Prologue

Before going back to the beginning, I'd like to tell you as the readers something about me. Ever since I started pre-school my life has been a hell! Please forgive me for my language, I've never really been one to cuss, but there really is no other way to put it from my perspective. My life was a sob story; only problem, I was the only one crying. I don't know if this book will be sad, or to you readers, sound like a "spoiled" little girl who had a different childhood than most other kids. Well maybe she didn't. How would I know, I've only lived the one.

Growing up, adults always tell you to be yourself, and used phrases like "being normal is overrated," or "being different makes you special." When all we really want to hear is "things will get better, just wait a little while longer." Well, I did. I waited for eight years before things got better... Or so I thought.

Thank goodness I was never physically bullied growing up, but words aren't too much better. The bullying stopped for me before cyber bullying rose to power. I feel so sorry for anyone who has to deal with that kind of torture. All I got we're words. Lots and lots of words. The biggest lie you're told when your little, (other than Santa) is "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Words hurt, sometimes even more than physical wounds. Bullying changes people and their view on life. They hear they're ugly enough and they start looking in the mirror to see a hideous person.. A child who grows up only hearing "You're dumb! You're dumb! You're dumb!" Will spend their whole life thinking they're dumb, and no matter how smart they are, or how hard they work will never look at themselves as smart. Bullying has that same effect if it goes on long enough. After bullying, I became more vulnerable, self-conscious, and more temperamental.

Sure, I learned some lessons about life. You can't trust everyone, treat others as you want to be treated isn't always the case, and it's ok to cry. But at what cost. Some days I look in the mirror and see a loser. Some days I see and blossoming young women. Some days I just snap on any rude comment I get, others I just let it slide off my should (not really I just let it go.. for the time being) I try to forgive, but I never forget, and I use things against people who hurt me. Something's people say to me as a joke make me want to cry because that actually happened to me.

I think sometimes I'm either bi-polar or depressed because great things are happening (or descent) and I can barely fake a smile, or that's all I can do. Now that I'm a teenager, I wonder if its all part of growing up.. It just seems like my friends don't feel the same way I do. Ever.

Even if all of this just seems like junk to you as the reader, I feel like my story should be told. It's changed my life forever, and is a world-wide problem. Sure, my life didn't change overnight like some kids, or like in the movies, but for eight years I delt with on and off bullying while growing up. Starting school, going through the phases as my life changed.

Now the cycle is coming back into high school. My friends are getting more fake, and cheap. And I feel like I've become some wanna be ditzy blonde. I don't know if the changes I've made over the last two years have been for the better or the worst, but I'm hoping to find out before I end up where I was before.

Chapter One

Well, when I was 4 (just like most others) I went to preschool. Yeah, yeah yeah, bla bla bla, etc. etc. etc. The only difference was, I had NO friends. I played by myself, and swung by myself everyday at recess. I was extremely shy. Like I wouldn't talk to anybody unless they talked to me first, even then I was too shy to actually make conversation.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 12.01.2013

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