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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION

This book was first published as part of a Kindle eBook in 2013. That book is no longer available.

The story here has been edited, expanded and reformatted for reading on multiple eBook formats and is issued as a free eBook in 2015

FOREWORD

The Tortoise is the most popular character of all the varied characters that abound in the folklore of the Nigerian peoples. The exploits of the Tortoise, whether in all-animal stories or in stories that have an animal-human mix, are without compare in all of the folklore that originates from The Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Indeed, in all of Nigerian folklore, there may be as many Tortoise stories as there are all other stories combined. In different circumstances, the Tortoise is associated with wisdom, selfishness, just low cunning or even, sometimes, kindness.

In this Tortoise adventure, our hero shows that he won't tolerate being underrated; not even by his closest and oldest friend.

Great Friends

The Tortoise had always had a very high regard for his intelligence, as did the vast majority of the folk who inhabited the animal kingdom. As with most other geniuses, the Tortoise was prone to some pride and he liked, from time to time, to show off his great intelligence. Anytime he did this, he appreciated the adulation that was showered upon him by less brain-heavy folk; conversely, he was totally opposed to folk who tried to show that they were unappreciative of his mental gifts. Regarding such unappreciative folk, it was the Tortoise’s unwavering policy that he would find a means of teaching such a one the folly of the path that he or she had embarked upon.

At a certain time, a very long while back, the Tortoise and the Monkey were the greatest of friends. The friendship between the two was of long-standing; dating back to the days of their insouciant youth, the relationship between the two had grown and grown as they had grown into adulthood. Now, as the duo were approaching middle age, their friendship growing stronger and stronger with every passing day, week and year, the saying “as tight as the Tortoise and the Monkey” had become a proverbs of sorts amongst the inhabitants of the animal kingdom whenever there was a need to illustrate a deep friendship between folk.

It was a nice and breezy evening as the bosom friends were taking a quiet stroll through the forest; the conversation was general but just as the Monkey was about to round off what he thought was quite a funny anecdote, the Tortoise suddenly interrupted and began to speak in a most portentous tone:

“Supreme God! All of you great deities, known and unknown; even you, those deities that have yet to come into existence! Every single one of you, our most illustrious ancestors! We pray, here and now, that we may be protected from getting involved in troubles the origins of which we have no knowledge.” Then in his most sonorous voice, he added a resounding “Amen”.

The Monkey was stunned and he stared at his friend in amazement. Nothing in the conversation which they had been having or anything that had happened or seemed probable or possibly to happen as they wound their way through the forest seemed to warrant the type of prayer that the Tortoise had made. That the prayer had interrupted his witty anecdote also rather piqued the Monkey for, knowing his friend of old, he knew how much the Tortoise loved hogging the limelight.

Now, if there was one particular trait in his friend that had always seemed somewhat obnoxious to the Monkey, it was the Tortoise’s penchant for always hogging the limelight. As far as the Monkey was concerned, the Tortoise was much too intolerant of seeing anyone in the limelight unless the person in the limelight was the Tortoise himself or, if someone else, such a person had come into the limelight through the Tortoise’s own devising!

Consequently, the Monkey maintained a sullen silence and made no response to the Tortoise’s unexpected interjection.

As his friend made no response to his prayer, the Tortoise asked in a mild tone why it was that the Monkey had failed to respond to the prayer that he had just uttered; the prayer, after all, was specifically uttered for the benefit of all who had had the benefit of hearing it.

The Monkey answered in the haughtiest manner imaginable. It was not his custom, he declared in icy tone, to respond with “amens” to prayers that were made for no obviously discernable reasons. The Tortoise’s prayer, the Monkey went on, was one that had been made for no reason; this being the case, he could not bring himself to say an “amen”.

The Tortoise stared long and hard at his friend then, heaving a long and heavy sigh, he turned the conversation to other matters. But his friend’s attitude had been deeply upsetting to the Tortoise and he resolved in his mind to teach the Monkey a lesson that he would never forget.

