Chapter 1


I was at the mall with Lisa and Danielle, when I first saw the hottest guy I've ever seen.

"So Nikki, when are you finally gonna start dating, you've never had a boyfriend, and your 20."

'"You know how hard it was for me, after you found out about my dad. I just thought it'd be smart to stay away from guys for a while."

It was when I was little after my mom left ,with her little friend named heroin, that I became his wife. I did things no little girl should ever know. I guess that's why I'm so screwed up. I hate him for what he did and made me do.

"Yea, sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up. So, Kelsey is getting married, and she wants us to meet Michael tonight."

"Aw, I'm so happy for her. I cant wait to meet him." Little did I know, this was going to be the night that changed my life forever.


LATER THAT NIGHT


"Nikki, you're here, I'm so happy you made it." Said Kelsey, looking as beautiful as ever.

"Yea me too, so where is he."

"Michael this is Nikki, Nikki this is Micheal."

"Nice to meet you Nikki." He said, as our eyes connected I felt this jolt of electricity run through my body. I never believed in love at first sight, but if this isn't love then I don't know what is. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. You know how the sky is bright blue in the afternoon, that's what they look like.

"Nice to meet you too Micheal." Even saying his name made me feel weak.

"OK, so now that we all know each other, lets go and find a table to sit at." Said Kelsey.

I can see why he's with her, I mean shes beautiful. She has bright blond hair, and gorgeous green eyes, I have to admit, if i was a guy or a lesbian, I would have a crush on her. After we ate, we went to see a movie, unfortunately I sat by Michael and Kelsey. And I felt his leg rub against mine, sending heat all over my body. I don't know if he knows what hes doing, hes making me crazy. I think hes doing it on accident, I mean he loves Kelsey. Right? Just then a terrible thought came into my head, me and him and no Kelsey. I'm such a terrible friend ,I know, but I cant help it.

After the movie was over, I drove home to my apartment and went to bed. The whole night I thought about Michael, and what it would be like to be with him. But I never will, because him and Kelsey love each other, and I cant do that to her no matter what happens.


CHAPTER 2


I was woken up the next morning by banging, and screaming, at my front door.


"Wake up sleepy head, we've got lots to do today." OH CRAP! I forgot, we're supposed to start planning for the wedding today. It's in 4 months.


"Coming!" I screamed, as I went to open the door, because they're annoying the hell outta me.

"I swear if you don't stop it, I'm going to shoot you all." I should probably mention I hate being woken up, it annoys the hell out of me.


"Someones a little cranky." Oh lord, please help me, it's Michael. I can already tell, that this is going to be a long, bad day.

"Nice shorts." He said, looking at my extremely short shorts. I turned beet red, how embarrassing.


I went and took a shower, and got changed. I dint blow dry, or straighten my hair, because I don't have time, and I like it better curly. So we left to go and find a church, and look at flower arrangements.


By the third church we went to, we almost lost hope. But then, we went to this new one, and thank god they had an opening for April 19Th. After that, we went to pick out flowers. It was the most boring 5 hours of my life. YES! IT TOOK 5 F-ING HOURS!!!! Soon after that, we went out to dinner, and again I got stuck by Michael. Kelsey on one side, me on the other. As soon as we ordered, I felt a hand running up and down my leg. I felt the sparks, so I knew it was Michael. OH MY GOD! Does he know it's me. Well obviously, if he doesn't then he's even stupider than I thought.


"Nikki, I want you to be my maid of honor at my wedding." said Kelsey. It wasn't really a question, so all I could say was,


"Sure. I have to go to the bathroom." I said very fast, and ran toward the bathrooms. Here I've been having all the thoughts about Michael, and she just asked me to be her maid of honor. I soon felt someone following me. I t was kinda creeping me out so I decided to turn around to see who it was. And boy was I surprised, that my day turned from bad, to worse.


"Nikki wait, I need to talk to you now." I knew, by the tone of the voice, that I was screwed.


