Chapter One- I've Lost It


*This can't be happening!* That is what went through my mind as I stared at the wreckage of metal and glass. Memories of my mother flooded through my head. She had raised me and my brother, Zacky, by herself when our dad left. He couldn't keep his wits long enough to get to the hospital. He drove off the bridge and died. That happened when I was three; I was now 17 and alone except for my brother. I turned to Zacky and looked at his tear-streaked face. I didn't notice the tears on my own face until Zacky brushed one away.
"Zack… what are we going to do? What am I gonna do?" I whispered. Zacky pulled me close in a hug and I cried into his shoulder. My straight black hair was slightly damp from the steady drizzle falling on us and I shivered in my black short-sleeved shirt and took another glance at the wreckage. The police had notified Zacky first being as he was three years older than me at 20 and now my legal guardian. My green eyes sparkled with tears and I rubbed them away.
Alone. I'm alone.
It kept ringing in my head and I furiously pushed it away.
*I'm not alone. I have Zacky.* I looked up at my brother and he handed me a sweatshirt.
"Put it on. You're shivering." I looked at my Jack sweatshirt and did as I was told. Zacky talked to the police for a few minutes and I scuffed the ground with my combat boots. The silver buckles shone in the streetlight and reminded me of the small razorblade in my room. I pushed up my sleeve and stared at the red and white scars along my arm. I hastily pushed my sleeve back down as Zacky walked over with a police officer.
"Raven? I'm sorry for your loss. Your brother is your legal guardian now. We have discussed all the legalities with him so you are free to go home." I nodded stupidly, not bothering to correct him for calling me Raven. No one called me Raven bu Mom; everyone else called me Rave. Zacky put an arm around me and steered me toward his car. I got into the passenger seat as he drove us home.


"Rave…Rave!" I woke up from my nap against the window to Zacky gently shaking me.
"Come on, let's go inside, you can sleep once you get to your room." I nodded sleepily and followed him inside, staggering a little. Zacky helped me to my room and took my sweatshirt to throw in the dryer with his own clothes. He pulled the door after him as he left my room.
"Zacky." My brother stopped and poked his head back into my room.
"Yeah Rave?"
"Leave the door open?"
"Okai. Night Rave."
"Night Zacky. Love you."
"Love you too, sis."


Chapter Two-


I awoke the next morning to muted yelling from the living room. I rolled over and got up, grabbing some clothes to wear. I got dressed and applied black eyeliner before walking out to the voices. I sat down silently in the chair by the door and watched as Zacky argued with his friend. Zacky saw me and threw his hands up in the air, giving up on trying to be quiet.
"See! I told you you'd wake her up!"
"ME?!"
"Guys! Stop it!" I yelled, massaging my temples. My head felt like it was about to explode. "What are you doing here Syn?" I asked, wondering if my headache could get any worse.
"Umm…I forgot."
"Oh god." I put my hands over my face and went to the kitchen. I got a Monster out of the fridge and opened it, taking a sip.
"Monster for breakfast? Ew." Syn made a face and I smacked him as I walked towards my room.
"Hey!" I snickered and put on my converse before picking up my monster and putting my cell in my pocket.
"Where are you going?" Zacky asked, alarmed.
"Out."
"No you're not."
"I'm 17! I can go meet my friend at the park if I want to!" I protested angrily.
"No." Zacky folded his arms and stood in front of the door.
"What the hell Zack!?" I was starting to get pissed at my older brother. The door opened and hit him in the side as Jimmy walked in, ducking his head through the doorway. "Revvy!"
"Rave!" I hugged him as Zacky shut the door, glaring at us both.
"Revvy, Zacky won't let me go out! Help meee!" I begged, giving him puppy eyes.
"What now?" Zacky groaned and took a step back, leaning against the door.
"Ichabod!" I jumped and picked the small black puppy up and cuddling it. "Zacky, Ichabod thinks you should let me take him to the park." I said, holding the cute puppy up. Zacky groaned and mock glared at his puppy.
"Why do you always take her side?" he asked as Ichabod licked his nose. I suppressed a giggle and grabbed Ichy's leash.
"Be careful."
"Always am."
"What? No you aren't!" Zacky said, jamming his foot against the door. I sighed and rolled my eyes, impatient to get out of the house. "Rave, you've just seen how no one is safe. Mom was always careful! You need to be more careful. I don't want to loose you too." I put Ichabod down and hugged Zacky tightly, trying not to cry. I felt Synyster and Revvy join the hug and I giggled through my tears. The hug broke apart and I smiled wiping tears off my face. Syn held out his arms and I gave him a weird look before taking a step toward Ichabod.
"What? No! You're getting a hug, dammit!" I laughed as he gave me a bear hug.
"Um…Syn…Can't breath…Syn? Syn! Brain Elwin Haner Jr! I yelled. Synyster took a step back, shocked that I used his full name. "thank you." Zacky laughed and Syn punched him in the arm.
"Ow"
"Pussy."
"I'm not the one that looks like a fag!"
"Yo! You guys sound like you're 14!" I said, making them both hang their heads in shame.
"It's funny though." Jimmy said, folding his arms and looking down at me. I hate his tallness! EVIL!
"True…but still…okai, I'm leaving now. Bye. Come on Ichy!" I said, stepping out into the warm summer air. I had graduated two weeks ago and I was turning 18 in two months. I had to carry Ichabod to the park so he wouldn't try to run away after anything. When we got to the park, I put Ichabod down and walked him over to the deserted swingset. I sat down on one of the swings and Ichabod tried to climb onto my lap, putting his paws up on my leg. I laughed and picked him up, setting him on my lap.
"Raven Skye Baker, strange to see you here." A voice said from behind me. I stood up and spun around, backing up with Ichabod in my arms.
"Leave me alone."
"I just thought you might need a friend to confide in, now that your mother's dead." The man grinned and took a step forward. I looked around frantically.
*Where's April?!* I thought. She was supposed to be here. The man's short blonde hair was spiked with gel and his blue eyes made me think of ice.
"Don't worry about April, she just has a flat tire. Drove over into her garage and ran over a broken bottle." My heart was pounding so hard I thought that he could surely hear it. Ichabod started to whine and I stood frozen to the spot. I should have listened to Zacky! I was frozen as the young stalker closed in, reaching for me.

