chapter one

I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT I’m doing here. No one even likes me. I mean, they think that they do, but most of them just know that I’m popular and want to be seen with me, no matter how mean I can be.

Everyone watches me move through the party with Lain Adams, Christine Hamam and Elizabeth Pack. They’re my best friends and always will be, no matter how many fights we get into.

“Syd!” someone called out to me from behind. My name is really Sydney Hickman. Everyone always thinks your popular by how pretty you are or who your parents are or something, but for us we’re also popular for how much we can get away with.

I already knew who was calling me before I even turned around. Kent McFuller. We used to be friends in elementary school but ever since middle school we haven’t. He got weirder and I got cooler, we just… changed being who we were. Or at least I did.

Sometimes I didn’t like who I’ve become, like I didn’t even know if it was me anymore. Before I was popular, no one wanted to even look at me. It was the stupid glasses and braces that made people think that i was weird. Everyone had ignored me but Kent McFuller. Now, he was in love with me and I never even talked to him. but at this very second, Kent was right in front of me, smiling brightly with his eyes glowing with happiness!

"Sweet party," I told him over the music.

"Thanks! I didn't know if you guys would make it! I'm glad you did though!" He smiled.

"We go to every party! why wouldn't we come?"

"Because... well, I'm different."

"So?"

"It's just at high school your the most popular and no one even notices me. We're just different." Kent shrugged.

"Who gives a crap?" I asked. Then I got an idea. I looked around me and found a table I could use. I walked over and got up on the table. "Hey! Hey! Everybody shut up for a minute!" Everyone turned and looked at me. "I got something to say. Now, this is Kents first party and hes actually throwing it! And it is awesome! I think he needs a round of applose!" Everyone yelled and cheered and drunkly clapped for the kid they don't even know and probaly never will know.

I smiled as I walked away looking for my boyfriend, Taylor Robberts. I searched up and down the house, only to find him sitting with his football friends on the couch. I sat back and watched him joking around with his friends. His blond hair going into his blue eye, his tan making my mouth water.

I listened to his friends joking around and was about to go up to him, when they started making fun of me and him.

"Hey,Tay! You ever going to do something with that little thing of yours? If not you can just pass her off to me." His friend, Jacob, asked.

"I'm pretty sure shes not ready for anything like that and I'm not going to push her. And you would be smart to keep your hands off her, because I'm with her and I plan on staying a while longer with her. Got it?"

I smiled, but I could tell his friends would give him more crap about it, so I just had to save him. Without ever thinking about what I was doing, I started to walk over to him. I sat on his lap, then leaned in and kissed his amazing lips. His fingers melted into me hair and my mouth opened to his, our tounges met and i groaned at the touch.

Then one of his friends cleared his throat and Taylor pulled away, licking his lips and smiling. I smiled back before glancing over my shoulder at the other guys who all sat and stared right back.

"Hey, boys. Whats up?" I asked looking around.

"Are you drunk?" Taylor asked looking straight into my eyes. Did he think that i was that stupid?

"Nope. Are you?"

"No, why would I be?"

"I was just wondering since it was you who stopped the kiss this time and not me."

"Yeah, well you seemed to be going some where with that kiss and that's not really you. I mean, I'll go that way if you want. I just didn't want you to be drunk and then the next day you think I took advantage of you or someting."

"Yeah, right!" Jackson said. "You don't even have a condom on you!"

"Yeah, dude! you don't want to get her prego, that would be totally messed up, and you both aren't ready for that!"

"Hey! If there is no condom then I'm done. I don't go without one." I said then wishing I hadn't said anything.

"What do you mean?" Tay asked. "You've never had sex before!" I looked away because I know I'm a bad liar. "You haven't right?"

"Well, yeah... you know that." i got up and went to get something to drink, to try and clear my head, something.

I hate not being able to tell him. It's not worth a fight and a break up and thats the only thing thats keeping me from telling him. Telling him everything.

I was downing my rum and coke when i felt someone put an arm around my shoulders. I looked up and into the green eyes of my best guy friend in the whole world, Kyle Burns, and all I wanted to do was cry. Even my best friend didn't know.

"Hey, there pretty lady. Whatcha up to?" Kyle asked with that country accent of his. I think it's the cutest thing in the world and judging from all the girls he's dated and the girls looking at him now, I'm pretty sure they think it's cute too.

