When Angels Cry

A sadness of great
filled with love and hate
but can there be
any worse tragedy
what could cause such a thing,
what consequences could it bring
so sad that the world begins to die
that's what happens when angels cry.

These creations of pure
Angels from the world obscure
they're perfect and out of reach
and the pain no one sees
Their pain is the worst of all
when they feel their tears fall
all hatred and embellished lies
that's what happens when angels cry

For their sadness
beyond me
and the rest of the world
if can not be
They watch no longer as life
goes by
that's what happens when angels cry
They spread their wings but
can not fly,
that's what happens
when angels cry.

A sadness of great
He's living his life too late
he's done with this world
now we all can relate
we lie in bed and wonder why
All that's good has to die
in our hearts he cannot die
he lives forever as
the angels cry.


An Ode to Beauty::

Dear Faithful, passionate, mended heart,
where for in which we Begin--

A tragedy not spoken by my still beating?
A travesty unseen by the Unseeing?

A care unworn by time Untold,
for in Ages long past,
in a Time where we'd never grow old.

An endless summer to idle reverie
ever unbroken our sun basked fantasy,
of a time where never we ended this Dream.

The spring's breezed kiss a lasted memory,
and our Autumn's first Mist the only remedy,
to the Burning, yearning, Passionate Heart;
the thirst a flaming embattlement awaiting the Start;
a call from the Walls and a carry to Arms
all in the notes of an Ode to Beauty.


Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow


Yesterday I saw you flying,
with the white clouds passing by,
you were dancing with the wind,
you were glowing in the sky.

Today I saw you walking,
with the leaves that rustled on,
you came up with the sunset,
but you were gone by dawn.

I wish that by tomorrow,
I can see you here by me,
so I can close my eyes and feel,
what I used to have to see.


Explanation (if you wish to read it): The first stanza is of a person who has the image of his loved one set high in the sky, she is unreachable yet like a dream. In the second stanza, she gets closer to him yet is still just a dream, a wishful hope, that he cannot reach yet she seems to be approaching him. The final stanza wishes for her to become a reality so that he will no longer have to use his eyes to appreciate beauty.


Broken Butterfly

Broken butterfly, you flew too high
You had to be higher then us all
You were so close you could almost kiss the sky
Everyone knew you’d fall

Broken butterfly, I had you at your prime
Before your colors turned to gray
Before the sparkle fell from your eye
Before your wings decayed

Broken butterfly, I couldn’t make it in time
I couldn’t save you from yourself
In my dreams, I go back to rewind
To see if I could have helped

Broken butterfly, tell me why
A life so beautiful became a tragedy
You had no one, read your letter of suicide
But you were wrong, you always had me


Sleep (a different kind of prayer)"

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray for you, My soul to keep
As I lay upon my bed.
Can't rest my mind, nor rest my head
Loneliness now sinking in
I was not supposed to end
I feel the pain, pain so deep.
It stays with me, through my sleep.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I ask for you not to weep.
Bitter regret I may taste,
But never will I forget your face
I try to lay very still
But you took my heart, and free will
I'm sorry if I let you down.
But don't you ever, ever frown.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I wish the monsters not to creep
As I lay me down to rest
I wish for you not to cry,
Even when you say good-bye.
I ask for her to treat you well
Cause you shall never ever fail.

As I lay me down to sleep
I knew those pills would make
me weak
And as I die before I wake,
I wish for you, my soul to take.


Change

It seems I am at fault
and that my words hurt

That all my angry words
Seem to run you through the dirt

I know I ask a lot of you
I know you do it all

Just know I appreciate what you do
Everything great and even small

I know I yell and fuss at you
And you stand and hear me out

When I curse and swear at you
You never scream and shout

So when the weight got to much
You were ready to throw it away

I pushed our friendship too far
I now I am put to the test today

And now I may lose my best friend
If I loved you I would change for you

You don't have faith in me that I'll change
So to prove it that’s what I'll do


The outsider

help me if you can
just that this
is not the way
I'm wired

so could you please,
help me understand why
you've given in to all these
reckless dark desires

