Pain, pills, and plains

I walked through the front door and into the kitchen to see my mom sitting at the table. Breathe just breath maybe she is in a good mood. I tell myself this every time I see her. I walk into the kitchen and see that she forgot to turn on the lights.
“Did you take your pills?” I asked her. She only sat there staring into space.
“I don’t need them. I’m better.” She said. I sighed and turned on the lights,
“Mom, you’re not better Depression doesn’t go away. I’ll go get your pills.” I said as I walked out of the kitchen.
“I am better!” she yelled.
“No you’re not.” I wished Tyler were still here, He always knew how to handle her.
“I don’t need the fucking pill!” She picked up a flower vase on the table and threw it at me. I dodged it and it hit the wall. I looked at her in shock, and saw that she was not simply throwing a tantrum she was now going insane.
“Mom, you need to calm down.” I told her.
“Get out,” was all she said.
“What?”I asked her in disbelief.
“I don’t want kids anymore. Get out. Go live with your brother or kill yourself. I don’t care; I just don’t want to see you.”I knew that this was not the bipolar disorder talking; she meant it with every bone in her body. She reached into her purse and threw something onto the floor in front of me. I looked at it closely and saw that it was a checkbook.
“Take it. Just right down whatever you want.” I opened it up and saw a plane ticket with my name in big bold letters.
“Oh, by the way you’re leaving tomorrow for your brother’s.” I could fell a stray tear run down my cheek.
“You can’t do this.” I sobbed. I had taken care of her for two full years now, and now she is treating me like I have leprosy. She did not react at all when she saw me crying. Instead, she glared at me. I ran up stairs and slammed my door. I pulled out my phone and called Tyler.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Tyler- Mom- she- I,” I was crying so hard I could barely speak.
“Allie, calm down and start from the beginning.” He told me. I tried to steady my breathing and tried to explain what had happened.
“Mom’s kicking me ou-out.” I stammered into the phone.
“What! Holly shit Allie! When did this happen?” he asked.
“just now. I don’t know what to do Tyler.”
“Why?”
“She said she didn’t want kids anymore.”
“what a bitch.” He groaned
“Tyler….” I hated it when her called her that … No matter how true it was.
“What?” he asked innocently.
“It gets worse. She brought me a ticket to San Francisco for tomorrow.”I told him. I heard him sigh into the phone.
“Okay, I guess I’ll tell Rebecca we’re going to have a new room-mate. And I’ll pick you up at the air port.”
“Okay, my flight leaves at seven a.m. and lands at twelve p.m.” I told him. “alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then…”
“Yeah…” As much as I missed my brother, I did not want to see him like this. He hung up the phone and I did the same. I scrolled threw my contacts list and saw Sean’s name on the list. I knew right then that I needed to break up with him. Fuck, I did not need this right now.
I got up off my bed and grabbed my jacket. I headed down the stairs and out the door. And oh so conveniently it was raining…. Hard. I pulled my hood up and ran several blocks until I reached his apartment complex. I walked up the concrete stairs to the second floor and knocked on his door. He opened the door and his face instantly light up when he saw me. The ends of his curly blond hair looked white from the light behind him, and his blue eyes were shinning.
“Hey!” He said, I could barely hear him over the pounding rain.
“hey!” I echoed back at him.
“What are you doing here, it’s pouring!” He said. I looked at him with sad eyes and said the famous line,
“We need to talk.” His face softened and I could tell he knew what was next.
“About what?” he asked with pain in his voice. Shit I don’t want to do this.
“I’m leaving Minnesota. I’m moving to California tomorrow.” He rubbed his forehead and grabbed my arm,
“Come here.” Was all he said before he pulled me inside.
“Allie, why are you telling me one day before you leave? It gives me no time to convince you to stay.” He stated. I flinched at his words,
“Because I didn’t know I was leaving. My mom is kicking me out, and is sending me to live with Tyler. Trust me I want to leave about as much as you want me to leave.”
“Then don’t go.” He gently brushed the damp hair out of my face with his thumb.
“What?” I asked him.
“Allie, you could live with me, you don’t have to leave-” I cut him off before he could finish.
“Sean, that’s not an option. You’re not even allowed to date let alone live with a girl. Besides my mom is still in Minnesota, I think it would be best if I left anyway.”
