June 3rd, 1947

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road...unless you fail to make the turn" - Author Unknown

“It’s not fair!” Tears streamed down my face; how could they do this to me—to us?
“I know, but please don’t cry. We’ll figure something out.” He gently tucked a stray piece of hair that had stuck to my face behind my ear; “After all,” he leaned in close “we always do.”

The penetrating sound of my alarm clock lanced through my ears, each beep signaling to me a new day, new pain, and new trials to face. Summer had barely begun, but the sun could no longer keep its rays from shining down on the small stained glass window on the wall in my room. There were so many different colors, each one a unique symbol of some hidden meaning. Red . . . the color of blood. This color is a constant reminder of all the bloodshed in my past. The red in the window is situated next to the blue, which is fitting, because it is as water, symbolic to my wet tears. Tears shed in memory of her

. She

was there too- in the swirly purple. Purple was her

favorite color. Yellow lined the edges, this color gave me hope; a hope that things would get better. It’s such a bright and joyous color, maybe that’s why I saw hope in it. That, or because it was the only color I couldn’t match an unpleasant memory with. There was one other color blown into the glass: dark gray. Gray filled my soul with a darkness I could not dispel. A darkness no amount of yellow dye could ever forbid. The colors vanished as I lifted the window just slightly. It was going to be a warm day. The warm air blowing against my skin was hint enough, and because the early birds across the pathway had already hung their laundry up for the day; they only did this when they thought the day would be especially warm.

I dusted off my dresser with a stained cloth. The previous night I had been too tired to shake the dirt of my apron before I took it off and tossed it atop my dresser. Now the clothes I had set out for the day were a bit dusty, but it didn’t matter much to me. They were going to get dirty anyways.

"Jane,” I heard as I pulled the blouse she had made for me over my head. Even though my room was up in the attic, I could hear his words as clearly as if we were in the same room. His voice had that sort of effect.

“One minute!” I yelled banging my elbow on my dresser as I bent down to slip on my shoes.

“Jane, get down now!” That was my call, my only warning. There would be consequences if I didn’t immediately go downstairs; I learned that lesson quickly, and not only did I have painful scars across my back to verify that memory, but a sad heart knowing that whom I loved, I also had to fear.

“I’m coming!” I shouted, rolling my eyes. Ever since the one day I came down late, I never could look at belts the same way, because when something reminds you of pain, you tend to notice it more than normal, despite how discrete it might be.

Even before I leaped over two or three steps at a time to get down to the kitchen, my heart raced at a fast pace. I ran into the kitchen where my demanding father stood awaiting me with glares of disapproval. “Why is it that you’re always the last down?” he barked at me. Of course my little sister Ashley had gotten to the kitchen before me; her room was closer than mine, but it was always pointless to try to explain this to him, so I didn't bother wasting what breath I had. And it was his idea to make the attic my room. I remember he told me it would be easier this way. So he wouldn’t have to look at me as much.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, knowing there would be no other reply he would take approval of.

“Slacker” He spit on the ground in front of me, displaying his disgust with me, “And just for your behavior, add an hour of weeding to your chores.” Neither sigh nor groan escaped from my cracked lips. I knew better than that. I looked him in the eyes, eyes that used to have so much life and youth to them.

“Yes, sir.” I respected my father even with the little faith I had in him, but respect and trust are two completely different things.

He pointed to the door, “Get started.”


Weeding was not only a dirty task, but one that took much tolerance. It might not be quite as bad, if I didn’t know my next four-five hours of the day would be spent scrubbing floors, washing dishes, doing laundry, and cleaning just about everything in sight. Now I’d almost rather already be on my hands and knees with my knees scraped by cement every time I attempted to move, because even though that was pain, this felt more like torture.

Plus, the high temperatures scorched my skin as I sat in the dirt picking weed after weed with blistered hands. Sweat poured from off my brow, as the thought of being in the cool shade crossed my mind. Is this how the ants felt when the callous children around town stood over them, burning their tiny bodies with sun focused through a magnifying glass? If so, I wished like them I too would shrivel up and die, because there isn’t much point to living in pain when you can end the suffering. My eyes watered. My life wasn’t always this way; it used to be enjoyable and filled with happiness, but now the only enjoyable moments I had were the nights I didn’t lie awake with a tortured mind and the only happiness in my life was in knowing that maybe tomorrow would be better. That thought was the closest thing I had to hope. It amazed me how one thing had changed my whole life. How, had only one thing happened differently, my life wouldn’t have
swerved from how it was supposed to be.

