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Introduction

Words Have Power

I would like to start with a disclaimer. Disclaimer: I am NOT a licensed psychologist or therapist. I do not work in mental health services. Everything I have mentioned is through firsthand experience and research. If you or a loved one think you may suffer from anxiety and/or depression, it is best to get checked by a clinical psychologist.

According to the diagnostic criteria listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition (DSM-5), panic attacks are experienced as a sudden sense of fear and dread plus four or more of the mental, emotional, and physical symptoms mentioned above. Everyone experiences them differently. With that out of the way, allow me to introduce myself.

Hi, my name is Dominique and I suffer from anxiety. A couple of years I go I started on an unexpected journey. I decided to pursue a second degree. It was the best of time and the worst of times...a little Charles Dickens for you. Honestly though, I joke but it was a very rough time for me. A year ago, I graduated from college with my master’s in communication and it only went downhill from there. Hindsight, I’ve always thought I had a lot going on in my mind. I thought it was normal for the most part. Once it came to the point where it started affecting how I lived my life, I knew something wasn’t right.

I have always been a little quirky and I have always disliked crowds. I pretty much like to stay to myself as I am an introvert and I know many others do as well. Again, I didn’t realize it was as serious as it was until I noticed that I became really anxious, really uncomfortable around other people. Literally, I could barely function when a lot of humans were present. I just thought I was painfully shy.

Rewinding back to my childhood, I was always painfully shy. I remember being in a pageant when I was around 5 and my older cousin had to walk out on stage with me because I had just had a tear-filled breakdown backstage. I was the only child who needed that assistance and that was my only pageant appearance. I remember a few years later losing a spelling bee contest that I had progressed so far in because we had to get in front of a room full of people once making it to a certain round. I remember getting the news flash that everyone dies at some point and hyperventilating and missing out on sleep for days in a row. I remember my senior year in high school singing in front of an actual audience and almost throwing up and feeling light headed before walking out on the stage. I had another friend performing with me, so I had to pull it together and somehow fooled people into thinking I was okay. The performance was awful by the way. I have never performed again since then. Oh, woe is me. Those are just very few things that happened that should have alerted me to what I realized later in life.

Before I go on, though, let me provide some background information on mental health. What is health? Health, as defined by the World Health Organization, is “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” What is mental health? MentalHealth.gov defines mental health as “including our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps

determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.” Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Now, back to my story, I have a couple of friends who have clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I was able to speak with them about what I was experiencing and was able to get some good advice. I am forever grateful for that. But it took a while for me to want to be open and be vulnerable enough to have those conversations. It wasn’t easy to outwardly express, what I felt was a weakness, to others. I was the strong friend who didn’t show emotions and had it together. I wasn’t the friend who experienced depressive episodes and self- loathing thoughts. No, not me.

Healthline states, “what sets a true depressive episode apart is that you have symptoms like these during most of the day, almost every day, for at least two weeks.” Experiencing occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. However, people with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Whether you have a disorder, or you’ve never been diagnosed, or you have been diagnosed and take medication for it does not make your situation and experience any less real or severe than anyone else. That is something that needs to be discussed. You don’t get to dictate how bad others have it. You don’t get to dictate what others feel or experience. Don’t let anyone dictate yours either.

I am so grateful and happy to have the community around me that cares for me and wanted to help me along this journey. So, this is a shout out to those friends and they know who they are. Thank you for all your help and guidance through this journey with me.

I used to hide all my pain through my deprecating sense of humor and nonchalant approach to everything. If that didn’t work then I would shut myself away from the world until I felt I could put my happy charade back on. I have been seeing all this talk about manifestation and speaking things into existence and I thought I would finally give it a try. At first, I wasn’t sold. Words are supposed to just change my whole life because I speak an think them? Nah, I wasn’t easily convinced on that. However, I have started manifesting and meditating. It couldn’t hurt to try, right? What harm could it do. Well, I saw a change! At least for my mental if nothing else. Words do have power.