“Better for who? For her? Allie, if you leave you will leave behind so much, just think about this. Please.”
“What would I leave behind? My mom hates me, so does Fay, and I just dumped you. So please tell me what I’m leaving behind?”
“Me. You’ll be leaving me behind. Allie I love you and you know that. As for Fay, she misses you every day. We can make this work, so please don’t leave me.” His words felt like knives. I wasn’t sure what hurt worse the mention of Fay’s name, or Sean saying he loves me and now I’m leaving. I’ve been waiting for him to tell me for months, but this was the worst possible moment for him to do so. I felt like I was going to be sick. I gripped his shirt and started sobbing into his shirt. He gently wrapped his arms around me.
“I love you too.” I gasped into his chest.
“Then don’t leave. Please, Anything but that.”
“I can’t I’m sorry.” I said looking down. I tried my hardest to hide my face from him. Just then, we heard the front door open. We both looked up to see Mrs. Thort in her Best Buy blue polo, and was soaked to the bone and also in shock.
“Like to explain, Sean?” she asked her son. I wiped my eyes and headed out the door. I brushed past the shocked and soaked Mrs. Thort, and ran out into the rain. Sean rushed to the edge of the front porch, and gripped onto the concrete wall. I could hear him yelling my name but I didn’t look back. I ran to my not bothering to pull up my house not bothering to pull up my hood since I was already soaking wet. I ran inside and slammed the front door shut. I raced up stairs and collapsed on my bedroom floor crying. I brought my knees to my chest and cried into my jeans. I lifted up my head and saw that everything in my room was gone, except for my bed and the things in my closet. I got up, took everything out of my closet, and threw them onto my stripped bed. I gently folded them and placed them into the five suitcases my mom had laid out for me.
I changed and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, shower, and pack my toiletries. As I finished blow drying my hair I saw my cell phone light up with Sean’s name on the caller ID. I unwillingly picked up the phone.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hey, Allie, what are you doing?” he asked.
“packing.” I said bluntly.
“Oh… Hey, I told my mom about everything. I figured it was time to fill her in.” He continued
“She also wanted to know if you need a ride to the airport.” He told me. I sighed as I shoved my things into the plastic makeup bag.
“I’ll ask her.” I rested the phone on my shoulder and yelled for her,
“Hey, mom! Are you going to drive me to the airport?” I hollered at her. She walked up the stairs and looked at me with a blank look,
“You have legs. Oh and I’ll be shipping your things to your brother’s house tomorrow.” After that, she walked away into her room and locked her door shut. We lived almost four miles away from the airport, and she wanted me to walk with five bags? I sighed and lifted my phone up to my ear.
“She’s making me walk.” I told him.
“Okay, then could my mom drive you?” he asked.
“Sure that would be great. My flight leaves at seven.” I told him.
“Then I’ll pick you up at six then.” He told me.
“Okay.” After that, it was quiet for a long time between us.
“Hey, Allie,” he started
“Yeah?
“Did we really break up?” He asked me as if he was unsure.
“Yeah. Yeah we did.” Once again, the line was silent after a while until he spoke again.
“Did you want to?”
“No.” I told him neither the truth nor a lie.
“Do you think you’ll ever come back home?” When he said this that sickly felling I had earlier had made its home in my stomach once again. I was most likely only coming home for one thing… my mother’s funeral. However I didn’t have the nerve to tell him. After all I had already hurt him enough.
“Oh, okay well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then. Good night Allie.”
After that the line went dead. I slid my phone closed and picked up the makeup bag and walked out of the room and crawled on to my bed and curled up under an old quilt, since my mom had graciously packed up all my bedding. I closed my eyes and started to replay all my both happy and sad memories that I would leave behind in Minnesota. I missed Fay every single day. If we were still friends, she would be hugging me while telling me my mom was a basket case, and be telling me I looked like a hot mess as I cried into her shirt. She would probably tell me that I could get a face transplant or something insane like that. She would force me to promise to call her every day. Or ask what she would do if she got arrested, and I would tell her “just don’t rob a bank while I’m gone.”

