Tamara fidgets with the ring on her left finger as she waits for her name to be called, "Lord, Lord" she silently prays. "I know I don't pray like I should, but please God could you do me this one favor and not let this be happening to me again please Lord....." A loud shriek breaks through to her subconscious and she feels sticky hands grab her leg. She picks up Tasha her eighteen month old daughter who's face is sticky and covered in tears. She is trying to calm Tasha when her son's walk over to her. Jason Jr. (JJ) is six and Justin is four.
"Mommy, Mommy it wasn't me" screams Justin "It was JJ, Mommy him pushed Tasha and make her cry!"
JJ punches Justin on his arm causing him to cry," Shut up !! You fucking tattletale!!"
"Jason Jr., Watch your mouth boy."
Tamara sits there trying to calm her two youngest children, out of the corner of her eye she see's JJ kicking the blocks around that are in the waiting area for the kids.
"Shit you think she coulda found a babysitter for them bad ass bebe kids" whispers a woman to her friend on Tamara's left.
"Girl that couldn't be my kid, I would be in jail for whipping his ass" the other one sucks her teeth.
"Girl these young girls just keep shooting out these......"
Tamara does her best to drown out there conversation, "How did my life wind up down this road three kids and I'm only twenty-five years old. This is not how my life was supposed to be. I wanted to go to college...." She has finally calmed Justin and Tasha down. She reaches into Tasha's diaper bag to get some wipes to clean her off. She's sticky from the sucker the nurse had given her, she also has sticky handprints on Tamara's white shirt. "I shoulda known betta than to wear white" she looks at the stain disgusted.
"JJ come here."
" No, I don't feel like it!' he kicks another block across the floor.
"Jason!!!! Stop that right NOW!!"
He continues to kick the blocks and one hits one of the ladies sitting in the OB/GYN office. She apologizes to the lady, who rolls her eyes and shakes her head at Tamara. The receptionist looks out into the waiting area. "Ma'am I'm sorry but you're gonna have to make him sit down or we can give you another appointment. Tamara looks at the receptionist, "No he'll be okay,sorry for the trouble." she closes the window. Tamara sits Tasha on the seat, who immediately starts crying. She walks towards JJ.
"Boy if you don't stop right now!! I will whip yo lil black ass!!! She reaches out to grab him.
He crosses his arms across his chest." And I'ma tell my Daddy!!!" he screams.
That stops Tamara in her tracks.
"Tamara Thompson" calls the nurse from the doorway. Tamara collects her things and her kids to follow the nurse. As the door is closing she hears one of the woman in the waiting area remark, "God I hope she's not pregnant again" I pray the same thing Tamara says to herself.
The nurse gives her a cup to collect a urine sample, After she hands over her sample she is instructed to wait in exam room four for Dr. Richardson. She is given a thin gown and drape and asked to take off her clothing so that the doctor may examine her. Afterwards she sits on the table trembling hoping the Doctor hurries and thinks " They could give you a blanket to go with these paper thin ass gowns" trying to hold the front together. The kids have finally calmed down. Tasha is asleep, Justin is playing his video game and JJ is folding the five dollar bill Tamara had to give him to get him to act right. She shakes her head as she looks at her eldest. "I love him so much but what am I gonna do with him, he has so much anger in him, he acts just like Big Jason" she sighs. Tamara's thoughts are interrupted as Dr. Richardson and her nurse enter the room. Dr.Richardson is a short sista with a page boy hair cut. She stands about five two in heels and looks like she should be in high school instead of practicing medicine. Dr. Richardson wasn't her first choice but Jason refused to let her have a male Dr. When Jason first laid eyes on her, he made a joke about her height and Dr. Richardson put him in his place real quick. She told him " Excuse me Sir, but I don't get down with you like that', hand on her hip. "Your wife is my patient but I can and will bane you from my office. Jason wanted her to change Doctors, but this was the one thing she fought for.Dr. Richardson made her feel comfortable and had delivered all three of her kids.
Dr. Richardson opened the chart in her hand and smiles at Tamara, "Well Ms. Tamara girl I see congratulations are in order again" Tamara just stares at her.
'Tamara did you hear me?' she touches Tamara's shoulder, Tamara flinches from her touch and burst into tears.
"Come on, come on hurry up please." she glances at the clock 5:55. "Shit Jason would be home any minute and he liked dinner on the table exactly at six sharp.Tamara never could understand it, Sometimes he would not even be home at six but the food had to be on the table. Sometimes she thought about not fixing the meal at the right time, but then she would remember what happened when she didn't.
It was in the first year of their marriage. She was nineteen and happy with her married life. Her husband didn't want her to work, He said it was a man's job to provide and even though Tamara had worked since she was sixteen. She caved in to his demands, but they both agreed to talk about it once the baby was old enough for nursery. Jason was great, he gave her everything and he adored his newborn Jason Jr. They had been married eleven months and were still living like newlyweds, oh they had there little arguments but nothing serious until...
"Tamara,Tamara," she hears her name through her exhausted state. She opens her eyes at see's her husband standing over her. She smiles and sits up.
"Hi baby" she stretches.
Jason just stands there, Tamara can tell he's upset about something. Jason is what people call high yellow and whenever he's upset his ears and face get red and the veins in his temple jump. She jumps up "Jason!! Did something happen? Jason what is wrong?" whap Tamara grabs her face and stares at her young husband, shocked and hurt.
"Jason?"
whap, whap he hits Tamara again and again. She is stunned, he has never hit her before and she wonders, "What have I done?"
He grabs her by her hair and throws her on the bed. He pins her hands down at her waist with his knees, he continues to hit her in her face, Tamara can feel the blood in her mouth. Finally he exhausts himself and she cries out. "Jason, What did I do? Jason baby please talk to me!!" she pleads, more concerned about his pain then her own.
"Tamara what time is it?" She looks at him confused "What time is it Tamara? He asks calmly.
She looks at the clock on the nightstand six she mumbles, he slaps her across the face.
"I asked you a fucking question bitch, Speak up"
"It's six!" she says louder.
"What time is dinner supposed to be on the table" he asks her. "Look at me!!" he snaps.
"Six." she cries out.
"What time is it now?"
