Children Surrender
BEGINNING
If you ask me, loving is letting go; for good. But obviously some people –or rather most people- don’t agree with me. Because, when I expressed my love and let go, I was in more trouble than anyone would imagine.
Where I live, people are nice and polite. Our daily lives are what a city person would call ‘boring’, but to us it’s just…’normal’. You see, my little town Johnson County is in the suburbs of Colorado. We have such a perfect little town…
Perfect two story houses.
Perfect lawns.
Perfect neighbors.
And I, Guinevere, the not so perfect son of Mr. and Mrs. Hunter.
***
Who succeeds to come to school late on the very first day? I do.
I was on the front steps of Johnson County Private High School for Boys and Girls when the bell rang. It’s stupid for our school to have such a fancy name, after all, it is the only high school in Johnson County, thus the only private one or the only school any girl or boy could go to anyways.
It is my senior year this year and I never heard anyone address our school with its full name. Ever.
Whatever, as I said, the first bell of the year had rung, and I was late.
Not unexpected.
I didn’t know where my new locker was.
Not unexpected.
When I dashed into the science lab where my first lesson was, all seats were already taken.
Not unexpected.
Except one.
Where I sat.
Where I fell in love.
Unexpected.
***
“Hi, I’m new.” I had just sat on the vacant seat. I didn’t even look at who was gunna be sitting next to me, so I was struck with surprise when someone talked to me “Hm...?” was my only answer. There he was, the most beautiful human being my eyes had ever seen. And he was… “I said I’m new. My name’s Sumio.”
“H-hey! I’m Guinevere…” he smiled at me. My insides melted “And I’m not new!” Then, he turned away. But I couldn’t. He was sitting there as a Greek God in a school uniform. Soon he realized I was literally staring at him. “Um… Is something wrong?” I panicked “What? Oh no, I was just…looking at your…highlights!” and I guess I really was. He had fine brown hair, with wine-red highlights. He was trying to tuck his hair behind his ear. He gave me another smile, but then he continued to focus on the lesson. He didn’t care a bit about me, and why should he? He was too perfect to. Perfect…
***
ENDING
“Ahem, excuse me? I believe that is my seat?” It was a ‘girl’ sitting next to Sumio –my Sumio- where I should’ve been sitting. I guess any other guy other than me would consider hot, but all I considered about her was ‘thief’. Sumio answered “Oh, hi Gwen… I believe it’s ok if you swap places with my friend Alicia here?” I wanted to PUNCH Alicia. Pullherhairkickherasspokehereyescutoffherfingers. But I did non of these ‘fantastic’ ideas. But instead, I just said “Sure…” and without hesitating I gushed out, and ran to the mens room. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I looked into the mirror. How dull I was, how ugly, how unvaluable. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cough my lungs out. So I tried. I screamed and screamed and screamed on the top of my lungs. No one came in. I doubt that anyone even heard me. I wanted them to hear me. I wanted them to…
***
Human beings… Don’t we just love to destroy delicacies of what mother nature gave us! We burn forests down, hunt animals to extinction. I guess it’s in our nature. And maybe that’s the way its supposed to be. That’s how I came up with the idea of walking home to find my dads’ - pardon me- Mr. Hunters’ hunting gun.
I remember Mr. Hunter taking me along to one of his hunting trips. I was probably 8 or 9. But that was the last time he took me to any trip.
***
As I held the gun in my hands, I knew it was more than a toy. I was ready to destroy one of the wonders this world ever hosted. Sumio, HERE I COME!
As I entered the school building, I realized I had no idea where Sumio was, or which classroom. So I started off with the science lab. He wasn’t there. Other, meaningless faces were staring at me and the gun with horror. So before I moved onto the next class I shot each student one-by-one. As I shot each student, the more fright came to the faces of the remaining ones. And as I saw more of the fright in their faces, I enjoyed each kill even more and more. As I killed the last student, after putting off the teacher, I experienced the feeling of truly letting go. This was love. This was passion. This was Sumio.
I heard the commotion in the hall before I saw it. It smelled good. It smelled like panic. It smelled like victory. Everyone was running out to the main entrance. I should’ve used a silencer… Atleast I hadn’t forgotten to bring a U LOCK along with me to lock all the doors before shooting anyone. They were trapped, and where ever he was, Sumio in this whole crowd, he was trapped too.
I was confused. A part of me was shouting “What the heck are you doing? You just murdered a classroom of people!” while the other part was more likely whispering “If you kill the older students first, the younger students will be freaked out to death which will give you more pleasure…” I had already begun this business, so it was my duty to finish it. “I GIVE YOU TEN SECONDS TO RUN!” I didn’t know what my point was but I surely was having lots of fun. People were running around like black spots on a broken TV screen. I grinned at the scene. Then, they went down. Bam. Bam. BAM!
And there he was, Sumio, freezing at his spot, praying that he won’t be next. I ran at him, put the gun behind his neck, telling him to move it.
ALTERNATIVE END 1
Finally we got to the classroom where I slaughtered my first pray; the science lab. It was quiet in here.
***
Sometimes a little talk solves it all. Sometimes it doesn’t.
“So Sumio, I guess I’ll be able to sit next to you till the end of eternity since Alicia is dead.” His eyes went wide “Alicia?” I gave a chuckle “Yes! Your…what is she, your girlfriend? Just a friend? Or is she just a girl? One of those girls that you lost count of?” his eyes even went wider “Please don’t kill me, but I’ve got no idea on who you’re talking about…” I was ready to end his life. My finger felt like water on soap on the trigger. “I thought it was just gossip, but you ARE really crazy!”
Then I remembered.
I remember what happened on that unforgettable hunting trip. I had nearly shot my dad, on purpose. They took me to a psychiatrist. I told them over and over again it was just an accident, but even I had trouble believing my own words. I remember the psychiatrist, Mr. Golan asking me “Why did you want to shoot your dad? Do you know?” of course I knew, so I told him “He is not really my dad. He is an alien from outer space who plans on taking over me and my mother first, then Johnson County, then over the whole world! We are in grave danger! He can hear every word I’m saying right now! We must hide or he’ll suck our brains!” I had told him everything with the whole truth, but all he heard was “blah blah blah DELUSIONS blah blah blah HALLUCINATIONS blah blah blah I’M SCHIZOPHRENIC.”
***
Sumio closed his eyes, regretting his last words. But I didn’t shoot him. Afterall he WAS right. I WAS crazy. There WAS no Alicia.
And worst of all, there WAS no damn reason for me to kill all those innocent people. There were 56 of them. All dead. What I was angry at, I don’t even remember. But it was too late. Too late to rewind things. So I left Sumio –alive- in the lab, to kill the remaining of the restless souls.
My idea was perfect.
I had come to this school, with the plan to kill Sumio - and Sumio only.
But in the end of the day, Sumio was going to be the only survivor.
As I killed the last student I still knew there was one person left to kill.
Myself.
I gave the gun to Sumio and asked him to pull the trigger on me.
So he did.