So, I decided that I would like to share the power of words with others who may be a little skeptical of the concept. This book contains some of my favorite words that have helped me along this journey. I want to share this with others in hope that it does the same for you. I recently started a blog called RueXO that discusses my journey with mental health and some posts about mental health facts. I would say this is a shameless plug but there’s no shame in my game. If you like this book, you should check out my blog. If you don’t like this book, still check out my blog! Regardless, happy reading! -XO

~1~

I am a winner. No matter what obstacles come my way, I have value. My season of winning is coming.

I have anxiety. The majority of the time, there is always something wrong with me…in my head. Somehow, someway, I am just not good enough. Then I realize that it is just my anxiety, and I can be anything I put my heart, mind, and energy into and that is a winner. Every moment in our life is not and will never be a highlight. I found out that embracing my struggle serves as a superpower and motivation at the same time. If I don’t like my circumstance, change it when and where I can. I am the only one who has the power to change the trajectory of my life. Look for a win in every loss because it’s there, waiting to be utilized. I am a winner.

~2~

The only person who can defeat me is myself. I own that and give no power to anyone other than myself.

You are solely responsible for your life. Many times, we get stuck in the necessity for validation from others. It can come in various aspects such as romantic validation, friendship, familial, professional, etc. The only person who can truly give you validation is yourself. I have spent many years tweaking and tuning my reaction to the opinions of others. You have to understand why validation is so important to you in order to tackle it head-on. You also have to be honest with yourself and realize who you seek validation from. We all seek it from somewhere. The thoughts of others are none of your business because, in the end, the only person who can defeat you is yourself.

~3~

Even outside my comfort zone, I will be comfortable in my own skin.

This one is a toughie. Self-esteem is a tricky thing. It takes some a lifetime to master and others not as long. Understanding and accepting who you are can be a difficult feat. I can tell you all day every day that you are incredible and should love yourself, but until you believe that and genuinely embody it, those are just words. We all are deserving of loving ourselves. We all are deserving of taking risks to better ourselves. Be comfortably you.

~4~

If I fail, I will fail forward.

Success comes from failure. Failure is imperfection. Imperfection is a success. You cannot make it to the good without going through the bad. Otherwise, how would you acknowledge and appreciate the good? I used to be terrified of failure. I thought it was embarrassing and discouraging. How do people stay motivated to keep going? Failing, failing, and failing again is humbling. Failing publicly is courageous. Failing continuously are lessons learned. So, fail. Fail harder and harder each time. Fail until you get it. Fail until you’re successful. No one said failure was pretty. So, when I fail, I fail forward.

~5~

I am a diamond. Tough times only make me stronger. It is time for me to shine.

Sometimes, we hold ourselves back. We don’t believe in ourselves enough. The fear of failure keeps us from trying. Just know that when it’s your time, it’s your time. No one can stop you from shining. I love the idea of a diamond because diamonds are made in the rough and come out gleaming. Do not let your circumstances keep you from reaching your full potential. You are a diamond. It is your time to shine.

~6~

I am grateful for the things I have. No matter how little it may seem, how old it may be, or how unappreciated by others.

I know when my anxiety starts driving me crazy; it’s usually because I am focusing on the negatives in my life. It doesn’t even have to be a current issue. I can stress over things that will not happen for at least a year in the future. One way I have learned to deal with my anxiety is by taking the time to speak aloud or just think about all the good in my life. I have plenty. When I get overwhelmed with life, I like to remind myself that what I am worried about is probably not even that big of a deal. Trust me; harp over every little thing. There are people out there who would pray to have my situation over theirs, so I always like to remind myself of the blessings that far outweigh my obstacles.

~7~

My mind is like water. I will change and adjust as needed.

I remember the big turning point in my anxiety was at a time that I was not able to find any joy in my life. I remember breaking down at work randomly one day feeling miserable about my situation. I remember being tired of being tired. I decided right then and there that I could only focus on my downs at the moment, or I can accept that everyone goes through losses before they start winning. No matter if they’re on top currently, at one point they were at the bottom. They persevered through that time, never letting themselves give up. I decided at that moment to embrace every bit of my struggle and use it to serve as a reminder of what I aim for in life and to never give up working toward my goals. I decided that I would adjust as needed.

~8~

Success is my future. I see it. I speak it. I believe it.