"Hey, Kyle. Hows your night going so far?"

"Better then yours, I can see that. What's wrong?"

"Why do you think sometings wrong? I'm fine," i lied. NOOO! I screamed in my head. TELL HIM! HE WILL UNDERSTAND! TELL HIM WHATS WRONG. LET SOMEONE HELP! It took everything in me to not break down and cry in his arms and tell him everything and have him make me feel better. But I did it and concentrated on the drink in front of me in my hands.

"I can tell, Baby Doll, when somethings bugging you. I can see it in your face. Come on now. Talk to me." He said as his hand traced circles on my back in a slow steady motion.

Can I tell him? Of course. But could I? I'm not sure. And that always seemed to be the problem in my life. I trust people but I always keep things to myself thinking that I could handle it. But what if I couldn't this time? What if I might actually need helps with my problems this time?

"I'll tell you when I'm ready too. I just need to figure some things out first okay?" I smiled slightly but I knew it didn't reach my eyes and I could tell he could see that but didn't want to push me so he let it slid.

"Alright. But you still coming over to my house tonight right? You did promise me. You said just us. Just a best friend weekend. No boyfriends or girlfriends or friends or anything in between."

I laughed, "I didn't say it that way, but yes, to answer your question, Iam coming over and your taking me to school on Monday. We're still staying at your house for two whole nights right?"

"Yes ma'am! Thats the plan! So you better be ready for some mayjor fun tonight because after this party we are going to my house and watching movies until we pee our pants!"

"Your crazy! Don't you remember what happened last time we did that? You dicided to watch those scary movies and you ended up screaming your head off making me get scared because I never knew a guy could sream that high, and that made me pee myself and you made fun of me for it and you still do! No! WE are not doing that! Don't even think about it!"

He laughed and laughed until he had tears streaming down his face. I shook me head and when I looked around, I saw that everyone was either staring or kept glancing over at us. "Will you stop? People are starting to stare at us!"

He just seemed to laugh even harder at that! I sighed and turned to walk away from him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he said as he gave me a big hug. His arms wrapping around my waist and lifting me up off the floor and me feet dangling about 6 inches in the air.

I squealed! "Kyle! You know I don't like being picked up! Please please please put me down!!!!" He set me down and I hit him on the shoulder but all it did was hurt my hand. "Ouch! What are you doing? Steroids?"

"Ha. Ha. You are just SO so funny! I'm dieing of laughter." he said sarcasticly. He wasn't even smiling at my joke. What a jerk.

"You could tell me if you were. I won't say a word. But just so you know... they make your, you know, get small!" I said with a laugh and ran off and back into the room where Taylor and the guys were but now Lain, Christine and Elizabeth were with them now.

I ran in screaming with Kyle running after me. I was on one side of the couch and Kyle on the other, staring at each other, judging what we would do if one of made a move for each other.

"Stop hiding behind everyone and take it like a woman, Syd! That was mean and not even close to being funny! Come on, darling!"

"No way! Your just took it to serously! It was a joke! It's not like you would actually do that! I know you wouldn't! Come on now! Let it go!"

"What did you do?" Brody asked, looking between me and Kyle as he asked.

"She thinks that I'm doing steroids! I would never do that! And then shes says that it will just make your, you know what, get small! Can you believe that! So, I chaced her in here."

"It was a joke! Christine, Lain and Elizabeth thnk its funny! Why can't you?"

"That's not the point! the point is that you would think that I would do someting like that!"

Tay laughed and reached behind him and grabed me! Then i was sitting on his lap with my arms bbehind my back and my legs traped under his. "Go ahead, man!" He said.

Kyle was suddenly in front of me and started to tickle the crap out of me! I screamed with laughter!

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! I'm so... sorry! I didn't mean it! Please stop! I'm going to pee myself if... if you don't stop... stop tickling me!" I screamed out while still laughing. He tickled me a minute longer before finally stoping.

"There! Now go get me a drink woman!" Kyle ordered but all I did was lean back into Taylor's arms and raised an eyebrow at him. He held up his hands and slowly backed away from me. "Never mind. Instead I think I'll get you a drink and myself one..." He said as he walked backwords out of the room.

