The Begining

 

What may Die,

just needs Reborn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By: Emma Yockey

 

 

 

Marisa

August 22, 2006

 

Today was a day I really regret happening. If only it never happened. Now I’m in a stupid mental hospital. I don’t really need to be here, but this stupid psychologist says he wants to study me for 2 weeks. So this is why………

Yesterday was our family reunion and we were at my grandparents house. I would play the piano song I’d been working on. It wasn’t finished, I needed three more notes, but I was determined to finish it. Before I went out to play I went to the bathroom with my cousin Rebech, to make sure I looked nice, that’s when I saw it. My cousin, George, had hung himself. I never played and I never will again.

At least Rebech is here too.

There is nothing to do here. The only outside connection I have is when my mom come and visits. The only person at school who knows is my best friend, Leah. She’s not suppose to tell anyone where I am unless they have a good reason. Everyone at school probably thinks I’m sick or something. I wonder if Nick is wondering where I am? Nick is the guy I’ve been crushing on for who knows how long. He’s really cute and really nice. He flirts with every girl he sees. He’s really bad at that!

Oh SHIT, my uncles here this is gonna’ be good.

 

 

 

 

 

Rebech

August 22, 2006

Great my dad was just here and now he’s headed to see Marisa. Her mom is not going to like this. I told the nurse on duty to keep an eye on them. If one question is asked wrong every thing is going to go bad, then Marisa is going to end up in lock down again and that would be horrible. All she does is sit in there for hours with nothing but a pencil and paper.

There’s the screaming. There’s a fist. Oh, that’s got to hurt. And there’s the tranck.

 

Well the nurses just took Marisa into lock down. Now I have no one to talk to. Uh Oh, here comes Marisa’s mom, Not Good. There goes the fight.

Look’s like I get to break it up this time….

 

 

Marisa

August 22, 2006

I hate my stupid uncle he just keeps asking me these stupid questions that I don’t know the answer to. Now I’m in lock down again. My mom was suppose to becoming by. I here screaming sounds like she’s here.

 

Leah

August 22, 2006

Thankfully no one has asked me where Marisa is. I hate not telling people at least it’s only for a few more days, I think. I’ve been taking her work to her. She always seems really down and doesn’t talk much. I feel bad for her. No one but me seems to miss her. It has only been a day but still.

 

 

Nick

August 22, 2006

I hope Marisa is back tomorrow. I don’t think I can wait much longer to ask her out. I’ve always wanted to ask her out I just never had the courage. She just has this quality about her that just makes her irresistible, and gorgous. She has been, SO, awesome as a friend.

 

 

September 10, 2006

She still isn’t back, I hope she’s okay. I’m going to go ask Leah where she is.

 

 

Leah

September 10, 2006

OMG!!!! Nick asked me where Marisa was. I of course had to ask why, and guess what? He wants to Ask Her Out! That’s like really big! I had to tell him to call her mom cause’ I don’t know if that’s big enough for someone to know, but still

 

 

Nick

September 10, 2006

OMG! Marisa is in a psychiatric hospital! I talked to Leah, who sent me to Marisa’s mom, who said I could go with her tomorrow to see her. She said to Wright a note cause’ she didn’t know if Marisa’s uncle would be there asking questions again, I don’t really understand that yet. I wrote her a note and this is what it said:

 

I really hate that I’ve waited so long to do this but I was to scared to ask. It took all of me to come up with the courage to do this, so here it is,

WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME, OR BE MY GIRL FRIEND, OR SOMETHING?

 

Love, NICK

 

 

 

September 11, 2006

We got there just in time to see Marisa being drug off to the lock down room as her mom called it. Her mom was right, Marisa’s uncle was there, and it didn’t look good. The conversation turned into screaming between her mom and her uncle within seconds. A nurse came over and took the school work Marisa’s mom brought, and told me that it probably wasn’t a good idea to give her the note I wrote. Her cousin Rebech came over and snatched the note out of my hand, before I could think, she mumbled something to the nurse and she took the not e back the way they hald Marisa. Her cousin said “Your Welcome!” in a sneere and went back to the card table she came from.