Success means something different to everyone. To me, it means ultimate satisfaction. Have you ever heard anyone say that they don’t have a plan B? That they never planned on giving up on plan A? I remember that quote changing my life when I first heard it. Success is my plan A. I also have a plan B, C, D, E....you get my point. Plan B does not always have to mean you are giving up on your dream but that you found a new way to make your plan A come true. So, I say make a plan A and use the rest of the alphabet to help spell out your plan to achieve plan A. Success is my future. There is no other option.

~9~

I can go with the flow. I shall go where life takes me.

“Choose your battles wisely.” This right here is my whole life struggle in one sentence. I am a control freak in every way, and I like to think that plays a major part in my anxiety. You cannot control life and that was my Achilles heel. I wanted to be on top of everything and have a plan to stick to in every aspect of my life. I like structure. Life just laughed in my face. Have you ever heard the saying “want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.” I felt that. I used to get upset every time something didn’t go my way. I still do sometimes. Life is hard enough without trying to control everything and failing. I really don’t need any more battles than I already have to go through. So, I choose my battles wisely now. Sometimes we have to just take the L.

~10~

My strength is stronger than my anxiety.

I am strong. At least, mentally I am. I think it’s a broad misconception that anyone struggling with mental health is weak. That is absolutely wrong. I am strong enough to not let my anxiety get to me. I am strong enough to not let it affect my life, my sleep, nor my mood. I am strong enough to not let anxiety trigger my depression. I am strong enough to deal with my depression head-on when anxiety does get its way. I am strong enough to accept all parts of me─ anxiety and depression included. My strength is stronger than my anxiety.

~11~

Feelings are not facts.

Your feelings are not facts. That does not invalidate them. Sometimes I can convince myself that the world is ending over every little thing. Like, I literally cannot go on and it’s all just dramatization. My anxiety does a great job of deceiving me with perception and reality. It is mainly where my insecurities stem from. So, remember your anxieties are not your truths and there’s no need to let them become your truths. Your feelings are not facts.

~12~

I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people tell someone to “just get over it” and that “someone out there has it worse.” Somebody else’s struggle does not invalidate your own. No matter the different extremities. So, I don’t want what I say next to be misconstrued. Choose happiness. I feel like that comes at different levels for everyone. I feel that some are really good at faking until they make it. Others have to be at their wit's end for it to click. I was in the middle. I can’t fake it ‘til I make it even if my life depends on it. I also knew that I was going downhill fast. So, I decided to change course. I literally remember telling myself every day for a month or so that I am going to live a life worth living because I only get one. I don’t want to spend it depressed and anxious. I took the time to acknowledge my worries and rationalize all my fears. Today I am much better than I have been in years...all because I chose happiness.

~13~

Mistakes and setbacks are stepping stones to my success because I learn from them.

This goes back to failing. How you fail us all about perception. I choose to believe that I either win or learn. Losing is never an option. Everybody faces mistakes and setbacks but it's how you use those challenges to push forward to your success. There is a lesson in every failure. Embrace it. Learn from your mistakes and setbacks.

~14~

When I breathe, I inhale confidence and exhale timidity.

One thing I started getting into is meditation. Many people who experience anxiety discuss how meditation works positively for them. For the longest time, I avoided meditation because it didn’t work for me. I have a busy mind and busier body parts and I couldn’t sit still long enough or calm my thoughts enough for it to have an effect on me. That is literally the method to meditation. Sucks to be me, right? No one told me it took training. I thought it was supposed to work immediately. I gave it a few more chances and I deeply suggest it, especially in times of irritation. While you do that, make sure to inhale confidence and exhale timidity.

~15~

Life is happening at this moment.

There was a time when I was just going through life anxious about every part of my future. So worried, in fact, I forgot to focus on my present. At least, I think that’s what it was. I was not too happy with my current reality at the time so maybe that was why I took the focus off it. Regardless, there were great moments and things happening and I was not taking in any of it. I was making myself miss out on good memories because I chose to live in the future. Life is happening in this moment now and you need to make sure you experience it fully.

~16~

I accept and embrace all experiences, even unpleasant ones.

