Chapter 1

A wounded deer leaps highest,

I ’ve heard the hunter tell;

’T is but the ecstasy of death,

And then the brake is still.

Emily Dickinson

 

The day started with gloominess. When Saranya entered the sprawling office entrance,  she felt uneasiness at heart.  

 

“Is there any bad news waiting for me?” As the office complex has been closed for the christmas holidays, it looked empty without anyone, who kept walking around, going from one floor to the other, or from the floor to the food court at the extreme corner of the complex.  

 

The lift was empty and none to accompany Saranya. Usually Saranya avoided taking the lift alone. Once inside that small, enclosed space, the loneliness scared her. Until the lift reached the third floor where her office was, she will stood numb. Most of the time she walked the stairs. First floor or second floor or third floor, she preferred to walk and mostly avoided the lift.

 

Using the stairs turned out to be a healthy exercise not only to her body but also to her mind. Most of the people who worked in the first three floors became her friends. Whenever she halted for a few minutes at the landing slab, a space that connected the floor with the other, definitely someone from that floor would greet her. Saranya knew more people in that complex than anyone in her office. Though she maintained distance with her colleagues, whoever she met on her way turned into good friends.

 

Saranya understood how far it is true in her case. An article that hit her mail on that day filled her thoughts.  

 

When we take time to check in with our heart, each person we encounter can be seen as a fellow traveler in the journey of life.

 

Anyone can be a friend. And anyone cannot be a friend. It always takes time for every one to get introduced, understand and then realize the compatibility and the wave length or frequency that matched their preferences. From school to college, from college to her work place, she did have many friends. But only a very few matched her wave length. Such relationships did not exist for a longer time. It turned into void within a year. Friends who impressed her a lot unfortunately waved good-bye within 365 days. Every year around the month of March/April she told good bye to one of her thick/close friends.  It took another six months for her to return to her normal self and lead a normal life. Her virtual world shook for a while with this parting and her sub-conscious mind could not take this sharp pain that nulled her brain powers.

 

When she started to read poetry during her high school days, she developed an interest in reading metaphysical poems. More reading of metaphysical poems, helped her to develop interest in learning about life and the puzzles it had within. Whenever she went to the library, she started to hunt for books that talked about life after death. Not only death, she wanted to read more about dreams and how dreams played a crucial role in a person’s life. Dreams could foretell what will happen next and they can guide the person better.  

 

Dreams are more connected with our sub-conscious minds and every dream had a meaning to interpret. They are predictions of our future life. She loved to interpret the dreams her friends shared with her. Happy or unhappy, her friends listened to her interpretations and accepted them as genuine and correct.

 

Dreams dreamt in the morning and dreams dreamt during sleep at night may have different interpretations. Dreams are a collection of images, feelings and memories that occur involuntarily during the REM (rapid eye movement) stage of slumber.  Every one dreams in their sleep. Yet, most of us may not remember or only have a vague remembrance of what we saw in our dreams. According to a study, some people don’t dream and are never disturbed by dreams.  

 

Dreams are considered as fantasies. A reflection of what we think at our subconscious level and mostly they are thoughts that could not be expressed or shared with anyone. Dreams may often involve persons whom we may know or familiar with or even unknown. Sometimes, the dreams take us to unknown lands we have never visited, or locations that we love to visit. Dreams are always interesting for they give us the space for acts that we may not be able to do in real life. Dreams may be a simulation to our unshared emotions or threats that we may experience in real life.

 

Dreams are always not positive. Sometimes we may experience negative dreams or nightmares that may shake us and wake us from our deep sleep. They may bring in anxiety, despair or even scare us to the maximum. Nightmares may occur again and again and they can lead to psychological distress or sleep problems like insomnia.

 

On that day while taking the stairs to reach her office, Saranya felt dazed and confused. In her deep sleep, she had a wakening dream that made her heart palpitate heavily and sweat profusely as if she encountered a ferocious lion on her way.  She dreamt being in a tight hug and the interesting part of the dream was she could not see the face of the person but could feel the emotional pull that resembled a magnet. That was electrifying!

Chapter 2

 

The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul. - Ambrose Bierce

 

The stairs looked endless. Though she walked on those stairs every day, she never felt so tired. On that particular day, she felt heavy at her legs. Every step seemed to be a strain and she has to deliberately lift her leg to move further. It happened at that moment. She always kept her phone inside her bag, and never carried on her hand like others. Unusually she heard her phone ring. She opened her bag and took her phone to attend the call. The phone slipped from her hand. Shocked she leaned forward to catch it before it fell down. The sudden turn made her jerk and her right leg twisted with a slip. Before she realized what happened, she started to roll down the stairs. No one was there to prevent her from the fall as every one preferred the lift.

 

Saranya shivered at the thought of rolling down the stairs when a powerful hand stopped her fall. She could now hear the palpitating sound of a racing heart and the smell of a strong perfume reached her nostrils preventing her from a dramatic swoon.

 

Within seconds he prevented her from that drastic fall. Saranya lost her conscious for a minute. Vel let her down carefully and made her sit on the stairs. He took the water bottle from the bag and sprinkled some water on her face forcefully. The water woke her up and she opened her eyes slowly. She could feel the pain on her sprained right leg.   

