“Where are they? I thought that I put those earrings back in the drawer. Hmm, where would I have put them? I have a thought.”
I am just going to a wedding shower I don’t need earrings.
Nathan walks pass the bedroom on his way to the front door. He pokes his head in to ask if I am ready to go. I say “yes.” Just as I cross my bedroom threshold the phone rings. Ring. Do I answer it? I am on my way out and I do have an answering machine. Ring. I will let the machine get it. Ring. “You’ve reached the Thompson’s”. . .Beep. “Hey, Jessica and Nathan. It is Ashley Marlow. I am caught in a bind and I am in need of help whenever you get a chance please call me back at 555-5555.” Nathan looks at me puzzled standing in front of the foyer mirror and asks:
“Was that Ashley Marlow?”
“I think so. That’s random. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in about a month. It was back when we went to the Jynx show for Kelly’s 21st birthday at Breakers. And before then… I don’t know how long it has been.”
“Ashley was at breakers?”
“Yeah, remember when we saw her we forgot she was pregnant, but the fact could not be denied because she was carrying a basketball. Remember, it was really smoky and we started judging her for being at Breakers.”
“That’s right, what was she thinking?”
“Party! She sounded upset. Let me call her back real quick. It is still early and it is okay if Lacy and Kelly get to the church before we do.”

“Hey Ashley, what’s crack-a-lackin?”
“Were you screening?”
“You know it. That’s how I do?”
“I am looking for a place to live, My mom and I had it out and she wants me out of the house and Sasha told me that I need to stop trying to do it all and ask for help.”
“Are you serious? Your Mom is kicking you out? I am sorry to hear that. She does know you are pregnant right?”
“Ha ha ha, yeah she knows. I was wondering how much you would charge me to rent one of your rooms. It would be temporary from now until the baby is born and then I plan on moving in with Sasha.”
“Wow, I never thought about that. I am going to need to talk it over with Nathan. If we did charge you it would be 250 and that would include utilities. When would you need to move in?”
“In the next week or so. Call me back tonight and let me know.”
“Sounds good.”

Nathan had been standing next to me the entire time while I was on the phone. As I am hanging up the phone we are both looking at each other in disbelief. Our minds are now considering so many things. We know that our friend, Kelly Andrews, will be moving in at the beginning of November into the basement apartment. We know that we could use the extra money to help towards the house. We know this new living arrangement option will be temporary. Neither of us has lived with anyone outside of our family dynamic so the roommate situation will be a first. Neither of us are that close to Ashley so we can’t consider any bad habits. While on the way to the church we agree, “Okay, let’s do it, what the hell are we getting ourselves into?”

It is 12:30 and Kelly and her mom, Kay, are already at the church waiting for us to let them in to start decorating. We open the church hall doors and immediately get to work. Lacy Griffin and Sarah Schecter arrive within minutes. I don’t really know Sarah except from what Ashley Dunn has shared with me. Sarah is one of the bridesmaids and she and Ashley grew up together and have remained very close friends. From speaking with Sarah over the phone I could immediately tell that she and Ashley were exactly alike. Sarah goes to school out of state and was in town for the weekend. Lacy, the Maid of Honor, and Kelly, another Bridesmaid, and I initiated the shower and began planning in August through email. Every morning I would come into work and discover at least 5 emails from Lacy and Kelly in my mailbox.

Sarah wasn’t sure if she was going to be in town that weekend but felt extremely alienated from Lacy, Kelly and I because we had not included her in the planning. Sarah called Ashley and Ashley called me and told me how her dear friend was feeling. By the time this happened it was September and almost everything was finalized. I sent Sarah an email asking her to bring drinks. I was hoping this would appease her, but I don’t think it did. My thought is now confirmed as I am assisting Sarah with the party preparations; she seems uncomfortable with her current surroundings.

Kay is working with Aubrey, eight-year-old Junior Bridesmaid, to create a balloon arch over the food table. Lacy is working in the kitchen setting up the food trays and Kelly is decorating the tables. Jesse, Lacy’s Fiance, and Nathan are hanging decorations from the ceiling. Sarah stands next to the door with a disgruntled look on her face.
“Hey, Sarah! You look bored! Can you set up the gift table in this corner?”
“What?”
“I am sorry, the gift table needs to be decorated could you lend me a hand?”
“What do I do?”
“Here is a table cloth and some décor; do your thing however you see fit”

I walk over to Kelly to see how things are coming. Kelly pulls me aside to show me the sashes she made for the party. She didn’t know that Sarah was going to be able to make it so she didn’t have enough time to make her one. The sashes are a fuchsia pink with rhinestones scattered about. In big bold black lettering the sashes read: Bridesmaid Patrol. Kelly made them by hand. I am so impressed with her handy work. Kelly also takes out some tiaras she made that go with the sashes. Kelly asks if she thinks we should wear them or not since we don’t have one for Sarah.
I respond, “Of course we should, you made these especially for today; I will figure something out about Sarah.”

“Sarah, that looks great. Awesome job! Hey, we weren’t sure if you were going to be able to make it in time so we didn’t prepare a sash or tiara for you.” I present Sarah with the tiara that Kelly made for me. “We really want you to feel included; would you like to wear the tiara?”
“Sure.”
With only thirty minutes before show time Lacy receives a phone call from Ashley Dunn. Apparently Ashley had a run in with her kitchen cabinet door and the door won. So she and her Fiancé, Patrick, will be late.

People start rolling in. David is walking around with a video camera asking everyone to give advice or wish the couple well for their upcoming nuptials. Things are going great. David and I finally make our way around to the notorious Ida Dunn, Mother of the Bride, and she says, “Remember that words hurt”. Right as she says those words Patrick and Ashley arrive.

Fifteen minutes later, Scott Thompson, Patrick and Nathan’s father, gives a toast followed by a toast by Ashley’s dad, Dan Dunn, and everyone goes back to eating and mingling. The table with Ashley’s parents is also accompanied by Sarah’s mom. I can tell Lacy and Kelly are becoming annoyed by Ida’s constant ribbing: “Why doesn’t Sarah have a sash, is she not worthy of a sash? Sarah we will make you your own sash and it will be better than those marker ribbons their wearing.” Sarah played right into it by taking off her tiara and laughing hysterically.

