Prologue


It is breaking me from the inside.

It hurts, so I open my mouth to scream, but the sound that comes out is more like a deep groan. I see my hands twitching, my body is shivering. My back feels like bleeding, since something appears to be growing out if it. I lose control and no matter how hard I struggle, I can only watch what my body is doing. This is not me. This is not what I want. The whole scene seems surreal to me. Like the story of a terrific nightmare that has come to life. I wonder, if this is really happening.
My skin is bruising and my eyes grow dark. There is this heavy power that presses down on me. It won’t let me interfere. I am breathless. I can’t seem to find air. My lungs burn, I want to get out of here. I hurt all over. I can see my body transform into something gruesome. It’s disgusting. I feel a tug of hate and destruction in my mind. It pushes away my thoughts. I can’t remember where I am. What is happening? Why am I here?
Suddenly I see him. I don’t know who he is, though I do know that I know him. He’s coming right at my direction. I mentally sigh in relief. He will help me. I know he will. I try to reach him, but instead my body lungs for him. We both fall down to the ground. The rain pours down on us and he is fighting to get free. My body won’t let him. Rather, the thing that has taken over my body won’t let him. My weight presses down on him. He wriggles, trying to free himself without hurting me, but it’s no use. He doesn’t stand a chance. My claws pin him down.
I hear noises from behind and know the others are there. No one of them comes nearer, though I need them to help, not me, but him. If anybody doesn’t interfere soon, I don’t know what will happen.
My hands close around his throat, nails digging into his flawless skin leaving red marks. He finds his power and rolls us over, though he can’t stop my body from choking him. He looks straight in my eyes and finally recognizes that I am not in charge of the body anymore. A slight hint of fear appears in his gaze, though he doesn’t give up. He begins to kick, pulling at my wrists to let go of him. But I won’t.
I stand up or rather my body does - without my permission – and drag him along with me. A broken low voice – I find out to be the one from my body – starts to make noises, sounding like an angry animal.
Pain.
Blood rushes from my shoulder. I have been shot. I let out a heavy cry. My claws loose on him. He uses that little moment I let go of him to run away.
I am relieved. I can’t hurt him any longer.
Now they come for me. I back away only to realize I stand at the edge of the cliffs. What was the place again? Ah, right, we’re at the coast somewhere near Dover.
I feel the power deep in me becoming weaker and weaker. Maybe it does because of the shot. The others come closer. He is amongst them, too.
An impulse races through my body. My body wants to grab him again. Wants to hurt him, to kill him. I don’t want that, but that doesn’t matter to my body. What is he doing there? He keeps coming nearer and nearer. No, get away! I want to warn him, but my body won’t let me. Stop please, stop!
His hand reaches out to take mine and he kneels in front of me.
No, no, no! Get away! Back off! Run!
‘It’s okay, everything’s going to be alright.’ He smiles reassuringly.
Just go! Oh, please, go!
He thinks it’s all over, but it’s not.
Hell, it is not.
My hand grips his hard and pushes him near the chasm. Everything happens so fast now. He is tripping, not able to balance himself out in this situation. His eyes stare at me in a way of anxiety and sorrow.
His mouth opens, though before any word can come out, he is falling down the abyss.
No!
Our hands are still locked, but he is hanging down the cliffs now. His weight is pulling me down on the edge’s ground. I’m forced onto my knees, linking us both with the ground by my left hand clutching hard at the rocks.
My insides are fighting. My right hand tries to loose, my mind hinders it vehemently.
I can’t let him fall.
I can’t let him die.
Soon, I feel the darkness taking over again. Slowly, one finger after the other gets itself out of the firm grip. While that, the claws of my other hand dig deep into the cliffs’ stone ground, desperately trying to keep me from falling.
I will never let him go, I speak to myself over and over again. No, I won’t!
After an eternity of being in this state, my eyes finally meet his. I can see his mouth forming its last word. His voice is hoarse and desperate, coughing the word out as if it is his last chance to survive.
‘Alexandra.’
The name echoes in my mind. I can’t think anymore at all. I can’t say if I pushed him down or if he lost grip.
Our hands part and the weight pulling me down leaves. He falls down with such a speed, my eyes can’t even recognize. There are so many things going on around me. It’s too much for now. Everything becomes blurry.
I am left in the rain, as I feel my body returning to its normal state. The possessing power crawls back into its corner. I’m able to control my body myself now again.
The blood of my wounds mixes with rain drops and the salty fragrance of my tears. I stay at the cliff’s edge and look down to see the dark sea crashing over the rocks in a million waves. Franticly, I look around, but I can’t find him.
It’s too late.
I slump to the ground, no power left in me. My spirit is too weak now to take in anything. Bones and muscles are aching like they never have been before. With the last bit of energy, I pull my head up.
The sky turns even darker and the wind blows colder suddenly. A cruel chill is sent through my spine. My naked form throbs. I hear people coming towards me, though I’m too exhausted to care. Only one thought fills my mind, as I close my eyes in resignation.

He is gone.


Chapter 1


I turned the treadmill a notch higher.

Damn, I hated those nightmares.
Focus, Alex, you have to forget them. They don’t have any meaning.
I began walking faster, turning even a notch higher.

So, this is me, Alexandra Thomson or Alex for short. I live on my own, though I am only 17 years old. My parents have died a long time ago, in accident they say. Since then I had been in many orphanages. Nowhere had I found a home. When I was twelve I had come to London. That is where I live now. I know, London has the reputation of being a wonderful city, especially for shopping and entertainment, but I merely see that. Though, I have to admit London is a pretty big place and definitely the one most watched. Everywhere you go, cameras seem to follow you, which can quite annoy you after a while.
Especially since spies aren’t supposed to leave their traces everywhere.

Yes, you heard correctly, I am a spy. But don’t worry, I’m not one of the bad guys. I belong to the ISO, the International Spying Organization. We work for the government, doing all the secret stuff. You know, we’re like CIA or MI6, just cooler (and better). Just kidding around. I have been working for the ISO for five years now and – although, I’m still a trainee – have reached the highest level by now. (Though, I have to wait for my 18th birthday to officially become one of the elite.)

I halted the treadmill and grabbed my towel to wipe away the thin sheet of sweat on my forehead. Nobody was in the gym at this time, I took a glance at the clock. 4 am.
Okay, that explained it.
I walked straight to the changing rooms, taking out my bag of the closet and heading towards the restroom. There I slipped out of the black shorts and also black top. Those actually were my work clothes.
After a quick shower, I put on my normal clothes. A tight fitting, little washed up jeans and a loose hooded sweatshirt. I looked into the mirror to find a green-eyed woman staring back at me. My brunette hair fell down at shoulder-length and my complexion was a tad paler than it usually was. Must still be the after effects of that horrible nightmare.
I pushed my hand into my jeans’ pocket, pulling out my necklace from which a silver heart-shaped pendant hung down. Without ceremony I put the necklace on and hid its pendant beneath the fabric of my sweater.
Afterwards, I pulled my wet hair in a ponytail, some wisps falling along the sides of my face. Putting the hood onto the top of my head, I left for the great hall. Here weren’t many people, either, just David Taylor, our Coordinator, and Benjamin Roberts, ISO’s engineer.
‘Good Morning, you two’ I said as I sat down on the edge of Dave’s desk, under which Ben was crawling. The sight was pretty awkward, believe me.
‘Morning’, David said taking a sip from his coffee.
‘Ben, what exactly are you doing down there?’ I asked with a smirk.
‘David’s computer just went off, stupid machine. He called me out of my bed to fix that.’ He didn’t sound very enthusiastic about it, so I dropped the topic quickly.
‘What are you doing here at this time?’ David asked.
Damn, I had known he would ask. ‘I wanted to train.’
Sure, like he was going to believe that.
‘Do you have those nightmares again, Alex?’ he said with concern in his voice. ‘You know, if you need a break, then just –‘
‘I’m fine, David.’ The fact I used his real name in such a tone instead of ‘Dave’ or ‘Davy’ scared him. I usually preferred his nicknames, since he was one of my closest friends.
‘Okay, okay’ he sighed, ‘never mind. What are you up to today?’
‘Well, I have school, but I think I’ll skip. I don’t feel like going there.’ My voice was quivering slightly and I felt exhaustion overwhelming my body. ‘I think I’ll stay here and do some paperwork.’
‘Wow, you must be feeling really bad then’, a voice from under the desk said.
‘Why is that, Benjamin?’ I hissed becoming aggressive again.
‘You’re offering to do the paperwork – voluntarily.’ He showed up his head and grinned.
‘Idiot’, I murmured before I went off to start working. Dave followed me. ‘Hey, wait for me’
‘What is it, David?’
‘I thought, you’d like to talk, you know.’ He answered with an understanding and soft expression.
Oh great, another psycho-therapeutic talk with him.
I tried to brush him off by stomping into my office quickly and closing the door. But he stopped me by putting a foot in it.
‘Aww, c’mon, Alex. Don’t be like that.’ He mocked me, before he got in.
‘David, I really appreciate your help, but I’m good. No worries’. I smiled at him.
He eyed me suspiciously.
‘Alex…’ He said in such a gentle way, my resistance broke down.
‘Okay, okay, it’s these nightmares. I can’t seem to get rid of them. I mean, how long has it been since the incident? A year or something?’
‘Guess you’re right’, he replied laying a hand on my shoulder, ‘everyone can understand why it’s still bothering you. It’s okay.’
‘But I feel stupid for it. I am a spy, I mean I work for ISO and I’m still not able to deal with some stress.’ Consciously I let my shoulders sank.
‘C’mon. Don’t you think you’re the only one who has problems managing all the stress. Though, maybe you could take some weeks off. It might help you’ he advised me.
I stared at him and let myself fall into the chair. Taking off some time? ‘No, I don’t think I will. Work is the only thing that can distract me.’
‘Alright then, I leave you alone now, you workaholic. If you ever need anyone, y’know, to talk the worries from your heart, I’ll be there.’ He smiled reassuringly at me for the last time, before leaving me behind in my office.
More sleepy than awake I began to deal with the paperwork.
This was going to be a long day.


Chapter 2


Lazily I walked up the school yard taking a glance at my watch.
‘Damn, 9.30 already.’ That meant I was late for school…again. Not like it bothered me much anyway. What was troubling me more, were those nightmares. They were the reasons I had overslept again today.
Sneaking quietly into the classroom – oh the joy of being a trained spy – I sat down at my desk.
‘How nice to see you at school, Miss Thomson’, Mr Hatcher, the history teacher, said. ‘May I ask what has occurred to make you show up here?’
I really hadn’t got the nerve to stand up to Hatcher now. ‘I’m sorry, Sir. I won’t be late again’, I said in a hushed voice. Giggles could be heard from the rest of class. I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and forget that this day had even begun. While being in ISO I had many good friends, I was not much of a social active person in the outer world. The majority of my classmates ignored me or made fun of me, there were only some people I could really call my friends. And to those nice people no one of my teachers belonged. The school staff constantly scolded me for being absent, even though my marks weren’t that bad. And some of the teachers really enjoyed torturing me, I could tell. Mr Hatcher was one of them.
‘Silence’, he shouted at the noisy class. Everyone stopped moving. ‘Alexandra, I want you to go to the headmaster’s office after the lesson. Is that clear?’ He asked sternly.
I nodded.
‘I didn’t hear you.’
I cleared my throat. ‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Alright’, Hatcher began, ‘who can tell me the goals of the Marshall-Plan?’
I received a slight nudge into my side and stopped listening instantly. I looked up into the worried face of Sebastian Beale.
‘You okay’, he whispered, his gaze all concerned. I did my best to put up a smile ‘Yeah.’
The rest of the lesson I stayed quiet. Sebastian didn’t push the subject…for now, but he kept looking at me from the side.
The bells rang and the class rushed out. I began walking slowly towards the headmaster’s office. I prepared myself mentally for another talk about responsibility in life and the importance of good education, he always gave me that one. Funny thing was, that even though Mr Donny was the only one who knew about my part-taking in ISO, it didn’t seem to stop him from taking me to task. But honestly, those preaches of his didn’t matter much to me. ISO had a contract with my school, so he wasn’t allowed to throw me out because of minor occurrences. Another advantage of being a spy, I guess.

‘So, where were you this time?’ Sebastian asked joining me to stroll over the school yard.
‘It isn’t important’, I said not even bothering to look at him. That was obviously not what he wanted to hear. He suddenly grabbed my shoulder making me turn around and face him.
‘`Dammit, Alex’, he replied in a loud voice. ‘This is the eighth time this month you were absent.’
‘I was…ill.’ I excused badly. Of course, he would see through the obvious lie.
‘Alex, don’t give me that.’ Sebastian let go off my shoulder, but took one step towards me. His gaze fell down directly into my eyes. ‘What’s the real matter?’
I couldn’t stand this situation. His pure blue eyes were boring through my mind, so I quickly averted my eyes. ‘I can’t tell you.’
‘Okay’, he answered angrily. ‘Forgive me for being worried. I just thought that’s what friends are for.’
‘Sebastian, don’t use that against me. It’s not fair.’ Now, I was getting angry myself.
He growled. ‘What right do you have speaking about fairness? Why can’t you talk to me about it like normal people would do?’
‘So what?’ I started to shout, ‘am I not normal?’
‘Alex, that’s not what I meant.’ He tried to calm me down, reaching a hand out to my shoulder yet again.
‘Then what do you mean, Sebastian?’ I said coldly pulling myself away from him. ‘Why should I tell you?’
His blue eyes were suddenly filled with deep disappointment. He let his arms fall down and straightened up. The hint of pain made its way into his voice.
‘I thought we were friends, Alex. I thought you would trust me by now.’
The school bells rang again announcing the afternoon lessons. Sebastian turned and went off to the school building.
I followed just a few seconds later. Fortunately, I had a different course now, so I wouldn’t have to face Sebastian the next hour.

