Day One

Janelle

The whispers will forever haunt me. In my dreams, I hear them. While I’m awake, I hear them. When I lie on the borderline of dream and wake late at night, they speak louder than ever. It would be better if their words were different.

“You’re ugly.”

“You’re worthless.”

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“Everyone hates you.”

“You’ll never be good enough.”

“You’d be better off dead.”

“You’re fat.”

“Why are you still alive?”

“You’re a coward.”

They’re right.

Logan

I’m told that I’m not supposed to talk back. That people will think I’m odd. “Why do you talk to yourself?” They question.
Am I the only one that can see them?

Kylie

Sometimes I disappear. That’s what people tell me, at least. Maybe they’re right. I don’t always know how I got somewhere, or why I’m accused of doing something that I clearly didn’t.
They keep telling me that I change. That one moment I’m me and the next moment I’m not. How do I know, then, that I’m really me, and not someone else?

Westley

I see, every day, how easy it would be. To pull the trigger. To take those pills. To tie up that rope. People don’t understand how easy it would be for me. They say I shouldn’t. Why not? Who would miss me?
No one, that’s who.

Alicia

Why can’t I just be the way I want? I just want to look thin. Is it because I’m weak? I have trouble resisting food. Stupid me. If I didn’t eat so much, I would be thinner. It’s so obvious. What’s the real point of eating, anyways? To store stuff, right? As fat. And therefore, become fat. I’m done with looking in the mirror and knowing that me being thin is only a dream. I’m sick of looking at myself and thinking, “Gosh, you’re overweight.”
I’m sick of eating.

Day Two

Janelle

I made a terrible mistake today. I looked in a mirror. I instantly pointed out every single physical flaw on my body. My nose is way too big. My hair isn’t nice. My smile looks fake. And my glasses… those stupid glasses!
Some people see themselves when they look in a mirror. I see a monster.

Logan

I just don’t understand. Why can’t other people hear these things? Am I crazy? I think I must be. Why else would I be hearing things? Mom says that I talk to myself an awful lot, too. My classmates all think I’m weird. What they don’t understand is that I’m not talking to myself. I’m talking to my friends. Dad says my friends must be imaginary, because they sure aren’t there. But you can’t actually see imaginary friends. I can see them.
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Kylie

This morning when I woke up, Mom was really hurt. She was crying and had a big bruise. She told the police that it was me, that I did that horrid thing to her. I swear to God I’m innocent. Although… I would like to know why I woke up with a baseball bat in my hand.
<PAGEBREAK>

Westley

I am sitting alone with a bloody nose and a black eye. Once again, I was beat up after school. As soon as I got home I retreated to my bedroom, where I am currently hiding from the world. I’m mostly hiding from my family. I’m terrified of them knowing how I really am. If they find out, I think that they’ll treat me like a little kid. I am not a little kid.
<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

Today was the day that I stopped eating – forever. I promise you this: never again shall I consume. So far today, I’ve had two glasses of water. Nothing else. It’s going to stay that way, too.

Day Three

Janelle

I think some of my makeup might’ve rubbed off today. I really hope that no one saw the secret that the makeup was concealing. I wish it had been the makeup on my face rather than the stuff on my wrists.

<PAGEBREAK>

Logan

I’ve discovered that I’m definitely not crazy. Thank goodness, my twin brother told me that he sees the people too, that he hears the voices too. I think the chances of both of us being crazy are lower than the chances that we are both normal.

<PAGEBREAK>

Kylie

Today I was forced to talk to an odd man that called himself a psychiatrist. He said that he could help me with “my problem”. I don’t have a problem, and I’m certainly not crazy. All that he really did was ask me a bunch of ridiculous questions about my life.

“What’s your mom’s name?”

“Angie.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“No.”

“Any pets?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me about your father?”

“No.”

The thing is, I don’t remember a thing about my father.

<PAGEBREAK>


Westley

Something strange and somewhat scary happened when I was walking home from school. I wasn’t beat up, or picked on, or really bothered at all. I walked across a bridge. As I was walking, I stopped at the side and gazed down, down at the river beneath me. I realized I could just jump. Drown myself. It wouldn’t be difficult at all.

<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

So terribly hungry… but I cannot allow myself to be weak. I knew before I started this that it would be difficult. This is the price I must pay to be perfect. To be wanted. To be accepted. It’s a hard price, yes, but necessary to pay. I will gladly do this.

Day Four

Janelle

You honestly have no idea how it feels to run a blade over your skin. How it feels to leave opening across your arms, your stomach, your legs. How it feels to watch and feel the blood flowing from your veins. It’s an indescribable feeling.

<PAGEBREAK>

Logan

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m starting to believe my dad about my friend being imaginary. Figments of my imagination. They seem so real, though, and my brother can also see them. I told my mother about how this is. She just looked at me, all worried, and didn’t say a thing. I think she knows what’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with us.

<PAGEBREAK>

Kylie

For the first time in my life, I attempted to talk to Mom about my father. He’s remained a mystery my entire life, and I really want to know why he isn’t around. I asked Mom why I don’t remember him. She didn’t say anything for a while, but she finally said that I’m lucky I don’t remember. I guess she wishes she didn’t.

<PAGEBREAK>

Westley

I was bullied constantly at school today.

“Hey there, ugly!”

“Nerd!”

“Homo!”

Now I’m busy tying a noose.

<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

I am so incredibly stupid. Pathetic. Weak. I just couldn’t take it… I just couldn’t bear it… I ate. I cannot believe this. I promised I wouldn’t. Gosh, I’m so hopeless. Fat, pathetic loser. That’s all I am. That’s all I’m ever going to be.

