The Answer Is Within

It had been a year and a half since she had spoke or even seen Randy other then driving by each other on the streets or highway. She had heard conflicting rumors about him. Some said that he was still drinking and drugging, others said that he was doing well in the alcohol and drug rehab program. Even going to college. Still, their last night together was forever etched in her mind. Trish now stood undecided in front of the public telephone booth.
They had met a several months after her divorce from an eight-year marriage, leaving her with two children and no money. Her daughter had been six and her son three years old. She then spent 15 years with Randy in a stormy relationship with several breakups when she could not handle his drinking anymore. Then the wonderful reunions, with him moving back into the home.
The “honeymoon” periods would vary on length, depending on how long he would cut back on the alcohol. Then the long nights of waiting for him to come home would begin; the fights would get louder and more frequent. The vicious cycle would go on until she would throw him out.
Eventually she would give in and he would be back in the home. Things would be fine for awhile. Then the late arrivals for dinner started, progressing to not even showing up for dinner. At times not coming home until the small hours of the morning. She would lie there in bed sometimes crying, sometimes tense with anger. Always awake, listening for his car to pull into the driveway.
She could judge by how drunk he would be by what time it was on the clock. His uneven footsteps across the front deck, sometimes more pronounced then other times. The loud noise made by his keys being thrown down on the counter, followed by his bouncing off the walls of the hallway as he clumsily made his way to the bedroom. That was not the beginning of the nightmare, just the prelude.
Randy’s late arrival one night was accented by his bellowing from the kitchen. “Where is my damm dinner?” He opened the bedroom door with such force that it bounced back from the wall behind it. Reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, he yelled at her, “Why isn’t my dinner waiting for me?”
Without moving, she said quietly “You were not here for dinner, so I put the food away in the refrigerator.”
Grabbing her arm, he half pulled her out of the bed, “Then you better fix me a plate.”
Trying to keep from falling completely out of the bed, Trish asked, “Why can’t you do that? I have to get some sleep before morning. I have to go to work tomorrow.” “ Cause that is your job. To take care of me”, was the curt reply.
To save any further yelling, Trish got up and went to the kitchen. Hoping that he had not woke the kids up. Pulling the leftovers from the evening meal, she prepared his plate quietly and with resignation.
After the food was warmed up in the microwave, she carried it to him out in the living room. While she set the plate down on the coffee table, she glanced over at him. He was sitting on the couch, struggling to unlace his boots. She asked him, “Where were you tonight? I called the shop, but there was no answer.”
Randy’s reaction to that was to angrily tosses his last boot across the room. “It’s none of your damm business but if you want to know so bad I was with the guys over at Paul’s house. Call them if you want, since your don’t believe me.”
Looking at him, she said, “It isn’t that I don’t believe you, I was just wondering where you were. You did not call to let me know you were going to be late. You do that occasionally. Call me. I was worried that you had gotten in an accident.”
Picking up his dinner plate and flicking on the TV with the remote control at the same time, Randy sarcastically replied, “Yea, yea, yea. Sure whatever.”
Seeing it was futile to have any further conversation with him, Trish turned away from him; “I’m going to bed. Good night.”
The weeks, then months went by with the same scenario, some nights it was not so bad as others were. Trish went to work, came home, took care of the kids who were now teenagers, the house and the yard. She took great pleasure in her landscaping the backyard. It was a way for her to avoid making a decision, relieved some of the anger in her by the digging and setting of the rocks for her retaining walls. She would work until her back hurt so badly that she could hardly stand up from the pain. It matched the pain that she had in her heart. For she did love him, very much. However, she did not know how to handle this new, angrier Randy.
She could not come to a decision, to give up, again, or try to get him to see that he needed help. When she had asked him before, he had always dismissed it by saying, “I’m a controlled alcoholic. I know my limits.” That would be the end of the conversation.
Sometimes out of rebellion, she would go out with the girls. They would be laughing and flirting with the men that would ask them to dance. On some of those occasions, Randy would show up. If the evening were young, he would join her, much to her friend’s disgust. He would dance with her holding her close, caressing her back, kissing the top of her head. Like it was in the beginning. Those were rare and then non-existent.
One evening, she became angry waiting for him to come home. She decided to make a bold move and went looking for him. Randy was not hard to find in a small town with a limited amount of taverns and cocktail lounges. He hated that she found him and treated her like some loathsome tramp in front of the other patrons. Embarrassed and crying, she left to go back home.