Tamara looks at the clock and says "Six-fifteen, she wipes at her left eye which is swollen and starting to tear up.
"I work hard all day while you stay home. What did you do all day Tamara? The house is not clean, so I know that's not it. I bet you talked to that dam no good ass LaKresha all day. I keep telling you, you are a married woman now. Time to leave the non-sense alone. All you have to do all day is care for my son, keep this house clean and have dinner on the table at six. Are you too stupid to do those simple things?" seems he's talking more to himself than to her. "My mother told me you were to young and dumb to start a family with" Tamara looks on speechless. She's afraid to utter a word, scared he'll remember she's here and hit her again. She wanted to tell him that his son had a bad earache, she had to sit at the doctors office half the day. Then JJ was cranky cause he was in pain, so it took hours to get him to sleep. She wanted to tell him how overwhelmed she felt, how helpless,She also wanted to tell him she planned on starting dinner, but after getting JJ down she decided to just rest a few minutes but must have dozed off. But all she did was get up and fix her husbands dinner, Yet he called his Mother and decided to eat dinner at her house....
Ding,ding,ding, The microwave had finally stopped and she poured the broccoli into a serving dish, she still had two minutes to spare.
It's eight o'clock and Big Jason is still not home, She wrapped his food and fed the boys hours ago. This is another thing she hated about Jason. Sometimes he wouldn't even show up for dinner, sometimes he wouldn't show up for days. She decided to just go to bed. She took her shower and got in bed. She is awakened by Jason roughly shoving his fingers in her dry vagina, she bats at the hand.
"Stop" Jason tells her and starts biting on her breast, she wants to make him stop. She just lies there hoping he'll hurry and leave her alone, but Jason bites down harder on her nipple, which are really sensitive because of her pregnancy and she starts to cry. Then she starts moving beneath Jason, knowing if she pretends to like it he'll be a little more gentle. Finally he releases his seed into her and falls asleep.
"ohhhh I hate him she whispers to his back" she gets as far on the other side of the bed as she can.
"Daddy, Mom said she was gonna whip my ass yesterday" JJ tells his father over breakfast the next morning, Tamara stops scrambling the eggs in the pan waiting for a reaction.
Jason looks at his son "Oh she did huh? What did you say Big Man?"
"That I was gonna tell my Daddy!!!!" he says proudly.
"Daddy, Daddy JJ pushed Tasha and made her cry!!" Jason backhands his youngest son, knocking him out his chair. Tamara wants to run to him but knows that would only make it worse on his son.
"Didn't I tell you the snitching is for bitches?" Are you a lil bitch Justin?"
Justin is doing his best to stop the tears "No"
"No what"
"No Sir I ain't no witch"
"It's bitch boy"
"No Sir I ain't no bitch" not even knowing what he is saying.
"Dad" JJ continues, "Yesterday, Jus tattled on me and when I hit him on his arm he ran crying to Mom like a baby" Tamara cut the fire off knowing what was coming. She hears Big Jason take off his belt and she hears Justin openly crying. The tension in the room has started Tasha to cry.
"Jason, no, he's only a baby"
"That's the fucking problem now, You treat him like a dam girl" he advances on Justin wrapping the belt around his hand. He smacks him across his little legs which instantly welt up, Justin is yellow like his father and bruises show instantly. He continues to beat Justin till Tamara can't take anymore. She grabs the belt in midair.
"Stop Jason, you're hurting him."
He turns on her, "So, You wanna play miss bad-ass huh-well I have enough for you too!!!! He starts to rain lick after lick to Tamara's body. Her legs , her back, he even hits her in the face. Tamara is on the floor in a ball trying to block the blows, finally he stops.
"Son get your things, let me drop you at school" JJ rushes to collect his back pack. Jason stands over Tamara." Don't leave this house today!!! Understand?"
Tamara nods her understanding. When Jason and JJ leave the house and the car pulls off little Justin runs to his mother crying, he wraps his arms around her back.
Moommmmie you okay? mommiee ppeeease get up? he tries to pull Tamara to her feet. Tamara hears him calling but everytime she tries to stand a sharp pain radiates through her body. "Mommie get up"
"Justin sweetie, can you be a big boy for me?"
"I am a big boy, look" he flexes his lil muscles for his momma.
She tries to smile, but the pain causes her to grimace and she clutches her stomach. She feels a wetness between her legs. "Justin baby, remember how I taught you Auntie Keys number on speed dial?" he nods yes. Key was her best friend since elementary LaKresha McDaniels. Though Jason didn't let her hang with Key they were still close. " Justin I need you to call Aunt Key and tell her to get here fast okay"
When LaKresha arrives Tamara is still on the kitchen floor, she see's Tamara and instantly starts to cry "What did that bastard do to you now Tee? I'ma kill him Tee I swear" she says helping Tee up. She see's the blood " Ohh my God Tamara, I have to get help" she pulls out her cell.
"Wait Key"
"What girl, You bleeding all over the place, What the hell that nigga do to you"
"Key I think I'm losing my baby"
"What!!! What baby? When?
"I found out yesterday" she groans holding her stomach.
Key starts dialing" That nigga hit you while your pregnant" Tamara grabs the phone before Key can finish dialing. "Girl what are you doing, that nigga need to be stopped Mara, how you gonna keep letting him hurt you like this"
"He hit Justin Key"
"What!!!! Has he lost his fucking mind? Justin come her baby" Justin comes in and LaKresha inspects his body, She gets even madder noticing the red angry belt marks all over his little legs.
"Daddy hit me Auntie Key" he cries and Key hugs him, she starts crying "I'm sorry Daddy did that to Auntie baby" she comforts him, She looks at Tamara over Justin's head.
"We can't call the ambulance yet, We have to call my Mom to come get the kids, so they won't see the bruises on him."
"They need to see them, He needs to be put away Mara, What are you waiting on"
"He's just trying to toughen Justin up Key that's all, but if you call the police Child Protection will take them. I can't lose my babies. Please Key" she cries
"Okay, okay, but we have to get you to the hospital" she says calling Tamara's Mom.
When her mother arrives, they call for help, "I still can't believe that nigga hit you while your pregnant'
"LaKresha stay out their business" says Tamara's Mom.
