Forbidden

I didn’t ask her, but it was okay. I had noticed some bits of food residue on the corner of her mouth. I had been starring at her out of the corner of my eye, while sitting at the Chico Street Park. She had been-to her-the prettiest woman that she had ever laid her eyes on before. She had caught me gazing at her before, but I quickly turned my head: trying to hide the embarrassment. I had seen her, I am sure, on a late night television show singing. I listened to her music on the radio while driving one day. Years ago, I accidently located a video of her No. 1 song. She was mesmorizmerizing in all essence of the word. That voice, those lips that sway of her hips. It was confusing, this feeling that I was feeling, that I was experiencing. I never was crazy about jazz, but her voice played an anthem that I had never heard before. Her voice like brass instruments all intangled into one sound. A symphony, of beautiful notes, that only became more intensified with the stringed instruments. She wasn’t like Jackie Jackson: not in sensuality or sex appeal – but clear and pure arousal. The kind like you had felt when you were young playing in fresh mowed lawn under the shade trees. That youth and innocence that cascaded off of your unmarked skin, a picture of simple bliss, that's how it felt at that moment. Her touch was gentle, soft, tenderly, and erotic. No disease, childhood terror, or broken heart could have infiltrated it. Purity, she had it, even in her singing. I loved it. I thirst for it, but not at this price.
She looked into my eyes and said softly, “you like me, don’t you”?
I almost parted my lips, but shut them just as fast as I had opened them. Thought second of responding, not knowing if my response would be deemed improbable or seen as cynical, I thought against it.
It’s best sometimes to hold your thoughts within the vault of your mind, that's what Madera- her grandmother- had shared so many times. I wasn’t sure if, didn’t know if, I should or shouldn’t have. My mind started to race. Questions played quickly through my mind. I thought, “What should I say? Should I even respond? What if this is trick?” My mind started to turn over with “what ifs…?” She could have been setting me up. So, I continued to say nothing.
She touched my cheek again, then placed the tip of her fingers under my chin; and with the softness of her fingers, I allowed her to turn my face towards her. She smiled. I melted. I was feeling my body do things that it had only done once since I could remember- violate me, do the forbidden, I felt the moisture between my legs, butterflies danced around my stomach, my legs were numb.
I felt this mechanical drive within compelling me to speak, I had no control, my mouth opened, and I said, “Yes, not only do I like you, but I have fallen in love with you. You have captured my soul with your music”.
She began to say something, but instead a tear flowed down her rosy cheek. I watched it, I wanted to stop it, to kiss it.
Tears were not meant for those lovely brown eyes, but I was stunned, befuddled, and crazed. Why was this woman with all this glory taking this time to talk to me? I was no one. My singing never went further than the church platforms. But here she was this beauty, a Nubian queen- woman of promise and influence, talking with me.
She said, “I am afraid to do what I have always wanted to do, for the media, for my parents, my hood, and my fears. I know all the laws and the curses, but I can’t deny my soul’s thirst for the touch of another woman.” The security of trust that reside in the arms of the same sex; no filth can enter her precious commodity, and she left the scene feeling clean and pure.
I heard it all before that something was wrong with my head. I am too beautiful, to valuable, to anointed, and to blessed to mess it up, but I saw this angel draped in Mocha and Cinnamon, and then once again this thirst, this innocence shot up through my loins like it had been hiding all these years. I want to have this, this purity, this moment of truth with her.
I saw her looking at me, and I thought, “She can feel my eyes, she knows that I am looking.”
She spoke, and said, “You weren’t the only one starring. I, too, was looking, but Baby Girl, I have become more perfected at it. So, I asked you a question, “do you like me”? Will you please, if nothing ever happens, will you please grant me the answer?” she said, “ It would bless me so much to know that I am still wanted.” She continued, “Believe it, or not, I am afraid of getting old, that I have lost time, opportunity, and love”.
I laughed (No, not outwardly.) She thought she was losing time? What time? Time was in her grasp. Here I was, no job, no friends, no direction, and graying! Who was losing time?
I looked watched as an arrow of ducks swam across the lake. I gazed up and found myself blinded by the Sun’s brightness, and responded,
“Yes, I am attracted to you. I like you, I believe I have been in love with you ever since I heard your first song on the radio, and although you were singing about a man, I felt your words were intended for a woman. When you sang, I danced in my soul with you”.
I stood from the bench and approached the lake, scooping up a handful of pebbles to toss into the water. She followed me, though I didn’t look. The sound of her footsteps and the warmth of her scent were evidence enough.
She said, “can you please not ignore me. I do understand this is strange, but I want to know. Because of my position I don’t just walk to the first attractive woman on the street and say “hey do you find me attractive?” or, “can we go out to dinner?” I know this could ruin my reputation.”
She then rubbed my arm. It felt safe. Damn it felt good. She eased down from me a little, I understood.
There was a black car cruising by at this time. Neither of us knew if it was the paparazzi or some news gossiper who could cause problems for us both, for I was not in any position to be seen either. I had been labeled by other parishioners, a “woman of the cloth”. I had long since stepped down, but was still known for the few services I’d done in the past.
The church, it can be just as horrendous as it is in the world. They don’t live perfect lives, and intend for you to, yet, do some of the same things. Yet, they will find scriptures to justify it, making their sin more righteous.
We headed back to the benches, chatting idly. A lady and a old man walked passed, spoke, passed each other suspicious glances. We sat down. I shook my head and I said “In this world-America- so much pretention isn’t it?”
She moved a little, as if she was trying to find something on the ground. She looked over at me, with her head hanging over, and we both started to smile. It was genuine. It was unified. It felt right.
She said, “Is it gone yet?”
I responded, ‘you mean the car?”
She said, “yes.”
I looked at the headlights disappearing around the corner, and said “yep, it’s gone.”
She grab her Dunn and Burke shoulder bag, reached inside it, and pulled out a sharpie pen and paper, wrote her personal cellphone on it, and handed it to me. I took it. Then, I took the same pen, and reached for her hands, opened them up, and wrote my personal cellphone number in it. After finishing, put the cap back on the pen, then I handed it to her, and said sheepishly,
“If you call me first, then, that will be my ok to call you; I am tired of games”.
She bobbed her head in agreement. She said,” I feel you”. She cleared her throat, then she said “You have been let down a lot haven’t you”?
I said, “no harm intended but if you have only walked in my shoes for a week, you would not even get the complete picture”.
She said,” believe it or not, I also have been stood up, let down, cheated on, and abandoned”.
I said, and you left out molested, raped by family, husbands, and lovers”.
She said nothing. What was there to say?
She just eased her hand over by mine and with her pinky finger rubbed back and forth, her way of saying I understand that you are hurting.
She said, “I took some time from rehearsal to just think".” Do you come here often?” she asked.
I said” no, I just moved here”. It may sound crazy, but I am on the run again. Trying to find peace, purpose, hope, and solace, some of the treasures that one never seem to possess in this time.
She thought for a while, and answered, “Why all the way to Texas”?
That I had no answer for, but responded, “why not Texas, i said quietly.