Chapter Three


I must have blacked out because the next thing I saw was…let's call him 'Spike'…on the ground. I looked up and saw Revvy shaking his hand like he just punched a wall. His knuckles were starting to bruise and he was glaring at the unconscious stalker.
"Are you okai?"
"Fine…now…thank you." I said, my voice shaking.
"What about you? Your knuckles are bruised."
"I'm peachy. This guy has a hard fucking head." He replied, shaking his hand again. I laughed and decided to ask the question in my head.
"Why are you here?" he shrugged and rubbed his knuckles, wincing.
"James Sullivan! Tell me!"
"No. You'll think I'm weird.
"I already do. Now tell me. Please?" I gave him a hug and he shook his head. "Revvyyyyyy…"
"I just…had a feeling that you were in trouble." He said, blushing slightly. I forced myself not to laugh and laid my head on his arm. I picked up Ichabod after a few seconds and scratched behind his ears. Ichabod struggled to lick my face but I held him away, laughing.
"Come on, let's go." I said, turning back to The Rev. Jimmy nodded and caught up with me, his long legs causing me to walk faster. When we got to the house, I set Ichabod down on the couch and unclipped his leash.
"Come on Revvy, you need ice." I dragged him into the kitchen and got a bag out and filled it with ice before pressing it against Jimmy's knuckles.
"What did you do to my drummer?!" Shadows burst into the kitchen and looked from the ice to me to The Rev.
"I didn't do it!"
"No, really Matt. I hit a guy with a brick head." He said when Shadows gave me a skeptical look.
"Why? And why did you just run out of here like a bat from hell?" Zacky asked, walking into the kitchen. He froze, looked at me and I exchanged a look with Revvy.
"Okai, spill. Now." I stood in the corner with my head down as Revvy explained what happened. Zacky stared at me until I raised my head and met his gaze.
"What the hell?"
"Don't ask me!" Zacky was starting to get pissed and I could tell. I moved behind Jimmy to hide myself from Zacky's rage. I moved my head so I could see the room and I saw Syn walk in, holding a beer.
"Zacky what's going on? Why are you so pissed?" Syn took a sip of his beer and looked around the room. The story was retold and Syn sat his beer down on the counter. "What!"
"Okai so it's great you all care about me and all but ITS GETTING ANNOYING!" I said before hiding again. I didn't notice Zacky moving until he picked me up and dropped me on the counter. "Why! Zacky, I just want to go to sleep."
"Not yet. You have rules. One: you aren't leaving this house without someone with you. Two: you have to tell me when and where you're going."
"What! Zacky, I'm turning 18 in two months!"
"Well then you only have to listen to me for that long, but I'm still gonna press you to do this."
"Zacky come on!"
"No. I'm not changing my mind!" I jumped down from the counter, knocking Syn's beer over in the process.
"Sorry Syn." I said as I walked out of the kitchen and into my room, slamming my door behind me.