I think to myself, this is interesting coming from a woman who just said “words hurt”.

Let’s play a game. I announce to the party that we are going to play an age-old game of
Dress the Bride. Now, I admit this game is not green friendly but it is a fun way to get the men involved. I call all of the dads and the uncles. I designate their wives and two chosen friends as their team and give each team ample toilet paper to create the dresses. Ashley and Patrick are selected as the judges and the timer on the clock starts. It is toilet paper pandemonium.
I nudge Nathan on the shoulder, “Want to place a small bet?”
“Yeah.”
“I bet you that no matter how they look Ashley’s Dad is going to win.”
“I’ll take that bet.”
I openly speak to the crowd: “Time! Let’s see these beautiful drag queens.”

Patrick’s Uncle Kevin wears the most impressionable dress, featuring a stuffed bra, but, as if Ashley and Patrick are two chess pawns that I had just put into play, Patrick announces, “Team Dunn is the winner.” Nathan and I give each other a friendly smile and I go on to announce the next game.

“We are going to play how well does Ashley and Patrick know each other.” The minute the words fall out of my mouth it is as if my brain yells stop don’t do it! “The way you play this game is: we are going to ask Ashley and Patrick a series of questions. If they get the answer right they get to open a present. If they don’t, we will go on to the next question.” I can feel it in the pit of my stomach: The party is going to go down hill from this point on.
“Ashley, Question number one: What is Patrick’s favorite drink?
“Oh, I know this. It is coffee!”
“Sorry, that is incorrect. It is Red Bull.”
“What?! Patrick, I thought you liked coffee!”
This game is starting to get really ugly because for every question the couple gets right they get three wrong. Ashley is getting so frustrated. I think the anaconda-sized vain pulsing on her forehead is about to burst. What made matters worse is that I was trying to rush Ashley through opening the gifts. The opening of the gifts portion of any party is so boring to most guests. That is unless you were born before 1950.

The Bridesmaid Patrol, excluding Sarah, whom I have excommunicated in my mind, had already made a pact to come back to my house, unwind and decompress from this bewildered catastrophe.
I must be completely insensitive because I am saying out loud, “Let’s get these presents open people.”
Ashley looks at Patrick with a stern eye and says, under her breath, “Take your time.”
After the fifth wrong question I throw away the questions because I am fearful for Patrick’s life. Quick mental note: I will never play question and answer games with Ashley again. The happy couple use the rest of time to open their presents in front of their guests.

I am starting a saying: “Pickle on top,” which is the opposite of “cherry on top.” It will be synonymous with the phrase “insult to injury”. To add a “pickle on top” is a way of describing the look on Ashley’s face when she opens a present she doesn’t like. At that point I stand up and thank everyone for coming and ask them to take food home on their way out. As guests are leaving many of them approach me and ask why we stopped doing the questions. They said the game was fun. I smile and say thanks for coming.
Lacy and Kelly are hanging outside smoking to help calm their nerves. The cigarettes go out the moment I tell them it’s time to clean up.

Nathan’s cousins, The O’Callaghans, help with clean up. I think they are incredible. They are always there to lend a helping hand. If anyone needs a lifesaver while out in troubled waters, they will be one. Once the church hall is cleaned and put back to its original form, Nathan locks up and puts on the alarm. We get home and find multiple cars in our driveway. Nathan and I remember that we need to call Ashley Marlow sometime tonight before we go to bed. Kelly finds me to let me know that she is going to be outside smoking with a few people to blow off some steam and that we can talk later. Ashley Dunn sees me in my bedroom leaving Ashley Marlow a message and comes in to talk since all the smokers are outside.
“Did you have fun, future Mrs. Thompson?” I ask.
“Yeah, I did.”
“Good, that’s why we celebrate”
“I don’t think that people liked the questions game though.”
“You think?” I say with a smile.
At that moment a mutual friend, Rain Stewart, comes into the room, and gives me a great opportunity to escape. The three of us walk down into the kitchen and find Karen Thompson, Nathan and Patrick’s mother and Nathan sitting around the table talking to18- month-old Israel, Rain’s son. After a while Rain sings Israel to sleep

As the evening dies down Kelly Lacy and I sit around the patio table outside to vent on the party and the oncoming events. The sky is clear and the moon is the only light offered to us. We each take a deep breath.
“Well Ms. Lacy and Ms. Kelly, I hope working with me to throw this party didn’t drive you too nuts.”
“Are you kidding? You are not at all what Ashley said you would be like, you either Kelly.”
“Thanks, I suppose. On that note neither are you.”
With a twinge of irritation Kelly responds “What did she say?”
“She said not to let Jessica be too controlling and don’t let Kelly go too wild and out there with her ideas”
Kelly and I glance over at each other and begin to smirk.
“What?” ask Lacy inquisitively,
“Ashley’s pre-warning about you was wrong too. She told Kelly and I that you are a lazy procrastinator who is likely to slack off if not watched.”
We stare at each other for a moment realizing that the bride has been talking about each of us behind each others backs. The longer we sit the more infuriated we become. We spend the rest of the night spilling our guts about what has been said about each of us. Right before I announce that I am going to head off to bed, we make a packed that we will share everything that is said about one another.

During the coming week a series of things happen. Ashley Marlow moves into our spare bedroom and sets up preggers shop. We begin to get wrapped up in the world-wind of what is to be called Patrick and Ashley’s wedding. I never knew what a wedding email was until this wedding. The emails are laid out like the Ten Commandments:
Thou shall wear all the parts of your rented tuxedo
Thou shall wear black socks
Thou shall wear ankle length dresses
Thou shall wear red or plastic shoes
Thou shall be at the rehearsal on time
The list continued:
Penalty of a broken commandment is: you shall not walk!

When I first read the list I chuckled because Ashley saw the original dress that I picked out which was knee length and she said that it was fine. To put the “pickle on top,” I do not own a pair of red or plastic shoes, and with the swirl of craziness that I am already in, I don’t have time to find a pair. So, as some say, “It’s my email and I can be petty if I want to.” I send Ashley a considerate email explaining to her that I can borrow a skirt dress from April O’Callaghan, but my shoes will be gold. “Let me know if you don’t want me to walk down the aisle, that will be fine. I understand, it is your day.”

