Some people say its sad what happened and others say it happens sometimes its just part of life. I think it was just to make me stronger.

Before I was born my parents fought all the time over everything. My mom was one of the nicest people you could meet if you were on her good side. She wouldn't hurt anybody unless someone hurt her loved ones then she'd do something. Then for some reason she fell in love with my dad. He was a nice man when you met him. At home he was a completely different person. When he was in public he was super nice, but at home he was like a monster. When I was little I didn't understand why but as I grew up I understood more. He had a "reputation" to keep. Well anyways, they fell in love and started dating. Soon after my mom got pregnant with me. Everything was going fine, they had an apartment together and two cars. One was automatic and the other stick-shift. Mom could only drive automatic. One day they got in a huge argument like usual and Jim(my dad) went to work. Mom was so frustrated and tired of being yelled at she walked to the bowling alley,two blocks away,and 5 months pregnant. She did that everyday after Jim left and drank. She would meet friends up there sometimes too. After awhile Jim followed her to the bowling alley and started yelling and screaming at her in front of everybody calling her a slut and a bunch of other unneeded names. That night she called her dad,my papa, and he came and picked her up. Three weeks later I was born. We stayed with papa for about a year. Within that time she was still seeing Jim on and off. When I turned 1 we moved back to the apartment. But she was smart this time and bought her own car before moving back. We went back with papa a month later because he started up again. And still she dated him. She got pregnant again with my sister when I was about two and a half. She got back together with him ONLY because she didn't think she could raise to girls on her own. So needless to say we moved back with him again. When she was about 3 months pregnant they bought a house and we moved in. My sister Savanna was born in April of 98. There was still a lot of fighting but we never went to papas to stay. I think she only stayed because of me and my sister. As we got older I became a daddy's girl and my sister a mommy's girl. I tried to do everything to make him happy. I used to make him coffee when I was six and drink it with him. When I turned seven my whole world turned. One day he came home drunk and started screaming and throwing things. I walked into the kitchen and he turned to look at me, then started coming at me. I didn't know what he was doing so I stood there. Big mistake. He rammed into me and I fell on the ground so hard it knocked the wind out of me. I lay there as he repeatedly kicked me saying I was stupid and I was good for nothing like my mother. That night I slept in my closet with my bedroom door locked. The next day I crawled out of my closet and looked in the mirror. I had bruises all over my body. I was in so much pain I crawled into bed and starred at the ceiling. My mom came in my room and asked if I was ok. I usually am the first one awake. I told her I was sore and hurt. She said it was probably because I slept in my closet. I didn't know how to tell her my dad. my supposedly hero hurt me. So I just said yeah and got up, got dressed and went to the bathroom. I heard the front door open and close. I knew he had left for work so it was safe. That day I went to school but didn't do anything. The teachers asked if I was ok and I just cried. I couldn't say or do anything but cry. They called home and my mom said I was probably sore because I slept in my closet. I went home and stayed in bed the rest of the day. Weeks went by and the same thing happened almost every night. Sometimes he'd hit my, sometimes he'd kick or punch, others he'd scream and throw things at me. When I was almost eight something happened that I will never forget. One day Jim had to watch me because mom had to take Savanna to the doctors so Jim took me to a party at his friend's house. I went upstairs as told and fell asleep. I woke up to a man on top of me and my mouth taped shut. I couldn't see his face but I could hear his voice and smell his breath. He was drunk. He raped me for what seemed like forever then left. I got up and locked myself in the bathroom. All I wanted to do was go home. I never felt so violated in my life. Jim took me home in the morning. He dropped me off at the house, got ready for work then left. I went in the bathroom and took a bubble bath in my clothes. When I got out my mom asked me why I kept them on. I lied and said I was so tired that I forgot. I guess it worked because she told me to get dry clothes on and come in the kitchen for dinner. After that day I never went with Jim to a party ever again. As I got older the bruises got bigger and the beatings worse. He hit me with the car at least three times. That's all I remember that he hit me with the car because the last time he did he had to take me to the hospital because I couldn't walk. Skipping ahead to my ninth birthday. Jim took me to McDonald's for my birthday because mom had to work. Everything was fine at first then he said it. He said that he hated me and wished that I was never born. He said I was the biggest mistake of his life. We got home and he shoved me in my room and that's where I stayed. In October mom mother gave birth to my little brother. He treated my brother and sister like Gods. I was like the slave. One day when my brother Cj was a baby. Almost one year old he was on the bed crawling around with my sister watching him. I walked in and sat on the bed. Well Cj crawled too close to the bed and fell off. He screamed and cried and mom and Jim ran in. He looked at me and grabbed me by my hair and dragged me in my room. I was corned. He kept poking me in my forehead then slammed my head against the wall and walked out. Mom ran in and held me, rocking me back and forth as I cried. That day I avoided him like the plague. He didn't say word to me the rest of the night. As my brother, sister, and I grew older our parents grew further apart. They were constantly fighting. Jim was gone most of the