Prologue

 How to save a life

Fri- 12. March 1976

 

It hurt. All I could feel in this moment was pain. I felt the bones in my body break and deform, my vision was blurry and all I could hear were the screams of myself, James, Sirius and Peter. 

 

We were all in our fifth year of Hogwarts and we were finally able to do the spell correctly and transform ourselves into an animal. None of us knew what we were going to transform into, but we read that it would be something that reflected our personality. It took us three years to get to this point, three years of practicing and three years of watching Remus turn into a werewolf every full moon without being able to help. Remus was my best friend of all four of them, he was the one I turned to when I had boys problems, we did homework together and we could talk for hours. Sometimes he even helped me pick an outfit for an event. 

 

James and Sirius were completely different. They were one of my best friends as well, but with them I spent time pranking, laughing or playing Quidditch. James would sometimes tell me about how much he loves Lily, but I wasn't very good in giving relationship advice. Sirius and I casually flirt with each other, but I would never even let myself feel anything for him, because he is the male slut of the school. While I just had my first kiss with Dayne Widdow, a Hufflepuff student from a year above, he must have made out with at least half the Gryffindor girls. 

 

Peter was my twin brother, although he was born 2 minutes earlier than me and he didn't almost die when he was born. Our mother wasn't much of a good mother. She smoked while she was pregnant and that lead to my organs growing outside of my body when I was growing in her belly. When She gave birth, the surgeon could save me just in time, but  I will always keep the scar on my stomach. Ironically, our parents decided to give me the middle name 'Scar'. 

I did love my brother very much, even though I wish that he would sometimes stand up for himself and not be the slave of James and Sirius all the time. He seemed to think that they were heroes or something. 

 

My best friend in the entire world was Aya, a stubborn, fun loving girl who didn't care about school, only about Quidditch and who was scared of loving someone too much. We have been friends since first grade and nothing could come in between us. She also knew about Remus 'fury little problem', but she wasn't good enough in Transfiguration to do the spell. She really wanted to help though and that is why she was always with us when we tried to turn ourselves into animals. 

 

We were in the shrieking shag, where nobody ever went and everyone blamed the screams on other noises on ghosts.  

 

"Scar? Are you alright?", a familiar voice made it's way into my ears and woke me up from my short unconsciousness. As I lifted my head from the ground, I noticed that suddenly everything was different. Most of the colors vanished and were replaced by shades of gray, green and blue. The first things I saw were three other animals right in front of me: A stag, a black dog and a grey rat. They all looked very gawky as they tried to get up in their forms. I wondered who was who, but I thought that James must be the stag since he was kind of the leader of their group. When I looked left, I could see Remus and Aya standing there with a worried, but also relieved look on their faces. 

 

The next thing I noticed was the sensation of smell and noise. Everything was so much more intense than when I was a human and I loved it. I could smell the wood from the shrieking shag, the grass and fresh air outside, and of course, the perfume of Aya. It was nice when I was a human, but now it was just a little too strong. 

 

After a few minutes of registering my surroundings and getting up on my four legs, I wondered what kind of animal I was. I could see that my paws were white, and when I tuned my head as much as possible, I could see that I looked like a huge dog, but something was still different. 

 

"You are a white wolf, Scar.", Aya said, because she saw my attempts to look at myself. 
 

I smiled in my mind. I turned into my favorite animal.

- 1 -

 

Back to Hogwarts

Mon- 1. September 1977

 

The noises of the Hogwarts express were really making me sleepy. The constant chattering of the Marauders and Aya just made it worse and my lack of sleep last night got me to almost fall asleep on the way to Hogwarts. 

It was a nice September day, the sun was shining on the red train that looked like a snake making it's way through the trees and the sky was blue with no clouds in sight. It had been one of the warmest summers in forever and  that made me look forward to our 7th year at Hogwarts even more. The Quidditch season would be amazing and with Aya, Sirius and James on the team we would win this season for sure.  

"Scar, wake up. We have to get changed into our robes!", my best friend said quietly and gently shook my shoulders. Her long, blonde hair was almost toughing my nose because she was so close to me and when I woke up, her blue eyes locked with mine and she smiled. 

"Sorry to interrupt you to but we're there in like five minutes so I'd get dressed now if I were you.", Sirius said and I could practically hear the smirk that was on his face right now. 

"Oh shut it, Black. You are just jealous.", I replied and winked at him when Aya returned to her seat and we both began changing into our robes. For us it was normal to get changed in front of the boys, because we played Quidditch with them and the changing rooms weren't exactly big. We were pretty good at hiding our underwear though by putting the robes on first, turning to the wall while putting our skirts and the blouse on. I let my tie hang loose around my neck, just like Sirius and James did it, while Aya, Peter and Remus had it tighter. 

Just when we finished packing our muggle clothes into our suitcases, the train stopped. A feeling of excitement ran through my body and I smiled at the others: "This is officially our last year at Hogwarts. Let's make it count, let's make it fun and let's not fail our N.E.W.T's!", I said and everyone chuckled. 

"You are even better at pep talks than James!", Aya laughed and Sirius added: "Yeah, you should be the captain. With you we might actually win." James gave his best friend a angry look and then playfully punched him in the stomach: "What was that? I'll have to look for two beaters this year? And definitely not Sirius Black?"

We laughed at the little fight that Sirius and James were having now and all cheered for one or the other. Remus and I cheered for James while Aya and Peter wanted Sirius to win. About two minutes later, James held Sirius in the headlock. "Don't ever insult the captain again!", James said with a deep voice and let go of Sirius, who smirked again and took a bow: "I am very sorry prongs. I will never dare to insult you again."

"If we don't move our butts out of this train soon, none of you is going to be on the Quidditch team!", Remus stated. He was right, when we went out of our compartment, the whole train was empty already. When we got to the carriages, there was only one left and we quickly hopped onto it before the Thestrales started trotting to the castle. 

Ten minutes later, we made our way to the Great Hall and when we got there, we saw that the huge doors were already closed.

"Damn it. Do you think that they are eating already? I am starving!", Peter asked with a hungry look on his face and as if his stomach wanted to underline his point, it growled. 

"We can only find out if we go in.", James stated and even if I didn't like that plan too much, we opened the doors with our wands. When we walked inside, everyone started clapping until they realized that it wasn't the first years coming in, but just six really late students. 

"How nice of you six to join us as well. Did you not find your way to the Great Hall or were you just too sad to begin your last year at Hogwatrts?", Dumbledore spoke and I could see the familiar twinkle in his eyes. 

"Actually, Professor, we though that the Captain of the Gryffindor team has to make an announcement!", I shouted so that all the students could hear me and now all eyes were in James. He looked at me like I was crazy for saying something like that, but then his face turned into the confident James again and he said: "I just wanted to tell you all that we are going to win the Quidditch cup this year, because Gryffindor is the best house!" He had to scream the last words due to the cheering of the Gryffindor house and the booing of the other houses. 

"What on earth is going on here?", Professor McGonnagal asked when she entered the hall with her first years. A hall that was usually silent while waiting for the new students, but now it was full of screams, insults and some people even got into a fight. I had to chuckle when I saw how scared these new students looked and when I sat down next to Peter and Aya, I happily thought of my first year in Hogwarts. Everything was so new then and I still remember the words of the hat like it was yesterday that he said them: "What an extraordinary mind! You can do much with your life if you want it. A loyal friend you are, you would be great in Hufflepuff. But no, there is also cunning in your head and a bit sly aren't you. A rule bender. And smart as well, very smart. Yeah, maybe Ravenclaw, you like learning. But not as much as pranking and having fun. Ah, I got it. You are going to GRYFFINDOR!"

The head did make the right choice and this little speech that he gave me seven years ago, still made me proud. I did really well in my O.W.L's and I hoped to do as well in my N.E.W.T.'s. I wanted to become a healer when I left Hogwarts and to become one, the grades had to be perfect. even three A's (acceptable) in total wouldn't be good enough to become a healer. I knew that all my other friends wanted to become Auror's, but I really loved helping people and healing them. 

"QUIET!", I heard Dumbledores voice echoing from the walls and suddenly the whole hall was totally silent. Dumbledore didn't get loud very often and when he did, it was better to shut your mouth and do what he told you. 

"I am very sorry, First years. Please excuse our rude behavior, we are all very sorry." He looked at the Marauders, Aya and me before he continued: "Please come forward and then Professor McGonagall will call your name and you will have to put on the sorting hat."

The first years walked walked with Professor McGonagall to the teachers table. They were all whispering and admiring the Great Hall. After the hat sang his song, the teacher of Transfiguration looked at the pell in her hand and started reading out the names.

"Aiden, James.", she called out, and we all craned our necks to see the boy who also had James's name. He was a pretty short with light brown hair,  a huge smile on his face and big ears. 

"Oh, he is nothing like you, prongs. He is actually capable of smiling.", Remus mocked as the boy but the hat on his head. It was way to big and slid down to his nose. The hat seemed to think for a moment, and then it called: "HUFFLEPUFF!" The table on the right cheered loudly as James put the hat back on the chair and ran over to his new family. 

"He is way cuter that you!", Aya laughed and I added: "Yeah and unlike you he knows how to run." James glared at me when I said that while the others started laughing.  I referred to a day in the summer holidays just a few weeks ago when we all met in a park near to James's house. We were having a picknick, when suddenly a dog decided that he wanted to take part in it and took James' burger out of his hands and eat it in one bite. When James took another burger, the dog tried to get that one as well, but James got up and ran away. The dog started running after him and it didn't take him more than thirty seconds to lay on top of the Quidditch captain and lick his face after eating the second burger as well. 

"Not funny, Scar. You wouldn't be able to run from a dog as well!", James muttered and pretended like he was really interested in the sorting ceremony. 

After twenty minutes, every new student was finally sorted into their house, and then the food appeared. I could hear my stomach growl and the sight of all the food made my mouth water. I put as much as possible on my plate and then ate it as quickly as possible to satisfy my needs for food.

"Slow down, Scar. Nobody is going to take your food away!", Aya commented, but there she was wrong. Like they have been waiting for a comment like that, Sirius and James both put their forks into my food and tried to get as much as possible from my plate. I defended my food with my fork by trying to get the stuff that they already had on their forks, off. It ended in a mess of potatoes, meat, carrots and sauce until we finally stopped our little fight. 
 

"You are so childish.", Remus pointed out, but that just made him the next victim. Now James, Sirius and I tried to get the food off his plate and he had to defend it. Aya and Peter joined in and we could only be stopped by a really angry Profesor McGonagall, who cleaned everything with a wipe of her wand and told us to behave.

Still laughing from our little food fight, we made our way up into the Gryffindor common room. I said the password to the Fat Lady and then we entered one on my favorite spots in the whole castle: The Gryffindor common room.  

"Welcome home.", I whispered to myself, when I walked up to the dorms. 

 

Tue- 2. September 1977

 

"Wake up, Sleepyhead!", Aya shouted and I was instantly awake. Usually, when she woke me up she poured water over me or pranked me in some other way. But when I looked around today, there was nothing. Aya was on the other side of the dorm, braiding her hair and the other two girls who lived here, Ashley Grey and Lily Evans were still sleeping.

Ashley was a small girl with no fat, but only muscles on her. She went jogging every morning and she wasn't afraid to fight someone when she thought they were wrong. Each year, she competed against her twin brother, Alex for the position of the seeker. Until now, he had won every time, but she was determined to change it this year. The tryouts of the team were this Saturday, and I was looking forward to it. All the girls in Gryffindor were rooting for her to get the position this time. 

We were a really good team last year, but two of our players had left the school, so we had to look for a new keeper and a new beater. Since the fourth class Aya and I were the Chasers together with James and we worked together like one person. We knew when we had to pass the Quaffle, when someone was surrounded by the other team we helped him out and we knew our routine moves by heart. Some Gryffindors started calling us the 'three Musketiers', and they even made banners with our faces on it.

Sirius was one of the beaters in the team and he was really good as well. He had a lot of muscles and a wide chest, the perfect statue for a beater. He also was a great flyer and he could do some moves on the broom that I dreamed of. I would never let him know that I admired his flying though. 

"Get up, don't you remember what day it is today?", she continued while I turned around to look at my alarm. It was seven o'clock in the morning. I groaned and  turned back around to face my best friend, who had clearly gone insane to wake me up so early. 

"No, I just know that it is way too early to get up. Even Ash is still sleeping. I have a rule: Never get up before Ash.", I muttered, but Aya shook her head and disapprovingly looked at me.

"Don't you remember what we talked about last year?", she asked and just when she did, the scales fell from my eyes: We were going to prank the Marauders on our first day of school as a payback for their last prank on us. Usually we didn't prank people, we just did it sometimes when we were really bored or when the other person did something to annoy us. And that prank from last year did annoy us a lot. The Marauders had tied our hands together with unbreakable handcuffs in History of Magic, when we were both sleeping,  so that we had to walk around together all day.  The problem was that we had different lessons and so we had to choose which lesson to go to and we had to explain the teacher why we could only sit next to each other. Every teacher tried to open the handcuffs, but the only thing that had worked was some liquid that the Marauders poured over it in the evening. 

"Oh, I remember! It's time for some payback!", I smirked and got up. I quickly put my robes on and brushed my hair. I braided it when we ran down the stairs and through the empty common room. It looked very peaceful with the flickery light of the fire that had been lit again by the house elves. It was comfortable and warm in here and it smelled a bit like honey. 

After passing the portrait of the Fat Lady, we walked downstairs to the Great Hall. I have never seen the Hall empty and it looks even bigger with no people in it. The four long tables are already laid and the cutlery was shining like it was new. The sky above us was still dark, but a little bit of red light from the rising sun mixed itself with the grey of the vanishing night. 

Aya and I went to our usual place and then poured some liquid into the glasses of James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Then we did a little spell to make the liquid invisible. Now, to make sure that they would actually sit down here, we put a spell on the plates. This would make the Marauders want to sit here while other students would choose other seats. 

"Done?", Aya asked and looked at me. She now had the same twinkle in her eyes that Dumbledore always had and that the Marauders had in their eyes when they were planning or realizing a prank.

"Done. Let's go back upstairs before anyone notices that we were gone.", I said and we quickly sneak back to the Gryffindor tower. Just as we sat down in the sofa in front of the fire, students start to come out of the dorms. It is about half past seven now and some early birds already head to breakfast. With them is Ashley as well, and she came over us.

"What is going on with you two? You never get up before me.", she asked and smiled at Aya and me: "Are you up to something?" Aya and I shake our heads, but we know we can't fool Ashley anymore. She laughed and then drove with her right hand through her short brown hair, just like James always did to make it look like a casual mess. 

"Where do I sit to watch the awesome prank?", she then asked and we told her the place. She nodded her head and then winked at us: "I can't wait." With these words she walked away, but it wasn't long before the Marauders took her place. Since they came down on their usual time and we also usually waited for them on this sofa, they suspected nothing when we went downstairs together. They also suspected nothing when we sat on our usual places. 

The Great Hall was full with students now and the orange-yellow light of the sun made it more cosy. The teachers walked around, giving out all the timetables for their students and the smell in here was amazing. I loved breakfast, I could eat even more in the morning than in the evening and so I put some eggs, bacon, toast and jam on my plate. After that I would eat cereals, but first I had to look if our plan worked. 

"So, did you guys think of a prank already to get revenge on us?", Sirius asked mockingly, and I had to concentrate really hard to try and look innocent.

"No, but we're working on it.", I told him and Peter chuckled: "I don't think you'll ever be able to prank the Marauders. We're unprankable." Then he raised his glass full of orange juice and another certain ingredient and proudly said: "To the Marauders and to a great year full of pranks."

"Cheers!", the other three said and they all drank out of their glass. Now I couldn't hold my giggles back and Aya started laughing as well. The Marauders looked at us and asked what was so funny, but Remus already suspected something. He took the glass again and smelled it, then he took out his wand and said a silent spell. His water turned purple. 

"There was a potion in there with our drinks.", he explained to the other boys, and they didn't look so relaxed anymore. Sirius quickly touched his face to see whether his looks were being deformed, Peter looked at his drink in disbelief and James glared at us. 

"What does this potion do?", he asked us, but we didn't answer and just continued eating our breakfast. We could see that Remus tried many spells to identify the potion, but it wasn't possible as we invented it ourselves. Aya might not be good in school, but she was a talented potion mixer. She just didn't bother to pay attention in class because it bored her. The potion that she invented now was a little copy of the course of king Midas. Everything he touched became gold, everything they touched would start to dance. Metal or wood or clothes would not dance, just food.

After three minutes the Marauders gave up to ask us what this drink was going to do to them because their empty stomachs demanded to be fed. Just when they touched their forks and knives and with them they started eating, all the food on their plates started to come alive and danced like crazy. Some of them even sang, a side effect that we didn't intent to happen. 

"What the fuck?", Sirius exclaimed as his bacon sang 'Dancing Queen' to him. All the students that sat near us, stopped their conversations and looked at the dancing food that tried to climb onto the boys and the boys trying to get the food off. It was the worst for my bother, because he ate cereals and now all the little cornflakes jumped and danced on his armes and his head like little milky insects. 

"You two are just so -!", Sirius said, but he couldn't find the right word to explain what we were. Sadly for us, Remus was smarter that the other three and so he leaned over the table to touch mine and Aya's food as well. 

"Oh, damn!", Aya sighted when her food started dancing as well, but before it could climb on us, someone made all the food stop dancing and put it back on the plates. 

"I don't know what it is with you six and food, but would you please live out your fantasies somewhere else and not where you are distracting and discussing other people?", a familiar voice said and when I turned around I saw that no other than Professor McGonagall stood behind us, in one hand her wand and in the other hand all the time tables. 

"Sorry, Professor! It won't happen again!", Peter quickly said and I rolled my eyes. What a bootlicker. 

"Good. Next time I see you playing with your food you will all have detention.", our transfiguration teacher said put her wand away. Then she handed us our timetables and gracefully walked away. 

I looked down on my timetable and frowned. That was the last thing I wanted for the first lesson of the new school year. I hated the teacher and I hated the subject, but I had to take it to become a healer. Next to me, Aya started smiling and I knew that I wouldn't have potions with her. 

"Anybody else got potions first class?", Sirius asked and all the boys shook their heads. My mood sank even more. I would have potions with Sirius Black. 

That would not be good.

 

- 2 -

 

Felix Felicis

Tue- 2. September 1977

 

"So, beautiful, I warn you now: When we spend enough time alone in the dungeons, you will eventually fall for me.", Sirius mocked me while we waited for Professor Slughorn in front of the class. We had potions with the Slytherins, a fact that made this lesson even more horrible.

I did like Sirius as a friend and I enjoyed flirting with him, but when we were alone, he went all in and always tried to get me to kiss him. I had to fight hard to resist, because I couldn't deny that he was very attractive. He smelled great, he had an amazing body and stunning eyes. The only problem was that all the girls in the school thought so and that he was the male slut of Hogwarts. Everyone knew it and still they went out with him, desperately hoping that they could change him and that he would fall for them, but he never did. He was a player and there was nothing anyone could do about it. 

"I don't think so. I am not like all the other girls who fall for you. I actually have a brain and I know that you would ignore me the second that I kiss you.", I hissed back and Sirius started laughing a very cocky laugh. 

"So you have thought about kissing me. You want to kiss me, don't you?", he asked, and smirked at me, his grey eyes meeting my grayish-blue ones. I felt my heart beating faster and a weird feeling in my stomach, but I just put a cold and arrogant expression on my face, hoping that I didn't look like an idiot right now: "No, sorry. I don't want to kiss an arrogant, self loving, cocky prick like yourself."

"Uh, she burned you blood traitor.", a slimy voice said and I knew just too well who this voice belonged to: Lucius Malfoy. I saw him coming over to us, leaving his Slytherin group to insult us and with him came his best friend Dalton Goyle Dalton was even worse than Sirius if that is even possible, but he only kissed pureblood girls, which kind of made his playfield smaller. 

"It is a shame that you are not a Slytherin, I would really like to have some fun with you.", Dalton said and winked at me, which made me punch him in the stomach. "Don't flirt with me!", I hissed at him, but the punch didn't even hurt him. He played Quidditch as well, and just like Sirius, he was a beater, and just like Sirius, he had a lot of muscles. 

"Oh, you're a feisty one. That's sexy.", Dalton purred and Lucius laughed. "Don't waste your time on a Gryffindor. Come on, let's go back.", he suggested, and then both of them left. Lucius went straight to his girlfriend, Narcissa Black , who I thought was the only kind of nice person in Slytherin. When I met her in the corridor once with nobody else around, we had a nice conversation, but as soon as somebody else saw her, she turned into a Slytherin monster like her sister. No, her sister was the daughter of the devil, hexing everyone who didn't have the same beliefs as her. 

"I hate these Slytherins.", a girl blonde hair and olive eyes, who was standing next to us, said. She was the best friend of Lily Evans, but I didn't have much to do with her. 

"Everyone hates the Slytherins, except for the Slytherins.", I add, shaking my head at a Slytherin girl Dalton was flirting with right now. She laughed at a joke he just told her and twirled her hair. She definitely liked him. Stupid her, didn't she see that he was an ass?

"Sorry, you probably don't even know me, I am Marlene. And you are Sirius Black and Katherine Pettigrew", the girl said and smiled at me and Sirius. When I saw the smirk appear on Sirius face, I knew what was going to come next: flirting with her until she would fall for him. 

"Oh, of course I know who you are. You are the prettiest girl in Gryffindor. I always wanted to talk to you, but I thought that you were out of my league.", he said smirking and drove his hand through his hair, a move that I saw him do a lot when he was with girls. Maybe he thought that it looked sexy, and of course he was right. 

"I am too smart to be seduced by you.", Marlene said and I started laughing: "I really like you!", I said then and high-fived her. Sirius wasn't able to say anything, he was too irritated by the fact that two girls just brushed him off. 

"I am sorry that I am late, class. I will begin with the lesson immediately!", Professor Slughorn said, breathing heavily as he opened the door to the classroom. He was an old man with quite a big belly who always wore brown and took his lessons way too seriously.

Once everyone found a seat (I sat next to Marlene and Sirius got a seat next to a Gryffindor girl hand't kissed yet), Professor Slughorn started to talk about the potions that we were going to prepare today. 

"Today will be a test, a test in that I will be able to see who the most talented of you students is. You will all try to make the 'Living Death' as fast as possible and the first one to do it will get this.", he told us and then took a little viol out of one of his many pockets and showed it to us. Inside was a golden liquid and all the students gasped. 

"Can someone tell me what that is?", Slughorn asked and everyone raised their hands. This potion was the most known and most wanted potion in Hogwarts. 

"It is the 'Felix Felicis', Sir. Bottled good fortune. Brewed correctly the drinker of this potion will be lucky in all their endeavors.", Marlene shot  before anyone else could say a word. Slughorn smiled at her and I grinned to myself: I had a pretty, fun nerd sitting next to me. This class might be more fun than I thought it would. 

"Turn to page 10 in your books. Go now.", Slughorn said and all I could hear now was the hectic turning of pages and some people sprinted to the ingredients without having looked at their books. I rolled my eyes and turned to page ten. I knew I was going to loose anyways.

"Come on, Katherine. We can win this if you take this class a little bit more serious. I'll get the ingredients and you read in your book what to do.", Marlene said and then got up to get all the things we needed. I watched her as she walked away and then I saw that Sirius was staring at her as well, or should I say staring at her ass? I shook my head and turned to page ten to read the instructions of doing the potion. 

1. Cut up the Sopophorous bean
2. Pour in 250 fl.oz. of water and add 5 oz. of African sea salt to the beaker. Set the beaker aside after all the water has been added. Be very careful not to shake or move the beaker now.
3. Leave the water and salt to rest for five minutes.
4. Slowly pour all the water into the cauldron.
5. With your left hand use the graduated cylinder to obtain 40 fl.oz. of essence of wormwood.
6. With your right hand hold the cauldron at a slight angle and pour ten drops (20 fl.oz.) of essence of wormwood.
7. Now with your left hand hold the cauldron at a slightly different angle and pour another ten drops of wormwood essence.
8. Chop three Valerian roots into small squared pieces. After cutting place it in a beaker with water. Leave it to settle for five minutes. Your potion should now be resembling a smooth blackcurrant-coloured liquid.
9. Carefully pour the Sopophorous bean's juice into the cauldron
10. Add seven drops of the reduced liquid from the beaker; make sure there are no traces or fragments of Valerian root.
11. Stir the potion ten times clockwise; your potion should now be turning a light shade of lilac.
12. With your right hand stir the potion counterclockwise until the potion turns as clear as water; every stir should take approximately two and a half seconds.
13. Slowly put in seven square pieces of Valerian root.
14. Stir the potion ten times counterclockwise.
15. Add one hundred and fifty fl.oz. of powdered root of asphodel.
16. Hold the cauldron with your right hand; with your left hand gently stir the potion ten times counterclockwise and eight times clockwise.
17. Leave the potion to settle for two and a half minutes.
18. Add one small piece of Valerian root.
19. Your potion should turn to a pale pink colour; the preparation is now complete
    
    

I sighted and leaned back in my chair. That looked like a complicated potion that required lot's of work and I didn't feel like working at all. Sadly, Marlene was really nerdy or really wanted to win that potion, because she glared at me when she came back with all the ingredients and then told me in a tone that wasn't as nice anymore: "Get your ass to work, Pettigrew. I want to win that fucking potion. Go. Now!"

I sighted again and together with her I started following the steps to brew this damn potion. Maybe it wasn't so good after all to work with a nerd. But then I looked over to Sirius and saw that the girl, even though she was really pretty, had no clue of potions what so ever. She didn't even want to touch any of the ingredients and so Sirius had to do everything alone. When he caught me staring at him and the girl, he formed the word 'Jealous?' with his mouth, but I just put one finger in the air and got back to work. 

+

"I am done!", a voice came from the back of the class.

Almost an hour had passed now and it smelled like burned kettles, asphodel and foul eggs in the classroom. Smoke wafted through the room and Sirius' partner didn't look as good anymore, because her hair became all fizzy and dirty from making the potion, even though she didn't even do much. Most of the students sweated due to the heat of the fires and everyone looked exhausted and desperate, because no one got even close to the pale pink color described in the book. 

"Mister Snape, let me see, let me see!", Slughorn said excitedly and walked over to the back of the class, where Severus Snape sat all alone on one desk. All the students were curious now and gathered around Snape's kettle. It did actually have the right color and when Slughorn dropped a leaf into the liquid, it instantly burned. 

"Merlin's beard! You did it, it is perfect! One drop of this could kill us all. Perfect, I am very impressed. Ten points to Slytherin.", Slughorn said and I could have sworn that there was a smile that made it's way to Snape's lips before he looked serious and at the same time sad and angry again. 

"You will receive the lucky potion, of course. Come with me to the front, Mister Snape.", the old potion master squealed excitedly and lead Snape to the front. I could see that many of the students gave him a jealous look, because they all wanted the potion as well. Many were probably going to ask him for a drop later, even if they weren't his friends. 

