Inhalt

Story

“GRANDMAMMA KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!”

An Outrageously Illegal African American Gospel Comedy!

Written By

CECIL RAY HARPER

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

DEDICATION 3

CAST OF CHARACTERS - MAJOR 4

CHARACTERS - MINOR 5

CHARACTERS - EXTRAS 6

SCENE BREAK DOWN (PROPS) 6

SCENE BREAK DOWN (SYNOPSIS) 07

ACT I - SCENE I 09

ACT I - SCENE II 16

ACT I - SCENE III 45

INTERMISSION 85

ACT II - SCENE I 86

ACT II - SCENE II 112

ACT II - SCENE III 134

ACT III - SCENE I 156

EPILOGUE 160

CURTAIN CALL

DIRECTORS' COMMENTS

FINAL CURTAIN CALL AND CAST BOW

CLOSE CURTAINS

END SHOW

Dedication

First I would like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the awesome price that was paid for my salvation! All things were created by Him and through Him all things exist! The following pages of humor and wit, (I hope they are perceived as humor and wit?) are the sole product of the Holy Spirit! (Minus some of the character language!) I, as playwright, have been given the opportunity and privilege to only ‘hold the pen.’

To my son, Joshua, Watch what God does in your dad’s life! Remember there is nothing in life that you cannot achieve or be if you work hard at it! Above all else…YOU ARE GOING TO BE GREAT! (Keep God close to you!)

Acknowledgements

Dr. Donna Cook, PhD: You were one of the first to see potential in me. You backed it up with deeds and not just words!

Deedy East: We’ve know each other for over 20 years. A dream deferred is not a dream abandoned! You go girl…you just go! Can you say; $$$ CHAA CHING $$$

Sue Diaz: A fellow writer and friend. You mean more to me than you will ever know!

Ricky, Daryl and David: My brothers. How rich can one man be?

Michelle and Christy Smith: You’ve seen the bad … behold a little of the good!

Bishop Eric Sharpe: Your wisdom and godly words of encouragement are truly a blessing to me!

Mrs. Jennie Hamilton: Thanks for producing “The Power of the Tongue” in 2010!

Ms. Tanya Kersey: Knowing Ms. Kersey is moving in some pretty big Hollywood circles!

Mr. Michael Charter: Whom God touched to help produce this project to get on DVD!

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Major

GRANDMAMMA:

African American female. Age range between 50 and 65 years. Feisty, opinionated, rambunctious. Broad range of comic ability. Physically fit. Religious. Lead role.

BUBBA BROWN:

African American male. Age between 30 and 45 years. High strung, conniving, manipulative. Runs the gamut between the dramatic and the comedic. Addict. Lead role.

T-BONE:

African American male. Age between 25 and 45years. Bubba's best friend. The only one in Bubba’s group who comes to his senses. Cool, calm and collected. Speaks with a clear conscience. And the voice of reason.

HAM HOCK:

Race Neutral: Age range 25 to 37 years. Flamboyant, outrageous, voice of reason.

PICKLE TIPS:

Race Neutral: Age between 18 and 30 years. This (Faux) brother is ‘Out there!’ The youngest of the group. Provides most of the comic relief.

DR. CLAUDINE BODEEN:

African American Male: Flamboyant, part Billy Graham. Sincere. Strong comic relief. Head of the ‘Royal Order of the Naked Moose Lodge.’

REV. RUNAMUCK:

African American Male: Brother of Dr. Bodeen. Crazier than his brother. He is the pastor of a church but this shepherd has lost the common sense God gave man decades ago.

STRAWBERRY DELIGHT:

Race open. A sight to behold. Missing two front teeth. A ‘Rock Star’ and I don’t mean rock and roll. Toe up from the floor up.

