Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE (Maliyah):

 

 

 

I entered the room and paused, feeling all tense and suddenly nervous. I’m so nervous that I start to break a sweat. I walk across the room waving through people as I make my way to the bar and sit in what I like to call “the perfect seat of the house.” It’s the perfect seat because you can see anything and everything that’s going on. It’s isolated but not so much that you can’t make conversation with the person near you. Plus it’s less than five feet away from the bathroom, so I’m close but not so close that I can smell if someone took a dump. I’m moments away from sitting down and ordering my usual. As I take a seat getting ready to order, I start to feel all tense and nervous again. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me from staying here.

 

I use to come here every Friday with my mom since I was a little girl. I was seventeen years old when my mom passed away. She got murdered, and till this day her murderer has yet to be found. Till this day her murder remains an open case. As soon as I got the news, I stopped coming to the bar. I though stepping back here would sink my heart into my stomach all while I fight back the tears threating to get out. I remember sitting at the table with my mom. Eating my food and hearing her say, “crying is showing weakness.” I didn’t cry, but it brought back the memories I have wanted to refuse to remember because of the tears, but instead, it has made me smile from ear to ear.

    I ordered my usual and glanced across the whole room. I noticed a guy in the corner of the room staring in my direction. The expression on his face looked so stern, and but yet nervous; sort of the way most people look before heading into a fight. As I glanced into his eyes, the thought of my mom overwhelmed my train of thought. The only thing I can think about is my mom saying, “Looks can be deceiving.” It’s crazy how a person can look sweet and innocent but could turn out to be an asshole or a bastard. The thoughts in my head consumed me for a good ten minutes. By the time I got out of my head and into the real world I realized that I was no longer looking in the direction towards the guy from the corner, but at the table where my mother and I once sat. A few minutes later my food arrives.

 

I begin to eat and think of times I had here with my mom, as a smile breaks through the surface of my serious face I realized the guy staring at me from the corner had moved. I didn’t know to where nor did I care, but I suddenly started to feel the feelings I have tossed away come back once again. I know having these feelings twice is coincidence and that three times is a pattern, but the first time I felt all nervous and tense was when I had walked into the bar. So I just decided to flick it away. Maybe I’m just being paranoid about coming back to this place.

    As I get ready to pay and go the guy from the corner starts to make conversation with me. If I may speak freely here, I got caught off guard. I knew he left that part of the bar. However, I didn’t think he would’ve left that spot to come up here. You’re probably thinking how the heck did that ever catch you off guard? When he’s the guy that you caught staring at you from afar. Then he suddenly decides to sit near you? I know I get it. Its common sense that a guy whom stares at you and moves closer to you would eventually begin talking to you. But for me, it’s rare that that ever happens. Before my mom died, I use to get hit on all the time, but I was a different person back then. I would regularly go on dates, go out every weekend with my friends and guys I’d barely knew from college. Ever since the murder, a lot has changed and drastically.

 

I haven’t been on a date in five years; come to think of it I haven’t been to any clubs or parties. I stay home to read the same book or watch sad TV shows until it is time for me to go to bed. I even switched my college and dropped all my friends. I know it’s unhealthy to live my life like this, but I know it’ll change eventually… right? Just not today and maybe not tomorrow, or even in a year but I have a feeling that it will improve when I’m healthy and ready to make a change in my life. Just right now I’m scared to let go of who I have … I mean of who I had. It’s been five years without her, and I’m still not ready maybe I’ll never be ready, but for right now I’m perfectly fine with that.

      He moved closer to where I was sitting. He looks at me and says, “Hi. Can I buy you a drink?” I was stunned to hear that someone wanted to buy me a drink. "It’s been so long that now I become surprised when someone asks me that kind of question." “Um no sorry, but thank you.” I was tempted to say yes just for the hell of it, but now that I’m no longer in college or working a part time job I needed to be responsible and say no. "Yeah right since when have I ever been “responsible.” Since today smart one." He was appalled. Honestly, by the way, he looked at me, makes me think I’m the only girl that has ever said no to him. He even had me repeat what I was told to make sure he correctly understood what I said.

 

So then he apologizes to me and says, “Where are my manners? I’m Skylar James Anderson, and you are?” Well, I answered his first question by saying it walked out the door and it is probably not a bad idea to follow it. But I didn’t even know the guy, so I didn’t. I took a good thirty seconds debating if I should say my name until I saw how impatient he got, and then it unwillingly fell out of my mouth. “I’m Maliyah Nichole Smith,” even a smile broke through. It was like I had no control what so ever! "Be brave; you got this." He then again asked if he could buy me a drink, but my answer was still the same.

 

I don’t know if he thought that asking me the same question again would change my answer. "Guys these days, they believe that you’ll change your mind if they continuously ask the same question over and over." Which only seemed to make him upset. I came up with an excuse to leave the bar before I got him to loathe me soon. But I have to admit I do feel a little sorry for leaving the poor guy like that. I only kept hoping that Skylar was not a creep or a stalker, but only time would tell, right? I grabbed all my belongings, said my goodbyes, and began to make my way to the door.

Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO (Skylar):

 

 

I’ve been coming to this bar for as long as I could remember. I love sitting near the windows because the bar is well you know a little dark for my liking. Coming here is the only place that can always keep me sane and calm and relaxed. Honestly, could not tell you what it is about this place but ever since I noticed how I got once entering in the bar, I decided to keep coming. It was like therapy except not having to deal with that ridiculous bill at the end of the session, and not having to talk about my “feelings.” Ugh, I hated that word, feelings. I loathe feeling any emotion. Everything I’ve felt in my life was all negative.

 

         I’m sitting there minding my own business, eating my meal and reading my newspaper. It’s been about two hours since anyone has opened the entrance door, but the exit door has been opening and closing, opening and close and well you get the point right? Right. When I heard the bell ring for the entrance door, I glanced up. She was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Well, the second prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. The first girl was about five years ago, but honestly, I would much rather not get into that. That part of my life was and has been hard to get over and just thinking about it makes me break down.

 

         Anyways before I got … you know all emotional. She walked in as beautiful as a woman could ever look. The place was pretty crowded, so she forced herself in between people and around the tables till she got to her seat. Looking at her, I didn’t think she would have sat at the bar. She seems to be a social butterfly, but I thought about going up there and making small talk. I noticed she place her order and sat there looking around the area. It seems like she has never been here before. She glanced my way, and instead of looking away I made eye contact with her. I’ve never got butterflies while having a girl look at me before. “That was new,” I said to myself without moving my lips. If she was looking, I didn’t want her to think I was going crazy or worse, thinking that I was already there. I waited until she was almost done eating her food to give me enough time to talk to her.

 

         When that time came, I hesitated to go up to her. I’ve never met a girl who could give me butterflies without even having a conversation with me first or without even saying hi or smiling at me. She gave me one stern look, and that was it. Whatever her name is, I need to find it out fast! She has to be something special to be able to do that. And I bet she is.

 

         I finally built up all of my nerves to walk over to her. At first, I realized I didn’t know what to say to her, so I sat about two seats away from her. Keeping her near me for when I did come up with something to say. When I sat near her, she looked a little uncomfortable. She looked uncomfortable. I see she’s getting ready to pay, but I still didn’t come up with anything to say to her. I started to panic a little. Next thing I knew I had moved two seats closer to her. “I’m such an idiot. She’s going to think I’m creepy or a stalker. Who the hell sits two seats away to then only move two seats closer? God, I messed this up!” I said that pretty loud in my head, so I’m hoping none of that came out, but what did come out of mouth screwed up my chance with her. “Hi. Can I buy you a drink?” The expression on her face looked as if she was appalled. “Um no sorry but thank you,” she said. I was shocked but not surprised to be shot down… of course. I was stupid to think that a girl like her would ever want to have a drink with a guy like me, but that didn’t stop me from trying again or trying to make this conversation go a little better. So I said sorry to her and told her, “Where are my manners? I’m Skylar James Anderson, and you are?” She looked at me as if I was wasting her time. It took her awhile to say her name. I started to notice how impatient I was getting. So I tried to control it. But finally, she said, “I’m Maliyah Nicole Smith,” a soft smile broke through her unrelenting face. But before I knew it, she was out of there. I didn’t even get her number or even a card. I took her seat and felt bummed. That is until I looked down. I saw that she forgot to grab one of her cards. It had practically everything on it, from her name to cell number, to where she worked.

Chapter Three

 CHAPTER THREE (Skylar):

 

It’s been about a week since I’ve last seen her. I needed an excuse to see her! She made my heart beat faster than a shooting star could fly across the sky. I don’t know if shooting stars even go that fast, but from what I’ve seen in movies, they seem to move pretty darn fast. Not just that but it is also rare, and so is Maliyah. She was able to make me feel a way I haven’t felt in five years. It’s still hard to talk about what happened, but I’ll tell you when the time is right.

 

Maliyah. The only thing I know about her is her name, cell phone, and where she works. I'm already crazy about her. Thinking about her constantly, just wanting to make conversation with her. I thought about showing up at her job. It took me a minute to process the fact that if I did, actually I will indeed look like a stalker. I wanted her to like me and maybe actually work on becoming friends or maybe even something more.

     Instead of going to her job, I thought it would be best to talk to one of my pals. She has stayed in my life since the 3rd grade. We have been through every single thing together. Even though I call her my friend, I introduce her as my sister. She’s my only friend… now. I keep forgetting my manners! Sorry. Allow me to introduce to you, my sister, Prue Elizabeth Williams.

    She is probably the only person in this world who understands me and who likes me for me. She doesn’t care what I’ve done in the past because she sees the good in people. Prue is a very kind, sweet, caring, and a loving person. That is until you push her buttons. Big Tip: Don’t push her buttons! Never! I remember when we were in high school. It was during my lunch period. I use to be exactly two grades above of her, so that meant that we were never going to have the same lunch period. We did have classes together like Spanish and Math.

 

Anyways, that is beside the point; I was at lunch while she had American History One. There was this conflict that had been going on for some time now. There was this guy named Jake. She and a few other guys were drinking, and smoking and one thing led to another. Jake tried to force himself on her. Prue suddenly got the idea that she should pull out her pocketknife. She was always trying to prove a point on how she can take care of herself and blah, blah, blah.