"I don't even need that stupid potion.", I heard Sirius saying to the blonde girl. "I have my great looks and personality. And I am a great kisser. Oh, and you, beautiful, don't need the potion as well, because you already are lucky and of course gorgeous. Would you like to go on a date with me?", he asked and the girl giggled. 

I remembered that he called me beautiful before this class and to see that he used it on another girl made me feel a dragging pain in my heart.

 

Fri- 5. September 1977

 

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon and so Remus and I decided to walk to the black lake and watch the giant squid while doing our homework for Transfiguration and Herbology, two subjects that we had together. To become a Healer I had to get 'O' or 'E' at Transfiguration, Herbology, DADA, Potions and Charms. And since Remus was the smartest student I was friends with, I decided to study with him. That and the fact that I really loved spending time with him. He was always reserved and quiet around other people, because he didn't want to get anyone close to him. He was too afraid that they would find out his secret and that he might hurt them. But with Aya, the Marauders and me he could be himself and sometimes he even stopped worrying about the full moon. 

He was the nicest guy I've ever met, always reassuring me that I did great in my classes and that I would be a good healer, cheered me up when I was down or sad and he could always make me laugh even when I didn't feel like it. 

"This is such a beautiful day.", Remus stated as we sat down in the grass and took our books out. He was right, this day couldn't have been any better. The lake was totally flat, only a few waves, made by small breezes, appeared sometimes and it sparkled because the sun was shining on it. The sun itself just started turning more orange than yellow as it was beginning to set and the  trees of the forbidden forrest rocked lightly in the wind. Many couples sat next to the lake for some snogging-sessions and I had to admit that this was quite the romantic place. 

"Yeah, it is beautiful.", I said in a dreamy voice and looked at all the couples laughing, hugging or kissing. I was a bit jealous of them, sometimes I really wished to have a boyfriend. But I also loved to flirt and go on dates, so I guess a boyfriend wouldn't be too good for me. 

"Oh, look! There is padfood.", Remus said and pointed at two people who were literally eating each others faces. The girl that he was kissing was blonde and I bet that it was the girl from potions. She had been flirting with Sirius a lot and he had flirted back as well. Maybe this was their so-called date that he had promised her. 

"How long do you think he will keep her?", Remus asked smirking and turned his head back to me. I laughed: "Oh, I think he'll sleep with her on Saturday or sunday and then, he'll act like he doesn't know her on Monday."

"Really? Do you think she is that easy?", Remus asked and looked to the two people again, who had stopped kissing now and looked over to us as well. Sirius waved at us and put his thumb up, then he turned back to the girl and kissed her again. Remus laughed and then shook his head: "Okay I guess you are right."

"I know I am. Now, let's get to the homework, I'll have to puke if I watch them any longer.", I said and turned our textbook for herbology -'Flash eating trees of the world'- to page twelve. 

"I really like this subject.", I said as I began writing my essay about self-fertilising shrubs. "At least it is helpful and exciting, unlike stupid lessons like History of Magic!"

"History of Magic is important, and I also find it interesting.", Remus defended the subject, but I just chuckled: "Well I guess you are the only one in Hogwarts then. Even Professor Binns died of boredom."

"Well at least he doesn't attack you with his spices or acid or leaves.", Remus replied, but I just rolled my eyes and looked at him: "Don't tell me that you are really trying to win with History of Magic against Herbology! Transfiguration, okay. Charms, defenetly. DADA, of course. But History of Magic?"

Remus laughed and held both his hands in the air: "Okay, okay. You win. I give up." I smiled: "I know. But now the important stuff: Who do you fancy?"

Now it was Remus' turn to roll his eyes. He hated it when I asked him about that and he always gave me the same answer, just like he said it now: "Scar, I've told you a thousand times now. I can't date any girl, that would be way too dangerous for her."

"But how about Aya? She already knows your secret and she is a great girl! You should totally ask her out, I know that you would be the most amazing couple.", I suggested excitedly, but Remus shook his head. 

"Please just stop asking me about girls, okay Scar? You can tell me all your problems, I am always here for you whatever you need, but that is the one thing I really don't want to talk about.", he said and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he really meant it and so I stopped asking and silently continued writing my essay. 

"I didn't mean that we shouldn't talk at all!", Remus interrupted the silence after five minutes and I looked up from my pell to smile at him. "I know but I am trying to do my homework and I can't talk while I write this.", I told him and he laughed.

"I thought that woman are able to two things at once.", he mocked me and I pouted: "We are, just not doing this homework and taking. Or at least I can't do that. Maybe Sirius little girl can do that, but I highly doubt that. Oh, maybe Marlene can do that. She is really smart."

"Marlene is the best friend of Lily right?", Remus asked and I nodded my head. "Yeah, she sit's next to me in potions and she is really good for me, because she makes me work even though I hate that stupid subject."

Suddenly, a person behind me tapped on my shoulder and then just sat down next to me. It was a Hufflepuffgirl with blonde hair, green eyes and pale skin. She wore a strange hat and everyone in school knew her as 'crazy pants', because she claimed that she had the Second Sight.

"I tell you that you two will kiss in the future, I know it.", she said in a raspy deep voice that didn't fit her strange, but girly appearance at all. Remus blushed a little and shook his head, but I just chuckled. It was pretty easy to go to a lawn full of couples who were kissing and then tell a boy and a girl that they would kiss in the future. 

"Uhm, yeah. I really appreciate your futuristic fortunetelling thing that you have there, but Remus and I are only friends. Oh, and speaking of friends, how about you just go over to yours?", I said coldly, and I got a punch from Remus after. "Ow!", I said and angrily looked at him, but he looked like he tried to tell me something. Then he looked to the girl, who was just looking at the clouds and mumbling something that I didn't understand. 

"Be nice to her, she doesn't really have friends!", he whispered when he made sure that the girl didn't listen. I rolled my eyes and whispered: "Fine, but just for you." Then I tapped the girl on the shoulder. 

"Hey, I'm Katherine by the way, what is your name?", I asked, but inwardly hated myself for being so nice to her. There was a reason that people called her crazy pants.

"I am Sybill Patricia Trelawney, and I am the great-great-granddaughter of the Cassandra Trelawney.", she said proudly and smiled at us. "Would you like some sweets?", she asked then and took a box full of 'Berty Botts beans in every flavor' out of her cloak. 

"No, thank you.", I said, but Remus -of course- took one. Then, as if she had something really important to do, Sybill got up and ran back to the castle. 

"Weird girl.", I said, looking after her. Remus just coughed and grimaced: "I got garlic flavor!"

"Well I am defenetly not going to kiss you now!", I chuckled, but Remus just gave me a playful glare. 

"Can't blame you, I wouldn't kiss him either.", a deep voice came from behind me and when I turned around I saw Sirius standing there with the blonde girl. She laughed as if that was the worlds best joke and I gave her a forced smile.

"Thank you, Sirius.", Remus sarcastically said after he finally swallowed his bean. Sirius made a bow for Remus and then put his arm back on the blonde girls waist.

"This is the lovely Ana by the way. Have you ever seen such a beautiful girl?", he asked and stoked the girls cheek. I turned to Remus and pretended that I was going to throw up and he chuckled. "No, never.", he then said and even managed to keep a straight face. 

"No, me neither.", Sirius said and then kissed Ana again, which really did make my stomach turn. Was that jealousy, was I jealous of that stupid random girl? Was I falling for Sirius?

No fucking way. 

- 3 -

 

Tryouts

Sat- 6. September 1977

 

"So, I hope you are all excited for the tryouts, because I know I am!", James shouted to the thirty students in front of him. He held his broom in his right hand and rearranged his glasses with the left. We were all standing in the middle of the Quidditch field with our Quidditch uniforms on. Those who didn't play on the team last year just took some from students who had left Hogwarts. There were about 23 boys and only seven girls trying out for the team, it was really unusual for girls to play. The tribunes were filled with curious students who didn't have anything better to do on a Saturday morning than watch the tryouts for the Gryffindor team. 

"Everyone have a broom? Good. Twenty laps around the pitch!", James continued and then he got onto his broom as well to see how everyone was doing. Some of the first to second years didn't even know how to ride a broom properly and he told them to leave the group instantly. They weren't even sad about it, they were just excited that they even tried out.

Then there were two fangirls on the brooms, always flying behind Sirius and asking him about the girl he now officially dated and flirted with him in mid-air. Sirius gave James a look, silently asking for help and the Captain kicked them out as well. The rest did pretty well and after twenty laps there were twenty people left who wanted to get on the team. 

"Okay, I have seven people who want to be chasers, three want to be the keeper, five would like to play as a beater and another five are trying out as the seeker. Good, let's see what you got. Chasers, you divide into two groups and try to score the goal while the keepers keep changing positions after five shots on the goal. The beaters will try to hit the Seekers and the Seekers try to catch the golfballs that I am throwing in the air. GO!", James directed and everyone pushed themselves off the ground again to do what they were told. I got into a team with Aya, and two other guys who rather looked like beaters than chasers. 


I really enjoyed myself in the air again. When I was at home, I wasn't allowed to fly, Peter and I weren't even allowed to have a broom. Our mother too afraid that we were going to run away from home and ruin her image. She worked in the Ministry of magic,but the face that she showed the world was fake. She used a potion to maintain her good looks, because she was an old woman who lost her beauty to Firewhiskey and Cigarettes. Our father wasn't better, he blamed everything that happened to mother on us, so he enjoyed beating us up or cursing us.  But we knew that we couldn't tell anyone all this because our father was a Death Eater and he could easily track us down. 

"What are you doing there, Scar?", I heard Aya scream and I snapped out of my thoughts to look into her direction and right then the Quaffle hit my stomach. I groaned of pain, but I managed to catch in and fly in the direction of the goal. 

"Pass it to me!", the other boy on our team shouted, but he was surrounded by players of the other team, so I kept on flying. But then I just acted like I was going to throw the ball in the goals and then dropped it, where Aya was waiting and she easily threw the Quaffle into one of the other goals that were completely free. 

"Great move, Pettigrew!", James scouted and I could see Remus and Peter cheering for me and Aya. I smiled and showed them a thumbs up before I concentrated on the game again. 

+

Two hours later, we all landed on the ground again, all sweaty and exhausted. It had been a great tryout, Aya and I knew all the moves from last year and every time we passed the Quaffle to one of our teammates, they lost it again. 

"You all did great today, but sadly I can't put you all on the team.", James said and many of the players nodded in agreement, probably just hoping that it wouldn't be them who didn't make it. 

"Keeper first. This was the easiest position to give, because Gideon Prewett didn't let any Quaffle into his goal while the others missed about five to seven each.", James said and I could see a smile appearing on the face of one of the Prewett-twins. They both tried out for the team today, Gideon as keeper and Fabian as a beater. After the other keepers left the pitch and everyone else congratulated Gideon, James cleared his throat to get the attention back on himself. 

"Okay, now to Chasers. This was a bit harder, but I think I made the right choice for the team by keeping Aya and Katherine as Chasers. They work perfect as a team and they still know all the moves from last year, which will make it easier to train even harder moves with them."

My heart started beating faster when I heard my name and I happily hugged Aya, even though we both smelled horrible. I could hear that all the boys weren't as pleased to hear this and one even said: "Did you sleep with him to get the position?" But I ignored them, they were just disappointed and maybe even a bit jealous of us. After they had left the pitch, James started again: "So, now the beaters. You were all really amazing and you knocked two seekers off their brooms, which made my choice easier for choosing a seeker. But anyways, the seekers of the team are Fabian and Sirius, you two knocked the seekers off their brooms and you two weren't hit by a bludger yourself. 

"Are you only letting your friends on the team?", a tall guy with back hair asked, who held his shoulder that had been hit with a bludger. 

"No, I am letting the best people on the team!", James replied and smirked: "If you think that I have a bad jugement, then why am I Quidditch Captain and Head Boy?"

That shut the guy up, because if he told James that he was not a good Captain or Head Boy, then he would put Dumbledore into question, because he elected James to be a Head Boy. 

"Does anyone else not like my choice of the team? Then you are sincerely invited to the first Quidditch Match against Hufflepuff and I'll show you that we will win!", James said and I smirked to myself when I saw the expression on the guys face. 

"Uhm, sorry. But who will be the seeker?", a girls voice asked and without turning around I knew that it was Ash who had asked this. She, her brother and another boy from the third grade were the seekers left. 

Suddenly, James looked uncomfortable and looked at his feet. I frowned, James was never uncomfortable or looked at his feet. Did he feel guilty about who he had chosen? 
 

"Well, that was the hardest decision of them all. All of you are amazing seekers, I wish I could pick you all but I can't. So, I am going to take the person who deserves a chance to prove herself. Who only has one year at Hogwarts left and who will show us all that I don't have to regret my decision."

Before he even finished his sentence, Ashley started screaming and jumping up and down. Then she ran over to James and kissed him on the check. "You won't regret this, Captain!", she said and jumped on her broom to fulfill a really cool trick in the air. I had to laugh because she was so happy and she passed her happiness to all the students on the Quidditch pitch, except for these ones, who hadn't been excepted to the team. 

"Congrats, you made the team, Scar!", someone behind me said and I turned around with a big smile on my face, expecting Sirius to stand there and congratulate me. But it was Remus and before I could say anything else, he hugged me and spinned me around in the air. I laughed in joy and I got even more excited when I saw a red headed girl walk over to James and shake his hand. It was Lily, and the two of them were having an actual conversation! Maybe they might get together after all. Many Head Girls and Boys ended up getting married after Hogwarts and these two would definitely make a great couple.

"Well done, sis.", Peter said and hugged me as well. He smiled at me, and kissed me on the forehead. He was only a few inches taller than me, unlike Remus, Sirius and James who all towered over me by at least one foot. 

"Thank you, Peets. Do you want to go and get some lunch with me?", I asked, because I felt like had something on his mind. He seemed a bit absentminded and his smile was not completely real. 

"We can eat with you!", Sirius shouted after us, the blonde girl by his side again. I felt the stupid jealousy again when I saw his arm around her and just shook my head. "No, thanks. I prefer eating my food without having to vomit every other minute.", I shouted back, and so they left us alone. 

When Peter and I were all alone on the way from the Quidditch Pitch to the castle, I stopped and then just hugged him. 

"What is it, big brother? I know that something is bothering you, so please tell me.", I whispered into his ear and held him tight, as if I could just squeeze all his problems out of him. 

"First, please let go, you are crushing me!", Peter breathed stertorously and I instantly let go of him.  I looked into his eyes that were so similar to mine and then he finally opened his mouth to tell me what was wrong. 

"Dad wants me to become a Death Eater."

 

 

Sat- 6. September 1977

 

"What?", I asked, even though I understood what he said. It was just unbearable to think of him as a Death Eater. 

"Yeah, he told me that the dark Lord would give me the dark mark on Christmas holiday.", Peter mumbled and my jar dropped. That could not be true! Why did our father do this to Peter, he knew that he was a Gryffindor and that he thought like one as well. We had told him so many times and we were punished with the cruciatus curse so many times, but then finally he let us go, or that's what I thought.

When I was going to answer Peter, I could see that many Gryffindors, who left the Quidditch pitch, looked at us and so I decided to walk to the lake to be more alone. 

"You mean you will meet Volde- "

"Don't say his name!"

"You will meet the dark Lord at christmas? But you can't become a Death Eater, we were allowed to join the Order after Hogwarts! That means that we get to be free from our parents!", I told him, but he just glared at me, like I did something wrong and drove his hand through his dark blonde hair that was so much like our moms. 

"I can't just tell him that I don't want to be a Death Eater! He will kill me the second I say no!", Peter said with panic in his voice. I hated seeing my brother like this, we were always there for each other and now I really had to be there for him. 

"Tell him that you will be his spy!", I suddenly exclaimed and a bit of hope made it's way into my heart. "Tell him, that you can't have the Dark Mark because the people from the Order would notice it, but that you will spy for him after you leave Hogwarts!"

Peter didn't look as excited as I did and when he answered, he spoke like he was a dead man already: "But then I would have to betray my friends, Scar! I would never do that." Before I could say anything else to him, he turned into a rat and ran in the direction of the lake. 

"PETER! Talk to me! I want to help you!", I shouted after him, but it was no use. I couldn't even be angry at him for running away from this conversation, because I didn't know what I would do in such a situation. I would never want to betray my friends as well, but it didn't make sense to run from Voldemort either. He could find anyone and then he would kill them. He would kill Peter.

Absorbed in thought, I returned to the castle and sat down at the lunch table. There were only a few students left who ate lunch, because it was almost four o'clock. I wasn't really hungry, I just didn't know what else to do and I didn't want Aya to ask me what was going on, because I knew I couldn't tell her. 

"Hey, are you alright?", someone behind me asked. It was probably Remus, and when he saw that I was sad, he would ask what was going on, but when I didn't tell him, he would find away to make me smile anyways. 

"Yeah, I'm good.", I said without looking up and put another piece of meat in my mouth.

"May I sit next to you?", he asked and I nodded my head. But when I looked to my left to smile at Remus, I looked into grey eyes not green ones. I almost choked on my piece of chicken when I saw that it was Sirius who sat down next to me. He never sat down next to anyone to help them when they were feeling bad, except if he hoped for a make-out session or if it was one of the Marauders. 

"What do you want here?", I asked after I swallowed my food and drank some pumpkin juice to flush the meat down. Sirius didn't even smirk his cocky smirk when he smiled at me, worry in his eyes. He was actually able to care about anyone but himself?

"I saw that you were pretty upset, so I wanted to ask whether you were okay or not. And you are obviously not.", he then said and pulled me into a tight hug. He smelled really amazing and his hug made my heart beat faster, but I also got suspicious. He never hugged me like that. 

"Okay, what girl are you trying to make jealous? Because then I could just give you a kiss and then you can leave me alone.", I said harshly and pushed him away, even if I would love to keep being in this hug. Sirius chuckled lightly: "Do you see any other girl here?"

I looked up from my plate and saw that the Great Hall was completely empty except for three Hufflepuff guys who were still eating their dessert. 

"But maybe I am trying to make that Hufflepuff guy jealous. He looks very sexy.", Sirius joked and he actually made me laugh a little. Not so much because of his joke, but rather because he was doing all this for me. He wasn't playing any of his games to get a girl, he was just being nice.

But then I thought about Peter again and the smile vanished from my face. He was going to become a Death Eater or die. I didn't know what was worse, but I could never let him die. He was my brother and I loved him with all my heart. 

"So do you want to come?", I heard Sirius say and snapped out of my thoughts. I looked up to him, because he had gotten up from the bench of the Gryffindor table and held a hand out to me. 

"Go where?", I asked, but took his hand already to get up. It felt like little bolts of lightning quivered from where he touched me and I couldn't help but smile when he looked into my eyes.

"Do you want to go for a little run?", he asked and instantly, my eyes lit up with joy. To go 'for a little run' meant turning into our animal and run through the forest, my favorite activity after Quidditch. I nodded my head and then walked with him outside of the castle. When we reached the beginning of the Forbidden Forrest, we both looked at each other and then turned into a black dog and a white wolf. 

It didn't hurt at all anymore to turn into a wolf, it just felt strange. I guess we all got used to the pain of breaking your bones over and over again. After I turned, I could only see in limited colors again, but my hearing and my sense of smell was very heightened. I could smell the leaved and the grass of the forrest, the smell of the dog next to me and some other animals who were close to us. I also heard these animals and the loudest of all was Sirius breath next to me. 

Without a warning, Sirius started running and I had to apply myself to catch up to him. He ran faster and faster, but then, after about five minutes, he stopped. I almost ran into him and I could only stop myself by putting all four of my paws into the ground, which turned them from white to dirty brown. When I looked around, I could see that we were next to a small pond with beautiful flowers around it. The huge trees blocked out the sun, but the flowers bloomed anyways.  They were strong and knew how to survive. 

Suddenly, the black dog next to me attacked me and threw me on the ground. I was confused and instinctually defended myself, getting on top of the dog and growling at him. But Sirius didn't give up, but freed himself from me and jumped around in front of me, it looked like he was challenging me to another fight. This was his idea of fun? Well then I would give him some fun.

I slowly walked backwards, and when Sirius thought that I wouldn't fight him, I jumped forward and playfully bit into his neck. He growled and turned around, baring his teeth and then attacking again.  We rolled around in the mood, trying to get the other one to give up, but none of us did. Suddenly, I felt something cold on my back and I noticed that we fell into the pond. I quickly got out and shook my fur, splattering mud and water everywhere. Then I turned back into a human and sat down on the grass. All my clothes were dirty and I was exhausted, but laughing. Even if I did have some claw marks on my neck and arms, that was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed myself, forgetting about Peter. 

"You fight like a girl!", Sirius said when he sat next to me. He was totally dirty as well, and he had a bleeding bite mark on his neck. We were both used to wounds like this, but it always looked horrible to see any of the guys hurt. 

"Well I am a girl, what is your excuse?", I teased while I got the dirt of my clothes with a simple spell. Sirius laughed and did the same with his clothes. Then he looked at my wounds and shook his head: "It always looks so much worse when you are human again."

"Well you have a pretty huge bite mark on your neck as well, let me heal it.", I said and was about to say the spell when he held his hand in front of the wound. Then he gently put my hand down and whispered: "I will heal your wounds first, Scar. I don't want you to live up to your name."

I knew that I blushed when he said that, but I hoped that he wouldn't see it. When he had healed all my wounds, it was my turn. 

"Episkey!", I said and pointed my wand at his injury. It instantly healed, but there was still much blood on his neck. "Tergeo.", I said and all the blood vanished. 

"There you go, all cleaned up now.", I told him and he smirked: "You are going to be an amazing healer." I smiled and thanked him for the compliment, not knowing if he just flirted with me or really meant it. 

After a while of just sitting next to each other and looking at the lake, Sirius got up and cleaned his rope from the rest of the dried dirt with his hands. "I am going to go back to the castle now, James is probably wondering where I am, I have to help him with Lily.", he said and started walking away. 

"Why, what do you help him with?", I asked curiously and quickly followed him. He stopped and smiled at me. 

"They have a date!"

- 4 -

 

First Date

Sun- 7. September 1977

 

"Is this really such a good idea?", Lily asked with panic in her voice. She looked at her outfit the mirror of our dorm again and shook her head.

"I look overdressed, I look like I am into him or something, but I am just giving him one chance!", she said, but then again the did look really excited for this. Marlene, Aya and me were standing behind Lily and trying to calm her down for her first date with James Potter, the guy who had tried to get her for seven years. I guess it paid off that he never gave up. 

"You look stunning, but not overdressed!", Aya said and Marlene hugged her best friend. She was now a bit smaller than Lily because Lily was wearing high heels. She really did look stunning. She wore a beautiful red dress and with that golden jewelry and the nude high heels of Aya. James would fall for her all over again seeing her like this. 

"You are already ten minutes late, Lils. Maybe you should go to the common room now or he'll think that you bailed on him.", Marlene said and gently pushed her best friend in the direction of the door. 

"Okay, but you guys come with me right?", she asked and looked at her friends for help. We all nodded of course and then walked down to the common room with her. When we arrived, we saw the Marauders waiting in there already and I had to giggle. This felt like a wedding or something, not a first date. When I locked eyes with Remus, I could see that he thought the same, so I quickly went over to him while James complimented Lily and Sirius flirted with Marlene again. Aya and Peter awkwardly stood next to each other and then came over to me and Remus as well.

" So, how do you think this date will go?", Aya asked as she watched James and Lily leave the common room. 
 

"I bet 10 ponds that she falls for him and there will the a second date and then they will start dating before christmas!", I exclaimed, but Peter shook his head: "No, I believe that they will start dating before Halloween."

"I think he'll screw it up!", Sirius said when he and Marlene came over, Marlene had clearly rejected him again. 
 

"Let's do a bet then!", Marlene suggested and everyone was in for it, except Remus: "These are your friends you are talking about! You can't just bet on their love life! But if we did bet on it, I'd say the same as Scar."

"You just agree with her because you like her.", Sirius teased, but Remus kept cool and replied: "We are friends. Just because it is impossible for you  to maintain a good friendship with a girl without trying to get her into bed, doesn't mean that all of us are that immature."

Marlene laughed and high-rived Moony, but I felt a little pain in my heart like somebody stabbed it with a toothpick. Remus was right, Sirius couldn't have a girl as a friend. But what did he do yesterday? He was being a friend to me, right? Or was he just trying to get me to fall for him? He said all the right things, all the things that the real Sirius would never say. Yeah, Sirius just wanted me to kiss him, to have him as a friend or even boyfriend was just not possible. Sirius was a player and I had to admit to myself that nobody could change him. 

"Hey, Scar. I am sorry that I ran away from you yesterday.", Peter whispered in my ear and then hugged me. I smiled and felt relieved. That Peter was talking to me again was a good sign and together we would figure it all out. 

"But don't fall for Padfood. He doesn't deserve you.", he added and looked into my eyes. He looked very serious and I blushed a little: "I am trying, Peet. How do I stop my feelings?" 

"I don't know, but maybe you should start paying attention to other people who might be into you.", Peter whispered and then he winked at me and walked away. Just a minute later Aya replaced him and asked my what we were talking about. 

"Oh, he just told me that I shouldn't fall for Sirius, but I obviously know that because he is a dick.", I told her, but she gave me a look that told me that she didn't quite believe me. 

"I'll tell you later, okay? Not when he is around.", I said and she nodded.

Then the three Marauders and us three girls went downstairs to get dinner, all debating on what kind of date Lily and James were having. 

"I think he will do it really romantic, with candles and music!", Marlene said and had a dreamy look on her face. Sirius smirked at me and then said: "Hey, Scar! I could arrange a date like that for you!"

"Well I wouldn't show up because I would be too busy painting my nails.", I said and everyone laughed. It was common that Sirius flirted with me and that I would flirt back or reject him. 

We all talked for a few more minutes until Marlene said that she had something important to do and left us. After she had left us, Fabian and Gideon sat next to Remus and smiled at all of us. It wasn't a normal smile, but rather a 'We are planning a prank'-smile. 

"Hey you guys. We were just doing our homework like the good students we are,", Gideon said and Fabian finished his thought like they always did: "When we saw Slughorn in the library and we thought that it was time for a good prank."

"That is a common thought when you see Slughorn.", Sirius said and smirked. "I am in, whatever it is."  Fabian high-fived him, but then he noticed that James was missing. "Wait a minute, where is your better half, Sirius?", he asked and looked around like James had to appear in any second. 

"Yeah, you two are never apart except if you make out with girls!", Gideon added and took a sip of my butter beer. "He has a date with -get this- Lily Evans!", Sirius explained, a fact that was so surprising that it made Gideon choke on his drink. After he had coughed, he and Fabian both looked like they couldn't believe his words. 

"Yeah, it is true. Now that he is the head boy and apparently behaving better, not hexing innocent students anymore, she thought she would give him a chance.", I explained to them and they smiled. "That is amazing! I finally have hope again!", Fabian exclaimed and now it was our turn to look at him in a weird way. Fabian blushed and quickly added: "For them! I can hope that they will get married and have children, I was really sad that it never worked!"

