In the background you can hear music. As she stares through the window
everyone seems to be having fun. Dancing, screaming, laughing, without a care in the world. How envious she becomes of those who seem to be carefree and happy.

Meanwhile her best friend is still astonished from what she just said. She tries to calm Ms. James by putting her arms around her, giving her hug and smiling. Ms. James looks at her embarrased, ashamed and heartbroken because of her lawless perfomance.

Ms. James commands her best friend. "It's time for you to go in. I don't want you to miss out, go ahead and have fun. Leave me here in my misery. Soon I'll recover myself and gain the power that has been drained away."

"But you haven't answer my question" she replies. "I will stay here as long as you need, I can't go in and leave you like this. Is there anything I can do to help you and make you feel better?"

Ms. James looks at her, grateful for having such a friend that deeply cares about her.

"No, it is okay, trust me. I will talk to him as soon as I can. The faster I speak my mind, the better. I can't wait to take this burden off my back. I don't want to ruin your night. After all it is a lovely party. Thank you, you have done enough already. You listened to me, exactly what I needed, just someone to listen."

Her best friend leaves worried about the outcome of her dearest friend, Ms. James. But she trust her completely and knows she will never attempt anything foolish. She walks away from Ms. James. As she does, she waves her hand, saying good-bye.

"Well it is time." Ms. James says to herself. She wipes off the tears, fixes her outfit and stands tall, not knowing what she is about to become.
As Ms. James walks dreadfully to open the door that will lead to the her final fate, there he is. Looking as radiant and ravishing as he always did. As they stumble, their bodies reflect a certain insecurity and nervous reaction. They both sigh as they apologize for the inconvenience. She smiles and ask the most infamous mister, the sole owner of her heart:

"I know this is rather unexpected, but may I please talk to you?"

Surprised he answers: "Of course you may, is something wrong?"

"No, not at all, I just wish to express my feelings in a rather important matter"

Ms. James takes a deep breath...

"I love you, I always have and after all this time I always will, years have not been enough for me to erase the beautiful memories you and I built. I am sorry for telling this all of the sudden. But I made a huge mistake by letting you go. My pride got in the way. But time has permitted me to see that I was wrong. I apologize, please forgive me. I just wanted to let you know how I felt..." and Ms. James turns away...

The gentleman is shocked, he breaths heavily and sighs, not knowing what to do or what to say, for this confession has been outstanding in every way. Never, not even when they were together Ms. James had spoken so bluntly about her regards.

He answers: "I forgive you, what do you want to do then?

Ms. James is astonished as she contemplates the civility of his question.

Calmly she replies: "I don't know."

He suggests: "Well what was the purpose of expressing your feelings? Do you want to continue with this relationship, are you giving up or do you want to start over?"

Ms. James thinks. This is not what she expected. She thought he was going to reject her. Now she is perplexed and speechless.

He becomes inpatient: "You always do the same thing. You have not changed, always selfish, self-centered, it's all about your feelings. Why are you so conceited? After all this time why didn't you say anything? I waited Miss James, I patiently waited for you. You better than anybody knew exactly how I felt. I wanted you to be my wife, to spend the rest of our lives together, to built a family, to love each other until there is no more want. All of the sudden you leave me, because of your insecurities and now after all this years you tell that you do love me, that you made a mistake which is great but you do not know what you want to do about it. You treat me like a fool. Whatever it is that you want or feel, I will no longer wait for your decision. I will not play any of your games. This time I will think of myself." After taking a deep breath, with agony replies:" This is over, I am done Ms. James, this is it, I can't do this anymore."

Miss James is shattered. All she needed was a few minutes to digest his reaction. She loved him dearly and after mustering up the courage to express her feelings, he becomes impatient and snaps at her. Filled with dissapointment she utters: "If you waited a few minutes, you could've have what you always wanted, but your lack of patience show the reasons that led me to end this relationship in the first place are still there. You always think the worse of me, expect the worse from me. How can I be with someone who calls me selfish, conceited and self-centered? When all I did throughout all our years together was to give my entire heart to you, live for you? I guess that wasn't enough. Well you are right. This is over, completely over."

And she runs away, with her eyes filled with tears, heartbroken.

A few months passed by. "Look at her! Does she look awful or what?"- people replied with a selfish disdain towards the inferiority of Miss James circumstances. -"She let him go, I heard, he actually came towards her and she rejected him, what a proud and conceited girl!"

Little did they know that Miss James felt no regret over her decision. If she looked bitter it had nothing to do with the fact that she said no. Of course she felt pride, her dignity as a human being was far more important than the opinion of others. But she wasn't the proud or conceited girl that had rejected the amiable man before. She had realized that to be the kind of woman she often professed to be, there were some mayor changes that needed to occur in her life, accomplishments of an emotional sort.

