Her Last Breath

The last words that came from her soft lips were the last words that would last forever in my mind for the rest of my life. The thought of her passing before me was the hardest thing I had ever learned to challenge and deal with. So I held her hand and looked into her watery eyes as her warm tears came rolling down her face. I was strong for that entire moment which lasted a second that seemed to last for eternity,until I felt her warm dripping tears running across my lingering hands and fingers. At that moment I just broke down and gave in to the pain and suffering that I had been trying to hold back for so long.

I just held her closer and her body tighter as I held her face gently with the other hand assuring I would be right by her side as I looked into her confused lifeless eyes. It was hard fighting back tears that just poured endlessly down my face. As far as I knew, it was the end of the world for the both of us at that time. We both knew that our time together was coming to a complete dead end. Deep within my heart that was once so much filled with love and forgiveness, I now had begun to hate and blame God for what was about to happen to us. Knowing I was acting with a chill factor that exceeded way beyond the level of frost that was now rushing throughout my heart & veins. I still could not find the heart to forgive him one last time.

I knew God had felt my anger and he was truly listening but was doing nothing and I now was wondering if he had ever heard all of my prayers from before. Knowing that they went unanswered for so long until now, I just closed my eyes that were blurred by thick watery tears and grabbed her closer as I looked up to the sky. There was no doubt in my mind that by now God was watching me by the color of the dark illuminated clouds from up above that surrounded us in such a hurry. Thunder and lighting seemed to hurdle on it’s way downward towards us, I could even smell the rain coming from up above. I then challenged myself as I said to God violently from within my own mind and sound. “A servant of God and now an Angel up in heaven, and it was I who was there alone before she had perished, why couldn’t you just spare her life for she did nothing wrong to deserve this.”

“God Damn You! How could you let this have happened to her and I, only to be stuck here despairing all-alone all over once again?” I watched her lifeless body slipping away and gave her one final last farewell kiss on her lips and forehead, then finally whispered softly into her ear goodbye forever one last time. Then she slipped away…

Now and Zen

I remember when we first met and how we both ended up. Every now and then I think about you. I can’t forget about all those wonderful moments we spent together.
How have you been?
What is it like now?

Have you ever wondered it would be just like this right from the very beginning?
Can you see me underneath you from up above?

I remember when I used to see your face, but now it’s only when I awake from the night of silence and come to realize you are no longer there. I can’t get it out of my head when I watched you go.

Everything that I have still smells like you and there’s nothing more that I want more than to see you there.

I sure hope that you’re happy were ever you are, even though I want you back you are still in my eyes when you are not so there.

Now that you’re gone, somewhere up there in the clouds in heaven. Where I knew you should be on the day you left me, and one day I’ll be right there with you.

I know now it has to be this way, but somehow we ended up this way for some reason. I know one of these days we will be one again instead of two like we are here.

Maybe someday we will be again like we did, just from the start. Some other way, some other day and for sure some other place than were we were and that’s the place was we will meet together once again.

It's Just You


No more weary teary eyes
Just sunny skies
Never have I felt so alone
My how much I have grown
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be
As I'm walking' down the street
Maybe it's just you and me
We'll never even miss a beat
Maybe all that I love is You
Just You
I’m just captured by your love
I'm such a fool for falling for you
I remember the day you laid your hand upon my heart
And it tore my world apart
There's been so many times that I have prayed
To hear you speak my name
And there’s been so many times I could never see you face to face
I search for you everyday
Take me away
All that I know is I still love you
Only You
Come what will and come what may
I know my love will remain
Through the joy and through all the pain
I surrender through the pounding rain
Take me away with you
All the way, I love you
And will always miss you
Even though your just a dream

It Dosen't Has To Be


You know it doesn’t have to be this way, even though if we are or aren’t, even if we could be, we still don’t have to be this way and this still doesn’t have to end by any means this way.
You are there and I am here, we are two worlds apart and when were together both of our worlds collided, it’s probably better off you are there and now that I am here.
We can keep it this way even though it still doesn’t have to be this way at all...

