Chapter 1: Beginning
Ok so I’m going to tell a little story, about this guy at a high school that has a car, and on his car in a nice design are the words "I gave no fucks", so today, he took out one of the seats from his car and put it on his roof and secured it on there good and after school he let somebody ride on that seat strapped to the roof which still had a seat belt, and drove out of school, later a cop pulled him over (for an obvious reason), and the guy was asked why there was a guy in a seat on the cars roof, and he was like because I give no fucks, and the cop said okay, so what is your name, “Igaveknoe Hfucks, the “H” is silent, but everybody just calls me Knoe” He said, and then the cop was like okay you can go now. So later in life after he graduates from High School, he never went to college, because he said in college if he’s there he might as well give a fuck and he thought I would give a fuck enough to go to college, but personally I don’t give a fuck enough to not give a fuck, so I am defiantly not about the life of actually give a fuck, Basically to summarize my lack of fucks lifestyle, in terms of religion, if there was a religion for not giving a fuck they would probably make him the president of the religion, if not the founder! But currently as of 2015, there is no such religion, so I guess I will have to ask Siri what the best religions are that are closest to not giving a fuck. “Siri” He stated, “How may I assist you Mr. Hfucks?” she said, “What are the best known religions known for basically not giving any fucks?” he asked, “Well according to my records I found one denomination of Christianity that matches your request of “Find the best religions known for basically knot tying any duck”, I have found Duck Dynasty. “No, Siri I said, “What are the best religions known for basically not giving a fuck.” Oh, I’m sorry, according to my records I found the results for “the best religions known for not giving a fuck” “I found one religion, and a few denominations of Christianity, The Religion that I found was Atheism. The denominations that I found of Christianity were: Mormon, United Church of Christ, and Lutheran” Siri stated. “Show me more information on “’The United Church of Christ’” he said in disbelief. “Showing more information on the united church of Christ” Siri stated, as Igaveknoe was reading information he came upon the part where the united church of Christ hired their first openly gay ordained minister, and also has female clergy as well, he thinks to himself, Wow this may be the church for me, I mean I can go as I am I don’t have to dress up, I don’t have to make a certain amount of money, I don’t have to have a cult out on me if I skip a week, and the members love each other and do not care if I just genuinely don’t give any fucks about life, and the members don’t even give any fucks about gays being in their church. Wow this is a very “come as you are kind of group” I like it” So he finds a local church with the same denomination. And he just happens to find one not that far from his house, “What a coincidence” he thought, on the next Sunday he goes to this said church. And there was a fairly tall man playing with a toddler, He greeted Knoe as he walked through the threshold of the doors, Knoe told him his name, thinking that the man was going to go to town laughing about his real name, but in reality it was quite the opposite, the man asked Knoe if he often gets made fun of because of his name, and Knoe asked the man how he guessed, and the man said “my name is Stanley Sack, I’ve been in the same boat my friend!” “Now Stanley works at the church his job in this church is that he is a Youth Minister, so he discovered later in his career what was so funny about his last name, and his reaction is just a one word of “Oh”. Oh I’m starting to think that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, said Knoe, Stan told Knoe that there is a meeting in his room every week for high school youth, and a meeting on Wednesday Night’s as well, and Knoe was interested in joining. So now Knoe knew what he had to look forward to every week. And so far since that first day at this church that he thought that was going to be a total bust because they were going to try to make him care, he has gone to those youth gatherings and did what high school youth typically do in a group, which is gossip, talk crap about other people, and texting, leaving Stan to find a way to incorporate what the youth are doing to a youth lesson about God, and life skills, but no worry, his more than experienced he can figure it out. And so far Knoe has been attending these meetings for almost 2 years now, starting the first week he discovered this church.
Chapter 2: Change? I Think Not...
So after going to this church for a few years now, Knoe is considering a change of heart, but don't get your hopes up it is just a thought, then he had come to the realization that he has been not giving a flippity fuck about anything for far too long, that it may just be impossible to ever have a change in heart, Well until recently it was impossible, what changed you may ask, Well actually a few things, One thing is that the most beautiful girl started going to the church, after just moving not too far from where he lives, I think he would describe her appearance as not the worst face in the world, and her body, her body is on fleek, and he says for this girl he may even change his name back to Jacob McGaufski.
Oh this beautiful girl, what could her name be he thought? after the church service he goes up and asks her for her digits, and her name, and with hesitation this beautiful girl gets a napkin and a pen, and secretly rights the name Ruby Sylvester, down and her number (648) 845-8801 down and gives him the paper, Oh that made Knoe's day 10 times more fucklessly annoying and he thought that once that he may actually be giving a fuck, and it feels good. It feels really good!
