Thursday Night

When I left home it was like sealing a box leaving all of my problems within. But when my grandma asked me to come back all of those problems came flooding out again. The only reason I had come was because she had begged me. Don’t get me wrong I love my grandmother, she’s the most important person in my life, she has been there for me when I literally had no one else. The reason I didn’t want to come back is because of my mother.

“She said she really wants to try with you.” My grandma had said during an hour long conversation over the phone. “Plus it would make me really happy if we could all be together again.”After that I couldn’t say no. I knew that my grandmother missed the days when we all lived together, but for me going off to college had been the highlight of my life. “Fine Nana, I’ll come but I can’t promise that I will stay the entire summer. I really need to get a job, and study for classes and…...” “Oh that sounds wonderful Charolette! We can all catch up and you can take a break from studying. You work so hard you know just like..” “Ok Nana, gotta go pack.” I said hanging up. The conversation ended there, I have never liked being compared to my mother, we are nothing alike.

The night before I left for my grandmother’s I had dinner at my best friend Lauren’s house. Lauren and I met freshman year, I remember the day like it was yesterday. I had already unpacked and put away all of my things so I decided to wait for my roommate to show up before I went to look around campus. Just as I was about to give up waiting a tall, and very loud brunette with beautiful eyes, bounced into the room spilling clothes and shoes everywhere around her.

“Oh great, just spill everything Lauren.” She said to herself. She was tripping over things and muttering to herself when she finally looked up and saw me. “Oh hi!” she exclaimed fighting her way over bags to get to me. When she reached me she pulled me into a tight hug practically lifting me off of the floor.  “Ow.” I said signaling for her to loosen her grip. “I’m Lauren, and you must be Charolette.” She said finally releasing me and taking a step back. “Yep that’s me, and this must be all of your stuff.” I said signaling to the mess on the floor. “Oh, yea but that’s not all of it.” “Not all of it?” I asked starring at her in disbelief. “Yeah, I had a little accident in the hallway.” I walked out of our door to find clothes scattered all up and down the hall.

We picked up all of her things and then I helped her put them away. “Wow!” She said once we were done. “My room hasn’t looked this good since my mom stopped cleaning it for me back in elementary.” I shuttered slightly at the realization that I might not see the floor again until we moved out. “I’m hungry, what’s for dinner.” She asked tugging on my arm. The girl's attention span was about as long as my piky finger. “Uh.” I started. “Do you like spaghetti? I like spaghetti.” She said not allowing me to finish my statement. But she just stood there looking at me so I figured she was waiting on me to answer. “Um, sure spaghetti sounds good.” We walked around campus for about an hour before we decided to eat at the Italian restaurant that she had seen coming into town. After talking over dinner Lauren had deemed me as her new best friend and after a couple of months she had become mine, and Thursday had officially become our spaghetti night. So two years later there I was at her place on Thursday night for spaghetti, but this time was different.

“So why don’t you want to spend the summer in Cape Cod again?” she asked in an incredulous tone setting the breadsticks on the table where we were eating.  “I mean it’s beautiful, at least that’s what it looks like in the movies.”  “It is nice.” I said sighing. “Then why don’t you want to go? Your mom can’t be that bad, can’t be worse than mine.” she shrugged. But she was that bad. Lauren’s mom is no picnic either but at least she cared. Just then our friend Patrick walked into the living room from out of nowhere, and without a single word he pulled out a chair and helped himself to some spaghetti.

“Do you always do that?” I asked.

“Come eat your dinner? Well sometimes.” He answered with a mouth full of food.

“No, walk into people’s homes without knocking first.” I said laughing.

“All the time.” Lauren chimed in shaking her head.

 “So I hear you’re going home this summer.” Patrick said not acknowledging my question or Lauren’s remark.

 “Yeah, I leave tomorrow morning.”

“Well don’t sound so excited.” He said in between shovels of pasta.

“I don’t really want to go, my grandma kind of guilted me into it.” I admitted.

 “Well that’s no reason to go, tell her you have stuff to do.”

 “Her mom is going to be there.” Lauren interrupted.

“Oh!” Patrick put down his fork and starred over at me. Only Patrick and Lauren knew about my mom, it wasn’t like I went around broadcasting my life or anything but once I met their parents it was hard to avoid the constant questions. Both of Patrick’s parents are great. His dad is a football coach at Patrick’s old high school and his mom is the softball coach. Both Patrick and his sister have played sports most of their lives and Patrick is the pitcher on the baseball team here at USMC. Unlike Lauren’s mom Patrick’s parents were supportive when his sister Leah picked theatre over sports when she started at Berkley this year.