time which was nice. He was either at work making money or off at a bar or something playing poker or shooting pool loosing money. Sometimes he would win though. We always knew when that was because he would go buy something new. He never saved his money. Always spent it, but on himself of course. When his brother would come down to visit they would go golfing. I used to ask if i could come, but they said I would get bored and I couldn't hit the ball very far so it would take all day. But they took all day anyways, so I didn't see the big deal. Mom just always told me it was their men time. I kinda just got over it after awhile. When I was about 12-13 my mom started splitting away from Jim. The separated on my 13th birthday. He didn't come to my party because he was moving his stuff from the house to his buddy Jerry's house. It didn't really bother me that he wasn't there. It actually made me feel better that he wasn't there and that he was moving out. Before we went home from my party, mom took me to the store and we got a new lock for the door! Now he couldn't come in unless we let him in. I felt much safer that way. After he moved out it wasn't really better at home. It was because no one was getting hurt, but Savanna and Cj were kinda sad which made me sad. I hate seeing people sad or in pain, especially family or friends. Jim still came around sometimes for Cj and Savanna. I usually was in my room or gone while he was here. Most people didn't and still don't get why I hate him so much, but if they only knew the side of him that I did they'd understand. When I was about 13-14 Jim was out for about a year. He'd always have the police drive by or one of his friends, to see if we were home, and if we were then who was with us if anyone. He didn't live there for about a year and he was still controlling us. After awhile he kinda stopped. 2 weeks after my 14th birthday my mom started seeing some guy named Ron. I only saw him once and he wasn't cute. About a week after they started dating she brought him to the house to meet Savanna, Cj, and I. She told us to clean up the house a little bit and to behave when he came. When he got there Savanna and I were on the couch watching him as he stood by the door. Cj was on the floor in front of the TV watching his show. We just starred at him as he stood there and took his shoes off. Mom walked in behind him telling him to take his shoes off and that he could go sit on the couch or the other chair. For some reason he chose the couch. Savanna scooted over closer to me and I scooted closer to the edge. I think he thought it was funny so he kept scooting with us. Me and Savanna ended up on the floor. As he sat there we would look at one another then at him then back at each other. This went on until mom started a conversation. He started talking about his jobs and his kids. After about 10 minutes of listening to him go on and on Savanna and I got bored and said we had to go do something and walked to our room. We closed the door and started talking about what we thought of him. Savanna said he was weird and he liked talking about himself and that she didn't like him. I said he was weird too and that he should know we don't care about that stuff and that he smelled. We both laughed when I said that. Mom walked in on us laughing. She asked if we were ok then told us to come back in to not seem rood. At the time we didn't care if we were rood or not, he scooted us off the couch. But we listened to her and went back. A few weeks went by and he brought two old cars over and mom let him keep them in the driveway. After about 3 weeks this women comes to our front door and starts screaming at my mother. Me, being the nosy one of the house, goes to the front door and stands next to mom. The lady screaming at my mother was the man's wife. Mom was just standing there taking what the lady had to say. I can't stand people yelling at my mother so I said something after the lady did. She said I was a lovely young girl and didn't want to turn out like them. She probably meant screaming over a man. I said, What a slut like you? She shut up after that. I told her I was calling the cops for harassment and she said fine go ahead, she was calling them too I guess. I'm not sure why though because she

was causing the problems at my

house. Well after the cops were called there were about 3 or 4 cops total at my house. That had to look bad. I honestly didn't care as long as she was gone and didn't come back. The cops made the Ron (the man) take the cars out of our driveway and told Melinda (the crazy lady) to stay away from our house. From that day on she drove by our house at least 3 times a day. My mom told me that I was aloud to call the cops on her if she came on our property or if she didn't stop driving by us all the time. When mom was at work one day Malinda came to the house thinking no one was home. I ran out the door at her and told her to stay away from my house and mother and if she didn't I would make her life a living hell and would call the cops again. She looked at me and drove off. I never saw her around my house or mother again. For a 14 year old I guess I was very intimidating. Now that I look back on that day it makes me laugh. After all that, Ron stopped coming around. Soon after, they broke up. I was kinda happy they broke up. I didn't like him much. When they were dating and she wouldn't answer his calls, he would call my phone and go back and forth like that. I hated it. I hate the cops but that was the month I called the cops at least 5 times. He was a very controlling person to date. He wasn't any good for my mom. Sometimes I feel like my moms protector. Looking back on it I guess I was her protector. That was the craziest birthday month I've had. In November Jim was sent to rehab for the sixth time. This time it was a rehab center in West Virginia. I stopped feeling bad for him after his second time. Why should I feel bad for him if hes gonna keep doing it? Well anyways, as all this was going on my papa (my mom's dad) was dating this woman named Nancy. I met her and she seemed ok to me but kinda fake. I can usually tell if someone is fake by listening to them talk or watching them interact with