The Tortoise pays a visit

As soon as the Tortoise got home that evening, he instructed his wife to prepare a quantity of bean cakes for his use. When the bean cakes were ready, the Tortoise soaked them overnight in a jar of sweet honey. The next morning, he removed the bean cakes from the jar of honey and left them out to dry; by the evening, the bean cakes were just the way he wanted the cakes to be.

Early the next morning, the Tortoise placed the bean cakes in a small bag and proceeded to pay a visit to the Leopard. The Leopard, you will understand, was one of the grandees of the animal kingdom and, as such, the Tortoise was on very friendly terms with him; it was a firm tenet of the Tortoise to always be on friendly terms with the grandees of the land. At all events, as soon as the Tortoise entered into the Leopard’s presence he threw himself prostrate upon the floor before the great cat and started to reel out praises in his honor.

The Leopard was lord and master over all the inhabitants of the forest; a terror to his enemies but the loving protector of those whom he deigned to accept as friends. The incorruptible judge, he was always swift to inflict condign punishment on all malefactors. And so on and so forth.

The Leopard was extremely pleased at the laudatory manner which the Tortoise used in greeting him and, in return, he described the Tortoise as the most widely traveled person in all the whole wide world and the wisest being in all of creation.

When all the pleasantries were over and the Tortoise had taken his seat, the Leopard asked as to what had brought the Tortoise hither for it had been quite a while since the Tortoise had last paid him a visit.

“Is there anything that I can do for you, my good friend?” asked the Leopard.

“Nothing my lord, nothing at all” the Tortoise replied.

“It just happens that I was in the neighborhood and it struck me that it had been quite a while since I last dropped in to pay my humble respects to you my, my lord.

“I trust, your highness, that you will forgive me for being so remiss.”

The Leopard was extremely pleased at the Tortoise’s contrite words and manner that the Tortoise used and he assured the Tortoise that he harbored no ill will towards the Tortoise for the long interval between visits; he, the Leopard, was always more the happy to receive his dear friend.

Now, as this conversation was going on, the Leopard noticed that the Tortoise was removing some stuff from a small bag he had with him and, popping such into his mouth, ate the stuff with every evidence of great relish. When it became clear that the Tortoise had no intention of offering any of whatever it was that he was eating to his host, the Leopard spoke up.

“Well Tortoise, I really am surprised at your behavior; you didn’t use to be so rude! Here you are, munching away on your own, without even the courtesy of offering me some of whatever it is that you are eating with such evident relish!

“You didn’t used to be so lacking in courtesy and manners!”

The Tortoise was immediately all contrite. Throwing himself prostrate on the ground before the Leopard, the Tortoise vehemently declared that he did not have the slightest inclination to offer discourtesy to the Leopard.

“Your highness, I myself have developed a particular taste for this poor snack and, although I love it to distraction, I am reluctant to offer it to you so as not to cause any offence.”

“I’ll be the judge of the relative richness or poverty of the snack” growled the Leopard.

“My lord…..” the Tortoise began.

He was cut short by a stern look from the Leopard who snatched the bag containing the bean cakes away from him. Picking out one of the morsels, the Leopard popped it into his mouth and, as the wonderful taste of that honey-infused bean cake hit his taste buds, his hitherto stern look turned into a positively ominous one.

“So, you devious so and so, it was your intention to eat every single one of these absolutely delicious morsels on your own without even giving me a taste, wasn’t it?”

The Tortoise was by this time rolling all over the ground in what could only be interpreted as an abject combination of trepidation and contriteness; certainly, this was the way in which the Leopard interpreted his friend’s behavior.

“Perish the thought, O Great One!” in quavering tones; “The reason that I made no offer was that I naturally assumed that you would not be willing to eat of the morsels because of the source.”

“What could possibly be the matter with the source of such delicious fare that one would hesitate to eat of it?” tossing a couple more of the delicious bean cakes into his mouth. “I absolutely insist on answer, Tortoise!”

The Tortoise was now wailing at the top of his voice, calling upon all the deities as well as his ancestors to protect him from an evil end, but the Leopard insisted that the Tortoise answer his question: what was the matter with the source of the tidbits in the bag?

“I fear, my lord, that if I reveal to you the origins of these tidbits that you have condescended to partake in then, in you just anger, you will put an end to my poor existence.”