Chapter Four- Eternal Rest


"God dammit Rave!" I heard Zacky yell from the hall. He pounded his fists against my locked door and I rolled my eyes from where I was sitting on my bed. *Typical Zack* I stretched and put my hair into a messy bun before putting on my Jack hoodie. I left it unzipped and turned off my stereo. I heard muffled voices and pressed my ear to the door. *fuck* I threw myself on my bed and tried to look unconcerned as they busted down my door.
"Oh, well that's nice." I said sarcastically as Zacky and Shadz walked into my room. Syn was leaning against my doorway with a new beer in his hand and Jimmy was standing with his arms crossed. That's when I saw the harmless black paint. Harmless, until Zacky put it on my window.
"No! What are you doing!?" I screamed as Shadz helped Zacky paint my window shut.
"Syn grab her before she kills us please." Shadows said as he piled more paint around the window cracks. Syn caught me with his free arm as I tried to move.
"Fuck!" I tried to escape, but Syn's arm was like steel around my waist.
"I don't want you to go sneaking out on me like you did with mom." Zacky said as they finished. *at least they didn't paint the outside too, then I really wouldn't -FUCKING HELL!* I hadn't noticed Johnny's absence until now, seeing him painting the outside of my window.
"Nice Zack. You're using the band to keep me from having a normal life."
"You have a stalker! You wouldn't live a normal life anyway!"
"Guys! Chill!" Revvy stepped into the room and Zacky turned away, running a hand through his hair. "Rave, he's just trying to keep you safe. He's being crazy about it but it's the thought that counts."
"Hell yeah he's being crazy! He's fucking insane!"
"Rave! Just…calm down. Zacky…you need to trust her. I agree with what you said before but this is insane." Zacky mumbled agreement and sighed.
"I just want you to be safe."
"I know Zack." I hugged my brother and then poked his soft hair.
"That's wrong. Are you using my conditioner again?" I asked, causing Zacky to blush and the guys to fall over laughing. Johnny walked in and raised an eyebrow.
"What now?"
"Rave! That was only that week in my junior year!" Synyster choked on his beer and almost sprayed my room.
"Geezus!"
"Nice save Syn. I appreciate my room not smelling like beer."
"Oh ha ha." He said sarcastically. Zacky was trying to escape while Shadz was trying to pet his hair.
"Oh my god! It is soft! That's not right!" he exclaimed. Zacky pushed him away and walked out to the kitchen with his hood up.
"Come back Zacky! We still love you, even though you are a little gayer than we thought you were." Syn called after him. He got flipped off for his efforts.
"It's okai, Syn. I still love you." I said, getting a hug from him. Then I smelled the beer. "…well…maybe not."
I laughed as Syn pushed me away and took a drink of his beer.
"AA is for quittersss!" I said, quoting Jeff Dunham. Syn made a face at me and walked out cradling his beer. "Why does no one appreciate how much of a loser I am?" I asked, hanging my head.
"I appreciate how much of a loser you are." The Rev said, hugging me.
"Thank y- HEY!" Revvy started laughing and I punched him in the arm. He pouted and crossed his arms. "Ah! No!" I grabbed his arms and uncrossed them, making him put the ice back on his bruised knuckles.
"But it's cold!"
"I know but if you don't keep the ice on for another ten minutes you'll get beat for you stupidity by Shadows there. Because you won't be able to play drums cuz it'll hurt and get swollen."
"But…it's COLD!!" I laughed and rolled my eyes.
"Deal with it." I walked over to where Zacky was standing in the kitchen he glared at me.
"Hey, don't hold a grudge."
"But I want to."
"But, but, but no!" Zacky laughed and messed up my hair. I made a face and looked in the fridge for anything non-beer. I finally found some diet coke and pulled it out triumphantly. "Yay! Something not beer!" Zacky laughed at me and I felt a light push from behind.
"Stop dissing beer." Syn said, putting his bottle on the counter.
"But it's disgusting!" I whined, earning another push.
"Push me again, see what happens."
"Okai." Syn walked toward me but Shadz stepped between us.
"Don't. I don't want you to get your fingers broken by this evil child."
"I am not an evil child!"
"Fine…person…thing." He corrected, earning a glare from me. I walked out and went to my room.
"Hey Zacky, you have to buy me a new door."
"What?! No I don't!"
"You break it, you buy it!" I called back.


Chapter Five- Unholy Confessions


*Door shopping. Yay!* I thought sarcastically as Zacky dragged me into Lowes with him, not willing to leave me home alone.


"Just pick one and let's go! It's a door for fuck's sake!" I said as Zacky looked at the 50th door. He ignored me and I groaned loudly.


"It's getting covered in posters and signs anyway!"


"Fine. You pick one." He said, throwing his hands up. I walked along one row and pointed.


"That one." I said, pointing to a black door with the perfect dimensions for my frame and relatively cheap. Zacky groaned and mumbled over being beat by his little sister.


My door had been put in and covered with my posters when Jimmy walked through the door.


"Hi Revvy."


"Hey Rave." He said, shutting the door behind him.


"What are you doing here?"


"Zacky called. Apparently he's trusting me to babysit you." He said, grinning manically. I laughed and hugged him before walking into the kitchen where Zacky was.


"Revvy's here." I said, leaning against the counter. He looked up and I started tapping my fingers on the counter. "When were you going to tell me you were going? Wait, where are you going?" I asked, meeting his eyes.


"Um…I'm going…somewhere."


"Well make sure you don't bring her home to fuck her." I said, walking out of there before he could respond. I heard Zacky slam the door behind him and smirked, proud of myself.


"What'd you say to him?"


"I told him not to bring the chick he's going out to fuck home." Revvy coughed and nearly choked on his drink.


"Well you're 100% wrong. He's not meeting anyone…I should stop talking." He said, looking away.


"No. you should keep talking" I said, my voice almost a growl. Revvy laughed and messed up my hair, ignoring me.


"You suck."


"Suck what?"


"Big hairy monkey balls."


"Mmm…they're good too." I laughed at how he could say that with a straight face.


"I'm bored. What did you have planned babysitter?"


"Well I was thinking we could go to the park where you can interact with other children and then if you're good and play nicely, we can get ice cream." I laughed and doubled back.


"Ice cream? I want. Now." I said before looking down at myself. I had changed into very short black shorts and a low-cut black tank top to put up my door and never changed back. "hangon." I changed the shorts for black drainpipes and covered my arms with wristbands and jelly bracelets before going back to the living room and sitting on Revvy.


