Inhalt

-John- Before

It's quiet, so quiet I feel as if I was under still water. I remember closing my eyes in my attempt to sleep.

Like normal I take a run-through of the wonderful family I once had; Ezra, my little and only sister. Three days ago she turnd five, but she'll always be my little sister. My loving parents take care of me every day. They're the best, if I were to wish for any, it would be them. It's so unfortunate that I lost them,

...but then theirs me, John. I believe I was seven when I lost them.

That night was a Thursday night, I was so excited for the next day, I could barely sleep. My family once had this overjoyed son who couldn't wait for Friday. Friday was a special day he once thought and that made it his favorite day of the week. Normally, back then every Friday our family used to make a lot of food and try to eat it all without throwing up or getting sick of it. Each week was a different dish, and one night, my mom promised me her homemade pizza. I'm sure I'll never get sick of that, not only because it's pizza, but the fact that it's homemade, by my number one mom.

I feel as if I'm back in my seven-year-old self, a bit annoyed hoping she doesn't ask me to play with her dolls again. We played yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that…I remember feeling frustrated, and complaining to myself it happens every day. But again, loving her since she's my sister. That's why I play with dolls with her when she asks. I also help her with school when my parents can't. That's why I walk her to school every day, listening to her talk about her friends, and Adam, who she has a crush on.

I remember, one day she told me that she'd kiss him on Friday, and if he kisses her back, she'll marry him... I thought it was weird as i realized the mindset of five-year-old girls, well her in particular.

I, on the other hand, am mostly into sports like baseball, and within the sport, I maintain good friends. They are Jake and Sam. Ever since we heard there were tryouts we've been practicing together. We lift each other up and try to give each other advice every now and then. In fact, we created a challenge for each other before Monday, and it makes me wonder what they're up to. But then suddenly, in my calm collected, almost sleeping self;

There is a loud noise. I can't make it out, but it sounds like when a bat hits a ball… or fireworks on the 4th of July… It sounds unlikely when I think about it but, it's possible, it's June 12. It sounds louder than that though, closer, like right next to me.

More noises… or it's just my heartbeat racing. The noise happens for the second time now. the sound of walking passes my room… and I hear the creek of my sister's door open. I jump out of my bed just as the noise happens again. the sudden BOOM… in my sister's room.. no.

“Mom! Dad!” I shout, I'm freaking out, but I shouldn't be, my Mom and Dad are out there. But I'm still scared becouse they're not responding... I need to protect my sister, not sit on my bed sweating. I need to make sure she's ok.

I run as fast as I can to her room but stay by the wall, listening to what's going on. My breathing is too heavy, and I can't understand much, but there's a thud.

The door is open just as I guessed, but when I look in, I don't see her, she's not in her bed.

“Ezra., I whisper, afraid I'll cry if I get any louder, I need to be strong. “Ezra, where are you?”

I hear a whimper… and I know it's her, I know it's my sister. The sound comes from someplace close to the closet. I walk by it and stop when I see an outline of someone tall.

He has something on his head and something in his hand. then he says “Move and I'll shoot.'' His voice is so husk, he must be drunk!

Without thinking, I say “NO! You drunken idiot, that's my sister!” I grab her Barbie doll that was perched silently on her dresser and throw it into the man’s hand. It hits the thing in his hand, whatever it is, and it falls with a loud thud. Only then do I relize how close in contact I am to this man. He could simply grab me and run or kill me…but he’s not. So what does he want

The man says something under his breath, but I can't understand.

I rushed over to my sister and take a long look at her. Her black hair is a mess, her eyes are covered with a blindfold or something. Even with the blindfold her face is expressing utter shock. I take off the blindfold and once her eyes meet mine she hugs me.

“there was a man… he… hair…ow.” That's all she says.

“Shhhh, I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

“Johnny… I'm scared. Where’s mommy and daddy?”

“Yo’ want yo mummy n’ daddy. Well, lemme tell you somen’...they dead. Heh, yea. I killed 'emem” The drunk guy tells us, chuckling like it's funny. Then pulls Ezra by the hair, picks her up, and smiles an almost toothless grin at her. Worse shakes her… like a doll. “Yo don’ get no mum er’ dad now eh.”