Meeting the san fran Barbie

I woke up the next morning with dried rears on my face. I got out of bed and did my normal routine. After flat ironing I took some clothes out of the suit case and switch out some new clothes. I slipped on a zebra striped shirt that hung of my left shoulder. I grabbed my black military style jack and my torn skinny jeans, with my gray sued boots. I found my favorite dream catcher earring with black feathers. And my long necklace with a music not pendent on it.
I carried the five suit cases to the top of the stairs. I piled them on top of one another and gave them a good kick down the stairs. If I was going to leave I wasn’t going to go silently. I ran into my room and picked up my guitar case and purse. I ran down stairs, and when my mom ran out of her room, right on time Sean rang the doorbell.
“Whoa what happened?” he commented about the scattered bags.
“Don’t ask, just carry.” I told him I wanted to go before mom blew a fuse. Before I walked out of the house I turned around and looked up at her.
“Bye mom.” I said with a tinge of hatred in my voice.
“Bye brat.” She said. I won’t lie, when she called me a brat it stung. I turned around and helped carry my bags out of the house. That was the last time I saw my little blue tinted house with a dead lawn and picket fence. I crawled into my mom’s mini can and buckle my seat belt.
“Thanks for the rid Mrs. Thort.” I told her.
“Not a problem. Oh and I’m so sorry about what happened between you and your mother.”
“It’s not your fault.” I told her. As we drove down the road I remembered something very important. I pulled out my phone and dialed my mom best friend/therapist/doctor Dr. Carl Patrick.
“Hello?” I heard him answer.
“Hey Carl, listen I need a favor from you.”
“What is it?” He asked.
“My mom kicked me out and she’s stopped taking her pills. I need you to check up on her once in a while, not just ‘call her and believe everything she says'. I mean ‘go to our house and make sure she’s okay.’ I’m moving to California so I won’t be able to do that, also I think she would shoot me if a even rang the door bell”
“I understand. Tell Tyler I said hi.”
“Will do. Thanks Dr. P.”
“Good luck Allie.” He said. I hung up the phone. Mrs. Thort looked at me in the rearview mirror.
“Is everything alright?” she asked me.
“Yeah, I just needed to make some arrangements. I don’t want her killing her self once I leave.” I said as I looked in the mirror at her. I quickly looked away when Sean and I locked eyes. Great I’m to much of a coward to him in the eyes. Needless to say the rest of the car ride was mainly use listening to music, as I stared out the window.
As we pulled in to the parking lot of the airport my heart sunk. When I finally realized that this was all real. I had been hoping that this was nothing more than a horrible nightmare. However, this was real as you can get. I whipped away a stray tear as she pulled the key out of the ignition. Sean turned around and gave me a reassuring smile which quickly faded. I did the same to him. I hopped out of the car and grabbed my three of the my five bags we carried them into the airport. Then after the endless waiting, baggage check, metal detector, I was now face-to-face with what seemed to me like the gates of hell. Sean Held my hand the entire time I sat there waiting to board. When I heard an annoying woman’s high pitched voice over the intercom that I was now boarding to plane. Great. As I stood up to leave Sean walked with me, never letting go of my hand.
“Well I guess this is good bey.” I sad choking up as I spoke.
“I’ll miss you.” He said.
“Sean I-“ before I could finish speaking. He slammed his lips into mine. At first I was shocke when I had no idea what to do, but then stared mimicking th movements of his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Her rested his hands on my hips and pulled me closer as well. There’s a lack of words how I was feeling. I was mesmerized at how amazing this one moment was, but at the sam time my heart ached knowing that this was my first and last time kissing him. Sean let go of my hips an looked me with his crystal blue eyes.