The talking continued as if nothing had just happened and no one had intrupted there fun and soon I became apart of the group, getting caught up in the gossip.

"Did you hear that Billy cheated on Merissa with Jamie?! Can you believe that! And then, he was stupid enought to go to her house and try to talk to her even though her daddy knew what had happened and he threatend to shoot Billy with his old shot gun! I mean, it was bad and he is so stupid to do that but shoot him? thats so extrem!" Lain exclaimed!

"If I had a little girl and something like that happened to her, I would problably say it and maybe point the gun at him but I would never, ever be able to actually shoot him! Thats like... savage, you know?" Jacob asked no one in particular. A few people laughed but I could tell that he was a little serous and I didn't really think it was all that funny.

Kyle brought me another rum and coke and just like the last one, I gulped it down fast. I didn't even realize a few people were looking at me until I glaced around after putting my glass down on the little square table in front of me.

"What? What are all you staring at me for?"

"You alright, Baby-Girl?" Tay asked in a low, calming voice as if he had done something wrong and was afraid of doing something wrong and I would yell at him or something.

"I'm prefectly fine. Why?"

"You seem a little tense today and you just downed that rum like you havn't had a drink in five days."

"Well, I don't know what you all are staring at. I feel fine and theres nothing bothering me. I had a good day and it's still going good. And later I'm going over to Kyle's and staying the night and watching movies and just hanging out."

Tay's face seemed to harden at the last part of my little speech. "You're staying the night with him? I thought you were just going to hang out for an hour or so! I didn't know that you were thinking about sleeping over there! I don't know if I'm okay with this..."

"What are you saying? Nothing is wrong with me staying the night at his house. At least I don't think so and I don't think you should over react over nothing."

"Over react? Really? You seem to have a problem with staying at my house but when it's Kyles then it's all fine and dandy, no problem!"

"Thats because he's not thinking about doing it with me and trying to get into my pants the whole time! He's my best friend and nothing more! I love him but in a friend way! Everyone seems to know that but you! Why are you just now starting to freak out about this?"

"Because I just found out that my girl friend is staying the night at another guys house for who knows how long and I can't come over and do anything about it because it's supost to be a best friend weekend! Or at least thats what I was told! Who knows it could be more and I don't know about it. You know what... do whatever you want... I don't care. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it."

"No you don't have to like it but I would perfer if you did and not blow this out of porpotion! It's nothing but watching movies and talking and then sleeping... IN DIFFERENT BEDS!" With that I got up and walked out of the room and up to the second story of the house where I sat down and a couch and stared at nothing.

I don't know when but what seemed like forever, a hand flashed out and handed me a glass full of my favorite drink. Rum and coke! I looked up and smiled as I stared up at Kyle. He smiled to but it didn't seem to make it to his eyes. They looked sad and kind of hurt but I couldn't figure out what would make him feel like that.

"How are you, Doll?" He asked and sat down next to me on the couch, but the way he sat so far away from me made me think that he was a little upset with me.

"I could ask you the same thing, Kyle. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing that you need to worry about, sweetheart. Now answer my question, How are you?"

"Alright, I guess. It just kinda sucks becuase it seems like he doesn't trust me when he acts like that. It hurts but it's not like I did anything for him to think that I would ever do something to him. I don't know if I love him, but I do know that I care about him a lot. And to see him like that to me... it just sucks." I looked up and I could see concern in his big green eyes. "And you seem to be upset with me and thats not helping things either. And you won't tell me anything thats wrong and that I don't need to worry but the way you act tells me that I do need to worry, a lot! I don't like you hiding things from me one bit."

"If I remember right, your hiding somethings yourself." he whispered, as if he was hurting on the inside but was scrared to show it for some reason.

"And I told you that I need to figure somethings out, then I'll come and talk about it. Just not right now."

"I understand that, doll... I just... you mean a lot to me and to see you all confused and troubled... and then that you don't wona come and talk to me... Its just like you said. It sucks." he looked up at me through his long dirty blonde hair that seemed to have fallen into his eyes as he looked down at him hands as he explained. "I just want to help you. Please, just talk to me."

"How about we hang out a little while longer and talk about it at your house. With less ears in hearing range?" I asked as I looked over at the group of guys and girls that seemed to have more then one person listening in.

