Structural Analysis of Relationship
Copyright ©2016 by Ayodele Ajileye
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Ayodele Ajileye
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Unless otherwise stated, all scriptural references are taken from the New Living Translation of the bible. Italics in scriptures are for emphasis only.
Preface
Life is all about relationship and relationship is all about life. When people define life, it is defined based on relationship and dynamism. To say that life is relational and dynamic is to give the definition a wide coverage. Everybody relates and everything changes even as time changes.
Relationship which is the core part of every life is defined as the method of interacting with one’s environment and the responsiveness to the environment. Everything that surrounds a person is his environment and there is a constant interaction (exchange) with the environment.
To interact with the environment is to expend on or derive from the environment. To be responsive is to be responsible for or to certain components of the environment and yourself.
In this book I wish to discuss the interaction and responsiveness between people. This book is written to guide people on how better to relate with everybody around them. How can I teach you how to live your live? I’m still learning to live mine. However, I want to show you what I have learnt so far in and about relationship.
My dear, I have to write this because I found out that life has the longest chain reaction, if a person is living it right and another in his environment is not living it right, he will be affected unpleasantly regardless of how much rightly he lives. We are in a system where everybody is his own life driver. A good and careful driver may just find himself in an accident caused by a learner or a careless or a drunk driver. I write so that you can see how better to do things and probably teach it to others verbally or in action or even recommend this book to them.
I pray that as you read through the pages of this book, you will understand not only my words but my heart.
Relationship 101
Relationship is the coming together of two or more people to achieve related purposes, all purposes being under the umbrella of companionship. People are different in diverse ways and that call for people not having the same reasons for going into a relationship, but since all reasons find their stands in companionship, I say that purposes are related.
Relationship is a community of many –ships, we have the fellowship, friendship, courtship, business, marriage, and so on. As I like to put it, relationship is a system that dictates the interaction and responsiveness of people.
Relationship gives appropriate atmosphere that attracts different persons with their pieces and parts-pectives. It allows the union of pieces to make a larger whole. Let me explain this using our well-known bodies:
Every cell is special and specific in its function. But as specific and independent as it seems, it need to interact with other cells for its purpose to be accomplished. So, cells with different functions come together to form tissues. A tissue is also identified by its function but it still interacts with other tissues. When tissues with similar purposes combine together, they make an organ. Organs combine to make a system and systems combine together to make the whole body. That is relationship – it is always for a purpose.
Even the first human relationship established between Adam and Eve was for certain purposes – to upgrade individuals from good to better, to help in fulfilling individual’s purpose(s) or ministries (as I chose to see godly purposes), to coordinate the affairs of the earth as it is in heaven and so on.
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? Amos 3:3
I really want to establish the truth that there is no true relationship where there is no purpose. Purpose is God’s given reason for creation and certainly His reason for creating human. The world is one of relationship, and relationship is one for the accomplishment of purpose.
Relationship accomplishes purposes through its interactive and responsive nature. Interaction is from inter-action. Responsiveness is the responsibility part of relationship. Being responsible for or to something or someone is the essence of interaction in the first place. You do not need to interact if it will mean nothing. Man cannot have dominion or care for what he has not interacted with, at least by knowing what it is.
The Bible gives reasons for relating with one another and these reasons can be summed up in the following:
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
- For improvement
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one…" This means that every relationship is meant to make people better in whatever they do. Relationships are God’s tool for training people so that individuals can rise to perfection.
- For greater accomplishment
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "...they have good reward for their labor..." and Deuteronomy 32:30 asks, “How could one person chase a thousand of them, and two people put ten thousand to flight…?” This is because the two people are in good relationship and good relationships just must get better result.
- For companionship
Genesis 2:18 says, "...it is not good for the man to be alone..." and Ecclesiastes 4:11 says, “Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?” Life is not meant to be lived as a lone ranger; people are beings that only thrive in companies. Relationships help for people to rub minds, souls and bodies together and that satisfies for companionship.
- For Procreation
Genesis 1:28 records that God blessed people by saying, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it…” This is one purpose of relationship that many people focus on, yet we miss the real instruction that God gave. People just do biological procreation while the main aspect of it is lacking. God revealed His intention for procreation in Genesis 18:19 when He said about Abraham that “I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just…” The reason for procreation is for people to pass virtues down to others. There should always be predecessors and successor. Abraham passed down what he received from God to his household, even his servants knew how to seek God’s help. Procreation is not all biological; Elijah bore Elisha, Moses bore Joshua.