I am one of those people that when everything is going well, it is going great. When things are bad, they are awful. I had to learn to embrace all stages of life. I am a control freak who cannot control life. It is one, long ongoing anxiety attack. I could not live like that so I had to find another way to cope. Surrendering works well it turns out. I used to get worked up over every single thing. I still do sometimes. But now I pick what is worth going to war for and what lesson needs to be embraced. Embrace all your experiences.

~17~

I fill my mind with positive and nourishing thoughts.

I admit that I have to get better with this. Positive affirmations are a thing. There is this saying that I love. I do not know who said it, but it states, “speak to yourself as if you are talking to someone you love.” It’s simple but impactful. Taking the time to speak healthy energy over yourself can actually manifest physically in your life. It serves as great motivation as well. This especially helps with sudden sadness and esteem issues. Take care of yourself and nourish your thoughts.

~18~

With every breath out, I release stress in my body.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I hope you exhaled stress in those breaths. Before meditation, deep breaths were the way I would cope when I suddenly got overwhelmed. I would count until whenever I felt calm accompanied by deep, slow, calming breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out.

~19~

In all that I say and do, I choose peace.

Everyone finds peace differently. Some find it alone. Some find it with loved ones. Some find it with a hobby. Some find it in all of the above. There are different types of peace. Deciphering that peace is important in how you go about searching for it. I personally prefer solitude. Although, there are some moments that being alone is the absolute last thing I need. It sucks sometimes because the majority of the time I am alone without an option and have to get through my moments all by myself, but it has made me stronger as a woman and as a person.

~20~

I am grounded in the experience of the present moment.

We only have now. We cannot change our past and we cannot see our future. There is absolutely no reason why we should focus on any time but the present. We are just putting ourselves through something twice. Stay in the moment. Live in the moment. Experience the moment.

~21~

I am grateful for this moment and find joy in it.

I used to tell myself that I want to live in the moment. Being the control freak and anxious person that I am has me constantly worrying about the future. It took up all my time in the present. There is no way I can control the future, nor can I predict it. To worry about something I cannot possibly have any knowledge of is a pure waste of time. You cannot get any time back in life. No need in stressing over something twice. Nobody has the time or energy for that.

~22~

I wake up every day and I think, ‘I’m breathing! It’s a good day.

Most of the time, we overcomplicate things and completely ignore the simple things in life. I am one of those people that make everything ten times bigger than what it is. In short, everything is a big deal to me. Occasionally, I find myself doing the most and have to calm down and remember to count the blessings I may forget about. For instance, my health, waking up another day, the ability to walk, having food to eat, a roof over my head, etc. Once you take things in perspective, you realize it’s the small things that truly matter. The big things are arbitrary. If you woke up today, it’s a good day already.

~23~

Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.

The past is the past. The moment it is over, it is over. Do not allow bad energy to linger. Today is a whole new day with a whole new start. We only move forward over here. Reflect if you must and you can even be inspired and changed for the better, but you can’t let it negatively dictate your today or your future.

~24~

Life wants the best for me. I am OK with where I am right now.

Manifest what is for you. Focus on where you are now and what it will take to personify your manifestation. While you do that, EMBRACE YOUR PRESENT. My current reality is a struggle, but I know what I want and what serves me. Make sure to put actions to your goals or they’ll remain just dreams. There is beauty in the struggle and failure in success.

~25~

I find and enjoy the simple pleasures life is offering right now.

I just got back from a friend’s wedding and I really enjoyed just having some other women to hang out and speak with. Giggling and enjoying the open bar, I made sure to soak up every laugh and energetic vibe I experienced at that moment. I am an introvert who can count on one hand how many friends I have─ even fewer that I actually hang out with. I made sure to enjoy something as small as letting loose and spending time with others instead of alone like usual. Enjoy your simple pleasures.

~26~

My challenges bring me better opportunities.

…I am still dissecting this one. It confused me at first but then I realize it just means stepping out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself will take you further than staying comfortable and in a safe space. It can be hard and scary to take risks or do something you’re unsure of. The control freak here totally gets it but the reward of seeing yourself rise above a challenge and witnessing yourself getting stronger is empowering and only brings forth more confidence. I am currently learning this concept. I have never felt unsure yet empowered as I have now. It’s a beautiful juxtaposition. Challenge yourself to reap better opportunities.