 I met Lauren’s mom our freshman year at one of Lauren’s tennis matches. Unfortunately it was the one where she decided to tell her mom that she was quitting the tennis team. It was the weirdest thing watching her mom flailing around in a business suit yelling at the top of her lungs. I would have been embarrassed but Lauren just yelled back. When her mom finally did leave she told her that she was her dad’s problem now. So the next morning Lauren called her dad and they agreed that as long as she kept her grades up, he would try to pay her tuition, which Lauren knew would be nearly impossible after all he had spent in the divorce. So this summer she is staying in Michigan and working as a waitress.

“Just blow it off, stay here with me, move into the apartment since you practically live here anyway, and I can ask my manager Joey to give you a job at the restaurant.” Lauren said fighting Patrick for the last breadstick.

 “Thanks Lauren, I wish it was that easy. I’ve already packed my things and my grandma would be really upset if neither I nor my mom showed up.”

“But I thought Lauren said that your mom was going to be there.” Patrick said turning his chair to face me.

“Well my mom called my grandmother and told her that she was coming. But in my experience just because she says that she is going to do something doesn’t necessarily mean that it is going to happen.”

“I could come with you, keep you company you know.” I noticed that Patrick had moved over a little closer to me.

“Thanks Pat, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” I reached over and touched his shoulder and then went to empty my pretty much full plate in the trash. “I mean I never told my grandmother about you and if by some miracle my mother does show up, there will be more than enough drama without adding you to the mix.” It was really sweet that he wanted to help me but Patrick and I had our own issues that I didn’t want to complicate further by adding my mom to the equation. I knew Pat didn’t really care for my mom because of what she had done so I couldn’t let them meet, I really care about Patrick and I don’t know what I would do if I lost his friendship.

Patrick and I met in a psychology class. The professor had divided the class into groups of eight for a research project. Our group decided to split up into two’s so that we could get the project done before the weekend and being that Pat and I were the only two who didn’t know anyone in the group, we got left together. I was a bit nervous at first, I had noticed him in class before and had seen him at a couple parties, but had never actually talked to him. “So do you want to get this done?” he asked looking down at me. The very first time that I had seen Pat his height had been what had drawn my eye. I am about 5’7 of mostly legs and he still towered over me. “Uh yeah.” I answered. “How many people do we have to talk to?” “Well since we split up we only need to do five.” “Ok sounds good let’s start in the library there will be a ton of people in there.” We had ten questions about sleep patterns, diets, and studying, pretty much the life of a college student. Our job was to ask these questions that our professor had given us, and as a group combine the information into a presentation that we would nominate two people to do in front of the class. When we got in the library I was shocked to see that it was practically empty. “Oh yeah that’s right there’s that concert tonight, I bet everybody is out getting ready for that.” Patrick said looking down at me. We spent half an hour surveying the few people we did see.

 “Ugh, what are we going to do now?” I groaned plopping down into a close chair.

“Maybe we should go to one of the restaurants around here.” I suggested.

 “And bother people while their eating?” he said with a questioning look.

“Oh yeah.”

“Plus I have baseball practice in half an hour, so whatever we’re going to do it’s got to be quick.” At this point I was panicking, we had to have something to give to the group. And out of the five we asked, only three were really willing to cooperate. “Why don’t we just ask each other?” He said taking a seat on the table in front of me. “I guess.” I said a bit unsure, the professor didn’t say specifically that we couldn’t interview each other but I still didn’t know. “It will be better than nothing.” He said sensing my apprehension. I sat up in the chair.

“Alright I’ll go first I guess.” I said as I pulled my notebook, a pen, and the list of questions out of the backpack that I had been carrying.

“You said that you play baseball, so I guess that means you have a pretty healthy diet.” I said crossing off the first question.

 “Yeah, coach likes us to eat pretty healthy and that’s not usually hard, I guess I’m kind of used to it. I’ve played sports my whole life and my family is full of athletes so I don’t typically eat a lot of junk.”

 I easily believed every word, accept for a couple of beers I hadn’t seen the guy eat or drink anything unhealthy. Just sitting there across from him I could tell he took care of his body.

“Ok, what about sleep, what time do you usually go to bed and wake up?”