 

But I knew better than just to let him get away with trying to pull something like that on her. Since Jake was in my lunch, that’s the first thing I was after. I found him sitting with another girl and a few of his little friends. I didn’t want to start any problems or arguments, but I asked him about the night before, and it turns out he had lied. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who lie.

 

So I punched him square in the face. It was a fair fight until his friends got involved. Then it became a 5:1 ratio. If I would have listened to my mom and at least tried to make new friends, then it probably would have been a fair fight. But it’s wasn’t so I got beat.

 

Lucky for me there was a teacher buying lunch across the cafeteria. Plus I got three good hits in and on the last punch I knocked him straight to the ground. Up until that point, everything was pretty much fair. I guess guys like that cannot stand to hear everybody say they’ve lost the fight. Which still didn’t work out for him because everyone called him the punk for not being able to handle his fight on his own. After all of that commotion, I ended up getting suspended for a week. However, the other guys got suspended for two weeks.

    After Prue had heard what had happened, we grew closer and closer every year. At one point people thought we were dating until they heard about the guy she was dating from Transylvania. It didn’t work out because she doesn’t do well with long distance relationship, but it lasted longer then she had, actually longer than I thought it would have. We even stayed in touch after high school, during our years of college, and even the years after that. She knows every single one of my secrets except the one about Maliyah, but that’s a different story. I haven’t seen Prue in 2 weeks, but it’s a good thing she’s coming home in just a few hours.

    Just so I wouldn’t look at the clock, I began to cook and make Prue her favorite dish of all time, stuffed bell peppers with rice and beans. Time flew by as I busied myself with setting the table, cooking, cleaning, and watching TV. By the time I was putting the food out on the table, there was a knock on my door. I check the peephole and saw Prue standing there. I swung the door open and gave her a big hug. “Hey, Prue how was your flight? Let me grab your stuff. I hope you’re feeling hungry!”

 

She walked through the door and closed it. She took off her shoes and her jacket and began making herself feel comfortable at home while I took her bags into her room. When I came back, she was just drying her hands while heading over to the table. I pulled out her chair and sat down in front of her. I didn’t want to tell her about Maliyah just yet. I just didn’t want to bombard her with a whole bunch of nonsense stories and crap. Instead, we passed out the food, said our grace and began to eat and talk about her trip.

 

The rest of the evening was pretty simple but sweet. We just hung out on the couch with some wine after eating our meal and had a conversation all through the night. Some quality time is much needed for Prue and I. I’m glad we got the chance to do that tonight.

Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR: (Maliyah)

 

 

 

I got to the door and reluctantly stopped. I had no idea why I suddenly paused with my right hand holding onto the handle. I took a look back and saw that Skylar had taken the seat where I had once sat moments ago. He looked sad, upset, and downright defeated. I hated seeing people like that and I hated it even more when I made people feel like that, but I don’t know him…I mean I don’t know Skylar. Either way, I found myself shoving, budding, and nudging through people as I made my way back to the bar.

 

When I got there, I didn’t even have to make eye contact with Skylar. As if he knew I was coming back or at least hoping that I would. Skylar looked up at me only to say, “I thought you left?” The words and tone that came out of his mouth made it seem like he didn’t care, but the look in his eyes said something entirely divergent.

 

I turned my head towards his direction and said, “I got to the door, but I never made it to the other sided.” He just looked at me with an emotionless face. I stood there for a few seconds thinking if I need to explain myself further. Then I looked up, and his expression changed from emotionless to a curious look. So I began to explain myself further, “Look it’s 12:30. I work in 2 and half hours, and I didn’t think that drinking before I went to work was professional. That and the only thing I know about you is your name." I was just about to begin my next sentence when he eagerly jumped in to say, “Then let's get to know each other.”

 

I stood there looking at him, thinking if it was remotely a good idea to sit down with a complete stranger just to make conversation about one another’s life. Then I thought to myself. We’re in a public place there’s no way he’ll harm me here. Just calm down and stop being negative. So I sat down, and we began to talk about pointless things like our funniest memories and just other things that made us laugh.

 

It surprised me how our humor was the same. Noticing that was such a relief I was able to relax and not worry so much. I looked at the time on my phone while he got up to use the bathroom. I saw that it was almost 2 o’clock. Time flew by faster than I could blink my eyes three times in a row. By the time he came back, I had already paid my bill for the drinks I’ve obviously drunk. “Leaving without saying goodbye?”

 

I looked at him as he was taking his seat again. “No I was just paying, but I do have to start going. I start standing up, and I gave him a hug and said goodbye. He paid for his bill and caught up to me before I walked out the door. Before I could go, he handed me a napkin of his full name and his cell phone number. We said good-bye and walked our separate ways. I got into my car and drove off to work before I was late.

 

When I arrive at work, I couldn’t help but noticed that the only thing I could think about is Skylar. There was something about him that made me want to get to know him just a little bit more. Before I walked through the big metal doors, I told myself I couldn’t think about Skylar this much and especially not now.

