You're crazy for me

29 December 2017

 

Amelia walked along the alley of the cold winters street, breathing out tiny clouds of condensation almost as white as her pale skin in the moonlight. She felt the music in her ear buds pour into her as she crunched the gravel underneath her boots. She always took this route since she moved here; she knew every crack in the wall, every burned out cigarette and every sacramento green broken glass bottle, and every last rodent who would hiss and screech as she walked pass. Everything in her life was mundane, everything in her life was repetitive, everything in her life was ritual. However, It wasn't until she heard the shattering of a glass bottle thrown at her feet, tiny shards penetrating below her knees leaving shards of glass slicing into her skin that she realised she was being followed. Her whole body stiffened as her breathing hitched.

 

Cautiously, she removed her ear phones and began to turn around, an alternative pop song died down as it slowly traveled into her pocket. Her deep red scarf fluttering in the wind as if trying to escape its fate, trying to avoid facing the other side of ally. She took a few deep breaths as she prepared herself for the confrontation that would take place once she could convince her body to turn around. there she was greeted by a tall, slim man with a sickening wide smile on his face; his hair swaying in the wind like grass in an open plain, his eyes dark and sinister like those of a camera lens.
She could taste the xxnicotine in the air where he stood and she could smell the alcohol on his breath when he spoke.

 

"Where you goin' sweet thing"

he mumbled the grin on his face somehow growing wider.

 

"Um I ..."

 

her voice growing higher. Suddenly, she could feel him all over her as he pushed her against the wall and she could sense a bruise forming in the back of her head. She felt dizzy, almost as if she was drowning. He slowly undid her coat button as she took a deep breath.

"I've been waiting all year for this moment."

 

Breathe in

 

He began to kiss her neck, speeding up with every strained movement she stride to make against him.

 

Breathe out

 

"now I'm finally going to have my release

crying tears of gold

 

31st December 2016
 

1 year ago

 

Amelia

I sat watching TV, the light and sound dancing around the room. I was alone and I despised it. My parents were all the way over in The Caribbean on some big cruise they won in a contest and all my friends had something better to do.
I couldn't stand it, my fingers began to twitch in annoyance and Boredom.
I left my dark blue sofa, the impression of my body stayed there watching TV. I looked in the mirror before I left, brushing the curls out of my long, dark brown hair. I let the colour of my nude lipstick posses my lips, I stared at my reflection and it stared back.

 

Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out
Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out
Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out

 

I carefully glide my eyeliner on and flick it up towards the white ceiling, it's swirls moving like a Van Gogh painting. I've lived here three weeks now, half of my stuff are still in boxes and I just can't find the time to organise them. They sat watching me with sadness, I've had some of same stuff since I was a baby, they've seen me grow up. They've seen me cry, laugh, scream into my pillow when I would argue with my parents. god, I used to be such an idiot.

I walked outside locking the door behind me, keys cold in my hands as I placed them into the lock. I paced along the halls of my apartment, listening in to each of my neighbours party's. pop music blasting through half of the doors, the other half I assume have gone outside to celebrate.
I walk down the stairs, the sharp sudden clacking sound of my heels echoing against the stairwell.
I open the frigid metal door and I'm greeted by the sudden gush of ice cold wind.

I walk to the nearest bar, trying to avoid the broken glass bottles that peppered the floor and walk through the entrance of ' the olde star' I push my way through through the crowd of people to get to the bar. I sit down on the dark red seats, shuffling in place till I could sit comfortably and straight.
A girl with short black hair with a streak of red stood behind the bar. she had a snake bite Piercing on her dark brown lips. her brown eyes stared into my soul; and they were beautiful.

 

"So, what you want," her smooth voice asked

 

" just water please," I stuttered trying to maintain the least amount of eye contact as possible

 

"Coming right up," she quickly filled a crystal clear glass with water right to the brim without spilling any over the top.

As if she couldn't be more perfect.

 

"So what's you're name" I asked trying to continue the conversation

 

"My name is Nina, I've just begun working here last month, me and my sister moved from Georgia two years ago. What about you?"

 

" I'm Amelia, I grew up in England and moved here three weeks ago for a job offer and... that's about it really."

 

Out of nowhere an older man shouted to Nina from the other side of the bar about how 'you're not here to socialise'
And 'if it were up to me you would already be fired' so she just sighed and began to serve the other patrons.

I sipped my glass of water as I let the sound around me merge into a hum at the back of my mind. Young men and woman kissing and talking as the night carried on, exploring each other's bodies and minds as they moved closer to each other. It was as if the world outside this bar was irrelevant and all was chaotic yet still consequently calm. I let myself be one of them for a few seconds, I let everything fade out of existence and it was just me and a pleasant floating feeling.
It wasn't until I was interrupted by the overwhelming scent of a burger being eaten by a big man in his forty's did I snap back into reality. My stomach churning as the grease of the burger dripped down chin. I told myself that I didn't need this, that everything would be better now, that I'm better now.
I took a few deep breaths as I tried not to gag.

 

Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in

 

 

"Excuse me..."

It was the perfect girl from before smiling at me as she placed glass filled with a dark pink liquid in front of me. A tiny cherry was floating in the drink clinging to the side of the glass. Bubbles slowly racing to the top and popping as it reaches the surface. It smelled sweet like I was running field full of fresh fruit.

 

"I didn't-"

 

"Oh, I know. It's from the hunk over there in the leather jacket," she whispered pointing towards someone

 

"Where?"

 

"Behind the bald guy in the flannel shirt."

 

By the time I managed to tell who she was pointing towards he already began walking out the door leaving only the stares of the other revellers in the bar as he left.

I tried to get out my seat when Suddenly, a group of people began to count down

 

"12"

 

"11"

 

The whole bar joined in.

 

"10"

 

"9"

 

"8"

 

"7"

 

Buzz buzz

 

"6"

 

"5"

 

I get my phone out of my handbag. Whilst trying to navigate through the crowd.

 

"4"

 

"3"

 

"2"

 

UNKNOWN

 

You look beautiful

 

"1"

 

"Happy New Year!"

 

I raced out of the bar and pushed a few people out the war as I slipped out the door but he was already lost in the crowd of people outside as they were cheering and celebrating. The cold air pieced through my skin and settled in my bones, I began shaking as I walked back to my apartment.

 

This time I was fine with being alone.

Breathe out

you're crumbling, sadly

 

14th February 2017

Amelia

I sat down comfortably in front of my computer screen, the only illumination in the room was that of the dimly lit monitor staring at me.
The light shone on my pale face as i read through my messages each one from the same unknown person, the details of the messages had various ranges of cute and creepy, the line between a compliment and an obsession had been blurred. Sighing, I turned off the monitor and just stared at myself in the reflection of the computer screen. I touched the sides of my face, pushing my skin back to make myself look thinner.

 

Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out
Breathe in I'm-

 

The door flew open as my roommate Rose came in with bags of shopping hanging in packs around every limb, the plastic bags ripping at the seams. Her blonde hair that was once straight was now frizzy and reaching out towards the heavens.
She stumbled into the kitchen as she turned on every light switch that she passed until she reached far Corner of the room, placing the bags on top of the oak kitchen cupboards, staring at me in concern as she did so.

She paced towards me slowly fiddling with her pastel pink finger nails before squatting next to me, placing her hands on mine as she did so.

 

"Did you stay like this all day?" She asked with a voice as sweet as the honey scented shampoo she was wearing. I nodded, avoiding eye contact in fear that if I did for a second I could break.

 

"Well did you at least eat?" She asked voice dripping with distress, the faux fur of her pastel blue cardigan reaching out towards me like accusing fingers.

 

"I told you to stop with the eating thing, I'm getting better I promise," I whispered holding eye contact with Rose.

She stared back.

 

"Well I keep telling you to eat but you never do it, just eat!"She exclaimed, throwing her hands out.

 

We both sat in an uncomfortable silence, the only sound that we could hear were our deep breaths, each becoming faster and louder as if fighting for dominance before dying down like a fire in the rain.

 

"please just eat, I just want you to be okay." She looked me in the eyes
Penetrating my soul like a spear.

 

"Then...maybe,we can go to the cinema." She suggested shrugging her shoulders

 

"Why would I want to go to the cinema?" I question brushing my hair out of my face.

 

Rose looked at me in complete disbelief for a few seconds

 

"Because its Valentine's Day... and I think you need cheering up, you know, just stop worrying. Plus a movie called 'the choice' is premiering in town and I've heard good things."

 

"I just wanted to watch bates motel on Netflix" I sighed, giving her the best puppy eyes I could mange.

 

After a few more disagreements we decided that going outside would be good for me as I haven't seen the outside in a while. My boss decided that it would be better for me to work at home, since I kept feeling nauseous and dizzy at work.

 

As we sat in our attached red velvet seats at the cinema we watched as the 'best romance film of the year' unfolded in front of us. I would rather bang my head against a brick wall for hours on end then watch this movie but I guess
It was better than sitting at home doing nothing. Rose sat picking up each individual popcorn kernel and placing it into her mouth until the box was half empty. I knew while I was watching the movie that she was watching me to see if I ate anything. So I picked up a handful of popcorn and placed it into my mouth, a greasy, buttery taste exploded over my tongue as I managed to refrain from gagging. She seemed satisfied that I ate it so while she turned away I quietly spat it all out into a napkin and kicked it under my seat and carried on watching the movie.

 

Once we were making our way out of the theatre and into our apartment complex it seemed that the hallways were only becoming longer wit every step we took, the heels of our feet aching like we had placed hot coals inside of them.
We walked to the white wooden door of our shared apartment, i fumbled with the door keys in my shivering fingers before I managed to turn the key inside the chipped lock and we stepped inside. We were greeted by a frigid breeze which worked its way into our bones and rested there, not a second after did we realise something.  The window at the centre of the wall in front of us was wide open, furthermore so was the door to my bedroom.

We both ran straight inside and saw a pink heart shaped box lying on my pillow, in the centre was a dark red bow  that I gave one gentle tug at and the entire outer layer of pink and red unraveled revealing a box of round milk chocolate. On the inside of the lid was a note written in black ink.

 

Dearest Amelia

 

I brought a gift as sweet as you are

Love from

Your valentine

xxx

you're blind, i see

 

27th June 2017

 

Amelia

 

It had been over five months since he broke in and I haven't had a good rest since. I stayed up every night with a flashlight in hand as I stared at the time on my phone, a bright 3;36 like a light house of annoyance in the harsh, unforgiving ocean that is my mind. I started to think about how it could be a one time thing, he broke in once and although I had months of those creepy messages it stopped soon after I called the police.