It's lies, just lies. It must be! My mom and Dad can't be killed by this drunken fool!

I stood up and punched his face. I'm surprised that he let me since I'm so small and everything. But he looks a bit mad. “Don't lie to my sister. Put her down! Now!”

He kicks me against the closet door and since it's not closed I hit both the door and fall to the floor. I get up with some effort and feel a stab of pain in my stomach and the back of my head. I see him pick up something on the floor, I’m not sure of what it is but as he puts it in an aim position I see the perfect view. I'm afraid to admit it myself, but I know not acknowledging it will make the situation worse. I know exactly what it is, it's a gun.

And Ezra knows it too, she starts to cry. “I want my daddy!!” She's screaming and kicking in his grasp still. I can't do anything to stop him, she's out of my reach and that man has a gun.

No matter how hard I try, tears stream down from my eyes, and I give up, feeling useless.

“Put her down. Please … what did she do to you?”

I run up to him and look him dead in the eyes. My mother always said if you want respect and a higher chance of getting what you want, when you talk to people, look them in the eyes.

“Don't kill her too.” I beg, “I’ll have no one left. Please put her down. I… I’ll… I’ll do anything!”

“Johnny! Johnny, stop him. Get your bat! Stop him.” Ezra says.

“There ain't' nothing’ he can do with some bat!” The man laughs,..then coughs.

I stop listening to him, I focus on my sister. She only called me Johnny when she was afraid… It's always been that way. Ever since I told her it was annoying when she was three.

She looks desperately into my eyes “Stop him… you're strong just like daddy, stop him, Johnny!” I look at her then at the gun… the gun rises to her head, then she’s watching too.

“Eh, Johnny Boy, you want to do something for me?”

“Yes!” I take my chance when I can. Ready to strike when he's not ready for it, hopefully, it’ll save my litile sis. “Anything just doesn't hurt my sister!” I beg reluctantly.

“Enn, why don’’ yo’ grab my ‘phone and call dis guy… from what's e’s name.. Aaron was it? hmm Oh yes! James. Call James.”

I do as I'm told and find his phone on my sisters' bed…but instead of calling this Aaron James dude, I see 91 in the dial history. I smile, it must have been Ezra, I'm so proud of you. I give her a glance of hope and a small smile. And she returns it.

“HurryyErry! Johnny boy!! Don’ got all day' ' He kicks me.

I keep the pain inside.

“Ok! Ok!!.” But it's not ok. I called 911. “Hi.Hello! Is anyone there?” I say in a panicked voice.

“Yes? Yes. You're John Stevenson, right?”

That's when I realized. Something is wrong. I never told him my name. I hung up abruptly. Stunned by how exposed I am, how exposed my fear is right now. I'm sweating like the summer sun, breathing like I'm taking in the last breaths of the world, my heart beating as if it will never beat again.

“Johnny boy! YouYouYo’ did’ call James eh..?” He says it like a question but it's not, he laughs loudly. “Such bravery! Too bad your sister gon’ pay da cos’!!!?”

I jump, shouting “Ezra-NOO!” drop the phone and try to pull him down, but he’s too fast. The small quick movement of his hand is too fast.

Her voice is so soft and delicate, the complete opposite of this whole situation. Violent, aggressive, and full of harm. That's what I see in this situation but she changes it by a few words. “Johnny! Johnny…I love y-”

BOOM!

She couldn't finish her sentence. Her precise words, soft as a flower, cut off with the death of the gun, laughter, anger, pain, and mostly my failure.

I land on my knees and so does she. Right in front of my face. Bloody. Eyes look straight at me but they're not. They're looking past me at her death.

I was the reason for her death.

I failed my family.

It's too loud, chaotic, and overwhelming. The moments seemed so perfect… well before but now it's extremely… depressing. It's madding this loud silence the memories winding and twisting like a tsunami in my once still waters.

-John- After

Regret swallows me whole. It sucks me up.. every part of me. My joy, peace, love.. hope respect. This is when I know I'll never be the same again, because of the things I've seen.. death. Because the things I hoped would happen never happened. I know this for a fact. It's one of the only things I'm sure of.