Her email response was, “I don’t understand why you don’t have the right shoes. I still want you to walk down the aisle.”

I guess I am still in the wedding.

Friday is steadily approaching and Nathan is finalizing Patrick’s bachelor party plans. Everyone will show up at our house around 6pm. Ashley Marlowe and I are planning to go to pick up Nathan, Ashley Dunn’s brother, and Patrick from the Dunn’s at 6:30 and drop them off at the brewery. We have four designated drivers who are committed to staying out all night waiting to pick the guys up. The designated drivers are going to meet back up at Karen’s condo and sit tight until we are called. Good solid plan.

I stand in the foyer and shout, “Nathan, everybody is here that is meeting at the house… Oh, Hey Sean.”
Sean Stewart, Rain’s husband and childhood friend of Patrick and Nathan, walks through the door with a confused look on his face. He asks, “Why didn’t anyone called Rain?”
“To tell her what, Sean?” I reply.
“That the girls are hanging out!”
“Hmm, that’s funny. Someone told you that and you believed it. Nathan, Ashley and I are leaving now to go pick up Patrick and Nathan. Do you still want me to have him down these two beers?”
Nathan shouts from the bedroom, “Yes.”

Ashley and I get in the car and make our way out to Stockbridge. By the time we get to Stockbridge Patrick and Nathan Dunn are ready to go. I politely tell Patrick he has to down these two beers and he tries to protest but I let him know that my car does not move unless he drinks those two beers. He reluctantly complies. The trip to Gordon & Biersch is the best story ever told. I will never, ever forget it. It starts with Patrick calling Ashley and they are discussing the bachelor party. Now I know that I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on someone’s conversation, but I am only human.

During each one of their mini conversations on the way to the restaurant Patrick uses his social skills to calm and reassure his fiancé that she is the most important person in his life and that he isn’t going to make any poor decisions because he chooses her. I am hearing the words “I choose you” at least 20 times before he gets out of the car. Those words are now so imbedded in my brain that I use them the rest of the night. Just for the record, “I choose You.”

After dropping Patrick and Nathan off, Ashley and I venture up to Karen’s townhouse. Everyone made it there safely. I find Lacy, Kelly, Karen, and April sitting in the ornately decorated patio. The private courtyard is the shape of a kidney bean and contains one bush and a single magnolia tree. Christmas lights are strewn about the bordering brick fence and colorful window chimes hang from the tree. Close to the patio door is a rushing fountain with the face of a lion head. One could easily feel worlds away once they step through the sliding glass doors. I mention to the ladies that we should check out this new adult bowling alley that has a full bar, DJ, pool tables and restaurant menu for a possible bachelorette party location. Everyone is pretty settled, allowing April and I to venture out into the unknown. It is called 300. It is gorgeous and it is packed! New carpeting, hardwood fixtures, pretty lighting, it is like an upscale club gave birth to a bowling alley. I love it and vow to come back.

After spending an hour on the patio drinking merlot we all decide to venture back out to R. Thomas Restaurant, which will put us closer to the guys for pick up. We are seated immediately. Upon arrival, Kelly runs into an acquaintance from school who also works at the restaurant. She offers us a great table next to the doves. R. Thomas is our favorite restaurant, serving the best vegan and free range food 24-hours a day. The restaurant features live talking birds that are trained to greet the guests as they walk in, and the funky eclectic dinning atmosphere leaves a lasting impression on your mind. We use this time at R. Thomas to discuss the bachelorette party. We come to a consensus that Lacy and Kelly will throw a kick-ass shower at my house. Synonymously our phones ring, each caller relaying the same message: “We are ready to be picked up.”

We pick the guys up at Insurrection, the Las Vegas of adult novelty stores. A huge neon marquee lights up the outside fascia of the building. Nothing screams sex like neon lights! We walk into the store and begin looking for bachelorette party novelty items. The guys make their way into the store five minutes later and it is easy to tell that they are all very drunk. Within the small amount of time we are in the store Jesse finds his penis on the dildo wall, Patrick straps himself into a dominatrix chair and asks bystanders to slap him with a whip, David passes out, Mark O’Callaghan walks around with a 5 dollar bill to give to one of the strippers and Sasha Wernersbach is walking around with a purchasable stripper pole. What a night!

During this time in my life everything seems to be building up to the next wedding event. The following weekend brought forth the bachelorette party.

The bachelorette party is well decorated with penises, pink boas, toys and trinkets. The girls have gone all out to make this night special for the bride. At this point Ashley and I aren’t speaking to each other. We have a mutual understanding that neither of us discusses. Sarah brings Ashley over to the house and the music is obnoxiously loud and I am dancing like a teenager at a rave trying to release all the negative energy out of me. 30 minutes into the celebration Sarah and Ashley look bored out of their minds. Kelly suggests we play a game to past the time, while Lacy gets her best friend, Ashley, a drink.
“Let’s play penis ring toss! Who wants to go first?” Kelly asks.
Ashley Marlow volunteers to go first. We wait for Lacy and Ashley to finish their toast. As I watch them lift their shot glasses I can’t help but think, “I wish I understood the relationship between these two women. From my observations I can only perceive that their sisterhood is nothing short of aristocratic sibling rivalry. They publicly profess undying love to one another using their terms of endearment. When the two are together, they regard all of their other friends as socially plebeian. Yet during their major life events I often get the impression that one is trying to trump the other. I do believe they are drawn to each other’s self-involvement and take pleasure in expressing their opinions, which they both believe to be superior.”

After a few rounds of ring toss Lacy and Kelly go for a smoke. I decide to put on some porn. Ashley and Sarah retreat into the next room as if to hide from the big bad porn monster. Kelly and Lacy laugh hysterically once they realize what Ashley Marlow and I are watching.
“Oh my God! He is massive. Do you see the size of his neck?!” Kelly shouts.
“Yeah, I don’t like really big guys like that.” Replies Ashley.
“Looking back at your track record, it is safe to say that you like your men really thin and sometimes short.” Says, Kelly.
“Sasha is not short.”
“You are right Ashley he is an even six feet. He really towers over you.” I chime in sarcastically.
Ashley stands up defensively and protests. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter that he is short because he is hung like an elephant and he always leaves me begging for more!”
Kelly comments, “I wonder if they will feature him on National Geographic, I can see the headline ‘Child size man born with Elephant Penis’.”
Lacy flabbergasts out a “Whaattt!!” and the four ladies burst in to laughter.

