Age three


I waved to my Mommy. She was sitting with all those other Mommies on a bench next to the playground, always keeping an eye on me, I knew.

I was on my own, baking cookies in the sand, like I always helped my Mommy baking in our kitchen. I like that very much. I already had more finished, than I could count with my fingers and I was looking for Mommy to show her. She always said she was so proud when I showed her things I did.

But there was someone in front of me so I couldn’t see my Mommy. It was a boy. I’ve seen him before, he is always with some other boy and a girl and they only play together. But it looks always so much fun. I never saw anyone else with them, but many had tried. I loved being on my own. I never had to cry because the others were mean to me.

“Hello”, I greeted the boy. I wondered why he was standing there.

He didn’t say anything.

“Would you like some of my cookies?” I asked politely.

That was when he reacted. “I don’t want any of your cookies.”

He pushed me and I fell next to my cookie tray. One inch further and they would have been destroyed.

“They are made of sand and they would taste terrible. You are so stupid to make them!” And he stepped right on my cookies when walking away.

I was close to tears. Why was this boy so mean to me?

I ran off to my Mommy. Surely she saw everything and would make this boy cry as well.

“Honey Baby what happened?” she wanted to know, when I arrived at her bench.

“That… that b-boy, h-he was say-say-saying…” I couldn’t say another word, tears were streaming down my face.

“What did he say, Honey?”

“H-he… and, and…”

Mommy pulled me into her arms and stroked my back softly. I loved it when she did that. It always made me feel so save.

“He said I was stupid and my cookies would not taste and then he stepped on them”, I said in a rush.

Mommy chuckled quietly. “Honey Baby, do you know why he did that?”

I shook my head no.

“Because he likes you”, Mommy said. “But he is only a boy and that is why he doesn’t know how to act around you.”


Age seven


I wore my nicest dress. It was my birthday and Mommy and Daddy promised me that I would have the nicest party of all the parties the other kids had over the year. We were celebrating in my backyard and I had invited all the kids in my class and some others, as well. This would be the best birthday ever. I would get so many presents that I wouldn’t be able to count them all and everyone would forever and always remember the biggest party in town. Everybody had accepted their invitation.

“Ok Honey Baby, it’s time for your big entry. All the guests are here and waiting for the birthday girl”, Mommy said.

She went to open the glass door to the backyard, but I stopped her. “Mommy, you can’t call me ‘Honey Baby’ anymore. I’m seven today, I’m a big girl, now.”

She laughed gently, not believing me. “That’s ok, then, Bella. Now, get out there. And make sure to say hello to all of your guests.”

So I did. I went outside and was stunned. Never had there been so many people in our yard, never had I seen so many. And they all were here for me.

I stepped down the porch and went to the first people, I saw, said ‘Hi’ and went on. Mommy had said I had to greet everyone. I took a longer break at the gift table. It was so full! And then I went to the other side, where more guests were I hadn’t greeted, yet, and where also was the table with all those cakes, cookies and Muffins Mommy had made especially for today.

“Hi”, I said to the group of one girl and two boys next to the table. “Thank you for coming to my party!”

“We are so happy you invited us”, said the girl. “This is really a great party!”

“And the cakes are awesome”, said the bigger of the two boys. “I already had some of three different ones. They are nearly as good as the ones my Mom makes.”

“Thank you”, I said. “My Mommy made them. She spent so many hours in the kitchen to make them taste good.”

I turned to the second boy to see if he had anything to say. About him, I was not sure if I was happy that he came. Where he was, there was always trouble included.

“Yea, well, Happy Birthday, Bella”, he said.

“Thank you, Edward”, I replied, happy that for once he seemed to be sincere.

I walked on. But before I could do more than two steps, my foot got stuck in something and I fell down into the grass. It hadn’t rained the day before, neither this day, but the earth was still wet and my beautiful dress very dirty.

“Are you ok?” the girl wanted to know.

I didn’t answer, but just ran inside to wait for my Mommy to comfort me. I knew what my foot got stuck on. His foot!

“Honey B- I’m sorry, Bella, are you ok? What happened?”

“Edward made me trip over his foot and I fell and now my dress is all dirty”, I cried.

“Oh, Sweety, I’m sorry. Come on, let’s get you changed.” She helped me out of the dress and into a new one. “And now you better stay away from that boy.”

“Why does he do that?”

“Maybe he was jealous at all the boys that were looking at you in that beautiful dress”, Mommy said.