“Jane, can I stop?” I watched as Ashley sat down on one of the sandy rocks in the garden. The garden was more lifeless from lack of watering than alive with the vegetables that were supposed to be growing.

“I’m sorry ,Ash, but Dad said neither of us could stop until I finished the weeding, and I don’t see myself being done here any time soon.” I felt cruel. The only reason she was still outside,working her little body to death was because of me. If only I hadn’t been late getting downstairs this morning, then we would be inside. We would still be working, of course, but at least we would be out of the sun. I loved Ashley and wished with all my heart that I could just take her away from all of this, and show her that not all of life was bad.

Ashley stood up placing her hands atop her worn out apron. “You know ,Jane, I thought that maybe what happened would bring me and you closer together, but I guess I was wrong. Mom wouldn’t want to see us like this. I just hope someday you realize that what happened wasn’t your fault. More importantly, I hope one day Dad realizes that it wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong, Jane.” Her eyes showed that she meant every word of what she said, but how could she say that? How could she look at me and not see the monster my dad saw in me . . . it was my fault. Wasn’t it? A doubtful expression fell upon my face as Suzan stared at me, longing for me to see what she saw. What she knew. Ash was almost four years younger then me, and she was so naïve. I felt almost bad for having taken advantage of her childish gullibility, but it was better this way. The story I told her of what happened wasn’t exactly the full truth, but how do you tell your sister something you’re too ashamed to admit even to yourself? Besides, I preferred my false tale over the truth; it hurt less.

After Ashley went back to raking in the backyard, I sat there just pondering over what she had said. I truly did want to believe everything she mentioned was true, but for some reason I just couldn’t. One of the hardest things to do is convince yourself of something you believe in your heart and mind not to be true. I tried to keep my mind from dwelling on the past, I started weeding again, but my mind drifted back to the memories. Everyone always warned me that my stupid habit would get me hurt someday. I just never imagined the hurt would come in this way. I can still remember what day it had all taken place on.

It had been one of Virginia’s typical dry summer days. I and my aficionado, Blaze, decided we were going to push as far to the limits as we could. We were planning something big. A lot of the folks in our small clustered town thought Blaze and I were just your typical rebellious teenagers. In their eyes, I was just a stupid girl too blind to see what trouble I was getting myself into, and in their eyes Blaze was to blame for me turning ‘bad’. Maybe I really was blinded after all, because the eyes I saw Blaze through were definitely not the same ones as theirs.

Blaze has one of those contagious smiles. He always made me smile. I can still remember the way the sun used to make his green eyes glitter when we would sneak out to watch the sun set. To me, he seemed like the boy every girl would think of when she dreamt of her perfect boy. Dark hair, green eyes, white smile, and despite the fact that he was paler then myself , he was the cause for the envy taking anchor in practically every girls heart. Not mine though. My heart was the harbor and his was the ship. Everyone else just seemed to weigh down our ship with all their anchors, never allowing us to just sail free for just one moment in time. Mostly what I loved most about Blaze though, was his personality. He not only put his heart and soul into everything he cared about, but he was passionate about a lot of the same things I was.

One thing he was known for though, was his stubbornness. When he had his mind set on something, he did everything in his will power to accomplish it. My parents didn’t like that quality about him very much and I can’t say I did either, but everyone has a fault.


My mom was always worried I’d get hurt. She said she knew what it was like to feel the way I was feeling, but just because she got hurt didn’t mean I was going to. Blaze would never hurt me. Everyone always says that love hurts, but that’s about as far from truth as you can get. Loneliness hurts. Losing someone hurts. Rejection hurts. Love gets confused with these feelings, but in reality, loving Blaze was the thing that took away all my pain. I was fifteen when it all happened, but I was certain of one thing: that he was never going to leave my life if I could help it. But some things you just can’t help.

The only problem we had was our stupid habit, the thing that brought us first together, and the thing that made him leave, maybe forever. We were foolish, we were stupid, we were ignorant…we were pyromaniacs.

A tear brought me back to reality. Curse my dreaming spirit. I hurriedly finished my weeding and continued on with my day the best I could.

The sun was near setting, so after sending Ashley off to bed, I made some hot tea in the kitchen. Tea eased my mind, and my mind needed easing.

