Once in a land of which no one knew
Grass always green, skies always blue
Clouds draped from above like a necklace of pearls
Around the king's kingdom, away from the world
The castle itself had just a few housed
The king, queen and daughter, their son and his spouse
The gardener, the farmer, the jester and maid
No one had money, economy was by trade
The king did not want his daughter to marry
It was for this reason that she wasn't very
Happy to live there with all of her wealth
She had a lover to love, but did so in stealth
One day her knight in armor so shiny
Came riding in secret, in leopard print lining
As long as he got to the hillside un-noticed
He could walk to the south gate, and wait for his mistress
Alas as he made a less than graceful dismount
He was spotted while tumbling onto the ground
He had to run quickly, so he discarded his metal
Leapt from his suit and started to scuttle
Running now faster, but they're catching up
All he has now to rely on is luck
In only thin garments and briefs, he can't help but think
Of all the days in the week, I chose this one to wear pink
So now looking stupid and shamelessly gay
He's caught by the guards and bound up in chains
They drag him indoors and up the red carpet
Toss him before the king, and tell him to park it
The king, although taken back, remains calm and collected
And asks from which freak show this man was rejected
The jester then laughed obnoxiously loud
And the king smiles at his joke, obnoxiously proud
The poor boy requests a chance to explain
The he is in no way, crazy or insane
Just a sad little man who is in hopeless love
And does whatever it takes when push comes to shove
Since you do so appear, said the king, to love one this much
Tell me who is this person that you long for and such
He gladly proclaimed, to the whole blessed court
That he wished to marry _ the princess
The king's smile then did fade
As he became quite enraged
Proclaiming to everyone in foreign lands
That no one would take his daughter's hand
But please, Sir, he begged, I'll do anything
"It's not open to negotiation," said the king
However, he thought, he could use the situation
To forever get rid of this man from his nation
"I tell you poor boy, if you wish to marry
Then fetch the beautiful golden canary
From the forests of Blacken day far from civilization"
So the knight started his journey, with a standing ovation
"But Daddy!," cried P, short for Penelope Jo
"The monsters will get him and kill him fo sho!"
Immediately he picked up and old sock that he found
And stuck it into her mouth to muffle the sound
He turned back around and smiled at the sucker
Waved him goodbye, and offered good luck
P, now crying huge tears of great sadness
Started kicking and screaming in outrage and madness
By the time all this ended, the man was out of the castle
After all security is such a big hassle
He left in high hoped of returning with pride
And getting to have P as his beautiful bride
He crossed the big river that divided the land
He didn't have to, but he did just to prove that he can
He made his way into the forests so perdy
And started to look for this one of a kind birdie
He looked and he looked but it couldn't be found
He searched up and down and ran all around
But found nothing for days, and was more and more flustered
Then heard out of nowhere "Please pass the mustard"
Looking for the sound, or rather, the source
He saw a goat talking, what else, of course
The goat said, "Excuse me" after he let out a great burp
At this point the man could have sworn he heard a chirp
After pondering that for a second or two
His jaw dropped as from the goat's mouth a golden feather flew
"Bleep bleep that and censor censor this"
It was clear that by now, the poor guy was miffed
"Who are you, to be coming in here?
Shouting at me things my kids shouldn't here?
I want to sit down and have a nice family dinner
But then you barge in and let out a clamor"
"I'm sorry," he said, "I most truly am
But why in the world could you not have had ham?
I was sent here to find what you had for your meal
And by eating it, my future, my love you did steal"
"Oh really," said Goat, as he smirked to one side
"You were told that this bird was in short supply?
I found the last one, for you're too late
But I also had the second to last, and boy do they procreate"
Before the knight could sigh in relief
He noticed the chattering of the goat's teeth
Eyes fixed towards heaven, the man looked to see
A dragon so tall, it must have been thirty-six feet
Breathing fire and smoke, it was not at all kind
It put everything sacred in a panicked state of mind
So hoping to ward off this massive sized demon
They did all that they could without being eaten
All of the sudden the knight had thought
Of how he had beaten the last beast he fought
He whispered to the goat, "Jump up and down"
And there they were, both hopping around
Neither was sure that the plan would work
The goat not sure what he was jumping for
But lo and behold, the monstrous banshee
Started to feel nauseously dizzy
In no time he started to wobble and tilt
In the direction of the goat, who started to wilt?
As he pondered the danger he was now incurring
But it was too late the monster was soaring
And down with a bang on top of the creature
He was dead; it was messy, bloody for sure
The knight was just happy he had saved his own life
Until he realized he’d have to speak to the wife
"I'm sorry, my lady, but you must be told
That your husband is flat on the forest floor, cold
I know you're in mourning, but it's of great importance
That I obtain a bird of golden radiance
In exchange for the token, I have to offer
A place where whites are whiter, and beds are softer
For when I return to the castle afar
You can have a house on royal land, and much, much more"
The widowed goat had no remorse
When she said "Good, now I don't have to divorce"
Surprised at the comment, but ready to leave
He said, "Congrats, now pack up your things"
So man, goat and goat lings, and of course the gold bird
Headed for the palace, indescribable with words
They traveled for days but finally arrived
His voice cracked as "Open Sesame" was cried
Sure enough, like magic, the draw bridge let down
They allowed themselves in, and followed the sounds
Of laughter and music to the main hall
Where P was seen next to someone quite tall
It hadn't been long before they knew what they were seeing
The festivities were for the party; the music was for the wedding
Which they interrupted, and just in time, too
Because luckily no one had said "I do"
The goats stood in aw as the knight contested
"I've returned with your bird, the girl's mind," he objected
The king was astonished, and the princess in shame
"You told me he died, and I believed you, how lame!"
P frowned at her father, and kicked the crotch of the groom
Ripped off the knight's helmet and rendered him swooned
Then the king yelled, "Alright, enough, that's it
I refuse to watch you two hug and swap spit
"I see you returned with the bird, what a man
So fork it over and I'll give you my daughter's hand"
The knight gave the bird to the king with a smile
Because the old groom's been holding himself all the while
The wedding went on just as it had been planned
Except that the groom was now a different man
They lived happily after, protected by the moat
And had the companionship of three friendly goats
All in a land of which no one knew
Grass always green, skies always blue
Clouds draped from above like a necklace of pearls
Around the king's kingdom, away from the world

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 12.07.2009

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