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I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL WRITER. PLEASE DON'T EXPECT GREAT WORK FROM ME. I'M JUST A KID. NOT EXPERIENCED AT ALL. I HAVE A PASSION FOR WRITING, ALTHOUGH I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. I GO BACK EVERY FEW WEEKS AND CRITIQUE IT A LITTLE SO IF YOU'RE NEW, OR OLD, JUST CHECK IT OUT, BECAUSE THINGS MIGHT CHANGE. THANK YOU FOR READING AND THE BOOK WILL START . . . NOW!
Chapter 1
I sat on my floor as I watched cars go by. As my hands move from the Lays© bag to my mouth, I move my eyes slowly across my window watching the cars go by. I think of how it was, and how it could have been. It wasn't fair. My parents and I moved from Minnesota to Florida. All my friends lived in Minnesota. Including my boyfriend/best friend Luis. I just couldn't bare moving away from him. I put my hand on the floor and get up. When I am walking to the kitchen, I notice something. It's a letter for dad, from his work. My hands slowly slide up the envelope and I almost open it with a concerned look on my face. What's inside? I ask myself, as I open the letter, I see that it is written in cursive. Crap. My school never taught cursive because I live in the worst generation ever.
"Sweetie!" Mom yells as she's walking down the stairs. I quickly put the letter down and try to make it new again.
"Y-yeah mom?" I stammered.
"Can you go tell your father you love him? He's been feelng really down lately I think it's about moving or something. Anyway, he won't listen to me. Just -- go talk to him please? He'll listen to you!"
"Yeah! I-I was just about to." I smiled and walked away.
When I walked up the stairs I saw my room. It had moldy green wallpaper and almost rotted hardwood floors. Until the moving trucks came, and I got my things, it was going to be me, my moldy wallpaper, and the floor. My dad was laying on his bed, caughing.
"Dad. What's wrong?" I looked concerned and worried . . . because I was.
"Nothing." He coughs. "Just allergies." He smiled and patted the bed as if he was telling me to come over there. I kind of hesitated because I didn't want to get sick before my first day, but I just wanted my daddy to know I love him.
"Daddy. What's really wrong? You know I love you and I would do anything for you!" I put my arm around him and moved in for a hug. I smelled his cologne and it made me think of Minnesota. Mom, Dad, and I just sitting on the twisty tree behind our house.
"Nothings wrong darling. I love you too and I wouldn't try and lie to you just to make you happy."
"Dad?"
"Yeah sweetheart?"
I hesitated. I had a feeling he knew I was catching on to him. "When do I go to school again? I'm nervous because I'm afraid I won't fit in." I wrinkled my eyebrows up and frowned. "What if they don't like me and I'm the nerd?" What I actually said really got me thinking. I didn't think I would actually be the nerd. I have no clue.
"Honey, they'll love you. Just as much as we do!" He hugged me. I whispered 'I love you' and went off to my room to mope. I was thinking of my boyfriend, Luis -- well, my old boyfriend -- and I just made up scenarios for a while. As I daydreamed, I remembered the letter. I ran downstairs. I only heard my thumping on the stairs because everything was quiet.
"Mom?" I yelled. I peeked over and saw her gasping. She opened the letter and read what it said in her head. Since I was only 15, I couldn't be involved in like ANYTHING adult. Even though I was kiiiinda a little genius.
"Go to your room. Don't talk to your father about this." Mom said and shood me away.
"What's going on? Did I do something wrong?"
"Just. Go." Mom said in a forceful tone. I ran upstairs as quick as I could and started balling. I didn't want my dad to get fired or anything, he needs this job. It's the whole reason we moved! And if we moved here for no reason, I'd be so pissed off. I hope he's been calling in sick, so they don't think he's on strike or something... When I went upstairs, I decided to go into my dads room after I wiped my tears.
"Daddy?" I walked in slowly. He was reading a book on his iPhone.
"What's up pumpkin?"
"I-I" I flash back to mom saying don't talk to your father about this. I knew I was going to get in trouble so I just changed the subject.
"I-I'm excited about school. I thought about what you said." I put my hands in my hair and ran my fingers down my head.
"That's great. You ready to start tomorrow? I know it's going to be hard, just leaving Minnesota and all."
"Yeah dad, it's going to be great!"