 

But of course, my mind just decided to not listen to me. Getting my mind to cooperate with what I needed to be doing at the time was just as hard as trying to pay attention to what I needed to be doing for my job. I consistently found myself looking at the clock right above my desk and a little stressed out. Not being able to focus and pay attention to the person that was explaining my role made me frustrated and stressed.

 

It’s my first day on the job, and already I’m distracted, stressed, and frustrated. I think I just beat the record for feeling all three on the first day. I realized that once I started focusing on the way, I was feeling and thought less and less about Skylar. I figured that out of the two of us I’m probably the one who thought more about the other... right?

    Surprisingly the next couple of hours flew by. The next thing I knew I was making sure my desk was neat and organized. Then I made sure all the papers were in the correct folders and that the folders were in the right place. I even had enough time to make cute labels for the folders too, which by the way were not easy to make!

 

By 9 o’clock I had clocked out of work and made my way to the car. I typically head out to eat with some co-workers, but I felt a little exhausted and worn out from work today. I began walking in the direction of my car when I heard a voice call my name. I decided to keep walking, but only a little bit slower. Just to see if the person would say my name again. This person's voice sounded so familiar as if it was someone I knew from high school or college. It was a guy, but I can’t put a name on it.

As I shout at myself with the little voice within my brain, "Ugh what’s his name? Think Maliyah think!" Before I could figure out the guy's name, he caught up to me and said, “You must be getting old if you can’t hear your name from 5 feet away Nikki.”

 

And as the little voice in my brain continues to talk to me..."Nikki, that’s the nickname Jackson gave me. Oh my gosh, Jackson! My high school sweetheart, we dated all throughout high school up until a month before my mother got killed. What is he doing here?"

 

“Jackson? Hi. It has been a long time. I didn’t know you still lived here?” We turn towards each other. “Yeah, I just moved back from LA a few weeks ago.” He always wanted to live there, and he did. Good for him. “So what brings you here Jackson?” He looked away then back into my eyes for just a split second, and then he gazed down at the floor. “Oh I don’t know just thought I should move back home.”

 

I guess I should have been a little more specific when I asked my question. “No Jackson, I mean here, on the streets, walking at this time of night. What brings you here?” His head shot straight up, and his eyes darted into mine. He had this look in eyes. It’s one of those things that you have to see to understand how hard it is to explain.

If I had to take a guess of what kind of look he had in his eyes, I would say it was like he wanted something. “Honestly Nikki, I’m here because I wanted to see you. Some of your co-workers are good friends of mine from college. It was a long shot but this is a small town, and I just had to ask someone…”

 

He paused in the middle of his sentence. What were you going to say? “I just had to ask someone if they knew you. They told me you are the new girl at this place, so I just had to come to see you.”

 

I was confused. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just give me call unless he thought that was weird? But he kept talking, and I kept listening to him talk. It seemed like he was responding to everything I was thinking, just like the old days. “Probably should have called you, but I just thought that might be a little weird. We haven’t talked or seen much of each other for a little over five years now. I don’t know.”

 

Whenever Jackson says, “I don’t know” at the end of a sentence it means that he feels defeated. Although, I don’t know why he feels that way maybe I can help cheer him up a bit. “Why don’t we go out to eat or we can head to my place and I’ll cook us a meal?”

 

He seems to hesitate at the suggestion I offered, “And we can watch any movie of your choice? Which one do you prefer?” He looks at me and before he could speak his phone rings, “I’m sorry would you excuse me for a moment?” I just nodded, and he took a few steps away from me and answered his phone. I wasn’t trying to listen in on his phone call, but it was one of the guys, and they were heading out for beers. He hangs up and heads back over towards me while he glances at his phone.

 

“You know what? If we head over to the movies now, we can make the 10 o’clock show. You in?” As I listen to Jackson talk that little voice within my brain begins to act up once more, "Are we going out the guys? Do the guys know I’m coming along? Just go out and do something fun."

 

“Yeah sure let's head over there. Which movie theater, I’ll drive.” We begin to start walking towards my car, and he says, “The one we use to go to in high school.” I unlock the car, and he opens the car door for me. What a gentlemen he has turned into I thought as I got in. The air was full of silence, but the radio kept us company the whole way there. Well, it kept him company while I kept myself busy thinking back to when we would go to the movie theater.

Chapter Five

 CHAPTER FIVE: (Skylar)

 

 

“Come on Skylar! Just tell me what’s up with you. Why have you been acting weird for the last 72 hours?”

When Prue can’t leave anything alone; you might as well spill it all out but not this time. Do you remember how I said that I didn’t want to bombard Prue with the whole Maliyah situation? Yeah well, now she’s bombarding me all because she has a feeling that I need to tell her some things.

 

As always she is correct, but I want to gather my thoughts together before I even tell her anything. I’m just weird like that, you know?

“Prue I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready, and right now I’m just not!” Ugh! Did that just come out my mouth? Well here comes the most anticipated lecture of all time, “Skylar no one is ever ready to do or say anything in their life. You just have to tell me. I don’t understand why you’re not telling me anything about whatever it is?” Prue took a pause and looked all around the room, uh-oh she's thinking of something, "SKYLAR! Just tell me already!? Please? Pretty please?" Should I just tell her? I think I might, but tomorrow sounds a whole lot better than telling her now. You know when she’s not all up my butt about this.