Chapter 3


"What do you want, Danielle?"


"Stay away from Michael." I looked into her deep brown eyes, to see she was pissed. I remember a time, when we used to be friends. She used to be nice, and fun. She also used to care about what she looked like when she went out. Now, she just puts her blonde hair back into a ponytail, it’s sad really. Maybe, she could get another boyfriend if she looked better.


"I don't know what you're talking about." Maybe if I deny it, she will think I really don't. But I do and she knows it. We've known each other for so long, that she can see right though me.


"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about, you self centred bitch. No one knows what you did to me. To everyone else you're this perfect little angel, and they think you’re a saint - but you're not. You know how much I loved him, but you still took him, and broke him, until there was nothing left but an empty shell. I will tell her if you don't leave him alone. You should know there is nothing I do better than revenge.” Then she left leaving me to think about what she just said. As I looked at her retreating form, I knew that this can't end well.


Oh god, what have I done? Oh well, too late to go back now - he's already wrapped around my finger. I went back to the table, and Danielle gave me a really dirty look. It actually kinda scared the crap out of me.


“Ok, so what’s up with you two, you’re giving each other the dirtiest looks right now.” Said Kelsey nervously picking at her pizza. The only reason she probly cares, was because she didn’t want a catfight at her wedding.


“Oh no reason, we just had a little fight is all, no worries Kelsey.” Danielle didn’t tell her, that’s a surprise, I thought for sure she’d rat me out.


Conversation was light through the rest of the dinner, I had a very hard time not looking at Michael. I could feel his hand running up and down my leg, again sending chills throughout my body, but I ignored them and him. I tried not to think about him. Kinda hard when he's sitting right next to me.


After that everyone went home. But not before Michael asked if he could "talk" to me alone. He told Kelsey it was a surprise for her baccalaureate party. But I knew better I know exactly what he wanted and I wanted it too. As terrible as it is , I couldn't help it. It's out of my control, or that's what I'd like to think.


"So Michael - what did you want?" I barely got that out before he smashed his lips to mine. The moment was blissful. It was like our souls were connecting, and becoming one. And as we were doing that, I ran my fingers through his beautiful soft hair. After a few seconds, much to my dismay, he stopped, and we looked into each other’s eyes. His eyes were the most beautiful things I've ever seen. He looked me straight in the eyes and made my heart skip a beat. And made me want to melt into his arms.


"Nikki you’re beautiful. But I love Kelsey so she can’t ever know about this. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost her. But I like you so we have to keep this a secret." And with that he left me. And what was left of my already broken heart was gone. And I felt cold.

I drove home that night, thinking about how wrong this was. But it was so wrong, that to me it felt right. When I got home I took a shower, then got dressed for bed and looked in the mirror. I looked in the mirror. Meeting my bright green eyes and smiling, I brushed my long brown hair until it shone like silk. Yes, I’ll admit that I’m beautiful. A perfect face to match a body that any girl would kill for. I might even be prettier than Kelsey. After analyzing myself I went to bed. And way deep down, in my chest, I felt my heart tighten with guilt, of the chaos I just started.


"The way you move is a full on rainstorm and I'm a house of cards. You’re the kind of reckless that should send me running but I kinda know that I won’t get far."


I woke up to hear Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift. My phone was ringing.


"Hey girl! Wake up! Time to go look for wedding dresses!" I heard Kelsey scream through the phone. God, one of these days I'm just going to slap her.


"OK! OK! I'm up!" I yawned until my jaw creaked.


"Good. I'll be over in an hour."


"Awesome," I said sarcastically. The girl can drive you crazy but you can’t help but love her. I really hope Michael isn’t coming. That would be awkward. Especially him telling me he still loves Kelsey and only likes me. I mean I don’t love him or anything but it still hurt thinking about him loving another girl.


