Chapter 1

Driving to work this morning was a nightmare. Traffic as far as the eye could see and Amy Miller couldn't find a way out to save her life. Stuck in the center lane, heading for downtown New York at six-thirty in the morning should have been fairly easy. But it wasn't and the only thing that calmed her was knowing she was the owner of the art gallery Forever Treasures. So, whenever she showed the doors would then open.
The sun was shining by the time she managed to exit the highway and start her slow commute towards the gallery. And low and behold it seemed as if everyone had made the same choice Amy had to leave for work. Sidewalks were packed, there were all kinds of vehicles on the roadways and you guessed it construction on every street. Got to love New York!
She turned on her blinker before the actual street was visible so the everyone around her would know she wanted to turn. And when she finally made it to her parking space she had to sit there a few minutes so her heart would stop beating so fast. If she didn't get it under control there'd be trouble. With a capital T.
“Ashley, help...” she mumbled. Did she say this out loud? Would Ashley come outside and find her boss, dead? No, no. She couldn't think that way. There was too much going on right now in her life to think about death, even though it's always been in the back of her mind for a long time coming.
Sweat beaded on her forehead and one hand automatically went to her chest trying to control her heart from the outside. But nothing was working. No one had noticed.
Her hair was falling out of the tight bun it was in, landing in her eyes but she couldn't raise her left arm to brush it away. She was losing the fight she'd fought forever and the only thing that was on her mind was the one thing she'd never said....I love you.
“Miss, don't move. I've called 9-1-1 they're on their way.”
She opened her mouth but the words never come. Pain shot through her chest and her vision blurred then faded to black. Slipping away from the life she loved, from the people she knew and the friends she'd never be able to say 'Good-Bye' to.
Tears escaped her eyes as her world came to an end.
“Miss can you hear me? Stay with me.” He bent down and checked for a pulse. Nothing. His heart squeezed shut, he'd come here to surprise her, to rekindle something they'd had years ago and now he wouldn't get that chance.
'No!'

Terrance Bailey grabbed her hand and begged God himself not to let this happen. His eyes teared up and he knew right then and there if he didn't do something he'd lose her forever. Angling her head back, he opened her mouth taking a deep breath and blowing straight into her lungs. He watched her chest rise and fall with every breath he breathed into her. Placing his hands on her chest, he started compressions. One, two, three, four, five and breathe. Checking her pulse again, still nothing. One..two..three..four..five and breathe.
“Oh my God what happened?” Ashley stepped out the back door to see why her boss who she saw in the parking lot, was taking so long to come inside. “Amy?” She dropped beside her and cried.
Sirens could be heard coming their way but would they make it in time? Ashley whispered a short prayer that they could save her friend. Amy being only twenty-six years of age and only a few years older than herself and the youngest person that she knew of that owned and ran her own art gallery. The one person she looked up to and worshiped.
Ashley stroked her blond hair back from Amy's face and gasped. There was blood thick and dark red, mixed in with gravel and dirt on the back of her head. Cries ripped out of her and she stumbled back.
The ambulance was there a minute later, the doors opened and two paramedic's ran out. “Does anyone know what happened?”
They pushed their way past Terrance to assist with their patient. “How long has see been out?”
“Five minutes,” Terrance said calmly.
“Does she have any medical problems that you know of?”
Ashley cried out, “Amy has a heart condition. Dr. Ellicott at Mercy General has been treating her for the last five years.”
First both paramedic's stared at each other, wondering how someone so young could be in so much danger. Then they began to work, placing a neck brace on Amy, inserted an IV for fluids and an oxygen mask to start CPR. While one took over the compressions the other pulled the gurney out the back then both lifted her and took her away.