"hey"


"Can we go now? I want my ice cream." I said childishly. Jimmy laughed and lifted me as he stood up. As he started carrying me toward the door I started kicking my feet and whining. "Put me down! Revvyyyy!" The Rev laughed and put me down on the front step, closing the door and locking it. He looked out at the street and me, being as impatient as I was, grabbed his hand and dragged him along behind me as I walked toward the park. In that moment I felt like I was a 7-year-old cause Jimmy was that much taller than me. I started absently swinging the hand attached to his, back and forth as he appeared on my right. He looked down at me and smiled, no doubt holding back a laugh. We got to the park and I dragged Revvy to the ice cream vender. We got our ice cream and headed over to the swings, me skipping happily. I sat down on one swing and felt Revvy give me a small push. I laughed and turned to see, to my horror, Spike.


Chapter Six- Brompton Cocktail


I skidded to a stop and flung myself away from the swings, turning to face Spike. My eyes darted around for Revvy, but I couldn't see the damn giant anywhere.


"Don't worry about your friend. Just sit down and have a chat with me." I was trembling as he moved closer. I forced myself to look calm and nonchalant...but who was I fooling?


"So you have a name?"


"Yeah, but you can keep calling me Spike. Wouldn't want to ruin your fun." I gasped and took a step back. "I'd love to tell you how I know, but that would just ruin the mystery wouldn't it?" My heart was racing and I was stuck to the spot with fear. I couldn't move as he got closer. I could feel his breath stir my hair and the only thing I could think was,


*His breath smells minty*


"So beautiful. Pity it took me so much trouble to get this far." My brain shut down as my back brushed a tree. I was trapped. Spike's hands came to rest on my waist before a fist collided with his jaw. I exhaled sharply and ran over to Zacky, hugging him tightly. I reached into my pocket and turned my cell off. I had speed dialed his phone when I got off the swings.


"Are you okai? Where's Jimmy?"


"I…I don't know. He disappeared when Spike showed up." I looked over and saw Shadows looming over the young stalker's unconscious body.


"Damn, this guy's head is hard! Does he have a metal plate or something? God!" I managed to chuckle at Shadz comment and looked around; that's when I saw him. I rushed over and slid to my knees beside Rev's unconscious form. A bruise was visible on his cheek and I lifted his head onto my lap. I brushed his side bangs out of his eyes and saw him starting to come to.


"Hey, are you alright?" I asked as he opened his eyes.


"Yeah…I'm sorry."


"What do you have to be sorry about?"


"I wasn't there to help you."


"It's okai. It's not your fault." I said, seeing the pain he was in.


"You're not hurt are you?"


"No, I'm fine Revvy." I sighed and looked over where Shadz was threatening Spike. Shadows turned his back and rolled his eyes at Zacky. That's when it happened. I blinked and he was gone. Halfway down the street he got into a car and drove away. Shadows and Zacky started flipping and my heart started beating faster.


"Revvy…I'm scared."


<3<3<3<3<3<3~*~*~*~*~*~*~<3<3<3<3<3<3


I was sitting on the couch with Revvy eating ice cream out of a tub and watching reruns of Bones. Revvy's arm was around my waist, holding me in place so I couldn't run away with the tub of ice cream. He put another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth and I tried to shift position again.


"No! You aren't running away with the ice cream!" Revvy said, holding me tighter.


"Ugh! Fine, here! I have to pee so let go!" I said, shoving the tub of ice cream at him and running to the bathroom. When I came back out Syn had stolen my spot next to Revvy and using my spoon. I growled and approached them.


"What are you doing?"


"…um…" I sighed and went back to the kitchen, grabbing a new tub of ice cream and a spork.


"Why do you have a spork?"


"So if I get pissed off I can gouge out someone's eyes with it and eat ice cream." Syn decided to stay quiet and I sat down next to him and began eating my ice cream. Two minutes later, a spoon crossed over into spork territory. I pinned it down with my spork and looked up.


"Syn, would you care to explain why your spoon is in my ice cream?" Revvy choked and started laughing insanely.


"That…that sounds so dirty!" Syn wacked The Rev in the head with his free hand before turning his attention back to me.


"Give me your fedora and you will go unharmed." I said menacingly.


"Fuck you."


"Fine." I said, lifting the spork from the container of ice cream.


"Fuck, here!" Syn put his fedora on my head and I smiled, putting my spork back into the ice cream.


"Can I encroach on your ice cream now?"


"Not with a spoon." I replied, putting a sporkful of ice cream into my mouth.


"If I get a spork?"


"Fine." I said around my mouthful of ice cream. Syn got up and went to the kitchen before returning with a spork and a beer.


"No."


"huh?" Syn looked confused as he placed his beer on the coffee table.


"You aren't eating my ice cream if you drink that."


"but…but…"


"No. As soon as you take a sip of that this ice cream disappears."


"Ugh. Fine." Syn leaned back and placed an arm around me to better reach the ice cream. We stayed like that for about an hour before Zacky came through the door.


"What are you doing to my sister?" I paused with a sporkful of ice cream halfway to my mouth and raised an eyebrow at him.


