Foot Steps

I hear them crunching gravel, kicking up small dust storms. Closer, closer they creep. Friend or foe? You'll never know until it’s too late to turn back. Leafs crunch underfoot, grass bending. Closer, ever growing closer. Heavy with the weight, heavy and scuffling. 

I hide, in the bathroom, door locked. Head down. Silent. Deadly silent as I stop breathing, stop beating. Only noise is the footsteps. They scrap the pavement, my walkway. Closer, closer. Wood. Creak, crunch, creak. Up to the porch, the door. Silence.

Heart frozen in my chest, a lump of ice. Fear, hot radiating fear. I swallow, to loud. I beg to hear the footsteps once again. The silence is deafening. A Itch in my throat, the temptation of a cough. I swallow, trying to hold it back. No! Not now! It comes, despite my efforts. Loud and booming. I still, had the prying ears heard?

A knock. A new sound, followed by another. Sharp. Demanding. No! My head screams. They had heard. Whoever lies out there knows that I slink in here. Could they smell my fear, feel it running off of me like sweat. Wait, it was sweat. Again the knocks come, closer together now. Demanding an answer. I pull myself to my feet, but stay rooted to the spot. Glued by terror as I stare at the bathroom door.

Beautiful Monster

It was peaceful, beautiful in the forest. Soft shades of green that reflected the air, the songs of the wind blowing through its leaves. Sun shining through the thick foliage, broken up by leaves as it reaches towards the ground with long fingers. The soft padding of a deer as it trotted to a fresh lawn of grass. Untouched by human hands, rough bark scored by the claws of a brown bear, marking its territory with strength. A soft sigh as the stream flows, broken by the cries of rocks in his path. The sound broken by birds chirping, startled by a shuffle in the trees. A sound the forest has never heard, gears grinding, and smelling dark smoke in the air.
The creature came through a blanket of black on the brightest day there was, flowers finally opening their petals and allowing the sun to shine on their beauty. Ripped from their roots and tossed aside as a child’s teddy bear in anger. Trees scream as they are broken from their posts, their roots to their mother gone. Somewhere a brown bear howls as she watches her den being torn away, her children dead inside. The once bright sky of fluffy white clouds has been choked with a black demon. The peaceful air now cracks with the booming noise of a machine churning up the earth, Mother Nature.

Inside Us...

She was dead, bit the dust with a sweet, tortured tongue.
An evil gleam in the eye as the monster towered over her and laughed her name to the bright sun.
However, I stood there paralyzed, staring at the body below me with a twist in my heart, painful and alone.
Empty and hollow as I breathe cold air, frosted in my lungs as the warm sun betrays me and warms my skin.
She was everything I had and the monster sunk, burdened with my sorrow.
The dead angel looked into the hazel eyes of the monster, at me.
And the monster trembled with the coldness that shook me to the core.
I look to the blood of the woman on my hands
and the monster smiles a twisted smile that breaks mirrors.
As I look up the smile is on my face, the sorrow vanished.
The angel gone, bit the dust with a sweet tortured tongue.

Why did I believe?

I turn away from his dark glory,
I will not let him see me cry,
Let him see the misery he caused me,
I will not let him control my life with evil hands,
Masked in gloves to give fake comfort,
I will not turn to the heavens again,
And feel his unholy shine,
I will not say his name in praise,
Nor lift my eyes full of joy to his rays,
But keep my head down,
He unworthy of my love,
Unworthy of my heart to hold,
God!
Did you not hear my prayers,
My pleas for mercy.
Will you not let me in your gates because i am gay,
Because i have tried to commit suicide,
Or maybe because i watch porn,
I've tried a drink or two,
I have unholy thoughts of people who are not my own?
I doubted you and even saw truth in other gods other then you.
But i loved you.
Now you watch me suffer with not even a warm hand for comfort.
I've asked if you hate me,
now i know that is not true.
you love all your puppets
But when i broke the strings,
My misery became your joy.
I will never open my shattered heart to you again
for you have betrayed me.
Betrayed us all.

Uncharted Waters

He held my hands in his, delicatly small compared to his veined, grease stained hands. I flinched as my red, frozen fingers touched his burning warm palms. His thumb brushed the skin on the back of my hand and I could feel his heart beat through them. Strong and steady, unlike my own which had jumped into my throat and fluttered like a humming birds wing beat. I kept my gaze on our hands to keep my eyes from his, though I could feel his stare on me. 
When I could feel my fingers once again I pulled my hands from his, but he held fast. Letting go with one hand, which freed me none from his other hands grasp, he lifted my chin so I would look at him. His grip on my hands were firm, but when he touched my face it was gentle. I knew he would be able to feel my pulse through the veins in my neck, even though his fingers only grazed it. I knew as soon as i saw his eyes, normally light blue, were dark and glittery. The smile on his lips made his eyes shine with amusement.
He leaned in so his breath brushed the hair by my ear. Soft words were spoken and weak replys came from my lips. Finally an agreement was made on action and he kissed my neck, hands letting go of mine and trailing down to my hips. He stepped back, and sat on the couch behind him, pulling me onto his lap. Our lips met as I came down and I instantly pressed into him for more, his lips even warmer then his hands. The heat between my legs warmer still and I felt him smirk against our kisses. 
My heart sank as I heard the door slam and we looked up to see his wife. Who stood there in shock, staring. My sister looked to our hands intertwined on his chest, my legs over his. I could tell my sister was angry as her hands balled into fists.

Impressum

Lektorat: Me, myself and I
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 12.11.2012

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
To my mother, who never has let me down.