About 10 minutes later Marisa came running from the hall into my arms, it was the best feeling ever. She whispered in my ear “YES” and we stood there for what seemed like forever.

What seemed like forever was only 2 minuets, and then a nurse directed us to the card table Rebech had sat down at, and brought over Marisa’s school work.

Around 2 hours later, after I helped Marisa with her work, Marisa’s mom came back to take me home. As I left a nurse stopped me and asked if I would keep coming back because they had never seen Marisa so calm. I agreed to come back as much as they needed me, as long as the girl I loved was calm, safe, and happy.

 

 

Marisa

September 11, 2006

Nick finally asked me out!!!!!!!! I asked the nurse if I could call Leah but hey said they would be breaking protocol. I’m sure Nick will tell Leah. He knows she is my best friend. I’m just glad that they let me out of lock down to see him, (well I let myself out ).

 

 

Nick

October 24, 2006

There letting Marisa out today! One week early! The nurses said she was showing much improvement, thanks to yours truly! She will have to go to school about an hour late, but that’ll be fine. I switched my classes so all of them are with her, sense I’m the only one who can calm her. All her teachers know her story so we should be fine but the other kids might still stare at her. If that happens, the psychologist said to pass her a playing card, until she seems calm, that way she has something to look at, instead of the kids staring at her. I think she’ll be fine, but I just don’t want her to freak out. That’s what scares me the most.

 

 

Leah

October 24, 2006

Well Marisa is coming back today, just a little late but at least she’s, technically, early. It will be great to see her again. Me and Nick are going to have to keep people away from her at lunch or make sure they don’t say the wrong thing around her.

 

 

Marisa

October 24, 2006

I get to go back to school today . I really don’t want to go back. Everyone is going to be staring at me. They probably all think that I was sick and no one will bother me, but if that’s the case then I’ll feel really bad about people seeing if I feel better. Because you know what I don’t feel better. I just want to stay under the radar. If I could have just stayed at that mental hospital this wouldn’t have happened. I need more time. I can’t go back. Even knowing that Nick will be there with me. If someone says the wrong thing I’m going to go off on them and not on purpose. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I just know it’s going to happen. I wish I wasn’t so on edge. But I can’t help it. It’s not my fault. I hate my life and I can’t fix it.

 

 

Leah

October 24, 2006

Marisa is coming back today. When I saw her yesterday she was really on edge, and I just know something is going to go wrong. I only have 2 classes with her, but Nick has all of his classes with her. So she can’t kill anyone with him in the room He’ll just pull her out of the room, but everything is different, ‘cause if she goes off everyone will know she wasn’t sick. Our school is NOT the kind of school that WON’T make a big deal of it. The only trick I know to calm her down is a deck of cards. See if you show her a card she becomes intrigued, and she shuts out the rest of the world. The psychologist said that the shapes play with her mind, and stop her in her tracks. That’s why she can’t take geometry for a year, because of all the shapes. School starts in 30 minutes for me, but it starts in an hour and a half for Nick and Marisa. Marisa’s psychologist just wants to make sure she’s up for it, but I’m not sure if she ever will be!

 

 

Nick

October 24, 2006

Today went ok. Marisa about went off on a teacher for asking her a question about the history quiz we took yesterday that she hadn’t taken, it was a sub no less which made it a lot worse. She didn’t know the situation and thought she took the quiz. So Marisa got sent to the principals office, but instead of going she ran out of the room. When the principal saw her run he came right to the teacher and pulled her aside. I heard him yell at her for not reading the notes that the teacher and the principal left for her. He fired her and gave the rest of us a free hour. I spent the time looking for Marisa, I found her in the girls room, well Leah found her. The principal gave me permission to take her out of class. Her teacher was really mad, but understood the situation. This has been really hard on Leah, Marisa, and me.

