The Panther in Me


Prologue

The panther slunk forward, entirely focused. A man stood, his dazed expression fixated on her deep opal eyes. He tried to look away, he really did, but then he was falling into their hypnotic depths. Now she moved forward hungrily, and all the young man saw was vast beastly beauty. She was the hunter and he was her prey. In two minutes he had been reduced to that.
His mind briefly flashed to running, but he soon gave up on the idea. How could he, the mere prey, escape this cold deathly beauty? And, at that moment, the young man gave up hope in life. But that’s the thing about life, as soon as you give up on life it gives up you.


Chapter 1
I watched from the safety of my perch, captivated. Could death be beautiful? I couldn’t help but wonder. Then again, a panther’s practically walking death, and they were drop dead gorgeous, no pun intended. I figured it would take this panther, what, two seconds to finish this guy? I had no intention to stop his death. I’d made friends with the panthers, or rather a pact: I don’t bother you, you don’t bother me. Plus, I stayed out of their way. A hungry panther’s a senseless one.
The man in front of me, fell to the ground, and convulsed. I refocused on the scene, fascinated. The panther hadn’t even touched him yet. The panther paused thrown off its game. The prey didn’t give up and die, it ran. Confused, the panther lifted its huge head and surveyed the forest around it. Clearly, it believed its prey had been targeted by some unseen force. Realizing I was the only creature within a ten mile radius, I knew it was time to go. Silently swinging off my branch and onto the next, I crept away, leaving the dazed man to die.
As soon as I got home, I knew something was wrong. My home was a large tree with a hollowed trunk that was covered in lichen. I slept in the hollowed part of the tree, and since it never got cold in the jungle, I was quite comfortable in my home. Not now I wasn’t. I took a hesitant step forward, and was rewarded with eye watering panther pee stench. Through the fumes, I staggered forward, attempting to make it to my tree. As soon as I got within 4 feet of my tree, I realized it was the mother lode of smell. No! Oh no! My safe haven, my comfortable home had been taken by panthers!
Initially, I would have turned tail, and run the other way, [If I had a tail] but for some reason, I felt an impulse to creep closer... just like this... 2 feet... 1 and a half feet... 1 foot... almost there...
“AHHHH!” I screamed as I jumped back. A huge, clawed paw was a few inches from my face... panther. Without a moment’s hesitation, I raced in the other direction, deeper into the dangerous jungle.
The picture of that deathly paw flashing out, with the intention of scratching my face off, fuelled my fear. As my shaking subsided, I began to feel less afraid, until I caught the rare sight of the sun; on the horizon and going down. My stomach fell to my feet. I was never far from my tree after sunset. I gulped realizing, just how serious my situation was. I was alone, no shelter, no food, and a panther that was probably stalking me. My mind raced to a thousand different possibilities, none of them ending well. I forced myself to think about what I would do next, what I would do to survive.
Turns out, surviving is easier said than done. First of all, snakes, tons of them. Cobras, Boa’s, Red Hissing Venom’s and many more, I had no name for. Surviving, I reminded myself. First, get away from the ground. I told myself this fiercely in my head. All I had to do was climb the nearest tree, an easy task for me, with all my expertise.
I was sitting on a lower branch, when two brownish orange snakes began creeping up my tree, out of the under growth. I desperately scrambled backwards, higher into the tree. I continued climbing higher and higher. The snakes were catching up though, fast. Finally I reached the end of the line. I burst out of the top leaves, and was breathless at the sight. A never ending sea of green leaves bleached grey in the starlight. No moon. Strange, I thought. All of a sudden I felt a cold, uncomfortable sensation of a thin string slithering up my right leg. Accept that wasn’t a string. Shakily, I reached down, attempting to rip the snake from my leg, but the harder I pulled, the more the snake tightened its scaly grip on my leg. Now, my other leg was getting a constrictive snake wrapping around it too. Just like that the feeling in my legs was gone. With no feeling in my legs, I couldn’t stand on the branch below. My hands, which were franticly searching for a handhold, had to support me or else- and then I was falling. The lower branches whipped my face and torso, and probably my legs, though I couldn’t feel it of course. I did the only thing I could do, shut my eyes and hold my arms out in submission. Yes I was giving up. Then I heard a loud thump as my legs hit the forest floor, and my world was plunged into darkness.