Swearing solemnly that he would do no such thing, the Leopard went on:

“All I want is the truth as to where one gets this wonderful snack; however, I am absolutely likely to put an end to your life if I do not get a satisfactory answer from you in response to my query!”

“You have me between a rock and a hard place, my lord” the Tortoise complained whiningly. “I have no choice but to comply with your just commands.”

So, still feigning reluctance, the Tortoise revealed all. The delightful contents of the bag were nothing more than the excreta of the monkey!

Monkey waste? The Leopard was skeptical; extremely so. The Tortoise, he was certain, was once more up to one of his shenanigans and he was unhesitating in voicing his opinion. All animals produced waste; it was one of the natural consequences of living. But once the business was done, the doer hastened away; who wanted to stay near foul-smelling waste? The Tortoise had better own up as to how he came by these wonderfully delicious morsels.

The Tortoise spoke in a quavering voice.

“You are correct, my lord, but not all together so. Of course, ever animal produces waste and, as you have so brilliantly observed, immediately leaves the vicinity of the waste; waste, after all, is disgusting and distasteful and, once rid of it we hasten away from it. But, sire, I discovered that not all waste is disgusting and distasteful.

“Purely by chance, I discovered that my friend, the Monkey, produces two types of solid waste, the ordinary offensive type from which all reasonable folk flee once they have finished doing the needful and this type sire, delicious beyond compare!

“My lord, you know, as does every dweller in the forest, that my friendship with the Monkey is of long-standing, more years than I can remember, yet only in the last several weeks have I discovered his secret and, I must confess, the discovery was more propitious than designed.

“If I had not caught him at the job, so to speak he would never have admitted that he was able to produce this sweet stuff as a waste product! Once I knew his secret though, he freely admitted to me that this secret had been in his family for several generations, passed on from father to son!

“No one has ever suspected that the Monkey family was able to produce what, I dare say, ought to be looked at in the light of a public resource! Of course, by public resource I don’t actually mean that it would be available for every mean fellow wandering through the forest glades but surely the better folk such as yourself and, perhaps, the lion and the elephant ought to expect to have a regular supply of this resource. Just imagine how many of your illustrious ancestors have been deprived of the taste of this wonderful waste as a result of the selfishness exhibited by the Monkey and every one of his ancestors.”

As the Tortoise fell silent, the Leopard thoughtfully considered the wonderful story that he had just heard. Off hand, it seemed to be beyond the bounds of possibility. Knowing the Tortoise of old, it would seem that this was just another of his fabulous stories. Was it possible that the Monkey family who had, for generations, been friends and vassals to the Leopard family could have hidden away such an ability for so many generations? The Leopard stared at the Tortoise with a speculative glint in his eye.

Yet, there was a sort of compelling quality about what the Tortoise had said and the taste of the pudding was always in the eating and here he was munching away at all that remained of the Monkey’s waste. The Leopard made up his mind; thanking the Tortoise for the information, he promised to make his own inquiries.

As soon as the Leopard declared that he would make his own inquiries, the Tortoise began to wail even louder than he had previously. Now, he declared, he was going to get into trouble with his oldest and dearest friend for, having discovered the Monkey’s secret, the Monkey had exacted from him the most solemn of oaths not to expose his secret to another living being.

“My lord, I am prepared to face the wrath of the deities for being a breaker of solemn oaths, although I do not believe myself that reporting the existence of a public resource such as the Monkey makes to one’s liege lord could hardly be considered to be oath breaking by any stretch of imagination. No, my lord, I am not unduly worried regarding the deities who, more than any other beings, understand clearly the concept of duty and are ever ready to praise the dutiful vassal!

“My lord, it is the Monkey I really fear if he should discover that I have exposed his secret. I have no doubt that he would not scruple to murder me in my own bed as I slept at night! You know, my lord, how excitable the Monkey and all of his ancestors can be!”

This was a valid point, the Leopard admitted; the excitability of generations of Monkeys was well known. He therefore assured the Tortoise that he would by no means divulge the source of his knowledge of the Monkey’s wonderful ability; he would be the soul of discretion and the Monkey would be none the wiser after he had finished with him.