Along with fault of death.. not just a random person that I stood, or supporting some murder I didn't realize was a member. It was the fault of a family member. A sister! A only sister, she's younger than me, in fact. Someone she should look up to kill her. She just turned five, only s a few days ago... Days wow. I can't believe that not so long ago she shared secrets with me. Not just a random secret, but a wish, of her last birthday.

It was weird, but after some thought I took it for what it was. My sister Ezra was planning on kissing this dude on Friday, the next day at school. Her hope was if he kissed her back, they get married. Her words exactly,

"Once he kisses me back, well get married and be happy! Just like Mommy and Daddy!!" She squealed in the corner of the living room, trying to be secret but Mom and Dad heard (the only people in the house besides us). I caught them smiling at each other in reaction.

She was right. Mom and Dad were happy. But now they're gone. And so is she.

I killed her in an attempt to try and save us.

It started with a loud exploding bombing-ish kind of noise. I was doing my best not to worry by trying to rationalize the shuttering of my door from the sudden sounds. I was almost convinced it was early fireworks since the fourth of July was in a few weeks, but then, the rocket launching noise happened again. It worried me more because it seemed closer to me this time. And I felt the need to investigate and protect my sister while my parents got ready and kicked ass.

Once I left my room, I called out "Mom? Dad??" I had no response.

So for the next three-ish minutes, I debated if I should go to my sister or my parents through my fear. I decided to go to my sister's room since I realized the door was open.

As I made it to her room, I called out her name in such a shaky voice that I was whispering.

To fix my tone I took deep breaths so I could be prepared for anything that could have been going through the house.

It seemed that deep breaths wasnt enough, becosue when I finally entered the room, she wasn't in her bed and it was hard to see becosue I chose to leave the lights off hoping she was asleep. The shock made me stay put for so long that I almost didn't realize the human figure in the corner of her room by the window glowed his presence. His eyes flicked as if lightning flashed when our eyes met.

Quickly I realized there was something wrong with him, so I looked him up and down. He's got a dark hat on along with baggy clothes, sweats, and a hoodie... near the end of May...where the sun sets later in the day and cool nights no longer exist.

All of a sudden I hear a whimper, it was barely audible, but my brotherly instincts were on guard for my sister caught the sound. And found the relative location; the closet.

I looked at the guy, and the closet back and forth, until I noticed the black slick metal gun in his hand. Once that was recognized I made a dash to her closet.

The door is shut, and just as I work on opening it I hear him mumble something. I also notice his steps closer to me. I turn suddenly and see the handgun closer, and find it to be a 9mm.

"Move one more step, and I'll shoot," he said with such a husky voice, he must be drunk!

The realization worries me and makes me want it out of the intruder's hand. I know what he'll use it for... I hope he hasn't used it yet. To my left beside the door to the closet is my sisters' dresser. Ezora was obsessed with dolls, and since she kept begging for the gift I bought her I ended up giving her an American girl doll three days ago, I gave her Grace and Samantha.

Without much thought, I shout back, “NO! You drunken idiot, my sister is over there!”

I grabbed Grace by the leg and before the guy in the black hat got any closer to me with that 9mm, I flung the doll near his wrist and watched the gun fall down to the floor.

Then I remember rushing over to my sister, taking a long look at her. Her black hair was disarrayed, and her eyes are covered with a blindfold or something. Even with the blindfold her face is expressing utter shock. I take off the blindfold and once her eyes meet mine she hugs me.

“there was a man… he… hair…ow.” That's all she says.

“Shhhh, I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

“Johnny… I'm scared. Where’s mommy and daddy?”

“Yo’ want yo mummy n’ daddy. Well, lemme tell you somen’...they dead. Heh, yea. I killed em” The drunk guy tells us, chuckling like it's funny. Then pulls Ezra by the hair, picks her up, and smiles an almost toothless grin at her. Worse shakes her… like a doll. “Yo don’ get no mum er’ dad now eh.”

It's lies, just lies. It must be! My mom and Dad can't be killed by this drunken fool!