Kyle smirked as he followed where my eyes were leading to. "Alright, but go easy on the drinking please."

"Yes, Mom!" i snickered as we got up and walked down the stairs to were some of our friends were dancing and some making out and some just getting to drunk.

I looked around, trying to find Taylor but when I saw him I suddenly wished I hadn't. Because there he was... leaning into Laine as they made out up against the wall right by were I had just walked down the stairs. I stopped dead and it seemed as though every eye in the room suddenly turned to me and stared in utter shock as they saw what I did.

The music stopped and no one was dancing anymore, no one was making out or drinking but Taylor and Lain didn't seem to notice that they were getting stared at by everyone in the room while they kept on kissing.

My heart dropped down to my toes and seemed to wish it out go down even further. You could have heard a pen drop, which was a hard thing to do during a party like this but somehow they managed to do that just fine. The two stopped kissing and just stared at each other, lost in there own world... not even knowing that they just crushed mine.

They finally looked around and saw that everyone was staring at them in complete utter shock or anger. I couldn't believe it.. It was just to shocking to even think of.

Taylor then found me in the group of staring people and if looked like he just couldn't find the words to say anything.

I began backing up slowly, shacking my head and staring in his eyes, the eyes that I though I could some day find myself to love. Not anymore. Now... now those eyes, they were the eyes that I never wanted to see for a long time. Maybe even forever.

I could feel myself backing into people but I didn't even stop to say sorry or look at who it was. Laine was trying to say something to me but all she managed to get out was, "Sydney... I didn't... I mean, It's... I..." But she hated to lie and I knew she couldn't say, 'I didn't mean too' or 'It's not what you think'because it was and she knew better then to say I'm sorry. It only makes things worse.

I passed by the bar and I glanced to the side to see the guys and girls standing there all watching me slowly leave. I reached over and grabed the bottle of rum, pretty much full. With that I turned and walked out.


**Later**


I walked trough the park, the bottle of rum in my hands almost gone, I'd walked for maybe two hours not even looking at where I was going. I hated it. everything. Because of some dipshit I was now walking through a park singing anything that popped into my head, with my shoes in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other.

I had fallen over once or twice so now my knees were a little scrapped up, my skirt had some dirt on it and my shirt, well I don't really know what it looked like right now, it was to dark to really tell.

I sat on a swing set and swung back in forth but stopped soon because the motion was starting to make me sick.

I knew that I didn't want to see him again, or even Laine for that matter. I just wanted to leave, to move schools or houses or states, anything would make me feel so much better. I just felt like I had to get out of here, to go anywhere in the world.

I walked to Kyles house and the light in his room was off so I went over to where his bathroom was and found that his window was still open. I opened it some more and crawled in. When I got in, I couldn't move much more so I laid down in the tub and fell asleep, knowing that by Monday morning, I would be gone.


The next morning, when I woke up, the first thing that I did was run to the bathroom and puke my guts out! When I finally thought thatI was done with that, I got up and crawled back to the bed where Kyle was now awake and staring sadly at me.

Everything from last night was still freash in my head. It seemed that it wouldn't go away. It was like everytime that I tried to think about something else, it would become bigger so that I would have to think about it. I couldn't just ignor it.

I lay down in bed and pulled the plancets up to my chine and closed my eyes, falling back asleep, trying to ignor that painful thoughts that seemed to be everywhere.


The next time I woke up, the clock next to the bed read 4:26pm. I got up and got in the shower and when I was finished with that I foung my bag of clothes by the door of the bathroom.

I changed and crawled back into bed and turned on the T.V.. Halfway through the show I got up and got some aspirin to help my poounding head from all that I drank last night. I felt my heart bounding and it seemed to hurt more then the headache I had. I just wanted to dissappear, to not be real, for this all to be a bad dream.

Without even knowing it, I had starte to cry... Tears rolled down my face, my neck and soaked into my t-shirt. I didn't try and stop it, to hold back any of my pain or tears. I let it all out, I didn't care or even think twice about it.

Time seemed to pass slowly, painfully and it was all the same. I was hungery but I didn't want to eat, my arms were stif from not moving but I couldn't move a muscle, my face was wet with tears but I didn't wipe them away. I stared at nothing, feeling everything and soon it just became a numbing pain that I could feel everywhere but making sure that I felt nothing else.

