24 pills and 25 problems
It's crazy to say, but sometimes are you happy or just content? I find it hard to decipher between the two. Are you happy with your job, or are you content knowing you have some way of paying bills? Are you happy with your vehicle, or is it just a way to keep you from walking? Are you happy in marriage, or is it just become comfortable? Are you happy with God, or is he your excuse to be content? I look around this crazy world and sometimes feel like I'm in this Matrix. No one is who they say they are. Are your enemies really the ones to be trusted? Friends serve up friends like it is a means of survival. Co-workers feed each other to the wolves on a daily basis, just to make it to that next level of the feeding frenzy. Trusted friends stir the pain of the fallen . Preachers feed their flocks their own twisted truths. In this perverse world of self-delusion, I find myself reawakening on a daily basis. Realizing where the flaws are, and seeing the glitches in this Matrix, I become more confused and eager to find the truth. I was born in a world where brotherly love is as real as the Matrix itself. And if I keep telling myself, it can't get any worse....I wake up to see that even hope has become as corrupt as the minds of man. Where does it end? How do you wake up everyday in this warpzone, and go to bed happy? Is there happiness or is there just content? If I keep telling myself that I'm happy, maybe...just maybe, this pill will serve it's purpose. If I take this pill, will I regret knowing what I was never meant to know? Will this reawakening reveal something more terrible than the dreams themselves? Maybe ignorance is bliss. I battle with this question daily. Maybe tomorrow will be the day to take this pill. I'll just put it on the dresser....
23 Pills and 24 problems
At what point is it okay to feel human? When is it okay to like you’ve lost? People say “keep your head up”, but you really want to just leave it down…at least for a couple of minutes. Some people want to feel vulnerable and weak. Isn’t that okay? Aren’t they entitled to be human, just once? We have built this wall of protection and defense around our hearts and mind for so long, that it no longer feels right without it. I would love to be able to stop being Superman! Just once, be able to feel vulnerable and exposed. To see if the world is as mean and cruel as we all think it is. To hang this cape up, if just for a moment and be able to lose…just once, of course, not making a habit of it. Why is it that the whole world can mess up, but I can never make a mistake? The pressure is relentless, but I can’t rest…or quit. It’s not in my nature. Maybe today is a good day to take that pill. I don’t know…maybe I’ll just leave it on the dresser.
22 Pills and 23 Problems
Who says I can’t do it? I’ve done it a million times. I practically invented it. I am the spokesperson. What? You think I don’t have it in me? You think that because you’re over there and I’m over here that I can’t touch you? I can’t hurt you? Please. Who do you think you are? That’s right, you are nothing without me. You wouldn’t be here without me. I created you. I combed your hair. I shaved your face. I’ve brushed your teeth. Yet you think I’m not strong enough to do this? Come on, man. I showed you what it was like to feel. I gave you life. I even gave you a voice. I think I’m the only one who listens to you. No! I won’t let you walk away. It’s my mistake to make. I don’t care who it hurts! Yeah, you’re right. I really should stop talking to the mirror. What do I do with this pill? You’re right…I’ll just leave it on the dresser.
21 Pills and 22 problems
I have to stop waking up like this. Every single night it’s the same dream. It even feels like the same day! I wake up, look at my wife, and wonder how it is that she sleeps so soundly? How did I get here?
In my dreams, I am invincible. I’m the savior of the world. I’m faster, smarter, and stronger than anyone…especially my normal self….then I wake up. I put my pants on one leg at a time. I pull the shirt that I wore last night out of the pile of clothes on the floor and I slowly walk to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and see the person I want to be then smile and brush my teeth. Where is that pill? I left it right here! Did she take it from me? Maybe it’s on the dresser.
20 Pills and 21 problems
What is taking this guy so long? It’s been over an hour already! Who doesn’t have a heated car in this part of the country? Christ, it’s freezing!! I can see my breath. Is that him? Nah…it’s that crazy lady from the pier. What is she doing way out here, in this weather? Hopefully nothing happens to her…well, at least while I’m not around. I don’t need that guilt!