"Oh, you have a crush on a girl!", Remus exclaimed and we all laughed: "Oh, that is so cute!", Sirius necked and Peter asked: "Are you planning on telling her?"

If it was possible, Fabian got even more red and then shook his head: "I don't know how to tell her. She is way too good for me. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

"Well she  obviously is, that's why you like her!", Sirius said but Fabian shook his head again: "No, I mostly like her because of her personality. She is sweet, sometimes crazy and just amazing."

"We could help you get together!", Aya said, but there was something weird in her voice, I couldn't quiet figure out what it was. She smiled at Fabian, but I knew her well enough to know that this smiled was fake. 

"Yeah, we would totally do that!", I supported Aya, even though I wasn't sure why she was being so weird. I was going to find out tonight, in our dorm. But first I wanted to know the girls name. 

"I'm sorry, but you can't help me.", Fabian said and Gideon added: "Yeah, I tried to help him as well but he said it wouldn't work out anyways and he'll just admire her from far away. Or something like that."

Where are your balls, man?", Sirius asked and then continued: "You at least have to give it a try! You are with us the most popular guys in school, she'll be all over you."

Fabian seemed to hate where this conversation was going and so he just got up and left, Gideon following him. But before he ran after his brother, he told us that we should do a prank together another time. 

"Well that was kind of weird.", Peter stated and we all agreed. We finished our dinner in silence and walked back to the common room, where we thought we would find Lily and James, but they weren't there yet. It had already been two hours. 

"Oh, maybe they are kissing!", Aya suggested, but Remus didn't think that Lily would kiss James after only one date. "Many people kiss even without a date!", Sirius smirked, but we all just ignored him. Before anyone could say anything else, a laughing Lily and James came into the common room, walking hand in hand. 

"Hey guys!", James said and I could swear that in this moment he was the happiest person in this room. His eyes were bright and full of love, his voice sounded full of pride and he walked like he could start floating any second. 

"Hey, prongs! No way that she actually likes you!", Sirius laughed and walked over to pad his best friend on the back. Lily blushed a little, but she didn't let go of James' hand. That was a good sign, it meant that she wasn't ashamed of him or frightened to show her feelings for him. 

"So did you kiss already?", Sirius asked and we all giggled. Of course that would be the first thing he wanted to know. 

"Yes, we did you curious and perverted ass.", Lily chuckled and her smile widened even more when she saw Marlene in one corner of the common room.

"I am sorry, I have to go.", she told James and kissed him on the cheek. Then she ran over to Marlene and the both of them went to the dorms. They had a lot to talk about. 

"So are you a couple?", Peter asked and I had to think of the bet that we made. If James said yes, Peter would have won it. 

"No, not yet. She wants to take it slow and test if I'm worth it.", James explained and Remus couldn't hold a 'yes!' back. 

"Why does that make you so happy?", James asked confused, but Remus just changed the subject quickly: "It's a full moon on the 12th. I have to uhm, get ready." Then he walked upstairs to his dorm.

"But it's only the 7th! What is going on here?", James asked, but nobody answered him and everyone had to suddenly do something important. We couldn't tell him about the bet, he wouldn't like it that we betted on his love life.

"Guys, really? Tell me!"

 

Thur- 11. September 1977

 

It was one day before the full moon when Aya and I sat in Charms and listened to Professor Flitwick as he talked about all kinds of healing charms. We were in the fourth row, and James and Sirius sat behind us, on the table next to them were Lily and Marlene.

Lily and James were talking a lot these days, but I've never seen her kiss him except for on the cheeks. They had a second date on next Tuesday and everyone was really excited to see how far this relationship was going to go, first because they were Head boy and - girl and second because she had rejected him for six years. 

Aya and I were more interested in the mysterious girl that Fabian had mentioned to be his huge crush. We had our heads together and whispered about it, when Professor Flitwick cleared his throat: "Miss Wilson and Miss Pettigrew? Would you be so kind and tell us all your stories that are more important than my class?"

Aya became flushing read for a reason I didn't know yet because we got exhorted many times in class. "Well it is about a girl that we want to know about, but don't know who she is.", I explained to our Professor, but he didn't seem happy with my explanation. 

"Then let us all talk about that girl together and find out who she is!", James exclaimed and made some students -not including Lily- laugh. 

Professor Flitwick looked confused now and his face became a shade of red as well, but only half the color of Aya's face. His books, that he was usually standing on to be taller than his desk, were wobbled as if they were going to crash down any minute. 

"Are you serious, Mister Potter?", he asked and there was a squeaking in his voice as he spoke. 

"No, I am not, but I wish I were!", James answered and now the whole class - even Lily - laughed. Sirius hit his table with one hand and then patted James on the back while Professor Flitwick got more and more confused. 
 

"You are the Head Boy, Mister Potter! You should be a good student that other students can look up to!", Flitwick squealed and almost fell of his books. These words wiped the laugh off James face and replaced it with a serious expression. Then he drove his hand through his hair and looked at Lily, almost afraid that she might hate him again, but she just gave him a reassuring smile. It was almost possible to see the relief on James face when he saw that Lily was okay with his little joke. 

"I am very sorry  sir, but I can reassure you that I know all the healing spells by heart.", he explained and I had to smirk. All the Marauders, me and Aya knew all the healing spells that existed, because we often had to heal ourselves or each other after a full moon. 

"Well then can you tell me the spell that  heals minor magically-induced ailments like paralysis?", Flitwick asked, but James said the answer before he could even finish: "Reparifors!"

"Very well, I will continue with my lesson and I don't want to hear anyone talking except if I tell them to!", the short Professor said, acting like a strict teacher that he clearly wasn't. "Miss Wright! Can you tell me what I use the spell 'Anapneo' for?", he then asked and a brown haired girl in the back of the class shot her head up from her desk, where she had been taking a little nap. She was a Ravenclaw and she was a favorite of Slughorn, so it was really weird that she slept in class. Something must have been keeping her awake last night. 

"Uhm, the 'Anapneo'-spell. That spell is used to clear the throat of a choking victim!", She said while she straightened her blouse and fixed her long hair. 

"Very well.", Flitwick mumbled more to himself than to the class, irritated that two students who hadn't paid attention knew the answer to his questions. Flitwick seemed to think about what to do next, when Lily raised her hand. Before the teacher could say her name, Sirius bended sidewards and gave her a high-five. 

The whole class bursted out in laughter again and both Remus and Peter, who were sitting behind Sirius, high-fived him after. James and Lily were laughing as well, but the Professor was now as red as a tomato. 

"Oh, this is going to be either detention or points.", I whispered to Aya and I was right. Just this second, Fitwick started screaming: "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THIS? Some kind of entertainment for you? DETENTION! For Black, Potter, Evans, Wilson, both Pettigrews, Lupin and Wright! I am so disappointed in you all. Get out of the classroom and only come back when you are willing to be part of this class!"

"But, Professor. I was going to ask a question!", Lily softly said, but Flitwick ignored her and just pointed with his wand to the door, that opened with a bang. 

After we all got out of the classroom and shut the door behind us, we all started laughing, even the Ravenclaw. 

"Shouldn't you be worried now? You Ravenclaws are supposed to take studying seriously. ", Sirius asked and I could see that he had his flirty face on. The girl smiled and threw her hair over her shoulder, a move that I looked pretty flirtishious as well. I hoped for her that she wasn't going to fall for Sirius. 

"I know I should be worried, but I think that life is short and sometimes you have to have some fun, or sleep.", she answered and we all giggled a bit. 
 

"What is your name, sorry I think I have seen you in the library many times, but I never asked for your name.", Remus asked and I was surprised that he actually talked to a girl. Sirius and James noticed it as well and padded their mate on the back, as a sign that he was doing good. 

"I am Isabella, but please just call me Bella.", the girl said and waved at everyone. Remus, her and Sirius started a conversation and I didn't know whether they wanted to outtake themselves or just be nice. Well Sirius was probably just looking for a make-out session, which made me kind of jealous again, but I didn't expect anything else from him. Lily and James were talking as well, but Lily didn't seem mad at James for getting her detention because technically it wasn't his fault. Peter sat down next to the door and had his head in his hands, probably thinking about our dads command again. 

"So, we still haven't found out who she is!", Aya whispered to me and I smiled. While all that chaos happened in the classroom, I thought of a plan to find the girl that Fabian fancied. But because Aya got so red and because off all the other signs, I also found out something else, that I wasn't 100% sure off, but it was pretty obvious. 

"How about we pour some Verita Serum in his drink on Saturday evening when the secret party is in the boys dorm. Then we can just ask him who she is.", I told Aya and she nodded excitedly. But then she looked down and just hugged me. I hugged her back and laid my head on her shoulder, knowing exactly why she was excited and frightened at the same time. 

"I have a huge crush on him.", Aya said into my robe, and I nodded my head. This was just assuring me that I had been right. 

"I know, babe. But we are going to make him fall for you too. He would be stupid not to love you, you are gorgeous, a great Quidditchplayer and you are the kindest person I know."

"Well then we should also get you and Sirius together.", Aya said and my heart seemed to stand still for a moment just to beat even faster when it started again. 

"You know?", I asked her and suddenly I was afraid. Afraid that I made it so obvious that everyone had figured it out. 

"Of course I know, silly! I am your best friend, remember? But I don't think that anyone else knows.", Aya told me and I felt relieved. 

"We are going to make them fall for us.", I said and Aya nodded her head. "They won't know what hit them!", she joked and we both giggled when we returned to Flitwicks class with the others. 

- 5 -

 

Full Moon

Fri- 12. September 1977

 

All of us hadn't been paying much attention in class, especially not Remus. He was whiter than usual and he kept touching his right cheek, the cheek with the big scar that even magic couldn't fix. He had gotten it in his second year in Hogwarts, when we hadn't been able to calm him down yet, a time when he had to go through all of it alone. Now the full moons weren't so horrible for him anymore, he was able to keep a clear mind with his best friends and we could even leave the shrieking shack to walk around the lake or play in the woods. The transformation was still painful for him, but at least he didn't have to scratch himself anymore but could have a little fun as a werewolf. 

"Two hours until the moon comes up!", James told us all when he came through the portal of the Gryffindor common room and sat down in the red couch in front of the fire, in between Peter and Remus.

"Yeah I can't wait.", Remus said, his voice dripping of sarcasm. 

"Oh, come on, Remus Takitus Lupin. You will be fine!", Sirius said and we chuckled, while Remus just shook his head: "You have been doing this joke for years now, it's not funny anymore."

"Oh, who is a grumpy wolf?", Peter joked and Remus hit him with a pillow for it, but he did smile a little more, even if it faded away just seconds after. "I just have a bad feeling about tonight!", he stated, but James just started laughing. 

"So you actually believe her?", he asked and laid an arm around Remus shoulder just to get him into the headlock seconds later and ruffle Remus hair with the left hand. "Argh! Let go, James!", Moony tried to get out, but it was no use. James was just in the better position and also stronger than his best mate due to Quidditch. 

"What is even going on?", I asked, and Sirius started explaining: "Well when we left the great hall from lunch, the weird Trelawney came to us and spoke in the same voice that she spoke to us- " he stopped for a second and looked at me, which made my heart beat faster, "- and she told Remus that tonight something horrible would happen to a person he loves dearly." 

"Dearly?", Aya asked and looked at James, concern in her eyes. For her James was the big brother she never had, as she only had a big muggle sister and they both hated each other passionately. 

"Oh, come on Wilson. Don't tell me you believe in that freak.", James said and let go of Remus, who now looked like a broom, but at least some color returned to his face. 

"I used to think that magic didn't even exist until my 11th birthday, so yeah. I think it might be possible that she can see into the future.", Aya defended herself. The thought of Trelwneys prophecies being correct, made my stomach feel a little warmer and joy started forming inside it, That would mean that Sirius and I would kiss. I smiled to myself, but then my fantasies got crushed by Marlene and Lily, who walked into the door together, giggling. 

"Oi, Marlene!", Sirius shouted and walked over to them. I guess he fancied her, not me. "I gotta go do something ... important!", I said and got up from the couch I was sitting on with Aya. I quickly walked out of the common room, holding back my tears. Why was I suddenly being so emotional? I have seen him kiss other girls for so many times and I never cared so much as to cry about it. Maybe it was because he was chasing after Marlene for a week now and he had never given a girl more attention than a weekend. 

I slammed the door of the empty classroom behind me and sat on the floor, not being able to hold back the tears anymore. Why did my stupid heart have to have feeling for the one guy in this school who didn't even have any.  

"Scar? Are you in here?", someone asked and then I saw my best friend coming through the door. I wiped my tears away and wanted to get up, but Aya just sat down next to me. "I know it sucks to watch him flirt with other girls, I know it sucks that he doesn't get it. But once he actually sees you, he'll be all over you.", she whispered and hugged me. I  smiled a little and hugged her back. 

"Tomorrow is Quidditch practice, I'll ask him about that mysterious girl again and if that doesn't work you still got the party tomorrow.", I told her, still hugging her. It was just such a great feeling to have her here with me, I loved her more than anything in the world. 

+

I had to cover my ears when Remus started screaming. We heard his bones breaking and we saw how fur started covering his body that deformed itself into a werewolf. He was only wearing his underwear, because his clothes would tear every time he turned on a full moon. He did have a good body , even though he wasn't as muscular as James or Sirius. 

"I hate listening to this!", I said, rather to myself, but Peter heard me and hugged me tight, holding his hands over my ears as well. I could still hear Remus scream, but it was nice to be hugged. Aya didn't come to the shrieking shack on full moons, it was too dangerous for her. She was hanging out with the twins, just like every full moon. 

"He is done.", James said and then he and Sirius turned into a majestic stag and a black dog. Peter gave me a kiss on the forehead and then turned into a rat as well. I looked at Remus, he was now trying to get a clear mind, and when he looked at me I could almost see humanity in his wolf eyes. I smiled and turned into the white wolf I loved so much. 

The werewolf jumped out of the window whose glass was already shattered from a year ago when we first started leaving the shrieking shack. We all followed him, making sure that he would run in the direction of the forrest, not the castle. When we were in animal form, we could only communicate through looks, because we all were different animals we couldn't understand what the other was saying. Well, Sirius and I could talk to each other a little, it was like he had a weird accent though. 

'Did you hear that?', Sirius suddenly barked and turned his head to see the cause of the noise he had heard. I didn't hear anything, I was concentrated on Remus who chased after Peter, hopefully not to eat him. James looked stood in Remus way just when he was about to reach Peter and Remus playfully laid on his back to show his defeat. 

'WATCH OUT!', Sirius shouted in a loud bark and everyone turned to Sirius, who growled at something in the dark. Suddenly, a creature came out of the trees and attacked James. It looked like a huge bat with three pairs of wings and very sharp teeth. Without thinking, we all attacked the beast tried to get it off him. James shouted of pain and started to turn himself back into a human without having control over it. Enough pain or death made animagi turn back into their human form. 

"Help me!", a girl shouted with a weak voice, but me and Sirus were too concerned about James, we were still trying to get that thing off James. 

"Petrificus totalus!", Peter shouted and the beast didn't move anymore. Sirius and I looked behind us and there was Peter in his human form, pointing his wand at the bird like animal. 

"No, please!", we heard the whiny voice of a girl again and then we saw that Remus was slowly walking towards her, ready to attack. Sirius and I looked at each other and then started running, tackling our friend down. It was true that he kept a clear mind around us, but with humans it was harder for him to resist his instincts. 

'I take care of Remus, you take care of Peter, James and the girl!', I told Sirius and the big black dog nodded. He let go of the wolf who hurt his right leg when we tackled him down and then returned to the others. When I looked back, I realized that the girl was no other than Isabella Wright . 

Wondering what she was doing here, I walked off with Remus, deeper into the woods, hoping that he would always remember that it was me who accompanied him, but also ready to fight him if necessary. While we were just walking around, looking at the moon or fooling around, I had to think of the beast who attacked us. Normally all the residents of the forrest left us alone. 

'Run, Scar! I can't hold it back!', I heard a deep voice growl when Remus suddenly stopped fooling around with me and instead looked at me with only the eyes of an animal. We had reached a glade and the full moon was big and bright above us, obviously influencing Remus a lot. And right now, I knew it was best to follow his demand. Without looking back, but knowing that he would follow me, I started running. I ran away from the castle, deeper into the woods, careful not to get to close to James, Peter, Sirius and Isabella. 

I had been running for about five minutes when the werewolf slowed down and then stopped. Maybe he had recovered from the moons influence, it was really dark where we were, so I stopped as well. I turned around and looked at the wolf, but still I only saw an animal looking back at me. 

'Moony? Are you there?", I barked, but that had been a terrible idea. The werewolf probably thought it was like a threat, because he growled and then jumped at my throat. Without being able to fight back, I hit the ground hard and my vision got blurry. I winced and showed the werewolf that  gave up, but he bit me in the stomach and threw me agains the next tree, like I was his toy or something. 

Pain shot through my body from the pace that the tree hit me and I had a loud noise in my ears, sounding like thousands of bells ringing at once. I couldn't help it, I felt how I turned back into a human. Without Sirius or James to protect me, I would be dead now. Remus would kill me, the werewolf inside him would kill me. 

Everything was blurred when I saw the werewolf coming towards me. I saw hunger in his eyes, pure hunger. 

"Remus, please! I know you are in there!", I whispered, but when I talked I could taste blood in my mouth. 

The face of the monster was only inches away from me and I could smell his disgusting breath. He showed his sharp teeth and all I could think of was that I never got to kiss Sirius. 

With that, my vision went black and the last thing I noticed was that the bad breath was suddenly gone. 

 

 

Sat- 12. September 1977

 

Slowly I came out of the darkness, being able to think clearly again. The first thing that popped into my mind was Peter, then Aya and then Quidditch. Running through the forest with Sirius, James and Remus, studying at the lake with Remus, sun on my face. But the more awake I became, the more pain I felt. My spine felt like it was on fire and my head felt like somebody used it as pincushion. 

"James, can you hear me?", I heard a girls voice from far away. 

When I slowly opened my eyes, I first saw the ceiling of the hospital wing. The lights were very bright and I saw everything blurry. When I turned my head to the right, I saw James laying in a bed next to me, Lily sitting on a chair next to him. She held his hand and told him to wake up. I had to smile at that picture, this showed how much Lily actually cared about the guy she rejected for so long. 

I closed my eyes again, because the bright lights hurt them. I didn't understand why all the other marauders weren't here as well. Then, while I got used to the pain in my body, I noticed that something laid on my leg. I opened my eyes again and looked to my left now. I saw a blonde girl, laying with her head and arms on my legs while she sat on a chair next to my bed. It was so cute that she had waited here for me to wake up and didn't leave to sleep in her bed. But that's what friends are for, right? 

"Aya, wake up!", I said, but she didn't seem to hear me.

"She was here all night looking after you. She is even missing Quidditch practice right now!", Lily explained and turned to me. I sat up in shock, my eyes wide open. Quidditch practice, how could I forget about that? I had to go now! I tried to get out of the bed, but Aya blocked my legs, so that I couldn't move. 

"What are you doing? You can't go to practice, you need your rest, like James.", Lily energetically said and with all our noise we woke Aya up. "What? I don't like him!", she said and looked around like something was going to attack her. Lily and I looked at each other and then started giggling. Of course I knew exactly who she was talking about and I also knew that she did like him.

"So you have a crush on someone as well?", Lily asked and Aya  flushed, just like she did in Professor Flitwicks class. "Oh, it's okay, you don't have to tell me.", Lily quickly added when she saw how uncomfortable Aya looked. 

"Lily?", a deep and sleepy voice interrupted us and I could see joy and relief appearing on Lily's face: "James! You are okay!" She turned around and then she kissed him on the mouth. First it was a shy kiss, but it then became more and more passionate. Aya cleared her throat: "Uhm, people in the room!"

Lily and James instantly stopped kissing and both turned their heads to us. James had a smile on his face like it was his birthday. 

"I could get used to waking up to that!", he said and Lily playfully punshed him, which made him groan. "Oh, I am so sorry!", she apologized and kissed him on the cheek. 

Two minutes later, the whole Quidditch team and the rest of the Marauders came into the hospital wing. It must have been raining outside, because they were all wet and brought a lot of mud with them into the clean room. 

"Hey, Potter! You are okay!", Fabian shouted and wanted to high five the captain, but James didn't even raise his arm. Fabian didn't look offended and just high fived his twin bother instead.

"I trained them today.", Sirius informed his best friend and sat on his bed, which made James groan again. Remus and Peter came to my bed and only now I realized that Remus arm was in a loop. 

"What happened to you?", I asked him, but he ignored my question and instead said: "I am so so sorry Katherine! I don't know how that happened, I really didn't want to-" He was interrupted by Peter, who punched him in the stomach before he could tell everyone his secret. Remus groaned and shut up about it, but still looked very guilty. 

"It's okay, Moony.", I told him and used his nickname on purpose: "It's not your fault. By the way, who did that to you?"

"Sirius. He fought me to get me away from you.", Remus said and these words made my heart beat faster. Sirius risked his life for me!

"I would have done the same, just that I would have used a spell, not an attack!", Peter added. "But I was busy with Isabella."

"Oh, where is she now?", I asked, surprised that I didn't remember before that she had been there as well. 

"Uhm, I put an 'Obliviate'- spell on her.", Aya told me and I looked at her in surprise: "You?" "Don't look so surprised, Scar!", Aya defended herself and I quickly said sorry. 

"What on earth is going on here?", Madame Pompfrey suddenly shouted and Peter and Aya zucken zusammen. "This is a hospital, not a place to put all your dirt! Get out, all of you!"

"But-", Sirius tried to defend the team, but Madame Pompfrey just waved her wand and shut him up. "Everyone out, I don't want to say it again!", she said, and this time everybody listened to her. 

"I will visit you tomorrow!", Aya whispered to me and then followed the guys and Lily out of the room. Madame Pompfrey cleaned up the mess on the floor and then went back into her office. 

"So it's just you and me now, huh?", James said and slowly turned his head to me. I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, but that's good, we haven't had a serious talk for a while." It was harder to talk than usual, probably because of the painkillers or because my body was healing and needed rest. 

"True, we should talk. What happened last night, I really can't remember-", James started saying, but in the middle of his sentence he fell asleep. He was probably hurt even worse than me, that beast really bit deep into his flesh and he bleed a lot from what I could remember. But what was their excuse going to be? Did they tell Dumbledore everything? Probably, he knew everything anyways and to make up a story to explain what happened to the head boy and captain of Gryffindor, they had to have help of the headmaster. Now that James fell asleep again and it was totally quiet in the room, except for two other students in the room, who whispered to each other, I felt that I was getting really tired as well. I saw that the sun outside was still shining, but when I closed my eyes, I didn't notice anything anymore, just the beautifully comfortable arms of sleep, that welcomed me. 

+

"Scarrr. Kaatherine.", I heard someone say and when I opened my eyes I saw Remus at my bed. His arm was still in a loop, but he looked different from usual. When I looked out of the window, I could see that the sun had set and instead the moon and stars were in her place. The lights in the hospital wing were dimmed so that the patients could sleep, but Madame Pomfrey could still see something. 

"You are awake!", Remus prattled and now I saw what was different: he was completely drunk. His hair was more messy than James' and his eyes weren't really looking into mine. Also I could smell the Firewhiskey from half a meter from him. 
 

"Yes, I am awake.", I told him and yawned. "And you are drunk, so you should go to bed."

"No, no!", Remus said certain and tried to keep his voice from slurring, which he didn't really manage. "I want to tell you something, but I never can. I think-" He stopped in the middle of the sentence and looked at me again, holding my bed with his healthy arm to keep his balance. 

"You think what?", I asked and actually was afraid of what he was going to say. If it was so important but also personal that he could only tell me when he was drunk, then it must be something big. I just really hoped that it wasn't going to be the words 'I love you', because then I would have a problem. I would have to tell him that to me he wasn't more than a friend. Actually, I had never thought of him as anything more than a friend. 

"I might.. ", Remus started again, but he just couldn't say it. Without any warning, and without being prepared for it, he just leaned forward and pressed his lips on mine. His lips were incredibly soft and I kissed him back. We were both kissing very softly, testing the kiss and what it might turn out to be. He was an amazing kisser, from the moment that our lips locked to the moment that he let go, I could just close my eyes and enjoy it. Enjoy his lips on mine, his hand on my waist and mine in his messy hair. He did smell like alcohol, but in this moment it didn't matter to me. I just felt butterflies in my stomach and when he leaned back again, I left my eyes closed for a little bit longer, wanting more than this short time. 

"This is what I feel.", Remus simply stated and then he leaned forward again, but this time he gave me a kiss on my forehead. "I can understand if you don't feel the same, but I just had to tell you." With these words he lurched away from my bed and out of the hospital wing. I wasn't able to say anything, I could just smile and touch my lips with my fingers, wanting his lips to touch mine again. 

- 6 -

 

Detention

Tue- 15. September 1977

 

Dumbledore had arranged that our Detention wasn't on the Friday, like Flitwick had asked, but on the Tuesday the week after, which was today. After the lessons had finished, Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, Peter, Isabella, Aya and I had to go to Flitwicks office for him to tell us what to do. Remus had his arm still in the loop, James had a scar on his stomach, and I still didn't know what to do about Remus' kiss. I had avoided him all Monday and today as well, only having the necessary conversation. Lily and James had been on their second date on Monday, but they still claimed that they weren't together and Aya and Fabian kissed on Saturday when they were both drunk. They acted like it never happened. 

"You have to ask him what it meant!", I told Aya again, probably the 100th time today. She rolled her eyes and just ignored me, opening the door to the office of our Professor.  I sighted and followed her inside, not knowing why she kept ignoring me when I asked that question. 

"Ah, very nice. There you all are. I have some nice things for you to do. No, not writing!", he said when we all sat down at tables and got out our quills. "No, no. I will split you up into groups of two and you will do some work for Mister Filtch."

Everyone from our group groaned, to do work for Mister Filch was always very boring and took a very long time. 

"Mister Potter and Miss Evans, you two will tidy up every broom cupboard in the third floor, that is ten, by the way. Without magic, of course! I hope that Lily can teach you some of her manners, if she has some left.", the Professor said, obviously not knowing that Lily and James were dating. Sirius exclaimed: "That is not fair! I would gladly tidy up every broom closet with Scar!" My heart beat faster, and when I looked at Sirius, he winked at me.  I knew that he meant 'making out with Scar', because that is what two people of the opposite sex usually did in a broom closet. Flitwick just ignored him, he probably didn't understand what he meant anyways. 

"So, Mister Black and Mister Pettigrew. You two will clean all the windows in the second floor-" 

"What? There are hundreds of windows in that floor!", Sirius protested, but Flitwick just smiled: "That, deer Mister Black, is why you will have the help of Mister Filch himself."  Sirius and Peter groaned at the same time and Professor Flitwick seemed to really enjoy this. 