 

Saranya did not open her eyes immediately but she could feel the powerful hands around her that saved her from the fall. That tight-hold reminded her of the dream. With a racing heart, she looked up to see who saved her.

 

“Thank God, I saved you from the fall.” Vel felt relieved for he could save her from rolling down the stairs.

 

Saranya searched for her phone down the stairs. She could not see her phone anywhere.

 

“Here it is” Vel handed over her phone.

 

“Thanks.” Saranya mumbled. “You saved both me and my phone.”

 

“Nothing great. You are saved from a drastic fall. Go home and take rest.”

 

Saranya tried to get up and stand with her hands on the slope of the stairs. She could not balance her right leg and put it down firmly on the stairs. Vel helped her to stand by leaning on the wall.

 

“I think it is better if you take the lift.” He helped her walk to the lift and accompanied till she reached her office.

 

Vel helped Saranya to sit comfortably at the reception. Unexpected development of events made her feel shaky. A shock went down the shiver and she could not tell what would have happened if she had a fall.

 

The girl at the reception helped Saranya to take rest in the ‘Sick room’. She felt better after lying down for 30 minutes and drink a bottle of chilled water. When she washed her face in the chill cold water, she felt much better.

 

“Hi, What happened?” Suganthi peeped in.

 

“An escape.” Saranya didn’t want to recount the bad experience.

 

“Let us move.” Without answering any more questions from Suganthi, she walked slowy to her cabin and switched on her computer. She decided to concentrate on her day’s work and forget whatever that happened to her.

Chapter 3

 

Small things always fill our days with happiness; we feel cherished and grateful for the moments that made us feel so excited. These moments happen everyday in our lives, though we think only larger moments bring us the maximum happiness.  

 

When we realize small things can bring the maximum happiness into our lives, we feel how wonderful our lives have become. The minutes when we look around and see the beauty of nature, kindness and laughter, an ordinary day changes into a blessed day.  

 

The day started for Vel as usual. Nowadays he found travelling during the day, which was unusually hot, becoming tedious and tiring. During peak hours, he found it extremely difficult to manage when he met people who kept on talking non-sense. Even a petty issue turned into a bigger issue that affected everyone around him. But what happened on that day was completely different from his usual encounters. While traveling he had always helped youngsters who come running to get into the bus. He would give his hand to help them getting in.

 

Though he helped Saranya from an awkward fall on the stairs, he didn’t think about that incident again. On a busy day like that he rarely find time to think about anything else except his job at hand.

 

While walking home after work, he suddenly remembered the incident that happened in the morning.

 

“Thanks.” Sree greeted him with his usual tug at the shoulders.

 

“Where did you go today?” Vel queried anxiously.

 

“Nothing special. I received a call for immediate blood donation for an operation. So, I have to go there immediately. The documents you handed over at my office today are something urgent to be done. They are legal documents with the signature from our company’s legal advisor.”

 

“Oh! I understand.”

 

“Can you join me for a cup of tea?”  Sree invited him.

 

“No, thanks. My mother will be waiting for me. I think you can come home and join me for dinner.”

 

“I know what you will be eating at home for dinner. Leave me.” Sree chuckled loudly.

 

“Don’t make fun. It has become a custom at home.” Vel frowned.

 

“Rice with milk. A peculiar combination, I have not heard of.” Sree laughed loudly.

 

“Enough. Hereafter, don’t come to me for help.” Vel walked briskly and reached his home. His mother was already waiting at the doorstep.

 

“Sree, how are you? Come and have your dinner.” Vel’s mother invited Sree.

 

“Thanks ma. Let him have his favourite.” Sree replied with a smile.

 

“I know your mother is not at home now. Come and have your dinner. I know your preference.” Vel’s mother went inside to get the dinner for both of them.

 

After eating their dinner, both of them sat near the stairs. Vel looked at the rising moon in the sky. The moonlight lit the place bright, and he could feel the fragrant smell of jasmine flowers that bloomed at the pots in the terrace.

 

“What happened in the morning?” Sree questioned Vel casually.

 

“Nothing”

 

“ I know.”

 

“Nothing special.”

 

“I heard you saved someone from falling down the stairs.”

 

“Whoever it may be, I would have done the same thing. Nothing special about it.”

 

“Ok. I believe in you. Good night.” With a smile, Sree waved and left him alone to think about the incident again.

 

Vel could not understand what is the big deal in discussing an incident that happened within a fraction of seconds and how luckily he could save her from a nasty fall.

 

When Saranya slipped down the stairs, Vel was walking toward the lift after handing over the documents at the counter. As Sree had informed the office about Vel, it took only a few minutes for him to handover the documents and leave the office immediately. As Vel’s shift started in the afternoon on that day, he could spare time to help Sree.

 

At that moment, he didn’t think about anything else, but preventing her from falling down looked important. Though many appreciated for the timely catch, he knew very well, some may comment and gossip. Now and then, something must be there for them to gossip and comment. They are good story tellers, story developers who can build scripts with creative dialogues that could surpass a professional story teller or a script writer. These gossips would fade away within days but no one could deny they may leave an impact on the persons who were involved. Interestingly, that impact may develop into instances for a new story that grew day by day.