"What!! This is your daughter and Grandkids, you should be pissed. Did you see Justin's legs?"
"He's a boy, Jason is just trying to harden him up, Tamara babies him too much" Key looks at Mrs.Taylor.
"He didn't know" Tamara whispers
They hear the ambulance and Mrs.. Taylor goes to let them in.
"Key he didn't know I was pregnant, that's why he hit me, had he known he wouldna touched me, you know that."
"He doesn't have the right to put his hands on you at all Tamara, Dam girl you his wife not a punching bag!"
"I know but...." Just then the EMT's came in and started working on Tamara, as they put her in the back of the ambulance, Tamara see's all her neighbor's outside and thinks great Jason is gonna love this. She wishes her Mom would not call him, but she knows she will. Her mother loved Jason. Everything was always Tamara's fault. She often told Tamara how lucky she was to have someone take care of her, stay with her with three kids, pay the bills and support her. She just wished her Mother loved her like that, maybe she'd have the strength to leave then.
Later Tamara wakes and her head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. She opens her eyes confused, when she goes to sit up her body protests.
"Tamara lie back sweetheart" a light comes on and Jason is gently pushing her against the pillow. "Don't try to get up yet."
"Can I have some water or something, my throat is dry."
"Let me check with the nurse." He presses the call button and a nurse comes in.
"Well welcome back Mrs.Thompson, I will be your Nurse this afternoon. My name is Maxine, but you can call me Max. What can I do for you?" Maxine was an older black woman. Her hair was brushed back in a neat bun at the nape of her neck.
"Hi Maxine, she was wondering if she could have some water?" Jason asks playing in her hair. She wanted to bat his hand away. Maxine cuts her eyes at him. This was the part of the job she hated. They had tried to talk Tamara into pressing charges against Jason but she refused, said she fell while cleaning. They all saw the bruises, besides her bestfriend told them what happened. Still Tamara insists she fell, so their hands were tied. They had had to ask the friend to leave when the husband arrived. They got into a big argument and security had to be called. He asked the doctor to keep LaKresha away from Tamara and he took a couple days off to make sure she stayed away. Maxine wanted to cut into him herself, looking so dam concerned when he was the reason this child was in here.
"Yes dear, but only a little, Here I'll get you some" she moves to the pitcher.
"I'll get it, My wife and I want a little privacy, this is a very painful time" he has the nerve to cry Max is astonished "We just lost our baby."
Maxine ignores him and asks Tamara "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No, Nurse Maxine, I'm fine"
"Well you call me if you need anything, okay!"
Tamara nods her head, Nurse Maxine rolls her eyes at Jason. "Who the fuck does she think she is" Jason picks up the hospital phone and asks for Tamara's doctor to be paged. Tamara had one of the Residents cause Dr. Richardson was not on call this morning.
"Jason please stop"
He turned cold eyes on Tamara "I still have to deal with you, so you betta shut up" He then proceeds to file a complaint against Nurse Maxine, saying she was rude to him and his wife." If Dr. Richardson was there, he never would have gotten away with that, he also would not have been able to ban Key from Tamara's room. Doc Richardson had never liked Jason and the feeling was mutual, the only reason he let her keep going to see her was that Dr. Richardson had seen some bruises on Tamara one visit. The next time she had requested to see Jason, he only went out of curiosity, Dr. Richardson told him if she ever saw any more bruises on Tamara again, she would personally report Jason to the police. She said she had patients in law enforcements and she would see him put in jail. Jason was terrified of everyone knowing who he really was. Jason had respect at work. He was vice-president of a company that sold hospital supplies. He had worked his way from the bottom and his company frowned on bad publicity.After that Jason made sure to hit her where he didn't leave marks for the outside world to see, or he locked her in the house till the bruising healed. He never hit her while she was pregnant to avoid such incidents.
The door opens and an attractive white woman walks in and writes her name and number on the board in Tamara's room, she turns to them, "Hi My name is Kimberly and I will be your Nurse for this evening" she asks if they need anything and when they decline she walks out the room. Jason smiles at his handiwork.
"How did my life come to this" she asks again. She was in the top ten percent of her graduating class, had scholarship offers, Tamara met Jason when she was sixteen, he was twenty-two. She actually met him through LaKresha of all people. Jason was a friend of a friend of Key older brother LaTrell who was attending Delgado Community College. Trell was throwing a party for his twentieth birthday he invited his bestfriend Brandon and Brandon invited Jason. When Key and Tamara saw him, they both liked him, yet he only had eyes for Tamara. He even asked Key to introduce them. Jason introduced Tamara to everything. Eating in fine restaurants, alcohol, weed, she had even tried coke with him. Jason was her first and only sexual partner, Yet he beat her senseless when they both contracted a venereal disease from a woman he was sleeping with , he accused Tamara of cheating on him. Her Mother thought Jason was too old for her at first and her older brothers Dwayne and Vernon wanted to whip his ass, yet he charmed them all. He got her brothers jobs with his company and he always came over with a gift for her Mom. Her father had been death five years by the time she met Jason. She gave him her virginity at seventeen, was pregnant by eighteen and a mother by nineteen, just that fast everything happened. No more college, no more future.
Jason grabs her wrist twisting, she cried out and he hissed in her ear " What the hell are trying to do, ruin me?" He grabbed a hand full of her hair. At one time she had hair almost down her back, but when Jason got mad he would wound his hands around her hair and pull when she tried to run, so she cut it. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? Are you trying to turn everyone against me? Is that why you made me beat you this morning?" Tamara is openly crying he shows no remorse.
"You killed my baby Tamara, I'll never forgive you for that" He pinches the inside of her arm and she screams out." Shut the fuck up!!"
"Jason, I just found out yesterday, I was gonna tell you tonight" she cries out.
"I don't believe you, you and LaKresha trifling ass planned this didn't you, didn't you" he spat in her face.
He pacing the room " I gotta think of something, But at least I was at work when they called for me, and they said you fell right," he looks her way "Right Tamara, You fell when you were cleaning right?" she nods her head.
"I told you about doing so much during your pregnancy's didn't I " again she nods.The drugs are starting to take effect, she wishes she could stay asleep forever.