~27~

My mood creates a psychological response in my body. I am peaceful and positive.

This affirmation came right on time. Today is Monday and it has been the Monday-est of all Mondays and I am feeling every bit of it. The past weekend I decided I wanted to take my energy and spirit more seriously and really nurture myself. I wanted to give myself as much love as I give my parents and others that are dear to me. Sometimes we don’t realize how we speak to ourselves. I read something recently that said “don’t speak negatively of yourself, even as a joke. Your spirit can’t tell the difference,” and it was one of the most powerful things that hit me. I have a dry and deprecating sense of humor. I decided I wanted to minimize that as much as possible by speaking positive affirmations to, and over myself, meditating to medicate my mind, I’m spiritual so praying over myself and my life experience, etc. I want to exude nothing but peace and positivity. Nurture your psyche and retain control over your moods.

~28~

You are loved despite your sadness.

When I get sad, my mind goes deep in the dark. I think how no one cares about me. I’m not important to anyone outside of my gracious parents. No one wants to be around me. I’m this hideous creature that can’t stand the sight of myself. I am going to be locked up in a room alone all my life. Now, this isn’t every time I get sad, just when I reach a certain level of sadness. It’s really self-pitying that I despise. I remind myself how hard it is to drag yourself out of that type of mood. So if you can relate, I’d like to reiterate, you are loved despite your sadness. It has no idea what it is talking about.

~29~

You aren’t any less of a person because certain people can’t understand your illness.

This is for all my people who suffer from a mental illness such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. We have come upon a time where this conversation is taking place more than it has in the past. We still have a long way to go though. Most people do not or cannot talk about their problems because others have a hard time empathizing. Sometimes it’s hard to explain what’s going on because you can’t even explain it yourself. I fight with this myself. I don’t know what’s wrong half the time and I sure can’t articulate it. Whether someone can understand your pain or not does not make you any less of a person. You are not weird or crazy, you’re just misunderstood. That’s okay. I understand you and many others do as well. Worry about and take care of yourself. It’s the priority.

~30~

You are strong in your weakness.

I am still working on this concept. I have always worried about coming off as weak. Vulnerability has power. Experiencing your feelings is strong. Weakness is strength. When you allow yourself to really feel your emotions and express and communicate them, you not only heal but become stronger. I know this. I preach this. I don’t necessarily do it. It is easier said than done. Remember, you are strong in your weakness. I try to.

~31~

You are much more than your opinion of yourself.

This goes back to my sentiment that you should talk to yourself as if you’re talking to someone you love. We tend to be harsh on ourselves and save all of our love for others. Let’s end that. You should be the best person you know. You should be your own inspiration. You should be the most beautiful; both inside and out, human being you see when you look in a mirror. Confidence is amazing. Humility is spectacular. Self-worth is priceless.

~32~

You are a silent warrior.

Every fight you fight, you come out with a victory. Every fight you fight on your own, you’re a warrior. Now that doesn’t mean to suffer alone or suffer in silence. It just means that if you can’t find any support, you hold it down on your own. Every day that you wake up and fight the good fight makes you a soldier─ a warrior.

~33~

You don’t have to pretend to be okay.

Let me repeat that. You don’t have to pretend to be okay. The majority of the time, we want to remain strong and act like everything is fine. That eventually leads us to a breakdown and cause a mess within our own mind. You’re not always fine and that’s okay. You’re not always fine and that’s okay. You’re not always fine and that’s okay. Got it?

~34~

You’re doing a good job.

I don’t know if anyone has told you this lately, but you are doing a good job, no, a great job. We sometimes feel as if we are not doing enough. Sometimes getting out of bed is doing enough. Whether you see yourself as failing, struggling, lacking, disappointed, or any other self-deprecating image, just know that you going on every day and putting forth energy throughout the day is a win. You’re doing a good job, babe.

~35~

My anxiety of revealing myself to the world without fear of judgment or criticism from others as well as myself will disappear.