Age twelve


Nervously I ran my hand through my school bag. Where was my homework? I knew I had done it and I was sure I had it packed yesterday evening. I did control it in the morning. I was even sure I checked it before the break.

It was the most important homework of the year. Well, it was for me. The task was to write a poem about something meaningful that happened on our life. I had always loved poetry and so every evening for one week I sat on my bed and trying to find perfect rhymes, always with a picture of my mother in front of me. She was gone nearly three years, now, and I wanted to write the poem about my feelings over the last few days she was with us.

The poem held so much of my feelings… and now it was gone! Could I really have lost it?

“Looking for this, Swan?” I heard a voice from the other end of the room.

I looked up, even though I already should have known who it was and that this person was holding exactly that meaningful sheet of paper I was looking for. “Give it back”, I demanded.

“Now, tell me why I should do that!” He laughed and his friends next to him snickered as well. “I didn’t think you had it in you”, He said, taking a look on the sheet. “This is really deep stuff. I guess, I’m going to have to keep it. I had no time to do the homework. I mean I’m a boy, why should I write poetry? So thanks for all the work you put into my homework, Swan.”

I stood up. “Give it back, Cullen!” I tried to sound threatening.

He seemed amused by my poor try. “And what will you do if I don’t?”

“I… I…” I couldn’t think of anything.

“That’s what I thought.” He went to his seat. “You know, if I were you, Swan, I’d quickly start writing a new poem. Miss Bell will be here any minute and you wouldn’t want to end up having nothing, would you?”

I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to seem so weak. I wasn’t strong enough to take my poem back, but I wouldn’t show my tears to him. So I just turned, sat back on my chair and quickly started writing the first things that came into my mind. It wouldn’t be close as good as the one he stole from me, but at least I wouldn’t get an F for having nothing.

It wasn’t until I was back home that my tears started running. And there was no one there to comfort me. No Mom to tell me that he was only doing this, because he was a boy and had no other way of showing me how much he liked me.


Age fourteen


I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I sat in a booth in the town’s diner and was waiting for my secret admirer. He wrote me a letter while school the day before and threw it in my locker. I only found it this morning and it said he wanted to meet me at seven tonight. And here I was, I wore my only skirt and a new shirt and waited. It was five to seven.

My Dad I told I was going to meet Angela at her house. I could never tell my Dad that I was going to meet a boy. He was very protective of me, ever since my Mom died.

Angela was the only girl I ever met outside of school. It was only sometimes, because she had other friends and they didn’t want to hang around with me. But that was fine.

At seven, when the door opened, I nearly jumped. But there were only a bunch of kids from the school coming in. One of them, of course, Edward Cullen. The boy that made my life hell ever since I first met him. That boy my Mom always used to tell me that he secretly liked me, because of all those things he did to me. I stopped believing this when she died. There was no way that someone like Edward Cullen could like someone like me. Not only because of the way he treated me, but overall. There just was no chance.

And also there was no chance that I would ever like him! Not only has he been mean to me every time we were in the same room, but also was he arrogant and his self-esteem was way too big for his head. So, no, there was no chance in hell that I would ever feel anything but dislike or even hatred for him. At least that was what I told myself.

He and his group came to stand right in front of my table. “Swan, you’re sitting at our table!” he announced.

“There is no reservation sign, from what I can tell”, I replied.

“There is no need for that because everybody knows that this is our table. And since you don’t know it, you must be, well…” He appeared to be thinking. “…a nobody!”

I swallowed hard as not to show him, how much his words affected me. “I’m Sorry, but this was the only free table when I entered and I don’t see why I should go look for another table now, when you can do the same. If you’ll excuse me, now, I’m meeting someone.”

“Really?” He didn’t seem to believe me. He took the seat next to mine – which his friends followed and soon the table was overly crowded. “Someone wants to meet with you? And who might that be? Your father?”

“No, it’s my-” I stopped, suddenly feeling uneasy.

“Your what?”

“I’m not going to discuss this with you. Would you please go and find another table for yourself and your friends?”

“No, we quite like it here. I think we’ll stay.” He got more comfortable in his chair and started talking to the boy next to him.

I didn’t know what to do. The diner’s door didn’t open for the next fifteen minutes and the uneasy feeling in my stomach increased. Something went terribly wrong here.

“So, Swan, tell me, where is your hot date?” He asked some minutes later.

“I don’t know”, I answered honestly.

