Chapter 1 - The wedding

My mother is getting re-married, why? well according to my mother my father was never really around he was always listening to his family talking shit about my mom, and believed it too! So they seperated she's actually still married to my father but not legally just in islam, they call it nikah. She had no idea what was going on until after it happened. From what my mother told me about my father he didn't seem too nice and i didn't like him for that but what would I know i'm only 5! I have one dimple on the left side of my cheek, have olive skin color and long jet black hair. My eyes are a big and glossy with long lashes that anyone would kill for and nice little plump pink lips. Anyway, my mother is getting married to a man who seemed like a nice guy he was very tall and fair skinned with jet black hair and brown eyes he had dimples on the side of his cheeks everytime he laughed or smiled. My mother is also light skinned with brown curly hair and big brown glossy eyes and the height of 5"5. My mother Shelly and her now husband Sean were getting married. They met in a club and he kept bugging her to marry him and he actually followed her and told my grandmother he wanted to marry her. My grandmother *sigh* sweet old lady love her so much she's 5'2 with jet black jerry curls and very light skinned and freckles on her perfect little face and small brown eyes. She is so adorable I love my nana she's my everything. My grandma wasn't too sure about him but she accepted and here we are watching my mother get married to this guy we don't know well. 

After the wedding was finished and every one ate had their share of alcohol etc. my mother and I moved up to Oshawa it was a very rundown area but it was quiet. I was a little scared meeting new people going to school with people who i don't even know. My mother walked me to school everyday, when we got there I took a look around the school and whispered to my mother "mommy, there's no one like me here....i'm scared" She smiled and hugged me trying to reassure me that everything would be ok. Of course I would be scared from what I saw i was the only girl of color so it felt extreemely weird and uncomfortable. I mean, not trying to sound like a racist person or anything it's just that it would be nice to see someone like me around too. As I walked in to my class my teacher Miss Berry smiled and brought me to the front of the class. "Everyone, this is ...." she paused and looked at me. "v-v-v-vanessa" I stuttered, damn I sounded like a train wreck. I looked at everyone and all of them were staring at me like i was an alien or something from another planet. As i walked at the back to sit down on the carpet i finally saw a girl just like me! I smiled and she smiled back so I took a seat next to her. " Hi, i'm Tenisha want to play dressup after?" I nodded and waited till the teacher was finished speaking to play dressup. From then on Tenisha and I became best of friends and I finally felt like maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. Tenisha came over to my house during lunch and we played together she even came after school. I lived down the street by the way, Tenisha was a Afrcan-American girl with big glossy brown eyes and she always wore overalls she always had her hair in two side ponytails she was my best friend. I thought to myself I could get use to this.

Chapter 2 - The talk

 "Vanny It's dinner time!" my mother yelled I was in my room playing with my barbie dolls and did not pay attention and did not notice my mother calling me. "Vanny brown! did you not hear me call you? dinner is ready put your toys away before daddy get's in here and yells at you" " sorry mommy, i didn't know that you were calling me i'm coming" my mother made me call her husband sean daddy because she's married to him so that's what I eneded up doing even though i had no Idea who my bilogical father was...I do know who he is but it's all so blurry could not remeber how he looked like at all. However, I would never think about that because i'm only a kid. The next day was my birthday and I was turning 6 years old so my so called D-A-D  was trying to give me the talk. Aren't you supposed to get the talk when you fully understood what sex meant? I had no idea what that was at least not yet anyways. My mother left me in the living room one day and went in the room with my dad....or her husband whatever. I became hungry and wanted the strawberries in the fridge, I knocked on the door and i seriously thought that i heard her say come in as I walked through the door i saw her husband on top her. Again, i'm a kid i didn't know what is going on. "oh, um hi sweety me and your mom are just playing a game what would you like" said Sean in a high - pitched voice. "i'm hungry I want strawberries" " no strawberries baby, go back in the living room and i'll get you some food ok?" I nodded my head and waited and waited and waited my mom was taking forever and she finally came in to the living room and took out some food for me in a plate. Anyway, I guess that's why Sean thought that it was appropriate time to give me the talk. "Vanny come sit on my lap" I walked to sean and sat on his lap while my mother was sitting across from him. "I think i need to talk to you about something called sex, he pointed below my waist and slightly touched me and said "this is your vagina and when a penis goes in there you are having sex never make a penis go in there ok"  I nodded even though i didn't know what the hell he was talking about. It felt kind of weird that he kept touching me because i felt like something was wrong with this picture but didn't think nolthing of it. 