Ashley Dunn and Sarah are still sitting in the living room talking amongst each other. When they hear the burst of laughter, Sarah walks into the den to announce that they are leaving. Before leaving I run upstairs to grab Ashley’s garter belts. I hand them to Sarah just as she is closing the door.

The rehearsal is the next day. Hours before some of the wedding party congregate at my house to help with wedding preparations and put floral bouquets together. Lacy trims her dead ends, Kelly polishes her fingernails, and I polish my toenails. Ashley and Sasha are cutting the flowers off the stems and Jesse, Nathan and David are gathering buckets and creating space in the second fridge for the flowers.

We all arrive at the church in a cluster because we remember the thou-shall-not-be-late commandment. The moment Ashley and Ida arrive there is a paradigm shift in the culture of the atmosphere. Ida approaches me and Lacy and escorts us outside.
I immediately say, “What can we do for you, Ida?”
Ida, looking red in the face as if she is about to cry, responds: “You can stop neglecting my daughter.”
Lacy and I both have shocked looks on our faces. “Excuse me, how are we neglecting her?” Lacy says, in a calm tone.
“One day, when you become a mother, you may be able to understand what it is like to watch your daughter cry over what is to be the happiest day of her life. You two are making her so unhappy because you are neglecting her.”
Lacy and I are stunned by this. Words aren’t even formulating in our mouths. There is a long pause until I finally decide to break the ice.
“She thinks we are neglecting her? Okay if that is the case, tell me something, because this is the first time I am hearing this. Why isn’t she out here telling me this?”
“I don’t know why she can’t tell you. Can you please just stop neglecting her and just be there for her. This is her day.”
In a direct tone I respond, “For you, Ida, because I respect you for bringing this to my attention, I will let her have her day.”
“Thank You. Now Lacy, what time are you coming to the house in the morning to ride to the Hair Salon?”

I walk back into the church hotter than a tick in a tar-bucket. I am ready to walk out at this moment and be done with this whole thing. Then the greatest thing happens. I walk into the sanctuary and look at all the faces who are staring back at me to see if I am okay and assure me that they have my back. I realize within that moment that as a collective, they are here for me as much as I am here for them. I sit down next to Kelly who consoles me and I say, “Let’s get on with this fucking thing so we can get back to our lives.” During the rehearsal I realize that not much changed after Ida’s little talk. Ashley is still ignoring me as much as I am not initiating conversations with her. That happens sometimes when someone gives you a pep talk; your pride is taken to another, more selfish, level.

The rehearsal is like any other rehearsal: confusing, because there are too many cooks in the kitchen and they all think they are head chef.
The wedding coordinator is concerned that the bridesmaids will be scattered too far apart. The mother of the bride thinks we should focus first on the walk in. The bride doesn’t like where anyone is supposed to stand. Sarah thinks that the bridesmaids should be parallel to the groomsmen. The minister is annoyed that we will never start. Lacy is concerned that the candle that she is standing in front of will be too close to her hair. Sierra, one of the bridesmaids, doesn’t understand why the bride and groom don’t light the unity candles before they walk up the steps. I am just standing there watching the flower girl play. Ah to be young again and unaffected by any of this nonsense. All the while the guys are playing with a fart machine.
The wedding coordinator claps her hands to get everyone’s attention, “Alright ladies and gentleman please line up in the hallway lobby.”
As we all cluster into the hallway I notice Ashley is wearing a sweatshirt that reads, Mrs. Thompson. I make a mental note to never be called Mrs. Thompson. I make my first attempt at humility and say, “Ashley, your sweatshirt is very cute.”
No response, no smile; just a brief stare. Well there you go. I did my part for the day. I immediately walk over to Kelly and Sierra and engage them in a joke. Our laughter results in Ashley looking more upset.
The wedding coordinator and is a petite, heavy-set woman with pale skin and dark brown hair who talks with her hands. She spends the majority of the rehearsal flailing them around while she is giving directives. “Okay, now I need the mothers and the grandmothers to stand here. Can I also have the brothers of the bride and groom front and center? Now the brothers will walk down the grandmothers and then the mothers. So let’s try that out first. After you walked down your mothers, you are to join Patrick and the rest of the groomsmen.”
Ashley looks sternly at us and shouts, “My Bridesmaids need to be in this order: Lacy, Jessica, Sarah, Sierra and Kelly followed by Aubrey and Katie.”
The wedding coordinator pats us on the shoulder while we line up, reminding me of my teachers in elementary school preparing the class for recess. “Ladies, line up please. Lacy you can go. . .Jessica.”
As I am walking down the aisle I feel like there is a huge lump in the back of my throat that is getting bigger the closer I get to the pulpit. I need to distract myself before I have an anxiety attack. Then I hear the most glorious sound. The fart machine!

We stand in position at the alter for at least 30 minutes before the bride and father make their entrance. Ashley walks up to the alter with her father and I feel my mind drift off into a day-dream. I am day dreaming of the conversation I had with Patrick a few months ago.
Day-Dream