I stood up and punched his face. I'm surprised that he let me since I'm so small and everything. But he looks a bit mad. “Don't lie to my sister. Put her down! Now!”

And Ezra knows it too, she starts to cry. “I want my daddy!!” She's screaming and kicking in his grasp still. I can't do anything to stop him, she's out of my reach and that man has a gun.

No matter how hard I try, tears stream down from my eyes, and I give up, feeling useless.

“Put her down. Please … what did she do to you?”

I run up to him and look him dead in the eyes. My mother always said if you want respect and a higher chance of getting what you want, when you talk to people, look them in the eyes.

“Don't kill her too.” I beg, “I’ll have no one left. Please put her down. I… I’ll… I’ll do anything!”

“Johnny! Johnny, stop him. Get your bat! Stop him.” Ezra says.

“There ain't' nothing’ he can do with some bat!” The man laughs,..then coughs.

I stop listening to him, I focus on my sister. She only called me Johnny when she was afraid… It's always been that way. Ever since I told her it was annoying when she was three.

She looks desperately into my eyes “Stop him… you're strong just like daddy, stop him, Johnny!” I look at her then at the gun… the gun rises to her head, then she’s watching too.

“Eh, Johnny Boy, you want to do something for me?”

“Yes!” I take my chance when I can. Ready to strike when he's not ready for it, hopefully, it’ll save my litile sis. “Anything just doesn't hurt my sister!” I beg reluctantly.

“Enn, why don’’ yo’ grab my ‘phone and call dis guy… from what's e’s name.. Aaron was it? hmm Oh yes! James. Call James.”

“HurryyErry! Johnny boy!! Don’ got all day' ' He kicks me.

I keep the pain inside.

“Ok! Ok!!.” But it's not ok. I called 911. “Hi.Hello! Is anyone there?” I say in a panicked voice.

“Yes? Yes. You're John Stevenson, right?”

“Johnny boy! YouYouYo’ did’ call James eh..?” He says it like a question but it's not, he laughs loudly. “Such bravery! Too bad your sister gon’ pay da cos’!!!?”

I jump, shouting “Ezra-NOO!” drop the phone and try to pull him down, but he’s too fast. The small quick movement of his hand is too fast.

BOOM!

She couldn't finish her sentence. Her precise words, soft as a flower, cut off with the death of the gun, laughter, anger, pain, and mostly my failure.

I land on my knees and so does she. Right in front of my face. Bloody. Eyes look straight at me but they're not. They're looking past me at her death.

I was the reason for her death.

I failed my family.

-First Ever-

-John-

It was quiet, so quiet I could hear a pin drop. I shut my eyes and slowly drift into slumber. I think of my wonderful family; Ezra, my little sister that just turned five. Just turned five, three days ago. And my loving parents, who take care of me every day. They're the best, if I were to wish for any, it would be them. I'm John, and I just can't wait for tomorrow. It's my favorite day of the week, Friday. We make a lot of food and try to eat it all without throwing up or getting sick of it. Tomorrow, we will be making pizza. I'm sure I'll never get sick of that.

I think of the things I'll do with my sister...I just hope she doesn't ask me to play with her dolls again. We played yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that… ughhh, it happens every day. But she's my sister, and I love her. She's so cute when she's happy. That's why I play with dolls with her when she asks. I also help her with school when my parents can't. That's why I walk her to school every day, listening to her talk about her friends, and Adam, who she has a crush on.

I remember, yesterday she told me that she'd kiss him on Friday, and if he kisses her back, she'll marry him...I guess that's what five-year-old girls think about.

I'm mostly into sports like baseball, I have great friends, Jake and Sam. I do hope that I will make the baseball team when I try out on Monday. I've been practicing with my friends every day after school.

I wonder what they're up to-

There is a loud noise. I can't make it out, but it sounds like when a bat hits a ball… or fireworks on the 4th of July… I mean it's possible, it's June 12. It sounds louder than that though, closer, like right next to me.

“Mom! Dad!” I shout, I'm freaking out, but I shouldn't be, my Mom and Dad are out there. But I'm still scared, they're not responding... I need to protect my sister, not sit on my bed sweating. I need to make sure she's ok.