 “Well practice doesn’t end until seven, sometimes eight for me.”

“Why so late for you?”  I asked.

“Well I’m the pitcher and if it’s a practice before a big game than I have to stay and put in a bit more work.”

 “Isn’t that a lot of pressure? I mean coming from a family of athletes and being the pitcher?” I asked.

“I’m captain too.” He said mocking my desperation. I scratched my head embarrassed and looked back at the questions hoping to get back on track before I embarrassed myself any further.

 “But nah, it’s not as much pressure as you would think. My family is really supportive I put more pressure on myself than anyone else does, now give me that.” He said taking the notebook, pen, and questions from my hands.

“My turn to ask you, for starters what year are you?” I looked over at him a little surprised, that wasn’t one of the questions.

“I’m a freshman.” I awnsered.

“Ok, I’m a sophomore.”

“Ok.” I said not sure where he planned to go from there.

“So your diet, looks like you take pretty good care of yourself, you’re pretty toned.”

“I workout.” I said proudly. “Next question.” I said trying to move the conversation along. He looked at me for a second and then shook his head with a slight chuckle.

“Ok, what about your social life, do you have a boyfriend?”

“My what!” I asked in astonishment. What was happening, I mean one minute were doing the assignment and the next he’s asking personal questions.

“I’m sorry but what does that have to do with the assignment?” he looked at me for a while before answering.

“Well if you hang out at all crazy times of the night with some guy, then you probably don’t get that much sleep.” For a second I wanted to laugh, was he really trying to hit on me? I mean don’t get me wrong the guy was gorgeous and he was smart and athletic, but there was no way he was really trying to hit on me. I was just about to say something to awnser his question when his phone went off.

“Just a sec.” he said getting up to take the phone call. A minute later he was back and frantically shoving things into his back pack.

“Im going to be late, I’ve got two minutes to get to the other side of campus to the field.” “Wait what about the project?” I asked as I wached him rush about. He stood there looking at me like he was trying to solve a puzzle, then finally he spoke up.

“Just come with me.”

“What!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, grab your stuff and lets go.” Was he serious?

“I can’t go to practice with you!”

 “Come on, you said it yourself, you don’t have anything to do at night.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I want to sit at your baseball practice.”

“Ok then” he said with a shrug. “But you have to tell the rest of the group that we didn’t finish our part of the project.” No way was I getting blamed for this.

“Fine lets go.” I said hopping up. I went to practice with him and it turned out that it wasn’t that bad. It was easy to see why he had been named captain, not only was he a great pitcher but the guys on the team really responded to him. After practice was over we went back to my dorm to finish the assignment. When we got there Lauren and her friend Ashley were getting ready to leave. “We’re going shopping for the big party this weekend.” She informed me without letting her eyes leave Patrick. After turning down their offer to tag along, it took me about half an hour to get them to stop flirting and actually leave. When they finally left we sat down and took turns asking each other each question on the list and then some.

“Finally that’s done.”I said relieved. “Yeah I know, want to go grab a bite to eat?” he asked. “Um Patrick.” I started. “Charolette don’t worry I’m not asking you out.” “Oh.” I sighed partially relieved but slightly disappointed. “Ok, sure I could eat.” I said. I grabbed my purse and as we headed for the door Pat stopped me. “Yet, that is, if and when I ask you out, you will know.” Two weeks later I finally let him talk me into going on a date with him. After four dates he asked me to be his girlfriend and we were together for two years, right up until we came back to school this past semester. We both just kind of decided that it was time to end it and just be friends.

I had been taking longer in the kitchen than I had realized and when I turned around to go back in the living room Pat was standing in the door. “Char.” He started. I looked up at him afraid of what he would say next. Pat only called me Char when he was trying to console me, or if he knew that he had done something to piss me off. I really didn’t want to go to my grandma’s and even more than that I didn’t want to see my mother, and if there was anyone who colud talk me out of going it was Pat.

 

It's Complicated

I started my day at 3 a.m. after a long night of tossing and turning. I had set my alarm for 4:00 so that I would have time to get dressed and drive to the airport for my 6:00 flight. Lauren’s apartment is a two bedroom so as usual, I stayed in the extra room. I had clothes, towels, and a toothbrush already in the bathroom because I stay over so much. My dorm isn’t bad but Emily, my roommate, never leaves. I mean I know that she is registered for classes because she’s always at the kitchen table doing homework, but when she’s not doing that she just sits in the room, it’ creepy. She never even has anyone over, I’ve tried to hang out with her just the two of us, but she never wants to so I don’t ask anymore, and living with her has become really awkward.