♥`♥`♥

Disinfectant and something else was all Amy could smell to figure out where she was. Maybe she'd passed out and was in the waiting room at her doctors office. But when she peeled her eyes opened she knew she was way off. The green wallpaper and tiled floor gave everything away. This hospital she knew way to well. She'd actually been here three times a month for the last five years. This is where she first found out about her condition and the last place she wanted to be now.
In this tiny room she felt alone, there were of course the nurses that had come in and checked on her but no friends or business partners. The room was bare, no flowers, cards that said get well, nothing. Maybe, she thought, she'd done something wrong in the last twenty-six years.
Dr. Ellicott was making his rounds and his last stop before his shift ended was the patient he feared for the most. She was so young and beautiful, he couldn't help thinking this was one of life's jokes. Having Amy Miller walk into his office on that very day he was thinking about quitting for good. And to see her vibrant passion for life, her eyes pleading for him to help, he couldn't walk away.
He'd walked into her room expecting her to still be asleep and when he saw her blue eyes shining, his heart sank. “I was just sneaking in here to check on you but since you're awake there are a few things I need to discuss with you. First off you gave me and half the staff here a scare, young lady. And your heart, it's not so great anymore. I've put you on the top of the waiting list for a new one but it won't be for a couple months from now. So, what you're going to have to do for me is rest. Don't stress over anything, and I mean it. If I have too I'll write you a note stating bed rest until the heart is available.”
Nodding her head caused pain to shot through her skull and making her wince. She understood everything but didn't like it one bit. In order for her to live someone else had to die and that didn't settle well with her.
“I know what your thinking and I remember when you first came to my office. The vibrant young lady you were, I want to see her live a long life. Just keep strong and I'll be with you every step of the way.” Dr. Ellicott bent down and brushed his lips across her forehead. Wiping a tear away from her eye and having to turn around before his own betrayed him.
“I'm going to go make my rounds but if you need me for anything, call the nurse and they will page me.” He exited the room and stood there for a while. Getting this close to your patients is never a good thing but she'd saved him and he had to save her.
“Thomas...” she whispered as she watched the door. He meant well she knew this but he had to know he couldn't save everyone.
One of the nurses came through the door and her heart sunk. She thought he'd come back, she needed him to come back. She needed his strength, kindness, and love.
“Just checking everything dear,” the nurse said. “Are you in pain?”
“No,” Amy cried, turning her head to face the wall.
The first time she'd stepped foot inside Dr. Ellicott's office she was terrified. And when they called her back, she thought, she'd cry. Not wanting to hear any kind of news about what was wrong with her. She wanted everything to be normal.
When he walked in the room her breath caught. He wasn't what she'd expected, nothing what she'd envisioned her doctor to look like. Dr. Thomas Ellicott was six-two, dark brown hair tied back in a ponytail, tanned with muscles she would have loved to touch. But his eyes are what she zeroed in on, the silverness of them held a lot of pain, a lot more than even she had and that made her want to hold him and say 'everything would be okay.'
Foolish is what she was, but her whole mood changed when he turned and smiled, sadly. Instead of feeling sorry for herself and her situation she smiled brightly and actually enjoyed herself. And then she found out the shocker of it all that he was twenty-nine – eight years her senior - and single.
After her initial visit he told her if she needed him for anything to call. And what would you know, exactly two weeks later that's what she did. However, when he showed up at her house for what she wanted a more relaxing time together ended up with him rushing her to the hospital. One minute she was standing at the door, inviting him inside and the next thing she knew she was in the hospital bed.
Dr. Ellicott checked on a few more patients before he retired for the night. Walking down the hallways he passed Amy's room and heard her soft muffled cries. Taking a deep breath he entered her room and found her curled up tightly. From the many times he's seen her both personally and professionally he knew better than anyone, how it feels to be alone. And at that moment all he wanted to do was hold her and promise the world. Instead he stood and watched with his heart tightly wound and tears of pain clouding his eyes.
Remembering back when he'd first figured out he loved her. They'd been in a hospital room almost exactly like this one and she was silently laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Although he believed it wasn't the ceiling she was seeing at all but beyond it, towards Heaven.
Her blond hair hung in ringlets, highlighting the blueness in her eyes, her lips were slightly parted but in his eyes she was beautiful. Whenever he'd think of her, see her, his heart would beat faster breaking into a sprint whenever she was near. And all he could do was smile because she made everything look easy, made his world perfect.
He walked to the chart and noted the nurse had just been in and all her vitals were normal. Coming up to the side of the bed he reached out, placing his hand on her back and whispered, “we'll get through this together. I won't leave your side until your better.” It was a promise he'd made to himself all those years ago.
“Thomas, please. If something happens promise me you'll be happy.” She turned over to look at the man she fell in love with at first sight.
“Sweetheart, I'm happy now.” He whispered afraid of his own voice to say this louder. This was one thing he loved and hated about her, her calmness about death. He didn't want to think about it, let alone live it, ever.
He wanted to see her scream, yell, fight for her life. Wanted her to know he loved her and wasn't ready to let her go.
She covered her mouth when she yawned not wanting him to see that she was tried. Already she'd slept for what...hours? Days? What was the day? How long had she been here?
“I saw that. Close your eyes and I'll see you when you wake, I promise.” He bent over and kissed her lightly on the lips.
“Stay, please. Until I fall asleep.”
“Wouldn't dream of leaving.” He hummed and pulled up a chair so he could hold her hand while she closed her eyes. After her grip on his hand loosened he whispered faintly, “I love you”. Brushing another kiss on her forehead before sitting back down.
The peace that surrounded her while she sleep concerned him. Her mouth parted slightly and within minutes alarms were going off. Jumping to his feet, he checked her monitors and saw that it wasn't her's that were sounding.
Down the hallway the call came, “Code Blue, Code Blue!”
A tall brunette ran into the room and stopped short when she saw him. Then whispered in a rushed tone, “Dr. Ellicott your needed in Room 620.”
The whole floor consisted of patients with heart conditions and most of them were his patients. Quickly he jumped into step and ran down the hallway. Right behind a half a dozen others and entered the room. The nurses on call were already starting CPR and as if a switch had been turned inside him, his emotions buried deep and the doctor mode was forth right.