 

Then, on the other hand, I cracked and spilled the beans anyway. I'm so sorry for lying to you earlier, “Fine I’ll tell you then…” Prue jumps in the middle of my sentence, but of course, Prue does. When doesn’t she do that? “Good so let's go make some hot chocolate and sit on the couch,” says Prue with the biggest smile on her. She acts as if she won the main event at WrestleMania.

 

“You didn’t let me finish my sentence, Prue. What I was going to say was ok I’ll tell you then." I paused one more time, just to double check that she's going to listen to me, "don’t cut me off here again, but I will tell you tomorrow.” Boy did that knock the smile off her face like a 1-2-3 count.

 

“Skylar? I know there's something you need to say because it's written all over your face. I just want you to vent to me, and not keep anything from me.” At this point, she’s got me beat because Prue does the one thing she knows how to do best and that is to get you to talk even when you don’t want to. So I thought about what Prue had said, and the next thing I knew I was making my way over to the kitchen and grabbed two cups, pot, some milk, and cocoa powder. As I am preparing everything, Prue is just staring at me as I make the hot chocolate. She glances at all the ingredients I have placed on the counter and says, “You forgot the marshmallows Sky.”

 

I just laughed and shook my head; then I grabbed the marshmallows and put them alongside with everything else. I pour everything into the cup, mix it up and of course added the marshmallows. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this? You already know how to make hot chocolate. I grabbed the cups and headed over to where we usually talk, on the roof. Prue was already on there setting up and making sure it was comfortable enough, just in case if we ended up talking for hours which we always did.

 

“Ok so tell me. What’s up with you? Why have you been acting a little off since I came home? Did you do something or did something happens to you?” Yeah, and I was afraid that I would be bombarding her when in fact she’s the one who’s bombarding me. “Holy questions. Don’t ask them all at once now.” She let a little giggle out and drank some of her hot chocolate. “I don’t know where to start, but I guess you could say that I met a girl.”

Her head came up at me. Her facial expression said it all and I knew what she was thinking, so I decided to beat her to the punch. “No, it’s not going to be like how it was five years ago. I’m not doing that anymore Prue.” Prue looks away; not even a sigh comes out of her mouth. Instead, she looks out towards the view to avoid eye contact with me. “Prue come on now. Do you honestly think that I’m going to do that again?”

 

Prue was still looking at the view, I took a deep breath, “I lost her too you know.” That’s when she looks at me again. Her eyes filled with tears trying to find a way out, but with the anger, she has inside those tears won’t ever come out. “You lost her too? That’s it. Huh? Well, you know what Sky it was and forever will be your fault that she’s gone.” I slowly lowered my head to look at my hot chocolate turning cold. Trying to gather my thoughts together instead of thinking of another way I could direction this argument.

 

“You see Prue this is why I didn’t want to talk tonight. I needed time to think, time to get my head together and figure out a way of saying what I still need to say without leading it down to an argument.” By the time I looked up Prue’s tear was already on her face. “You think I don’t know how terrible that was. You know better than anyone in this world that if I could change what happened that night, I would, but can’t, and I’m not going to let you drag me back there!”

 

She looked at me in a shocking way as if her facial expression were to say, how dare you. “I’m not trying to drag you back there Sky.” Now she takes a glance at her hot chocolate and then looks into my eyes. Her face is so stern and filled with anger, but her eyes look so broken like if someone took her heart out of her chest. She picks up her sentence right where she left it, “I’m not trying to drag you back their Sky, I…” cold-heartedly I cut her off. “Oh bullshit Prue. BULLSHIT. Exactly, I knew what you thought once I told you I met a girl.”

 

She looked back at the view. That’s how I know she was going to figure out a way to lie it’s just what Prue always does. “Don’t you even think about telling a lie.” She looked back in my direction right away. I hate getting into arguments with her. Fighting like this with her isn’t what we do, it was always Prue and me against the world, but five years ago that got a little shaky. “I just don’t want to relive the past Skylar. With you still in that group and trying to get to know this girl will not help you and it definitely won’t help her. We’ve already gone through this.” I kept my eye contact with Prue and as did she.

 

“I don’t want to relive the past either. No one likes to repeat history Prue. I don’t know how to get out of that group. There’s no way out, haha there’s no way out.” Prue came closer to me and gave me a long hug. She knew me better than anyone on this planet and even felt sorry for me. Heck, I feel sorry for my dumb self. “Well, whatever happens with you and this girl we have to promise each other that we’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe and sound. Promise?” I watched Prue bring her hand up in a fist with her pinky up, and I wrapped my pinky around hers. We both kissed the part where our pinkies are overlapping each other and said a prayer before we headed back inside. Just like the old days.

 

Prue climbed through the window then turned around, “Are you coming back inside?” I just didn’t want to speak; I looked up at her and shook my head no. “Good night Skylar. I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” as she walked away and closed the door to her bedroom slowly. I sat on the rooftop looking at the moon and the beautifully lit stars shining around it.