After that day Sean called me in his room and put me on top of him and told me to rock back and fourth like it was a rocking chair. "why?" I asked out of curiousity I was a smart girl but I didn't think of anything because one I trusted him he is my mother's husband he couldn't be a pervert. "don't worry just do it" I did as he told me with confusion on my face as to why he would ask me to do this. It wasn't fun and it didn't seem like a game it was certainly odd. As he heard my mother coming out of the bathroom he immediately told me to stop and had the same sex talk with me again. My mother stared at him "Sean, again? how many times you going to tell her she's just a kid." my mother said sounding tired "She has to know Shelly, she needs to be prepared for all those guys out there preying on girls, fresh meat"  My mother rolled her eyes "Vanny, go to sleep hunny"  I nodded and went to my room.

 As i entered my room i shut the door and put on my pajamas. my bed was filled with books on the shelves and toys i loved to read. As I layed in bed i felt weird for some reason my gut kept telling me something was wrong but I didn't know what it was. Just so I can sleep i picked up my Lion King book off the shelf and began to read it until i felt tired. 

The next morning my mom woke me up for breakfast amd told me to brush my teeth and come have something to eat. "MOMMY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!"  "I know" she replied casually as she didn't care. I went to brush my teeth and take a shower and sat down and have my toast with scrambled eggs and orange juice. After having my breakfast I went back to my room and played with my toys when i heard the phone ring and people started coming in the house. I peeped outside and it was all of my aunts and uncles, what are they doing here so early i wondered to my self. " Vanny, happy birthday baby!" She did know my mom came in and gave me a hug and a kiss and gave me a outfit to put on. It was a nice white top with a nice white skirt, my mother came in and helped me put on my white stalkings that went with it. We celebrated my birthday and had cake every one was so happy to see me and I was so happy to see everyone my grandma especially. She always brought me new books everytime she came to see me. "Hi sweetheart, you are 6 years old now you're getting so big look what i got for you" I opened the wrapped gift and to my supprise it was another book "101 DALMATIONS!!!! thank you grandma! can we read it now?" i asked anxiously. My grandmother laughed and said I will read it to you before you go to sleep. I was happy especially knowing that most likely she was staying over. Tenisha came over with her mom and me and Tenisha went into my room and played with my dolls we had so much fun. Her mother came in to the room and smiled "Happy Birthday Vanny" she said "thank you aunty" I was always told respect your elders call them aunty or uncle which I have always done that until now.

I became very tired and every one was starting to go home my grandma began to get me ready for bed and laid down next to me. She pulled out the 101 dalmations book and began reading it to me. "Cruella didn't seem to hear this I worship furs, I...lived....for ...furs...." she then covered me and kissed me on the forehead "sweetdreams princess" 

Chapter 3 - PERVERT!

Three years later....

I was a bit older and began to know what sex was we moved from Oshawa and moved to Toronto with my grandmother. Sean didn't move with us I didn't understand why but he just didn't. My mother and I would go up to see Sean on the weekends though which was ok didn't really mind it the only thing i hated is when they basically had sex right next me. How? let me explain the place that Sean had moved in to was now a building with his brother Steven and his father. So the layout is pretty awkward, the kitchen is on the right as soon as you enter and straight infront of the entrence was the living room with one sofa against the wall on the left and the other next to it making an L shape. Behind the sofa was the dining table right next to the balcony and on the right was a fish tank and a bed that belonged to Sean's and Steven's dad. My room was shared with my mom and Sean my room was to the left end near the bathroom and the beds were across from eachother with the television against the wall. So yep that's how they had sex right next to me. 

I know what you're probably thinking, I am kinda old enough to know what sex is so i should have known that what Sean was doing to me as a kid was wrong, why didn't I say anything? to be honest....I have no Idea never crossed my mind really i guess. Anyways, while my mother, Sean and Steven watched adult moves in the living room I watched Goosebumps in the bedroom. GOOSEBUMPS WAS AWESOME! still love it to this day haha! 

