In Focus - Issues

When I was first asked to write an article on sexuality and gender issues in the context of Indian relationships, I was in a dilemma. Whatever I read from books confused me. I could not start writing because I did not know where to start.

 

Anu, a woman in her late thirties, was brought up in an environment that showed her as a broad minded, energetic girl bubbling with spirits, aspiring to achieve something in life. “I do not want my life be shunted between kitchen and bedroom. I would rather die than taking up such a life”.  Anu used to tell her friend always. But she got married into a family where she have to live among women who thought a women’s real life existed around the kitchen and the bed room. This slowly developed a hole in her confidence.

 

Anu slowly descended into a hollow that darkened and suppressed her spirits. Her husband hesitated to support her as he thought it might label him as “hen pecked” in his family. She had to give in silently to her husband’s sexual desire, because of her children.

 

At this juncture, the role of a male and a female in a society with the existing norms made me feel breathless and sigh with regret. Though we talk much about sexuality issues in the wake of feminism in India, there exists the male dominance over female that hinder and oppress them from coming up in life. Whether you are intelligent or dull headed, the role of male dominance could not be erased forever.

 

In places where it could not be shown directly, it moves forward stealthily to paralyze your efforts. Still there are women who subtly obey to the dictation of male dominance and find things done according to their will. At this juncture, who could be blamed? In most of the Indian families, the dominant role-played by a female or male still needs better understanding. Male dominance is always projected high, and everyone accepts it as a sign of a secured home.

 

In India, most women come to feminism through personal experience, which is one of the reasons why the core identity of feminism has to be elastic. In India, feminism is still to find a true expression. Because, common women rate their own fellow women by judging their ability to meet the sexual needs of men and give birth to children.

 

The so-called marriage market in India chooses their brides by looking at the personality and rates them accordingly. The existing dowry system in India thus fixes the rate of a bride and paves a way for gender injustice exercised by women on their own folk. In India, male chauvinism in its maximum degree has led to gender injustice. Oscar Wilde called women ‘a decorative sex’ following it up by saying “they never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly’. This very clearly reflects the attitude of male in India, who believes even now that the first duty of a female is to fulfill the sexual needs of her partner.

 

Ram, a man in his late twenties with dreams about a happy married life. Intelligent, but submissive, he could not express his feelings to his wife when problems started in their life. He was pushed into doing a business that not suited his mentality and whatever he did turned out into a failure.

 

The entire harmony of the family got shattered with the growing financial problems and every day turned out to be a battle of words. Slowly, he slipped into a world of darkness and got shrunk inside a nutshell of vague dreams. He could only show his sexual domination and develop a bubble of misunderstanding, which disturbed the family harmony.

 

In India, the cultural emphasis on the family leads both men and women be deprived of the power to determine the basis upon which their sexual relationship should take place. A women’s fertility and her relationship to her husband is often thought as a mark of her social identity. The women are not even allowed to decide when they could have their child and have to do according to her husband’s wish.

 

When a man’s fertility is questioned, the whole blame is put on the women only. Radha, a girl in her early twenties is eagerly expecting to have a baby. Though co-operative and willing in her sexual relationship with her husband, she could not succeed in it.

 

When their family doctor advised both of them to have the medical tests, her husband stubbornly refused to accompany her. The doctor expressed her inability to do anything without the report of her husband’s medical test. Radha failed in her attempts to persuade her husband to go for the test. She has to suffer in silence as she could not share with anyone her feelings towards her husband’s indifference.

 

Blamed entirely for being unable to have a child, the society refuses such women’s participation in traditional ceremonies celebrated for the welfare and progeny of the family. In India, the relationship between a husband and wife is judged by their success in having a child within one year of their married life.

 

The battle for gender justice has been a long-drawn struggle and much have to be changed because the traditional abuse of women and underestimation of their capacities still continues. It is not merely the poor or the illiterate but women from all strata of society experience bias in day-to-day life.

 

Giving higher education and economical independence to a girl is not the only criteria to solve the existing problem. Better handling of the social norms that draws a line in the midst of the family harmony is the need of the hour. We must know how to build up our life harmoniously inspite of all these social hindrance and rules that exist in the society. By doing so we could wipe off this kind of injustice at least in the near future.