Chapter 4

 

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth

But has trouble enough of its own   Ella Wheeler Wilcox

 

For her the world changed within seconds. The heart-shattering message reached her when she was getting ready to attend the grand annual festival at her home town. For the first few seconds that message failed to get recorded in her thoughts.

 

“Satish is no more.” The shocking news made her dumb and words failed her for a while. The heaviness at heart choked her words and her tongue failed to roll and lisp. But, tears didn’t stop rolling down her cheeks spoiling her makeup.

 

Her family members were utterly shattered. Uncontrollable sobs ruled her parents. Her father who was a meek, good, soft-spoken person sat tongue-tied on the chair and could not utter even a single word.

 

A poem by Emily Dickinson popped before her inner eye.

 

Because I could not stop for Death –

He kindly stopped for me –  

The Carriage held but just Ourselves –  

And Immortality.

 

We slowly drove – He knew no haste

And I had put away

My labor and my leisure too,

For His Civility –

 

We passed the School, where Children strove

At Recess – in the Ring –  

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –  

We passed the Setting Sun –

 

Or rather – He passed us –

The Dews drew quivering and chill –

For only Gossamer, my Gown –

My Tippet – only Tulle –

 

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground –

The Roof was scarcely visible –

The Cornice – in the Ground –

 

Since then – ‘tis Centuries – and yet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first surmised the Horses’ Heads

Were toward Eternity –

 

Whenever she read the poem, she imagined Death as her Love and she reveled in that virtual world that relished her at heart with an unexpressed satiation.

 

Saranya realized life had sarcastically fulfilled her wish for she always preferred to read tragedies; she could not express her feelings that was not sad whenever the evolving characters lost their lives and left this earth with unfulfilled wishes.

 

What happened in real life did not make her happy, instead it made her feel shattered and unhappy. Not only her, the whole family were in pain and they could not even console each other.

 

The next two days went away leaving no place for her to sit and wail. Satish’s parents wanted her to be with them. It was really a heavy blow to see their son’s death after few months of marriage. Before understanding each other, their wedded life ended leaving nothing to remember for her and for him also.

 

A poem on Death by Rabindranath Tagore

 

O thou the last fulfilment of life,

Death, my death, come and whisper to me!

 

Day after day I have kept watch for thee;

for thee have I borne the joys and pangs of life.

 

All that I am, that I have, that I hope and all my love

have ever flowed towards thee in depth of secrecy.

 

One final glance from thine eyes

and my life will be ever thine own.

 

The flowers have been woven

and the garland is ready for the bridegroom.

 

After the wedding the bride shall leave her home

and meet her lord alone in the solitude of night.

                       

Days turned numb without any words. No one at home spoke to each other. Saranya lived like a zombie going on with her routine and she preferred to be alone without meeting anyone who visited her parents to know how she was. Before understanding how a married life would be, fate thrashed her at will and made her broken, cursed and unhappy at all levels. 

Chapter 5

 

Why do you want to write about pain? Saranya mused. Is it not right to tell we need to honour the experience that pain can give us. Pain may be a great teacher, but no one has the power to withstand its impact.

 

When we write down those painful experiences, we record and acknowledge the moments of our lives that add meaning to the life we lived here. Those experiences connect us with the moments, the way we handle those painful experiences, and how we come out of that stands as a proof.

 

It is our natural tendency to push away the pain as quickly as possible and we fail to honour that experience. Even if we don’t consider it, it comes to us as a teacher and a friend. We must learn to honour the pain by allowing it to use the space of our lives. If we resist something, the longer it will be there. When we resist the pain without accepting it, it tends to be there with us for more time. But, when we accept it and don’t resist, it allows us to create a world in which we can enjoy the life completely with much happiness.

 

How can we honour our painful experiences to establish a conscious relationship with it? We must give them their due rewards by painting, writing, or serving the needy.  Even lighting a candle may turn to be a good gesture that acknowledges the change pain has brought in our lives.

 

Reading a tragedy is definitely different from living a tragic life. What we read and feel virtually, when it gets translated into real moments, no one can help except God. Tragic lovers who pine their separation or a lovable couple who were made to live far away from each due to unacceptable reasons prove to be solid examples that convey the message strongly. Always grasp the life that has been given to you and do your best to change those moments into something valuable that would nurture your heart.

 

After mourning for more than three months, Saranya decided to continue her higher studies. Luckily, her college came to her rescue. Initially, she started to handle classes for the freshers who started college that year. The vibrant laughs and chats of the young girls helped her to forget her loss for a while. She never sat alone and planned her time to do something constructive always.

 

Saranya volunteered to help her colleagues when they struggled to handle their classes. She helped them prepare question papers, corrected answer sheets, and helped girls who really needed help in understanding the beauty of the language. She strived hard to go back to her days when she enjoyed her quality time spent with her friends or the time spent with the little children who often came to her home to be with her. To make her parents feel relieved and happy, Saranya learned to read or write till she felt tired and sleepy.

Chapter 6

 

Days grow into weeks, weeks grow into months, and months grow into years. Day and night comes and goes in cycles. We all go to sleep at night and get up for a refreshing day with the dawn. Then we go about doing our routine work. We never realize a change until we fall sick or grow old. Growing old brings in changes within our body and shows a change in the physical appearance also. The color of the hair changes, the brisk walk slows down and it takes at least a few minutes to get up if we sit down.  We prefer to sit on chairs and travel on vehicles instead of straining our nerves. Old age brings in all the changes; some maybe positive and some maybe negative.