I run as fast as I can to her room but stay by the wall, listening to what's going on. My breathing is too heavy, and I can't understand much, but there's a thud.

The door is open just as I guessed, but when I look in, I don't see her, she's not in her bed.

“Ezra., I whisper, afraid I'll cry if I get any louder, I need to be strong. “Ezra, where are you”

I hear a whimper… and I know it's her, I know it's my sister. The sound comes from someplace close to the closet. I walk by it and stop when I see an outline of someone tall.

He has something on his head and something in his hand. then he says “Move and I'll shoot.'' His voice is so husk, he must be drunk!

Without thinking, I say “NO! You drunken idiot, that's my sister!” I grab her barbie doll that was perched silently on her dresser and throw it into the man’s hand. It hits the thing in his hand, whatever it is, and it falls with a loud thud.

The man says something under his breath, but I can't understand.

I rushed over to my sister and took a long look at her. Her black hair is a mess, her eyes are covered with a blindfold or something. Even with the blindfold her face is expressing utter shock. I take off the blindfold and once her eyes meet mine she hugs me.

“there was a man… he… hair…ow.” That's all she says.

“Shhhh, I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

“Johnny… I'm scared. Where’s mommy and daddy?”

It's lies, just lies. It must be! My mom and Dad can't be killed by this drunken fool!

I stood up and punched his face. I'm surprised that he let me since I'm so small and everything. But he looks a bit mad. “Don't lie to my sister. Put her down! Now!”

And Ezra knows it too, she starts to cry. “I want my daddy!!” She's screaming and kicking in his grasp still. I can't do anything to stop him, she's out of my reach and that man has a gun.

No matter how hard I try, tears stream down from my eyes, and I give up, feeling useless.

“Put her down. Please … what did she do to you?”

I run up to him and look him dead in the eyes. My mother always said if you want respect and a higher chance of getting what you want, when you talk to people, look them in the eyes.

“Don't kill her too.” I beg, “I’ll have no one left. Please put her down. I… I’ll… I’ll do anything!”

“Johnny! Johnny, stop him. Get your bat! Stop him.” Ezra says.

“There ain't' nothing’ he can do with some bat!” The man laughs,..then coughs.

I stop listening to him, I focus on my sister. She only called me Johnny when she was afraid… It's always been that way. Ever since I told her it was annoying when she was three.

She looks desperately into my eyes “Stop him… you're strong just like daddy, stop him, Johnny!” I look at her then at the gun… the gun rises to her head, then she’s watching too.

“Eh, Johnny Boy, you want to do something for me?”

“Yes!” I take my chance when I can. Ready to strike when he's not ready for it, hopefully, it’ll save my lil sis. “Anything just doesn't hurt my sister!” I beg reluctantly.

“Enn, why don’’ yo’ grab my ‘phone and call dis guy… ermm what's e’s name.. Aaron was it? hmm Oh yes! James. Call James.”

“Erry! Johnny boy!! Don’ got all day' ' He kicks me.

I keep the pain inside.

“Ok! Ok!!.” But it's not ok. I called 911. “Hi.Hello! Is anyone there?” I say in a panicked voice.

“Yes? Yes. You're John Stevenson, right?”

“Johnny boy! Yo’ did’ call James eh..?” He says it like a question but it's not, he laughs belowisly. “Such bravery! Too bad your sister gon’ pay da cos’!!!?”

I jump, shouting “Ezra-NOO!” drop the phone and try to pull him down, but he’s too fast. The small quick movement of his hand is too fast.

BOOM!

She couldn't finish her sentence. Her precise words, soft as a flower, cut off with the death of the gun, laughter, anger, pain, and mostly my failure.

I land on my knees and so does she. Right in front of my face. Bloody. Eyes look straight at me but they're not. They're looking past me at her death.

I was the reason for her death.

I failed my family.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.05.2023

Widmung:
I guess I never thought of this step... I dedicate this book to anyone and everyone who loves it and hates it (ik ik Jason, im just typeing to type right now but think about it, some of these people need dedication or meaning for something..)

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