 

I guess that I scared him off

 

Momentarily I brushed that  stupid thought away, he could just as easily be waiting for the suspicion to die down before he strikes again. I felt my eyelids getting heavy before

they slammed shut.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I was standing in a void of absolute darkness, The only light was that of my reflection on the floor parallel to me. The ground looked like a dark ocean, as if I was walking on black ink. I took a step forward and suddenly a spotlight in the distance pointed towards a present rapped in pastel shades of pink and a baby blue ribbon keeping it together . I walked towards it the spotlight growing brighter with each step. I stood right in front of the present now, my hand reaching up to touch it as the light was now blinding.
I held the blue ribbon in my hands tightly. I pulled violently. The wrapping paper burned away as the ashes danced around the darkness, like shooting stars in the night sky, revealing a jet black, gloss rotary phone.

Ring ring
Ring ring
Ring ring

I reached out to touch the phone when, the ringing stopped. I held the phone to my ear. For a few seconds all I could hear was heavy breathing, then I could make out a small sound in the background.

A baby crying.

It grew louder until I was covering my ears. I screamed in pain but I couldn't hear it. The sound felt like it was causing my brain to rot and decay inside my head. It caused my heart to pump so fast and so loud that I could hear it, I could feel it. Then, in the blink of an eye it stopped. I knew that it wasn't the end of it, I began to feel a warm breath down my neck. I span around, hair floating as I did so, like I was buzzing with electricity, but no one was there. At least no one I could see.
Until I looked down.
I saw him in my reflection, he was directly underneath me but I couldn't see his face just a blank canvas of a person.he was naked, his body muscular and tall like a soldier. Suddenly, I felt his hand grab my leg, hard enough I could feel bruises forming and his veins pulsing out of his knuckles. With a sharp tug he pulled me down with him. I felt the ink fill my lungs and stain them as I struggled for breath. The last thing I saw was his dark eyes staring into my soul.

 

Buzz buzz

I looked over at the time on my phone again '10:00', as I ignored the sea of 'happy birthdays' from the people who couldn't make it, including my parents. I sat up immediately

as rose made her way through my door. As her sickly sweet voice sang.

 

"Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear Amelia,

Happy birthday to you."

 

She  balanced a round birthday cake on one hand while she held on to a small gift in her hand, making her way over to me placing the cake on my bedside table then, handing me the package.

 

"Um, thanks..."
I offered unwrapping my gift. The paper unfolded to reveal an iPod with my name engraved on the back, a set of headphones underneath. I crack a smile as I repeat,

 

"Thank you so much."

 

"No problem. I know that you don't like celebrating your birthday but you deserve to celebrate."

 

I look at the cake, it's pink writing sitting on the white icing of the cake like a reminder of everything that has been, and everything that ever will.

Happy 20th birthday

 

"So what are we doing to celebrate?" I asked since I had no plans of my own.

 

"I was thinking we could go to the 'olde star' i noticed it a few days ago when I was driving to work and it looked... cozy."

 

I froze at the name remembering that there is where it begun: the texts, the stalking the break ins. I sat in silence while she stared at me.

 

"Is something wrong?" She asked with a hint of concern

 

"No, it's just... what if he finds me again?"

 

"That was months ago! Anyway you can't live like this, he can't know where you are all the time." She consoled

 

I slowly began to believe her. I put the cake in the fridge before I began to get dressed. I wore a dark wine coloured dress with a pair of velvet high heels and scarlet lipstick. Rose wore a bubblegum pink dress with a blue feather boa over her shoulders and a pair of Taffy sunglasses.

We walked through the doors of the olde star and a few men wolf whistled at rose calling her 'Lolita' she smiled and laughed at them while touching their shoulders, making her way to the bar. We sat down at the stools as I pulled out my phone and there was still no messages from that guy, yet I still can't give in. Nina was in front of me again, the perfect woman from before, wearing a bright yellow dress with a citrus coloured head wrap laying like a crown on her cranium with a tight knot protruding out the back of her head.

 

"So what would you lovely ladies like today?" She asked smiling while doing
so.

 

"I'd li-"

 

"Four jelly bean shots please." Rose interrupted knowing that I'd just choose water again.

 

Nina turned around as she gathered the combination of drink bottles required to make the shots.

Rose lent towards me as close as possible and whispered in my ears.

 

"You like her don't you."

 

I blushed while trying to deny it but she kept insisting.

 

"Come on I just know these things, besides you're not that good at hiding it." She teased looking through the corner of her eyes at Nina the entire time.

 

After a few more shots I felt nauseous and told rose to watch my handbag as I went to the bathroom. I stumbled into the stall and kneeled In front of the toilet. I felt that I needed to vomit but I couldn't, all that came out was blue tinted mucus. I stayed like that for a while, my hair sticking to the side of my face like fur.

After a few minutes I managed to walk out of the bathroom and sit back down at my stool next to rose, who was grinning from ear to ear.

 

"What are you smiling about?" I muttered.

 

"Nothin'. She replied, her grin growing wider.

 

I just sighed, I honestly couldn't be bothered right now and just wanted to go to the comfort of my own bed.

After a moment, we were both walking down the street, stumbling into each other as we turned down an alley We took previously to get here. I suddenly felt like I was being watched, silently I reached for my phone in my bag, my hands explored every crevice and corner of the bag but I still couldn't feel the cold metal if my phone.

 

"Rose! I thought I told you to look after my bag."

 

"What?"

 

"You were supposed to be watching my bag!" I barked

 

"Well I was busy." She said smiling

 

"Busy doing what?" I demanded

 

"You can thank me later." She said producing a number from her pocket.

 

Nina's number.

 

I studied it before looking at her in complete disbelief.

 

"Thank you and all that, but how am i going to phone her without a phone?" I countered.

 

She just sighed as we made our way into the apartment complex. We walked the halls in silence, something rose had never done before. I said sorry as we got to our door, she said sorry too but I could tell that she was really beating herself up over what I said to her. To be honest I was too.

We made our way to our bedrooms without speaking but for the first time I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Flash

I was frozen in my bed as a figure stood over me, its hands brushing against my bed as it placed something on my bedside table. It saw me. It knew I could see it. Unexpectedly it ran out of the room and into the darkness of the hallway.

I woke up. I rubbed my eyes trying to get rid of the crust that settled into the corners of my eyes. Then I noticed something. Right next to my bed lay my phone, with a new background. I was asleep with my arm slightly covering my face. My half open eyelids facing the camera.

you've got the music in you, dont you?

 

28th June 2017

Rose

I woke up with a sharp head ache piecing my temple. I struggled rise as my body protested against every command. I sighed as I slowly made my way to the hangover tablets I kept in my bedside cabinet, I swallowed two of them dry, cringing as the sour taste violated my tongue.

I stumbled over to my wardrobe. I flicked through my colour coordinated clothes until I found a dark shape of red that would match the hot blood running through my veins and I slip on a pair of heels that would do the same. I smother my lips in the darkest shade of black to match my soul and colour my nails to do the same. I looked at myself in the mirror as I glided on a faux fur coat. I span around a few times, feeling the thrill of the air weave its way into my hair and the thrill of simplicity weave into my thoughts.

I walk out the door to find Amelia eating her cake with a fork, not just a slice but the entire birthday cake. I saw traces of tears in her eyes as she looked at me, her face panicking.

 

"Sorry!" She said spitting out crumbs on the floor and pushing the cake away from her,"I just-"

 

"It's okay." I sat next to her, resting my head on her shoulders.

 

"Did he do anything again?" I asked, worry present in her eyes.

 

She shook her head urgently so I believed her, she usually binged after days of not eating, I told her to stop for months and get some help but she always denied. I gave her a reassuring squeeze on the hand As I got up from the seat and began to walk through the door, my left hand turning the handle as my right waved goodbye.

I entered the club through the back door, there I was greeted by my manager.

 

"You better show more skin when you perform this time." He spat, his giant body loomed over me, pushing me against the door

"We've had some very unsatisfied customers."

 

"You better show more skin as well." My body leaning into his "I bet it's not only the customers that are unsatisfied with your performance." I said as I twirled his wedding ring of his finger, letting it hit the cold concrete floor as I made my way past him into my room.

 

Inside, I sat down placing powder on my face to make myself look more pale and porcelain like an antique doll. I look at my self for a few seconds practicing my song and dance before I go up on stage, I can feel the pull and push as if I was in both the north and south poles of the magnet, I couldn't wish for anything better than this.

I stand behind the stage waiting to be announced.my blood rushing and my mind racing.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome...'Lolita'!"

 

I walk on stage swinging my hips seductively as the drums start in the background.

 

Being a mistress on the side,
It might not appeal to fools like you.

My hips moved side to side with the rhythm.

 

Creeping around on the side,
Would not be something you would do.

I smiled mischievously at the crowd, raising my arms out at them as a few of the men cheered and whistled.

 

But, you haven't seen my man
You haven't seen my man
You haven't seen my man
You haven't seen him.

 

I swung my body to the sound of the drums as I walked around the stage, maintaining eye contact with the audience as I did so.

He's got the fire and he walks with it.

My hands started at my hips, rising as they made their way up my body, rising to the heavens with a sharp flick as I sang.

He's got the fire and he talks with it.

My hands glided from my breasts to my thighs, not breaking contact with my skin the entire time

 

His Bonnie on the side, Bonnie on the side
Makes me a sad, sad girl
His money on the side, money on the side
Makes me a sad, sad girl.

 

I made eye contact as I crawled across the stage to a man in a sharp grey suit. I held his tie in my hands as the grip on his glass grew tighter, I reached forward to caress his face. I jumped up leaving him behind me and continued to sing.

 

I'm a sad girl
My fingers rapped around my top button as I undone it revealing my read dress

 

I'm a sad girl
The second button

 

I'm a sad girl
The third button undone revealing my waist

 

I'm a sad girl
Fourth

 

I'm a bad girl
And the final button.

 

I'm a bad girl
I through my faux fur in the air behind me and it landed out of view. I smiled as the men and women applause me.

 

I continued to dance, my body spinning and swaying like a flame on top of a candle wick. My voice and face baby like however, my body and movements were far from innocent. I took a paced towards the steps leading to the crowd.