Lost In Love


I dreamt of you night and day. I thought of you and the things you would say.
But there is one thing I knew and there is one thing I know. How could we have been
so outrageously down right so low to just blow each other off? There is something we
can’t sew, nor is there something we can’t mend like a piece of metal that can never
bend.
My heart was torn, your heart was broken, and now our words are final- we have
spoken. You were my angel from up above and I used to give you all my love. You still
are my angel and that can never be replaced. Not even with a smile or even a brand
new face. You and only you is all I need, like a flower that grows from the smallest seed.
You had my soul at hello, you had my heart even when we were far apart-much like a
piece of paper I wrote, you ripped and torn apart like my heart and threw it all away.
The things you did and the things you said, could it have been all a bad dream or was it
all in my head?
Now all this pain and all this sorrow will still be here throughout tomorrow.
Now our relationship will never be the same and all it will be was the toughest wicked
game. Out of you, and out of me, you had to have the power, like the softest petals of
the brightest flower. As I think of the days that we had shared, I think of why you said
you cared. When all it was, was a lie to the point it made feel like I wanted to shrivel up and die right
so deep inside.
I always said I missed you, I always said I loved you. But there were many times I
hated you and there were many times I hugged and kissed you and made an effort to
make up for all that. though at times I felt like missing you when you were almost never
there. I’m losing my mind, I don’t know what to do? I’m going crazy just thinking how
much in love I am with you. I’m not only losing a lover but at the same time I’m losing
my best friend and that is why my unconditional love for you will not ever end-and I
hope you always know that you were my one, you were my only and now without you
I’m going to be so lonely…

Goodbye Without a Kiss

There we both went departing on our own separate ways. By the look in your eyes, I knew when you said goodbye. This would be the last we ever would be together without a kiss.

Like the rose on the table, and the vase that caressed the whole stem as it was held forever so gently. So vibrant, and so fragrant day after day. Then one dark cloudy afternoon it seemed to finally shrivel up losing its’ beautiful shape and color, eventually pedals fell away.

Full of life just as you and I, then you drifted away much like the clouds up there along with the pedals we threw together into the wind on that sunny day…

Scent of a Rose

When ever I used to leave in the morning, your scent would seem to remain on me like the scent of a rose.

It reminded me of you constantly.

I hated to wash your scent off, I just want you on me all day.

When ever I'm taking a hot steamy shower, I always thought of those times we were soaping eachother up and down.

It's a great sensation, because know matter what I'll be doing. I'll always seem to find those sweet things that remind me of you.

Confessions of Love

I must confess, I honestly didn’t know where my heart was going to end up, nor did I realize when I would ever find the new meaning of love with so much sensual passion again until I met you.

Since both of our lives crossed each others paths,
I found myself pollinated by your nectar.

Very much like honey, sweet and golden.

But for the most part, I found myself in heaven when
I was completely locked by your arms throughout the
night.

Glimpse of You


When I first saw you, I wanted to meet you.
When I met you, I wanted to get to know you.
When I got to know you, That’s when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my entire life with you!

No Road to Home

It’s just my like luck.
Off shore nautical miles and torn apart from you.
So don’t be scared, I’ll be right back.
Up ahead, the shore was so cold and no road.
Though that doesn’t mean I won’t be home.
I’m not dead, I’m still breathing.
Just don’t close the door on my face when I get home...

Mother Remember The Times

I remember when I was alone and you were some other place instead of right here with me. You said I would always be there in your heart no matter where you are. Though the further apart we were I felt torn completely in two. I can’t remember ever when my heart felt so full of your love when you were always away. I only knew when I was with you; I still mist you with so much love. I guess it’s because I always knew that you were never ever going to stay for very long.

That’s when I feel so complete and so full of love and joy. Loving you like it was going to be for the very last time. I know you understand, though there were too many times I couldn’t understand why you had to leave me all alone to fend for myself in this selfish cruel world. We’ve spent more time separated from each other and further apart severed by many miles. Is all I know, my heart keeps breaking up and falling into broken shards of glass.

Down on my knees constantly praying to God I hope to see the day you’re here soon. I'll keep the candles lit and burning every night so that you will hopefully see the light and find your way through the dark night and find your way home to my heart once again…

The Mermaid

There she was, all like the silky wind across the moonlight. Haven't seen such a beautiful thing in all my life! She fell like a thunderstorm piercing lighting in through my heart & soul... Tears I had felt seemed like years after she had left. Now is all that is left are the rivers that were formed by me leading to the endless waves of shore's across this bay. It's not the end, Someday she'll come across this end again, crossing the Milky Way and universe. So I thought as I was pondering on that, near the endless rivers of tears I've left run off into the bay!