"Zacky! Syn's eating all my ice cream!" I whined before putting the spork in my mouth.


"God you sound like my mom!"


"No, Syn if I sounded like your mom, I would have said, 'Brian stop eating that ice cream! It'll make you fat!'" I said, mimicking his mom. Of course they all started laughing so hard that Syn fell off the couch.


"watch your beer." Syn grabbed his beer before it spilled and took a long drink.


"Ha! No more ice cream for you!" I said, getting up triumphantly and doing a victory dance. Syn's fedora fell off my head and landed on his lap and he placed it on his own head.


"It looks better on me."


"Faggot."


"No, that's Johnny."


"true." I said, finishing my ice cream and throwing the container away. "It's gone." I pouted before laying down across Zacky and Revvy.


"You're gonna get fat if you keep eating like that."


"What like you?" I asked, poking Zacky's stomach.


"Ha! You've admitted I'm fat!"


"YOURE NOT FAT!" I yelled, hitting him in the arm.


"than what's this?"


"You're fluffy, not fat. If you were fat I would disown you as my brother." I said, causing Syn to snort his beer.


Chapter Seven- Second Heartbeat


I woke up and felt cramped. In my half awake state I panicked and thought Spike had got me. I heard another heartbeat and screamed.


"Rave! Rave, look at me!" I focused on the voice and recognized Syn's face in front of me. "Rave, it's okai."


My head turned to look at the clock. 11:23Am. Syn opened the curtains and light flooded into the living room. He sat down next to me and I hugged him tightly. He put his fedora on my head and lifted me so I was on his lap. I buried my face in his shoulder and tried not to cry. After a few minutes I lifted my head and my eyes fell on a pack of Newports. *No. You don't need to smoke. You're above that.*


"Rave." I looked at Synyster and lowered my eyes.


"Hey, it's Zacky's birthday today. Wanna help me set up a surprise?" I asked a thought flying through my head and bouncing around like the deathbat on speed. Syn laughed and nodded as I got up. He held out his hands and I rolled my eyes as I helped him get up from the couch. We spent the next few hours decorating the house and drawing a giant deathbat on cardboard. We cut it out and painted it before hanging it on the wall in front of the kitchen.


"Done."


"Now we get to wait for four hours." I said mock excitedly. Syn laughed and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.


"Ah! Beer, ew!" I said, holding my fingers out in front of me in the shape of a cross.


"It's just beer." Syn laughed, taking a drink.


"But its EWWY!"


"No, it's good!" he said, coming closer to me. I had backed myself into a corner…fuck! Syn stopped four inches away from me and held the beer in my face.


"No…get it away from me…please?" I begged, cringing. Syn put the beer on the counter and trapped me between his arms. I grabbed his fedora and put it on my head to hide my nervousness of being in this position, thinking maybe, just maybe, he would be distracted enough for me to escape. No such luck. Syn tilted the hat back so it wasn't in my face and I tried not to shake. Syn's face was so close to mine when the phone rang. Syn picked it up and held it to his ear.


"Hello?"


"Stay Away From Her!" Syn's face went blank as he pushed record on the tape player.


"Who are you?"


"Just call me Spike." The voice replied. I froze against the counter.


"What the fuck do you want!?"


"That doesn't concern you. Just stay away from her. I'm watching you." The dial tone rang and Syn slammed the phone into its cradle. Tears of terror slipped down my face as I tried to stay calm. Syn looked over at me and pulled me into a hug.


"That bastard will never hurt you. I promise." Syn's voice was hard, like steel, and I flinched. "I'm sorry."


His voice softened and he tilted my face up to meet my eyes. I muttered something unintelligible and brushed my bangs out of my face. Syn was looking down at me and his chocolate colored eyes made me think of a lost puppy. And that's the last thought I had before I felt his lips press against mine. I gently pushed him away and shook my head.


"Rave-"


"I can't do this Syn."


"Rave just-"


"You're Zacky's best friend! Brian how do you think he'll react?"


"That shouldn't affect how you feel. And it shouldn't keep you from doing the things that make you happy."


"Not today. Don't…it's his birthday for fuck's sake! Don't ruin it for him." I sighed and walked over to the couch, sitting down and putting my head between my knees.


"I'm gonna pass out." I felt Syn's hand run across my back, soothing the muscles that were tight with tension. I sat up and looked at him, his face unreadable. I lifted his hand in mine and turned it over, tracing the lines. His hand closed over mine and he pulled me closer as he kissed me again.

Chapter Eight- Critical Acclaim


That's when Zacky decided to walk through the door.


*surprise! Ha…ha…* I thought. * Shit. What do I do? Do I act upset and shocked or hit him or what?! AH!* Alarms were going off in my head, but then Zacky did something completely unexpected.


"Oh my god!" Zacky made a weird happy squeal noise thing and hugged us.


"Um…Zacky, what the fuck?"


"I've been waiting for you two to get together for ages! You're too perfect for each other not to be together! AND YOU MADE ME A GIANT DEATHBAT!" Zacky yelled, hugging us again.


"Um…you're welcome?" Zacky ran back to the kitchen and stared at the deathbat cake I made him and started looking for a camera. I laughed and handed him one as Syn and I got out to the kitchen. We left Zacky to go insane and went to the outside world. Syn sat down next to me on the front steps and placed an arm around my shoulders.