Silly peoples, ignorant and ill-mannered neighbors with a simple view of life could only blame Miss James misfortunes to her former love. They couldn't see that perhaps something greater was about to happen and she was about to shut their stupidity once and forever.

Miss James and her former love continued to meet occasionally in gatherings, meetings and parties with mutual friends. There were always cordial and treated each other with decorum. Miss James blood boiled inside everytime she saw him. He only felt regret over his reaction and wished to express his remorse but never did. He had the notion that if Miss James was meant for him sooner or later they would end up together. What an unrealistic idea!

The fact that he didn't say or did anything provided relief for Miss James. He wasn't part of her life and she felt content at his banishment. This will help not only to overcome the affections which she had developed and the love that had prevail but also to take an inner look at herself and realized with great disappointment that her character has mislead her all along. Now she not only admitted her mistakes but went to the very source of them. It was painful for her to look at her past relationships, her former abuse, the lies, the betrayals, and all the complications of her childhood experiences. They were past gone but the scars were quite real and present. She resented not recognizing them before. Probably it would've avoided her a lot of hardships. But now it's all done with and settled. Oh well who would've thought someone's past could affect so adversely their very future?

.................................................


As Miss James continues her deep soul-searching she decides to travel. She travels in and out of the country visiting family members and friends. She decided to stay busy, keep her mind off people who only brought her pain. Among her friends there was a certain young gentleman. His name was Mr. Williams. He had been a long-time family friend. Miss James and Mr. Williams have known each other all their life. They were both the same age, attended the same schools and shared common interest. But now Mr. Williams wasn't the boy she was used to seeing almost everyday. He left his home country to pursue higher education. He had come back as an mature, handsome and succesful young man. Miss James wasn't the annoying little girl who use to pick on him when they were kids. Now she was a beautiful, talented and intelligent young woman. When he came back, he resumed his usual contacts and activities. He was mesmerized by Miss James accomplishments. A year passed by. Miss James was recovering from her blow and Mr. Williams had observed her very carefully.

On a particular day her best friend, Miss Wellington, approached Miss James while she was enjoying a cup of tea. She sits next to her and asks her: "What do you think of Mr. Williams?

Miss James knowing the source of her curiosity replies: "He is a good friend of the family. Handsome and brilliant. I enjoy his company. And no Sofia, I am not interested in him and I really doubt he sees me as anything else but his good old friend."

Miss Wellington smiles and answers: "Well Miss James you are a lot of things, but you are certainly not naive. His attentions to you have been to obvious to be noticed by everyone."

"It's been a year, Sofia, since my final break up with you know who. Perhaps it is more appropiate for me to focus on others events, rather than to be falling in love with someone else."

"A year my friend! I think that is plenty of time. You have done very well. Rejected plenty of offers. Kept to yourself. But you can't allow this man to keep holding you back from what you deserve!"

Miss James looks down on her cup of tea and meditates on her friend's advice. "A year" she thinks. "It took me a lifetime to fall in love with him. I shared my whole life with him for many years. A year is nothing." Miss James kept her thoughts to herself. She was prude and reserved. Her friends notices her reaction and calmly adds:

"This time will be different my lovely friend. You know him very well and he has been your friend this past year. But you have to give yourself a chance. I know you are scared. But would'nt you rather take the risk or always wonder what if?"

Those words sounded very familiar. Not so long ago she had given her best friend similar advice on a matter. In her friend's case it was about a career. In matters of the heart the risk is much greater.

A few moments of silence and suddenly Mr. Williams walks in to join them for tea. Both ladies stand up in amazement and greet him. "I don't mean to interrupt, it looked as if you were having a serious conversation."

Miss Wellington replies: "Oh as a matter of fact we were. We were just discussing Miss James misfortunes."

"Oh really? I would never think that Miss James had any misfortunes at all!"

"You ought to know her better Mr. Williams. She has a vast deal of them, Miss James is a woman of many layers, a deep person you see."

"Is that so?" as he turns to Miss James. She blushes at his sight and looks at her friend wishing she would shut up.

"If you will excuse me, I just remembered I have to care of something." Miss Wellington excuses herself leaving Miss James and Mr. Williams alone.

"Perhaps I should follow your friend's advice, Miss James."

"What do you mean?" Miss James whispers.

He walks closer towards her: "I should know you better, uncover some of those layers." Miss James is petrified. His smells terrific and he is standing right in front of her. Mr. Williams was the kind of man that with one look, one touch, will make your heart stop beating and everything else dissapeared. You didn't see anything, hear anything or felt anything but him.

"I want to know you in a deeper level." He answered. "We've been friends, neighbors and acquiantances our entire lives. I think it's time to take this relationship to the next level. If you wish I would love to be more than just your friend."

Miss James feels like fainting.

