1: Turning Tides on the Sea Slide

The sun shone upon the curved stretch of water and warmed the tiny islands strewn about within it. Colorful penguins splashed and played in these waters; the Sea Slide was a popular place to visit for them. Even a few bees from the neighboring world of Gold Leaf basked in the warm rays. The Sea Slide was a man-made (or penguin-made) stretch of ocean and beach that hung suspended in the sky. It was often frequented by the penguins from the planet below and the bees who lived nearby. Not many non-locals knew of it, but a certain group of mushroom people did.
The Toad Brigade came to the Sea Slide for the beaches, though the Captain always said they were doing some “serious business.” The band of merry mushroom people often liked to travel to recreational places, pretending that they were helping to find power stars (though they have found about a handful together). Their mushroom-shaped spaceship (known as the “Starshroom”) had landed on the protruding grassy area near the lighthouse. With them they had brought a troubled guest.
Mario, or Super Mario as some called him. He was the best plumber in the Mushroom Kingdom and the seeming hero of the Worlds. He was known far and wide throughout the Mushroom Kingdom and in several galaxies for his “heroics” and his undying will to rescue the often-kidnapped Princess Peach. Though Mario was famous, he spoke not a word to anyone revealing his true thoughts. And he had a lot of thoughts: happy thoughts, deep thoughts, disturbed thoughts, thoughts about life and existence themselves. Mario never showed his true nature; he would always put on a happy face, raising his fist in seeming triumph over his head. Today, however, was different.
Mario left the Starshroom and leapt off the beach onto a small island; he had become used to large jumps by now. Mario turned around, looking at the penguins playing in the water behind him. One young orange penguin caught a glimpse of him, staring in recognition. Mario smiled and waved in attempt to be friendly in spite of his disturbed state of mind. The young penguin waved back. Mario hopped over to the dock in front of the lighthouse.
“I’m not a hero,” he mumbled to himself in his Italian accent. The lighthouse was isolated from the rest of the Slide, built onto an outcropping. The white lighthouse with the blue shingled roof wasn’t that tall, as it was there for decorative purposes. There weren’t as many creatures over around the lighthouse to bother him — only a red-shelled yellow-skinned koopa pacing back and forth on all fours over a wooden bridge. The small bridge was about five feet long, connecting the way to get to the lighthouse’s outcropping to an island with a single palm tree. Mario was headed for the lighthouse for certain.
“Hey you! You’d better not be thinking about walking across my bridge!” barked the turtle-like creature. Mario didn’t even look at it.
“Do you know who I am?” Mario questioned softly.
“You’re dead if you come near my bridge!” snapped the koopa.
“I guess you don’t.” Mario exhaled. “You should know who I am. Your species is quite oppressed because of me. I’ve kicked several of your species into both each other and goombas.” The koopa’s yellow turtle-like face went deathly pale. It backed away.
“You’re the… You’re the Jumping Guy! Oh please… Please don’t stomp me,” the koopa pleaded. Mario smiled, turning to look at the petrified red-shelled koopa.
“Relax. I’m not going to stomp you. I’m just going over to the lighthouse,” said Mario. The red-shelled koopa stared in silence as Mario walked past him. Of course the koopa hadn’t known who he was. He had probably lived his whole life on the remote penguin planet, which Mario had visited just a handful of times. That had been years ago, back when Mario’s archenemy Bowser had tried to create a new galaxy for the first time.
The first time. Yes, he had tried again after his plans had been foiled. The spiky koopa dragon was far too persistent, trying the same exact thing over and over and expecting it to work — the utter definition of insanity. No matter how many times Bowser would kidnap Princess Peach, who was a governmental figure of the Mushroom Kingdom (though it was governed by a committee that met in a fancy building), he would always fail in the end. Or…was he failing?
Mario had just come upon this new idea: What if there’s some other reason Bowser always kidnaps Peach? What if it’s all planned out? Mario had been thinking about this for about the past week. When he heard that the Toad Brigade was going back to the Sea Slide, Mario joined them right away. He needed to get away from everyone — from his oblivious brother Luigi, from the princess herself, and from all the toads in Toad Town who admired him just a little too much.
While he had been thinking, Mario had made his way over to the lighthouse. He now stood leaning against its cool white side. No, he couldn’t let his thoughts wander back: they were the exact thing he had come here to get away from! He took in the scenery instead.
Mario watched the penguins swim and race each other in the distance. He remembered when he had joined in on one of their races. Penguins sure seemed to love racing each other, Mario thought, as he had also raced penguins before in different locations. They looked so happy and carefree — the state of mind Mario hadn’t enjoyed in a long time. Mario wanted to be happy like them, but alas, he couldn’t make himself change.
Behind the penguins was the large mangrove tree, where the four-legged spiders lived. Mario had climbed to the top of it once to obtain a silver star, one in the usual set of five needed to form into a regular power star. The spiders didn’t mind so much.
Stars, a necessity for easy living. Different kinds of stars did different things. Power stars were a useful energy source in the realm in which Mario lived. The golden hovering stars could be used in a number of ways, including fuel for starships. Silver stars weren’t quite as powerful as normal power stars, hence the reason to merge them together.
Next to the tree was the platform containing the water jet mechanism in which one was able to reach the center island. The Sea Slide looped in a circle around a floating cone-shaped island, where old Penguru went to be away from the crowds. Of course, the sagely old grandfather penguin made sure it was turned off during the day. He didn’t like to be disturbed.
Mario often thought of the whimsical impossibility of this realm when compared to his old home in Brooklyn, USA. It had been years since he and his brother had been sucked into that green pipe they had found while doing their plumbing job on a strange person’s sink. The brothers’ trip through the worlds had been disorienting…to say the least. Before they had fallen into the pipe, the brothers had looked like normal people. After they ended up in the Mushroom Kingdom, they had changed. They found themselves to be cartoon characters in a cartoon world, a world that defied all physics. They were unable to go back, however. The pipe between the worlds was said to have been destroyed in the incident involving Bowser’s Dark Matter Plant. The brothers often wondered how life was faring back in Earth.
“Hey!” a voice chirped out of the blue, interrupting Mario’s already-derailing train of thought. Mario looked about for the source. It hadn’t been the red koopa. It was no longer pacing on the bridge but sitting on the edge of it with the back of its shell facing Mario. “I’m down here!” said the voice. Mario shifted his gaze down at his feet. A tiny navy-blue penguin stood staring straight at him. “I’ve been standing here a while, and you didn’t even see me!” said the penguin.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were there,” Mario said. The small flightless bird motioned a flipper toward the structure behind Mario.
“I always hang out by this lighthouse,” said the little penguin.
“Oh… Would you like me to move somewhere else?” Mario offered. The penguin just shook its little blue head, sitting next to Mario.
“No, it’s okay. I think you’re pretty cool,” the penguin said with a smile. Surprised by the bird’s sudden change of tone, Mario lowered himself down to sit. He lowered his head a bit at the penguin’s remark.
“I don’t think I’m pretty cool,” Mario said.
“Why not? You’re Mario, right? Super Mario! You…you saved the universe!” the little penguin squawked in surprise. Mario shook his head.
“Twice now, actually. Not to mention almost all the Worlds on the planet I live on,” the short mustached man answered, not believing his own words.
“Oh yeah! I heard about that! Rompin’ and stompin’ through the Worlds! Always saving those princesses…” the penguin rambled. “Hey, you know what else you saved, Super Mario? My cousin! Remember him? His name’s Egad, and he’s from Cool, Cool Mountain.” The mustached plumber furrowed his brow in thought. Yes, Mario recalled the entire situation. Years ago, he had visited the place the penguin spoke of. Cool, Cool Mountain. That had been in his earlier days of collecting power stars. Mario had brought the baby Egad back to his mother, much to the penguin’s complaining. The penguin’s mother had given Mario a power star to thank him. Mario also remembered the young penguin making a face at him as he grabbed the star. Mario hadn’t seen that penguin family in a while. How were they doing in their snowy floating mountain home? Mario remembered another thing. There was a rumor among Bowser’s goombas and koopas that Mario had brought the baby penguin back to its mother to get the power star (which was a little bit true) and after snatching it, Mario had thrown the baby penguin off the mountain. The goombas and koopas were always making up stories about Mario, but they weren’t always too farfetched. They were right that Mario had done some insane things. But Mario didn’t kill the penguin! Mario did not want to think about the rumors anymore.
“Yes. I remember that penguin,” Mario said, adjusting his red cap. “He was hiding at the summit. He yelled at me the whole way down.” Mario smiled a bit. “Did he really say I saved him?”
“His mom did. She told me all about you and your power stars,” the little penguin replied. “My family is from Cool, Cool Mountain. We’ve got friends here, and we like to come here on vacation.” He pointed his flipper to a group of navy-blue penguins by the shore near the Starshroom, where the Toad Brigade had set up their beach towels and umbrella. “That’s them right there. There’s my mom, my dad, my grandma and grandpa, and my sister Beatrice,” the penguin told Mario. “Oh! That’s right! I never told you my name!” the penguin realized. “My name is Edmund. You can just call me Eddie!” he said with a smile. Mario couldn’t help but smile back.
“Nice to meet you, Eddie!” Mario responded. “Of course you already know who I am.” The young blue bird nodded and looked down at the ground in thought.
“Could you say who you are anyway please, Super Mario?” he asked. Mario knew why the penguin was asking for Mario to say his name — it was part of a famous line of his. Mario chuckled to himself.
“Sure.” He stood to his feet, raising his white-gloved fist with a bent elbow. “It’s me, Mario!” the cartoon plumber exclaimed with an exaggerated smile. The young penguin snickered in delight. Mario sat back down next to the penguin called Eddie. He put his hand over his face, embarrassed and amused at the same time. A few moments passed before either of them spoke up again.
“So are you feeling better now, Super Mario?” Mario turned to look at Eddie. Mario’s grin faded from his face. He gazed back out at the water, watching the penguins have fun. Mario glanced over at the red koopa on the nearby bridge, finding that it now napped under the sunlight. Eddie addressed Mario again. “Why are you so upset anyway?”
“I’m not…upset,” Mario lied, to himself more than to the penguin.
“Uh, yeah you are. You mumbled to yourself about not being cool earlier,” Eddie said. “And you were being all sad and mopey about it. I know you’re upset about something, Super Mario.”
“Well…I came here to try to forget about it,” Mario said in a quiet voice. The penguin was unrelenting.
“You admitted it! You’ve gotta tell me now,” Eddie urged. “C’mon! You can talk to me! I’m a good listener.”
“Will you promise not to tell anyone?”
“I won’t tell. I promise.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll tell you then.” Mario paused to let out a breath. “You know who Bowser is, right?” he asked. The penguin nodded.
“Big scary spiky koopa king, yeah,” Eddie replied. “Always taking the princess.”
“Yeah, that’s Bowser.” Mario looked away at the sky. “So I was just thinking about something. Bowser kidnaps Princess Peach a lot! Of course it looks like he’s trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. But…he always does the exact same thing: kidnaps Peach.” The young penguin looked at Mario incredulously. “What if Bowser has some other reason for kidnapping Peach? What if…he’s not kidnapping her at all?”
“Like…Princess Peach and Bowser are plotting something behind your back?” Eddie said. “Why would you think that?”
“Well, it’s just…Peach. She’s always acted so weird around me. I mean, a big fire-breathing koopa kidnaps her and locks her up somewhere, right? I go and venture through all the different Worlds and break into castles until I find her.” Mario was on a tangent. He had obviously been troubled by this for a good while, the penguin thought. Mario smiled frustratedly. “And when I do find her and get her out of Bowser’s Castle, she just thanks me like it was no big deal!” Mario turned back to the penguin, grinning and looking as if he were about to scream. “No big deal, Eddie! And so I just smile and pretend it was no big deal too. I only died dozens of times in horrible ways! Eaten all kinds of strange plants and fungi just so things wouldn’t kill me right away! I had to drag myself through parched deserts, steamy jungles with purple acid for rivers, and active volcanoes! I just…I…” Mario closed his eyes and rested his forehead in his palm. “I shouldn’t have brought you into this.” Eddie was at a loss for words.
“I wasn’t expecting something like that. I don’t know…what to say,” Eddie muttered. Mario sighed again.
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I should just go now.” Mario began to stand up, making an attempt to leave. “Goodbye, Eddie.”
“Hey, wait! Mr. Mario, wait! I’m the one who asked you about it!” squawked Eddie.
“Yes, I know. I didn’t have to tell you, though.” Mario now stood on his feet. “Besides, what possible good has it done to tell you?”
“Well, I dunno. Getting your thoughts out of your head and telling someone else, maybe?” The overall-clad man stood beside the young penguin for a moment.
“I’m so sorry I’m portraying this to you. I just… I need some help,” Mario said with a hint of sorrow. With one last glance at the red koopa’s bridge, Mario stepped away from the lighthouse. The young penguin hopped to his little yellow feet.
“Hey Mr. Mario! You should go see old Penguru! He could give you some advice!” shouted Eddie. Mario turned back around.
“I will go to him then,” he said. A sad fleeting smile swept across his face. Eddie stood and watched as Mario turned and walked across the koopa’s bridge while the koopa was fast asleep. That red koopa never let Eddie set one foot on his bridge, even when he was asleep. Mario stood at the other side of the bridge, looking down at the water. He was going to jump in and swim all the way over to the water jet on the other side of the giant mangrove tree, for that was the only way to reach the central island. Without warning, Mario made a flying leap (also known as a long-jump) and dove into the water. Eddie waddled over to the edge of the lighthouse area and stared down at Mario.
“Hey Mr. Mario,” Eddie called to him. “How come you wear all your clothes and your hat when you swim?” Mario looked up and smiled.
“How come you don’t wear any clothes at all?”
“I’m a penguin! I don’t have to wear clothes!” Eddie laughed. Giving the penguin one last glance, Mario turned and began to swim around the Sea Slide’s loop.
He pushed himself through the water, avoiding the floating islands occupied by penguins and vacationing bees. Mario dodged a team of multicolored penguins as they rocketed past him. They were racing around the loop for sure, Mario thought; it was a popular activity here at the Sea Slide. Mario himself had raced the penguins once, but not without the help of a few koopa shells. For some strange reason, koopa shells had a self-propelling quality underwater. Mario had found this discovery to be quite handy, as they made swimming a lot easier and faster.
I wonder if there are still any shells under the water, Mario thought to himself. There was only one way to find out. He took in a deep breath and submerged. Mario swam down to the bottom of the loop. Were there any koopa shells down here? Ah yes! There was a green one sitting atop a rock! Why one of the penguins hadn’t snatched it up already was a mystery to Mario. He grabbed the shell, and it propelled forward. It almost slipped out of his hands at the sudden burst of speed. Mario pointed the shell upward so that he could resurface. By now Mario had reached the grassy dome with the two tunnels. He was almost to the water jet. The dome went over the top of the water and over the sides of the loop. The two tunnels were underwater, but there was a bit of air near the top of the openings. Casual swimmers and younger patrons tended to avoid these tunnels, as they were filled with giant Gringill eels and underwater cyclones. They weren’t all that dangerous though, at least not in Mario’s opinion. Penguin racers went through the tunnels all the time, and nobody was ever hurt. Mario had gone through the tunnels himself a dozen times.
Resurfaced, Mario steered the shell into the larger tunnel on the right. Mario skimmed along the surface of the water inside the tunnel. He found that if he kept going in a straight line, he could avoid them all quite easily. It wasn’t long before Mario emerged.
"Ah yes! The water jet platform!" Mario remarked to himself. He approached the water jet to Penguru's island in no time. He hopped out of the Slide, landing upon the suspended platform. Mario threw the koopa shell back into the water, knowing he wouldn't be needing it again. He inspected his clothing. Yes, his clothes were dry; such were the ways of the Toadstoolian realm of the Mushroom Kingdom. The place where Mario stood consisted of stone slabs that were raised above the water's surface. Upon one of them was a large green valve. That was the water jet. Mario went to the valve. All he would have to do to turn it on was...oh wait! This was a valve that wouldn't budge unless one used the right method. The method he had used to turn it on before was no longer possible. On his previous adventures here, Mario had used the help of a white baby luma. The star shaped creature had given him a new ability: a-powerful spin. This was another whimsical superpower he had gained as quickly as he had lost. The white luma was gone now, maybe never to be seen again. Mario had been able to spin before that, but he had soon stopped doing it. After his time with the luma, Mario had attempted to spin once again. Maybe he could do it now...
"Let's try a spin-jump," said Mario. He hopped onto the valve. "Okay then." He took a moment to prepare himself. Spin-jumping was not as powerful as the ability the luma had given him, but he could still try. Mario leapt spiraling into the air and landed back on the valve, causing it to turn. It had worked! Mario backed away, knowing that the water would come out. A huge burst of water gushed out of the floor. It formed a tube shape and snaked around the Sea Slide to the floating island in the center. The water jet to Penguru's island was now functioning again. Mario inhaled a deep breath and jumped in.
Water surged around him as he shot through the jet. He was unable to move while the water pushed him. Within moments, Mario had come to the end of the high-speed blast. He rolled out of the stream, flopping with a heavy splat into a shallow pool. Mario had arrived at Penguru's island. He didn't care about making a theatrical entrance this time; he just cared about catching his breath. He lingered there, lying in the pool. A glimpse of a scuttling creature told Mario he should get up. Mario stood to his feet as a couple of large red crabs circled around him. Crabbers, as they were called; everything seemed to have a funny name here. There was no need to fight the crabbers; if Mario didn’t bother them, they wouldn’t bother Mario. He walked past the crabbers and up the side of the cone. Most of the time, Penguru watched over the beachgoers from the top of the island. The cone-shaped island was covered in white sand and had a few patches of grass growing in different spots.
The island was not all that big, so it didn’t take long for Mario to reach the top. To his surprise, the old penguin was nowhere to be found. That was strange. Penguru would always be here on a day like this. Mario was just about to go and search the island when a voice croaked in the near distance.
“Hey!” the voice said. Mario looked for the source.
“Penguru?” Mario questioned aloud. The voice continued as feet shuffled in the sand.
“I thought I made it clear to you kids to stay away from my island! I fill tunnels with Gringills, put up a giant water jet…” A black white and yellow penguin waddled up the side of the cone. The penguin had droopy white eyebrows and a beard, his beak in an inquisitive scowl. He resembled an emperor penguin, though he was much taller. This wizened old bird was Penguru, and he could still not recognize that Mario was not some young penguin who had come up here on a dare. Penguru came closer. “I still don’t know how you turned on that valve. The last person to ever turn it on was… Ho-ly smokes! You’re that mustached overalls guy! Wow, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Penguru exclaimed in a slow trailing voice.
“Yes, it’s me Mario,” Mario said with a flash of a smile.
“Mario. Yeah, I remember you. You came here a while back to snatch up one of those silver stars.” Penguru continued scuffling through the sand. “So what are you here for now, boy?”
“I just wanted to…talk.” Penguru stood in front of Mario on the grassy top of the island. The bearded penguin leaned in closer to Mario, squinting in thought while looking him in the eyes.
Still staring into Mario’s soul, Penguru muttered, “No no…you do want something.” Mario turned his face away a bit. “Ah yes. You are worried about something. Something important to you. And you want me to help you.” Mario closed his eyes. He couldn’t hide anything from this wise and discerning bird.
“You’re absolutely right,” Mario said, defeated. “I was hoping you could spare me some of your wisdom.” Penguru let out a short chuckle. The penguin waddled around to the other side, facing Mario’s back. Mario turned to face him. Penguru looked off to the side, gazing upon a populated beach in the Sea Slide.
“Did I ever tell you…” Penguru began. He turned to look Mario in the eyes once again. “I know what a shy guy looks like under his mask,” Penguru said in a serious tone. Mario blinked in utter confusion.
“Um… You do?”
“Excuse me, but what do I do?” Penguru asked as if he’d already forgotten. He probably had.
“You…know what a shy guy looks like under his mask,” Mario repeated. Penguru continued with his thought.
“Oh yes! I do know,” Penguru said, raising a flipper. An awkward pause interrupted them.
“So…what does a shy guy look like under his mask?” Mario questioned. Penguru turned his head to the other side, looking upon the big tree near his water jet.
“That,” he said. “That is not important right now.” Mario stared in disbelief. He stretched his arms out on either side of him in a wide shrug.
“Then why did you even bring it up?” Mario demanded in a tone even higher than his normal voice. Penguru continued to focus on the tree.
“It got your mind off the topic,” he said calmly. “You have no reason to be worrying.” Penguru turned to Mario again. “The old Koopa King and the princess aren’t conspiring against you, boy.” Mario’s expression went deadpan. His mouth opened in an attempt to form words. A merry twinkle glinted in Penguru’s eye. “I just know these things. I imagine you will too once you reach my age.” Mario spoke not a word as Penguru bent down. He dug in the sand until he found a flat metal star. It was a shimmering iridescent gold. Penguru placed it right in the center of the circular island-top, where it hovered and began to spin. This object was known as a sling star. These and similar flat star-shaped objects had the power to launch a person into the air. This particular sling star was the way to get off Penguru’s island. As Mario stepped up closer to the sling star, it pulled him into the center where he floated along with it. Before he flew away, Mario just had to ask Penguru one last question.
“I don’t mean to be impolite, but how old are you, anyway?” Penguru smiled.
“You’re not being impolite, at least in my book.” Penguru looked at the sling star, then back at Mario. “I am one-hundred twenty-three years old, and I’m still spry!” He held his flippers out triumphantly. Mario had to smile.
“I don’t think I’ll ever live that long,” remarked Mario, his smile turning sad. “The people back in my world never lived that long.”
“Who’s to say you won’t live as long as me? After all, you’re not on Earth anymore.” Mario looked away thoughtfully. Penguru gave another sly grin. He placed his flipper on an edge of the star. Mario knew he was going to spin it and activate its flight power. “Oh, and one last thing,” said Penguru. The old penguin leaned in closer to Mario’s face. “Find out the truth, and everything will be made right.” Mario furrowed his brow, puzzled. What did Penguru mean by that? Penguru stood up straight again and pushed the star as if he were pushing a merry-go-round. The sling star shot Mario off into the sky.