So, I got up and went to the kitchen to get some coffee. Then I heard a knock on my door. Wow. Really? I thought she said she'd be here in an hour. I opened the door to see not Kelsey but Danielle. Oh what now!


"I need to talk to you." She looked like she'd been crying. Her eyes were red and her nose was stuffy and her hair hasn’t been washed today. I haven’t seen her look this upset since Dan. Crap there can only be one reason she looks like this again.


"I kinda have to get ready. I'm going with Kelsey to go look for a wedding dress." I said trying to avoid what is to come


"Not now. I don't care what you're doing." Then she walked in and shoved a letter into my hand. It was from Jacob to Lisa. Oh crap. Now this defiantly brought up some memories from the past I would rather have kept hidden.


"What happened?" I asked her innocently.


"Jake's dead. Because you killed him to. I got the letter before Lisa got home so she hasn't seen it...but she will. Imagine how pissed she will be when she finds out what you did." Shit I’m screwed.


Chapter 4


It happened our junior year of high school when I started all the drama. Danielle was the new girl and I had to show her around. My best friend Dan talked and talked about her for weeks before he got enough courage to ask her out. And lets just say I was pissed.I'll admit I didn't love him, but he was mine, and I didn't want some other girl to have him.


JUNIOR YEAR

FLASHBACK


"Hey Nikki!" I looked up into those bright hazel eyes and immediately knew it was my best friend Dan calling my name.

"What?" I said.

"Mr. Daniels wants you to show the new student around. Her name is Danielle. She's in the office."

"K. Thanks for telling me." I went to the principal’s office and went to Mr. Daniels office.

"Nikki thanks for coming. Danielle this is Nikki and she will be showing you around. Ok you may go girls."

"Hi Danielle so can I see your schedule so I can show you where your classes are?"

"Yea sure."

She gave her schedule to me and I looked over it we had all the same classes together, so I told her she could just follow me around. We walked to our first class which is biology. The only empty seat left was next to me so she sat down. It was silent. Then the teacher came in and started class. I already knew how to do the stuff we were doing so I just sat at my lab table thinking about Dan. I thought about his hazel eyes. I thought about his perfect smile and his dark brown hair. I imagined myself running my hands through it. And his lips pressed up against mine and him telling me he loves me. I thought about that all the way through biology. Then we went to geometry. All seven of our classes flew by in a blur. When it was time to go home I went to Dan’s car and waited for him. I saw him coming with Danielle.


“Hey Nikki, Danielle is going to ride with us.” I could tell he had a little crush on her already. I felt jealousy flare up inside me. I wanted to grab her and throw her in front of a bus. But I just had to deal with it. So I got in the front seat. Before I closed the door I heard Dan ask me if I could let Danielle sit in front seat. You know I think that might be the moment where I actually started to hate her. So I got out and went to the back seat while she sat by Dan. I was seriously pissed off right now. I think she has it out for me already even though she barley knows me. Every time I tried to talk she interrupted me. I’m going to end up slapping her if I don’t get out of this car soon. It seemed like forever before he dropped that bitch off at her house. After she got out I got out to get into the front seat.

“She’s really something isn’t she.” Said Dan. It wasn’t really a question so I just ignored it.

“So, can I go to your house instead of going home. My dad just got out of rehab.” Two months ago my dad overdosed on Meth and had to go to the hospital. Then they sent him to rehab for about a month and a half. And when ever he’s gone for that long him and my mom tend to do it and they don’t even care that I’m there most of the time.

“Yea, my mom would love it. You’re like the daughter she never had.”

“Yea I know.” And we left it at that. It was so quiet the sielence was eerie, because it’s never quiet between us. He noticed it to so he turned on the radio. I looked out side and saw the sun shining, I heard birds singing, and saw children playing I never have time to notice how peaceful these things are to me because I’m always running from someone. Or I’m always trying to be happy that I forget the importance in life. I wish I could change my life, but you can’t change fate. If we could there are so many thing I would want to change. I heard someone calling my name so I stopped daydreaming long enough to realize we were at Dan’s house.


