The Truth About A Lie

Text by Holly Seitter
All rights reserved
Written and published 3/14/2012


THE TRUTH ABOUT A LIE

BY

HOLLY HIXSON


The dreary June afternoon was a grim reflection of Selena’s unsettled emotions. There was an unusual chill to the air. Her loneliness intensified with the damp weather, causing her to pace the floor of her cabin, impatience growing within her.
Outside the broad bay window of her living room, the rain bounced off the still, gray surface of Barony Lake. The steady rhythm of the rain hitting the cedar-shingled roof urged her to do something---what, she didn’t know.
Her father, Adam Marsh, had left her a generous inheritance after his untimely death in a plane crash. Selena had found this quaint lakeside cabin, one of a dozen scattered around the clear spring-fed Barony Lake. Nestled in the foothills of the northern Pennsylvania mountains, it had provided her a haven to pursue her longtime dream of becoming a writer, while surrounding herself with peaceful, scenic beauty, an aphrodisiac for the soul.
She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She had a successful career, with three published novels, her dream home, and yet she felt an inner pang of something missing. It had been five years since her husband’s death. Perhaps she was finally feeling the need to have someone other than her daughter in her life. Even though her marriage had not been a happy one, there had been someone around.
The gloomy afternoon was becoming unbearable to her, so she decided to go for a walk in the rain. As she stepped out the door, her daughter’s car pulled into the gravel driveway. Her daughter Jamie stepped from the car, a pizza box in one hand and a bright colored package in the other.
“Happy Birthday, Mom! You weren’t just leaving were you? I’ve come to cheer you up. I know how you get on rainy days.”
Her birthday. She’d forgotten. Selena reached for the pizza box looking fondly at her nineteen-year-old daughter. “Is it my birthday? I hadn’t really thought about it. I’m glad you’ve come. I was going stir crazy and was just going for a walk>”
“In the rain? You are loco!” Jamie settled down on her mother’s leather sofa. “Here, have a slice of pizza and open your present.” Selena reached for the package Jamie held out to her. Her daughter and she had always been close. As a little girl, Jamie had always been able to sense her mother’s moods and find ways to bring a smile to her mother’s face.
“You really shouldn’t have gotten me a gift, but I’m really glad you’re here. I feel so edgy today, like something’s going to happen. Isn’t that weird?”
“Not really. You’ve gotten like this before. Remember when Grandpa was in that plane crash? You were in a panic that whole day. How about that day you kept running back and forth to the mailbox? You drove me nuts that day! That was the day your first royalty check came in. Maybe you’re going to win the lottery or something.”
Selena laughed at that. “I don’t even play!”
“Hey, what are those books over there?” Jamie pointed to a stack of thin books sitting on top of the tall cherry bookcase standing in the far corner of the room.
“Photo albums from when I was a girl. I found them in a box the other day. Would you like to look through them with me? I haven’t opened them in years.”
She sat on the sofa next to her daughter and opened one of the albums. The urgency she had felt earlier had diminished with her daughter’s arrival. Perhaps it had just been loneliness after all.
“Who’s this?” Jamie looked at her mother curiously. She was pointing to a photo of a boy, who had his arms wrapped possessively around a seventeen-year-old Selena. It had been taken at the local summer carnival.
“That’s Jimmie Connor, a boy I dated before I met your father.”
“The two of you look like you were really in love, you both look so happy. What happened?”Jamie asked her mother.
“We were in love, very much. Things just didn’t work out, that’s all. He was a beautiful boy, wasn’t he?” Jamie looked at her mother sharply. She could hear the wistfulness in her mother’s voice.