JUDGE BETTY MO:

Black Female: Can be cast race neutral with slight dialog modification. Known around the court house as Judge Betty ‘No Mo!’ Suffice it to say, the judge don’t play! Needs broad comic ability.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY:

White Male preferably. Can be cast race neutral. Mid 30’s to 50’s. Articulate, passionate, opinionated. Atheist to the core!

PROSECUTION ATTORNEY:

Female: Race neutral. Broad age range. Strong comic ability! Professional appearance, but retains the child like nature inside of her.

CHARACTERS

Minor

BROTHER JOE:

African American male: Age between 18 and 46 years. Struggles with foot-n-mouth disease sexual addict strong comic flair needed.

BAILIFF:

Male race open. This role is primary one of response to the behavior of other principle characters.

SISTER TWO STEP:

Race open: Overzealous religious nut, age open.

BROTHER YOUNGBLOOD

Race open. Middle-age to senior citizen. Cantankerous old coot who wishes for youthful bygone days. Ready to fight at the drop of a hat!

Extras

Members of the jury

Members of the church

SCENE BREAK DOWN

(Props)

ACT I

Scene I

(Props)

Living room setting: An old beat up couch. A recliner. A TV. There is a lamp by the couch. An end table at the end of the couch. A beat up dining room table, with a tablecloth. A remote control for the TV. An old fashioned phone, with cord. Typical middle class setting.

ACT I

Scene II

(Props)

Church setting: A pulpit or podium for the minister. Between ten (10) to fifteen (15) chairs for the congregation. Two additional large chairs for the podium

ACT I

Scene III

(Props)

Living room setting: Same as in Act I. The emphasis is on the dining room table, which sits center stage. Four chairs around the table. A six-pack of beer. A bottle of Hennessy. Four cognac glasses. A pack of rolling papers. A black iron cast skillet. *Special effects: Make believe blood needs to be presented. It must ‘gush’ out in abundance, as it represents a violent brutal heinous murder. It must be visible from the last row in the theater. This is crucial for the desired effect needed.

INTERMISSION

ACT II

Scenes I, II & III

(Props)

Courtroom setting: Judges bench, defense and prosecution tables. A pair of handcuffs. A pitcher and a gavel for the judges’ bench. Two briefcases. A police or bailiff's uniform. Shackles. An orange prison jumpsuit. A large Bible. An old fashioned stock where three (3) heads can stick out. A bottle of pink pills (Midol.)

ACT III

Scene I

(Props)

News conference setting: A platform for the Press Spokesman. Several newspaper reporters. Writing tablets and pens for the reporters.

SCENE BREAK DOWN

ACT I

Scene I

(Synopsis)

As the curtain opens, we find Grandmamma sitting in the recliner. Her feet are propped up on the chair stool. She has a remote control in her hand. The voice of the game show ‘The Price is Right.’ is heard coming through the TV set. Grandmamma is really into the game show. Just then the phone rings, it's Aunt Ethel. Later we are introduced to her grandson Bubba. The plot is set up in the first act.

ACT I

Scene II

(Synopsis)

As the curtains open for the start of the Scene II, we are treated to a rousing, soul stirring gospel rendition of a ‘High Energy’ song. (Something along the lines of Kurt Franklin’s ‘Revolution’) (The whole second act is nothing but high energy!) The choir is caught up in the spirit. The congregation is all on their feet. Their hands and feet show the whole church is really into the music. . As the minister approaches the podium, we start the crazy and outrageous Scene II.

ACT I

Scene III

(Synopsis)

The curtain opens to the same setting as in the first act but in a different part of the house. The living room furnishings are placed in the background. We have Bubba on the phone, and the audience can hear his conversation. Later T-Bone shows up with a bunch of bibles and Bubba is fit to be tied. As Bubba assaults T-Bone Grandmamma walks in and pushes Bubba off of T-Bone. Scene III ends in the murder of Grandmamma by Bubba with a cast iron skillet.

End Scene III.