 

I'm a sad girl
I took a step down, trying to regain my balance In my heels

 

I'm a sad girl
Second

 

I'm a sad girl
Third

 

I'm a sad girl
Fourth

 

I'm a bad girl
Fifth

 

I'm a bad girl
And the final step and the floor was underneath my stilettos. I smiled as I held the hands of a man and woman who helped me down the steps.

 

Watch what you say to me
Careful who you're talking to.
I looked around me at the faces staring at me as I sang while brushing against a few men on my way to the centre of the room.

 

Watch what you say to me
Careful who you're talking to.
My hands traveled around my body as I crouched lower to the ground.

 

I'm on fire, baby.

I'm on fire.
Slowly, I began to stand up straight. Hey hands seeping under my clothes. I carefully lifted up my dress revealing my hips with the bands of my underwear secured tightly around them.

 

The entire crowed whistled and cheered while I made my way up the stage again. I bowed as I was showed with roses and disappeared behind the closing curtain.

I stood outside the back of the dive bar with a cigarette in my hand, which I only smoke after performing. It's smoke danced around me in pirouettes, spinning in grace and harmony. I closed my eyes as I listened to music pump through the walls like it was the heart of this club.

 

"Do you have a light?"

 

My eyes shot open as I felt my feet give way under me in fright.

 

"Yeah," I hesitated, passing him my lighter. "My names rose, what's yours?" I asked

 

"Ezequiel" he answered, smiling whilst doing so.

 

"So what brings you here, Ezequiel?" I wondered

 

"I heard that this was the place to go if you wanted to see beautiful women and my, my I didn't expect to be looking at someone as gorgeous as you tonight."

 

I giggled, bringing my hand to touch his forearm as I did so. Feeling his warm leather jacket contrasting against my cold hands. I felt his hand make his way up my thigh, I panicked and began to struggle against him but he held me down. I froze as I felt my underwear slowly made its way around my knees. He lent to wards my face. I slammed my fore head into his face as hard as I could. He stumbled backwards. I kicked him in the shins as hard as I could and he began to fall to the gravel and dirt of the concrete. I kicked his stomach again and again until he was struggling to breathe, he reached out to me with week hands. Then I turned around and made my way home, not looking back the entire time.

 

I opened the door to find Amelia pasted out in a pile of crumbs. Her hair twisted and knotted and her hands dropped down by her sides. I took her to the bathroom where I washed her face, later carrying her to bed. She twisted and turned on the bed, exploding in sharp and sudden movements but I decided it would best to let her sleep, as I needed to let myself sleep and calm the chaos.

he's got the fire, and he walks with it

 

29th December 2017

 

Ezequiel darcc

 

I parked my jet black Ferrari into the concrete parking lot of the shopping centre in the middle of town. It's darkness sat in the world around me. I sat their for a second, waiting for the tracker of my phone to find her. The prolonged tiny green loading circle span around five times completely before I could see where she was. My one true love, Amelia Sparashe. Her eyes were blue like the deepest lake of sapphire, her hair was long and dark brown like the forever expanding branches of an oak tree. I slowly made my way out of my car, carrying a small, green bottle of beer as my eyes remained on the phone. I saw she was going along Elwood road on her usual route from her house to the 'olde star' each week, I saw the way she talked with Nina. And I didn't like it. She should hold my hand like she held hers and stare at me with the same contentment, wonder and emersion as she stared at Nina, like a puppy in the arms of it's owner.

 

I walked along the stone cold concrete in this cold winters night like a ghost absorbing its surroundings while not living it. I felt the wind dance through my hair and clothes like ice cold water engulfing me. I looked down at my phone, her small icon showed that Amelia as well as her phone had entered the bar.

I stood in the alleyway that led to the bar she would eventually step out of. As if she was an astronomical egress, for she is the sun and I am the earth basking in her light because without her I would be lifeless and dark like a Barron blood moon.

 

I lent against the cold brick walls of the dim alleyway with my hands in my pocket trying to fight against icy chill of winter. After a while I pulled a green lighter out of my pocket and lit a cigarette, I sighed as I placed it between my lips and felt the nicotine sink into my lungs, then a dark cloud of smoke expelled into the air. I punctuated every puff of smoke with a swig of beer, the taste expanding across my tongue and down my throat. I shut my eyes and let the colours dance across my closed eyelids like fireworks.

 

Then I heard her voice, like an angel that's been locked in hell singing for its freedom. And I heard her call.

She took a step forward, her long hair reaching out towards me like desperate hands and desperate fingers craving my touch. I watched as she hummed to the song she played on her iPod like a siren luring a sailor, and I was glad to oblige. I took a step forward, then another and one more as I swigged the last drop of beer out of the bottle. I held the bottle behind my head then threw it forward with all the strength I could muster. It floated in the air like a feather, it took centuries for it to fall but I would of waited millennia for her touch. I saw as the glass shattered and flew into the air like birds, tiny stars at her feet as if Amelia was a goddess but she wasn't, she was much more.

 

I watched as Aphrodite delicately lifted her hand as she slowly pull out an individual ear bud and let it fall to her cheek and further down to her side. Watched as she slowly turned around and stood facing me, I stepped closer.

 

"Where you goin' sweet thing?" I asked my chest puffing out as I towered over her.

 

She stepped backwards, slightly tripping as she did so.

 

"Um I.."

 

I suddenly grabbed her hands and held them over head. They were so small and thin I could hold them both in one hand. Next I pinned her against the wall, with all the tenderness I could manage and my hand slowly made its way up her thigh.

I stuck my tongue out and licked their neck, tasting her sweet, soft skin as she quivered under me.

After a year of abstinence, after a year of just fantasies, I finally got my realise.

all the pretty stars shine for you my love

 

2nd January 2018

 

 