you're lying to yourself again
suicidal imbecile
think about it, put it on the fault line
what'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this, why do you want throw it away like this
such a mess, why would I want watch you

disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
what's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadence

lying through your teeth again
suicidal imbecile
think about it, put it on the fault line
what'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this, why do you want throw it away like this
such a mess, why would I want watch you

disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
what's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die
they were right about you
they were right about you

lying to my face again
suicidal imbecile
think about it, put it on the fault line
what'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this , why do you want throw it away like this
such a mess, over this, over this

disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
what's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
if you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
do it somewhere far away from here


Promises

When I was lacking sight
A doctor came to me and said
"I can promise you better vision"
She fixed nothing
She lied to me

When I was lacking belief
A friend came to me and said
"I can promise you a good day"
Mood never changed
He lied to me

When I was lacking money
A woman came to me and said
"I can promise you a good job"
She never helped me
She lied to me

When I was lacking academics
A teacher came to me and said
"I can promise you a passing grade"
I failed the class
He lied to me

When I was lacking love
A guy came up to me and said
"I can promise you everlasting love"
he gave up on me
he lied to me

When I was lacking truth
I went up to them and said
"I promise you nothing"
They believed me
I kept my promise


Watercolor

This watercolor landscape
Drips behind my eyelids,
Melted by tears
I refuse to shed.

The sun hasn’t come up for days.
It’s last remnants
Lie at my feet,
Echoing the radiance
That has since been forgotten.

The broad face of the moon
Hangs lower everyday.
It swings slightly
In the breeze,
Brushing ancient dust
From the horizon.

Freezing rain lingers in the air,
Having lost the ambition to fall.
My frosty breath
Clings to the droplets
That remain suspended,
Much like the tears that won’t
Dare traverse my icy cheeks.

This scene clutches my heart
Crystallizing the blood
That tries desperately to keep me alive.
Who knew a dream world
Could be so agonizing?
Who knew a dream world
Would be the death of me?
Who knew it would end this way?


Facade
They tell me I can't
Treat people the way that I do.
I don't see why not.
I'm the only one who wakes up
Next to me or can help at all.

They tell me I can't
Tell people what I think is true.
I can't see reason.
I need to tell them so I do
I don't care what they want to hear.

They tell me I'm weird
But believe that I'm not to me.
I am just perfect
I'm perfect in every way
Or I would do something to change.

They tell me I'm nuts
But believe whatever you want.
I'm all that's left
I'm the only one who loves me
Can you blame me for loving me?

They tell me to breathe
But I just can't when I'm bleeding.
I hate myself
More than you could ever hate me
I can't blame you for killing me.


Evolution

Dark nights and starry skies
Light on the horizon
Shadows fall and yet the sun shines bright
New endings and old beginnings
Repeating history's plight

Our dreams are lost with all the hurry
Our thoughts so jumbled we lose the meaning
The greatest minds of our generation
Are lost in each gunshot, smokey night

We complain that life is dull and repetitious
Most couples are like strangers passing in the night
Our chaotic world has torn us too far from our soul mates
All is dark and dreary in this new human light

We live in a new world where the individual reigns supreme
Yet with all this new power we wield, we lose sight of our dreams
Is this what we shall become? Lonely, uncaring beasts?

Or will someone, somewhere find the key
Perhaps late one night within their dreams
To make the future hopeful and bright


Thought of an Angel

Noticing you from near,
gazing from afar.
Bodies so close together,
yet I know not who you are.

Desiring such beauty,
longing sweet tender lips.
I close my spoiled eyes,
placing hand upon your hips.

I whisper to your ear,
you turn and bear a grin.
A smile as an angel's,
laying kiss upon my chin.

You motion with your hand,
drawing to you near.
That's when you whisper something,
lingering in my ear.

We confess our love,
as if it's meant to be.
But then I open my eyes,
and you're not there with me.

As days go on I try,
to forget the face I love.
Yet the memories stay vivid,
like a haunting from above.