Still drained, I walked up the street thinking about the day’s events. Why was life so hard sometimes? If there weren’t these terrible nightmares, maybe things would have worked better. I thought back to Sebastian’s reaction. Had my behaviour really affected him that much? I know he was more of a sensitive guy, but I would have never thought he cared so much about me. I remembered the look in his eyes and instantly felt guilty. It hadn’t been fair of me to brush him off like that. And it hadn’t been even the first time I had done so. Though, I actually hadn’t a choice in the matter. I was supposed to keep quiet about my secret ISO activities and no question how badly I wanted to blurt it out, I wasn’t allowed to.
But I guess, I could have been nicer to Sebastian anyways. He had always been there for me in the past months, and he was one of those standing by my side, no matter what.
After all, I considered him as my best friend. At least, in the outer world.
Sebastian was a great guy. He was a year older than me, being in the same class as me for like two years. His jokes made me smile and the fact he gave me the feeling of not being alone, made me feel a little more comfortable outside of ISO.
Having made up my mind, I pulled out my mobile phone

Sebastian,
I’m sorry for today.
I really want to make up to you, so if you’d like,
meet me tonight at The John Soane Museum
at Lincoln's Inn.
I’d be happy to see you
Alex

I quickly typed into the phone and pressed ‘send’. Sighing, I put the mobile into my back-pack again. I wasn’t sure how Sebastian was going to react to my message. Would he accept? Or would he ignore it? I went on to reach my apartment soon, in order to prepare myself for tonight. Hopefully he would show up.


Chapter 3


After I had slipped into some comfortable jeans and my favourite sweater, I made my way to Lincoln’s Inn. So many thoughts filled up my mind. Would he be here tonight? Would he accept my apology? Did I still have a chance to save our friendship?
Taking a deep breath, I sat down on the steps leading up to The John Soane Museum. There wasn’t anybody here yet, so I glanced at my watch. It was only half past 7. Nervously I fumbled with my necklace. Damn it, why was I so nervous? I was a trained spy, prepared for the most dangerous missions out there, even for killing people, but I couldn’t stand waiting for my best friend. What the hell was wrong with me?
The street lights turned on. I looked up into the sky where a few clouds hindered the perfect view at the full moon. Even though, it was September already, it was a pretty warm evening. Good enough to go without a jacket. The sweater held me warm, as I sat forlorn and desperate there.
I checked the time once again, half past 8. Oh no, he wasn’t going to come. I knew I had been too mean to him this time. Why did I have to be such a bitch about his concerns? It was my entire fault.
I clutched down onto the pendant of my necklace, cursing myself silently for being such a fool. ISO members were supposed to live an ordinary life, so they wouldn’t be too noticeable to the outer world. I guess losing the only friend in real life didn’t fit that idea well. Suddenly, I felt utterly lonely. I realized that outwards ISO nobody was there for me. I had no parents, no friends anymore and teachers hated me in general. Why, oh why, did that happen? Was that the price for saving the world almost every day? Didn’t I deserve some love, too?

I was about to leave, when I heard some slow, rhythmic foot steps. I turned my head to see a tall boy with light-brown, short hair, wearing some jeans and a blue pullover. His piercing blue eyes avoided my gaze.
‘You wanted to talk to me?’ he said, his voice hoarse, as if he hadn’t spoken in a while. When I didn’t answer immediately, he took a seat next to me on the cold stone steps. He looked at me expectantly.
Taken aback, I tried to find the right words. ‘I’m glad you came’, I whispered faking a small smile.
‘So?’ he pushed the issue.
Swallowing I collected my self-confidence. He gave me the chance to save our friendship, so I had to take it.
‘Come with me’, I said and stood up waiting for him to do the same. Puzzled, he got up as well, and I walked towards a high tree about 50 metres ahead of us. I tensed up when he appeared right next to me, walking along. When we reached the tree, I climbed up some of the bigger branches to a flat in its middle. I lay down on the wood staring right up between the leaves at the beautiful sky. The clouds had faded and now the moon shone in all its glory, drawing the tree into a soft glowing light.
Sebastian had followed me without saying a word all the way up to the tree; he even lay down beside me. We stayed like that for a long time. It felt good just to have him as company, not feeling alone at this moment. But I knew it was time for me to apologize to him for all the concern and troubles I had caused him in the past year.
‘Sebastian’, I said gently. When no reply came, I continued. ‘I’m sorry.’
I heard some noises beside me and realized that he had sat up. Now he was staring at me with big eyes. Even though, it confused me, I went on.
‘I know I hurt you by my actions and I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair of me to treat you like that. I promise I will make it better and I want to keep your friendship. Sebastian, you are so important to me, I don’t want to lose you. I understand that you’re angry with me, but I’m sor…’
Sebastian cut me off by pulling me into a warm embrace. My head was pushed up against his chest and for the first time in a long period I felt comfortable. I had to bite my tongue to keep my relief and my sobs down.
‘It’s okay, Alex. I didn’t want to push you away like this. I care about you and this morning, I was just angry. You know, you’ve been disappearing from school time and again, and that really makes me worry.’
I swallowed. So he really cares? ‘I’m sorry, that was never my intention, Sebastian.’ I leaned on my elbows now, so I was staring directly into his deep blue eyes, underlining my honesty.
‘Well’, he began casually, ‘what’s got you all stressed up that you don’t come to class? I mean, what’s the matter?’
Damn. I knew he would ask. As much as those eyes were begging me to say the truth, my mind knew there was no way I could tell him the real reason. Instead I made up a little story which wasn’t even completely untrue. ‘Well, the thing is, it’s pretty hard to live all alone and I often feel lonely.’ So there, it wasn’t even a lie, though it was not the reason for me staying absent from school all the time.
Sebastian looked at me, his eyes changing from questioning into pitiful-understanding. ‘Oh, Alex, I hadn’t realized how much that is bugging you. Forgive me, I’m such a fool.’
‘It’s okay’, I whispered weakly. In a corner in the back of my mind I wondered why I felt so insecure right now. I mean, I was a top assassin of Great Britain, I shouldn’t feel uneasy about a bit of loneliness, right?
‘You aren’t alone in this crazy world, Alex. Don’t you ever forget that’, he smiled at me, patting my back before settling into his lying position again. It’s funny, since he guessed the exact way I felt sometimes.
All alone on this damned planet.
A smile crept onto my lips and I rolled onto my back to watch the beautiful dark sky. The night’s clear and you can see the stars perfectly from the crouch in the tree.
‘This place is beautiful, by the way’, Sebastian whispered amazed and turned to face me, ‘how did you find it?’
‘I know’, I agreed, ‘I found it by accident. After I got lost on my way home.’ Our faces were only inches away from each other. ‘I come here when I need to be alone or to think.’
‘Well, thank you for showing me it’, he said and his hand began to caress my cheek softly. ‘It means a lot to me.’
I blushed. I didn’t know why, but being so close to him embarrassed me. So, at a loss of words, I simply smiled at him.
That seemed to reassure him and pushed forwards. Our lips were almost touching now. Quickly I pulled away and looked up into the sky again. I knew I had disappointed him with that, I could tell from the look in his face I saw as I glanced sideward. It hadn’t been my intention to do so and it actually hadn’t been my intention to pull away from him. I really liked Sebastian and I felt that he was the only person in the ordinary world who understood me. But still…something in me was holding me back. I had to explain him, so I opened my mouth to talk to him, but he went first.
‘Sorry’ he muttered, ‘I got carried away. I didn’t mean to....’
‘No’, I started insecure, ‘no, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.’
‘You know what?’, he asked and I shook my head. ‘Let’s just forget it and lie here for a while.’
‘Can’t argue with that’, I giggled and slowly my winded up insides calmed again. From now on, life would get better, I knew. There was only one problem left and that were those bad dreams.

Suddenly, a shooting star crossed the scene as I hold onto my pendant and made my secret wish.
‘Please, let the nightmares stop.’


Chapter 4


Humming I entered the ISO’s headquarters. A small smile lay on my lips and I felt good. I had slept through the whole night without any nightmares hindering me from resting (maybe I should continue on wishing on shooting stars?). I was fully awake and ready to begin my work on this beautiful Saturday morning. Today’s morning girls’ training with our trainer Eileen Cox was on the plan. Because I still had some time, I wandered over to greet Dave and his co-workers. Maybe some of my spy-mates were also here.
I made my way into the great hall. Dave sat at his desk, already working at the computer, Mrs Cox was arguing with Samuel Lewis, the boys’ trainer, and to my surprise ISO’s Chief Director Jack Anderson was in here, as well.
‘Good morning, everyone’ I cheered friendly and was met by murmured ‘morning’ from David and being ignored from the trainers. Only Mr Anderson walked towards me and wished me a ‘good morning’. Then he looked at me sternly, as if he was expecting me to say anything. Insecure, I exchanged a look with David who gestured me something like ‘I have no idea’. Mentally sighing I kept on showing my smile and asked innocently, ‘What’s the matter?’ I know that some people might find it rude to talk that way to their superior, but here in ISO Jack was known as a nice chief who tolerated the strange, youthful (as he would say) behaviour of his good workers.
‘I wanted to ask you the same. I have recently noticed how stressed you’ve become, and how depressed. I don’t want to see any of my subordinates suffer, so I thought that maybe you’d want to talk about it.’ He said, all sincerely.
No, someone must have told him about my recent state. I wondered who. I knew David and Benny would never go to Jack with personal issues, so they were cut out. My guess was that it has been somebody from my squad I was teamed up with most of the time.
‘Thank you for your concern, Sir. But I’m fine. It’s true I had some kind low phase the past weeks, but I’m over it. I promise.’ I answered honestly.
‘Oh, well, if you say so’, Mr Anderson explained, ‘Emily just mentioned something about you not feeling so well. I’m glad everything’s clear now.’
‘Thanks, Jack.’ Emily was Jack’s daughter and at the same time she was the female chief operator at ISO. Even though, she had told her father about me, I wasn’t mad at her. Quite the opposite, it was her duty to inform Jack of the spies’ states and on the other hand, I knew she had only done so because she cared about me. Emily was a really generous person with a big heart. And by the way, she was a beautiful girl, too. Her blonde hair fell down in soft locks surrounding her pretty face with her glowing blue eyes. At the age of 25 she was the oldest of the girls’ group and she was allied with Tim Lowen, the second in command of the boys’.
‘Alright, Sir, I must go now’, I said when I heard the others arrive. Eileen called for us girls, while Samuel went off with his group consisting of seven young men at the age between 16 and 27.
Us girls were only four young women, on the contrary. That didn’t mean we were less important. Since we had the better trainer, we were even better than the boys at some things. While Samuel Lewis was a 44-year-old chubby and easily drunken bachelor, Eileen Cox, being at the same age, was still in perfect health and a very hard and strict teacher, especially at physical education. The training we did undergo in her lessons was harder than anything you could imagine, but it reached its purpose: It made you strong and fit for all missions you might receive.
In the changing room I went over to Maria, one of my best friends here at ISO. She was such a great person. Usually she was a little shy, but at the same time she was friendly and very intelligent. Because of her quietness she had the job of the observer, gaining all necessary information before giving us the signal to attack.
‘Have you asked him out yet?’ I said causally as I changed into the black shorts and the black tank top. I pushed the pendant of my necklace down beneath the fabric, so it wouldn’t get in the way during training.
Maria Stewart blushed and looked on the floor, her short crispy, blonde hair falling down in the progress. ‘Alex’, she hushed. She knew exactly who I meant with the him. It wasn’t a secret in our station that Maria had fallen in love with Julian Waller, a 20-year-old member of the boys’ section.
‘C’mon, Maria’, I sighed, ‘even he knows.’
‘He does?’ she suddenly shrieked, her face looking all shocked.
‘Of course, he does’, Emily laughed.
Lucy Hopkins, the female part of the Hopkins twins, raised her voice. ‘Alex’s right. It’s just too obvious, sweetie. Why don’t you just tell him?’
Maria let her shoulders hang down. ‘That’s easy for you to say. What if he rejects me?’
Suddenly, we heard Mrs Cox clearing her throat. ‘Girls, now it’s not the time for romantic gossip. Get into the gym quickly, you’ve been staying far too long in the changing room! Thirty laps to warm up!’ We were told by Eileen’s deep voice.
Shutting finally up, we began our regular training. We started to run the laps. It wasn’t hard, since we were used to it. Afterwards the difficult things began, Push-up, training with weights and some rather painful stretching exercises Three hours later, we were dismissed for lunch.

We met the boys’ team in the canteen. Lucy pushed Maria over to sit right next to her crush Julian Waller. Of course, Maria tried to protest, but shut her mouth quickly when Julian offered to fetch a drink for her. Lucy and I grinned at each other, then she went off to greet her twin brother Christopher. Our chief operator Emily was soon trapped in a heated discussion with the male chief operator John Mansfield and her boyfriend Tim.
That left me sitting and eating with the remaining members of the boys’ section. There was Simon Hyde, the youngest spy of ISO. Although, he was only 16 and wasn’t allowed to take missions yet, he was a high intelligent kid and always good for planning the best strategy possible. Just like me, he was still a trainee, so he was some kind of a younger brother to me. Next came Colin Lynch, he was someone I was very good friends with. The 19-year-old and I were often teamed up together on missions, that’s why we had grown close over the years. The oldest one in our little round of four was Matthew Russell, a 22-year-old bachelor. He was known for being quite a hotshot. His not over-muscled, but well-defined body let every woman drool and his dark hair and dark eyes made him somewhat mysterious. There were a whole bunch of stories people gossiped about him. He was supposed to have slept with hundreds of women and some whispered he had even tried with men. Even I must confess to have fallen for him at some point in the past. Despite all those things coming out of the gossip mill, I had to admit that he was a really good spy. He always completed his mission with precision and excellence, so he made a pretty decent mission partner. (Although his perverted jokes could piss you off after some time.)
‘Sam was pretty harsh today’, Simon sighed and took a bite of his potatoes.
‘Don’t worry’, Colin said, ‘he isn’t usually that way.’ Matthew just ‘hnn’-ed at that.
‘You have no reason to complain’, I explained gulping down some lemonade, ‘Lewis is nothing compared to Cox. She makes you wish you haven’t even been born in the first place.’ I thought of my aching muscles and grimaced. ‘But in the end, it’s okay. I guess it’s worth all the pain.’
‘Whoah, what happened to you?’, Colin suddenly let out, ‘last week you cursed over training like you’d want to quit. And now you seem all positive about it.’
I looked surprised. Had I really been that fed up the last weeks?
‘I’m glad, though’, Colin went on quickly, ‘the true Alex finally decided to make her appearance again. You certainly look better.’
‘Well, thanks, I guess’, I murmured, ‘I feel better, too.’
‘You even look sexier than before’, Matt smirked at me smugly, ‘if that’s possible at all, honey.’
He earned a punch in the rips by me. Just because he and I had some kind of fling in the past didn’t mean he still got to call me ‘honey’ in public. ‘Save it, macho man.’
‘Score! Point for Alex’, Simon laughed.
‘Hey guys, we better hurry up, it’s time for receiving today’s missions plan.’
We quickly finished eating, afterwards everyone gathered up the Great Hall.