Tamara awakes to someone putting sometime on her arm. " Goodmorning, My name is Cintra and I'll be your nurse for this morning" the nurse smiles and takes Tamara's temperature and blood pressure. When the nurse leaves Jason walks over to the bed and kisses Tamara forehead.
"Goodmorning Sleepyhead" He smiles at her " Ma you had me so worried, When they called me yesterday I almost freaked, Ma please don't scare me like that again. I don't know what I would do without you" he kisses he tenderly on the lips.
' I have something for you" He pulls something out of his pocket, it's wrap in colorful paper, he hands it to Tamara. "Sorry I didn't have a chance to wrap it properly, I bought you this for our anniversary next month but I decided to give it to you now to show you how much I love you." Tamara's hands shake as she unwraps the package, she cries as she holds it up. It is the most beautiful necklace she has ever seen."
"BJ, I love this, thank you so much."
"Wait, let me show you something, he takes the heart pendant out her hand and opens it. It is actually a locket and inside is the family portrait they took about six months ago. She starts to cry."Oh Jason it is so beautiful" she leans forward so he can put it on her neck. Jason kisses Tamara, "Ma, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for hurting you. I promise things are gonna be better Ma I promise," he is crying openly. Tamara reaches for him, he stretches out in the bed next to her and they cuddle.
"Jason baby it's okay, I love you"
"I love you too Tamara, You are everything to me."
They both fall asleep, Later Jason helps Tamara wash up before he picks up her mother brings the boys. He even lets Key in the room though he leaves when she arrives. Nobody was gonna keep LaKresha away anyway.
"Key look what Jason gave me" She shows Key the locket.
"I guess that's what a ass whipping is worth nowadays huh? she looks at the pendant unimpressed.
Tamara ducks her head. "Key he does love me you know"
"That's not love Tamara"
"Key you don't understand"
"I understand I'm tired of seeing my bestfriend kicked around."
Just then LaKresha's parents walk in the room, Tamara is overjoyed to see them, She spent so much time at their house growing up, they felt like her parents too.
"Mama and Papa McDaniels" she cries out excited.
"Girl what have you gotten yourself into now"
"I'm okay Pop"
"Coulda fooled me"
"Girl what the hell is wrong with you!!!! letting that no count negro put his hands on you" Mama McDaniels hugs Tamara and scolds her at the same time.
"Mary!!!!!"
"No George, this is crazy, she needs to leave him before he kills her" Tamara starts to cry.
"Mary look at what your doing to the child!!!" Mrs.McDaniels looks at Tamara. "I'm sorry sweetheart, but you're like a daughter to me, and I don't like to see you hurting." she hugs Tamara. Mrs.McDaniels always said what was on her mind. Key had also inherited that trait, that's why she and Jason always bumped heads.
"Tamara you know you can always stay with us, you don't have to live like this, just leave."
"I can't, he's my husband, this was just an accident. I was just doing too much, too soon."
"Girl don't lie to me please" she reprimands Tamara, LaKresha had already told her parents what was going on. She had kept Tamara's secret up till now.
Tamara cut her eyes at LaKresha, "I'm sorry Mara..."
Her mother looks at her, "Sorry?, Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong, neither of you did. That no good ass husband you have is the one wrong. I don't believe he has the nerve to put his hands on you. What does your mother have to say about this? She looks to Tamara for answers.
"She said I should stand by my husband. That sometimes things just overwhelm him and I need to be more supportive, She's right Mama McDaniels, I need to try more, Keep the house cleaner and keep the kids quieter when he gets off work."
"WHAT? I knew yo Maw was crazy but dam"
"MOM!!!!!" "MARY!!"
"Yall know I'm telling the truth.Tamara I've been with George thirty five years and we've been through it all, but during that time he has never touched me, though I know at times he may have wanted to." She smiles at her husband. "Baby you're worth more than that, what about your children? What do you think this is teaching them.
"He promised things would change, I love him. He said we would work through this, I can't leave and take his kids from him, he needs us and we need him"she cries for understanding. Mama McDaniels gathers Tamara in her arms and shakes her head. She would learn one day she thinks to herself . I just hope she lives long enough.
The door opens and Jason,her Mom and the kids come in. Justin immediately tries to jump on his Mother's bed. " Get down boy!!!!" Justin stops in his tracks.
"Come here Justin, let PawPaw see how big you've gotten." Justin runs to Mr.McDaniels. The kids love their surrogate grandparents.
Big Jason leans down to give Mrs.McDaniels a kiss but she turns her face away. Jason looks at Tamara. Instead she takes little Tasha out of his arms. Tasha immediately goes for Tamara. "No sweetie we don't wanna hurt mama." She tells Tasha softly but cuts her eyes at Big Jason.
"JJ baby come here" Tamara urges Lil Jason from his spot at the door. He enters the room with his arms folded.
"Hey Baby" Mrs. McDaniels tries to kiss him.
"I ain't no baby" he wipes the kiss from his face.
"JJ!!!!" Tamara looks embarrassed.
"That's okay, I guess he's getting to big for kisses, can Maw Maw McDaniels at least get a hug. JJ looks at his father who nods, then he walks over give his maw maw a hug. The gestures is noticed by everyone with mixed emotions.
"Hey Mary" Mrs. Taylor speaks while kisses Tamara on the cheek.
"Edna" Mrs. McDaniels sucks her teeth, then gets up and collects her purse. "Well we better be going."
"Already?" she doesn't want to be alone with her family right now.
"Yes dear, I'm afraid so, When are they gonna discharge you?" she asks kissing Tamara forehead.
"Tomorrow if I can hold down food today."
"Well I'll visit when you get home."
"I'll be there to help Tamara, and she really should rest when she gets home. Only family for a few days you know." States Mrs. Taylor
"Family huh??? Who needs enemies." Mrs. McDaniels rolls her eyes at Edna.
"Mary" LaKresha and Mr. McDaniels usher her out the room.
