Dear, Diary
By: Melissa Cazarin (This is based on a true diary from me)


January 30th 2011
Hello my new Diary How do I start? Well your new I haven’t really had a Diary in my life. To me your new like a mother with a newborn baby. For the first time. that is. I don’t even know how to use one. Ha-ha my consular said I can write whatever I want but only positive things. That I can do. As you read this I’m going to tell you every possible things that is happening about my life so far. How do I start? I don’t know what I might talk about today. I should talk about my weight. I’ve been gaining a lot of pounds lately. I should be out there running. Not here on the computer like a fat blob. Today is my birthday. A fat sixteen girl old girl. But no worries because I am going to loss the weight the next year! I hate remembering the passed. When I was only eleven in forth grade my friend Ryan passed away. He was only nine. Can you believe that? Nine… no one knew for sure why he died in his room with a t-shirt around his neck. But I think I do. He was always depress. Maybe he was so depressed he had to kill him self. The last time I saw him, he was crying but smiling and waved good bye. If only I had said something like. “See you tomorrow” or “I‘ll miss you in the weekend.” but my fat mouth was shut and I didn’t say anything to him. My other friend Devon died too. On September the 19th in a car accident coming back from school. The sad part is his cousin was in the same car too. No seat belt. I wish I can go back till I was nine and predict the future. But I cant that’s life. Sad, sad life. C yea…

February 1st 2011 (2:33pm)
Today was fun at my school I met this boy in my P.E class. We talked so much I hardly took a breath. He probably thought I was annoying. I have A.D.H.D that explains everything. I showed him a video called “Techno Chicken” on my phone. He laughed and said he will show it to his friends. It made me smile I met someone funny and cool. I’m going to the store because my birthday was two days ago. I got seventy-five dollars. So I’m waiting to buy lots of awesome, extremely, beautiful things. Maybe some pills to loss weight. I’m just playing. (Smiles)

Wednesday February 2nd 2011 (4:34pm)
Right I’m sitting with my mom and taking care of my pumpkin plant we planted in our school. My friends in school are so silly. I’m glad I have friends. What can I do without them. There’s nothing really to talk about I’m sorry but I guess this is good bye.

February 3 2011 (Tuesdays)

Okay it felt pretty much like yesterday. Same things people making me laugh, learning in school, and so on. Oh I went to see “The Rite” it was a fantastic movie. Wasn’t that scary at all. I’m more into horror movies. I ate some ice cream before with my sister and my mom. But something happened after that. My sister throw away the trash and my mom asked for her credit card. She couldn’t find it. My mother said “I think you through it in the trash!” the funniest thing ever was watching them dig into the garbage. But later it became sad. Losing something important is really sad and frustrating. that’s all I have to say. Bye.

February 4th Friday (2:30pm)
This morning Fredly a friend of mine. Ran into the door. Everyone laughed. I knew it was painful because he was really angry. It was all Johnny’s fault he shut the door right through his face! All I said was if he was okay. He said no but no one wants to mess with Fredly he’s the big guy. He wanted to start violence in school. But I left and moved on. Nothing happened he left and walked away that was a good choice!

February 5th 2011 (Saturday)
My brother Carlos is yelling at his girlfriend blah, blah, blah he’s so annoying! Well, I’m going to the pawn shop my favorite store! (Later) Oh my gosh! Its like 10:48pm and I’m in the trampoline with my little causing Amy and we both saw six UFO”S not at the same time maybe every three minutes. Okay I lied they were Seattleites but then I saw a flash in the air. It couldn’t be an airplane. I think it was something else. Its amazing what’s out there. Where not alone.

February 6 2011 (Sunday)
I’m babysitting Alex. I hate babysitting for only one reason! I’m scared something might happened. But my mother always tell think positive and nothing will happened. That don’t help at all! Yay! Still can’t wait to go to the store! I’m going to buy movies and more! Wow maybe it did work after all I’m not worried no more. Thanks mom I love you!