The phone rung, she heard it, but wanted to just ignore it's chiming. She didn't want to be bothered. She just wanted to remain still and quiet, for as long as she could. She was tired of life's whims, its cares, and mysteries. She wanted to just to be left the hell alone.

She reached for it, grabbed it before it could chime again, “hello”. Hi I am Myranda Everhart, and I was looking for a “Ms. Tangy Williams”.
She didn’t recognize the voice at first, but said, “ Oh, hi this is Tangy”.
“Tangy, you may not remember me, but the other day you and I were talking at the community lake off of Wilshire drive”.
Tangy said, “you mean Chico Street”, without laughing, but she wanted to laugh, dance, holler, drum, but said simply, “hello”.
Tangy said, “hi”.
Myranda said, “I was wondering what are doing this afternoon? I have some free time, and I would like to go see a show or maybe go out for a bite to eat, if you don’t mind”?
“No”, she said,” I am free ,as a matter of fact”.
She had been free for some months now. She didn’t have job, though looking, nothing became of her searching so far, but she wanted more than anything to be in the company of this beautiful dandelion, her new found friend.
She never let it register that she was a star, a public figure either; she didn’t want to allow the fears to destroy her peace, her hope.
Myranda fearing that they had got disconnected, looked at the receiver, the phone was still on, no dial tone, she said, “Are you there?”
She answered, and said, “ I am here".
Myranda said, “Will you be free”?
“Yes, I will”.
“So, what time are you wanting to meet Tangy asked”?
Myranda thought about it, and said, “ Let’s say around 6:00 P.M.” “I want to spend as much time as possible before my flight out to LA tomorrow, if you are up for it”?
“I promised that I would call remember”, she exclaimed.
Tangy keyed in on the trip to LA and said, “I don’t want to hinder you from getting ready for your trip, so how about next time”?
Myranda said nothing. Then, Myranda said, “6 O’clock it is then”?
She continued, “Oh, by the way, before we hang up, can you tell me where you live so I can come and get you?” Myranda said.
Tangy said,” I am impressed already so you drive?”
Myranda laughed, and she quickly responded sharply, “don’t black folks eat greens and cornbread with their fingers?”
They both laughed.
Tangy gave her the address, and hung the phone up.
She thought about what just had happen to her. Then, she slowly walked towards the living room, but took off and ran down the hall yelling “hell yeah”!
She stopped, she came back to her senses, and said “O shit, gotta find something to wear”. She ran back down the hall, opens the walk in closet, and pushed, pulled, look, sighed, and said, “I got to go find something presentable”.
She diaedl her card service up to check the balance, the representative said $1, 399. 23 she knew that’s all she had out of her life savings, but this woman was worth it. She would worry about tomorrow when it got there; she had tonight to deal with first. She permed her hair. She arched her eyebrows, and took a long bath.


She thought about taking a nap, then the phone rang. She ran to it, hoping it was her, but it was Willie.
“Hello, hey baby”
“Hey”, she said. Her soul fell. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering if I can come over for a while, got off work…” he was rambling on and on,
She had lost him on the “hello baby”.
“Hey,” she said, “I am on my period today, I will call you back later.”
He said something or other, and she hung up.
“I hate those lame as lines men use. I wished I can just forget they exist sometimes.”
She went to the bedside, turned the alarm on and dozed off to sleep, smiling.