Have you ever felt the need to “water” yourself down? Maybe felt too nerdy, too loud, too goofy, too weird? I used to. I always felt too loud and too goofy for others. I felt ignored and less important and even annoying because I liked smiling. Like laughing and being happy was something to be ashamed of. I used to be very welcoming and open, but when I got to college that came to an end. You can even ask my parents, they’ll tell you that I’m not the same sweet, shy, little girl. It is true, to an extent, that the world can turn you cold. I am here to tell you to be yourself because someone is going to feel it. If not, screw them. I guarantee you probably don’t need them.

~36~

I am strong and confident knowing I will get through this challenge with a greater awareness of who I am.

As a control freak, any blip in the road or unexpected obstacle I came upon really threw me off whack. I would get so upset and it would stay on my mind and spirit for days if not weeks. I was a train wreck when I graduated college and real life hit. During that challenge, though, is where I found my strength and peace, I understood when to pick my battles. Life is one fight after another with a two-second break in between and you have to learn how to block and stay energized. Challenges are hard and sometimes inconvenient. It is up to you to learn from it and become stronger and more confident in yourself.

~37~

I release all of the ties that bind me to this anxiety and depression.

I remember when I graduated from college receiving my master's. I had worked for my program as a graduate assistant and was receiving a stipend that ended the month before I graduated. I was working as an unpaid intern for a company that I had hoped would propel my career in Public Relations. I had to work the summer after graduation with no income and in three months, would hopefully pass an evaluation where it would turn into a full-time job. Long story short, I didn’t get offered a full-time job, but I got an offer to stay on and work another three months for free. HA, no. My bills weren’t free, so I couldn’t continue working for free. I am not speaking badly on the company/people in any way. They were great people and I really enjoyed working with them. But again, my bills weren’t free. That’s when the job search got real. I had always been searching but was holding out for that position mainly because I really wanted it. I couldn’t get a job with my two degrees and none of my networking connections were pulling through. Finally, I got a job copying papers all day (literally), and I was miserable. Every day I went home drained and uninspired because this wasn’t how I imagined this going. A month later, I was let go. After that, I wasn’t able to find another job for two months. Depression and anxiety set in hard. I don’t think I left home much, or even got out of bed. I couldn’t afford to honestly. I soon got another job that wasn’t the best atmosphere mentally but I loved my coworkers so that was a plus. I decided that as long as I could keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach that I would make the most of my struggle. Something had to change. It was clear my circumstance wasn’t so my mind had to. So, I let go of all expectations and focused on the positives in my life. I decided to release all of the ties that bound me to anxiety and depression. My mental state has improved tremendously.

~38~

It’s an opportunity to learn something new.

To take from the story on the page prior, I decided to take this time of struggle and make it an opportunity to learn something new. I took online courses, I created online courses, I started a blog called RueXO that discusses health and beauty topics with an emphasis on mental health because your inside is just as important as your outside. I chose this time to take on some freelance projects. I took this time to learn what I was really passionate about and set some life goals. I took this time to ignite the go-getter in me. I hustle a lot more now. I let go of anxiety over things I cannot control. I learned that there is no need to put yourself through something twice. I had some epiphanies about my health. Most importantly, I embraced my struggle and let it motivate me to level up. I took this opportunity to learn something new. Whatever season you are in, you should always learn something new.

~39~

I’ll tackle it from a different angle.

I got a new job finally, right? Everything is better, right? Wrong. After being let go from my first job that I hated with a passion, I got another job after another two months of searching. This time I started working for a company that treated me like I had a disease. Literally, I think I could have won a discrimination lawsuit against them. So this wasn’t the best job either. I remember starting and being disappointed again and the depression came creeping back in again. One day I went into the bathroom randomly and burst into tears. I mean, I did everything I was told and taught in college and I had nothing to show for it. I shortly came to the realization that at that point, I was just living life. I found no joy in it and that wasn’t it; at all. I decided to tackle it from a different angle. My coworkers got treated like crap as well and I figured that building a bond amongst us would make the days go by easier. It did. I decided that if I wasn’t dying from it, then I wasn’t stressing over it. That simple epiphany changed my whole entire life. It was literally as simple as changing how I thought. Now, it’s not always that easy. I put in earnest work into what I preached but it’s not that easy for everyone and I am in no way implying that. It worked for me, though, and I haven’t been the same since.

~40~

I’ll open my channels of communication.