"Miss Wright and Miss Wilson, you will clean the girls bathrooms in the first floor." I giggled when I thought about Aya cleaning a toilet. She already hated cleaning her own room, and a bathroom?

"But, Sir, that is the bathroom with the mourning Myrtle in it!", Isabella said, but the small men looked at her in a way that made her shut up. When I looked around, I realized that only Remus and I were left. Great. 

"Last but not least, Mister Lupin and Miss Pettigrew. You two will polish all the awards, trophies, shields and statues in the Trophy room. But don't dare to talk to the others in the third floor. You may go now and you can come back when you did your work. Mister Filch will check all of it and if he doesn't like it, then you will have to come back again another day. But that time it will be on the weekend. Go!", Flitwick finished and then made a gesture with his hands that told us all to get out now. 

"What happened to the nice, funny Flitwick?", James asked when we were all outside, but Lily just said: "I guess we went one step too far. Well actually you did, since I was just being high-fived and got detention for that!" Then she glared at Sirius and threw her hair over her shoulder. When we reached the stairs, Sirius, Peter, Aya and Isabella went downstairs while James, Lily, Remus and I stayed in the third floor. 

"Let's do this.", James said without any enthusiasm in his voice and made his way to the first broom coset, winking at Lily as he opened the door and stepped inside. 

"I guess that will be a snagging session?", I asked Lily, but she shook her head. "No! I only kissed him once, and I will definitely not reward him for getting detention. He is the head boy." Then she turned around and followed James into the small room. 

"Oh, they are definitely going to make out!", I laughed and then turned around, just to look at Remus. Damn it, I forgot that he was with me. 

"Maybe not, but maybe she will ignore him after he kisses her.", Remus stated with a cold voice and then walked toward the Trophy Room. 

+

It had been half an hour that Remus and I stood in the Trophy Room, polishing everything that we could find. Now it even came in handy that my mother had made me clean up the house as a punishment for when I was nice to muggles or when I couldn't do a spell right that she asked me to do. I looked over to Remus, he was just polishing another golden Quidditch trophy. He looked like he had done it before, but I didn't think that he did it as a punishment. I have met his parents and they were the nicest people I knew. 

"So, did you clean before or is it just a natural talent?", I asked, trying to break the ice between us. I hated it to not be able to talk to my best friend. Remus turned around, anger in his green eyes. He threw the cloth on the ground and came towards me. I backed up, I was actually a bit scared of him right now because I had never seen him angry before. 

"Are you serious right now, Katherine? We don't talk for two days and the first thing you ask me is whether I cleaned before?", Remus growed and came closer. I touched the wall with my back now so that he was only two centimeters away from me now. Then, out of nothing, he punished the wall right next to my head. I flinched, and now I was really shocked. Remus shook his head, and wanted to turn away, but I took his hand and looked at his knuckles, which were bleeding a little from the punch. I remembered that Remus once said that nice people don't get angry easily, but when they do then it is bad. 

"Hey, Remus. I am sorry. I didn't know what to do with the -", I stopped and looked into his eyes again, not able to say the word 'kiss'. He was still very close to me and I could feel the same feeling in my stomach again, like butterflies who were flying around. Remus looked down at me, a look in his eyes that I have never seen before and then he crashed his lips on mine again. He pressed his body against mine and for the second time he totally wiped me off my feet, but this kiss was different from the one on Saturday. This time he wasn't drunk and this time we were both thirsty for more. The kiss became more passionate and when he pulled me even closer to me with his left arm, I moaned in pleasure. I drove through his hair and then put my hands around his neck and just enjoyed this moment.

But like every amazing moment, it had to end. Remus pulled away and looked at me again: "Please just give me an answer, Scar. We can go back to being friends as long as you have to think about it, but once you tell me your answer, things will change. Either we start going out, or we can't be friends anymore. At least not like before." 

He turned around and grabbed the cloth, returning to cleaning the trophy like nothing had happened. I could just stare at his back, not believing the other side I had just seen on him. I never thought that he was capable of kissing a girl like that, kissing me like that. I couldn't deny that it had been amazing, but I wasn't sure that I actually had these kind of feelings for him. Even now, I had to think about Sirius, and what would happen if he kissed me like that and made me an offer like that. I would definitely say yes, because I knew I had a crush on him, but with Remus I wasn't sure. 

"I cleaned at home. I did it for my parents, because I wanted to do them a favor. Because I was a werewolf I caused them a lot of trouble and so the least I could do was help them with the cleaning.", Remus said after a while and I sighted. 

This guy was just to nice to be true and I bet that every girl would wish for a boyfriend like him: sweet, caring, smart, always cheering you up and knowing when something was wrong. You could talk to him for hours, but it was never about him. Also he was good looking and from what I just saw he could also stand up for himself and his beliefs. 

 

 

Fri- 18. September 1977

 

The weather got worse and worse, and the rain turned the Quidditch pitch into a mud hole. And when we all came out of the changing rooms, dark clouds covered the sky and the wind let our robes move.

"Okay, because I wasn't there on Saturday, this will officially be our first practice, and I want you all to give 100%, because the first game is going to be against Ravenclaw and they are not easy to beat. So give your best  and have fun out there!", James shouted and we all got onto our brooms, already knowing what to do since he had shown us in the changing rooms. First, James, Aya and I passed the Quaffle to each other randomly, but after ten minutes we started doing the routines. James sometimes had to leave us two alone to check what the others were doing, but we were already used to that. 

And hour passed while we did our routines and then also shot at the goal, trying not to get hit by a bludger in the process.

After another hour of training dangerous moves, flying in neck breaking speed or driving against each other without falling off the broom, James told us that we could go and have a shower now. 

"Thank god, I feel like my arm is going to fall off!", Aya complained when we both landed next to each other in the mud that reached or ankles now. We made our way to the dressing rooms and walked into the welcoming warmth of the little house next to the field. Only Sirius stayed outside longer, because he wanted to hit some more bludgers. 

The boys were allowed to shower first, because they didn't take that much time and in the meantime us girls got undressed and talked with a towel wrapped around us. 

"So, Aya, what's going on between Fabian and you? I saw that you guys kissed at the party on saturday.", Ash asked, a smirk on her face. I giggled and watched as Aya turned a little red again. I didn't think that she was going to give an answer since she always avoided me when I asked that question, but to my surprise she smiled when she said: "Do you remember when we both were racing against each other?"

"Yeah!", I said, excitement in my voice. "He told me that I am a great kisser!", Aya continued and I felt a little disappointed, because I thought that that he might have told her that he loved her too. 

"That is amazing!", Ash said and hugged Aya. "Ew, you stink!", my best friend complained and we all started laughing. Just when the two girls stopped hugging, the boys came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around their hips. I must say that they all looked really hot with only a towel, but I couldn't find anyone who's body was as gorgeous as Sirius', even though James came pretty close. 

"Yay, finally!", I said and Aya, Ash and I walked in the direction of the showers. Before we could enter, I heard a whistle from the door and a guy shouted: "Oi, Pettigrew! Want to shower with me?" Without turning around I knew that it was Sirius, so I just stuck my middle finger in the air and kept going, but in my mind I shouted 'yes, I do!'. 

"Black is such an asshole!", Ash let her anger out when we turned the water on. "A year ago he flirted with my best friend, Vanessa , and she totally fell for him. At the party on Saturday he gave her attention again, and she was drunk and then she lost her virginity to him! She is probably still crying in the bathroom." My heart stopped for a second and then I felt a needle poking it, feeling jealous that Sirius not only kissed, but slept with another girl. I lost count on how many it were now. 

"I am sorry, but she deserved it when she though that he was a good person to even have sex with!", Aya said, and I punched her in the stomach: "Hey, don't be so mean. If she loved him?" I didn't even know why I said that, but maybe I just wanted to defend myself as well, because if I was weak only one night, maybe I would sleep with him as well. And then I would be just like Vanessa. 

"No, it's okay. I never agreed on her choice in men.", Ash said in a sad voice and then put shampoo in her hair. It took her about half the time that wee took to shower, because of her short hair. When we were all done, we wrapped our towels around us again and stepped into the changing room, where only James and Sirius sat, the other boys had left already. 

"Finally!", Sirius sighted, getting up from his seat and making his way to the showers. "You girls take so long. What do you do in there?", he complained and then closed the door. 

"Well, I just waited for Sirius, so see you guys at dinner.", James said and then left us alone so that we could get dressed.  We all put our robes on quickly, without talking much and then grabbed our bags to go back to the castle. As we closed the door to the little house, we noticed that it had gotten even colder than just half an hour ago. It also started raining, not much but just so much that we would be wet when we reached the castle. We hadn't walked two minutes when I realized something.

"Shit! I forgot my wand!", I cursed and turned around. "You guys can go already, I'll catch up with you in a minute." Aya and Ash laughed: "How can you forget your wand?", Ash asked and Aya giggled: "Have fun in the shower!"

"Shut it, Aya!", I shouted back, but I was glad that they couldn't see how red my face became. When I closed the door to the changing rooms again, I walked over to our lockers and looked for my wand, but I couldn't find it. 

"Looking for this?", Sirius asked and when I turned to the showers, I saw him with my wand in his hand and a towel around his hips. His hair was still wet from the water, just like his abs, which made him even more attractive. 

"Uhm, yes. Thank you.", I said, trying to look into his eyes and nowhere else. 

"Are you distracted by my amazing body, Pettigrew?", Sirius mocked and smirked at me, a flirty look in his grey eyes. I kept looking into his eyes and replied, trying to sound as derogative as possible: "No, Black. I am just distracted by your huge ego, and now could you please give me my wand, I have more important things to do." Sirius laughed and came closer. Even though he had just showered, I could smell his aftershave, a smell that I loved most in the world. He came closer, just like Remus did in the Trophy Room and just like then, I backed away, stopped by the lockers behind me. 

"Sirius, don't flirt with me, you know I won't kiss you.", I said coldly and took my wand from his hands. Then, I turned away and walked in the direction of the door, but I didn't even make three steps when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. Then, he held both my hands over my head, and my heart started beating like crazy. I tried to pull my hands back down, but even with only his right hand he was too strong for me. With his left hand, he took my face, so that I couldn't turn away anymore. 

"You just have to say that you don't want me to kiss you and I'll leave.", he said in a deep voice and still looked into my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to kiss him, because I knew that I would then be just another girl on his list, but at the same time I did want to kiss him, because I really wanted  to. 

"I-", I started, but I just couldn't decide what to do. 
 

"I have wanted to do this for three years now!", Sirius said and then, he kissed me. His lips were really soft, but he kissed totally different than Remus. He was more experienced and more ruff than Remus, but he also made want more. I didn't exactly know how long the kiss lasted, but at some point Sirius pulled away. I looked into his grey eyes again and his lips formed into that smirk again. 

"You are a great kisser.", Sirius simply said and then let go of me. Innerly I was torn. I was happy that he said that, but on the other hand I rather wanted him to say something else. Sirius turned away from me and got dressed, while I walked to the door. The great feeling from the kiss was gone, now that I knew that he just used me. 

"Hey, wait up. We can walk together!", Sirius shouted when I was already outside and I smiled to myself. Maybe he did actually care about me. I held the door open until he got out and then we both walked towards the castle. The rain had stopped again, but the dark clouds were still covering the sky. 

"So, how are you?", Sirius asked and put an arm around me. "I am good, and you?" I responded, but before Sirius could say anything, I heard a woman scream. It was a high pitched scream that made my ears protest and instantly both of us covered them. 

"What the hell was that?", Sirius asked, but I already saw the thing that had made the sound: It was the same beast that attacked James on Friday and it was about to attack me and Sirius now. 

"Stupor!", I shouted, since I still held my wand in my hand and a red light bold shot out of my wand in direction of the birdlike creature. Now Sirius saw it too and he got out his wand as well. We both shot spells at it, and eventually one of us hit the black thing. It screamed again and then fell on the ground, not moving anymore. When we stepped closer to inspect it, it opened its mouth and three little insects came out. They fly high in the air and then, suddenly, we heard the scream again. 

"There are more!", Sirius shouted and looked around to see where the screams came from. 

"I think the insects turned into another beast!", I shouted back and then we saw them: Three black, bird like creatures with fangs now started to attack us. We defended ourselves with spells, but every time we hit one, three new ones were born.

"How are we going to get rid of them?", I asked, but just when I didn't pay attention, one of the beasts bit into my left arm. Pain shot through my body, but it didn't hold long, because Sirius shocked the thing with a spell. 

"I don't know!"

- 7 -

 

The truth

Fri- 18. September 1977

 

"Stupor! Petrificus totalus! Stupor!", I shouted, aiming at anything that moved in the air and light bolts shot out of my wand to hit any kind of taget that would be in it's way. Sirius did the same but there were just too many of the beasts. 

"Well at least I had a great kiss before I died.", Sirius joked and I had to smile a little despite the dangerous and deadly situation. Both of us had little wounds and also deeper cuts on our bodies and my strength was starting to vanish. It didn't matter how many of the beasts we shocked or killed, there were always more coming. 

"INCENDIO!" ,a strong voice shouted and out of nowhere, a circle of flames surrounded Sirius and me. They were different from normal fire, and stayed in the place they were, while the beasts burned themselves and also seemed to be blinded by it. After they tried a couple of times to get into the circle, they all turned away and flew back to the forrest, screaming. 

"Those were Harpies, creatures of the night. They haven't been seen around the forbidden forrest in a long time, but now that Voldemord is back, they are more and more of them. Their only enemy is light and fire.", the same voice said and I knew it was Professor Dumbledore even before I saw him. 

"Thank you for saving our lives, Professor.", Sirius said and looked truly grateful. Dumbledore just nodded and then inspected our wounds. Then he mumbled a spell and they all started to heal. He smiled a bit, but it didn't reach his eyes, in which I could see worry and anger at the same time. "Come with me, I will take you to the Hospital wing, I want you to sleep there tonight.", he then said and without another word, we followed him. 

+

"I can't believe that Harpies are so close to Hogwarts!",  Madame Pompfrey said when she looked at our wounds and gave us some potion to make them heal faster and make us feel warm and secure from the inside. Dumbledore had explained her what happened next to the Quidditch field and then he went to the headmasters office to take care of the Harpy-Problem. Sirius and I laid in two beds next to each other and we both weren't capable of saying anything. We had been attacked before, but never was it by such dark creatures. 

"Merlins beard, I just heard what happened, are you guys okay? Are you wounded?", Aya asked while she came running to our beds, worry on her face. After her Remus, Peter and James also came into the hospital wing, all of them looked as worried as Aya, but relieved when they saw us both. 

"Hey, guys." , Sirius said with a tired smile on his face. Madame Pompfry inspected the shoes of the visitors and then when she saw that they were clean, she left us all alone to go into her office. 

"How are you two?", James asked and sat down on Sirius' bed.  We both told everyone that we were fine, but nobody believed us. "I can't believe that they are so close to Hogwarts.", Remus said, repeating Aya, and sat down next to my bed on the chair that Lily had used before when James had been injured. "I have read about these creatures and they are really horrible. Did you know that three more live when you kill one?"

Sirius and I looked at each other and then said in a union: "Yes." 
 

"Oh.", Remus said and then looked to Sirius, to me and then back to Sirius. "Wait, did you two kiss?", he then asked and I could hear that his voice was a little higher than usual. I felt bad for Remus, because he did tell me that he had a crush on me, but I felt even more embarrassed when Sirius said: "Yeah, man. I kissed her before you." 

Did they have a bet on or something who would kiss me first? Was all the 'I really like you'- stuff from Remus just a fake? I really didn't expect him to have a competition about kissing a girl first. 
 

"Actually, Sirius. I kissed her first.", Remus said with a fake smile on his face. I closed my eyes because this was such an awkward situation while James and Aya giggled and Peter just silently stood next to my bed. I expected Sirius to not like this, I expected him to swear, but I didn't expect him to do what he now did. 

"You did what? You, Katherine are such a slut! Look at me when I talk to you!", Sirius started shouting, making Madame Pompfrey come out of her office. Sirius got out of his bed, even though James tried to hold him back, and then he came closer to me and Remus. Remus got up as well, prepared for anything, but Sirius just pushed him aside and then leaned over me. I could see fury in his eyes. 

"You are such a whore, why would you kiss him before you kiss me? You probably sucked his dick too and now I practically kissed his dick, I had his dick in my mouth!", Sirius continued and then he sat back on his bed, still angry and clenching his fists.
 

"Uhm, Sirius? Do you even know what you are saying right now? YOU are the male slut in Hogwarts and if you count that as kissing one persons dick then you have kissed hundreds!", I defended myself, not knowing why he was so upset about all this. Deep inside my heart, I hoped that he cared so much because maybe he loved me. 

"What are you all doing here? You are supposed to rest Mister Black! Back into your bed, immediately!"; Madame Pompfry said as she came out of her office. 

"Can I have another bed?", Sirius demanded and he got his wish. She placed him on the other side of the room and then she send everyone out. Aya gave me a quick wink that probably meant: 'Well done on kissing them both', but I didn't feel happy at all. I just felt like I just lost both of them, and I hated that feeling. 

"Sirius?", I asked into the dark, because Madame Pomfrey had turned off all the lights for us to sleep, but I didn't get an answer. He was ignoring me, brilliant. I turned around in my bed and tried to fall asleep, but I just couldn't. I had so much on my mind, starting with a silly problem like love, but also the N.E.W.T's and then there was Peter's problem and the Harpies attacking us for the second time. 

"Pssst.", I heard a voice say. 

"Sirius?", I asked, but then I realized that that was a stupid question to ask since he ignored me right now and was probably already asleep. 

"No, stupid, it's me!", the voice said and then the tip of a wand lit up and I saw Peter coming to my bed. He sat down next to me, and he looked horrible. I didn't notice it today, but now I could see the rings under his eyes and all the worry and fear in them. He looked a few years older then when we arrived at Hogwarts. 

"What is it?", I asked him, and sat up to properly talk to him. I felt a bit of pain where the Harpy had bitten me, but I ignored it and gave Peter a kiss on the cheek after hugging him. When I looked back into his face, I could see that he had started crying. 

"It is all my fault!", he sniffed and shook his head. "I told father that I didn't want to be a death eater, because I would never betray my friends and then he told me : 'So then I will kill all of them'.  I think he is behind the Harpy-attacks! He wants the Marauders dead."  My mouth dropped open in shock and I shook my head as well: "How can he be so heartless? He almost killed me as well!" But then again I wasn't even too surprised. He was a heartless monster, I knew that from all the times he had used the crucius-spell on me or Peter. 

"Actually, I think that he wouldn't mind getting rid of you, too. He knows how strong you are and that you would rather give your life than serve the Dark Lord. I on the other hand am weak, I am a coward.", Peter said and couldn't even look into my eyes when he did so. 

"No! That is not true, Peet! You are a Gryffindor and there was a reason the hat chose you to be in this house! You are brave and together we can stand agains our parents and even Voldemord!", I said and pulled his cheek up so he had to look at me. "I love you, Peet, and so do the Marauders. We will all support you."

"No, please don't tell them! They wouldn't understand!", Peter said with panic in his voice and as much as I tried to convince him, he refused to tell the Marauders about the demand of our father. I didn't understand it, but I respected his choice. 

"See you tomorrow in class.", I said as he walked out of the hospital wing, and even though I had even more to worry about now, I fell asleep instantly. I guess the potion finally kicked in. 

 

Fri- 25. September 1977

 

A week had gone by and Sirius didn't speak a word to me except the necessary 'Hey' or 'Bye'. I didn't understand why he was so upset because Remus kissed me first, but deep inside I still hoped that maybe he loved me. 

All that week I had been spending much time with Remus, who -to my surprise- didn't try to kiss me or tell me that he loved me again. I kind of missed it, but I also really enjoyed having him as a friend. We could laugh together, studied together and he was always very sweet to me, giving me compliments and making me smile when I saw Sirius flirting with other girls. Most of the time it was Marlene and I got really jealous of her, which did help my potions grade a lot because I always tried to be better than her. 

All of this time I also watched over Peter, trying to figure out what was going on in his head, but he cut himself off more and more, even from the Marauders. I told them that it was only because our father was so strict with our grades, but I wished that I could tell them the truth. The Harpies  didn't show up again, but Quidditch at night was forbidden now and nobody was to go near the forrest at night. 

"So, why do you even like Sirius? He has done nothing but being a jerk to you and all the other girls at this school.", Remus asked unexpectedly when we were just making our homework in the common room. It felt like my heart slides down into my stomach, thats how embarrassed I felt. How did he know that I liked Sirius? On the other hand, maybe I was a bit obvious, staring at him for too long and smashing something every time he flirted with someone else. 

"Uhm, I - I don't like him. I mean I like him as a friend..", I tried my lousy explanation, but Remus just lifted one eyebrow and made clear that he wouldn't believe anything that I was saying. 

"Okay, you got me. I have a little crush on him, maybe because he is the bad boy. I don't know, he just smells so good and he looks good- ", I stopped talking instantly when I noticed what I was saying. Who I was talking to. This was still the guy who told me he loved me and now I was doting about another guy, implying that maybe Remus didn't smell or look good. "No, Remus, I don't mean that you don't smell good, you really do! And you are attractive-"

"Just cut it out, Katherine. I realized anyways that I didn't really have feelings for you, I like you better as a friend. I don't think I could ever have you as a girlfriend.", Remus stated with a cold face. Then he grabbed his books, his quill and his pell and walked up to the dorms. He left me all confused. I never expected that I would feel bad about him telling me that we would only be friends, I thought that would make me rather happy. I shook my head and got back to my homework, just when Aya came into the common room, her face shining of excitement. 

"You will never guess what just happened!", she shouted happily, ignoring that everyone was now looking at her. "It's not for you, idiots!", she told all the Gryffindors who were now expecting some big news. They shook their heads and returned back to their work, whispering about Aya's weird behavior. 

"Okay, remember when I kissed Fabian at the party?", Aya began and I chuckled: "Of course, not like you kept talking about that."

"Well, he just asked me out!", Aya squeaked and jumped up and down. "What? Really? Wow, that is so amazing for you! When is your first date?", I asked, really happy for her. 

"We are going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, but he wouldn't tell me where he wants to take me. I am meeting him at three, after lunch in the entrance hall. I am so excited!", she said, clapping  her hands. I smiled and hugged her, whispering in her ear: "When is the wedding?" Aya pushed me away and folded her arms, looking very serious: "That, my dear Scar, is gonna be in a month and - oh - did I tell you yet that I am already expecting a child?" 

I tried to answer seriously as well, but then we both couldn't hold it anymore and burst out in laughter. Some of the Gryffindors gave us angry looks and one 6th year boy even told us to shut up and make noise somewhere else. In that moment, James, Lily and Sirius walked into the common room. They were laughing and Lily and James were holding hands. My heart beat faster when I saw that, I was always rooting for the two of them to finally get together and now they were. 

"Oi, head boy! Tell the girls to keep it down a bit!", the boy asked James, obviously not knowing that we were his friends. 

"Oi, boy I don't know.", James mimicked the boy and a few Gryffindors giggled. "This is a place to be happy and have fun and they can do it as loud as they want. Plus, I am way too happy right now. Because you see, this is Lily, my official girlfriend after fighting for her for 6 years and now I just told her that I love her and -here comes the best part- she loves me too!" He smirked and then he just kissed Lily passionately in front of everyone else. A lot of people started laughing and also clapping, not to mention all the loud wolf whistles from Sirius and Aya. 

"So much love in the air.", I said, still clapping for Lily and James. In this moment, I felt like I just wanted to tell Remus about everything that happened and just hug him. Aya laughed even louder when Lily and James stepped away from each other, Lily as red as a tomato and James smiling from one ear to the other. 

"There is gonna be a little party at our dorm tomorrow night, are you coming?", someone whispered in my ear and I could smell the aftershave of Sirius, who was now standing really close with his hands on my hip. I felt my heart beating faster again, but I noticed that this was different. It was totally different from when Remus touched me. Here, I felt turned on, but with Remus I felt just butterflies. But maybe this was just my imagination, and it didn't matter anyways because Remus and I were just friends. The other thing that surprised me was that Sirius even talked to me again. 

"Sure I will, but since when do we talk again?", I asked and turned around, noticing that I was closer to Sirius that I expected. I could feel his breath on my face and his nose almost touched mine.

"I noticed that I was being a douche before. You are a nice girl and you deserve to be treated better. So, will you forgive me?", he asked and I said the only thing that came to my mind right now: "Yes, sure!" He just did it every time to twist me around his little finger. I started to forget everything about how cruel he cracked my heart every time he flirted with another girl, because right now he made me feel so special and even though somewhere deep in my brain I knew that he was still the same, I thought that maybe now I could change him. 

- 8 -

Unforgivable Curse 

Sat- 26. September 1977

 

"I can't do this, what if he just asked me out because he feels pity for me? What if he knows I have a crush on him?", Aya said, panic in her voice as she looked at herself in the mirror that Lily was standing in front of a couple of weeks ago. She had a really cool outfit on, that was sexy, but not too sexy and it almost looked like she didn't care about the date, which is exactly what Aya wanted. She had this big fear of being rejected, it was even worse than mine. 

"Aya, you're going to be fine! He likes you, otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out! And now go downstairs, it's already ten past three!", I told her, softly pushing her towards the stairs of the dorms. Aya turned around and hugged me out of nowhere: "Thanks. I love you." Then she faced the stairs again, took a deep breath and walked down. 

I smiled after her and then quickly changed from my pajama into normal clothes, putting on my red pants, a beige sweater with fitting beige uggs and then I drew a line around my eyes with my black eyeliner. My hair was still curly from yesterday evening, when Aya and I had a beauty session with face masks, relaxing music and doing our hair and nails.I smiled when I picked my leather jacket up and then walked downstairs. Aya wasn't in the common room anymore, but the person I was looking for was: James. He, Sirius and Remus were sitting at the fireplace, laughing at some joke that James had made.  

"Hey, James, could I borrow you for a second?", I asked and pulled James up from the couch, which was harder than I thought. He didn't want to get up so he let himself fall back into the couch and pulled me with him. I ended up falling onto him, my face next to his black, tousled hair. 

"He is taken, Scar!", Sirius joked and all the guys started laughing when I tried to get up from the chair. My hair was in my face and mouth and James still held the hand that I tried to get him up with. I also had to be careful not to hit my knee in his balls, which I had done several times before - but of course not on purpose. 

"James, seriously. This is an emergency, I need you.", I told him and looked at him with my best puppy eyes. They always helped with him, since the first time I met him. I wanted some of his chocolate and then, by making these eyes and pretending to be almost crying, he gave them to me. Also now, when I was looking in his eyes I could see that I got him hooked. "I hate it when you do that face!", he grumbled, more angry at himself than me, and then got up. 

"Oh, that's too easy, bro! You have to make her beg for it!", Sirius commented again, but this time nobody laughed. "Dude, no wonder you don't get her, you also need to give that girl something and not only make her beg for everything.", James stated, but my heart beat faster. What girl was he talking about? Did the Sirius Black maybe fancy someone special? I tried not to look as excited as I felt when I grabbed James hand again and led him to the dorms of the boys. 

