Lillie ann and sammie may were not best friends, they had never been friends, ever since a young age. They both shared the same golden blonde hair and frosty grey eyes, people would think they were related from their looks which were so similar. But they had such different personalities, lillie was a shy girl who didn't have any friends and sammie was one of the few that tortured her life, she didn't have the greatest home life either. Lillie hated her life, she had an abusive father and a drunken mother who was rarely around, an older step brother who did what he pleased with her but yet she managed to stay on the brighter side of life.
Sammie was a loud, very popular girl who had parents that would spoil her all the time but they weren't around a lot, she could be quite cold hearted at times.

Lillie had angel kisses over her face, a straight nose, long golden blonde hair which was never tied up in any form, she was about 5'3 and very curvy but didn't eat much. She did have eating problems, she starved her self because she believed and took to the heart every hateful comment said to her. She could be very emotionally unstable.

Sammie was the opposite, she could be a cruel bitch, she bullied other girls, but lillie was her favourite target. She was 5'3 and curvy but she ate like a pig but because she was top dog, nobody ushered a word as they feared her.


Lillie


I tucked my frayed blonde hair behind my ear then nervously looked around, breathing out a sigh I realised my brother wasn't around, I tugged my thin faded blue hoodie on then prepared myself for the long walk to school. It was winter, snow had settled on the ground, trees stood bare, the icy bite was deadly. All I hoped was that I could make it to school before anybody decided to white wash me, It happened last winter and the experience was one of the most distressing I had been through but I have been through a lot worse, as there are so many secrets that nobody know. I grimaced at the memory.

I closed my mouth, the weight was getting heavier, I felt strangely warm and my whole body tingled, then it hit me, all I could see was white and the pressure was getting to me. The iciness chilled my bones, shivers racked my body but then I started to worry. I had stopped shivering. That meant my body couldn't attempt to keep me warm, I felt like needles were being stabbed into me everywhere then darkness came. My brother pulled me out, all I saw was his blurred face and his raven black hair shining brightly, he carried me home, kicked the door open, refusing to let go of me. Dumping me on his bed, he peeled my wet damp icy clothes off me, a rushing of water echoed down the hallway. He slid me in the bath, but stayed in the bathroom, his lustful eyes lingered all over my body. I felt so numb that I couldn't move at all, later that night he kept me in his bed and refused to let me go...

I stopped thinking about the memory there as it got worse, my life was hell, I couldn't escape.
Mark treated me awful but I didn't say a word, at first it was " accidental" like him touching my thigh or breast but then the would ask me to join him to watch a movie in his room. I wasn't that frightened of him, it was my father, he would hurt me if I gave mark any hassle. Mark use to stroke my thighs, soon his hand began to linger further up my leg. It was frustrating, I was too frightened to mention a word, the first time hurt like hell. He played with the edge of my panties then forced his fingers inside of me, he seemed to enjoy that, he stopped tracing his hands up my thighs and just got straight to the point. He would try all different things, he was dirty minded, it made me feel worthless and filthy. He tried lubricating his fingers with his saliva a few times then forcing them inside of me. I got "honeymooners disease" a few times, a fever, dull aching in the bottom of my back and it burned when I peed.


Time at home was hell and so was the time at school.