On the other hand Mr. Oxford, Miss James former love, thinks constantly about Miss James. He sees her enjoying the company of Mr. Williams and feels a huge amount of regret. At the same time, he sees her happiness and the improvements she had made for herself. He feels proud of her. One day Mr. Oxford had the opportunity to talk to Mr. Williams while the ladies enjoyed photographing one another in their beautiful garments.

"Miss James is a wonderful woman." Mr. Oxford says. Mr Williams turns towards Mr. Oxford and observes the shimmer in his eyes and how his face emanates a sense of kindness and warmth as he has never seen in him before.

"But if I may speak plainly, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into." Mr. Oxford adds.

Mr. Williams instantly replies: "I'm well aware of your relations with the lady, Sir, and your intentions are very clear. But I must remind you that YOU are her past, while I am her future."

Mr. Oxford is astonished at this cruel accusation and says: "Do not get me wrong, I just wanted to let you know..."

Mr. Williams quickly interrupts: "I don't want to hear what it is you wish to let me know."

"Take good care of her." Mr. Oxford declares firmly. "Whatever amount of pain you may cause her, I will make sure you feel it twice."

"Don't worry Mr. Oxford, I will never hurt her." Mr. Williams confidently replies.

"Those were the exact same words I said in the past." Mr Oxford answers and walks away...

From afar Ms. Wellington observed them trying to decifer that matter that the gentlemen were discussing enthusiastically.

................................................

After hearing Mr. Williams declaration, Miss James simply breaths. She thinks of all her successful relationships and all the betrayals as well. But she decides she won't let her past disappointments influence her decision. She learned from those experiences and wanted to move on. Mr. Williams seemed like the perfect man to do so.

Mr. Williams was getting nervous with her silent meditation. At the same time he understood her hesitation and was willing to wait and not pressure her.

"Miss James you don't have to answer now. You can think about it and whenever you are ready, you know where to find me." Mr. Williams smiled confidently. He gave her a small kiss on her cheek, a hug and bid farewell.

Miss James was more than just surprised. She never thought she could find a man that would sweep her off her feet and be willing to wait for her. He understood her fears and it was very pleasing. "A man that cares and understands? There are very few left. A rare species indeed." Miss James thought to herself.

Ms. Wellington walked in and asked what happened. Miss James explained. Ms. Wellington asked: "What are you going to do?"

"I know exactly what I am going to do."

Miss James leaves the room. As she walks towards Mr. Williams house, Mr. Oxford walks towards Ms. Wellington's. Miss James notices that his final destination will be Ms. Wellington's house, her lifetime best friend and decides to turn back and follow Mr. Oxford. She hides behind a tree and see Mr. Oxford walk in very pleasantly. Miss James quickly runs towards the entrance and without knocking, walks in. And there they were Mr. Oxford and Ms. Wellington kissing.

Miss James is destroyed. Every single fear she ever had became true in that very moment. Ms. Wellington sees her and Mr. Oxford turns back and sees Ms. James' face. There aren't enough words to describe the anger, the pain and the sorrow Miss James was experiencing in that very moment. At the same time everything fell into place. She understood Ms. Wellington insistence on her accepting Mr. Williams. And she understood Mr. Oxford pride and lack of patience. Her best friend betrayed her and was the source of Miss James disappointments. Ms. Wellington was the main reason why Mr. Oxford never spoke to Ms. James, never asked for forgiveness and never wanted to admit his great loss.

Now at that very second there was no more hope left for Miss James and Mr. Oxford. He knew she would never forgive him and she knew she would never forget the lies and deceit of her very best friend. Mr. Oxford realizes he lost the woman of his dreams, the only one who understood him, accepted him and loved him exactly the way he was without expecting him to change, without expecting anything in return but love. He lost an extraordinary woman who was willing to give her life for him. The woman who made him laugh and inspired him to become a better man. He realized he had tried to replace Miss James with Ms. Wellington, a woman who was manipulative, hypocritical and ruthless.

In those few seconds, Miss James lost her best friend, realized she made the right decision by breaking up with Mr. Oxford and was happy that he didn't give her another chance. Now all of Miss James questions were answered and she reasoned that since she survived all her bad experiences until now, she was sure she was going to overcome Ms. Wellington's betrayal.

"Miss James! I can explain." Ms. Wellington screamed.

"Yes, please don't get the wrong idea." Mr. Oxford added.

Miss James only said: "There is no need, it is all perfectly clear. Excuse me." She left heartbroken, feeling like a complete fool never even imagining this would happen to her. Being in disbelief and trying to figure out how come she didn't notice before.

Of course Mr. Oxford never wanted to talk badly about Ms. James to Mr. Williams. He only wanted to tell him what was going on with her best friend. He started seeing Ms. Wellington after he broke up with Ms. James. Now how he wanted to get out of this situation and win Ms. James back. But he realized it is way too late.