God’s reason for relationship is to ensure continuity. I’m not talking about marital relationships (uhnm… it’s part of it), all good relationships that is set to fulfill the first three reasons for relationship should also procreate in their likes. This is mentorship, training, guiding people in the right course and really passing the baton.
Where the challenge lies in the real procreation is not with the predecessors but with successors. Many want to be lead without following. People don’t want good virtues to be procreated in them. And again, the circle of the same errors continues with every generation. As long as you relate, be available to be procreated in.
You need always to check every relationship (physically, spiritually and soul-ically) of yours if they fulfill the purposes listed above. These purposes are mutually inclusive; you can't get one and claim not to get others too. If a relationship is not producing the required good fruit then such a relationship is not worth keeping.
In this book, I want to use what we interact with every day to explain what relationship really is, how it operates, and so on. I want to use structures – buildings, chairs, bridges etc. All structures have certain things in common which I will use to explain relationship.
The Foundation and the Frame
For every standing structure there is a foundation. Before anything can stand, there must be a solid ground to stand on. In structural analysis, it is shown that there is a resistance force that the foundation of any structure provides for the structure. This resistance force helps the structure to efficiently support the load it is designed to carry without sinking, without much stress and without failure (at least for the designated life span).
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” Matthew 7:24-27
Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” 2 Timothy 2:19
The first thing in relationship like every other thing in life is the standard – the reference point – the foundation. Measurements are done with reference to fixed points. A fixed point should rather deserve what it’s called by its consistency. An inconsistent standard gives inconsistent results.
If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? Psalms 11:3
Once the standard is wrong, everything else goes wrong. Constitution is the standard for governing a nation, there is engineering book of standards just as there are books of standards for every other field of life which define the code of conduct of the field. Now, there is one consistent book of standards for life. It deserves the name because it holds everything that pertains to life. It shows how to lead a good life. It is the word of God – the Holy Bible.
Life can’t thrive on inconsistency but the Word of God has proven its consistency as every book, every chapter and every verse in it reveals one standard – God.
The standard of relationship – God – gives things that must be achieved in and through every relationship and these are:
- For perfection
- For greater reward
- For companionship
- For procreation
The foundation of relationship also gives all that is necessary for every relationship to accomplish its purpose(s) and these are what I call types of interaction. Namely, purposeful interaction, welfare interaction, educative interaction, discipline interaction and public image interaction.
- Welfare interaction
This is the type of interaction between the foundation and a frame in which the welfare of the frame is considered. It is also called the Pastoral interaction. It checks to ensure that a frame is not overloaded and it gives support to the frames are founded on it.
Give all your worries and care to God for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7
That is the type of support that the welfare interaction gives to the frame; it takes all worries away. Responsibilities become cumbersome when anxiety is added to it, so the foundation takes all anxieties away with the assurance that He will not leave not forsake His own.
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13
As much as the foundation does not allow any frame to be overloaded and over-labored, He also provides ways out of anything that troubles the frame.
As the foundation interacts in this fashion with a frame, He also allows frames to interact in the same fashion with one another.
- Educative interaction
Educative interaction between the foundation and a frame is the type of interaction that brings a frame from the known to the unknown. Education is the gradual process of acquiring knowledge. And the foundation finds a way to gradually impart knowledge to every frame that is founded on it. The frame gets better and better “to the perfect day.” This type of interaction is also called Teaching interaction.
In this interaction, the all-solid and firm foundation comes to become like a frame in order to encourage the frame in getting better.
Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under the law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ.
When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings. (1 Corinthians 9:19-23)
Paul was a frame whose life gives a good example of how the foundation interacts with frames in order to educate them; He becomes like them in order to make them like Himself. Paul, as a frame, interacts with other frames in order to make them better frames in relationship.
- Purposeful interaction
This type
Impressum
Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG
Texte: Ayodele Ajileye
Bildmaterialien: Shakers and Changers Media Crew
Cover: Shakers and Changers Media Crew
Lektorat: Shakers and Changers Editorial Team
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.04.2020
ISBN: 978-3-7487-3419-2
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To all my friends and family.