When he got home, he wanted his dinner as usual. After she served him, the anger took hold again fueled even more by her public humiliation by him. Furiously, she asked, “Why do you find alcohol more important then me and the kids? Maybe it would be best if you left since I can not compete with the booze.”
Randy’s answer was to leap up, grabbing her by the throat, throwing her down into the living room chair. With closed fists hit her twice above the hairline of her forehead. Yelling that if she ever asked him again or thought she would ever leave him, he would kill her. The icy cold fingers of fear wrapped around her heart and stayed there. This was the first time in the years together that he had ever struck her or threatened to take her life.
Now the days were not only filled with heartache but immense fear too. There were no more questions or accusations from her. Dutifully she prepared his meals at all hours of the night. He would come in the bedroom, sometimes remorseful, most of the time angry about something. Whether it was with her, the kids, or just the world it did not matter. He quit giving her money to help with the running of the house. She did not question him or ask him for money out of fear. Things got tight financially when her oldest started college. Fortunately, her daughter was an honor roll student throughout high school, so she received several scholarships and grants. Still, it was not quite enough to cover everything she needed for school. Too many times she would close her eyes wishing that thing could have been different for the kids. They deserved better but she was weak and he did love them, but was a very poor example of a stepfather or even a father figure.
During one weekend, her daughter came in the house from the garage with a troubled expression on her face. She asked her mother to come out to the garage; she had something to show her. Following her, Trish wondered what was going on. She found out quickly. Lying there on the workbench was a plastic bag containing white-yellowish granules. She had not seen crystal meth before, but she knew that that was what it was. Randy had just been in the garage, when his friend Paul had stopped over, asking help from Randy with fixing his other car. He had obviously left forgetting to pick up his drugs. Dismayed, she told her daughter that she would handle it. Picking the bag up gingerly, she went out to the backyard. Sitting there staring at her beautiful flowers she did not see them. The sweet scent of the giant Madrona tree that grew in the corner did not reach her through the numbness of her heart and mind. All she could do was sit there. She did not know of the use of the hard drugs he was using. She knew of the pot but for her generation, you would probably say she was one of few who did not use pot. After awhile she realized that she needed to do something. This was a major crossroad in her life and a decision had to be made. She would have to confront him about this. Looking at the bag, she thought, this explains the progressively violent behavior. This poison destroys the mind, making rational thinking obsolete, but combined with the alcohol, made it even worse.
Hours went by as she gathered her courage waiting for his arrival. She finally heard him come in. Slowly she walked up to him, holding the bag out in front of her so that he could see it. “Where did you get that?” he said trying to look surprised.
“Found it in the garage where you left it. Can you explain?” She stared at him stone faced, waiting for his answer. Surprisingly, he did not react with anger as she had prepared herself for. He actually looked sheepish as he admitted it was his. “I only use it for you and the kids. So I can work longer and faster.” Astounded at this ridiculous excuse, then getting angry at his gall to use her and the kids, she replied through clenched teeth, “Not acceptable. I have sat here thinking on what to do. I was at first going to go to the police.” At that his eyes opened wide in alarm. “Then I decided not too out of fear that I may risk losing my house. Especially if you have been dealing this crap. Things have to change and not for the worse. The alcohol was bad enough, but now this. I love you but I will not tolerate you using it. It is destroying the man that I fell in love with.”
Reaching for the bag, he said “I’m sorry and you are right. I will get rid of this and will not touch the stuff anymore. I will try to cut down on the drinking too. I have been doing both too much.” Not thinking, she let him take the bag from her. Reassured by his acknowledgment of his alcohol and drug problem she relented and believed him.
A few weeks went by with him coming home in time for dinner. Randy was being more considerate and attentive to her and the kids then he had been in a very long time. He was still drinking but not in the excessive manner that he had been doing. Compromising by have his beer at home in the evening. The meanness was gone and Trish started to relax and believe that the future would be better after all.
Then Randy came back to the house late one morning with his friend Mitch. He was in a very good mood, grabbing a six pack of beer out of the refrigerator; he told her that Mitch and himself were going out for a boat ride in the bay. She said, “Have fun, but be careful.” As she watched them leave, a feeling of foreboding enveloped her. The afternoon turned to evening, the evening turning to night. Finally, at 3am in the morning, Randy came home. She knew he was not only drunk but also extremely high on the crystal meth. On this high was the angry Randy that she knew too well.