 

I began to think about her again. I truly did and still love her. Then I started thinking about Maliyah and how wonderful of a person she is. I may not know her well enough, but I don’t have to know her to know what kind of a person she is. You can just tell by the way she presents herself, and with the way, she speaks. I’m determined not to repeat history. I can’t repeat history, but it looks like I will if I don’t figure out how to get out of this group. It was because of them that I lost someone so dear to my heart and I won’t allow it to happen again.

 

I decided that my brain has done enough thinking because of how angry and mad I was by the thoughts that had continued form in my head. I climbed through the window with all the blankets and pillows and what is now my cold cup of hot chocolate.

 

I headed off to bed with a picture of her in my hands to fall asleep right on top of my heart while I hug the picture of her tightly. I miss her so dearly; I wish I could hear her voice, see and embrace her again.

Chapter Six

 CHAPTER SIX: (Mailyah)

 

 

 

It was mid-February, sophomore year of high school, 2nd semester when Jackson and I had math and history together. We would talk, but only in the classroom, it’s as if they’re your friends. However, when you leave the classroom you only say hi in the hallway type of friendship.

On a Friday much like tonight, he asked me if we could go to the movie theater and of course I, as a friend said yes to him. I don’t remember what movie we saw, but I do remember Jackson telling me his feelings and pouring his heart out before the film even began. When he was all done pouring his feelings onto my lap, the movie started. Which ended up stinking for me because I was unable to pay attention to the film. Instead, I wanted to ask him questions and have an understanding as to what had just happened just moments ago. I thought we were just friends, but it seems like to me that he was trying to become more than just friends. That was the night we kissed outside the movie theater door number 6. It was the most magical and a beautiful experience.

 

There’s a part of me that misses the relationship itself and the bond held between us. “You know you missed the turn, right?” I looked at Jackson befuddled. Then again he had to repeat himself and say, “The turn to go to the movie theater … you missed it.” I looked to see if I could find what street we were on or even heading towards, but it was so dark and foggy. None of the signs were readable at this point. Somehow in the midst of all of my thinking, I finally managed to pull myself out my thoughts, “Oh shit, sorry.” I guess it wasn’t all that horrible; eventually, we found our way to the movie theater. I haven’t been to this film theater since Jackson and I were together, but oddly enough this place is the only thing that hasn’t changed over the years. It feels nice to know that this site has remained constant throughout all these times.

We finally parked in the parking lot of the movie theater. Before heading out of the car, we both looked in the direction of the building. Not saying anything to one another. Not looking at one another. Not moving anywhere, just sitting there, thinking, thinking about memories and times we have spent here as teenagers up until my mother was killed. Sitting right in front of this building brought back an overwhelming amount of emotions, too many for me to handle. It took us a while to get out of the car. I guess the silence turned into a good company for the both of us.

 

Since High School, we haven’t seen much of each other, and then we completely lost communication once he had moved over to California. Even though things are weird and awkward at the moment, I’m hoping that everything will flow nicely and smoothly. I mean we’re watching a movie, how hard can it be to get along and not have that many awkward moments?

 

 

                                *After the film*

 

 

As it turns out, there were a lot of awkward moments, but it’s not what you may be thinking. The movie we saw was more on the romance side than anything else and well it made me think a lot about Jackson and me’s relationship. There were so many similarities that it was kind of scary, weird, awkward to watch especially with him, you know years after our relationship had ended. I wonder if he knew what kind of movie this was? Oh gosh! What if he didn’t know! Wow, walking out of this film theater could be very, uh, you know silent.

 

Then again this doesn’t make sense, why would Jackson take me to the movie theater to see this kind of a movie? I wonder if this is his way of asking me out again? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait! Hold the brakes! I don’t know if I would want to get back together with Jackson. It’s not that our relationship wasn’t good or anything, I just don’t know if I’m ready to get into a relationship at least not anything serious.

 

By the time the movie credits ended Jackson had to snap me out of my head. I hadn’t even noticed when the movie ended thanks to the heated debate I was having with myself. Once Jackson and I got out of the movie theaters, we gradually walked to the car in silence as I told myself earlier. Jackson gets yet another phone call, so he excuses himself once again and walks in the opposite direction of the car. However, this time his face seems to have lit up when he looked to see who the caller ID was, must have been someone important to make him smile that wide.

 

Meanwhile, I’m sitting in the car listening to the radio when my thoughts take over. I begin to think back to when I was in High School. I couldn’t think of time throughout High School that I was happy without Jackson by my side. The more I thought about this, the more it made sense that having Jackson in my life would equal happiness because it always seemed to work out between the two us.

 

As my thoughts still consume me, I hear a banging on the window. I look over, and I see Jackson wanting to get into the car, so unlocking the car door would be common sense, right? Except I just laughed at him because he was huffing and puffing all while banning the window. I finally unlocked the car door, and he says, “Geez la weez Nikki, do you daydream that hard?” I looked at him confused, “What do you mean?” “Well, I mean I was standing there for 10 minutes banging on the window before you noticed. Is everything all right? Or would you like to talk about what is going on in your mind?” I couldn’t believe that it took that long to realize that he was standing there the hold time. It seems like my thoughts take a little more than just my mind, but my hearing as well.