"I love you sweetheart."
"Love you too, dad." I just couldn't bare to know what the letter said. I'm going to try my best to read it without getting caught. After school, when I get home, my mom will probably be in her room, cleaning. So I'll just sneak on over to the kitchen and then I get to see what it's about!
Chapter 2
The next day came. It was a cold, windy day. Much like the day before. As I got ready I looked in the mirror and a toned, blue eyed, blonde haired girl looked back at me. My hair was like beach waves, it was natural. I was very tan, believe it or not. I had a white scarf, maroon shirt, gray pants, and brownish combat boots on. I was determined to make friends today. Off to the buses!
What is this? Kids at the bus stop? They're looking at me. What do I do?! There were 3 of them. One looked like a girl that was in 8th grade. I'm in 10th. I skipped a grade! There was a boy who looked like he was in the same grade as me... he was VERY dreamy. There also was a chinese looking kid that looked like he was in 6th. My hand went up, and I waved. It's just first instinct. The 8th grader looked at me and said "Hey kid. What's your name, little boy?" She smirked and everyone but the cute boy laughed.
"First of all, I'm not a 7th grader, I'm in 10th grade. What are you in the 8th?!" I was getting sad. What made her say this stuff? I wasn't being mean. Was I? The cute boy looked at me. I looked back at him. He looked so cute and dreamy. I bet he was very sweet.
"Wow. Really? You do look like a 7th grader. Considering you're flat chested and all . . . " He laughed. He's NOT very nice at all. I'm not flat chested. If anything I'm far from flat chested. I wear a 36 C.
"Excuse me, sir, but you have no room to talk. Look at yourself. Don't look like you have any muscle on you either." I snickered at my remark. I slowly made my hands into my pocket.
"Wow... okay." He said sarcastically.
"Just shut up, asshole." I turned away.
"Oooh the little 7th grader is cussing" Is this what bullying feels like? Because so far, I don't like it. I started feeling down about myself. Do I really look like a 7th grader?
"Look, I'm sorry if I scared you guys, I just want to be here standing at the bus-" The bus came.
"See ya, 7th grader." The little girl said. I got on the bus and sat in my designated seat. Oh... MY... HUNK!!! I sit next to the cutest boy EVER! The boy looked me up and down.
"Hey. You're new?" He put his hand in my face.
"Yeah... my name is Josie. I came here from Minnesota." I shook his hand.
"Looks like we're going to know each other for a while, huh?" He smiled. I mushed up in a gooey pile of like.
"Yeahhhhhh" I looked deep in his eyes for a long time. Oh my gosh. I was being creepy. He started conversation and we talked until we got off the bus to go into the school. There was only one problem. He went into the 11th grade hallway. My dad always told me I couldn't date anyone above my grade. We could only be friends. No matter how much I liked him, and no matter how much he liked me. We waved and said goodbye to each other.
When I walked into my first class, everyone looked at me. I awkwardly waved as the teacher directed me to my seat. I sat next to this really pretty girl.
"Hi." I smiled and waved.
"Ew, who are you?" She said, chewing her gum.
"J--Josie...the new girl." I replied
"I'm just kidding. Hey, I'm Lola." She smiled.
"Good, you scared me there."
"Hahaha. Hey! I have an idea. Why don't you sit next to me at lunch?" She smiles.
"Of course!" After a long class time, I was off to my next class.
"Where ya going next?" I look her in the eye.
"Math. You?" She nudged me. I'm sure it was an accident though.
"Same here! I'm going to the bathroom though."
Lola nodded and waved bye to me when I reached the bathroom. I took my phone out and started texting my friends at Minnesota. This is the time in between classes we all go to the bathroom and talk to each other. Well, usually.
Sharna: Heyy how's Florida? Sweet and amazing? Boys cute? Weather's great?
Me: Well, I miss you guys a lot
Lilly: Well, we miss you too!
Holly: Seriously girl. We do.
Me: Stop making me feel bad :( I want to see you guys.
Lilly: Srry. Gtg. Bell just rang.
Sharna: Bye! Luv ya!
Holly: Peace!!
Me: Bye guys!!
The bell rang and I was off to class. Again, I walked in awkwardly because I didn't know anyone in there except Lola.