"What are you doing with him? If you want good sex you should go up there with me.", Sirius shouted after us and several girls in the common room started giggling. I just rolled my eyes. As excited as I was just a second ago, as annoyed was I now. Sirius did only think about one thing and one thing only. 

James and I walked the stairs up into the dorm that he shared with Peter, Sirius and Remus.  Their room was a mess, peaces of clothing was laying all over the place, and only Remus had cleaned up a little putting his underwear rather into the closet than in one of the corners of the room. I turned up my nose at the mess and suddenly I was glad that Ash made us clean up from time to time. 

"You know that you can just use a spell on this mess right? Oh, and I need to borrow your invisibility cloak, please!", I demanded when I kicked a pair of jeans out of the way. James looked at me and it seemed like he was not sure wether to laugh or to look angry.

"I don't really do that kind of magic and we don't mind this.", James started and then he grabbed his cloak, that was laying on his trunk. "And no, you won't get my cloak. I remember well what you did last time." I had to fight hard not to laugh at the memories of the four marauders being embarrassed in front of the whole school when I snuck into their room and spilled all their secrets. 

"Please! I have to follow Aya and see how her date is going!", I said, looking at him with my puppy-eyes again. He laughed and to my surprise he actually gave me the cloak. "I believe you and I just can't say no to your face like this." I smiled and hugged him, shouting 'Thank you!', when I let him go and ran down the stairs. Before I entered the common room, I put the cloak on. Then I walked through the room, putting a quick 'booger-spell' on Sirius that would make him have boogers for the next hour. And a lot of them. He deserved it. 

When I climbed out of the portrait - after waiting for someone to come in- I ran to the stairs and then in direction of the Entrance-Hall. But when I was in the second floor, I heard a little squeak that could only possibly be from one person: Peter. I quickly turned to the right and passed some paintings which were all empty and then I heard voices. 

"Did you put that charm on us so that nobody can hear or find us?", a guys voice asked and a girl snorted: "Do I look like your slave, Dalton? Do it yourself!"  This voice I would have noticed under a hundred voices: it was Bellatrix Black. I heard steps coming to the door and then Dalton Goyle, the best friend of Lucius opened it and looked around. I took this opportunity and slipped inside the classroom. 

"There is nobody here.", Dalton said and closed the door again, sealing it with some charms. I on the other hand looked around and quickly put both  my hands in front of my mouth when I saw Peter sitting on a chair in the middle of the room, all the tables and other chairs were being put to the walls of the classroom. Not only Bellatrix and Dalton, but also Lucius was here and Peters wand was laying on the floor next to Lucius. 

"So, you little rat.  For whatever reason the Dark Lord wants you to join him and he has asked me, his loyal follower, to persuade you.", Bellatrix said, enjoying her power over Peter and showing him her Tattoo on her right arm. She kissed it and then came closer to Peter's face, pressing her wand into his throat. He coughed and I could only see pure fear in his eyes, but he tried to be strong, only looking straight ahead. I looked at the scenario, not knowing what to do next. I just had to get Peter's attention, get his wand and then we could maybe fight them. 

"Just say it, Peter. Say that you want to be a Death Eater.", Lucius necked, stepping forward to also show his mark. This was my chance. As quiet as possible, I walked over to where Peters wand was and then picked it up. I felt like you could see my foot for a second, but when I quickly stood up, ready for any attack, all three Slytherins only had eyes for Peter. 

"Can't we just torture him? This is not fun!", Bellatrix said and  stepped back from Peter, dancing around the chairs. This was it, this was the time to do it. With a wave of my wand I transported the cloak back into the boys room, so that the Slytherins wouldn't get their hands on it, then I shouted: "Catch, Peter!", and threw the wand to Peter, who actually caught it. All three of them now turned to me and I used the moment of surprise to just punch Bellatrix in the face. "That is my brother you slut!", I shouted and then I used the bat-bogey-hex on Lucius, since the idea of Sirius with a lot of bogies just popped into my mind. Bellatrix dropped her wand, unprepared that I would hit her with my fist rather than cursing her and Lucius had to fight with all the bats crawling out of his nose. 

"Run, Peter.", I told my brother who was just battling Dalton, and he did take my advice. Dalton turned to me and smiled: "Such a waste of a pretty girl."  Then he spoke curses, which I had to protect myself from. Now Bellatrix was back on her feet, her wand in her hand and an evil grin on her face: "Did you really think you could win against us?", she asked and  then she shot curses at me too. We fought hard and destroyed the whole classroom in the process, while Lucius was still being attacked by the bats. 

Then, two things happened at once: The door slammed open and Professor Slughorn came inside with Peter behind him, and one of Daltons curses hit me. I heard him say the word: "Imperio."

 

Sat- 26. September 1977

 

"Merlin's beard, what is going on in here?", Slughorn asked when he came in, looking at all the mess that we made.

I heard his words like they were far, far away and I was just floating. I felt so happy like the time I got into the Quidditch team and my brain seemed to be surrounded by big, white fog so that I couldn't think clearly. Somewhere really far away I asked myself how I got here and why nothing worried me, but I just ignored it because this feeling was so awesome. 

"Did you make her take drugs?", Slughorn asked and waved his hand in front of my face. I must have been smiling like an idiot, and I quickly recovered, trying to look normal. I could see Peter behind Slughorn, looking at me, trying to tell me something. Maybe it was important for me to understand what he was saying, but right now I didn't care. Then I suddenly heard Daltons voice in my head: Tell him that it was just for fun and you hit your head a little and that is why Peter was scared.

I don't even know why, but it felt like the right thing to tell Slughorn exactly what Dalton wanted me to say. This is wrong! Fight the curse!, a little voice in my head, but that voice didn't seem very convincing, while Daltons voice, who told me that we just had a little fight to study for the exams seemed like the master of me now. Somehow I knew that as long as I listened to this voice, I would stay in this amazing fog and would just feel happy. 

"Oh! I am glad that you are studying and I am even more glad that Gryffindors and Slytherins get along well. I am so proud of you.", the Professor said and smiled at us. 

"We will of course clean everything up and we are very sorry that Peter bothered you!", Dalton said, smiling charmingly. I knew that Slughorn would  believe this story, since Dalton was in his 'Slug-Club' and one of his favorite students. 

"Okay, well. If you clean everything up, I don't think that there is a problem. I just hope that you only used harmless magic. Have a nice day.", the old man said and patted Daltons shoulder like an old friends. Then he turned around and left the class, closing the door behind him. 

I felt really happy about him believing the story, even though in some part of my brain there was an alarm clock ringing, telling me that something was wrong. Just like the voice earlier, I just ignored it. 

"What did you do to my sister?", Peter asked angrily, but at the same time scared. 

"Oh, nothing. She just finally realized how great I am.", Dalton said with a self-loving smile on his face that remind me of the one from Sirius. Bellatrix started laughing, coming towards me and holding her wand agains my throat. I felt like I should maybe defend myself, but then Daltons voice told me to stay exactly where I was. And of course I listened to him. 

"Scar! Snap out of it!", Peter said and came over from the door. Despite being scared of Bellatrix, he pushed her out of the was and shook my shoulders. I realized that he was really scared for me and I wanted to do what he told me to, I wanted to snap out of it, but the force to follow Daltons orders was stronger. 

"You used an unforgivable curse!", Bellatrix said, surprised and respectful at the same time. "I never thought that you had that in you."

"Do you know how dangerous that is?", Lucius asked, he just stood there since Slughorn came in, saying nothing but biting his lip: "You will get expelled when they find out!"

"Well they aren't going to find out.", Dalton said and pointed his wand at Peter: "Or are you going to tell them?" Bellatrix seemed to really enjoy this and what I could see from her body language, she was even flirting with Dalton a bit. 

"I won't tell anyone, just please let her go!", Peter begged but Bellatrix and Daton just laughed, while Lucius looked really uncomfortable .  

"Come on, people. Lighten up a bit, let's just enjoy life!", I said, smiling at all the people who were here. I just felt so happy that I ignored the fact that I thought that I hated the Slytherins. Dalton and Bellatrix laughed even more, while Peter looked even more worried and looked like he was about to cry. Dalton came over to me and laid an arm over my shoulder.

"You heard your sister, Pettigrew. Now go clean this classroom up while we have a little fun with my new slave."

"What are you going to do with her, you sick bastard? Dumbledore will find out about this and then he will punish you.", Peter shouted after us when we walked to the door. When I looked back, I could actually see tears in his eyes and it killed me to see him like this. The alarm clock in my head rang louder, trying to wake me up, trying to snap out of this curse, but the fog was still too strong. 

"Oh, you are so pathetic, Pettigrew. I don't even understand why The Dark Lord would want you in his army anyways.", Dalton mocked and Bellatrix, Lucius, Dalton and me left the room, leaving Peter behind to clean up. 

When Dalton made sure that nobody was in the corridor, he pulled up my sleeve and touched my arm with his wand. "This is so that anytime you or your brother want to tell anyone about this incident, you will be reminded that I am stronger than you." With these words he started cutting deep into my skin.

"What on earth are you doing, Dalton?", Lucius asked and quickly looked around, checking if nobody was coming.  Bellatrix just laughed while I could only stare at my arm, not able to move, to scream or to defend myself just because Dalton told me so. 

"This is a dark wound. Pretty difficult magic, but I practiced a lot. Everytime she thinks of turning us in by telling anyone, the wound will open again and it will kill here before she can tell. It will never heal completely, there will always be a scar visible.", Dalton explained and Bellatrix eyes got bigger and bigger. 

"Seriously, just kiss him if you think he's that amazing!", I said, without even noticing and shocked all four of us. Me, because I had fought the curse a little, and the three others for the same reason. 

"She is starting to get rid of the curse!", Bellatrix said, blushing only a little bit, but then added: "Or did you tell her to say that?"

"I did not tell her to say that, but I wouldn't mind a little kiss...", Dalton said and instantly received a slap in the face: "I don't fancy you and I most certainly don't want to kiss you."

"Guys, I don't mean to interrupt, but it might be a little suspicious if we hang out with a Gryffindor. Make her go back to her dorm or something.", Lucius suggested, still looking around nervously. Bellatrix rolled her eyes, but she and Dalton had to admit that Lucius was right. Just then, I felt the  urge to walk back to the common room and think of a good excuse why I send the invisibility cloak back. 

"Bye, Dalton. You are the most amazing - not! Person on earth!", I said when I turned around to go up the stairs. It cost me a lot of concentration to through the 'not' into that sentence, but it was defenetly worth it, because I could hear Lucius and Bellatrix laugh at their friend when they made their way to the dungeons. 

I walked up the stairs, mechanically said the password and sat on the couch, staring into the fire and trying to fight the fog and Daltons voice telling me to convince Peter to become a Deatheater and betray his friends. 

"Hey, Scar! I thought you were going to go after Aya and Fabian? How was it?", James asked, coming down from his dorm. As much as I wanted to tell him that I didn't do that, but fought the Slytherins instead, I had Daltons orders to act normal: "Oh, uhm. I couldn't find them anymore, they were already gone when I got to the Entrance Hall and so I thought it would make any sense to follow them to Hogsmeade."

"Oh, okay. Do you wanna come to our dorm already, we are just starting the Party. I am just going to get Lily and then I'll join you.", James told me and I smiled and nodded: "Sure, I'll go."

I had the feeling that Dalton would make this night really embarrassing for me, and the first order that I got from him proved me right. 

- 9 -

 

Firewhiskey

Sat- 26. September 1977

 

Drink as much Firewhiskey as you need to get totally drunk.

I rolled my eyes when I walked upstairs, because Dalton was being really childish with this curse. He could make me spy om the Orden or give Dumbledore false hints about Voldemord or many other things that were better than getting me drunk, while he couldn't even see what I was doing.

"Hey, Scar! Come in, come in!", I heard Remus babble, who was sitting on the floor of their dorm, leaning agains his bed and with a bottle of firewhiskey in his hands. His hair was very voluminous because the gel, that he normally put into it, didn't do it's job very well anymore. Appareanly he was also getting really drunk tonight, even though he did it by free will.

"Hey, Remus. Are you drunk already?", I asked ironically because it was obvious that he was tipsy. His upper body staggered a bit when he looked up to me and when he understood the question, he vigorously shook his head. When I sat down next to him, I remembered that the last time we met, we didn't part very friendly, and so I wanted to apologize again. 

"Remus, can I t- take a drink as well?", I asked, trying to say something completely different. But the curse made me want alcohol, even though I wasn't much of a drinker. And instead of apologizing, I got the bottle of firewhiskey from Remus. "Joining the club? 'Cuz I'm getting wasted tonight. Oh, and I'm sorry it didn't work out with Sirius.", Remus said, not sounding sorry at all that it didn't work out with Sirius, even though I didn't even know what he meant. Did Sirius have another girl? I wanted to ask him more about it, but the urge to take a sip out of the bottle was bigger. When I took a big sip and gave the bottle back to Remus, I couldn't stop myself from squinch up my face because it was so disgusting.  The liquid burned it's way to my stomach and I could feel how it seemingly heated me up from inside. When I looked at Remus, and saw how he was just staring at the bottle, I felt that something was wrong. 

"What happened to you, you look like you just saw a ghost.", I said, using the muggle expression and fighting the urge to ask him of the bottle again. I noticed that the more I concentrated on Remus and too myself that it would be irresponsible to drink more, the clearer my head got. Then, from one moment to the other, the fog in my head was just gone. All my worries, my fears came back to me and with them also the pain. I had massive pain in my right arm and I struggled to keep a straight face. That must be from the dark wound, that bastard really did hurt me a lot. I swore to myself that I would get back to him, but right now Remus was more important. 

"I see ghost everyday. But in my dreams I see a werewolf, myself, killing innocent people. ", Remus explained with a monoton voice, while he kept staring at the bottle, not noticing that I just fought an unforgivable curse. 

"You don't kill innocent people, Remus! You can control it now.", I tried to comfort him, but he just shook his head again. "Whatever, you don't even know what it's like! You don't know how hard it is."

"I can try to help you!", I said, feeling hurt by his words because I really did try to help him. 

"Hey you two!", Sirius shouted, coming out of the bathroom with a girl following him. When they came into the room, I noticed that it was Marlene. She laughed and held Sirius arm like it was her only source of life. Then she turned him around and kissed him passionately.

It felt like my heart stopped for a second when I saw this. I could feel jealousy overwhelm me and I quickly laid my head on Remus' shoulder to show Sirius that I didn't mind. Stupid bitch, to be so foolish and kiss the player. He was going to use her and throw her away after a few day, like he did with every girl.

"I have to go to the bathroom.", I said to get away from watching the two make out. When I got up and walked in the direction of the bathroom, the door to the dorm opened and James came in, followed by two girls. One with red hair and one with brown hair. 

"Hey, Moony. I got you the girl you asked for."

This one sentence was the most horrible that I ever heard. My intestines felt like they started to move around, burning up with heat and my heart tightened hurtfully. Remus had asked for a girl? Was he actually interested in someone else and maybe even had a crush on her, pretending to love me for a kiss? Even though I kept convincing myself that I wouldn't care if he did like someone else, right now there was no denying that I did care. 

"Yeah, Bella! Isabella, I am so glad that you made it!", Remus said, got up and hugged Isabella, the Ravenclaw girl we had detention with once. She laughed and that laugh just made me sick. "I'm glad that you're happy.", she answered when Remus let go of her and now stood really close. Then he suddenly stepped foreword, taking her neck with his left hand and pressed his lips on hers, the bottle of firewhiskey still in his other hand. 

I heard the wolf-whistles from Sirius and James only dulled while I stumbled backwards to the door. I almost didn't realize Lily, who asked if I was okay and the words that I spoke didn't seem to be mine: "I am fine, just drank too much. I am gonna check on Aya now, she should be back."

I walked to the door, trying to keep a straight posture when all I wanted to do was lye on the floor, crying my eyes out. Yes, I did feel bad when Sirius kissed other girls, but this was so different. This was actual pain. I felt like I was just being kissed by a Dementor, all my happiness got sucked out of my body and left were that one horrible memory: Remus kissing Isabella. I saw it over and over again while I walked, rather tripped down the stairs into the common room. I didn't even care about people calling my name or looking at me in a weird way, I just had to be alone right now. 

I ran down the stairs of the castle, through the Entrance Hall and then, I finally was outside. Some people just got back from Hogsmeade and said 'Hello' to me, but I had everyone blocked out. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. In front of the others, especially in front of Remus and Sirius, I had to pretend like I was okay. But I wasn't, and I was afraid I would never be. Without noticing, I had been running to the forrest, the only place where I could be alone. I turned into a wolf as I ran and then, I just kept running like I could run away from the pain.

+

I found myself next to a beautiful lake deep in the forrest, an area with lots of magical creatures like unicorns and centaurs. I felt that I was getting calmer, my heartbeat slowed down and the pain got less. I forced myself to not think about the kiss, which was really hard, but by concentration on my seances, it finally worked. I just concentrated on the beautiful smell of all the flowers around the lake, the fresh air that was blowing through the leaves of the trees and I focused on the sounds. The chirping and whistling of the birds, the splashing of the flying fishes in the water and the sound of the little waterfall that was across the lake, creating a rainbow together with the sun. 

I could just stay here in the woods as a wolf, ignore all the problems I had. For this moment, it felt like I could actually run away from reality. But with one last breath of freedom, I made my way back to the castle. Back to my weird love life, my brother who was being bullied by Slytherins, my exams and school, and my perfectly happy best friend, whose mood I didn't want to spoil. 

When I reached the castle after turning back into a human near the Quidditch field, I could see Aya and Fabian just passing through the huge doors of the entrance hall, walking in direction of the kitchens. I smiled to myself, I bet they had an amazing date, and it would end perfectly with a little snack from the helpful houseelves. I could see that they linked their hands just before they disappeared behind a corner and were out of sight. 

"Katherine! Katherine! There you are, I was looking for you everywhere!", I heard a female voice, but I wasn't really sure whose it was. I just really prayed to god that it wasn't Isabella, telling me that she was sorry for kissing Remus or something. But what if it was and everyone knew now that I had a major crush on Remus? That would be the most embarrassing moment of my life and it would probably be hurtful when Remus told me again that he just wants to be friends. 

"Hey, are you okay? Your aura is really bad!", another female voice directly behind me said and I twirled around, almost scared to death. It was Sybill Trelawney behind me, her hair all over the place and looking as weird as usual. Just as I wanted to say something to her, I could feel a hand on my shoulder and the same girl as before say: "I know that you lied before."

 

"What?", I asked and turned around again, just to sight releaved: it was Lily standing there, worry in her eyes. 

"I know that you lied before when you said that you were just checking on Aya and Fabian, because I saw you run into the woods. Do you want to talk about it?", Lily asked, and I tried as much as I could to hold back my tears, but I could already feel them in my eyes. 

"No, I'm fine! I'm great.", I said, but with this lie I probably wouldn't even be able to convince myself. 

"Is it about that boy?", Trelawny asked and I was a little bit impressed with her abilities before I figured that most of girls problems would be about boys.

" I really appeaceate that you want to help, but I think that Katherine and I have to talk alone right now.", Lily said and I couldn't be more thankful. I never did much with her, but she was always nice to me and I felt that I could trust her. Trelawny on the other hand seemed very hurt by the head girls words and just stormed off leaving the smell of smoke and dust behind. She really was a strange girl, but on the other hand, she just wanted to help me. 

"Let's go somewhere that we can talk in private.", Lily sugested and I nodded, quickly wiping a tear from my eyes before anyone could see that I was about to cry. Lily pulled me away from the crowd in the enterence hall and into an empty classroom. I thought that it was the muggle-teaching room because nothing wizardy was standing around, but I didn't really care much in this moment. I just leaned agains one of the tables, ready to tell Lily everything. I didn't know who else to turn to right now. I was just so confused. I got jeleaus when I saw Sirius kissing someone else, but that was nothing compared to what I felt when I saw Remus with Isabella. It was a thousand times worse, and maybe now I saw what had been hidden for so long: Remus wasn't just a friend to me, he was the one I truly loved. Sirius was nothing more but a crush and the more I thought about it, the less I understood why I even fancied him so much. 

Just when I was about to tell Lily why I really ran away from the little party, when suddenly someone threw chalk at my face and only missed me by a bit. 

"PEEVES!", Lily shouted and looked around, only to see Peeved hovering over the teachers desk with a hand full of chalk to throw at us. I really didn't feel like putting up with Peeves right now, so I just mumbled a simple spell and made hot air come out of my wand. At first, Peeves was trying to fly around it, but when Lily joined me, it was hopeless for him and he just flew through the wall to mock and annoy other students. 

"I - I think that I might like Remus.", I stuttered, not being able to say that I actually loved him. Lily seemed to understand what was going on with me, she came over and touched my arm perceptively. A hint of a smile appeared on her face, when she pulled me into a hug to comfort me: "I am so sorry that you had to find it out like this, but I always knew that you two are meant to be together."

"What?", I asked, lightly pushing her away, baffled that she was smiling when I had this massive pain and also shocked that she said we were meant to be together. Lily instantly stopped smiling and had that worried and caring look on her face again. " I am sorry, I should comfort you and tell you that Remus is an ass for kissing Bella, but he was just hurt.", she continued and I furrowed my brow. How could she protect Remus right now? He was the one hurting me today!

"Katherine, just imagine what he must have been through. You kept talking about Sirius, how you had a crush on him and then even kissing him while he told you that he loved you-", Lily started, but now it was enough for me. I had to defend myself: "But after that he told me that he would rather stay friends and that we wouldn't make a good couple anyways! He pushed me away!"

"Because he was trying to protect himself, he was trying to at least keep you as a friend, even though he still loved you.", Lily interrupted her. Was that true? Did he really love her and not just pretend it to get a kiss? "Wait, how do you know all this?", I asked, suspiciously raising an eyebrow. 

"Well -", Lily started to explain, but just in that moment Aya and Fabian stumbled into the room, holding hands and almost shining from happiness and love. 

"Oh, Scar! I am so sorry. What are you two- is everything alright with you?", Aya asked and instantly let go of Fabians hand when she saw that I had tears in my eyes. I could also see that Fabian was worrying about me, but I was just forcing myself to smile, I didn't want to ruin their happy moment with my stupid love-problems. 

"I am totally fine, I just practiced some spells with Lily and one of them went a little wrong.", I answered, using almost the same excuse that I used when I was being forced by Dalton to tell it. Oh, Dalton! Peter! What the Slytherins had found him and picked on him again? I could just go to Dumbledore and- 

"Scar! You're bleeding!", Aya exclaimed and grabbed her right arm, where Dalton had cut the dark wound. I pressed my teeth together to stop myself from screaming when I felt how the wound opened again and then just spluttered something about going to the hospital wing before I ran to the door and up to the Gryffindor common room. When I climbed  through the portrait, the wound had closed itself again because I stopped thinking about telling anyone Dalton's secret. 

"Sis, there you are!", Peter's voice made it's way to me and before I could react, he hugged me. "Did you fight the curse?", he whispered into my ear, and I told him that I did. "Awesome! I knew you could so it!", he said and I saw a spark of hope in his eyes. Hope, that maybe we would defeat the Deatheaters. 

+

Thu- 08. Oktober 1977

"I wish you all the luck in the world!", Lily said, when Aya, Fabian, Sirius  James and I had to right to the changing rooms while she, Remus and Marlene kept walking to the seats. It was our first Quidditch match and it was against Hufflepuff. They had always lost the Quidditch tournament in the last years, but their team this year was actually acceptable and we wouldn't see them as an easy opponent. 

Fabian and Aya walked hand in hand, and Lily gave James a kiss on the cheek, before the linked arms with Remus to find a seat. Marlene looked at Sirius, but didn't even wish him good luck, because they just had a huge fight last weekend. Believe it or not, Sirius actually did like her enough to stick with her for more than a week now and they had even been on a date. But last sunday, Sirius had flirted with another girl, and -obviously- Marlene wasn't very happy with that. Sirius had apologized a thousand times, but Marlene told him to come up with a better apology than just saying sorry. The relationship between James and Lily went amazingly, just like the one from Fabian and Aya, who even told each other that they were in love. I on the other hand was being a scaredy-cat and just ignored my feelings for Remus. After kissing Isabella, he had just been nice to her, and we both stayed friends, even though it wasn't as untroubled as usual. Everytime he hugged me or kissed me on the forehead like he always did to comfort me or greet me, my heart beat so fast that I was afraid he would hear it and I just had the deep craving to kiss him. But I didn't. 

"Are you okay?", Aya asked, who was getting changed next to me. I did tell her about my feelings for Remus, and both Lily and her encouraged me to just tell him, but I was just too scared. Too scared of rejection. 

"Yeah, I am just really nervous about this game.", I lied and grabbed my broom. It was time for James' speech and then it would be showtime. I was actually really confident that we would win today, we had practiced hard and we were an amazing team. 

"Okay, team. I want that all of you give 200% out there, show them what we got and Ash, don't catch the snitch too soon. We want to get some points and with our chasers, we can score well!", James started, but he was naturally being interrupted by his best friend: "You just complimented yourself, captain! What about complimenting us?" 

James gave him a death glare, that Sirius didn't take very seriously, but he still shut his moth. 

"As I was saying. We have a great chaser team, but we also need the beaters and the keeper very much. The beaters to keep the other seeker from getting the snitch before Ash, and the keeper - of course- to keep our goal clean. As soon as you see that we aren't able to score, you have to get the snitch!", James ordered Ash, and everyone nodded in agreement. Then we formed a circle and shouted: "GRYFFINDOR, GRYFFINFOR, GRYFFINDOR!"

With a good, but also scared feeling in my tummy, a feeling that I got every time before a match, I held my broom tighter and walked into our little stadium where shouting Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Slytherins and Hufflepuffs welcomed us. The game could begin.

- 10 -

 

Memories

Sat- 26. September 1977

 

While we walked, or rather danced back to the castle, the game flashed before my eyes again in a blurr: The weather was perfect for a match, it wasn‘t raining and not too cold either, and when Madame Hootch started the game, we all did what James told us to do. Ash was flying high over the field, watching out for the snitch, not catching it, but rather making sure that the small Hufflepuff guy wouln‘t see it first. 

Aya, James and I gave our best. We were being an amazing team, almost reading each others minds and knowing when to throw the Quaffle to whom, doing most of the tricks and routines that we learned in training. This was leading to us making 60 points after only ten minutes, while Gideon protected his goal well, only letting one Quaffle in. 

After another ten minutes and 40 points, James gave Ash the sign to actually catch the snitch and that was when it got really scary for a second: the seeker of Hufflepuff saw the snitch as well, and both started chacing after it, both reaching out for the snitch at the same time and only a well-placed blutcher from Sirius into the stomach of the Hufflepuff-seeker made it possible for us to win with 250 - 10. 