2: A Charming Family and a Hasty Goodbye

Mario flew with grace (well, as with as much grace as a goofy-looking fat cartoon character could fly with) through the air. He had used sling stars dozens, if not hundreds of times. Sling stars were part of a group of similar flat metal stars used to hover or fly. There were also larger orangey gold-colored ones called launch stars and smaller blue ones called pull stars. Mario had become quite familiar with these over the course of his adventures. Launch stars and sling stars worked in almost the same way: one stepped into the star to hover, and spun it to fly. There was always a set flight course for every one, unlike pull stars. With pull stars, one made their own path to hover through. Pull stars somehow, as their name would suggest, pulled a person into the air to float. Mario himself still wasn’t quite sure how they worked. Was it some sort of futuristic technology? Was it an ancient secret? Was it telepathy? Of course, lots of things in this particular reality seemed to be impractical, improbable, and impossible. Right now, Mario was soaring from a floating island to a floating body of water! Nobody in the Toadstoolian realm seemed to ever be able to explain many of the mysteries. Nobody even knew they were mysteries!
As Mario pondered these things, he flew on a course to one of the beach areas of the watery loop. He landed amidst a team of sunbathing bees. Mario had not landed back by the lighthouse or the toads’ ship. He would have to swim through several penguin families to get back to where he started from. Ignoring admiring vacationers, Mario waded into the water. Child penguins played in the waves, oblivious to others who tried to get around them. Mario was forced to have to invade personal space just to get out to the deeper water. Nope, it wasn’t any less crowded out here. After a while of attempting to navigate past groups of penguins, Mario decided to dive under the water. Ah yes, underwater swimming — yet another thing that seemed to defy sound science. Mario could sustain his breath underwater forever…when provided air bubbles, that is. Sometimes he didn’t even need air bubbles! Mario wondered how possible it was to drown someone here, though he never wanted to find out (he preferred stomping anyway). Mario had been in countless death-defying situations, and that’s not even including the eternal mystery of green 1-up mushrooms that can resurrect you after you’re killed! Immortality seemed to be a commonplace thing here.
Mario pushed himself along inside the deep blue. The lack of penguins and their voices was calming. After swimming about three-fourths of the way to the lighthouse, he felt he was out of breath. He resurfaced. Mario had passed through the stone ring, a new record. It was far less populated in the area, so Mario decided to linger there in the water. He glanced back to the beach where he had landed.
“If this place existed in Earth, it would probably still be that full,” he remarked under his breath. Near an artificial island, Mario thought he spied the little orange penguin he had shared a brief exchange with upon his arrival. It was the penguin; he waved at Mario again. He lifted his hand out of the water to wave back, but the penguin had already turned away to some friends. Mario smiled at the cuteness and innocence of everything around him; he just couldn’t help it! Cuteness and innocence seemed to always be prevalent in this realm. Most of the time, Mario enjoyed it. Other times, it drove Mario to madness. Destructive madness. Mario would sometimes lash out for no reason and…stomp unnecessary amounts of goombas and koopas. He knew all-too-well that he had a problem. Every day, Mario wished for it to be different, for the madness to stop. His current thoughts about the princess did nothing to help. It was torturous to Mario that however many times he rescued the princess, she always seemed eager to be kidnapped again. With every time he saved the princess again, he drifted deeper and deeper into a troubled state of mind. Of course, he had also gotten better and better at hiding away all his problems with a big cheery smile while slinking away later to fester in his emotions. Mario told not a soul about it. Not even his brother Luigi, although Luigi knew anyway. He hadn’t told anyone about Mario, had he?
Oh stop. Now you’re just being paranoid, Mario thought to himself. Too paranoid for your own good. You came here to try to relax and forget about all that. Mario took a deep breath. Look there on that beach. There’s little Edmund’s family. Indeed it was. Four adult navy-blue penguins and one child, who had to be Eddie’s sister that he had mentioned. Two of them played in the water with the sister while the other two sat in beach chairs, smiling at each other and holding each other’s flippers. The two in the chairs appeared to be older, as they were more grayish in color. They were Eddie’s grandparents, and they made apparent their love for each other. It was scenes like this that reminded Mario that his problems weren’t the most important thing in the universe. It was scenes like this that reminded him that he wasn’t the only person that mattered. Mario laughed at himself.
“Here you are all depressed and bitter, and you’re still a sucker for mushy cute things,” he said to himself. He smiled a bit, though it didn’t make him feel much better. Becoming aware of his different surroundings, Mario looked around. Over the course of his thoughts, Mario had let himself drift almost all the way to the dock by the beach where Eddie’s family was. He didn’t care, though. Mario continued to float down the loop.
On the same beach as the penguin family, the Toad Brigade had set up their red yellow and teal umbrella as well as a few beach towels. There were five of the happy little mushroom people: one whose spots were pink, one whose were red, one whose were green, one whose were yellow, and one whose were blue. Mario never remembered any of their names, but he remembered that the red one was referred to as Captain, as he was the leader of the Brigade. Four of the brigade members relaxed and meandered around the beach and in the water. The Captain, the pink toad, the yellow toad, and the green toad were all on the shore. Where was the glasses-wearing blue toad? Mario kicked through the water to get a different angle of the beach. There! The blue toad was apart from his friends, appearing to be messing with something on the mushroom-shaped Starshroom.
I’ll go see what he’s doing, thought Mario. After a second of hesitation, Mario made a swim for the shore of the beach near the toads. He didn’t get too far before someone shouted out his name.
“Hey Mario!” the pink toad called out jovially.
“Hi,” Mario said, trying to be friendly. He continued toward the shore.
“Nice day to be at the beach, huh?” the toad said in a high-pitched gravelly voice. Mario now stood in the shallows. He looked up into the sky. It was sunny, but not too warm, and big fluffy clouds filled the sky.
“Yes, the weather is nice here today,” he stated plainly. By now, the other toads had become aware of Mario’s presence, waving at him and greeting him. He returned the greetings as he walked up onto the sand. Once again, his clothes were dry — just another physics-defying thing about this realm.
As Mario was heading for the blue toad by the Starshroom, a familiar squawk turned his attention. That familiar squawk had been none other than the tiny blue penguin from Cool, Cool Mountain, Eddie. Eddie hopped up and down excitedly.
“Hi there again, Super Dude!” Eddie burst happily. Mario cringed a bit.
“Please don’t call me that,” Mario muttered with a hint of a laugh.
“Okay then. Hi there again, Super Mario. Better?” Eddie said sarcastically.
“Yes, that’s better.” Mario smiled comfortably. “Hello again to you, Eddie.”
“So did you go see ole’ Penguru?” asked the little penguin. Mario nodded. “Did he give you some good advice?” Eddie questioned further.
“He gave me advice…” Mario trailed off. “He didn’t seem to be wrong, but I didn’t like his advice at all.” He exhaled and scowled sourly.
“What’d he say?” Eddie asked. Mario closed his eyes.
“He didn’t believe me,” Mario stated. The penguin gaped at him in disbelief.
“What? How could he not believe you?” Eddie exclaimed. “Maybe he’s not so wise after all. Maybe he’s just an old coot.”
“He is not just an old coot, Eddie. He is wise.” Mario defended. “I could tell that when I was up there. You should respect your elders, Edmund.”
“I’m Eddie, and you’re not my dad!” huffed the young penguin. “Besides, you said yourself that you didn’t like his advice.” Mario shook his head.
“No, no. I didn’t like it. But that doesn’t mean he’s wrong.” Mario looked down at his feet. “You shouldn’t be so quick to judge someone because of something they say that you don’t like. Lots of misunderstanding and fractured relationships happen because of that.” After a few moments of silence, Eddie spoke again.
“Well that’s deep,” he said. Mario shrugged. The two were quiet for some time before a voice pierced through into their thoughts.
“Edmund!” called a blue penguin from down the beach. “We’re going back to Jeremy’s house in an hour!”
“Okay Mom!” Eddie called back. “I was just talking to Mr. Mario here!” Mario looked over to Eddie’s mother.
“Mario?” The penguin waddled closer to them. “Oh Make, it is Mario!” she gasped.
“Hello miss. You must be Eddie’s mom,” Mario said in his accented voice. He walked over to the penguin.
“Yes, I am. My name is Mary,” Eddie’s mother replied. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Mario.”
“Nice to meet you too, and please just call me Mario,” said Mario. The penguin called Mary nodded her head.
“Alright then, Mario.” The female penguin looked over at Eddie, who had wandered back with the rest of his family. “I see you were just talking to my son,” Mary said.
“Oh yes,” Mario said, turning toward the penguin family to look at young Eddie. “You sure do have quite the son there, Mary. May I just call you Mary?”
“Sure, that’s fine if you call me Mary. Yes, Eddie is a special boy.” Mary smiled.
Mario continued, “He has a way with talking to people. He actually cares about getting to know someone, which is hard to find these days.” Mario stopped, letting out a breath. “People were like that back where I’m from, too: they only cared about themselves. Eddie would be a rarity. I bet he makes friends easily,” the stout mustached cartoon man finished. Mary nodded her sleek navy-blue head.
“Everywhere we go. And he’s got about a dozen or so friends back where we live.” She looked back to Mario. “It’s funny how you should just happen to run into us when it was my nephew who you rescued a while back,” Mary reflected.
“Your son told me about that. I brought his little cousin back to your sister in Cool, Cool Mountain,” explained Mario. “Yes, there’s that, and I met you in an entirely different environment than your own home, and I happened to be taking a vacation on the same day at the same time,” Mario said with a blank expression. “Fate,” Mario said plainly, making a floaty hand motion. He laughed at himself. Mary laughed a bit as well, but whether it was because Mario’s gesture had been unexpected or if she had actually thought it was funny Mario was unsure. Nevertheless, Mario still liked to make dry jokes.
“Well,” said Mary. “I should be getting back to my family now. We’ve got to go back to our friend’s house for lunch.”
“Hmm, lunch…” Mario said. “What do you penguins even eat for lunch? Fish?” Mario thought aloud. “Oh, excuse me if I’m being offensive to your kind or something…”
“Offensive to my kind?” Mary repeated, baffled.
“Ah… Oh, it’s nothing. You go and have a nice lunch then,” Mario said awkwardly.
“Okay,” Mary said with a brief spell of laughter. “Goodbye.”
“Bye,” said Mario as Mary began to make her way back to the rest of the penguins. Mario gazed upon the penguin family for a few moments. What had he been doing before he’d been interrupted? Oh yes, he had been going over to the Starshroom to see what the blue toad was doing. Just as he had begun to march over to the spaceship, he was interrupted yet again.
“Hey hey Mr. Mario! Hey Mr. Mario!” chirped a high-pitched voice from behind. Mario turned around to look. The voice had been coming from a penguin even younger than Eddie who stood about halfway in between the penguin family and Mario. “Hi Mr. Mario! I’m Beatrice!” the little penguin said in a sing-song voice. She did a twirl in the sand.
“Hello,” Mario said with a warm smile. He just couldn’t stay serious for long around cute things.
“Hey Mr. Mario, can you do the thing?” asked little Beatrice.
“Which thing?” Mario asked back. Beatrice stuck her flipper into the air.
“The ‘let’s go’ thing! Do the ‘let’s go’ thing!” cried Beatrice ecstatically.
“Oh I don’t know… I don’t think I can do the ‘let’s go’ thing right when I’m not on an adventure…” Mario teased.
“Please! Please do the ‘let’s go’ thing!” Beatrice begged, hopping up and down.
“Oh alright. I’ll try,” Mario agreed. Putting on the widest grin he could, Mario leapt into the air with his fist raised over his head, with a hearty “Let’s go!” in his high-pitched Italian-accented voice. Beatrice burst out in giggles, which caused Mario to laugh as well. A penguin in Eddie and Beatrice’s family called something out from down the beach. “You’d better go back with your family,” said Mario.
“Thanks Mr. Mario!” Beatrice said as she waddle-hopped back to the group of penguins, who now had their things packed away. “Bye!” she called out. Mario waved goodbye with his hand. The penguin family had packed up their chairs and beach toys and now marched in a line to the edge of the Sea Slide. Mario hadn’t thought of that until now: How had the penguins got up here? He scooted over to the side a bit to get a better look. Ah, yes — a brightly-colored lift of sorts. It was a floating platform that moved when stepped on. This one was yellow and orange. Mario guessed it went to a small warp zone — an area full of warp-pipes — closer to the ground. It just wasn’t practical to have a lift that went from the ground all the way up to the Sea Slide; they and could break down in midair and cause injury more if they were used in that way. Neither was it to have pipes that went from the ground all the way to the Sea Slide; the pipes could snap in half when suspended that far into the air.
The main methods of transportation in this realm centered around pipes. Some were quite large, containing a cabin to ride in like a subway train. Most pipes, however, were large enough to fit a singular person. All one had to do to use one was enter it. Then, you’d be sucked through to the other side. Sometimes, pipes leading to different areas would all be placed within one building. These were the commercial warp zone terminals. Warp zone terminals would be where you’d find most of your subway pipes. This was the method of travel used by many of the beings that lived in this realm. Of course, there were still non-commercial warp zones out there. Mario used these much more often. But with non-commercial warp zones, there was always the danger of piranha plants — killer man-eating weeds with toothed mouths that could swallow Mario whole. The threat of piranha plants deterred most from ever going near non-commercial pipes, but Mario wasn’t afraid of anything by now. Death could be reversed with the help of a green 1-up mushroom.
Mario had watched the penguins descend on the orange and yellow lift. When the lift came back up after the penguins were out of sight, he knew his initial guess had been correct. Definitely a warp zone down there somewhere. Mario thought of Mary, Eddie, and Beatrice. They had been so friendly. The penguins he didn’t meet likely shared that trait.
They’re such a nice family, Mario thought. I never had one of those. Must be nice… He looked back over at his original goal: the Starshroom. Yes, the blue toad with the glasses was still over there, though he appeared to be resting now. Now that there were no penguins to interrupt him, Mario walked right over to the mushroom-shaped ship.
The Starshroom was only about the height of two men standing on top of each other, but since its occupants were small, it was large enough. The mushroom’s “stem” was a foot taller than Mario, and the “cap” jutted out about half the stem’s height from the stem itself. The mushroom cap served as both the cockpit and the passenger area; it had a few seats in the middle and the room was lined with five round windows. It seemed much larger on the inside than it did on the outside, as lots of things did here. The Toad Brigade was in possession of several different colored Starshrooms, and they had flown to the Sea Slide in three of them. The two others remained on the planet below, however, due to a lack of landing space.
Mario went around to the back of the Starshroom, where the blue glasses-wearing toad stood looking out at the expansive sea of clouds. Before Mario could even form words in his mind, the toad spoke.
“Hi Mario,” said the toad. “What’cha doing over here?”
“Oh… Well, I was just wondering what you were doing over here, as a matter of fact.” Mario straightened his insignia-emblazoned cap. “Also, I don’t quite remember your name. What is your name?”
“Oh, I’m Toadward,” replied the little blue mushroom man. “We flew on the pink Starshroom together, remember?”
“Ah, yes we did,” said Mario. “Toadward. That’s such a toad-like name,” he remarked to himself with a hint of a grin. “So what are you doing over here, Toadward?” The toad motioned to the red Starshroom.
“The Captain told me to set a course, and I also had to fix a few things.”
“For where?” Mario asked, curious.
“He wants to go and search for treasure later.” Toadward looked from side to side, checking for anyone who might be listening. “We picked up on huge power star energy readings in this area. The Captain hasn’t told you yet, but…he kinda wants you to help him.”
“Did he say that?”
“Not directly, but he inferred it.” The toad adjusted his glasses. “I think we can manage without you, though. It’s up to you if you want to help us. You also seem kinda down, so I don’t want to trouble you more…” Mario covered his face with his hand.
“I’m not in the mood for another adventure right now.” Toadward turned his mushroomy head away in thought.
“I’m sure the Brigade wouldn’t notice if we just ‘went missing,’” he said in his high-pitched toad voice. Mario stared at him. The idea seemed appealing. The Captain, according to Toadward, hadn’t straight-up said that he wanted Mario to look for treasure with the Toad Brigade. Besides, the Toad Brigade had found plenty of treasure by themselves with no help from Mario. Mario also had an excuse: he was feeling depressed and wasn’t prepared for an adventure.
“Let’s leave,” Mario said in a hushed tone. Toadward pointed into the air.
“Don’t you mean ‘Let’s-a go’?” the toad said with a poor attempt at speaking in Mario’s voice. He snickered a bit. Mario placed his hand over his face, moving it down over his mouth. He stared at the toad with an unamused expression.
“That was a good one,” Mario said, taking his hand off and closing his eyes for a brief moment. “But I’m serious. Let’s leave.” Mario looked back in the direction of the rest of the toads. “Though I think it’s a bit rude to leave without telling everyone.” Toadward nodded.
“I guess that would be kinda rude… I’ll go tell them now,” he said, staring off in the direction of the rest of the Brigade. Mario followed him.
“I’m coming also. I think the Captain may be less upset if I tell him in person,” Mario said. They began to approach the Toad Brigade.