Self-awareness is a treat. It’s very important. An area I can improve in is communication. I have always been a people pleaser down to the bone, and so I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I also know that I can be mean when I speak without having resolved my feelings yet. So, I decided to stay to myself when upset. That doesn’t always work. Oh, and I feel every emotion I go through steeply, so it takes me a while to get through my emotions of a situation. Then there is the fact that everyone doesn’t communicate the same and wants you to use their resolution language without trying to understand your own. I have noticed that despite many people expressing that they want to be talked with and expressed to in order to resolve any issues going on, it rarely goes as planned. That’s not my problem and neither is it yours. Express yourself with love and move on. How they choose to intercept that message is their issue.

~41~

Take a chance.

I consider myself a safe person. I do not proclaim to be a risk-taker. I understand that I love my comfort zone. I think we all can get caught up in our comfort zone afraid of other's opinions, afraid of failing, or maybe just afraid of being vulnerable. 2019 was the year I wanted to step away from all of that. It hadn’t done me any favors as of yet. So, I decided to start a blog discussing my mental health journey and sharing some knowledge on the topic. The blog is called RueXO. I decided on forcing myself to get out and meet more people, have more experiences since I can be introverted. We may think that taking risks means it has to be more on the extreme side but stepping out of your comfort zone in any way is a taking a risk. So, take a chance.

~42~

I will give it another try.

If you have not caught on yet, the theme of this book is just to stay calm and never give up. I truly believe in this and live by it. There has been so much rejection in my life, I am sure it overshadows my achievements...insert awkward look here. It makes the achievements much nicer and way more victorious when they do come. No matter how many times you fail or how many times you face rejection, a victory is on the horizon. You just have to give it another try.

~43~

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.

I think that is a quote by Henry Ford. I see a lot of this current day. It is just called manifestation. So, full disclaimer, I used to be a big-time skeptic. I am still fighting off some of those old ways. I also have a self-deprecating sense of humor. I’m one big package of joy if you can’t tell. Words have power. How you speak to yourself and think of yourself determines what you achieve. I have had a very hard time with this in recent years due to the struggle that comes for many people after graduation. After graduation depression is real. Never let anyone tell you it isn’t. But you can beat it and words are an important weapon in doing that. It may seem too simple but everything doesn’t have to be complicated. Speak your goals on yourself. Speak your achievement of dreams on yourself. Speak of love upon yourself. Speak of confidence in yourself. Because in the end, whatever you think you can do, you are absolutely right.

~44~

Each new day is filled with infinite potential and possibility.

My belief in myself waivers every day. I would be lying if I said I didn’t; every hour sometimes even. One day I can think I will never achieve my dreams and then there are days that I won’t let anyone tell me my limitations…not even myself. Just because you don’t have full steam about your passion at all times doesn’t mean that you are derailing. It is just a moment in time. Each new day is filled with infinite potential and possibility. Never forget that.

~45~

I am so grateful for my life and its blessings.

These past couple of years has been hard. No sugar coating, they have been terrible. In this chaos, I have found out things about myself that I never knew before. I also had a period of extreme self-pity. That didn’t help. I forgot to remember and be thankful for all the good in my life. I had plenty. When we are going through tough times, we can become negative Nancy. Don’t let those tough times win over your good times. Remind yourself to be grateful for life and its many blessings.

~46~

Continue to learn, grow, and evolve with each passing day.

Suffering from anxiety and depressive episodes takes a huge toll on me. One thing I learned, though, was that surrendering to help and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to get better is a necessity. You can’t do it all on your own. I am lucky to have a community around me that openly discusses as well as having others who can relate because they suffer the same fate. Once I realized what was going on, I wanted to learn more about it and figure out how to grow from this. One of the reasons I started RueXO was to build a community for people who may not be as lucky as myself to have people to speak to, or for people who are currently trying to figure out what they may be going through, or just for people who want to continue to learn along with me and need a safe space to do it. I use my journey to continue to learn, grow, and evolve with each passing day. No matter what you struggle with, I hope you do too.

~47~

I am confident in my talents, strengths, gifts, and abilities.