My life literally felt like one of those before and after pictures they would sometimes on holidays print in the newspapers. The kind where you had to find what is missing from the picture. The details that are in picture one, but not in picture two. My second picture seemed to be missing a lot of things. Before, our town had adored my family. My town had only about 3,000 people in it, but most of them seemed to be related. Every other town seemed so much more advanced then ours. We had the really old fashioned dirt roads, mini marts, farms every corner, and monthly community gatherings. Our town scarcely had any of the little shops and stores like the ones we visited once, but what I especially envied was the fascinating trains they had. I have always wanted to ride on one! Even still everyone in our area was like one big family, and let’s just say, well, I was now twice removed.

Tourists always came to our town to sight see, because we were practically the only ones that hadn’t started converting our roads to pavement or any modern ways. I wasn’t particularly fond of where I lived, but the trees made up for it. In my opinion, we had the most awe-striking trees I’ve yet to see. In the fall they explode with vibrant colors atop the richest brown trunks. When the wind blows, the leaves almost seem to transform colors. With one side of a leaf being bright and the other side of it dark, the wind continuously flips the leaf giving you a never ending collage of a palette full with colors. That’s how it looked to me anyway. Then again this was another one of my weird quirks-colors. I glanced up at the clock realizing how late it was getting, so I rinsed out the kettle and cup and opted to go to bed.

The stairs creaked wearily as I forced myself to take step after step. Today was awful; so much for my hope of a better day. Although my father had become a person I never thought he would, I was still worried he hadn’t come home yet from wherever it is he spends all hours of his day while we are enslaved to his laborious demands. Did he care that he was corrupting his children’s lives? If he was going to ruin his life, he could at least have the decency to leave ours alone, but then again, I’m one to talk.


I opened the door to my room and sorely kneeled down to the floor. I now more than ever longed for my bed. Unfortunately, Dad set fire to it one night in a fit of rage. There are still scalded pieces of mattress on the ground of my floor, and blackened wood by the window. I wish I hadn’t of back-talked him.

The wood floor was cold and my skin itched from the dust. It was dust that I didn’t want to sweep away; afraid that any happy memories I still had left lay somewhere within it, and would be tossed away with the filth. Besides a small nightstand in the right hand corner of my room, and an antique dresser, my room was practically barren.

Tonight was going to be one of those long lonesome nights….I could just tell. It never made sense to me how my body- no matter how exhausted or weak it felt- would never just rest and go to sleep. To recall the last time I actually slept straight through the night without getting up once, was near impossible.

All was quiet except for a repetitious thudding coming from the outside. At first, I thought nothing of the sound, but after several minutes, I grew curious. It didn’t ring a sense of familiarity in my ears, which was rather odd. Normally I could recognize any sound during the night. I had become accustomed to the nights earthly tunes, but this definitely was not on the soundtrack.

“Ugh” I groaned, slipping on a worn pair of slippers. I unlatched the lock on the door and grabbed a flashlight on my way down the stairs and out the door. The thudding was much more distinct now. Darkness swallowed the light flowing from my flashlight making it dimmer then I would have liked, but it was still light, and right now that’s all I really needed. The sound was coming from the shed. I knew that much. The leaves crunched beneath my feet. There was a distinct smell to the air, but I couldn’t detect what exactly it was. My hand hesitated slightly before opening the door; I had an uneasy feeling taking root in my stomach. I was afraid, but all in all, what did I have to lose? The door hinges creaked as the door inched open more and more with every ounce of weight I pushed upon it. It was dark. Pitch black. I tossed the waves of light into the murky area of space. Screams instantly filled the air. My screams. Such an awful sight, I was stricken by how with one glance my eyes had managed to take in so much of the scene.

There was blood splattered everywhere, the walls; the floors; across the tools; and pieces of broken wood nearby. In the corner one of my dad’s old friends was sprawled on the ground. The worse image of all was the sight of Dad’s blood shot eyes, sweaty face, and blood stained hands. What had he done? I stared a second longer. Mr. Riley, my dad’s friend, was still alive. I could tell by the way his chest rapidly moved up and down in sync with his gasping. “You never were such a cruel man, Mart.” Mr. Riley took no notice to me as he spoke directly to my father. I was amazed at how well the man could speak considering how hurt he looked.

“Yah, and your mouth was always the worst thing about you.” My dad had sputtered right back to him. I didn’t linger around any longer, the way they spoke to each other in such cutting ways scared me.

As I dashed back to the house sick with terror, weighty footsteps followed not far behind me. I felt as though I was trapped in the midst of a horror film, only I knew that despite the ordinary movie, these actors weren’t pretending. This was real. There wouldn’t be any re-takes on anything that was going to happen.