He stomped around the house she got up and went out to the living room. Randy was in an extremely foul mood. “What do you want, bitch?” he snarled at her when he saw her standing there in the threshold to the living room. She switched from angry questions of her own in her mind to, “I was wondering if you wanted something to eat.”
“No, go back to bed.” was his cold replied. Trish did as she was told knowing that it would be better to leave him alone. Only he did something different that night. He went to the son’s room yelling at him, swearing at him, telling him to get the hell out of the house. There was no reason for his actions, though the two had not been getting along since the boy had reached adolescence. They both for sometime been using her as the tug-a-war rope between them.
Alarmed she got back out of bed and started out the bedroom door when her son and Randy went by her in the hallway, pushing her aside. Her teenage son’s face closed tight in anger he was just barely able to control. She followed them out through the house, her pleading with Randy to be reasonable and leave the boy alone. They went out the front door; her son was seemingly heading for the transit stop, which did not even run at that time of night. Reaching the steps off the front deck. Trish realized that she would not be able to stop Randy herself and went to get the portable telephone, calling 911.
By the time, the female dispatcher answered her call; Randy was screaming obscenities at her son. In seconds, they were in a physical fight down the street. She could not see exactly what was going on due the poorly lit street. Crying now, she told the dispatcher what was going on and that she need a police officer immediately. The dispatcher told her that a squad car was on its way and asked more questions of what was in progress. Trish told her that she could not see them anymore or hear anything. She was started getting hysterical, at which the speaker on the other end talked to her, calming Trish down as best she could. Then the dispatcher asked if she could see the two now.
At that moment, Randy came into area of the house outside light’s radius. Seeing him, Trish, now very frightened, told the dispatcher that she had to go now. Firmly the dispatcher told her to stay on the line, not to hang up. Seeing her on the telephone, Randy’s face became suffused with rage, charged her, screaming, “I told you never to 911 me!” Grabbing the telephone out of her hand and throwing it through the open front door back into the house.
With his attention at where he was pitching the telephone, she turned and ran down the steps of the front deck and around the side of the house. She got to the backyard and stopped, listening to see if he was following her. He was not. However, the backyard had limited escape routes due to being mostly surrounded by five-foot fences. Trish then went down the other side of the house until she got to the front corner and peeking around the house, looked to see if he was still standing there. Not seeing him, she assumed he had gone back into the house. Looking for someplace to hide from him, she saw her camp trailer parked in the street and ran to the side that he could not see. That was where she was standing, barefoot in her summer nightgown, when the police car got there not more then a few seconds after she had stopped by the trailer. They had come from the direction that was hard for Randy to see, but she was right there in plain view. They shut their headlights off, leaving the car in the middle of the street, two officers got out and came up to her.
She stood there crying and shivering though it was a warm summer night. Concerned, one asked if she wanted a blanket. Trish said no, lied, saying she was OK. The officers asked her if Randy was still here. She told them that he was in the house. Then they wanted to know where her son was and she had to say she did not know because he had not come back after their fight down the street. One of the officers asked her if Randy had a firearm. Alarmed she told them that he had a pistol in the house but she had moved it from its usual place several weeks ago, hiding it. She had also hidden her hunting rifle and shoot gun as a precaution. She did not think that he knew that and would have a hard time finding it. With the information, they had, they told her to stay where she was, and walked up to the front lawn. Stopping in the middle, they ordered Randy to come out with his hands up in the air.
He yelled back that this was his house and they had no right to trespass. One of the officers replied, “Sir, we were called here on a domestic dispute and we can’t leave until you come out so that we may talk to you.”
Randy then came out on the front deck with his hands up above his head. He was semi-calm until the other two police cars arrived at that precise moment. Then he went ballistic, screaming obscenities and accusations of their prejudices against men like himself. Two of the new officers came over to Trish and asked her how old her son was. She told them that he was seventeen years old. During this time Randy started a scuffle with one of the officers, their patience stretched, they hand cuffed him and read him his rights.
The way she was facing, she saw her son coming back up the street. Relief that he wasn’t lying hurt somewhere flooded her. He came up to her and the officers, battered and bruised. One of the officers looked at him and asked him if Randy had been the one that did that. He told them yes. That he had tried to avoid a fight by walking away from Randy, but that he had attacked him from behind. Her son, built like a bear, stated that when he got Randy in a headlock, he seemed to have lost any urge to keep hitting him. That was when he and his “step-father” parted ways. Likely hood was that Randy had not realized just how big and strong her son had grown into and still growing.