3: Yoshi’s Island…of Desperation

After Mario and the blue toad named Toadward had gone and announced their departure to the Toad Brigade, they rode the orange and yellow platform down from the Sea Slide to a floating warp zone. The Captain of the Brigade had been upset that Mario was leaving, but he had tried not to show it. The pipes in the warp zone led down to a large parking area with restroom and shower facilities, just as you’d expect to see at a normal beach. Of course, Mario was dry after swimming in the water. It was a strange phenomenon, even here in the Toadstoolian realm. Nobody else could swim without coming out of the water wet, nobody except Mario and his brother Luigi. They had guessed that it had something to do with their inter-dimensional trip from Brooklyn, that it had somehow messed with physics. Of course, neither of them thought about it too much. It was just another unexplainable mystery to them…
The toads had landed the two extra Starshrooms near the back of he parking lot. The Brigade had taken three of them: the red one, the green one, and the pink one. The red Starshroom remained up at the Sea Slide so the rest of the Brigade would have something to fly in. Mario and Toadward got into the Starshroom they had ridden in before, which was the pink one. Using a series of shortcuts and inter-dimensional warps, they were able to get back to the Mushroom Kingdom in a little over an hour. Time and space didn’t seem to matter as much in this realm. Mario often thought about how many groundbreaking advances could be made if scientists from Earth could come here and study things. He himself wasn’t knowledgable enough to study the natural occurrences here, but a team of scientists could develop new theories and technology. That would also require a way to get to Earth, which seemed to no longer exist. These were the things on which Mario thought while he flew back to the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario also contemplated the outcome of his short trip.
Yes, the Sea Slide had been lovely today. The young penguin Eddie and his family had also been lovely, lovely to meet. Somewhere in his mind, Mario thought he should have been content. He probably would have gone home beaming, and he would have been happy to see his brother and have some dumb conversation with him. Now, he didn’t want to see anyone, and especially his brother. Luigi would be the least likely person to understand even a little bit what he was feeling.
Even though they were only a little under two years apart in age, Mario had always perceived Luigi as being the “baby,” as Mario was often forced to be his “parent” when they were children. They had a tragic life when they lived in Brooklyn. Mario was glad to be here in the Mushroom Kingdom, but for some hint of a reason, he wished he could go back for a visit. Maybe Dad came home to Mom, and now they’re happy together. Maybe they’re happy like before they had kids. He liked to think that things were better without him, but he often had unpleasant dreams.
Mario had been having terrible nightmares about his family. There was a reoccurring theme in them: Mario as a child watched child Luigi and his mother get killed, and he could do nothing to stop it. Sometimes they were swallowed up by darkness, sometimes they were drowning, but the worst one was when Bowser would come and burn them with his fire breath. He would always wake up just before it happened. His dreams became more and more real as time progressed. Perhaps that was the underlying reason behind his emotional low. Or maybe it was the other way around. Mario’s spirits were dampened regardless.
Mario directed his thoughts away from his past and his nightmares and back to the Sea Slide. He had gone to Penguru for advice on what he should do about his undying notion: that Princess Peach’s kidnappings were planned just to make Mario go insane. Another time, Mario would have dismissed such nonsense right away. Why would a princess go of her own free will with a mean-looking, spike-covered, dragon-like koopa just to make a short fat plumber go crazy? Unless…Peach liked Bowser. Ugh! Why did he think that? Mario shook his head at the thought. He was probably just too stressed out.
Penguru, the wise one-hundred twenty-three year-old penguin, had told Mario that he was worrying too hard for no reason at all, that his suspicions were in vain. On the contrary, Mario hadn’t even told Penguru what he was worrying about. Did he know, or was he just giving advice that didn’t pertain to Mario’s situation? The bird was one-hundred twenty-three years old; he was bound to know something. All the evidence seemed to point in the direction of Peach having planned kidnap dates with Bowser, and Mario was no longer sure what to believe. Even if Peach wasn’t getting kidnapped on purpose, there was still the fact that Peach didn’t seem to care much about Mario. Period. Sure, she made him cake sometimes, but that only seemed to happen right before she was kidnapped again. And even after Mario had gone through castle after castle looking for her, Peach just said a casual “thank you” upon her rescuing and maybe only gave Mario a kiss on the cheek twice…ever. It was maddening either way.
What was he to go do after he got back home? Would he go and confront Peach on this matter? No, that seemed a bit rash; it wouldn’t end well any way. Who else could he talk to about it? Certainly not his brother. He wouldn’t be able to help at all. Maybe he could talk to Yoshi. Yoshi was a compassionate and understanding parental figure. Yoshi had rescued Mario and Luigi as infants and taken them back to their parents in Earth, who were still a normal functional family living in Italy at that time. If anyone would have known what to say to coax Mario out of his pit of despair, it would be Yoshi. There in the Starshroom, Mario decided that he would go and talk to that green dinosaur, the only parent he had left. And that is just what he did.
The pink Starshroom landed on the outskirts of Toad Town, the capital city of the Mushroom Kingdom and home to Peach’s Castle. Toad Town was a city that was split into two parts: the Main Side and the New Side. On the Main Side, which was the part closest to the castle, Toad Town was a bright and cheery city made of the traditional mushroom-shaped buildings and populated almost entirely by toads. Peach’s grand white castle stood in front of the Main Side of Toad Town, and the lake that was fed by the waterfall was the main separation between the two halves of the city. The New Side was different from the Main Side, however. Tall buildings rose high above the mushroom-houses, toads as well as goombas, koopas, yoshis, and other creatures bustled down the streets, jumping into public pipes and utilizing the new-fangled launch and slings stars as a part of their daily commute. Office buildings, restaurants, stores, and other buildings here were built in a way that was similar to how the buildings in Earth cities (like Brooklyn) were built.
Mario had made his home near the city and the castle. It was a strange little thing, set apart from the city and set on a small hill. Though Mario had a permanent living space, he rarely was in it. He only used it to eat and sleep in, as he was always off on an adventure, exploring, or just at Yoshi’s tree-canopy house. He wasn’t going to his house now, but to Yoshi’s place.
The pink Starshroom sat atop a hill not too far away from Mario’s house, which looked like a small yellow cartoon house with varying colors and sizes of pipes all around it. Mario thanked blue glasses-wearing Toadward as he left the vessel, faking a smile that didn’t have the right emotion behind it. They exchanged brief farewells as the big metal mushroom lifted off into the sky. Mario was back in the Mushroom Kingdom now, where everyone else he knew was. He was going to go right to Yoshi, not addressing anyone else. Of course, that didn’t work.
“Heeeyy Mario!” said a nasally voice in the same Italian accent as Mario. Mario didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.
“Hi Luigi,” Mario replied, making little attempt to sound friendly. Luigi didn’t seem to notice. He hopped up next to his older brother. Luigi was taller and thinner than Mario, and his mustache was more groomed. Of course, these things weren’t as distinguishable when they were in their cartoon forms as it was when they were on Earth.
“Saw the Starshroom leave. What did you do?” Luigi continued, ignoring his brother’s unhappy tone of voice. Mario didn’t look at his brother.
“I was at the Sea Slide,” he said. “Trying to have a vacation. It didn’t work so well.”
“Oh that’s too bad,” Luigi replied, seeming oblivious to Mario’s intention. He was not oblivious. He didn’t question further; Luigi changed the subject instead. “Hey bro, I was just heading into Toad Town to do a few things. Wanna come?” Mario knew why his brother changed the subject. Something rose up inside of him, causing him to become vexed. Mario turned to look at his upbeat green-clad younger brother.
“No Luigi. You go. You go and have fun without me,” Mario said harshly. “It would probably be safer for you,” Mario mumbled in an almost threatening tone as he walked away. Luigi stood there, frozen in shock as he watched his brother wander away.
Something was wrong for sure. It might have even been life-threatening, in fact. Luigi should go and tell someone. But…what would he tell them? Mario himself didn’t entirely know what had become of him. Luigi had been noticing that his brother had been slipping off into a deep, dark state of depression, and that was the absolute worst for him. Mario becoming depressed was like if a bird locked itself in a cage on purpose and told itself that it could not fly. Only it was much more natural for Mario. Far too natural. Nobody knew it, but Mario’s state of mind wasn’t brought on by what Mario believed it to be. It was something much deeper that he would have to discover for himself.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Yoshi’s tree shelter house lie at the base of a steep blue mountain. Mario had just come from a green pipe moments ago and now gazed upon it from the top of a small foothill. As Mario made his way down, he inspected the dwelling. The shelter itself was made in the traditional Yoshi way: four trees grew on four corners with branches that intermingled with each other in the center, forming a canopy. The trees were alive and growing, and they even produced a kind of apple that was native to Yoshi’s Island, which is the place most Yoshis originated from. Red apples hung from the tree canopy now; it was almost time for harvest.
Underneath the trees, Yoshi had a nest (which he used as a bed, as most Yoshis did), a few modern kitchen appliances, a small table and places to sit, and a red pipe that led somewhere that Mario still wasn’t certain of. There were also a few blocks (some yellow with question marks, some made of brick, some plain brown), eggs, mushrooms, and coins as well as a few books and other random possessions lying on the leaf-carpeted ground or stuck in between tree branches. This type of home was typical of a non-city-dwelling Yoshi. It was quite charming and inviting, but Mario would not want to live in one himself.
Mario now stood right outside. Yoshi was indeed home. The green dinosaur appeared to be cooking something, as he stood in front of the oven facing away from Mario. There was no way to knock or ring a doorbell, and Mario didn’t feel like announcing his entry either. Yoshi probably already knew he was there anyway. Mario trudged into the dwelling. He plopped himself down at the table and sighed.
“Hello Yoshi,” Mario said, resting his head on his arms and closing his eyes.
“Hi Mario,” Yoshi said without turning to look. Yoshi was taller than Mario (at least a foot-and-a-half) as well as the younger Yoshis Mario and his companions rode during their adventures. This Yoshi hadn’t been Mario’s mount in a long time; he no longer wore his red saddle anymore. The three bony plates on the back of Yoshi’s skull used to be bright red, but they had faded to orange over time. After a moment of silence, the dinosaur spoke again. “So why are you upset?” he asked calmly.
“I was just thinking about something,” said Mario. Yoshi pulled out a warm batch of square cookies, checked with chocolate and vanilla dough. He placed them onto a cooling rack near the egg-shaped cookie jar on the counter. Mario sniffed the air hungrily. “Mmm… Those smell good.”
“Yep, and you only get to have two, Mario,” Yoshi declared, seating himself down in front of Mario. “I know how you get around food. You’re not eating the entire batch this time,” Yoshi said, pointing his rounded nose upward a bit. Mario frowned. “So,” Yoshi began. “What was it that you said you were just thinking about?” he questioned. “It obviously must be troubling you enough that you would come and see me on a random weekday at two ‘o clock in the afternoon.” Mario looked down at his hands, a sad smile spreading across his face.
“You’re right. It’s troubling me a lot,” Mario stated. Yoshi looked at him inexpressively.
“Are you going to tell me or not?” Forearm propped upright on the table, Mario rested his forehead in his palm. He gave another sigh.
“It may or may not sound stupid,” he said. Yoshi shook his head.
“If it were stupid, you wouldn’t give it that much thought. Just tell me, Mario.” Mario brought his other palm up to his forehead.
“Well, it’s about Peach,” said Mario. Yoshi closed his eyes and smiled a bit, but Mario took no notice.
“What about her? Are you going all Romeo on her?” Yoshi teased.
“Oh gosh, no! I’m not ‘going all Romeo on her!’ I have a genuine concern!” Mario argued. Yoshi nodded, but Mario’s refutal still hadn’t convinced him otherwise. Yoshi pointed his green finger into the air.
“I think my cookies are probably cool enough now,” he said, standing up. It had been a few minutes. Yoshi picked a cookie up off the cooling rack. “Yep. Would you like some tea, Mario?” asked Yoshi as he took two small plates and cups from a cabinet.
“Yes please,” Mario answered. Yoshi placed two of the warm cookies on both plates and set them down on the table — one for himself, and one for Mario. He placed one of the cups in front of Mario and poured some tea into it from a teapot that had been sitting on the stove. Yoshi poured himself some and sat back down. Mario bit into a cookie at once, washing it down with a gulp of the tea. “Mmm,” Mario moaned contentedly, mid-swallow. “This is exactly why I’m fat,” he mumbled, dipping the cookie in the tea. Yoshi did not engage in the topic.
“So Peach… What’s your ‘concern’ with her?” Yoshi inquired, sipping a bit of tea. Mario shoved the rest of the cookie into his mouth. He waited until he had chewed and swallowed it before he spoke.
“Well,” he began. “I think…” Mario turned his gaze to the green roof of leaves overhead. “I think that Peach’s kidnappings might not be unplanned,” he said, taking a bite of the other cookie from his plate.
“Is this a conspiracy theory?” Yoshi nibbled a cookie. Mario shrugged.
“Maybe, maybe not. I’m upset about it either way.” He took another drink from his cup. “I’m starting to wonder if Peach knows when Bowser will kidnap her. Maybe she lets herself get kidnapped on purpose.” Yoshi stared off at a tree branch thoughtfully.
“Now why would Princess Peach let Bowser kidnap her on purpose?” he thought out loud.
Raising his white-gloved hands, Mario exclaimed, “I don’t know!” He inhaled and exhaled deeply, attempting to calm himself down. “She could be…on Bowser’s side.” Mario finished off his last cookie and the remainder of his tea.
“That seems like a bit of a stretch,” Yoshi said, taking a drink of tea. “I think you’re a little stressed out.” Mario could hardly contain himself.
“I know I’m stressed out!” cried Mario. “I just tried to take a vacation, and I’m still stressed out!” Mario closed his eyes, putting his hand over his forehead. “I’m depressed, Yoshi. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be free, Yoshi. I want some help,” he murmured. Yoshi looked back at Mario with a softened gaze.
“I’m no psychiatrist, but yes, I think you are depressed. I also think that your latest ‘conspiracy theory’ might have a lot to do with your current state of mind.” Yoshi ate a bit of his cookie. “You said you tried to take a vacation, but you weren’t able to relax. Of course you weren’t; you’re depressed! You of anyone should know that doing fun things while you’re depressed is like you did nothing at all. Sometimes, it even makes it worse!” Mario now rested his head in his hands as he had done before.
“You’re absolutely right, Yoshi,” Mario whispered. “But…what do I do about it?” he pleaded. Yoshi finished his cookies and drank the rest of his tea.
“Like I said, I’m no psychiatrist. I can’t give you professional answers, but I can give you some advice. I think you should try to figure out what’s making you so depressed and try to make some kind of peace with it. Not that you should just say that it’s all fine, but I think you need to develop a positive outlook. Thinking and saying positive things does make a lot of a difference.” Mario furrowed his brow in thought. He hadn’t considered the reason behind why he had become depressed. As far as he could remember, he had been depressed. It may have even started in his childhood, when he still lived on Earth. It may have had something to do with his father…
Mario’s father. The man that was Mario’s father used to be a kind and gentle-spirited person. But that was a long time ago. Mario and his family had lived in a town in Italy until Luigi was born and Mario was two years old. Then, they had decided to move to the United States so that Mario’s father could be with his brother for their carpentry business. Shortly after they moved, something terrible happened; Mario and Luigi both mysteriously disappeared. After almost a week of panicked searching, the brothers turned up on their parents’ doorstep, safe and sound once again. It all went downhill from there. Mario’s father was becoming more and more distant and mean with every year that passed. Then one night, he entirely lost it. He deliriously rambled on and on about a fantasy world that was in the basement and screamed at his wife for not believing him. He even threw things in rage. Mario was six and Luigi almost five when the boys’ father had to be taken away to get help. From then on, they lived with their still-coping and emotionally damaged mother. And look how they turned out: Mario was depressed and Luigi was afraid of everything. That was Mario’s childhood. Mario stood up.
“Goodbye Yoshi. Thank you for your cookies…and your advice,” said Mario.
“Put your dishes in the sink before you go,” Yoshi told Mario. He obeyed, setting the plate and cup down in the sink by the counter. Mario walked over to the edge of the tree canopy and stood facing outward.
“I’m going to World 5,” he said. Yoshi placed his empty cup and plate in the sink as well and stood by the counter with his green arms crossed.
“Why are you going there?” he asked him. World 5 was the jungle World. It was filled with carnivorous piranha plants and lakes of purple acid that could burn flesh and bones when one hadn’t consumed any 1-up mushrooms.
“Oh, umm… Warp zone,” Mario responded.
“Alright then. But not until I see you eat at least one 1-up,” Yoshi commanded. He pulled a green mushroom, larger than Mario’s fist, from a nearby cabinet. On the mushroom’s cap were five white spots, and on the stem were two black lines that resembled eyes. Yoshi walked over to Mario with the mushroom and held it out to him.
“I had some 1-ups today,” Mario said. Yoshi held out the mushroom still. Mario took it and crammed it whole into his mouth.
“Chew and swallow it, Mario.” Mario chewed the mushroom and gulped it down. The flavor of a 1-up mushroom didn’t quite taste like how you’d expect a mushroom to taste. It was mildly sweet and fruity, but it left a bitter aftertaste that Mario had come to enjoy over the thousands he had consumed.
“Goodbye,” Mario said.
“Bye Mario. Remember what I told you,” Yoshi said as Mario started off.