“I’m gonna kill you!” These few words were hollered over and over again in such an eerie way. His words were slurred. Guess I know now where he’s been all night. The clubs. My mind raced. What do I do? It took so much effort to move, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. The air felt dense and humid making me feel as though I was running against strong winds. My feet chose to lead me into the kitchen. Instinct told my hands what to do next. To grab a knife and pray with all my might it would protect me.

“Stay away!” I screamed breathing heavily. He staggered forward. Either he was too drunk to even hear me, or he had only one thing on his mind- killing me. As he got closer and closer a sickening smell sent my nose wrinkling. It was the same smell I had smelt earlier. It had been the aroma of alcohol and blood. The two smells created such and odd scent when combined together. My back brushed up against the fridge, and I knocked a magnet to the floor. I was trapped. “I said stay back!” His face displayed such crazed expressions, and in his hand was grasped a broken piece of wood, now swinging violently at me. All muscles in my body froze. I was incapable of moving. Why was my body acting this way? But then it hit me. Literally. Right against my rib cage I felt piercing pain; I was going to die if I didn’t do something. I remembered the knife in my hand, and knew that if this was my only protection- my only defense- that Id better use it fast. The next seconds passed by so abruptly. Hideous chills prickled my spine as they ran down my back; beads of sweat instantly forming on my once dry brow. The thudding of my exhausted heart grew louder and louder as the ticking clock signaled its seconds by. I felt now as if every speck of dirt swept from the ground could find more joy and happiness in life than I. My lungs quickly - oh to quickly gasped in the air I only minutes ago casually breathed, leaving me to choke on the debris of my lingering spit. I could hear the rapid pulsing of my brain echoing in the night, or so it seemed. I could smell my own despair filled with pure hopelessness. Had it really been only minutes ago that I had felt things just simply couldn’t get any worse? Of course, I had been confused and distressed beyond my liking beforehand, but it hadn’t been anything that I thought could really get any worse. How true the saying, ‘Things could always be worse’ is. My knees buckled and collapsed my worn down body to the ground. This event would go alongside the other memory that would haunt my thoughts and fears forever. I didn’t bother moving from the floor where I now sat hunched alongside his penetrated body. Panic still flooded my empty heart though, for now I faced the truth—he wasn’t dead.

His body lay hunched on the ground. I stood up standing motionless for several seconds, listening to the shallow breathing his wounded chest created as it moved in an up and down off-beat rhythm. He struggled to breath. But he was still alive and filled with a vengeance that I didn’t want to be around for when he re-gained the strength to come after me.

“Ash!” I screamed, running straight towards her room. “Ash, wake up! We have to get out of here.” She looked up at me confused and sleepy eyed.

“What, why?” Her voice had that dryness to it that every voice has when first waking up.

“Look, I don’t have time to explain everything right now, but I need you to trust me. You trust me don’t you?” I touched her chin and tilted it up slightly, trying to get her to stay focused on me and not on going back to sleep.

She looked up with rolling eyes, “Of course I trust you, but what’s happening?” Ashley said.

I ignored her question. “Pack extra clothes and anything else you need. We are going to umm…” I paused not knowing how to phrase my words just right, after all, I didn’t want to scare her, “Well, me and you are going to go on a trip of our own. It’ll be fun!” I tried to hide the scared tone in my own voice, but she obviously wasn’t as naïve as she had been six months ago.

“Jane, tell me what’s going on! You have blood on your hand! I don’t like this.” Tears started streaming down her pale face. I hadn’t realized the blood that stained my arms and shirt.

“I accidentally cut myself” I lied.

“I’m not doing anything you say until you stop and tell me.” She was being stubborn.

“Ash, I don’t have time for this. Do as I say, or I’ll leave you behind, and I have no problem doing so.” That was harsh. I knew it was, but it worked, because she got up and started doing as I had told her.

I made my way back up to my own room and grabbed the worn bag I used to use when we did things such as family trips. It had collected dust from sitting there untouched for about a year now. Once I grabbed all the things I thought I would need, I rushed back to Ash’s room where she was quietly crying. The sight of her made me sad. She didn’t deserve any of this. She never was one to see the worst in anyone, and despite how Dad treated us, she still loved him. She still believed in him, had hope for him. How could I tell her all that happened tonight, when she still didn’t believe in the cruelty I possessed? I would make it up to her...somehow.

“Okay, you ready?” I said trying to force a smile on my face. I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before Dad came to his senses. Luckily though, I had given him a hard enough stab to keep him stilled for the time I needed. I knew I should be feeling some sort of sorrow or remorse for what I did, but I didn’t. I cannot regret what I don’t feel sorry for.