The officer then informed them that since he was a minor that Randy would be going to jail. They did not have the option of pressing charges. They spoke as if she would not press charges, but she knew she would have and she told them so. They looked at her kindly and said that from their past experiences, most of the time, the wives or girlfriends failed to do that.
Reflecting on her lack of filing charges that first time, she said she knew for she had not called the police even when Randy had started hitting her. However, being her child was the victim this time; she was going to be sure that her “assumed spouse” went to jail. She was stupid enough to have let herself be victimized but Randy’s violent behavior had gone too far.
Her daughter came up to them, having stayed out of Randy’s way until she felt it was safe to come out of her room. Now she put her arms around her mother and brother. They all broke down crying, with the officers looking away, as the raw emotions took control.
One of the officers stayed behind as the other officers put Randy in one of the squad cars, looked at the kids saying, “Take care of your mother and each other. You will be contacted about further legal matters, such as court dates, ECT. Here is my card with my telephone numbers where you can reach me if you have any questions or concerns. Please feel free to call. Good night.” He then turned and walked to his car.
Exhausted and still highly emotional, they went back into the house. They sat for awhile in the living room discussing the events of the night. Planning on what should be done the next day. Trish would have to wait until Monday to file a restraining order. At least, Randy would be locked up until arraignment on Monday. They would start packing his belongings tomorrow.
The weeks that followed were a blur; going to court was the worse part. Seeing him brought heartache and deep sadness to Trish. He just looked at her with hatred when he did look at her.
She had a great deal of support from her family and friends; all telling her what a relief it must be for her to be rid of him. They did not know that even with everything that had happened, she still loved him. Time does heal, but not always to the depth needed. Pain was ever constant, not as severe as the beginning weeks, months, but still there.
Here she stood in front of a pay telephone, a year, and a half after that horrid night, debating to call him, needing so badly to know that he was all right. That he had really stop drinking, most of all not using the drugs anymore. Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number listening to the rings. When Randy’s voice said hello, her heart did a leap. She choked out a “Hi.”
He recognize her voice immediately, he voiced an exuberant, “Hi! I am so glad you called. I have so much to tell you. First off, I want to thank you for sending me to jail. I was out of control and if you had not done that, I would probably be dead now. I was angry for a very long time, after getting out of jail. Then it dawned on me just what you had done for me. You would be proud to know that I have not touched any alcohol or drugs since that night. Bet you thought that was impossible. Been a day by day battle, something I have to live with the rest of my life. I just have to be stronger then it.”
Trish praised him on his success on his on-going battle with the addictions. They talked for an hour or more, catching up on what had been happening in their separate lives. He was interested to know how the kids were doing. Pleased with the daughters progress in college. Wistfully, he said he missed the family that he had thrown away. The adjustment had been tough on him, but he knew he could survive now. He wanted to see her but it was up to her. If she wanted to come by tonight, he would be at the shop. He was living at the shop in a motor home. Was not like what he had with her, but it was home.
She told him that since it was News Eve, she already had plans. That she was going out camping with the gang, to celebrate the New Years. He wanted to know what her plans were for that night, whom she was going to be with. She told him some of her friends, and that she did not go out anymore, that she had just about become a recluse. She had had couple of boyfriends in the year and a half, but nothing serious. Randy informed her that he had had several girlfriends too. However, they did not really matter to him. Seems that he could not love any of them and they all turned out to have drinking problems. Moreover, he definitely did not need that kind around. Randy then told her that he really wanted to see her. She said OK and they made plans to meet after her camping trip with the gang. They said good bye for now. Trish hung up the telephone, knowing that she had made another major decision that may be good or may be bad. Deep down, she knew that he still loved her, and that she loved him. Her meeting with him would more then likely be a turning point at this time of her life.
She had a great time with her friends out in the forest. They laughed and clowned around the whole time. Even went looking for some late Chanterelle mushrooms in the dark, being led by the on friend who gets lost just going from the cab of his truck to the tailgate. When that realization happened they started howling with laughter again the sound echoing throughout the dark forest full of second growth firs and cedars.