4: "Home"

“I believe there may be some cause for concern regarding Mario,” Yoshi announced. The green round-nosed dinosaur had left his home when Mario had departed. He had gone to tell Mario’s brother Luigi, who had been talking to Princess Peach about the same subject. The two had been talking in the garden outside the castle. Of course, Peach had made a cake. But she had also expected Mario to come. She knew that he had been feeling down lately, and Luigi’s report on Mario’s strange behavior had worried her.
“He acted like he was pretty mad,” Luigi had told her. “But I think he was actually pretty sad. I knew something was wrong when…uh…when he threatened me.” That was all Luigi was able to say before Yoshi had arrived.
“We were just talking about that. Come, sit down, Yoshi. Would you like some cake?” Peach said as she directed to an empty spot on the engraved stone picnic table they sat on.
“No, thank you. I just had cookies and tea at my house,” Yoshi replied, taking a seat.
“Ooh, were they those good ole’ square ones with the chocolate and vanilla?” Luigi inquired. Yoshi nodded.
“Yes, they were.” Yoshi looked to the princess. She wore her usual pink dress and her bejeweled crown, her golden hair styled with perfection. The only thing that may have not been beautiful about her flawless face was the worried look it occupied. “But I didn’t come here to speak of cookies, Princess. I came to talk about Mario’s mental health state.” Yoshi looked over to Luigi. “Do you know what he told me?” Both Luigi and Princess Peach shook their heads “no.” Yoshi turned back to Peach. “He said that he was thinking that you, Peach, were on Bowser’s side and planned all your kidnappings,” Yoshi said. Peach’s jaw dropped.
“What? Why would he think that?” Luigi asked demandingly.
“Why would he think that about me?” Peach questioned, a bit hurt. Yoshi shrugged.
“I don’t know, but I think it’s his stress that’s adding to it.” Yoshi paused as Luigi took a bite of cake. “Also, he said he was going to World 5 to go to a warp zone. What warp zones are in World 5? I think there’s at least one Inter-World Transit.” Peach turned to a nearby toad who was clipping a hedge.
“Good servant, do you by any chance know what warp zones are in World 5?” she asked him. The toad walked over to them.
“Why yes I do, your highness. There are three Inter-World Transit terminals, and a shortcut to World 8, I believe. I haven’t gone there much, though,” the toad servant answered.
“Thank you. You may be off now,” Peach bid him. The toad resumed his work on the hedge. Princess Peach turned to Yoshi and Luigi. “Inter-World Transit. Mario never uses those big commercial warp zones! Do you think he’s going to World 8?”
“May be. I made him eat a 1-up before leaving,” Yoshi said. Luigi’s face turned ghostly pale.
“Um…what if he’s…you know,” Luigi stammered.
“Not following you,” said Yoshi.
“What if he’s going to World 5 to use up 1-ups?” Peach uttered, not believing her own words.
“Oh no…” Yoshi gasped.
“Mamma mia!” exclaimed Luigi.
“We need to go! We need to go and find out if he’s okay!” Peach burst, standing up. “I don’t want him to hurt himself over nothing!”
“Let’s go, then!” Yoshi asserted. Luigi stood to his feet.
“Okay,” he said in his own dorky way. Peach looked at the cake, which was still sitting on the table. She turned back to the gardening toad.
“Servant, if you take this cake back to the kitchen, you may have a slice,” Peach said kindly. The toad dropped what he was doing and rushed over to them. He picked up the cake, beaming.
“Oh boy, thank you! You’re awfully kind!” the toad thanked her. Peach nodded, and the toad began to head back to the castle. “Your cakes are so delicious!”
“Secret recipe, hon,” Peach said. The toad hurried into the castle. Peach turned back to the others.
“Let’s go find Mario, shall we?” she said, walking down the path out of the castle grounds. Yoshi and Luigi followed her.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
The three friends had found their way into an Inter-World Transit Pipelines terminal. In the main area where they had entered, there was a large front desk with the Pipeline’s logo: a winged piranha plant in a pipe on a rectangular background. Natural light shone in through the domed window roof. The rounded desk was crowded with lines all around, lines made up of all kinds of species from all over the Mushroom Kingdom. There were koopas, goombas, Yoshis, toads, human beings, penguins, shy guys, a few piranha plants, some bob-ombs (red as well as black ones), and even a few piantas from the islands of Piantalia. There certainly were more creatures than these, however. Since Peach was the princess, they were able to skip the line and go right to the front desk to get their tickets.
“Hello, and welcome to Inter-World Transit Pipelines! Where are you…” a friendly female toad with glasses and eye makeup began to say. “Oh my, you’re the princess! What can I do for you, your highness?” she asked her.
“We need a one-way to World 5,” she answered.
“Okay. Oh…Luigi? And…Yoshi?” The two of them waved as the toad at the front desk said their names. Others stared at them, murmuring amongst themselves. “Shouldn’t you have body guards? You know, with Bowser and all…” she whispered.
“I have Luigi and Yoshi. I’ll be fine,” Peach replied. Luigi jokingly puffed up his chest with pride.
“I feel so important,” he said. Yoshi put his hand over his eyes.
“Well,” the toad said, clearing her throat. “I can get you on our most luxurious pipe car. First class…”
“Oh no, we don’t want to ride one of those,” Yoshi said.
“We just want to use one-person pipes. It’s not necessary,” Peach told the toad.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” the three said unanimously. The toad nodded.
“Three one-ways to World 5, standard single pipe. That will be sixty coins each.” Before Luigi and Yoshi could object, Peach produced a brown block made of bricks. It was about a two foot wide cube, but almost everyone had one to carry their coins; they almost disappeared when put away. The Princess placed the block out in front of her, and it hovered there. The hit it gently with her fist from underneath, and the top opened, revealing a pile of golden coins. Blocks were some of the strangest objects in this realm. She placed stacks of coins on the table, and the toad accepted them. Peach put her coin block away.
“Alright. The World 5 wing is to your left. You’ll be using pipe number four,” she said, handing them the tickets.
“Thank you,” said Peach.
“No problem, your highness! Have a nice day, and thank you for choosing Inter-World Transit Pipelines!” said the toad as the three left the front desk. They pushed through swarms of toads, other Yoshis, koopas and goombas, and even a few humans as they stopped to admire them of take a picture.
“Still don’t know why we went Inter-World Transit,” Luigi whispered to Yoshi.
“It’s the only warp zone that you can go directly from World 1 to World 5,” Yoshi explained. “The other warp zone, the non-commercial one, only has pipes from World 3, World 6, and World 8, of course, World 8 being the only two-way pipe. Of course, there’s a possibility that there is another warp pipe hidden somewhere, but we have no time to try and find it,” Yoshi had looked at information while they were going to the terminal. He turned and looked at Luigi scrutinizingly. “You should know about stuff like this; you’re a plumber!”
“Ya, but I fix sinks! I don’t deal with pipe travel!” Luigi said. “Mario does that,” he mumbled bitterly. Indeed, he did. Mario had become fascinated by the subject of pipe travel. So fascinated that he had become a master at it. Now, he also offered travel pipe installation as a part of his job. Of course, Mario wasn’t doing any of that now. The two humans and dinosaur didn’t know for sure what he was doing, but it couldn’t be good.
The three made their way into the World 5 wing, which was consequently filled with piranha plants. Most of them were friendly enough…until you did something to upset one. The World 5 wing contained about eight one-person pipes and two pipe cars, which were currently boarding. Yoshi, Peach, and Luigi walked past piranha plant tourists and almost got ran into by a young goomba boy who had lost his favorite toy. They made their way to a red pipe marked with a big orange “4” on the wall above it; it was they pipe they were to use.
Since the three were not getting into a vehicle, the entry process was far less involved. All one had to do was go through the security, slip tickets into an automated machine, and show the one who manned the ticket machine a proof of residence form. You didn’t even need any sort of a passport for inter-world travel; all the Worlds were within the same kingdom. Sort of like the United States of America…but not all that much.
The two humans and dinosaur proceeded through the security and turned in their tickets, but not without a lot of unnecessary attention drawn to them. Patrons gasped and heads turned as the three moved closer to the pipe.
“See, this is why we never go to these places,” Luigi mumbled. Yoshi and the princess paid no mind when people and creatures shouted things at them, things like: “Oh Make! You’re Princess Peach!” or, “Hey, tell me about your adventures! What were they like?” and even, “Roar, I’m Bowser!” and followed by a maniacal torrent of laughter. Being a Worldwide celebrity certainly had many downfalls.
After forever, they had reached the actual entrance point to the World 5 pipe. It was built low into the floor as to be easily accessible to everyone; not everyone could jump like the Mario brothers. The hollow on the inside had a measure of about five feet across, so it wasn’t a confined as non-commercial pipes. Before either of them could object, Peach hopped into the pipe and disappeared. A timer on the wall began a countdown down from fifteen seconds, indicating when it was safe for another person to use the pipe without bumping into another. Yoshi went down after the fifteen seconds, leaving Luigi standing at the mercy of the timer. A shady-looking piranha plant with a brown hat and gaudy tie leaned closer to Luigi, making him increasingly uncomfortable. He glanced briefly at it. He was met with a sharp-toothed grin that made him flinch and turn back to the timer.
“Oh, time to go,” Luigi said to himself as he jumped eagerly into the pipe. He flew through the dark tunnel at a surprising speed. Surprising, that is, if one had been from Earth and entirely new to the concept of travel pipes. They were a bit like waterslides, only with a far more steady course. Pipes usually went straight and made ninety-degree turns. Commercial pipes, on the other hand, made gentle turns or no turns at all.
Singular person pipes were much faster than the pipe cars. Remarkably faster, even. All three of them met up again in the World 5 terminal within only a few minutes. It looked almost the same as the previous one, but this one was less crowded and mostly populated by piranha plants.
“Ha, short trip!” said Yoshi. Luigi straightened himself and stepped over to his friends. All of a sudden, a sound rushed closer through the pipe. Another was coming. Everyone turned around as the individual slid out of the pipe. It was the creepy piranha plant with the hat, and he was still smiling. Luigi looked away. The three and the piranha plant got into the outgoing line. Leaving was another process. One would have to go to another ticket machine, this one printing out the tickets the other was fed with a red mark over a code on the side. You would also have to show your proof of residence certificate and go through security again. Then, you could leave.
After going through more security and loud comments from those around them, the three were able to slip out of the Inter-World Pipelines terminal. They found themselves within a much smaller city, this one built around the tall jungle trees in a coexistence with the environment. It was miraculous.
This was the city of New Jungleston, the capital city of World 5 and one of the only major cities in World 5. World 5’s population was mostly made up of natives, some of which still lived in primitive tribal villages. The city was near the banks of the Purple River, a river flowing with bright purple acid. Now, the acid in the river was not a result of pollution. It was a rich and sustaining component in World 5’s ecosystem, and it nourished the exotic plants that grew there. However, it was also quite dangerous when it made contact with skin. One could simply follow the river to come upon the structures of the natives, as it was lined with them. Most of them had long been abandoned, however. Mario and the others had explored a few of them before while trying to save Princess Peach. And Mario had also fallen into the river. Many times. Thankfully, the 1-ups he had consumed had saved his life. But it was an unpleasant experience to say the least.
“Where do you think Mario is?” Peach asked Luigi and Yoshi.
“Well, if he were going to waste 1-ups, I think he’d go to a bridge over the river,” said Yoshi. “What do you think, Luigi?” Luigi’s expression was distant and forlorn. He gazed off into a thicket of vines in the distance.
“That’s a polite way to say it,” he said. Peach and Yoshi exchanged glances. “‘Wasting 1-ups.’ My brother is trying to kill himself.” Luigi closed his eyes tightly in order to hold back tears. “And I think I know why.”
“The ‘why’ doesn’t matter right now. Now, we need to go and save him,” Yoshi stated. “Hopefully he has consumed multiple 1-up mushrooms. He’s always snacking on them…” he thought out loud to himself. Luigi shed a tear.
“We’ll get him, Luigi. We’ll get Mario back,” Princess Peach reassured him. “Now Luigi, where do you think Mario would go?” she asked. Luigi sniffed.
“There’s a bridge just a bit up the river,” Luigi answered. “Near the spot where World 5 connects with World 4. He’s probably there. An angry tribe of piranha plants chased us across it once. When we were getting you back from Bowser…once.” Peach put her hand on Luigi’s shoulder. She looked straight into his eyes.
“We will find Mario. It will all be okay,” she said. Luigi nodded.
“Let’s go find that bridge, then,” said Yoshi. Everyone headed off down the river.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Mario paced back and forth on the wooden bridge, the deathly acid river rushing underneath him. Why exactly had he told Yoshi? It would have been a lot easier if nobody would have known. And he had eaten a few 1-up mushrooms today as well. Why was it so hard to just…use one? No…no it wouldn’t have been any easier if he hadn’t told anyone. Mario stood still. He crept toward the edge of the bridge and peered into the river. The acrid scent of the purple river stung his nostrils. He resumed pacing, this time including loud sighs. Soon, the sighing turned to mumbling. Mumbling…in Italian. The mumbling became increasingly faster as he went back and forth along the bridge. He probably looked insane. Then again, how sane was he if he was trying to convince himself to jump off a bridge into an acid river? He halted where he was. Mario stomped his foot and cried out.
“Non posso farlo!” Mario screamed. He fell to his knees, weeping.
“Mario!” Luigi called to him. Shocked, Mario looked up. Luigi, Peach, and Yoshi had come. They stood on the side of the bridge, looking out upon him. They had come to save him from…himself. Mario felt his heart soar… and then sink back down a hundred feet. Princess Peach, the cause of his grief. There she was, standing on the bank of the fatal purple river and beautifully made-up with a sorry look on her face. Mario buried his face in his hands. What was he doing? Peach wasn’t conspiring against Mario and planning to be kidnapped. Certainly she wasn’t. Everyone else was right. How…why would Mario take it to such an extreme level? Did this all have some kind of deep, sinister root in his past?
“Mario, come over to us!” Peach called to him. He scarcely looked up.
“C’mon, Mario. You don’t want to do this,” said Yoshi.
“That’s what he yelled,” Luigi murmured to Yoshi indirectly. Neither one of them paid attention to him.
“Come here, Mario. I know why you’re upset,” said the princess. Mario quieted himself and turned to meet her gaze. “Yoshi told me.” Mario stood to his feet.
“What did Yoshi tell you?” Mario questioned, trying to keep a steady voice. Peach looked to the green dinosaur beside her and back at Mario.
“He said that you were thinking bad things about me.” Mario placed his hand over his face, shaking his head. “And they’re not true,” she said plainly.
“I’m so sorry… I don’t know why I would ever think those things… I’m sorry everyone, I just…” said Mario. He walked briskly over to the rest of them.
“It’s okay, Mario. We forgive you,” said Yoshi. Mario nodded.
“I know you do,” he said. “Yes, I know you do.” Mario began to regain his composure. “I’m ready to go back home now,” he said, though his words made it seem unclear as to which home he spoke of. Perhaps he did speak of his house outside Toad Town. Or, he could have been speaking of Earth. Brooklyn or even Italy. Mario rarely referred to his Toadstoolian house as “home,” so there surely was another reason behind what he had said. Maybe he didn’t speak of a physical place at all but a supernatural place, a place beyond all dimensions.