Chapter 3
I saw someone else familiar. OH MY GOSH! The guy I sit next to on the bus! He motioned for me to go sit next to him because there was an empty seat. Lola looked over and raised her eyebrows up and down to tease me. I rolled my eyes, smiled and walked to the seat he sat next to.
"I never did catch your name." I said slyly.
"Daniel. It's Daniel." He replied.
"I'm glad we have this class together, Daniel. You're the first friend I've made today!" We started to laugh.
"Yeah..." He scratched his head.
"What's the matter?" I elbowed him.
"Nothing... really..." ONLY THAT THE TEACHER WAS STARING RIGHT AT US! We stopped talking and got back to work. The teacher looked really smug and very mean. It was a girl, she had platinum hair, blue eyes and no eyebrows. It looked like she was 50-51 years old. I raised my hand.
"What math is this? Math III? I'm just asking because there are 11th graders in this class..." I asked.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Now do you work." She pointed plenty of times at my paper.
"Sor-" She cut me off and pointed again. I nodded, put my head down and did my work.
"She's pretty mean, huh?" Daniel nudged me.
"Yeah. I've had a teacher like this before. They're evil." We laughed. I got a text message. Crap. Sound was on. The teacher snapped her neck back and reached her hand out. I put my head down, with shame, and handed her my phone. What a crappy day. The bell rang. I'll never see what that text message said! What if it was from my dad? Ugh! Teachers are so dumb.
"Heyy someone has a cruuuush!" Lola shook me back and forth as we walked out of the classroom.
"Nooooo." I blushed.
"Then why are you blushing?" She raised her eyebrows up and down again.
"Stop! I can't like him. Only as a friend." I smiled and looked down. She stopped me.
"Wait. Explain?" We kept walking and I explained everything my dad has ever told me. Before I knew it, Lola turned into Home Ec and left me. We made sad faces to each other and I was off to Shop class. The teacher was actually a girl too! She greeted me warmly then said that I have to sit at an empty desk with a partner. All the boys in here were practically nerds so I just sat in the back with a boy with blonde hair. I noticed something familiar about him. That was the boy I saw at the bus stop this morning. The asshole. He looked over at me. That hair... those eyes... that mouth... WHAT AM I THINKING?! He called me a 7th grader with those little kids. He's a mean person in general. He opened his mouth like he was going to speak and I sat straighter to get ready for what he was going to bully me about. Oh. It was just a yawn. I need to get this one thing out of my head and focus on shop class. I heard talking so I whipped my head back and saw the cute boy from the bus stop asked my name. Oh my gosh! He likes me?!?!
Dating 101
- If a boy asks your name, he most likely likes you.
- If he touches you in any way, he likes you.
- If he's being mean to you... HE LIKES YOU
"Josie. My name is Josie." I roll my eyes because I'm flirting back.
"Hey, I'm Carson." He pulls me closer. Is he already going to kiss me?! Is going through my head right now. He whispers in my ear "I'm sorry for how I acted at the bus stop today. If I didn't act like that, those kids would tell my dad what I do. I did one bad thing in front of those kids. My dad can't know about that though. My scholarship would be taken away from me. I honestly didn't think you looked like a 7th grader. My first impression of you was 'Wow! Who's that really pretty girl?' So, Josie, can you forgive me?" I blushed and quietly mumbled 'yes' loud enough for him to hear. The shop teacher got our attention by saying "Stop flirting and pay attention." We both blushed really hard and looked up at the teacher. Carson and I look at each other and smiled. Carson had big blue eyes, full lips, blonde shaggy hair, and his hands were the softest hands I've ever felt... on my arms anyway. Wait! What am I thinking. He still isn't my type. I like Daniel. Sweet, cute, amazing Daniel.
Chapter 4
On the bus, I'm in the inside because I hopped in first. I see Daniels sweet eyes as he walks onto the bus. I position myself upright as I watch his body move closer and closer. He smiles at me, while putting his bag in the seat and starts telling me about his day... wow! I sigh dreamily.
"--So, then the teacher yelled at us and we said we didn't do it, but she didn't believe us!" He laughed and I laughed at him. I wasn't paying attention to his story, just the beautiful features on his body. Carson doesn't look like that. Carson is the person who broke me down into tiny little pieces just because he didn't want to get in trouble with some little 8th graders.
