chapter 1

Hey was up? Is the talk of NY Jae! Please don't expect for my writing to be perfect because I have no goal what so ever to create a perfect book. This book is basically a draft of my life, you guys might find it interesting maybe because I'm such a "character" but anyhow, hope you enjoy it!

I was born in the 1987 in Brooklyn Ny, In an early morning, both parents from Mexico My father is from Tulcingo My mother is from the city they both met in the 1980's they met in a small village called Guadalupe Victoria in Mexico. My mother was only 16 years old and My father was about 5 years older than her when they both got married. My Father's father which makes it my grand father own many farms and properties in Mexico so everybody from the village thought my mother was with my father for money. In reality my mother had many problems at home with her family and she needed to be out the house because she felt very abused by my grandmother, so the only way for my mother to be out quick and come to New York City was getting married with my father. When my parents married they decided to come to New York City after like a year or so. They first moved in an old apartment by Knickerbocker Brooklyn in this old apartment like 9 other families lived. It was a very small apartment which consisted on one refrigerator and one bathroom for everybody. I lived in brooklyn for 2 years and then moved to the Bronx at Brook ave 138st. My godfather had told my mother about this cheap apartment with 2 rooms at the bronx and since we all lived in Brooklyn like sardines my parents decided to leave and get some privacy. When I first got to the Bronx I was about 3 years old it was filled with drugs and prostitution, many robberies, lots of shoot outs, many homeless people, crooked cops (before Giuliani) it was a total disaster a hell in heaven. My father worked at that time as a bagel maker in H&H bagels by 86st in the east side meanwhile my mother stood home taking care of me. My father loved me alot he was a great man in my eyes he never got me everything as in material but when it came for food it was more than enough. I remember one of his fist lessons was to never be to greedy you can have all the money in the world but never really get everything you want at once. At that time I never knew that my mother did not like my father at all and she had just kinda "used" him to live a better life. I really had no suspicious thought on my parents having any problems. Perhaps I was way to young in order to notice it and maybe to naive at that time. Both my parents went to sleep together ate together and of course we went out together so I mean come on, at age 3 who would really notice problems? However, there was time a I found my father looking through my mother's stuff while she was preparing dinner I remember I went inside the room to look for a my father that night and I saw him digging in my mother's box where she kept all the passports and important information once I saw that I ran to the kitchen and told my mother. My mother that night ran towards the room and caught my father trying to take some documents from her at the time I was really young to know what was going on but later on my mother told me that my father was trying to steal certain "papers" never knew what papers. That night my mother told my father that it was over at that point in time I was really sad I cried and begged my father not to leave I was with shorts and a white tank top. My father accepted my mother's decision and made the choice to leave the house as he left he had told me he was going to take me out every weekend and that he loved me very much he promised me that he would of never ever leave me and he was coming back to the house someday as he walked the door with two plastic bags filled with his clothing he told me to come with him but I loved my mother more than my father so I said no. I always carried that guilt inside of me that it was my fault that I made them split up. My father the next day after leaving my house he left to Mexico and never ever came back and we lost total communication. I cried every night for him and some how began hatting him for lying to me but alot of hate. My mother gave me lots of love and attention while my father was absent she would always hug me, kiss me and told me to never hate my father that my father loved me no matter what and she promised to be my father and mother. After my father left my mother started working in a factory putting together jeans for a korean she did not like it at all so after 8 months she found a job in front on my house in a small clothing store in 138st at the bronx it was called "victoria's fashion". I went to elementary school at 139st it was called P.S 40 it got shut down in the year 1999 (not so sure) for the lack of leadership. My first day of school was a real drag I was very shy but very smart I started making friends for the fact I would be the only kid in class to build the highest building with blocks somehow kids saw me as an entertainer. I was a real respectful kid in my very first day in the head start but also a very caring person. Our teacher would always explain how sharing was a very important thing to do she would always round the kids up in class and ask questions like "what would you do with $5.00" every kid answered they would buy toys and I was the only kid to say I would of bought some milk for my mother to take home my teacher hugged me at that time I was confused for the fact that would never happen I had no clue what I was or what I hate created nor what if I was wrong or right I was just being honest. At the time there was a racial war inside my school latin kids would stick together and african american kids would stick together so things got violent when we would go outside for recess. All my friends were latinos and we would play surside, handball and kickball surside was a game where you throw the ball against a wall and whoever catches it gets to hit the person who threw it before the person that threw the ball first touched the wall confusing right? Any who, my friends and I had lots of fun playing but I remember this one time our ball hit some black kid and all his friends got really violent and we started fighting it was latin kids against black kids and if you think about it we were only 6 or 7 years old. The fights continued sometimes it was latin girls against black girls latin boys against black boys and so on there was always a fight on recess, teachers would not really care they would just cut all our recess privilages like for a week as a punishment. I started learning that protecting yourself at all times was a way on living in this world, my first fight was with some black kid I grabbed him by his ears and began banging his head into the gate I guess he thought he could of pick on me or something because he just came up to me and wanted to act tough in front of his friends I was only 7 or 8 years old. My mother would drop me off to school everyday but some how I always wanted to do things on my own so when I got to first grade I told her I could of gone to school on my own I remember that morning she was sleeping and told me watch the traffic light and wait till is green dont cross the street even if there is chance you could cross because cars might hit you I understood her correctly and I did as she told. In first grade all my friends from head start was there I was placed in a bilingual class for the fact that my mother wanted me to conserve my spanish and not only speak english so I felt very happy and welcomed. My teacher was Ms hunter the sweetiest person ever it felt so bad behaving bad with her for the fact that she was so fragil and so lovable so we always did what she told us to do. I think Ms hunter could not have any children for the fact she was really old and loved kids but had no kids on her own so it made it type suspicious. First grade was a pieace of cake very easy math very easy history everything in school was so easy I was in honor roll and my mother would get so happy everytime my teacher would tell her I was a very smart kid (who knows maybe she told that to every mother). I would always hear rumors by older kids that the second grade teacher was real mean and at times while going to bathroom I would hear her scream to kids making me not never want to leave the first grade. My mother at this time was working most of the time so whenever I got home she was never there so what I used to do is watch TV and do my homework. Whenever I would get hungry I would eat egg sandwiches for he fact that was the only thing I knew how to cook. Life was very easy for me I had forgotten about my father and I felt really happy I just felt lonely because I had no brothers or sisters I was an only child. My mother would go out on dates occasionally with guys I would always go with her for the fact that she felt that she believed that if a man was to love her had to love me also. My mother would always tell me about how some women are so arrogant for the fact that they forget about their children just to go out with a man. I never quite understood the whole term about "forgetting" but once I got older I realized things. Whenever my mom would take me on dates with her friends I would listen to everything the guy would say to my mother as i called "flirting" and I would get feedback from my mother whether she liked what she heard or disliked the guy at all. I was about 10 years old at the time and I was getting first hand experiences about relationships listening to my mother. I really did not mind my mother going out with guys because I felt that she deserved to be happy matter fact I felt everybody deserved a second chance and look for true love I mean, after all she looked very lonely and I know a son cant love u like a man I be alive every woman deserves to be touched at some point of time to feel aroused to feel that love is all nature. Eventually my mother met my stepfather and got married after 2 yars of dating my stepfather was a old school gangster that had the mentality ready for anything he taught me how to live the street life he gave me rules and hints conquering the streets. My mother and step dad moved and got a room next block from 138st aside was a diner and a mexican store called "latino" back then it was called "pequeno gigante". Yes, we moved into a room not an apartment but a room for the fact I think my mother had no money and we owed like three rents already so eventually we had to move and gave half of our stuff to people for the fact that we had to many and had no space to put them at. I remember I had to give away my favorite bike to my cousin Alexis while I was giving it to him I started tearing I did not really knew what was going on why were we being moving to a small room? why did we not pay the whole rent