The next day she is released and her Mother moves in with them. The boys bunk with each other and Enda takes JJ's room. Her Mother is driving her crazy, telling her how to be a better wife and mother. Nothing she ever did was good enough for Edna. If she brought home all A's, Edna would always ask, What man wanted a wife smarter then them, Back then all Tamara wanted was College. Edna would be on her constantly about her weight. Tamara was a size fourteen by the time she reached middle school. She wasn't fat, but she was thick and had nothing but curves, Edna had been a size four her whole life and could not see her daughter being happy as a BIG girl. She put Tamara on diet after diet, they worked for a while, then as soon as she got off them the weight can back. Tamara was toned, she played tennis, ran track and was on the basketball team. Her Mother was just never satisfied with her only daughter. The only time Tamara had ever seen her Mother happy was when she agreed to marry Jason.
Three weeks after her release, she couldn't take any more." Mom I think it's time you went home."
"But Tamara you need me here."
"I'm fine, It's been three weeks, The doctor cleared me, I just can't do any heavy lifting, that's all."
"Jason feels better with me here."
Tamara decided to change her course "Mom, Jason and I really need to be alone, we can't do that with you here."
"But Jas....."
"Mom, how can we work on another grandchild, with you in the next room?"
Mrs. Taylor smiles, "You're right, I'll talk to Jason tonight,tell him it's time."
She spent another week with them. Lately Jason has been nothing but attentive to Tamara. They talk more, he spends time with her and the kids. He has even stopped sleeping out. Tamara is in heaven. This is the Jason she remembered. The loving caring Jason. Months go by. Soon six months have passed.She and Jason are preparing for Tasha's second birthday which is November second. They plan to throw a big party in their yard. They have invited everyone, they even have a spacewalk and clowns, plus a little train that will ride the kids around the block. It is Friday and the party is scheduled for Sunday afternoon. Tamara is making the party favors and wrapping Tasha's gifts. She stops to get dinner on the table. Jason should be home soon,she smiles. Things are still great between them, ever since that day in hospital when he promised her things would be better between them, he has kept his word. Man life couldn't be any greater. "Thank you God!!!"
After dinner Jason is in Tasha's room playing with her and the boys. Tamara is in the living room once again stuffing gift bags. She hears Jason come in the room.
"Ohh so you decided to stop running from the hard work out here?" she teases
whap she feels a sharp pain in her temple and she falls to the floor. Jason is on top of her punching her in the face, after a while Tamara doesn't even feel the licks anymore, nor can she taste the blood sliding down her throat. When he finally finishes pounding on her he stands and tells her to stand up. Tamara stands and he slaps her, she falls on the sofa this time.
"Did you think you could hide this from me? Throwing her birth control pills at her. How did he find that she wonders.
"Our daughter wanted one of old dolls from the shelf in her closet, a shoe box fell over and look what I found inside!!!!!!!!" he smacks her again, then he grabs her neck and starts to choke her. " I should kill you!!!" He tells her as she is trying to gasp for breath.
"Please" she sobs.
"What"
"Please kill me." He looks at her in disbelief.
"You would love that wouldn't you. I kill you then I look like the bad guy. Go in the bathroom and clean yourself up." When she doesn't rise fast enough he slaps her upside her head.
"Mommy you okay?" Her screams have sent the children into the living room." Mommy you okay" Justin questions again.
"JJ take your brother and sister back to your room." Jason yells. They no better than to argue with their father.
"Get up Tamara, Go clean yourself up and cancel this party." He slams the front door behind him.
Tamara cries at the sight she faces in the bathroom mirror, Tamara is dark-skinned, like a Hershey chocolate bar. Her father used to call her his Lil Hershey
Kiss. Her face is now black and blue, hers eyes are mere slits from the swelling, blood is dripping in one from the cut on her forehead. One of her teeth is loose, and her lip is split. She can't stop the bleeding from the cut on her head, she opens the bathroom cabinet and spots the sleeping pills given to her after her miscarriage. She pulls them down just wanting to end it all.
"Mommy, are you okay?Mommy please open the door." she hears Justin at her bathroom door. He rattles the knob. "Mommy please let me in, I'm scared."
She goes to the door, "Sweetie you know you to big to be in the bathroom with Mommy," with each word it hurts more.
"But I'm scared Mommy" he rattles the door again.
"Justin, baby listen to me, You have to get in bed before your dad gets back okay."
At first she only hears silence, "Okay Mommy."
She hears him run off, then the bedroom door closing. She hurries out the bathroom to lock her bedroom door before he decides to come back. She picks up the phone
"Key" she whispers
"Mara?, What's wrong, What that nigga done did now? I told you that Mr. Nice Guy shit wasn't gonna last., I don't know why you stay with his trifling ass anyway. You too dam good for him. You need to take your kids and leave."
"Key please!!!"
"What Mara" she screams at her friend, Key is not really mad at Tamara, but she's tired and wishes her girl would open her eyes.
"Key, can you come get us please, I can't take no mo Key. I just wanna die Key. I can't take this.I'm so tired of hurting" she sobs into the phone.
"I'm on my way" Once she hangs up with Tamara, she calls her brother.
"Who dis"
"I know that better not be no ho" she hears in the background.
"Shut your ass up" Trell tells whoever he has in his bed. "Who dis?
"Trell it's two in the morning, I'm telling you if that's a ho I'm kick both of yall asses"
"LaTrell I need you" she cries into the phone.
"Key is that you? Key what's wrong."He's already putting on his clothes. "Key talk to me baby"
"Who the hell is Key and why the fuck you calling her baby"
"Trell tell that hoe shut up for I whip her ass"
"Girl shut up, as a matter of fact, get the fuck out!" he is already heading out his front door, he's not used to getting calls like this. He starts his car heading for Key's house and she hasn't told him what was wrong yet.
"Trell I'm on my way to Tamara's house, meet me there."
'What's wrong with Ma?" He had always had a crush on Tamar, but she was his sister's friend and too young, by the time she was old enough, she was involved with Jason's punk ass. He never liked Jason from day one. Dude always was too cocky.
"I don't know, she called me talking bout killing herself."
"What? I'll see you there in a minute." He hangs up the phone and hits the gas. He arrives at Tamara's house in forty-five minutes. He see's LaKresha's car in the driveway. He knocks on the door, no one answers. He hears raised voices coming from the back of the house. He gently knocks on the closed door.From inside the room the hears Key.
"Your leaving this time, I can't believe this shit" Key is crying. What The Fuck he wonders. He knocks a little louder then opens the door. It goes totally silent.