I didn't see Kyle that day whole day but I could hear him down stairs, moving around trying to be quite.

I faded in and out... not really awear of the things around me. Finally, I got up and stared out the window, watching the wind blow the trees around, blowing the leaves off and onto the ground.

I opened the window and let the brese blow over my arms and legs. I looked around and found my bag at the end of the bed. I changed into my black skinny jeans and gray and neon yellow shirt. I looked into the mirror and almost cried when I saw my face. My dirty blonde hair was flat and lifeless and my brown green eyes had no pop to them like they almost always did.

I grabbed my make up bag out of my bag and put on mascara first then put on eyeliner on my lower and upper eyes and to make the final touches I added some gray eyeshadow to match my shirt. I brushed my teeth and then put on a little bit of lip gloss.

I fixed my hair and made it a little more poofy! Now when I looked into the mirror, I looked a little more alive. I almost cried as I thought about what I was about to do.

I took a picture of myself and saved it. Then, I walked over to Kyle's clothset were I knew he put his backpack when he wasn't using it. I grabbed a piece of papper and a pencil from his bag and wrote:


Kyle,

I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. I will talk to you soon to let you know that I'm okay. It's not yuor fault, you were nothing but amazing! I love you with all my heart and no one will ever be able to take your place!

What I've been keeping from you is that a few nights ago, I was at a party with Jacob and we were just hanging out but it turned into more... we did that! I didn't tell anyone because I hated that I cheated on Taylor, but now that this has happened, I think it's better if i just leave for a while. Get things staightened out.

I'll called you when I get where I'm headed. Please don't worry about me.

Love you so much,
Sydney

I folded the note and laid it down on the bed. i picked up my bag and turned on the shower then went out the window and ran as fast as I can to my house two blocks away, knowing that with the shower on he won't cheek on me for a while but he will soon and I'm going to need to be on my way by then.

I slipped into my house with tears running down my face. I hated this. All of it.

I made a whole suitcase full of clothes and walked down the stairs grabbed my keys to the car and some extra cash that I knew my dad has. Then I went into the office and grabbed my money, I saved it since begining of high school. Four years, and I finally had four thousand six hunderade dollars.

I ran out and got in the blue bug. The car that I had wanted since I was ten years old. Now it looked like the only thing that I wanted to stay away from. It was only way out, it was my only way out, I have to go! I kept telling myself.

I drove until I saw a sign that said welcome to New York! by then I was to tired to drive any farther, if I did I would probably fall asleep at the wheel and end up where I started at home but in the hospital this time.

I pulled up to a hotel on the edges of New York and smiled to myself. Everytime that I had ever tried to leave, I could never do it. But I finally did it.

I walked up to the front doors and walked into a cool lobby. An older lady with hair going from gray to white looked up and smiled over the desk she was sitting at to look at me.

"Hi, there. How are you?" she said, her voice coming out hard and raspy making her seem older then she looked.

"Hi, I'm fine. Um... I need a room but I don't really know how long I'm going to be here. Either a night or a few days..."

"Don't worry about it, hun! No biggy to me. Your not putting me out none. Now come on over here and let me just put your name down and you can pay for tongiht and tomorrow morning you can disside what your going to do then. That okay with you?"

"Yes, thats fine with me."

Shortly after that she gave me the key to my room and I went out and grabbed my bag and walked over to the elovator, going up to floor three. I slipped my key into the door but it didn't work, I tried it again and the same thing, as I was about to try it again the door opened.

I gasped and stepped back, almost falling over my bag as I did. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" gasped the most beautiful boy I have ever seen! He had shinning blue eyes that looked amazing with his black straight scene hair. His skin, it wasn't pasty white but it wasn't tan or anything. But everything about him was just... gorgeous!

"I'm sorry! I think I have the wrong key or something! I didn't know that this was your room!"

"It's okay! Really. It happens all the time. Ms.Duddings down in the lobby always gets mixed up with the numbers. It says 315 but it really opens the door on across the way, 316." He smiled as he explained, Oh, god even his smile is amazing!

