spoke in a real firm tone so Nya could know this was not a joke. Her knuckles became numb as she felt herself gripping the phone in anger. She was taking this very serious and her calm demeanor over the phone was nothing compared to the fire she was feeling inside her body right now.

 

"Excuse me??" Nya asked, completley caught off gaurd,
Makayla glared, almost wishing she confronted her in person so she could feel how angry she was. "You heard what I said Nya! Your supposed to be my best friend! I trusted you! And you would actually go behind my back and betray me like this!"
"Makayla!" Nya jumped in to defend herself. "I never betrayed you. I did that to help you."
"To help me???!!" Anger shot across her chest as she jumped out of bed and immediatly began to pace the floor, something that she done only when she was in rage. "You think talking shit about me to my ex boyfriend isnt betrayal??? And you did that without me knowing. You never told me not once that you have been talking to Rodney."
Nya sighed on the other end, "I knew if I told you, you would flip out. Just like your doing right now!"
Makayla propped her arms up on her waist trying to keep herself calm. She had enough going on in her life right now and she felt this was going to take to tip her over the edge. Makayla continued to pace, preventing herself from hopping in her car making that 20 minute drive across town to Nyas doorstep. "Like I said, your a real backstabbing bitch. You did a real good job masking your true colors, but you wont fuck me over a second time! I promise!"
"What??" Nya asked clearly not getting it. "So just because I reached out to Rodney just to make sure hes okay, that makes me a back stabber? Did you forget that I've known Rodney for 11 years? Am i supposed to just forget he and I were ever friends????"
Makayla smacked her lips, becoming fed up with this girls excuses. "Oh cut it out Nya! You went to highschool with Rodney. You never knew him, you were never friends with him until I started dating him. The fact that you are making excuses for your actions is really pissing me off! but its Okay. I'm not going to let you or anyone else break me! I refuse!"
Nya smacked her lips on the other end, her defense suddenly weakening. "I would never do you like that Makayla. I dont get how you dont see that ive always had your best interest at heart."
"You dont care about shit but yourself Nya! You think you doing so good, you have nothing better to do than down talk the people who arent doing as well as you. Ive always noticed that about you, but I never wanted to acknowledge it until now. You are not the woman I called my bestfriend all these years. I dont know who you are, and I could care less about getting to know you! This fake ass friendship is OVER!" Makayla shouted, hoping she was cutting her with her words.
"Makayla." Nya begin to protest. "I cant believe your saying this right now. After all we have been through as friends! We've never had a fight, and I am the one whose always been there for you at your worst! And your going to let something like this come in between our friendship!? I cant believe that."
Makayla glared, convinced that she was done with Nya and her sneaky ways. She had enough of the betrayal and the decietfulness, she wasnt going to take it anymore. From anyone! "Like i said, we're DONE! Delete my number." Without waiting for a response, Makayla quickly dropped the call, feeling a breath of relief as she realized that it was time to eliminate all the bad seeds in her life. Even if it was the people that mattered to her the most.

Chapter 22

Makayla took a deep breath as she walked up the concrete steps leading to the L’Ecole french resturaunt that sat 1 story high off the ground. She trotted up the 15 steps, hiking her dress up to ensure that she didnt slip and fall down these flight of stairs. Makayla had never been to a french resturaunt. She did her research before coming here tonight just so she didnt embaress herself by looking like a rookie and not knowing what to order on the menu. Reaching the top of the stairs, she admired the view of the newly renovated resturaunt. Glancing at her reflection in the vanity mirror by the entrance, she began to question wether or not wearing her long maroon strapless dress was a good idea. She didnt want to feel as if she were overdoing it and didnt want to feel too casual at the same time. Judging upon the looks of the resturaunt, everything looked fancy and upscale so she was happy that she made the right decision.

Makayla toyed with her hair, which she decided to wear bone straight for the night. The dark plum lipstick she wore set off the dress and also complimented her diamond necklace and matching earring studs. She sighed, knowing that this was her moment to make an impression that could possibly last a lifetime. A fresh start was exactly what she needed in life, and Makayla was not going to stop until she found happiness.

Taking that step forward, she reached for the door, walking into the resturaunt. Her heart beat out of her chest as she immediatly followed the directions she was given. Walking straight down the hall, she passed the hostess notifying her that her guest had already been seated and was waiting for her. She made a left by the water fountain which made a lovely sound as the water flowed and changed colors before running down a tunnel. This truly was a nice resturaunt. Makayla was impressed and surprised she had never heard of it before.

Hitting the corner, Makayla held her breath because she knew she was close. There was no turning back at this point. She hadnt come all this way and got all dressed up for nothing. There was no point in stalling or beating around the bush. Immediatly approaching the table, her heart beat began to quicken again as she laid eyes upon Nathan sitting at the table dressed in an all black suit. He had cut his hair and was no longer rocking the fro he wore before. He smiled at her, flashing her the most perfect pearly smile she had ever seen. She seen Nathan so many times, but something about seeing him right now completley took her breath away.

Nathan stood up from his chair, immediatly walking to her side untucking her chair from the table. "Wow Makayla." He extended his arm while holding her chair out for her to sit. "You look amazing."