 

One more strong truth strikes us; getting old means moving towards the end of life. We may not know when we will die, but a realization comes that reminds every day that getting old means meeting death at any time. Challenges of life didn’t bother old people and they go on with their routine work. Relaxing and remembering their young days, they tend to think about the moments that made them feel happy at the most and feel hopeful that they will reach their goals.

 

Seasonal changes affect our lives also. Though we accept the challenges the changing seasons may throw at us, we forget to understand that our lives are also in transitions. We keep moving from one thing to the another.

 

The transformation that plants undergo are much like transitions and not endings. Dormancy rules nature because a seed will not grow into a sapling until it finds all the conditions fulfilled. A seed must have adequate water, sufficient sunlight and air to germinate.  A seed will not die. It can be there in a dormant state for years and it will sprout immediately if it finds the suitable environment. There is no dormancy for mankind. Death brings an end to the struggles and challenges they face every day to lead a better life.  

 

Animals go into hibernation. For plants, the seeds go dormant. But for human beings, nature has given the rule of death. You are born, grow, live life to the fullest and finally has to accept death as it is the rule of the nature.  

 

Death can be a reliever of all problems in life. Death after a fulfilled life is always a welcoming one. But, if it happens at the prime of life shatters not only the near and dear, it also abruptly disturbs the number of young adults who will be shouldering the responsibilities in future. Matured, unmatured age old population may offer better advice or guide the younger ones at time of need.

 

“Akka, come here, there is a bunch of roses on your rose plant”. Preethi shouted with joy.

 

That is the first rose plant that Satish presented her on completion of 30 days of their married life. Though the nursery person told them that it will have red roses, there were white roses.   

 

“White is his favorite color.” Saranya murmured to herself. It was so painful to look at the white flowers and remember how she missed him who could not wait to see the blooming flowers.

 

“Akka, look at this new plant.” Saranya looked at the new tender sapling that waved in the morning breeze.

 

“What plant is this?” The tender leaves have just come out of the soil and enjoying the morning sunshine.

 

“This is Elephant-ear plant. We have it at home.”

 

“I planted the tuber with Satish uncle.” Preethi smiled at her.

 

Tears filled Saranya’s eyes. She ran her fingers smoothly on the sapling as if she tried to feel the presence of Satish there.

 

Saranya and Satish always spent more time in the evening on the terrace only. From the open terrace, the whole town could be viewed at different angles. If you sit on the chair and look around, the floating clouds drifted smoothly and went behind the tall peak of the mountains. If you lean on the grilled doors of the terrace, the lifted eyes will look at another stunning view where the tall trees waved in the breeze and blessed them with a mischievous wink.

 

When the twilight slowly faded into dark night, they could not see each other but feel their presence only. Saranya loved sitting closely and holding his hand tightly. She felt so relieved and happy in his nearness. On a sudden impulse, she remembered her only sister who took her life tragically a few years ago. That loss was irreplaceable for her, and it took time for her to come out of that. Saranya’s ongoing studies gave her the much needed diversion and that helped her to control her emotions and feel shattered with that loss. Saranya believed her parents now relayed mostly on her and she had to play the pole of support to manage their day-to-day life. Satish brought a ray of hope in their family. Three of them looked at him as the energy that will pull and push them ahead to live a normal life.

Chapter 7

 

It isn't possible to love and to part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal. E.M. Forster

 

“Why should I be blamed for things that are not under my control?” Meena wondered. The whole family sneered at her if anything went wrong either inside or outside their home.

 

“I think I am not fit to live here in this world.” But, she is not ready to give up. Her matured mind ignored all the pain she encountered on a day. She smiled and smiled to hide her pain and made it as a habit to laugh louder and be happy all the times.

 

“Who gave them the permission to talk like that?” Tears would stream down on her cheeks.

 

Meena looked plain and unattractive. “Never judge a book by its cover” may be a famous quote that asks everyone not to judge by looking at a person. Whatever it may be, the world never stops doing like that. Educated, literate, illiterate or a dumb person judges a person with the first look or appearance. The same person who feels low, with the complaint that he or she doesn’t look good, also judges a person from the way he or she looks at the first instance.

 

What does the world mean by looking normal? If knowledge is going to be secondary, how could one survive in this world? One need to be physically fit, mentally alert, and also know how to judge people around them.

 

Everyone at home treated her like dirt. She was nothing to her siblings. Even though she was doing her graduation, they expected her to do all the household chores. During exams, she could read her books only after 11 p.m.

 

The day started with sweeping the front-yard and then sprinkling it with water. Then, Meena would draw kolams of her choice. Within ten minutes, she would draw intricate designs with ease. Once completed, she will spend few minutes admiring its beauty and the message it carried to her. During festival days, she will take time to do her best by drawing new designs that will spring up at that moment and made her feel the warmth of love generating from the dots and lines to her heart. No one at home was ready to seize this opportunity from her as they all preferred to sleep and never wanted to accompany her early morning routines.