Amelia

 

~~~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I was standing on a balcony a thousand stories high, the sun setting in the distance, it's golden spirals frozen in time underneath my touch. I felt the wind blow through my pitch black veil, I looked down at my clothing, I was wearing a funeral dress. My skin was pale contrasting the night I wore around my body. I looked down at the ground below me, it's cold concrete moving like waves in slow motion. I climbed up to the edge of the golden balcony, my hands slowly took both of my black high heels, I held them up to my face before dropping them to the grey waves that circled the tower. I watched as they fell. It's small black sequins shimmering as they flipped and turned. I saw the shoes fade into nothing before hearing a small splash. Suddenly, the sky was possessed by complete darkness, even the stars were sleeping.

 

I jumped

 

I saw the world around me speed past at the speed of light. My hair was forced upwards like serpents on the head of Medusa. I could hear screaming. So loud, so corrupt, that I would have gone death for my entire life rather than risk hearing anything like this.

 

I covered my ears.

 

I hit the ground.

 

I woke up in a cold sweat, my breathing doubled in speed as I looked around this strange place. I wasn't in my room, I wasn't in any room that I ever saw before. I could feel the light blue, silk sheets draped loosely around me as I began to feel myself flood with memories.

 

I drowned in those memories.

 

I could feel him touch me, like it was happening all over again. I began to hyperventilate as tears fell down my face. I placed two and two together and realised I was in his house. I was in his bed. I wiped my eyes as I made my way out of the bed, I felt the soft carpet underneath my toes as I began to stand. I noticed I was changed. I was wearing a snow white night gown, held together with a long thin ribbon lacing behind my back.

I looked for the closest thing to me that I could use as a weapon. I looked under the bed, in the bedside drawers and in the closet. However, the closest thing I could find to one was a broom stick so I  held it firmly in my hand as I made my way to the door. I held the cold circular door knob in my hand and turned it as its icy chill made its way into my veins.

 

The door slid open as my whole body cringed at the sound of hinges creaking. I begin to pace forward when I am suddenly attached by the scent of coffee and another unknown, sweet scent . I slowly follow the scent, my grip on the handle grows tighter with every step I take. I could feel the cold wood broom in my hand. I could hear every drop water run through the pipes of the house. I could feel every sense heighten, as If right there and then I had evolved into something better than I had ever been before. Like I was no longer human

 

I noticed how big the house was. As if I was in a mansion. I could see antiques, jewels and endless walls with every step I took on the soft white carpet. As soon as I turned the final corner I held my weapon above my head and rushed into the room, yet all I could find was a warm mug of coffee and a plate of waffles with chocolate and cream piled on the top like rubble on a mountain. I looked around, lost for words, I somehow still couldn't find him. He was playing with me. I still don't know the rules.

 

I look at the black coffee with thirst, my throat felt so dry, as if it was turning into stone. Yet I still couldn't risk drinking it. I placed my broomstick down before looking for a glass to fill up with water. I turned the tap on as the water splashed into a crystal glass, I tilt the nectar into my mouth. It tasted like heaven.

I walk out of the room after I poured the coffee away and threw the waffles into the trash. I needed to look for a way out. I could still feel he was somewhere near. These endless corridors, leading into endless rooms felt like a labyrinth, I twisted and turned through the many rooms trying to avoid the Minotaur. I grew dizzy and nauseous in minutes. I could feel a weight put on my whole body, like I was sinking into the floor boards. I sit down with my back against the wall when suddenly, I hear footsteps.

I stand up and stumble backwards, my head feeling like it was compacting. I felt my breathing get faster as I moved away, keeping my eyes on the door I felt sure was about to swing open. I couldn't bare to look away, I couldn't bare to look at him. I saw the handle twist open.

 

I ran.

 

I made my way to the kitchen dodging every table, chair and vase as I tried to recall the way back. I could feel my lungs burning on the inside. I ran till I could feel the cold marble stone floor of the kitchen, looking for a knife. I opened three draws before I could feel the reassurance of a black plastic handle. I armed my self, with my weapon facing the door.

 

Creak

 

He was there. He was right in front of me. I was staring at the devil himself. He smiled with his perfect teeth and thin lips, like he knew every move I would make. I stepped forward, my teeth grinding.

 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

 

I stared at him in disbelief, my hands shaking as I attempted to cut him. He looked at me before pointing to the camera in the corner of the room.

 

"You see, I am a well known producer and if I'm gone, injured or just miss one little session people will be asking questions. And you don't want that do you?"

He slowly pulled the knife out of my hands and placed it on the side next to me.

 

"So you're going to keep your mouth shut." He whispered placing his index finger on my lips. "Cause I could take you down in seconds."

 

I pushed away from him but his grip on my arms grew stronger.

 

"Now let's get you fed."

i know what you really want baby

 

2nd January 2018

 

Amelia

 

Cautiously, I stare at him as I sit silently, trying to think of a way out. Slowly, He turned the grill with one hand, its soft ticking broke through the silence. With the other hand he opened the door to the freezer and opened a pack of sausages. He never once looked back at me while the grill spat lava in his direction.

I was panicking but I knew I had to stay still to prevent any struggle or confrontation, so I internalised it. The wait was agony as I saw the sausages frying, spitting out in anger like a hostile viper. I knew that any creak, any scrape, or any groan from the chair would mean his piercing eyes would assault me. I try to stay silent.

I try to stay obedient.

I can still feel my arms burning in pain from before, purple bruises left like a brand.
I can't take this.

 

How long has he been doing this?

How long has he been planning?

 

I can't cope.

 

What if I'm not his first?

What if no one notices I'm gone?

 

It's as if everyone I ever knew, every instinct I ever had was screaming at me, I needed to run as fast as I can away from this house. Away from this madness, away from the devil and every inferno that followed him.

 

Sizzle

 

Holding the spatula like a weapon, he flipped the meat onto a large white plate, grease filled the edges of the plate like a poison stream. I flinched as he walked over to me, his hand caressing my cheek. staring at the plate he placed in front of me, my lungs and heart racing. The sound of a silver knife and fork spread through my bones as it scratched the plate. I waited until the two sausages were cut into thick, round circles.

 

"Eat up, my love."

 

My fingers twitched as he placed a fork in my hand, already containing a pieceof meat in its four spikes. Terrified, I sat staring at it, its juices dripping along the thin handle until it was stopped by my nimble hands. I brought the slice to my mouth, it's smell penetrated my senses as it rested on my lips. I opened my mouth, its taste spread across my tongue like a disease. I tried to swallow but it just sat there impatiently, caged between my teeth. Before I could understand what I was doing I spat it out into the pure white plate. I quickly realised, when Ezequiel's eyes grew dark, that that was the wrong decision.

Ezequiel suddenly picked up several slices of sausages in his hand and pushed them into my mouth. I strained as he forced his hand over my mouth and kept it there as I struggled to escape his grasp. He held my whole body down with his own, like a boa constrictor strangling it's prey.

 

"I'm got going to let you go until you eat."

 

His piercing blue eyes, crunched up as if he was looking for something, stared into my patient brown ones as wide as the moon and stars surrounding them. My chest rose and fell as the food slid down the back of my throat. I begin to gag, the food moving from the back of my throat to my mouth and back to my throat again. I stayed like that for a while, him on top of me refusing to move, the food in my mouth refusing to be eaten.

I when I could finally work up the courage, I managed to force the food down my throat. He then let out a sigh of relief, as if me not eating was torturing him in some way.

 

"Finally." He breathed, his lips brushing my ears as he did so.

 

Gently, I pushed him off of me, attempting not to spark anything inside him. holding my hands as he stood up, he tugged me until I stood as well, parallel to him. He grabbed my hands once again and brushed his fingers through my hair, with each strand he would curl around his fingers before letting them fall to my shoulders. He brought those fingers to my mouth and pushed past my lips yet still refused to go past my teeth as if my tongue was some sacred ground that he dare not enter.

 

"Come Amelia, I have something to show you." He grinned, filled with some sadistic sense of confidence.

 

He led me through the corridors of his mansion, gradually picking up the pace with each door we went through as if he was growing impatient. His grip on my hand grew tighter as he started running towards the last door on the end of the last corridor opposite to us. Without hesitation he opened the dark oak door to reveal a snow white room, containing only a tripod and the camera that was attached to it.

Ezequiel entered the room, beckoning for me to follow, the heels of my shoes echoed across the large room.

 

"Stand in front of the camera."

 

Timidly, I made my way to the centre of the room where the camera aimed. My eyes wondering to avoid his gaze, my breathing slowly settled to a steady pace whilst he got his camera ready.

 

Flash

 

"Now take of your night gown."

 

My hands shook as I brought them to lace around my neck. I made deep breaths to try and distract myself from his penetrating glare.

 

"No! Look happy, look pretty. It's important."

 

I closed my eyes and focused, trying to force myself to be happy. Trying to find something, some part of my messed up live I could cherish.

 

Breathe in breathe out

Breathe in

 

Then, I found some thing. I imagined Nina's hands were mine, hers were the hands that were slowly undoing my lace.

 

Flash

 

Hers were the hands that held the lace in my hands and let it fall to my feet.

 

Flash

 

Hers were the hands that pulled the thin white gown over my torso.

 

Flash

 

And hers were the hands that glided its way down my naked body.

 

Flash

need you baby like i breathe you baby

 

6th January 2018

 

Nina

 

"I just don't know where she could have gone," Rose cried, tears welling up in her eyes. Once perfect curls were tangled and frizzy like a birds nest. Her face was pale, this was the first time in days she left her apartment, only to drown herself in liquid sorrow.

 

"We've known each other since middle school, I know she has issues but I wouldn't think she would have just left." Her mascara smudged across her face, leaning to the left from where she wiped her many tears. She was falling to pieces right in front of me, right in front of everyone. Yet, nothing in this entire world could make her care.

 

"This isn't like her, to leave me, to leave you behind like we're nothing. To just go without a word, the last time I saw her she was getting ready to go out and meet you! I just can't..." all possible words she could have said just seemed to fade out of her, her shoulders sunk in shame and defeat.

 

Shaking, she lifted the glass to her lips and gulped down the last of her whiskey. Pain was evident with everything she did, the way she spoke, the way that she simply couldn't care anymore about anything. Her eyes were glassy and she was losing weight fast, her once healthy arms were thin enough to completely rap your fingers around. Her clothes were stained and ripped at the seems yet still vibrant in colour.

 

"What if she didn't run away, what if she..." she rushed, tripping over her words as she spoke

 

"What if she's dead." She panicked, her eyes grew wide like a deer in the headlights.

 

I stared at her in disbelief, my heart raced as I tried to reassure her. Desperately, my mind tried to think of anything to say, anything.

 

"I grew up in Sebokeng in the south of Africa. when I was little I always used to sneak out," I began, trying to piece together my memories.

 

"I did it just to get a buzz, I was doing something bad, something new and exciting, without hurting anyone. At least that was what I thought. I would explore the railways that would be stretching for miles, I was like a fish swimming across a stream. Then, I heard gunshots, there was a protest going on right next to me and the police opened fire. The sound was like nothing I ever heard before, like a thousand storms with a thousand deaths." The memory replayed in my head like a broken record, repeating every gun shot and every face as the life drains out of their eyes.

 

"And the screaming, oh the screaming. It was as if the ground itself was shaking and every tortured soul in hell was crying out. I ran underneath the nearest bridge I could find and covered my ears. The streets ran red with blood and all I could do was watch. I thought it was my fault, as if this was god punishing me for disobeying my mother. I started to cry, I wanted my mother more than anything." I paused trying not to break down.

 

"Then I felt a pair of arms rap around me, it was my mother with my sister behind her. We ran away to grans and stayed the night, I never got over it but I felt more... mature. As if that experience had shaped me. And I guess it did."

 

Rose looked at me, eyes wide in awe and sympathy.

"I'm so sorry I-"

 

"No it's okay. What I'm trying to say is, even in the darkest times you will find the ones you love and they will find you. However, both of you need to want to find each other." I observed, making sure Rose was still listening

 

"Maybe she just wants to reinvent herself, loads of people who've been what she has been through do, or she could just be

Slowly, she began to feel better with what I said and sipped her drink with more care this time, savouring the taste as it spread across her tongue.

 

"I guess you're right." She tried, still not fully believing me.

 

Suddenly, Rose stood up, knocking over the wooden stool as she did so. Panic was evident on her face, her eyes fixated on a tall, white man coming through the door. I recognised him, I can't remember why.
Before I even had a chance to ask Rose why she was so scared, she was already running to the door on the other side of the bar.

The man sat down in front of me, lighting a cigarette as he did so. Smoke made its way over to me, emptying my lungs as I began to cough into my hand. Questioningly, the few people in the bar turned around to stare at him, each

 

"Sir, you can't-"

 

He brought his fingers to my lips, I flinched away before he touch me. He seemed to believe he owned everyone and everything . As if he was entitled to anything in sight

 

"She's mine." He whispered, so close I could feel his breath on my face. I could smell the repelling sent of nicotine and rot from from his lungs.

Silently, he pulled out two photographs from his leather jacket, placing them i front of me. I took one look and I could instantly recognise her, Amelia Sparashe. She stood alone in a plain white room, a slight smirk spread across her face like a constellation. The first one was of her fingers wrapping around a thin nightgown, it's lace weaved over her chest only to end at her thin neck. The second was different, her hands rose in the air as she began to take of her clothes. Her ribs poking through the paper, her hair falling down her sides.

 

Before I knew what was happening, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my hand that caused me to drop the photos onto the dirty counter beneath me. Suddenly, I saw that the mysterious man had stuck the end of his burning cigarette into my weak hands, smoke was spiralling into the air around me as blisters formed on my skin. I quickly grabbed him by the hair and slammed his head into the cold, wooden counter in front of him. His arms writhing in pain as I held him down refusing to look into his hostile eyes. His nails pinched and scratched at me skin until I could take no more and I finally let go.

 

He looked up at me with a trickle of blood pouring out of his nose and on to his lips, an ugly smile spread across his face. I noticed that he wasn't looking at me but just slightly behind. A warm breath made its way down the back of my neck as I turned around to face the demon behind me. My boss loomed over me like a tower his nostrils flaring like a dragon.

 

"How dare you!" His voice rose as the man before me exaggerated his pain

 

"Give me your badge right now!" Booming and thunderous his cries forced me to give over the plastic name tag from my dress.

He crushed the small, sad thing in his hands and motioned to the door, my feet followed the path his finger made through the small congress of loyal carousers to the exit.

I stood outside in the rain and watched as the rain trickled down the clear windows of the bar, not for a second keeping my eyes off Amelia's alleged love. Him and the manager were talking, I couldn't tell what they where saying, all I could see was the exaggerated hand movements of the man. Eventually he walked out and stopped to talk to me.

 

"If it weren't for me you would be in a jail cell by now." He spat, but suddenly his expressions softened, as if the devil that possessed his body had returned to fiery pits of hell where he belonged.

 

"But trust me, I can be sympathetic, and thankfully Amelia saw that before she decided to be with someone like you." He looked me up and down before giving me the two photographs with a sly wink.

 

I held the half naked Amelia in my hands before stuffing them in my pocket and running as far away from his as possible. My breathing was faltering as I ran, I don't know where to, but anywhere away from him felt safe right now. Because even though he lead me to the exit, there was already an egress following me like the moon in the night sky above me.

if you call, I'll run

 

18th January 2018

 

Tessa

 

Skin, once pale is now dark with the name of my lover, Ezequiel. His calligraphy strung out across the left my chest like ribs. His name, brilliant and beautiful above my heart where it belonged. I clenched my teeth through the pain as the needle curved the final letter back onto its self, my body red with blood just under skin waiting to be released.

The tattoo was agony, like having a thousand leaches suck on your sides. The silver needle slowly and painfully went in and out of my skin. My body twitched lightly against the sharp, ink stained metal. But if that was what it would take to get any thing from Ezequiel, it was worth it.

 

I met him in Brooklyn when I wanted to be famous, I longed to be on billboards, my name in lights and my face on every television. I longed for my voice to be on the radio, to tune in one day and hear my song, turn up the volume unapologetically to have the entire world immersed in my sound.

 

Abruptly, the needle stopped, its black ink staining its point. I walked up to a large, six foot mirror to see his masterpiece. Ezequiel strung across the bottom of my dark leather crop top like a branding. My face grew florescent with excitement, I wrapped my arms around the tattoo artist, squeezing him with enthusiasm.

"Thank you so much!" I pulled away and grabbed for my purse to pay him before walking out of the door.

I held the cold silver keys in my hand as I struggled to open the wooden door, it's weight protesting against my efforts. When the door finally opened I was greeted by my large, empty house. Darkness flooded the place like the epitome of loneliness that consumed my heart. The house was empty of love, hope and health.

 

Wigs and makeup covered my room like decoration, leading to a mirror in the centre of a royal blue room. I stared at my reflection, but I wasn't sure if I was looking at Tessa just yet. These eyes weren't mine, bagged and blue like the button eyes of an old rag doll, slumped on the ground of a child's bedroom. Cheek bones stuck out of my thin, pale face like thin blades, my jawline sharp underneath them. My head bald, yet still tinted black, where microscopic strands of hair grew like grass forcing its way through the cracks of concrete. I picked up my favourite wig, black with long hair long enough to reach my knees although it was utter turmoil to comb. I placed the knotted, pitch black wig on the top of my bald head.

 

I stood outside of my true loves mansion, the only thing blocking my way was a tall, large gate. the cold steel doors to heaven reached the birds, floating above the clouds just like cherubim's searching for their lost angels. In the corner of the gate, just by the wall that surrounds the place like a moat, rested an intercom the size of my hand.

 

Buzz

 

He took a long time to answer, a really long time. So I pushed the button again.

 

Buzz

 

And many times after that, so long that I even considered walking away. But I had not even begun to turn around before I heard his voice project out of the metal device.

 

"Who is this?"

 

"Tessa," I answered, bending down slightly so I could hold my lips close to the large device.

 

There was a long pause that was only filled by the white noise coming out of the intercom. The silence and static grew with every moment before one final click.

 

"Come in my love."

 

The gate slowly opened with several creaks and groans before it was wide enough for me to slip though it.

Once I was through I walked along the gravel path leading to his front door. I could feel the gravel crunch beneath my feet like crisp autumn leaves. My feet grew impatient as I got closer to the door, my pace grew faster and my strides grew larger. I was almost running but my heals prevented me from doing such a task.

 

I brought my hand to the golden knocker on the door but as soon as my hand touched the cold metal, the door swung open. Ezequiel. His dark green eyes stared into my soul like two large emeralds formed inside his precious face. My heart leapt with joy as I swung my arms around him. He swung his arms around me too.

 

He held me just a little too tight.

 

"I got something for you." I teased, pulling up the bottom of my shirt, revealing his name on my ribs. He whistled, tracing the tattoo with his fingers.

 

It hurt, like a blade was slowly scraping against my skin.

 

Stepping inside his house I kissed him, my hands explored his face until eventually settling on the top of his head, pulling at his messy hair.

 

He pulled my hair as well, he held my lips between his teeth and bit down.

 

hard.

 

I lead him to the bedroom, switching the light on behind me. He was on top of me, like a towering monster. I took of his shirt, his ribs were covered in faint purple bruises. Suddenly, he stepped away from me. His once tense body shivered once exposed and struggled to put his shirt on.

 

"Are you ok?" I ask, standing up parallel to him.

 

He nodded in response, shaking his head violently. He then smiled and held my hand.

 

I smiled too.

 

My lip was still leaking the warm, red liquid

 

"So, how was the... you know?" He asked, caressing my face

 

"It's honestly the worst. I got my wigs though, I'll be fine."

 

He brought his hand up to my scalp and delicately lifted the night sky off my head. It fell to the bed behind me, scrunched up like a ship at the bottom of the deep blue ocean.

 

"You don't need this." He whispered, smiling down at me

 

"I know."

 

We slept next to each other that night. Our hands intertwined like tree roots underneath the soil.

 

A cracked, dry soil that no tree could ever hope to grow to its full potential.

Alone,alone,alone

 

[side note: I made a YouTube channel with trailers for all my characters if you would like to check them out youtube account ptrckhnghn trash_king]

28th January

Amelia

Tired, I was so tired. I was laying naked under a quilt as heavy as a pile of bricks on my exposed skin. my captor slowly pulled up his jeans and buckled his belt. My hair was in knots and tangles, it surrounded me in the pure white sheets like ink spreading across a piece of of paper.

I could not feel a thing. I could no longer feel when he touched me, I could no longer feel hunger, I could no longer feel the passing of time in this labyrinthine house. There was only me and him, the man who ruled over me like a vengeful god. He was made out of coal and flame but he could not melt me, for in the end it is he who will be turned into ash.

Suddenly, I writhe under the covers in pain, as if my stomach is getting torn to pieces.
Ezequiel notices.

Of course he notices.

I backed away subtlety as he sits down on the bed next to me, placing his hand on my thigh as he looked into my eyes. I held in my rage and everything else desperate to escape as he touches me.

"What's wrong?" He asks, his ugly, faux concern felt like a hot coal burning the back of my head.

"Nothing," I lie, as I move off of the bed, reaching for my clothes. "Nothing at all." I clenched my teeth as I say it, wishing death on him. Wishing for the most painful demise possible.

Watching, I felt his gaze on the back of my head, I shivered as a thousand creatures crawled under my skin. I look forward, my body now stiff, like stone was running through my weak veins.

Breathe in
you can do this
breathe out

Breathe in
They will find you
Breathe out

I turned around and face him, a cruel smile was spread across his lips like a caricature. He breathed out of his nose, his body rose and fell as he kept his eyes on me.

"Is this love?" He asked, sitting up now and bringing his body to meet mine.

"I know I felt it before, I just never felt it with you." He whispered , his lips grazing my neck.

I felt like I was going to break into a million pieces on the bedroom floor, hate ran through every nerve like a wild fire. Yet, I still stay calm. I know that anything I could do to defend myself could backfire, everything that I wanted to do in this situation was the worst possible thing to do.

Suddenly, I felt his hands move behind him, my eyes immediately followed his fingers. However, he held my chin tightly in his hands, making it impossible for me to see what he was searching for. Before I could even understand what was happening, he lead me toward the balcony outside, the cold wind burning my face. A single magpie rested on the edge of the balcony, its monochrome appearance suited its dull surroundings. I looked at the lacklustre sun resting behind the dingy clouds, it's sight was harrowing for me. Like something familiar being ripped away from you or something you're so desperate to touch yet is just out of reach.

The moment I felt Ezequiel lower himself to the ground I could tell what was happening. The second I saw him put his hand in his jeans pocket it was a death sentence. Adding to that, the moment he pulled out a golden ring with a single jewel placed on the top, that was being condemned to an eternity of torture.

"Amelia Sparashe," he smiled up at me like a sadist watching me burn in the sunlight.
"Will you do me the honour, of being my wife?"

I felt my heart drop, and I took several steps backwards and felt the cold glass of the balcony door push up against me. I reached for the door and as soon as I felt the plastic handle in my hand I ran.

I didn't know where I was going but I ran any way. Navigating through the long, endless halls, each room now just an echo of the last. I felt the rug beneath me, soft on my feet as ran towards the front door and struggled on the frame. I dug my finger nails to the side of the door desperate to get it open.

Then, as if the angels blessed me on that day, the small glass window in the centre of the door slid out of its frame. I desperately started calling out for help, but as soon as I began to release the air from my lungs I felt a warm hand clasp around my mouth and pull me away from the gates of heaven. I twisted in him arms desperate for escape, but it never came.

Ezequiel held me against the wall and drove his knee deep into my stomach. I felt a sharp pain erupt across my whole body. Then he did it again. And again. My lungs were gasping for air that would never come, like a fish lying on the shore of an empty beach.

"Okay," I scream, my head facing the ceiling "I'll do it."