Although we've never met,
I had to let you know.
The only way to defeat,
me, my only foe.

And if you do not understand,
I’ll always hold it true.
Never to forget the day,
I fell in love with you.


AIDS


She had this hair that hung to her waist.
I knew it wasn't real - only a weave, yet
I touched it, reverently. Everything about
her was exactly what I was not. And yet -
she was my best friend.

She exuded a sense of confidence
I had ever seen in a person before.
Her skin was golden brown due to her
American Indian and African heritage.
Her smile was beautiful, her teeth white
and square, a small gap in between the two
front teeth endeared her to me.

My first year back in a school
I despised I saw her sitting in
front of me. Her sock shad little
ladybugs on them and that glorious
hair was half curled, the rest hanging
straight, reaching down to her leather belt.
She giggled as candy from her book bag spilled
onto the floor. Offering me some our eyes met.
And I knew I had met my best friend.

We both loved chocolate, we both loved guys
with long hair, we both hated manufactured
boy bands, we both adored No doubt and we both
hated our private school.

We ran in the halls, we ate
lunch in detention on a daily basis.
If she got detention and I didn't,
I would throw away my homework so
as to receive a detention to be
with her, and she would do the same.

We put glue on a teachers seat.
We fed our principals dog massive
amounts of chocolate, we taped notes
on the popular kids backs. She was
so beautiful.

I was too tall, too skinny and pale as ice.
I was sick 50% of the time and my blue eyes
seemed to scream out against the paleness
of my skin. She kept me company when I was
sick, she called pretending to be the hospital
informing me of my soon approaching hot doctor,
she sent me ridiculous cards and took pictures
of the kids we hated in school making silly
comments coming out of their mouths.

One night at her house I woke up in
the middle of the night thirsty, I padded
downstairs to get a drink. I opened the
cabinet to get a glass and was met with
the site of tons of pill bottles. Her
name was on every single one. There had
to be over 50 bottles, my stomach turned
and I went into the bathroom to throw up.

Her blood. The life in her, I remember,
I knew. She had cit her finger and got
hysterical, the small drops of blood
being soaked into her baggy white
sweater. She went home, No one could
touch her.

When she was on her period she stayed home,
no one going in or out of the house.
Her bottle of Lysol in her book bag.
The way she cleaned everything.

Aids? My best friend?

I asked her. And we never spoke again.


Love Poem


Trapped inside my mind, Lost within my soul
Confusion mixed with happiness, lost with constantly searching
Wondering, questioning, hoping for answers now unknown
Maybe, just maybe, the answers will soon be shown
A bond amazingly strong, a love that suffocates my heart
A connection unlike any other, with powerful emotion oh so strong
A burn from deep within, slowly rising to my throat
Then I imagine your smile, which then makes me smile
Taking away all anguish and frustration from it all
A relationship, a friendship, a sister, whatever we may be
Has grasped a hold of me and making me feel so blind
In mixed directions, turning me in circles, I can no longer see
What do I do? What can I say?
Do you already know? Do you feel the same?
Express my emotions or hide them all away?
Will I benefit or fall, achievement or nothing at all?
I don’t think I could feel any worse than I do now
Confusion and frustration it is all smothering me
Not understanding; does anything make sense?
Where did this come from? Please make it end
I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this within
As time passes by and you are not around
You would think my thoughts would begin to fade away
You would think it would be easy and feelings would change
But no, wrong answer, please try again
Can’t shake these feelings, I at least want my old friend
Seeing you just revives this flame, craving for you
Can’t you see my pain?
Open your mind, open your heart, express your feelings and let me know
Should I let these feelings stay?
Or
Should I try to make these feelings go?