Tamara and LaKresha both take a deep breath when they see Trell, They both thought it was Jason. LaTrell gets a look at Tamara face.
"What the fuck happened to your face?"
"Trell, Jason did this shit!!!" Key tells him throwing clothing in a bag.
"What!!!!!!! Where his punk ass at? I got something for him, He wanna hit females huh? Where he at Ma?" He's pacing her bedroom too angry to be still
"Trell calm down" Key walks over to him and touches his arm, he shakes her loose. Dam Key thinks, I should have called my Mom and Dad. She knew Trell always had a crush on Tamara. She wasn't really thinking when she called she was just scared and not knowing what she was gonna face when she got here, she wanted to have protection. She had always kept the beatings from Trell, cause he didn't play when it came to his people and Tamara was family. They didn't even tell him when Tamara lost the baby because of Jason.
"Trell please calm down, just help me get Mara and the kids out of here?"
"Where are the kids?
"Sleeping, Could you pack them up?" He leaves to do as she asks.
Tamara still has not said one word, The cut on her forehead has clotted and dried, her left eye is completely shut.
"Tamara, We have to leave okay, you can't stay here, Tamara?" she hugs her friend, her tear mingling with Tamara's
Tamara just nods. Key gives a sigh of relief.
They pack her and the kids in the car. "Where is my Daddy? Where are we going?"
Tamara still isn't talking so Key tells them they are all having a sleep over. They head over to the McDaniels resident because they know Tamar's mother won't be any help. They drop the kids off briefly explaining to their parents what happened. They head to the ER. While Tamara is getting stitches in her forehead, Key fills her brother in on everything.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me Key" he yells.
"Please Sir, You have to keep it down this is a hospital" Trell just looks at her. He sits back down. "Key you of all people know how I feel about Tamara."
"That's exactly why I didn't tell you."
"I'ma kill him Key"
'I been wanting to"
"But, I'm going to Key, I swear." Key see's tears rolling down her brother's face and thinks "Dam! He must really love my girl." The last time she had seen her brother cry was when they were younger and she fell out a tree and he thought she was dead. She pulls him into her arms.
"What do Dwayne and Vernon have to say about this."
Key sucks her teeth,"They say that it's Tamara's business, and that she's gonna go back anyway, Punk asses just scared of losing their jobs."
"I'ma whip they ass too. I don't believe this shit."
Hours later Tamara is released, They head over to the McDaniels house, Mrs. McDaniels sets Tamara up in Key's old bedroom. The kids are in Trell's old room.She leaves Tamara sleeping and joins her family, she is crying and her husband pulls her into his arms.
"How could he do that to that baby?"
"Mary, she's gonna be okay, We'll be here for her."
Tamara sleeps off and on for two days, her mind is still foggy,Key and Trell have been keeping the kids busy. JJ is still asking for his father. Her Mom and Jason were blowing up her phone so she cut it off. She heard Jason and Mr. Mc Daniels arguing one day. She realized this wasn't fair of her to be burdening them with her problems. but she had no where else to go, expect back to Jason. She had called her Mom, to see if she could come back home, her Mom told her "No, I don't know what you did, but you need to fix things." She didn't know why that shocked her. She even asked her brothers if they could stay with one of them. They told her they had families of their own. They didn't have room for her and the kids, besides Jason had been crying to them how much he missed her and wanted her and his kids back.
"I'm going back home Key"
"What, are you crazy?"
"I can't stay here, This is not fair to your Mom and Dad."
"They don't mind, This is what families do for each other."
"They should not have to deal with this," They had been living with the McDaniels for five months. They had celebrated Tasha's birthday, Thanksgiving, Justin's birthday, in December, Christmas,and JJ's birthday in February. It was time to make a move. She felt stronger know. Jason had actually started going to Anger Management Classes and he wanted to go to marriage counseling.
"Key he's changed"
"How many times have you heard that?"
"It's different this time"
"Did you talk to Trell and my parents?"
"Not yet, I'll tell them tonight."
"Dam Tamara, What this nigga dick made of gold? You want him to kill you? I can't stand around and watch this shit I'm out!" She gets her purse and storms out, passing Trell on his way in.
"Key, Where you going? What's wrong?" he grabs her arm
"Let me go Trell, I can't stay here and watch this." she pulls free from her brother.
"What?"
"She's going back Trell, She's going back to that nigga after all he did."
"You lying"
"Go talk to her yourself." she gets in her car and Trell heads in the house. He goes for the stairs two at a time. Tamara is in her room packing. He storms into the room.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm going home Trell it's time." she stuffs more clothing into the suitcase. He throws the case against the wall.
"You can't go back there."
"I have to, I can't stay here."
"Move in with me."
"Boy you crazy."
"I'm serious, I have a three-bedroom house I'm buying in Laplace. Move in with me". The last couple of months, she and Trell had gotten close. He even confessed to having a crush on her when they were younger.
'I can't Trell,come on boy, I'd be cramping your style all the females I've heard about you with." She tries joking her way out of it. Truth be told she had started catching feelings for him too. He was patient, he even encouraged her to go back to school, said he would even help, his garage was doing good. Trell was a mechanic and with the money his parents had gave him when he graduated he had went into partnership with his bestfriend Brandon. Last year he had closed on his first house. She had loved hearing from Key about how well Trell was doing. She had a crush on him growing up, but thought all he ever saw was another kid sister, that's how he treated her and he always had a different girl. If only one of them had said something years ago.
"Trell I love you for the thought, I also love you for being here for me." she goes to kiss him on the cheek, he turns his head and their lips touch. She pulls back and touches her lips. He grabs her and kisses her again, The kiss was like nothing she had ever felt. Her body felt like pure liquid. She starts pulling at his clothing.
"Where are the kids?"
"Out with your parents"
"Good"
Tamara and Trell make love for the first time. Afterwards they are in each others arms marveling at what they had just shared.
"Okay finish packing, when the kids get here we can hit the road."
"What?"
"You are coming home with me right."
"No Trell I'm still going back to Jason."
"What, After what just happened?"
"Trell my kids need their Dad, I have to at least try."
He starts to put on his clothes. "You are not going back to him, That's final!!!!!!!!"
"My God, You sound just like him" she starts to throw on her clothing also.