~~~~~~~~later that night~~~~~~~~

I lay awake in Ezequiel's cold bed as a monster sleeps peacefully next to me, it's hand lays across my chest like an animal protecting its territory. I watch as a gentle breeze floats through the curtains,revealing the kind light of the moon. Cautiously, I check if he is awake by nudging him gently, when he does not move I decide it's the perfect moment to strike.

Finally, I begin to feel more familiar with the place. I first head to the kitchen, the tile floor was cold on my bare feet yet still reassuring. I glide my hands across the stainless steel handles to find what I was looking for. After a few trial and error attempts I find what I was looking for; a single zip lock bag and a broom stick.

Next, I look for the cameras. The wires a mess like knotted hair yet I still follow them to attic. I had heard Ezequiel there many times yet I could never found out where it was. I run up the spiral staircase in anticipation, each waiting moment becomes unbearable. When I reach the wooden door in the ceiling I am almost overcome with joy, yet I still keep my target in mind. I stretch the broom out to the handle of the door and push upwards with such force that a pile of dust rains down on me.

Once I pull myself up I am greeted by a dim monitor opposite me. The light blue light filled that side of the room however left me in darkness, like a the sky had been spilt across the walls and ceiling.The monitor was held in a white casing, on top of a small jet black table.

Carefully, I pace through the attic, cringing at every creek and groan as they screams through the house. I immediately sit down on the dark office chair once I reached the heavenly computer. I was not sure how to use it but I might as well try. I pressed a few buttons before the video on the screen started to rewind, replaying the last six days I spent at this hell hole. Thankfully, After the torturous moments I lived through, I find the moment I was looking for. tears streamed down my face in sadness and anger, however some were there for the pure joy of finally taking him down.

