I picked up the papers that had just fallen out of my binder and scattered on the floor, along with a couple of my books. I had ran into someone when I was scurrying down the hallway on my way to English, causing me to drop some of my books and dump my binder's contents all over the hallway. Causing a huge mess they everyone seemed to have fun stepping on. I leaned down to pick up one of my papers and noticed a familiar masculine hand grabbing the papers at the same time as me. HE was helping me. Without looking up I knew who's hand it was. Darren's.
"Here Collin," he said handing me the paper. I smiled stupidly at him and took the papers from his hand. "You probably should get going, you're going to be late," he added. Looking at the small clock plastered to the walls in the hallway, I realized he was right.
He waved goodbye, waving his hands towards me as if he was trying to shoo me of, to make me leave so I wouldn't be late for class. I didn't want to go really; instead I studied him for a moment, taking in the sight.
We could be twins, if it weren't for our different parents. Darren's black hair was shoulder length and pushed into his face, which gave him an "emo" look. His green eyes reminded me of emerald. He had snakebites, which he got a couple years back. Darren's ears were also pierced and stretched, or as most people would call it "gauged". I didn't have my ears pierced though, but the rest were the same. We had the same black hair, the same pale skin, the same green eyes, though mine had dulled and darkened."
I've had a small crush on him since third grade, when we first met. We're now in tenth grade, which means I've liked him for seven years. I never told him that I liked him, for I didn’t know what he would think. I never found out what he thought about me, and it's been bugging me lately. We're good friends though. Though we don’t get to talk to each other much anymore, because of school, which is saddening. He also started hanging out with other people lately.
I caught up with Darren later.
"Hey Collin, I was wondering if you would like to hang out tonight?" he asked, wrapping his arm around to the back of his neck, making him look a little shy. He was asking me to hang out with him after school! Oh my god! I was baffled at first. I mean we have been good friends since we were little, but the only time I really hung out with him after school was when we were like five and had silly little birthday parties.
'Keep calm' I tell myself before answering him. "Yeah sure," I replied hoping he didn't hear the excitement in my voice.
I've been to his new house one other time, for a small party type thing, so I didn't need his address.
It was around seven in the afternoon when I arrived. I slowly walked to the front door and knocked on it. I didn't have to wait long before Darren opened the door. He had a big smile that seemed it would be uncomfortable if he smiled any bigger. I gave him a smile in return, but only a small one though.
He waved his hand inside, like to tell me to come in. So I did. The hallway was large. The ugly olive green walls clashed with the nice hardwood floors.
Darren started to walk into a room, so I followed quickly so I wouldn't loose him and be left behind. Only to be forced to find him in his own house.
This must have been the living room by the looks of it. A small black couch sat in the middle of the room, along with a large flat screen TV in front of it.
"So… Darren… What you want to do?" I asked him. We hadn't made any plans, only to hang out.
He ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders.
"Well to start… I want to do this," he said. What did he mean by that?
Before I could say anything a pair of lips were pressed against mine. I could feel my eyes widen. I wasn't quite expecting this. His lips were soft, sweet. They tasted like cherry Chap Stick.
When he broke the kiss he placed his face in his hands and took a step back.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm so sorry Collin! I don't know exactly why I did that"
"Don’t be," I replied, wrapping my hands around his neck. He removed his hands from his face and I kissed him. I didn't quite know what I was doing. I never really had my first kiss, ever, well until now, but the kiss seemed to come so naturally. I was almost shocking.
It was sweet and careful at first, but then it turned into a more ferocious and passionate kiss.
Darren caught ahold of my hand from behind my neck and broke the kiss. He pulled me towards another room, pulling me along with him.
I laid next to him in the bed, his arm wrapped around me, pulling me in close. I felt the warmth of his soft skin. Comforting me, Holding me tightly. It was satisfying knowing I was safe in his arms. My body was completely naked along with his. Darren was fast asleep, which I knew for a fact, with him snoring and all. I kept my eyes shut to make it look like I was sleeping, but it wasn't worth it, my body wasn't letting me sleep anymore. I turned over to look at him. His features had a soft expression; he was so cute when he slept.
I noticed the tattoo just above his right breast. It had the saying 'No lie, just love.' I didn't know why he got it, but it was cute. Thinking about it, I could see why he had gotten it. It was the truth.
He shuffled around a bit, startling me, and making me jump. I could see the smile spread across his face.
"Morning sleepy head," I said in a joking manor. I smiled back at him and gave him a quick kiss.
"Hey Collin, I have a question."
"Yes what is it?" I asked him.
"Does this mean we're dating?"
"Are you asking me out?" I said in a bright tone.
"Maybe," he said, teasing me a bit.
"Of course I would go out with you," I said in a small voice.
I buried my head in his chest, and he wrapped his arm back around me. I feel back asleep in his arms.
It was a Saturday, making it easier to sleep in. So we did.
When I woke again Darren wasn’t in the bed. He must of got up earlier. I checked the clock. It read 12:00. Pulling the covers off of me, I got up and pulled on a pair of boxers. I walked out of the room, not caring that I was only in my underwear.
Darren was standing against the fridge when I walked in. he must of heard me coming. I was kind of dragging my feet a little, so I could understand how he heard me. Darren had put on some pants when he got up apparently.
He looked at me like I was crazy. I realized that I was only wearing underwear, but such didn't really bother me.
"What?" I asked, joking around with him.
"Ah, nothing," he replied. He gave a small laugh. "So… Collin… what do you want for lunch?"
My stomach growled at the thought of food. I didn't quite know what I wanted though.
Darren's hair was quite all over the place, so I walked up to him to fix it. Instead he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, I kissed him back.
When we broke the kiss I smiled at him and gave a small laugh.
"What was that about?"
"I don't know. You just seemed kissable at the moment." I laughed at this and gave him a small kiss. "Now… about food. What do we have?" He turned around and opened the fridge to look what was inside.
We ended up eating waffles, because there was nothing else to eat.
I now sat next to him on the couch. Darren was flipping through the TV channels trying to find a show to watch. Finally he stopped and started watching a show I've never even seen. We sat there for a couple minutes just watching the show together.
Suddenly Darren moved towards me a bit and bumped my arm, making it seem like he did it on purpose. I wasn't expecting it and it caused me to jump a little. I looked over at him and he was looking around the room and laughing a little. Now knew for sure he did it on purpose.
I made it look like I didn’t care for a minute and returned the nudge with one of my own. He looked over at me and nudged me again, this time doing it when I was expecting it, and this time with a little more force than the first.
I had to do it. I reached over and messed up his hair, making it go in every direction. Darren hated his hair when it was really messy and he glared at me.
"Now it's on!" he yelled. He jumped towards where I had scooted myself after messing up his hair. Reaching out he tried to mess up mine, but I leaned back and refused to let him. I jumped back at him and messed up his hair again. Darren proceeded to keep trying to mess up his hair.
In a matter of minutes Darren was on top of me. He held his hands against the couch and kept himself up, trying not to squish me underneath. He bent down and kissed me. It was another one of his sweet kisses that I loved so much.
His mouth seemed to always taste like cherry Chap Stick, no matter what he did or ate. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him down. His hands gave way and he fell on top of me, but nor he or I let this break our kiss. He eventually stopped the kiss and now was supporting himself on his hands again.
"Now you're trapped," he said with a small smirk on his face, and while still supporting himself on one hand, messed up my hair. He bent down again and gave me a small kiss. “I love you, Collin. I always have." he continued.
I gave him a smile and replied, "I love you too, and I always will." he gave me a smile at this and gave me yet another quick kiss.
The way he kisses me makes me melt inside. So sweet yet passionate. So careful yet loving.
Darren climbed off of me and stood next to the couch, outstretching his hand. I took a hold of it and sat up. He took a seat next to me without letting go of my hand. I didn't want him to though. I leaned my head against his shoulder and scooted myself even closer to him. He let go of my hand and wrapped it around my waist, cradling me next to him.
When I got home everyone was gone. I couldn't quite put my finger on it though, and then I remembered, my sister went to a friend's sleep over nd my parents were out still. It was around nine in the afternoon and I was getting tired.
I slowly dragged my feet to my room and plopped myself onto the bed, and feel asleep.
I woke up around eight and sat in bed for awhile, just staring at the walls.
My sister, Peyton, came quickly out of her room and walked over to me.
"So where were you yesterday?" she asked, putting emphasis on the word 'yesterday'.
I looked at her with a startled look. I could feel my eyes widen. 'Did she know?' I asked myself. I worried.
"It's none of your business, and if you really want to know I was at a friend's house, " I answered hoping that she wouldn't figure it out, but I knew she would.
She started walking back towards the doorway of my room, only to stop and turn back to me to say:
"Yeah, friend's house," She said it with finger quotes around 'friend's'. My sister either like to piss me off with her exaggerations or she didn't notice them, cause she did it a lot. "Don't worry I wont tell mom, but you're going to have to explain it to her," she said as she walked away. I didn't quite know what to do next, how was I to explain this to my mother
My sister was a year younger then me but still was almost, what felt like, a foot taller then me. Last year she had decided to die her hair black and her bangs blonde. Along with this she had cut her hair short. It now feel a few inches above her shoulders. Peyton had always been the tallest in our family, which confused me, cause the rest of us were kind of short. She might as well be my older sister with her looks.
She had known from the beginning that I was gay. She knew that I liked Darren too. I had trusted her with the secret for years now and she still hadn't told our parents yet. I knew in the inside, though, I would have to tell the eventually.
She was always the quiet type, if you met her you would think that anyways, but she seemed to be really loud around me. So loud it was almost obnoxious. Not that I didn't mind it. My sister never really had friends until last year, when I introduced her to some of my friends that were around her age. Ever since then I had the feeling that she liked one of them, Jay. With an amazingly, hot, "emo" look who could resist though. Even I thought he was kind of cute.
School the next day was something. It was like everyone knew, for everywhere I went people seemed to be staring at me.
During lunch I took my lunch and headed towards Darren, who was sitting by himself at the table in the far corner. The café wasn't very large but it seemed to take me forever to get to him.
When I got to him, I placed my tray down onto the table and sat in the seat next to him. He was looking down at his food, which he hadn’t even touched.
I nudged him with my arm, but he didn't look up. I did it again, this time he jumped and looked over at me with a tired look.
"Were you sleeping?" I asked him.
"Yeah a little," he replied.
"How comes you didn't sleep?"
"'Cause I was thinking about you," he said with a smile, finally waking up.
I smiled back, blushing a little, and before he could say anything I gave him a small kiss, but not before looking around to see if anyone was watching.
He kissed me back, but it seemed to startle him.
"What? Can't I kiss you?" I asked with a huge smile on my face.
"Of course you can, but what about everyone else? Don't you care?" he asked.
"Nope, not really."
"Well in that case," he said as he lean towards me, grabbed my chin and kissed me. This wasn't like a kiss you would do in public, this was like the ones we shared during the night together, but I didn’t really care. When we stopped kissing I looked around. Nearly every eye in that room was on us.
"What?" I quietly asked, mostly to the people closest to us. Some of them went back to eatting or whatever they were doing, while others continued to stare.
I grabbed ahold of Darren's hand and went back to eatting.
I didn't get to see him till the end of the day, till English, but he sat two rows back and four desks away from me. So really it wasn't until after English.
I found out that the gossip today was about us, but I really didn't care. Until Reese came along.
"Hey Collin!" he yelled at the end of English. He reached over and grabbed one of his friends and they pretended to make out. "Look I'm 'emo' boy making out with my 'emo' boyfriend!" he continued.
This sort of pissed me off. I hung my head and took a step back. I tried hiding behind my books.
"Hey!" Darren yelled, jumping up out of his seat. He walked quickly over to me and grabbed my hand. "If you want to make fun of him, you got to go through me!" he snapped back.
"Oh look at that, lover boy coming to save his little boyfriend. How cute," Reese said in a sarcastic tone. "It's on lover boy!" he said putting emphasis on 'lover boy.'
After they walked away I turned to Darren.
"What are you going to do?" I asked. I was scared for him, I mean Reese was the school's bully.
He looked at me with calm expression. "Nothing, absolutely nothing."
I didn't know how that was possible. Avoid Reese?
"But -" Darren cut me off. There were a pair of lips on mine before I could say anything.
"Don't worry about it, but we do have to leave the school before we are locked in here," he said scurrying out the door, his hand holding mine.
Being only a few miles away, we walked back home instead of taking the bus.
As I walked I thought about the first time we met. How we became best friends almost immediately, but I was still so shy around him.
Darren and I were in third grade together. I walked into school one day, not knowing what to expect, but who does. When I sat down at my desk I realized there was a new kid sitting in the corner. No one was near him though. I studied him for a day, but everyone seemed to avoid him.
During recess I walked over to where he was sitting by the wall. His black hair hanging in his face, as if he was hiding from the world. Like he was trying to avoid people, but that wasn't going to stop me.
"Hey, I saw you were new but had no company. My name is Collin, what's yours?"
Hey looked up at me with big green eyes.
"Darren."
"I like that name," I added.
I slid my back down the wall and sat next to him.
"So how come you seem to be avoiding people?" I asked him.
At first he didn't answer me; we just sat there in silence for awhile.
"I'm not really a people person and no one really seems to like me anyways. Why are you talking to me? No one talks to me," he finally said. He had a small voice and I had to strain to hear him.
"Because no one else is," I answered. "And you seemed lonely."
We talked some more until the teacher yelled for us to go inside. We learned that we had a lot in common with each other. We soon became best friends and every recess we sat at that same place and talked.
Darren looked over at me.
"What’s up?"
"Ahhh, nothing. I was just thinking," I said.
"About what?" he asked me.
"About the first day we met. How I was the one that went up to you when no one else did."
"We became best friends after that," Darren said, finishing my thoughts.
"Yeah," I continued, grabbing a hold of his hand.
In a matter of minutes we were standing in front of his house. I turned to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around my waist.
"I love you," I said to him with a large smile on my face.
He gave me a quick kiss and said, "I love you too."
Walking away he gave me a small wave bye, and I returned it with a wave of my own. Only after he had closed the door behind him, I started walking down the street again.
It took me about ten minutes if I walked quickly to get home, but today I dragged my feet, causing me to take about half an hour.
When I got home my sister was standing in the doorway.
"So I liked your little moment at school today!" she yelled to me.
"You did, did you?" I said with a smirk.
She walked over to me and turned around to fallow me into the house.
"Why yes, I did. It was quite an interesting way to come out, don't you think? Don’t answer that. So how was school?"
My sister didn't feel 'well' this morning and wanted to stay home, so my mom let her.
"Ok. And how did you find out what happened at lunch?" She stayed home; there was no way she would have known.
"I have my people," she answered, laughing a little as she did. "Come on let’s get inside already!"
I hadn’t noticed that we'd been standing in the middle of the pathway this whole time. I turned around and headed in the house. Trying to avoid my sister from bothering me anymore, I quickly ran into my room. I threw my stuff on the floor and jumped onto my bed, landing face down into the pillow. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I hadn't noticed how tired I was until now. So I fell asleep.
It was cold out and I forgot a hoodie. I was walking to Darren's house. Being night time, the street lights were on. They reminded me of spot lights, following me, as I walked slowly down the street.
I got to Darren's door and knocked. He answered. Though he was smiling, I could see sadness in his eyes. Darren didn't say anything, but he seemed to do all the talking with his eyes. Something was horribly wrong.
"What's wrong?" I asked him, a little scared of what his answer might be.
"I have to talk to you," he replied in a small voice, like he was trying to hide from the world, just like we had the first day we met.
He waved his hand inside the door as if to say to come in. So I did.
"What is it?" I asked, walking through the doorway.
"There is a problem," I nodded as to say 'what?' He continued, "You know I love you, right? But… but we just can't be together. I'm really sorry."
Suddenly my heart dropped and my chest felt heavy. Tears started to build up in my eyes. I tried to stop them, but I just couldn't.
"Wh- what! Are you breaking up with me?" I stuttered. I just couldn't believe it. "Wh- why?" I cried.
"I'm really sorry," he said again.
Suddenly my whole life went to waste, I felt like I had no reason to live anymore. I felt like the only thing I really cared about was being taken away.
Everything went dark and my eyes shot open. I quickly shot up into a sitting position. My heart felt like it was going to tear open my chest it was pounding so hard.
I slid my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them.
"It's only a dream, it's only a dream," I told myself out loud over and over again. I struggled to talk though, for my breathing was so heavy. I tried to calm myself down.
I sat there, with my arms wrapped around my legs, staring at the walls. For awhile I thought about what would happen if he really did leave me. What would I do? How could I deal with myself?
The next day was hard to deal with. Every time I saw Darren, I thought about the nightmare that I had the night before. I couldn’t deal with myself if he left me, I would blame it all on myself. That it was all my fault that he left me.
Darren walked up to me and put his arm around my waist. We walked in silence for awhile. "What's wrong, you seem so sad?" he looked down at me with the same green eyes I saw when we were only in third grade. Eyes filled with sorrow, with concern. I shook my head, trying to blow it off, but it apparently didn't work. "There is seriously something wrong," he said stopping me. He faced me and put his hands on my shoulders. I had to look up, cause by now he was almost a foot taller then me. "Come on tell me. You know you can tell me. What is it? What's bugging you?" he continued.
"I know this might be a weird question, but do you ever think about leaving me?" I asked, tears building up in my eyes again with the thought of it.
"Of course not! What would bring such nonsense up in your head? What, are you thinking about leaving me? Are you doubting us? 'Cause if you are, just tell me now, cause I'll try to fix what you think is wrong," he quickly said. He said it so fast I don’t even think he took a breath the entire time.
At first I didn’t answer him. Of course I wasn't doubting us, and I sure as hell wasn't going to break up with him, I loved him too much for that.
"Are you doubting us?" he now sounded more concerned then before.
I quickly gave him a kiss. "I would never doubt us, never in a million years. I love you too much to leave, you should know that!" I said finally.
He stared at me for a moment. "Then how comes you brought it up?" he asked.
I wasn't going to bring up the dream, not knowing what he might say if I told him. Knowing him he might get concerned. "I was just wondering." I tried to change the subject, "So what are you planning on doing tonight?"
"Hanging out with you, of course. That's if you are available," he said with a smirk and we started walking again, in silence again.
When we finally got to his house I turned to him. "Of course I'm available," I said and smiled at him. I followed him into his house and shut the door behind me. "So what do we have planned today?" I asked.
"Well… Collin… my parents are out of town for the week, so I was wondering if you would like to stay here for the week."
I didn’t know what to say. What would my parents say? "Um, I don’t know if I can. What would my mother say? I'd have to come up with an excuse to be here for the week," I said.
"You never told your mother about us? Oh my, what am I going to do with you? You have to tell her sometime, you know!" he laughed a little.
"But I'm worried about what she will say!"
"What if I helped you tell your mother? Would you do it then?"
"Would you actually do it for me? Oh thank you, thank you!" I ran over to him and hugged him.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said, laughing a little as he did.
I walked with Darren back to my house, and opened the door to find my sister, yet again. 'Not again!' I said to myself, 'And this time I'm with Darren of course!'
"Hey lover boys!" she called out to us from the hallway.
"Oh god! Let me guess your 'people' told you about that one too?" I asked her.
"Yep! So what, is the world coming to an end? Is that why you brought him here?" she said, pointing to Darren.
"No we decided it was time to tell your guy's mother," Darren said before I could say anything. I turned my head to face him and gave him the death stare. "What?" he said, shrugging his shoulders. I continued to glare at him.
"Oh wonderful!" she said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Tell me how that works out for yah, I'll be hiding in my room."
Just then my mother walked in, and my sister ran away.
"So who's this young man? Is this a friend of yours Collin?" she asked in her annoyingly high voice.
Unlike me, my mother had blonde hair and blue eyes. She was shorter than me too. She was very skinny. Like if you would see her for the first time, you would probably call her anorexic.
"Mom, I need to talk to you. We both do," I replied.
"Yeah what is it?"
"In private, please," I directed us to the kitchen, were we sat at the table. Darren sat next to me, while my mother sat across from us. "I don't want you to freak out about this, ok?" She nodded.
"Mom, this is my boyfriend, Darren," I flinched, not know what she'd say next. I never really told her about Darren, or that we'd be friends. I never really had a close relationship with my mother though. At first she didn't say anything, which I thought she would understand then. Suddenly things started flying, literally. I had to duck a lamp that came flying towards my head.
"Get the fuck out!" my mother yelled. I really thought she would accept me for who I was, but I guess I was wrong.
"But mom-" I started.
"Just get the fuck out of my house!" she yelled back, cutting me off. Another thing flew at my head but Darren pushed me out of the way. I didn’t quite catch what it was though. Taking my hand, Darren pulled me out of the house and back to his house.
"Well I guess you'll be staying here for awhile," Darren said, trying to make a joke, but it didn't really help, it only made things worse.
We laid on his bed for awhile. I laid my head on his chest and cried a little. I never thought it would be this bad. I thought she would try to except me for who I am. She is my mother you know, aren’t mothers supposed to love their children no matter what? Darren stroked my hair as I cried. I tried to cry as quietly as possible, to the point where I wasn't even crying anymore.
"Why won’t she accept me?" I asked Darren, tears running down my face.
He took his hand and attempted to wipe the tears off my face but those were soon replaced by more. "I don't know. My own parents had a hard time excepting me when I told them."
"Yeah but did yours throw things at you? Or kick you out of your own house?" I said back.
"No, just give her time to cool down and except it."
"I guess, but still." Darren had gone back to stroking my hair. It was quite calming actually.
"I don't know why she did those things, but you want to know what I do know?" he asked me with a small smile on his face.
"What?"
"I love you, Collin."
"And I love you too," I replied. He leaned down and kissed me. After we broke the kiss I laid my head back on his chest.
We laid there in silence for awhile, until I was so exhausted I fell asleep.
When I woke up he was still stroking my hair. I kept my eyes shut to look like I was sleeping. Without turning my head I asked him, "How long was I asleep?"
He looked down at me. "Only for a couple hours," he answered.
"What are we going to do?" I continued.
"I don’t know, Collin."
I sat up in bed and Darren leaned back so I wouldn’t hit him.
"I have to go back," I told him, "I need some clothes and my things, but I can't go into the house."
"What about your sister? Do you have her number?" he suggested.
"Peyton? Well she has helped me this far. And Darren, she's my sister, of course I have her number." I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and dialed her number. The conversation wasn't long, but she agreed to do it.
A couple minutes passed by and the doorbell rang, I went and got it.
"Well, well, well! Oh Collin! What am I ever to do with you? I see it went well though," she said with a laugh. I just rolled my eyes.
"Did you bring my clothes?"
I walked out to the car and opened the trunk. There laid my clothes, in a giant heap. They weren't even folded. I looked over to where my sister was standing. She had her arm around the back of her neck and her eyes on the ground. Like she just knew I was looking at her she said, "Yeah… mom kind of pushed me out of the house before I got the chance to fold them. I don't really think she wants anything to do with you right now."
I glared at her. "No, I would have never guessed." I said with a sarcastic tone. A small smirk had found its way upon my face too.
I grabbed some of the clothes and proceeded into the house. Only to throw them on the floor of the living room. I would fold them later. I did this until the large pile of clothing that was once in the truck of the car was now on the floor of the living room. "Thanks, for bringing my clothes down, but mom must really hate me if she let you drive down here without a license!” I said, putting emphasis on the word 'license.'
"Yeah she kind of doesn't know that I have the car, so you owe me big time if she finds out." said Peyton.
"You could have just put it in my suitcase and walked it down here!" I yelled, "And I don't owe you shit! It's your fault for bringing the car!"
She didn't say anything after that, she just stuck her tongue out at me, and I returned the gesture.
"Well I guess I should probably get back before mom finds out that the car is missing," she said after a few seconds of silence, and I nodded my head.
I showed her to the door, being the nice brother I am. We walked over to the car, and I turned to her. Leaning over, I gave her a hug.
"Thanks for everything," I said before she got into the car. It was a small car, only a few years old too. I think it might have been a black Buick, but I couldn’t tell you the model. My sister waved as she drove back towards our house, or should I say her house now, and I waved back.
Turning around I found Darren was leaning on the doorway and I walked towards him. I looked at him with a curious expression on my face. "Have you been standing there the whole time?" He nodded.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.04.2012
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