The conversation then drifted off to other matters, but as the Tortoise bid his host adieu, he once more implored the Leopard not to reveal to the Monkey how it was that he had discovered his secret. The Leopard assured him that his lips were sealed.

The Leopard visits with the Monkey (sort of)

First thing in the morning the very next day, the Leopard left his home and went off to pay the Monkey a visit. The Monkey was surprised to see the Leopard at his home, for it was more common for folk to pay the Leopard a visit at his home than for the Leopard to go visiting, but he was not unduly perturbed. In fact, he considered it a mark of honor, preferment, if you will, and his views were further bolstered when the Leopard informed him that he had come to seek his aid in a matter which only he, the Monkey, could be of assistance. It would please him, the Leopard went on, if the Monkey would step out with him to some more private place where they could do their talking undisturbed; the matter he wanted to discuss with his good friend, the Monkey, was not such as he wished other ears to hear.

The Monkey was feeling really chuffed up. The Leopard needed something from him which he would not discuss to the hearing of anyone else! Well, this was one up on that smug Tortoise, the Monkey was still upset with his friend over the happening of a few days back; he was certain that the Leopard had never visited the home of the Tortoise to seek his assistance in spite of the Tortoise’s belief in his brilliance!

It was thoughts such as this that ran through the Monkey’s mind as he and the Leopard went off to a secluded place well off the beaten track and, once they were private, the Leopard, speaking in the friendliest manner imaginable, informed the Monkey that he had inadvertently discovered his secret. Now, it was perfectly understandable that the Monkey had kept his unique ability a very close secret; it would not do if the whole world were to know of his unique ability for then everyone would demand some of the sweet waste that the Monkey was able to produce and the monkey would soon be dead and gone. The Monkey felt some slight traces of alarm as the Leopard spoke. What in heaven’s name, he thought, was this unique ability that the fellow was blathering on about?

The Leopard went on.

“Now, my dear Monkey, I can assure that I will guard your secret as jealously as you and your forbears have guarded it over the ages. I’m not a greedy sort, I can promise you; far from it. All that I ask is that you make a present to me from time to time of that sweet waste that the deities have enabled you to produce. So, be a good fellow and produce some of the stuff for me!”

The small traces of alarm that the Monkey had felt as the Leopard first started speaking had grown to full blown alarm. Why, the Monkey thought, would the Leopard require his waste products? And when he spoke of the delicious tasting kind in such an insinuating manner, what did he mean? Yet, it was clear from the Leopard’s mien that he was absolutely serious. So, saying a fervent prayer to every one of his ancestors, the Monkey set about complying with the Leopard’s demand. Straining himself to the utmost, the Monkey was able to produce a batch of foul smelling waste.

The next that the poor Monkey knew was a very heavy clout descending upon him.

“Not this type, you selfish thing; that other type: the honey-flavored type is what I require” the Leopard rumbled.

Well, the Monkey’s experience that day was the worst that ever happened to him. Knowing how stubborn the Monkey could be, especially when it came to protecting his secret of the delicious waste that he was able to produce, the Leopard employed all means to get the Monkey to admit; in a word, the Monkey was thrashed that day to within an inch of his life since he was unable to satisfy the Leopard’s demands. Indeed, the only thing that saved the Monkey’s life that fateful day was the thought which occurred to the Leopard as he gave the fellow a sound thrashing that killing the miserably selfish fellow would put an end to the source of that delicious tasting waste that he craved. The Tortoise, it seemed, was absolutely right; the selfish fellow would clearly rather die than admit to his wonderful gift!

Flinging the poor Monkey aside, the Leopard stalked away radiating anger and disgust. He would have to really cozy up to the Tortoise, he thought. That wise fellow would always be able to get some of the stuff from his selfish friend. He was glad, as he went off home, that he had not, in his anger, succumbed to the temptation of proving the Monkey a liar by calling upon the Tortoise to testify. Such a move, he saw now in his cooler moments, would certainly have backfired. That miserable Monkey would simply have denied his ability and that would be the end of the matter; even the Tortoise would be denied any further taste of that sweet waste ever again! Now he really appreciated the depth of the Tortoise’s understanding of his friend; if he, the Leopard, had revealed the source of his knowledge to the Monkey, such a fellow, prepared to withstand the most terrible beating imaginable rather than reveal knowledge of his unique ability, would not scruple to put an end to poor Tortoise’s life as he lay in peaceful slumber!