February 8th 2011 (Tuesday)

New kid in our class his name is Jon. He’s on my bus and he told me he was gay. Not in a rude way. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing interesting happened today. Bye.

February 11th 2011 (Friday)
It’s Friday. Sorry I haven’t talk to you in like two days. Its just nothings happening so far. My mom bought me a candy bar. Yeah getting more fat! I went to Amy’s house like always. Her dad gave me a one hundred dollar bill. I don’t know what to buy anymore. We had a Barbie Q at her house. It was kind of fun chilling with the family.

February 13 (Sunday) 10”00pm
I’m so bored life can be boring sometimes. Everything boring. The fun part about today is I’m still waiting to go to the store. My mom is just to busy and my sister works all day and go’s to school at night. Just not fair. I want to drive, go anywhere I want. I just have to wait. Sorry dairy but I don’t feel like talking anymore.

March 1
Oh my gosh! You won’t believe who I saw today! I saw my best friend Troy I haven’t seen him in four years! I saw him at the end of the day and I hugged him and I walked out of the room so excited and cursing He looks much older and I look much fatter. You know what I’m really not talking good about myself I’m always talking bad about myself on how fat I am or how ugly I’ll get. I should stop and be happy the way I am. Today was the best day ever for me.

March 7
I’m sorry I haven’t talked in like about a week its just Troy. I was talking to him the whole time. I guess I’m just so happy I’m talking to him because I haven’t seen him in forever! He liked me back then when he was thirteen I kissed him befour. Now he’s my age. He changed a lot Troy isn’t the same no more. He’s doing drugs that can kill him. He already went to jai for that. that’s what I herd. I Can’t believe how the world can change. You just never know what might happened. You just have to wait and see your self how life can be so frightening.

March 10th
I got into a fight at school with this boy name Chris. He pushed me twice and I just snapped and punched him in the face. I didn’t mean too. that’s not me! I felt so bad. I wanted to say sorry. But instead I cried like a baby. After I punched him he said, “Why did you do that?” I think he said that. Teachers saw and where speechless and emotional. Speaking of fights there was an other one this morning. My friend Dylan got pushed by a boy named Stefan. Dylan pushed him back really hard and said, ”Don‘t fucking push me!” gosh I hate Wright down the F bomb makes me cramp up. I hate that word. I felt bad about Stefan he’s autistic and Dylan can’t push him back. I would just say sorry for whatever reason. Well I really know what happened Dylan was putting water on the floor for Stefan can fall. Than Stefan got into Dylan’s way and Dylan said, “watch where your going hairy potter!” And that’s what caused the fight. I know cause I was there.

Match 17th
Happy St. Patrick’s day! Gosh I never been so bored in my life! I sing really grate! I nailed that song called “Un break My Heart” by Toni Boxton I think that’s how you spell her name. I love singing. Sometimes I wish I can show the world my singing. I wish I can be famous! It’s not fair some people got famous from youtube, and they don’t even sing that good! Justin bebier and Miley Cyrus sing way better then Selena Gomez. Diary, you’re my best friend so far. No one likes talking to me anymore. Your better then my best friend Nicole I knew for six years. You listen to every word I say. I’m glad I have you. I was going to write on you everyday but I get so busy and there’s nothing to Wright about. I guess I’m done weighting for today talk to you soon. Bye.

March 18th
At last it’s spring break! I’m out of school and took pictures of Jabaree an other friend and Fredly. There nice kids I guess. I’m going to miss him! I’m going to read a text someone send me I don’t know who it is because I’m busy Righting on you, your important right now. (Later) Ya! Jon taxed me he said if I wanted to hang out with him. I really want to but my mom don’t know him that well. I said no to him and he said it was fine he understands. Honestly I didn’t really wanted to go with him. I was probably lazy. Instead I stayed home and singed “Monsoon” and “Un break My Heart” I still need to practice. I wonder if your going to last. What I mean about that is I wonder if I’m really going to Wright on you forever. I’m bored and hungry. I’m going to eat tacos. Mmm…

March 19th
I’m so tired. But the best part is I’m going to the grand buffet! (6pm) I ate sushi and stuff ahh.. I’m so bored. Going home c ya tomorrow.