INTERMISSION

15 Minute respite

(Where food concessions and merchandise may be purchased)

ACT II

Scenes I, II, III

(Synopsis)

The curtain opens to what is now a courtroom setting. The judge is seated at the bench. Both prosecution and defense attorneys are in their respective places. We now see Bubba brought into the courtroom handcuffed and shackled. He can hardly walk, as his legs are constricted due to the tightness of his shackles. The chains make an obvious noise, as they follow Bubba across the floor wherever he goes. The bailiff escorts him into the courtroom until he reaches the defense attorney's table. Begin Scene II.

ACT III

Scene I

(Synopsis)

Bubba, having been found guilty of the crime of murder, is sentenced to death. Several reporters are gathered for a news conference. A spokeswoman for the Governor addresses the news reporters. End Recovery Version Production.

*(There is an additional epilogue scene which will not be released at this time. Once this project becomes on DVD format then we will offer the additional scene(s) as a ‘bonus feature’

ACT I

SCENE: I

TIME: Early Sunday morning.

AT RISE: As the curtains open we find GRANDMAMMA sitting in the living room wearing her robe. She has curlers in her hair and a remote control in her hand. The television is on and GRANDMAMMA is watching the Price is Right. She is sitting on the edge of her chair about to have a nervous breakdown! We hear the voice of BOB BARKER coming from the TV. There is a cup of coffee and GRANDMAMMA takes a sip. Right after she takes a sip GRANDMAMMA spits out the coffee.

Begin dialogue:

GRANDMAMMA

(GRANDMAMMA spits out the coffee.)

OH LORD HAVE MERCY!

(GRANDMAMMA is talking to the TV.)

THIS FOOL IS GOING TO SPIN AGAIN! … YOU - DON’T – SPIN – AGAIN – ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT– WHEN – YOU – HAVE – 95 - CENTS!

(Jumping out of the chair and still yelling as if someone is there.)

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! … YA GOT A DIME! … … A DOLLAR AND FIVE CENTS! "THAT’S IT! … I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!"

(GRANDMAMMA throws the remote control down. Just then the phone rings.)

"HELLO … ETHEL? … YEA GIRL I SAW IT! … SHE HAD 95 CENTS! … 95 CENTS! … AND SHE SPUN AGAIN! … WHAT? … DO I HAVE AN EXTRA JAR OF MINT JELLY YOU CAN BORROW? … NO I DON’T ETHEL … WHAT?… CAN YOU BORROW A LEG OF LAMB?... IT HAS TO BE AT LEAST 15 POUNDS? … ETHEL I DON’T HAVE NO MINT JELLY AND I SURE DON’T HAVE A EXTRA 15 POUND LEG OF LAMB LYING AROUND THE KITCHEN! …WHY DON’T I LEARN TO TAKE A SHOPPING LIST WITH ME WHEN I DO MY GROCERIES? … I GOT - TA GO … BYE ETHEL!"

(GRANDMAMMA hangs up the phone. Just then, we hear the sound of a toilet flushing off-stage. Soon after, we are introduced to the second main character BUBBA who enters stage right. There is a conspicuous trail of toilet paper stuck to his shoe. BUBBA also has two pieces of toilet paper stuck to his face.)

BUBBA

WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?

GRANDMAMMA

“OLE BEGGING."

BUBBA

ETHEL?

GRANDMAMMA

YEA! … OLE BEGGING ETHEL! … AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WAS BEGGING FOR? … … A LEG OF LAMB! … … A WHOLE LEG OF LAMB?"

BUBBA

"WAS THE LEG OF LAMB FOR HER GRANDMA?"

GRANDMAMMA

NO FOOL! … IT’S PART OF OBAMA’S STIMULUS PACKAGE!

BUBBA

WOW! ANY PRESIDENT WHO PASSES OUT WHOLE LEGS OF LAMB DESERVES TO BE REELECTED! … I HEARD OF A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT. … BUT A LAMB IN EVERY OVEN? … HOT DAMN! … NOW THAT’S A PRESIDENT!