Chapter 2
Tired and hungry, my head lolled to one side, and my vision bleared. Where was I? Then I felt it. The pain! Many cuts screamed in pain and I remembered. The TREE! First I stared around in panic, then wonder. I was alive! I had fallen from the upper branches of a giant, jungle tree, and lived. It was a miracle! However, just shortly after this joyous understanding, I felt anything but joy. Pain, painful pain, ripped through my legs. I tried to stand up anyway, and was compensated with more even more pain. I crumpled to the ground. My breathing was laboured. Oh great my legs were broken. Both of them, I was sure.
Groaning, I began dragging myself back to my tree, and stopped. It wasn’t my tree anymore. I sniffled. Well, what did it matter? I was going to die anyway, so why not in a place I knew and loved? I’d made my decision. I’d never been one to set goals before, but now I had one: Get to my tree... before I died.
I dragged myself through the course leaves on the forest floor. My legs were a constant ache, my lungs felt like bursting from effort, and yet I dragged on. I was going to make it.
In the middle of this horrendous journey, I heard a sound. Not just a jungle sound. Not like the giant locusts chirping, nor the bark of a tree creaking from the weight of the jungle sloth. This was a human sound. No jungle animal would be that noisy. No jungle animal would make an accident like that. A branch snapping. It was like an alert call. One little sound like that could cost you your life.
I looked up, and there he was, staring at me, astonished. Why shouldn’t he be? I was a young, human girl, sprawled out on the forest floor, looking wild. Truth is, I was wild. I studied him harder, and found he was only a boy, maybe my age...16. He didn’t offer his help, and I didn’t expect him to. “Who are you?” he whispered. I was taken aback at his voice, a human voice, here in my jungle. I used my own voice, and it sounded like a baby horse trying out its new legs for the first time. “I am Feva.” I flinched at the sound of my voice. I swallowed, in attempt to clear my under used throat. The boy said nothing more. He just, picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder. Just like before, I passed out.
I felt... heavy. My eyelids refused to open, but I was awake, sort of. I smelt him. I knew it was him immediately. Living in the jungle for most of my life, made me quite accustomed to observing everything around me. “I-I-think she’s waking up!” he exclaimed.
Struggling, I managed to open my eyes. A clean-cut nurse smiled a phony smile down at me. Weakly, I cursed at her. The smile disappeared. “Pardon me?” The nurse was annoyed. She then cleared her throat, and proceeded to add some drugs to my IV. “Is that really necessary?” He asked anxiously. The nurse turned to him with a pessimistic smile. “Do not question my judgement, young man.” She seemed to want to make sure that we knew she was older, so she was in charge, even though she looked only a few years older than me. At that point, the drugs kicked in, and when I fell asleep, the last thing I saw was his face, staring at me in fear.

Chapter 3
I couldn’t believe she was here. Even in sleep, she looked like a jungle goddess. Maybe she was, I couldn’t tell. With her long, black hair, big, green eyes, perfectly tanned skin, and muscular build, I really didn’t know. One thing I did know was that she didn’t belong here in this clean, white hospital that smelled strongly of anaesthetic. I looked at her stupidly. She was so still! I don’t know why I felt such deep worry for a total stranger. I mean, all I knew about her was her name-Feva. I guess that’s not true. I knew what she wanted: To get out of here. Somehow I just knew she belonged in the jungle. How could she go back? The nurse had already told me the extent of the damage. Both legs were broken... badly. I t would take her months, maybe even years, to completely recover. She wasn’t getting up and walking anytime soon.