The alarm chimed. She groggily slid her body over to the edge of the bed, looked at the clock, she said, “Shit, I am not going to be ready when she gets here.” She bolted off the bed. Turned on the shower, stripped her pajamas off, and jumped into the tub. She bathed, rinsed, turned the water off, step onto the mat. She knew it was too good to be true. She looked down and a wet stream of blood was easing down her inner thigh. “Shit, damn, damn shit. Why now?” she asked looking up. No answer. She looked in the bathroom cabinet to see if she had remembered to get tampons and pads. She did. She was relieved. She cleaned herself back up, inserted a tampon, and placed a paney liner in the crouch of her underwear. Grabbed a few out of the box, just to be on the safe side, for she had no idea how bad it would get for her, she have had some terrible periods in the past few months. Walked into her room, found her purse, and placed them inside the inside pocket in her purse. She wasn’t about to get laid tonight anyways, so why get upset. She didn’t want to get laid. She wanted to be seduced, to be lured into that state of being. She better had stop thinking. She only had 30 minutes left anyway before Myranda would be ringing her doorbell. She put on her sundress she had purchased at Ross’s. pulled the tag off the little jacket she accessorized with it. Got her loop earrings, put her eyeliner and mascara on, lip gloss. She did a once over in the mirror and smiled. At 39 she still had it. She was thick but with purpose. She smiled at the way her body fitted the dress. Her hips alone defined her physique as sensual. She was sensual. She was attractive, and she was ready for this damn door to ring.
She heard the buzzer. She grabbed her bag, reached for the keys on the dresser, toss her hair, and walked to the front door, opened it, and damn don’t she smell good.
“Hey”, Myranda, smiling, said, “Are you ready?”
“Yes,” Tangy said, “I am about as ready as I am going to get.”
Myranda smiled and sucked her lip, and said “You look wonderful.”
Tangy smiled, she looked at her, thinking, “if I could just taste those sweet lips, the pumpkin would have to run away, for my prince is here.”
Myranda said, “Oh, you don’t like what I am wearing?”
Tangy, jolted back to the present and said, “What?
Myranda said, “You just were looking odd. It made me wonder I if I am dressed ok.”
She looked her over, “Oh, yes you look fabulous. You really know how to shop.”
Myranda was wearing a pair of apple bottoms, sandals, nice apple bottom top, and her hair was afro style.
Tangy said “Very chic.”
“Shall we go?” said Miranda.
Tangy eased the door shut, and walked towards the car as Miranda opened the door for her. Tangy got in, and Miranda got in on the driver’s side. Soon they were headed towards the Cinema 8 Theater. She hit the play button on the CD player and there was Sade.
“Now,” Tangy thought. “This is the most romantic evening I have had in a long time, and no sex is involved. I love this already.” She stopped her heart and said within, “Don’t ruin it. Stop jumping the gun, its jus the first date.”
Tangy asked, “What are we seeing?”
“Transformers 3, and then we would go out to eat, unless you want to go eat first? Because the next movie isn't showing until 12 midnight, and so I thought the earlier the better for us both, but since I had asked you it's your ball, it’s in your court.”
Tangy laughed. “What do you know about ball?”
Miranda said sheepishly, “You think I have been singing and that's all, all my life?”


"No," she said, "Girlfriend, I was into sports too, so read it and weep."
They both laughed. Tangy felt like she had met her long lost sister or something.
"What you want to do?" she asked.
Tangy said, “I am fine with it-Transformers. I guess it's time for change right?" She laughed. "You watch kiddie movies."
Myranda laughed. "Girl, this is, I have you know, everyone's movie, rated E: for everyone, not just the kids. I maybe famous, but I am still human."
Tangy grinned and said softly, "Sure you are."
When they got to the movie theatre, Myranda said, "Just in case there are paparazzi’s around or what have you, we are too look normal, like old school friends. I hope you don’t mind."
Tangy had forgotten about the scene from earlier today. She said, "Sure, its ok, I understand." Then asked, "Myranda, how do you live like this all the time always shunning the public scrutiny?"
Myranda said "It is a living hell. Really. I hate it. I have lost a lot of rest, love, sex, and time living like this, but it is part of the territory if you know what I mean?"
She cut the car off, after parking, grabbed her two free pass tickets, got out, opened the door for Tangy, and clicked the lock button on the car remote. They walked up to the line. People began to gawk at them, one little boy yelled "Hey that’s Myranda, from the musical Lady Jones." People start to gather asking for her autograph.
One lady asked, "Are you still marrying that beautiful Jonathon Nash?"
Myranda look over towards Tangy, she said, "As of right now, our plans have been delayed."
After what seeming to sign hundreds of autographs, they were seated.
Tangy thought as they sat, "Is this really what I am looking for? Can I handle this?" She wasn’t feeling it, but yet she was fond of Miranda.
Myranda knew that was a little too much for Tangy in one night, in last than one hours. She wanted to be normal tonight. To be forgotten about for half a night. She looked in her eyes, they told her of the rejection especially when that person start asking about her engagement to Mr. Nash. If only they knew how abusive, drug infested, and nympho that Mr. Nash was they would suggest she run. Being famous is costly, and some of the trapped animals of the media didn’t want to deal with that part, they just wanted to live, to just be left the hell alone. She looked over to Tangy, she thought how beautiful she was, how sophisticated she sat, how maturely she handled that challenge. She wanted to get to know her better. She wanted this person in her life forever. She reached over and grabbed her hand, entangled their fingers together. She whispered, "Thanks for coming with me. I sometimes just want to live like everyone else."
Tangy squeezed her hand back, and said "You must deal with the cards you have been dealt or fold."
Myranda said "Yeah I know. I think about that all the time. I love the money, but the invasion of my life I can’t stand it. Then there is the public etiquette one must display, right?