„GRYFFINDOR; GRYFFINDOR!“, was the one word that echoed over the grounds of Hogwarts, because all Gryffindors were drunken with joy and not even the ,booh‘-ing Slytherins and Hufflepuffs could ruin the blast we had when we made our way to the Gryffindor common room. 

 

Mon - 12. October 1977

 

It was a full moon again. We all feared this one more than any other, because we knew that dark creatures were lurking in the dark, now that Voldemord was getting more and more powerful, and most of the bad creatures fed from fear and murder. 

„You guys don‘t have to come with me this time.“, Remus said, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. His eyes had big rings uner them because he was being haunted by nightmares about him killing innocent people, and his face was unusually pale, resembling the fear we all felt. 

Aya, Sirius, Peter, James, Remus and I were all in the dorm of the guys, discussing what to do about the full moon tonight. Sirius and James insisted that Remus should not go alone, and Peter and I were agreeing, but we said that we could maybe all stay in the castle, using a by charms protected room. Remus was totally against that, telling us that he would rather die than to hurt any student. 

„Moony, why are we even having a discussion about this? We are in this together, and we can fight any dark creature, that will just be like practice for us.“, Sirius said maybe the sixth time now, he was smirking and driving his hand through his messy, long hair. James nodded and then walked over to Remus, kneeling down in front of him to look into his eyes. 

„We are here for you, Moony. We are your best friends and we will always be there for you, if you want that or not. Even though I was standing behind Remus, I just knew that he was rolling his eyes right now, knowing that he didn‘t have a chance against Sirius and James‘ stubborn opinion. I smiled at Aya, but she didn‘t smile back. She looked almost as bad as Remus, her makeup was smudged and her hair was a mess. It was horrible enough for us to go out there, but it was even worse for her to stay here, not being able to help at all.

„Last time you ended up in the hospital wing, happy to be alive. So please guys, be careful!“, she then said and pulled me into a tight hug. 

„I will watch out for the guys.“, I said jokingly and we all laughed hysterically about my lame joke. Our nerves were all on the edge when we left the dorm and when Aya said good night to us in the common room. She would obviously not be able to sleep at all until we came back. 

 

+

 

„It‘s starting.“, Remus said without any expression on his face. Usually I would give him some last words like 'You can control it, you‘re strong‘ or something like that, but the friendship between Remus and I was getting werider by the day. It was both our faults, because he kissed Isabella once again, and I started flirting with Sirius (who stopped dating Marlene, but still liked her)  again when he was around, just to show Remus and maybe myself that I didn‘t have a crush on him. Aya kept telling me that I should confess my love and everything would be fine. But she didn‘t even know what she was talking about, her and Fabian were the cutest couple of the school, right after Lily and James of course. 

A heartbreaking scream of Remus interrupted my thoughts when he started turning into the beast he hated so much. I could see that James and Peter were already turned onto animals, only Sirius was still human and then he came over. Not noticed by anyone, he whispered into my ear: „He loves you, you know?“ Then, without another word, he turned into a black dog and left me speechless. 

I turned into a wolf, recalling his words over and over in my head. Was he joking or was it maybe true that Remus loved me? 

I wasn‘t able to think about that much longer, because I had to watch out for Remus now, who was houling and scratching walls, either out of control or angry. Usually when he got anry about something as a human, he started going crazy on the poor house that was now called 'Shrieking Shack‘ and being feared by kids. 

Suddenly, coldness surrounded us. Remus stopped smashing the only chair left in the room and whimped, sniffing the air to look for the source of the sudden clima change. Me, having my full human brain, knew the second that the windows froze, what kind of creatures we were about to face: Dementors. Fear made it‘s way through my body, pulling my stomach together and letting my heart beat faster. 

„Dementors!“, James shouted, who had changed back into a human, his wand out and ready to defend himself. „You guys have to transform back, then we can keep them away from here.“, he said with a firm voice that hid his fear. It was easy to see that he was used to giving orders, and Peter instantly followed the command. 

Remus seemed to get more and more nervous, having people around him made him hungry and I knew that he had a hard time keeping it together, but on the other hand there was this feeling of fear that was less horrible for animals, but it was still there. 

„What about Remus?“, Peter asked, who also had seen that the werewolf was growling at us, but at the same time whimping. James thought about that for a second and then he said: „Sirius, you stay an animal and keep Remus in control and Scar, you help us defend this place.“

I nodded as a wolf and felt the well known stings that told me that I was changing back. Just when I had completed my transformation, I saw a dementor hovering at the window, glad that he had found five souls to suck the happiness out of. Okay, think of something happy!, I told myself, and skipped through all my happy memories to find the right one. 

„Expecto patronus!“, James shouted and a huge stag formed out of the silver smoke that came out of his wand. It ran to the Dementor to fulfill his duty and the Dementor seemed to be pushed away by the light blue stag. The dark creature left the window, only for us to see that there were hundreds of them surrounding us. Peter shouted the spell as well, but his rat-patronus was very weak and vanished just after he had concured it. 

„James, watch out!“, I heard Sirius voice, just before Remus jumped onto his friend, who fell onto the ground and didn‘t move anymore. 

„No, Remus!“, I screamed and the wolf actually turned around, almost as if he recognized my voice. I smiled at him as he let go of James, but then suddenly I felt horrible. When I turned back to the window I realized it: With James being nocked out, his petronus had vanished and about ten Dementors came into the room, only held back Peter‘s small patronus and already sucking the happiness out of Sirius. 

„Expecto- Expecto !“, I tried saying, but I couldn‘t even lift my arm anymore, a Dementor got really close and then, the momories flashed by, only the worst ones I had. 

 

„YOU ARE WORTHLESS, KATHERINE PETTIGREW. WE SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DIE WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE!", my father screamed at me, his face turning more red with every word. I had just told him that I was never going to be on the dark side and that I would move out after I had finished school. He was raging and sure enough, he pulled out his wand and spoke the well known word: 'Crucio!'

My body felt like it was on fire, but I tried my best not to scream. I fell on my knees, biting my lip and covering my ears with my hands so that I couldn't hear Peter scream or mother laugh. But I heard it anyways, I felt like my skin was burning, my intestents were burning and then my father said: 'You think you are that strong, Katherine, but I will hurt you. I will make your life a living hell until you join the dark Lord and bow down in front of him!'

The Memory vanished, but the pain stayed, and when I opened my eyes again, I saw that this was another painful memory: 

"Yeah, Bella! Isabella, I am so glad that you made it!", Remus said, got up and hugged Isabella, the Ravenclaw girl we had detention with once. She laughed and that laugh just made me sick. "I'm glad that you're happy.", she answered when Remus let go of her and now stood really close. Then he suddenly stepped foreword, taking her neck with his left hand and pressed his lips on hers, the bottle of firewhiskey still in his other hand. I felt  my heart break all over again and if that was even possible, it hurt more this time. It felt like I was watching them kiss forever before I finally stumbled out of the room into the woods. 

Then, everything went black and I fell into a deep hole, ready for my death. Maybe death wasn't so bad. At least it didn't hurt as much as life. 

Wed- 14. October 1977

 

Pain. 

I only felt pain in the darkness that surrounded me. 

When I slowly opened my eyes, I was blinded by the bright light that made it impossible for me to make out any kind of hints to where I was. I could be in the Shrieking Shack, without a soul. But from all the stories that I had heard about a kiss of a Dementor being worse than death, I felt pretty good. I closed my eyes again and focused on my other senses: It smelled like wood, but also sweet. The smell reminded me of.. Remus! I couldn't help but smile when I thought about him, but then I remembered my horrible memory of him and that girl. 

I moved my hands and legs to feel what I was lying on and when I felt the well known, soft blankets that made you feel like you never wanted to leave this bed again, I knew where I was. In the hospital wing. Again. I sighted and opened my eyes again. Even though it was still very bright, I could make out the room now: I was lying in the same bed that I laid in last full moon, only now there was no Aya and no James and Lily, just a sleeping Remus next to me. 

"Remus! Wake up!", I said, but I also didn't want him to wake up because he looked so peaceful and so i just left him alone. 

After about ten minutes it was getting really boring to just stare at the ceiling and so I decided to get up and walk around the castle a little, maybe I would find someone to explain what was going on. I barely stepped out of the door when I almost crashed into James, who had been looking down while walking. 

"Oh, Scar! I didn't see you there, sorry! How are you doing?", he asked, looking up and into my eyes. I could see that he hadn't been sleeping well, which was understandable taking that he had a ruff night as well. 

"Why aren't you in the hospital wing as well?", I asked and at the same time I wondered where Peter and Sirius were. 

"Well I was, for a night. But you and Remus have been knocked out for 2 days. It already Wednesday. Sirius and Peter are fine as well."

"What?  I was out for 2 days? What happened that night?", I asked, now totally confused. Did Dementors effect some people more than other or was I just weaker than the others? James gave me a reassuring smile and put his right hand on my shoulder: "They almost sucked your soul out of you and Remus, you two must have been the ones with the most painful memories. They didn't really notice me inbetween all you unlucky bastards and so I could cast a patronus after I came back from my unconsciousness. 

"What? That means that you scared away hundreds of Dementors at once!", I stated with an open mouth. And I hadn't even been able to cast one. How embarrassing. I looked down to my feet, only realizing now that we were both still standing at the door. So I turned around and walked back to Remus bed, hearing James footsteps right behind me. 

"Yeah, I guess.", James mumbled, as if it wasn't such a big deal. I rolled my eyes and smirked: It was typical James to talk himself down at first, but then, when he was being reassured by others, he seemingly gave in and bragged a little, enjoying the admiration. 

"Hey you, did he wake up yet?", someone from the door asked and by the intense smell of his cologne I assumed it was Sirius. When he came over and naturally put an arm around me, I was totally sure. 

"I was meaning to talk to you, Scar. Really important, so you better come with me.", he then whispered in my ear, loud enough for both James and Remus to hear, if he was awake. Against everything that I expected, these words didn't fill my stomach with butterflies anymore. It didn't even make me nervous anymore that he had his arm around me, now it just felt like he was a good friend to me. Finally. 

"Sure thing. James, will you let us know when Remus wakes up?", I asked and James nodded, not turning his head to look after us. Just when we reached the door, James shouted: "He is waking up right now actually."

My heart made a jump and beat faster, but Sirius wouldn't let me go to him. "Trust me on this, you want to talk to me before you go back to him.", he whispered again and I left the hospital wing with him. Firstly, because I was curious and secondly, because I was never as strong as him. We walked through the corridors for a while, until he found an empty classroom and pulled me inside it. 

"If you want to make out..", I started, but he just laughed: "What? No, why would you think that?" I did feel a little offended that he found the thought of us kissing so amusing, since he did flirt with me almost every year since second grade. 

"What is it then?", I asked and sat on a desk with my feet on the chair in front of it. Sirius smirked and came closer, and I could see excitement in his eyes: "We are going to fight for them!"

"What?", I asked, confused. 

"Remus and Marlene. You love Remus, I love Mar- "

"Hold on a second. First of all, how do you know that I love Remus? And second of all, WHAT? You LOVE somebody? As in, I want to spend the rest of my life with her?" Sirius blushed like I had never seen him before. He actually seemed insecure and maybe even a little scared. 

"Well, it's obvious that you like him. I know you, Scar and you like him. And I am not sure yet, but with Marlene it's different than with anybody else I have been with -no offense. She is just, I can't describe it. She is just so..."

"... Special.", I finished his sentence and thought about Remus. He was special. He was my best friend, I could goof around with him, laugh with him and be myself around him, but on the other hand he was this sweet guy who could always cheer my up, who would make me feel so safe when I hugged him and who would just make my stomach go crazy when I was around him. 

"Yeah, special.", Sirius repeated and he also seemed to be lost in his thoughts about Marlene. "That is why we have to win them back. I will have to apologize big time and you just have to tell him that you love him."

I laughed ironically and shook my head: "No way. I can't just tell him that I love him! That's crazy, I think he doesn't even like me back anyways. He kissed that bitch Isabella anyways. I really don't feel like getting my heart broken again."

"Oh, come on, Scar. I will do it first if you want and if you could please help me with it.", Sirius said, putting his hand where James had put his before.

"Wait! Didn't James say that Remus woke up when we left? Maybe I should be there with him then, I will tell you everything about how you can make up with Marlene later, okay?", I asked hysterically and jumped off the table, running to the door and leaving the classroom without looking back. I didn't even know why I wanted to go to Remus so quickly, maybe I was just happy to see him again after the night of the full moon or maybe I was afraid that Isabella would already be there to kiss him awake. That thought made me sprint even faster and when I got to the door of the hospital, I was really out of breath. 

"Here goes nothing.", I said to myself and opened the door. When I walked inside, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my heart, because in the room were only Aya, Fabian, James and Remus, no Isabella in sight. Remus smiled at me, he had gotten up, but still looked a bit pale. I walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug, never wanting to let go. 

"I am so sorry for everything.", I said into his grey sweater and I had to do my best not to cry. I wanted to tell him so much more that this, but I just didn't have the courage to say it. 

"We are going to leave you alone for a while.", Aya said and while hugging my best friend, I heard them leave the room. 

"I am sorry, too.", Remus said and backed out of the hug. "Our friendship was getting awkward, I should have done something about it.", he said and I smiled, barely holding back the tears. 

"Weird question.. Maybe because I am still on pain killers or something... What would you say if I told you that I had a crush on you, theoretically.", I said and it cost all my bravery to even say this. 

Remus smiled: "Well, I would be nice about it. I mean, I wouldn't want to ruin this friendship again and I would try to tell you in the nicest way possible that I don't feel the same way."

That was it. Fuck you, Sirius! With your words of 'He loves you' and his encouraging to tell him the truth! Remus just didn't love me and I had to get over him. Once again, the tears managed to fill my eyes and blurr my sight. Quickly, I turned around. Will all my strength left, I said: "Well good thing that I don't have a crush on you then." 

Then I walked out the door, leaving him behind me, wishing that I could just walk away from my feelings like that.

- 11 -

 

Plans working

Sat- 19. October 1977

 

A week had gone by and today Marlene and Sirius would have their second first date. I had done an amazing job helping him apologize to her. Firstly I told him not to flirt with any girl, best not to speak to any girl in private. Then I made him send her roses with his owl every morning with a note : 'From your lover' and then I even got him to write an apology letter on that Friday and also sent it with his owl. After she had read it at the morning table, she almost cried and walked to Sirius and kissed him on the cheek, saying that she might forgive him. At that time, Sirius was getting really annoyed and almost gave up, but when he asked her to go on a date with him on Saturday, she actually said yes. 

And now here we were, waiting for Marlene to come downstairs. I sat next to Sirius with Peter and James, all very excited about their date, because this was the first date with a girl that Sirius actually cared about. 

When Marlene finally came downstairs with Lily, I had to smile because she truly looked beautiful. She wore a long, pink dress with a leather jacket that had white leather at the arms and a long necklace. When I looked at Sirius, I did feel a little upset for a second because he had never looked at me the was he was looking at her now, but then I remembered, that I also had never looked at him  that way and that maybe, it was better that way. 

"Wow, Marlene. You just look stunning!", Sirius said and I could feel that he meant it. He smiled at the blonde girl like she was the only girl in the room and I wished that Remus might smile at me like that one day. But who was I kidding? He just told me that we were only friends, and maybe I should finally get over it. 

"Hey, you look sad.", my best friend said , who just came into the common room with her boyfriend. She had let go of his hand and walked over to me to hug me. I just managed to hold back one little tear that wanted to leave my eyes when I thought about her and Fabians relationship. It was so perfect, they both seemed so happy. 

"Yeah, I'm good.", I lied and freed myself from the hug. "I am looking forward to the party tonight.", I then said to change the subject, but I could see that Aya wasn't very happy with my answer. She gave me a disapproving look and with arms akimbo, she shook her head: " I know that somethings up and I think I know what it is."

"Maybe. But I really don't want to talk about it now.", I brush her off and get a worried look in return: "You should just tell him. I am on Sirius side in this one. Remus does love you." I roll my eyes and now I shake my head: "Didn't you listen when I told you that he said that he only wanted to be friends or that he kissed Isabella?"

"Maybe he just did that to make you jealous?", Aya suggested, but our conversation was interrupted by Fabian, who hugged his girlfriend from behind and then tickled her. 

"Stoooop it!", Aya screamed and tried to escape, but Fabian was just too strong. I giggled and pulled my wand out of my backpocket: "Rictusempra", I whispered and Fabian instantly began laughing. Aya could escape the hands of her boyfriend and looked for the source of his sudden laughing. "Scar! You are my hero!", she then exclaimed when she saw me pointing my wand at Fabian. 

"Please, hahah, stop!", he laughed and I could see tears forming in his eyes from all the laughter. "Apologize to your girlfriend!", I demanded and in between all his laughing, he managed to say sorry to Aya. Just when he had done that, I released him and he breathed heavily, pressing his hand on his side. "I hate you, Katherine.", he then said and sat on the red couch next to the sofa, where James and Peter were sitting. They had both watched us and laughed loudly. "She really got you there, Fabian!", James laughed and Fabian send him a death glare. 

+

After chilling in the common room for another three hours, Aya got up from the sofa and smiled at me: "Let's get ready for the party tonight, Scar."

"Ugh, I really don't feel like a party tonight.", I said, because I had just seen Remus come through the portal with Lily, Marlene and Sirius. I knew that it was probably stupid, but when I though of a party, I always had to think about the drunk Remus kissing Isabella. 

"The party in our dorm is officially starting now!", Sirius announced when he and the others reached the sofa and everyone got up to go upstairs to the boys bedroom. Only I stayed behind, and when everyone was gone I saw that Remus was also still standing at the end of the stairs. 

"Come upstairs with us!", he said and smiled at me. "Naw, I really do feel a little bit sick, you go tell the others that I will go to sleep.", I said and walked towards the girls dorm. 

"If you say so. But you are going to miss something!", Remus said and winked at me, then he turned around and walked upstairs. What did he mean with 'you're going to miss something'? Was he maybe going to kiss me? No, I was being stupid, he clearly said that he didn't have feelings for me so I should just let it go and go to bed.

+

After I had changed into my pajama, I crawled into my bed and turned the light off. In the darkness, I thought about what the others were doing now. Were they drinking, dancing, kissing? While I thought about the party, I got more and more tired and soon I drifted off into a weird dream. The dream included Remus pressing me against that wall again, smashing it with his hand and then kissing me. It felt so amazing and I wanted it to last forever, but then somebody pulled him away and kissed him instead. It was Isabella, of course. 'Get away from him!', I screamed at the girl, but she just laughed and then Remus turned into Dalton, coming back to me and smashing the wall again, and then he was kissing me too.  I tried to escape, but when he pulled away again, he smiled at me with an evil grin: 'Do you want to save your brother? Then you have to join us and come to the dark side.'

I woke up in my bed, without my blanket. It seemed to be really early, since the light that came into the window was red and golden, from the first light of the sun. I looked around and saw that Aya was in her bed, in a deep sleep and that Ash was also still sleeping. I pulled my blanket up from the floor and then I stood up, not wanting to fall asleep again. I put some clothes on and then grabbed my broom, walking down to the common room. I was going to fly around the grounds a little, maybe clearing my head with the fresh air. 

The common room was totally empty and also in the halls was nobody in sight. I smiled, because being alone was what I really needed right now. 

+

After I had flown about half and hour, my hands and feet were frozen and I was shaking from the cold, so I decided to go back inside. While I mad my way back to the Gryffindor tower, I met some students who were having breakfast already. I greeted some of them, but didn't stop for a chat. 

Back in the girls dorm I found Ash, who was just getting ready to go to breakfast and Aya, who was looking like a zombie. She probably forgot to take her make-up off last night and so it was all around her eyes. Even with all that makeup smudged over her face, I could still see that she had huge bags under her eyes, making me assume that she didn't sleep very much last night. 

"How are you awake? It is so early!", she mumbled, putting her blanket over her face to fall back asleep. 

"It's half past eight. When were you home last night?", Ash asked while she brushed through her hair to give it that messy look that James also loved. 

"At four, but even if I had been to bed early, half past eight is still way to early in the morning!", Aya said angrily. 

"Was everyone so late?", I asked, curious to find out what happened yesterday and kind of sad that I didn't go. Damn, why didn't I go? I didn't get any answer from my best friend and so I decided to wait downstairs for her. When I walked into the common room, I saw Remus tumbling in through the portal. Had he been up all night?!

"Remus, what on earth is going on?", I asked him after walking over to a chair next to the door that he sat on. 

"Yup. I think I might still be a little drunk.", Remus said and I nodded. I could have figured that our myself anyways, since his eyes were half closed, trying to concentrate and he definitely smelled like Firewhiskey. "Where were you all night?"

"Well, first we were in the dorm, drinking. Then we though that it might be a good idea to go outside and on our way we met Isabella and her friends.", Remus said and my stomach flipped upside-down. WHY THE FUCK DID THEY HAVE TO MEET ISABELLA? "So we all went outside together and looked at the stars. And everyone was kissing, really fun."

"With everyone, are you including yourself?", I asked, afraid of the answer. If he said yes, it would probably break my heart again and I would be so jealous of that stupid Isabella. My throat tightened and it felt like it was harder to breathe. 

"Yeah, I kissed Isabella again."

 

 

"Good for you.",  I said, but I almost didn't hear my own words anymore.  I felt like a huge wave of emotions was crashing down on me, hate on Isabella, hate on myself for crushing on my best friend, hate on Remus for kissing Isabella, Jealousy, and surprisingly, love. I felt that I loved Remus more than I had admitted to myself and I had a huge urge to just kiss him here and now, to show him that I was a better kisser than stupid Isabella. 

"Well, I have to go to bed now, I am tired as fuck.", Remus said and I could see that he was almost falling asleep while he was standing. I nodded and watched him as  he walked to the stairs and then disappeared. 

Fri- 31. October 1977

"Come on, this is going to be fun!", Aya said excitedly as she checked her vampire outfit in the mirror. 

"I don't like parties.", I said, and I didn't really lie because every time I thought of a party, I had to think about Remus and Isabella kissing as well. Aya rolled her eyes and put both her hands on my shoulders: "Kiss him, tell him how you feel, merlin's beard, do ANYTHING!" 

"But he clearly- "

"- is too afraid to tell you himself? Yes. But you have to get this off your chest, Scar. This is making you more depressed than you usually are!", Aya said and smirked. "Hey, I am not usually depressed!", I exclaimed and laughed. Okay, maybe I would give this party a shot. Maybe I could just make out with a random guy, because I would never tell Remus that I loved him. That would be way to embarrassing. 

"Let's go downstairs then.", Aya said and pulled me up from my bed. I wore a tight black dress with a golden ging around my neck, while Aya preferred a red dress. Both of us had some fake blood on our face and also fake teeth. 

When we came downstairs, it was already very full. Everyone was dressed up, even though some just took their broom with them and said that they were a witch or wizard. I saw some pumpkins, ghosts, monsters, but mostly vampires. They were just the sexiest scary halloween monsters. 

"Hey, guys.", James said, pulling Lily after him. He was a ghost and she was dressed as a crazy scientist, with her hair everywhere. She still managed to look good though.  They both smiled at us and Lily offered me her drink: "In case you might need it." I thankfully accepted and then drank it all at once, because I had just seen Remus, talking to Isabella. 

"I think I might do this now.", I said and Aya looked from me to Remus and then back. "What? Option number one or number two?"

"Wait, how do you know there's an option number two?", I asked and confusingly looked at her, but she just smiled: "I am your best friend, idiot." I smiled back and then, without being able to control it, I walked towards Remus and Isabella. They seemed to be just talking normally, but I had to do everything possible to keep them from kissing. On my way, I took a glas from Peter and emptied it just like Lily's. It burned like hell, but I just ignored it. I needed the alcohol to get myself together. 

"Remus, hey. Could I talk to you for a minute?", I asked and couldn't even bare to look at Isabella. She looked really pretty with her nurse outfit. I guess she played my victim tonight. 

"Sure thing! What's up?", Remus asked, but I couldn't tell him here, in front of everyone.  So I just pulled him with me, pulled him towards the stairs of the guys dorms. "Can we go up?", I asked and he nodded, obviously noticing that something was up. So we walked upstairs together and when we reached the dorm of the guys, he locked it with a spell. 

"This must be really important.", Remus said and before I could even say anything, he just hugged me: "You know that you can tell me anything, right? And I would do anything to help you with it." That was it, he was just being too sweet to me. I just couldn't hold my tears back anymore. 

"No, why are you crying?", Remus asked and gently pushed me away to look into my eyes. "You can tell me, what's wrong?"

"I- I.", I tried to say, but it was just too hard and so I just pulled him closer to me again. Why couldn't I tell him this, what the heck was so hard to say? 

"I think I got really jealous when you kissed Isabella.", I blurted out and I pinched my eyes, as if I could just disappear right now and make my words unsaid. But instead of laughing at me or giving me a weird look, he gently pushed me away again and looked into my eyes: "Did you now? Well I got really jealous when you kissed Sirius."

"This has nothing to do with him!", I tried to defend myself, but he just shook his head: "Scar, I was actually trying to make you jealous."

"You were? Why on earth would you-"

"-well because... because I love you."

My mouth dropped open. Did he just say what I think he said? Did he just say that he loved me, just like I loved him? And then his face came closer and closer to mine and finally our lips met again. It was such a soft kiss, as if both of us were afraid to break it. I felt so many butterflies in my stomach that it seemed like I was surrounded by them or even flying. My heart beat so fast that I was afraid he would hear it and my whole body seemed to be electrocuted.  The kiss didn't last long enough, I could never have enough of him, but eventually he pulled away. 

"I have loved you ever since I first saw you, but I was always too afraid to tell you, because you always seemed to fancy Sirius more than me.", Remus said and my heart skipped another beat. I smiled at him and gave him another loving kiss. 

"I don't even know when I started loving you, I just know that it was the worst feeling in the world when you kissed somebody else. It was like you broke my heart into a thousand pieces. "

"And now I will fix it again. I will show you that I will never hurt you, I promise. And I will fix your heart with thousands of kisses, is that too cheesy?", Remus asked and kissed me again. 

"That was the most romantic thing anyone ever said to me!", I said, not able to stop myself from smiling. I gazed into his beautiful eyes and wished that this moment would last forever. That I could just always be with him, that I would never loose him. 

 

 

- 12 -

 

Double double date

Mo- 03. Novemver 1977

 

"This is really stupid.", I laughed and caused everyone to look at me, including Our Professor."What would you consider stupid, Miss Pattegrew?", she asked and looked over her glasses." It would be stupid to interrupt this lesson that is really interesting!", I answered quickly and Aya giggled. Our professor didn't find me very funny, but she had never had the guts or whatever to give any student detention.

"We will continue now.", the Professor said and then did continue with her lesson."We have to do the double date!", Aya whispered and smirked at me while she pretendet to write something down."We haven't even been on a real date yet and I don't know, he is a little shy about all this.", I stuttered, hoping that Aya wouldn't detect my lie. Actually, I was the one afraid of an actual relationship since I had never been in one. I mean, I did kind of date a guy in third grade, but I didn't love him like I loved Remus.