Miss James meditated carefully in the series of events that just unfolded. She went back to her history, the past experiences that make up the woman she is today, and realized her own blindness towards her very best friend, the woman whom she had trusted, and believed. Quite a few times she ignored her gut, that basic instinct that we have humans posses to discern whether someone is being real or fake. She learned to trust herself more and base her decisions not on the opinion or the approval of others but on hers, the reasons that left her feeling satisfied and content.

Mr. Williams heard Miss James' ordeals and wasn't sure whether he should contact her or not, give her his loving support. A few weeks pass by. One day Mr. Williams receives a surprise visit from Miss James herself. He was expecting her to look less ravishing, sad, even depressed. After all having your lifetime best friend betray you with your boyfriend isn't the greatest news in the world. This time Miss James had a particular glow he had never seen before, she seemed more relaxed than usual, freer.

"How are you today my dear Mr. Williams?" As she walks closer to him, looking at him straight in the eyes and playing with her curly hair.

"I'm doing very well, thanks, how are you feeling?" Mr. Williams answers, smiling at Miss James term of endearment.

"I'm doing good. I'm sure you've heard the latest."

Mr. Williams says: "No I have not heard, I've heard some news, but not the latest."

"Mr. Oxford and Ms. Wellington are getting married." Miss James replies.

Mr. William was shocked, not at the news, but at Miss James calmness when she spoke. He wondered if she was hiding her true feelings as she usually does.

"I can assure you, Mr. Williams, I'm still surprised. I never thought that they would be a couple given our past relationships. Even though I am hurt, I have resolved in my heart not to suffer for those who are undeserving of my pain."

"That is a really good resolution I might say, but..." Miss James interrupted Mr. Williams.

"I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I didn't come here to talk about them. I came here to talk about us."

Mr. Williams never enjoyed being interrupted, but this interruption had been the most pleasant of his life.

"You said you wanted to know me in a deeper level, what did you mean by that? How deep?" Miss James asks.

Mr. Williams says: "As deeply as any human being can. I want to be your lover, your friend, your counselor, your protector, the shelter you run to, that person that makes you laugh, I want to be your everything, of course only if you want it."

Miss James smiles with excitement and yells: "Well of course I want it!" As she tries to compose herself for she is literally melting at the sound of Mr. Williams words. She adds: "I have waited all my life to find a man who was willing to love a woman with all his might, his strength and his power. I finally found you. I know my wait has been worthwhile and most of all I will not be the woman of your dreams, I will be your reality."

Mr. Williams just grabs Miss James and kisses her.

From then on Ms. James and Mr. Williams enjoyed a real relationship. Not one based on superficial infatuation. It was a love that took time and determination. Little by little all the layers were uncovered. After a while, on a usual day, Mr. Williams and Ms. James were walking on the beach. As they watched the sunset together, Mr. Williams kneels down and proposes. Nothing out of the ordinary. A simple proposal done with his entire heart. At the end of the day that is what every woman wants, a honest man that loves her for what she is with no games, no hesitation and no lies.

After enjoying a gorgeous wedding Mr. Williams and Mrs. Williams (the former Miss James) begin the trying journey of marriage with it's many blessing and responsibilities. A few years later Mrs. Williams starts experiencing common symptoms. She gets headaches, nausea and feels dizzy. Like every other married woman she immediately thinks she is pregnant. She panicked for a second. She wanted children later on. But at the same time she rejoiced at the idea of conceiving a child with her wonderful husband. After telling her suspicions to her man, they go to the doctor only to discover that she is not with child.

Tests are done. Everything comes back fine but her health deteriorates even more. They travel outside the country to get a second opinion. Mr. Williams nightmare becomes a reality. She had a terminal illness. They were both devastated. Treatment didn't work. Mrs. Williams had only a few months left. They both decided to go back to their home country and spend her last days in the good company of her family and friends. No one has ever seen such an amazing display of love as the one Mr. Williams showed to his dear wife.

He lived for her. Their last months together were their happiest times. Mrs. Williams had no regrets except not being able to bear children, leave a legacy in the world, someone to take care of her beloved husband once she was gone. Mrs. Williams expresses her concern.

"I will be fine. I would've loved a child. But imagine the pain of being raised up without his mum. Besides I would never forget you. You will always live on. You have been more than my blessing. I will never be as happy as I am now with you." Mr. Williams calmly whispered in his wife's ear.

Mrs. Williams weeps softly and was only able to say: "I feel the exact same way. I love you and I'm sorry I can't stay."

As Mrs. Williams life fades away they keep holding hands. Mr. Williams holds her tight, never wanting to let go. He kisses her slowly and she takes her last breath. This is the end of the story of Miss James.

By: Yessy ©©©©

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.02.2010

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