5: Journeys

“You know, you guys didn’t need to come after me,” said Mario. “I wouldn’t have done it anyway. I would have been too scared.” Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Yoshi had wandered away from the Purple River and the bridge and lingered on a grassy patch of ground. The thick canopy of jungle trees made it seem darker, as did the recent happening with Mario on the bridge. He was going to jump into the acid river and kill himself, but Yoshi, Peach, and Luigi had arrived to convince him not to. Now they stood around in the jungle, still talking with suicidal Mario.
“No way. We wouldn’t have just let you do it,” said Luigi. “And you probably would have done it, Mario. You would have found a reason.” Mario turned to his brother. Luigi leaned against a tree, staring off with a blank expression. Mario closed his eyes. He recalled all the ways he had hurt his own brother in the past, and it made him sick. Sick with himself.
“You don’t know how sorry I am, Luigi. I…have been so terrible to you,” Mario apologized. “I have not been a suitable brother.”
“But you are my brother, Mario,” said Luigi. “And you always will be.” Mario stared directly down at his feet. The group tarried there for a few more quiet moments, letting the sounds of the jungle sink in. Birds, bugs, or whatever creatures lurked out there, all sang out from the trees or the bramble thickets.
“We should go now,” said Princess Peach. Yoshi thought of something.
“Mario, what way did you use to get here?” Yoshi asked him.
“Oh, I used a pipe I built from my house.” He pointed to his left. “It’s over that way.”
“Isn’t that illegal? Building your own pipes into different Worlds?” Peach prompted him with just a hint of sarcasm.
“Yes, of course it is. Unless you have a permit,” Mario replied with a smirk. Peach returned Mario’s little smile. Yoshi took notice of their exchange, but he said nothing. Yoshi changed the subject.
“Well, let’s go now. There’s no sense in waiting around here for something to eat us,” said Yoshi. Mario turned to the others.
“Yes, we should go now. I’ll lead the way back to my pipe,” Mario said, starting off in a northerly direction through the jungle. The rest followed him. The four moved wordlessly under low branches and around trees. They also occasionally hopped over small pits and acid streams or on top of floating blocks and tree limbs.
About a quarter of the way into the trip, Mario began humming to himself. It was an oddly familiar tune, though not one of them had ever recalled hearing it. Mario did this frequently when he was happy. He also did it when he was scared or sad as a means of trying to comfort himself. Mario could sing well, too, though he was awfully shy about it. He would never sing if he knew anyone was listening to him. Sometimes, though, he sang quietly, but it was mostly for self-comfort. Now, he hummed quietly, trying to forget the fact that he was only just recently contemplating murdering himself in a river flowing with acid. It only worked a tiny bit. Mario spoke to his companions.
“How did you guys get to World 5?” he queried with a false easiness. “Did you use one of those commercial warp zones?” Mario jumped onto a tree branch to avoid a tangle of thorny vines. The rest did the same.
“Uh, yeah,” Luigi said, balancing on the branch. “An Inter-World Transit.” Mario leapt down off the branch on the other side of the thorns. “We all love those, right Mario?” Peach and Yoshi jumped back down to the ground, leaving Luigi on the branch. The three waited for him. Luigi did a stylish backflip off the tree limb and landed with his arms outstretched. Yoshi clapped with an unimpressed look on his reptilian face. Mario shook his head and continued on.
“Oh, yeah. Inter-World Transit,” Mario said with a grumble. “Don’t ever want to use one if I don’t have to. They’re crowded, tedious, and pointless.”
“We know, Mario. You tell us all the time,” said Princess Peach. The four continued walking until they came upon a fallen log. Mario jumped over it, and the rest did also. “You can build pipes that are just as good without all the hassle,” she said in a mocking tone.
“Well, it’s true! I can!” Mario laughed. “And I can make them go exactly where I want them to go! With their commercial pipes, you go from one crowded security check to another. It’s not even necessary!”
“You do have a point, bro,” Luigi agreed. “There are some pretty weird people in there…”
“Oh come on guys. They’re not that bad,” said Yoshi.
“Yes, they are!” both brothers said in unison.
“Last time I checked, Yoshi, you don’t build travel pipes,” Mario said smugly.
“Yeah, but thanks to you, I know everything about them,” Yoshi said, exaggerating the word “everything.” “You guys are also from World Earth, so you don’t think of things the same way as people here.” The four of them came to a large boulder that gave way to an elevated stretch of land. Mario stopped to contemplate it. From the other way, it was almost level to the ground. Going back the other way, it was just a bit too high to jump onto. Mario took a quick inventory of his surroundings. There were no branches low enough to use. But…there was a block over near a group of three trees. Mario hurried over to it and snatched it out of the air. He rejoined his friends by the boulder and placed the block at his eye-level. Mario took a step back. He jumped onto the block and then onto the boulder. Everyone else did the same. Mario led the way again.
“Now why don’t I think of that more often?” Mario asked himself out loud. They were once again wordless as they all progressed. Mario began to hum another unidentifiable tune softly as he carried on through the jungle. However, it wasn’t long before he spoke again.
“So Princess,” he began. “Aren’t you just a bit unhappy with me?” he asked her.
“What? Why would I be unhappy with you?” she questioned back, confused.
“What Yoshi said about me. Aren’t you just a bit upset that I would think… That I’d think you…” Mario didn’t finish.
“I am concerned,” was all the princess said. Mario didn’t question her further. He resumed humming, though this time it was obvious that he was still deeply disturbed. Even though his tune was happy and upbeat. Mario added words to his song. The words were in Italian, but nobody was listening closely enough to hear them anyway. At least that’s what he thought. Mario’s voice grew gradually shakier, his sadness showing through more and more. Was is just him, or was the jungle becoming darker as well? No, indeed it was darker. Mario looked up. A cloudy gray sky peered through the tops of the tall trees. Great. Now the weather matched his emotions. What Mario didn’t know was of the great misfortune about to befall the four friends.
“It’s getting darker,” Yoshi noticed.
“Oh, so it’s not just me,” said Luigi.
“Guys, what’s that sound?” Peach asked.
“That’s my brother singing in Italian,” Luigi answered. Mario choked. He stopped singing. He also stopped breathing, not daring to make another noise.
“No, not that. Listen,” she said. Everyone hushed down. “It sounds like some kind of whirring.” Indeed it did. It grew louder and louder. Not one of them realized what it was until it was right there in their faces. The sound was right over them. They looked up. There in the sky was a flying pirate ship (called an airship) with propellers atop its masts. It flew a black flag. Mario felt as if he were going to burst.
“Bowser!” he screamed, shaking with burning rage. “What do you want?” he yelled again.
“The princess, Tubby-o,” a low growling voice said from behind. Mario whirled around. There he was, the scaly devil himself. Bowser, the giant spiky-shelled koopa king, here to kidnap the princess again. He flew in a white propeller-equipped cup-shaped vehicle with a clown face on the front, otherwise known as a clown car. Bowser and his minions used these often. Bowser pulled Princess Peach into the clown car at once and flew out of the way. Mario hurled himself at the clown car and grabbed onto the edge. Mario punched Bowser’s nose as hard as he could, but Bowser threw him back down before he could attack him any more. He flew away with the princess.
“So long, chumps!” Bowser roared. Mario felt something bump his foot. A black bomb with a wind-up key, feet, and line-shaped white eyes had run into it. It was a bob-omb, and it stood right in the center of the three of them. Before anyone could react, it detonated, leaving Yoshi, Mario, and Luigi out cold on the jungle floor.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Mario’s head ached and his ears felt stuffy. A strong bitter taste filled his mouth and had penetrated up into his nasal area; this always happened after a 1-up mushroom had taken affect. Mario could not yet bring himself to open up his eyes. He heard muffled voices moving around…wherever he was. What had even happened? Why was Mario lying down with stuffed-up ears and a 1-up flavor in his mouth? Mario remembered: it had been a bob-omb. It had exploded on himself, Luigi, and Yoshi. But… wasn’t Princess Peach with them, too? Oh no! That’s the reason for the bob-omb! Bowser! Bowser had stolen away the princess while she was right there next to Mario. Right there.
I tried to stop him, Mario thought. I did try. But he took her… But if I wouldn’t have run off to try and… She wouldn’t have been there, and she wouldn’t have been captured. No, that’s no use now. You’ve got to go get her now. C’mon, try and wake up, Mario silently tried to convince himself. His eyes would not open, nor would any of his muscles even move a tiny bit. Great. Now he would just have to lie there until… Mario’s ears popped. He could hear normally again. The voices moving around him became clear enough to make out.
“He’s been out for a while. Do you think he’s…you know, alright?” said a voice that seemed to come from Mario’s right. Did Mario recognize the voice?
“He had at least one 1-up. He should be,” said what sounded like the voice of Yoshi. It came also from Mario’s right. Mario’s foot jerked uncontrollably.
“Hey man, I think he just moved!” said another voice. This one had come from somewhere in front of Mario.
“What? No he didn’t,” Luigi’s voice said from Mario’s left. Mario turned his head toward the voice. His eyes cracked open just enough to let a bit of light in.
“No man, he’s totally waking up. Look,” said the voice in front of Mario. He turned his head back so that it was lying flat on…whatever he was lying on. He opened his eyes a bit more, and they fell closed again.
“Hey buddy, can you hear me? Are you okay?” said the voice that had spoken first. Mario’s eyes opened all the way. He blinked in surprise. In addition to Yoshi and Luigi, a tall, green-shelled koopa and a black bob-omb stood over him. The two seemed familiar, but then again…
“Wha… Where am I?” Mario uttered, tasting the bitterness inside his mouth.
“You’re at our place, ole’ buddy,” said the koopa. Ole’ buddy? Where had Mario heard that before…
“Do I…know you? I know you,” Mario mumbled, hardly able to keep his eyes open.
“Yep. We’re your old pals! Remember us?” the bob-omb chimed in with. How did a bomb talk when it had no mouth?
“Well, you should at least remember me. We used to race. Remember? The Bob-omb Battlefield? Tiny-Huge Island?” the koopa inquired. Mario opened his eyes again and looked at the koopa with recognition. “I still don’t know how you could possibly beat me. I cheated, too!”
“Quick?” said Mario. The koopa nodded. Indeed he was Quick, Koopa the Quick. Mario had raced the koopa up a mountain once to obtain a power star from him. He had also done so on a strange growing and shrinking island. Mario had won both times, and Quick had never fully recovered from his damaged pride. Quick was supposed to be “the fastest feet of World 1,” but Mario knew all-too-well that he exaggerated. A lot. Being a fast runner was an important thing to a koopa, and he probably just liked to brag too much.
“I’m pretty sure the only reason he’s ‘Quick’ is because he cheats,” said the bob-omb. Quick glared at him.
“You’re his friend, Bob-omb,” said Mario. Yes, his name was just “Bob-omb.” He had been a war bomb, meant to blow up in battle, so he had never received a real name. Quick had picked up his explosive friend back on the Bob-omb Battlefield, where he had raced Mario for the first star. After Mario had defeated the kingly Big Bob-omb on another escapade there, the mountain had been without a leader. Quick’s friend had never liked the king and the war anyway. He just wasn’t that type of bomb. He preferred doing fun things with friends to being ammunition in a war. Who wouldn’t?
Mario then recalled a thing of great importance.
“Peach… Bowser…” he blurted. Mario sat up. He got to see where he was. He had been lying on a soft blanket on the floor of a small and whimsical-looking home. There was a kitchen to his right and a couch to his left. Portraits of koopas hung on the walls, and there was a window behind him. The front door lie ahead of him. What was he just thinking about? Oh yes! “Bowser kidnapped Peach again! We’ve got to save her!” Mario exclaimed. “I’ve got to go now!” Mario began to make an attempt at standing up. Yoshi grabbed hold of his arm, making him sit back down.
“Hold on, Mario! Just wait a second!” Yoshi countered. “You don’t need to go on another trek across the continent. We know exactly where she is.”
“You know? How do you know where she is?” asked Mario, confused.
“We’ve got some allies. They told us for a fair amount of coins,” said Quick.
“She’s in the World 4 stronghold, Mario,” said Luigi.
“World 4?” Mario repeated. “The beach World. Huh. I was just at a beach. Are…we still in World 5?”
“We’re in World 1. We used your pipe.” said Yoshi. “It was nice, by the way. As nice as Inter-World Transit.”
“Well, thank you. I try,” replied Mario. He realized something. “Hey, how were you conscious to enjoy my professional pipe? Didn’t you get exploded on, too?”
“The explosion knocked you guys out, but not me,” the dinosaur said, addressing the brothers. “I recovered right away and brought you guys through. Then, we met up with these two,” Yoshi said with a motion to the bob-omb and koopa.
“Oh…alright then.” Mario glanced around the room once more. “Is there a fast way to World 4 anywhere near here?” he asked.
“Yeah, there is. We were talking about that before you woke up,” said Luigi.
“There’s a pipe nearby. Behind this house. It’s on an elevated bit of ground. You’ll see it,” Yoshi added. Mario got up at once and hastily made his way toward the door.
“Let’s go, then!” he said. “C’mon! Let’s go!
“Wait, Mario.” Yoshi stopped him once more. “You should go without us. It would be much easier to sneak in that way.”
“And if you get hurt, we’ll be here to help you,” Luigi said. Mario paused briefly.
“Alright then. I will go.” Mario opened the front door. He put on his most “heroic” face, which included a distant gaze and furrowed eyebrows. “I shall return from my quest with the greatest of haste!” Mario burst out in a deep loud voice, trying (and failing miserably) to imitate a British accent. Yoshi shook his head as Quick and Bob-omb exchanged looks. Luigi was wholly unimpressed. “Ciao,” he said as he hurried out the door.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Indeed the pipe had been atop a small bit of elevated land. The pipe was obscured by trees, but it was still visible. It wasn’t a well-used pipe, so Mario had been wary of piranha plants as he approached it. Thankfully, there hadn’t been any, so Mario was able to hop right into the pipe. The diameter of the inside was smaller than an Inter-World Transit pipe — three-and-a-half feet. But even Mario, despite his pudginess, was able to fit perfectly inside.
The actual travel experience was far less luxurious than a commercial pipe; it took harsh turns and was significantly slower. It was also a bit rusty and dirty on the inside. Mario couldn’t help but think about how much better the pipe would be if he would have made it. No, this pipe was not meant for casual transverse between Worlds. This pipe was strictly for utility purposes. But, judging by the general lack of care, it had been abandoned. Quite some time ago, as Mario reasoned.
Mario felt his sleeve briefly get caught in something. For a moment, he was a bit worried. It had better not have been a piranha plant. Mario’s shoes passed over a bump. Oh, it must have only been a crack in the pipe. Crack in the pipe? Mario cringed. For him, that was one of the worst notions ever to enter his mind: a cracked pipe. He practically wanted to go get his tools now and fix this mess of a pipe. But alas, he could not. He was stuck in here until he came to World 4.
Mario began to see light. It grew brighter and brighter as he scraped along through the breaking pipe. In an instant, it made a complete ninety-degree turn upward into the light. He was approaching World 4 now. Mario could already smell the salty ocean.
He reached the top of the pipe and jumped out. Mario now stood on one of the many small islands of World 4, the tropical beach World. He was in a remote area that seemed to be free of civilization. This just-so-happened to be near Bowser’s World 4 stronghold. Mario had gone this route to the stronghold before, but Peach had not been inside of it. No, only one of Bowser’s annoying koopa kids. Mario didn’t remember which, nor did he care to. Mario only cared now about saving Princess Peach. Defeating Bowser. Mario had not realized it yet, but he also cared not only about saving the princess, but the princess herself.

