Janet

Jonny’s the only friend I have here in Texas since the past 7 months. With him, I finally stopped crying after I was separated from HIM. He’s the only one I really had a conversation with. No one else understood me. No one else can understand what it felt like to lose someone you love, to lose HIM. I only gave one word responses to every one else. Jonny had the same humor has HE did, the same tall built of body as HE did, same color of eyes as HE did, and he had the same deep, memorizing voice as HE did. So I befriended him, thinking that he can help through the pain, as HE would have done as well. Jacob was more than eager to help me; I think it was because he also wanted a friend to help him with his problems.
Ricky always tries so hard to talk to me, but I found it easy to just ignore him, and after a couple of tries he gives up. He never gave up, the time that he said he was sorry, before he could finish; I said nastily, “It’s too late to apologize.” He never tried to talk to me after that confrontation.
I didn’t know that my grandma was sick. I didn’t know she was dying everyday inside. ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me?’ I think as I look down at my grandma’s still frozen face. I let a few tears fall down to her face. I bend down and kiss the wet spot where the tears landed on her face. Her face felt cold and smooth, too fake for my grandma. I say a silent player and walk back to my seat next to Jonny. Jonny held my hand, as he often did on occasion. I looked around my grandma’s living room, all the people I recognize from flashes of faces from my childhood. My grandma has a lot of friends, or I mean had.
I couldn’t take it no more; I ripped my hand from Jonny and ran outside to the house, towards my grandma’s and my ‘secret spot’. She found the spot when I was here one summer, and I was the first one that she showed. It was in the barn, where the chickens used to be, it had a lot of turns and corners but when you reached the end, it was magical, or I thought when I was a kid. I haven’t been there since last year. I hear people shouting, “Ricky’s little sister” over and over, but I didn’t turn because that wasn’t my name no more. I went into the barn and stopped.
My knees started shaking and I fell to the floor of the barn. Our ‘secret spot’ wasn’t there no more. It looked like it never existed, it was never there. I don’t want my memories of her to disappear too; she was too special to me. I wanted her to be with me forever like how I wanted HIM to be too. My body started shaking as well and I moved myself so I can lean on the wall. I grabbed my knees to help them to stop shaking, and I buried my face. I didn’t want to see anyone; I didn’t want anyone to see me either. No one could help me now other than grandma or HIM. I knew what I had to do.
I picked myself up and walked back towards the house. My mother came outside when she saw me. I stopped in front of her. I stared at her, and she stared back. I whispered, “I want to go home, to California.” She looked defeated; she looked at the grounded so I couldn’t see her eyes. She nodded twice. I walked past her, up the stairs to my room. I ignored Ricky who looked panicked but calmed down when he saw me. I closed the door quietly and lay down in my bed. HE is the only one who can help me now. I need to see HIM and breathe him, I need to see HIS curls and HIS dimple HIS cheek I need to be called Janet by HIS voice again.

Jonny
I can’t believe that she wanted to go back to California. I thought my feelings were starting to get through with her, I guess they never did. I can’t lose her, after I just lost HER. I thought I could live again, happily after SHE died. Janet is the only one for me, SHE even said so, I can’t deny her wishes. I need to stay with Janet, no matter what it takes.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 16.08.2011

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