“Where are we going, Jane?” Ash said still not falling for my fake smile.

“It’s a surprise.” I said not knowing myself where we were headed. The thought of where we would go hadn’t occurred to me until this moment. “I know you like surprises, don’t you?”

“I guess.” She rubbed her eyes.

“Me too.” I lied. I hated surprises. What was so great about not knowing what was going to happen? You can never prepare for what will happen if it is a surprise. To me, surprises are foolish, stupid and completely pointless. But if Ashley liked surprises, then she was going to love me and the life she was about to face, because even I didn’t know how we were going to make it out in the world. Yippee, what a great surprise to look forward to.

I took a hold of Ash’s hand. I knew that to get out the front door, we would need to go through the kitchen. It wasn’t him I was worried about, I knew he was still disoriented by the groaning and dazed look he had on when I passed him to get to and from my room to Ashley’s room, but I was worried for Ashley. I hadn’t told her yet.

“Close your eyes.” I whispered to her. Her small lids flickered shut without any questioning this time. I lead her into the kitchen.

The hairs on my arm stood on end. The door was only several feet away from where we stood tiptoeing, when a low groan came out in a grating whisper, “I’ll get you, mark my words, Jane, I’ll get you.”



ter>Leave It Behind<</font>/font>

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.” -Author Unknown

“What are we going to do, Blaze?”
He stared dead into my eyes. “I’ve got a plan.”

The door made a dull thud as I closed it, but at that moment I was closing more then just a door, I was closing a significant part of my past as well. There would be no going back. The place where I now stood was no longer my home, but more of a lurid nightmare that would one day be only a memory. My mother used to always say, ‘Home is where the heart is’, and my heart was not here.

Ashley’s hand slid out from my weak grasp. Oddly enough, my stomach hurt more then my head did. It felt as though my stomach was a balloon and someone was sitting on it, compressing all the air down, waiting any moment for it to burst into pieces never to be repaired again. It was a combination of pain from the blow he gave me to the ribs, and a tinge of nausea. For every minute I just stood there, the pain seemed to intensify by the seconds. I dared not to take a step afraid the pain would be unbearable, but I felt like I was going to be sick, and I couldn’t just stand there idly wincing in pain while Ash watched me.

I ran over to the dead bushes that lined the edges of the pathway, and doubled over in pain. I pulled my hair back just as I started gagging. It wasn’t actual throwing up, but more of a dry heaving. I didn’t have enough food in my stomach for anything to actually come up. Besides the cup of tea I had a couple of hours ago, and the scone I ate earlier in the morning; I hadn’t eaten anything else. Dad never kept enough food in the house for us to eat while he was out, so I always gave most of what little food supply there was to Ash. And at this moment I was glad I did. Spit dangled from my mouth daring to drop onto the bush below, and as soon as the pain started to subside, I went back to where Ash stood with a horrified look on her face. She had her suitcase in one hand, and mine in her other one. It wasn’t until now that I realized she was still in her tattered nightgown. I hadn’t thought to tell her to change into something warmer before we left.

“Are you okay, Jane?” She asked.

“Yah, I’m fine. Just got a little sick, that’s all.” My stomach felt a little better now.

“Jane, tell me where we’re going. You’re acting weird, and I don’t like it . . . you’re scaring me!” I watched as she plopped herself down in the middle of the driveway to show she refused to continue any farther on my little ‘journey’ until she got some answers. I caved in quickly not in the mood to indulge in her childish game.

“Fine, you win.’ I said, “We’re going to the city.”

She looked up in disbelief. “The city?” She stood back up now that I had given her the answer she wanted.

“Yes, now get up. We have to get moving.” Me and Ash got used to leaving the house at odd times of the day and night when Mom was still alive because there was a little Indian village a few miles away that would sometimes give us trouble. Luckily, I used this same scenario to get her to follow me more into the night.

The city wasn’t all that far from the house. It was about forty-five minute wagon ride, so I figured we would be able to make it there on foot at the latest tomorrow, but even then I hoped it wouldn’t take that long. Dad sounded malicious, and I didn’t want him to catch up to us and find out where we were headed. He could probably take a pretty good guess that the city is where I was headed, but our town was surrounded by so many other towns that we also frequently visited, that I knew he would second guess himself. I had only ever been to the city once, and I loved it. But that wasn’t my reason for going there. I was going for a much more selfish reason. I was going because Blaze was there.