 I hadn’t got much sleep that night, so when my alarm went off I had already been awake for at least an hour. When the alarm started to sound I realized that it was much louder than I’d remembered from when I had stayed over before, and I sat up quickly to shut it off. The room I was in had its own private bathroom so I didn’t have to worry about waking up Lauren, it was Patrick that I had to be quiet for. Neither of us had planned for him to stay, but after the dramatics of the night it kind of just happened. I slid off of the bed as slowly as I could trying not to make any noise. I tiptoed over to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. After I brushed my teeth I started the shower and stepped in allowing the hot water to cascade over the top of my head. I had so many thoughts and feelings running through me and I just wanted a moment to relax, as I stood there I started thinking back on the conversation in the kitchen the night before.

“Char.” Pat had started. “Don’t Pat. I have to go. I promised my grandmother so please, don’t try to talk me out of it.” He stood in place looking like he was ready to argue with me. “Ok” He said instead closing the distance between us and taking my hands in his. “Then we won’t talk.” Before I knew it Pat’s lips were pressed to mine, his hands placed on either side of my face. He kissed me gently, slowly, like he really meant it and then without any reason pulled away, separating only our faces, our bodies still pressed together.

I looked up at him confused as to why he had stopped. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.” He stumbled over his words as he tried to pull away from me completely. “No.” I said pulling him back to me, this time it was I who took him off guard. I kissed him and at first he didn’t kiss me back but within seconds I found my self seated on the counter. This time, and I’m not sure if it was because of him or me, but the kiss wasn’t the soft touch it had been before there was a hunger, a desire behind it now. Pat stood between my legs as I pulled him close, and I was glad that jeans had won out earlier that morning over a skirt. My hands were tangled in his soft brown hair as he kissed me and no matter how close we got, it never seemed to be enough.

“So do you guys want to…. Oh, uh, well.” Lauren walked into the kitchen dishes in hand. I immediately pulled out of the kiss and tried to push away from him a little but he placed his hands on my waist firmly and held me in place. “We were just..” Patrick tried to explain. “Getting busy on my counter.”  Lauren interrupted with a big grin on her face. I felt a little embarrassed still sitting on the counter so I tried to slide down, I nudged for Pat to scoot back but he didn’t move so when I slid down every inch of our bodies were pushed together. He looked down at me in response and I could tell from the look in eyes what he was thinking about. Did I want that too?

I had no idea how we had even gotten to this point. One minute we were talking and the next we were seconds away from ripping each other’s clothes off. I still had feelings for Pat but I wasn’t sure about what was happening. “I was going to ask if you guys wanted to go out for some dessert but I see that you already got some.” Lauren said looking directly at me. I could feel my face heating up at her words, kissing Pat is one thing but having Lauren walk in on us, in the position we were in was slightly embarrassing. Pat was still holding on to my waist and when he squeezed me I looked up. “I’ll be right back.” He said leaving the room.

“Did I miss something, are you guys back together?” Lauren asked as soon as he was gone.

 “No.” I answered immediately.

“Are you sure? I mean it sure looked like it.”

“I don’t know what just happened he came in here, we talked for a second, and then we were all over each other. But it wasn’t just him, he stopped once and tried to apologize like he thought he had been taking advantage of me or something, but I wanted him to be kissing me. I liked it.” I heard the words come out of my mouth but they still surprised me.

“Well why don’t you guys just get back together?”

“It’s not that simple Lauren.” I said turning to drop some dishes in the sink that had been sitting on the other side of the counter.

“Except it is, you said it yourself you wanted him to kiss you, you obviously still have feelings for him and that boy is sure as hell still in love with you Charolette.”

“Hey.” I turned around to see Pat standing in the doorway, how much had he heard? He was leaning in the door frame looking directly at me.

“You want to go to bed now?” he asked his face completely serious. Lauren’s mouth fell open and I’m sure mine did too. Pat was full of surprises tonight. He extended his hand to me and without thinking I walked right over into his arms. We walked to the extra room and he closed the door behind us once we were inside. I couldn’t believe it but I was nervous, I knew Pat wouldn’t do anything that I didn’t want him to do, but what scared me was what I wanted him to do.