♥`♥`♥

That night they lost two patients and even though Amy knew she was meant to be sleeping, she couldn't. She cried for their loss, for the patients that were no longer here, for the families who'd lost them and for the staff. But most of all she could feel his pain as if it were her own and cried harder because of it.
Rolling over to face the wall, she pulled herself in, clasping her hands together and silently prayed. “Our Father, who art in Heaven. I ask of you this, please take care of those who have joined you and their families that have been left behind. The staff who've tried their hardest to keep the promises they've made, please ease their suffering. For the doctors who believe they've failed, please reassure them that they are not at fault. And I promise you, when my time in near I will follow you into the light and welcome your arms around me. Thank you for your gift of a great man who believes in me, who I love with all my heart, please take care of him when I no longer can.”
She was crying more now, saying these words out loud. The words she longed to say to the man himself. Thomas, she thought and her heart constricted. Squeezing pain throughout her chest.
Calm down.

She told herself or the next room he'd be in tonight would be yours. Trying to save your life again.
Closing her eyes and taking deep relaxing breaths didn't help. Her emotional state was too high and soon her own alarms were sounding.
Thomas was sitting in the lounge room trying to cover up his grief. It had been a long night of doing everything possible to save lives. There'd been alarms going off all night, some he was able to save and some he lost. Losing those few broke him. Tears slid down his cheeks and his heart tightened. His shift was over, he knew that but he couldn't leave.
The two nurses that entered the lounge shortly after he did, were shaking badly. “I can't take this,” one stated as she cried.
“We need a crash cart, we're losing her. Start the compressions, nurse, the oxygen.”
“I'm so sorry, Dr. Ellicott,” the tall brunette said softly as she sat down beside him. She knew just by looking at him how he felt about Amy. And to know that she now was losing the fight, broke down her own shields.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “I'm going to go check on one other patient then I'm headed home.” He stood and was about to drag himself away when her words stopped him.
“If we loss her too, I don't know how much longer I can do this job.”
“What-” Before the question come out of his mouth he took off running. Reaching for her door and pushing it opened, he saw the crew that had just come on working on her. Alarms were sounding from all the machines in the room and all he could do was stand there and watch.
She was dieing from the first moment he met her. Most patients that saw him were, he was their last hope in surviving. And that's one reason why he wanted to end his practice. He couldn't keep his work at the office, he had to become emotionally involved and this time was worse than any other time before.
Standing there watching others put their hands on her, trying to save her life when it was his responsibility was killing him. But he couldn't make his legs move, frozen in place waiting to see her blue eyes, the smile on her face and his name on her lips.


Chapter 2

Standing in the doorway, watching the woman he loved fighting for her life caused the vise that gripped his heart to tighten. Hearing the heart monitor beeping in continuation, the green glow of the flat-line streaming across the monitor, there was nothing suggesting that Amy was breathing on her own and the staff that was in the room with her had been there ten minutes and counting. They should have called it by now but Dr. Ellicott knew they'd keep going until there were signs of a heartbeat. No one wanted to give up, no one wanted to lose another patient tonight.
Feeling his knees weaken, Dr. Ellicott took one step back and collapsed against the wall. As his heart hammered in his chest and his breath caught in his throat, the images he saw in his mind were starting to fade. He'd had it all planned out and now she was fading away, leaving him alone and in pain.
His emotional state was too damaging to Amy's health but the way he felt about her couldn't be helped. He loved her from the moment he laid eyes on her and knew that someday it would come back to bite him. Knowing how he felt towards her didn't change anything but he'd never be able to tell her, couldn't risk it and so the decision was made. He'd eliminate the threat from her forever.
Pushing up off the wall, Dr. Ellicott walked towards his office to retrieve his transfer papers and other documents to sign over his patients to Dr. Cutler. Everything was approved of as of this morning and he hoped beyond all that he'd be able to slip out without a commotion.
As he left his office one last time he looked around and nearly broke down in tears. Not only was he leaving the hospital but he was leaving behind the one thing he knew he'd never need again. His heart. It would never beat for someone else the way it beats for her but that was the problem wasn't it? The way he felt for her would be the death of her and he wouldn't be able to live with himself because of it. Solving this was surely going to kill one of them but he'd make sure with his dieing breath it wouldn't be her.
“I was hoping you'd still be here, it saves me a phone call. Anyway, we managed to bring her back but her conditions worsened. I've put her in a medically drug induced coma until she receives the heart transplant. That's the only way she'll survive. We also managed to tube her and hook up the ventilator so the machine will help her breathe normally.” Dr. Cutler explained everything because he knew this patient meant more to Thomas than most of the others. He'd seen his eyes light up whenever she'd walk into the room, he'd seen it all ever though it was never meant to be seen.
“There's no need to tell me this. As of now she's your patient, my transfer papers went through this morning.” Thomas had managed to get control of himself before returning to the hallway he knew he'd find his friend.
“Wait, hold on a minute. You're telling me after five years you're giving up. That's not at all like you. Ah...wait, it's something else isn't it? What are you not telling me?” Dr. Cutler saw the glint in his eye and thought he knew his friend better than this.
“She's better off in your care than she ever was in mine.” Dr. Ellicott turned and looked his friend and co-worker in the eye. Holding his hand up to stop the protest he added, “And Caleb, before you go off and say I'm making a huge mistake, I'll tell you right now, I'm not.”
“We're not having this conversation out here in the hallway, come back to my office.” Caleb walked away leaving Thomas to stand and make the choice. Decide whether he'd talk about this or just walk away.
Following his lead, Thomas was more than determined to do exactly what he'd planned months ago. To protect both Amy's fragile state and his own state of mind.
Caleb opened his office door and stood aside, closing it immediately behind Thomas and started pacing the small interior. “If I know you, there's nothing I can say to change your mind but damn it I'm going to try anyway. You and I both know that when Amy recovers she'll be searching for you and when she finds out you're not there. What do you think will happen?” He didn't wait for an answer, “She'll be devastated, she'll want to know why you left. And she'll figure it out, don't doubt it. She'll know you left her because of her disease and then she'll ask why didn't I just let her die.”
Thomas flinched and knew what his friend said was true but at the same time he knew what he was doing was right. Even if it tore his heart up inside, he'd protect her even from himself. Quickly masking his expressions before Caleb saw right through him, Thomas walked over to the door, opening it and spoke firmly, “what I'm doing is