Day Five

Janelle

Why must it get so unbearably hot now? It’s making it very difficult to tolerate my long sleeves. I can’t do anything else to hide. Makeup isn’t going to hide blood.

<PAGEBREAK>

Logan

My life is beginning to seem somewhat abnormal. It looks as though my brother and I have some very realistic imaginary friends. I’ve been hearing voices a lot more lately. Some of the things that happen to me are just plain strange. I know that my mom knows what’s going on. I hope she can get us help.

<PAGEBREAK>

Kylie

I’m in big trouble now. I don’t know how I ended up there, but I appeared in Mom’s bedroom in the middle of the night. She was bleeding very heavily and has multiple broken ribs. She’s accusing me. I want to say that it wasn’t me, but my hands were covered in blood.

<PAGEBREAK>

Westley

I chickened out once again. I was so close to finally doing it. I had my noose tied, hanging from the ceiling, around my neck. Yet I decided against completing the process due to my own silly, pointless fear. I was so close. So close to being free. So close to being dead.

<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

Nothing. I have consumed absolutely nothing today, all day. No food. No water. Nothing.

Day Six

Janelle

I was almost caught cutting today by my father. I don’t really mind if he knows, but he’d feel compelled to tell my mother. Mom would react very badly, I’m afraid. I’d be grounded for life. Luckily, my life won’t last too much longer if I have my way.

<PAGEBREAK>

Logan

My parents appear to be very worried about us. Well, mostly my mother. Dad doesn’t really seem to care what’s going on in our lives. My brother and I have been scheduled to see a psychiatrist soon. I guess that means we are crazy.

<PAGEBREAK>

Kylie

I was back with that psychiatrist today. He keeps on asking me why I won’t admit to hurting my mom. He won’t listen when I tell him that I didn’t do anything. And he should really stop asking about my father. Doesn’t he realize I don’t remember him? I actually suspect that he knows something about my father. I want him to tell me. Why won’t he?

<PAGEBREAK>

Westley

I am so sick of this. This isn’t a life. This is freaking torture. Torture. I live everyday only wanting to die. I go to bed every night afraid that I’ll wake up in morning. And I feel… nothing. Empty. Maybe I’m actually already dead, and I’m stuck in this body, breathing.

<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

I’m afraid my sister suspects what I am doing. I said I wasn’t feeling well at breakfast and refused to eat. I had to drink a full glass of orange juice to make her happy. Unfortunately, my stomach has been growling, begging for food, and I think she may have noticed. If she finds out, I’m in big trouble.

Day Seven

Janelle

I haven’t cut at all today, and it was a very difficult thing for me to do. I think I’m addicted to my blade. I’m literally trembling from the severe need to slice my arm. I’m being watched by my father, however, so I can’t do anything about this. I think he might know what I’ve been hiding so carefully. I would really like to know what he’s going to do about it.

<PAGEBREAK>

Logan

I suppose I should mention that my brother and I are officially crazy. My Dad had always suspected this. The psychiatrist proved it.

<PAGEBREAK>

Kylie

I tried asking Mom about my father again today. Unfortunately, we had to talk on the phone because I’m not supposed to see her. There also had to be a guard in the room. I guess I really did do this.

“Hey, mom!”

“Kylie.”

“I swear I didn’t do it. Mom, you’ve gotta believe me.”

“I promise the psychiatrist will explain what’s happening.”

“All the psychiatrist does is ask about my father.”

“You don’t need to know about him.”

“I want to know.”

“You don’t need to.”

Then she hung up, like all of a sudden she’s scared of me. I probably would be too.

<PAGEBREAK>

Westley

What in the world have I become? I honestly do not believe that I’m me anymore. I’ve… changed, somehow. I’m not the person I used to be. What I would like to know is who – or what – I’ve become.

<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

I was forced to eat today. My parents decided that we would eat as a family for lunch, and my sister wouldn’t accept that I wasn’t going to eat. I only had a few spoonfuls of rice and a glass of milk. It was enough to make her happy. Unfortunately, it was just enough to make me feel like a freak. A fat freak.

Day Eight

Janelle

The minute I woke up this morning, I grabbed my razor and put a new incision on my wrist. My father has been carefully examining everything I do, so I took the moments of privacy that I’d had to cut, and then I had to cover it with a band-aid. No letting it bleed, and I couldn’t go too deep. This is going to be a difficult thing to hide.

<PAGEBREAK>

Logan

I absolutely cannot believe this… How could this thing be happening to me? It just can’t be possible. Please don’t let this be possible. This is far too devastating. This is far too much for me to bear. It just can’t be true. I can’t be in love with a girl I created with my mind.

<PAGEBREAK>

Kylie

The psychiatrist finally decided to explain everything to me. He told me what people mean when they say I disappear. He says that I completely change. It’s kind of like I leave my body and something else comes in. It’s like I get possessed by a different personality. I suppose this does mean I’m crazy.

<PAGEBREAK>

Westley

I now have a gun in my possession. The next time I get beat up, or picked on, or mocked, I swear to God I’ll shoot myself.

<PAGEBREAK>

Alicia

I didn’t eat anything at all today. I had a glass of water. Nothing else. Hopefully it’ll manage to stay this way for a few more days. It’s horrid, how awful I feel after I eat. I’d rather live with the hunger than with the guilt.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 25.10.2012

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Widmung:
To the people that have helped me fight my own demons.