6: Flames of War in World 4?

Mario’s trip across the islands of World 4 had been a quick one. His arrival there had been unexpected, so Bowser had not yet stationed any minions to try and stop him. Usually, Mario would start right from Peach’s Castle, since that was usually the place Bowser abducted her from. He would travel through World 1 to Bowser’s stronghold, and Bowser would leave and go to World 2’s stronghold. Mario would have to go through all eight Worlds to arrive at Bowser’s true castle, where he always kept Peach. Or, at least that’s where she always was when Mario arrived there. Now, Mario was beginning to doubt whether or not the journey through all eight Worlds was even necessary. Bowser could have been holding the princess in any castle stronghold and only have moved her to World 8 in the end. It didn’t matter now, however. Now it only mattered to get Peach back.
He bounded over beaches, swam in the sea (without getting wet, or course), and progressed past by plenty of palm trees as he carried on through World 4 to the stronghold. Its dark towers came closer and closer as Mario moved on. He stopped on a cliff he had come upon to have a look at the stronghold. It looked just like all of Bowser’s strongholds: a castle keep decorated with a few deadly spikes and flying Bowser’s flag atop the towers. There was something else about it, too. A few members of Bowser’s troops stood by and conversed with one another. Mario watched as a koopa with glasses, a magic staff, and a blue robe and a matching blue wizard hat stormed out of the castle to scold them. It was a magikoopa for certain. What could be the significance of this? Nothing?
Mario lowered himself down from the cliff. He scouted around the area for any unattended blocks. Mario found a 1-up and a red mushroom of healing. The red mushroom looked just like a 1-up except the color. These mushrooms could heal fatal injuries rapidly. Mario devoured the 1-up immediately and slipped the red mushroom into his overalls pocket for later. The mushroom might help improve his stamina in a battle against Bowser, which he knew would have to take place. The castle lay ahead.
Shortly after his mushroom find, he came upon the stronghold. He hid by the side, close enough to hear the conversation the minions outside were having.
“So when do ya think he’ll get here?” asked a goomba. The brown mushroom with angry eyebrows and a fanged underbite was with another of his kind and a red-shelled koopa, and they stood near to where Mario lie in wait.
“He’s gotta go through our other bases first. It’s what he always does,” the koopa replied. Were the minions talking about Mario?
“Yeah, but what if he gets here earlier?” the first goomba asked again.
“If he gets here early, I’ll show him my bad side!” said the other goomba in the group. The koopa looked over to him.
“Your ‘bad side?’” the koopa repeated. He scoffed at him.
“Oh c’mon! He’s just a fat human from World Earth! How scary could he be?” Mario couldn’t help but chuckle quietly to himself. Nobody heard him, and they carried on with their conversation.
“You don’t ever want to meet him in person. Trust me, he’s bad news,” said the red-shelled koopa. “Feet that crush your head like a thwomp.”
“Yeah, man! He’ll squash you and wipe your guts off his boot like they’re mud!” the other goomba added. Mario had to use a massive amount of self-control to not burst out laughing. Instead, he grinned like an idiot, his body shaking with silent guffaws. “Better eat your 1-ups at breakfast!” said the little brown mushroom.
“But…he looks like a joke! He’s barely taller than you and has that funny accent!” the goomba argued, addressing the koopa. The koopa spoke.
“Don’t be fooled,” he said, trying to be dramatic. “Beneath that goofy smiling face is a ruthless killer. Mark my words. The day the sole of his shoe meets your face you will remember this…moment.” The goomba who argued looked dumbfounded.
“He’s weird,” said the other goomba. The group was silent for a moment. Mario watched as a creature on all fours with a blue smooth shell and red eyes approached the three. It was known as a beetle, though it was definitely more closely related to a koopa than an insect. It was a species in the koopa family. Beetles like this one tended to like the darkness, living in caves and only coming out at night. Why was this one awake now? It must have had a good reason. Or perhaps…
“’Tis I, the Mysterious Beetle,” the beetle said in a cool, calm voice. The two goombas and koopa groaned in succession. Indeed, it was the Mysterious Beetle. This particular beetle was known for appearing random places at random times to give vague advice that ultimately proved to be useful in the end. There were those who had theorized about him, wondering if he had some kind of mental condition. Still others thought that he could see the future, and he gave advice as a foreshadowing of what was to come.
“So what’s shakin,’ Mystery? Got any prophecies for us?” the goomba who had argued about Mario asked the beetle sarcastically. The beetle ignored the goomba and kept his intense gaze.
“A wise man holds his tongue,” he said. The other goomba furrowed his brow in thought, and the koopa just shook his yellow turtle-like head. Mysterious Beetle continued.
“…But a fool speaks rashly.” The beetle turned his head in the general direction of Mario. “One must be careful when speaking of disaster, for his own doom may lurk just around the corner.” Mario stopped cold. What was the beetle speaking of? Was Mario the doom of the three minions? Or… Was the beetle’s comment directed to Mario?
“‘Just around the corner?’” the contemplating goomba repeated aloud. “‘Doom?’” The beetle slipped away again, disappearing just as suddenly as he had appeared.
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous! There’s no doom lurking around the corner!” the other goomba laughed in defiance. The goomba walked along the wall, coming close to where Mario hid. “See! Nothing!” The other goomba ran to him, and the koopa followed.
“Maybe it was a figurative corner,” said the koopa.
“No, it was a literal corner,” Mario said, coming out of hiding. He smiled at them and waved “hello.” The three of them were too shocked to respond. The koopa started to back away. Before he could run, Mario leapt onto him, stomping his head into his shell. The once-fearless goomba shrieked in fear as Mario kicked the shell of his friend right into him and the other goomba. The shell kept sliding across the ground until it was lost into the ocean. With the koopa gone and the two goombas laying, lifeless on the ground, Mario grinned with satisfaction. He laughed a bit to himself as he snuck around to the back of the stronghold.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Just as he guessed, there had been a row of windows at the back of the castle. They were pretty high up, But it was nothing Mario couldn’t solve with a hovering block and a jump off the top of a palm tree. He broke through the glass and landed on some kind of wall that went around the inside of a darkened room.
Heat. Heat was all Mario experienced at first inside of the castle stronghold. It felt like his face was on fire. This was all due to the pool of molten lava that covered the entire floor, except for a few stone platforms sticking out of it. Glowing orange streams poured out of the mouths of fountains shaped like Bowser’s head. So vain. Bowser liked to put his face on everything. Mario had to find some way to escape the burning temperature. He stuck his head back out the window. The tropical beach’s warmth felt cool compared to Bowser’s stronghold. How and why would Bowser bear to have all his strongholds like this? Maybe in World 3, the snowy World, it would make more sense. But in sunny World 4? Why did he try so hard to be scary and intimidating? It was hot on top of the wall, and it would be hot down by the lava for sure. Oh yes…heat rises. It would still be hot down on one of the platforms, but it might not be as bad. Just as he was about to hop down onto one, a familiar spiky personality emerged from a door on the other side of the room. It was Bowser, and he was accompanied by another: a magikoopa like the one that had yelled at the minions. Mario ducked down, moving away from the beam of shining light he had created. Bowser and the magikoopa went out on a walkway together, discussing something which sounded to Mario like a disagreement. He couldn’t hear them all-too well; the sound of the boiling molten rock drowned most of it out. The magikoopa’s shrill cries were about all he heard. That, and Bowser barking the word “comic.” Comic? Why on Earth and all the Worlds would Bowser yell “comic?” The word was followed by a loud “Don’t talk back to me!” from the magikoopa, which Mario heard, loud and clear. After that, the magikoopa waved a magic staff over his head and teleported elsewhere, leaving Bowser alone in the room. Bowser grunted and hopped onto a brown circular platform made of stone. He muttered to himself in a fit and glanced around the room. Mario decided it was time.
“Bowser!” Mario shouted from his lofty perch. He stood to his feet and came into the light. The hulking spiky koopa turned to face him.
“Wha… How did you get here already?” bellowed Bowser. Mario hopped down from the wall and onto a purple brick platform suspended in the lava. He stood up and straightened his cap. Yes, it was a bit cooler down here.
“Took a shortcut.” He bounded over a flame-filled gap onto the brown stone circle where Bowser stood. Bowser took a defensive posture, holding his clawed hands out on either side of him.
“You’re going to fight me again,” he growled with outstretched claws. Mario took a breath.
“Yes,” said Mario. Without a second’s hesitation, Bowser gave a fiery snort and charged his massive scaly body towards the short mustached man. Mario dashed around Bowser to the other side of the circular platform. Bowser skidded to a halt and turned around to go for Mario, but Mario had already begun running full speed at Bowser. Bowser grunted in surprise as Mario made a long-jump right for his stomach, which was the only area of his body not covered with horns or spikes.
“Yah! Hoo! YAH!” Mario exclaimed, punching Bowser twice and ending with a kick. Bowser cried out a bit, more of shock than of pain, however. Just as Mario was going for another hit, Bowser swung his heavy fist and sent Mario flying back over to the other side of the circle. The great red-haired koopa ran over to the stunned plumber, picking him up with both of his yellow clawed hands. Mario was unable to do anything except stare in fright and mumble a low “Mamma mia…” as Bowser laughed at him. After witnessing Mario try to squirm out of his hands for a brief moment, Bowser threw him with force onto the floor headfirst. Mario groaned in pain. Bowser took a step back and leapt into the air, stomping right down onto Mario. Mario cried out loudly. Back on Earth, being crushed in that way would have killed him. Mario felt almost dead. Bowser stepped off of him, laughing at the sight.
“Ha! Are you gonna save your princess now?” he roared. Bowser held up his fist. “If I hit you one more time, you’re DEAD!”
“Muori,” Mario mumbled. He gave a dry, wheezing cough. Bowser bared his sharp teeth.
“I don’t know what you said, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t good!” Bowser stared in contempt at the injured plumber. He punched his hand. “I think I will make you lose a 1-up!” Bowser drew in a deep breath and exhaled flames toward Mario. He rolled away from the fire just in time. Bowser turned to follow him, but Mario kept dodging his fiery breath.
After a while, the great fire-breathing beast tired of spewing flames at the short man. Mario still hadn’t fully recovered. He crawled away from Bowser, who was coming to attack again. Mario drew nearer to the edge of the circular arena. Bowser ran after him. He curled up into a ball, burying his face in his knees. He could almost reach that red mushroom he had found earlier… When Bowser was only a few feet away from him, Mario sprang up backwards and landed right on Bowser’s head. Bowser flinched and roared in surprise. Mario had eaten the mushroom. Crazed, Mario placed his feet on Bowser’s neck and grabbed each of his horns. He burst out in a torrent of maniacal laughter. Bowser shook his head and reached to grab Mario, but Mario hopped off and landed behind him. Before Bowser could turn around, Mario took hold of Bowser’s tail and began to swing him around in a circle. This would have been almost impossible on Earth: Bowser must have weighed at least five-hundred pounds, and Mario was much, much smaller than him. As Mario swirled him around, he began to rise into the air. Mario was going to let go of his tail and he would fly into the lava.
          “Argh! Don’t throw me into the lava!” Bowser cried in protest. Mario stopped whirling him around, but he didn’t let go of his tail.
          “Why shouldn’t I? You stole my girl again,” said Mario. Bowser scoffed a little.
          “She’s not your girl. I bet she doesn’t even like you,” Bowser mocked. Mario’s stomach dropped. What had he said? “She’s the princess, and you’re just a duh-brained thwomp-head plumber who gorges on cake when he’s sad.” Mario’s fury burned even stronger. He dismissed his original though and began to spin Bowser again.
          “FOR MAKER’S SAKE, STOP IT!” Bowser roared. “If you I die, they’ll move her to another castle!” Mario halted once more.
          “Are you serious? How can I even trust you?” Bowser let out a sigh.
          “I don’t know how I could make you trust me, but…”
          “Then I’ll kill you.”
          “NO! DON’T DO IT! Do you want to start the whole thing again?” Bowser grunted. “Do you want to go to every castle in every World when she’s right here, right now?”
          “I guess I don’t.” Mario said in a calmer tone.
          “Then let me go!” Bowser demanded, pounding his fist on the ground. Mario scowled at him and let go of his tail. Bowser stomped away and stood up straight. Mario glowered at him as he turned around. Mario closed his eyes and sighed.
          “I cannot even begin to describe just how much I hate you,” he said. “Please remind me why I didn’t kill you?”
          “’Cause you want the princess back!” Bowser barked with impatience.
          “Oh really? So you’re just going to give her back?” Mario was unconvinced.
          “I didn’t even need to kidnap her this time!”
          “You didn’t need to kidnap her? Then why would you?”
          Bowser growled angrily, “REASONS!” Mario gave him a harsh death-stare. “It was…someone else’s idea this time. If I wouldn’t have kidnapped her, I’d have been in trouble.”
          “Trouble, huh? Is there someone higher than the Koopa King?” Mario laughed.
          “LISTEN!” Bowser yelled, almost making the ground shake. “I don’t need the princess, and I don’t want…someone…to know I’m telling you this…” Bowser said with a scanning glance around the room. Mario’s expression remained disdainful. He folded his arms.
“Is that ‘someone’ by any chance the magikoopa?” Mario interrogated in a lower voice. A wave of shock came over Bowser’s dragon-like face.
“You heard us?” Bowser demanded. Mario, hearing a note of fear in Bowser’s voice, smirked a bit. Bowser continued to show the emotion on his face until Mario answered.
“No,” he replied honestly. “I didn’t hear you, but I saw you.” Bowser’s expression returned to the angered one it was before. “Ah, that’s right. I heard one thing,” Mario said in his Italian accent. “I heard you say the word ‘comic.’ Why did you say ‘comic?’” Bowser showed him a sharp-toothed smile.
“Comic? Like, a drawing, comic?” Mario stared at him. “I didn’t say that!”
“Then what did you…”
“Kamek. K-A-M-E-K, Kamek!” Bowser snickered. “That’s his name!” Mario continued with a wordless gaze. “You don’t know who he is?” Bowser asked as if he could not believe Mario’s reaction.
“Sounds awfully familiar, but that’s all.” Mario looked away at a chain hanging from the ceiling, then back at Bowser. He began to speak but was interrupted mid-sentence. “So tell me, why…”
“Mario! Hey, Mario!” called Luigi’s echoing nasal voice. Both Bowser and Mario looked up to the ledge at the top of the wall. There Luigi stood in the light. Why did he come here? He called down again. “Whoo, it’s steamy in here! What are ya doing, Mario?”
“Come down here, Luigi!” Mario called back to his brother.
“What? Sorry bro, can’t hear you!” Luigi jumped off onto the purple stone platform and then onto the brown one where Bowser stood next to Mario.
“Really? Why did he come?” Bowser growled to Mario with an edge of extra hostility.
“Probably to help me kill you,” Mario stated matter-of-factly. Luigi nodded.
“Why don’t you and your stupid little brother just go die in a deep, dark pit and never crawl out again?” Bowser groaned.
“Well… Someone’s being whiny,” Luigi said with a frown. Bowser turned to Luigi.
“If there were any ghosts in here, you’d run away crying!” Luigi almost fainted.
“HEY! You stop making fun of my brother!” Mario shouted at Bowser. Mario looked at his brother in green. “That’s for me to do.” Luigi shrugged. Bowser let out an aggravated growl.
“Just take her! Take Peach and leave! I can’t put up with this right now!” Bowser jumped the gap from the stone circle to the walkway and stormed off.
“Wait! Where is…” Luigi began. Bowser slammed the door behind him. “…she.”
“Do you think he’d tell us anyway?” Mario asked in a rhetorical question.
“Why’d he give up right away?” Luigi quizzed.
“He says that he doesn’t need the princess right now. He says it was someone else’s idea.” Mario answered him.
“Who?”
“I think it’s a magikoopa named Kamek,” said Mario. “He was vague. Of course, why wouldn’t he be? He hates me.” Mario said the last part with a low chuckle.
“Kamek? Sounds familiar…” Luigi thought out loud.
“Yes, I don’t know where I remember the name from,” Mario added. “But I think it’s significant.” He scanned his surroundings. “We should go find the Princess before someone moves her to another castle.”
“I’m sorry, but the princess has been taken to another castle!” Luigi said, mocking a toad’s high-pitched, raspy voice. “Or whatever he always said,” Luigi said in his normal voice. Mario smiled and shook his head.
“We need to find her,” Mario insisted.
“Okay,” Luigi said in his usual, awkward little way.
“Let’s go,” Mario asserted with a raised fist.