the right thing.”
And with those words said Thomas slipped out the back door of the hospital and left. The moment he was securely in his car the tears spilled over. His eye sight was blurred as he looked up to the floor and saw the window that held his heart.
Amy would live a long and healthy life now that he couldn't compromise her health with his emotional state. Taking one last look, he turned on his car and left the hospital one last time. Taking in a deep breath, he headed home to organize everything he needed to start his new job and his new life. One that he couldn't see at the moment.

♥`♥`♥

Terrance and Ashley spent the night huddled together in the waiting room in Mercy Hospital. Wrapped in his arms Ashley cried over what she'd witnessed happen to Amy. His touch soothed her and caused her heart to beat faster but as she thought about it, it made sense. She'd been so upset finding Amy in the state she was and now she couldn't stop crying. This had to be the reason.
What scared her most was this time Amy might not be walking out of the hospital, and this thought caused her body to shake uncontrollably and tears to invade her eyes again. Feeling weak to the point of exhaustion, Ashley hid her face in his chest. Taking in shaky breaths of whatever it was he smelled like. But nonetheless it helped her as well.
Finally all the tears had run dry and anger bubbled up inside her, rising from her seat Ashley started pacing the floor. “I can't just sit here and do nothing. There has to be something I can do. Maybe...” She grabbed the hem of her shirt, tightening her fists around it and stared at the door that lead up to the floor she knew Amy was at.
It had been hours since they'd first stepped foot in here and no one had come down and said anything to them. Why hadn't someone told her something? Was something wrong? Oh, my, God there was something wrong. She knew it.
The way Amy looked, laying on the ground and Terrance had been doing CPR on her, oh God, NO! Amy needed her, she knew this. Something was terribly wrong, that's why no one had said anything to her. Her friend was in trouble.
“Something's wrong, something's wrong. I know it. I can't-” Ashley started walking towards the double doors, needing to find out what's happened. Desperate for any news.
“No, nothing's wrong. She's strong, always has been. She'll make it through this, you'll see.” Terrance stood up and held on to her while fighting off his own emotional roller coaster. Fear is what gripped him more than anything else. Seeing Amy laying on the pavement in front of him, her not breathing and her face pale was something he never wanted to see ever again. As long as he lived he never wanted to witness anything like that again. Especially not from a friend.
Saying this out loud brought back memories of days long past. They'd gone to high school together and managed to end up at the same college. They were each others best of friends, someone to rely on when you needed to talk about anything. And later on they both decided they wanted more from each other, more than friendship.
But their relationship never progressed more than a few months. Terrance had pushed too soon, asked for things she couldn't give him and left. Leaving behind school and himself in the progress.
A year had gone by and he finally moved on with his life but he could never get the thought of her out of his mind. Always wondering what happened to her, where she ended up and if she was alright. So, after graduation he decided to look for her. Spending every last dime he had until he found her in New York City and then it took two days to find out where in NYC she was. And when all expenses were dried up, he found her only to end up sitting in the hospital waiting room, waiting on word if she's alive.
“What are you thinking about?” Ashley asked while she watched his facial expressions change drastically.
“About the past,” he mumbled.
“Is that how you know Amy?”
“You could say that.”
“Funny she never mentioned you. Were you friends or more?” Ashley looked up to see his face. She wanted to see his reaction and as she watched her stomach twisted in knots.
“More or less.” He flinched at his own admission. They'd never been given the chance for the more he wanted.
Ashley's grip on him loosen and she pulled back, hurt. In the short time she'd been sitting with him, waiting on word about their friend, him having a relationship with Amy sat nestled in the back of her mind. And thinking about it made her want to cry.
Piecing together the reason why he was here tore at her heart. She thought he'd agreed to come with her to comfort her through this rough time when really he'd come to see if there was a chance with Amy.
They stood in silence for a while until the double doors opened and Dr. Cutler entered the room. The first thing Ashley noticed was his face. The sadness behind his eyes and how pale he was. She'd never seen him look so bad.
“Ashley, I would have come down sooner but there was complications I had to attend to first. Please have a seat and I'll explain.” Caleb sat down across from them both and stared at the wall for a few minutes. How was he going to explain about Dr. Ellicott? Should he even try?
“Is she okay?” Ashley's voice shook with fear. Something in his eyes told her the news she was about to hear was not good.
“First off I need to ask does she have any family?”