I burned the evidence onto a DVD and place it in the zip lock bag, I had to hold back a cry of victory as I walked into the bathroom. Slowly, I lifted the lid of the toilet tank and placed my ticket out of here inside, now all I had to do was wait.

With Ezequiel

Alone

Locked away in some room unless he wants to use me like a toy

With my fiancé

Now never alone

 

you have no room for light

[side note: I made a YouTube channel with trailers for all my characters if you would like to check them out look for my youtube  account ptrckhnghn trash_king]

 

1st February 2018

Tessa

 

Two weeks 

 

All the time I had left was confined too two measly weeks. Tears began to stream down my face as I drove my car along the highway, my body was shaking as I tightly gripped the steering wheel. Driving to Ezequiel for some comfort, trying to reach him as soon as possible.

 

As I walk towards the gate again, I find myself light headed and nauseous. This time the second I press the silver button a high pitched tone comes out of the speaker, followed by a small click. I pushed the gate open and stumbled to the door where Ezequiel was waiting for me.

 

"I have two weeks" I mumbled into his chest, sobbing quietly.

 

"Come on, lets go inside." He whispered solemnly, leading me inside his house by my hands

 

Silently, I sit down a chair in the kitchen as he turns the kettle on. I watch the steam rise out of the spout, it rises up and spreads across the ceiling until it disappears from sight.

 

Carefully, I hold the mug in my hand as Ezequiel sits across from me with a mug resting in between his hands as well. 

 

"So..." he begins, awkwardly shuffling in his seat. "when did you find out the cancer got serious?"

 

"Last night." I tell him, my long finger nails picking the paint of the mug in my hands. "I just didn't know what to do so I ran home and cried for a while. I shouldn't even be here I'm meant to be in hospital but I had to see you."

 

Ezequiel petted my hair as I sipped my coffee lightly, tears still falling down my cheeks and onto the table. I looked up at his dark green eyes, the forests were held inside them like a prison that only he could set free. I  wipe my tears on my sleeve, breathing in and out deeply whilst doing so. 

 

Suddenly, I bring my lips to Ezequiel's and I don't pull away. He does. The kiss was cut short by him quickly flinching away from me and turning so his back was facing me. I walk up to him ask what's wrong, then I notice something. 

 

A slight dent on his ring finger.

 

I only let out a small noise before his phone started to ring. He held the dark screen to his ear as an inconceivable voice on the other end of the line spoke to him. Ezequiel turned to me quickly before he hung up and put his phone into his pocket. 

 

"Sorry, I have to go to work." He said, kissing my cheek and leaving me in silence. I was alone.

 

A cold chill passed through my body like a ghost, I was left alone in Ezequiel's house, a house that may have held another woman. Immediately turned the house upside down. Looking for anything to prove me right.

 

I hoped I was wrong

 

I started at his bedroom, throwing his covers off of his bed, inspecting every last inch. I looked through the duvet and pillow cases until I found what I was looking for. 

 

A long brown hair

 

Next I check through his wardrobe, nothing was to bee seen besides clothes and shoes, hung tightly compact in the giant structure. After, I look through his bedside cabinet, first I checked the cupboard underneath.

 

Nothing

 

However, when I opened the draws I found something, twinkling in the light of the room. A gold ring, large and expensive, a perfect fit for him. Underneath were pictures of some girl in a white room, taking off her night gown. I began to cry again, my face hot with tears, salty when they reach my mouth. 

 

Quickly, I ran out of the house, not once looking back. I struggled to open the car door, my nails broke off, leaving a sharp pain and a trace of blood at the end of my fingers. Once I was inside I buckled my seatbelt and drove away from this cruel house. The wind was running across my scalp and dried my tears, yet I still felt him there. Painfully, a loud sound came out of the hood of my car, smoke rose out into the sun. I was stuck in this almost abandoned road, the only building here was a little bar called 'the olde star'

 

Once I was inside I was greeted by the sight of a tall, dark skinned woman, wearing a citrus dress draped over her slim body. She was being berated by a man with a wide, barrel like chest, who I assumed to be her boss. I was just about to sit down when she tripped over my legs. Two photos fell out of her chest, a girl taking off her night gown, the same one who was in Ezequiel's draw under his ring.

 

"Sorry." She said, a hint of annoyance in her voice as she brushed the dirt of her colourful dress. 

 

"Sorry, it was my fault." I insisted, helping her pick up the shattered plates on the floor. 

 

Later, we sat at the bar across from each other, the question itching at the back of my head. We talked about how we moved here, who we met, who we dated. But when she talked about this girl, I could tell it was the woman in the picture.

 

"I'm sorry if this seems rude or intrusive but, who is the girl in the picture?" I asked, immediately regretting it.

 

She sighed before telling me about her, telling me about how they met, how she left her. The woman told me that she got the photos by 'Amelia's' boyfriend telling her to back off. The woman said he never met him, or knew that they were dating.

 

"He was tall..." she began. 

 

"He had green eyes and put together hair. But he was evil, he burned me with a cigarette." She explained, showing me her hand for proof. 

 

The burn was pitch black, surrounded by a big red scab. I felt sorry for her immediately, but i needed to hear more.

 

"Is this him?" I asked, searching my phone for a picture of him, all of them were of us. 

 

She looked at the photo carefully before sighing in defeat.

 

"Yes,that's him" she confirmed, facing away from the phone. The woman then began talking the person next to me, writing their order on a small notepad as they spoke. 

 

When she was turned to tell the cooks the order I snatched the pen and notepad off the table. The black pen was held tightly in my hands as I wrote down the Ezequiel's address and name.

I left the note on the side before running out of the bar and into the night, back to my broken down car to get my phone to call the nearest taxi service to bring me to the hospital. Where I needed to 

 

I hope she brings him down 

 

 

 

 

guns in the summer time

 

6th February 2018

 

Rose

 

I could hardly believe what Nina was telling me, she may have found Amelia.

 

I had just woken up and was still wearing my light blue nightdress, my feet and legs bare to the breeze coming in through the window. 

 

Silently, I listened to her story, doubt lingering in the forefront of my mind. However, I really wanted to believe her.

A bald girl had walked into the bar, knocking Nina over, and saw the pictures of Amelia as they fell out of her dress. When they were talking, the girl showed her a picture of the man who may have kidnapped or dated Amelia. Then, when Nina was turned away she left the Name and address of the mysterious man.

 

Questioningly, I stared at her, I knew that she loved Amelia but Amelia had already moved on. From Nina, from me from any of us. From this filthy, glutinous town, the town that entraps anyone who walks into it like a snare. Lulling us in with lacklustre lights and half-baked promises. I'm glad she finally worked up the courage to escape this place, god knows I never did.

 

"Are you coming?" Nina asks, snapping be back into reality.

 

I look up at her, not sure of an answer.

 

"Please Rose. I need her." She pleads, a faint trace of tears in her eyes but she quickly stops them by biting down on her lip. Hard.

 

"Okay," I sigh tiredly "I will come, but if she is okay you have to promise to let her go." I say, holding out my pinky 

 

Nina waits a bit before answering, her eyes rolling in her skull, as if weighing her options.

 

"Yes, okay I promise that I will leave her alone if it was her decision to be with him." She promised, taking my pinky in hers.

 

First, we stepped into her car, a frigid breeze came through the air conditioner that will eventually heat up to a comfortable temperature. She turned on the radio as we took off into the rising moon. 

 

We pulled up at an old broken down ammunition shop, I stared at her in disbelief as she took out a small pistol from her glove compartment.

 

"You can't be serious." I cried, my hands wrestling with hers for the gun.

 

"We need to protect her." She screamed, her fingernails digging into my hand.

 

She forced me into the side of the car with her elbow whilst trying to rip the gun out of my hands. I kick her shins with the heel of my shoes, mud painted across her legs.

 

"We could just call the police, like we should have done in the first place." I protested, as she snatched the weapon out of my hand. 

 

She fumbled with the handle before opening the car door, anger obvious in her face. Nina stormed into the ammunition shop, leaving me in the car alone. Watching, I notice her scanning the shelfs of bullets under a glass casing before quickly finding it and asking the brown haired man working there for assistance. The man pulled out a pair of silver keys and quickly unlocked the clear box before going to the till to let Nina pay for the bullets. 

 

Once she got into the car she placed the gun on my lap and looked into my eyes intensely. Her eyes stared into my soul like a thousand stars judging me with their harsh light. 

 

"I need you to use this." She asks desperately, as she held my hands tight in hers.

 

"I know you are against this," she continued "but I really need to know that if I am right that you will help me, that you will be able to help me."

 

Carefully, I nodded my head, knowing it was better to agree with her at the moment. I put my hand on her knee to let her know that I will stick with her, her leg is soft in my hands like a warm duvet or pillow. 

 

We turned on the radio again, a slow song glided through the air like swans on a sapphire lake. The stars above me ran across the dark sky like children on a playground. I watch them intently, a concerned mother watching her children play and hoping they never leave her, hoping the stars never go out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~~~~~~~

 

Scared, I don't know why but I'm terrified, as if I am facing my worst fear. I can't see anything, not even just black, I can't see anything. As if my eyes were plucked out of my skull.

 

But I can hear, I can hear screaming from all directions, as if I lay in the centre of hell itself. I hear shouting, like a parent berating a child. 

 

I can feel, a cold, heavy object in my hands. It's weight like a thousand murders on the soul. My shoulder gets brushed past like a ghost had walked over me. 

 

I could smell, the country side, the ocean, and blood.

 

I was awoken from my dream by a soft shaking on my shoulder, my vision was blurry at first but it was quickly regained. Nina was looming over me like tower before I could make out what she was saying. 

 

"It's her!" She whispered lowly into my ears, pointing to the radio.

 

"Who?" I ask, still not coming to my senses.

 

"The girl, the bald girl." She says a tiny bit louder. That got my attention.

 

An acoustic song came to an end, sung by a sweet but nasally voice. The song dies out slowly until being suddenly cut off by a gruff, yet despondent man on the radio.

 

"Tessa Mitski died last night in the hospital by ending her own life." We both look at each other in shock before looking back at the radio.

 

"She was a rumoured love interest of a well known music producer Ezequiel, but never got to realise her work. As reported by the hospital she committed suicide by cutting into a section of skin bellow her rib cage.It was later confirmed that she was attempting to remove a tattoo of the producers name which she had only recently brought a few months into the relationship. She left a note simply saying the words 'Bring him down'. It has been rumoured that he had cheated on her the night before she died but others had theorised a darker scenario where he may have sexually assaulted-"

 

Nina quickly turns the radio off before continuing to drive the car. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened as the car got faster by the second. Once again, I rest my hand on her knee as a shed a tear for the both of us.