“What were you thinking about so intently? I was calling your name for like five minutes, I was starting to get worried. I thought maybe you went into a coma or something.” I looked at his face to see he was concerned.

“Sorry I kinda was just off in my own little world.”

“Yea I can see that anyway lets go inside.” We walked in and we were immediately greeted by the aroma of fresh chocolate cookies.

“Have I mentioned that I love your mother.”

“Yea, I think you mention that every time you come over her and now I’m starting to think you’re in love with her or something.”

“Whatever.”

“Is that Nikki I hear?” She said as she came out of the kitchen looking as graceful as ever. With her sleek brown hair and her bright blue eyes and her smile like a kid on Christmas.

“Yes it is. Hi Mrs. Chandler.” I say with a huge smile on my face she’s like the mom that I wished my mom was.

“Hi sweetie, I haven’t seen you in so long you need to come over more.”

“I’ll try.”


After that we ate cookies and just hung around watching the movie Elf then I heard my phone ring.

“Buddy the elf what’s your favorite color?” I said as I answered it and I heard Dan and his mother just laugh.

“Red, because that’s the color that’s going to be coming out of your head if you don’t get home right now.” I heard my dad scream through the phone.

“I’ve gotta go sorry.” I saw Dan get up and go and grab his keys.

“I’m actually going to walk thank you though.” I said then ran out of the house without saying goodbye.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this and I know they’re getting worried but they can’t know about this. If they did then my life would be ruined forever. But I get home that night and as soon as I walk into the house I was punched in the face. I try not to think about what was to come but I couldn't help it.

"You bitch, I didn't tell you that you could go anywhere after school. Did I? Nope I didn't."

Then he threw me over his shoulder and started to walk up the stairs. I was scared to death he usually just beats me down the stairs and leaves me there.

"Daddy, please you don't have to do this." I started crying because I'm terrified.

"Yes I do. Someone has to discipline you. You need to learn that you can't do what you want when you want. And I can find no better way to do this." I heard him say as he opened my door to my room. He proceeded to close the door and lock it. Then he threw me on my bed and got on top of me.

"You're going to make daddy happy today,instead of mad like you always do. Got it?" I heard him say as he slowly started undressing me. I looked into his deep green eyes and they started hungrily back at my terrified ones.


See why I'm so screwed up now. I feel like I need to ruin other peoples lives. I get mad because if this wouldn't have happened I would be perfect. But since I'm not I guess that I'll just keep 'killing' people or making them as miserable as I can. So that I feel better about my pathetic life. I should have just killed myself but too late for that now I guess. Anyway back to that night...

After he was done with me he started talking.

"Baby I love you but you need some sort of discipline in your life. Understand?" He was waiting for an answer so I numbly nodded my head to show that I understood. Even though I didn't understand at all. What could posses a father to do this to his child. What have I ever done that was so wrong?

"Good. Goodnight sweetheart I love you." Then he kissed me on the mouth one last time and left my room. I Iook around to see mu clothes scattered on the wooden floor. But I don't get up to get them. I just lay there for hours and hours without moving. I hear my phone ring but I just left it there I could care less who was calling. I just laid there having a pity party for myself. I didn't cry though. That night I promised myself that I'd never cry over that bastard again No matter how much he hurts me.


And to this day I have kept that promise. I haven't shed one single tear over him since that night. Even when times got hard I just remind myself of the promise, and of that bastard, and I fill my heart with enough hate, that I literally cant cry.


Chapter 5


After the flashback, I opened my eyes to see I was in my room.


"Oh god, Nikki are you okay?"


I turn my head to see Kelsey on the other side of the bed.


'Yea I'm fine, but how long have I been asleep?"


"Like 3 hours, and you weren't asleep, you passed out."


"Oh," then it hit me Jake's dead. Oh no. Then I started to cry.