As Ash and I walked on in silence, so many questions came rushing into my head. What would we do for shelter or food? How would we survive? What if he wasn’t still in the city? The last time I saw him he had whispered to me one last thing before his dad yanked him away from me and out of my life. “Look for me in the city.” he had said, “my dad said we’re moving to Rook Road. Come to house….” But he was gone before he could tell me where to exactly find him. But at least I knew what street I was looking for, but unfortunately there could be tons of houses on only one street. Especially in the city.


Night turned into day as we continued to walk, and we had made extremely good progress in the previous hour. We had only stopped three times to catch our breath and take a little rest. Every time a twig snapped or a car passed us I got that same sick feeling in my stomach as I had before. Every time, I thought it was him. I guess I was just being a little paranoid. Ash stayed quiet practically the whole way except for the occasional worrying question that I tried my best to answer. But it’s hard to answer questions of which you yourself don’t yet know the answers of. In fact, the only thing I did seem to know was that in a few more hours we would be entering the city as well as a new life

By time we finally entered the section of the city I had set out for; the sun was already high in the sky. The streets were clogged with all different sorts of people. You could distinguish the ‘higher society’ type people not only from their dress alone, but from the stands they were buying from. There were so many stands packed with foods I had never seen before. Fruits, vegetables, cakes, fish, and just about anything else you could think of! It all smelled so appetizing once you got past the dirt covered people who were selling, and the flies that apparently came free with your purchase.

Everyone was trying to get as much food stocked up as they could for the storm that was apparently approaching. At least that’s what the newspaper I found lying on the ground of one of the streets had said. When I first read through it, it amazed me how they knew days before hand that a huge storm was coming. The paper dated back to one day ago, and it had said in bold letters a storm was at hand. In our town, we took the storm on as it came. The dark clouds were our warning of a storm, and if you weren’t prepared for it, it was your loss. Nobody ever warned us what type of storm was at hand as they did here. I scanned over the details about the storm. It was going to be a thunderstorm. One that would be so powerful it had the potential to knock out the power for a few days and would be accompanied by winds that had the power to strike down trees. Or so it said. I was worried about what was going to happen to me and Ash. How were we going to survive a storm that was supposed to be just plain awful without shelter, or even a rain jacket for that matter? It hadn’t occurred to me the night before as I scurried around in panic that I would need a coat or anything like that. And Ash already had on most of her warmest clothes on—I made sure she was in day attire before we got into the city. I was used to just going inside when it rained. Except on the occasions where Dad made us stay outside despite how hard the rains fell. Rain only made him think of more chores, such as the time he made us stay out and scrub the driveway, which was completely pointless. But that’s what made it better to him, watching me struggle to keep the rain out of my eyes as I kneeled on hands and knees fiercely scrubbing back and forth on a substance that was composed of dirt itself. The only good thing about the rain was that it hid so well the tears that helped wash the dirt away.


“Jane, I’m hungry.” Ash whined.

“Me too, and as soon as the surprise gets here we can feast like kings!” I lied through grinning teeth. Why was it so hard for me to tell her the truth? Why couldn’t I just simply tell her we were lost, and that I had absolutely no clue what was going to happen to us! So far my plan was to get to the city, and I accomplished that, but unfortunately I hadn’t thought past what we would do in the meantime once we got here. I wished more then anything a surprise would indeed show up, because now despite my dislike for them, I could use a surprise right now. No, what I needed was a miracle.

“Ash, I want you to listen to me closely. I’m going to go take a look around and see if anyone has any maps or anything. I want you to stay here. Don’t move from this spot, okay?” I had battled with my conscience for several minutes, debating over whether I should take her along or have her wait here while I looked. But I knew she would only slow me down. One person would be able to move through the dense crowds more quickly then two would.


“But I want to go with you!” Her pouted lips added to the guilt I was already feeling.


“No.” I started walking away before she could protest again, but before I turned the bend of the brick wall I stole one glance back to make sure she was still put.

“Popcorn! Cakes! Cookies! Come get yer’ sweets!” A man behind one of the stands called.

“Excuse me, sir; you don’t happen to have a map handy, do you?” He looked friendly enough that I almost started to believe that my luck was about to change.

“I’m sorry, miss, but how ‘bout a little popcorn?” I knew he was really only interested in making money, so I turned to leave.

“Sorry. I don’t have any money.” I turned the pockets of my dress inside out just in case he didn’t believe me.

“Well, it’s your lucky day then, ‘cus I’m gonna give ya a some little sweets anyway!” He said this with so much enthusiasm that I couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you!” I said taking the bag he handed over to me. I knew a little too well that he had given me more then just a free sample. Inside the bag were three cookies stacked on top of a pile of popcorn. It smelled so delicious, but I would wait until I got back to Ash to try it.