I had to admit, I was jealous of all those pretty girls, who got good grades, had all the money in the world and didn't go the things I went through. I only had one friend, that was sammie, she refused to be seen round school with me but later was a different matter, when I was younger, I always use to sneak off to her house whilst my parents abused each other. She lost a lot of weight, got rid of her bad case of spots and after dragging herself to the top, she was now part of sammies "posse".
Later when I came home, I could hear their loud moans from the bedroom, they didn't even bother to ask where I had been. My step brother Mark was a different matter, it seemed like his life goal to have me, but I never saw him in a way like that. He was a year older than me, he was adopted and was the trophy child, he had black hair and blue eyes. He was now seventeen, he still treated me like a child but my upbringing was retarded, he treated me like a child but the things he did to me... Well haunted me, my secrets were too shameful to tell anyone. What would they think? Sammie was called slut, whore and all sorts when she lost her virginity when she was almost fifteen but I had lost it when I was younger than that. Practically everyone thought I was a virgin but I wasn't, the truth was shocking, I lost it when I was thirteen, I was barely fourteen and it was by my own step brother. I know he won't hurt me if I don't do what he says, he gets dad to hurt me if I don't, dad is terrifying. Six foot five, flabby muscles from when he was in the army, a hard and always miserable face, unless mark has done something good or unless he is beating me. One thing he enjoys most is flicking lit cigs at me, but he also enjoys hitting me, he has eased off now because I just give in to marks demands. I just have to accept it, I am shit in school so I'm going to end up stuck with mark but I could run away if I wanted to. But I would properly end up as one of those runaways getting caught up in gang violence, then later be found raped and dead in some alley. They never make any news unless the girl was very attractive or her parents were rich, if it was me, I would just simply vanish.

At school, I'm know as the loser freak, as I have no friends and when people try to touch me, especially boys, I flinch away. I get called all sorts but I just try to escape into my own little world as I do when I'm with mark, I show no emotion but I pretend to not care but really inside, it tears me apart slowly. It's like I have a massive tear in my chest which just gets bigger and bigger with every hateful thing said and done.

I grab my bag then venture outside, little things always remind me of what mark does to me but its awful, violent flashes of memories and it just feels like I'm reliving the moment. After a long forty five minute walk, after nine ice balls hitting me, I am finally at school. My hell.


Sammie

I felt lonely being all alone at home, my parents were at another business vacation in Tokyo, grabbing the keys to my pink land rover, I drive the long excruciating ten minute journey to school. I look out the window then see freaky lillie ann, drenched with snow clinging to her blonde hair, she looks at me with a happy face, leaving me confused. Why the hell would she be happy? I am going to make her so miserable and I just have the greatest idea.


Lillie

I felt glares aimed at me, I hid behind my hair as I got shoved into a rusty old locker "Accidentally" by sammies boyfriend, when they though I had my back turned they laughed and bitched about me. Sammie was perfect, well everyone seemed to think that, she was rich, smart, had the most popular boy as her boyfriend and a million friends. Today I had a large bruise at the left side of my face, its slightly fading as it happened friday night, father hit me because I refused to give mark a fucking blow job. I have never given mark oral sex and I don't want to. I may have been forced to do things but mark hasn't ever forced me to do anything like that before, but he is becoming older and lately he has been talking a lot about love. I think he loves me but it's so wrong, I don't love him like a boyfriend, he is my brother, not flesh and blood but a brother all the same.

Class flew by, days passed and it was finally the day I always dreaded. Friday.

I made my way to english when ammie, smiled then actually came up to me. She actually talked to me. Talked. Not insulted.
She had long black hair, which had been recently dyed, her blue eyes looked me up and down, what she wore could be hardily counted as clothing and she looked like the makeup factory exploded on her face, She was one of them, In the end it was always Them and Me.
She leaned against a locker, her pink skirt rising up to almost show her arse.
Casually she said, whilst looking at her pink nails," So sammie wants you to come to this party at hers, here is the invite and do come, everybody is invited, if you don't have a dress, I'll drop one at yours," Her manicured hand passed me a neat invite and she walked off, swaying her hips side to side. Had this just happened? I opened the invite and saw it was this saturday. I don't think mark would be happy.

I raced home, mark wasn't here, waiting at the doorstep was a neat box with a blue bow, with excitement, I pulled the bow to reveal a sparkly grey dress. A little note was inside.

Lillie

Sorry for being a bitch, hope you like the dress, hope you show sam up. Btw curl you hair, blue eyeshadow, the heels are inside as well. xoxox
Ammie

I hid the box in my closet, then got changed into my nightie as it was late already. I heard a door open then slam. He was home. I raced downstairs, almost tripping, hoping not to get him angry. He smiled when he saw me, he lightly swayed then he collapsed onto the sofa, smirking he patted the seat beside him. Reluctantly I sat, his words were slightly slurred, in his hand was a vodka bottle. I had never drank alcohol as mark didn't like me to, unexpectantly he poured some of it down my throat then he said," How do you feel baby? Alcohol virgin," He laughed to himself then poured more down me, I felt dizzy but powered with new courage. My throat burned, I felt light but like I was glued to this world not able to escape into my own thoughts and block everything out.