After the movie, Myranda asked are you hungry.
Tangy said, “Where will we go without being bombarded?"
Myranda said, "If you want to just go home, I will take you, but I wasn’t ready to depart from you yet."
Tangy could see the sincerity in her eyes, the longing for pure companionship. She said "No, I am not ready to go yet."
"Where did you want to go?"
Tangy thought. "Since your windows are tinted pretty dark, how about we order, I run in and get the food, and we go park somewhere and eat and chat."
Myranda smiled and said "My kind of gal: smart. Yes, that would be super!"
Tangy then said, "Where will we call, for we don’t have a phonebook?"
She said, "Ok, I know what, let’s go by the Subway, drive up, order the food, and I run inside and tell them I had to really use the bathroom, so if they would let me pay for it, and pick it up at the counter."
"Myranda, I feel like you have done this before, have you?"
" No, but for you my brain is moving in overdrive."
"Oh," she said, "Ok. That sounds good to me."
So, they found a Subway on Moore Street. It was pretty busy place but mostly upper-class patrons frequent this franchise. They drove to the drive through, order, and then Miranda was instructed to park in a semi dark parking area, while she ran inside and carryout the plan.
She went into the bathroom. She looked into the mirror. "I didn’t do all this to be sitting in a car, parked in some parking lot. What happened to dinner?" She knew the answer. Went into the stall, changed tampons, flushed, washed her hands, check her, prayed a lite fragrance over her dress, and walked out to the lobby, purchased their orders, got the diet soda, and headed to the car.
Myranda unlocked the doors, help Tangy to get the stuff in the car, and started down towards the pier. It seemed more romantic than sitting in the park. Sade was singing softly in the back ground.
Myranda said, "This isn’t what I had plan, please forgive me, I will have to think it through next time. I want you smiling."
Tangy said, "I am okay. Thanks for your time. You seem pretty busy you know. I am honored that you wanted to be a part of my day."
Myranda reached for her soda, the straw slipped out of Tangy's hand, she reached down while Tangy was reaching and grabbed at the same time tangy did. She was about to straighten up when their lips locked. She kissed her, tangy responded back. She enjoyed the sweet nectar. Then, tangy pulled away. Neither of them said anything. Not a word was spoken. Tangy was embarrassed.
Myranda was scared that Tangy would think badly of her. She said, “Can I have my sandwich?"
Tangy said "Can I have another kiss." They locked lips again. Tangy nibbled on Miranda’s lips. She kisses the sides of her mouth. Then, she softly grabbed her top lip, pulled lightly, and kisses, with just a hint of her tongue in her mouth. She loved the way Myranda responded. It was like they were meant for this, they were soul mates. They were intimate dancers. Unrehearsed, no clumsiness, but pure perfection.
Myranda said "Do you want to go back to your place?"
Tangy had forgotten all about her menstrual period, and said, "Not this time. I am afraid of what I might do."
Myranda said, "That is what I was hoping."
Tangy said "You have finace and I don’t want no diseases."
Myranda said "Listen, I would never put you in jeopardy. If I was doing something, I would be here with you now. I am where I want to be."
Tangy said, "You sure? I am not responsible for what may happen once you cross my threshold."
Myranda laugh, "Baby," she said, "If only you knew. I can make you forget all your rules, your past, your present. I can be convincing when I want something bad enough."
Tangy thought about that. That scared her, for what reasons she couldn’t put her finger on, but it bothered her.
Myranda looked at her, and she forgot what she was thinking about.
She said “Yes, Let's go to my house”.

She sat and listened to him talk. He always talked, did the same things all the time, everyday, nothing new or interesting. She listened to the music in the background- the Isley Song of Joy and Pain, the music got her to thinking about Myranda. Wondered what she was doing? Was she ok? Had she even considered her since their date last night. She hoped she didn’t think bad of her, for what she had done. She allowed it she understood, but she sort of felt like a man after it was over, no respect for the other. She should have turned the heat down, but she had played into it, as if she was an instrument. The power of control was fascinating. She thought, but she enjoyed pleasuring her. She felt strong, powerful, and needed. She wanted to keep the picture of her smile afterwards, she wanted to keep the scent of her nectar on her lips and around her nostril, but that would be just a little bit to nasty. She loved it, making her moan, leak, and sway her hips in a such rhymthic movements. She was beautiful. She loved every inch.
"Tangy," he called.
She snapped back to the the present, and said, "Yeah, why are you yelling?"
"Girl, where is your mind? I have been saying your name for a few minutes now. What in the hell are you thinking about? Or should I ask who were you thinking about?"
She said, "Look you know I have a lot on my plate lately. I have no job, and the economy sucks! You don’t have any money, and you have the audacity to ask me where my mind is or what I am thinking about?! What do you mean "who I am thinking about.?" Where do I have time to think about anything. You are either burning my phone up or begging me for something. I am a little tired of this anyways. I have been thinking, it’s not working any way, you get sober you try to be sweet, but soon as the boys call, pick you up, then, I end up crying, wounded, or fucked to death. I am tired of the broken promises. So how about if we just stop now. We can remain friends, if you want too. I mean I am not even fully divorced yet anyway. I have no idea which way I am going or where I am going at this point. And this relationship is draining the hell out of me."
He started to pick in his face.
she knew that when he does that that he is getting upset, but she is tired of walking in fear,. Yeah he was good in bed. He brought alive places that were dead for so long, but she is tired of making excuses for something that wasn’t good for her. Now she really want out. She didn’t know where this friendship would go, but she wanted to be available just in case. Damn she was confused.