ALTERNATIVE END 2
As we moved to the science lab, I hadn’t realized someone was fallowing us. Finally I thought we were alone with Sumio. It was nice and quiet. The ideal place to kill my love. I asked him “So, are you going to say you love me now?” He knew he had to. But instead, a voice behind me replied “Yes, yes I love you.” It was one of the dumbass jocks who had bullied me. He continued “Guinevere, I’m so sorry. I know I’m one of those countless reasons why you wanted to kill all these people in the first place.” Yes, he was. But I didn’t care about his sorry anymore. It was too late. And he was interrupting a perfect kill. “All I want to say is, I kept teasing you because I was afraid.” He was getting on my nerves “AFRAID OF WHAT!?” I saw a tear slide down his cheek. Now I pointed the gun at him, and in the meanwhile Sumio hid behind a desk. “Afraid to love you. To discover that I’m actually gay. To be one of those people I make fun of. A fag…” now I was crying too “But the truth is, I do love you, and I’m sorry. So why don’t you put that gun down so we can make a new start?”
An new start? That meant putting everything behind me.
The past, when I nearly shot my dad on that hunting trip.
The past, when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
The past, when I didn’t get enough love, from my parents, from any of my peers, from anyone.
The past, when I should’ve gotten help.
The present, today, when I killed a bunch of innocent people.
Then I looked up at him. Him who was asking me with all his heart to begin with a blank page. “My name’s Columbine.” I put the gun on the floor and embraced my new start…

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.11.2011

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dedicated to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold