1

A hard slap in the face and a splash of water woke me up.
‘What the…?’ I said, head still half-asleep.
‘Wake the fuck up dude!’ Mike’s voice, shouting in my ears, sounding amused. ‘It’s go time!’ Him and his stupid pranks! I’m gonna kill him one day, I thought, but on the other hand, I would’ve laughed if it had happened to him, so I let it go. ‘Alright, you fuck, jeez,’ I said and got out of bed. It was the first day of skiing. The group of friends, people I’d known since childhood, was sitting at the table drinking energy drinks (we shared our disgust for anything to do with coffee). When you got right down to it we were just a typical group of college friends, except maybe for our long history together. We joked around a lot, sometimes more than any of us could handle, and we made all kinds of bets, ranging from who could get the most pussy in one week to who dared throw a stone through the window of our Business Economics teacher’s house, and sometimes we got into trouble. But we had fun. We had so much fun. And deep down we all knew that even when we were forty, settled down in the suburbs with wives and (maybe) kids, there would still be this wonderful friendship, and there would be many nights of drinking beers on the porch of one of our houses and reminiscing this time, these years, our childhoods. So we were making the best of it.


2

About half an hour later, after we’d all had breakfast and put on our skiing outfits, we left the hotel where we were staying and went out into the cold, supporting our long skis with our shoulders. It was a short walk to the lift that would take us to the slopes, but walking with ski boots on is very tiring, and by the time we got there I was already starting to sweat. Contrary to my friends I had never done this before, and though I would never admit it I was scared. I knew it was an irrational fear, but that didn’t really help. It never does. You can tell yourself a hundred times there’s no reason to be afraid, but the fear won’t go away. The cowardly part of my brain kept reminding me of horrible skiing and mountain climbing accidents I’d seen on the news or read about in a paper or a magazine. Of freak avalanches, that came out of nowhere and killed a group of young adventurous skiers that had left the slopes and gone up the mountain. A group just like us. As we neared the lift I could feel my stomach tighten with fear.


3

We passed through the little gate that checked if we had passes and then we were standing next to the lifts. Unlike Mike, Josh and Jake I didn’t know what to do when I saw a cabin arrive and head toward us, and when I saw them place their skis in a little compartment outside the cabin and get in before I’d even taken mine off my shoulders. ‘Come on!’, Jake yelled, ‘Hop in!’ The cabin was almost going back up again and I was having trouble with my skis. Just when I thought I wasn’t going to make it a man who obviously worked there took my skis from me and told me to get in. I did. I saw him place my skis next to Mike’s with ease. Then the door closed and we were off, heading toward the white mountains with surprising speed.


4

‘What the fuck were you doing?’ Jake asked me, but he didn’t sound angry. In fact he sounded amused. ‘Well, I’m sorry, but I’m not a professional lift-enterer,’ I said in an angry tone, but I was laughing inside too. It was one of those typical moments that we sometimes had together, where even though no-one weren’t visibly laughing, we somehow all knew every one us was laughing inside. And that was all I needed to put the anxiety of the past few minutes out of my head. I watched through the window as the lift climbed higher and higher, I watched the station where we’d gotten in become smaller and smaller and eventually disappear, blocked from view by the mountain we were climbing. Then I turned around and saw with surprise that the exit was very near. ‘I thought it was a 4000 foot height difference!’ I said.
‘These things go fast, Aaron, and you better get used to it, because we’re gonna be on so many of these things you’ll be sick of them by the end of the day,’ Josh said. He was always the quiet one, the one who was a little smarter. He was also usually the one who got a little less drunk and looked after the rest of us, and made sure we didn’t do anything that was really dangerous. I guess you could compare him to Kyle from South Park.

The cabin swayed into place at the lift’s end station, the doors opened and Mike, Josh and Jake got out, again faster than me. But this time I did manage to at least get my skis out of the compartment on my own. ’See? You’re getting better already!’ Jake said, and he patted me on the back. We walked out onto the snow, ad immediately I had to close my eyes against the brightness of the sunlight it reflected. ‘Put your goggles on, dude!’ Mike shouted. I had forgotten them. I reached up and pulled them down. I could see, but everything had a little orange tint to it now. It looked a bit weird, but I guessed I’d get used to it. ‘Alright, let’s go. We gotta teach you some basics first! You ready?’

I wasn’t sure.


5

After trying for about three minutes to get into my skis, something I would also have to work at the coming days, we were off, going down a beginner’s slope. As a fist time skier I barely had control of my skis, and I almost fell down before we’d even skied ten yards. Then suddenly they all stopped, and I skied right past them, going on for ten more yards before I found a way to stop moving: by just leaning to the left until I fell. It hurt more than I thought it would, but my friends were next to me within seconds, so it was all right. ‘Would you like us to teach you how to brake?’ Mike said, laughing. They were all laughing, even I was.
‘Yes please.’
‘Alrighty then, you can start by getting your ass off the ground.’
That sounded simple, but was far from it. When I fell my skis had crossed and my right one was stuck in the snow. ‘How the hell…help me please, guys.’
‘Move your skis so they’re parallel to each other, and facing sideways, not forward because then when you get up you’ll slide away again and fall again’ Josh said. Now he said it it seemed very obvious how to do it. So I did what he said and they helped pull me to my feet. ‘OK, Aaron, I’ll explain it to you. When you want to go fast you put your skis parallel to each other, and when you want to slow down, you move the fronts of your skis together like this.’ He showed it to me. ‘That’s enough for now I guess, but when we get round to doing more difficult slopes I’ll try and tech you how to slow down without doing this, because frankly, doing it like this isn’t very effective and also looks kind of stupid.’


6

After that we stayed low for a while, nearer to the valley, doing only beginner slopes so I could get the hang of skiing. And I was doing so faster than I ever thought possible. Of course Mike, Jake and Josh were still at least three times as fast as me, and when I finally managed to get all the way down a slope they would whine about wanting to go higher up, to the more difficult slopes, and I told them no, because evidently I wasn’t ready yet if they had to wait five minutes for me at the end of every slope. But still I was rapidly improving. In the past three hours I had advanced from going straight down and then crossing my skis to slow down like a little kid, to making relatively smooth turns, not parallel but surprisingly close to it. Nevertheless there were still 7-year old French kids that were somehow better than me. They seemed to come from nowhere, speeding by with amazing smoothness and control. I guessed they live here. After another half hour or so we decided it was time for some lunch, so we went down to the village.


7

I approached the village a little more cautiously than I’d been before, because there were a lot of skiers here, and I was afraid I’d bump into someone. Another minute passed and then I could see my friends waiting for me about twenty yards, so I decided to show off what I’d learned by not skiing straight toward them, but making a lengthy turn to the right and then making a sharper bend and rapidly braking, thereby also showering them with snow. ‘Well look at that! I guess you’re ready for the real deal. We’re going higher up after lunch, okay?’ Jake said, grinning.
‘Yeah, sure, I guess I am ready. Now let’s eat. I’m starving.’

We took off our skis and walked down to a little café in the snowy street. We each ordered a Red Bull, even though they cost ¤5 (‘Stupid greedy French, Josh said, ‘They know we’ll pay no matter how expensive it is.’). ‘You’re gonna need that energy Aaron,’ Mike said, ’The higher up you get, the more intense and tiring skiing becomes. We’re gonna do some intermediate slopes first and then at the end of the day we’ll try some advanced ones, alright?’
‘Alright.’ All the fear was gone now, and I was ready to take on anything. I thought how hard can it be? With the things I can do now I can get down any slope, even if it takes half an hour. Jake said so. We ordered two pizzas, half a pizza for everyone, and it tasted great, but was again expensive. Oh well, I thought, we’ve still got plenty of money. We’ll just eat something cheaper tomorrow. After eating we all felt revitalized and ready to go again. We got on another lift, something I could now do just as smoothly as any of my friends, and then we were off, heading to the top of the mountain. I was excited to try harder slopes, to ski faster and become a better skier. But that nagging feeling that had been gone for the past three hours was also back. That feeling that there was something wrong, or that something would be. And no matter how much I ignored it, no matter how many times I tried to dismiss it as ‘beginner’s fear’, it remained in my head, like a leech that just won’t let go of your arm. But a leech that sucked not blood but courage from me, making me feel like a coward again. Back to scratch, I thought, and then man up, will you? Don’t be a pussy and just go down that white hill. How hard can it be?


8

The end station of this particular lift was finally in sight after a long time, and here at the top of the mountain the visibility wasn’t as good as it had been down in the valley. It was foggy and it had also started to snow a little while we’d been in the lift. We got out and walked out of the station and onto snow that was much softer, fresher and deeper than the snow in the valley, which had been relatively solid because they’d been groomed the night before and there hadn’t been any snowfall before now. As we looked for an open space among the mass of people where we could put on our skis, we passed the information point which told you all kinds of things, like how cold it is here, how cold it is in the valley, what the weather predictions are for tomorrow, and the avalanche risk. It said the avalanche risk up here was 5 out of 5, meaning ‘very high’, and it warned us to not go off the groomed runs, as the risk was even higher there. ‘You guys,’ I said, ‘look at this.’ They walked over.
‘Oh Aaron, you shouldn’t worry about avalanches. I’ve gone off the slopes countless times with a ‘very high’ risk, and nothing ever happened to me. Now let’s go. We’ll do an intermediate slope first, just to warm you up.’


9

The difference was immediately noticeable. On these slopes it was a lot harder to keep your speed under control, and before I knew it I could no longer see Mike, Josh and Jake because of the fog, which was becoming denser all the time. All of the sudden I was completely alone, with visibility now so poor I could barely see ten yards ahead. Beyond that everything was white. Luckily enough I could still see the wooden poles that marked the end of the groomed run I was on. So I made my way slowly down the white slope, and after what seemed like a long time I could finally see three small specks of black among the endless sea of white, and I felt tremendously relieved when I heard Mike yelling ‘HEY AARON! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BEING SO SLOW FOR?’ It was an insult, but I didn’t care. I made my way down the last fifty or so yards of the slope, and then I was finally standing next to them. ‘How’s that for a warming-up?’ Jake said, amused. ‘We’ve been waiting here for almost 5 minutes! What the hell were you doing?’
‘I lost you guys just after we started…..I couldn’t see anything…..’
‘It’s called fog, and you’ll have to learn to live with it, because we’re gonna have a lot more of it the coming days. Now let’s go all the way down to the valley, and when we get back up here we’ll do some advanced stuff. Sound good?’
‘Yeah, sure.’
In reality I was terrified.


10

But of course I didn’t say anything. We went down the slope some more and after five minutes or so we finally got low enough for the fog to go away. And when it had it went much better. I was still miles behind the rest but at least I didn’t have to be terrified of accidentally going off the slope and falling into an unexpected abyss anymore. Several minutes after that the intermediate slope turned into a beginner slope, and we skied into the little town where the lifts were. We got into one that we hadn’t been on yet, because when you got out of it there were only advanced slopes. ‘Well dude, here we go. This is the real stuff we’re gonna do now. No more kid’s slopes,’ Mike said. I nodded, grinning, but inside all I felt was fear.


11

We reached the end station at the top of the mountain (alt. 2675ft. a sign I walked by said) and got out. There was almost no-one here, unlike last time, when it had been very crowded. The visibility seemed to have gotten even worse since then, and I almost walked headfirst into an information point I hadn’t been able to see yet. The only people there were us and two skiers who were both alone and who looked determined to ski as much as they could. One of them got going down the slope, and it looked like he just disappeared into the all-encompassing white. But the worst thing was the angle. It looked to me as if the slope he was going down had about a 50 degree angle, which was almost twice as steep as the intermediate runs. ‘Are we gonna go down that one?’ I shouted, because there was also a lot of wind here, which made it very hard for us to hear each other. ‘Yeah! It’s gonna be very hard for you, I think,’ Josh said, ‘But you’ll just have to take it slow and try not to fall or go where the snow isn’t groomed. We’ll wait for you every one in a while, it doesn’t matter how long it takes you, ok?’ ‘Ok.’
We went down the last slope of the day.


12

It was horrible. Much, much worse than the last one. All I could think was Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall. But I did. I skied into an unexpected heap of snow and tumbled over into it. Fortunately I’d already had some practice getting up that day, so it was relatively easy to do so. What was harder was to get going again from scratch. The fog was so dense now all I could see was white, and white that was a little lighter. That was the snow. I skied parallel to the slope for a while, and then a pole appeared suddenly amongst the sea of white. Oh shit! I thought, and tried with all my might to turn. I managed to at the last minute, but I felt like I’d narrowly avoided death. And maybe I had. After all, I couldn’t see what was beyond that pole at all. There might have been an abyss, and then again there might just have been more ungroomed, fresh snow. I would never know, so it didn’t matter. I had some speed now, so I could go on. An unknown amount of time passed in which I skied slowly in this white hell. And then, suddenly, there were people. Three of them. They looked familiar. ‘Look out!’ I heard Mike shout, and I tried to slow down, but couldn’t. I banged into the three of them and we all fell down into snow that was at least a foot deep. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!’ Jake shouted, furious. ‘I’m sorry..’
‘Oh yeah, sure you’re sorry. But that doesn’t help, does it. We just stood here waiting for you for like ten minutes, and then you finally arrive and you bang into us just like that!’
‘Jake, calm down,’ Josh said, still lying on the ground.’
‘No Josh, I will NOT calm down! He’s been a burden all day and I’m sick of it, you hear me? SICK OF IT!!’ Those last words he shouted at the top of his lungs. And then we all heard it. A loud rumbling sound coming from above us. ‘Oh shit!’ Mike shouted.’ Ski! Go! Now!’
But it was too late. Suddenly we were all swept from our feet by the wave of snow that was coming at us with enormous speed.


13

We were being dragged, first down the slope and then off it, as the avalanche chose its own path down the mountain. I lost the rest within seconds, and then I was buried in a world of white, going down a mountain I couldn’t see at breakneck speed. How long it took I didn’t know. All I knew was it was cold. The snow was everywhere, surrounding me like solid, cold water. After what seemed like an eternity I finally started to slow down, and when the great tsunami of snow finally stopped it was like I was in a sea of cold white nothing. At first I was perfectly still, still not believing what had just happened. Two minutes ago I’d been on a skiing trip with my best friends. Sure it hadn’t been going well just then, but in essence there’d been nothing wrong. And now this. I had no idea how deep in snow I was, or where I was, but what I did know was there was no-one who knew where we were, which meant they probably wouldn’t find us for days, weeks…or maybe never. No! Don’t think that! You’re gonna get out of here just fine if you just… There seemed to be only one thing to do, and that was to try to dig my way out of the snow. Just one problem: I had no idea which way was up or down. I decided to try yelling, to see if one or more of my friends were perhaps closer than I thought. ‘MIKE! JOSH! J-‘ But the final name was cut off rudely by the snow. Suddenly it filled my mouth, and when I finally managed to close it some snow had already found its way down into my lungs, and I felt an icy pain in my chest. I couldn’t say anything, and I couldn’t move. All I could do was stay still as my entire body started to freeze.


14

I don’t know how much time passed. All I know is that it seemed long. Very, very long. I never thought it would be so painful to freeze, but it was. Very. Obviously I couldn’t see the rest of my body, but if I could I would’ve seen that everything was blackening. First the feeling in my hands and feet disappeared, and than that sensation of numbness crawled further up my legs and arms. And I knew that when it reached my chest I would just die. I didn’t want to be there when I did. My wish ever since I was a little boy trying to grasp the whole concept of death I had known I wanted to die in my sleep, peacefully. And lying here I found that I was very tired. So I went to sleep for the last time. My last thought, as my mind wandered off into unconsciousness was So this is how it ends. Oh well, I guess there are worse ways to go. Then the peaceful sleep of eternity came and took me.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.02.2012

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