Remember that post-graduation depression I was talking about earlier? That can be a product of a lot of different things. It could be debt acquired, job economy, real-life hitting all at once, etc. For myself, it was/is the debt and job economy. It is actually a pretty common story amongst college graduates. So many of us go to college like told, receive a degree that we go into massive debt for, to come out of school and not able to get a job in the field that they spent so much time, money, and energy to pursue. Wild, right? You do everything they tell you. You network, take on internships, stay on top of your GPA, and have nothing to show for it. It’s a scam if you ask me, but I digress. All that can really affect a person’s mental state. The fields I was in had so many entrepreneurs and rising entrepreneurs whose main reason for starting their business was because no one would hire them. They are killing it. I learned a lot from those people. Never let anyone influence your ability to see and believe in your talent and never let anyone have complete control of how you make a living. You can and will make it. You may just have to take the initiative. If you’ve been waiting on a sign, this is your sign. It’s time to glow up. Be confident in your talents, strengths, gifts, and abilities.

~48~

My life is filled with meaning, purpose, and passion.

When fighting yourself mentally every day, your worth can seem distorted in the midst of it. You can lose the sense of self, accomplishment, satisfaction, etc. It may take a while but remember that your life is filled with meaning, purpose, and passion. You may be the only one to know what those are but that’s the only person that matters. Self-validation is a major key.

~49~

Change your thoughts and change your life.

I discussed this not too long ago. How you think makes a major impact on your life. Did you know that negative thought can lead to negative results? For example, I can be a hypochondriac and I try to be better at it because thinking you’re sick all the time can make you physically sick. Really, look it up. So many illnesses are a result of stress. If that doesn’t show you the power of what thoughts can do, I don’t know what will. So, let’s project positive thoughts and change our lives.

~50~

Don’t invalidate your thoughts, honor them.

We invalidate our thoughts and beliefs so much sometimes that we don’t even recognize we do it. One of the most popular methods of invalidating ourselves and others is telling them that someone else has it worse. Or, that you have more than others, so you should be appreciative. Yes, appreciate what you have. It doesn’t take away the pain necessarily, though. Another one is that you can’t get better because of the circumstances you grew up in or were born into. From here on out, no more accepting invalidation from anyone. We all can do what we put our minds to. Honor your thoughts and believe in yourself. Period.

You’ve made it to the end! These are some affirmations and manifestations that changed how I went about my everyday life. I realized that I had to change my thought process before I could move forward in any way. I understand there are different strokes for different folks and this may not work for everyone. However, it may. I just want to share what helped me with my anxiety-induced and episodic moments. I have heard and seen so many people speak on their testimonies of speaking things into existence. I am a witness. There is power in words.

Conclusion

I want to provide a brief recap of why mental health is important. Mental health affects every single aspect of our lives. Our physical and emotional being is dependent on our mental health. It’s the powerhouse…or is that the mitochondria? All corny jokes aside, the stigma behind mental health has prevented us from treating it as we should. For something so important to be taboo has been detrimental to humanity. I firmly believe that you can never be at your absolute best physically without exercising healthy mental practices. For me, that consists of meditation, yoga, drinking lots of water, exercise, and prayer.

According to Healthline, more than 16 million adults in the US have had at least one episode of major depression and that’s only adults! Another thing to know is that depression comes in stages. It can range from mild depression to severe depression. I want people to be able to discuss what they are struggling with without others judging if their case is severe or not.

You are not crazy. You are not exaggerating. You are not a burden. Many people have their ways of disregarding real psychological issues within others and within themselves. That is predominantly because they are not in our minds and cannot understand what we are going through; what our specific situation is. Ignore them. Find an ally, a therapist, anyone. Just find someone who you can confide in and lead you to help.

There are different levels to mental health and everyone is affected differently. What works for one person may not work for another. I do not want that to discourage anyone though. The mind is a powerful thing and what you produce in it is just as powerful. I strongly believe in that. I think it is an important step in healing. Thoughts lead to actions and a way of life; positive thoughts equal a positive life.

We are ongoing projects that require work every day. It never ends. It is not a magical change overnight. You have to repeatedly make the choice to manifest positivity. I still slip into my old ways sometimes, but I don’t let that win. I just put in the extra effort as needed. Some days will take more. Some will take less. Regardless, I believe in us all!

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.04.2021

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