After he was done telling me about his day, he smiles as if he is trying to tell me to tell him about my day. I quickly catch on as if I can read his mind, and I start telling Daniel about my first day at school -- At this school. I tell him how I met Lola, and what we did in Shop class. He looked pretty amused. After I'm done with my story, I see some other girls' hand try and make her way on his chest. Are they dating or something? I quickly notice how he swats it away, and instead, kisses her. My smile kind of fades. He turns, facing me again and his smile is brighter. And then I hear the worst thing I've heard all year. "Josie, meet my girlfriend, Andy."
I stop talking and get my stuff together. "Where are you going Josie?" His smile slowly fades off his face. I stop in my tracks. "Please move." I have my coat, bag, and gym bag all together in my hands.
"Wait, what? You can't move seats." Daniel turns back around. I slump all my things back onto my lap and doze off. I start thinking of Daniel again. Then that thought quickly goes on to Carson. What is this?! I don't like Carson... Do I? No... I can't! What will Daniel think of me? A slut? Because I was flirting with him but I actually like Carson? What is happening?
Chapter 5
I looked up to my green-ish ceiling. I roll over on my mat that I've been sleeping on for the time that I've been here. In Florida. I turn my phone on because my teacher FINALLY gave it back to me at the end of the day. Then I started thinking. My first thought was about Carson. "Why do I like him?" I asked myself.
"Why is he even apart of my life?" I keep saying things quietly to myself. Sometimes talking to myself helps me get deeper in thought. Then, I remember Daniel. Soooo dreamy, not mean to me at all, ever! Maybe . . . just . . . maybe . . . I could ask my dad to date him? No. He's been very sad lately. No. Daniel has a girlfriend. What am I thinking? What the hell is up with my life. It's all messed up. All I wanted to do was make a new reputation at school. I can't even do that.
The next day came and I was laying in my mat. Freezing my butt off. As soon as I woke up, I started thinking of what I was going to wear. I thought it all out. It was the cutest outfit of my existence. But then thoughts ran through my mind. Who am I trying to impress? The boy who likes me for who I am will belong to me. If any of them like me at all . . . even just a little. I check my phone.
| Carson: Hey Josie |
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! Texting me "Hey Josie". I know, I'm over-reacting about this a little. It's just . . . just . . . I don't know what to think right now. Carson was a mean person, but he's hella cute and apologized. Daniel is super nice and hella cute, but has a girlfriend and is in 11th grade. I don't know what to do. I have to find a way to break Daniel and that ugly chick up. Ugh . . . I even shiver at that name Andy.
I get on the bus, storming into my seat. I wait until Daniel gets up. He looks worried for me. I shun everyone. I don't talk. I strictly just march into my seat. Daniel shrugs and starts to talk to Andy. She starts smiling, touching his shoulder, twirling her hair, you know, what girls do. I roll my eyes and look out the window. A tear falls down my face. I quickly wipe my face and turn around to see if anyone saw that. I chuckle to myself and get my phone out. Another text from Carson
| Carson: Josie r u mad at me? Can we hang out later today? |
I turn down the brightness on my phone and text him back.
| Josie: Hey, No, no. I'm not mad at you, that would be an understatement. I hate your guts and I hope you burn in Hell. You think you can talk to me like that, just because you don't want to get in trouble by 8th graders? Wow. Very humble. I still forgive you, but I'm also still mad about the reason. |
Aaaaaaand send. I shut off my phone (lock screen) and get off the bus. *Ding Ding Ding!* I hear my phone go off.
| Carson: oh my god. this again? i told you i'm sorry. pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase forgive me. i like you, a lot. well, as a friend. maybe. i don't know! look, i just want to be friends. i want you to like me as a friend (or more *Crying laugh emoji*) but i just want to start over. |
I roll my eyes and lock my phone. I put my phone in my purse and I'm off to English II. On my way to class, I see Carson staring at his phone, pacing in circles. I cover my face while I quickly walk over to my classroom. There, I am greeted by Lola. She waves for me to come over. I wave back and smile. As I'm putting my stuff down, I see this cute boy keep looking at me. I squint my eyes. "Luis?" I say very loud. He nods his head and I squeal. I jump up and run over to his desk to hug him.
"I've missed you Stella!!" Luis tells me.