‘Alright’, David said, ‘Emily, you, Lucy and Julian are going to gain some information about the latest underground attacks by doing some undercover work in pubs near London’s main railway station. John, you’ll take Matthew and Maria with you to escort a group of some very important CEOs. Tim, Alexandra and Colin, you will shadow the members of the new founded English department of the Mafia. They meet at Fortune Restaurant today. And Christopher, you’re going to help Simon with learning trap techniques. Got it?’
All of us nodded.
‘Well, then you’re dismissed.’
I wasn’t too happy with my mission. It wasn’t that it was difficult or dangerous, no, it was quite the opposite. Shadowing someone all day long was utterly boring and annoying. But at least, it meant that I could relax a bit today.
Tim picked up Colin and me, and we went through the details of the mission together. After that, we decided how we would trail the suspects to their meeting point. Things settled, we collected our equipment and went off to carry out our mission.


Chapter 5


It was Monday morning and I was on the way to school.
Alright, Thompson, today is the first day of the rest of you life. Oh scratch that. That sounds stupid, even in my mind.
Things can only turn out better than before now. ‘Great, Alex, another cheesy motto’, I giggled mentally. Well, I think you can get what I’m trying to express. I hadn’t had any nightmares since the night I met Sebastian on my favourite tree. Missions and training were going smoothly and my relationships to my comrades had eased. Life was good.
It was still early, but the September sun had already raised and pushed away the cool morning chill. I loved the end of the summer. It wasn’t as hot as in July and August, but instead there was a soft breeze which created such a peaceful, almost lazy mood. I had to enjoy this weather before the autumn rains would begin.
For the first time in this school year, I appeared in class on time. I have to admit, that made me feel a little bit proud.
Sebastian soon came in, too, and sat down next to me. He looked down, there was nothing cheerful about him today. All of his usual happy mood seemed to be gone. His face was pale causing his pierce blue eyes to stand out even more than before. Nevertheless, they appeared to be less alive today because I couldn’t find a hint of glimmering in them. But before I could really ask him what was going on, class started. We had to take a math test in the first lesson.
I started writing down the answers in numbers after I had received the test sheet. A few minutes later my gaze wandered over to Sebastian to see how he was doing. To my shock he hadn’t even started writing yet. He just said there with a blank expression on his face, his eyes staring unfocused at the floor.
When our teacher Mrs Slag turned away, I nudge him with my elbow slightly. ‘Hey Bastian’, I whispered, ‘what’s the matter?’
‘Miss Thompson, would you please be quiet.’ Damn, the old hag had noticed. Couldn’t she see that Sebastian obviously had a problem?
‘But, Ma’am…’, I tried - futile. ‘No buts, Miss Thompson’, Slag almost spit in my face, ‘if you don’t stop it, I will take your test away.’
Great. Damn hag. I shut my mouth and tried to concentrate on the test, but I couldn’t help worry about Sebastian.
Even at the end of the lesson, he still hadn’t written a word (or a number for that matter) down. Mrs. Slag collected the tests and dismissed us.
Wordlessly, Sebastian stood up and went out of the room. I followed as fast as possible. ‘Sebastian, wait’, I shouted, ‘what’s wrong with you?’
In an instant he turned around to face me. ‘I need to talk to you’, he replied in a serious tone. We slipped into the janitor’s storeroom, we often used this place to talk in privacy. Sebastian pulled the door close and stood up right in front of me.
‘So, what’s up, Sebastian? You seem to be confused.’ I said quietly and looked into his lifeless eyes.
‘Sorry for making you worry’, he sounded guilty.
‘Don’t be’, I hastily commented.
‘Well, I tried to phone you at the weekend’, he explained. Oh, I was at ISO headquarters the whole time. ‘Something happened on Friday’s night. Though, I have no idea what…’
Riiing.
Great, perfect timing. That was my emergency-beeper. I had to answer it. ‘Sorry’, I muttered and pulled the gadget out. Just one glance at the short message made me realize that it was urgent.
Come to HQ. NOW.
Sebastian started to talk again. ‘Well, you see…’
‘Sebastian, I’m so sorry’, I explained and looked up to see his desperate expression. ‘I have to go.’ I opened up the door and gave him an apologizing look. ‘Don’t forget what you wanted to tell me’, I yelled back as I ran out of the school’s building.
I felt bad for leaving Sebastian behind like that, but I had no other choice. It was my job. I hurried to the next tube station and arrived at ISO’s headquarters only a few minutes later.
When I entered the Great Hall, I was out of breath. My comrades were already here, they looked like they had been awaiting me.
‘What’s the matter?’ I panted and went over to them.
Dave raised his voice. ‘We received an interesting note today. And it seems to have something to do with you.’
‘Me?’ I asked startled and looked over David’s shoulder at the computer. The e-mail consisted of a sign language I had no idea of. ‘Dave’, I started, but he interrupted me. ‘Don’t worry. Ben succeeded in encoding this.’ He clicked and the transfer version opened.
Alexandra Thompson or they’ll have to die.
That was the message behind it. A picture was attached to the note. It was an image of a man and woman; both of them were around the age of 45 to 50. I didn’t know them, yet, there was something familiar about them.
‘Who are their hostages?’ I asked immediately.
‘Christine and Rupert Beale’. My breath stopped. Now I realized the familiarity of them. They were Sebastian’s parents! No wonder he had been so upset today.
‘Well, the thing is, Alex, the kidnappers want you. I checked your social network and no person with the name ‘Beale’ appeared.’
It was common or rather set for ISO’s members to state all of their friends and relatives in order to save them from being kidnapped or killed. But I hadn’t state Sebastian’s name, since I didn’t want my only friend in the outer world to be watched by ISO. Hell, I wanted a bit of privacy, too. ISO knew almost everything about me by now. Who I loved, who I hated, who I kissed, they even knew everybody who I slept with. It wasn’t easy for me. I had never realized Sebastian or his family could become the target of my enemies. I always hid my friendship to him. There had been a malicious spy following me. I cursed myself. Why hadn’t I noticed? It must have been obvious. I came to the conclusion that I had overseen it, since I had been occupied with all these issues the past weeks.
David looked at me sternly. ‘I need to know, Alex, do you know these persons, or any person they might be connected with?’ All eyes in the room lingered on me. Even though, I was nervous in the inside, I kept my cool on the outside. I couldn’t tell them. Not now, when everything had started to be normal again. I knew they trusted me like I trusted them, but I couldn’t bring the words out. It would be like I disappointed somebody again. I had closed with that phase of my life; I didn’t want to start all over with it. I had to find a solution for this mission myself. I let out my breath and caught it.
‘No’, I answered dryly. ‘I have no idea who they are.’
Dave sighed and the others went away. ‘I’m truly relieved. Sorry, Alex, I didn’t mean to mistrust you. But why were these two abducted? And why would they want you?’
I shrugged. ‘Y’know, I’m not very popular among the world’s villains. And you know that me being an ISO member isn’t the only reason why people might want me.’
‘I understand.’ He pushed some keys on his board. ‘I guess you can go now, I don’t have enough information yet to call in a rescue mission. I’ll inform you immediately, when I got something new for you.’
I gulped. ‘Okay, I’m going back to school.’ With that, I turned. I walked steadily, as if not to be suspected. I felt bad by betraying my work and my friends like that. Why couldn’t I ever do the right thing? My heart raced and when I was outside headquarters, I began to run. I calmed my nervousness down by forming rescue plans in my head. It wasn’t the first time it was up to me to save someone. I could do it, I told myself. But first of all, another person crossed my mind.
I had to find Sebastian, no matter what. Maybe his life was in danger, too. When I noticed, he wasn’t at school anymore, I headed towards his home. I was running as thoughts flew through my mind. What had happened? And why? Was it irresponsible of me not to state his name at ISO? And was it okay for me to lie to David and my comrades? I felt so guilty and yet, didn’t I have the right of my personal space, either? I hadn’t chosen this life in the first place, I hadn’t wanted to become a spy and a famous target for criminals. All I wanted was an ordinary life, in an ordinary school, with ordinary friends and an ordinary family.
How selfish I was! I disgusted myself. It was my fault that Bastian’s parents had been kidnapped. If I hadn’t been so careless, it would never have happened. How was I going to comfort him, when I knew the painful truth? And if he ever found out, would Sebastian hate me then?


Chapter 6


Rain was pouring down in streams now. I had forgotten my jacket at ISO, so I was shivering, as the cool droplets ran over my bare arms, soaking my t-shirt all wet. My necklace swayed softly. Grimly, I headed right into the next station to fetch the tube.
As I entered the wagon, I felt like every pair of eyes was staring at me. My fantasy was completely insane by now. I tried to collect my thoughts and sat down next to the window.
When the rail began to move, I watched every light passing me by in the darkness of the tunnels. When the speaker announced my destination, I stood up. Suddenly, my sight became all wary and unclear. Was that my mind’s or my body’s work?
I felt weak as the rail left me behind at the station. Exhausted and feverish. I had probably caught a cold from walking through the rain all the time.
The chain of my necklace bit into my neck, while my clothes all clung to my body.
When I saw a bench, my body was screaming at me to give myself a break. I refused it. I knew I had to meet with Sebastian as soon as possible. So I continued to walk two blocks from the station to stand in front of his door, finally.
He opened soon after I had rung the bell. His eyes were still lifeless and his whole figure appeared to be smaller than usually.
He let me in and I took a seat on the couch right next to him. For a few minutes, we just sat there and were silent. Then he turned to me. ‘Are you alright, Alex?’ he asked and eyed me. ‘You seem to have a fever.’ I gently laid his hand on my forehead to feel my temperature.
I wanted to laugh – in a sick, strange way. His parents were kidnapped and he felt miserable, but he was still asking me how I was. I pushed his hand aside. ‘I’m sorry, Bastian’, I whispered.
‘It’s okay’, he replied.
‘No! I mean, it’s not okay I left you in school today without even hearing you out.’ I moved towards him.
‘I’m sure you had your reasons.’ He leaned into me close. So close, I could smell his lovely, yet manly scent. I felt my mind slipping again. My head was spinning. It all felt like I was getting sick, but at the same time not. There was something deep inside me that was trying to reach the surface. Sebastian’s hands were on mine, caressing me. The embrace gave me safety and I forgot the reason I actually came here for. I wanted to stop time and just live this moment. It had been so long since I was emotionally close to another person.
A sharp pull tugged at my consciousness. It didn’t feel bad, just strange. I simply gave into it. The world backed off of my field of vision and the sounds became quieter till I didn’t hear them anymore. It was like I was drifting into sleep, but it came over me so much more heavier and faster than usual.
‘Alex?’ A voice suddenly said.
‘Hmmm’, I answered sleepily.
‘You’re awake?’ I nodded and yawned. What had happened? Had I fallen asleep? ‘Sorry’, I murmured.
Sebastian threw his arms around me and pulled me close. ‘You don’t have to apologize for sleeping, dummy’, he almost smiled.
I grabbed his shirt and set my voice in a very low tone. ‘I’m sorry for what happened to your parents.’
He tensed up and didn’t return the embrace anymore. I couldn’t hear his steady breathing anymore, so I looked up.
Sebastian immediately pushed me away. His eyes were roaming over my body as if he was searching for something. ‘How do you know?’ he barked at me. ‘I didn’t even tell you. What do you know?’
I gasped. I had been so inconsiderate that I told him right away I knew about the incident? Oh, damn, what was wrong with me today? First these sick feelings, a cosy heavy sleep all of sudden and now I slipped my tongue to blurt out an ISO secret.
So much for being a spy, Alex.
‘I…I just guessed, Bastian’, I said, though I could see in his eyes he wasn’t going to believe a word from me. Instead of saying something, he grabbed my arms holding them tight and pinned me against the wall.
‘How do you know?’ He shouted a few times, before he let me go. His face changed from angry to sad and I could see tears forming in his eyes. It was truly breaking me apart. ‘I…I don’t know where they are, since three days I haven’t heard from them…I…’ he was sobbing now. He looked so broken, like a lost child searching for his mother. And in some way he was. My instinct told me to comfort him, but I couldn’t. I had betrayed him and I knew that.
I straightened my clothes and muttered an ‘excuse me’ before running out of the house. I paused for a second after I had walked through the front door.
Should I stay? Or should I go? Unease was filling my mind and I was drowning in desperation. Having made up my mind, I continued on hurrying away. Walking around the corner of the block I let out a short, loud scream. Why was the world turning all against me? The black clouds hung over London still and the feeling of nausea was coming back to me slowly. Must be the stress.
I strolled down the pathway, heading for ISO. I had to solve the issue right away, even when my power was leaving me.
After some time I sensed a person following me, but it was hard to recognize who it was because of the rain and the loss of energy. Every time I looked around, I couldn’t see anybody. Was I becoming paranoid? I wondered and decided not to bother about it right now. My body was to busy to fight against the cold and the discomfort at the moment.