“Her mother lives in California and her father I'm not sure where he is. Why?” Tears choked through her. “Is she that bad? Do I need to call her mother?”
A slow nod from Dr. Cutler had Ashley in tears, rocking herself back and forth.
“I'll explain so you can relay the message to her mother. Earlier tonight Amy went into cardiac arrest, we stabilized her but she's in a medically drug induced coma until the transplant is complete. She's not strong enough to breathe on her own so the ventilator is helping her do just that.” Dr. Cutler waited for recognition of what he'd said before saying anything more.
Ashley sat back now in the chair and stared out in front of her. The words just spoken to her had her in a daze. Her heart punched into her chest so hard it felt like it would break through.
What she really wanted was for someone to pinch her and tell her this was all a dream. That Amy was waiting for her to come to work. She wanted to think about something other than what she'd just heard. And how was she supposed to relay that message to Amy's mother without first breaking down in tears? Would she even be able to say the words?
“Doctor, how long will she be in this state?” Terrance held on to the hope that tomorrow she'd be laughing again and he'd see her blue eyes shining bright.
“I don't know exactly.” Dr. Cutler said in almost a whisper, “months maybe more.”
“Can we see her?”
“I'm sorry. Only family members can see her.” And that's only while she's stable, he wanted to add but didn't.
“I don't think her mother even knows she's sick,” Ashley whispered to herself.
All the sudden her breathing slowed, her heart stopped pounding in her chest and she sat back staring at the wall. Her face paled while her mind dissolved all the information flooding her brain. Ashley knew she was sitting in the chair, could feel it around her but all other noises faded in the distance. Only the sound of her own heartbeat was what she heard, everything else was gone.
After everything was said and done, Dr. Cutler stood up and walked out of the waiting room. There was nothing more to say and telling them about Dr. Ellicott would only make matters worse so he kept that information to himself.
Seeing the light in Ashley's eyes fade, Terrance grabbed hold of her and shook her hard enough to snap her out of it. “She's going to be okay. You've got to believe that.” He stated firmly trying to convince himself of this as well.
“I'll call her mother and tell her the news, you don't have to worry about it.” He soothed her back with one hand while grabbing his phone with the other and dialing.
After relaying the message about Amy to her mother, Terrance replaced his phone with tears in his eyes and laid back. With one arm around the now sleeping Ashley, he too tried to close his eyes only to see the image of Amy, her face staring up at him. Silent tears fell from his eyes as he sent up a prayer.
“Dear Lord, please look after my friend. She's in need of help right now and she'd ask of it if she could. Help her recover from this disease and bring her back to us. She's too kind a person to lose and I'd give myself in her stead. She's a long life ahead of her if you'd lend a hand. And if you believe that you need her so badly, believe that we need her more.”

♥`♥`♥

The light at the end of the tunnel was just within reach but Amy didn't want to go. She wasn't ready to leave behind everything and everyone. And on one corner of her mind she saw Thomas' face, his sadness empowering his features and all she wanted to do with go to him, wrap her arms around him and tell him how much he meant to her. She wanted to say Thomas, I love you.
But when she reached out to him, he faded away being replaced by another face she hadn't seen in a long time. The smile she remembered when she was growing up, the twinkle in her eye, her mother looked over to her.
Things she'd always longed to tell her were on the tip of her tongue but that image faded fast as well. And when there was no more, Amy cried. Her silent sobs rocked through her and she sat down where she was, pulling her knees close. Hugging them with every ounce of strength she had and begged God to go home. She needed Thomas, he was her strength, her rock.
And thinking about him brought his image back in front of her. He was the only reason she'd been holding on to this life she's been living, the only reason she wanted to return to it now. Just to see his face, to hold his hand, to feel his lips on hers would be heaven to her.
She raised her hand to her chest and felt the slow beat of her heart but would it be enough to send her back? Would she have the strength to walk away from the light?
Holding her breath she reached out to Thomas and let the love she had for him pull her back. The lightness turned to dark, everything around her faded to black. But she knew she was home again, could feel her heart beating in slow harmony.
At the last minute Thomas whispered, “promise me...” and then his hand dropped from hers and she couldn't hear him anymore.
The constant beeping noise and the swooshing of something else was loud enough that Amy knew she'd returned home. Now if only she could wake up and see for herself, that would be the real miracle.
Her mind whispered, “thank you” to the heavens above for giving her this time to recover and for her to tell the one man in her life that she truly loved him.


