Reminisce (Part 1)

Love and Stadiums: Reminisce (Part 1)
So much.. so much to talk about.. to let out of my heart and on to this virtual book, I call Love and Stadiums. I think God blesses me with some fine people that I can keep for a very long time. You are one of those people. To think, that we've overcame many obstacles, and that you and I are still best of friends.. It says a lot. To know that no matter what happened, you're still in my life is extremely amazing. The fact that we were mature to let each other go, and still be in each others arms, proves a lot. I can proudly say that you were such a fine girlfriend to me, and you will always keep a piece of me in you. I gave you my trust, I gave you my heart, I gave you.. me. I know we're not together, and we may never get the chance to date again, but I want you to know; that I will always love you no matter what. I know we barely talk, and we have lost contact, but this book will regain our friendship, and hopefully you and I can be more closer than ever before. I hope you appreciate the little things I do for you. I know this isn't much, but these are my words to you. Love, Luis.
Have you ever thought, 'Gee, why is he with me? Why did he choose me over the large amount of girls in the world? Why me? Why me?' I'll answer that. I chose you because you stood out, over every other girl. What we shared was so special, something I have never felt ever. I know you're two years older, and that makes you more mature than I am. I handle things differently, but you and I had this bond. This bond that kept us together. That let us cooperate freely, and love each other equally. I chose you, because I knew that I had to have you. My greediness, got the hold of me, when I broke up with you. It's funny how love changes in such a little amount of time. Maybe I wasn't in love, and I thought I was. Maybe my heart played games, and I was confused. But I chose you for a reason. I chose you because we were so close and I knew that no matter what went wrong, you and I were always going to remain on each other's side. You can live on the other side of the world, and I would have still dated you. I would have done everything I possibly could to keep us together. Do I regret leaving you? Yes, I do. Do I regret having you? No, no I don't. This wonderful experience was beautiful, and everything we shared was amazing. And I could never replace this with anything in the world. Because you have always been special to me, and I would never erase you from my memories.
It's been over a year since I've met you, on a silly game. But I love the fact that I got the chance to meet you, and got to know you. You have no idea how great it feels now to know a person like you. And don't you ever forget all the beautiful moments we had. They're obviously ones for the book, ones you want to cherish in your heart for ever. I love the fact that when you and I met, we hooked up instantly. We were best of friends, and we would flirt with each other, even though I had a girlfriend. I don't know, if it was because I had been selfish and greedy. Or if it was because I had fallen in love with you. But then came one day, that I had to make a decision and do one of the hardest things I had ever done, and that was to break up with the girl that I dated for more than a year. And if you were to ask me why, why did I do that to such an amazing person, and how could I possibly live with myself after so long of love and peace and happiness? I'd tell you, that the reason why I left her, was so that you and I could have the chance, have the opportunity to give 'us' a shot, and take advantage of the time, and call it love.
But the real question here is, 'What is love?' I have no clue. It's something we ought to feel. An emotion you feel after you found the right one. The one that you'd fight for over and over again. Us being young, we are so ignorant to our surroundings, that we lose control of who we are as human beings, and we become confuse, and abuse our power to maintain a healthy and long relationship with the people we should love forever. I admit, we've done some horrible things to hurt the people around us. Was it wrong? It sure was. We worried so much about us, that it led pain to others, and we did not see that. And how, how could we ever possibly live with ourselves after all the damage that was caused? But as I said, we were so ignorant, that we didn't care. We cared about ourselves, and we did everything we could to keep each other happy. But I ask, was it truly happiness? That's a question that will take time for any of us to answer.
An honor it was, to become your first ever boyfriend. But I have to ask; Why me? Why did it take so long for you to give your heart out? Do you regret the fact that we dated for only four months? Do you regret having the chance to go out with me? I have to let you know, that when you admitted me being your first boyfriend, it made my heart melt. But I was so broken down, because we weren't together at the time. I wish you had told me, but I guess what's done, is done. However, I have to admit, that you were such a beautiful and lovely girlfriend. I loved everything you and I had. And like the fact that you were always caring and worried about me. It means a lot now, then what it did back then. Because I took that for granted, and I guess now, I'm thankful to know that you were the only girl that ever was like that. That's a beautiful quality to have. Something you should never let go, or change. Because people like you, don't really exist. This world is already filled up with so much negativity, that we need more people like you. We need the extra push, we need the love and support that you've given me. So as your first boyfriend, and your first ex. I have to say, that only those who deserve you, should get a shot. Because I don't ever want those who are so unthankful, and harsh to ever dare come close to you. And I promise, I will always be by your side to guide you through this dark and narrow road we call life. I will always be your friend, and love. And we're going to go through so much together, but we're going to have a beautiful friendship I tell you. One that I will never forget, and one that I hope you won't ever forget either.

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With so little time I have for myself, it's been real hard to try to communicate with you. And so, I don't know when I will be able to talk to you. But I promise, and I promise you. You are always on my mind, and this is only part one of a three part saga. I can't really call this a book yet, but I promised you that I was going to do this. Now that I actually had time today, I started and it'll take time to finish, but I am going to finish this. I had the day off because I'm sick, and I was reminising back to when we were so close, and we dated, and all the wonderful memories you and I had. And to know that we're slowly faded, I hope this will bring us back together once again. Remember, Love will always shine in our lives. So we got to show that we're strong, and we should smile over all the negativity that we've delt with. I can't wait to talk to you again, Krisanta Chantel Beecher. I love you so much, with all my heart. And no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing, I will always think of you as my own, and I will always love you, because I don't ever want you to leave from my heart. Take care sweetheart, love always shines. Remember that.
Love & Stadiums - Part 1 of 3
#OVOXO

Heartbreak (Part 2)