At lunch today Nina, one of Marisa’s EX-friends, started asking Marisa all these questions about where she was, and Marisa just started to ball her fists and stiffened. The more questions she asked the tenser she got. I had to pull out the card deck and Marisa just ran. I stopped her before she got to the bathroom door. She just shrunk into me. I could here Leah talking as calm and quietly as she could, I swear everyone in that lunch room could hear her though. Leah and me took Marisa to the door to get some fresh air, and then Leah went up to the office to call Marisa’s psychologist, and then called her grandma. Her grandma came and got her while I got her work from the rest of her teachers so she didn’t miss anything. I think her psychologist made a mistake letting her come back to school. She really wasn’t ready. When I went back down to the lunch room everyone was staring at me, but I didn’t care. If they wanted to be mean and stare, let them. Some of my friends came over to see what was going on, I just sat there doing nothing. I really wish that no one would bother me but I just lost it and this is what I said, “you people don’t know the half of what is going on. Marisa had to watch her cousin hang himself, and none of you will ever no what that is like. She has been in a psychiatric hospital the last two months. And none of you will EVER no what that is like!” and I walked away.

 

Marisa

October 24, 2006

I hate all the stupid people. They act like they know everything! No one can understand when to leave others alone. Nina came and talked to me today, blahhh. I just wanted to strangle her. She is so annoying, and competitive. Although if it weren’t for her dissing me I would never be friends with Leah. Nina and Amanda, Nina’s little side kick, both wear the ugliest glasses, and they both stink at art, even though they think they‘re all that. Nina kept asking me where I’d been like she cared. Then Nick tried pulling the playing card trick on me, but I’ve caught on to that. I wish that there was a piano at the school that I had total access to, like at the hospital. I was working on a piece there. It was going really well, I didn’t have to think about anything but the music. At home it’s like I can’t deal with it, my head went somewhere else when I was there at that piano. My house isn’t quiet enough for any of my work. I’ve been going to my church to do homework, and Nick meets me there, but that piano has too many memories for me. Happy times, and now there is no joy in the piano. It’s like someone sucked the life of it. I can’t even touch it.

 

Nick

October 25, 2006

Another day another dollar. Or in this case another drama. Marisa went off on another sub today but this time the sub hit back, Hard. She didn’t care about what had happened to Marisa. She actually punched Marisa and got fired on the spot.

The sub told the hole class what had happened to Marisa to her face. She said that Marisa should grow up and deal with the circle of life, and she wasn’t going to treat Marisa different just for a little death. The principal walked in on the sub slapping Marisa across the face and then she punched Marisa in the gut for standing up to face her. I had to hold Marisa back from going after her. Well at least we got out of history again. Marisa is definitely coming in handy for my least favorite subject, but she can’t know that I like the fact that she gets me out of class, she would Kill me!!!

 

 

Leah

October 25, 2006

Marisa picked another fight with Nina, AND Amanda. At least she stayed through a hole day without totally breaking down in front of everyone, if you don’t count history. I heard the sub got fired for back talking to Marisa and hitting her in front of the principal. That is definitely something I would pay to see, if it were Nina or Amanda that was getting hit and not Marisa.

Marisa totally got her revenge on Nina for yesterday. The guidance counselor had to come and break up the fight. Nina is definitely going to have a black eye tomorrow.

I think Marisa and Nick were going to the church tonight to study. Maybe Nick will get her to play the piano again. I haven’t heard her play sense……….. Her psychologist said she was playing at the psychiatric hospital, but he said no one was ever there to listen, not even Nick.

 

 

Marisa

October 25, 2006

Nick tried to get me to play the piano today, which was really annoying. He wouldn’t stop asking me to play. He said that he knew I was playing at the hospital. And I told him it was none of his business. But he did play and I sang “Someone like you” for the first time in a while. He said I did fine but I know that I could have used some work. I wish that I could sing without being taken back to places I don’t want to go, which is exactly what happened. I ended up hurrying out the door because I couldn’t handle it.