people. When she said hi to me and my mom I could tell something wasn't right. But anyways, she started taking me to church with her. At first I didn't like it very much but after awhile I got used to it. Still to this day I go. After I started going regularly I met people and talked with them. My favorite people to talk with were Silvia and Sarah. Silvia was married to Ferd and is still in her 60's. She was the sweetest person. Sarah was and is in her 20's. When I first came to the church she was pregnant. She was really sweet too. After the baby was born I used to go in the nursery with her and but baby Charlie to sleep. I loved it so much, he was and is adorable. Well after about 2 months of Nancy driving me back and forth from home to church and back she started complaining. So I found this lady Jane at the church. She is the most giving person I know. She lived about a mile away from me and offered to drive me every Sunday back and forth. She still does it to this day. We have a community meal at my church. Its every 4th Sunday of the month. I've been doing that for about 2 and a half years now. I love it. it makes me feel good to know that I fed someone that needed to be. And most of the time I out a smile on their face, all you have to do is smile and show you care. We cook the food, serve it, then clean up. Most people are shocked to find out how young I am and volunteering to do it willingly. But most people doesn't know how it feels to help somebody. I have the privilege to know that feeling. Well anyways, Jim got fired from his job. He was smoking pot and had to take a random drug test and he got in trouble. When I found out I just laughed. I knew he would have to get caught sometime. And I didn't feel bad for him because he did it to himself. He soon went to rehab again. Not a surprise I know. I loved it when he went to rehab. I felt so free, like a bird. I never wanted him to come back again but sadly he always did. When he came back he was always in a bad mood but only with me. What a surprise.....NOT! I didn't know why he it was with me, its not like I made him smoke the weed.So he had no reason to be mad at me. Soon after he moved out again he told us everything. He blamed me and my mom for him smoking pot and stuff. He blamed me and mom for him always going to bars or some other place to shoot pool or play poker so he can gamble. We didn't understand how WE made him go do that stuff. But now I understand that WE didn't. It was just his stupid excuse so he wouldn't seem stupid. Oh well, guess that didn't work very well. Some people say I have a good attitude for all the stuff that I've been through. I just think of the stuff that happened to me as a test. Everything happens for a reason. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger. That's how I see things. Some people say I'm crazy for what I think, well I really don't care what they think. It works for me so I'm gonna keep it that way. While he was in rehab again mom was talking to me about divorcing him. I thought it was a good idea but she made some good points against it. One was we couldn't afford it. another was Savanna and Conrad would be vary sad. I think that was all that she came up with. So I had to come up with points with divorcing him. I said that if she did me and her would be safe. We wouldn't get hurt by him anymore. We wouldn't have to buy as much food as we had to, because he wouldn't eat it all. I told her we could do it. I knew we could do it. That day I looked in the phone book for lawyers. I called this one lawyer that has worked with families and saw that she didn't cost that much. So I gave her a call. She seemed very nice and understanding so I took down her cell phone number and said I would try to get my mom to call her. When I said that she asked how old I was. I told her my age, and at the time I was 14. She said I was very smart for calling her and trying to help my mom. Later that day while I was doing the dishes mom was on the phone. She got off and looked confused. I asked her what happened and she said that the lawyer is gonna do it, but she also told me something that almost gave me a heart attack. Jim was coming home early. I could have died right then and there. He was supposed to come home in 4 weeks. But hes getting out 3 weeks early. That meant we had to get this process done quickly. She called the lawyer back and told her what was going on. She said she will have the papers in 2-3 days tops. We could breathe finally. A couple days later we got the papers in the mail. We were so happy! She told us we could pick someone to serve the papers to him or she could. We wanted to choose, so we chose my uncle Mike. He is from New York and hates Jim. That's why I chose him. Jim is afraid of Uncle Mike because he knows Mike could kill him. Uncle mike came in a few days after the papers came in and went to give them to Jim. I was smiling the whole time. Mostly because I was gonna get to see his face when he saw mike then him give Jim the papers. I was in the passengers seat and then we saw him. I told Mike that was him in the black. He said I know then got out of the car. I couldn't help it and I started busting out laughing. The look on his face when he saw my uncle come out of the car was priceless. Well to me it was. Mike handed him the papers and came back to the car. I looked at him and asked what happened. He said that once Jim saw him that he thought Jim was gonna pass out. I almost died of laughter when he said that. On the way home he took me to dinner and we talked. He told me that he knew what Jim did to mom and I. He said that hes never gonna do it to either of us again. I thought he meant he was gonna kill Jim, but he meant that Jim was gonna stay away from the house or he would kill him. After we finished he took me home. He stayed with us for about 2 months. That's how long it took Jim to get his stuff out of the house. Uncle mike has always been very protective over me since then. Each time I go to see him, he never lets me leave his sight unless I have my phone with him and he is near by. I think its nice, but it gets annoying sometimes.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.11.2010

Alle Rechte vorbehalten