Foreword:
No joke: Laughter is the best medicine! Laughing has been shown to be a great benefit for health: Hearty laughter enhances well-being, reduces the risk of heart attack and is now regarded by researchers and physicians even as a little miracle weapon that can easily compete with medicine.
So use this advantage for your health: giggling, cackling and laughing until you stomach hurts you or tears are running. Best begin right now with a few jokes and funny glosses.
Humor is when you laugh even more
For a good mood and laughing without end - humorous and witty, colorfully mixed
Learning French - the naked truth
How did I actually come up with this crazy idea to learn French? Why French? Oh, right, I remember now: because of my upcoming trip to France. One wants doesn’t want to show any weakness in vacation countries. So then, catch and eat … baguettes.
The problem already went off in the first French-lesson, namely the pronunciation. I had problems with these insane nasal sounds. Best holding closed your nose and there you go. But you cannot do that on the street; they would consider you totally crazy.
A week later, it worked better. Because I had a cold and therefore my pronunciation was almost perfect. My teacher was thrilled, praised me and said: Keep it coming! Well, I cannot have a cold all year round just because of the pronunciation…
A second problem was coming a little later: the conjugation of verbs. Everything, absolutely everything is conjugated; not as in English. Most problematic was frankly the “subjonctive”. If I had known that, I would probably never have ended up in this course. But now it's too late. In addition, I am starting very slowly, to record smallest progress. My homework now show substantially fewer cutbacks in red after the correction than at the beginning. Some expressions are reminiscent of German, some in Italian or Spanish, many of Latin. My Little Latin is helping me greatly now, however.
After about two months I slowly begin to take a fancy to French. In class, good and bad students are distilling now. As with any adult education course half has already thrown in the towel. I hold on; I have a reason, I want to travel and I want to speak French.
Another month goes by; of course I'm not fluent yet, but I can already order a pot (coffee) and a "KRrrrUASSON" (crusty breakfast croissant), so I will at least not have to suffer from hunger. On using the map I can struggle along the city more or less. But the diseases - except GRIPE – PARTOUT do not want to stay in my head. Also, I constantly confuse some types or meat and vegetables. Finally, you do not eat lamb, radish, rabbit and turkey every day. Well, in case of need, I have fall back to pizza, lasagna and eggplant AUBERGINE. I've already forgotten how to say peas, I just noticed. Dictionary, check, PETIT POIS, PETIT POIS; PETIT POIS, repeat three times, that normally helps. If that does not help, write the word down 10 times and then hang up all that sheets in the house. Currently everything at home is decorated with idioms, that you almost never can translate literally. If I want to ask “what have you been doing for so long”, I have to translate "what are you fabricating" Qu`est-ce que tu fabriques? If I want to say "this is my beer" I have to translate that there are my onions; “C`est mes oignons” and if I want to say that someone is crazy, I translate that person unsealed, unblocked; tu débloques. But all these small difficulties at the edge, you simply ignore, on s`en branle, it is really scratching us little…literally translated…
Play April`s Fools tricks
and you will laugh again heartily
Tell the waiter/waitress in the restaurant, that according to a new law (print fictional text at your computer) now each portion of French Fries must contain exactly 30 pieces of fries and let him/her recount.
Are you the last leaving the office on 31st of March? Put gelatin powder in the toilets; until the next morning the funny result is ready: Jelly has formed ...
Simply change the signs of the ladies and gents toilets ...
Gather some friends or colleagues, place yourselves at the next corner and stare all spellbound into the sky. You will not have to wait long for the reactions of the other passers-by.
Cooking spray on the toilet seat makes it extra slippery.
Place wrapped chocolates or chocolates on th desk (before you have attached a fine nylon cord whose threads you now have in your hand and pull it immediately if someone reaches out to grab the chocolate).
Color simple water with orange food coloring and put it as orange juice in the refrigerator.
Refrain from shaking Coke cans before serving should in the office and while wearing good clothes.
Someone has taken off his shoes? Immediately stuff the shoe point with toilet paper. Wet is also nice.
Open a door half and put a pillow on top of the door. It will fall off immediately when opening the door. (If you do not prefer to smear toothpaste under the doorknob).
Set all clocks one hour forward.
Put dozens of table tennis balls in a closet. Once someone opens the closet door, they all fall out at once.
Glue the cover of a pen with super glue.
Replace the "push" and "pull" signs of the doors.
Funny - funnier - the funniest
Scientifically relevant lecture
Four clock in the morning. A man apparently drunken totters through the dark streets; a passing police patrol decides to investigate the situation.
Well, citizen, where to at this hour?
I'll listen to a lecture.
A lecture at four o`clock in the morning? About what?
About the impact of drugs and alcohol in the human body and the potential damage, the negative effects on the central nervous system and loss of conjugal love life due to unbridled life. From the damage to internal organs, wasted money and a life without God in the heart.
Oh, my God, that sounds so serious. And who will give this extensive lecture with scientific relevance at this hour and where, please?
My wife, when I get home ...
Another joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping and have fallen asleep peacefully. At midnight Holmes wakes up Watson and says: Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see. Watson replies: I see millions and millions of stars. Holmes says: And what does that tell you? Watson responds: Well, if there are millions of stars, and if there really are other star systems, then it is quite likely that there are some Earth-like planets out there and if there is such a planet, there may exist life there as well. And Holmes says: Watson, you're an idiot. The starry sky you can see, means that someone has stolen our tent.
Jokes non-stop
What is the blue dot in the lawn? An ant in jeans.
Why blondes do not make ice cubes? Because they forgot the recipe.
Two underpants meet. One says to the other: "Were you on vacation, you're so brown."
Laughing again
How does a nun count? "One, two, three, four, five, yuck, seven, eight."
What does the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe only through this little thing?
What do you say when a peeping Tom has died? He's further away from the window!
What is small, green and triangular? A small green triangle!
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York? Because she cannot sit down.
Who was the inventor of gravity? Bud Spencer. He is grave.
What's the good thing about Alzheimer's? You meet new people every day!
Funny-funny
What is the most dangerous gas between two taverns? Oxygen
What is 7 meters long and has 3 teeth? Polonaise in a nursing home.
Why a woman must be pretty and not intelligent? Because men can better see than think.
What do you call a boomerang does not come back? Stick.
What is courage? If a man, wearing only a bathing suit, goes to the opera. What is arrogance? If he leaves the swimwear in the cloakroom. What's repartee? When the wardrobe lady asks: "Do you want to leave the tiny tot with me, too?
How do you kiss?
Kissing types to make you smile
There are hundreds of ways to kiss. No, this should not be a kiss-course, but simply make you think, smile and perhaps encourage emulation:
The Aristotle kiss requires a certain technique, which is achieved only through theoretical speculation and based on experimental data, which are considered by anyone to be relevant.
The Hegelian kiss is a dialectical art, in which the kiss includes its own anti-kiss and thereby forms the kiss synthesis.
During the Wittgenstein Kiss the most important thing is the fact that this relies exclusively on an
Impressum
Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.12.2015
ISBN: 978-3-7396-2798-4
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