I mean my mother actually. I got along with my stepfather great he had told me it was my choice if I wanted to call him father or by his name and the he did not mind he just did not wanted me to feel obligated or disturbed or create some sort of rivalry. My stepfather was a cool guy not that mean or not to stupid he knew what he wanted when it came to decisions. He never wanted to talk about his affiliations with his past life in gangs all though there was very obvious evidence that will categorize him as a gang member like pictures throwing gangs signs,voice machine messages stating there was "problems" and his friends carried all the times pistols to every party they would attend to. He probably thought I would of not noticed but I did see all that and more like hidden knifes he would carry inside his jackets and alot of cellphones which I did not know where he would get them. He had very long hair and always had nice sneakers with different colors and had a lot of piercings on his left ear. I have no idea why mother fell in love with a "thug" but hey it was her life and her decision and I respected and loved my mother with all my heart. I remember once I was sent to the supermarket to get some milk and some kid wanted to rob me but I came running back to my house and did not know who to tell because it was my first time experiencing something like that except the time my father I got robbed in our building by two teenagers while having groceries in our hands at age 7 so, I told my stepfather I was going to get robbed by some kid at the supermarket and I remember he was sleeping and when I told him that he got up and took out the gun and told me to leave the milk in the kitchen fridge and going after him. So we did look for the kid but we never found him at the time that was something real cool for me something nice that somebody could of protected me and coming from a mother that had no experience whatsoever in anything in the field of violence I loved it. He was a real gangster a person a super hero a guy with the guts to come up to you and do whatever he wanted to. And he was my stepfather!
In school everything went by smooth I graduated from elementary and I attended I.S 162 in the Bronx close to Jackson ave I was placed in band class because I had an outstanding average on my report card. I decided to play the percussion for the fact that I loved how is sounded and of course it was very easy for me to play it. The majority of the kids at my old elementary were Mexican so coming to a school where there was a small population of Mexicans felt really weird I felt left out. Mostly all my old friends from elementary had gone to bad schools like Clark at 143st in the bronx and Burger Jr.located at 138st. At the beginning it was really fun i loved learning and being part of a band I mean playing a nice instrument and getting extra work so I can learn, most was great. At the time my mother was attending a beauty supply school at Fordham road in the corner of grand concourse at the Bronx. I mostly stood home and took care of my baby sister so we mostly did not get to spend time with our mother. My uncles wife use to take care of us at the time my mother would drop my sister off in the morning right before heading to school meanwhile I headed to eat breakfast at I.S 162. After school I would go see my baby sister at my uncles house and waited for my mother to pick us up she mostly would get there at 6:00pm so it was a a little sad from my point of view for the fact sometimes I would have problems in school and knowing the fact my mother was going through stress with exams and I did not want to become a bother. In school I would have good days and horrible days I remember while being a freshmen in junior high school I would get picked on randomly not a constant thing u can say but I was really small I looked real young and i was really shy I kept a diary I listened to classic rock like limp bizkit, kid rock I watched wrestling played pokemon I was a straight off virgin yup no sex yet had a few pair of jeans no expensive attire i would barely look people in the face and kept day dreaming. At band class I felt I did not belong there I had no idea being in band class required high grades I had no idea my school believed I was a smart ass I just thought it was like any other regular class. It was a cool class it was just tons of work my professor she was Jew she seemed very caring at the time my very first day off school i remember I was walking by the hall way and there was a bunch of other kids going to class meanwhile I was totally lost so she kept calling my name I think she knew freshmen kids would always get lost or something (laughing) so I came towards her and said it was me she asked me to sit and as I did went to my assigned desk put down my book bag and was ready for the day. Everything was going well lunch was real good I had no friends but later I began talking to everyone little by little the only problem with me it was I played alot and most the kids there were serious for some strange reason.

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Texte: All rights reserved by Joel Flores 2011
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.02.2011

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Dedicated to all the people that have been around through my tough and happy situations and of course all the people that keep showing love.