Sadly, the next few salesmen didn’t act so kindly. They pushed me aside with their words, and didn’t even bother to look at me; their hungry eyes too busy scanning the people for buyers. I was learning something fast about this city. Money was everything, and they would do just about anything to get it.

On my way headed back to Ash, I spotted a man that looked different from the rest. He had on that same jolly look the candy man had. Only this man looked richer. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask one more time for a map. Maybe the whole time instead of asking the busy stands, I should have been asking the city’s people. They had just a good a chance of owning a map as the others did.

“Sorry to bother you, sir’ I said tapping him lightly on his shoulder, ‘but I was wondering if you had a map I could borrow?” The man closed the book he had been writing in and smiled up at me.

“I’m afraid I don’t. Are you lost?” He didn’t speak in the same slanginess the others did. He was educated.

“My little sister and I are new to this city, and we really don’t know where anything is. . .” I started to stutter not knowing what to say next.

“Well if you go get your parents I’d be happy to give them some directions.” He gave me again that same smile.


“That’s just the thing’ I felt another lie coming on, ‘my parents were killed in an accident a while back and me and my sis are on our own.” He stared at me, and I couldn’t tell whether he believed me or not.

“I’m very sorry for your loss.” He said.

“Yes, thank you.” That sounded just as stupid as I felt. I don’t know why I said they were killed, but I had a friend whose parents died and her and her older brother did just fine on their own without any questioning from others.

“Well, I own a wax shop a few blocks down, and if you and your sister are willing to work for me, I’d be more then happy to provide food and housing for the two of you.” I didn’t even stop to think about it before telling him we would be more then thrilled to.

Now I didn’t feel quite so bad for lying to earlier about the surprise, because now I really had one. My miracle had come.

Count Your Blessings

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength."
-Author Unknown

“What is it?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter right now. Just meet me at the usual place, and bring some paper…I’ll bring the rest.”
“Okay.” I said as he started to walk away, but then he hesitated.
“Jane?”
“What?”
“I love you.” And then he was gone

”You can set your things down over there.” His finger pointed to a small space between a fireplace and a leather couch. “You’ he said pointing to me, ‘will be staying in the purple room upstairs, I’ll have Ray show it to you after dinner. And the other one will be staying down this hall in the blue room.” I didn’t like the idea of me and Ash being so far apart in a strangers home, but I figured it was really no different from the setup of our rooms back home.

“Thank you very much, sir.” I said filling in the silence.

“Call me James. Now what can I call the two of you by?” I had forgotten to mention our names to him. How stupid of me.


“My name is Jane, and my sister’s name is Ashley.” I said.

“Very well then, Jane, I’ll send Ray over soon to help the two of you get settled in. In the meantime you can either help Anne in the kitchen, or you can just sit over there on the couch.” He left the room after we nodded.

Ash and I took a seat on the couch. The leather felt cold against my skin; it felt good. I looked over at Ash who was just sitting there staring straight ahead. Not saying a word.

I gave her a quick little nudge, “So, what do you think?” I asked.

“I think that I liked home better.” Tears started trickling down her face.


“Awe, don’t cry. This is only temporary. We won’t be here forever. I promise. I just need some time to figure out some things, but until then I need you to be brave and try your best to like it here.” I felt almost sad myself thinking of home, but the sad feeling didn’t last for long.

“I miss Dad! And I don’t want to stay here in this mans house!” She said.

“Listen here, I am trying the best I can to provide for the both of us, and I can’t have you complaining just because you don’t like it.” I regretted the words as soon as I said it. Some sister I was. I took the bag of treats I had gotten earlier and offered her a cookie. That seemed to make things a little better.

I stood up getting ready to see if there was anything in the kitchen I could help with when a boy about a year older then me walked in. “I’m Ray.” He said sticking out his hand to me.

“I’m, Jane. Nice to meet you.” I said

“Likewise. And who’s this?” He sat down next to Ash.
“I’m Ashley” She said bold and loud.

“Well, Ashley, did anyone ever tell you that you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen?” He smiled at her.

“No.” She smiled.

“And what’s this?’ he reached behind her ear and pulled out a piece of candy.

“Whoa! How did you do that?” Ash looked as if she was already starting to like her new home a little better.

“My little secret.” He smirked.

Ash giggled. “My sister has tons of those!” She openly exclaimed.


“Really?” Ray said focusing his attention back on me.