 

Originally posted here http://meghdutam.in/2001/04/12/in-focus-by-kalai-selvi-arivalagan/

Present situation

 With all the facilities for a better education and livelihood, yet women are in a challenging position to tackle problems in their day to day life.

 

Life has become easy with technology. But the mindset of men has not yet changed.  Most of the women in the society still face unsafe situations in their personal lives. Freedom granted after struggles and protests are becoming meaningless.

 

Indian women who lived in 80s and 90s dreamed for a life full of achievements and ultimate freedom.  This lead to the upliftment of girl children with better education and work opportunities.   Girls wanted to earn money and fulfill their desires. Parents supported them.   More money, more freedom, more opportunities made them self sufficient and they wanted to yearn for more and more.

 

Women encouraged dresssing in modern attire imitating the westerners.  Though men accepted their way of dressing, there was no ultimate change in the mindset of men who lived in the middle strata of the society.

 

Apart from this mindset,  the younger generation has become addicted to drugs and drinking alcohol.  Once they were into it, their brains would refuse to think in the right way.  Their hidden perverted wishes might come to the fore and made them behave brutely.  

 

Abuse at home

 We say home is the safer place to women. Some times these homes turn out to be a place of sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse.

 

Indian society doesn't accept the lonely status of a woman who wants to live a life on her own.  Present day women are employed and they are financially independent. Yet, things are not fair for some women.  Society does not come in support of them.  The society turns a blind eye to such problems telling that it is not the right thing to interfer in a person's personal life.

 

Education must strengthen a woman's attitude towards life in India.  Women must have the courage to voice against anything that could harm them mentally, physically, and morally.

 

Enemy - Not a Man - Another Woman

 A man may not be your detested enemy.  Your own woman friend may turn to be one.

 

Particularly in Indian households, the chaos and confusion that happens in a family will be mainly because of women at home.  One woman could not stand the presence of the other woman due to various reasons.  Jealousy plays a main role in building the hatred and it finally leads to the disturbance of peace at home.

 

While a man tend to harm a woman physically and sexually, a woman can harm another woman to an unimaginable extent.  They take the liberty of being women and go to an extent that even men could imagine.

 

Recent happenings prove this to be true.   Women can do unpardonable crimes for the benefit of materialistic wealth.  They don't hesitate to do things that are unethical and it is so shocking to perceive when they show utmost inhuman attitude.

Alarming Issues

 

Recently the incidents that circulate in the media convey the message that not even a single place could assure safety for women.  This shows that girls today need to be alert every second of the day and also know how to handle delicate situations without any fear.

 

Girls must be trained to protect themselves against any violence or injury inflicted upon them.  Parents must teach them to act smart and learn to face tough situations.  Tough situations can be there not only at work place or home or in places away from home.  Tough situations can prevail anywhere they go. 

 

Teach your girls to be open and discuss things frankly with you.  This will definetely help you to guide them in a better way. 

 

Whatever that has been happening here is not something to rejoice.  Alarming increase in crime rates against girls is the latest media report. Girls in their tender age were abused, raped and murdered to send across a warning or a threat for the community where the girls lived.

 

Today's Scenario

 

Present days are quite challenging not only for women but also for adolescent girls, girls in their teens, girls who have not yet passed the girlhood days.  Education has provided the girls with more opportunities to win and live with all comforts. Together with this opportunity comes the challenges also.

 

In spite of awareness regarding safety, girls still face hurdles at all levels.  Schools conduct Karate classes to help girls to be strong enough to face any delicate situation.

 

The wide expansion of social media has now become a threat to girls of today.  An Indian parent protects a girl child by not allowing her to go out of home unnecessarily.  Yet, the social media that has come inside a protected home through the mobile phones.  

 

As technology grows, parents need to tackle situations that are never thought of or never likely to happen.  A day has come here for the girl children to be intelligent enough to handle any delicate situation that crops up unaware.  It is not only her nails and fingers that could protect her from unexpected dangers.  It is also the presence of mind that can help them to be safe.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.09.2013

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
To all Indian Women/Girls - Both literate and illiterate