Patrick is standing in the office and I am sitting at my desk.
I smile and say, “Patrick, cop a squat for second, there is something that I need to talk to you about. I need to have a clear conscience about your life and the future, and I realize that the only way I can do that is if I am straight up and honest with you.”
Patrick nods and responds “Okay.”
“Please understand that I am not trying to offend you in any way. I just desperately need to make sure you are going to be okay.”
“Jessica I trust you, okay.”
I take a deep breathe. “I love you. And I know that you are going to marry Ashley and that you love her, you have to. I don’t like the way that she talks to you as if you are a child or as if she is always the victim and she needs a punching bag and you are it. I understand that it is probably not like this all the time, but from what I see it is often enough for me. I notice also that you don’t react, you just take it. This is fine because we all have to handle our own situations. I say all this to say, you are getting married to this person who treats you like this; you understand that marriage changes nothing.”
Patrick pauses and responds, “I know that things are not going to change after we get married. I don’t expect them to. Things aren’t as bad as you think they are. It is true. She lets off her steam on me, but she doesn’t mean to. I am just the closest person emotionally that she feels comfortable to be vulnerable around when she reacts like that. She always apologizes later. That is not my favorite thing about her but I do love her for who she is. When you married Nathan did you know what the bad stuff was upfront, or did you find out later after you married him?”
Hmmm. I think about the question. “To be honest Patrick, I think that even after three years of marriage, I am still surprised by little demons that rear their ugly heads every now and again, but my love for Nathan weighs heavier on the scale.”
Patrick smiles in agreement. “It is the same for me”.
We both smile.
“Then you should definitely marry her then! I am personally shocked by my statement”
“I will.”
“Thanks for having this talk with me, I really appreciate it.”
Patrick rests a hand on top of mine and says “No, thank you. I love you and I don’t want you to worry.”

My mind fades back to the church.
Jerry Yates, Jesse’s father and the minister, is speaking to Patrick and Ashley about the ceremony tomorrow. I feel bad because Lacy just mumbled something to me about Jerry being her future father-in-law and I nodded and smiled like I understood when I heard nothing.
I forget that things become a little groggy fading back from day dreaming. The Wedding Coordinator is now instructing Nathan and Lacy to walk toward each other and then proceed down the steps. Nathan Dunn and I follow suit along with the rest of the bridal party.
Karen Thompson stands and announces to everyone that the rehearsal dinner will take place right down the block and that everyone can either walk or drive.
The rehearsal dinner is held in a restored, post-antebellum home with large white columns wrapped around the entire home. Inside the three-story home, the first floor is covered in hardwood floors and the upstairs, including the stairs, are covered in wall to wall lush red carpet. The walls are painted white to retain as much of the historical looks as possible. It is like walking around in a red velvet cake. The house is covered with Victorian décor and furnishings; there are splashes of gold everywhere. Absolutely breathtaking! The wedding party is eating on the back patio under the open night sky. There are wrought-iron tables scattered about the backyard. There isn’t assigned seating, so guests sit according to their comfort-zone. The mothers of the bride and groom sit together with their spouses. Old friends sit together, kids sit with kids and we sit with Sean and Rain and baby Israel.

It is customary at the rehearsal dinner for the bride and groom to distribute their gifts to the bridal party. The men receive engraved mugs and the women receive necklaces. Ashley and Patrick walk over to me and Nathan to present us with our gifts. The couple place two gift bags in front of us on the table. Nathan opens his right away. I stare at my bag as if trying to find meaning within the tissue paper.
I look up at the bride curiously. “Ashley, did you want me to open this now?”
Ashley nonchalantly replies, “If you want to.”
I tear open the bag and inside it is a red lace necklace with a silver and black charm.
“This is lovely, thank you. Do you want me to wear this tomorrow?”
My question is followed by another nonchalant, “If you want to.”
Seeking a way to divert from the increasingly loud silence crickets, I nudge Nathan and make him an offer he can’t refuse. “Okay, Nathan, wanna take a tour of the house?”
Nathan looks over at me and can tell from the signals that I am giving him that I need space from the bride.
“Sure.”

As we walk up the stairs we notice that Jesse, Lacy, David and Kelly are taking self guided tours as well. As we are all taking in the grandeur, I find a tucked-away bathroom and I have a thought, but first I have to find Nathan. Nathan is talking to Jesse about the similarity of this house with the houses in Savannah.
I slyly signal Nathan with my waving hands. “Nathan, come over here for a second.” My sly gestures peek his curiosity and he walks toward me as if trying not to be seen. “What?”
“You see that bathroom?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you seen the inside? It is ginormous!”
“I know, it’s crazy”, Nathan laughs and begins to walk back towards Jesse to finish his conversation when my comment stops him in the middle of his next step.
“You want to have sex?”
Nathan makes a complete 180-degree turn and steps closer to me in order for him to whisper. “Right now, in the bathroom?”
I smile and say, “Yeah.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
Nathan’s face is showing signs of concern while moving me closer and closer into the bathroom. “What if someone catches us?”
“Let’s ask Jesse to watch the door. You know he will, you know he believes in the sanctity of fooling around as much as we do.”

Nathan walks over to Jesse and whispers in his ear. The more Nathan talks the bigger Jesse’s grin gets. By the time Nathan stops whispering, Jesse’s smile is as big as the Grinch who stole Christmas. Jesse nods his head in agreement then walks toward the bathroom. Before Nathan and I cross the bathroom threshold we explain to Jesse that this will be a quickie so that he won’t have to guard long.

7 minutes later Nathan and I exit the restroom happier people than we were when we went in. I tell myself this will be a rehearsal dinner I shall never forget and for a very good reason.
As people are starting to leave, Kelly walks down the porch steps and trips on the middle step forcing her to fall the rest of the way down. Friends in close proximity to the accident help her back up. While Kelly is checking to see if she has sustained any injuries Sarah walks by and in passing says “Next time try not to drink so much.” This statement shakes Kelly to her core. Kelly somberly walks off into the parking lot towards a large group of friends. By the time Kelly reaches the lot she is in full blown tears. Chrissie, Aubrey’s mother notices first then Rain.
Chrissie approaches Kelly and wraps her arms around her. “Honey, what wrong?”
Rain and Chrissie listen as Kelly recounts the story. Lacy walks up to hear the end of it and asks Rain to retell for her understanding. A surge of anger is bursting through Rain and Chrissie, which in a way is groundbreaking. Chrissie’s disposition is so soft and meek in nature and she is the most understanding woman I have ever met. Her sweet character is a blessing and a curse; she has this annoying habit of seeing the good in everyone. Chrissie is the eldest and has been friends with Nathan and Patrick since they were two.

Rain and Chrissie begin plotting a massive beat down. Which Kelly finds unnerving coming from Chrissie, Kelly reassures them that Sarah is not worth the trouble.