The neigbors saw the Chrysler 300 parking. Rashad said to his friend "Tito man check this out. I can swear that looks like that singer Myranda somebody saw with Tangy"
Tito looked over Ray’s shoulder, and said "So, man come back and finished this dub. I got to get back home tonight. Mama said if I am late again she is going to throw me out on my head."
"Man," said Ray, "Your mama been saying that shit since I first met you. They need to find new scare tatics."
Tito laughed. "Well until I get my own shit, I think I am going to believe her crazy ass."
Ray was looking. He always was curious about Tangy’s fine ass. She was an older woman, but she had this sex appeal about her when she walked. She walked like she own the goddamn world. She step with those bow-leggs like she made her existence. He has always had a crush on her. She had daughters, they were alright, but he never believed that she had them. He thought that they were adopted or somethem. But he had the hots for her. Damn that man she got he ain’t shit either. I see him all the time with ugly ass women, young ugly ass women. Then, he has this fox, but don’t know what to do with her. That’s probably why he always go after babies. She probably to much woman for his ugly ass.

"Tito."
"What man?"
"Come here. Look" The both peeked through the blinds. "See them go inside the house together?"
Tito said, "What man, what? They just going inside. Girls hang out all the time."
Ray felt something not right, like he did about the other woman years ago: Jazton something or other. He said to his mom that day, "Mom do you think Ms. Tangy likes women?"
His momma, the good Christian woman that she was, said, "Son don’t think the worst of people without learning them first. Now stop being nosy!"
Tito said man, "I got one more song left to burn, I ain’t got all day. Get your narrow ass over here now so I can get my tail home before mamma gets there. I ain’t playin'."
Ray wanted to see if he could see anything, but he went on over to the computer to finish helping his friend. But he would keep his eye out. He knew he was onto something, but what or how would he find out. He refuse to tell that punk of hers anything. He didn’t deserve her. Not the way he be talking to her and fucking around on her. She knew he wasn’t any good, but she still let him come over sometimes. He would find out. He wouldn’t blame her any way. Men, at least the ones like his father, didn’t know how to love or treat a woman. He see their version of a good time: cursing them out, beaten them, making them do things to them in the name of loyalty, and then lookin undereyed at their chidren or their friends. So, if Tangie and this woman, he swear that’s that singing on BET, he wouldn’t judge her, but he want some too.


Myranda asked if she could sit down,
Tangy said "Sure have a seat. Want something else to drink? Looks like you’ve finished off your diet soda."
Myranda looked towards her behind the bar and said, "What do you have in mind?"
Tangy said, "I have some Mesacodo, Tangery, Alazae, and wine coolers. Your pick."
She said, "A little Mescado please."
She brought the wine glass to her.
She sat down next to her and said, "So we are here, did you want me to rewarm your sandwich?"
Myranda said, "I don’t mean to be so coy or blunt, but me, I need rewarming."
Tangy smiled. She always had that affect on the men and the only other woman she had in her life. She gave what she had inside: passion, delectable, tantalizing, and delicious. She love to woo her lover. Although her and muranda just had met, she could tell she was somewhat a virgin to this world of hers, and she wanted to really, without a doubt, school her.
She said: "I guess, if you have the time, it can be arranged."
She walked over to the stereo and turned on the soothing sounds of Miles Davis, turn it down a tad, kicked of her sandals, sat side ways facing Myranda, and took her right hand and began to rub her ear, then she looked at her neck and eased over and lightly kissed it. She didn’t want to rush things, she wanted to please every inch of her. She took her hand and kiss each finger softly, gliding her tongue like layering a cake with icing, each crevice at a time. Then she took her by the hands and laid her back on the couch.
Myranda only obeyed the request without regard. She kissed her forehead, glided her tongue over her perfectly arch eyebrows, then down her nose, to his lips. Ooo those lips, lips of nectar. Like a sweet peach she peck them first. She gently kissed then took her tongue and eased it in between her lips softly. She tongue her, and Myranda tongued back. They kissed, while Tangy rubbed her thighs, her stomach, her breast, and she eased her soft hands between those to Lebanon trees. She found what she was looking for.


He wasn’t having it. "No way!" he thought. He had done too much for her. He helped her repair that raggedly ass place so she could live lavishly. He cleaned the yard, and up kept the roses for her, but now she was dissing him. He wasn’t leaving without getting some kind of pay. He tried to soothe her. He said, while rising,
"Hey baby you know I love you. You know you have been the only woman I have been with since we met."
She wasn’t listening. She had heard these lame lines so many times, she could adlib with him.
She said "Look, I know you don’t understand, but I don’t think there is anything I can reward you with for your endless due benevolence, I am just tired of trying to keep you happy, and the only thing that you want is a free meal, freak in the morning and freak in the evening, me keep you supplied with cigs and clean clothes. I am not a damn slave I am a human being, and you don’t respect me. You lie to me all the time, for no apparent reason. I am tired. Do you hear me? Damn tired! Now get the fuck out of my house!"
He reached to grab her, but she had beat him to the draw she had the box cutter hidden in her pants. He never notice that she never sat down all the way, always with her legs leaning over some, to keep from putting a hole in her furniture.
She wasn’t going to allow him this time to harm her. She was tired of this instant replay that always seem to play out when she said the word no. "No, I am not having this bull tonight. And when you leave this time, don’t bring your dumb ass back here. I have tried, but no more!"