Since he found her, he felt responsible for her, and he was determined to take care of her. Being taken care of was the last thing she wanted. Later, she made that point clear. The nightmare began when she threw off her blankets, and tried to stand. That resulted in her screaming out in pain, and falling back on the hospital bed. The nurse went and restrained her. Feva lay down calmly, only to jump up, [or sit up in her case] and ask for a glass of water. The nurse got it for her, and she took a sip then, threw the cup at the nurse. She continued on to grab the lamp from the bedside table, and smash it to the ground. Through all this, the nurse just clucked her tongue and shook her head. In the end, when Feva finally calmed down, the nurse drugged her, heavily. As I watched her in her drugged sleep, I felt a wave of relief. It was over! The nurse collapsed in an armchair. “So, how do you know her again?” I looked her over, contemplating whether she was trustworthy or not. I figured not. “Distant cousin.” “Hmmm.” She replied. The nurse nodded, and gave me the I-know-you’re-lying –and-I-don’t-care look. Oh well. Let her think what she wished.
“I’ve got other patients to attend to, believe it or not. So, I’ll just be leaving.” Then she left, and I was completely alone with Feva’s sleeping form. I only wished she was awake, so she could answer my questions. Yet, at the same time, I never wanted to deal with her tantrums again.
Without warning, her eye opened, and breathing sped. “Why are you staring at me like that?” she whispered. “You should be out like a light!” I whispered back. She giggled. “That nurse wasn’t very smart.”She began giggling again. I blinked at her, dumbfounded. “What do you mean?” I asked. “She put the drugs in the IV tube, but I already pulled the needle out!” She waggled the IV needle in front of my face. My expression must have been pretty funny, because her guffaw’s filled the room, and she spluttered: “Your-your-face-e!” I was not amused.
“Can I ask you questions when you finally stop laughing?” Her face immediately froze into a grimace, no sign of laughter left in her expression. “What do you want to know about?” she asked cautiously. “Let me be the one to ask questions... Kay?” She glared at me. “Fine.” she said with a flick of her head. I asked her questions all afternoon. I asked rather silly questions, like did she like her fourth grade English teacher. The whole time, she and I both knew I was building up to THE question. Finally, taking a deep breath, I asked the question I had been building up to the whole time. “Why were you in the jungle?” She sighed. She was relatively calmer then she had been. My earlier questions had done their job. “I-you wouldn’t understand.” Now I glared at her. She smiled; knowing that had been her expression from the very beginning, and the smile eased the tension we had both been feeling, since I asked my question. With a gulp and a reassuring smile from me, she began her sad story.

Chapter 4
“My problems began when I was 3. My dad was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.” He stared at me questioningly. “Severe mood swings.” I answered his unspoken question. I bit my lip to steady myself, than began again. “My dad had it bad, real bad. He would be angry at me, and the look he gave me made me think he was going to attack me or something, and the next day he would give me this look, so full of love, I thought I was the most important person in the world. His highs were sky high, and his lows were- the worst.” I shook at the memory. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to begin again. “Anyways, it got to the point that I thought of suicide... seriously. Later, I thought of running away, and I would have run! I really would have, if it wasn’t for my mom. I loved her, you know. Soooooo much.” My throat got all thick, and I couldn’t continue. I just sat there for a couple of minutes, getting my emotions under control. Finally, when his curiosity had gnawed away all his patience, he had to ask, “What happened?” I clucked at his impatience. To his joy, I continued my story. “My father he... lost it. We thought the pills were finally working, but no, of course they weren’t. And-and that night, he-he-” I was choked up. I was trying to say the one thing I had been trying to forget for 4 years. “He killed my mother.” As soon as I said those words, I realized how much grief I’d been holding back by refraining from saying those words. I touched my cheek wonderingly, and found my fingers wet. I. Was. Crying. I hadn’t cried in 4 years. I hadn’t cried since that day. I fell down into the covers, and sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed. My eyes were streams, no oceans, spilling out all their water. The blankets were soaked through, and I began to feel the wet cloth on my legs. My fists clenched and unclenched on the covers. How could he?! How DARE he! The one thing I’d loved, he’d taken. I imagined what I would do to him, if I saw him now.
Two hours later, my crying began to calm. Afterward, I just felt... empty. I had nothing left in me. All that made up ME was gone.
He-this boy, who found me in the jungle, and rescued me without question, stared at me in sympathy. I felt like screaming in his face; what do you care? Your life is probably happy-go-lucky 24/7. Anger boiled in me. At least it was anger and not sorrow; I’d had enough sorrow for a lifetime.