 

We will bring him down

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you didnt want me all the time

 

8th February

 

Amelia

 

Click

Cautiously, I backed away from the door when I could hear the key turn softly in the lock. I was crouching in front of the lone bed in the empty room, my back against the solid wood. my hands at my sides, gripping the floor in anticipation. I waited, my mind hurt as a billion thoughts passed through it, I couldn't settle on a single one. He was coming, like he did all the time. Like he did almost everyday. But for some reason this time felt different.

 

The door flew open, the metallic, gold handle coming in contact with the white wall. It slid straight into a crevice that was created long ago, after many sudden entrances and bad memories that followed. I looked at him, he was scared. At least I thought he was, one could hardly believe a monster could show any emotion, let alone fear. A crazed, angered stature possessed his body like a demon. His breathing was going faster than his pupils, darting across the room, scanning all corners. Then, his eyes settled on mine, sweat dripping from his crimson forehead.

 

"Get up." He demanded, pointing a shaky finger at me, "We need to leave."

 

Nervously, I did as he said, my stomach clawed from inside me. I dug my nails into my palm as I stood up, everything hurt. I looked down at my once pure, white nightgown, it was now stained a slight yellow colour. It smelled of death and rot, I was a decaying body and this was my funeral attire. I could feel a disturbed hand slowly wrap around mine as I stood, shaking next to him.
His pain radiated off of him, emitting a strong unease in my mind. I had to run. I had to escape. I had to survive.

 

Instinctively, his body felt like ice, a cold chill where he touched. We walked along the endless hallways, antiques and photographs stared at me. I hadn't figured out who they were, or why they were here, I guess I'll never know now.

 

I'll never know who the elderly couple in the black and white photo was, inside of some wooden office. I'll never know the woman with the circular, thin rimmed glasses and the little boy beside her in overalls.

 

Tragically, I'll also never know what happened to Nina and Rose, the only people who I cared about, the only people who cared about me. The thought made me tremble, my knees shaking as I navigated the endless hallways. will they ever know what happened to me?

 

We came up to a white door where Ezequiel slipped in a small silver key into the keyhole. They jingled lightly in his hand, like a wind chime as a storm approaches. And I could tell, with every moments hesitation before he opened the door, was every second closer to the fabled storm. For he was truly the lightning, the hurricane and the tsunami waiting to tear down all I had spent my time building in life. My friends, my lover, all victims of the storm.

 

Blindingly, the moon beamed in from the curtains as I stood on the balcony one final time, with Ezequiel next to me.

The stars in the sky were as tired as I was, they barely shone through the thin veil of clouds that blanketed the sky overhead. A small glimmer of light blue could still be seen resting above the horizon. The sunset would have been beautiful, like a giant citrine floating in a beautiful, deep blue water. Now all I saw was darkness and the artificial light of the moon.

 

Suddenly, Ezequiel grabbed my arm tight and forced me to look at him. His breath felt desperate in its speed, fast and panic inducing. My arm stung as he held it as if he was so cold that I could freeze just from his touch.

 

"Amelia, I need you to do something for me." He said, placing my ring on my finger. The frigid metal was shining like a distant star circled around my ring finger.

 

I pulled away from him, I couldn't bare to obey him any longer. I was a prisoner in his arms and I couldn't take it one more second. But he still held on tight, like a pair of cuffs chained to him. I was truly his prisoner and he was truly the cell that contained me.

 

"The police are going to come and I will be found guilty my love." Ezequiel sobbed, a tiny part of me enjoyed his tears. A bigger part of me enjoyed his words.

 

"Someone else who I loved spilled the secret of us two and then killed herself in a hospital bed. The police and the press are going to question me about her death and our relationship."

He took a deep breath, fixing his eyes on my eyes then looking to my hands.

 

"And then they're going to find you, I can't let that happen." That's when I put the pieces together, the balcony, the panic. I knew what he was going to ask me to do.

 

He dragged me closer to the edge of the balcony as I fought against him. But I was malnourished and he was too strong, he could have snapped me in half if he wanted to.

 

"I need you to do something very important and we are going to do it together. I need you to jump." He took my head in one of his hands as forced me over to the edge of the balcony.

 

I held my hands tightly onto the railing as I pushed my body against his, trying to force him away from me. However, he kicked my legs from underneath me and I dropped to the floor, with him standing over me.

 

Struggling, he attempted to pick me up as I squirmed in him arms; I was biting and clawing away at his flesh until his arms were covered in a thin layer of scratches and the blood that accompanied them. In an instant, I felt my entire body get pushed against the railings. I couldn't fight anymore, I couldn't move, I didn't want to. I didn't want to live anymore, I had no reason to.

 

I had hoped by now Nina would have moved on with no problem, she had no reason to fall in love with someone like me. Someone who would weigh her down, she was so happy and loving, something I could never be. I would hog her emotions for myself, I was the reason she would worry, I was the reason she would eventually cry when she would hear about my death. I just want her to be happy without me.

 

Furthermore, Rose had cared about about me and I cared for her but she loved so many and was loved by many more, the thought of my death would leave her mind in a week or so. She would get on with her life, her job, maybe find a partner and get married. I hope that she could do that without me, I owe it to her.

 

I felt myself get picked up from under my arms, I couldn't see, my vision was blurry. It was like being held underwater, I struggled to breathe, I struggled to fight. My vision began fade more as he slammed his hand into my skull. I didn't get to see the person who was going to kill me, I didn't get to look him in face and see his expression.
The expression of a killer.

 

Maybe that was a blessing.

 

However, I heard footsteps, I couldn't make out how many people were there but I could here them. Ezequiel could too; he began rushing and grew clumsy as he tried to lift me over the edge. The cool breeze of the night caressed my face and the scent of the salty sea reached my nose as I slowly regained my vision.

 

I could just about see him, his silhouette barely visible but still there, looming over me. I was a wounded animal, waiting to be put out of its misery. He was a forest fire with only one intention, to destroy.

I could hear a faint knocking followed by the slamming of a door growing closer every second. Leading to me and the devil who had kept my soul as a trophy. I screamed for help, I screamed till my throat could no longer scream.
I thrashed in Ezequiel's grip as he brought his fist to the side of my head, knocking me backwards. My spine arched over the metal frame of the balcony, his body pushing against mine.

 

Then, a faint click rang through the air until the door across the room swung open. I was pushed back again onto the balcony before I could see who it was, blood ran into my head and I grew dizzy as I tried to fight off Ezequiel once more. But this time He didn't put up a fight, I could see why.

 

Rose stood there, eyes wide and glossed with tears. Her shoulders trembled as she breathed, and her lips were etched into a frown across her face. I looked down to what she was holding in her hands, a loaded pistol aimed straight at Ezequiel's chest.
He looked straight at her yet still held his cocky stance. I could see Rose shiver under his gaze.

 

Not her too.
I knew he had done it to others
But not her
Please

 

I knew that he had hurt her as well, I saw myself in her composure and my disgust for him grew with every second. I knew that she was strong enough to take him down. therefore, with her help, so was I.

 

"Amelia get down!" She screamed as Ezequiel leapt towards me.

 

Several gun shots rang through the air. It pierced through our ear drums as we all pressed our palms to our ears and tried to regain hearing. Another shot was fired but I wasn't hurt and by the looks of it neither was Ezequiel.

 

We wrestled on the floor for a few seconds as Rose reloaded her gun and to aim it one last time at Ezequiel. I felt his hot breath on my face as he lay on top me. His hands pinned me down to the floor as I kicked under him, my legs digging into his stomach with force. He buckled to the side of me in pain, driving his elbow into my ribs whilst doing so. I lay there, motionless on my side, looking at Rose with desperate eyes.

 

Then, my world changed forever, my heart raced as I made out another shape coming from the hallway, running at the speed of light towards me. Ezequiel picked me up again and threw me against the balcony rails, my breath escaped my body as I crumbled into the cold metal. Yet I still fought because now there was still some chance of survival and there was some chance of a better life once I escape his grasp.

 

The figure came closer, I could see her now. Her long, loose clothes swung at her sides as she ran towards me; a rush of primary colours, in the dimly lit hallway.She sprinted along the hallway as the sound of her sneakers echoed along. I saw her face in the darkness, anger and determination in her eyes. The goddess in her bright colours and glory, Nina

 

Hopefully, I called her name out as she made her way through the door. She stood their in disbelief looking at me, then to Ezequiel who towered over my body. They both turn to look at her as she races to Rose's side, staring at me whilst doing so.

 

"Rose!" She commanded, reaching for the gun in Rose's hands.

 

Trembling, she took aim at Ezequiel, her stance wide and her hair blowing in the wind. She pulled the trigger down and screamed. Yet no bullets came out. Nina stood there, unmoving looking down at her hands. She dropped the gun to the floor and a loud metallic thud filled the air.

 

"Amelia, I'm so sorry I can't..." Nina tried, at a loss for words.

 

She was as hopeless as the rest of us. None of us able to fight anymore. Ezequiel had been able to fight all of us, and in some way he made us fight and turn on each other and ourselves. He was a disgusting being that made us believe that we should be disgusted with ourselves, that was just the way he did things and did it the best.

 

"I love you, Amelia." She whimpered, her hand covering her mouth.

 

I smiled at her as I thought of all the times we spent together, holding her hand over a wooden bar top. Sleeping together under a thin blanket, huddling together for warmth. Nina comforting me when I cry. Dancing in my living room, Nina smiling at me, beckoning me to dance with her; with Rose watching and eventually joining in too, holding both of our hands and moving her body with ours. In those short moments an entire life was created, and in this short moment a life was destroyed.

 

"I love you too."

 

Ezequiel stood there, silent and still. His body clung to the ground like a statue to its pedestal. He laughed. A menacing, sickening laugh which made all of us solidify in fear. He took one step towards me and lifted me by my throat, I weighed nothing in his hands. My body convulsed as he lifted me above the ground, my hands clawed into those that were wrapped around my neck.

 

I felt my world fall away into darkness as I floated just above the ground. My vision faded and all I could see was a black veil being held over my eyes by an unseen hand. I was still moving, but I had lost control of my movements. My legs kicked underneath me, I could feel them digging into his shins but to no avail. He was the only one in control now.