Quietly I asked," Can I go to a party saturday?" His eyes shot to me then he said," What did you say?" I knew he had heard me but he was angry because of the alcohol.

I whispered it again then he roared," WHAT GO TO A PARTY WITH GUYS AND ALCOHOL! YOU ARE MINE AND NOBODY IS GOING TO FUCK YOU BUT ME!" He yanked me off the sofa, I was bent over it with my face squishing into the floral cushions, I was unable to breath. I heard him unzip his trousers, I knew what was going to happen now. He lifted my nighty up and ripped my pants off, the elastic tore into my skin and was painful. I closed my eyes, not being able to bare what was coming next, then he did the most shocking thing, he entered somewhere he had never ever ventured, the pain was shocking. I cried into the sofa pillows. He had entered my anal.

He let go of my hair and waist then chuckled to himself then whispered in my ear," Serves you right," I picked myself up then hobbled upstairs and cried myself to sleep. He was gone in the morning, the pain reminded me of the first time. He had continuously tried to penetrate me but it never worked as I screamed my head off, he tried in all different positions, some were just impossible. One he wanted me to lay on my back, wrap my legs around his shoulders as he was knelt, a few times he almost entered my anus which was shocking and painful. He had tried to enter me "doggie" style, which was disturbing but I had gotten past that. I knew I was never going to have a normal life. when he tried so he had another idea when he was in the bathroom he dragged me in. Sat me on the white sink and tried to lower me down but I was that tense he couldn't enter me. When I was thirteen and eight months, he got so frustrated that he dragged me to his room, pried my legs open and entered. It felt like I had been split in half, I couldn't walk properly for a few days. It burned when I peed, he fed me one of moms pills after and then he became a sex deprived beast after that. Getting me where ever he could, my room, the kitchen, the living room and even the school toilets. That made me feel like more of an outcast, I wished I had another life and that I could experience a better one. I would kill to have a better life.


I stayed in bed till late, all I wanted was to go to that party, I got ready then looked in the mirror, I looked like a different person and there was a smile on my face. Fearing my brother, I climbed out the window, I looked back then saw his angry face staring right back at me. I ran and ran but I was a slow runner and he was quickly catching up and I ran straight into the road.


Sammie

I looked at myself, my hair curled, in a sparkily grey dress with heels, I was sat in the car and kyle my boyfriend was driving. At a turn I dropped my lipgloss and was unable to reach it, I unclipped my seat belt then my fingers ran over something smooth. I grabbed it and turned around then a silver flash ran in front of us, kyle stopped. THUD. It was hit and I smashed through the screen.


The girl was dead.


I opened my eyes, a dull beeping could be heard, it hit me. The pain. I saw I was in a hospital bed, my hand was in a cast, so was my other wrist. I looked around, I was in a hospital room, there sat in a chair was a boy I had seen around school but didn't know, I think vaguely I knew his name, I think it was mark ann. I think the freak was his sister, what was he doing in my room. I saw my parents walk past the room, my mother was sobbing, father was guiding her as if she couldn't support herself, I sat up in bed then tried to shout but no words came out. I brought my hands to my throat, it was bandaged up, I couldn't speak. I looked at her, to see if she would recognise me but all she did was glare and walk away. I heard her howl as a body bag rolled past her, she clutched the bag and fell to the floor howling hysterically. I wasn't dead! Why didn't she realise it? Mark twitched then sat up from his slumped position, he opened his eyes slowly then blinked in disbelief. Slowly he croaked," Oh lillie, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so glad your ok," He cleared his voice then got up and hugged my tightly. " Don't worry. were coming home today, I've missed you so much, at first I thought it was you who had died, I have no idea what I would have done if you had died..." He smiled then helped me up as the nurse came in, I got dressed which was a struggle and then went to marks home. I couldn't believe that people thought I was dead. The car pulled up at the house and mark helped me out of the car.