Of course, there were no mushrooms having had a freeze already in the area. In addition, the next morning when they crawled out of their perspective 4x4’s there was two inches of snow on the ground. Her cocker spaniel, Mandy, loved the snow and started her snorting and hunting for mice. After pulling out her camp stove from the old Jeep Wagoneer, she made the boys a pancake breakfast with all the trimmings for New Years Day. However, she did not tell them about her calling Randy. She knew that they would be critical of her decision and of Randy. She was enjoying the warm glow from their telephone conversation and did not want to lose it. Ruefully, she reflected that her family would probably disown her for calling him. It was her choice and hers alone. No one else could run her life but herself. Moreover, she had never been with Randy clean and sober in the whole relationship before. If it turned out to be a mistake, then she would have to live with it. Only the future would tell her whether it was a good or bad decision.
5 Years Later
As she sat in the specialist’s office being told that she had the beginnings of the Parkinson’s Disease, her first words were “How long do I have to go hunting?” The doctor reassured her that it would be for many years since this incurable disease is a slow degenerate one. Later she may need to use a tri-pod to help hold her rifle steady. Moreover, that there were drugs out there now that would help with the tremors and muscle spasms that will occur. Then her next silent thought was that her relationship with Randy had once again been degenergrating for the last three years, especially in the last year and a half. He had been very good about being home for dinner, not drinking or drugging and help supporting the household bills. However, there was a distance once again that had been growing. She had become more or less an unpaid servant to his needs and care. Now with this pronouncement of what was looming in her future the question or should say the answer to have as much quality time to her life would mean that he would have to step up to the plate. And she strongly doubted that he would. For it was always “Me First” with him.
Then on the day after the diagnosis, she had her children now adults and Randy sitting at the dinner table. After everyone was finishing up his or her plate and as Randy started to get up to go sit in front of the TV again she halted him. Asking him to sit back down because she had something that she needed to tell them all. Then she told them of the diagnosis the specialist had told her. True to form, Randy was only concerned with the affect it would have to him. The kids were asking questions on what would be entailing in the future with this disease. Much more concerned with what would be happening to me. I had found some information on the Internet and printed out a few informative sheets. They talked about it for awhile, though Randy had immediately gone to lie on the couch to watch TV. Not really interested in this very changing life situation for her.
For the next few days she got severely depressed, trying to absorb all that was going on and what to do about this one way relationship with this man that had started calling her “wife”. She had already asked him to leave two times before in the previous years. Nevertheless, he had talked her out of it in one way or another. In addition, they had been together for little over 20 years now.
At one time, she had sat over cup of coffee with a very dear older friend who was in her seventies at the time. One that she considered very wise and she was certainly no-nonsense type of character. Her friend had said that with men like Randy, they give you just a glimpse once in awhile of what kind of man that they could be and that was enough to keep you there hoping that he would change into that man. Sighing, I could see that was very true. However, that had happened far too often and he would then go back to the old Randy, full of negativity and hatefulness.
On December 1st, he actually took the ball into his own hands by announcing that he was moving out that he had found a “room” to rent that would take him and his two black labs. She sat there in her chair and said, “Well, I was going to talk to you about this for with the Parkinson’s I don’t want you here if you can’t help more and be supportive in the future.” At which he says, “Oh, I forgot about the Parkinson’s.”
She thought; well there, you go. Something that has to do with me is quickly forgotten because I am not important enough to him anymore.
A few days later she opened his cell phone bill by accident thinking it was hers. What she discovered was that there were 108 calls that month to a woman who lived about 15 miles out of town. Looking up in the reverse part of the phone book, she discovered her name. Therefore, Randy had again proven that he was not trustworthy at all. But she kept quiet for he had told her that he would give her the title to the car he had purchased for her to run around in. However, she decided that the moment she had it in her possession she was going to tell him exactly what she thought of him. A few days later it came to her attention that he had started drinking again. When they had gotten back together, again she had told him that it would only take one of three things to put an end to the relationship. One that he lied to her, two that he cheated on her and three if he started drinking again. Seeing has to how he managed to hit all three, she was not sad to see him go. In fact, it was a major relief. For now she could have her life back and not have to worry about being home to cook, clean and run his errands.
When he came to get the rest of his things, he signed the car title over. She neatly folded it and put it in her jean pocket. The she looked at him coldly and told him, “You are still the same lying, cheating drunk that you have always been. And by the way how is Jane?” At which his mouth dropped, “How did you find out?” She just said, “Small town.” She turned and walked away from him.