 

Next, Meena watered the flowering plants that lined the front-yard. She collected hibiscus flowers for the pictures of deities that lined the pooja space. After that she would spend few minutes praying to the Sun god. The morning rays of sun are usually warm and it helped her to absorb some positive energy for her day. She always loved to looked at the warm, nascent sun that did not irritate her eyes, but made her eyes shine bright. Then, started her usual household chores. After that she helped her mother in preparing the morning breakfast. She never failed to snatch few minutes to do her yoga and meditate for a while.

 

The same routine started in the evening also. Helping her mother to complete all the household chores, and after dinner, she would snatch some time to sit and read her text books. If not, she will read the books she took from the library. Next to books, she loved bird watching.

 

For Meena, birds are the blessed souls that are gifted with wings to fly and roam around the earth. They are the wonderful neighbors who coexist with human and their lives teach invaluable lessons to man kind. The birds teach us to be content, happy, and live comfortable in their nests. God has given them the power to build their own nests in the place of their choice.

 

Unlike humans, the birds never complain but they do have rivalry to establish their territory and win their love life. Every bird has an interesting history to observe and it is always worth watching them if we want to have peace of mind. Meena enjoyed their company though they don’t talk to her or they understand each others language. But the gestures between her and the bird that visit her backyard regularly built a bond of friendship. The birds that visited her home understood she will not do harm to them and she is only a silent observer of their activities.

 

The day birds and night birds are equally intriguing for they have different life-style, food habits, and even their courting rituals are different. Enjoying an avian orchestra during the day time or at night does not make much difference for they ultimately bring the peace at heart.

 

Bulbuls are her morning alarms. Until she hear them squeak, she will not be convinced that the Sun hasn’t risen yet. Much to her surprise, it became a ritual for the little birds to hold their morning get-together on the Papaya tree in her neighbour’s garden. Meena cherished the pleasure of hearing them engaged in animated bird banter. After the recent summer showers, the chitchat grew louder. Following the bulbuls, common Mynahs and a flock of yellow-billed babblers have become regular visitors to the tree. The elusive Asian Koel always kept her company in the morning that sings so loudly that fills the place with the music of love. If Meena, tip-toed into the backyard to see, it will disappear within seconds.   

 

After discussing with a birding expert, she planted flower-bearing shrubs along the compound wall that brought small nectar-feeding birds like purple, purple-rumped and Loten’s sunbirds. Very soon, she found that birds usually loved red-coloured flowers. The Hibiscus, the Indian Cork Tree (maram malli), Paneer tree, and mul-murungai or kalyana murungai produced bright red flowers. She felt proud to think that the birds that visit her garden ranged from the common crow and mynas to the Paradise Flycatcher and Rufus Treepie.

 

At times, Meena wondered is that only the human beings who lacked humaneness and compassion judged others from their appearance. If a person with all his senses perfect, his limbs strong, and with a sharp knowledge is judged under zero category, by his colour or appearance, she believed it will question his or her survival fitness also.

 

 She also believed that the ability to understand the deeper meaning in our lives is positively correlated with the amount of time we choose to spend in nature.

 

We spend our time in front of smartphones, computers, and television screens, at least 90 percent of our time indoors at work and at home. Though we know this is an unhealthy way to live, we prefer to live.in this artificial world. High levels of vibration, stress, and anxiety, negatively affect our bodies. But, we rarely make the effort to shift our lifestyles, to connect and recharge with nature.

 

Connecting with nature is one of the best ways to strengthen our bodies – breathing fresh air, receiving vitamins through the warmth of the sunlight, and challenging our muscles with walks on uneven wilderness paths. But more importantly, on a metaphysical level, nature is a wonderful teacher and guide for finding deeper meaning in our lives.

 

Nature has its own rhythm, its own pace, its own seasons. This teaches us to slow down, to be more patient, to know that there is a cycle of life, a right time for everything (instead of always wanting to force things to happen on our schedule.)

 

Nature has its own plan, its own patterns, its own connections. This teaches us to trust in a higher universe, that there are connections forming which we might not see yet today, and that our place within the whole is becoming and will be revealed over time.  Nature has its own harmony. This teaches us to observe life around us, to understand what we resonate with and what we do not, where we find deeper meaning and where we do not.

 

Looking plain didn’t favour her efforts. Unfortunately, she met people who didn’t value her real efficiency but rated her by looking at her flesh and bones.  Appearance counted most than your ability.

Chapter 8

 

When night is almost done,

And sunrise grows so near

That we can touch the spaces,

It ’s time to smooth the hair  Emily Dickinson

 

It is all fun, fun, and fun throughout the day. Life could not be so beautiful. Her heart beamed with overwhelming joy. Saranya’s marriage brought the much needed break in their family. She could see her parents content and smiling. The gloomy look on their faces have now changed and she could see their faces calm and peaceful.

 

Satish wanted to relax and enjoy their initial days of marriage without any stress or pressure. Before he could ask, Saranya’s father reserved a luxurious resort to spend their first two weeks of married life. Those two weeks recorded her happiest moments in life where she basked in the warmth of love and wished to be with him forever.