“You should go…” he said. I bit my lip and nodded my head. Unwillingly my legs inched away from him and started down the tunnel. I turned around and mouthed him “I love you.” He then mouthed back “me too.” I smiled at him as if I was telling him I’ll be fine. With that I boared the larged white plane and took my seat in the far back of the plain. I sat down next to the window and pulled out my iPod. I ironically the song that started playing was “Please don’t go.” I quick switched it to “Just a Kiss.” By Lady Antebellum. I laid my head back and took deep breaths, as I indulged my self with vocals and replayed the kiss I shared with Sean just moments ago over and over in my head. As the plane stared to move I felt as if I was forgetting something. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to fall asleep. In just a few hours I would be in San Francisco, and I would see my brother, I’ll run up and hug him, and he’ll do the same. Yup, just a few hours.
I woke up to that same high pitched voice I had heard earlier in the airport. My eyes flew open as I felt descending. I turned to the window next to me and saw the San Francisco International airport.
I could feel that Tyler was waiting for me at the baggage claim. I had to stop my self from unbuckling my seat and parachuting out of the plane. I waited impatiently as the plain landed roughly onto the runway. 15 minutes until I could see my brother …that was only 900 hundred seconds to go depending on how fast these people walk. So possible 1020 seconds. Fuck that made it seam longer! I was staring to get ansty and started to drum my fingers on my knees. The young boy with a Yankees cap on stared at me with wide eyes, and his mouth hung open as he leaned away from me. That’s awesome I scare small children.
When we were finally let of the plane I grabbed my guitar (yes my guitar was my carry on item, I honestly don’t trust a stranger with my baby.) and fast walked off the plane. I didn’t take the moving side walk, instead I ran full speed to the baggage claim. Many people stared at the rocked chick running with a guitar case on her back. I stopped at to top of the escalator, trying to catch my breath. There I saw a guy wearing a dark blue beanie over his caramel brown hair, that was the exact same color as mine. When I reached the bottom of the escalator Tyler walk over to me.
“There she is in all her rocker glory” I ran up to him and gave him a bear hug.
“I fucking missed you!”
“I missed you too.” He put his arm around my shoulder, after I collected my five bags. He lead me out side to a dark blue Mitsubishi Outlander.
“Is that your?” What happened to the bronco?” I asked him.
“Unfortunately the bronco wheezed it’s last wheeze, so when dad found out he bought me this amazing boss car. As much as I loved the bronco, I honestly do not miss it at all.” As we walked to the car I say something move in the front seat.
“Who’s in the car?”
“Rebecca.” Was all he said.
“Who?” I asked him but he didn’t answer. He pooped the hatch and put my bags in the back, I slid into the back seat and Tyler slid into the drivers seat.
A blond haired-blue eyed girl leaned and looked over at me. I felt like Lindsey Lohan in life size. I could swear I was looking at the most perfect girl I had ever seen. She had shinning blue eyes, pale white skin, pink plump lips, wite teeth, perfect skin, perfect hair, and a perfect figure. As for her clothes…let’s say I don’t think she wore any think that she wore anything that didn’t have someone’s name on it.
“Hi, you must be Allie.” She said with a high pitched voice.
“And you must be Rebecca.” I told her. She extended her hand to me,
"Welcome to San Francisco."
"I’ve been here before." I said in a flat voice. Tyler shot me “the look”, but I only rolled my eyes. I tried not to laugh when I saw Rebecca telepathically tell Tyler, ‘is this little bitch really going to live with us?” and Tyler shrugged as if he was saying
"not my fault!" I think I’m going to enjoy living here.