What was left of any ragged emotional ties to him had died the moment that he told her that he was leaving that he was not in love with her anymore. Well, she thought, I have not been in love with you for quite a few years now. Nevertheless, she honored her commitment to the relationship and obviously, that had been too many years wasted of her life. He had managed to destroy 22 years of relationship. Granted a relationship that had been full of living with him and his alcohol/drug addiction, the physical, emotional and verbal abuse. Plus numerous affairs that he had with other women, mostly one nighters as far as she could figure. In the beginning of the relationship, things had been wonderful. Full of laughter, love, and fun. In addition, wonderful uninhibited sex. But the last 10 years had been more bad times then good. Randy did not want to work at the relationship. It took too much work for him to do that. So he had moved on to another poor woman who put on the same blinders as she herself had in the past.
Her girlfriend of almost 50 years, Stella, told her that if the woman were smart she would figure out what he was and kick him out in 2 to 6 months. If she didn’t’ then she deserved all the unhappiness that Randy will cause her.
On the night before Randy was to move out he came home drunk and crawled in bed with her. Asking her if he was making a mistake. She did not say anything. Then he started to play around with her breasts telling her how much he was going to miss them, wondering if he could see if he could make the stand up as in the past. She jerked away from him telling him coldly “Don’t even go there.” Her anger with him that he would be thinking that she would want anything to do with him when he was leaving. Her mind and body convulsed with disgust at him. Told him to get out of her bed and go to the couch where he had been sleeping for the past 4 years. His excuse was she moved around too much so he could not sleep.
The next day, he started packing up things into his truck and utility trailer. She made no effort to help. It was not her job anymore to help him with anything. He couldn’t get everything packed so he told her that he would be back the next weekend to get the heavier item, his lathe, which would take three to four guys to move. She asked him about the shelter frame and tarps that had covered his one car. “Oh, I will leave it here so you can keep you van out of the weather”, he said. She told him that she would rather that he took it down and hauled away, unless he was giving it to her. He said no that he would need it later, but now he had no room. So she let it drop.
The next Tuesday, her mother passed away from a severe stroke. With all of the other stuff going on, she asked the Lord to please help her deal with everything. She had gone with her son, to say goodbye to her mother on two days after the stroke. In her mothers’ living will, she had specified that she did not want to resuscitate or anything. Just let her pass on to be with the Lord and her husband, who had been gone for 23 years. The whole day, she sat at her mother’s side, holding her hand telling her that it was ok to let go and be with Dad. Her son sat on the other side of the bed with his head bowed. At one point, she had started to fall asleep in the chair still holding her mother’s hand. The Parkinson’s tremors were bad that day because of the stress. As she started to doze off, her mother gently stroking with her fingers the top of her hand wakened her. She quickly looked up into her mothers one good eye for the other had been greatly affected by the stroke. As she gazed, she realized that her mother actually was looking at her with clarity of mind. This had not been there for several years now after a major stroke and dementia. She quickly kissed her mothers hand then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek saying once again that it was quite ok for her to go be with Dad and the Lord. That her and Dad had raised their children, to be strong of character and principles. That they, their children and grandchildren, would be just fine. Then later she told her sister that her and her son would be needing to get back home for he had to go to work. Her son gently leaned over his Grandmother stroking her hair back and kissed her on the cheek. He told her softly goodbye and to say hi to Grandpa who had died when he was two years old.
Four days before her birthday she got the call that she was dreading at 12:30 am. It was her sister telling her through her tears that their mother had died at 11:30 p.m. She called her daughter and then woke her son up to inform him. Her next call was to her girlfriend who had told her to let her know at whatever hour it was. Then she cried the rest of what was left of the night.
Her sister arranged for their mothers’ funeral to be the day after her birthday. She said that they at the funeral home wanted it to be that Saturday but that she told them that their mother was not to buried on her sister’s birthday.
The next weekend on her birthday she invited Stella to come early and she would cook breakfast. Her daughter had taken the holiday week off to come over and visit all of the family. That was Saturday. Randy was to come and get the rest of his stuff. Her girlfriend wanted to be there as a protector of her. As it was it was good. For Randy even though he had been cheating on her was still jealous of any strange men that were at the house. When she had asked him what time that, he was going to be there he had wanted to know “WHY?” She thought oh great, he still thinks that I should be here for him. When he had showed up to pack the rest if his things, he saw her talking with the neighbor who her son worked with on occasion. Jim could not find the drawn up plans for the patio that they were building at a job site. Her son had stayed at his fathers the night before and she was not sure either. So, she gave her son a call to find out where he had put them. Jim was talking to her son on the phone when Randy drove up to the house. He saw this strange guy there and spun gravel indicating to her that he was reacting to her standing there with her neighbor. He did not know it was the neighbor behind her house. Jim went to move his truck out of the way for Randy to back up to his utility trailer that was full of garbage to be hauled to the dump. When Randy got out of his truck, he yelled in an angry voice, “WHO'S THAT?” Good God, he is jealous! She thought. He cannot let go of me, but it is ok for him to have a girlfriend. She told him it was the neighbor behind the house. That her son was working with him on a job. At which he calmed down.