 

Initially they visited the nearby places for sight-seeing. On the second day, they decided to better stay at the resort than roaming around in the hot, sunny day. The resort served very good food for the breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They even had the option to place order for the food of their choice, especially for the newly married couple who stayed there in their resort. Satish first ordered food items of his choice and then asked Saranya to order her best food. The resort even allowed them to explore their culinary skills at their special kitchen. Both of them tried their hand in preparing the lunch of their choice and enjoyed having it in the lawn. While eating, they could listen to varied bird songs and the chilled breeze that could lull anyone to sleep.   

 

One afternoon, after enjoying their special lunch at the resort, they decided to go for a walk in the spacious garden of the resort.

 

Something suddenly caught Saranya’s attention. She could see something struggling under the leaf of a plant. She peeped in find out what. She could see there a three-spot Grass Yellow butterfly struggling to emerge from the pupa (a process known as eclosing), but faced a crucial situation. Awkwardly, the feet and wings had emerged first, leaving the head, antennae and proboscis still trapped inside the pupal case. The half-born creature could not emerge. This was, indeed, for the butterfly, experiencing something similar to a breech birth. In mammals, sometimes occurs “breech birth”, where the head is not delivered or brought out to the outside world first, and where, consequently, complications develop.

 

Satish gently tried prising the pupal case apart; both the pupa and the butterfly were  detached from the leaf, and fell to the ground. But the head still remained inside the pupal case.

 

“Please do something. I don’t want it to be dead.”

  

Saranya’s eyes brimmed with tears and she desperately wanted to help the butterfly. She watched restlessly.

 

“Don’t panic. Please wait.” Satish relaxed for a while to think of a way to solve this crucial problem. If he used his fingers with force, the butterfly may break into pieces and the wings may come off from its body. The butterfly looked tiny and helpless.

 

“Now, we have two choices”

 

“What?” Saranya queried.

 

“To intervene or to leave it to the Nature.”

 

“But leaving things to Nature means death for the butterfly.”

 

“Yes. If we intervened, we may damage the head or proboscis; but there is a chance of “delivering” the butterfly.”

 

Satish took the little creature in his hands, and moved his index finger nail very, very gently to pry the pupal case apart.

 

It was a lucky moment for the head, the antennae, and the proboscis emerged, unhurt. But, the wings were still crinkled inside the pupa; the butterfly could not spread the wings.

 

The butterfly rested still on the inner palm of Satish. Now, Saranya lifted the little creature from his palm and placed it on the broad leaf of a nearby plant. They stood there for another ten minutes. People who were strolling nearby looked at them wondering what made them stand there.

 

The warm breeze dried the wings of the butterfly and it slowly fluttered its wing and landed on the grass. In two seconds, it flew above and sat on the petals of a fragrant rose on the side-walk. Saranya held tight to his hands and expressed her joy with a broad smile.

 

Nowadays, animal rescue is common with birds and mammals. It is an importunity to to assist in a difficult birth of a butterfly, and saved its life which would have otherwise ended.

Chapter 9

 

Because I could not stop for Death,

He kindly stopped for me;

The carriage held but just ourselves

And Immortality.  Emily Dickinson

 

Satish was reluctant to leave Saranya at their native town. He had just returned for work after taking a month long leave to celebrate their wedding. Important audit work at the office needed his presence, and this made him rush to their native to be a part of the annual festival. Initially, he thought of travelling to Madurai by flight and go to their native town by car. Unfortunately, he could not get them tickets for the morning flight, and so decided to go by their own car.

 

Saranya asked him to hire a driver so that there will be no strain for him to travel all through the way. Luckily, he could hire a driver who could drive them all the way till their home at the native. The driver could not accompany Satish in the return journey for he decided to stay back and enjoy the week long festival. But Satish could not stay for more than a day, so, he decided to drive till Chennai on his own. His father asked him to leave the car and take the flight to Chennai. As he didn’t want to travel by bus or train till Madurai to take the flight, he decided to drive on his own. Moreover, he preferred to go for work in his own car, and leaving the car at the native may make his daily routine difficult. The National Highway made his drive smooth and he decided to reach Chennai in the early hours of Wednesday.

 

The first half of the journey went on smoothly. He could even take a ten minutes break and enjoy his evening tiffin. This was the first time, he was away from Saranya, after their marriage.

 

Sipping his cup of tea, he went for a stroll on the lawn. The thick grown hedges covered with buds have started to flower in the evening twilight. The fragrance of those evening flowers spread through the air. Behind the jasmine bushes, fire cracker flower plants waved in the evening breeze with their bright orange flowers. That reminded him of the thick coil of jasmine and orange flowers that decorated Saranya’s plaits with a mesmerizing charm.

 

Traditionally dressed young girls looked pleasant when they adore their plaited hair with strings of jasmines and orange colored fire cracker flowers. When you compare a bride who is traditionally dressed, adorned with gold jewelry, glass-bangles that filled till the hand till the elbow, bundles of flowers that sat beautifully on the plaits to a bride dressed in a sprawling gown, the traditional bride scored more and won the hearts of well wishers and friends around them.

 

 South Indian girls love wearing strings of flowers in their hair, when they dress in their traditional sarees. It they braided their hair, the string of flowers is pinned on top and they let the flowers flow down with the braid. If the hair is in a chignon bun, the flower string is artistically positioned around the bun or under it. The most commonly used flower to adorn the hair is the jasmine. The heavenly smell of those small, beautiful jasmine flowers is always an unforgettable experience.