the strange

We pulled up to a large yellow town house. The house matched the rest of the neighborhood with its similarity in a Victorian style. The house had three floors and a pointed roof. The pale yellow paint and white rims seamed florescent under the afternoon sun. We pulled into the garage, and Tyler turned off the car and looked back at me and smiled,
“Well, were here.” We all slid out of the car and Rebecca went inside the house while Tyler and I unloaded my bags.
“I need you to play nice with Rebecca. Kay?” He asked me I nodded my head and grabbed one suitcase.
“When have I not played nice?” I said sarcastically. Tyler rolled his eyes at me and piled the other three bags onto my arms so that I was caring all five. I struggled to hold my balances I as I stumbled out of the garage. Tyler led me up the stairs into an empty room with stripped bed.
“This was my room, but you can have it, I’ll just share with Tyler.” I heard Rebecca chimed from the other side of the hall. I smiled at her and thanked her. Be nice. Be nice. She means well. I kept reminding myself. I looked around the room and noticed the canopy bed was lacking curtains and the large a large window seat.
“Oh, I took those off last night I didn’t think you would like red satin curtains. Why don’t you put your clothes away and we’ll pick out some curtains and temporary bedding.” She said with a soprano voice. I smiled at her and nodded my head. I turned around and looked out my window. I could see the ocean from my window, that was a luxury I never had until now. I turned around and looked at my guitar and suitcases lying on the stripped bed. I groaned and walked over towards them I grabbed my guitar, unzipped the front pocket, and pulled out the guitar stand. I then placed my amazing electric guitar on the stand. I’ll have to get a wall hanger for my acoustic one once it arrives from Minnesota. Iflung the guitar bag in my closet. I then turned and glared at the three bags of clothes. I walked over and unzipped the first two and the second one was smaller but was filled to the brim with hangers.
I had finally finished hanging the clothes and now I had to unpack the one I dreaded the most… my accessories. I unzipped the bag, and saw that all my necklaces had become tangled around my shoes, purses and hats. I fidgeted with the masses of tarnished silver chains, and shoelaces. When I finished dI threw the shoes in the closet, and decided to organize them when my shoe rack arrived, along with all my other things.
I was now left with one last bag. I unzipped it and pulled out things like picture albums, stuffed animals, an alarm clock, my laptop bag, and my books. I will admit I have a LOT of books. They were mostly mangas but I still had many novels. I then pulled out my CD’s and movies. I looked around and wondered where I would put these. I guess I’ll just ask for a large box and put them in the closet like I did back home. Just then, Rebecca and Tyler came in caring a large dark brown bookcase that looked taller than me. I am 5’5 by the way.
“I thought you might like this.” She said with a large smile that made her blue eyes light up. At first I was going to reject her offer but then I thought about my books sitting in my closet.
“that would be great, thanks.” I said as I sat on the floor.
“Perfect!” she chimed. “Babe, turn around.” She ordered Tyler. Tyler turned to his left side and rammed into the wall.
“Oh my God! Are you okay? I meant the other side.” She told him. Tyler turned into my room ,but rammed into the wall again due to the narrow hallway.
“You know what Becka, why don’t you back up?” I could tell that he was trying to stay calm ,but I think his two new bruises were getting the best of him. Rebecca tried to back up but almost fell down the stairs, and let out aloud shriek. I put my hand over my mouth to hold back the laugh that dared to escape. Rebecca looked at me sitting on the floor then looked ay my bag of toiletries, she then gave me an evil grin.
“Allie, why don’t you go put that bag in your bathroom while me and Tyler get this into your room?” She stated it like a question but it was without a doubt an order.
“Um… okay.” I simply said. I got up and grabbed the clear plastic bag and headed to the bathroom. I found the bathroom easily considering it was just to the right of my room. I sat there for a few minutes unpacking and sorting thru my things. When I was done I placed the now empty plastic bag under the sink I stood up and walked out of the bathroom. I came into my room to find Rebecca and Tyler sitting on my bed next to the same book case they were struggling with earlier. Only now the bookcase was on the east side of my room, and all my books, CD’s, movies, and electronics were placed neatly on the shelves. How did they even manage to fit that giant book case into my room, and place all my things on the shelves in three minutes? However before I could ask she jumped off the bed and graded my wrist,
“Now that your done, let’s go pick out some curtains and bedding for you.” She said as she lead me down to the closet on the second floor she opened it up to reveal sheets of every color possible. She pulled out several stacks of what I assumed to be curtains.
“You can look through them if you wish.” She said with a smile. I shuffled through them and stopped at white lace at white lace curtains and pulled out the black curtains that were in the other pile. I laid the white lace over the black cloth and frowned.
“I wish the lace was attached to this. Wouldn’t it look nice?” I asked her showing her them as she rummaged through another stack of curtains.
“What are you talking about? They’re already connected.” She said. I looked back down at them in disbelief. . The delicate lace was perfectly stitched to the black cloth. I can honestly say that the lace and black where in two completely different piles. So how did they.... I must be jet lagged, yup that must be it. Maybe not enough water as well. Yet once again before I could ask her she said,
“Allie, take a look at these. They were brothers from freshman year.” She held up blue Spiderman curtains. I burst out in laughter and forgot what I was what I was going to say. Damn she was good at that. She put the Spiderman curtains down and held up some plain plum ones.
“Are these good?” she asked me. I nodded my heat and she carried the eight black curtains, four plum rubber backed curtains, and white sheets for my bed. Who has this many curtains? Rebecca was diffidently a strange one, but in a good way… a perky and helpful good.
When we got to my room I saw Tyler laying on my bed still. Rebecca handed me the purple curtains to hang on my three windows. She handed Tyler the pillow cases and some pillows, and she placed the rest of the bedding and the curtains on the bed. How is she going to hang the curtains on the canopy if she is sitting on my bed? Whatever then. I unhooked the curtain rode and placed one curtain on the side windows, and two on the largest one. When I turned around I saw the bed was made and the canopy curtains were hung.
“What do you think?” she asked me. I looked at the curtains and smiled, they’ll look awesome with my bed set. The white lace made it look elegant, while the black cloth made it look edgy and made it fit my style.
“I love it, but how did you hang it up so fast? I mean you had eight to hang while I had four, and on top of that you managed to make the bed as well. How did you do all that in the same amount of time it took me to hang my curtains?” I asked her. For a while Tyler and her both looked shocked, but then she smiled again and said,
"You must be jet lagged, why don’t you rest until dinner? " Without another word she left before I could ask her anything else. I looked at Tyler for answers but he only shrugged and walked away. I pulled out my cellphone and looked at the clock, 2:09 p.m. Crap it’s not even dinner yet. I then glanced down at the message icon and opened up my test messages. I plopped down on my window seat read the first one. I wasn’t sure if I should be having butterflies in my stomach, or heartbroken when I saw Sean’s name. I began reading the text message
Did you Make it 2 CA yet?