Then one night something fell from the sky like a falling star into the bay. So I ran as quickly as I could but only to find nothing but waves motioning towards the shore with the moonlight ripples glistening from each wave that came slowly my way.

I stayed for a while, caught in a trance by the moment of solitude and solitaire as I watched the moon's deep landscapes from a distance till I fell asleep. The next morning I awoke and found pearl’s, sea shells and hand print's that appeared almost dissapear right from the bay leading beside me. Was I still sleeping and dreaming or was this real? While looking to see whom else was around and wondering where else these little prints were leading too. I found a message scribbled on the sand by where the prints that appeared to lead right back into the bay!

It said: Open your eye's then maybe next time we'll
Have another chance to talk again!
Sleep for now, you look so in peace.

Recluse from a Distance

There I was, underneath that dark cloud again but this time the rain was warm and not so much wind. Out beyond the distance I could see a sailboat working the sails against the wind gracefully. Up in the sky I could also see seagulls gliding and hovering together through the wind that seem to fill in the air up there. On the seashore I noticed big crashing waves slamming into the coastal beach. The rain doesn’t seem to stick around and seems to just be passing on by. I now head closer to the sandy beach to get as close as I can to the water. I love the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore and the seagulls in the background seem to add to the solitude and serenity.

There in the distance I could see a motionless body sitting on the sand wrapped in a black blanket starring out to the sea. I could tell this was definitely the body of a woman from her hair and features from the way she was posed and sitting. The strangest thing is that there were no footprints
surrounding her as if the sand had been undisturbed and untouched by her presence. There was something about her I found mystical and surreal that kept me just observing her. I guess I was curious and wondered about her in every way.

An Evening with Me

Here we go, another turn, the wind keeps pushing the clouds and the rain is on its way. It's not cold but very warm and humid and it has just started to sprinkle here on the beach. Clouds shift on by with the endless features of dark fierce shades of grey. White caps intensified by the display of the luminous sky above are pounding, smashing and ripping through the rough currents of the seas down below.

The seagulls are like kites above soaring and hovering like scoundrels in search of easy pickings left over by children eating and running about. The beachcomber's have their kites lines out with a curve from the brute force of the trade winds. The kites move acrobatically from left to right sporadically. For some unseen reason the wind calms down a bit as seagulls keep themselves in flight right along side for the ride.

From a distance kites and seagulls compete for air and space dominance. The sails from the local cutters yacht club display boldly with no fear and dominance from the rough winds. Violent waves are smashing against the hull as the bow buckles downward piercing and slicing through the dark ocean side.

Others followed the leader of the wild pack as other sail boats fall short from behind. You can see the rain and hear it pounce on the sand and water but no one runs for covered shelter. Children are running around and prancing like a ritual, finding puddles of muddy water here and there to stomp on and splash around on each other. No one seems to mind even though we've all done it as a child growing up from time to time I guess.

There's a beach bomb fire roaring with blazing red hot coals in the background, not even the wind and rain seem to smother it out through it all. You can see the hot steam coming off everyone's head's and shoulder's by the fire and we don’t seem to get any wetter though the forecast say's the worst is yet to come that evening.

All of the sailboats are heading their way back to the port and the kites are being reeled in simultaneously. The fire pit is still blazing and I'll stay awhile and watch the fire till it gets a little darker and the fire dies through the night...

Impressum

Texte: Text Copyright © 2010 by Joey Costeano. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be bought or sold for reproduction-mechanically, or electronically stored on a retrieval system or photo copying by any other means without the written consent or permission of the author. The contents may be read by means of electronic devices for review and must not be sold for profitable monetary purposes unless the author has been contacted in advance and subjected for approval. jcosteano@yahoo.com
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.01.2010

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Widmung:
The main concepts are there, but to be able to convert it into action is were it gets tricky. The day is beginning to bring new life to an old being and new hope to forgotten ones. So live your life to the best or better than your ability to regain the thoughts, words and deeds of people less fortunate than you & I to bring new life to the forgotten ones and regain your soul.