“No more tears please.” he begged. That did it. That last pitiful response did it. I began to laugh, hysterically. He had snapped me. He just sat with me. He didn’t seem surprised at my hysteria. At some point, I fell asleep, naturally. No drugs this time, to hold back the locked up nightmares of my mother. Within seconds of falling asleep, the nightmares began.
My first nightmare started in the jungle, my home. I walked through the familiar leaves silently. My capable hands ran along the jungle trees rough bark. I felt free and rested. Without warning, a cage fell from the branches above and trapped me. I feebly attacked the grey bars. The bars of the cage were changing, turning to white walls. And then, I was lying in the hospital bed. Three nurses approached me, their teeth gleaming. I snarled at them, in an animalistic way. I thrashed, trying to get out of the blankets that were holding me down, choking me.
One of the creepy nurses brought a hand mirror and showed me my reflection. All I could see was a panther, eyeing the mirror wildly. It took me a second to realized, the panther was me.
I woke with a start, the blankets twisted around my legs painfully. My eyes focused on a point on the ceiling, and I was dimly aware of his hand on my arm. The bright hospital walls spun, as did the floor. I waited for the dizziness to wear off, and when it did, I collapsed back onto the bed. “Are-are you okay?” He asked shakily. I felt like saying: HA! Yeah right, do I look okay to you?! But I just replied with, “Yeah fine. I’ll feel better when I finally know your name.” He smiled, believing I was back to normal, which I was in a way. “I am Daniel.” He told me in the same manner I told him my name.
“Alright Daniel, I believe it’s my turn to ask some questions.” He nodded and agreed easily. “So what’s your family like?” I asked. “My family? Really!” He replied. “Yeah, what’s your family like? Really. I mocked him. “Ha boring!” “No really though, what are they like?” Finally, with a dismissive sigh, he spilled the beans, opened the floodgates. He told me of his tireless mother, calm, wordy father, and overdramatic sister. He told me of his annoying French teacher, and his Rottweiler, Ruff.
“What do your parents think of you spending so much time at the hospital?” I asked, when I could get a word in. “To be honest, I haven’t been home since I met you.” I gaped at him openly, not even trying to hide my shock. “Are you crazy?!” He looked down sadly. “They probably didn’t even notice.” He replied. “Like HELL they didn’t notice!!” I couldn’t believe him. “Are you really that stupid? How long have we been here?! 4 days?!” He looked at me strangely. “You think we’ve been here 4 days?” I nodded, not trusting my voice. “How long?” I asked flatly, when he didn’t tell me. “10 days.”He answered, just as flatly. My breath whooshed out of my lungs. ‘That long?!” Daniel gave me that look again. “What?!” I asked in exasperation. All my anger, confusion, and exhaustion crept up on me. I didn’t want to bake into tears again. I hadn’t cried in 4 years, and now tears came and went like they were common rain.
“Feva... Do you know how long you’re going to have to stay here?” “4 weeks or something... Right? Right?” When he gave me that strange look for the third time that day, I threw my arms up in frustration. “Just tell me okay! I-I can’t handle this anymore, so just tell me!” I was at war with myself. I wanted him to tell me, but some part of me believed that if he didn’t tell me, it wouldn’t be true. My curiosity won out, and I caved. “Please.” He told me, and words never hurt me so much. “5-7 months, and then you probably have to go to therapy, and that could take years. I’m so sorry... you can’t return to your jungle.” I blinked, holding back more tears. “I’ve got nowhere to go! My jungle is all I have!” I was screeching by the end of my sentence. This screeching brought a nurse, hurrying worriedly into the room. “Oh dear! Someone’s been a bad girl!”
This new nurse securely taped the IV tube back into my arm. This nurse had bright ginger locks, white shiny teeth, and a perfect nose. I don’t know why, but I’ll never forget the perfection of that nose. Maybe because it was the last thing I saw before I blacked out AGAIN. To me, that’s all the hospital seemed to be. Waking up, and getting knocked back out.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.01.2011

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