Chapter 3

Brentwood Estates holds a certain anonymity, so much so that most people don't know who lives there or who doesn't. And this was one of the many reasons Miss. Sandra Miller took up residence there. The security was tighter than Fort Knots.
Her house was located at the top of a secluded hill, overlooking the lights of the bay area. A perfect and absolutely wonderful view of just about anything and everything happening below. All around, for as far as the eye could see was acres upon acres of land in which Miss. Miller owned as well.
At least it was perfect when she bought it over twenty years ago. When her daughter, Amy and herself moved there, Sandra thought the opened space would help her daughter see the finer things in life. Help steer her towards the path Sandra thought her daughter would have the most success in. After all Amy's IQ was one of the highest in the country and she didn't even take into consideration that she could do anything, be anyone she wanted to be because of it. This was one of the things Sandra argued a lot about. How stupid her daughter acted towards her own future.
Now the house was silent and all Sandra's dreams of having her daughter obediently by her side had gone up in flames. Amy graduated from high school at fourteen and entered the realms of college life. Four years later and after all hell broke loose within the household when she graduated with an Art degree. Just to despite her own mother, to look down on her and laugh.
So when Sandra received a long distance phone call that night she thought about not answering. That would show her daughter that she didn't sit around waiting for her, that she had a life of her own as well. But she wasn't fooling anyone, desperately wanting her daughter back in her life. Sandra needed to feel in control of something because control and she laughed, was something she knew a lot about.
“Hello,” she breathed out quietly.
“Miss. Miller?”
“Yes,” she hesitated taking in shallow breaths. Sandra didn't recognize the voice on the other end of the line and it worried her to no extent.
“My name is Terrance Bailey. I went to school with your daughter Amy.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I'm at the-”
“Okay your a friend of my daughter's but that doesn't explain why your calling me. I don't know where she is or where she lives. I haven't seen or talked to her seen she walked out my door, eight almost nine years ago.” The irritation in her voice was plainly heard.
“I understand-”
“No!

I don't think you do but, whatever trouble she's in, she'll have to find her own way out.” She held the phone over the receiver ready to hang up when his words stilled her hand.
“Ma'am, Amy's in the hospital!” He practically screamed in the phone.
There was silence on the other end of the line. Sandra was shaking while trying to hold on. Her mind was boggled going over everything in slow motion, everything he'd said so far didn't explain squat. He was trying to get her to relapse, she knew it was only a matter of time before someone would try this. And to use her daughter's name didn't help matters any.
“This morning Amy was on her way to work, behind her building she collapsed. That's where I found her, she was lying on her side with her eyes open, pleading for someone to help her.” He wiped his tears away and continued, “we've been in the waiting room at Mercy Hospital, waiting on word of her condition. The doctor just came in moments ago and the news isn't good.” He stopped to allow what he'd said so far to sink in.
“My baby girl's in the hospital? Is this a joke?” Half laughing and half crying, Sandra stared at the night's sky and begged for this to be a joke. If it was the punishment for this boy would be quick.
“Why the hell

would I joke about this?” Terrance demanded. He'd never met Amy's mom and the way this conversation was going it's a good thing too. But seriously how could she ask if what he was saying was a joke? Was she sick?
“Look lady if you don't want to know just say so. 'Cause right now I'm wasting my time talking to you when I could be doing other things.” He said through gritted teeth.
Scared to death at his tone of voice Sandra curled up on the chair and whispered, “is it money you want because if that's the case I'll pay whatever, just please leave my daughter alone?”
A growl escaped from the base of his throat, he was talking to a mad woman. He took a deep relaxing breath and blurted out, “Dr. Cutler said Amy went into cardiac arrest earlier, she stable now but had to be put in a coma. If you think I'm making this up then call the hospital yourself and ask. The number here is..” and he searched around until he found it and gave it to her before hanging up.
Everything compounded in her mind, fogging it completely. Was what this Terrance person said true? Was her daughter really there, in the hospital?
Standing up off the chair she shook her head, clearing her mind and was determined that everything was fine. Nothing was wrong with her daughter. Terrance whoever he thought he was wasn't fooling her into thinking whatever he wanted her to think.
If it was true the hospital would have called her. Right? But she hasn't talked to Amy in years, would she have told anyone about her own mother? Would she have said she had one?
When Amy had left all those years ago she had called Sandra 'paranoid and delusional'. And these words confused her to no extent, causing a reaction that should have never happened. Losing her temper that evening should have never escalated to her only child walking out the door saying 'she never wanted to see her again'.
Slamming the phone back down on it's handle, Sandra reached over the bar, grabbing a tumbler and poured herself a drink. The liquor was smooth as it flowed down her throat, soothing her nerves and relaxing her mind.
Slipping from the room, she ran up the stairs and slipped under her covers allowing the liquor to take control.