"Want to continue that conversation?"


"No…I want to restart it." I said, shrugging off his arm.


"Rave don't tell me-"


"Don't tell you what Syn? The truth? That no matter what, we can't work! Brian, I have a stalker that threatened you for being around me!" I yelled.


"Rave…don't…don't do this. Rave, we can make this work!"


"No! We can't! Don't you see? I care about you, Syn, I really do, but-"


"Then try! Rave…I'm not asking for forever, I'm asking for right now. I'm asking for a chance!" Tears were streaming down my face and I looked up to see tears of frustration in his eyes.


"I can't do this." I whispered. I ran off down the street toward the park, my safe-zone. An image of Spike appeared in my head and I cursed at my stupidity, turning around and heading toward April's house. Syn grabbed my wrist and I collided with his chest.


"What are you thinking?! You give me a lecture about how you have a stalker after you and you run off by yourself?! Rave…look at me." I could here the panic in his voice and guilt washed over me. I went limp in his arms and tears leaked from my eyes.


'Why is this happening to me? I hate my life!"


"Rave, come on." I shook my head and took a step back. Synyster sighed and picked me up bridal style and carried me back to the house.


"Put.Me.Down."


"No!" Syn said, walking into the kitchen where Zacky was unloading a bunch of vodka.


"Did you buy any martini mix?" I asked. Zacky smiled and held up a large bottle. I clapped my hands and held them out, begging for it. Zacky laughed and gave it to me. I opened it up and drank some from the bottle, smiling from the sour taste.


"Are you just gonna drink that? Straight like that? No vodka?" Syn asked incredulously.


"Yupp! It's good. I always do it." I said, taking another drink, trying to distract myself. Syn set me down and helped Zacky unload the drinks.


I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, my thoughts too numerous to count.


"Hey," his voice said, breaking through my mind. I rolled over and looked up at him, Synyster fucking Gates.


"What?"


"Nothing." Syn sat down next to me and I turned away, not wanting to look at him. "Rave." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He lay down next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. "When are you going to stop ignoring me?"


"I'm not." I said monotonously, still not looking at him.


"Rave please. Don't do this?" He tilted my face toward his and I blinked up into his eyes. No emotion left. Gone. It's all gone, gone, gone. Just like mom. Dead, dead, dead and buried. I felt his mouth press against mine but I couldn't come out of the swirling white fog that surrounded my mind. Lost. I'm so lost, lost, lost. Alone. Not alone. The fog cleared as I kissed back, wanting to feel. Wanting my emotions back.

Chapter Nine- Warmness On the Soul


*Fuck. Fuckety fuck fuck!* I thought as I sat up straight in my bed. *I'm such a whore.* Synyster rolled over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest.


*well at least I'm wearing clothes.* I thought, looking down at my PJ pants and cami. Syn, however…well all I knew what he wasn't wearing a shirt. I moved in fake slumber and stole the blankets, half wishing I hadn't when I saw Syn's boner through his boxers.


*Ha! Maybe nothing happened!* I thought. Syn groaned and pulled the blankets back over him, snuggling closer to me. I chuckled and rolled over so that I was facing him. I blew lightly in his face and he opened his eyes.


"Hi." He said sleepily.


"Hello, mister sleepyhead."


"Your breath smells minty." I laughed and flashed my gum at him. He rolled his eyes at me and I rolled over. Syn scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, laying his head on my shoulder.


"Rave…"


"Yeaaaaaaah?"


"I love-"


"WAFFLES!" I said distractedly, cutting him off. Synyster sighed as I ran off to the kitchen where I saw Zacky making waffles.


"Thank god!"


"What are you talking about?" Zacky asked, putting a waffle on Johnny's plate.


"I was afraid Johnny or Shadows were cooking." Zacky looked confused, but then realized what I meant.


"Ha-ha. No I wouldn't allow Johnny to burn down our house."


"But you would prolly let Shadz cook. And he would, of course, scar us all by wearing only that small pink apron of his that says "kiss the cook"…well…now it says cock…" I said shuddering. Zacky laughed and put the fresh waffle on my plate. I smiled and hugged him before devouring the yummy waffle. I went back to my room and changed into black drainpipes and a Lock, Shock, and Barrel shirt. I outlined my eyes with green liner and added green mascara. I was putting on my converse as Syn walked into my room.


"Can I use your eyeliner?"


"No."


"Please?"


"Why?"


"Because Zacky only has mascara."


"Fine." I handed Syn a stick of black eyeliner and he outlined his eyes in my mirror.


"I love you." He said, tossing back my eyeliner. Zacky walked into my room and raised his eyebrow.


"Have you seen Ichabod?"


"No. I have not." I said, moving in front of my bed. Ichy decided that he wanted to stop hiding from his daddy though and bounded out, sitting at Zacky's feet.


"Liar. You trying to steal my dog?"


"No. He was hiding from you." I said, smiling. Zacky picked up his dog and stalked off, much to my amusement. I sat down on my bed and Syn sat down next to me.


"Plans for today?"


"Nope…prolly watch you all act like fags."


"Hey! I resent that!" Synyster exclaimed. I laughed and he looked around the room.