As for the Monkey, he was at a complete loss as to why the happenings of that day had occurred. It was a very long while after the Leopard had flung him aside so unceremoniously that the poor Monkey had recovered enough to crawl his way to his home, thanking every deity in existence that he remained in possession of his life.

The true value of prayer

A couple of days or so after the events which have just been related had occurred, the Tortoise paid a visit to his friend at home as he was wont to do from time to time. But the Tortoise’s present visit was not entirely fortuitous for the Leopard had confided the entire story of his encounter with the Monkey and the fellow’s unbelievable intransigence to the Tortoise and had begged the Tortoise to do his level best to get some more of the Monkey’s sweet waste, readily admitting to the Tortoise that only the thought of never again tasting those deliciously flavored morsels had saved the Monkey from a worse fate. The Tortoise graciously promised to do his best in trying to get the Monkey to provide some nice waste.

When the Tortoise entered the Monkey’s house and found him all bandaged up, he feigned the greatest astonishment.

“My dear Monkey, whatever in the world has happened to you?” cried the Tortoise in a horrified voice.

“Just a few days ago, when last we were together, you were in perfectly good shape. But here you are today looking as though you had had a run-in with the Elephant; or, perhaps, the Leopard” he finished with a sly lilt to his voice.

It was in a trembly voice all choked with emotion that the Monkey told his friend the entire story of his unfortunate encounter with the Leopard. By the time the Monkey had finished with his story, the Tortoise’s face was all awash with tears even as he was nodding his head wisely. There was a long moment of silence, and then the Tortoise began to speak.

“My dear, dear Monkey, I commiserate with you most deeply over this unfortunate incident. I suppose that we must be grateful that you escaped relatively unscathed.”

The Monkey stared at his friend; unscathed? The Tortoise returned the stare, and continued to speak.

“Yes, my dear friend, unscathed! Just think, you could easily have been sent off to join your illustrious ancestors on that fateful day and I would have been left all bereft

“You see, dear Monkey, it was precisely against these sorts of dangers, unforeseen and, indeed, unforeseeable, that my spirit moved me to pray against the other day. I must have had an inkling of the danger that you faced; you know that I’m a very intuitive kind of fellow, don’t you?

“Anyway, you will no doubt recall, though in your present state it may be that recall of past events is beyond you, that having made the prayer, you refused to assent to it in spite of my entreaties. You could see no point, I believe you said, in saying ‘amens’ in response to prayers made for no ‘discernable reasons’; sorry, ‘obviously discernable reasons’.

“Obviously discernable reasons indeed!

“If reasons were obviously discernable to us, dear friend, we’d be deities rather than pitiful mortal beings. That, my dear Monkey, is the purpose of prayer, the fact that reasons are almost never obviously discernable!

“Now, perhaps if you had assented to that prayer that day, the Creator as, well as all the deities and your illustrious ancestors, would have enabled you to avoid this calamitous meeting with the Leopard; at all events, you might have received considerably less thrashing!

“My dear friend, I trust that you have learnt your lesson and I hope you will get better soon. I must go now, but be sure I’ll visit again very soon.”

The Tortoise rose up and took a couple of steps towards the doorway then stopped. Turning to face the Monkey, he rolled his eyes upward and intoned:

“Oh, most benevolent Creator as well as all of you deities, known and unknown, as well as those of you yet to come into existence hear our humble prayer!

“Our humble request is directed also to you our most illustrious ancestors!

“We pray, here and now, that we may be protected from being involved in troubles the origins of which we have no knowledge!”

“Amen” the Monkey replied in pious tones. “Amen.”

The Tortoise smiled benevolently at his friend and sauntered out of the house; he had, after all, to make arrangements for the preparation of some sweet waste for the Leopard.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.09.2015

Widmung:
This is for Mum!

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