She meant it this time. She had cared for him; he was her friend, but he didn’t respect her, and no sex, nor handiman was going to take down that road again. Low self esteem or not she wasn’t playing the fool for him or no other man ever again. She was fed up with this mindset that they possessed. They wanted the world as their, but not because they earned it, but because they feel it was owed to them. "Well, I am no body's property", she thought. "The hell with lonliness. Its not so bad anyway. If I need a quickie, hell I can do it better and cleaner anyways."

She went to the front door. Opened it, look to him and said, "Bye, I don’t want to see you are hear from you again. Lose the number while you are at it."
He grinned that hideous grin, and said as he sauntered by, "I will get you bitch. I hate you. You are no different than my wife."
She pushed him, ready for battled, slammed the storm door, and locked it, then, slammed the door. Her mind went into instant replay. She wasn’t anything like his wife, she kept this shit up for years, she only gave him months. "Big difference." she thought. She went to the bathroom, freshened up, wiped his hands off of her, and slipped into a night t-shirt. She was going back to bed, and she would move on her terms the rest of the day. She checked the back door to assure It was safe, for he had the tendency to break in while she was sleeping. She had to rig her house to feel safe, if not, he probably would be standing over her bed or in the tub while she slept. She was tired of that too. Invasion wasn’t enticing or appreciated. She was tired of deleting all her numbers for fear of him calling all these people that he didn’t know to say drunken shit on the phone to them. She was just tired of being tired.
She dozed off to sleep. She dreamed of Myranda. They were on a cruise heading to Moracco. They were sipping on wine, and laughing about nothing. She was happy. She felt at peace, but then she heard her name. was she still dreaming or was she hearing this for real. She opened her eyes, sat up in bed, listening,

"Tangy."
It was someone calling her name, but how did they get in?
It was him, he had found a way in. he had climbed through the guest bedroom window. He was standing over her with a knife. He was hoofing like a animal. "You make me crazy girl. I have never loved anyone like I love you, and you just diss me like this, and you think its easy to get away from me. No, I will kill us both before I will lose you. Now get your ass up and take that shit off. I am going to give you a fucking like you’ve being needing. That’s what’s wrong with you. Yo ass being skipping out on me with that some ugly ass mother fucker, but I will find out."
She wasn’t about to cry. No she wouldn't give his ass the satisfaction. He had done enough. She reached for the phone, it was next to the bed. He knocked the receiver on the floor. She screamed,
He muzzled her mouth. He said, "He quiet bitch. I will treat you like you act,so keep acting up, and I will treat you like I use to do Lisa, I will whip your ass." He grabbed her arms, squeezing them hard.
She cried with pain,
He said, "Now who's got the upper hand?"
She hated him more now than she did earlier. She wasn’t going to allow that fear that always seem to embrace her to taut her this time. If he was going to off them, then she would just go, she had had enough of this shit called relationship anyway. Maybe this would relieve of that intense pain and turmoil that grew inside her each and every waking day.

She said, "Hurt me, no kill me, but it won’t change anything. My period is on, but you never cared about that did you you pervert?"
She saw him unzip his pants, he was erect. It was harder than she had ever seen it before, and he was huge. What the hell, her body was responding to what her eyes were viewing. It was betraying her. She said, "Please don’t." out of one breath, yet "lease beat my fucking brains out ."with the unconscious. She was going crazy.
She loved his sex. He made her hot, wet, and needy for it. He could bring out the animal in her, and even during his ranting and raving, she felt her muscle ache in her body, below, between her two cedar trees.
She was ashamed, for when he had enter her, he said, "Yeah you say what you want to with that mouth, but that body knows whos the daddy baby girl. I am it."
She wasn’t listen at this point. It was as if she had left her body. She had went somewhere mentally, yet she could feel him trying to get inside, he kept saying "Open this tight thing up, spread your legs, let me in."
She wasn’t listening. She was not going to give in, but he kissed her, her mouth responded, and she kissed back. She loved their sex, but she couldn’t stand the disrespect and the fighting all the time. She needed this. She wanted to just get it out of her head, but he won’t leave her alone, and she didn’t know how to turn the desire off.
He knew it too.
So he played with her, and toiled her with this truth. She was evil! She knew this wasn’t normal, but she was a little too embarrass and afraid too tell someone what had been happening. She had spoken out before, but took him back, so she became the fool for her community and her peers.


Dear Journal,
It seems you are my dearest friend right now. I don’t have to worry about anyone ridiculing me when I jot my private thoughts on these pages. I understand that the life clock is ticking and I don’t have a long time to find the end of the rainbow. I wonder how did Oprah or Steve Harvey did it? How did they go against the odds? Terry McMillian was my favorite author, but how did she do it? How did they find the strength to go against the rejection and the turmoil the shame?


She stopped writing. She thought she heard something. Was it her imagination or was she really hearing someone at her window? She closed up the journal. Eased out of the bed, went over to the window, eased the blinds back and look, but she didn’t see anyone.


He had stooped down. "Damn" he almost got caught. Her house was secluded from the on coming traffic, but he accidentally hit the bush, trying to get a good look at those thongs. She almost saw him. He'd have to be more careful next time. He eased around the side of the apartment, and went on the east side of the apartment building, walked back to his house. He had skipped school today. He didn't feel like listening to that crap today. Who was they fooling about get your education hype? Most of the black people in his community were either standing under some tree getting high or drunk, or they were driving their souped up rides, tinted windows in hopes of not getting busted by the five-o. He wasn't into any of that, but he had a problem. He was in love with his neighbor who is by the way 20 years his senior. He will never forget the feeling of her ass the night she had come over to chat with his mom. She was too fine to be older than him. The girls he had fucked wasn't nowhere as fine as she was. She had it going on. He had a flashback of the night he looked in her window and saw her sucking that fool’s dick. Damn, he had came on himself while he was looking. She was good! “Damn”, he said out loud, but no one was in earshot. He had to go get this out of him. He stayed erect every time he thought about Tangy. That name just drew him in. He was in love. He went in the house, went to his room, and shut the door.