7: “Sto Morendo…”

“I don’t think we should go through the same door as Bowser,” Mario reasoned aloud to his brother. “When I got here, Bowser was coming into this room. She’s probably hidden around here somewhere.” Mario hopped off of the brown circular platform and onto a rectangular purple one. “Look for a hidden entrance.” The two brothers scouted the inside of the lava-floored Bowser stronghold. There was sure to be a hidden exit somewhere.
“Hey Mario, what about that pipe?” Luigi called out. Mario turned to look. Luigi pointed to a lone green pipe in the middle of the lava. It was just a few feet in front of the platform Luigi occupied. Mario hopped his way over to Luigi.
“If that pipe has a crack in it, I will scream.”
“I bet it does. I bet it’s full of cracks. No, the entire pipe just is a crack,” Luigi joked. Mario looked at him with no expression — he was unamused. “I’ll jump over there,” Luigi offered.
“No, I will,” Mario said as he leapt off into the lava, landing right on top of the pipe. He held out his arms to steady himself. Mario peered down into it. “Doesn’t look useable. I think it’s sealed shut.” Indeed it was — the pipe led nowhere. Mario looked back over to Luigi, who stood on the edge of an oddly-shaped brick pathway into the lava. “Wonderful. The search continues.” Mario rejoined him and re-evaluated the area. He spied a darker niche near the corner of the wall on the far side of the room. “Look over there.” He pointed to it. “There could be a door over there.”
“Let’s check it out,” said Luigi. The two brothers hopped from a series of platforms, all varying in height and color, before landing on another walkway that wrapped around the side of the far wall. It led right to the niche. Mario was first to investigate it. Indeed, it was a door. “It doesn’t need a key, does…” Luigi began, stopping when Mario opened the door. It was dark inside the door, darker even than the large room with the lava floor, except for one lone beam of light that shone down in the center. The air inside was refreshing and cool.
“Hel-looo…” Mario called into the room. His voice echoed and reverberated off the walls. “Anyone here?” No answer came but his own voice. Mario took a few steps further into the room.
“Something’s off about this room,” Luigi said, following Mario. Mario went to the circular spotlight in the center and looked up. The walls of the room seemed to rise upward in a cylinder. They must have been in one of the stronghold’s towers.
“It’s not even a room. It’s a tower,” Mario said, still squinting up at the light. “But you’re right. Something does seem strange about it…” The sound of strong wind whipping against the tower was ever present. Mario listened to it for a few moments to evaluate it. Was it a tropical storm? A hurricane? It had been a bit cloudy and sunny overall before Mario had slipped into the lava room through the window. All of a sudden, the door slammed shut with a loud creak and a thunderous crash. Mario flinched and whisked around. Luigi ran over to his brother in the light beam, ducking behind him.
“What was that?” Luigi whimpered. Mario had no answer. A shrill cackle pierced through the distant sound of wind.
“It’s a trap!” exclaimed Mario. Both brothers rushed over to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn’t budge. Was there any other way out? There must be stairs up to the top. Mario turned around to scan the room for stairs, but by then it was too late. The brothers stood still, paralyzed by what they saw. Standing in the middle of the light beam was a magikoopa holding a golden magic staff with the typical red jewel on the top. Was it Kamek?
“Well, well, well!” mocked the magikoopa. “Look what we have here! Our two so-called ‘heroes’ have just wandered into my little trap!” The robe-wearing koopa swirled the magic staff over his head, sending out a shimmering array of geometric shapes. The magic caused small blue flames to ignite upon lanterns that spiraled around to the top of the tower, revealing a staircase. Mario stepped closer to the magikoopa.
“Kamek! Are you Kamek?” he demanded. The magikoopa gave him a slimy grin.
“Yes I am!” he shrieked with a hideous laugh. Mario returned his answer with an intense glare.
“Who are you, and why did you make Bowser kidnap Peach?” Mario stepped even closer to the magikoopa. He was so focused on Kamek that he didn’t even see the multitude of dark figures prancing down the staircase.
“You should know who I am, lil’ baby Mario.” Mario was stricken with realization. Kamek was indeed significant. Quite significant. Kamek may have even altered the overall course of Mario’s life.
“Mario! Look out behind you!” Luigi warned his brother. But it was for nothing. The minute Mario turned around, dozens of black spirits leapt inside his body. Kamek had conjured them when he had waved his staff. The spirits looked just like Mario, except for being black all over and vaporous with yellow eyes. These were known as cosmic clones, and they were demons that mimicked the person they possessed. Cosmic clones could be summoned to bring out a person’s worst qualities and magnify them to an out-of-control level.
This was not the first time Mario had been possessed by them. He had been pursued by them while trying to obtain power stars in the deep outer reaches of space. All of those times, however, the spirits would just kill him. Mario had never been taken over by this many at once, and he had never lived through a possession to feel the effects. He fell to his knees, gasping for breath and clawing at the stone brick floor.
“Luigi,” Mario moaned helplessly. But Luigi was too terror-stricken to move. Mario fell over onto the floor and grabbed his head. He wailed in drawn-out screams. Darkness covered his face.
“Aw, what’s the matter?” Kamek taunted him. “You got a little headache?”
“Mario!” Luigi cried, rushing over to his demon-tormented brother. Mario was unable to open his eyes.
“Sto…morendo,” he murmured. Kamek chuckled.
“You’re wrong, sonny! It’s even better than dying!” the blue-robed koopa replied to the mustached man writhing on the floor in agony. Luigi was speechless. Nobody, not one in the Mushroom Kingdom spoke or understood Italian except the Mario brothers — Italy didn’t exist here. Italian was a language of Earth, and most who heard Mario and Luigi speak it referred to it as an “Earth language.” How did this magikoopa know that Mario had said “I’m dying?”
Just as Mario looked as if he were going to pass out, a toothy grin spread across his face. He opened his eyes. They were as black as the spirits had been. Luigi backed away as Mario stood to his feet. Mario and Kamek laughed simultaneously. Luigi was shaking with fright. He held his arms out in front of him. His heart rate had increased to the point where he thought Kamek and Mario would hear it.
“M… Mario?” Luigi said, just above a whisper.
“It’s me, Mario! Ha ha!” the black-eyed grinning shell of Mario said. This was not the real Mario, Luigi’s brother. “It’s time to kill!”
“Yes, my beautiful creation! Destroy!” Kamek said. “Destroy him!” Mario’s demon-possessed body started walking towards Luigi. Then it ran. Luigi dashed around to the other side of Kamek, where the spiral stairs up the tower began. Mario’s shell went after him. As he was sprinting up past the blue lanterns, Luigi tripped and fell. The body of his brother gained on him. Luigi got back up and continued the race up the tower.
“Why are you running away? It’s me, your brother!” the shell called out in a voice that was not Mario’s. Kamek hovered up with them on a broom.
“Luigi, you fraidy-cat! Running away from your own brother!” Kamek teased. Luigi flew up the stairs. After a while, they ended with an opening to the top of the tower. The sky was dark and stormy, clouds blocking out the sunshine. Gusts of wind blew on Luigi, almost causing him to lose his hat. He had just a few short moments until the possessed body of Mario and the vile magikoopa Kamek emerged to join him.
“Hel-loooooooo!” Mario’s soulless shell exclaimed jovially. Luigi’s stomach was in knots. The shell ran straight at Luigi and leapt into the air, stomping down on Luigi’s head. Before he could move, It smashed down onto him again when he was down. Luigi scuttled away on his hands and knees before he was squashed a third time. Kamek roared with laughter as Mario’s body chased after him.
“Help me,” Mario said quietly, bounding toward his brother like a madman. Luigi looked up at him.
“What?” The body of Mario made a series of jumps toward Luigi to land on his head, but Luigi moved out of the way.
“Kill me,” Mario begged, his eyes turning white again. “Please.” Mario attempted to kick Luigi in the knees. “I can’t stop. Please… Kill me.”
Kamek screamed angrily, “What? No! You kill him!” Mario’s eyes went back to black and the awful grimace returned upon his face. The soulless Mario tried to hit Luigi, but Luigi ducked out of the way. He returned the attack with a stomp to the head. Mario’s shell let out an inhuman shriek and one of the cosmic clones left from it. “No!” shouted Kamek. Thunder rumbled in the distant sky. Luigi got an idea. He hightailed it around the evil Mario and began to descend back down the stairs. The possessed body and the magikoopa followed, of course. The shell of Mario found no Luigi anywhere on the stairs. But Luigi was there indeed. He stood right behind the corrupted body. With no warning, Luigi ran right into Mario’s body, knocking it off the stairs and sending it smacking down onto the bottom of the tower with a horrible thud and a crunch. Kamek rushed down, and so did Luigi. “NOOOOOOOO!” said Kamek’s ear-splitting scream. Just as Luigi and the magikoopa arrived at the bottom, a torrent of black ghostly Marios erupted forth and disappeared into thin air, leaving Mario’s damaged dead body lying there on the floor. Of course, there was no blood. But the body was twisted and contorted to a new level of disgusting that made Luigi feel like he wanted to throw up. What had Luigi done? He had just pushed his own brother off a tower and killed him. Murdered him. All because he had pleaded with him to do it. Had it even worked? All the cosmic clones were gone, but Mario was not okay — he was dead. Luigi fell to his knees and wept. How could he have done this to his only family left?
“Oh, shut up! Stop crying! You did it!” Kamek mumbled bitterly. Luigi paid him no mind. He had just caused the death of his family member. And it was the same one who, earlier that day, had wanted to kill himself. Mario had better have eaten a 1-up mushroom. What if Mario had still wanted to die, and he had just asked Luigi to do it instead? He felt even worse. He could have just sided with the evils of Mario’s depression. Mario had better have eaten a 1-up. Thankfully, he had.
Mario’s twisted limbs began to heal back into their actual places, making sickening snaps. Mario groaned in pain and rubbed his forehead; his head was still groggy. He rolled over onto his back, which had been restored to its normal shape. Luigi looked up with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
“Ahh… Fine day for a murder spree,” Mario said in a lower voice than usual. Luigi gasped. “Just kidding. I’m back,” Mario said with a smile. Luigi grumbled something inaudible. Mario gave a chuckle. He winced as he sat up. Mario licked his teeth; they were bitter from the 1-up he had eaten before entering the stronghold. “Well, that’s my second time dying today. Thank you, Luigi.” Luigi said nothing in reply. Mario looked around the base of the tower. “Where’s Kamek?” Luigi stood up and scanned the area. No Kamek.
“He was right there,” Luigi said, pointing to the base of the staircase. Mario stood to his feet, his knees almost buckling under him. He straightened himself.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. We still have to find the princess,” said Mario. “Is the door still locked?” Mario questioned. Luigi went over to it and tried to open it. After a few pushes, Luigi turned to Mario.
“Help me! I think we can get it open!” Mario walked up beside his brother, and both of them pushed as hard as they could. It still wouldn’t budge. Mario even kicked the door, but it yielded little results.
“I guess we can just find another way out,” said Mario. “We can go back up to the top and go along the wall. Maybe she’s in one of the towers.” Luigi agreed. The two brothers began their ascent back up the stairs to the top of the tower.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Once they reached the top again, they proceeded along the castle wall to the tower across from them. There were just four towers, and they already knew she wasn’t in one of them. For the most part, the walls were devoid of anyone else. There were a few goombas wearing spike-topped helmets over on the far side, but they didn’t spot them and were no threat. Some watchmen they were.
The tower opposite to the one they had come from was filled with spinies, which were koopa creatures, similar to beetles, with red shells covered in spikes. The brothers had only peeked inside, leaving right away as to not alert the spinies. The princess was couldn’t be in there. As they were about to head over to the next tower, they heard a faint scream. It was coming from the tower they had refused to explore. They stopped and listened. The voice called out again. Yes, it was her. Mario and Luigi ran full-speed into the tower, not even caring about alerting the spiky creatures moving up and down the stairs.
“HALT! STOP WHERE YOU ARE!” a spiny demanded in a deep voice, deeper than he looked like he’d have. Mario and Luigi both ignored him. They sprinted down the stairs, bounding over the hordes of spinies.
They reached the bottom, but not without a large company of hostile spinies. They were harder to kill, too, being covered in spikes and all. But there was one good way. Mario reached down and picked up one of the spinies, being careful not to stab his hands on the spiky shell. He threw it towards the others, knocking most of them over.
“Quick! Through this door!” Luigi said, running to a closed door. The door was opposite to another open door that led to another lava-filled room. Peach would be in here for sure. Luigi entered first, then Mario.
“Prrrrresto!” Mario exclaimed, rolling the “r” far too long. He held his arms out on either side of him and closed the door on the remaining spinies with his foot.
“Mario? Is that you?” asked a female voice. Both of them turned to look. Princess Peach! They had found her! She was locked up inside a cage at the far wall. “Luigi too? Oh, thank the good Maker! Hurry! Get me out of here! The keys are on the wall by your head, Mario.” A key ring hung on a hook right next to Mario. He grabbed it and went to Peach’s cage.
“So stupid of me to think you would ever want to be here on purpose,” Mario said, trying out different keys.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” said Princess Peach. Mario found the right key and unlocked the cage.
“There you are, your royal highness,” said Mario. Peach stepped out of the cage and onto the floor in the most gorgeous and graceful way possible.
“Are you trying to be funny?” she questioned with a little smile.
“Maybe.” Mario returned Peach’s smile with another. Luigi spoke.
“So there are a bunch of spinies out there…” he said. “You wouldn’t happen to know of another way out, would you?” Peach turned away from Mario.
“There is, actually.” She pointed to an obscure door behind the cage she had occupied. “Over there. They were going to move me to another castle using it.”
“Let’s get out of here!” asserted Mario. The three left through the secret door right away, coming once again back into the cloud-covered light of the day.