On her birthday, Randy and his friends loaded up the lathe and his small tool box that is not small since it took two of them. When he thought he was done, he told her that he would be back next weekend, which was Christmas. Her girlfriend spoke up and said, “No, you get everything NOW.” Her voice firm and full of hostility. Surprisingly he just set his lips in a hard straight line and kept his mouth shut. He did manage to get the rest of the stuff, with the exception of the temporary shelter tent. She asked him to please take it down and away from her house. He said again, “I don’t have room for it.” All she could think of was that he wanted an excuse to keep coming back. Then he left with his stuff. She stared at the shelter tent for the rest of the week.
On Christmas day she told her son that they were taking it down for she needed to move the van out for a camping trip with her friends for New Years weekend. Her son gladly jumped at it. So they took it down and were not too neat about it. She dragged the tarps over to the side of the garage where the wind would not blow them around. Then they tossed the frame work pieces pell-mell on top of the tarps. The smaller things they put in the bag that also had the instructions so that they would not get lost. Everything was there and undamaged. Just not in neat order of things.
A couple of days later, she called him and told him that as per the advice of her doctors, friends and family that he had till Wednesday night to get it out of there. That if she did not she had a buyer for it on Thursday morning. He got upset. She said oh well.
While her girlfriend and her were on their daily 2 mile walk he came by and got it. Throwing mud onto her little car. When she got into the house, he left a threatening message on the answering machine. He accused her of harassment. She guessed that giving a deadline on the shelter to be gone was also harassment in his way of thinking. She then recorded onto her cell phone voice mailbox so that she would not lose it. She called him back, and not letting him get a word in edge wise, she informed him of what she thought of him and a few other things.
“As far as the shelter thing, well all of my doctors, family and friends said that I needed to have you get it out of here ASAP. So you would not have any excuse to come near me or my home.” Then she hung up. Feeling released from some of the stress of her life, she started to sing to herself.
A few days later which was New Years Eve day, her friend Bob came by to pick up a coat that was too large for her now to give to one of his friends who did not have much money. When he came in the door he asked her if, she saw dipstick drive by. Surprised she said no that she had been in and out of the house packing the camp van up for the camping trip. But that she had thought she had heard his truck, but had dismissed it. So now, Randy was driving by her house checking up on her. Well, is not that just dandy she thought?
A week or so went by, when her girlfriend and herself were heading down to the trail that they take their 2-mile walk on. They were in her girlfriend’s car when her girlfriend saw Randy in his truck coming in the other direction. So her girlfriend smiled widely at Randy and waved at him. Stella has a saying of “kill them with kindness.” For those that she dislikes intensely. Trish sat there laughing at his expression on his face telling her girlfriend that she definitely got a reaction from him. In good a mood, they took their walk. On returning to home, she saw the answering machine blinking with a new message. So she hit the button and it was Randy again leaving a threatening message. Again she recorded it on her cell phone then took it to her caseworker to listen to. She told her that she should go to the authorities with it. She also had her girlfriend listen to it. At which she got really angry and asked for Randy’s cell phone number. She was hesitant on doing that for she did not want things to get too far out of hand and wanting to protect her friend. Knowing that her girlfriend could very much take care of herself, she was still reluctant to do that. Not to protect Randy but to protect her friend. They were very close since she had been the age of two and herself five years old. However, there had been a course of years that she did not know where she was. When she came back to the place she loved, she finally told her why. Alarmed at her life that she had lived in the streets of the big southwest city, Trish threw her arms around her friend and cried. Then wiping her eyes, she sternly scolded her for not coming to her to restart her life sooner.
Since childhood, Stella had always been her fierce protector. As she had been for her. The less that she told Stella of the earlier years of how Randy been treating her, but Stella knew. She had Randy pegged from the very beginning. Maybe all the years of experience or just plan gut feeling had told her. Randy and her clashed many times over the years, for Stella believed that Trish should have been and still be treated like a queen.