Her secret

feel his eyes burning into mine
Searching for a reason, searching for an answer
A sadness we both share, an unexplainable happening that is hard to bear
I imagine we are finished, I predict this is the end
I am not sure how he will react when I tell him the news, but for now we stand quietly
As he reaches out his hand; reaches for my face
And gently wipes away each tear, replacing them with a kiss
He runs his fingers through my hair, twisting it and twirling it
Tucking it behind my ear; then he grabs my hands
With a grasp so strong, making me feel like I do belong
He pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me
Making me feel like he just swallowed me whole
Finally he speaks, with his voice so deep and sincere
Whispering softly into my ear, he tells me he loves me, he longs to have me near
But my response is only more tears which express my secret and pain
I pull away, but hold on to his hand and try to gain back my composure and act tough
I stare straight into his eyes hoping he could some how know what I can’t seem to say
We gaze at one another for only a minute, but it seems like a lifetime
Then I look down at the ground to gain courage to speak
The way he still looks at me makes me so weak
Finally I gather all the words I must say
Then I start to shake while my heart beats at a faster pace
I don’t want to let him go, but how can he love me after I let him know
I don’t think he will listen and I know he won’t understand
But it’s not fair to keep this secret, he really must know
So with these thoughts in mind, I must stop wasting time
I pull his ear to my mouth and whisper to him
I have a disease, and it is slowly killing me
Maybe I have 8 months, maybe only five, maybe even a whole year
I guess until it’s my time and destiny arrives
I tell him I love him but we must go our separate ways
He has to move on and have many more dates
I apologized for not telling him sooner, but he continues to wait
He shows me he understands and that he could care less
As he pulls me closer and kisses away my breath
We hold each other for hours, leaving tear stains on our shirts
HIV now turned into AIDS; given to me by my no good junkie mother, at birth
Who never once thought about me and the outcome I would have to deal with
A disease I must live with at least while I am on this earth
So that is my secret that is what has taken control over me
A year has now passed, but only one day for me; I’m in heaven now surrounded by peace
My boyfriend stuck by me saying I was worth the heartache and tears
He never left my side, through the laughter, tears, and our fears
From Heaven I always watch him and make sure he is safe
Smiling down at him in our special way
We both are content because we know we will soon reunite and hold each other again
But some days are harder than others and he begins to miss me even more
So I send him this message from our bright tunnel’s door
Take a deep breath and relax, clear your mind of all thoughts
Look deep into the sky, beyond the clouds and the sun
Show your faith and your belief and allow yourself to see
The beautiful dove and the miraculous angel flying together happily in sync
Representing you, all the happiness, and me we will once again bring.


R.I.P.

Life flows as time goes by,
love and hate, death cuts all ties.
Youth grasped in tiny fingers,
like the limb struck off,
the feeling lingers.
For me you cared, loved and shared,
others closer than you never dared.
Dark brown eyes, an untarnished slate,
sun browned legs, an unknown fate.
Life is quick but death is quicker,
beauty lost but the heart remains.
For every summer there is a winter,
wisened olds limbs of a great grandpa,
death comes for everyone.
An irreputable law,
you’ve lived your life the only true way.
But alas it is time to go away,
fear not what comes for you will see.
When you look back upon your life,
a thing of beauty,
you’ve found your way.
You’re home at last,
forever in my heart till I breath my last.


Bullets of pain

A girl is beaten so badly she’s turned black
Bruised by a mother who never looks back
She’s left with pain, she takes her pride
She cries out at night while she laughs inside
There’s an emotional scar buried deep in her tonight
That will always linger and never again hide
A painful past she must carry on with her now
sHe will never regret her actions, never remember how
She’s left to mentally die from her own flesh and blood
While her mother continues living with no tears to flood
She’d grow up unhappy, her sun will never shine
For her mother has stolen her rainbow,
broken her heart time after time
A mother’s meant to be a hero, not an abuser and a killer
But she knew different since the day the he had killed her
Her sister, she found, beaten, shot, lifeless, and bloody
She didn’t have to ask, she knew it was mommy
More to add to her unbearable sadness and pain
A confused 10 year old girl is all that remains
She loads the gun slowly, staring in the mirror
Wondering if she were dead, would she feel better?
All the past memories flash through her mind
As she holds the gun closer and looks for a pillow to find
She places the pillow under and presses the gun to her head
She thinks of the love for her sister and ends her life

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.07.2009

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