Chapter 7


I was finally nearing to HQ. I still felt bad, but was determined to reach my destination. The rain poured down on me, leaving me shuddering and shivering. My knees were weak and my muscles hurt. Were these the symptoms of a cold, or was there anything more behind it? Funny thing was that I didn’t remember the last time I had been ill. I usually had a really good immune system, so I brushed off many kinds of diseases. Thinking of that, this situation became crazier as each minute passed by. I reminded myself to ask Eileen for some medicine soon. This horrible feeling had to stop.
I walked up the stairs to an inconspicuous house, after I had turned into a little side street. It was brown and looked dirty and old. Every person walking by would think it was some battered and empty building, supposed to be ripped down in the forthcoming time.
When I sensed that nobody was watching, I quickly slipped through the front door. ISO’s headquarters were situated in a way you could reach it from many places by using an underground elevator. It was a really special kind of lift which not only moved vertically, but horizontally, too. Around the city there were several ‘access points’. All of them had their own enter code, so if one code was overridden, the other doors’ ones weren’t.
I made my way down two floors and halted in front of a grey wall.
Quickly I rubbed my hands dry and pushed the right one into a little field of electronic sensors. My identity was recognized immediately and the wall opened to reveal the elevator’s entrance. I took a big step forward and turned to push the button for moving.
‘What’s this all about?’, a firm voice asked me and I looked up to see Sebastian standing right in front of me. He was here? How? And why hadn’t I noticed that he had followed me?
‘How…?’, I began, my voice trembling.
He gripped my shoulders and pushed me against the wall. I was already too tired to object. ‘That doesn’t matter now.’ He gulped. ‘All I want is you to tell me what you know about my parents’ abduction.’ He shook me a little as if trying to wake up my mind. ‘Dammit, Alex! I have a right to know. What has happened? Why won’t you tell me?’
He loosened his grip and stared at me so desperate. I slumped down a little and sighed.
‘Alright’, I whispered. ‘I’ll show you.’
Sebastian looked at me, now even more confused.
‘Alexandra Thompson, Authorization Code #08J92PBG’, I said clearly while I was regaining some strength again. Apparently, the new situation concerned my brain and my body badly.
The lift started to move and we stood in silence. I guess Sebastian didn’t understand much of what happened and he was quite overwhelmed by it.
The doors opened and we stepped out. We were alone in the Arrival Hall, but not for long. David came along. ‘Hey Alex’, he said without even having approached us, ‘who is that you brought with you?’
Oh, no. What was I going to say? That’s just my best friend, whose parents suppose to happen to be hostages of our enemy?
Though, before I even opened my mouth, Sebastian introduced himself. ‘My name’s Sebastian Be-‘
‘Beerbohm.’ I piped in. ‘This is Sebastian Beerbohm.’ I tried so hard to sound honest, yet it must have sounded like I was explaining that the earth was a plate. Bastian gave me a strange look, but didn’t protest. So I continued. ‘He’s my classmate.’ Well, at least, that was not a lie. ‘And he knew of ISO already, so I just wanted to…to show him our place and…you know all the stuff here…’ Oh my.
David was suspicious, I could feel it. Fortunately, he let it pass. ‘You don’t look good, Alex. Are you sick?’
I gulped. ‘I’m okay. I’ll let Eileen take a look at me.’ David didn’t push the topic anymore, so I mentally sighed in relief.
‘Well then, Sebastian’, he said, ‘How about showing you around a bit?’
‘Y-Yeah…sure, Sir.’ Bastian stuttered and Dave laughed quietly at being addressed as a ‘Sir’.
We walked along the Entrance Path. ‘So, you know about ISO? Quite interesting, isn’t it? I guess, you know the secrecy rules then.’ Without waiting for an answer, ISO’s coordinator went on. ‘This is our gym, in the right the changing rooms. Offices are one floor down. And here we come into the Great Hall. It’s practically the place where everything ends up. Information, maps, data files – you’ll all find it here.’
David stopped and watched us. Sebastian hadn’t said a word the whole time walking through HQ. I could see he was clearly impressed and overstrained by the new infoformation.
Suddenly, he glanced at me with a specific look in his eyes. I quickly caught what he wanted to know. As casually as possible I asked, ‘Anything new in the Beale case?’
David was about to answer, when I heard a voice. ‘Hey, I think I’ve found an important trace!’
Dave faced the man coming in. ‘What’s it, Julian?’
Julian didn’t answer. He simply stared at Sebastian. ‘What the - ?’, he breathed out. ‘You’re their son. You’re Sebastian Beale!’
David shot me the most malicious glance I had ever received from him. This was not good.
It was a disaster.
‘You’re sure about this?’ He asked Julian who simply nodded.
‘Alright, boy, you are Sebastian Beale, is that correct?’
‘Yes, Sir’, Sebastian answered truthfully.
‘So’, David went on, ‘I guess you didn’t know of ISO, either.’
‘No, Sir’, he said almost embarrassed, ‘I just want my parents back.’
Julian smiled. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll find them. Now that you’re here, may we ask you a few questions about them?’
‘Sure.’
‘Sit down’, David answered and Sebastian took a seat. ‘I’ll explain you all we know about their disappearance in a minute. Julian‘
‘I understand’, his co-worker replied.
Then David looked at me. ‘And the two of us, Miss Thompson, are going to pay a visit to Jack. Now!’
His voice didn’t sound upset, it was quite the opposite. It was calm and he only became louder at the last word. But to be honest, that intimidated me more than him being aggressive.
I turned and headed for Jack’s office. David had his hand on my shoulders as if making running away impossible. He pushed me through the corridor, never saying a word. I sensed his anger.
Still feeling sick, I braced myself for what was yet to come. This wasn’t going to be easy. I just hoped, Anderson wouldn’t kick me out. I needed ISO, this was my family. Yet I knew, it was my entire fault for being in this situation. I shouldn’t have let him following me, I shouldn’t have misspoken at Sebastian’s and perhaps I shouldn’t even have become friends with him in the first place.
Now Bastian’s parents were kidnapped and I had lied to my friends and my comrades. I felt miserable.
And even though, a small part of me was screaming in protest. I didn’t want my life watched all the time, I wanted to live like any other person. My thoughts were wrestling with each other. Was I selfish or just fed up with all these secrets? Had I the right to live normally or hadn’t I?
Without even knocking, David pressed Jack’s door open and pulled me in.
‘She’ – The fact he didn’t use my name hurt in a way indescribable – ‘knows this Beales’ son. She knows the whole family, she’s even best friends with that kid and she hasn’t mentioned them in any report.’ David was definitely losing it. His voice was quivering with fury and – concern?
‘Mr Taylor, calm down’, Mr Anderson said in a normal tone, though his body had tensed up, ‘I’ll talk to her. You’re dismissed.’
David remained silent and left.


Chapter 8


‘Sit down, Alexandra’, Jack said sucking air in. ‘Is it true what David has told me?’
I hung my head down in shame. ‘Yes.’
Jack breathed out. ‘Do you have any idea how irresponsible that was? Not to tell us about your connections to the Beales. You brought them in serious danger with your childish and ill-considered behaviour!’
‘Jack, I…’; I whispered trying to defend myself.
‘It’s ‘Sir’ for you, Alexandra!’ He stood up and bent over the desk to shout at me. ‘You’re so disappointing. I never imagined you’d be such a fool. There are rules, you have to follow. Why didn’t you?’
He straightened up again and walked around his desk. ‘Why didn’t you tell about your link to the Beales? Not even, after Mr and Mrs Beale had been kidnapped?’
I just couldn’t reply to his question. Right, why hadn’t I? Maybe it had been the fear or had I really been reckless? I bit my lip nervously and averted my gaze to the ground. True, I was ashamed.
‘You’re a great spy and I thought you also were a good person, but it seems like I have misjudged you. What the hell were you thinking, Alex?’
My mouth didn’t open. I was biting my lip so hard by now that I could feel a thin line of blood drawing out. Though, it didn’t hurt as much as my heart did. It was strangled by humiliation and shame. But there were two sides inside of me. One was deeply struck by my own misbehaviour and drowned in self-pity. The other side kept telling me to shrug it off, since my needs mattered in the issues, as well. It weren’t Jack’s right to flip out on me because of this.
The two minds’ fighting became more and more confusing and harder for me to decide which one was right.
‘As an member of ISO, it is your first priority to save the life of others, not to enjoy your own. So quit being so egoistic and answer me!’
That was it. I just snapped.
‘How dare you, Jack?’ I fired back. ‘I’ve worked for you for five years, five hard and dangerous years! I never disregarded the rules! All I wanted was a tiny bit of privacy, of life! I have no family, no real social network, but y’know what? I am a human-being! I need at least one thing that is personal. I’m not only a weapon you can lock away, when you don’t use it! And you know what I mean, Jack!’ I shut my mouth, hot tears burning in my eyes, though I refused to let them fall. I tried to hush my inner turmoil and closed my eyes. Oh, no. Now I was in real trouble.
‘Alex’, Jack said calmly and I opened my eyes to find him sitting behind his desk again. ‘I do admit that I’ve been a little bit too harsh to you, and I’m sorry, but –‘ he emphasized his protest clearly, ‘ – I don’t appreciate you being dishonest. For this one, I’ll let it pass. I understand your complaint, although you should know, you’re not the only one who has to reveal his private life. Everyone in here has to.’
‘Sir’, I stuttered, ‘I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to burst out like that. I just…well today hasn’t been a good day for me so far…and I was feeling sick earlier…’
‘Alex’, he interrupted me. ‘It’s okay, for now. I want you to do research on the Beale case and to include that son of theirs. But I don’t want a thing like that happen again, alright?’
‘Yes, Sir.’
‘When this is all done, I want you to talk with Eileen, since this wasn’t you’re first time where you were keyed up. Deal?’
‘Yes, Sir.’ I stood up and went for the door.
‘One thing though’, Mr Anderson added.
‘Sir?’
‘Call me Jack.’ He smiled and I nodded.
Wow, this had been too easy. Had I scared him? He normally knocked the stuffing out of people till no end, so this time he had a completely changed attitude. Or had it been pity? Did he really have some sympathy for my situation?
When I arrived in the Great Hall, Julian, David and Sebastian were already waiting for me.
‘Alex’, Julian said seriously, ‘I think you should take a look at this.’
‘What’s it?’ I asked, but didn’t receive an answer. David pulled his LCD-display around.
An e-mail was opened. It said:


Alexandra,

I really miss you. Why don’t you visit me?
Well, you should do that if you’re interested in
saving your little friend’s parents. And you are, aren’t you?
You probably ask yourself what I want.
I don’t want any money or any exemption time.
No, I want you, my little princess.

Daddy’s waiting for you


Sebastian looked at me shocked. I quickly went into my professional mode, even though my fingers were nervously playing at my pendant. ‘Any information about the sender yet? As where this was written and when?’
I sat down beside Julian. ‘Not much’, he answered. ‘The mail IP couldn’t be tracked down to an exact point, but it was in London.’
David spoke up. ‘Do you know any person who could stand behind this all?’
‘I…have no idea’, I finished honestly. I really hadn’t.
‘So this is not your real…?’Sebastian began.
‘No’, I said firmly, I had never told him anything about my family background. Actually, I didn’t know much about it myself.
‘Well, at least we know this one’s a sick psycho. Do we know anyone who fits in this schema?’ Julian asked around.
‘We do know a lot psychos’, I replied, ‘but all of them were flung into prison by us.’
‘It can’t be helped’, David sighed, ‘We have to do something. Julian, I want you to answer that mail. And try to include an IP persecutor, we must know where this damn freak sits. Alex, this is your mission. We’re gonna arrange a transfer. You’re alright with that?’
‘Sure’, I answered. I had made the mistake and I was going to correct it. ‘But I probably will need some support members.’
‘Of course’, Dave agreed, ‘Take as many as you’ll need. This is gonna be a though mission.’
‘Can I help, too?’ Sebastian chimed in looking at me carefully. He looked like a little child asking for a lollipop – I almost laughed.
‘Yeah’, I told him and his eyes lit up. ‘Come with me.’
The two of us headed towards the gym. I wanted to explain him a little bit more about ISO, since he had now seen it anyway. Besides, I really needed to talk to him in private.
Though, the word of that e-mail didn’t leave my head. I couldn’t imagine the person who had written this.
Daddy’s waiting for you. My real father has been dead for a long time, so it couldn’t be any relative of me. Hell, I didn’t even have a real family. Or was it just a sick, sadistic pervert?
I want you, my little princess. I shuddered.
Who was that person who obviously knew about my friendship to Bastian. Did I know him? Had I seen him? I recalled the memories of the last weeks. I never mentioned anything suspicious, but then again I had been too occupied with drowning in negativity.
I really miss you.
So, I had to know him or at least he knew me.
But…who the hell was he?


Chapter 9


When Sebastian I reached the gym, I first showed him the changing rooms. By now I had forgotten my worries and explained him how ISO worked.
‘So this is where we change. This is the boys’ room and over there is the girls’ room. Are you sure you want to help me with a mission?’
‘I am’, he answered confidently.
‘Sebastian’, I said, ‘this won’t be easy.’ Sighing I added, ‘I’m worried about you.’
‘Come on he joked I can do it and I want to help to!
‘Alright’, I replied. ‘Take these and then we’ll do some easy exercises. Sounds good?’
‘You’ll help me?’, Bastian looked at me as if searching for something in them.
‘Of course’, I smiled, ‘It’s my job. See you in a few minutes.’ I turned and went into the girls’ changing room. Having closed the door I kneeled down and opened my locker fetching a fresh top and shorts. It didn’t take me long to dress, since I did this every day. I was the first who stood in the gym waiting for Sebastian. My thoughts were still centred on today’s incidents. Guilt weighed down onto me heavily. My fingers stroked over my silver pendant. What should I do now?
I was slightly startled, when I heard Sebastian enter. Quickly I changed to a smile, ‘Are you alright?’
He didn’t answer me instantly, but instead he walked over to me. ‘I’m okay. Though, I have to say it’s all pretty much for me today.’
I looked down in shame. How could he be here standing with me, talking to me, when I had lied to him, when I was the cause his parents were kidnapped? I didn’t deserve his kindness.
‘Alex?’ he asked, ‘what’s the matter?’ He reached for my hand, but I pulled away fast. His gaze was now full of worry and sympathy. I dodged it.
‘Aren’t you’, I whispered hesitantly, ‘aren’t you angry with me?’
Silence hung in the air. It felt like an eternity before Sebastian opened his mouth to reply.
’Yes.’
I looked up and stared at him. This was the answer I had been expecting, or wasn’t it? I didn’t know. I just knew I had to control myself, so I wouldn’t shed the tears which were beginning to well up in my eyes. ‘I see.’ My voice cracked.
‘Yes, I’m angry with you, but just because of the fact that you didn’t tell me anything about your true self. I know almost nothing about you.’ Sebastian took a step closer to me. ‘I understand you couldn’t tell me about ISO, but…I mean I didn’t even know you haven’t got a father.’
‘I’m sorry, Bastian’, I gulped. He was right. I had denied giving any information to him about myself. I always abused his company, only to be not alone.
‘I really would like to get know the real Alex’, he replied, his lips curving into an honest smile.
‘Thank you’, my voice quivered and I hugged him tightly.
‘Whoa’, he laughed, ‘now this is a lot more than I ever dared to hope for.’
‘Sorry’, I murmured and let go of him. ‘So, what do you want to know about me?’
‘Everything’, Sebastian grinned. ‘How about…where were you born? What happened to your parents? Do you have any siblings? What are your hobbies? How do you think can we solve the international problem of global warming?’
‘What?’ I giggled. ‘Slow down. I’ll answer one after each other.’
I sat down and he did the same. ‘Well, where to start…I was born in London and I never knew my real parents. I was told that they had died in a car accident. So, the next years I was raised in an orphanage. When I was twelve, ISO discovered me. It was actually Jack who took me out of the orphanage. He’d said that I had something powerful in me and ISO would care for me, as long as I would help their organization. I did it because it was my chance to get an own room and better education. They assured me to go to university one day. From that on, I lived with Jack’s family and when I turned 15, they bought me an own apartment. It’s small, but I love it, because it’s my home now. I’m a single kid, I guess, though I can’t be sure. No one could tell me about my parents, I don’t even know how they looked like or what their names were.’ I paused.
‘I’m sorry, Alex, I hadn’t known…’ Sebastian started.
‘No, it’s okay’, I said, ‘You can’t do anything about it. As for my hobbies, I like to read and write and I love being on mission. It surely gives me the kick.’
‘Well, how about starting training then?’ I heard David’s voice from behind us.
‘Sure’, I replied and stood up.
‘The kidnapper just gave us an invitation’, Dave explained. ‘He wants us to meet him in three days, 3 pm at the London Eye.’
‘The London Eye?’ I asked unbelieving. ‘You’ve got to be kidding! There are a hell lot of people!’
‘I know’, Dave answered, ‘He probably wants to use the mass of people, so we can’t pull any surprise attacks on him.’
‘I guess so’, I sighed, ‘well then, let’s start training. We’re gonna kick that bastard’s ass!’