“You sound as though you still miss him. I’ve been meaning to talk to you Mom. It’s been five years since Dad died. I know you two weren’t happy. You were both so different. Why are you still alone?”
Selena dragged her thoughts away from the photo and looked pensively up at her daughter. Seeing Jimmie’s picture had brought back a lot of memories and worse, a lot of old pain. Pain she thought she’d done away with a long time ago.
“We weren’t that unhappy…”
“Oh, yes you were,” Jamie interrupted. “I tried to pretend you were when I was little, but I couldn’t help but see. You and Dad were always fighting, I even remember seeing Dad hit you a few times. I couldn’t understand why he’d do that if he loved you, but he didn’t did he? Why did you two get married?”
Selena looked at her daughter cautiously. She didn’t dare tell her the truth. She tried to think of what to say as a look of understanding dawned on Jamie’s face. “You were pregnant with me, weren’t you?”
“I tried to do what was best for you. We didn’t love each other, but I thought things could work out. We were just such different people.” Selena searched her daughter’s face for signs of how she was taking in this unsettling news.
“Well then, it’s time for you to do something for yourself, to make yourself happy. Let’s find him.” Jamie pointed to the photo of Jimmy.
“Get real, honey. Jimmie was from another lifetime. It’s been almost twenty years since I’ve seen him. He’s probably married with kids of his own. I can’t just barge back into his life.”
Selena responded to her daughter, startled and yet she felt a ping of excitement starting to grow within her.
“Angela’s dad is a private investigator, Mom. Where did he live? Wouldn’t it be romantic finding your one real love?” Jamie slid the photo from the album.
“We lived in Royersford, about five hours south of here.” Selena smiled at her daughter’s wild imaginings. Romantic, indeed: more like preposterous. Still, she wondered what her Jimmie was like today. People had scoffed at them then; said teenagers didn’t know anything about being in love. But they were wrong. What she had felt for Jimmy was real. It was the deep love she had felt that had made her sacrifice her own life of happiness to protect him.
After Jamie left, Selena returned to the album and found another of her and Jimmie from the same day. She allowed herself to remember that fateful summer when their lives had been profoundly changed. They had met at a mutual friend’s party. Selena remembered clearly how electrifying their love had been. Chemistry had sparked between them. Although only fifteen, this tall slender boy had seemed much older. He’d been quiet, extremely sensual. She had known that she would love him for the rest of her life.
She closed her eyes and those long ago feelings washed over her as strong as if she’d stepped back in time. She could see his dark chocolate brown eyes, could feel his long, silky brown hair that had touched just below his collar. Could she still be in love with him, or was it just the memory of him? In the confusion of her youth, she had tried to save him from a lifetime of hurt. When she realized she was carrying his child, she hadn’t been able to tell him. He had dreams of becoming a rock star, famous and traveling the world. She and a baby would have been unneeded baggage. What a fool she had been and what a price she had paid. She had to hurt him with a lie, a betrayal of their love, and so she had named another as the father of her baby. The anguished look in those soft brown eyes had ripped her heart apart. She should have trusted in their love.
Instead, she had relegated herself to a loveless marriage, sacrificing her happiness. And what of the man she had married, Gregory Stone? She’d not even considered what she’d done to him and his dreams. She had seduced him and then laid her pregnancy on him. He’d become a heavy drinker and over the years she had accepted his heavy hand as her punishment for the lie she had told and the lives she had wrecked. The only bright spot had been her daughter, a constant reminder of her only real love.