He stops, she realizes what she's just said. "Oh my God Trell baby, I didn't mean that, she reaches for him" He avoids her touch and keeps dressing.He then walks out of the room, minutes later she hears the front door slam.
"Congratulations Tamara, Your pregnant" she must have heard Dr.Richardson wrong.It was time for her annual Well Woman Exam. They had asked for some urine when she said her last cycle had been in April. It was now July. She had missed a couple of periods,but when she was stressed she became irregular.
"What?"
"I said...."
"I know but how"
Dr Richardson starts laughing, "I'm pretty sure you know how after three kids."
But Jason and I haven't had sex since I've been home, Then she remembers "Oh my God, I have to go."
"Are you okay Tamara?"
She assures Dr. Richardson that she is fine, she gets dressed and heads home. When Jason comes home she has packed all her stuff and the kids. She tried to call Trell but got no answer. She was carrying Trell's baby, she knew that for sure. She and Jason had not had sex since she came back home, he was trying to prove to her he had changed. He really seemed to be trying but Tamara's heart was no longer in it. She knew a month after being home she couldn't stay. She knew there was better and she wanted it for her and her kids. Since JJ had been back, he was angry and withdrawn again, The five months at the McDaniel's she had seen a whole different child, A happy child.
"What's this?" Jason asks as he walks in the door.
"Jason I'm leaving you." He starts laughing
"I'm serious, I can't do this anymore."
He realizes she's serious "What are you talking about?" he grabs her arm. She pulls it back "I'm not afraid of you anymore. All this time I stayed because I didn't have the courage to want more, but I do Jason, I want more than this"
"Go unpack those bags" he pushes her.She just stands there.He slaps her across her face. "Go now!!!!!!!"
She slaps him back, He looks stunned for a moment. "Oh so you grew some balls?" He punches her in her face. Tamara jumped on him with all of her strength. She fought him back. Every lick she got, she gave. One hit sent her across the room. Jason Junior came running into the room and attacked his Dad.
"Leave my Mommy alone!!!" He beat at his Father's leg
"Boy are you crazy?" He backhands his oldest son so hard he hit the living room wall " Now you've turned by son against me?" he advances towards Tamara "I'm going to kill you!"
Tamara doesn't even hear him, All her concentration was on her son as he went flying across the room, Now he wasn't moving.
"JJ" She screams running to her oldest son. She picks him up, but he's so still, too still.
"Jason get help"
"I didn't mean..."
"Just call for an ambulance, Jason NOW!!!" He goes to touch his son,
"Get away from him" she cradles her child crying hysterically "Mommy's sorry baby, Mommy's so sorry"
Jason calls 911 and runs to his car. The police and ambulance arrive. They transport JJ to the hospital and puts out a warrant for Jason's arrest. Tamara calls Key who meets her at the hospital, when she arrives her parents are with her. Three hours later Trell arrives, he looks like he's been in a fight himself, his clothing is torn and his knuckles are bloody. The hospital was preparing a bed for JJ he had a broken arm and a concussion. He tried to smile when Trell walked in.
"Hey Big Man, How you doing?"
JJ started crying
"What's wrong Man?" he sits on the end of JJ's bed.
"I tried to do like you said, but I couldn't" he cries harder
"What Sweetie?" Tamara asks her son.
"Uncle Trell said a man always protects the women in his family" he cries and looks at his mom who's crying. She pulls him in for a hug, being careful not to jog his injured arm. "I tried Uncle Trell I tried really hard" Trell is crying also. He looks at Tamara and notices the marks on her face and arms.
"I'm proud of you son" he hugs JJ.
"You are?" Trell reaches behind him and unhooks the cross on the chain around his neck, He put it around JJ's neck.
"My Dad gave this to me when I graduated from High school, cause he said he was so proud of me, now I'm giving it to you. You did good JJ."
JJ fingers the gold cross "Really? Mom look?" He shows off to Tamara.
"Nice baby"
Dr. Richardson walks in the room. "Hey JJ, How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay" She talks to JJ for awhile, till he can't hold his lids open anymore. She starts to head out the room and looks at Tamara. "Tamara you really ought to get checked out. Make sure everything is okay with the baby." she walks out the door.
Tamara tries not to look at Trell.He gets up from the chair and heads out the room.
Tamara runs behind him " Trell wait!!!"
"Im out, Tell lil man I'ma check him later."
"Please Trell just listen." she grabs his arm. He pulls away
"I can't believe you Ma, You got pregnant again for that nigga. I shoulda killed his ass when I found him."
"What?"
"Nothing"
"What did you do Trell? She grabs his arm, He snatches his arm out her grasp.
"Ain't this some shit, This nigga got yo son in the hospital Ma, and you still worried about his grimy ass, What the hell wrong with you Tamara. You know what you and that nigga deserve each other. He starts to walk off.
"I was worried about my child's father, Trell I was worried about YOU!!.
That stops him in his tracks. "What you mean."
"Trell I'm almost four months pregnant, I conceived in April, LaTrell, since I've been home, I haven't slept with Jason. This is your baby Trell our baby, I was leaving Jason, That's what the fight was about. I told him I couldn't stay with him. Our bags were packed I was coming to you, I called and left you a message.
"I'm sorry Tamara, I really wished I woulda killed that nigga now." He pulls her close and rubs her still flat belly. "So you having my seed huh Ma?" He smiles.
"Yeah seems that way."
"You know yall coming home with me when JJ get out the hospital right?"
"Trell I still have things I wanna do. I've been with Jason since I was sixteen, don't get me wrong." she assures him when he starts to protest. "I wanna be with you, but I wanna learn how to count on myself, That's all I'm saying.
"Tamara, I have three rooms at my house, you and Tasha can bunk together,and the boys can have the other room. I just wanna know your safe. That's all." He kisses her."I will even help you with school after the baby is born."
She shakes her head, " No, I wanna do that on my own Trell. Maybe it would be better to get out the city till this is over with Jason.'
"So, You'll come?"
"Yeah, at least till the baby is born"
He hugs her and swings her around. 'Trell could you stay please?"
They head back to JJ's room.