I walk over toward the parking lot and I notice Chrissie, Rain and Lacy are huddled around Kelly and she is crying. Kelly torturously recounts the story for me and I am at a lost for words. The only thing I can think to say “is there nothing about this wedding that is joyous! Damnit! We are in too deep you and I and unfortunately we can’t just walk away.”
Kelly nods in agreement.
I give Kelly a big hug and whisper in her ear, “Don’t let her get to you, because if you do you have given her the power to manipulate how you feel. Besides, after tomorrow we luckily never have to see her again.”
Kelly takes a deep breathe and belts, “Thank God!”
David walks over and embraces Kelly tightly. One thing is true the bridesmaids in this wedding are very fortunate to have their boyfriends in this wedding as well to assist during this test of friendship. Nathan and Patrick grew up with Jesse, David, Sean and Sasha. These boys have been through a lot with each other and thus far I can tell that their loyalty to each other is iron-clad.

The cars pile out of the drive way, and head over to our house. Patrick spends his last night as a single man at our house which I think is poetic. Patrick grew up in this house and I think it is only fitting that the house honors him with one last night of bachelor slumber.

The alarm goes off at 7:30am. Everyone is soundly sleeping; I nudge Nathan to let him know that I am going to run to the store to get breakfast for everyone especially since the groomsmen are meeting at our house this morning.
“Nathan, Nathan, Nathan I am going to run to Publix to get bacon, eggs, bread and fruit.”
Nathan partially awake replies “I want to go.”
“One of us has to stay here incase anyone needs anything.”
“Well, let me go.”
“Are you going to go now, because I was leaving now?”
“Yeah, I am getting up now.” Nathan uses all of his strength to push himself up into a sitting position.

We both rise out of bed and I throw on some sweat pants while Nathan dresses in a t-shirt and jeans. Nathan walks toward the bathroom and I walk downstairs. I walk pass the clock on the oven in the kitchen and it reminds me that I am suppose to wake Patrick up at 8am. I look in the refrigerator to see if there is orange juice or cheese.
“Good morning Kelly”
Kelly slowly paces into the kitchen from the den. “Good morning, can I make some coffee”
“Please by all means”
“I am going to need a lot of coffee for today”, Kelly says while glancing into her reflection from the coffee pot.
I clear the counter and set out 10 mugs. “Trust me, we all are. Nathan is going to run to the grocery store and get some breakfast for everyone. I told him bacon, eggs, bread for toast, fruit and I just notice that we don’t have any toast or cheese.”
Kelly immediately perks up at the mention of breakfast “We have to do mimosas!”
“Oh yes, we must. Let me write him a list.”

Nathan walks down the steps towards the kitchen and hears a knock on the door; Nathan answers it. David looks tired and drowsy toting a coffee mug in one hand and his rented tux in the other.
“Good morning”
“Hey David, you want to run with me to the store to get breakfast.”
“Alright, let me just tell Kelly and we can go.”
“Yeah, I need to get the list from Jessica too.”

David finds Kelly and I in the kitchen wrapped up in a world wind of our breakfast buffet. I give Nathan the list and they set out for the store. Kelly heads off toward the bathroom and I walk downstairs to wake Patrick. It takes Nathan and David an hour to come back but only 20 minutes to prepare breakfast and serve mimosas. By 10am we have a full house. Everything is in all full swing.
Kelly is getting updates from Lacy at the hair salon with the bride and other bridesmaids throughout the morning. People are dressing, eating, styling hair and taking showers. I imagine that this is what it must be like in the beginning of Home Alone 1 and 2 when the parents and kids are late for their flight and they are all running around like chickens with their heads cut off. After the guys are ready they decide to wastes some time at the store with the fart machine playing some friendly pranks. After Chrissie finishes Aubrey’s hair Kelly, Aubrey and I leave for the church to make sure were on time. Before we leave we check our garters for our flasks and we head out the door.

There could not be a more beautiful day. The autumn air smells crisp, the trees are covered in orange leaves, the skies are a clear blue and the sun sits in the shadow of a few clouds. There is a small pumpkin patch on the side of the church. Inside the sanctuary burgundy tulle is draped on the outside of the pews and red and orange leaves line the borders of the aisle. The ladies quarters are on one side and the men’s quarters are on the other side. Chrissie arrives and begins finishing the flowers in the sanctuary. The boys are dressed and are taking pictures outside. Ashley arrives with the rest of the bridal party and begins dressing in the ladies quarters. Kelly and I go and assist Chrissie since the ladies will be taking their pictures next and we are already dressed. Kelly is called outside for pictures and as I wait for the last two bouquets Ida walks pass me with a distressed look upon her face. “Jessica, are you not taking pictures?”
I am standing in between Chrissie and Ida with one finished bouquet in my hand “I am. I am just getting the last two bouquets.”
“So you are not taking pictures?” she responds with a more puzzled look.
I look at Ida sternly “After I grab this last bouquet, I am going to run out there.”
“So you are not taking pictures?”
Chrissie stands in between me and Ida. “Here Jessica, that is the last one.”
“Thank you Chrissie.”
I walk pass Ida feeling annoyed that I realize I am angry and become even angrier when the tone shifts when I come outside for the photos. The photographer poses us in place. The Pickett family is outside as well, so the flower girls and ring barer are playing. As we are gather together for the group shot Sierra mentions that we should have been at the hair salon this morning they served mimosas.
Kelly smiles and replies “It’s okay we had mimosas and breakfast this morning too.”
“Alright smile ladies, 1. .2. .3. great!
Kelly looks over at me and notices that I am not smiling. “You aren’t smiling”
I partially turn to look at her and mumble, “The sun is in my eyes”
“Liar.”
I turn back to face the camera. “Fine, my face hurts.”
Kelly smirks at my response. “So you are not going to smile?”
“I wouldn’t be able to do it even if you used gorilla glue.”
Kelly shakes her head. “You know she is going to say you ruined her pictures”
I roll my eyes. “If she is smart, she won’t order any with me in them; it will be like I wasn’t even here.”