"Nikki are you okay? What's wrong?" I couldn't tell her, she'll hate me. And I don't want her to hate me.


So I just got up and ran to the bathroom. I heard Kelsey banging on the door telling me to let her in, but I didn't. She eventually gave up and left, I heard my apartment door close. It was then that I got my razor blade. I pulled up my sleeve, and made a shallow cut across my wrist. It felt so good, so I did it again, this time deeper. I hated doing this, but I loved how it took away all my emotional pain, and gave me physical pain instead. I looked down at it and realized that it was bleeding pretty bad. So I ran my wrist under water and grabbed a couple of bandages, and put them over the cuts. I pulled my sleeve down, then I started to feel dizzy. Everything went dark then I fell to the white, cold tiled floor.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Jakey boy." You may think I'm talking to a dog but I'm not.


"Hey, there Nikki bear." He said, then ruffled my hair and leaned down to kiss me sweetly on the lips.


"When is Lisa getting back from Florida?"


"You're her bestfriend and you don't know. Tsk , Tsk. Shame on you." He said with a cheesy grin on his face.


"Ok, well excuse me for not remembering to ask her. I was too busy thinking about you, and our wonderful weekend in bed we're gonna have." I said as I looked into those beautiful hazel eyes. I knew I loved him, but he didn't. I'll tell him the day before Lisa comes back, whenever that is, so he can choose between me and her.


"Oh, well, that,s definitely ok with me then." He pulled me down to the couch, and we started kissing. But soon it turned into passionate kissing, and before I know it our clothes are off. After about an hour we were done. We just layed there together. I was on his chest. All of the sudden the door opened. An I knew then that I probly ruined Jake and Lisa's relationship.


"What the fuck Nikki!" I looked at her. Her deep brown eyes looked pissed. Oh god, we're screwd. Or so I thought.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I felt water being splashed on my face, and I heard voices in the room. I decided to open my eyes I looked up to see Kelsey and Michael.


"Nikki, thank god. We thought you were dead." She's such a moron, maybe if she would have checked my pulse she'd realize that I wasn't dead.


"Well I'm sorry for disappointing you, but I'm not." I snapped at her. I was really pissed off for some reason. I don't know why.


"Kelsey, do you mind if me and Nikki go for a walk? I'll try to talk to her and see what's wrong."


"Hello morons, I'm right here you know." I said madly. But she just ignored me and said,


"sure go ahead." They gave eachother a kiss, then Michael grabbed my arm and we left.


"So, Nikki mind telling me whats wrong. He said, he sounded very concerned actually. But I was'nt going to give in.


"Nope sorry."


"Ok." Then he pushed me against the brick wall and kissed me hard. I had a very bad feeling that if we kept kissing right now then someone was gonna catch us, so I pushed him away and told him to drive us somewhere. I wanted to be alone with him. I wanted to forget about Jake. I just wanted to let go of all the pain and hurt that I feel in my heart.


We got to his car and got inside. Then he drove it was quiet until we got to the park. We ended up going in the woods, and he had some vodka in his trunk so he brought that with him. I just took shot after shot, until I couldn't control my actions. I grabbed him by his red Hollister shirt and kissed him roughly. It took him a minute but then he kissed back. Then my cell phone rang. Awsome (note the sarcasm).


"Yellow?"


"Wow Nikki who answers their phone like that anymore." I heard Lisa ask.


"Me."


"Obviously, I see you're in a better mood, will you please tell me what's wrong."


"Sorry amiga but nope."


"Ok then, when are you guys getting back."


"We'll be back in like 10 minutes, we actually walked pretty far." I said lying. Thats the best I could come up with.


"Ok see ya then." Then she hung up. You know I almost feel bad about doing this to her.Almost.


"Hey, we gotta go." I said as I looked at his disappointed, yet relieved face. That stings, he still thinks about her when he's with me. Just like Jake. I have a feeling that this is gonna end worse than it did with Jake though.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 11.01.2011

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