The burning sensation in my face gave me a pretty good indication that I was blushing. I wouldn’t have been quite so embarrassed if I knew it wasn’t true, but it was. I was positive that right there and then I was going to melt from all the heat flooding to my face. Like a candle slowly dripping its scented wax to the center of the wick, slowly melting deeper and deeper down into the middle swallowing itself up. That’s exactly how I felt.

“No, I don’t!” I said shooting a glare at her.

“Yes, you do! You just don’t tell me any . . .” She glared right back at me. For some reason Ray found this extremely funny and started laughing like mad which in turn made me laugh! I don’t quite know what was so humorous about what just happened, but I knew why I was laughing. I must have looked completely petty for arguing with my sister in front of a stranger. What a great first impression.

“Well’ Ray said standing up, ‘how about I show the two of you your rooms?”

“Okay.” Ash and I replied simultaneously.

“Who wants to see theirs first?” He said very thrilled, but I couldn’t see any reason why we should be.

Of course, Ash said she wanted to see hers first, so I waited again on the couch while he showed her around the house and then left her to unpack. I was starting to wonder just how rich this man really was; because he had valuables everywhere I looked stacked up on shelves. For a small room he definitely used his space wisely. James had a fireplace a little way from the couch, and next to the fire place was a large oak door, which I assumed led to the kitchen. But what really caught my eye was the winding staircase that led to the upstairs. I noticed on one of the shelves a picture frame was knocked over, so I opted to fix it.

“Don’t touch that!” a voice boomed from behind me. My finger froze on the frame.

“I’m so sorry’ I turned around ‘I just wanted to fix it.” Ray was standing there with the biggest grin I’ve seen in a long time.

“I was just messing with you.’ Ray said ‘See how I made my voice sound really official like?” He beamed with pride as if it was a skill everyone wanted.

“Yah, real funny, you scared me half to death, I thought it was James.” I said.

“See it is funny, because you fell for it. If you’re one of those gullible people who stupidly fall for everything, I’m going to have so much fun with you while you stay here’ He burst out laughing.

“Grow up. I may be gullible, but I’m far from stupid.” I hated it when people thought of me as stupid.


“I didn’t say you personally were stupid.” Ray protested.

“Can you please just show me the room?” I said annoyed by his technicality.

“Fine.”

He led me up the winding staircase I saw earlier. The stairs never seemed to end. When we finally reached the landing, he led me down a hall and into a room. My new room.

“This is it.” Ray told me. I didn’t bother to answer. I was too captivated by the room. The colors were magnificent! The walls were painted lavender purple and the curtains on the windows were a deeper shade of lavender, but the ceiling was the best. I flopped down on the bed forgetting that Ray was still here. The ceiling looked as if someone had taken hundreds of different paint cans and brushes and splattered the paint carelessly in all directions. It was beautiful.


“Interesting, isn’t it?” He said.

“It’s so scenic!” I said not taking my eyes from it.

“Everyone who ever stays in this room always thinks its just plain ugly actually.” He said.

“Really?” The thought of other people having spent time in this very room . . . this very bed and sheets kind of grossed me out a little.

“Yup. One time, James had let this old lady stay in this very same room and when we came back up to see if she was settling; the lady was just lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling like you are; only she was dead. When the doctors arrived they said she died from shock. My guess is from all these colors.” He looked straight at me.

“That’s horrible! The poor lady!” I just couldn’t believe it.

“Man, this is going to be easier then I thought! You really are gullible.” He smirked.

“Ray, that isn’t funny!” I said.

“Yes it is! You looked like you were scared to look back up at the ceiling!” He laughed.

“I was not. Listen here, it takes a lot more then a story to get me scared. Believe me when I say that only one thing in life scares me, and until I find a reason to fear something else, it’s going to stay that way.” I was furious.

“And you listen here.” He said, “You’re going to find out real fast that in the city you should fear. There is danger out there like you can’t imagine. I can tell you one thing, I fear. Fear doesn’t make you seem weak; it sets up guards of protection. If you don’t fear something, you have no idea you’re going to get hurt until you do. I’m warning you right now, Jane, it’s a dangerous place in the city.” I could tell this wasn’t another one of his jokes, he was serious. He left the room as I just sat there pondering over what he had just said.

I started to unpack my suitcase, but one thing kept running through my mind, ‘It’s a dangerous place in the city . . . and you’ll find that out soon’.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 25.11.2010

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I dedicate this book to my lovely sister who has sat through all my explanations and has never given up hope on me.