GRANDMAMMA

BOY YOU DON’T HAVE THE SENSE GOD GAVE A HORSE FLY!

BUBBA

GRANDMAMMA … THAT’S A TRICK QUESTION! … EVEN I KNOW THAT HORSES CAN’T FLY! … EXCEPT THE HORSES IN HEAVEN.

GRANDMAMMA

WHAT?

BUBBA

(BUBBA delivers the following line with a straight face and a matter-of-fact voice.)

THE GOOD BOOK SAY’S THAT WHEN JESUS RETURNS FROM HEAVEN HE WILL BE RIDING ON A WHITE HORSE! … SO IF THE HORSE IS IN THE AIR … IT MUST BE A FLYING HORSE? … UNLESS OF COURSE JESUS MAKES DIRT FROM HEAVEN TO EARTH … YOU KNOW … FOR THE HORSE TO RIDE ON … WHAT DO YOU THINK GRANDMAMMA? … WILL JESUS MAKE DIRT FROM HEAVEN TO EARTH? … OR WILL HE USE GRASS INSTEAD? … AND IF HE USES GRASS … WILL JESUS USE REAL GRASS OR ARTIFICIAL TURF? … I PERSONALLY THINK JESUS CAN GET A BETTER DEAL IF HE WERE TO USE ARTIFICIAL TURF? … I’M SURE HOME DEPOT WOULD GIVE HIM A DISCOUNT BEING THE MESSIAH AND ALL? … WHAT’D YOU THINK?

GRANDMAMMA

(GRANDMAMMA just stares at BUBBA with her mouth wide open for about a good ten (10) seconds.)

BUBBA

I KNEW IT! … ARTIFICIAL TURF! …DO YOU THINK JESUS WOULD QUALIFY FOR ANY FEDERAL STIMULUS MONEY?

GRANDMAMMA

(GRANDMAMMA shakes her head and goes over to the stereo. She plays a line from ‘Yall Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind, Up In Here! Up In Here!')

BUBBA I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR FOOLISHNESS THIS MORNING! … I’VE GOT TO GET READY FOR CHURCH!

(GRANDMAMMA exits the stage.)

BUBBA

(BUBBA watches GRANDMAMMA exit off stage and scratches his head in bewilderment. BUBBA then pulls out his cell phone and we hear the following conversation.)

"T-BONE? … YEAH THIS IS BUBBA. … LOOK, THE OLE BITTY WILL BE LEAVING FOR CHURCH SOON. … ROUND UP, HAM-HOCK AND PICKLE TIPS. … WE'LL HAVE THE HOUSE ALL TO OUR SELF’S. … I'M PLAYING THIS OLD WOMAN LIKE SHE WAS BORN YESTERDAY! DON'T LOSE THAT MONEY I FRONTED YOU WITH! … I

BUBBA

(Cont.)

COULD CARE LESS IF IT IS MY GRAND MAMMA’S RENT MONEY! … JUST GET THE STUFF. … GOTTA RUN, SHE'S COMING BACK. … PEACE OUT!"

GRANDMAMMA

(GRANDMAMMA enters back on stage. She has on her Sunday go-to-meeting clothes, big dressed up church hat and purse in hand.)

"BUBBA YOU SEEN MY BIBLE?"

BUBBA

"YEAH, IT'S IN MY ROOM. … ONE OF THE LEGS ON MY DESK IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHERS. … SO I USED THE BIBLE TO MAKE MY DESK BALANCE OUT EVEN."

GRANDMAMMA

(Frustrated and upset while voice rises.)

"BOY! … YOU NEED THE GOOD BOOK TO BALANCE OUT YOUR LIFE! … NOT YOUR DESK!"

BUBBA

"GRANDMAMMA DON’T START THAT PREACHING! … MY LIFE IS JUST FINE THE WAY IT IS!"

GRANDMAMMA

(Yelling.)