On a Saturday my Mom and Sean went to do the laundry downstairs since we don't have an ensuite laundry, I sat on the floor infront the TV with Steven behind me. I began to feel a hand on my newly developed breast rubbing them. I turned around and saw Steven smiling at me "Your breas feel so good!" His dad wasn't home because he went for vacation. i kept moving his hand away. " let me get a feel of it vanny it feels soo goo" I got up and began to head for the room" He knocked on the door "Vanny open the door please, please open the door i know you not sleeping you just went in there" i curled up in a fetus position scared and terrified he banged the door louder and louder he then left me alone. My mother and Sean had came back and tried opening the bedroom door "Vanny why did you lock the door open the door!" as i opend the door i saw steven starring at me and also hoping i would not say a word. "Sorry, I was changing" ugh why didn't I just tell her, I wanted to so bad but the look on Stevens face was horrifying. Sunday morning Mom and Sean went to do some shopping it was sale day at the grocery store. I went to the kitchen and went to get some water that's when Steven caught me. He pushed me to the wall and pulled down my pants he then touched me softly and says softly " your're becoming a woman" he then let me go and walked away then stopped turned around and gave me a devilish smile "don't tell your mother, this is our secret you tell her then it's a problem" he walked away and sat on the couch and began to drink his Corona.

As we came back home I told my grandmother what happend "WHAT!!!! go tell your mother now!" "NO! i yelled "we can't tell mom he said it would be trouble if i did, please grandma i just don't want to go back there"

my grandma agreed and told my mother that it's better that I stayed in Toronto with her. It came to a point where my mother and Sean got in an argument but eventually made back up. He moved in with us and that's when things started getting a little weird. Sean had this look in his eyes where he was about to cause mischief but I just didn't know how.

Chapter 4 - The Trip

 Sean moved uin with us and so far things were going really well. Sean suggested that we took a family vacation to see his sister in New York and my mother thought that was a great idea. "maybe this trip will be good for the family, bond as a family you know?" my mother said excitedly i nodded my head and we started packng. I packed all the cutest outfits and everything that I might have needed. Because my mother was married to Sean i guess his sisters daughters were my cousins. One of them was named Cindy and the other was named Sonya, Cindy was chubby and had dark skin she had long black hair that touched her waist and dark brown eyes. Sonya was skinny and had lighter skin and also had long black hair but hers were up to her butt and her eyes were also dark brown she was more of the nice pretty girl that was cute and cindy was more of the troublemaker but funny. We went to the states and i fell asleep in the back of the van with my mother, my grandmother did not want to go only because she wanted to stay comfortably in her own home. As my mother and I were sleeping we suddenly heard sirens, my mother woke up only to find Sean sleeping on the wheel. "SEAN! WAKE UP!!" Sean woke up and heard the sirens and found himself swaying on the road he pulled to the side of the road and the officer came out. He tapped on the window and said "sir, do you know you were swaying on the road? have you been drinking sir?" he asked Sean. "No officer, I haven't I guess while driving I fell asleep" the officer looked at him with one eyebrow raised "liscence and registration please" Sean gave the officer what he asked for the officer looked at sean and at the license and gave him back the license and his registration "sir please find somewhere to go and get some rest we don't want anything to happen" "I definately will officer, thanks" Sean responded.

After we pulled in to i guess a truck stop or something and we had some food to eat and headed to sleep. The next morning i woke up and found us moving I looked out the window and we were in New York finally!! My mother woke up and gave Sean a kiss and said good morning after some time we finally got to Sean's sisters house. I don't remember her name but she was very nice, she had jet black hair that was medium length and she was skinny and light skinned too. "Sean, Shelly,Vanny!!! finally you got here! come in, come in" we entered the home and she grabbed out suitecases "CINDY, SONYA!!! COME GET THEIR STUFF AND PUT IT AWAY!!" she yelled. Sonya and Cindy came and gave me a hug and I grabbed a bag and helped them. "Oh we are so happy to see you" Cindy said as she put our stuff in the closet she hopped on her bed and jumped up and down "so what you want to do Vanny?" Sonya asked. I thought and I said " what is there to do here?" Cindy jumped off her bed "what is there to do here?! EVERYTHING!!! New York is not boring let's go outside i think they have some contest going on" we headed outside and right down the street she was right it was some kind of contest.

There were mini games and all kinds of stuff to win the contest and everyone got something Cindy got a pearl necklace, Sonya got bubbles and I got a water gun. My mother, Sean and I spent only a week there and I had to admitt it was fun no problems what so ever. 