I then flipped to the next one to see it was also from Sean.
PPPLLLZZZ tell me your plane didn’t crash! Plz tx me back!

I laughed at this one and texted him back,
Lol, no Im fine, & yes I made it to CA.

Sent it and then walked to the door way and snapped a picture. I then sent him the picture. I went to the next one and saw it was from my dad. I rolled my eyes. Funny how the parent that left us behind wants to see us every waking day, and how the parent that stayed just kicked me out for no reason. I opened up the message and it read,
I heard your mom kicked you out. Do you want to live with me? Wow he’s slow at texting back.
Sry but you’re a little late for that. I already moved in with TY+girlfriend.

I closed my phone and leaned my head against the fabric covered glass. He was the one who left us for her. So why does he still try to play dad? Why didn’t he take us with him? No, instead he let me run after his car as he drove away. I chucked my phone across the room and it fell gently into my closet. Just then my phone buzzed. And I recognized the sound, it was my dad probably texting something back like “we can figure something out.” Or “It’s not to late. I’ll start looking at tickets.” He just doesn’t get it, he had his chance but he blew it by leaving. I opened the curtain with my foot and saw the city of San Francisco. I leaned over and opened the window. I breathed in the smell of ocean water, and gasoline. I closed my eyes and tried to absorb the fact this wasn't a dream. I was far far away from my little house in Rochester, Minnesota. Far away from my mom, and more importantly ... Sean.
I was still unsure if I had done the right thing. I was unsure if I was revealed or pained. I would miss him painfully, but I knew one thing. I need to move on. Sean was one who dealt with pain by pushing it away, locking it up, and forgetting it's existence. Given within four months he would have a girlfriend who he would love more then me. I know that Sean said he loves me, but I've heard him say that to many girls. It's not like he didn't mean it. He did, and so did I. I understood that he was broken and had a rock bottom self esteem, which caused him to fall in love quickly and easily. I couldn't blame him. He had been through more shit in his life then me.
I let out a beep breath and tried to relax eventually I fell asleep and got the peace of mind I have been wanting.

braking in the new

the sound of hushed mummeres begain to make me ster awake. My eyes slowly pealed open and I came face to face with my new home. In the room next door I could her Tyler arguing with someone- specificly Rebecka. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and made my way over. the one thing I didn't want is for them to hear me. I crept into the hallway and slipped ito the bathroom. I knelt down near the vent and listened to there vioces dance back and forth. 

"She could have caught you."
"Yes but she didn't"
"well the-"
"but it doesn't matter." 

"how does it not matter."

"If she know- well then great- awsome- she knows."
"That wouldn't be good."
"Why not? I told you this was bad."
"What was I suppose to do?"
"What were you supppose to do? What am I suppose to do? The elders- If they found me I'd be in deep shit -Becks I'm with you- and know she's in the mix. I don't even want to think about it!" 

"Fuck! Shh- " That was when the conversation cut of. I sat up and wondered what they were talking about. Me most likely, but the rest I wasn't exactly sure what to make of it. I was farely clever so I knew it was something. However there was one word that bounced back and forth in my head like a rubber ball. That word was elders. Elders? Elders of what? As far I knew the definition for elders was : A figure to which on looks up to in high regards for, and is usually older in age. So elder of what? I wasn't exactly sure. Maybe a home owners association? I society of some sort. Like the Shiners of Kawanias? Something in my gut told me to pretend I didn't here a word. I took a beep breath and tried to relax. 

I glanced at the clock and it was almost five o' clock. My first day in San Fransisco had came and went. For a few minuets... I just stared at the clock... keeping track of what time it was back home. 

5:00... 7:00 there.

5:23...7:23 there. Two hours behind them. onehundred and twenty minuets farther into the day. 7200 seconds further into thiere life. 

for some odd reason... I felt incredibly alone. to the piont i thought i break into peices onto the floor. I finally realized hw far a way I was from everything I knew. My first day at preschool, all those failed relashionships, a small graveyard of burried pets, the places I would go with grandma, all the good and the bad memories, the joy and the tears. All of it was  back there. they were just images in my head now. Only then did I truely realize just how little I had left. 

 

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 30.10.2011

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