As time passes the vodka in the flasks become helpful to ease the tension. Ashley’s nerves send her on a complaining tangent. She complains the flowers aren’t correct and they look horrible and have the wrong floral pieces in them. She complains about the decorations in the church weren’t done to the expectation she desired. I have to break away. I walk around and mingled with the guests coming in. I run into one of my dearest friends Gwen Wernersbach, Sasha’s sister who is in town from New York. Seeing her is like taking in a breath of fresh air. My smile miraculously returns. I feel completely different afterwards. I am ready to return to the bride’s quarters. On my way there, I see Ashley Marlow sitting next to a framed matted photo of the bride and groom. I remember Ashley told the bride she would make sure people signed the matte. Ashley’s greeting guests as they come in and instructing them to sign the matte. I notice Ida is about to reach Ashley before I will and I turn completely around to walk in the other direction. I pause when I realize Ida is fussing at Ashley for allowing people to sign their message too big, as if Ashley has control over people’s handwriting. I turn around again and Ida walks away when she sees me coming toward them. I lay my hand on Ashley’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”
Ashley has a stunned look on her face. “Did you hear what that bitch just said to me? I don’t believe it! I don’t have to do this shit. I agree to do this because Ashley asked me to but I will be damned if I am going to take abuse for something I have no control over! I can’t believe Ashley grew up with that Psycho as her mother. I now realize that Ashley has it fair.”
I laugh. “Don’t let her get to you; Ida is on a roll today to make everyone miserable.”
I walk towards the ladies quarters, but I notice that Ashley’s greeting to the guests has become lifeless and flaccid.

Ashley is sitting alone and there is no one to be found. I sit in a chair across the room. Silence. We sit silent for 5 minutes before she looks at me and says “I have to use the bathroom”
I pop out of my chair. “Oh Okay, let’s go.”
While I am holding up her dress, all the bridesmaids storm in to the bathroom with a camera threatening to take a picture of the bride on the potty. Ashley’s face is bloodshot red and an anaconda size vain is about to pop out of her forehead. “Lacy, I swear to God, don’t you dare!”
We all go back into the main room and wait for the wedding coordinator to come and get us. I notice the flailing hands first.
“It’s show time ladies!”

As Lacy walks down the aisle the men take their places on the steps of the pulpit. Lacy’s has a petite full-size figure and the sleekness of her dress flows like the wind as she walks. She has long wavy dark brown hair that go with her brown eyes to give her a warm look. She has soft angelic facial features and people constantly tell her she could easily make it as a plus size model. I begin to walk down the aisle I pause for the photographer and then keep walking. As I approach the front pews there is a loud CLINK! I am thinking to myself “Oh my God the flask!” I have two seconds to drop my eyes to find it and kick it over to the side and hope that no one trips on it. I get to my marker and I realize that all the groomsmen are chuckling to themselves but luckily enough no one else noticed what happen.

I am safe. So far Sarah, Sierra, and Kelly have made it down the aisle without tripping or dragging the flask out into the open. I await the biggest test of all: the bride and her train. As Ashley and Dan pass the front pews I wait with big eyes to see if the train of the dress reveals my wedding blooper. The train makes it way up the steps and with sweet victory there is no flask in sight. I take a deep breath of relief. I realize that as I am staring at Ashley’s dress I am zoning out again. The gown is gorgeous. Ashley is wearing a cream spaghetti strap Princess Silhouette gown with a princess-line bodice featuring vertical lines of swarovski crystals along the top. There is a satin red sash going through the top border of her dress. Her bodice is super slimming and gives the illusion of extra height; not that Ashley needs the assistance, she is 5’11 and weighs 145 pounds. Ashley’s hibiscus hair pin glistens with red and clear swarovski crystals on top of her strawberry blond hair which she has pinned back into a bun. Ashley has very structured facial features like a super model whom has had plastic surgery. Her appearance on any other day is charming, but today it is especially beguiling. I remember when we got that dress.

Day dreaming:

It is dark and the air is crisp and cold. Ida drops Ashley and I off at the corner and goes and parks the car in the garage. Ashley and I walk to the end of the line which is already wrapped around the side of Filene’s basement. Ashley and I open up our lawn chairs and take a seat. I am looking at the line in disbelief. “I can’t believe that it is 5-o-clock in the morning and there are this many people here.”
Ashley nods in agreement. Ida comes walking up, “Ashley did you see the girls camping out in there tents in front of the store? I need to go get some coffee; all the stores around here are already open because of this event. You guys want anything?”
We both say in unison, “coffee.”
Ashley turns to give me our special headbands we are to wear in order to spot each other in the crowd. “Thanks for coming Jessica; I am really excited that you are going to do this with me. Can you believe we are at the Running of the Brides event?”
I laugh, “I can believe we are here but I can’t believe it is 5am. You think we will find the dress?”
“I hope so. I don’t like to think I am shivering out here for nothing.”
Three hours pass and the line has gone from a spacious single file line to a huge crowd squeezing together. Two radio stations are here broadcasting live all the excitement. Ashley and I work out our strategies and make alliances with two other groups. The radio station begins a countdown: 10. . 3 2 1! Pandemonium breaks out. We are running through the store grabbing what we can and leaving all the clothes racks empty within the first fifteen minutes. There are people everywhere and brides are trying on dresses wherever they stand. I lost Ashley and Ida when we first get inside the store, but I find them after standing on some shoe racks. Ida has five dresses, Ashley has five dresses and I have three. Ashley begins trying on gowns. Out of the 13 there are only two that work. I immediately go back out into the wild to begin bargaining and trading. I come back with five more gowns. I find Ashley and Ida arguing over style.
Ida recommends Ashley go with a more Victorian look with a corset bodice and princess Silhouette “Ashley, you look so pretty in the other dress. You look like Princess Diana.”
“I don’t want to look like Princess Diana, mom! I want a dress a little more modern and delicate than that, something with beading on the bodice.”
“Ashley, look at that girl. You looked way better in that dress than she does. She doesn’t look like a queen at all.” Ida laughs
“No mother! Hey Jess, what did you find?”
I hand the dress over to Ashley to glance over and try on and take the discarded one to put back on the rack. By the time I put the dresses on the rack and grab five more I hear the ladies in our corner squealing. I run over. “What is it?”
Ida shouts, “Oh, Ashley!”
The crowd of ladies breaks away from the huddle and I am finally able to see. Ashley is crying. “Snif, Snif, Jessica what do you think?”
I smile and say, “I think that you have found your dress! It is breathtaking and you look amazing in it.”
Ashley nods while Ida brings over three more Victorian styled gowns. “Ash, I think you should try these on just to make sure.”
Ashley’s face changes from smiling to frowning with a raised eyebrow. “I am not trying those on mom”
“Ashley, I am buying the dress the least you can do is try them on.”
Ashley appeases her mother and tries on every dress handed to her keeping the dress she wants on a hanger by her side. Five hours have passed since the store opened and we are all exhausted. Ashley finally relents and says, “We have found the dress, and we are good to go.”
We all walk together toward the register. Ida spends $250.00 dollars on a $19,000.00 gown. What a deal and what a day!