“I just want to talk.” He said taking a seat on the bed and motioning for me to sit next to him. I have to admit that there was a part of me that wanted to do more than talk. He sat with his hands behind him supporting his weight as he leaned back, I expected him to have some long speech about why I didn’t need to go to my grandmother’s but he was silent starring at the wall, lost in thought. So I decided to go first. “What happened in there?” I asked. He sat up and laughed in response rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not sure, I thought I came in there for one thing and ended up doing another.”

Patrick and I have never been able to keep our hands off of each other. The first couple of months of our relationship Lauren hated to be around us. The last couple of months that we spent as a couple were really rough. Pat was finishing up the season and they ended up having a near perfect season, but he had practice all of the time so to fill the time that I was missing him I started hanging out with Lauren and her theatre friends. Soon we both were so busy that we never really had time for each other. The easy solution seemed to be to just call it quits, and so we did.

“Charolette, about your mom, are you sure….” He started, breaking my reverie. I held up a hand to stop him. “Pat I have to, and I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I stood up but he caught my arm before I could take a step. “Fine.” He surrendered. I sat back on the bed and crossed my arms over my chest. Neither of us said anything for a while. “What if she doesn’t show up?” I finally said. “What if she does.” He countered. Another couple of minutes passed with silence, I spoke first again. “Why did we break up?” he lifted his gaze from the floor where he had been starring, and then turned his head to me. “I thought it was what you wanted.” “It wasn’t.” I said matching his gaze. He seemed confused, and although I was the one who had brought it up, I wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. 

Lauren knocked on the door saying that she was going to meet some friends at the frozen yogurt place and not to wait up. I barely heard the words as I flipped through all of the questions that I had about Pat and I over and over in my head.

 We were sitting closer to each other now than when we first sat down. I dropped my gaze to my hands that were sitting in my lap, trying to avoid the conversation. He opened his mouth but before he could say anything I moved my hand to rest on top of his, he spread his fingers and slowly mine fell into the empty spaces between his, until our hands were interlocked. I sat there and everything felt so right, it seemed like it had been forever since Pat and I had been like this and I missed it, but there were still some unsolved problems between us that I couldn’t overlook. Neither of us could come up with a good reason as to why we broke up except that it had been convenient at the time, or it seemed like it was what the other one had wanted. But I wanted him, I looked up to see him starring at me and I couldn’t help myself. I put my hands on his chest before I pushed myself up a bit and placed my hands on either side of his face and pressed my lips to his.

                                                          ***

The water was starting to get cold so I turned the shower off and grabbed the towel off the nearby rack. After wrapping up with the towel I realized that I had left my clothes in the bedroom. As quietly as I could I opened the bathroom door and tiptoed into the room. I had picked up my clothes from the dresser and was almost in the bathroom again when I heard his voice. “Up already?” he asked in-between yawns. I turned slowly to see him wrapped up in sheets looking very nice with messy bed hair and an arm slung across my side of the bed. “Be right back.” I said rushing into the bathroom to get dressed. When I came out again he was sitting in the middle of the bed topless with his bottom half still wrapped up in sheets. “You know that wasn’t necessary right?” he said looking me over.

I was wearing a pair of jean shorts and a blue cotton shirt but the way that he looked at me made me feel like I was standing there naked. I walked over and sat down in front of him on the bed and he took my hand in his. “So last night...” I started to say but before I could finish he pulled me into his lap maneuvering my legs around his waist. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He said gently rubbing his nose on mine. “But we have to.” I said pulling back to look him in the eyes. He tried to continue his action but I pulled back again giving him a stern look. He finally gave up, sighing he leaned back on his hands. “Look you’re leaving in a couple of minutes and you’re going to see your mom. You will be gone for most of the summer and I’ll be here, I don’t know what will happen in that time but I know that what happened last night was not a mistake. Not for me anyway. I still love you Char.” He was sitting up now and our foreheads were pressed together. I was stunned by his words, what was I supposed to say to that. I mean of course I still loved him, but I wasn’t ready to tell him that again.

We said our goodbyes and he walked me out to my car giving me one last long kiss. I drove to the airport with all sort of mixed feelings, fear for what was waiting for me at the cape, anxiety about what would happen between Pat and I when I got back, but most of all guilt. I felt guilty because no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell Patrick that I loved him too.

 

Impressum

Texte: Alicia Jackson
Bildmaterialien: google images
Lektorat: Alicia Jackson
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.08.2013

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