Chapter 10


‘Let’s start with some laps, then’, I suggested and the two of us began walking. I tried to do the regular training with Sebastian, though I decreased the intensity a bit by slowing down all exercises. Lucy, Colin, Matthew and Simon, who was very excited because this, were in the rescue squad I would have to lead. Usually, a team consisted of three to five people, but with Sebastian we would be six. Though, we couldn’t really calculate his participation as an equal to us. As sad as it sounds, Sebastian would have to play the mission’s decoy. There was no way I would allow him to take a relevant role in the mission. I didn’t decide that because I was mean, I was just interested in Sebastian’s safety.
Lucy and Colin’s task was to safeguard the area around the London Eye and to observe all people and visitors around. Matthew was there to support me in overmastering the kidnapper or kidnappers – we weren’t sure about that – and to save Bastian’s parents. It wouldn’t be easy to carry out this operation in such a crowded place, but that was our only option. Simon’s duty would be the overseeing of the whole situation and transmit any piece of relevant information to us. Sebastian’s presence would demonstrate our authenticity.
Matthew and I trained many situations in which we would have to climb up the Ferris wheel, although this would be pretty unlikely. In other scenarios we tried to put the kidnapper out of action while bringing out the hostages out of the gondola at the same time.
‘Let’s call it a night’, Matthew panted and grabbed his towel. ‘It wouldn’t be wise to overpower ourselves all the time. Besides, you need sleep, Alex. You look like you haven’t slept at all these days.’
‘Well, I actually haven’t’, I confessed and took a gulp of water.
Matthew shot a half-worried, half-angry glance at me. ‘Geez, Alex’, he sighed, ‘what’s the matter with you? You need to be fit, not only for this mission, but for your job in general.’
‘I-I don’t know…’ I leaned against the gym’s wall, my head spinning from exhaustion.
‘Is it because of this boy, Sebastian?’ he gently asked, ‘Or is there anything else? Like –‘
‘It’s just about Sebastian.’
‘Because you lied to him and you think it’s your fault that his parents were kidnapped?’
‘No…well, about that, too. But there’s more to it’, I sighed. ‘He tried to kiss me a couple of nights ago.’
‘And now you don’t know what you feel for him’, Matthew guessed and put a hand on my shoulder.
I lowered my gaze. ‘Yes. I can’t help but feel guilty. And I can’t decide what’s right for us – for him. All I want to do is to protect him…’
‘I understand’, Matthew finally said, ‘but you’ve got to find a way to deal with this. And to make peace with him.’
‘I know’, I whispered. ‘Thanks, Matt.’
‘Anytime, gorgeous’, he grinned, ‘just promise me to go to bed soon. See you.’ He quickly waved goodbye and left the gym.
I looked at my watch. 11.15 pm – Still time enough for me to do some push-ups, I decided. Though, before I even started, I heard another person entering the hall.
‘Why didn’t you kiss me that night?’
I gasped and turned around. ‘Sebastian, do we have to do this now?’ I asked and smiled hesitantly.
‘I overheard your conversation with Matthew’, Sebastian explained calmly. ‘So why didn’t you kiss me?’
‘Sebastian’, I walked towards him, ‘you’re my best friend and I really like you, but I don’t – ‘
‘I don’t believe you’, he replied not even bothering to move forward. ‘Then why would you have to feel guilty?’
‘Because I don’t want to hurt your feelings’, I said as I tried to convince him of my honesty. Which obviously failed.
‘And why would you want to decide the right thing for me? Aren’t I old enough to manage that on my own?’ he said, now sounding a little upset. ‘Do you feel like you’re something better or higher than me because you’re in ISO?’
‘What?’ I exclaimed, ‘No, hell no. I just want to help you, Sebastian, as a friend…’
‘Then why can’t you tell me the truth? What are you hiding from me?’ He stared into my eyes and I gave in. Almost.
‘I can’t, Sebastian. You don’t know…I can’t allow that these…You just have to trust me’, I answered. ‘Please.’
When he didn’t reply, I made my way out of the gym desperately suppressing the heavy lump of sorrow that was forming in my throat. What was wrong with me, indeed? I wouldn’t spill tears over some minor happenings like this, would I? When had I become this sentimental? Fortunately, I gained my self control again as soon as I started the shower. The warm water drops washed away all fears and worries for a short moment and I felt comfortable, even if it was just for a few minutes.


Chapter 11


Today would be the day to save Sebastian’s parents.
I opened the car’s door and entered. Matthew drove, while Sebastian and I sat silently in the back row. I nervously fidgeted with the necklace between my fingers. Lucy, Colin and Simon had taken another car, almost an hour earlier than us. Via radio, they informed us that nobody suspicious had been seen at the London Eye yet. But the day was young and we would wait. It was a few minutes after noon, when the three of us arrived at the car park. Matt turned off the engine and we got out. I hadn’t talked much with Sebastian after his confrontation in the gym and even now, both of us only talked about the things necessary for the mission.
I looked around. The place was crowded, as I’d expected, though I could clearly recognize the positions of my co-workers. It was around 3 pm, when Simon radioed that he had seen an oddly-looking man disappear in the Ferris wheel’s control cabin.
‘Matthew’, I hissed and he nodded. ‘You stay behind!’ I commanded Sebastian.
Slowly, Matt and I went for the cabin, a little way away from the attraction. I opened its door in a fast movement and Matthew held his gun straight up into it. Though, it was empty. Before any other thought was begun, we heard screams and shouting from all around. Spinning around we found the London Eye standing completely still and a man with a grenade in his left hand. He looked about 50, had short bright hair, turning already a little grey. Wearing some kind smock, he looked like a doctor or…a scientist.
Suddenly, his old wrinkled face formed into a hollow smile.
‘So you found me, Alexandra’
My breath stopped. I grabbed my micro. ‘Changing the plan’, I said, ‘Simon, Lucy, Colin, get the civilians out of here!’
‘No need to be so upset, my little one’, the man spoke softly. ‘Oh, I see you brought your little friend, hm?’ Instinctively I stepped in front of Bastian. I positioned my gun right ahead of me.
‘Now, now, we don’t want to rush things, do we?’ He laughed. ‘I might drop this otherwise.’ I stared at the grenade knowing that it was futile. We couldn’t allow it that the whole place with all people in it would be wiped out.
‘So, you want his parents back?’ He asked smugly and raised his hand which almost touched my face then.
‘Yes’, I responded confidently.
‘Nothing easier than that’, he grinned, ‘you’ll come with me and I’ll let them go. Just like that.’
My eyes wandered behind him. The scene was getting a little clearer, since many people had left in panic by now. Still, I couldn’t figure out where the Beales were, if they even were here.
‘What’s the matter?’ He demanded now a little impatiently.
‘Who are you?’ I wanted to know. ‘And what do you want?’
‘Fine, let’s be polite. My name’s Arthur Harper, but you can call me Dad.’
I mentally shuddered.
‘You still don’t know who I am?’ He pouted. I refused to shake my head.
‘Well, then’, he began, ‘I was the one who gave you life.’
‘You’re not my real father’, I said out loud without meaning to.
‘You’re right, I am not’, he answered, ‘but I could tell you what happened to your real parents.’
‘Alex’, Matthew whispered next to me. ‘Don’t. He wants to decoy you.’
‘Don’t you want to know, Alexandra?’
Of course, I wanted to, but that wasn’t my priority right now. I was glad to have Matthew by my side, since he always knew what I felt.
‘Cut that out. Just hand over the hostages and we might spare you’, Matt answered him.
‘Oh, I guess, our little prince here doesn’t know what is like to grow up all alone. Or does he?’
I bit my lip. What’s with all these negative questions? He was definitely pulling the psychology card, though I couldn’t help myself but wanting to know what he had to say.
‘I want to see Mr and Mrs Beale now’, I gritted out. ‘No more games. Maybe we can spare you then, Mr Harper.’
Harper turned around still grinning. Then almost inaudible he added. ‘I killed your parents.’
My eyes widened in shock. I pushed Sebastian a few steps back only to lung forward to Mr. Harper. ‘Stop it’, Matt shouted and grabbed both of my arms. I wanted to kill this person, this man. Anger boiled in my blood. I had to control myself. I mustn’t allow myself to freak out again.
‘Yes, that’s right. I shot them.’ Arthur Harper continued in an amused tone. ‘I needed a test object. Your father was trying to kick me out, but he didn’t stand a chance. And your lovely mother…she was crying and begged me to save your life. She was so naïve, as if some stupid woman could ever stop me. You look like her, you know, the same beautiful eyes…but in the end, I killed them and you, too. There was so much blood and then there you lay, an innocent little infant. I replaced your soul and gave you a name. Debbie, my daughter! I made you mine. You were my property, born to be a destructive and eliminating being. I wanted to see you kill, I wanted to teach you the most inhuman methods on this planet, to give my legacy to you – ‘
‘You’, a manly voice behind us screamed, ‘you were the one I fought that night – ‘
‘Seventeen long years ago’, Harper finished. ‘That’s right, David.’
David? When had he arrived? Wasn’t he supposed to stay at HQ? He knew him? Did he also know about my family? Why hadn’t he told me anything about it?
‘My little one’, Arthur took my chin in his right hand, ‘I lost you that night, Debbie. But that won’t happen again.’
Matthew still held my arms, but not so tight anymore. I noticed that he had narrowed his eyes and watched Harper touching me with an expression of disgust. My eyes flew over the scene and stopped at the Ferris wheel. It was all empty by now, and still there was something strange about it. Like there was a gondola which wasn’t in the exact balance as all the others were…
In the spur of the moment an idea hit me. ‘Lucy, Colin, they’re in the highest gondola! Hurry, get them out of there!’
Harper grunted. ‘It doesn’t matter anymore, Debbie. Tonight, we’ll be together again!’ His hand was losing grip. He dropped the grenade and the last thing I could manage to do was pushing Sebastian onto the ground. I closed my eyes and waited.
But nothing happened.
No explosion. No fire. No smoke.
And yet…something was different. I felt my pupils go wider. A suppressing power fell down onto my mind. In an instant I recognized this feeling which crept inside my body.
‘Matt, take her away’, I heard David shouting and then my mind was lost.


Chapter 12


My body ached. My muscles were contracting hard. I rolled off of Sebastian who quickly stood up again. He looked at me. ‘Alex, are you alright?’
I shook my head no. ‘Go away’, I croaked in a thin voice, when he didn’t comply I exclaimed ‘run, Sebastian, run as fast as you can!’ He took a few steps backwards and then ran off towards the car.
I looked around. Where was Harper? Dammit, we couldn’t lose him now!
Worry was clearly visible in Matthew’s eyes. He crouched in front of me. ‘The grenade?’ he asked. I just nodded. Pain filled out my whole being.
‘Hold on, Alex’, he said, ‘fight it!’
I barely heard his words, but when I did I tried to defend myself against the inner voice. Though, it wasn’t as easy as it was said. ‘Matt’, I murmured, ‘It hurts…’
‘Alright’, he replied, ‘they’ll rescue Sebastian’s parents right now. Then we’ll help you. Just stay strong!’
‘I’ll try’, I whispered tiredly and closed my eyes for a second.
That had been a mistake. I felt an overwhelming power tugging at my consciousness.
I’m back.
No that couldn’t be. Please no, not now…
Yes. Now, Alexandra. I’m back, so let’s kill some people.
I could basically hear the grin of my inner voice. My eyes snapped open again to see a frightened Matt bending over me. My hands had turned into claws with long, sharp nails. One look in my transformed eyes and he let go of me. Matthew stood up and backed down a few metres.
‘Hey, I could use some help over here’, he shouted, as I went for him. Rage was building up inside me, causeless fury. I let out a loud scream. The demon’s thick, rough skin replaced my own. Its claws ripped my silver piece of jewellery from my neck. The heart-shaped pendant fell onto the ground. My body trembled with anticipation of killing intentions. Breathing became harder, though I could feel the dark power rising within me in every fibre.
In a fast movement I pushed forward and started to beat Matt who was shouting in pain and helplessness. Still, my real me could sense his restraint. Even in such a life-threatening situation like this, he was still trying not to hurt me. How could he be so stupid? I nearly choked him to death, so why would I be worth to be saved?
My hoofs closed around his throat, my nails leaving marks everywhere. Briefly I stared directly into his eyes and what I saw was horrible. It was mortal fear.
Bump. I had been it by a stone. ‘Alex, stop it! Let go of him!’
I swirled around. Sebastian stood away from me only a few metres, his face shocked. I wasn’t sure if he had wanted this, but now he had my or rather the demon’s attention.
I slumped over to him. He didn’t move, instead he kept staring at me and my unbelievable appearance. I was only several inches away, when he began talking.
‘Alex, I know you’re somewhere in there! Cut it out, please return to your normal self!’ he begged, but little did he know that when I had already transformed, I wasn’t able to be convinced back.
I groaned when I felt things growing out of my back. Glancing over my shoulder for a moment, I watched a pair of torn wings tighten.
My thin dark lips turned into an evil smirk. The transformation was completed. My body had finally stopped trembling and the demon had full control over it.
I lunged forward to hit Sebastian. Fortunately, he dodged my attack. Damn, how could I save him now?
I howled. My voice was raspy and broken. I couldn’t let myself repeat the mistake I had made in the past. No matter what it would take, I had to restrain myself. My mind began fighting the burden weighing down on me. Though, it didn’t help anything at all. My body stepped towards Sebastian again. This time, the intention to kill was stronger than I had ever felt.
We must kill him.
No! I pleaded to the inner voice. Spare him, please! I don’t want him to die!
No, he will only hinder us.
Who was that demon to dare to speak of an ‘us’? This wasn’t my choice, and yet it was my body violating people. My right arm raised and slapped Sebastian to the ground in a split second. No, there had to be something I could do. Anything! While the right paw pressed him onto the floor, the other one raised. Long, sharp nails were visible. Aiming for his throat, the arm went down. No!
‘Arrgh’, I screamed. I had hit my own arm with the claws. They bored through the flesh, blood leaked out slowly. Thankfully, Sebastian had taken the moment to save himself. But now the demon’s rage had only intensified. The claws were pulled out and I stretched myself. Sensing persons behind me, I turned around. All of them were standing there – Lucy, Matthew, Colin, David and even Simon.
My eyes narrowed. Feeling my own mind leaving me, I didn’t put up another fight. I was far too tired for that.
Now we are going to kill them.
This time, I simply complied with the demon’s actions.