“I’m not surprised he didn’t come. I mean, who would want to go out with you?” He turned to me. “Now, would you please leave this table? We kind of need your seat.”

“No, I think I’ll stay a little longer”, I replied.

He sighed, grabbed a note pad and a pen that one of his friends was offering with a smirk I couldn’t understand. He wrote something on it and passed it to me. “You are even dumber than I thought. You should have figured out hours ago.”

Sorry, couldn’t make it

It was the same handwriting as the little love letter I found in my locker this morning.

“Ding, ding!” Edward made.

I just stood up and ran out of the diner. How could I have been so stupid and believe that there actually was a secret admirer. It was me! Bella Swan! I didn’t have friends and especially not secret admirers. Of course there had to be some mean game behind this. And mean games always meant Edward Cullen.

Why was he doing this to me? Didn’t he have any feelings at all? When one thing was sure…

I did have feelings. For him.


Age seventeen


It was the end of junior year. I was on my way to Alice Cullen. She was the first friend I ever had and there was no one else more surprised than me that it was her. His sister.

It started at the beginning of the school year when we had to do a project together for our English class. At first, I was convinced that this would end in a disaster, but after we spent an afternoon together there was just no denying. We were on the same wavelength and soon became best friends. She included me into her little group of friends, which was nice. It also was this time, when the attacks of her brother stopped. I assumed she had a hand in this. She also was trying to convince me more and more that he actually was a really nice guy and we just started off the wrong foot. I couldn’t believe her.

I went straight to Alice’s room once I arrived at the Cullen’s house. She sat at her dressing table, giving her eye shadow a new order as it appeared.

“Hi”, I said when I entered.

She looked up. “Finally! You are late.”

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I nearly burnt Dad’s dinner because I was on the phone and… I’m sorry. I’m here now.”

“That’s ok. How about we start with a little make over?”

“Do we have to?” I asked as if I were in pain.

“Yes, we do. This is a sleep over and sleep overs start with make overs.”

“Ok”, I gave in. “You do to me whatever you feel necessary to do.”

“Great!” she exclaimed.

I didn’t get to see what she did to me. She gave me one of her dressing gowns to wear over my underwear. We bought it on our last shopping trip and she told me to wear it tonight, so I could feel girly. Sometimes Alice really was a little crazy, but that was just her. And I loved that part about her.

I felt her pulling back my hair and doing something with my face. It felt nice and refreshing. Then she used some different brushes on me and brought them to different parts of my face. When she was finished with that, she began to work on my hair. She used her curler and some wax. To make it shiny, she explained to me.

“Finished”, she finally said. “Now, I have this dress I want you to wear. Do you think you could do that for me?”

“I guess”, I said slowly.

She went to her wardrobe and came back with a beautiful dress that reminded me of one I had as a child.

I put it on, feeling the silky fabric on my skin.

“What do you think about watching some movies?” Alice asked. “My family won’t be interrupting us, if we use the living room, I made sure of that.”

“Yea, we can do that. I don’t mind. But don’t you want me to give you a make over as well?”

“Naw, I’m good. I just always wanted to give you one.” She looked at me for a moment. “Why don’t you go ahead? I really need to go to the bathroom, before we start watching movies.”

“I can wait, that’s fine”, I said.

“What about you go ahead and chose the movie, so we can start watching whenever I’m finished?”

“But what if you don’t like my choice?”

She seemed a little impatient, now. “When did I ever not like your choice? Just go, it’s fine.”

“OK, well then… see you in a bit.”

She nodded and turned to her bathroom. I left through her door and went downstairs. The door to the living room was closed. I opened it slowly and peeked in to make sure there really was not anybody in there.

But there was.

“Oh. I’m sorry. Alice said, we could watch a movie in here and there would be nobody. Sorry”, I quickly apologized when I saw Edward in the middle of the room.

“No, please, come in.” He said, waving is hand.

I took a step inside, watching my surroundings. He was kneeling on a blanket that was spread in front of the open fire. All around the room there were several candles enlightened. There also was a basket which looked as if it belonged to a picnic set.

“That dress looks lovely on you”, he whispered, standing up. He came over to me, gently took my hand from the doorknob and closed the door behind me. “Don’t you want to join me?” He asked, his breath fanned my face.

“I… I…” I didn’t know what to say.

He led me to the blanket and sat down, pleading me with his eyes to join him. I did. He leant over to the basket and opened it.

“Do you want some sand cookies? It’s a funny name, right? I guess they are called it because they have the color of sand. So, do you want one?”