"Thanks! Wow, you don't know how greatful I am that you told me that! I would have freaked! I've had the wrost few days. Anyway! Thanks again." I smiled before I turned and open my door, the right one this time, but before I walked in he said, "Hey, I'm James by the way! Now that we're neghbors and stuff just thought you should know. And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks! I'm Sydney. It was nice to met you, James." I put my bag in the room and turned around and shook his hand before going in side.

I walked into my room and closed the door after me.

But as soon as the door closed and the silents creped up on me... I finally broke! Falling to the floor I cried my eyes out.

Everything was wrong! I knew that I shouldn't have gone to that party and just went to hang with Kyle. I knew that I shouldn't have walked out and drank so much. I knew that I shouldn't have left and taken the money and car and leave nothing behind. I knew that it was wrong and that it hurts but I couldn't think of doing anything different that would have made a difference.

This did! This changes things... But for good?


I woke up when I heard knocking at the door. I got up and looked through the peep hole in the door. It was black. Did it work or was someone covering it on the other side? Just to be save I walked back to the bedroom.

Yelling from the door stopped me in my tracks through. "Open this damn door now Sydney! I'm tired and hungery so just open it up! Let me in and talk to me!"

I ran to the door and flung it open! "What are you doing here?!" I screamed at Kyle.

"Me?! What am I doing here?! Well missy I could ask you the same question! How could you just disappear? And just leave a note?! I mean come on! Are you nuts!" Kyle screamed at me getting in my face, he's eyes blazing with his anger.

"Why are you here? How did you find me?"

"This isn't the first time you've tried to run away! Remember when you tried to get me to go with you that one time? You said that you wanted to go to New York! This was the frist place that I tried and I knew that you most likely wouldn't go far so as soon as I saw the hotles I looked in every parking lot and I saw yours." Kyle finally stopped yelling and whispered, "How could you leave me?"

"I didn't want to... I just had to. You don't understand. Everything has just went from good to confusing to hurt to being sceared... I hated the way people looked at me that night, like they were sorry for me, like I knew them and that if I didn't get there sorry it would make things worse... And you know that most of the people that looked truely sorry were people that I didn't even know. And the people that I do know were looking at me like I should do something, like I should yell and screan at them or hit Taylor... And the thing is that thats not me... I don't do those kinds of things... I can't."

I didn't know I was crying until Kyle put his hands on my cheeks and rubbed the tears away with his thumbs.

"I never wanted to leave you... I swear to you that you were everything that I was thinging about... I was sceared of what you would think of me, but I just couldn't stay. I'm so sorry."

I sobbed in his arms until I feel asleep, exhausted with everything that has been going on. Kyle picked me up and carried me into my room, laying me down on the bed before going to get his stuff in the hallway and coming back in laying next to me before falling asleep.


I woke up with arms wrapped around me, my head on a stronge chest and my legs wrapped up with Kyle's... Oh god this felt amazing, but it shouldn't feel this way... I mean this is Kyle!

I tried to get off of him with out waking him up but I could tell there was no way I could get off him without waking him up.

"Crap." I muttered to myself as I laid my head on his chest again, waiting for him to wake up.

I sat there for about an hour maybe two before Kyle started to move. He groaned and smaked his lips together, sighed and then his whole body froze...

"Umm... Morning, darling." He said but still didn't move.

"Hey... You wonna talk?"

"We're going to have too. It's either now or later."

"Alright, go ahead and say what you need to say."

"Well, I can't believe you actually left and with a note... I know you're hurting right now and everything but I always thought that I was someone you could run to when you were scared and I thought I was your shoulder to cry on... And when you really needed me you didn't come to me, you sat there quite and staring at nothing for the whole day and then you ran out the window, hiding from whats really going on... I wanted to be there for you and you just pushed me away."

He sighed and took a deep breathe, I looked up at him and saw he had tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Kyle... I didn't know what to do and I didn't want you to be bothered with my problems and I was just... confused on everything thats been happening all in one night. It's hard and I'm sorry for not going to you when I needed someone. I love you in so many ways and I still couldn't go to you for things."

I cried and cried some more... I hate how everythings happened...


I cried for a few hours with Kyle and we talked things out but he knew that I wasn't going back home for a while, but he understood and was going to stay with me for a little while. We went out and ate at a local diner. I didn't realize that I was so hungery until I got a look at the food and my stomach made the loudest noise I have ever hard! And to make it worse... It happened when everything seemed to go quite in the diner.