March 20th (8:30pm)
Me and my mom went bike riding. I bought myself a toothbrush. Can I bring a mouth wash to school? It has alcohol. I’m not going to drink it! It’s for my teeth. I guess I’ll have to find out! Never mind I told my sister she said yeah.

March 21
I bought this stupid cheap ass thing it’s a stupid microphone that was forty-two dollars. What I waste! I’m so angry right now! Oh please make them return it. I herd that target don’t return used or open items and I did open and used it! I want my money back.

March 23
I got my money back (smiles) going to the fair on Sunday I really wish I could. I’m watching jerry stringers. I know it’s fake. Something tells me it is. (Later) My therapist came over my house. No offence but she can be annoying. She wouldn’t stop playing music! I didn’t wanted to tell her to stop I felt bad. Now I’m showing my mom dream moods. it’s a website that tells you about your dreams and what they mean. I’m tired of writing I’m sorry but I hope something really amuse and fun happens.
March 24
The cops where talking to my older cousin Albert because he destroyed his girlfriends car. He cut up the wires, he put Pepsi and Sault in the gas tank. But the funny thing is, its his car. His girlfriend stole the car from him though. Gosh sometimes I wish the world can be peaceful. (later) oh yeah, I called Troy last night he’s so funny and he told me he saw a video with his family. I’m afraid to say the name of it. it’s a disturbing video. What a friend I have. He told me to watch it but I’m scared to do that I don’t know what might happened. I’m in eagles lakes with my casein Linda and her and my friend Anna. Where going to McDonalds to eat. Again I should watch what I eat.
March 25
I was going to the fair but it was 9:30pm why go that late? So instead we went to shake and steak. I never been there. As we walked in we talked all lot and so loud. You know how teens are. Were just having fun ha-ha. I was afraid we could get kicked out. It was so fun.
March 26
I don’t feel so good Amy got me sick. I feel dizzy I have nausea, headache, sore mussels, and I have stomach pain. Can’t really talk or do anything its really awful.
March 27
I feel so great! I prayed to god if I can feel better and it worked! Thank you so much!
March 28
I didn’t go to the fair at all last night I’m saving some money. Now I bought a stupid Sims game. I’m going to sell it to the pawn shop later. (later) oh my gosh I’ve never been so tired and mislabel my whole life! I went everywhere with my sister! We went to the bank, store, washed the car, and I got wet. Than we went to pick up my mom and went to the store with her. It was fun and boring at the same time. I don’t want to go to school anymore, spring break is over! Tomorrow is a school day. Lets find out what’s waiting for us.
March 29th
Nothing happened in school I thought it would have been exciting. I’m entering a contest for the best weighting and grammar thingy I’m doing well so far I think. I hope so.
March 30th
You won’t believe what just happened I was trying to write my work down for the contest and out of no ware the power went out! There’s nothing to write about so far. Same thing repeating it self over and over again.
April 1st
Dairy I hate you I’m going to through you away! April Fools! I April fooled almost everyone! Even my teachers it was funny and lots of fun!
April 4th
Yesterday I went to the movies last night and saw limited I think that’s what its called ok this day sucked really bad! I have allergies to something and I scratched my lip under it and left a ugly ass mark! I out stuff to make it heal faster the next day instead of healing, the bitch left a bitchy mark on it! Yeah gross! Then I went down to my bus stop at 6:20am the bus never came! I went home and my mom said it left I said I know! And that’s what happened this morning! Sad life of me I know…