"Oh, come on, Scar! You know you are the scaredycat!", Aya mocked, making me blush."You are right. Of course. I am scared and I don't even know why. It's just so weird to ..""- to have found your soulmate? To show the world that he is yours? Scar, this is your chance at happiness."Somehow she was right. With Remus I would at least have my love life under control, and I would only have to worry about my brother becoming a deatheater and me not being able to do anything about it. I couldn't even turn Dalton in because -"Scar! You're bleeding again!", Aya screamed and the whole class looked at us again. My blouse was slowly turning red where the dark wound was."I'll go to the hospitalwing!", I said, holding my arm and storming out of the classroom. Damn this stupid wound. I ran into an empty classroom and put my blouse up to look at the wound, but all I could see was a bloody scar.

***
"I can't believe you talked me into this.", I smiled as I looked at my outfit in the mirror. I wore a long black skirt with a green sweater and black high heels from Aya. She also braided my hair and put my make-up on. I loved this outfit, but I would have never worn it, if my best friend hadn't dressed me for my first double date. She herself wore a dress that had a white top and a pink bottom, separated with a black belt. To not freeze in the cold autumn air, she used a spell on the dress to be extra warm. Plus, she wore her nice winter jacket."Let's go downstairs, Remus and Fabian are probably already waiting.", Aya said and pulled me to the exit of the dorms."Have fun, you two!", Ash shouted after us. She stayed home tonight, reading a new book about Quidditch that she had bought in Hogsmeade last weekend. 

When Aya and I walked into the common room, I could feel that everyone was staring at us. But all I cared about was Remus. He stood there, with his blue winter jacket and his eyes were practically glowing. I bit my lip and took the hand that he offered me. Together the four of us left the common room, ignoring the wolf whistles of James and Peter. Peter tried hard to look unconcerned and happy, but his smile never reached his eyes anymore. Since he had always been the quiet one from the Marauders, nobody really noticed the change and the three boys thought that he had girl trouble. But tonight I wanted to think about me, only me. I knew that it was selfish, but I just felt like I needed at least one evening off, and I deserved it. Soon there was the Quidditch match against Slytherin and I was already shitting my pants at the thought of facing Dalton and Lucius on the quidditch field, not to speak of the pressure from James. 

"Scar, are you with us? What would you like to order?", Aya asked and I snapped out of my thoughts. My night. "Uhm, I would love a butter beer and the dish of the day.", I answered and looked around the bar. The three broomsticks had always been my favorite pub, and their butter beer was the best in Hogsmeade. "Ha! See who is there!", Fabian laughed and pointed at a table for two in the back of the bar. No other than Sirius and Marlene were sitting there, talking while they held their hands over the table.

"HEY, BLACK! Come over here!", Fabian shouted and ignored the awkward look that Remus and I gave each other. This was going to be so weird, on the same table with the guy that kept us apart for so long on our first date. I could see how Aya punched Fabian, but it was too late: Sirius already saw us and smiled, walking over to our table with Marlene behind him."Hey, you guys! What a coincidence! This is like a double double date now!", he said and pulled two more chairs to the large table, for him and his date to sit.

"Hey, guys.", Marlene almost whispered and I could see that she was as comfortable as I was.

"Hey, Marlene.", Aya smiled.

The evening went really well despite everything that I had thought and in the end, I really was sad to leave the pub. Outside Aya was freezing, so Fabian gave her his Jacket on top of hers, making her look like a marshmallow on legs. But she didn't seem to care, she was in the arms of love. Just like me and Remus. We walked behind the two other couples, his arm around my shoulder and mine around his hip. 

"Hey, I've been thinking.", Remus started and my heart dropped. Maybe he didn't like our relationship? Well, it wasn't even a relationship yet since he never asked me to be his girlfriend. 

"What?"

"Well, I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be my girlfriend. Would you be my girlfriend?", he blurted out and then flushed red. I couldn't hold myself back and I just kissed him here, in front of all these people. Now I officially had a boyfriend. How amazing was that? 

"I would love to be your girlfriend.", I whispered and right now I felt happier than ever before. 

"Oh my god, did you hear about that kid who tried to kill himself?", I overheard two guys, who passed us. Shocked, I kept listening. 

"Yeah! They said his name was Peter or something"

 

Mo- 10. November 1977

 

It had been a week since I got the news about my brother trying to kill himself. He was still in the hospital wing for medical observation als Madame Pompfrey called it, but I knew that they really just wanted to watch over him. 

Peter and I had to lie our asses off to explain why he would kill himself and it all went back to our parents. Peter said that he couldn't handle the pressure anymore, that he felt like he had to get better grades, just be better at everything and that he chose the easy way out. I confirmed his story, but it was torture for me to see him like this and to lie to my best friends.

One night, I almost bled to death when I tried to go to Dumbledores office, wanting to tell him everything. I realized that I would pass out from the pain and blood loss before I could make it to the stairs, so I turned around and cleaned the corridors on my way back. It was horrible and when I closed my eyes to sleep, I got nightmares. I dreamed of Dalton who was laughing, my father who asked The Dark Lords permission to finally kill me and then they gave the knife to Peter. 'Kill her or we will kill you!', they said in a union and my dream always ended with Peter stabbing me, his face guilty and sad at the same time. 
I always knew that Peter was weak, that he would do anything to survive and the worst part about my dream was that I believed he would actually kill me to save himself. While I was thinking about that, I wondered. Why would he try to kill himself then? It was nothing like him to give up his life so easily. He was a surviver and a coward, he probably would have never jumped off a rooftop, unless ... someone had pushed him! 

Fucking Dalton. I felt the anger rise up inside me when I realized what was so obvious all along. That sly, evil bastard!

I realized that I now had stared into my food without moving for far too long, but Aya didn't notice it, she was too busy being fed by Fabian. She seemed to be in her own dreamworld and I feared that she was that kind of girl who would let down her best friend for her boyfriend. I mean, my 18th birthday was in two days and she had made no efforts whatsoever to show me that she even knew about it. 

"I have to go do my homework", I said and grabbed my bad while I got up. 

"Yeah, see you at Quidditch practice. I love you", Aya said and smiled at me and just when I thought that maybe she would notice my sorrow, she turned back to her boyfriend. It was probably better though, because that way I didn't have to lie to her about where I was really going. Which was to the Quidditch field, because I knew that the Slytherins were training there right now. 

"Hey, where are you going so fast?", a very familiar voice asked, a voice that I really didn't want to hear right now. Strong arms hugged me from behind and I felt that my boyfriend gave me a kiss on the hair. I sighted, because now I had to lie to the one I loved the most. My acting skills were really improving, still he always knew that something was up. 

"I wanted to go into the woods, you know. Run a little, think about stuff", I started the poor attempt of an excuse. Remus looked at me with his light brown eyes of a puppy and it was so hard not to just burst into tears right now to tell him everything. But I felt that he could see it in my eyes, he could see that I really needed to do this and so he let go of me. 

"One day you will have to tell me what you are doing. Because if you don't treat me as your boyfriend or even your best friend, I don't know if I can still be either of these things. I love you, Scar. But I won't wait forever." With these words he walked into the Great Hall and I was left with the worst feeling in the world. FUCK! But I didn't have time to lock myself in the bathroom and cry, I had to be strong and fight. I was already fighting the war that was going to come for all the others in some years, when The Dark Lord had gained enough followers. When he killed all the mudbloods. 

+

It didn't take me long to get to the Quidditch field, but nobody was training, all of the team was in the showers or got changed. When I stood in front of the door, waiting for Dalton, I had to think about the kiss with Sirius in a towel. 
More and more Slytherins passed me, until there was only one member of the team left. Dalton really showered for ages, but I didn't feel any need to go in there to talk to him. I waited for ten more minutes until I finally lost my patience and walked into the little cabin. 

"I have waited for you, my little dark Scar. You do live up to your name now, with your dark wound and all", Dalton said and I could feel that he was enjoying every word. I walked backwards, trying to push the door open but it didn't work. All my instincts told me to run the hell away and yet, I couldn't do anything but push against a locked door. 

"Do you think that I am this stupid? Lucius locked the door from the other side." At least Dalton wore his clothes already, that was the only thing I could think about right now. He came closer and closer to me, why did every boy have to do that to me? I quickly stepped left, but Dalton was quicker and put his hand against the wall. When Remus punched the wall, I found it sexy, but now I was scared. 

"You pushed Peter, didn't you?", I asked and surprisingly, I didn't sound as afraid as I truly was. 

"How clever you are, Scar. Yes, I did. I thought that he would take my threat more seriously if I did something real. But he still won't join us, he still wants to defend his friends. So I thought, the one thing he loves more than himself is you, right? I mean, you are his sister. Aren't the good guys always supposed to save their loved ones?", Dalton told me his plan any by now, my knees were so shaky that I was surprised I could still stand. His words frightened me, because he was totally wrong. Peter wouldn't die for me, he loved me, but he loved himself more. 

"What are you going to do to me?", I asked, afraid of the answer.

- 13 -

 

Birthday girl 

Mo- 10. Novemver 1977

 

"I am giving you a deadline. I mean, there will be a little birthdxay gift, but after that I will let you and Peter decide, if you will either both join us, or just him. You will tell me this until the 12th of December. Do not tell anyone but me, do you hear me. Oh, and if you don't join the Death Eaters, I don't know if you'll survive New Years Eve", Dalton threatened and I could feel a shiver running down my back. I could feel that he meant these words, because he was just a sick as my parents, enjoying to kill and torture people. It gave them power. 

"I can resign your birthday present, thank you very much", I spat into his face, not knowing where my confidence came from. Maybe I now knew from his words that he wouldn't kill me, at least not today. When I saw his face turning red, I wished that I hadn't been so confident. He came closer and closer now, so that I could smell his shampoo and the wooden smell of him. Our noses almost met when he talked, deadly slowly: "I do not like your tone. I prefer if girls obey me willingly, I love to see them in handcuffs, begging for me to kiss them. You, on the other hand, don't seem to fear me. Why is that?"

I was surprised by his question, mostly because he sounded so curious, as if he really wanted to know the answer. For some reason, my fear vanished from minute to minute, seeing that he was only big words. I cleared my throat and lifted my chin up, to look into his cold eyes: "I am stronger than most girls. I grew up with abusive parents, and I know what real pain is. You on the other hand are nothing. Just a little Slytherin seeking the attention of - Voldemort."

It probably scared me the most that I said his name, but Dalton also stepped backwards, giving the the space to step forward, away from the wall. He looked at me in disbelief, but just when I thought that I had scared him enough to let me go, he pulled out his wand and shouted: "Crucio!"

My whole body was on fire. I fell to the ground, whimmering and hugging my knees, closing my eyes and just praying for this feeling to stop. I wasn't going to scream, I knew how to scream in my head. And that I did. The pain was horrible, a thousand times worse than turning into an animal for the first time. I could feel my eyes crying, my nails pushed into my tights and my legs and I just suffered. 

Suddenly, the feeling stopped. Emptiness awaited me, then I got lifted up, I felt fresh and amazingly cold air on my face. I blinked, but it was too bright to see anything. I opened my eyes again and this time, I could see a face above me. It was a nice face, with bushy brown hair. He looked down to me and I could see worry in his brown eyes. "Everything is going to be okay", a blurry voice said and then, I closed my eyes again. I felt so tired. 

We- 12. Novemver 1977

 

I used to love my birthdays, I would always think that at the new age I could be better, the world would be better and I could maybe be happy. Not this birthday. I woke up with a heavy heart, with so much on my mind. First of all my 'present' from Dalton. I knew that it was going to be something horrible and I didn't want to have to open it in front of my friends.
Second of all Remus. He had carried me back to the castle two days ago, then put me on a couch in the Gryffindor common room and asked me what was going on. He told me that I could trust him with anything, but I just couldn't tell him. I didn't want to imagine what Dalton and his friends would do to Peter if they found out that I told my boyfriend about their secret. Plus, my wound would have started to bleed again and I didn't know if it was possible to stop the bleeding after I actually told the secret. I had to read more about it. 
Third of all Aya. From the way she was acting, so mysterious and even ignoring me at some times, I thought that either, she didn't want to be friends with me anymore, or she planned a surprise party. She was the Queen of Parties, which is why I concluded that option 2 was more likely. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I grunted and put my pillow over my head. The amazing mood of Aya was nothing for me today. To my surprise, she did't tickle me or tried to wake me otherwise, she just sat on my bed and hugged me over the blanket. 

"Remus told me that he had to rescue you from Dalton", she whispered so that Ash wouldn't hear. My heart skipped a beat and fear took over my whole body. "Don't worry, Scar. I know you can't tell us anything, we figured out that much. I think it all has something to do with Peter and the bleeding of your arm. I don't want you to answer, just know that we are always here for you and we will fight Dalton with you. You are not alone in this please never think that. I put my present next to your head, I'm going to wait for you in the common room. I love you, Scar!"

I felt how she got up and her footsteps walked to the door. "Ash, come with me. Let's wait downstairs for the Birthday girl." I heard how the two girls left the dorm and when I sat up, I felt how my tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I had the best friends in the world. Wiping my tears away, I grabbed the little box and opened it. When I saw what was inside, my heart seemed to melt from the love to Aya right now. 

 

Inside of the box were three things: A new Quidditch book, a bracelet that said 'Never give up' and a picture of her and Aya when they were both laughing like they had no care in the world. On the back, Aya had written: 'Remember the good moments in life'

Damn, I had to stop crying like a baby all the time! After putting the bracelet on and putting the other things into my bag, I quickly got ready for breakfast and went down the stairs. When I set foot into the common room, all of my friends already awaited me and pulled me into a big group hug. Peter was there too, he must have been discharged and now he smiled at me, this time with a real smile. He probably didn't know about the incidence with Dalton, otherwise he wouldn't be so relaxed right now. Maybe it was better this way?

 I felt a soft kiss on my cheek and Remus whispered: "Happy birthday, beautiful" into my ear. I should let myself feel happy right now and enjoy it why it lasted. So I smiled and then kissed my boyfriend passionately. I didn't care about anything that the Marauders said or whistled right now, I just enjoyed the amazing kiss. I felt his soft lips on mine and his hands on my back, while I had mine around his neck. 

"Get a room", Sirius shouted, but when we let go of each other, I could see that he was touching Marlenes ass himself. I smirked, because she had tamed him. He wasn't even looking at other girls anymore. When I thought about that, I realized that we all had found our match, except Peter. James was happier than ever with Lily, Aya had her Fabian and I was the luckiest girl with Remus. Only Peter got left out and I felt like it was time to change that. Why should I suffer so much, why should I be afraid of ONE guy, when I had so many friends behind me? This day was going to be legendary and not even Dalton's present would change that. 

"I got you a present. Well it's actually from all of us, but this is an extra from me", Remus told me and gave me two boxes, one really small and one had the size of a Quaffel, just in a square. "Open it!", James said impatiantly, so I ripped the wrapping paper nice and slow. When James send me a death glare and walked towards me to tickle me, I sped up my action and unpacked: A beautiful bag. It was a small purse that I could wear across my shoulder, black with some silver chains. 

"It's amazing, thank you all!", I said, but Lily smirked and told me, that there was something special about it. James took the purse from my hands and then put his whole arm into it. 

"Undetectable expanding charm", he explained: "Lily and Marlene worked on that for weeks, I have to be honest that they also chose the bag..."

"James, shut it! I don't want to have to give her something else!", Sirius interrupted, but then they both suddenly smiled and threw a package at me. Only due to my good reflexes I caught it before it could hit my nose. Smiling, I unwrapped it and inside was a brand-new set of Quidditch gloves and googles. I laughed and thanked them all, but then I turned my attention to the small package of Remus. 

"I think it's a book!", Aya joked and we all giggled a little, but then I saw the little box. I opened it slowly and when I saw the most beautiful silver necklace with a little heart, my heart seemed to skip a beat in excitement. I just stared at the necklace, not moving or saying anything, making James joke: "Is it an engagement ring?"

"Shut it, James. Do you like it?", Remus asked with his hand around my waist, making me feel so protected that I never wanted to leave his side again. Slowly I turned my head to look into his eyes and then I whispered: "I love it. Can you help me?"
He knew what I tried to say and then took the necklace out of the box and hooked it. 

"You look beautiful", Aya smiled, but I suddenly had a bad feeling in my stomach, like a curse was spoken or something. Maybe it was just my stomach telling me that I was hungry. Just thinking of that, I heard Sirius' stomach growling as well, so we all decided to go downstairs for breakfast. 

When we just reached the Great Hall, Remus gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me he would be right back. Then he turned around and left, to the direction of the mens restrooms. He probably just had to pee, so I caught up to the others and started with my breakfast. Suddenly, I could feel that someone special was walking into the room. Excitedly, I turned around to see - Dalton. A shiver ran down my back, but at the same time I couldn't help but notice that he looked really hot today. 

"Scar? Why are you staring at that evil bastard like that?", Aya whispered into my ear, so that the boys couldn't hear us. I could see the smirk on Dalton's face and then he formed the words: Happy Birthday 

Schocked, I dropped my fork. What did he do? What was my 'birthday present'? Did he poison my food? Did he hurt Remus? Just as I wanted to get up and run to the men's bathroom, I saw a very sleepy Remus walking into the Breakfast Room. He looked like he just got up, maybe after a bad night of drinking, not like he looked before. Worried, I walked towards him and hugged him. Happy to see me, he hugged back and then said: "Happy Birthday, my beautiful girlfriend. I'm sorry that I overslept the group hug, I don't know why my alarm didn't go off. Oh, but I see that you are already wearing my necklace. I hope you like it."

The blood seemed to freeze in my veins when he gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked to our friends. If he had been sleeping all this time, who was the Remus that I kissed in front of everyone? Slowly, I turned my head to the Slytherin table, and my eyes met Daltons again. I almost had to puke when he licked his lips, winked and then said: "Polyjuice Potion."

-14-

Chapter 27 - Dark times

Thur- 20. November 1977

    

I caught myself staring at Dalton again and Aya had to push her elbow into my ribcage to get my attention. 

„Why can’t you stop staring at him again when you have a perfect boyfriend?“, she asked again, making me remind it rather than her. 

„He put love potion in the locket, long lasting but not as strong, it makes him more attractive to me. I still hate him, don’t worry and I am still trying to get the necklace off but seriously, nothing works!“, I explained to her again, like I did the whole last week since my birthday. 

„Our match against Slytherin is soon, you better get rid of that necklace before it starts“, Aya said but I didn’t worry about that. I worried about the 12th of December that kept coming closer- and with that day, the decision to join the Death Eaters. 

I knew that I would never join them, but after Peter found out that I actually kissed Dalton, believing it was Remus, he started freaking out more and more. He still hung out with the Marauders, but even they started to realize that he was different. He kept saying something about parents, school and a girl from Hufflepuff that he liked, but I knew that it was Daltons words coming out of his mouth. 

I felt so useless and on top of that, I kept staring at my worst enemy, thinking about how good his muscles showed under his shirt. Obviously, Aya noticed it and so I told her everything. I told her that it was the biggest secret in my life and made her swear with an unbreakable vow not to tell anyone. My arm bled the whole time, but just when I was about to pass out from the pain and blood loss, we did the unbreakable vow and it stopped bleeding. 

She almost puked when she heard the whole story and then hugged me forever, telling me that everything would be alright. Now she was busy planning an escape plan for me, so that I could live with the Order of Phoenix that Dumbledore had created and in which both her parents were, fighting against Voldemort. There was no war yet, but people started disappearing and some magical creatures acted more cruel than usual. 

„Lessons over, you can back your stuff now!“, Aya pulled me back into reality. Quickly, because almost all of the students had already left the classroom, I packed my bag.
„Miss Pettigrew? Could you please come to the front desk?“, I heard the strict voice of Professor McGonagall over the talking of my fellow students. Worried, I looked at Aya but she just smiled and pushed me towards the teachers table. With every single cell in my body I hoped that my Professor didn’t find out anything about Dalton, but my wound wasn’t bleeding yet so I hoped for the best. 

„Yes, M’am?“, I asked with an innocent expression. 

„I couldn’t help but notice that you do not pay as much attention to my class as usual. Is there something bothering you? I know that your parents-“

„It’s nothing, really. I just wasn’t as concentrated but I am truly sorry. I will do better“, I quickly responded, but I could see that she wasn’t happy with my answer. 

„The final exams are coming closer and you need to do good if you still want to become an auror.“

„Yes, M’am“, I just said and then walked back to Aya, knowing that McGonagall wouldn’t like my attitude. But everything was more important right now than exams. I could be dead by the time I even had to write them. 

„Scar, you have to act normal. She is already suspecting something, everyone is! Either you tell them or you figure out a plan to get back at Dalton! He is always one step ahead of you and you have to change that. You can’t become a Death Eater! Please“, my best friend whispered with fear in her voice as we made our way to the next classroom. 

„Oh my god, you are so right! I was always just waiting for new horrible stuff to happen but I never really thought of actually going against him! How stupid of me!“, I exclaimed, causing some students to look at us. Quickly, we walked past them and walked down the stairs to the dungeons for potions. 

In my head, I already formed a plan and I could see Aya smiling: „ That’s my girl!“

We had almost reached the door when Sirius and Marlene caught up to us. 

„Aya, this isn’t your next class“, Marlene wondered, but Aya just winked at me and then turned around to go to her actual class. 

„She just walked me here, we had some important things to discuss“, I said smiling, but my head wasn’t in the conversation that Sirius and Marlene had after, I was thinking of a brilliant plan to get rid of Dalton Goyle. That bastard would be sorry to have messed with me. 

 

Wed - 26. November 1977

 

It was a full moon again, but this one would be an amazing one, because today I would go through with my plan. I didn’t tell Aya exactly what I was going to do, but to keep her from snooping or worse,  getting inured, I told Fabian to take her out on a romantic date with the full moon on the Astrology tower. 

Now the Marauders had already gone to the Shrieking Shag, but I told them that I forgot to tell Aya something super important and stayed behind in the Gryffindor common room. 

I was very nervous about this, but my deadline come closer and closer and I had to do something to save Peter. We didn’t really talk anymore, he never really talked to anyone and he got thinner, too. He almost never showed up to lunch or dinner and I wondered what he was doing? Was he maybe trying to stop Dalton himself? Did he just hide or did he actually already work for Dalton? I didn’t think that Peter would ever do that to his friends so I assumed the second. 

Thinking about Peter, I walked out of the common room and down the stairs. Suddenly, I remembered how we all walked up these stairs for the first time ever. 

 

„Ouch, you stepped on my foot“, I heard the voice of a little girl behind me and turned around to tell her that I didn’t and that she shouldn’t be such a baby. But when I did, the little girl smirked mischievously and held  out her hand: „I’m Aya. I saw that you were in a cabin with the three boys. Remember me? I walked in and tricked you all into thinking that I had to pee really badly“

I laughed at the thought of it, because the boys all panicked and wanted to send her to the bathroom but then she sat on James and poured some water over his lap, which made him scream and us all laugh. 

„Yeah, I do remember. Why did you leave us again?“ 

„I had some other people to prank!“, Aya smiled and at that moment I knew that she would be my best friend. Forever. 

 

I sighted. Forever seemed like such a long time then. And also we pranked so many people then, this year we only did one little prank. Hogwarts had turned so dark for me and when I looked at my future, it was even darker. I knew that I couldn’t stop Voldemort but I could help save my brother and my best friends. Yes, they would be sad at first, but maybe they would understand if Aya told them everything. 

 

I reached the Slytherin common room, but wasn’t sure how to get inside until a Slytherin girl came along, mocking me the minute she saw my red tie. 

„Ew, what are you ugly slut doing down here?“

„Could you bring Dalton outside? I need to talk to him“, I said plainly, not having the strength to fight this bitch. 

„No, why would I do anything for a Gryffindor and why do you want to speak to the hottest Slytherin? As if he wants anything to do with you!“

I guess I had no choice now. For this plan to work, Dalton and I had to be in the Dark Forrest in half an hour, just when Remus would begin to change. 

„Imperio“, I whispered and secretly pointed my wand at the blonde girl. Suddenly, the feeling of power flew through my veins and the girl’s eyes became willingless. 

„Get Dalton out here. Tell him that Katherine wants to see him!“, I ordered and without and protest, the girl walked into the Slytherin common room. 

Phase 1 completed. 

Now came the hard part.

„Pettergrew. Never though I would see you here. What do you want?“, my worst enemy asked with his slimy voice when he walked out of the common room. 

I closed my eyes for a second and tried not to throw up. When the heavy door closed and the echo came back from the walls, I just did it. I mean, I had done it before so it wouldn’t be too bad, at least that is what I hoped. 

I leaned it, pressed the blonde boy against the wall and - kissed him. When I closed my eyes I imagined Remus, not this snake of a person. 

The kiss was pationately, and to my disgust some part of me even liked it. Stupid love potion! 

But then Dalton pushed me away, even though I could already feel the bump in his pants. With lust in his eyes he looked down at me, but I could see that he hadn’t turned his brain off yet. He was suspicious. 

„Why would you kiss me?“, he asked, liking his lips again and staring at mine as if he couldn’t wait for them to touch again. 

„I don’t know. I just had this feeling that I wanted to. I mean, you know that I find you attractive, you were the one putting the love potion in my locket. I don’t know what spell you used, but my feelings for you are getting stronger!“, I lied my ass off, hoping that he wouldn’t notice. 

He licked his lips again and then raised his hand to put some of my hair behind my ear. My heart was beating so fast, but what he did now actually made it skip it’s beat for a few seconds. 

With one motion, he pulled my hair back, then turned me 360° and pushed me against the wall that he was just standing against. Then, he punched the wall just centimeters next to my face. Shocked, I could do nothing but stare at him. 

„I heard you like that“, Dalton whispered: „I have my informants you know. I will always be smarter than you, Pettigrew!“

Panik spread from my heart to every inch of my body and I wasn’t capable of talking anymore. How did he know all this? 

„Sometimes it can come in handy to be a rat, you know?“, he continued and now a fire started in my chest. Peter? My own brother had betrayed me? The fear, that held me before was replaced by anger and just like that, I slapped him. Very hard. 

Cursing, Dalton let go of my hair and stepped back, holding his cheek that slowly turned bright red. 

„He would never do that to me!“, I screamed at the Slytherin and then I ran. As fast as my legs could carry me and with the hope that he wanted revenge. I knew that he saw woman as lower than him and so being slapped would be horrible for his ego. And I was right, not long after I reached the stairs, I could already hear the footsteps behind me. I was way faster, but I had to run so slow that he could follow me. Even if Peter told him everything, he couldn’t possibly know about my plan from tonight. I had told nobody, not even Aya. 

And so I ran through the great Hall that now was only filled with a few students and then outside in direction of the Dark forrest. From here, I had to be careful that no teacher saw me, but Dalton still followed me. 

At the grey , dark sky with heavy clouds I could already see the bright light of the moon and the shrieking shak already was filled with howling screams, sounding animal-like. 