A lot of people in boothes nearby either laughed or turned around and stared at me like I was a freak of nature! What! It's not like their stomach doesn't do it every once in a while.

"What? I'm hungry! Stop staring, didn't your parents ever teach you not to stare?! Go back to your own buissness!" I said as Kyle started to laugh at me. "Shut up, Kyle!"

"Sorry, Doll. It was funny though, you've got to admite it!"

"Whatever. I'm hungry, lets eat something okay?" I begged before turning my attention onto the menu.

chapter two

*~*KYLE*~*


I couldn't stop staring at her over my menu. When she was crying with me it killed me to know that she needed to cry and everything but I still wish I could have gotten her to stop and mke her laugh and be the fun care free best friend that I know and love.

The girl that I was looking at now was close to the old Sydney that I knew but if you looked closely you could see that she was still sad and hurt from what happened to her. I wanted her to be fun and care free again but I knew that would take time and she just wasn't ready for that yet.

"So, what are you thinking of having?" I asked as she looked over her menu.

"Umm... I was thinking bacon and eggs? I mean, I've never been here before and it's not something you can really mess up on, you know?" she giggled as I softly shook my head with a smile.

"Alright. We'll get bacon and eggs with orange juice?" I asked and she nodded. "Okay. So you want to talk about it?" I asked softly. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "Honey, it's not you're fault that this happened. You know that it would have happened no matter what. You would have found out sooner or later but it's a good thing you know this now, because if you hadn't found out then you would have started to love him and care for him and it would have hurt you more in the end. It's a bad thing that it happened I know that but it's a good think that you know now."

"I know that but it still sucks. I know you're trying to help and I really appreciate it but it hurts to know that he actually did that to me! And it makes it even worse because I did the same thing to him! It souldn't matter I guess because I did it to but it does and that just seems to make things even worse. I even knew that I wouldn't be able to love him, I knew that we were only going to last for a little bit because I could never trust im and he could never trust me. And you can't have a relationship when you can't trust the person you're with. So we already had that problem and with me being so close to you he wasn't comfortable and he always made a big deal out of it.

"He always wanted to know who I was with and where i'm going and why and sometimes he just didn't need to know and I hated that he couldn't trust me but I guess he had a right to since the one night I didn't tell him where I was going or why I ended up sleeping with his best friend! I like te worse girlfriend ever and... To make it worse then ever, I knew..."

She looked down at her hands before looking back up at me, "I knew that I couldn't love him because I already love someone..."

chapter three

*~*SYDNEY*~*



I looked up at Kyle and he eyes were on me wait ing for me to talk and explain.
"I knew that I couldn't love him because I loved someone else..."

"You... You do?! Who? When? H-How?!" Kyle gasped, staring at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, to tell him aboout this... Maybe I should just wait and see how things go... No, he had a right to know whats going on and how I feel!

"I... I love... you. I have for a long time, I just didn't know how to tell you or how you would react or if you just wanted to stay friends. I was kind of scared that you wouldn't love me back and that I would be all by myself. But I just thought that you had a right to know how I feel about you..."

"If you loved me then why...did you date Taylor?"

"I thought that maybe it was just like some chrush and that it would pass and since we've been friends for so long I just thought that maybe if I dated someone else that my feeling would... disapear I guess. But I was wrong because it just made it even worse and I was always thinking 'oh he's going to come up behind me and we're going to hold hands and talk and then fall asleep next to each other' but that never happened because I kept thinking that he would do that but it's something that you and I would do... not him."

"Did you even want to be with me though?" he asked, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. "Because it really seems like you didn't want to be with me and thats why you were trying to push your feelings away."

"I wanted to be with I just didn't want everything screwed up in our friendship if you didn't feel the same way. I was scared that if I told you then it would mess up our whatever this is between us! And I would rather be friends then nothing at all. I want you to be in my life."

"You should have just told me before you dated that jerk off. It would have never happened and you would have been with me at your house watching movies. Because you know what? I do love you too. Just as much as you love me, and I have since seventh grade, I was just to shy to ask out the prettiest girl that I knew." He smiled at me softly as I sat there gasping.

"You love me?"

"Yeah, sweetheart I do love you a whole lot."

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.05.2011

Alle Rechte vorbehalten