 

“Well, uh, I’m sorry Jackson. I guess I’ve been a little distracted lately. It’s not a big deal, honestly.” He asked me once more just to double-check with me, but I repeated what I had already told me. He quickly changed the topic and suggested we go hang out at the bar. Apparently, he wanted to introduce me to his friends.

 

My thoughts tried to pull me back into my mind, but I refused to fall back in. The one time I couldn’t stop thinking about meeting Jackson's friends and watching that movie. Should I be reading into this? Are these some signal? Or am I just reading into this way too much? Ahh boys, are just so confusing and complicated. As I continue to think about these supposed signals, I hear Jackson go on and on and on about how great his friends are and how I’m going to like them and blah, blah, blah.

It sounds like I don’t care, but I do, I do. It’s just hard to think when my thoughts are loud and then trying to listen to Jackson all at the same time. On the bright side, I listened to what he was saying towards the end of the car ride, which surprisingly went fast because next thing I knew I had just parked in front of the bar. Going to a bar on a Thursday night tends to be packed.

 

Jackson and I thought it would be a good idea to hold onto each other once we passed the front the door. Believe it or not, but it’s easy to get lost especially in a large crowd like this. As he holds onto my hands, and my hands wrap around his waist, we wave in and out and around people from all angles and directions until we arrive at the table.

 

Once we got to the table, we let each other go and sat down in the chairs they had saved for us. Looking around the table, I noticed very quickly that there are only two girls including myself at the table, and the rest are guys. I begin to wonder who she is and if she is a friend of Jackson’s or one of Jackson’s friend’s girlfriend. Sometimes it’s hard not to jump to conclusions, so I’ve decided to make a list of possibilities of whom she could be. And as I learn the hard way, I’ve learned that jumping to conclusions is just as bad as making a list of possibilities.

Chapter Seven

 CHAPTER SEVEN (Mailyah):

 

 

      As I sat at the table trying my best not to let my mind jump to conclusions, I begin to jump from memory to memory. Unfortunately for me, I dropped into a memory I didn’t want to remember. If you must think about what that could be then, I’ll you beating around the bush and just diving right in. Nothing from this story is going to be pretty, and it’s not a happy one, so buckle your seat belts and get ready for this awful ride.

          Back in high school, I didn’t always look at Jackson the way I looked at him later on or even now. Back then Jackson was just some guy who had the same class as me. When our relationship developed more so to the point where we wanted to date each other the feelings between the two of us became intense, passionate, and everything you would ever hope for in a relationship. Now don’t play dumb or get uneasy, but I think it’s clear to say that when mixing in intense and passionate feelings nothing good ever comes out of it, well at least not in my experience.

          I’m pretty sure you guess it that Jackson was my first and I was, of course, his too. However, by the end of the school year, we noticed that something strange was going on with my body and my period was not coming. He thought I was pregnant and I figured he was stupid for thinking that. I couldn’t have been pregnant you see we use protection, so unless the condom broke, I didn’t see how that was ever a possibility.

          Jackson did what most or hopefully what most men would do, and he went out and bought me a pregnancy test, but the second the test landed in my hands he was already out the door. There were three tests in that box, and that same night I took 2. The results weren't what I was hoping for, so I called Jackson and gave him the results, and I help onto that last test for the morning. Doctors always say that the best read on a pregnancy test is to take it when you wake up in the morning, so I did just that. However, the results were still the same, and I was getting more worried by the minute. Each minute felt as if an hour had passed.

          I took a breather from the news and once again called Jackson to tell him the results of the test. He was happy to hear that those were the results, but I still wasn’t sure. My body was weird, and I didn’t feel like myself the more the days went on. So I called the doctors and schedule to do yet another pregnancy test, but this time I wanted to draw some of my blood to find out for sure. I hated needles, but I hated it more knowing that I am now going crazy and obsessing over this.

          Jackson thought I was just overreacting with the whole thing, but he just so calm and so nonchalant about that it made me feel like I should panic even more. The results of my blood were taking forever to come back, so I took it upon myself to go to a nearby pregnancy clinic near where Jackson lived. There I had also taken another pregnancy test, and with no luck, at all, it turned out to be the same results. The lady and I talked about a variety of things that can happen over time.

          Within that same day, the doctors had called me, and they gave me the results I didn’t want to hear, not again, not for the fifth time, and especially not on my own. But I had no choice but to hear it again and to go through the process on my own. When the phone call ended, I sat in the corner of my bed and cried my eyes out. I was pregnant! How? How did this happen? How is it possible? Was I tricked into this path I didn’t want to be one? Why? Why me? Why now?

          I had so many questions and not one answer to follow along. The only person that could answer most of those questions was Jackson, but I trust him, and I don’t want him to think that I don’t, but did he do this on purpose?
It had taken some time before I balled up my nerves to ask Jackson a couple of the questions I had lingering in my mind. However, after the conversation was done none of my thoughts changed, none of the questions felt as if they got answered, none of my worries went away, and now I had this feeling that part of me should begin to watch my back.