He brought a tray out of the basket and held it in front of me. There really were cookies on it which had the color of sand. They smelled delicious.

I nodded and took one, as did he, before he brought the tray down to the floor.

He took a bite of it and only after I felt encouraged to also do so. I had bad experience with this boy when it came to sand cookies. It was over fourteen years ago, but I still remembered it like it had been yesterday.

“They really are good. Did your mother make them?” I also remembered his brother Emmett once saying his Mom was the best cook.

He smiled sheepishly. “No, I made them. I had to practice a lot, until they were as good as those.”

“Why would you try so hard?”

He looked down, but never answered.

When I was finished with the cookie, he brought his hands to the pocket of his slacks – I don’t think I had ever before seen him wearing slacks and I really wondered why he did now – and held a sheet of paper in his hand only seconds later. He handed it over.

Slowly I opened it and recognized it immediately. It was the poem I wrote all those years ago for homework, the one he took from me.

“I never handed it in as mine”, he said. “I always kept it. I read it so often, I know it by heart. It really is amazing.” His eyes searched for mine. “Turn it over”, he asked.

I did. There was something written on the back I hadn’t seen before. One line in his nice hand writing.

Will you go on a date with me, please?

It dropped out of my hands. “Edward…” I whispered. “What is all of this? You are giving me sand cookies, when fourteen years ago you said making them was stupid and destroyed mine. You compliment me on a dress that looks like the one I wore on my seventh birthday, when you made me trip and it became all dirty. You give me back a poem I wrote about my mother five years after stealing it from me in the meanest manner. And on the backside of it you ask me out on a date when only three years ago you tricked me in waiting for a secret admirer so you can make fun of me having no friends. Why are you doing this?”

“Because I like you”, he said simply.

“No.” I said harshly. “No, you don’t like me. Is this another one of your tricks? And… and Alice is part of this? Did she only become my friend so you can play another one of your mean games with me? I can’t believe I fell for this. I should have known better than to befriend with a Cullen. How could she? How dare you!” I stood up. “I’m leaving. And I better not hear from you again. I don’t want to ever see you again!”

I stomped of to the door. I knew I would have to see him again. After this weekend, in school. But I would never talk to him. Or to Alice. I would ignore them and if it was the last thing I did.

“No, wait, Bella! Please, wait. I can explain this.”

He ran to overtake me and stood between me and the door. There was no way out, now. “Well this better be good.”

“It is”, he said sincerely. “I was a stupid little boy in the past, I know that. And I was mean and arrogant and I certainly didn’t treat you the way I should have treated you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. It is the truth, Bella. I do like you. I always have. I just… I didn’t know. I only knew my brain was funny around you and being the cool boy I thought I was, I treated you like mud. Nobody could know that I had those kind of feelings and so I did everything to cover them. I was an asshole. I know. I was even worse. But I know better, now. And I will do everything to make up for this. Bella, please, give me a chance. Go out with me. Let me make you happy.”

“I don’t know”, I answered slowly. “Edward, I like you. I have liked you for quite some time, now. Ever since my Mom said, you only did those things, because you liked me. But how can I trust you? How do I know that this is not another one of your games?”

“I can understand that you cannot trust me, really I can. But please, trust Alice. She never did anything to you, honestly, she always tried to stop me. She knew the real reason for all this long before I did. She would never mislead you, she loves you. And… and if you still don’t believe me, than at least trust your mother.”

“Don’t bring my mother into this”, I warned.

“But she was right. Bella…” he breathed. He was close. Too close.

“Edward, please.” I took a step back. “I don’t know if I can do this. I really don’t.”

“How about this: You give me this date tonight, we’ll have this picnic in here, in front of the fire. We talk and eat. And at the end of the evening you tell me if you have changed your mind about me. You are free to leave and go home and never talk to us Cullens again. Or you decide that you want to give me a chance – which I really hope you’ll do – and have that sleep over with Alice tonight.”

I still wasn’t sure about this, but I nodded. “If I give you that chance”, I said, “you will be no more than my friend afterwards. And we will see from then on how things develop.”

“Sounds fair. I would love to be your friend by the end of the night.”

“Hm”, I only made. I went back to the blanket and sat down. Curiously I looked into the basket for what other food it held.

We placed it on the blanket between us and started to eat and talk.

I knew, if the evening continued like this, Edward stood a good chance of becoming my friend and maybe, someday, my boyfriend.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 25.11.2010

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