 

 

Nick

October 30, 2006

Well Marisa has done pretty good so far and I’m proud of her she went 6 days without freaking out. I’m really proud of her.

She played the piano for me today, I helped her with the piece she was working on at the hospital. It was really beautiful. We only have a few more lines left and it will be done, a total of 5 minutes. It will be Amazing!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marisa had a stroke she’s at the hospital in a coma!

 

 

Leah

October 30, 2006

Marisa is in a coma. Nick is with her at the hospital. I think we both might be skipping school. He said he got her to play. He wanted to finish the piece they were working on. The doctor said they would find a way to have a piano for him to work on in the room, so he didn’t have to leave. He hasn’t talked sense he asked for the piano, except the occasional cuse word at a wrong note. The doctor said that Marisa can hear us but she can’t talk back to us, or wake up.

Midnight

Well it’s officially Halloween. She hasn’t woken yet and Nick can’t find the right key for the last line. He’s just so lost without her even if she’s only 5 ft. away.

 

 

Nick

October 31, 2006

I can’t stop crying! She woke up right when I finished the song. She smiled at me, and I kissed her. She said that she loved me no matter what. I kissed her again and the screen went blank, and she was gone. I sat there holding her hand till the nurse came in. At that point Leah woke up from her nap and I could see tiers rolling down her face, like rain drops on an umbrella. I will never forget that night. She was my first kiss and nothing would ever change that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 years later

 

Leah

October 30, 2020

No one has seen Nick sense the night he disappeared, the day after Marisa was laid to rest. He played her song for everyone there. He totally freaked after that. I know I haven’t written sense the night she died, but something happened a girl came into the hospital today the same situation I just felt like I was sitting 8in that room waiting again. Different kids a similar situation. An almost exact match to that night. I talked to the girl there for a little bit, and it sounds so similar, I told her my story and she was astonished. Oh, did I forget to mention I’m a nurse at the local hospital now.

Tomorrow some of the kids from junior high are putting together a memorial party for Marisa. I think someone found Nicks parents and asked them to give him the message, but I dought he’ll show.

 

 

 

 

Nick

October 30, 2020

Well, tomorrow is the day. 14 years. I loved her 18 years ago and I chose the worst timing, to tell her. My parents said they were having a memorial party for her. I can’t even Wright her name. I’ve met so many girls, but none that I loved like her. I sit at my piano playing her song everyday hoping she’d come back to me, but she never dose.

Maybe I will go to the party no one will recognize me, I could offer to play piano. I could play her song. I’ll contact Leah, she’ll help me.

 

 

Leah

October 31, 2020

The girl in the coma died today. At the same time as Marisa.

Nick called me last night, he never left town. I met with him. It was really nice, I hardly recognized him. He asked for my help to get into the party, without being noticed, he wanted to play her song. I said I’d help. Nina and Amanda are the ones who organized the “party“, as everyone keeps calling it. But it’s not a party it’s just another funeral, and Marisa does not need another one of those. Nina said that it would be fine to have him play. I said he was an old friend, and that he would be coming with me and Dylan, my husband.

 

Nick

October 31, 2020

Nina turned it into a real party! It was never a memorial it was always just a party to celebrate her death. But when my hands hit those keys I was 14 again. Everyone froze and just stared as I played her song. No one knew who I was, and when I saw them all staring, like how do you know that song, I froze. I ran out the back way and Leah grabbed me. I told her I made a mistake by going, I couldn’t do any of it any longer.

This is my suicide note. I know Leah will be the one to find me and this note. I need Marisa more than ever I’m sorry to all of you who ever expected me to live life without her, but Nina, Amanda you two should be ashamed of yourselves for throwing a party to show how much your glad that no one will ever see Marisa again. But I will not give up on her. I’ll find her in her prime and bring her home. Good-Bye

To Be Continued…

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 18.06.2013

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