A few years back she had gotten very ill on night running a high fever, coughing and felt like a Mack truck had hit her. Randy did take her to the ER at the hospital, after eight hours of them running tests etc, they discovered that she had virile meningitis with pneumonia. She just about died that night. However, he doctor did not tell her that until later. She was there for little over a week; most of it spent in an ICU room. When it came time for her to go home she called Randy to come and pick her up and he informed her that she could walk home since they lived so close to the hospital. Her doctor was standing there and figured out what he said so he asked to talk to Randy. And in no uncertain terms said he was going to pick me up and take me home. Her doctor to this day thoroughly dislikes Randy.
Now she did not have to worry about that with him for he was gone. She had to adjust to being alone, but it was nice not having to always have the dinner ready or his laundry done. In addition, the house actually stayed cleaner for much longer periods. This meant she had more time for the other things that she loved.
She missed her mother very much, but knew that she was with Dad now and a lot happier then she had been. Then in August, she suddenly lost her brother to a heart attack. He was her buddy, hunting partner, and the jokester of the family. It devastated her. So many memories of elk hunting, deer hunting and all the hunting camps that had been set up. He had the full military funeral for he had been in the Navy. After the ceremony, her daughter and herself were just unlocking her car to drive to her sisters when a lone tree frog started ribbitting in the brush. She smiled at her daughter sadly and said, “Hear that? Your uncle is talking to us.” For his CB handle during his big truck days had been “The Frog”.
That September her best friend, Mike, invited her to go for two weeks in his boat up the coast of British Columbia with some other friends who had cabin cruisers too. She said yes and was very excited about the trip. It turned out to be so beautiful and exciting. Moreover, of course Mike could always make her laugh. They mainly ate from the sea, with fresh shrimp, Dungeness crab, greenlings, and black bass. Occasionally a cod. It was wonderful and helped in the healing of her shattered heart. They talked about the Parkinson’s, his parents, her parents, both of whom were gone now. Family stories, hunting stories, fishing stories and dog stories.
And oh, the many beautiful desolate little islands that she stared at trying to imprint into her memory of them. She took a lot of pictures too. They had swum in an inlet where the salt water was 68 degrees instead of the normal 45 something. Explored abandoned Indian village sites on some of the larger islands, of course armed with bear spray since they could not take their pistols across the border. Moreover, there are lots of bears to be seen in British Columbia. They had a cougar swim from one island to another not more then 20 feet from their boat camp one night. Dolphins escorted them, played around them almost everyday. It was with great sadness when the two weeks was gone and they had to journey back to the U.S. port of entry in Port Angeles, WA.
The weather was to turn ugly so they made the last part in one long almost non-stop cruise. Stopping once for fuel, for his 30-foot cruiser was not easy on the fuel. However, they beat crossing the Juan de Fucia Straights before the storm hit. Mike slipped his Carver into her moorings at the port; the evening sky opened up and started raining heavily. They both decided that unloading the boat could wait until morning and hopefully the rain would stop. She felt that she had done a lot of healing and thanked Mike profusely for the chance to share the adventure with him. He said no problem for it was a lot funnier to have a companion such as me there to share all the beautiful sites that he had come to love. And not just that but the interesting people that we met out there.
Then in October, on opening day of deer season, her other best friend and hunting buddy died suddenly from an aneurysm. Bob. Tearfully, she called up Mike and told him. They talked about all the fun hunting stories that Bob had been a part of. It helped. She told him in a quivering voice that he had to take care of himself. He was her only best male friend that she had left. She would not make it if anything happened to him.
She got a small chunk of money from her mothers’ estate so she use that to make the much needed repairs on her house. In which that meant, she did a lot of hardware and lumber store shopping. In one of those runs, she ran into Randy. He wanted to talk to her, she almost walked right on by, but mid-stride decided to hear him out. He said she looked good, and how were the kids. She said they were fine and Nora had given birth to a 12-½ LB son. Who was the greatest joy to this granny. For she was not supposed to be able to have children but she managed to have one at least. She showed him a picture of her grandson, he then looked at her seriously, and said, “I did not leave because of the Parkinson’s, but because you were sick all the time.” I just looked at him and said, “Well, you must have really thought that one out.” Gave him the “You are dumber then a rock” look and left.
She sat in her truck thinking, man you may not be much smarter wasting so many years with this ignorant piss ant. Next time, listen to your gut for that is where the answer is within

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.02.2010

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Widmung:
To my family and friends who stood by me thick and thin.