"Ohmygosh ohmygosh! I've missed you way too much!! Why aren't you still back home? Did you have to move back to Florida? I mean obviously you're back and I've missed you, but what are you doing back? What happened? This is such a huge coincidence! Why didn't you text me?!?!?!" I rapidly say.
"Jeez girl, calm yourself. I'm just here for a week to see how I like it here again. Last time I was here, I was in 8th grade, getting bullied. But now, you're here and I know you'll stick up for me. If I don't like it here, I go back. To Minnesota." Luis informs me.
"Oh noooo! Wait, what does this mean for . . . us . . .? Are we still a thing? . . . ." I ask.
"Oh . . . um . . . after you left, there was this girl . . . Mandy . . . we um . . . kinda . . . dated for a while and now we're in a long-distance kind of thing . . . so . . . I guess . . . no?" When Luis says this, he sounds concerned. That just hit the nail on the head. My boyfriend for 2 years and he moved here, didn't tell me about it, and dated someone else in Minnesota? What has my life come to? Oh my gosh. My day is officially ruined.
Chapter 6
In math class, Luis follows me because incidently we have the same classes. Woohoo! Not. Daniel looks at me while he's sitting next to Andy. Ew. Just because Daniel isn't available doesn't mean Leila isn't, too! I motion over to the teacher to notify her that I'm moving seats. The reason I notify her is because we're getting our tests back. So I go over to Leila and she makes a face at me. Now this isn't the type of face that you want to cringe at the sight of, this is waaaayyyy worse. Wayyyyyy worse. I quietly whisper something to her. "What's wrong, Leila? Did someone hurt you?" "Cause I'll beat their tiny ass up." I smile and chuckle at her a little. Her face looks red and puffy and she has dried up tears on her face.
"I-I . . . failed . . . ." She looked up at me and I saw her red eyes. "I'm going to die. My mom will never accept me now. She told me if I get another failing grade, I'm grounded for 3 months. Yay me. I'm grounded" She cried.
"You can stay with me . . . I can ask . . . ." I re-assured Leila. Leila smiled and put her hand on my leg and clenched it hard.
"I know you don't want me, you're just being a really good friend. I understand. Your parents don't want someone stupid in their house either I bet." Leila said.
"Well, they already have someone stupid in the house! Me!" I tried to make her laugh. She looked up, wiped her eyes, and chuckled a little.
"In all honesty, my mom would never let me stay with you." Leila looked down. I got up because before I knew it, the teacher called out my name and told me to move. I rolled my eyes and got up. Andy (ugh) and I had to change seats. Daniel's smile faded a bit when I came over and rolled my eyes. "You know, miss Josie. There are no second impressions." My teacher said.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Parazzi." <--- (ppl who go to my school probably know what her real name is)
"Yeah Johnny. No second impressions." Andy says with attitude while snickering to herself.
"My name isn't Johnny. But, you're too stupid to realize that, huh?" I force my butt into the seat.
"Oh it isn't? I just thought since you looked like a boy . . . ." Andy told me. I roll my eyes some more. I'm literally on the verge of crying at this point.
"You alright? Andy is a bitch sometimes, I know." Daniel told me. He smiled. I managed to try a fake smile. He frowns at me "What the hell is that, Josie? Are you trying to fake smile?" Daniel laughed.
"Well, yeah?" I laughed too. "Alright lets listen up. I'm a star student." We smiled at each other, and started to pay attention to Mrs. Parazzi.
Chapter 7
Daniel and I walked out of math class together. Of course, Andy followed us. Daniel and I smiled at each other.
"Bye, Josie! See you on the bus!" Daniel said in that sexy voice of his.
"See you!" I said as I walked to shop class. Before I knew it, Andy followed me.
"What the hell are you doing with my boyfriend? Is he cheating on me with . . . ick . . . you?" Andy asked me. I stopped. "The hell I'm doing is minding my own business, so maybe that's what you should be doing." I slumped my bags over my shoulder and walked away. As I walked into shop class, I saw Carson eagerly waiting in his seat. Either he was waiting for me, or he was excited to do something in shop class. My vote, is he was waiting on me. Carson greeted me very warmly. "Hey Josie. I like your outfit today. You're looking good."
"Oh um . . . thanks!" I smiled and put my stuff down under my chair.