“Patrick you may greet your bride with a kiss.”
Oh thank goodness I didn’t miss the best part. The bridal party walks into the ladies quarters to celebrate Patrick and Ashley’s nuptials and await further instructions. The guests are waiting outside. Patrick and Ashley run out to have rice thrown at them and they proceed into the limo and drive off. I announce to the crowd to go ahead to the reception and the bridal party is to follow after pictures are taken. When Patrick and Ashley return from their ride around the block Sierra approaches me.
“Jessica, you are the matron of honor right?”
I look at her curiously. “Yes.”
“Well, I am really tired of her attitude and she has bags in the ladies quarters that need to be put into the trunk of the limo and you are the matron of honor.”
I smile and say, “okay.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nathan Dunn walking towards me. He smiles hands me my flask. “I thought you might still need this.” Nathan turns to walk back toward the church.
I burst into laughter, recanting the memory of it falling. “Thank you.”
“Hey Nathan, you lived with all this going on around you. How did you manage to stay so sane?”
Nathan walks towards me and says “Zenith.”
He has succeeded in peeking my curiosity. “Zenith?”
“Yeah, the time in which something is most powerful or successful. My mother and sister are going for Zenith with this wedding. The minute I understood that I just stood clear out of the way.”
I watched Nathan walk back in to the church and I stood there thinking. “I know Zenith will not work for me but I must fight through this anger to get through this event. Dad, I feel like you can hear me. I need your help right now more than ever. Give me guidance.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. What would “The Wonderful” Jerry Johns do? Then I smiled. I know he would sever ties after it is all said and done. “Works for me.”

The photos take all of thirty minutes and Kelly and I decide it is times for us to go and gather the bride’s items after Ida announces that it is the Dunn’s family turn for photos. We arrive at the reception hall and the room is lit up with white Christmas lights and sheer tulle laced all over the walls and ceiling. From a distance it looks like a winter wonderland. The band was playing crooner tunes from the sixties and the guests were seated and mingling amongst themselves. The bridal party was seated in the very front of the room. After the bride and groom were introduced they proceed to dance as husband and wife.

When dinner was announced everyone took their seats. Not a single member of the bridal party outside of the bride and groom sat at their assigned table. I am guessing this made the bride a little uneasy; that or she was unhappy with the food, because the look on her face reads disappointment. The band begins to play a few up tempo tunes which bring guests on to the dance floor. I make my way over to Gwen. I give her another big hug and whisper into her ear. “I am so glad that you were able to come to the wedding!”
“Me too! I can’t wait to hear your speech. You always speak from the heart and give the best speeches.”
We break our embrace. “You are so sweet. I should let you know that I am not going to be making a speech.”
Gwen looks at me puzzled. “What! Why not? You have to; you are the matron of honor. If don’t toast her who will?”
Rolling my eyes in the back of my head; “I was taught if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. Trust me at this point she does not want a toast from me.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“We are talking middle passage bad!”
Gwen’s eyes widen. “Yeah, don’t make a speech.”
Just as we wrap up our conversation, Nathan makes an announcement that he is going to toast Patrick. Immediately following Nathan’s speech is Sarah who toasts Ashley. I use this opportunity to use the restroom. I change into another dress that is more comfortable. Kelly finds me in the bathroom and tells me that they need help cutting the cake. As we getting closer to the cake table we notice that Sarah and Sierra have annoyed look on their faces.
I tap Sierra on the shoulder. “What’s wrong did something happen to the cake?”
“No, the cake is perfect. It is beautiful, but somehow Ashley has found something wrong with it.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Of course, I had a feeling that the wedding wouldn’t be the end of it. Let’s just do our best at this point to individually have a good time.”
Sarah took a deep breath. “I just don’t understand how at this point a bride can still have time to complain, this is the reception for god sake. Let’s drink and be merry!”
I nodded in agreement.

During the rest of the evening as guests filed out the groom and groomsmen decide to get up on stage and flex their skills as musicians playing Beatles and Elton John hits. Ashley sat in the corner of the room with Patrick’s coat jacket sulking. Even at the end of the night the bride has no smile to wear. Kay announces to the few family members and friends left that it is time to clean up and would love any help from any willing bodies. We began knocking down tables and chairs. While the men stack chairs the women are rolling lights and tulle. The number of people helping drastically drops the moment Ida walks back into the building. Ida questions everyone in her walking path if they are going to hurry it up and get the lead out, which results in them dropping what they’re doing and leaving. Nathan runs up to me as I am walking outside to get some air. “Hey Jess, I forgot to tell you but we are going to take Ashley and Patrick to their hotel.”
“Shit! Seriously!”
My eyes widen and then squint in reaction to Nathan’s face looking as if it is worse than that. “What?”
Nathan takes a step back. “Well, we have to take them back to Ashley’s parent’s house first in order for them to get their luggage and Ashley’s mom has manipulated Ashley into opening up the rest of the gifts at their house tonight before jetting off to the hotel.”
Every muscle on my face is tensing. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No.”
I take a deep breath and say to myself “Sever the ties that bonds us as friends.” I look up at Nathan who is standing patiently waiting for a response.
“Of course we will do all those things because they are family and that is what you do for family.”
Nathan smiles and runs to tell Patrick and Ashley that we are ready to go whenever they are.

While at the Dunn family home I remain silent. I laugh when expected and smile when noticed. I make a personal vow to never return to this place ever again. We drop the happy couple off at the airport along with them I leave our turbulent friendship. The drive home is silent. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and lay my head on my pillow.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 23.03.2009

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Widmung:
To every girl who has ever been a bridesmaid