Chapter 13


My body lunged forward and grabbed Colin’s collar in a swift movement. He was thrown onto the ground within a blink of an eye. The demon was beyond my control now and only followed its intent to murder. I just wanted to hide myself in the corner and close my eyes. But I couldn’t. I saw all this violence through my eyes while being captured in my own body.
The next one the demon aimed for – or Debbie as Harper had called it (or her?) – was Simon. I watched in horror, as my fists closed around his ankles, when he tried to run away. Silently, I begged for forgiveness, since Simon was the youngest, and the less experienced spy…and I felt somewhat protective of him. Though, soon Simon was lying on the ground, too.
When Debbie swirled around in fury, I caught a glimpse of Matthew’s expression. He looked helpless and I knew why. The last time this thing, Debbie, had shown itself, I couldn’t be stopped by anything, except by being shot. But all the attempts with narcotics had been failures. I noticed the guns in the hands of Matthew, Lucy and David. Even though, I also knew they weren’t going to shoot, at least not in good time.
Debbie began another attack, this time it turned against Lucy. She tried to dodge my grip, but it didn’t take long till she joined Colin and Simon.
Three down, two more to go.
Debbie laughed and her voice pitched high. I frowned. She still forced me to watch as I hurt my friends, though I had recognized that she hadn’t killed anyone…yet. I was clearly happy about that fact, although I was wondering where this was going. Had she a plan behind her actions? Had Harper had a plan for this scenario? Had this incident been all calculated from the start?
My thoughts were cut off yet again, when I was compelled to watch Matthew getting beaten to the ground, blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth.
I shuddered. No, no, no, I don’t want this! I tried to rise up against Debbie again, but she quickly shoved me down.
Shut up, bitch. You don’t have anything to say, your body is mine, and I’ll do what I want with it!
The last one standing: David. His sorrowful eyes stared at Debbie and me. His gun was raised, but there was no intention to pull the trigger.
Debbie groaned. She wanted to kill. I could feel it, she wanted to kill David. I remembered what Harper had said. David had fought Harper, seventeen long years ago, when I had been a baby. So, David had saved me from being kidnapped by Harper? Everything made sense now. David had taken away the experiment of Dr. Harper and, by rescuing me, he had taken away Debbie from her so called Daddy.
You finally got it.
How could I have been so blind, not to see that connection? Anyways, I had to save David from her, just like he had saved me so long ago.
Too late!
Debbie hissed at me and prepared to attack. No, I screamed, more confidently than before, stop that! I’m not going to let you do this!
Oh, but I will. You’re just too weak.
She was right. My power still wasn’t enough to take over again. She had weakened my mind and it became harder to fight her. The longer she stayed, the more tired I got.
You’ve always been weak.
And yet again, my inner demon was right. I could never do anything right. I could never save my friends. I even put them in more danger. I always failed them.
You’re nothing without me.
Yes, without the demon’s power I would be completely out of strength. She was everything in me, the will to stay alive.
Yes, Alex, you finally see it.
I had to succumb her, I had to obey her, to give in….
‘Alex!’ A voice shouted out to me from far away. It was Sebastian’s.
He forced out a smile. ‘Fight her! Don’t let her win! You’re strong and you’re important to all of us!’
‘Silence’, Debbie screamed and threw something at him.
Sebastian…how had he known what I had been thinking? How had he known what Debbie had told me in my thoughts? It didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was that I had my own will back and wasn’t defeated by the demon.
My head was pulled up and I could feel Debbie smiling. I used this little moment of her certitude to come out. With all my energy I halted the body from its constant moving, looked at David and whispered, ‘Shoot me, please.’
David’s eyes changed to a mix of shock and sadness. ‘I’m sorry, Alex’, he answered before aiming for my leg and firing.
I slumped to the ground. Blood poured down from my right leg. The demon was screaming in fury, but I could feel it weakening. As the pain became too much, I closed my eyes.
It was over, for now.


Chapter 14


Absolute silence.
And darkness.
Where the hell was I?
There.
A flicker of light.
Mumbling.
Steady beeping.
Lazily, I tried to open my heavy eye lids till I could see something. A very concerned face came into my sight, leaning over my bed.
‘Alex’, the voice belonging to the face said, ‘you’re safe now.’
I blink my eyes a few times and my vision became more clearly. When I opened my mouth to speak, no words came out. I cleared my throat and started again.
‘Eileen’, I choked out, ‘What happened? Where’s everyone?’ The tone of my voice is thin and barely a whisper.
The woman took hold of my hand and answered. ‘The Beales were saved. Everyone else is okay, they don’t have any life-threatening injuries. Just some fractures and sprains.’
That information let me relieve partly. My eyes lazily wandered through the room and stopped at the nightstand beside me. On it, my necklace lay, all fixed again. I was happy that somebody had taken it with him or her. It meant so much to me. My gaze fell back to Eileen.
‘The public?’ I asked and my voice cracked again.
‘Don’t worry. It’ll be alright. David is on the go to fix that.’
Guilt weighed down onto me heavily. It was all my fault, this whole mission had been a failure. Instead of doing my job, I had set my team mates and friends in great danger, almost killing them on my own. What should I do now? How could I ever look into their eyes again with such knowledge?
‘Don’t be so hard with yourself, Alex’, Mrs Cox told me, knowing me too-well, ‘you need to rest.’
‘But – ‘, I resisted to obey, since there were so many things going on in my mind.
‘No but’, she replied, ‘and I’ll tell you what happened and why.’
I gulped and lay back.
‘Well, you have probably figured out by now the connection between Harper and David. It is true, David had saved you seventeen years ago before you could be taken away by Arthur Harper. That night, Harper had indeed killed your family’
I closed my eyes.
‘And he had wanted to kill you, too’
My eyes snapped open immediately.
‘That’s right, you were still alive when he put his violating soul called Debbie in you. I don’t know how but your parents had apparently managed to save you from dying with them. That’s why the demon couldn’t take its full effect of you. It was like there were two spirits in one body and fortunately you built up a power to suppress the demon. However, last night Harper had used a special chemical to awake the demon inside of you. It’s a special poison made of dimethyl sulfate and various acids. Just a very small amount can evoke the demon’
I let the words sink in. So that was how it was. That had been substance inside the grenade.
‘The substance is examined now in ISO’s labs. Maybe we’ll know more about it soon.’
Another thought occurred to me. ‘The last days I had felt really sick. Is there any connection to the meeting with Harper?’
‘There might be’, Eileen responded. ‘I would guess that Debbie had sensed her master, since he was nearby or might have been following you.’
Silence filled the room. My head hurt from constantly lying. I was in a room in ISO’s hospital department. It wasn’t unusually for me to land here, but not quite for the reason I was in here for now.
Eileen had stood up and turned around to pick up my medical chart.
‘Eileen’, I said in a low voice, ‘what about Sebastian? Has anyone told him about - ?’
Knock, knock.
Without waiting for a reply, David opened the door and entered.
‘Alex’, he greeted me smiling weakly, ‘good to see you awake.’
‘Thank you’, I cawed. ‘How did it go?’
‘Well. I think I convinced them that it had been a bad prank played by some violent and crazy teenagers.’ He sat on my bed carefully. ‘Eileen, may I speak to Alex in private?’
‘Sure, Mr. Taylor’, she answered, ‘Alex, take care.’
‘It’s a bit too much for you today, isn’t it?’ David looked at me.
‘Yeah’, I murmured.
Then he lowered his gaze in shame. ‘I’m sorry about that…’ He’s referring to my leg.
‘Don’t bother, I’ll be okay. It’s just a graze. I had worse.’
My words didn’t comfort him much. ‘Actually, David, I have to thank you. You have saved everyone, including yourself.’
‘Mmmh.’
‘David?’
‘Yes?’
‘I didn’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to ever’, my voice trembled, ‘why does it all come back? I don’t want to put you in danger. You’re my family, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to kill my friends.’
‘It’s okay’, he assured me, ‘we’ll fix it, no matter how, like we always do. Maybe you could start by talking to Sebastian first. If you’re up for this’
‘Yes, I own him some explanations, I guess’
‘He has been waiting for you to wake up all night. He’s in the hallway.’
‘Okay’, I sighed, ‘Call him in.’


Chapter 15


A soft knock on the door.
I pushed myself up onto my elbows. ‘Come in’, I said quietly and a tired, sad face appeared in the doorframe.
‘Hi’, Sebastian answered and closed the door. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine’, I whispered and avoided his piercing gaze as he stood next to my bed. Shame rose up in my chest. There was a heavy lump in my throat ‘What about you?’
He didn’t reply immediately. He looked at me with a serious expression and I could feel my breath stopping. ‘Well’, he finally began, ‘what do you think how I feel?’
I didn’t miss the anger and accusation in his words. The worst was that he had every right to be angry and to accuse me. I wasn’t going to deny that.
‘Sebastian’, I cleared my throat, ‘I know you’re mad and you probably hate me since the last night’s incident.’
He blinked and waited for a ‘but’ which wasn’t going to appear.
‘This is all you have to say?’ he suddenly threw at me, ‘After all that has happened, this is all you say, Alex?’
The hurt in his voice was painful to hear. I frowned. ‘You’re right. You deserve to know the truth and the reasons behind it.’
He simply stared at me. I offered him to sit on my bed, but he declined and remained standing, his arms crossed over his chest.
‘Okay, how to do this?’ I asked myself sighing, ‘Alright, when I was a baby, this man, Dr Harper murdered my parents, but I stayed alive without him noticing.’ I explained everything I had just heard from David and Eileen, telling him about the incident seventeen years ago and the chemical which could evoke the demon. All the time he kept staring at me, though his eyes were growing softer a bit. When I stopped talking, he let out a breath, he seemed not to know he was holding.
Before Sebastian could say anything, I continued. ‘There’s more. This wasn’t the first time I had transformed into the demon.’
His eyes widened. ‘A year ago, I was on a mission. I was with John, Emily, Matthew and Jared. We were supposed to rescue some children who had been kidnapped. We found them – dead. The kidnappers had abused and tortured them till they had died.’ I shuddered at the memory, my eyes became glassy. By now I directly looked at Sebastian.
‘When I had seen that, I just snapped and killed all of those bastards.’ I gritted my teeth at the last word. Just thinking of them brought up a wave of nausea in me. ‘That was what must have triggered the demon. My fury set it free in a few seconds. I lost total control over my body and went against anyone, friend or foe.’
I gulped, horrible scenes rushing through my mind.
‘My comrades had to hold me back, but it was no use. I killed one of my team.’
A tear slid down my cheek, as I braced myself for the words to come next. ‘I killed Jared. He was my boyfriend. I simply shoved him down an abyss. I killed him!’ Breaking down into sobs, I lost eyes contact with Sebastian. Tears spilled out of my eyes releasing me from my sorrow and pain I had swallowed for such a long time. Yes, I hadn’t cried since Jared’ death. I couldn’t. But right now, something in me broke and I had to let it all out.
I startled when I felt a pair of arms around my body. ‘What are you doing?’ I choked. ‘Don’t you understand? I killed him, I killed him, I killed my own boyfriend!’ Sebastian’s grip didn’t loose. ‘Jared, Jared!’
I didn’t understand why, but he was rocking me softly, comforting me in the way I needed right now. All the while, he didn’t say anything at all. He just sat there and held me. I inhaled his scent and pressed against his chest. Deep down inside me I knew I didn’t deserve his care and warmth, but in this moment I was selfish. I thought of Jared and the fact that I had almost repeated my mistake. It tasted bitter on my tongue to think about it, but I had to find a way out of this vicious circle. I couldn’t be a danger to my friends anymore. I had to protect them, anyhow.
Carefully I dug my fingers deeper into Bastian’s shirt, as if searching for grip and a resolution to the misery. I could feel his heart beating against mine. It felt good and I felt alive, living. My sobs became quieter and the tension slowly left my body.
Another knock on the door, this time it was a firm one. David found us together sitting in the bed. I pulled away from Sebastian and faced David with tear-strained cheeks and red eyes.
‘Alex’, David looked apologizing, ‘Jack demands to see you. Now.’