♥`♥`♥

St. Christopher's stood out from all other building like a sore thumb. It's bright blue walls were in desperate need of painting, the windows in need of some cleaning and this was just the outside of it. The inside was a whole other story. Each room that Dr. Ellicott passed was painted a different bright color, each with a paint splashed set of curtains covering the windows even though most rooms unoccupied.
The first thought that crossed his mind and caused tears to collect in his eyes was the blue reminded him of Amy's eyes. The way the sun hit them just right letting the dew shine in rainbow colors. And the different brightly colored rooms brought back memories of her style, her house, the way she was passionate about everything she did. The way she saw things and helped him see those things too.
Now the question was how was he supposed to work in a place that would remind him everyday of the woman he loved but walked away from? The woman that at this very moment that was fighting for her chance to survive?
New Jersey really took a step down from the hospitals in NYC. But nonetheless Dr. Ellicott presented a smile for each and every nurse, doctor and whomever else he happened to pass by on his way to his new office.
Once inside he shut the door and walked over to the window, looking out at the sunrise he whispered, “the only way you're going to get through this is to stop thinking about how she is and get to work”. After the meaningful pep talk, the door opened to his office.
“I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be in here this early.” Tina said shyly. “I was just going to drop these off on your desk for you to look through. And if you have any questions my name is Dr. Tina Roberts. We'll be working on the same floor together, at least to start off.”
By passing his desk Tina walked over to where he stood and handed him the papers directly. Lifting her chin up to show that she did in fact have confidence and no matter what he looked like, he didn't intimidate her. But my God he was gorgeous, she thought while standing close to him.
Thomas took the papers without looking at them and tried to smile through his pain. Tina was beautiful in her own way, about five-ten he figured, light brown hair that was pulled up in a bun and green-gray eyes. But she was nothing compared to the way Amy looked. Nothing in this woman standing in front of him made his heart beat faster or made him want to close the gap between them.
“Dr. Thomas Ellicott,” he stuck his hand out in between them. The moment he looked down at the papers his tears fell.
“It was nice meeting you Thomas. I'll let myself out and see you later.” Tina spoke softly. She'd seen the tears, knew there was a story behind them but didn't ask. It would take time for him to get to know her and talk. And there would come a time, she hoped she could confide in him some of the things she's never told anyone either.
Taking a step back, she turned around without another word spoken and left his office. Last night she'd had both ups and downs and honestly didn't know how to take another doctor's emotional cries in front of her. Keeping her emotions bottled up inside was the only way to survive working where she did.
He didn't bother watching her leave, it didn't matter one way or another. Walking over to his desk, Thomas sat down, leaned back, raising his hands to his face and cried alone.
The phone sitting all alone on the desk rang, an annoying sound in itself. Pulling himself back up, Thomas picked it up and answered, “Dr. Ellicott”. His voice filled with grief.
“Thomas I have a situation here and I need some advice.” Caleb said in a rushed tone. He was sitting behind his desk, raking his fingers through his hair and wondering if the day could get worse. If the next time this happened they would all lose the fight.
“Caleb what could you possibly need my advice for? You've been a doctor longer than I have, if anything I should be the one calling you for advice.” He said leaning back in the chair and stretching his legs underneath the desk. Getting comfortable waiting for his smart comment back. All the while wiping tears from his eyes.
“I don't know that much about Amy and I wish I did but-”
“Please don't Caleb, I said I didn't want you calling me and telling me about her.” His voice shook before he had control of it as he sat straight up. I'm having enough problems on my own without you adding to them.