          None it what we talked about in that conversation made any sense. Jackson claims to have put the condom on, however after it was supposedly used there were no holes, and now thinking about it more clearly it wasn’t even used it looked like he wet it with water. Unless he didn’t actually use the condom and in order to make it look like the condom was used he wet it with water and stretched it out to then show it to me. That doesn’t answer the question, why would Jackson go through all that trouble?

          Over the month of June, I spent my time in and out of doctors offices, getting poked left and right with needles, going through uncomfortable ultrasounds just to check up on the baby, looking at my options, and trying to convince Jackson that this is his baby too. Whenever I talked to Jackson, he didn’t seem to have much interest in the baby or me. It wasn’t until that moment that I had realized if I would keep the baby I would, in fact, be a single parent, still in high school, having way more responsibilities than I can handle without asking for any of it. I was going to have to step up and do everything because Jackson was MIA for the rest of my pregnancy.

          By the time I was done realizing in that moment I had taken parenting off of my list of options. Within the next two hours, I took adoption off of my list as well. I wouldn’t be able to live my life knowing that I created something so beautiful yet she’s not mine to hold, carry, nurture, or teach. She wouldn’t be mine because I’d have to give her away.
If I have the abortion as horrible as it sounds, she would be able to be happy with God and live along side God. I know that God would be able to give her everything that I, Jackson, or any kind parents we picked would be able to give her. She deserves the best and God is what’s best for her. I just don’t want to disappoint her; I want her to be happy the way I would never be able to make her happy.

          How am I going to have the baby if I as a mother would be severely depressed, unable to provide, and unable to get far in life to give her what she needs and what she wants? I know God will take her and I know she’ll go to heaven and live a happy and beautiful life. I know that when she goes and joins God that she will understand why. I also know that she will be there waiting for me. And so on July 6th was the last time I got poke with a variety of needles, it was the last day I saw my little girl before parting ways and saying see you later. The next day she died around 4:15 pm. While I sent her up into heaven towards God, I got left with all the pain and misery that had yet to come my way. I wouldn’t say that that summer was great, but that summer was the end of me…

Chapter Eight

CHAPTER EIGHT (Skylar):

 

 

    Waking up this morning didn’t feel too good. Like waking up after having a horrible dream and even though it felt like a dream I know that it was far from it, unfortunately. It took multiple tries of waking up and falling asleep to finally get my eyes to want to stay open.

 

    The fight I had with Prue had reached a new level last night. A level on which we’ve never reached before; not even when we first became friends back in high school. I don’t know what’s going to happen after last night, not with our relationship anyway. After last night I could be all alone, and the only other person left in my life would be Maliyah. You wanna know something? Maliyah isn’t really apart of my as we only met a little over a week ago. Now thinking about it… I am alone, and it depressing when you actually realize it.

 

   After lying awake for sometime now, I hear Prue go into the bathroom, so I took that as my opportunity to run to the kitchen to get some food. I think today is the kind of day where I just stayed trapped in my room for sometime now, but that’s just not realistic. I noticed Prue finished getting ready because the TV turned on.

 

  “She’s waiting,” I thought. I know she’s waiting for me to come out of the room and have the talk. And you wanna know something else? The talk after the fight can only go one of two ways; good or bad. I have this feeling that this talk unlike all the others we’ve had isn’t going to go as good. Unfortunately I can’t live in my room forever or else I would, and unfortunately we are going to have to have the talk sooner or later. I would much rather have the talk later rather than sooner.

 

  A couple of hours past and I began to smell and stink, unluckily for me this is not a smell that I can stand to stay in, which means leaving my bedroom was inevitable, and so was that talk with Prue. I guess it’s about that time for me to put on my big boy underpants and head to the bathroom to get ready, have this dreaded talk, and continue on with my day regardless of what happens.

 

 With that being said, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to move any faster getting ready. There’s no way I’m going to speed up the process if I don’t have too. When I mean I’m not going to speed up the process I really mean it, it took me about 2 and half hours to get ready. Is this how long you girls take to get ready because it’s honestly exhausting! That’s beside the point, but I literally had to take a 30-minute nap towards the end. Either way I was done getting ready, and now the second part of the day needs to get done and over with before continuing onto the last and final part of my day.

 

 I headed out to meet Prue on the couch watching “Once Upon A Time”. I didn’t greet her or look at her; I just simply sat down a seat away from her and began to watch the show along with her too. Once the show ended, I continued to look at the TV hoping the shows would just keep rolling through the hours, so the day would go by and the talk would never start, but I think you know just as well as me that thinking in such a way as that is another word for being unrealistic. Prue looks my way and the only thing I begin to think is the F word over and over and over again.

 

 I expected there to be yelling, screaming, and heck even a few curse words thrown in there, but she just sat there and looked at me. The expression on her face made it hard and difficult to compete with her in a staring contest so I didn’t it; I just looked at the blanked screen with a blank expression. The expression on my face mimicked the thoughts in my head, I had no words to say, heck I didn’t have any words to think other then the fact that she was staring at me… Where do we go from here?

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Bildmaterialien: Ammad Malik
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.04.2017

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