Chapter 16


Grabbing my crutches, I hopped off the bed carefully. My leg still hurt, but I was a fast healer. I guessed this was another aspect you could lead back to the demon in me. I took my necklace from the nightstand and put it on. My fingers wandered over its heart-shaped pendant absently and felt confirmed in the decision I had already made for myself. I turned to go, when Sebastian put his hand on my shoulder.
‘Do you really think you should be doing this now?’ he asked worried.
I smiled faintly. ‘Yeah, it’ll be okay.’ Really, the pain and the wound weren’t the worst right now. Oh no, the lecture I would be getting from Jack was. I limped along the corridor to the office of Mr Anderson. Sebastian had followed me.
‘Bastian, stay here’, I said facing him.
‘But he will – ‘, he answered with a concerned glimmer in his eyes.
‘– do what is right.’ I finished for him. ‘Now wait here. It’s my business.’ I added a little bit nicer.
I knocked, entered and left an anxious, upset Sebastian behind. He wanted to protect me, but he had no idea what was about to happen.
Jack sat behind his desk and looked at me sternly. ‘Alexandra’, he started quite collected, ‘we really need to talk.’
‘Yes, Sir’, I replied and sat down, using the proper title to get a little distance.
‘To say I’m angry is quite an understatement, but I’m not here to yell at you.’ I mentally sighed in relief. ‘But don’t think you’re out of the hook, Thompson!’
He stayed silent for a few seconds. I could tell he was trying to decide how this conversation should be going on.
‘You know, Alexandra, I really trust you and I always treated you well, didn’t I?’
‘Yes, Sir’, I spoke loudly enough and determinately, ‘and I’d like to say that I’m very grateful for that.’
‘Though, I have to admit that these incidents are becoming a serious problem’, he continued. ‘I have already given you a little extra credit in this issue with the Beales and their son and still, it didn’t help anything.’
He sighed. ‘Alexandra, what am I supposed to do with you? You’re a great spy, that’s for sure, but the rules that apply to the others apply to you, too. I can’t always make exceptions.’
His speech was more like the projection of his inner turmoil. It was hard for him, I noticed. I looked at him. I knew where this was heading. And yet, I knew he was right. Jack was right in so many ways. I was becoming more and more a danger to my team mates and to myself. Also, it wasn’t fair that I was receiving such a special treatment. After all, I was to hold responsible for my doing.
‘Alex’, he answered now more softly, ‘I don’t fire you. You’re too good to be wasted. Yet, I have to set consequences. Your work will be reduced to office duty. I’m sorry, Alex, but that is all I can give you under these circumstances.’
I sensed other presences in front of the door. Obviously, my co-workers had all gathered up to eavesdrop. It was so totally like them that I almost had to smile.
Mr Anderson watched the door intently for a second, he had realized, too. ‘I know your friends won’t be happy about this, but that’s the decision I have made.’
To be honest, I had expected worse from Jack. He was really sparing me, had David talked to him? Nevertheless, this wasn’t how it was going to be if I had a saying in this, too. Confidence rose within me, when I began to talk. ‘May I say something, Sir?’
He nodded and I kept going. ‘I really appreciate your trust and the second chance you are willing to give me. But I decline.’
Gasps could be heard from the other side of the door. Jack looked shocked, too.
A heavy silence filled the room turning even whispers into screams.
‘Let me explain’, my voice said calmly and quietly, ‘The last mission made me realize how much of a danger I really am. And I don’t want to be a constant threat to the people I love and care about. I thought I would help them with my power, I thought I could do something good for people.’ I swallowed, by now my voice wasn’t more than a whisper. ‘I thought I could be a true spy, but I can’t. I thought I was a good person, but I’m not.’ I shook my head and tears started to well up in my eyes. I knew I did the right thing, even though it was a hard step for me to take. My voice was quivering and almost soundless.
‘I’m not.’
I only breathed the upcoming part.
‘So I quit.’
That was it. My final decision, I hadn’t taken on easy to make.
I had done the right thing.
Jack didn’t move, his mouth hung open and he breathed out my name. ‘Alexandra.’
I didn’t reply. Blinking, I quickly wiped away the evidence of my feelings. I couldn’t allow them to hinder the decision, I had made with rational thinking. This wasn’t about me, this was about what was best for all of us.
I got up and opened the door. All my comrades were standing there looking at me not believing my statement. Everyone was silent as if they didn’t dare to stop me in my tracks. Maria had tears in her eyes and even the colour of the face from the ever-cool Matthew had drained away completely. Sebastian’s eyes stared at me desperately, though their piercing blue wasn’t quite as intensive as usual. I flinched under their gazes. Mixed feelings were rushing through me. Though, I didn’t want to lose it. I pulled myself together and suppressed the lump in my throat. I had been taught how to set emotions aside and now was the moment I had to prove I could to so. Yet, I was still a human being, so it wasn’t easy for me to leave my most loved ones behind.
I let my head hung down and limped away. I could feel their stares tracing my movements, though none of them tried to keep me from going. I was glad they had accepted my decision so well. After all, it was for their own good. My fist closed around my necklace’s pendant.

I had done the right thing.


Chapter 17


It was already twilight, when I arrived at The John Soane Museum. Autumn was coming fast, I realized sadly. Now it was October.
I made my way over to my favourite tree. The tree, Sebastian and I had lain on in that particular night. What I had told him then, was not quite the truth. I hadn’t found this tree by accident, it had been Jared and me, after we had captured a group of terrorists. It had been the night I had fallen in love with Jared. And about year later, I had lain here with Sebastian at my side. Now, isn’t that ironic?
I let my fingers touch the tree’s bark. The rough texture scratched my skin. I felt alive.
After some time, I sat on top of the biggest branch. I had thrown the crutches away, my leg didn’t hurt much. Tilting up my head, I looked at the red-bluish sky. Freedom, it said. Today’s events were still on my mind, just like the memory of Jared was. I closed my eyes and saw the moment he died, the moment I killed him, in front of me. It was the moment that had haunted me so long in form of nightmares. Almost every night.
Jared and me fighting on the ground.
Me pushing him off the edge.
Him saying my name one last time –
before falling down.
My eyes snapped open fast. My breath was laboured just by the memory of his death. I wanted to cry. Even though, I had always displayed a happy mood, within in me I missed Jared so much. I had wanted to be strong after he had died, not for me, but for his comrades and especially for his best friend – Colin.
But right now, it was all too much for me. I had sworn never to be such a danger to anyone again. I had broken my promise. That was what made everything even worse.
There were so many things I had to ask and tell Jared yet. As corny as it sounds, I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He had been the first one who loved me unconditionally, even with the knowledge of my inner demon. He had been the first one to ask about my past and my family, who really bothered how I felt. Deep down I knew he had been my soulmate. And then the worst scenario had taken place. He had died – at my hands.
After his death, I hadn’t had a real relationship. Matthew had tried to comfort me, when I was feeling alone and we ended up screwing each other. However, that wasn’t about love. It was more about tainting the mind in order to forget. Besides, it didn’t last long. Fortunately, Matt and I could stay friends afterwards. We never apologized to each other for what we had done. It was too late to change anything about it, anyway. We rather promised to take care and to look after each other – as friends.
And then, there was Sebastian. With him, I wasn’t quite sure about my feelings. I didn’t want to hurt him, that’s for sure. But I couldn’t say if I loved him. The memories of Jared were still fresh and the fear to regret anything more than friendship was immense. There was something about Sebastian I hadn’t experienced from another person except from Jared. And that was acceptance. Every time I looked into Bastian’s eyes I didn’t see superficialness or doubts, I saw honesty and – love?
I narrowed my eyes as I stared at the bottle in my hand. It was actually a flacon, I had stolen from ISO’s laboratory. It was the nostrum which would make everything a lot easier.
Ingredients: Dimethyl Sulfat, 2-chlorobenzalmalononitrile, Hydrofluoric acid and Phenylthiocarbamide
Warning: Highly Virulent, causing spasms and behavioral disturbance
That was another way to put its real effect, I guessed. My fingers were about to open the little bottle, but something in me told me to leave it closed.
My thoughts were falling over each other, making a mess in my head. As soon as I would take all of the flacon’s content, I would die. My body wouldn’t stand such an amount of toxic. Although, the disadvantage was I would turn into the demon form one last time before dying. I thought of Jared, Sebastian and all my friends at ISO. Sure, they would miss me, but wasn’t a life without me as a constant danger better? This small step could save them all and spare them other terrible scenarios.
I let my finger wander over the bottle over and over again. Somewhere in the corner of mind I could sense the demon protesting and yet agreeing. It knew what would happen if I took the whole dose. That would be lethal for both of us. And at same time, the demon smelled the faintest hint of the chemical, which could release it from my suppressing.
I had never wanted to kill Jared. I had never wanted to hurt my co-workers and friends. And right now, I didn’t want to cause them any more pain and death. If that meant I had to take this substance, I would do it.
I opened the flacon and its slightly stinging scent filled my lungs. Immediately I stopped breathing, since I didn’t want Debbie to take over before I had drunk all of the bottle’s content. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the things to come. Opening my eyes again, I set my gaze at the bottle. In a quick movement I poured down the whole content.
The liquid tasted bitter and burned in my throat. Air didn’t reach my lungs anymore, I panted. Without oxygen, my head became dizzy. I noticed I was falling down the tree and hit onto the ground. Hard.
The bottle lay somewhere next to me in the grass. Emptied.
Debbie began to tear at my body control and it wasn’t easy to suppress her while feeling choked. Just when I wanted to give in to the welcoming numbness she was offering, I heard someone shouting my name.
‘Alexandra!’


Chapter 18


With pain and misery, I focused my eyes on the person. It was Sebastian. What a fool.
But then I realized shockingly that he wasn’t alone. No, almost all of them were there. Lucy, Emily, Colin, Matthew, Tim, John…everyone of my direct comrades – I blinked. No, that couldn’t be happening! I hadn’t planned it like this! How had they even known where I was?
Emily approached me at first. ‘Oh my goodness, Alex’, she sighed, ‘I’m so glad we found you!’
‘Be careful, Emmy’, Matthew suddenly exclaimed. I followed his gaze which focused on the empty flacon. Fortunately, he recognized the situation immediately.
‘Get away’, I yelled frustrated, ‘Hurry! It won’t take long before I –‘ My voice was cut off and replaced with the demon’s darker one. ‘Oh my, it will be such joy to kill all of you.’ Debbie smiled and I realized that I lost control. It had happened so much faster than the times before because of the chemicals’ effect. My skin felt like being stretched. Hard tissue had superseded its soft nature and ripped my clothes off my body. My eyes had grown dark and were now focused on my comrades. Dark power flooded my veins. The intent to kill was more intense than ever before.
Without any further warning, I grabbed Emily’s throat and began choking her. She tried fighting me, but it was no use. ‘Emily’, her boyfriend Tim shouted worried, ‘hang on, we’re gonna save you!’ He and the others pulled out their guns.
Debbie laughed. It sounded hollow. ‘Those won’t help you’, she shrieked with joy. My hands closed around Emily’s delicate throat. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I wanted to dodge her sad gaze, but Debbie had control over me. It was painful to watch her dying. And the sad thing was, nobody would be able to stop me or rather Debbie now. I heard the others firing at me, though it didn’t have any effect on my body or on the demon. The drug gave me immunity for the short time being. And Debbie took full advantage of that fact.
Emily’s lifeless body hit the ground. Tim screamed in agony and hurried to her. I had done it again. I had wanted to quit it all and yet, I had killed another person, a good friend. How pathetic made that my existence?
Stop howling, Alex. We have a job to finish.
The demon laughed and I could feel my body shaking at it. It used my body to walk towards Tim whose eyes blazed with revenge. He stood up with a killing calmness and pressed his firearm against my chest.
Oh, I see, the kid wants to be next.
No, no, I pleaded with the demon. It…Debbie wouldn’t do it, would she? I couldn’t bear to see another one die. As I made my attempt to push her out of her domination, she shoved me back roughly.
Forget it, bitch. It’s my turn now!
Within the next second, Tim lay on the ground beside his love. Blood leaked out of his mouth and ears. Debbie had broken his neck in a light speed action. I sat inside myself, closed my eyes and pushed my hands against my ears. I didn’t want to see it anymore. I didn’t want to hear them die, to look in heir eyes as thy lost their light of life. I wanted to die.
Debbie knew about her limited time se had left to accomplish her self-given mission. And even though, I didn’t see what was happening and barely heard anything, I could feel my body moving to murder my friends. I could feel the hot blood shooting out of them and their failed attempts to stop me. One after the other, I could sense the bounce of the ground they fell onto. And at the same time Debbie practically glowed with satisfaction and joy. It disgusted me. She had spared me the sight of the massacre, but when there was only one person left, she compelled me to open my eyes.
Sebastian stood in front of me. His clothes were blood-strained and his eyes wide open and empty. He didn’t move at all, not even a bit shaking. He simply stared at me in shock. His piercing blue eyes searched for the real Alex beneath the shape of the demon. I wanted him to leave so badly. I didn’t want to see him die. To see myself murdering my friends was horrible, but to repeat the action of killing my love was even more than that. It was more gruesome than anything else in this whole world.
No!
Debbie suddenly cried out. Her force on me was loosing, even if just a tiny bit. That was the end. The drug had begun to destroy my body. As fast as her control had come over me, just as fast it vanished right now. She was still protesting against her loss of power, but I stopped concentrating on her. I didn’t concentrate on anything at all.
My knees gave in and I slumped to the ground. All around me the corpses of my friends lay. The sight made me want to vomit. My consciousness became weaker and weaker.
Sebastian kneeled beside me. His hand caressed my head softly while I transformed to my human state again. By now, it was dark and cold outside. My now naked body trembled because of cold, exhaustion and the drug’s effect. It wouldn’t take long now before I would die. With the last bit of energy I found Bastian’s eyes. Their deep blue stilled the slight fear I was feeling. His look of shock was gone, now he stared at me with concern and sorrow.
‘Alex’, he whispered and took my hand. He gulped, not knowing what to say.
‘Go’, I croaked, ‘go and save yourself.’ My power was leaving me and my voice was not more than the whispers of the wind.
‘I can’t’, he said, ‘I can’t let you left behind here dying.’
I wanted to laugh. I had slaughtered all my friends in front of him, killed them in the cruellest ways and here he was, telling me that he couldn’t leave me with what I deserved. It was grotesque.
‘Don’t bother’, I choked out blood, ‘it’s too late.’
My eyes lids were too heavy and I shut my eyes. There were so many thing left unsaid. I wanted to apologize, to explain and to tell him about my real feelings. It all faded away now. The last thing I noticed was the faint crying of Sebastian and the warm tears dropping on my face.
Then there was silence.