"YA NEED JESUS THAT’S WHAT WRONG WITH YOU! … YOU’RE TRYING TO FIND PEACE IN LIFE WITHOUT THE PRINCE OF PEACE! … BUBBA YOU FOOL AROUND AND DIE WITH OUT THE LORD … BOY YOU’RE GOING TO BE IN A WORLD OF HURT!"

BUBBA

(Defensive and yelling.)

"I DON’T NEED NO GOD TO SAVE ME! … ME AND MY SOUL ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE! … IF I DIE AND FIND OUT I NEED JESUS … I’M SURE HE’LL TURN UP! … I’LL SMOOTH THINGS OUT WITH HIM THEN!"

GRANDMAMMA

(Losing her mind.)

"JUST FINE HUH? … OKAY. … BUT DON’T SAY I DIDN’T TRY AND WARN YOU!"

BUBBA

"GRANDMAMMA YOU REALLY NEED TO GET OFF THIS GOD KICK! … PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN GOD ARE UNEDUCATED, NARROW MINDED AND OLD FASHIONED!"

GRANDMAMMA

"ON THE CONTRARY … PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN JESUS ARE HIP, SMART AND GOT IT GOING ON! … HALLELUJAH!"

(GRANDMAMMA gets her shout on!)

BUBBA

"WHATEVER … I’M A PLAYER … AND PLAYERS DON’T NEED NO GOD!"

GRANDMAMMA

"SO YOU’RE A PLAYER … HUH?"

BUBBA

"FIRST CLASS ALL THE WAY B-A-B-Y!"

GRANDMAMMA

"FIRST OFF … I’M NOT YOUR BABY … I’M YOUR GRANDMOTHER! … SECOND … YOU NEED TO SEE IF YOU CAN PLAY YOURSELF INTO A JOB!"

BUBBA

"OH HERE WE GO AGAIN! … IT’S THE SAME OLE THING … FIND A JOB? … GET A JOB? … KEEP A JOB!"

GRANDMAMMA

(They are both in a yelling match.)

"YOU’D STILL BE WORKING IF YOU HADN’T DECIDED TO GET STONED IN THE BACKROOM INSTEAD OF HELPING THE CUSTOMERS!"

(Said very sarcastically.)

"WHAT YOU NEED TO DO … ‘PLAYER’ … IS REST THAT BRAIN OF YOURS FROM ALL THAT DOPE AND ALCOHOL YOU BEEN FOOLING WITH! … THAT’S WHAT YOUR BLACK BEHIND NEEDS TO DO!"

BUBBA

(Stated in a matter-of-fact way.)

"I TOLD YOU GRANDMAMMA … I DON’T GET HIGH ANYMORE! … AND WHEN I USED TO GET HIGH … I MADE SURE I TOOK GOOD CARE OF MY HEALTH … THAT’S WHY I ONLY USED … ORGANIC DOPE!"

GRANDMAMMA

"ORGANIC DOPE?"

BUBBA

"ORGANIC WEED! … ORGANIC CRACK! … ORGANIC HEROIN! … HELL … IT DOESN’T GET ANY HEALTHIER THAN THAT!"

GRANDMAMMA

(Throws her hands up in the air.)

“LORD HAVE MERCY! …NOW I KNOW I'VE GOT TO GET TO CHURCH THIS MORNING!"

(She starts to exit the stage and turns around and speaks to BUBBA.)

"MAKE SURE YOU RESPECT MY HOUSE WHILE I’M GONE! … YOU HEAR ME! … OR THE ONLY ORGANIC CRACK YOU’RE GOING TO TASTE IS MY FOOT UP THE CRACK

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Texte: Cecil Ray Harper
Bildmaterialien: Synthe Productions
Cover: WestPeak Books
Lektorat: Solomon J Davis
Übersetzung: Cecil Ray Harper
Satz: Reeves Travis
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.09.2020
ISBN: 978-3-7487-5687-3

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