The police caught up with Jason and he was charged with two counts of Aggravated Assault and Injury to a minor. His bail was set at sixty-thousand dollars. Tamara's mother paid six thousand for his bond. This Tamara found out through Key, Tamara had moved in with Trell after JJ was released from the hospital. She was now five months pregnant and gaining weight, she had a healthy glow and her and the kids were doing well. Trell was true to his word. Tamara slept in the room with Tasha, Trell didn't push her about sex at all. He told her when she was ready he would be.Tamara was slowly learning what love was. Trell taught her things, he encouraged her to spent time with Key. He even babysat, when they wanted to take in a movie or lunch. JJ no longer asked about his Daddy. Trell found him a therapist that specialized in kids. The only thing that put a damper on her happiness was her mother. She called to check on her because she still loved her.
'Tamara, Why are you doing this to Jason?"
"Mom he broke my son's arm.'
"He said that was an accident, Jason Jr. came up on him and he reacted. You know he would never hurt those kids."
Tamara had had enough "Look Mom I wanna have a relationship with you, but you have got to accept the fact I'm divorcing him as soon as I can."
"I always knew Mary's boy was no good, how could he break up your home like that."
"Look Mom I'll call you later I can't talk right now.'
"When are you gonna let Jason see his kids, he loves his kids, he wants you to know he's sorry, they suspended him at work Tamara. He needs your support, he supported you all these years and this is how you repay him, I didn't raise you like this. I feel so sorry for him in the house all alone. I've been cooking his meals. You know he has nobody since Mable passed last year.
"Mom I really gotta go, Love you bye.' She hung up the phone, why couldn't her mother see. Why couldn't she love me like that. I'm her child not Jason. She sits on the sofa curls up her feet and cry. That's exactly how Trell found her when he came home. He pulls her onto his lap and caresses her hair, It is now almost down her back. Trell said he always liked long hair on her.
"I just talked to my Mom."
"She still on that bullshit?" he rubs her feet.
"Ohh baby that feels good." she sits back "She always does the same thing, plead Jason's case. Why doesn't she want me to be happy?" She cries on Trell's shoulder. He holds her and lets her get it out.
"Are you happy ma?"
She looks in his eyes "I am very happy" she kisses him.
Tamara is now in her eighth month of pregnancy. She has finally moved into the bedroom with Trell. The kids are crazy about LaTrell, he takes his time with them, he even reads to them at night. The have found out the sex of the baby. They are having a girl. "Now the house is even" The boys are excited about their baby sister,even though they said they wanted a brother.
The family had just left Tamara's appointment with Dr. Mackey Tamara's new Gyn. That was the hardest for Tamara. She didn't have Dr. Richardson this pregnancy, because they didn't wanna risk running into Jason. But, they were given an excellent referral.
Trell parks the car.He comes around to open the door for her. He gets to the front of the car and Tamara hears bop bop Trell goes down. Tamara screams and jumps out the car "Trell? Trell baby"
She is pulled up by her hair" So this nigga baby na huh?" Jason smacks Tamara with the butt of the gun, she falls to her knees.
"Jason,what are you doing, lets talk about this."
"Naw bitch I been trying to talk for months and you wasn't hearing it. he pointed the gun at her. You want that nigger to raise my seeds, let'em raise from the grave."
bop bop he shoots Tamara in her stomach and her jaw, He moves around her towards the car,
"No " she tries to speak but the blood in her throat is preventing her from talking.She see's Jason stick his gun hand in the car, She hears a series of shots, then her world goes black.
Tamara wakes up months later in the hospital. She is told the story by her friend Key.It seems JJ wanted to talk to his Grandma Enda and called her one day from LaTrell's house. Edna gave Jason the number because he said he missed his kids. Jason then goggled Trell's address. It seems he had been watching them for a couple of weeks. He had even been in the house. Jason waited till they came home, Shot Trell twice in the chest, They said had the bullet been an inch to the left Trell would have died instantly. Jason thought he killed Tamara and the baby cause he shot her in the head and stomach, but both survived. Tamara went into premature labor and her baby girl was born weighing three pound five ounces. She had to be put into NICU but she was thriving. They were all waiting on her Mother to name her. The Doctors were baffled as to why Tamara was in a coma. None of her wounds supported that she should be in a coma for months later. Then one day Trell asked to sit beside her bed. He cried and told Tamara how much she was missed and loved. He begged her to come back to him. Trell stayed by bedside and days later Tamara opened her eyes. It was another couple of days before she asked any questions. It was if she wanted to block everything out. After Jason shot Tamara he reached into the back of the car where all three kids were in their seat belts and shot each one in the head at point blank range. He then shot himself and ended his life.
Tamara had to be sedated after hearing what went on. She even missed her own kids funeral" God why did you take then, why did you spare me Lord, I should have died with my kids." Tamara went another couple of weeks just going through the motions.No one could get her to go any where near baby Miracle that's what the nurses called her because though she was small and had some health issues she was getting stronger. Trell coaxed her, fussed at her he even begged her, but to no avail. The baby was a real fighter. Within a couple of weeks she was feeding well and gaining weight. They let her out of NICU and everyone was able to admire her through the glass, her grandparents were ecstatic.
One day Key asked that the baby be brought into the room.When the baby arrived Key left, the baby started to cry and Tamara ignored her.
"You cannot replace what I have lost. You will never replace JJ, Justin, or Tasha. No one wants to say their names, but I will, they were my babies and he took them, why did you live and they die" She says to the bassinet, The baby just continues to cry, Tamara finally goes over to the bassinet and looked at the baby. "Oh God" she gasped "This baby was beautiful, she looks the same as Tasha had when she was born, Same dimples and jet black hair and she had the boys light brown eyes. She crawled into bed with baby Miracle and just cried, she cried for Trell and herself, she cried for her kids who would never meet their sister. When Trell walked in Tamara and the baby were both sleeping peacefully. He went over and kissed Tamara's forehead .
"Hey you" she smiled at Trell
"I see you've met our daughter"
"She snuggled in closer to the baby, I sure have and she is beautiful"
"What about giving her a name?"
Tamara thinks for a minute "Nevaeh"
"Nevaeh?"
"Yeah Nevaeh Tasha McDaniels"
" I like that. I like that a lot. Nevaeh huh?
Yeah Heaven spelled backwards.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.06.2010

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