………………………………………………………………………………………..

Several days later, Selena was busy working at her typewriter, the tenth chapter nearly done, when the phone rang. She hit the speakerphone button and said, “Hello?”
“Mom! I’m coming over. We found him!” Jamie screamed excitedly. Before she could reply, Selena heard the phone click into silence. Twenty minutes later Jamie burst into the cabin, Selena still sitting at the desk, stunned.
“Angela’s dad got his address and phone number. Tom says he’s divorced, about six months now, so he’s free. You’ve got to call him, do something for you for once.” Jamie handed a small piece of paper to her mother. Selena looked at her daughter who was bursting with enthusiasm.
“Alright, but I’m not going to call him. I’ll take a ride down there tomorrow. I have to see him, see what my feelings are before I go barging into his life.” She could see the disappointment on her daughter’s face, but there was no way she could do this over the phone. She needed some time to get herself ready for this. Would twenty years later be too late for them? Would he even recognize her? Though her hair was the same auburn color, it was much shorter. She looked younger than the 36 she was, but often felt much older.
Selena rose early the next morning, shortly after dawn. She felt like a schoolgirl again, pulling out all her clothes, trying to find the right thing to wear. She finally settled on a new pair of Levis and a teal tee shirt. Was she really going to do this? It was a five hour ride that went back twenty years in time.
It was a little after two, when Selena drove into the quaint mill town of Royersford, where she had lived during her turbulent teen years. There were lots of memories lurking here for her, many of them not so good, but the town itself hadn’t changed much. She found 213 Bennett Street, Jimmie’s parents’ home, with no problem. She sat there in front of the red-brick home for nearly an hour, churning old memories through her mind, reliving old hurts as well as loves. She shouldn’t have come back; this was too painful for her. It would be unendurable if he hated her.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the sound of a Harley approached and turned into the driveway before her. Barely able to breathe from apprehension, she watched the rider get off the cycle and remove his helmet, long brown hair tumbling out from under. It was him. She had gotten out of her car, but could only stand there and look at the man he had become. He was still able to take her breath away. He turned toward her, curious, and started down the drive toward her.
“Are you looking for someone...?” His voice broke off as a flicker of recognition crossed his face. He did know her, after all these years. Selena stepped away from her car and started walking up the driveway.
“My God, Selena, is it you? I can’t believe this, what are you doing here?”
“Jimmie. I guess I’m looking for you. You’re still here? She waved her arms at the house she remembered from her teens.
“Off and on actually. My parents passed away five years ago. I inherited the house, so we moved in. That didn’t go over well with my wife, life in a small town; so she moved on to bigger and better things. Come in. I can’t believe you are here.” Jimmie opened the front door and led her into the foyer.
Selena laughed nervously and replied, “I can’t believe it myself. I’ve been afraid that you would hate me. I need to tell you something and I’m not sure how.”
They moved into the small cozy kitchen. Selena felt like she’d stepped back in time. Everything was the way she remembered it. Jimmie handed her a glass of iced tea and their fingers touched. Selena was startled by the jolt of feeling that surged through her. Jimmie felt it too, a look of wonder on his face.
“Are you and Greg still together?” he asked.
“No, he died in a car accident five years ago. We were getting divorced when it happened. My parents died, too. I live up in the mountains. I write romance novels.” She laughed bitterly at the irony of it. She was a writer of romance who had totally messed up her own life.
Jimmie nodded. “I’ve been married three times, divorced just as many. Seems every time I find someone I have the same problem---they can’t make me forget the one I really love.” His voice faltered as he stared at her.
“Oh, Jimmie, I am so sorry. I did something horrible that summer and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. I thought I was sparing you a lifetime of hurt, giving you a chance to follow your dreams. I destroyed my own happiness too.”
“I thought we loved each other Selena. I’ve never been able to understand what you did.”
“I lied to you that summer. I didn’t want to tie you down, didn’t want to end your dreams. I knew you’d want to marry me.” Selena stopped, looking at him with tearful eyes.
“What are you telling me, that your child was mine?” Jimmie said, startled.
“Yes, that’s what I’m telling you. The truth is the baby I was carrying was yours, and I was afraid you’d end up hating us because of having to give up your dreams.”
“Selena, those dreams included you. I wanted you by my side the whole way. Without you there were no dreams. Wow, I’m a father?”
Selena laughed at the look on his face. “You have a daughter, who looks a lot like you, though I only just realized this two weeks ago. She’s beautiful and talented. She’s majoring in graphic design at the college near us.”
Selena touched the side of his cheek, tears in her eyes. She let her fingers play through his long hair. He reached for her slowly, and then crushed her to him, kissing her deeply. Feelings she’d buried years ago resurfaced, the fever of their long ago passion resurged like a tidal wave over them. He picked her up and carried her to his room, where they brought back from the past their once fiery emotions for each other. Hours later, they lay side by side, Jimmie staring at her in wonder.