Chapter 19


Bright light rays reached my eyes. I could even see the luminosity without opening my them. It was so intense that I was dazzled. Yet, it wasn’t quite uncomfortable. It brought warmness to me and I blinked experimentally. There it was - the white bright light I had sensed. Where did it come from? Was I in hospital again? No, that couldn’t be. I had died, hadn’t I? So did I have to assume that I was in some kind of afterlife?
Yes, that it must be. The pain was gone. My body felt at peace. All worries were brushed from my mind. The memory of my comrades’ deaths paled. I just wanted to reach the light. It held so much comfort and brought safety along. When I stretched out my right arm, I noticed that the blood strains had vanished and also the small scar I had on my underarm since I was 13 years. It had been in the beginning of my training, when I had fallen from the trampoline and had cut myself with an iron rod. I remembered how David had panicked and taken me to Eileen right away. Jack had tried to comfort me then and had said that the pain would disappear over the time. But the wound itself had never disappeared completely. Just like those many injuries, I had received over the years. Jack had been right, the hurt always went away, though the evidence stayed behind. All my emotional issues had always stayed in mind, even though my friends could take away some of my fears. It had been never enough to feel relaxed. But now I was.
Soon, I would be drawn into the white light that took all my problems away. I had achieved what I wanted, but the prize had been too high. I had lost my life in order to save others. Though, my plan hadn’t worked correctly. Too many lives had been lost tonight. Anyways, I didn’t think about that right now. All that mattered was the happiness so close to me and the hope to see Jared in my death. The light surrounded me and I was ready to give in.
‘Alexandra’, a soft voice said from above me. I tilted my head up and saw Jared standing over me.
My eyes went wide and filled with tears quickly. I couldn’t believe he was there. Anxiously, I touched his cheek with my outstretched hand. His skin was as warm as it used to be and his blue eyes looked at me as caring and loving as always. I swallowed and the first drop of salty liquid slid down my cheek. ‘Jared.’ It wasn’t much of a word I whispered. It sounded more like a croaked sob. ‘Is it really you?’
When he took my hands in his, my tears flooded even more. A strong feeling of happiness rushed through me. His face was just the way I remembered it - blue eyes, showing true concern, his fine nose, which looked so cute to me and those lovely lips which were slowly pulled into a genuine smile.
‘Alexandra’, his smooth voice called out to me again, ‘please, listen to me, my love.’ He wiped my tears away with back of his hand, though it didn’t stop my crying. ‘It’s going to be alright.’
His statement promised hope, yet I looked down in shame. ‘Our friends’, I sobbed, ‘Look, what I’ve done to them.’
‘It wasn’t you’, Jared hushed me, ‘You’re a good person, despite what you think. You always were and will always be.’ He closed his embrace around me. ‘That’s why you deserve a second chance.’
I pulled away slightly. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked confused. His eyes beamed at me.
‘You’ll live again.’ His words were meant to comfort me, but I couldn’t see the point in it.
‘What does that help anyone?’ I cried. ‘My friends are all dead and I’m nothing but a horrible monster!’
‘Ssh’, Jared patted my back. ‘There’s still one important person left. He would be running on empty, if you died.’
I threw a puzzled look at him. Did he mean - ?
‘Yes’, he answered ‘Sebastian. Alex, he needs you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, how he talks…I can tell he is honest about his feelings.’
‘But what about you?’ My voice quivered. ‘What about us? I love you.’
‘I know’, Jared flashed me a sad smile, ‘that’s why I let you go. And you have to do the same.’
‘No’, I protested, ‘I don’t want to lose you again. I want to stay with you!’ My fingers closed around his torso and I held him tight. His heartbeat was a tad faster than usual.
His hands ran over my back. ‘I will always be with you, Alexandra.’ He cupped my chin and made me look into his eyes which had become sorrowful. ‘But I don’t want to hinder you from living the life you deserve.’
His words angered me. ‘I don’t deserve any life!’ I shouted madly. ‘I killed them! I killed them all!’ Tears spilled again. ‘I killed you!’ In a mix of fury and sadness, I buried my face in his chest.
He took my right hand and pressed it gently against his lips. ‘I forgive you’, he whispered.
I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t. The words were stuck in my throat. A pressure so heavy was taken away from me. The burden I had carried with me since his death was lifted from me. My ever-lasting feeling of guilt left my soul. It was an indescribable feeling. I could tell that Jared knew what he had just done to me. His eyes sparkled just the way Sebastian’s did. ‘Alexandra’, he said in a serious tone, ‘please accept this. You will be returned to life soon. Your spirit shall be no longer possessed by the demon. Live your life and make me happy. I want to see my smiling, always glowing Alexandra again.’
I stared at him, emotions pent up inside me for so long bursting out. I had needed Jared’s understanding so badly.
‘Just promise me one thing, Alex’, he pleaded, as he pulled me closer, ‘Give him a chance, he is the one who can make you happy.’ I knew about who he was talking. Still too overwhelmed to speak, I slowly nodded.
‘I love you’, he confessed before giving me the sweetest kiss I had ever received. His lips pressed on mine so softly and he deepened the kiss by slightly licking my lower lip. I could feel his soft breath on my skin and his body heat filled me with content warmth. My eyes were closed and when we finally parted again, his figure was fading.
I smiled through my tears. My heart beat loudly and I felt alive. ‘I love you, too’, I replied before he disappeared. The white light was becoming weaker as well.
‘Jared’, I called him again, but he was gone. I was released.


Chapter 20


I woke up with somebody crying next to me. My head felt a little dizzy and I was exhausted, but other than that I was fine. Without much effort, my eyes fluttered open. I lay on the floor, my clothes torn and dirty. The soft grass was cold and the air was chilling. I glanced at my arm. The blood strains still covered me and the scar was there, too. I slowly tried to prop myself up on my elbows. My limbs were trembling, but I managed it anyways.
The person next to me looked down at me. His blue eyes widened in both shock and happiness. Sebastian gasped and quickly wrapped his arm around my torso, helping me to sit up. He pulled out of his jacket and used it to cover my shivering, half-naked form. The heart-shaped pendant pressed onto my skin gently. Wait, hadn’t I lost the necklace, when I had transformed? I instantly forgot my thought, when Sebastian began to speak. ‘Alex, you’re back.’ He held me tight. ‘Don’t worry. It’s going to be alright.’ Those words were the same Jared had told me. So, Sebastian understood, too. I smiled at him weakly.
Then, for the first time, I looked around the place. The night had brought along darkness, but in the dim light of the street lanterns I could see people rising up. One after the other, all of my friends stood up again. How was that possible? I had killed them, hadn’t I? Startled, my gaze wandered back to Bastian.
‘How?’ My voice cracked thinly.
‘I’ll explain’, he said reassuring me and pulled me into his lap. The others walked over to us, before he could start. Each of them was unharmed and alive. I sighed in relief. ‘Jack and the others are on their way to pick us up.’ I wanted to cry, out of happiness and shame. ‘Matthew, I’m sorry…’, I trailed off quietly, ‘No, that isn’t even enough. How could I ever beg of your forgiveness? Of everyone’s forgiveness?’
‘We’ll deal with that later.’ Emily spoke up and smiled. ‘We’re all safe now. Thanks to you.’
‘I-I don’t understand…’, I replied.
‘Me, either’, Sebastian commented, ‘but I’ll tell you what happened. You were dying, Alex. And you actually did. Your breath had stopped and your heart didn’t beat anymore. I was thinking about killing myself, when your necklace grabbed my attention. I can’t say why, but I picked it up and tied it around your neck.’ He gulped, a look of awe in his eyes. ‘Suddenly, everything was illuminated. The light’s origin was somewhere near you. It was intimidating and comforting at the same time. I heard your voice, as if you were speaking to someone, but I couldn’t find out who it was or what you said. And now, you’re here, alive, just as the rest of us.’
My eyes shone with unshed tears. ‘It’s the necklace you were given by Jared, isn’t it?’ Colin asked.
I nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘I told you, Jared would forgive you.’ Matthew answered. All my comrades smiled at me.
That was my time for the truth to be told. I turned to face Sebastian. He glanced at me surprised. One hand touched his chest, the other one held his face.
‘I just don’t know how to say this any other way.’ His eyes threw me a confused look at this. I took a deep breath and gathered all the bravery and strength left in me. ‘I love you.’
It was a simple statement and yet it demanded so much more power than any fighting moves. Expectantly I stared at him. And when he finally replied, my heard almost jumped out of my breast. ‘I love you, too, Alexandra.’
I don’t remember how the others reacted, since everything except Sebastian didn’t matter to me right now. He lowered his head to bring our lips at the same level. The distance between our faces was almost closed, when John spoke up.
‘The others are arriving. Let’s bring you to Eileen for a check.’
I sighed in disappointment, but held onto Sebastian. He slowly lifted me up. ‘Don’t you dare to scare me like that ever again. Taking your own life’, he murmured, ‘I don’t want you to die.’
‘Don’t worry’, I grinned tiredly, ‘I won’t.’ He carried me over to the ambulance and sat me down onto the stretcher. ‘Sebastian?’
‘Yes?’ He pulled out a blanket and tucked me in.
‘I-‘, I began, not knowing how to explain this, ‘when I was…when I was dead, I saw somebody. It was Jared. He told me to let him go and to give you a chance. He freed me from the demon. I don’t feel Debbie anymore. I believe it was him who saved us all in the end. It was so amazing. He was there, in front of me and he held his promise. He saved me from myself and protected, just like he had always vowed. And then he kissed me and I knew he was an angel to give me a chance to make everything again…’ I trailed off, as I realized I was babbling. ‘Sorry. You must think I’m crazy or something.’
‘No.’ He took my hand in his. ‘Actually, it sounds pretty plausible to me.’
‘Really?’ I smiled. ‘I’m glad I came back.’
‘Me, too’, Sebastian answered and placed his lips on mine.
This time, nothing held me back. I was free.
And happy.


Epilogue


I grabbed another portion of peas. Maria hurried to our table, excited and blushing. I looked at her. ‘Hey, what’s the matter?’
But it was Lucy who answered me. ‘Don’t you know? Maria and Julian have kissed last night.’ She giggled.
‘Finally’, I smiled, ‘this tapping-around-each-other game had been on for too long by now.’
Then my amused voice turned honest. ‘I’m happy for you, Maria.’
The beautiful, blonde girl blushed even more. ‘Thank you, Alex.’
‘So, when do you get your man, Lucy?’ Emily chimed in. ‘Since Maria, Alex and me are already taken.’
‘How about Simon?’ I suggested laughing.
Lucy’s eyes went wide and she shook her head. ‘Hell no!’
‘Then what about Matthew?’
‘Have I heard my name somewhere over there? Does any of these gorgeous ladies need the help of a real man?’ Matthew’s cocky grin appeared as he passed us by.
‘Actually’, Lucy stuttered, which was a first in her entire lifetime, ‘John asked me out this morning.’
‘No way!’ All of us girls shouted. Lucy’s face went red. After some time, we had regained our composure. Emily cleared her throat. ‘Well, way to go, Lucy.’
I gulped down the last of my water. ‘Sorry, girls, I’ve gotta go.’ I stood up and waved at them. ‘I’ve got to fetch Ben to repair my beeper. Bye!’
As I arrived in the Great Hall, Benjamin faced me. ‘Hey, looks like you’re sober again’, he grinned.
‘Dangerous ground, Benjamin’, David added knowingly, ‘dangerous ground.’
A few weeks ago, some statement like that would have made me really mad, but now I simply shrugged it off. Ben was always one to joke, those things weren’t meant serious. And well, actually he was right. I may have been drinking just a bit too much at the weekend. ‘My beeper’s malfunctioning. Can you fix it?’
‘Of course. I’ll take a look at it.’
‘Thanks, Ben.’
‘Oh, by the way, Alex’, David looked up from his computer screen, ‘Colin looked for you. It seemed to be something important.’
‘Okay, I’ll see you later, guys.’ When I hurried out, I walked straight up into Colin. ‘You wanted to talk to me’, I asked and looked at him.
‘Well…yes.’ He fidgeted. ‘I actually wanted to give you this at the official ceremony in two weeks, but since you already turned 18…’ He pulled out a little box. ‘Here.’
He was right, just last weekend I had turned 18. Sebastian had thrown a party for me, since he was about to leave for a mission in Russia. He wanted to give me a nice reminder of him before he went abroad. Because no one knew exactly how long Bastian’s mission would take, the graduation ceremony was set two weeks later. Then, I would be officially become a member of ISO’s elite.
With curiosity, I took the package and opened it carefully. Inside, I found a beautiful watch, digital, yet decorated with little diamonds. It was an amazing gift. ‘Thank you, Colin.’ I said with a genuine smile.
‘It always displays two time zones. You can program it to show you your time and Sebastian’s’, he smirked, ‘So you will always know what time it is for him.’
‘Time to come home’, a familiar voice said from behind me. I swirled around to see Bastian in front of me. He looked a little tired, but his eyes glowed with pleasure. ‘I missed you, Alex.’
I wrapped my arms around his neck and we kissed. ‘I missed you, too.’
‘Welcome back’, Colin greeted his new ISO comrade. ‘I’ll see you around.’
When we were alone, Sebastian pulled me close once more to give me a more passionate, longing kiss. I smiled till he asked me, ‘So, you’re ready for school?’
‘C’mon, you’re kidding, right?’ I sighed, ‘You’ve just come back and you need to rest. And also, I wouldn’t mind some private time with you.’
‘Alex, you know what we promised Jack and Eileen.’ Eileen had become my therapist. I was doing great so far with working off my emotional conflicts and Jared’s death. Also, Jack had ordered me to go to school regularly, for not only he wanted me educated but having an adjusted daily routine.
‘Okay’, I gave in, ‘Let’s go.’
Sebastian smiled and took my hand. The necklace was swinging down from my neck. Jared’s death was now a bit more than year ago. When I had visited his grave for the first time after his funeral, Sebastian had stood beside me all the time. This experience had been part of my therapy, too. It still wasn’t easy for me to go there, but it was okay. I was glad I wasn’t alone. There was no dark power left in me, the demon had disappeared. We had lost Arthur Harper that one day, but I was sure we were going to find him. We would make him pay for Debbie’s actions and I would make sure that he wouldn’t harm anyone ever again.
From the day on, Jared had forgiven me, there hadn’t been any compunctions and nightmares. Every night, I slept peacefully in Sebastian’s arms. For now, I had found my own little happy ending, somewhere between ISO and the outer world.


The end.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.08.2009

Alle Rechte vorbehalten