So he gives it a few days before he calls Ruby, and today is that day, Knoe calls the number and it is a number for a Chinese Pizza place in Fresno, she lives in Florida, at this point any trust and faith that Jacob had in Ruby was lost and this caused him to go into depression and not go into church for a while, and to not even consider changing his name from Igaveknoe Hfucks to Jacob McGaufski, he was starting to question if Ruby Sylvester is even her real name, It sounds like the name of a spoiled little yappy dog, owned by a snobby rich person, but at this moment that was the least of his worries Knoe now has a longing in his heart for giving a fuck about people and wanting to be less of well an ass to people, He is going to do the right thing and go back to church and go and talk to Ruby to figure out why she did that at first.
Chapter 3: The Chat
Next Sunday is here, which leaves us a few minutes before the church service is over, Knoe goes up in a respectful but serious way to Ruby. She tries to run away from Knoe, while blowing what seems to be a Rape Whistle, upon sound off of that whistle, the Youth Minister Stan comes out and see's what all this is about, and right there the 3 of them have a chat about what it is they needed to work out, because after all that is part of a Youth Minister's job is to help out a kid with problems that they may face to the best of their abilities.
Stan, asks for Knoe's side of the story first, because he is the one that confronted a woman, and Knoe makes his case being that he was trying to be nice and ask a girl on a date, and the girl had to just be blunt and give him a fake number and possibly a fake name, So finally Stan gets to Ruby's side of the story, and her story turns out to be a confession, Her confession is as follows Ok, so I lied to you Knoe, and I'm sorry my real name is Katherine Rosario, and the truth is I gave you that fake number because I was shy and I didn't think that I was ready to be in a relationship, with somebody as good looking as yourself. I really do hope you can forgive me, I mean I am still me, so what do you say Knoe, can you forgive me?
Knoe responds "Ok, so your name is Katherine, that's very great to meet you Katherine, Yes I can forgive you, so very easily because I have something to say as well, I have lied about my name my real name is Jacob McGaufski, I started going by the name Igaveknoe Hfucks, after I had a troubled early childhood, my father was a billionaire who was well known, that got in trouble for owing trillions of dollars to the IRS, so he became a jailbird, and my mother could have honestly given 2 hoots of a horse shit of fucks about me or my baby sister, and my Mother ended up dying of Lung Cancer due to smoking cigarettes since she was 15, she died when she was 38, right on my 15th birthday, everybody in the family was surprised that she made it that long, so after my mother died I started to adapt my mother's lifestyle of not giving a fuck."
Katherine, started to feel really bad for what she did to Jacob, and built up the courage to ask him if his father was the billionaire Gregory McGaufski, Jacob said yes, Stan jumps back in to the conversation and asks the two if all is forgiven, and they both agree to that "Yes, all is forgiven", and they both agree to give each other a chance to date and check compatibility with one another, good job guys, Stan states.
Chapter 4: Compatibility
Jacob and Katherine had an amazing night out, full of fun and laughter they were really starting to think they were compatible, and they started to think about other options by this time, Jacob is 19, and Katherine is 18, so they want to be able to live together in the future, they really like each other, so much that they car pool to church every week now, because for now that is the closest they will come to living together, a few months later Jacob and Katherine start dating after news came up about Katherine being pregnant with a girl, the baby is definatly Jacobs because Katherine was a virgin, They decide that they are going to name the baby Karen.
Little did Jacob know that like most women Kathy is going to be going through mood swings, there were some good ones, some bad ones, some sad, some mad, and some that were just complete HELL for Jacob, Jacob never thought that Kathy could be that much of a bitch, but Jacob didn't really care because the paternal part of his brain turned on once he knew that he was going to have a beautiful little daughterr, that would turn his whole world upside down, it has been 7 months later, The baby is ready to be born at any time Katherine's water had already broke and she is already in the hospital, now they just play the waiting game then on October 6st at 8:42 pm little Karen was born weighing 7 pounds, 2 ounces, and 14 inches long.
Once Jacob got to hold his daughter for the first time his bad heart started to melt into a heart filled with love, joy, compassion, care, and his brain now filled with 3 new modes of care and pprotection called, Band-aid's are for boo boo's, A shoulder to cry on, and my personal favorite the boyfriend-seeking shotgun. But let's just save that one for later, One can only hope.
Impressum
Texte: JoshuaDaniel Livingston
Lektorat: JoshuaDaniel Livingston
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 16.08.2015
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Dedicated to all the role models in life, that could be a parent, a future parent, a friend, a sibling, anybody that has a good influence on your life