What to do…what to do? Oh…I know! I’ll breathe on the window and write crap that no one will ever see. I-heart- J-A-…oh crap, it’s him! Oh…oops…false alarm. What is this little velvet bag? Who carries a velvet bag in their car? I wonder what’s in it. Well, well, well…looky what I found!! A little pill! I wonder how long he’s been holding out? He won’t mind. One for now and one for the dresser.
19 Pills and 20 problems
Guy 1: Man! This party is ROCKIN’!!
Guy 2: WHAT?!?!
Guy 1: I said this party is ROCKING!!!
Guy 2: WHAT?!?! HOLD ON…I CAN’T HEAR YOU!! LET ME TURN THE MUSIC DOWN! Ok…what were you saying?
Guy 1: This party SUCKS!!
Guy 2: What? Sucks?! Go fuck yourself man!!
Guy 1: You know what? I’m outta here! *slipping on beer* OH!! MY BACK!! QUICK…GIVE ME THAT PILL!!!
Guy 2: Sorry, bro….you left it on your dresser.
18 Pills and 19 problems
WTF man?!?! Where did my car go? I parked it right here! Don’t tell me that stupid asshole stole my car. If he messes it up, I’m gonna be PISSED! Oh, shit! My stash was in there! I knew I couldn’t leave him in that car with my velvet bag! I’m gonna kill that little bastard.
Christ…it’s fucking freezing!! I’ll call him and see if I can get a hold of him.
*phone ringing repeatedly*
Guy 1: Hello?
Guy 2: Dude, where the fuck are you?!
Guy 1: Up the block.
Guy 2: why did you leave?
Guy 1: I don’t know. I just felt like it.
Guy 2: Just felt like it? Oh…wait…there you are. Open the door, stupid!
Guy 1: I can’t!
Guy 2: why not?
Guy 1: The car is fucking spinning man…it’s fucking spinning!!
Guy 2: Dude? Do you hear the knocking on the window?
Guy 1: Yeah…how did you know? Are you fucking psychic?
Guy 2: Because it’s me knocking, STUPID! Open the damn door!
Guy 1: I can’t feel my face, bro…hahaha. Shhhh…did you hear that?
Guy 2: How many pills did you take?
17 Pills and 18 problems (by Aubrey Thompson)
7:30—I’m sitting at my desk about to log on the computer when I hear someone say, “Hey the bathroom needs paper towels.” I think to myself, wow…that’s great. We cut down the very thing that produces the oxygen we breathe so that some jackass, who probably didn’t even apply soap, can use way too many shredded up oxygen producing trees to not dry his hands. Shaking my head in shame…so, this is my responsibility?
7:32—I finally begin to check my email, when someone else walks in and says, “Hey, if we are out of paper towels, do I come to you?” First off, don’t fucking talk to me, make ridiculous gestures at me, or even walk past me to make the wind rustle the papers on my desk until I have checked my email. That’s how I roll. So, I reply, “Hey, thanks for letting me know. I’ll get someone right on that.” With the word ‘Jackass’ on the forefront of my mind.
7:38—The boss walks in and says, “Hey, it’s our week to handle the bathrooms, can you check the paper towels?” I like the way he said “our” like he was planning to lift a fucking pinky to do anything but move his toothpick dick to piss. At this moment, I’m distraught. Lost in an epiphany, it’s like a cut scene out of a bad humor movie. The sound of the paper shredder in the background, the sound of a new email ding, and someone stapling what I believe to be very important papers…noise. I can’t take this!!! It’s 7:40am, and I’m already fucked!! Where is that pill?!?! Shit, I left it on the dresser.
16 Pills and 17 problems
So, I’m sitting in a packed doctors office, trying to get some blood work done, when this married couple with 2 kids no older than 4 come in and have a seat. I like kids. I enjoy watching them and I don’t mind being around them…but the parents?
These parents need to DIE!! When it’s a packed doctor’s office, there are rules about dragging your kid, who can’t even walk yet, around the office while you are making baby noises thinking that people look at you like you’re the greatest parents in the world. Don’t give yourself that much credit!! Don’t read to your kids like you are reading to a group of kids at the innercity library hoping for elaborate kudos. Don’t want to hear your stupid voice for every god damn character in that fucking book.