I spent the evening, on the sofa left alone watching TV, then mark came in and cuddled up to me, then did the one thing that shocked me. He kissed me. He thought I was lillie, is this why she was so messed up? He was stroking my hair which made me uncomfortable, then he murmured in my ear," Shhh, I promise I won't force you again," Then he left.


Days passed, I couldn't tell anybody that it was all a mistake, I wasn't dead. Its all a big mistake.


I wasn't use to this lifestyle, her father was an alcoholic who tended to take his rage out on the house or whoever was in his way. Her room was small, she had little clothes which weren't very tasteful and mark was very disturbing. One day when I was cleaning the floor, I noticed an odd floorboard, filled with curiosity, I lifted it up and I saw the one thing that made me feel so guilty. There was a box and inside the box was, a few things, two pregnancy sticks which showed positive, a thick tear stained diary and a ultrasound scan. I had teased her, bullied her, she wasn't fat, she had been pregnant. It's my fault they are both dead, that child could have had a life. I don't even think mark realised she was pregnant. I had inocent blood on my hands. I opened the diary then read the vivid detail of what her life had been like, I knew once she had wanted to be a writer but this was no story, this was her life, the torture was 24'7, It had been her hell and I was one of her devil keepers.

It was all my fault. I felt so guilty, I had hardily knew her but yet I felt this pain, how could I go on pretending, even if I did escape this madhouse, I would never be able to ...

I stumbled into the bathroom, salty tears pouring down my face, I howled loudly, locking the door I just sat and cried. It felt like I was emptying my soul, I heard a knocking at the door, this couldn't have been real, she always wanted a life like mine and I had tormented her and shoved my good life in her face, just rubbing it in. I lifted the diary, wrapped it in a bag then walked down the stairs, I had lived her hellish life for two weeks, torment from her family and my friends, I slightly knew how she felt but I would never completely know how she felt. To lose it so young, the terror and the fear and the fact sometimes she actually wished she had the guts to run away even though she knew what would happen. She was so desperate but I just hope that she would find some peace being dead. I added more to the diary then closed it and attached a note to it. I left it then grabbed some matches, they were asleep. If I was going down they were going down too...


On 55 brooks street, number 55 has been set on fire in what we believe to be an arsenal caused fire, three are dead but the bodies are yet to be recognised but all that remains, is a small diary which has a note. The police are identifying the diary at the moment but we have gained the information to the details of the note. It has apparently been written by the dead girl Sammie May who died tragically, earlier in the month in a fatal car crash, it claims that it was a mistake and that Lillie Ann's poor life should remembered, that people should know why she was the way she was, it pleads that the diary should be published...


I closed the book and saw that I was on the very last page, it was dedicated to the two young girls that died, it was based on a true story. It had made me feel sympathy for the girl Lillie and made me feel grateful the good life I have.


I just want to say, it's not a true story but it's based off two things forever ago I vaguely saw on the news, it's meant to be a little bit like "prince and the pauper" but well it isn't, because only Sammie of them sees what Lillie's life is like. I wanted to twist it like that, I read this awful book which is a true story about a girl whose dad abused her in the way I wrote about, I thought I would write a different type of story. Some people don't realise how lucky they are, just wanted a book to be dedicated to all the girls who have been through awful experiences in any shape or form similar to the story. No words on paper can make you understand what some girls have been through. Don't we just wish the world would be a place without bullies, stuck up bitches, rapists, arson, murders, disasters... Just the words being mentioned makes my blood boil. So this is to you darling, don't let anyone walk all over you <3


We stopped checking for monsters under our bed. When we realised they were inside of us.

Were all in the same game,Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell, Just different devils.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.02.2012

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Widmung:
To those that have felt like an outcast or have being truely hurt. Were all the same in some way and never forget that, somewhere someone may be going through something a lot worse. Always look for the sorrow behind the smile. We stopped checking for monsters under our bed. When we realised they were inside of us.