 

Satish always helped his mother to pick flowers from the jasmine creepers on their terrace. Within minutes, she will beautifully strew strings of jasmine flowers. She will then cut them into four equal strings of jasmine. After adorning the pooja room with the first string, she will give the second one to his sister, the third one she will pin it on her hair and the fourth one she will always give to any girl she meets at the temple. She always followed this routine even on rainy days. The shrubs of jasmine and other creepers that lined their terrance never stopped blooming with fragrant flowers. Satish loved watching his mother making strings of flowers during festival days. She made those strings of flowers colorful on special days. She chose different colour combination every day. If she used fire cracker flowers on the first day, she will make strings with the combination of jasmine, rose, marikolundu or marugu. A combination of white, green, red, rose flowers looked distinct and catchy.

 

One day, his mother asked Saranya to make strings of flowers with the mullai that bloomed plenty in the creepers at the front-yard. Within mintues, Saranya impressed her with her skill in making lengthy strings of flowers that was thick and tightly strewn. As usual, his mother cut those strings of flowers into four equal pieces and pinned those thick strings of flowers on her plaited her. The fragrance of flowers spread a heavenly perfume around the hall and he could not stop wondering what are the other surprises she would have for him.

 

He picked a bunch of jasmine flowers from the nearby bush and kept them on the dashboard of his car. They brought inside a heavenly fragrance that reminded him of his mother and Saranya together.

 

“I am so lucky.” He smiled. As a coincidence, Saranya called him.

 

“Where are you now?” She questioned eagerly.

 

“Just now had my evening tiffin. I am starting my way to Chennai.”

 

“Ok. I am just getting ready to go to the temple. Take care. Don’t drive fast.” She advised.

 

“Sure”

 

“Hope, you will be here for the weekend.”

 

“Yes. I think, I could not wait for these three days. Take care. Bye.” He entered the national highway with a beaming smile and wished those three days will move away fast.

Chapter 10

 

I live with him, I hear his voice,

I stand alive to-day

To witness to the certainty

Of immortality. Emily Dickinson

 

Saranya could not forget his voice over the phone when he called her before that life-changing accident. Though she didn’t record their conversation, one of her close friends managed to get the recording from the company. She kept on listening to the audio again and again till she felt tired. She will definitely not feel bored, but it made her feel more depressed. Before she went to sleep, she never failed to hear the conversation at least once.

 

Half-way through the sleep she often wakes up with disturbing night mares. She could invitably feel the presence of his soul around her that made her dumb, searching for words to express her pain.

 

In the middle of the night, when the whole home slept and there was silence everywhere, she woke up. She could hear him calling her in whispers. The dark shadows moved along the window curtains and mimicked their time together in gentle gestures. Every move of the curtain brought in her fresh memories of their days spent together in hopes and dreams for a wonderful future.

 

“Saran” Whenever he called her, it set its imprint not only to her but also to the air that surrounded them and vibrated every minute particle in the air with love. Every human voice has a unique tone that is all its own. It carried its own signature and traits. No two voices are alike. Saranya felt his voice vibrating with tenderness that touched her with a warm caress. He loved talking to her over phone. Satish admired her voice and it sounded so musical when she spoke to him over the phone.

 

“You have a mesmerizing voice over the phone.” He told her for the hundredth time.

 

Saranya spoke so softly and it was always difficult for the other person to decide what she spoke to them.

 

Whenever she went shopping, the person at the shop will never understand what she is asking for. Even if she repeated again and again, they will keep on asking her what she really wanted. But things were different with Satish. He understood whatever she spoke at the first instance and never asked her to repeat.

 

“Will you stop listening to that recording?” Her mother pleaded.

 

“This is the only thing that gives me the comfort.” She refused to stop listening.

 

“I understand. But, that will make you feel more depressed. Please.”

 

“Ok.” She kept her mobile aside and took a book for reading.

 

“Don’t stay late. Try to get some sleep.” Her mother closed the door gently before she left the room.

 

Saranya felt sad for her mother. Her parents were in a confused state of mind and they could not accept what happened to her. They felt responsible for whatever that happened. Though Saranya requested her parents to wait for a while before finalising the marriage proposal.

 

Somewhere at heart, she felt this alliance may not materialise and she did not want to get married so soon and leave her parents alone. Every one in the family felt the proposal to be a good one and she must not refuse. Her maternal uncles advised her to continue her studies after marriage, and they will request the bridegroom’s parents to agree for that. After her sister’s sudden demise, both of her parents stayed aloof without talking to anyone. Not only to the family members, but also to their relatives, friends and neighbours. Whenever she saw her father’s fragile figure, she felt broken and desperately wanted to set things right at home by making them happy and be normal again.

 

From morning to evening, she engaged herself with many activities, both at home and college. But, at night, she could not sleep immediately. Numerous questions sprang before her mind and her future looked bleak and dark. She yearned for his nearness and she kept on questioning why that should happen to her.

Chapter 11

 

Oh yes, getting

A man to love is easy, but living

Without him afterwards may have to be

Faced. A living without life when you move

Around, meeting strangers, with your eyes that

Gave up their search, with ears that hear only

His last voice calling out your name and your

Body which once under his touch had gleamed

Like burnished brass, now drab and destitute. Kamala Das

 

Saranya spent just a week at her husband’s home. Though her in-laws wanted her to be with them, her parents were reluctant to leave her there alone. They promised them that they wanted Saranya to spend sometime with them and then decide what to do then.