Chapter 5 - Grandma Help

- Few Months Later

 

 

My mother and Sean decided to teach me how to swim, We have a pool in the building we live in. I really was nervous and I thought to my self do I really want to get in the pool with this dude. However my cousin was with me so I don't think it would have mattered surely he would not be stupid to do such a thing infront of my cousin. As I put my feet in the cool water Sean held my hand and helped me come in to the water. He then began to put his hand on my stomach to hold me while he tries to teach me to swim when all of a sudden his other hand slipped between my legs and moved up my theighs. He pushed his finger in to me and i screamed, I tried to yell for my mother but everytime I yelled he pulled me underwater until I was finally able to get some air and breathe. " MOM HE'S TOUCHING ME! IT HURTS HE'S TOUCHING MY VAGINA!!" my mother looked at me as if i was crazy and dumb i finally was able to get out of the pool and ran over to the hot tub and start to throw up. It was disgusting and it hurt me so much. "Oh come on Vanny don't over exaggerate, get back in the pool" I looked at her so hurt and so angry at the same time. "I don't want to" I said with an annoyed tone of voice "Don't be stupid now, get back in the pool"  I got angry and I told her that i wasn't getting in the pool and that she couldn't make me. 

I don't know if my cousin knew but she hadn't said anything but I didn't expect her to she was younger than me. I just never expected my mother would not do something about it, did she not hear me when I called out to her? I would assume so since she looked at me in the most weirdest way and I was extreemly loud it's just unfortunate we were the only ones in that pool. We got back upstairs and went straight to my room I was so angry and didn't know what to do anymore. 

A couple weeks later my mother and her cousin decided to go shopping in buffalo but Sean wanted to stay home so my mom and her cousin made a girls day out of it. I was in my room listening to a Mariah Carey song she was big back when I was a kid real big. My grandmother was in the living room watching her favorite show Wheel of Fortune when I heard "Vanny! come here for a sec please" it was Sean, oh no! what does he want with me now. I tried to ignore him but he kept calling me so I went to see what this idiot wanted. Stupid idea i know I should have known better. "Come, sit next to me" Sean said in the most quietest voice he rubbed my legs and again slipped his hands between my legs, I tried to go away and he kept holding on to my hand. Now, grandmas we all know they love their grand daughters and always have that feeling when they're babies are introuble right? well, that is exactly what happened. "Vanny! come here now!" my grandma yelled Sean let go of my arm and i went to my grandma "yes, grandma" i said with fear on my face she held her arms open wide and told me to come sit down with her and hugged me. A while after Sean came out and sat in the living room with us and my grandma gave him this look like I know what you're doing and i'm not sitting here and watching it like nothing kind of look. We watched the show on tv or a commercial or something where a girl was sexually molested and i turned and looked up at my grandma and I could see at the corner of my eyes Sean scared I was going to tell my grandma about him which I already have. "Grandma, what if someone did something like that to me what would you do?" My grandma looked at me furiously and hurt and said " I would chop off his dick and make him wish he never did what he did" Sean looked at my grandmother and walked away" 

 

It was time for bed and my grandmother came to laydown with me "your mother is coming home in a few hours, this has gone way too far she needs to know" my grandmother told me. "Grandma i'm scared, she's not going to believe me i know she won't" I said with tears streaming down my face. My grandmother looked at me with so much hurt in her eyes and she hugged me and said "I will not let anything happen to you princess, She will listen she will have to because I will tell her okay." I nodded my head and felt reassured that my grandma was now here to protect me from someone who hurt me.

Chapter 6 - Hit The Road

 As I was asleep I felt someone touching my feet and trying to wake me up as i struggled to open my eyes I saw a blurry face i rubbed my eyes and it was my mother! she came back, did my grandmother tell her already? "Hey, I want to know if it's true" I nodded my head and my mother looked me at me and asked "why didn't you tell me?" "I did but you weren't paying attention I guess" my grandmother told her that she needed to give me more attention and at the end of the day I'm her daughter to go and tell Sean off. My mother burst the door open and all I heard was sean and my mother arguing and he left but for some reason I felt this wasn't over but maybe I was wrong. 

It had been a while now since my mother and Sean had been seperated 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.11.2015

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
I want to dedicate this to the love of my life who has been there for me through out this rough time. I could have never done any of this with out you I love you baby!