Tangy went to the bathroom, ran some water for a bath, put some baby oil and Calgon Beads in the water. While the water ran, her cellphone started chimming. She unplugged it off the charger, click, and said “Hello”.
“Good Morning! Did I wake you?” said Myranda.
“No, I am surprised though.” said Tangy. “ I thought I had ran you off or something, after the other night."
“No that’s why I am calling, Baby I can’t think about anything else."
Tangy smiled. She had that effect a time or two.
She giggled, and answered, “So that mean we will have to get together again, right?"
“ Yes,” said Myranda. “As a matter of fact, I was hoping to fly you to LA, to spend some time with me, that’s if you aren’t busy?”
Tangy said, “Look I love to drive and all, but I won’t be able to make it to LA”.
"No," laughed Myranda, "Just get you’re suitcase packed, someone will be driving up in about a couple of hours and he will bring you to the airport, I am flying you in, if you want to come."
Tangy held the phone, tears wheld up in her eyes. She was going on a plane trip to LA. She was speechless. "Yes," She finally replied. "I would love that."
" Ok, then it’s a date. I will be waiting for you. I hope the set up I arrange for us today, and by the way, you can be free this time. I found us a little secluded place to rest. I took the whole day off and tomorrow to make up for the disaster the last time was."
She wasn’t only sweet, beautiful, but she was romantic. Damn all this in one package-the forbidden package-a woman. They hung up.
She turned towards the bathroom, then the phone rung again. It wasn’t her, it was “his highness” asswipe.
"Yeah," She answer.
He said: "Why you always answer me like that? Don’t you know--"
She finished the sentence, "'Don’t you know how much I love you?'"
She said, "Yeah, yeah, ok, what is it that you want this time. Don’t you have a job or something?"
She was about tired of this scratched record, but sometimes she opened the door for simple companionship. Not now, she had hopes of the future with a beautiful woman that would promise to love her. No drama,right? "Yeah, what is it, I have to run off for awhile."
"Where?" he asked.
"That’s none of your damn business. You are not my husband, so I owe you nothing."
He said, "Don’t start, it’s a beautiful day outside. Why start arguing?"
She knew then that he had something up his sleeve. All this niceness and observance of the “beautiful day”.
She said, "I will call you when I get in the truck."
"You promise?" he asked. "Don’t do me like that. You will need me one day, and I won’t be waiting."
She said to herself good riddance. "I will call you, bye."
She didn't know he was outside the door. So as she began to peel the clothes off,
he started tapping at the door.
She hadn't started packing yet. She wanted to get dressed, then get her duffle bag ready to leave. She cursed.

"Damn, now who can this be?"
She went to the peek hole, tip-toed. She almost didn't answer it, but he could feel her, she knew it. She opened the door, "What is it?
Didn’t I just say I had somewhere to be?"
He said "Let me in."
She started to get upset. "Just leave, I will call you when I get in the truck."
"I need to use the bathroom."
She huffed, "Now I know damn well that you didn’t walk all the way down here to use my bathroom. Didn’t you pass at least five before you got to me?"
He smiled. "Who is it?"
"What!" she screamed. "Who is what?"
"Who is it?" he asked smiling that hideous smile." If you don’t open this door up, I am going to come through it by tearing the mother fucker down."
She looked across the street, those nosy old crows were looking.
She said, "If you don’t leave I will call the police."
He said "And what do you think they will say?"
"Everyone knows that we have been fucking, so what?"
She slammed the door. How in the hell was she going to be ready in... "Oh my god she," thought "1 hour and 20 minutes."
She jumped in the tub. She called the police, lied said, some stranger was walking around her window.
The dispatcher asked, "Do you know who it is ma'am?"
She said "No, but he has on a white t-shirt and jeans. He looks like he is drunk or high, please help me."
They asked for a address and call back number. She hung up. Got dressed. Put somethings in her bag. By this time she could hear the sirens. He started down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets, two cars bridged him in. They got out. The black limo pulled up to the front, the phone rang, she looked out, grabbed her bag, and locked the door, looked to her left, saw them handcuffhim, and got in the car.

Los Angeles, California was beautiful. She was riding in another arranged limo. As the driver drove , he let the window down so she could see the beauties of this long desired place. It was like a country of its own. The palm trees were beautiful, the smell was different, the hues of the residents ranged between mocha , earthtones, to irovy. She was mesmerized. She was blessed, she was in awe, and she was confused. As she took all this in, she wondered what is it that happening her. She had broke all her rules. She didn’t understand. She passed buildings that you could only see her in LA. People skating, walking in thongs, beautiful asses, ugly asses, thin ones, medium ones, and thick ones. What is going on here? She pinched herself. Am I dreaming she thought. Overnight. Just like Cinderalla, but it was not prince charming that was blowing her mind, but Snow white. She was dream ing. She would wake up soon, right?
The driver hung up the cell, and said, "Ma’am, she wants to meet at Salvador Doli’s Resturant for lunch, and I wil take your bags to the suite."
"Huh? What was that?" her phone rung, she said excuse me for a moment , she said “Hello.”
"How was the flight?" Myranda sounded like a little girl this time.
"Oh, it was differnet. My first fight. I had to drink to hard ones to get the jitters off."
She laughed, "So my driver told you whats up right? I hope you are hungry." she said. "I want you to enjoy your stay, and I felt so bad about the last date, I wanted you to not see me as a monster. So, lunch is on me this time, for real, ok?"
Tangy smiled, “Okay, see you in a few."