 

The sudden demise of Satish had shocked his mother to the core and she fell down unconscious when she heard the news and had to be hospitalised for a few days. The doctors allowed her to go home for a short time to attend the funeral rites of Satish, and someone was always near to attend her.

 

It was only a few weeks after her marriage, and she was not familiar with anyone in the family except Satish. There was not much time to explore each other’s likes and dislikes and it was just the beginning of their lives. Right from the beginning, Satish’s mother had a liking for her, and she wanted Saranya to be near her always. She felt by being Saranya somehow made her feel at peace and she believed that would be the best thing Satish would have also wished.

 

In that sprawling house, Saranya was familiar only with their room at the upstairs and the stairs that lead to the terrace. She had never been alone at the kitchen or the hall. Satish always accompanied her at the dining table, and sat along with her in the hall when the whole family sat together to watch television. Her mother-in-law was kind enough not to insist her to be at the kitchen to help her cook or set the dining table. Even the little children at home wanted to play with her and get familiar with her. But, she could not spare her time for everyday, they visited someone’s house to have a wonderful lunch or spend their time watching the latest movies in the local cinema halls.

 

Saranya smiled a lot but spoke a very little. Though the family looked lovingly caring, and wished her to be happy at all instance, Saranya thought it will definitely take some more months to understand the members of the family, and she could not tell how far they are good or happy with her. Being so attached to her son, she did not refuse, when Satish decided to move to Chennai along with Saranya just after 30 days of marriage.

 

 Saranya wanted to spend some more time with her parents before she could move along with him to Chennai. If she immediately moved to Chennai, her parents will be left alone. Saranya wished she lived at least near them in the same town, so that she will be able to meet them every day or on alternate days. Moving away to Chennai made her heart feel happy and sad at the same time. She felt thrilled to start her life at Chennai and wished her mother will stay with her for sometime. Saranya’s mother did not want to leave her father alone at home.

 

Initial days in Chennai went smoothly and fast. She had ample time to spend herself and used the time to set things at home as Satish discussed with her. The neighbours in the apartments were neither friendly or indifferent, they all went on with their work and days at Chennai were completely different from the days at her native.

 

In the beginning, even the children didn’t smile at her. One day when she was buying vegetables from the vendor at the apartment gate, a toddler who was moving around with her walker tugged her saree and smiled at her. She bent down and kissed her. The little girl clapped her hands gleefully. From that day onwards, her evenings were spent with them and she loved watching them play till Satish came home from the office.

 

Sarany started to relish the warmth of married life. The whole world turned to be a happy place and she learned to accept and forget the painful days that they all went through after her sister’s sudden demise. With a life brimming with hope and happiness, she believed that her sister’s soul would bless her with more happiness. Saranya wished her sister to be born as her baby and thus bringing their lives to be a fulfilled one.

 

To her surprise, one of her neighbours, her husband’s colleague, arranged for a welcome lunch on a Sunday. That Sunday evening was a memorable one, for the little children at the apartments arranged for some entertaintment program at the space in the courtyard. As a token of thanks, Satish arranged for a wondeful buffet dinner at home and invited everyone at the apartment to their home. Smiling, and smiling, and smiling, Saranya felt content and happy and thanked god for giving her such a wonderful married life

 

Saranya’s parents wanted her to start her family immediately. Though no one at home wanted to go for work, Saranya wanted to start going for work in Chennai. A city life will be completely different from the life at a small town, and she wanted to explore the possibilities of strengthening her knowledge and love for language. Satish helped her to get an interview at the local college and she successfully attended it and received the appointment also. At that time, her inlaws wanted them to visit their town to attend the annual festival, and so she has to postpone her joining at the college. She called and informed them she will be joining 15 days later and they agreed to it.

 

Within a week, destiny changed her life leaving her shattered and unhappy. The gloominess that prevailed after her sister’s demise once again returned stealthily at home, and she started to doubt what was in store for her. Dumb and numb, her days moved on slowly, and the heaviness at their hearts burdened their lives with tears and sighs.

Chapter 12

 

Meena could not suppress her anxiety. She could hear her heart beating wildly inside her ribs and an unbearable pain tingled her nerves on both legs.

 

Not only starting a new life, recovering a normal life is also with so much of expectations and doubts. Meena could not come to a decision and identify what is going on with her.

 

Recollecting something painful that happened in the past always ruin our moments of peace. Though Meena didn’t want to think about those painful, abusive days, whatever she hear or see reminded those moments. She didn’t want to go through those days of pain, and she wanted to live peacefully without any regrets.

 

Going through an experience that you can’t share even with your close friend always has a drastic effect on the mental health. Depression sets in and your loved ones may not find out the real reason behind your weird behavior. Sleepless nights disturbed by night mares and the untimely wake up alarm that rings in your brain may slowly affect your reasoning skills and prevents you from thinking and taking decisions correctly. The most disturbing moment is the second when you are pulled from your deep sleep and left rolling this side and that side on your bed.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.12.2018

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