„Stupor!“, a masculine voice shouted and just seconds after I could feel how the spell hit me. With a grunt, I flew off my feet and uncomfortably landed on all four, my face into the dirt.  My hands, knees and hips hurt from the fall, but I got up as quickly as possible to face Dalton on my feet. When I got my wand out, he was already standing there, about 10 Meters from me, with his wand pointed at my heart. 

„I know about your boyfriends furry little problem. And you are starting to get very annoying, even though I enjoyed the kiss and the ‚Imperio‘-curse you used on poor Anne. I enjoy your dark side and I want you to embrace it. I know you liked it too.“

I furrowed my eyebrows and grabbed my wand tighter, but when I wanted to say something, I realized that he was right. I had used an unforgivable curse without even blinking with an eye. I swore never to give in to my dark side and yet, I had done so without noticing. I kept trying to save my friends and my brother, but maybe I needed the saving. Then, I stood up straighter when I thought about my plan of tonight. I was going to be dead by the morning anyways, and I would have killed Dalton with me. I wanted to get him to a quiet place to kill him, with Remus as the distraction but why even wait? I had already done it before, why shouldn’t I use an unforgivable curse again? I didn’t want to die being as evil as my worst enemy, but I also couldn’t let Snalton win. 

„Avada -“ before I could finish the spell, another one hit me in the back and I flew through the air again, landing exactly in front of Daltons feet. Quickly, he took my wand from me and then, with an easy whip of his wand, he tied my hands together. 

„Ah, I thought you would try that. That’s why I brought the lovely Bellatrix to help me kill you or make you a Death Eater.“

Before I even saw the black, curly hair or the white skin of the witch, I could hear her laugh. Then she turned me around and looked at me with her crazy eyes. 

„Aw. So cute how you try to be evil. Dalton says that you can, but I know that you are too weak. I bet the killing curse wouldn’t even have worked.“

I could feel the tears in my eyes as I realized that I had failed completely. Now I would die without even being able to stop the Death Eaters at our school. 

„Thank you for helping us, Peter“, Dalton said and when I saw the familiar face of my brother, my heart felt like it just dropped into my stomach, caught fire and then came back up as a stone. How could he?

„Peter? Why?“

„I had to do this, Katherine. You were stupid enough to think that you could beat the dark side. I saw how you turned dark yourself and I wanted to stop that. I made a deal with him. He will leave you alone if I become a Death Eater in discuise. I will spy on our friends for you. I don’t want to do it, but it is our only chance to survive“, my brother said and somehow I felt bad for him. Did he really believe what he just said? As if Dalton would just let me walk around school, knowing everything that I did! He would kill me right in front of Peters eyes. 

„Oh Peter. Please don’t believe anything this bastard says. He is tricking you!“

„Very true!“, Dalton laughed, sounding proud of me: „I knew that you would be smarter than your brother. That is why I have to get rid of you. Too bad, you are an amazing kisser.“

Then, he pulled me up while Bellatrix kept an eye on my brother, who stared at us in disbelief: „You swore that you would let her go!“

„Well, I lied“, Dalton said and then pulled me with him. In direction of the whipping willow. I already knew what he had planned and sadly, I knew that it would work if he kept James and Sirius away. Remus would just kill me and nobody could blame Dalton for it. 

„Or do you rather want to become a Death Eater?“, the blonde boy asked again, but he already knew my answer. 

„I would rather die than join Voldemort!“

„Oh and that you will!“, he hissed at me, pissed that I used the real name of his Master. And that was the second I knew that I was way braver than him. He was always hiding under his mask of darkness but in reality he was a coward, just like my brother. He couldn’t even kill me himself. 

Just when I wanted to tell him off, I heard howling of a wolf. Very close to me. 

Quickly, I wanted to turn into a wolf, but that snake Dalton really was very smart. When he heard the howling, he held my head and forcefully made me drink a clear liquid that he had in a tiny glass bottle.  It burned it’s way down through my throat, but I couldn’t feel anything other than that.

„What was that?“, I asked, scared to hear the answer. Was it poison so that I would die even if Remus didn’t kill me? 

„Just a healing potion. It’s doping for Quidditch players, you won’t break a bone in the next hour. It has two great sides: You won’t be able to turn into a wolf and Remus will have more time to kill you!“

What the actual fuck? I thought that Dalton was bad, but now I thought that he was just crazy. 

„Your boyfriend is coming. I would love to watch, but I have to take care of your friends, so that they don’t interrupt you two.“

With these words, he just walked away. I tried again to turn into a wolf, but Dalton’s potion really worked and I couldn’t get my body to break my bones. This potion would be perfect for Remus, why didn’t he ever take it? 

But before I could continue with my thoughts, I could smell the werewolf. I could hear the animal sniffing and I could hear it’s paws on the grass. I had to think ‚it‘, because I knew that Remus was long gone. We could always walk around with him in our animal form, but as soon as he even smelled a human, all his human parts were completely gone. I got up onto my knees and mentally prepared for the pain. 

Then I saw the beast, that was my boyfriend. I could see the bloodlust in his eyes and he showed his huge, sharp teeth. 

„Remus? Are you in there? It’s Scar. I know I haven’t been myself the last weeks, but I do still love you! Please remember that you love me too!“, I tried to talk to the werewolf, but just as I thought, there was no reaction. It had realized that I was an easy prey and now got closer to enjoy it’s midnight snack. 

-15-

 

Chapter 29 - Who are you?

Thur- 20. November 1977

 

I could feel the fear running through my blood like ice water, making it impossible for me to move.

Without blinking, I just stared into the yellow eyes of the werewolf, my own boyfriend that was about to kill me. 

„This might be a horrible time, but I cheated on you. I wanted to protect you, all of you. But now I am going to die a cheater. I should have just told you all - ARGH!“, I whispered but the last word was a painful scream and when I looked down I could see that my scar was bleeding again. No, no, no! 

The werewolf instantly smelled the blood and if he was confused before when I spoke to him, now he was bloodthirsty. With one big jump, he threw me on the floor and had his paws on my chest. I grunted from the fall, but now, I had already given up. This would all end badly and that just because I didn’t trust the one guy I truly loved. 

I heard a dog barking in the distance, and the werewolf above me apparently feared that someone wanted his bait, so he stepped off me, but just when I felt relieved of his weight, he stabbed his fangs into my arm and horrible pain, much worse than the scar, filled my body. 

The wolf dragged me behind him and I just let him do it, feeling like my arm would fall of at any second. Weirdly, now I remembered writing an essay, when I though that my arm hurt bad from all the writing. I couldn’t help but laugh in tears. How stupid was I back then? It must have been in the fourth grade or so, at christmas night. 

 

„I cannot write anymore! Seriously, my arm is going to fall off“, I complained to Aya, who was sitting next to me in the common room, that was already empty, except for us and three other students who were still doing their homework. 

Aya laughed and looked at my paper: „At least you are close to the end! I still have to write like a thousand more inches.“

Before I could answer, I felt two big and warm hands over my eyes. Smiling, I grabbed them and then said: „Mhhh, I wonder? Is that Remus?“

„Why with that guess you are right, MyLady“, my best friend answered and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he removed his hands from my face. 

I grinned at him, but then I saw the present that floated above his head. Confused, I looked at Aya and saw that she was the one pointing her wand at it. Remus jumped up and caught it, then he bowed before me and gave me the little box.

„I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but it looks like you could need it now“, he said and I felt happiness filling my heart. With him, I could always be safe and he always thought about me, sometimes he even put his own needs aside. He was the best friend I could ever ask for - except for Aya of course-. 

„Go on, open it!“, Aya exclaimed when I just stared at the box and so I ripped the paper, just to find a beautiful writing feather inside of the box. 

„It is so beautiful“, I thanked Remus, but he didn’t seem to be satisfied yet. 

„Write with it“, he demanded and even though my hand seemed to be screaming no, I couldn’t say it to his excited face. 

With a sight, I continued writing my essay  when I realized that the pain faded. I actually started feeling better, as if I could write forever. 

„Oh wow! Thank you so much, Remus!“, I said happily and now he smiled as well: „Everything for my Prinzess.“

 

I was painfully ripped out of my memories when the wolf stopped and dropped my head on the hard floor. 

„Remus“, I started again but the wolf cared little about what I said. Cautiously, he walked around me and checked if this place really was safe.

I don’t know how it came, but suddenly I felt like I had to fight. Maybe it was because of the memory that I was reminded of how I loved these two and also my own life or maybe it was because now the wolf glared at me, ready to kill me with one bite of his sharp fangs. 

„Remus, listen to me! I know you are still in there, I know you are no monster. You wouldn’t kill me“, I said with a weak voice, struggling not to run away screaming. I knew that it would only trigger his hunting instincts and that is the last thing I wanted. 

The wolf came closer and without a warning, he pushed his fangs into my upper leg, making me scream in pain. I could feel the tears streaming down my face when he ripped a little bit of my flesh off my leg. I screamed like I had never before, this felt worse than even the cruciatus curse and with terror in my head I could feel that I now had a whole in my leg. I just wanted to die, but weirdly, there was no second bite. My vision was getting blurry as my brain started to shut down from the pain. I didn’t know what I saw, was there someone transforming into a person? Was that a dog, did Sirius find me? But where was the wolf? 

„No, no, no! Scar, please don’t leave me!“, I could hear Remus’ voice. How did I hear him now? 

Under the worst pain in my life I whispered: „I love you“

I screamed again when someone touched my bleeding leg, I think I could feel my bone with my right hand? Was it so much blood from my arm or my leg? Somehow I tasted metal, but how did the blood get into my mouth. Slowly, I drifted away, praying that Remus would be able to live with himself when he found out that he had killed me. This was different. I felt like I wasn’t just unconscious, but I was leaving my body. If this was death, it wasn’t even as bad. Just like a deep ,deep sleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

+++

 

 

 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

 

 

What was that sound? 

 

 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

 

 

Did it just speed up? 

 

 

Beep.

 

 

How soft was this, what was I lying on? 

 

 

Beep. Beep.

 

 

It was getting really annoying, why was it so dark?

 

 

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

 

 

There, I figured out how to open my eyes, everything was white in here. No, there were colorful plants next to me. Flowers?

 

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

 

 

My vision became clear, I could see a huge scar on my right arm. A bite from a dog?

 

 

Beep.

 

 

There was a needle in my arm. What was this beeping? Why was there a needle in my arm, I pulled it out then pulled all the other things off me and finally, the beeping stopped. 

Suddenly, the doors opened and a woman dressed in white came running into my room. 

„Oh my goodness, you are awake!“, she said excited, as if I had been sleeping for a long time. She came closer to me and took my hand: „Can you please push against my hand?“

I pushed and she smiled. She did the same with my other hand and my legs. When she lifted my left leg up, the sleeping gown lifted up and I could see another big scar from a dog or wolf?

„Can you speak for me?“, the Nurse asked and got a long stick out. A wand? She whispered ‚Lumos‘ and then shone the light into my eyes. 

„Do you remember anything?“, she asked again, her voice very calm and with a friendly smile on her face. 

One word had imprinted itself in my brain, so I thought that I should say it: „Scar?“

„Very good, but do you remember you first name? Do you know what happened before you woke up here?“

I furrowed my eyebrows when she talked. Her lips were very full and she was a beautiful witch. With red hair.

„Red hair?“

„Yes, I do have red hair. But you, do you know how you look?“

What did I look like? I really tried to remember, but there was nothing. It started to scare me a little, but more important was another question: Who was I and how did I get here? 

„Where am I?“, I asked noticing that I hadn’t spoken as many words in quite a while. I felt like it was a hard workout to even move my hands or legs. 

„You are in the Saint Mungo’s hospital. You were in a very bad accident at your school, a boy named Remus Lupin saved your life. I need you to stay calm now, but I have to give you this information: We have the year 1998.“

 

Thur - 28. April 1998

    

I didn’t really know what I should do with this information and the nurse seemed to realize that I really couldn’t remember anything.

„Okay, Miss Pettegrew. You have two options now: I can regain your memories with a potion, but that might be very hurtful for you, since you have been in a coma. Or you can stay here for some more days without your memories, trying to remember yourself. I would have to inform you about your family though.“„What family?“, I asked and already knew that I had to get my memories back. Who would want to live like this?„I want the potion and a mirror“, I ordered and noticed that I used to be a strong person, not allowing people to push me down. The nurse nodded and then walked out of the door to get me the things I had asked for. Meanwhile, I looked around my room some more. There was something weird about the flowers, and when I took a closer look I could see that one of them wasn’t really a flower but a pink piece of paper. With excitement, I unrolled it and read the lines that were scribbled onto it:  

Dear Scar. I don’t know if you will ever wake up, but I pray everyday that you do. Even if you remember me, you won’t know what happened all these years when you were gone. Just use this spell to see what happened, if you want. Apperi memoria Love, Remus 

 

Remus, when I heard that name again I felt like my heart was beating a little bit faster. I must have really loved that boy. Curious, I whispered the spell and suddenly, I felt like I was being sucked into the paper.  

 

*When I opened my eyes, I looked at a horrible scenario: A girl at the age of about 17 was laying on the grass of a forrest with a werewolf over her. He just ripped a piece of her leg out when she screamed so heartbreaking that I ran towards her to save her from the wolf, even if I got hurt as well. Just then I realized that they couldn’t see or hear me, this was a memory. I stopped and watched as the wolf suddenly whimpered. Her pain seemed to hurt him as well and now I could see that his eyes were somehow human. The girl was in so much pain that she seemed to pass out any second, but the wolf started licking his prey like he wanted to help her. He howled when something unbelievable happened: The werewolf turned into a man again. I still remembered enough to know that this was impossible! A werewolf couldn’t control his changing, but obviously he just had. His love must have been so strong that he broke the curse, probably just for this one night though.  * 

The scene became dark and when I looked around again, I saw that I was back in the hospital, now looking at the girl lying in the bed. The boy was there at her bed, with a blonde girl and two other boys. They all looked devastated, but the boy, Remus I supposed and another boy with dirty blonde hair who looked quite alike her seemed to even have cried, just like the blonde girl. „It has been a year now, Remus. You have to move on, you have to let her go“, the black haired boy said, but the boy with dirty and very baggy clothes instantly responded: „Never. I will wait for her, however long it takes!“„We won’t let you down, Scar! You are a fighter“, the girl whispered and kissed the brunette on the cheek. When I felt a light kiss on my cheek too, I had to admit what I was trying to refuse: That girl in the bed was actually me. 

 

Suddenly, the people were all gone, except from the one with the dark brown hair, who was obviously my boyfriend back then. He had aged some years and looked even worse now. „Lily and James are dead, Scar! Sirius betrayed them. I just can’t believe it. Aya married Fabian, but just days after Fabian and Gideon were killed by Death Eaters. Aya is devastated. Also, I have to tell you, Peter is dead. Your brother was killed by Sirius, they only found a finger. I saw Dalton today, but he says that he was always under the imperius curse of The Dark Lord. I don’t believe him. I just don’t understand how he is living a free live when so many people died! This is so unfair, what do I do? I just CAN’T FIGHT ANYMORE!“The last words he screamed, throwing the vase next to me on the floor. When the nurse came into the room, the scene went black again.  

 

 I was still in the room and again Remus sat next to me on the little chair. 

„I am teaching in Hogwarts now, and I met Harry Potter. He is their son and he is so much like James. You would love that boy, I is so full of life and always get’s himself into trouble. Just like us when we were young, do you remember?  He told me today that he saw Peter Pettegrew on our map. The map doesn’t lie, so he must be alive right? I will check it out, but if he is alive then he is the traitor. And Sirius was innocent all these years. I still don’t believe that the Dark Lord is completely gone, the war isn’t over yet. Only when you return to me, I will be able to find peace."

I could feel that my eyes were filling with water when he leaned over and kissed my cheek. It must have been a horrible time for him. Did he even look at other girls? Or did he just live in the past, with all his friends dead? Maybe it was better for me not to remember them! 

 

It seemed to have been some more years in-between these scenes, but Remus still looked miserable. Just a little sparkle in his eyes showed that he hadn’t just had horrible times. „Sirius, he just died last week. Bellatrix killed him and Dalton almost killed me, but my life was saved by Tonks. When I tried to revenge you, he disappeared like a coward. Voldemort is back, I knew it all along, but now we are prepared. I want to fight him, I want you to fight with me! Please wake up, you are the love of my life!“He got up and left the room and when the door closed, I thought that I got a short glimpse of purple hair of a woman before everything went black again.  

 

I felt like I awoke from a dream when I opened my eyes again, but the nurse still wasn’t back so I just folded the paper and put it into the little bag that was next to my bed. „Here you go, darling. The potion and the mirror“, she said, but her voice was filled with sadness and now I knew why. If I took this potion, I would remember, but I would also remember my friends who were all dead. I didn’t even know if Remus was still alive. With mixed emotions I took the mirror and was shocked when I saw that the girl looked back at me. I hadn’t even aged a year, my body was still the one of a seventeen year old girl. Confused, I looked at the nurse: „How old am I?“ I didn’t want her to know that I knew about Remus’ memories. 

„You were seventeen darling, and because of your horrible injuries we had to freeze your body in time for it to heal. You haven’t aged a day since 1977. So technically, you are 28. Do you need a minute to let that sink in?“

Everything seemed to turn in my head, and the only one I could think about was Remus: he had been aging. Could I even be with him now that he was so much older? Suddenly totally sure, I grabbed the little Glass in the nurses hands and emptied it all. I didn’t want to be a coward and hide from the pain when the love of my life didn’t have the chance to do so. 

„Darling, I still have to tell you about the news, the war, The Dark Lord…“, the nurse said, but her voice was sounding like she was far, far away. My head seemed to fill with air, it was very hurtful. Like it was going to explode, but then suddenly I remembered: Aya, my best friend in the whole world, Remus, Sirius. How I chose between them, how Remus broke my heart. I remembered James, how he tried to get Lily his whole school life. How I laughed with them, played Quidditch and then - Dalton. How I tried to stop him, how Peter gave in, how I thought that I was going to die. „No, Scar! Why would you do this to yourself?“

Confused about this familiar, but still somehow different voice I opened my eyes again. I could feel tears in my eyes. 

„Aya? Is that you?“, I asked when I realized that a 29 year old version of my best friend stood next to my bed.

 „I came here as fast as possible, to tell you not to remember. I wanted to to be spared“, she said and I could hear that she was a broken person.

 „Come and hug me!“, I just said and pulled her into my bed, just to try and take some of her pain. I couldn’t even realize myself that all of my friends were dead, Sirius, James, Lily, Fabian and Gideon! How was Marlene, where was Remus? How was the war, how was Harry Potter? I had so many questions but I didn’t dare to ask them because I was scared of the answer. 

„I don’t even know where to start. These times are horrible, I must admit that I hoped for you to wake up after the war, maybe even when Harry was your age. Or older, he could have adopted you“, Aya talked to herself, but I did understand what she meant. She had adapted to the horrible times but she wished for me not to have to. 

„Ask me anything, really. But we have to leave soon. I have to get back to Hogwarts and I have to bring you somewhere save.“

I almost had to laugh, because our roles had changed completely, Aya was now the one trying to protect me from the dark, when before she was always the ‚younger‘ one. I had known torture and she had grown up in a nice family, but now she had felt more pain. „What happened to my family, Remus?“, I asked because I had to know if Peter really was the traitor that I had come to know him for. 

„Your parents died in the first war, and Peter is now a Death Eater. He even helped to bring the Dark Lord back. Everything is ruled by the dark in these times and Harry Potter is our only hope. He survived the killing curse, he will destroy the Dark Lord“, Aya explained and I knew that she was trying hard to avoid talking about Remus. 

„It’s okay if he has another woman. It has been 21 years, I want him to be happy.“Aya sighted before she continued: „Her name is Nymphadora Lupin now, they just got married and also have a son together, Teddy. He loves her and she makes him happy, but you are still his soulmate. I know that he misses you everyday. I think that even Tonks notices some days.

“I felt that my heart was cracking, it was hurtful to know that he had a child with another woman, but it was okay. My mind said that it was okay to keep my heart from shattering all over again. „I want to go with you! I want to see Harry Potter and I want to fight by your side. I need to kill Dalton Goyle“, I said and I knew that nothing would stop me. Aya seemed to know this as well, because she helped me getting out of my bed and even dressed me because I was too weak. 

„You know that you are too weak for this. Harry Potter himself is only 17, he is just a boy. I don’t know how he is going to do it, to kill the most powerful wizard alive but I just have to believe. You on the other hand-„- I am fine! And I will fight with James’ son“

„Marlene has a daughter from Sirius. She is in the same year as Harry, and she is one of his friends. Her name is Melody. You two might even become best friends since you are the same age… somehow!“, Aya joked and I was happy that she could still make jokes like this. 

 Laughing, we walked out of the Saint Mungo’s hospital, trying to  forget the reality for a few more seconds. Maybe everything had changed, but Aya’s and my friendship had stayed the same and Remus had found his happy ending, even if it was without me. I felt like the dark times were going to be over soon, but even then I didn’t know if I should face Remus. Would it destroy his happiness?

First, we had a war to win.

Epilogue

 

Epilogue - Hogwarts battle

01. May 1998

    

I finally saw who I was looking for: The face of Dalton Goyle. He was in one of Hogwarts halls, fighting with a brown haired man and seemingly even winning. I saw that face smirking, enjoying the death around him and again, I gave my body over to rage. Without even thinking about it, I used the unforgivable curse: „Avada cadavra!“A green flesh of light hit the man and when he looked over to me I felt satisfaction because in his moment of death, he spoke one last word: „Katherine?“But another person also said my name, with just as much disbelief in his voice: Remus. He had been the one fighting Dalton in the first place, and now he walked towards me. I was torn between running away and running towards him, just to kiss him again. But I had to think of his wife, his boy and I didn’t want to be the one tearing them apart. 
„I can’t believe it is actually you! You are alive!“ I hadn’t moved an inch, I just watched him walk towards me. I smiled at him, and then I told him what I felt: „I still love you, Remus. But I can’t be with you, not anymore. You have a new life and I want to have one as well. I don’t want to ruin your marriage, your son doesn’t deserve that. I hope you can understand“With these words, I turned around and ran around the next corner, just to take a look back. Remus seemed to have understood, he smiled a little with sadness in his eyes and said: „I will always love you, Katherine Pettigrew!“

I smiled back, but my face froze when suddenly a green light hit him in the stomach and he flew backwards. 

„NO!“, I screamed, but the Death Eater that had killed him was being thrown out of the window by a black haired girl, who also ran to the dead body of Remus.

At about the same moment we reached him and when I looked into her grey eyes I could see her father in them: she was the daughter of Sirius. 

„I already lost my dad, I can’t loose my second one! Remus, don’t be dead!“, she screamed, not caring about anything that happened around her. I had to protect her from a couple of spells that could have killed her.But also I had to deal with the next loss: of Remus. I wanted him to be happy, wanted him to have a family. Now he laid here on the stone floor with his eyes wide open and the daughter of Sirius crying over him. 

„Remus! What happened? No, please don’t be dead!“, a woman with purple hair screamed and I just knew that she must be the wife of Remus. „Tonks! I couldn’t do anything, it was all my fault! I should have saved him“, Melody cried and both of the girls were totally devastated. Somehow I was the one keeping the cool head and pulled Melody away from Remus, getting her to a save place.

I would get Tonks later, she probably wouldn’t let me take her so easily. Melody cried, but I could see that she had seen worse than her ‚second father‘ being killed. I just hoped that it wasn’t her first father being killed. 

 

„NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!“, a woman screamed and I could see how a little woman battled another, who looked very much like Bellatrix Black.

 „This bitch, she killed my dad!“, Melody screamed, but I held her back when she wanted to run towards the two, thinking that maybe Bellatrix was a little too good for her. I felt sad for the woman, when I kept looking at her I thought that I had seen her before… was that Molly? The little sister of the twins? Just when I was still thinking about it, I got surprised one more time when suddenly, Bellatrix fell off the table, dead. 

„Finally some justice“, Melody murred, not showing any emotions.

 „Who are you anyways?“, she then asked but when she looked at me again, her mouth dropped open: „Wait, are you Katherine Pettegrew?“I nodded, somehow happy that Sirius had talked about me. Her eyes widened: „I am so sorry! You had to look at Remus, had to see her wife! My mom would love to see you, and Aya! Did you meet her yet?“

„I did, but let us fight before we do the smalltalk“, I joked and fired another spell at a Death Eater. „You are a good fighter“, Melody said while she also fought a Death Eater. 

I laughed: „You too! Just like your dad.“  

 

 

 A few weeks later, the whole school had been repaired and the school opened again, making it possible for anyone to return and study for their exams. There had been many funerals, but with time, my wounds had healed a little. I knew that I would always miss my friends, but I moved in with Aya and somehow she was now something like a mother or big sister to me.

 

Melody and I became very good friends and she reminded me very much of her father. She also introduced me to Harry and his two best friends and I got to meet Molly, proud mother of six children, one having died in the war. His twin brother was so sad that he just locked himself in his room, but he did remind me a little of Fabian. I went back to school with Melody and finished my last year at Hogwarts, making great new friends and soon meeting a very special boy named Christoph Fox.   

Somehow, after two years in that we didn’t have any contact, I met him again in the Saint Mungo’s, where I was now working. I loved helping people and this job really was everything for me. Christoph came in with a broken leg, he had fallen off his broom and I healed him. Ginny came in with him, she was the seeker of their team and his best friend. She made it her mission to get the two of us together and after some double dates with her and Harry, we finally kissed.I helped raise Remus’ son, but I thought of us as a couple less and less everyday.  

 

 

01. April 2006  

 

„Yes, I do“, I said smiling, looking into the amazing eyes of my fiancee. Half was hazelbrown, but the other half was blue. His dirtyblonde hair had just been cut and his black suit looked great on his trained body. „You can now kiss the bride.“Happy, my lips met his soft ones and the kiss made my heart beat faster. 

„I know a great name for him now“, Chris whispered in my ear: „Alexander Remus Fox.“I smiled even more and touched my stomach with my right hand. I didn't know how Chris understood my love for Remus, but somehow he did and he respected it. I knew that Remus always thought that there was only one soulmate for each person, but I thought that I was lucky enough to find two men who were just perfect for me. 

„Maybe he will be born the same day as Harry’s child. That would be amazing“, I whispered and looked over to Ginny, who was also seven months pregnant. She looked very happy, with her son James and her husband next to her. Melody was sitting next to them, with her boyfriend and Aya was sitting at the end, with Teddy on her lap. I thanked god that I could be this happy again, after everything that had happened. I was glad that all of these amazing people could be happy again. 

„I love you, Kathy“, Chris said when we turned to our guests. I was now called Kathy, not Scar anymore because that name carried to many memories. „I love you too. And you as well, Alexander Remus Fox.“

Impressum

Texte: Hogwarts and the Marauders belong to J.K Rowling, only the made up characters belong to me
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.10.2015

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