She blushed, feeling shy as he admired her from head to toe. That didnt stop her. She leaned forward, pulling him in for a hug after feeling the rush to get close to him. "Thankyou so much for having me." She spoke in the nape of his neck as he hugged her back. She took a deep breath, admiring how good he smelled.

'"Ofcourse. Thank you for blessing me with your presence beautiful. I been asking you to have dinner with me for the longest. Now here we are."

She blushed again, thinking about how far they had come. In the beginning, when she first laid eyes on him at that therapy center, she never thought she was going to feel the way she felt the way she felt for him now. Makayla always thought it was impossible to love anyone else other than Rodney. And she defenitley wasnt expecting to meet someone so soon after her breakup. But sometimes life planned its own course, and Makayla decided now it was time to go with it.

They both had a seat, placing their order with the waitress as soon as she came to the table. Makayla ordered a Quinoa Salad with Spice-Rubbed Chicken Thighs. Rodney ordered the shrimp sautéed with sun-dried tomatoes, corn and leeks. They both sipped on a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne, the finest the resturaunt had to offer. Makayla smiled, staring at him from across the table as he stared back at her, gazing longingly into her eyes. For some reason whenever she was around Nathan, he made her forget all about her worries and everything she had been going through these last few months. He took her mind off of everything.

She sighed, feeling overwhelmed and knowing this feeling all too well. "Nathan you have no idea how much I really like you. I just have a connection with you and I cant explain it. It all happened so fast."

He nodded his head while massaging his chin. He paused a moment before speaking. "I feel the same way Makayla. I tried to resist for so long. When i first met you, I wasnt trying to push up on you at all. I just thought you were a very beautiful woman who had a very troubled past. But then, it got to the point that I couldnt ignore it anymore." He didnt break eye contact as he spoke to her. Makayla shuttered, getting the chills as he poured out his real feelings to her. "I dont know what it is about you Makayla, but im drawn to you."

She licked her lips while crossing her legs under the table, her panties immediatly becoming wet. At this moment, she was so vulnerable and desperate for his affection. It had been months. Makayla had never in her life gone this long without sex. But her body craved for more than just the feeling. She craved for Nathan. She wanted him and his body. She wanted everything and every inch that came with him. She had never felt that before. An emotional connection before a sexual. Even with Rodney, she eventually had to sleep with him to realize that she was in love with him. It was something about Nathan that was different than anybody she ever met.

 "So what does this mean exactly?" She raised an eyebrow while sitting her chin in the palm of her hand. She didnt want to sound to needy, but she was desperate to know where she stood with Nathan. Makayla felt deep down that she had proven herself enough and she wanted nothing more than for him to accept her into his life.
"What do you mean?" He questioned while leaning forward, fully attentive. One thing she loved about him, he always seemed to be very concerned and interested in whatever she had to say. He was a good listener and she needed that in her life right now.
"Well.." She took a deep breath before speaking, afraid to say whats really on her mind but she knew now could possibly be her only chance. She took another deep breath, feeling as if she was stalling. "I'm ready to take that next step. I've never been inside your home. You never been inside of mine. This is the first time I get to have you outside of your element." She leaned forward making direct eye contact so he could see that she was serious. "Now, if I sat here and told you that I dont want to sleep with you, I would be lying. I've never wanted someone so bad in my life. But I promise with you, its more than just sex. Its way deeper."
Nathan nodded his head while taking a swig of his champagne. Placing the drink back down on the table, he sucked his teeth as he leaned back in his chair, obviously hesitant to respond.  

"No response?" She asked. Makayla didnt want to pressure him. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel as if she was too persistent, but she couldnt help it. When a woman really wants something, she fights for it and thats what Makayla was determined to do. 

He shrugged his shoulders, "I dont know Makayla. I really do want to believe everything you saying. Im confused. I dont know what to think?"

She leaned forward, preparing to press for more. "Why are you confused?" She asked, desperatley wanting to know what was going on side his head. He shrugged again.

"I really dont know Makayla. I just dont know if your ready for me. I've said it so many times. I believe that you and I have something but I dont believe that you are done with your past."

Makayla rolled her eyes and smacked her lips, annoyed that her past was constantly being brought up by almost everyone in her life and she was tired of it dictating her future. Indeed, Makayla made her mistakes in the past and she took full responsibility for all the messy situations she put herself in, but sometimes she just needed a break from all the constant resentment and guilt. At times she wish she could burn her past away like pictures in a scrapbook so they could go away forever.

"Forget that." She quickly changed the subject, refusing to let that be the topic of discussion. Reaching across the table, she lightly touched his hand, hoping that he would not resist or pull back. He didnt. She stopped for a moment to enjoy the warmth of his touch and the chills he sent through her body. He was everything she ever wanted. At this moment she almost felt like he was damn near perfect and only wished she had met him later on in life when she was more established and had herself together. "You just dont get it Nathan." She licked her lips. "Ever since i met you, something changed in me. You listened to me and from the beginning you never ever judged me. You make me feel like im not a sex addict anymore. I dont crave for it the way I used to Nathan. I crave for you. Your my new addiction." She turned his hand over, lacing her fingers with his as she continued to stare at him.