“We still feel the same. I’ve never stopped loving you. It’s like I’ve been waiting for you all my life.” He kissed her chin, her eyelids, all tenderly, tears filling his eyes at the wonder of having her back with him.
“It’s been the same for me. All my senses have been on hold, a restlessness filling me waiting for something to happen.” Selena traced her fingertips gently over his body. She felt set free, like a weight had been lifted from her heart.
“I want to meet her. What did you call her?”
“Jamie, after you, but she has always thought Greg was her father. They were very close. I don’t know how to tell her. She’ll hate me for lying to her.”
“We’ll figure out a way. I’m coming home with you. I don’t ever want to lose you again.” He pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers and they lost themselves in each other’s arms again.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
The following day, Selena left for home. They had agreed Jimmie would follow the next day, giving him some time to take to make arrangements to get time off from his job. She felt apprehensive at leaving him, but he reassured her that he’d be there the following afternoon. On the way home Selena tried to think of a way to tell Jamie the truth about a lie she had lived her whole life.
All the next day, Selena worked steadily at her writing, trying to make the hours until Jimmie got here go faster. A little before four the phone rang. Her heart skipped a beat in panic as she reached for the phone and murmured hello.
“Selena Marsh? This is Montgomery Memorial Hospital. I’m afraid we have some bad news. A James Connor was admitted here. He’s been in an accident, a pretty serious one. He’s asked for you. It’s imperative that you get here soon, do you understand Miss March?” The voice on the phone went silent.
“I’ll come,” she whispered softly, tears sliding down her cheek. This couldn’t be happening. The sound of her cabin door opening made her turn, where her daughter stood. Pain and confusion spread across her face. The phone dropped from her fingers.
Grabbing her daughter’s hand she pulled Jamie out to her car. Jamie slid into the front seat acutely aware something really bad was taking place.
“There’s been a bad accident, not much time. We have to go.” Selena gasped spinning the wheels on the gravel driveway. As they rode south in tearful silence, Selena looked over at her daughter, not sure of how to tell her what must finally be told. She had promised Jimmie she would and now it might be too late. She looked at Jamie’s puzzled face, took a deep breath, and began.
“A long time ago, I was very much in love with a boy who was two years younger than me---Jimmie. I became pregnant when I was seeing him. I was afraid he’d hate me and I didn’t want to ruin his dreams, so I told him and everyone else that the father was an older boy I knew, Gregory Stone.”
Jamie stared at her mother, horrified at this news, not knowing what to say or think.
Selena continued. “I don’t remember why I chose Greg, other than he was older and seemed a safer choice. I couldn’t bear to tie Jimmie down and Greg was always getting drunk back then so it wasn’t hard to convince him we had been together. Jimmie was coming up here to meet you, and now he might not get to. Jamie, I’m so sorry.” Hot tears streamed down Selena’s face. She saw the look of horror and confusion alternate on her daughter’s face.
“How could you do this? How could you live a lie all these years? Maybe I could understand while Daddy was alive, but he’s been gone five years! It would have still been a shock, but I would have had time to get to know my real father! Now, I’ve got nothing! How could you do this?” Jamie yelled at her mother, anger rising within her.
“I’m sorry. I was afraid you’d hate me if I told you. You were devastated when Greg died. I didn’t want to take your memories of him away from you.” Selena replied.
Jamie said in disgust, “You have always shoved being honest down my throat, all my life; and look at you, look at what you did.”
They rode the rest of the way in silence. Selena was fearful they wouldn’t get there in time. When they entered his hospital room, he was just waking up. He looked at her, and knew she had told Jamie about him. He lifted his hand from the bed and reached for Jamie’s hand.
“Your mom told me about you. She was right, you are beautiful. I’m sorry I can’t get to know you. I’ve…I’ve always wanted a daughter.” Jimmie spoke low, trying to find the right words while engulfed in pain from his injuries.
“I’m sorry too. I hate her for lying to us. She robbed us of each other.” Jamie looked down at the man before her, tears sliding down her face.
“Don’t hate her. What she did was done out of love for both of us. But, she made it right at the end. Selena,” He let Jamie’s fingers slip from his and reached out to the woman he had loved all his life. “I love you. I have always loved you. Thank you for finding me.”
His voice grew weaker. Selena held his hand to her cheek, weeping silently. It wasn’t fair to lose him so soon after finding him. Pain filled her heart and she wept by his bedside; hot tears spilling not only for her present loss, but for the loss of a lifetime of love and happiness. The lie she had told all those years ago had caused nothing but pain for both of them. She hoped that in time, her daughter would forgive her.
Though she grieved deeply for Jimmie, she was glad she had gone back to find him. In their short time together they had loved a lifetime. Not everyone was so lucky. Seeing him again, she had been given her life back, had been allowed to feel vibrant and alive once more. The truth had finally set her free. She squeezed his hand firmly, leaned over and kissed him one final time. Thank you, she thought, for loving me.

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Texte: Holly Hixson
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.03.2012

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