"Wanna go for a walk?" I smiled and shrugged.


"We'll see."

Chapter Ten- Scream


"ha-ha! I win!" Synyster smirked as we exited the house. I rolled my eyes and spun around in the cooling August air. As we walked down the street a teenage girl slammed her house door and sat down on the front steps. Her guitar case leaned against the stairs and she held an inward struggle, ending in her taking her guitar out of the case. She played a G chord and shook the hair out of her face before starting a mellow riff. She sang a few lyrics along with it before sighing and staring at the barren street.


"That was pretty good." I said, leaning against the porch railing. She looked up startled and stared at Syn.


"you…you're…Synyster Gates!!!" she said, her jaw hanging open in shock. He nodded carefully and I rolled my eyes.


"Yes, but I'm the tooth fairy!" I exclaimed. She blushed as she looked over at me, embarrassed.


"Hey wait, I know who you are…Damn it!" I laughed and decided to be nice.


"Rave Baker. I'm Zacky's sister." I smiled and she grinned back. Syn rolled his eyes and put his arm around my shoulders.


"You two together?" She asked, sounding like she was making fun of us in some weird way.


"No." "Yes." Me and Syn said at the same time, looking at each other. I crossed my arms and glared at him.


"Synyster."


"Raven."


"Brian."


"Hey! No fair!" Syn pouted.


"You used mine first." I said, turning my face away.


"Well you disagreed with me…again."


"Let's finish this elsewhere."


"Fine" Syn picked me up and with a wave goodbye to the girl, carried me down the street.


"Put me down, Syn."


"Nope. We're discussing this issue first." He said, heading toward the park.


"What is there to discuss? We aren't dating. I told the truth."


"Rave. Don't start this again." He said, putting me down but still holding onto my waist.


"I'm not the one starting it. Why can't you leave it alone?"


"Because, Rave, I can't stand it. I'm in-" I placed my hand over his mouth and stared up into his eyes.


"Don't say it."


"Don't say what? That no matter what happens, I can't change the fact that I'm in love with you? Don't you get it Rave, I can't stand by when I know we can work!" Tears were falling from my eyes and I couldn't speak. My emotions were shutting down again. Empty. A black hole inside of me. Emotions gone. Dead, dead, dead. Just like mom.


~~~~~~~~~~Syn's POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"-why can't you just leave it alone?"


"Because Rave, I can't stand it! I'm in-" Rave placed her hand over my mouth and shook her head.


"Don't say it." Her voice was almost a whisper. A mixture of rage and hurt flowed through me.


"Don't say what? That no matter what happens, I can't change the fact that I'm in love with you? Don't you get it Rave, I can't stand by when I know we can work!" My voice had a better edge to them but softened near the end. Rave blinked hard, tears streaking down her face.


"Rave…" I tilted her head up and looked down into her mesmerizing green eyes. I would give anything to be the reason she smiled instead of cried. I wished she could understand how I felt. I pulled her closer and rested my forehead against the top of her head. It started to rain, steady and thick. We stayed like that for a few minutes, resulting in us getting soaked. I tilted her face up to mine and kissed her softly.


******************Rave's POV********************


Syn kissed me and my mind went blank. My arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer when all I wanted to do was push him away. I always make things more complicated for myself. I pulled away and turned to face the deserted park. People were rushing to get everything in their cars before driving away. Everyone except for him. He stood by the swingset, watching us with flame in his icy blue eyes. He took a step closer and I screamed,


"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Spike looked at me before taking another step forward. Syn grabbed my hand and pulled me backward. His mouth rested near my ear and he whispered,


"Police are on their way. STALL."

Chapter Eleven- Strength of the World


"What do you want?" I repeated. Spike said nothing and continued walking toward us.


"You still haven't figured it out. I don't believe it." Synyster placed himself between me and him and Spike laughed.


"Give the cops my regards would ya? I really must go now." Spike disappeared in the blink of an eye and Syn swore.


"Fuck! Now what?"


Hey, guys! I'm going to meet Jason downtown in a sec so I'll see ya'll later. Jason is staying around for a while so he's prolly gonna come to one of our practices. He and Rave can make fun of us together." Johnny said, laughing. I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him.


"Shut up, midget." Five years ago, Jason came to town for a week and whenever he came over, we made fun of how the guys looked when they were playing. I couldn't remember what he looked like. All I remembered was that he had blonde hair. Jason and Johnny were fraternal twins. I sometimes thought that Jason stole Johnny's brains and height.


"You made fun of me?" Syn asked, staring at me with puppy eyes.


"Only a little." I replied, remembering.


"What did you say?"


"haha. You looked stoned and distracted. Seriously. You stare off into space like you're thinking 'oh look! A butterfly! It's so preeeetyyy. I want to touch it!'" I said, laughing. Syn pouted and hung his head.


"Oh come on, you know it's meant with love."


"Is it? Is it really?" he said, mock crying. I laughed and hugged him before walking into the kitchen.


"Zackyyyy"


"Whaaaaaaaat?"


"I'm bored." I whined.


"So go fuck Syn. I'm sure he'd appreciate it." I gasped and smacked Zacky upside the head.


"Iamnotawhore!"


"Sorry. I guess I'm just used to Gina's whoriness."


"So get a new girlfriend. One that's not a whore."


"That's hard to do."


"I know, but try." I said, walking back out to the living room and sinking down onto the couch.


"Synnie!"


"NO! Never call me that! Ever!"


"Oh fine, how about…Brysterinnie!?" I exclaimed. Syn looked at me oddly before sitting on the opposite end of the couch.


"You know you love meeeeee!" I said, sliding over and hugging him.


"Don't start something you don't want to finish." He said quietly. I sighed and stood up as Shadz and Zacky walked into the room followed by a laughing Jimmy.


"What's so funny Revvy?"


"Zacky walked into the door on accident." I laughed and started walking toward my room. I stopped and turned around, saying,


"Hey, asshole."


"What?" the four of them answered. I started laughing so hard I had to lean against the wall to stand.


"I…I meant Syn." I gasped, still laughing.


"oh." They chorused. Synyster stood up and followed me into my room as I walked to my dresser and started looking for a sweatshirt.


"What do you want?" I said nothing and rummaged through a drawer. Syn grabbed me and spun me around to face him. I quickly kissed him before walking toward the door. Syn followed me outside and shut the door behind him.


"Rave…don't run away before you explain-" I spun around and cut off his sentence with a kiss.


"Don't make me talk right now." I said, walking down the road. Syn stared after me for a few seconds before catching up with me. We walked side by side for a few minutes, a comfortable silence between us. I leaned against him and stared at the horizon for a few minutes before I forced the words out from between my lips.


"I want to try this…us…" I blushed and turned away, my mouth becoming dry. We had been walking around the park for a few minutes now and I saw the vending machines in the distance. I ran over to one and waited for a diet coke to pop out. When it did I practically chugged it. As the cool liquid ran down my throat, I smiled at the nice feeling. Within seconds, the drink was gone and I stared at the bottle.


"well that didn't last long." I said, just as Syn walked up behind me.


"Did you seriously drink that in 30 seconds?"


"Maybe…I was thirsty!" I defended myself. Synyster laughed and scooped me into his arms.

Chapter Twelve- Gunslinger


As we entered the house, Zacky screamed like a little girl.


"Hey Zack, did you adopt a little kid or something? I hear her screaming."


"Shut up!" he yelled back before I heard Jimmy's evil laughter.


"Well that explains all." I said, walking into his bedroom where Zacky was huddled in a corner with Ichabod. The Rev and Shadz were standing with their arms crossed in front of him.


"Rave, dawling, come help me get Mister Wuss over here for his transformation make-over." Rev said with a diva accent. I laughed and then saw a bunch of makeup and hair stuff I've never seen in my life.


"um…did you guys but that stuff?"


"No, it's Val's. She's helping us turn Zacky into a chick."


"Oh…where is she?"


"Right behind you, love."


"VAL!" I yelled, hugging her. She laughed and hugged me back before spinning around to face our victim.


"Come on Zacky, don't be shy. After we're done with you, you'll be a star!" Val said in a british accent. I stifled a giggle and Zacky screamed,


"I'm already a star dammit!"


"Oh stop whining Zacky!"