"Mmmm..." He pursed his lips together, at a loss for words. He stared at their hands which was laced together almost as if he were in a daze "Wow Makayla. Please dont take this the wrong way, but I didnt want to give in to you. I fought it very hard for a very long time. I didnt wanna fall for you."

She massaged the palm of his hand, determined to make it into his heart no matter what it took. Nathan was the prize, and she was going to win.

Interrupting their moment, her phone buzzed and lit up beside her which was face up and visible so she could see that someone was calling. Glancing down, she checked the caller id knowing it was probably a bill collector because now that she was on the out's with Nya, there was no need for anyone else to be calling. Leaning over, her eyes widened in shock as Rodneys name popped up clear as day on the caller id. She stopped breathing for a second in shock as she came to the realization that he was actually calling her right now. Lifting her head up, she glanced at Nathan. Her phone was clearly visible and defenitely in eyesight of Nathan. She just hopped that her luck really wasnt that bad and that he didnt see Rodneys name on the caller id. Juding by the look on his face which quickly changed, she was wrong. He was no longer smiling and had drew his hand back as Makayla sat stuck, not knowing what to do as her phone continued to buzz on the table.

"Wow. Speaking of the devil." He spoke sarcastically. "You gonna answer that?"

Biting her lip, Makayla felt a familiar feeling. Her anxiety caused her to jump up, grabbing the phone from the table as she moved around the table. "I'll be right back Nathan."

Scurrying across the resturaunt feeling as if she were seeing things in a blur, she trotted to the ladies room so she could call him back. Her life had suddenly become into a big coincidence. Rodney hadnt spoken to her in 2 weeks since the last time she seen him and the shopping mall, and he damn sure hadnt used her number or called her in months. What are the odds his number decides to pop up the night she was having dinner with Nathan? Her curiosity also wanted to know why he was calling and what the hell could he possibly want?

Pushing open the bathroom door, she was happy it was a single stall bathroom so she could have some privacy. Scurrying in, she shut and locked the door behind her while unlocking her phone. She dialed his number back, tapping her foot as she waited for him to pick up the phone.

 "Hello.." he answered calmly.

"Ummmm... Hellooooo?" she responded in a dramatically aggravated tone. She was out of breath and flustered at the same time.

"What's up Makayla? Were you busy?" he asked.

She nervously tapped her foot on the bathroom tile, stammering before answering. "I'm at dinner. What's up? What is it Rodney???

The line went silent for a few moments before Rodney answered. He cleared his throat then responded. "I was wondering if we could talk about what happened the other day. I really felt bad about the way we left things off."

Her heart raced profusely as she stood in front of the mirror, attempting to find the right words. Just hearing his voice still made her weak inside. "Ok and???'" she asked smartly, having no idea what was appropriate to say.

Rodney sighed on the other line. "I broke up with Bailey...." he suddenly confessed.

Unknowingly, Makayla gasped then quickly covered her mouth with her hand hoping he hadn't heard. His confession was the last that she had expected. Rodney continued. "She was right... I'm not over you Makayla.. and Bailey is a good girl... she doesn't deserve to be strung along like that..."

Makayla was shaking now... Truth be told, the day she saw Rodney and Bailey together inside the mall changed something inside her. She cried hysterically non stop for the following week, only taking a break to take her medication and sleep for an hour or two.  The feeling of loss and dissappointment was more than she could bare. Now, listening to him tell her it was over had her toes numb. 

Rodney continued. "It doesn't matter what I do Makayla... It doesn't matter who I date or how much you have betrayed me... I can't stop loving you... I can't shake you... Trust me, I tried..."

Knock knock knock

Makayla jumped as she heard a knock sound off on the other side of the door.

"Makayla???" she could hear Nathan's voice calling out to her in a concerned tone. "Makayla are you are right???"

Quickly, she covered up the mouth peice, in hopes that Rodney would not hear his voice on the other side.

"Im fine!" she blurted out anxiously. "I'll be out in a second." 

In a rush, she placed the phone back to her ear. "Look, I really can't talk right now..." she attempted to rush him off the phone.

"I see..." Rodney answered dissapointedly. "Your on a date huh?" he asked with a hint of jealousy in his tone. Makayla rolled her eyes and sarcastically slapped herself on the forehead, Apparently, she hadn't done a good job at hiding Nathan's voice on the other line.

Makayla bit her lip, apart of her wanting to throw our the first lie she could think of. But then again,  another part of her was sick and tired of lying. She was tired of hiding her truth, decieving others just to make the next person happy. She closed her eyes, pressed her back against the wall then silently answered. "Yes..." she gave a bland response.

She could hear Rodney sigh on the other line. "Well... I guess that is to be expected..." he surprisingly admitted out loud. Atleast he knew better.

She nodded her head in agreeance as if he could see her. Rodney still had some sense despite everything that he put her through. Despite her past and all the dark skeletons that were buried inside her closet, Makayla knew deep down she was still a good woman. She was still capable of love...

"Well when you are done with him, can you stop by my hotel???

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 11.10.2016

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