After lunch, they walked up and down the strip. She was a like kid on Christmas. She hadn’t ever dreamed of being here, being this happy. She was blessed. This is what Oprah referred to as the "AHAH" moment. She was having definitely an AHAH moment. This was what she was to be, who she was to be, where she needed to be. she could dream again, and hope, and inspire to become all that she ever hoped. This was the epiphany she had read about in European Literature. The Power of the Now.
Myranda was explaining the difference in the traffic signals. It was as if she was back in college in philosophy, the professor schooling her, awaking intellectual thirst: to learn. She listened.
Myranda said, “So how long are you going to be with me?”
Tangy said, “Well, I only brought enough of clothes for a few days, so I guess three days?"
Myranda said, “What does clothes have to do with anything? I can arrange the clothing. What would keep you from being here with me until I am ready to return to Texas?”
Tangy smiled, she didn’t want to let her see the gittiness inside of her, but she wasn’t in a hurry to go back, to live in that solemn place, so she acted like she was thinking, and said “Well, if you are sure, I will arrange it."
Myranda grabbed her hand and said, “This is just the beginning."
Tangy responded, “Don’t say what you don’t mean."
Myranda looked at her, stopped, and turn so she could see her face, “ I never say anything that I don’t mean, but I want total loyalty, can you handle that?”
Tangy thought about that fool, and what she had done the other night, and said, “Lets take it a day at a time, for I don’t want to set my hopes up, and someone ends up hurt.”
Myranda said “Is there something that we need to talk about before I allow my heart to get away from me?”
Tangy wasn’t sure if this was the time or place to confess. It was something that definitely need to be disclosed, but she wasn’t about to lose this friendship or this moment in her history, so she said "Nawh, it’s all good!”
Myranda kissed her on the cheek. She didn’t care if the photographers were lurking to catch her in the public eye. She was ready. She was in love.

The flight was longer than it was to come to LA. Tangy was so happy. She never thought anyone could love her this way. She wouldn’t have believed that she at 39 years of age would be living like this, when just eight days ago she was wondering what was to become of her, but her she was happy, in love, and free. She would have to really let him go. No more touching, fucking, nothing. She wanted for once to have a monogamous relationship. No in between. She wanted the words of Luther Vandross to come alive for this time. She was willing to deal with the ridicule of the church, her family, and the media. She was completed. She was happy.

Ray was watching her help the Taxi driver take her three bags out of the trunk of the cab. She left with one, but return with three. He said, “ I bet that chick she was with last week bought all that shit”.
Tangy noticed the curtains close.
Ray cursed, “Damn she saw me”.
He phoned Tito.
“Hey dude what’s up?”
Tito said, “ I am working on this wash machine for mama. What’s up with you?"
Ray said "How long will that take?"
Tito said “Hold up! Ma’am, I am coming momma”.
“Man, I have to hang up, but I will call you when I am finish man, mama is acting up good fashion."
Ray hung up. He flopped on the sofa, click on the television, and he saw it, the news reporter was showing clips of pictures of Tangy and the Woman doing things that was not acceptable in America. Damn, he said, “ I lost out to a cunt”. He turned the television off. He didn’t know what to say, all that fineness to a woman. He was going to get some, even if he had to rape her. He had fantasized about raping her. He was afraid he would get caught by that fool of hers. He was stupid, but he had murder someone before, and Ray wasn’t trying to lose his life over no pussy.

Tangy had just started to put her bags up. She was about to take a bath when the phone rung. She decided against it, ran the water, and soaked. She had fallen asleep in the tub.
It sounded like someone was trying to tear the door down.
She got out of the tub dried off, put on her robe. She went to the peep hole looked it was him. He had been drinking. She decided to ease back to her room. She wasn’t in the mood.
She found some underwear, and a gown to put on. Turned the television on, saw the news flash about the singer Myranda Stewart and the mysterious woman that she was with, then a sound blasted. It sounded like a gun. She eased to the front door. She looked out. He was standing there, then he went back. She opened the door. She unlocked the screen door. Stepped down. She was about to say, "What have you done?" when he turned the gun on her and fired.
The neighbors all gathered on the side walk. Sirens are heard in the distance. Police cars baracade the area in front of her apartment. A lady screamed, "He killed her! I told her he was going to hurt her."
Ray ran down the side walk. He said "Damn he did it. He said he was going to do it, damn he did it."
The EMT said they both are barely breathing. He shot her in the chest. The yellow tape was be uncoiled around the area. The stretchers were rushed up.
Ray said, “Damn I didn’t get chance to get the pussy." His momma was pulling on his arm.
She said “Come on in son, you don’t need to see this. This why I keep telling you to get your education. This is only what becomes of sin."

The news reporter reported that at 1:05 A.M. this morning they pronounced Tangy Williams and Derrick Gibson as dead. The young lady was 39 years old. She was the mysterious woman who was seen in LA last week with the Jazz singer Myranda Stewart. It is sad how foolishly these young people had to die. It was indeed a tragedy.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.10.2011

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Widmung:
This is remembrance of my sister- Pamela. I love you sis.