~~~~Twenty minutes later~~~~


I…look…like a chick…why?!"


"because we knew we could do it." Val said, taking pictures. Zacky glared at her and started growling. Ichabod started arfing and jumping around causing us to all laugh and Zacky to blink rapidly.


"My dog…is…a fruit! RAVE! This is your fault!" I just laughed and walked out of the room, Ichy following me.


"Hey Ichy, do you want some FRUITLOOPS?!"


"NO! RAVEN DON'T YOU DARE MAKE MY DOG ANY GAYER!" Zacky yelled. I laughed and continued to the living room. I heard our doorbell go off and heard everyone shout,


"JOHHNY!" Zacky ran into the bathroom to wash his face and Jimmy raced past me to open the door.


"Johnny!"


"Short cake Christ!" I added. Everyone gathered in and Johnny entered the house with Jason in tow. That's when everything went wrong.


"What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!" I hid behind Syn as Jason, AKA SPIKE, walked into the room.


"What's going on?" Johnny asked, confused.


"He's been fucking stalking Rave!" Zacky yelled as Shadz cracked his knuckles. Synyster put a protective arm around me and I hid my face in his shoulder.

Chapter Thirteen- And All Things End


I was pacing in my room as Jason was being interrogated. Synyster was sitting on my bed, following me with his eyes.


"Settle down, Rave. Just…come here." I stopped and turned to face him. I sighed and sat down next to him. I felt his arms wrap around me and part of me relaxed a bit.


"I won't let anything happen to you. Don't worry." He said. I leaned back against him and closed my eyes. A few minutes later, I fell asleep and entered into dream world.


~~*<3*~~


Synyster and I were walking along the river, hands laced together. Rain fell softly down, soaking the earth. I shook my head and the water flew, some landing on Syn. We laughed as we walked along. That's when he came-


I awoke screaming.


"Rave!" My eyes flew open and I saw Syn's concerned face. I sat up, hugging him tightly.


"I'll never let anyone or anything hurt you. I promise."


"How can you be so sure?"


"I can't afford to lose you." I snuggled deeper into Syn's arms, for once knowing that everything would be okai.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.03.2010

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