 

Then, something else entirely happened. Something no one expected. Something terrifying that I learned would haunt me forever. When I lay awake at night, that was the reason. When I couldn't function, that was the reason.

 

Suddenly, air rushes past my face as I get thrown to the ground. My temple  came into contact with the hardwood floor and my back was tossed into the doorway. A loud screech filled the air as I opened my eyes to see Nina on top of Ezequiel.

then an image of them falling as the metal bars of the balcony was forced out of place. They fell fast. Onto the concrete ground that surrounds the house. I crawl over to the side where the railings were ripped out of the walls to see their bodies. I wish I didn't. Nina's body was contorted and deformed in a mess of Ezequiel's remains and bent metal bars. One had went straight through her chest and her open eyes looked up at me in a frozen, glossy stare.

 

Screaming, a painful, screeching sound bursting from my lungs as I cried. I wailed like a siren on the shore, salty tears made s their way into my open mouth. They burnt and had an unforgiving touch. Rose ran to my side, she took my into her arms and held me tight.

 

"It's okay," she sobbed into my shoulder. "I'm here, I'm here."

 

We rocked back and forth as I wailed uncontrollably into the night. The faint drone of police sirens made its way closer to us as the red and blue lights lit the driveway. Rose helped me up as she looked at the police cars pulling up, and the bodies down below. Her face red and puffy, I assumed my face was the same.

 

"What do we tell them?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

 

I look around and see a camera up on on the wall looking out on the scene. A single wire winding around the wall. Then, I remembered what I was hiding.

 

"Come with me, I need to get something." I said as we left the room

 

I take roses hand and tell her to follow me but I can barely walk. My legs keep buckling under me as we head to the bathroom, the door already wide open from Rose's previous intrusions. I lift open the top of the toilet and fish around inside until I find the DVD and show it to Rose.

 

"We have video proof?" She asked, shocked and relieved. A slight smile spread across her face as I took her hand once more and led her to the attic.

 

Carefully, she sat down on the office chair in front of the computer and clicked a small black button and the screen changed to various rooms around the house. Eventually, she rested on one overlooking the balcony and began to burn the footage onto a disc, her eyes scanned the scenario as it played out in front of her. Looking at every moment he made, every time he hurt me and the times I felt like I could no longer survive.

 

Suddenly, the front door was forced open by two police officers. We could see on the cameras that one of them was a forty year old looking white man in a dark blue uniform and a flash light in his left hand scanning the perimeter. The other was a young Indian woman holding another flash light in her right hand and stopping every few seconds to make sure she has inspected every last inch of the house.

 

We both scream for help as they run upstairs looking for us, their flashlights illuminating the stair wells in jagged movements as the do so. I look at Rose and she rests her head onto my shoulder as she watches them on the screen, her hair soft on the side of my face.

 

Cautiously, we began to climb out of the attic as we could hear the police officers make their way up the stairs. Rose gets down first, her feet lands spread out across the floor and she slips a little but helps herself back up. Then I begin to climb down, Rose's hands support my back as I climb down and land next to her. I rest my hand on her forearm and look at her in disbelief.

 

"Is it really over?" I wonder, my gaze settling on her tears eyes. Everything I had done, Nina's sacrifice. It had to be for something, it had to be over

 

Rose smiles and nod, her hair dances as the police walk up the final step, after all this time and after all tears and the time so much happened the tears just couldn't come out. Ezequiel was dead, his final breath had escaped his dying body and he lay there silent. After all this time I had hope that it was over, but a doubt lingered in the back of my mind.

 

 

Was it really over?

is this happiness?

 

23rd march
Amelia

~~~~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~~~~~~~
Ezequiel and Nina stood in front of me, beckoning me towards them. Their arms were linked as they floated just above the bloody ground. I moved towards them, one step at a time, ribbons tethered my body like chains connecting me to an unseen wall. With each step the ribbons grew tighter, their crimson tentacles never letting go of my desperate body. They were almost at reach, they were so close.

 

I wanted to reach Ezequiel to make him pay, death was to sweet of a punishment for him. He deserved much worse. What happened to me, what happened to rose and what happened to Nina ; he was entirely responsible for, he manipulated us and killed us in many ways. He deserves much more than the sweet release of death.

 

However, Nina, my darling Nina. I wanted to reach her for many reasons. I wanted to touch her, to feel her hands in mine once more. I wanted to tell her that everything was fine now and she could come back to me. I wanted to reach her in a thousand different ways. I love her.

 

Unfortunately, the ribbons still tightened around my arms like desperate hands, preventing me from reaching my goals. I still pursued them, I still fought against every ribbon that tied me to an unseen enemy.

Forcing myself forward, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. A churning feeling, as if my stomach were pushing itself out of my body. I stilled tried to get closer to them, my enemy and my lover, like my pursuit of revenge and love fought all feeling of pain and common sense.

 

Suddenly, a sharp pain filled my entire body, I writhed on the ground in pain. I'm limbs were ripped from my body, and I lay helpless on the ground. The last thing I saw before I was ripped from sleep was Ezequiel's smile, which looked like a crescent moon, taking delight in my pain.

 

I woke up. My body heat at an all time high as I accustomed myself to this unfamiliar setting. The night sky above me twinkled and moved overhead; like the earth itself, always moving, always changing.

 

I could never tell you what constellations were lay out before me. They all seemed connected to me, each one having some relation to a thousand more. The night sky was never split out into constellations, it is all one magnificent being. I wish I could be like the night sky.

 

I looked at the sleeping body next to me as we lay together in a field. I can't even remember her name. she had dark brown hair with single ginger strands hiding behind her neck. like the Forrest floor in autumn, a orange and brown blanket lay across the earth, keeping her warm for the winter.

 

Her body rose and fell into itself as she breathed, it was almost hypnotic. I felt disgusted in myself, for betraying my Nina but this was the only way I could feel something now. I lost count with them, that was never something I could be proud of. Maybe in another life, maybe if things had turned out differently I would have stayed with ginger-brunet girl. I could have watched her sleep and drive back home with her in the morning, feel the wind in my hair and her hand on my thigh. But I am not living that life, I am not healthy, but soon I will be.

 

Please say I will be

 

Suddenly, my phone rings in my pocket, I shush it as I saw ginger-brunet girl stir in her sleep. I looked at my phone screen.

 

 

(5) missed calls from Rose

 

I began to put on my clothes, making sure to be quiet as not to wake the sleeping girl. I slid myself into some skinny jeans and pulled a pitch black hoodie over my head and slid my phone into my pocket.

 

Slowly, I walked home. my legs tired and dull, my head aching with every passing light. I watched my breath project tiny clouds into the air. The streets were completely empty, it felt so safe.

 

Painfully, my stomach twisted again. I felt like vomiting on the dingy sidewalk but I managed to hold it in. I felt like this for a while, on the brink of vomiting every morning, my stomach always ached.

 

Then I realised

 

"No." I mumbled to myself

 

"No. No. No. No. No" I repeated, throwing my phone to the wall and sinking to the ground.

 

I looked at it, the upper left side was completely shattered. I made my way to retrieve the phone, then I saw Rose's name again on the screen calling me. I ran up to my glowing phone and stuffed it into my pocket.

 

Carefully, I looked around until I saw the glowing light of 'pharmacist' and underneath it, 'Open 24 hours.' I Step inside and begin to Scan the brightly lit aisles.

 

Once I found what I was looking for I gave it to the dark brown haired cashier. I looked down at her name tag 'hello, I'm BRONTE' her name was in all caps with a red sharpie and covered mostly by her long hair. She smiled lightly at me as she handed me my receipt with her bare, long nails gripping the sides.

 

Quickly, I ran home, my mind racing as with every step. My entire body was in pain but I ran anyway, I needed to get back to my apartment. The stairs passed underneath me at the speed of light as I made my way to the front door. My feet slipping underneath me but I recovered from the fall in seconds.

 

Suddenly, Rose was standing before me, her arms crossed. She looked mad, her eyes scolded me as I walked through the door, I looked down at my feet in shame. I could feel her judgemental eyes burn into my body, she took one step forward and faced me.

 

"Where were you?" She whispered, her voice a croak.

 

I didn't know what to do, my heart ached for her. I didn't mean to do this, I didn't mean to worry her. I sighed back a few tears as Rose watched me before her, my body pale and fragile in the dimly lit apartment.

 

"I'm so sorry..." I muttered, it was all I could manage at the time. I gripped the carrier bag from the pharmacy right in my hands.

 

"Where were you?" She asked again, her voice loud and booming.

 

Slowly, I raised my head to look at her, her curly hair messy and knotted. Every breath she took was deep and desperate like she was gasping for air. I put a single hand into the bag I held at my side. I lifted the contents out of the bag to show her what was inside.

 

Frantically, she made her way to my side and hugged me tightly. I weeped softly into her shoulder, my body pressed into hers, absorbing all of her heat. I took a step back and held one of her hands in mine.

 

"Are you ok?" She asked, her voice sweet and comforting, a contrast to her previous demeanour. "It'll be alright, I promise."

 

Untruthfully, I mustered the energy to nod my head. I could not do this now, I had to be strong, but never in a thousand years could I work up the courage to do this. the thin, white box was held in a shaky hand as I made my way past Rose to the bathroom.

 

"Tell me as soon as possible please." She called out, her voice worried but reassuring all the same.

 

I sat down on the toilet seat, my hands fumbling with the package for the thin devise. Once I pulled it out I felt the white, smooth plastic in my hands. I placed the devise beneath me as I relived myself, my mind focused on what will happen, how many blue lines will come up to stare at me. 

 

Quickly, I was done, however I couldn't manage to bring the pregnancy test out into the open. I sat there for a while, tears fighting to be freed from my face like prisoners kept in their cells. I brought my hand out, and waited for the results.

 

Knock knock

 

It was Rose, her voice came through the wooden door to ask if I was ok, Her legs a shadow underneath the door frame. I took a deep breath as I looked down at the object in my hands

 

The tears were free now, my body was shaking on top of the toilet seat as I put my hand over my mouth to muffle the sounds. I got up from the toilet bowl and threw my pregnancy test at the door and punching the tiled walls.

 

Knock knock

 

"Amelia, is everything ok in there?" A voice penetrated into the echoey room.

 

Breathe in it's ok breathe out

Breathe in it's ok breathe out

Breathe in it's ok breathe out

 

"Two lines," I called out, my voice rough and fast.

 

"There were two lines on the pregnancy test."

 

I would never be free from Ezequiel

For he was growing inside of me

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.02.2018

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