April 5th
Have you ever thought about being famous? I always wanted to be famous when I was little. Doesn’t everyone want to be famous? Who knows if you can be famous too, you never know unless you try right? So moving on my story. I always wanted to be a poem girl. What I mean about that is I wanted to make poems. Sad poem, happy, funny poems, and dark poems. I started when I was 12 I loved weighting poems so much my hard can hurt all it wants I wont stop, not even a dollar. Anyways, I wasn’t so good at that. Some of them don’t even make since! So I tried something new.
Like drawing! I loved to color when I was a little girl. Back in middle school I was chosen to draw a bald eagle on a big peace of paper for our flag. it made me feel fantastic. “Maybe I can be a famous artist! Why not?” after years passed by I was thinking about being a tattoo artiest my whole life but time was going by so fast, I changed my mind about it. I know I’m a really good drawer. Something else was in mind…
Ever since I saw Selena Perez a Spanish singer, she rocked my world! I loved the way she danced and singed. I started singing when I was thirteen. I couldn’t really sing that good. I made a song on my own called, “Lonely Girl” it was really about me being so alone in a big world. I’m fine now I don’t feel so alone anymore I’ll tell you later on in the story. My mom said I was amazing at singing; I think she was just saying that just to make me smile and be happy. So when I felt bad about my singing I tried something else, something I was good at. I wanted to show my dad my talent, ever since he got deported I couldn’t really show him anything. What I felt inside was pain and numbness. I was really sad he left but that didn’t stop me from my career. I made more songs as I was singing. I was like a karaoke machine with song I never herd of. I make it all up in my head it just like comes out.
Now I turned sixteen. My singing got a little better. I am now making over 30 songs. I have no title for it yet that’s the hard part from it. So you I have told you all about my life and what I want to do when I get older. I have dreamed becoming famous all my life. The only one reason why is money. “Now some of you are probably saying money? Why money?” Well to help the poor and kids who need food, shelter; cancer center and more. Last but not least for my family. Were running down low on food and shelter because of money my dad helped us with that we don’t have him here no more so I want to keep trying to find a way to earn money with my talent I have.
Well now wait a second I don’t really just want to sing all my life. I also want to be an actor! Oh if only someone can get to Hollywood I would try my best. don’t you ever wanted to be an actor your self? Imagine you in Hollywood saying “Take two action“. “Ahh“… I want to hear that when I’m in a Seine. So far we talked about being famous, how talented I am, and how I want to become a singer and an actor. All I have to do is keep dreaming big.

November 1

Wow I forgot to write you, I’m just so busy and tired to write. Everything just repeats it self. Sorry… I got nothing to say. Life is fun though. I also found a later from a little girl who is looking for a family. It’s really sad. This is what she wrote.

My name is Eli. I live in a place where kids don’t have food and clean water. I am looking for a family to be with. My mother was the only one I had until she died from an illness. I wake up and forget that my mom isn’t beside me anymore. I sit outside in the sun waiting for someone to pick me up. I think about the other kids that have a family and are having so much fun. It’s almost Christmas. Sometimes I forget how the colors of the lights are decorated outside. Sometimes I eat twice a day. We only have a little money for one small bowl of food. I think about dying the next day. What if this is my last day on earth? Will someone ever help me find someone? Will I ever have a good life like other people have?

Why me, why was I the one born with no family and nothing to do. It feels like I’m a abounded pet wondering around looking for food and shelter. I’m not a pet… I am a little 10 year old girl suffering, crying, in pain, and scared, I should be living a good life. Not in a dirty place. I’m looking for someone to hold and love, someone who can play with me. I would love to go to school someday. I want to meet new friends like everyone else. Will I ever find a mom and dad? At least a sister I can play with. A brother to protect me.

A child like me should not be living like this. I want to have a future too. At least help me get clean cloths, toothbrush, health care, and clean water for once. If I’ll never find a family ever again. That’s okay because someone day I will I just know it. Someone will take my hand and smile. Someone will kiss me and say my little baby girl. If not then at least send money to my place for a better life. I’m not the only one. There are more kids like me in the world…What I really want is… a family that will love me…


- Eli

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.11.2011

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