8: The Story

Mario, Luigi, and Peach fled from the castle stronghold and made their way back to the pipe through World 4. Surprisingly enough, the horde of spinies gave up the chase after just a short while. Maybe it wasn’t too important that the three had escaped. After all, it wasn’t even Bowser’s idea to kidnap the princess this time. The storm had calmed down a bit once they had distanced themselves from the stronghold enough. The sun was just beginning to sink lower into the horizon. Mario was tired and hungry, but at least Peach was back. He did little more than hum to himself as the three went in the direction of the pipe. Luigi and Peach, however, talked for some time during the trip.
“So when I got there, Mario and Bowser were just standing there arguing with each other. They argued some more after I got there, and then Bowser just stormed off,” Luigi explained to Peach. “And he said that it wasn’t his idea to kidnap you. It was…someone else’s.”
“Someone? What someone?” the princess inquired, but she talked again before Luigi got to finish. “I just thought Bowser kidnapped me on the spot to be a bully. He’s got goons everywhere. He could have found out that Mario was having a rough time…and he’s just plain mean!” Peach huffed. “But who put him up to it?”
“Um, well…” Luigi stammered. “Kamek the magikoopa,” he said rapidly.
“Oh Make… Where have I heard that name before?” Peach thought aloud. She pondered it to herself for a few moments before saying, “Go on, Luigi.”
“Okay, so Kamek. Yeah, Bowser said he put him up to it, and then he left the room. So, Mario and I went to go look for you. Then…” Luigi shuddered. He was unable to finish as the three walked across a log over a double waterfall. Luigi opened his mouth to speak, but he was splashed with a sudden spray of water. Peach giggled, but Mario kept looking down at the ground, making his familiar yet unnamable tunes. After they had passed, Luigi continued. He cleared his throat. “As I was saying, we were looking for you. And then…we stumbled in through this door. It was a trap, and Kamek was in there. He, uh…used his magic to summon…evil stuff…and it took over Mario. He was so messed-up. He tried…to kill me. And then…”
“You killed me instead,” said Mario. “To make it stop.” Peach looked to Mario, then back to Luigi.
“You did?” she asked, surprised beyond explanation. “How could you ever kill someone? Let alone, your brother?” Luigi made no reply, but kept speaking.
“It was terrible. We were in one of the towers, and I, uh, pushed him down the stairs.” Luigi swallowed. The memory of his brother’s mangled body still haunted his mind, with gruesome accuracy in the details. He couldn’t bear to go on. “M…Mario, uh, will you tell the rest?” Mario looked to Luigi without saying a word. He took in a breath.
“I fell down the stairs and crashed onto the bottom floor, snapping and crushing several bones. It was horrific, but not as horrific as being possessed by the demons. I was conscious…the whole time,” Mario said softly. The three now walked across a white sand beach past a grove of palm trees, the ocean waves lapping at the shore. It would have been relaxing, but nothing relaxed Mario now. He went on. “Long story short, I revived again and we came and found you, Princess,” Mario said with an exhalation of air. The three were silent after that.
Mario couldn’t do anything to make himself speak any more of his thoughts. He had smiled and laughed before, but, by all means, he still felt awful about himself. Depression is like that: You can laugh and joke around and still be miserable. Mario had been troubled before about the idea of Peach being on the side of Bowser, and now he was troubled that he even had the idea. He tired of being sad. But, no matter what he tried to do, he was still stuck in the same pit of despair. He wanted to feel better so much…but he even felt sad at the prospect of his sadness! None of it made any sense, and he hated it! Singing would do nothing to help, yet he did it anyway. The sound of the wind and waves probably drowned him out, he reasoned. Soon he would be able to go home and not talk to anyone for the rest of the evening. But…did he want to do that? Mario was ill, and he needed some medicine gravely. Luckily, the trio drew near to the pipe.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————— “Mario, you don’t look well. Are you okay?” asked Princess Peach. Luigi, Peach, and Mario had rejoined with Yoshi at Peach’s Castle. Everyone stood outside the castle on the bridge over the river that formed a “moat” and fed into the nearby lake. They were just about to enter back inside.
“Don’t make him answer that. Let’s go in and settle down a bit,” Yoshi said, putting his green arm on Mario’s shoulder. Normally, he would have pushed it off, but Mario accepted the sign of affection this time. “We’ve all had a rough time,” he said in a calming voice. The princess nodded in agreement.
“I guess we could all use some wind-down time,” she said.
“And we can tell you about what happened,” Luigi said to Yoshi.
“What did happen?” Yoshi wondered aloud. “I guess we can save that for inside,” he said. The four moved closer to the castle’s door, and it was opened for them by a servant toad. Peach stepped in first, then Yoshi, then Luigi, and finally Mario.
“Wow, Princess… It looks like you renovated,” Mario observed while taking in the sights of the room. It had been years since Mario had even entered the castle.
When he had first gone there, the walls of the inside of the foyer had been painted to look like trees and clouds, with the “sun” being the central source of light. A stained-glass window made to look like a princess also gave light. It was built into the wall over the door from outside. The floor in the room was gray and white tiled with a sun rug underneath the light. Also, there were two doors at either side of the room that were marked with gold stars. One set of stairs led up to an additional level of doors marked with stars on an elevated area with red carpet. There was a set of two doors on either side of the staircase that led to a hallway, which gave way to the castle courtyard.
Now, however, it was a bit different. The walls of the foyer were painted a crimson red with gold accents around the window, the ceiling, and the floor. The “sun” was still there, and so were two doors at either side of the room. In fact, all of the doors were still there…but with a few additions. The grey and white tile and the rug with the sun printed on it were still there as well as the doors. The red carpet atop the higher level of doors was now royal purple with a printed design. Ornate tapestries hung on the walls. It looked much nicer than it had before, Mario thought. More like a castle should look.
“Yeah, I redecorated a while ago. Wow, the last time you were in here was when it was still the trees and clouds!” Peach replied to Mario. “I thought the landscape on the wall would look better than it did, and I just got tired of it. This…” She motioned around the room. “…is how it looked when I was a young girl.” Her eyes showed a faint glimpse of sadness, almost too small to recognize.
“Well, I think it’s nice. It looks…regal,” said Mario. He continued to look into Peach’s eyes. He had noticed the sadness…of course he had. How could he miss it? The four kept moving, turning to the left and walking in through a door that hadn’t been there before. Or…had it? Mario didn’t even remember. The door led to what was some kind of sitting room, furnished with sofas, chairs, and a coffee table in the middle. No, Mario had never been in here before. Yoshi, Luigi, and Mario all sat down on the furniture, finding that it was quite comfortable. Mario and Yoshi shared a couch and Luigi sat in one of the chairs. Peach still stood.
“Does anyone want any refreshments? I can get my cooks to make something for you,” Peach asked the group.
“I’m fine, but thanks,” said Yoshi.
“Are you sure?” Peach asked again.
“I can eat at home. You don’t have to do that,” said Luigi. “Don’t feel like it right now…”
“Hmm… Looks like I’ll have to plan a dinner for all of us sometime,” Peach told herself. She looked right at Mario. “What about you, Mario? I meant to give you some cake earlier.” Mario closed his eyes at the word “cake.”
“No, no, no, I don’t need cake. Don’t need it,” he said, shaking his head repetitively. He stopped and opened his eyes. “Yes, I do. Please…” he muttered. Peach sighed and walked over to the far wall, opening the door to a conjoining room. She said a few words to a servant and came out moments later with a slice of doubled-tiered vanilla cake, which she handed to Mario. Seconds upon receiving the slice, Mario was already halfway done eating it. The cake itself was one of the best he had ever had, but that was not why he devoured it right up. Yoshi turned to him while he was mid-swallow.
“You have problems,” he said.
“I know I have problems. That’s why I’m eating this cake,” Mario said under his breath. The princess shook her head.
“No more for you,” declared Peach. “No way. Not while you’re like this.” Mario stuffed the last of the cake in his mouth and set the plate on the coffee table. He looked right into Peach’s eyes. She directed her attention away from Mario, who seemed to be having some issues.
“So then, tell me what happened,” Yoshi said. “I want to know what that kidnapping was all about.” Luigi looked to Peach.
“Should we tell him the long or short version?” he asked.
“Definitely the long version. He needs to know everything,” Peach replied. “I’ll start if you don’t want to.” Luigi nodded.
“That would be great,” he said, relieved.
“Okay. Feel free to correct me if I get any of it wrong,” the princess began. “First of all, Luigi said that Bowser didn’t want to kidnap me this time. He said he’d been put up to it.” Yoshi turned his gaze away in thoughtfulness.
“Do you know who it was?” he questioned. “I think I know…” he said quietly.
“Kamek. Kamek the magikoopa,” Luigi said. Yoshi closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.
“Kamek…that son of a chain-chomp. He’s been ruining our lives from the beginning!” Yoshi said with a harsh edge in his voice. Peach gaped at him.
“Yoshi!” she gasped. “You’ve never used that kind of language before! Well, at least not around us!”
“I am sorry, I was just angry,” the green dinosaur explained. Everyone stared at him in wide-eyed astonishment. Even Mario. The rest all thought Yoshi to be an upstanding and noble individual. He had never cursed in front of them like he had when he had called Kamek a “son of a chain-chomp.” Yoshi had to have known who Kamek was…and known well. Peach voiced the unspoken thought.
“Will you remind us, who is Kamek exactly?” she asked. Yoshi looked at her in surprise. He moved to Luigi, then Mario.
“You don’t remember?” he confirmed. Nobody said a word. “Well, he’s the one who took you guys when you were babies,” he told Luigi and Mario with urgency. Yoshi turned to Mario. “I’ve told you guys this story, haven’t I?”
“I think you have, but we don’t quite remember,” Mario said quietly. “Will you remind us?”
“Sure thing.” Yoshi turned outward to the group. “You are aware that you came here when you two were babies, right?” Mario and Luigi exchanged glances. 
“You’ve told us this!” exclaimed Mario. Yoshi nodded. “Um…didn’t he kidnap us?”
“Yes. Yes he did,” said the dinosaur. “He kidnapped you two from Earth, and he was taking you back to Koopa Castle. Back before Bowser inherited it…” Yoshi glanced around the room. “He knew something about you guys. He knew you would try to stop him in the future. He knows those things… Anyway, as I was saying, he had taken you. He was flying over Yoshi’s Island when a stork spotted him. He tried to save you guys, but Kamek ran into him and knocked you down, Mario. He flew away with Luigi, but you fell out of the sky…onto my back. You were so little…” Peach, Luigi, and Mario exchanged bewildered glances. How had they not remembered all of this?
“And then you went to get me, and you took us back to our parents,” Luigi concluded.
“Yes, that’s how it happened,” Yoshi said.
“All that is …interesting…considering what Kamek did,” Princess Peach remarked.
“What did he do? Tell me the rest of the story.” Yoshi looked at her with anticipation.
“Well, let’s see… Kamek. He lured Mario and Luigi into a trap and cast some kind of spell over Mario. What was it, exactly?”
“Cosmic clones. I was possessed by cosmic clones,” Mario said quietly. “They wanted me to kill Luigi. I tried to kill him, but I couldn’t stop. They would only leave me if I was dead, so I had Luigi push me off a castle tower.” Yoshi gaped at Mario, turning to Luigi.
“He asked me to,” Luigi said uncomfortably.
“That…must have been awful,” Yoshi said, still disturbed by the notion.
“It was,” said Luigi.
“Horrific,” agreed Mario. A silence hovered over the group of four. Princess Peach broke it.
“Well I sure am glad we’re back and everything’s normal again!” she said with a forced smile, which nobody returned.
“Normal…” Mario trailed off.
“I wouldn’t be so quick to assume that everything will return to how it was before, Princess,” said Yoshi. “I am almost certain that Kamek is not finished with his plan. I believe it is much bigger than the kidnapping.”
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Everyone left the castle and went back to their own homes. Except Peach, of course. All four of them tried to rest and get a good night’s sleep. It didn’t quite work out that way, however.
Mario spent his evening in the most pathetic way possible. He ate an entire pizza by himself on his couch, where he ended up falling asleep. Pizza didn’t solve problems. Neither did cake. Using food (or anything, for that matter) to comfort yourself just made existing problems worse. Nevertheless, Mario did just that. After the attempt to ease his pain with pizza, he had dozed off on his couch, where he had a terrible, vivid dream.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
“It is there! I am not lying!” a man with an Italian accent yelled from the other room of the crammed, small house. Two young boys sat on the living room floor watching cartoons on an old-fashioned black-and-white television set. Well, at least they tried to watch them; the cartoons were in a language the boys didn’t understand all of.
“Oh, what? Your imaginary world with your big monkey?” a female Italian-accented voice yelled back at the man. The two voices were in the same language as the cartoons, which confused the two boys even more than the fact that they were yelling in the first place.
“Rosa Maria! Sto dicendo la verità! È vero!” the man yelled again. The older of the boys turned off the television to listen. “Posso mostrarti! Posso portarti lì!”
“Stop that, Giorgio! The boys will hear you!” cried the female voice. What ever were they talking about in there?
“Di cosa stanno parlando, Mario?” the younger of the boys asked the older, his voice just above a whisper.
“I don’t know,” the older boy responded. Even if they would have understood everything they were saying, it still would have made little sense to the children. It didn’t even make sense to adults. The two in the other room must have heard them; they were silent for a few moments.
“You are not yourself. You are not the man I married,” continued the female voice. She sounded like she was in tears. “You need to get help, right away…” The male voice growled loudly. Crashes and thuds as well as the woman’s screams caused the two boys to huddle together. Just then, the door opened. A woman with dark wavy hair in careless tangles dashed out to the telephone in the living room where the boys sat. A chubby, slightly overweight man with a mustache and sweaty messed-up hair followed her. Upon seeing the two boys in the living room, his expression changed from insanity-driven rage to harsh regret.
“Che succede, Mamma?” the younger boy asked the woman, who was his mother. “What is it, Mommy?”
“Papà sta per lasciare per un po ‘,” she answered. “Daddy is going to leave for a while.” The man covered his face with his hand. The memory faded into darkness.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.12.2016

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Widmung:
To my dear friend Mr. Speranzanni. May all good things come to you, and may you be filled with joy and peace for the rest of your days. May the stars shine down on you. May good Maker look upon you with favor.