And you…dad, don’t complain about the pictures on the wall. Everyone knows that military propaganda is at an all time high in a military facility. Leave your civilian opinion to yourself, because I know the pictures are there…I’m looking at the same ones you are! Every person who joined the military know it’s there. You roll over here for free and dare to complain about the very people who give you the free health care you complain about! Where is that GOD DAMN PILL?! FUCK!! I LEFT IT ON THE DRESSER!!!
15 Pills and 16 problems
She did say Starbucks, right? Well, where is she? Maybe I’m at the wrong Starbucks, there has to be a ton of them in this city. Is that her? Is that a white chocolate mocha? I don’t even know what a mocha is. I have to be crazy to think that this is going to happen. I’m halfway done with my third Frappachino and there’s not one sign of her.
I knew it! How could I be so fucking foolish? How could I let myself be fooled by the hope of some pretty stranger? What do I do now? I don’t know.
Girl: *tapping me on the shoulder* Excuse me? You dropped this pill.
I didn’t think she would show…and here she is!!! Who needs a pill?
14 Pills and 15 problems
Man, this is the life! I’m sitting on the most beautiful white sand beaches with my pant legs rolled up, wearing a horrific flowered shirt. But, it’s okay. I’m the only one here. Not a care in the world, I’m sitting here listening to the waves softly crashing on the beach and the occasional yell from a seagull.
Whoa…where did this corona come from? It just appeared in my hand? This has to be the best tasting corona I’ve ever had! Mmmm…it actually taste…like Opus One?
Who’s footprints are in the sand? I thought I was the only one here? Could someone be here too? I see what looks like a fire up ahead in the distance. Let me walk up and check this out. Is that a tree trunk with a blanket laying over it? I’ll go and warm myself by the fire. I don’t see the foot prints anymore, but the footprints stop here? What’s this? A pill bottle? It has my name on it! Who the hell put it here? Hmmm…it says to just take one. I’m sure I won’t mind…it does have my name on the bottle. I’ll just take one home and put it on the dresser.
13 Pills and 14 problems
The worst thing in the world seems to be people. They lie, cheat, steal, and kill for what…survival? No. They do these things out of self gratification. The idea that because they can…they will. To hold that power is a huge responsibility. The line between you and those who lie, cheat, steal, and kill is almost nonexsistant. They say it’s a thin line between love and hate, but it’s even a thinner line between sane and insane. What is the boundry between you killing someone and not? What is the difference between the clinically insane and normal? I’ll tell you. They have the balls to do what you only dream about. They don’t just bitch and complain…they are proactive! They are what nature intended. They are what you wish you could be…no remorse, hateful, and carefree.
With that in mind, I was standing in line today at the store when it dawned on me…I am about a hair away from killing 2 annoying mothers and 4 snotty nosed children. I’m standing in this line with a Hinder cd, and this lady and her friend are trying to give their children (all under the age of 10) a lesson in financial management. I don’t mind it normally, but for some reason today just wasn’t the day. There were only 3 registers open and there were about 20 people in line…on a Saturday afternoon. This stupid lady decided to give her kids $100 a piece and had each of them buy clothes or whatever…as long as they didn’t go over their allotted amount. These girls buy like 30 articles of clothing a piece and are checked out individually…by the same cashier! How the cashier was able to hold her tongue and sanity was beyond me, but she showed me something. Everyday these ladies go though the same crap from the same people. Lord forbid they actually mess something up. How these patient ladies don’t go “postal” is a mystery that I would love to figure out, because while standing in the front of the store waiting for these people, I say to myself, “self, you can do it. You can easily take out the pregnant one, because if you make an example out of her and your lack of regard for life, the others might back away.” I guess I just need a pill…maybe 5. Too bad they are on the dresser.
NO MORE PILLS!!!
They said it would pass. They said all I would have to do is pray and it’ll go away. They said that God would ease my burden. Well, I prayed. I felt nothing. I cried and they laughed at me. I ran and they found me. There is no getting away. I turn around and they point, I walk away and they seek me out. Well, I’m all out of fucking pills. I took all 12 and I’m getting very tired. My eyes are heavy. This chair won’t hold me much longer…hopefully the rope does. I’ll show them….
Impressum
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 31.08.2011
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