"So how was your day so far?" Carson smiles and leans on his arm. Wow. He's as cute as a puppy! I smile and say "It was . . . good . . . ." I do a quick nod, smile and look at the shop teacher. A thought bubble pops into my head. I zone out. Dreamland is taking me somewhere. "Hey!" Carson and Daniel say in unison. They look like anime characters . . . okay . . . this isn't real life. I look down at what I'm wearing. I'm wearing a tight red dress and black stilleto heels. I'm holding a rose. Am I on the bachelorette? Both boys walk up to me and their eyes sizzle off (like the snapchat filter) their regular eyes show. Beautiful. I hold out the rose. I walk up to Daniel. He walks up to me and kisses me. Wow. I feel like melting in to a big gooey mush of like. When Carson walks up to me, I cross my arms and roll my eyes. Daniel is so careful and perfect. Carson is loud and sexy. Lets see if it's true. Carson grabs my hands and kisses me. Perfect. Even more perfect than before. Now I want to melt into a gooey mush of love. He's great. Amazing. Better than . . . oh no . . . Daniel. Maybe this isn't real life. Carson starts slapping my arm. "Ow. OW!" it gets harder and harder. I wake up quickly. I dozed off. Aw crap.
"Morning Josie!" Carson laughs.
"Oh man, this is so embarassing." I say. I look down and see a little pool of drool under my forearm. Carson looks down and I quickly put my arm on the drool. Ick.
"Josie?" Carson says in a quiet tone. I look over and he is eagerly smiling. I wonder what he's about to tell me. Something bad like 'I know you like me' or 'I can't date you'.
Carson starts again. "I -- um . . . " Oh no. Here it comes. I close my eyes peacefully as if I'm starting to fall asleep again. I hear him say . . .
Chapter 8
OH MY GOSH. I fell asleep. No. Oh no. I fell asleep this cannot be good. I can't believe this. No. I can't ask him what he said, because what if he said he liked me? What if he said he just wanted to be friends? That'll be so rude if I said I fell asleep. Oh God. If he did say he likes me, he'll quickly change it to a no if I said I fell asleep. I look over at Carson. He looks sort of sad. Does he know I fell asleep?
"So, how do you feel?" Carson rolls his eyes. "Have a nice sleep?" He knows. 'Say something' I tell myself.
"Um . . . Um . . . yeah?" I guess if he wanted to be just friends I'd have to agree too. I do like him though.
Carson smiles a little.
"So, we're good?" Carson says. I look down. I feel saddened. I don't know what to think. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm . . . I'm . . . stupid.
*********
I hope someday I'll be able to forgive myself for what I did. Fall asleep. What was I thinking? As I walk out of shop class, I see Luis. Great. Another bad choice. I smile at Luis.
"What's wrong Jo?" Luis says as if he's sadded by what I look like. I groan. I don't like when he asks me that. It's like he cares about me again. I miss that. I miss him.
"I'm good. Trust me." I smile again. His face becomes crooked.
"I don't believe you. You're too . . . too . . . beautiful to look like that." He hugs me. I hug him back tightly and I start crying in his arms. I miss being called beautiful. I miss being with him. I miss having a chance with Carson. With Daniel. I'm too late. I'm always too late.
"Luis" I whisper under my breath.
"Yeah Jo?"
"I miss you. I love you. I always will. Even if we're just friends. I'll love you as a friend. As a best friend." I pull away and kiss him. So passionately. This is the first time I've seen him all year. I miss this. I love him. I really do. I might. I don't know. I just don't know.
Luis pulls away and I come back in and he just sinks into the kiss with me. I grab him by the collar and slide my hands down his neck. My fingers feeling his hair and below his collar bone. As Luis is kissing me, he pulls me into the bathroom. Hopefully no one is there. We go up against a wall. He feels up my shirt. Just like he used to. This doesn't feel bad. It feels regular. I hear the door creak open. I don't care. I just focus on taking off Luis's clothes. I shove him off into the bathroom stall and start unbuttoning his shirt. I kiss him down his neck. He flips me over and -- and -- someone walks in.
"Josie? Josie?" I hear a familiar voice say. "Josie! Wake up Josie!" I open my eyes.
"God Dammit." I say in a pissed off tone.