Love and Stadiums: Heartbreak (Part 2)
It's so hard sometimes, knowing that we could have still been together. It's so hard, to know that we hurt each other. I look back, and I remind myself of all the beautiful things we went through. But I keep thinking, what if.. What if I were to come back and relive those wonderful moments again? Sad thing though, I tried that. And I failed.. and from that moment, I didn't know how I could ever live with myself, knowing that I got rejected by something so amazing. It should have never happened. I know that. But we're not perfect, and at such a young age, you are ignorant to life. Some people know more than others, and know what to do at difficult moments. I just wish.. that I could be like that. And as I stare out my window, and look out at the open, I see light.. I see life.. and I tell myself, that Life is such a wonderful thing. A thing that we should cherish forever, and take it less for granted.. Maybe it's just me.. maybe it's my way of life.. maybe..
Words stop, and emotions drop. I look at everything in the past, and how I wish we could just go back.. and never run forward. Because if I could, I would.. You are such a beautiful and wonderful girl. How I know, that you'll be with someone else soon.. I've given you confidence to love, I've given you hope to try again. But not with me.. with another guy? And to my consequence, am I suffering to watch that play out. You are happy, yet I am sad. You are up, and I.. I am down. And I don't blame you, I blame myself.. because I let this happen. You deserve the better, you deserve the warmth, and the happiness given by other people. I deserve karma, and to be let alone and just suffer. Because I know that I'm not right. I'm doing so much, yet I'm failing. I'm lying to myself, and to others.. I'm cheating myself. And it's not right. I have no clue what I'm doing, and I want to so badly.. I'm losing myself, because I'm losing you.. And I don't know when I'll be better again.. But until, I can find myself, is when I can get back up and find you. Because as much as I'm lost.. you're lost too.
I took a break writing, cause I'm getting mixed feelings. And I don't know. I'm losing it. You won't have to worry about me. Cause I have a feeling you're doing fine without me. You know? I'm doing this cause I promised you this.. but after this I don't know where our destiny will go. Cause, I can't bring you down with me. It's a shame, how badly hurt I am, and no matter what I try, I can't heal. It's hard, and I guess. That's why maybe I haven't been talking to you much. Because I'm scared of going back and getting myself hurt again. And I know how great you're doing now. So I don't want to get in the way of your happiness just so that you can watch me suffer, it's just not right.
So whatever lies in front of our friendship.. it just happens. This part's short.. because I don't know how much more I can write.. I shouldn't have even ended it. I'm sorry.. but this is why it's called Heartbreak. Cause after you get crushed, all your feelings and soul.. gets thrown out onto a piece of paper, hoping that it'll grab the attention of those you love. And if it doesn't then you should just keep writing.
Love & Stadiums - Part 2 of 3
#OVOXO

Recovery (Part 3)

Love & Stadiums - Part 3 (Recovery)
I'm skipping homework to write you this last part, the last part of the book, Love & Stadiums. I've poured my soul and tears typing all this up, and as much as it hurts writing out all my feelings I want to say that I respect you as a human being, and as my friend. I know we've drifted apart, and all I want is for us to come back together. But I don't know whether or not that's right, because all we'll do is fade again.. You see, I have this fear of losing you, because I already have. To lose you again, it'll be so hard to live with, so I have to ask, whether or not you want me in your life.
We've struggled in this friendship. We've cried, we've laughed, we've argued.. but we have always been together and never gave up. I always thought that someone like you never existed, but I was mistaken. You taught me that there are beautiful people in the world, and you taught me well. You have demonstrated beautiful friendship that is rare today. You show care, you show love, you show your individual, and you have no clue how great that is. I am such a lucky person to know that you used to be my girlfriend, and I am still lucky that you're still in my life.
We took a chance, we took a risk, we've merged together, and we became into something I never pictured us being, and that's close friends. Writing this has made me realize how bad of a person I am. I lost control of who I was, and for that reason I have become confused on my identity. I lost something so valuable to me, that I can never reget. I lost the one person who used to send me morning messages on a daily basis. I lost someone who took care of me, no matter how many miles you were from me. I lost someone I should have been more thankful for. I lost someone who was always caring, always lovable, always passionate. I lost someone who was unique, the one who made me laugh, and smile, the one who shared beautiful wonderful moments with me, and the one who gained my heart and trust. You have no idea how hurt I am today, with all the things I go through, I struggle with, and its just so hard to live with yourself. Sometimes, it's just like.. 'I wanna cut to the chase, and just end it with no ending.' You showed me however, I should be thankful for every second of my life, because I am so lucky, I have wonderful, wondeful things. And that's something I can never thank enough for. You saved me from the hell that I been through. You saved me from my own self. You made me who I've become today.. and I can never say enough to say my thank you's. Actions may not even prove it either.
You are a person I will never regret meeting. You are a person who I will remember all my life. Who knew that an online could help you meet someone that could always be there for you? Whether you moved on, or whether or not you care anymore.. I want you to know, that I will always love you as if you were still mine, because I know that no matter how hard I try, no matter who I'm dating.. I'm going to think of you. That's why it hurts so much, because you made such a great impact in my life. You have no clue. We have so much ahead of us, and this.. this is just the beggining of a beautiful friendship. I hope it lasts forever, and that we stay in contact no matter where our destiny leads us. I could never wish for more out of you. Thank you for being in my life, thank you.. for everything.. You rescued me. And thus ends this story.. with a simple and complex.. 'I love you.' You showed me what love truly is.. The end.
Love & Stadiums - Part 3 of 3

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Texte: Picture's off tumblr. -LuProductionsz 2009-2011
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.11.2011

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I dedicate this story to my ex-girlfriend/bestfriend, Chantel Beecher.