God everything reminded him of her.
“Anyway her condition is stable now but her heart monitor spikes every couple of hours then flat-lines only to start up again shortly after. This all happens before anyone can respond to the alarms. Honestly I've never seen anything like this before and I don't know if she'll make it long enough for the transplant.” Caleb had the print-outs sitting on his desk and was looking at them as he talked to Thomas.
“Have you let anyone go into her room and visit?” His mind started going over every possibilities, everything that could effect her and cause whatever it was to happen.
“Her mother hasn't shown up yet for visits and I won't let Ashley or her friend in to see her because of this.”
“Has anyone told her her mother is coming?” Thomas had a feeling this is what was setting off her heart.
“I haven't said a word to her but one of the nurses might have.”
“You need to gather all the nurses, everyone that goes into her room and tell them all not to mention anything about her mother.” Thomas raked his fingers through his hair and cursed under his breath. From what little Amy has said about her mother, they don't get along and any mention would be disastrous.
“There's something you're not telling me, isn't there? What is it?” Caleb asked harshly.
“Amy's relationship with her mother doesn't exist. And any mention of her will end badly. Just get everyone together before anyone else goes in her room and if it happens again, call me.”
“Okay, talk to you later I'm sure.” Caleb hung up in the process of standing and walked swiftly out of his office and down the hallway.
Quickly walking past Amy's room Caleb stopped mid stride when he heard an unfamiliar voice coming from inside. Opening the door he walked inside and saw an older woman sitting beside her bed, muttering words to Amy. “Excuse me, who are you?”
“Oh,” she stood up quickly, raising her hand to her mouth to cover it and then dropping it. “Miss. Sandra Miller, her mother. I came as quick as I could. At first I didn't believe it but I had to make sure. What happened to her? Why is she not waking up?”
“Miss. Miller would you be so kind as to-” The alarms sounded next to the bed and she was rushed out.
“Oh my God! No!” Sandra yelled. Tears were streaming down her cheeks while she watched her daughter die. Scrambling to get control of herself, Sandra ran to her daughter's bedside and slapped her in the face while screaming, “you can't leave me!”

♥`♥`♥

A couple hours later when Amy's vitals were once again stable, Caleb returned to his office and called Thomas. As much as he hated telling him to do things, he really needed him now.
“You've reached Dr. Thomas Ellicott. Leave a message and I'll return you're call as soon as possible, thank you.” Beep.

“Look Thomas I don't think what we discussed earlier is what wrong. Honestly I think she's figured out you're gone and she's giving up. And as her doctor, I'm going to do everything in my power to save her so I'm telling you you need to come back here, maybe visit every so often so she knows you're still around.” Caleb sighed and hung up. Hoping Thomas would get the message soon and show up here because if not there wasn't much more he could do for her.
After leaving Amy's room he'd told all the nurses that if something happened to page him immediately. Caleb didn't want to take the chance of leaving the hospital and have something happen so he hunkered down for the ride.
Seeing Amy laying on the hospital bed, fighting with everything she had left inside her caused his heart to constrict. He knew what Thomas believed he'd done was right but with everything that's happened since he'd left, it's hard to see what was right or what was wrong anymore.
Caleb sat behind his desk with his eyes closed asking for divine intervention or an answer from above telling him how to save her. One way or another he wouldn't give up.
By the time he was almost completely certain his phone would never ring, it did. Racing from the other side of his office, Caleb dove for it and answered, “Dr. Cutler,” with a grunt.
“Dr. Cutler this is Dr. Roberts from St. Christopher's Hospital.” Tina took a exasperated breath then continued, “okay here's the deal. I know Dr. Ellicott worked there with you but he works here now and I can't have you calling him telling him about patients he once had. He was fine until he got off the phone with you earlier then he just left. I'd appreciate it if you'd not relay messages to him about her. He's having a rough enough time about it without you adding to it.”
“So what are you saying, I can't call him?” Caleb said through gritted teeth.
“We've spoken about this and have both come to the same conclusion. So, please don't call here about a patient of yours.” She blew out her breath.
“Since you're the go-between person here, I'll tell you what. Tell Thomas to go to hell.” Caleb slammed the phone down and stomped out of his office.

♥`♥`♥

An out-of-body experience has to be the weirdest thing that's happened to Amy since this whole thing started. But through it she's learned a lot of things. One thing is that Thomas no longer works here, Caleb was now her doctor and finally if this didn't kill her she didn't know what would but Thomas no longer wanted her in his life. Period.
So the only thing left to do would be to simple push him out of her mind, make him disappear for sight and take control. Easier said than done, she thought. Because he was the one she hung on to when she needed an anchor to return. He was the reason she'd clung so hard to living. He was the only one that truly held her heart in his hands.
No more, she told herself, she couldn't rely on anyone except herself from now on. And if she didn't get control the next time her heart went crazy she wouldn't have the strength to come back. She'd never get the chance to breathe the fresh air, see the amazing sunrise in the morning or set in the evening, she'd never get her chance to have someone else love her the way she knows she can love another. Nothing can be worse than living without really living.
Gathering what little strength she had left from the last episode, she calmed herself, relaxed back inside her body and thought of happy things. Things that made her smile. Rainbows, butterflies, flowers, painting. Yes that's it, she'd think about her painting again. And maybe when she survived this she could paint again.
She smiled to herself and then cried one last time.
Caleb walked into Amy's room and saw fresh tears sliding down her cheeks. Brushing them away, he sat down beside her and watched her as she sleep. All the anger he'd had moments ago vanished as he watched tear after tear escape her closed eyes. She was crying, he knew this and he knew why but didn't say it out loud. There was no need too.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.01.2011

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Widmung:
I am dedicating this story to a friend of mine, Lori, who has had more courage than I would ever have. God Bless you and I miss you.