"Um, sweetheart you can't use that kind of language in this house." My mother says. I look up at my ceiling. I can't wait to undo everything that this room has to offer. Tear off this green wallpaper. Put some fresh floors up here.
"K mom. I love you, but I have to ask you a question." I say.
"What is it darling?"
"Can you please get out? I have a lot to process."
"But--darling." My mom says, startled.
"Please mom. Please. I want to take advantage of my Saturday." I roll over on my pillow.
"Fine. I just wanted to discuss why you were moaning so lound while you were sleeping, but I guess that's just between you and yourself." My mom slams the door. Moaning? I wasn't moaning? Was I? Not in my dream. Dream. What a dream. Oh my, Luis and I never got that far in our relationship. After two years. Wow.
********
Chapter 9
Luis walks up to me after math class and I clasp my fingers in between his. Luis pulls away.
"Um, what are you doing, Josie?" He asks.
"Just . . . please? I just need someone to be there for me right now. And considering that I've known you the longest, I just want you to be there for me right now." I explain. Luis intertwines his fingers into my fingers. It's nice holding someones hands. I haven't done it in so long.
"Luis, can I tell you something?" I stop and look at him. Luis stops and looks at me
"Yeah Jo?" He clenches his hand. I decide to tell him what I told him in my dream. I want him to know the truth. Even if I don't kiss him, he'll still be my friend. I hope.
"I just want to let you know that I love you. With all my heart. I love you. You're my friend, my best friend. Even if we're not dating, I want you to know that I will always love you and I'll always be here for you." I grab both of his hands because he looks shocked.
"Wow -- um . . . I don't know what to say to that Jo." Luis responds. "I love you too, but, maybe just as a best friend. We dated for 2 years and it broke my heart to see you leave. Especially because you didn't even say goodbye." Luis looks up to the ceiling. He throws my hands out of his.
"What? I didn't say goodbye?" I shake my head. Luis starts walking. I catch up. "I said goodbye. I know this because I started crying that night for hours. I didn't want a long distance relationship so I had to break up with you because we would never see each other again." I blink and tears start coming out.
"See? You only broke up with me. The next day, I didn't know where you were because I wanted to talk about it. I couldn't find you so I had to ask around what was wrong with you. Because I loved you. I loved you so much. I wanted to tell you but the day I wanted to, you broke up with me. I was broken. I thought I could never love again. Until the new girl came. Her name was Mandy and she was beautiful. But she'll never compare to how beautiful you were. I said goodbye to her. Because I loved her. Because I cared about her." Luis explains.
"Luis I --" I start
"No. I can't explain how sad I was. I was so mad too. I thought of what I could've done to make you upset with me." Luis walks off.
Well, that didn't go as planned. I thought he'd love me back. But in the beginning he said he did. Oh my, I can't believe I never said goodbye. My best friends had to tell him. I can't imagine how he must have felt. It's so crazy you know? I told Luis I loved him, I get this reaction. I fall asleep when Carson tells me something very important about our relationship, and Daniel has a girlfriend. What a life.
When I'm on my way to the bus, I drag my bag across the hallways. Leila catches up with me. "Hey Josie! What's got you so down in the dumps? Is it because you have every guy wrapped around your finger?" She giggles.
"What? I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. What'd you say?" I answer.
"You have everyone wrapped around your finger Jo. Why are you so down in the dumps?" She looks at me.
"What?? No I don't what the hell . . . At least no one that I like." I look down. "No one likes me like I like them. Maybe I just need to stop trying, you know?" I look up at her sympathetically. Leila nudges me.
"No, silly! Just widen your horizons!!" She says.
"I don't feel like it I've tried so hard to get this one boy. I'm focusing on him. No more hoeing around for me!" I walk on to the bus.
Chapter 10
I take my seat near the back but closer to the front because I don't want to sit back there today. And I'm also testing to see what Daniel will do. Deep down, I hope he'll sit near me because my whole world is falling apart and I just need a friend. So as I took my seat to the back, I watch Daniel as he follows some of his friends towards the middle. Great.
Ending So Far :)
So this is what I'm gonna call an ending so far, that's basically when I take a break from this for about like a weekend (or at most a couple months). I work on my book during school days, so everytime I finish doing something, you'll see this message :)
Impressum
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.11.2015
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